Stories
Voldy's Deathpants by Deathpants, Mind_Over_Matter, wendelin the wierd, cmwinters, Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters are locked in battle over a highly important magical artifact known to most as Voldy's Deathpants, in bold letters like that. However, they go about battle in a, er, highly unusual way-- a Quidditch match!
Probably the silliest thing that's ever appeared on this site, featuring highly OOC behaviour.
Deathpants is a team of writers consisting of Mind_Over_Matter, cmwinters, wendelin the wierd, and Schmerg_The_Impaler. Our story was written in Round Robin format. This (and our deranged minds) explains its randomness. Enjoy!
The insanity of the Deathpants has gotten to the mods! This ridiculous story WON the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Award for Best Humour Story!
"Ron...Where Is Crookshanks?" by Malika Potter
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Ron has always liked Hermione, but never her cat, Crookshanks. So what happens when Ron and Crookshanks accidentally switch bodies? How will Ron react when he finds out he's a cat? What mayhem will Crookshanks cause in Ron's body?
SORRY, BUT DUE TO A REALLY BAD CASE OF WRITER'S BLOCK, THIS FIC HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED.
Happy Christmas, Lord Voldemort by Starmom
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The Death Eaters have to decide what to get Lord Voldemort for Christmas. Fun ensues.
***WINNER in the 2007 Phoenix Rising 'Mistletoe & Mayhem' Competition***
Frosted Living Rooms by alisonlynn
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Fred and George try to make a gingerbread house. I believe the title speaks for itself.
Harry Potter: the Musical? by kaammini_the_kreacher
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Pygmy puffs, both sides of Fred's buttocks and music. You would think that there were more important things in Harry's life.
Be amazed as Ron, Hermione and, of course, Harry attempt to write Harry's life story with a musical touch.
Warning: Involves out of tune Neville in later chapters. Disregards Deathly Hallows.
The next few chapters are now in the process of being written as I have a sudden breakthrough for a storyline. Thank you for your patience.
A Letter of Complaints by izzyblue24
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Two Letters of Complaints, a plot change, one letter, a lot of complaints. There you have it my little one shot about what would happen if some great and all powerful fan fiction author were to make it's little charcters write a letter of complaints.
Trouble With Exams – A Janey Weasley One-Shot by Pussycat123
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Sequel to “It Unscrews The Other Way”
Due to popular demand, our favourite imaginary Weasley is back, this time coming to the end of her first year at Hogwarts. She is now an established trouble-maker, but there is always that issue of grades vs. good times. With various relatives (well, her favourite uncles) telling her one thing, and other relatives (well, her mother) telling her another, anyone would be at a loss as what to do ...
How Predictable! by HPwizzzard
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The Marauders are having their first Divination lesson, and they quickly realize what a waste of time it is. In order to liven things up, Siriusmakes a few predictions without the aid of tea leaves. Obviously, he's no Seer, because there's no way James and Lily will ever get married, Peter will become an evil minion, or Remus will fall for Sirius' baby cousin... right?
Harry Potter and the Mary Sue by bajab
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: Yet another Mary Sue Parody, portraying the trio in a less than flatering light and completely irreverent.
Voldemort's Night Before Christmas by Scheherazade
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Lord Voldemort's own slightly twisted take on the classic poem, "The Night Before Christmas." Also, a sequel to my other Christmas fic, "Tom Riddle's 12 Days of Christmas!"
Mission Implausible by remus R us
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: A covert operation is launched to retrieve Voldemort from Muggledom. But what do you call an operation that involves the hormonal saviour of wizardkind, his adenoidal comic side-kick, and their thinking hat wannabe bimbette; a harmless (mostly) werewolf, his canine friend and their clumsy associate; a snivelly wizard and a known felon? Surely, Mission Implausible? A sequel to Casting Grouch.
I have not updated in a while as my PC crashed. Just wanted to tell you all, "I'll be back!"
"It Unscrews The Other Way" by Pussycat123
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The line that probably best describes the legacy that the Weasley twins left behind after their Great Escape, during Umbridge’s brief rein at Hogwarts. Their legend lasted years afterwards ... but eventually, the only permanent physical reminder was the roped off corner of one corridor, containing a small part of swamp. The mystery of its origins is merely smiled at reminiscently by teachers, and the students can do nothing but spread rumours of how it came to be. When little Janey Weasley starts life at Hogwarts, the mystery is still unsolved. On a whim, and desperate for recognition, she writes home to her father, asking how it came to be. When Ron replies with the true story, a chain of events begins that might just be the making of the next true Hogwarts mischief legend ...
**One-Shot, Post Hogwarts** Now available as AudioFiction Episode #95!
The Final Battle: A Sad Excuse by inhphtml
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Some would call it a sad excuse. I call it a learning experience. Harry didn't want it to end this way, but the plaque just had to stay.
Homework Excuses by bajab
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Remus Lupin is sneaking out at night, and the other Marauders want to know what he is up to, so what do they do? Follow him of course. An Early Marauder's era fic
Henry Potty and the Pet Rock: A Harry Potter Parody by Valerie Frankel
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Catastrophe strikes Chickenfeet Academy, and it’s not just the cafeteria food. Lord Revolting, murderous goldfish-flusher, needs Really Wimpy’s pet rock to conquer the world! While battling him with squirt guns and cheesy how-to guides, Henry Potty aces Hobology, preps for America’s Funniest Fairygodchildren, and tries to avoid laundering Professor Snort’s dreaded hankies, or worse, watching A History of Cabbages in Polish. All the while, the least likely character watches, coveting the pet rock for her own sneaky agenda. What part does Socks the parrot, wisecracking pet of Headmaster Bumbling Bore, play in all this? Will Revolting dare the ultimate villainy and spoil the book? Will this novel waste your entire morning? There’s only one way to know…
Unapproved, unendorsed, unofficial, and unstoppable: an award-winning parody for all the Harry Potter kids out there.
Trick or Treat by Hallie Black
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: It’s the Marauders’ first Halloween outside of school, and, persuaded by Lily’s assurances that it will be great fun, they agree to spend it ‘the Muggle Way’. But how can anything go as planned when you’re with Sirius Black and James Potter?
Lord Voldemort... and Bob? by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: For Lord Voldemort, life is going swell, and everything is juuust peachy... until a ghostly visitor arrives. EXTRAORDINARILY silly.
EDIT: For some bizarre reason that I can't fully comprehend, this story WON the "Things that Go Bump In The Night" challenge in the Winter's Tale Challenge.
Sit Down Potter by Starmom
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: We love writing stories about our favorite characters in our favorite universe. But what do those characters DO when we're taking a break, suffering from writer's block or abandon a story? A 'behind the scenes' look with a lot of cliches.
Why Slytherins Are Sexier by Textualsphinx
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: A discourse on sexual differences between the houses - as propounded by one Severus Snape. Will not amuse Dunderheads, naturally.
The Dark Lord's Blog by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!