Name: Luna_and_Harry (Signed) · Date: 10/04/07 17:39 · For: Friends, Food, and Magic

wheee...i love it!

Name: bluemoon13 (Signed) · Date: 10/04/07 16:12 · For: Friends, Food, and Magic

I like how you used Remus for this, even though he's not techincally a muggleborn. Great Idea.

Name: Phia Phoenix (Signed) · Date: 09/30/07 6:30 · For: Down the Alley

Ah, sweet Salazar. I just submitted a story to this same prompt. And it was about Remus. And guess what the first chapter was called? "A Letter". *headdesk*

Sorry. Just had to get that out. My story was quite different. I just didn't think that anyone else would think of Remus... should've known.

Anyway.

I liked this fic so far, Remus is very innocent and childlike. Unlike in mine, where he's an old man in a child's body. The bit about him wanting to pay for his wand was especially touching.

I liked your characterisation of his father, too. My first impression of him (when he sent Remus to his room as Dubledore arrived) was of an Uncle Vernon-type character- but I think he's more stern and ashamed of Remus than just cruel.

His mum seems quite personality-less, but that's OK. Mothers are harder to give personality to. Who knows why.

And your characterisation of Albus was, well, not perfect- but (apart from JKR) I haven't actually ever seen anyone characterise him perfectly. He's just so unique. But his actions and the basic things that he did (I especially loved his kindness with calling Remus "Mr Lupin")and said were good, however your word usage wasn't always quite right. For example

"It is a fair ways from the school grounds"

The "fair ways" bit is decidedly a modern colloquialism. And it doesn't actually make sense. With any other character it'd be fine, but Dumbledore always uses such perfect English grammar.

But that was just a small thing I picked up on.

The way you had Ollivander remember Remus's mum's wand was a nice touch. However, when he used words like "anyhow" it was slightly OOC. He's another one that is old, English, and perfectly grammarised. Also, "I get that a lot" seemed a little... Yeah. Like "a fair ways", it just didn't seem to fit with the way that character usually speaks.

But I really liked this fic, and I will be watching for the next chapter! It's a shame that we both wrote for the same prompt about the same character, but great minds think alike, eh?

Phia

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your detailed feedback! I'll definitely pay more attention to characterization, especially in dialogue, in future stories! I've already written the third chapter, which is on queue...so we'll see how that goes. And I'm sure our stories will be very different, so all is well. ;) Thanks again for your compliments and critiques!

Name: KaileeA42 (Signed) · Date: 09/29/07 8:35 · For: Down the Alley

Like it so far. Remus is the best. Update soon!

Name: chasing_willow (Signed) · Date: 09/21/07 7:11 · For: Two Letters

Awww that's so sweet!
Great story, very well-written, good vocabulary and choice of character (come on - it's lupin - our furry friend and mentor).
Everybody roots for the underdog, err.. wolf.
*adds to favorites*
Sequel, maybe?

Author's Response: Thanks! Well, there's still two more chapters coming up! ;)