Name: leftrightmiddle (Signed) · Date: 07/01/10 16:15 · For: Chapter 2: I Say Something Funny, and You Laugh

Aww I love how James and Lily have something in common to do together! That was really cool. The best thing about writing Marauder Era is that no one knows exactly how Lily and James got together, so it's completely imaginative.

Just a question though : since when does Lily play Quidditch?

Name: leftrightmiddle (Signed) · Date: 07/01/10 16:08 · For: Squids Don’t Eat Alligators

I loved this! It was a light take on Lily and James' story. It was fun and hilarious, and I really like the way that you portrayed Lily and James together. It's sixth year, so Lily's starting to lighten up towards him just a little bit.....LOL

It was a very different take on the Marauders, just the setting and the dialogue, but you wrote it really well!! :)

Name: The_Dream_Team (Signed) · Date: 06/29/10 1:02 · For: Chapter 2: I Say Something Funny, and You Laugh

I love how cute and fluffy this story is! James is so witty =] The only thing I wanted to point out is would Lily be kinda mad at James because of the whole Snape problem the year before? Just wondering! Keep up the good work and update soon!

Name: Pinkerton (Signed) · Date: 06/09/10 17:23 · For: Squids Don’t Eat Alligators

Finally, a Lily I can imagine being friends with! Haha. Do keep writing! :)

Name: blastendedskrewts (Signed) · Date: 07/01/09 16:02 · For: Squids Don’t Eat Alligators

Hehe

Name: Afifa (Signed) · Date: 07/01/09 4:00 · For: Squids Don’t Eat Alligators

Hello, Nymphea!

This is a very cute one shot you’ve got here. James/Lily has been my favourite pairing since forever, but now I’ve read so much of it, that every story seems to me as repeating the same thing, and I’m glad to say that this fic did not have any clichés related to the pairing, about their relationship specifically. So, well done for that!



First, a few nitpicks:


Seeing James, she stopped as he jogged over carrying half-eaten pink muffin.

I think you should add an ‘a’ between ‘carrying’ and ‘half-eaten’.



“Anyway, happy Valentine’s Day,”

End the sentence with a full stop/period, not a comma. :)



“Not a one.”

I’d say that the ‘a’ isn’t needed there.



“I think I heard something happened to his skull when he’s a baby...”

Not ‘he’s’, should be ‘he was’.



Peter, said, watching the house elves.

The comma after ‘Peter’ is not needed. Also, there should be a hyphen between ‘house’ and ‘elves’.



... started making pillows zoom into Sirius’ head.

‘Around’ sounds better than ‘into’, and it makes more sense.



Hm, the technical stuff aside, I’d like to talk about some clichés, which unfortunately, were there even though they weren’t major. Remus was shown studying Arithmancy, once again portrayed as a book worm even though that isn’t the case. He was just serious in his studies but he was a Marauder and had his part of fun.



Sirius kind of struck to me as the famous womaniser. Even if he’s not snogging or anything, he does shift from girl to girl every week, and has mass follow ship of girls.



I liked Lily’s characterization a lot, except that once you slip in her going to the library and make her seem like the studious girl.



Another thing, which isn’t about clichés or anything, it’s just a canon, JKR world thing. House-elves do not appear in front of humans when possible. I mean, they surely do come when they want to, but they do the work when the rest are sleeping. And over here house-elves are cleaning the Valentine’s Day decorations in front of everyone.



Okay, that aside, now we come to the good stuff. :D



The starting conversation between James and Lily made me smile. They’re talking like normal people, and discussing a ‘muffin’ of all things. Lol. Such a random thing, and yet James manages to connect it to love. I really, truly like that the two are friendly towards each other. James asks her out, even sends her a Valentine card despite her already having a boyfriend, and still she smiles and is amused. She doesn’t shout and glare at the first opportunity. Even though she manages to slip in a few so-called insultory comments here and there like ‘annoying boy’ and ‘thick head’, etc. but she does it in a playful manner, we know that she isn’t serious about it. You make her stick to canon because she is calling him names, she isn’t all love-y love-y at first go yet she doesn’t hate him either.



The Marauder’s conversation was rather funny, like always. :D Sirius’ Thursday theory is quite interesting and original and sort of does make sense too. Also, I like how you ended their talk with Sirius mentioning how he usually breaks rules. That’s so Sirius. *hugs Sirius*



Something which I especially liked about your Lily was that she’s trying to improve her flying abilities. She can handle a broomstick but she isn’t very good at it but is trying to improve her skills. I am so pleased that she doesn’t hate Quidditch or the likes because James loves it.



Lily Silencing the poor crow made me laugh out loud for real. She’s clever and funny and not afraid to perform a charm which doesn’t hurt people. She does the same to James, but again, like I said, it’s harmless. She doesn’t threaten him to ‘curse him to oblivion’, etc. so that was a nice change.



The ending, again with the Marauders. I was laughing throughout whilst reading that. For someone’s who’s so smart at studies and pranks, they’re too thick to understand that James can’t talk. Really. *shakes head* Also, I like how James still is optimistic about his chance with Lily and doesn’t moan about how hard it is, etc. that gets old sometimes.



Over all, this was a lovely and quite entertaining one shot. I had a fantastic time reading and reviewing it. Great job!



- Afifa

Name: thegirloverhere (Signed) · Date: 04/08/09 21:56 · For: Squids Don’t Eat Alligators

“Sorry, mate. Here, I’ll do it to myself too,” -- hahahhahahhahaha :)

I love how you portray Sirius... very funny. My only comment would be that you used parenthesis an awful lot... but we all have our habits :) Continue? Please? I love this!

Name: meldina (Signed) · Date: 03/17/09 17:40 · For: Squids Don’t Eat Alligators

awe cute!
posterz morzoz

Name: ivasonia aphrodite (Signed) · Date: 03/16/09 12:50 · For: Squids Don’t Eat Alligators

You made the characters seem exactly like how I would've imagined them:
James: smitten beyond belief
Lily: always rejecting
Sirius: a complete and gorgeous lunatic
and I know Remus isn't such a big part, but I love that you gave him a more humourous than most fanfics I've read.
Keep writing!
It was great:)

Name: ink_daughter (Signed) · Date: 03/15/09 18:35 · For: Squids Don’t Eat Alligators

Ha, this was funny. It seems EXACTLY like something Sirius would say!