Name: XhayleeXblackX (Signed) · Date: 08/31/09 14:03 · For: Forged in Flames

This was an extraordinary poem, Maeve. Your first line really catches the reader’s attention because it starts right with the intentions and object of the poem, instead of dragging it on for a few stanzas and boring the reader. No, you’re first line is popping and wonderful.

In fact, the first two stanzas are my favorites from the poem. There’s such a wonderful flow to them, and the imagery is beautiful and vivid.

It’s forged in flames and made of steel,
And solid through and through.

It will not bend and will not break,
Though feeling it has none.

There’s something about the diction in these four lines that really sets the tone of the poem – it’s sort of dark, but still… hopeful in a sense because you describe the way the heart was made and it’s unbreakable characteristics, which will provide protection of the love that the narrator in the poem is trying to give away, but even more, the last line is sort of ironic because the heart has such meaning, although it has no feeling.

The only part I found that brought me out of the poem for a nanosecond was the first line of the third stanza. The repetition of heart in that line was a bit much, for me, because of their close proximity within the line. From what I can gather, you’re rhyme scheme was ABCB (or similar), and so the first line and the third lines of the stanzas do not rhyme. I think if you were to switch the second heart to something different – like ‘…not my own’, perhaps – the line and stanza would flow together in a better way. It’s not wrong, by any means, just a friendly suggestion. :)

This was truly a brilliant concept, and I loved this poem because the imagery and word choice was so vividly beautiful.

-Haylee

Name: the opaleye (Signed) · Date: 08/17/09 5:40 · For: Forged in Flames

I LOVED this! Your imagery is beautiful, some of it just took my breath away.

A ferrous scent of blood belies
The taste of life anew.

OMS, that is AMAZING. I am so jealous that I didn't write this. But envy is the ulcer of the soul so I will applaud you instead :)

Bravo, bravo.

Author's Response: You have no reason to be jealous coming out with the lines you do! But thank you very much for the super-lovely review and I'll bask in the applause! :-). Always means a great deal coming from someone whose work I admire.

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 08/16/09 17:33 · For: Forged in Flames

I love the first stanza of your poem. It introduces the iron heart and why it has importance. It lists the virtues and made me think of why such a thing would make a nice gift.

It will not bend and will not break,
Though feeling it has none.
I think this is my favorite line of the poem. I think that adding an s to feeling would make it sound better though. Without the s, it makes me think more of the sense of touch and less of emotional feelings.

Its weight is strength and cold to touch,
Protection enough for some.
This line really made me think of what some people want from a relationship. There are some people out there that want the façade of a relationship and not the emotional ties of a true one. I really like how you captured that with this line.

The third stanza made me really think about the iron in our blood and how different it is from an actual iron object. Iron is necessary for life, yet does little when on its own. It also brought to my mind how malleable our hearts can be by what we allow to reach them. I have known many people who seem to have been molded by hammers instead of care and love. It is sad how many children can say how true that is.

Each you hold within your grasp,
And to lose either you would be loath.
The rhythm of the last line here really threw me off. It doesn’t seem to flow as nicely as the rest of the poem. I had to pause and read it a few times to get any meaning out of it. Maybe “And loss of either you would be loath” would work better? I’m just not sure of the best way to make it flow better.

Be safe. my love, and easy, I don’t thing you need the period here. It would flow much nicer to just have “Be safe my love, and easy,”.

In these hard and curse-bound times,
For the protection of my iron heart,
Will be the tie that binds.
This poem ended very visually to me and made me smile. When going through tough times, it is always nice to know what to protect and what can be left.

I really enjoyed this poem and got a few smiles from reading it. Thanks for a few moments of joy on a lazy afternoon.  Cyns

Author's Response: As always, it's a pleasure to get a review from you. :-) I know, I know... the loath line, I sweated over that one and still am not entirely happy with it. It's the to breaking the flow but I can't make sense of it any other way. Grr! And the full stop after safe is a typo and should be a comma, you eagle-eyed person you! Thank you again... you are a joy of a reviewer.

Name: ron lover (Signed) · Date: 08/16/09 17:29 · For: Forged in Flames

I really love this poem. It's really good.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. It is much appreciated. :-)