Name: armagod679 (Signed) · Date: 11/04/09 21:09 · For: Halfway Home

I like the first chapter in general. It's well-written and emotional. It really draws the reader in and makes them feel Sirius's pain and James's anger. However, I'm not sure that the last "Okay. I'll stay" is necessary. It's somewhat redundant. Just something to think about. I look forward to future chapters!

Author's Response: thank you! you're probably right about that last bit :)

Name: Karaley Dargen (Signed) · Date: 11/03/09 18:15 · For: Halfway Home

Ooh I really like that ... well, snapshot of their lives. It's a really important point for Sirius, and I think you made a realistic picture of that.

The only thing that I have to nag about though is that you switch to present tense at some points, namely here: He didn’t follow Sirius immediately. They both, he sensed, need to tread carefully with this one. Something bigger than usual had happened there and James feels a little scared at the look on Sirius’ face. He’s never been shocked when Sirius comes to visit.

But other than that, I really enjoyed your story :)

Author's Response: oooops thank you for catching this - it's because I first wrote it in present and then changed it to past! Obviously some little bits didn't get changed :x

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 11/01/09 18:15 · For: Halfway Home

How sad, to be kicked out of your house and not even for a good reason. Sirius is such a tragic character. I've always thought it was too bad that he died although I realize that JKR had to kill off some of the "good" characters and save others. Loved this first chapter. Keep up the good work. I'll look for an update soon.

Author's Response: thank you! :)