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wonderful story. you just created a brand new world out of the existing one.
I'm not sure why others haven't discovered this story, but this is quickly becoming one of my favorites. There are precious few original stories and characters being written in the Harry Potter fandom, and even fewer stories that are worth reading. It is clear you have thoroughly researched the Chinese culture extensively, making this story easy to follow and believable. Sorry that I haven't reviewed before and I can't wait to see Song Feng's interactions with other children. My guess is she will be a phenomenal flyer when she gets on a broom.
Oh man! I wish that you have written/shown the part where Zhu-ge gets scolded by Jiao-long! That would have been great. I am not sure though if it would have helped the story.
Enjoying your story very much!
Oh man! I wish that you have written/shown the part where Zhu-ge gets scolded by Jiao-long! That would have been great. I am not sure though if it would have helped the story.
Enjoying your story very much!
Hey Aida!
I really liked this story and thought it deserved another review. It’s a really addictive story – when I started reading it I promised myself that I’d only read the prologue because I was really busy and ended up reading all the chapters that are up in one go. I found everything about the story riveting: the story, the characters, the world and the style in which you wrote it.
It was the prologue that really drew me in to begin with. As a politics student, the idea of a revolution really appealed to me. You hinted towards a possibly disastrous event that took place and the prospect of uprisings to come without giving very much away. Most of the time it really puts me off a story when authors hint towards something without actually giving any information on it, but it didn’t bother me in this. Maybe it’s because of the way it was written, which made it seem more natural for the events not to be mentioned. Whatever it was, you did a good job with it.
I really love the character of Feng as well. She’s so determined and wilful – the perfect hero really – and yet seems so real and believable. Her character doesn’t seem forced or contrived, but completely natural. Her development so far is great as well; her conflict over giving up gymnastics was so genuine and seemed really fitting for someone of her age. She’s a great main character and I’m sure you’ll be able to make good use of her in the plot.
On the whole, I loved your writing and think you have a real talent when it comes to flow, but there were some points where overuse or lack of commas. Sometimes you repeated words as well, which made it read a bit strangely (eg. He would walk along the silent row of girls and then stop and stare at a particular one and then keep walking.) But these mistakes were few and far between and overall your spelling, grammar and punctuation was great.
The amount of research that must have gone into your story was amazing as well. You mixed in so many little details that managed to bring that world alive to me, who knows virtually nothing about China or gymnastics. It must have taken a lot of work, but it was worth it and it really gave the story that edge. You also managed to work the explanations of those details in really well; there was enough of an explanation for me to understand the concepts really well, but not enough to make it sound boring or patronising.
There are times, however, when you use people’s name’s a bit too much in a row. There was one point, in particular, in the third chapter when there were about half a dozen ‘Li Fei’s in one paragraph. I think it is exacerbated by using both names, so maybe just called her ‘Fei’ would have stopped it from sticking out as strange.
Feng’s first experiences with magic were really interesting and tied into the story really well. Her progression from being a bit bemused by magic to beginning to utilise it seemed really realistic.
I really liked what I’ve seen of the Southern School so far. You’ve really put some work into it and made it really unique and it shows; it’s not just a foreign version of Hogwarts, but a living, breathing place in itself. I haven’t seen much of it so far, but the letter and comb seemed to convey quite a lot about the school in themselves and really got me aching to see more of it. The way the two of them worked were really unusual and well-thought out as well; I especially liked how the characters rearranged themselves on her letter to the simplified script. The build-up to her going to school is gradual, but doesn’t drag which is a feat in itself. I really, really want her to actually get there though so please don’t keep us waiting for too much longer please!
I think that’s all I’ve got to say on your story. I really enjoyed it though and can’t wait until you post your next chapter. I look forward to seeing what plot you have planned for Song Feng and this much anticipated revolution!
xxSue
I think you've done an excellent job with this story. The way you shape phrases is quite lovely. I really enjoyed the character of Song Feng. She's very capable as a gymnast and proud of it, but also shockingly normal. I thought you wrote the decision to attend the Southern School very well, and I really felt Feng's difficulty in choosing to give up everything she's ever known... again.
I enjoyed the way you walked us through the first years of Feng's life. This is very easy to make boring or clunky, and you made it a legitimate narrative. I particularly liked the scene of Feng breaking her ankle.
One last note -- I loved the references to Chinese culture and gymnastics. I didn't know about that ritual of honoring one's ancestors, with the burning of incense and heaven and hell money. I knew rather more about gymnastics, but I hadn't really had an inside view of it like this.
Oh, and I like Zhu-ge Liang. A lot. He's Dumbledorian, but is still definitely his own character.
Thanks, Aida.
~O
This is such a fascinating story. The level of detail is so amazing - I'm really excited to see what you have in store for the magical world and the school. I also think it's interesting that you have Song Feng such a great gymnast in the beginning - I'm assuming this will become an important plot point later on?
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Nice... So, deep down Feng had doubts and grudges against the gymnastic world... Liang kind of made them surface!
Ouch... Good luck dear Birdie! I'd dying to see what her parents make of her sudden appearance!! LOL! And what they'll think of magic. Not to mention, she seems to be quite powerful and talented. I guess all the training in focus and concentration in gymnastics payed its toll,right?
Great chap!!
great! keep it up! love this story!
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!!!
It just keeps getting interesting!! *grins* Things are about to change drastically for little Feng... :S And I doubt she'll like it. Poor thing!
I love this story! It is really good so far and shows a lot of potential. Song Feng is a memorable character, and it is really fascinating reading about the wizarding world in China. Zhu-Ge Liang and his wife are really cool, too. I can't wait to find out what happens next! (though don't be afraid to take as much time as you need with a great story like this!) This story's plot, characters, and setting are just addictingly awesome, and from the way it's going, could become one of my favorite BOOKS. (Not just fan fiction)
Thanks for writing this, and keep up the good work!
Liking this story very much!!
Feng seems like an adorable girl! I do hope things turn out in the end for her!!
I love it. I was just drawn in by your banner. I've just been staring at it for weeks, thinking how smooth it looks, and then decided to read it today! And I must say it’s fantastic. Brilliantly written and portrayed.
August.
I'm a gymnast too, and I'm amazed at how well you've written the technical terms and routines. You must be a gymnast too!
I'm absolutely fasinated with this topic. Ever since the Beijing 2008 Games, I've had an immense interest in China, Chinese sport and 'Chinese pride'. Communism is just so different to democratic societies, isn't it? Everything's 'for the good of China.' I can't wait to see this mixed in with magic! I can feel that it's coming soon, isn't it?
~ Jordana
Your writing is magnificent. This is a very fascinating story - I'm eager to see where it goes!
So Xiao Feng is so magical she can actually heal at will! Impressive!!
I like this character very much... She seems so fiercely determined to do great things!!
I like the secret around her. She seems rahter distant from the people around her for a ten year old... That's probably why she hasn't noticed there's something odd with fixing broken ankles at will!
I long to see where this goes!! Kudos!
This is a great start! I can't wait for more. I am glad that you are writing an HP world fic that is not situated in GB. Much as I love the HP series, in the books, I felt that GB was the center of the wizarding world. Glad I am reading a different perspective.
I am curious for more!
Interesting. Promising. I'll keep a closse watch on updates!
It's intriguing. He wants to unite muggle and wizarding world, or what? Or is the Middle Kindgom something else? I can't quite tell...
As much as I love the Harry Potter books, I always wished we could see more of the wizarding world abroad. I've never come across a fanfic set in China, and I can't wait to see how you imagine Chinese magical society.
Of course, the setting alone does not attract me to the story. Your prologue is suitably vague, saying just enough to not reveal details but also hook my interest. What was Zhuge Liang's experiment? From the clues of "revolutionary slogans" and the leader of Muggle China wanting "to change everything completely", would I be correct in guessing he tried to do something with Muggles during the height of the Cultural Revolution? If so, that sounds both very chaotic and incredibly hilarious.
I am also officially intrigued by your short description of the history that passes while Zhuge Liang waits. The British wizarding history we already know about from canon, but what's this about Gran Colombia? A Sultanate and a Caliphate? What's going on in this crazy wizarding world of yours? I always enjoy it when authors make the magical political map look very different from the Muggle one, so I am very curious to see how you envision it. Speaking of which, how do the borders of the wizarding Middle Kingdom correspond (or not) to the PRC's?
I can't wait to see where this story goes.
~ Tim the Enchanter