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The tension is building and I've got a really bad feeling.
I can kill Muggles, even children, without shedding a tear as long as they don't look like you . . . romance, Bellatrix style. :D I wonder if she's rushing off to see Gabe one last time.
Author's Response: I wonder that also, but would she be that selfish to go to Gabe at this moment? She just ran off in away from Tom and Lucius. What if one of them follows her? She could get Gabe into a lot of trouble. Yes, Bella's version of romance is a bit twisted. She's one of those kinds of people, who cut back or stop drinking altogether, and you realize it wasn't the alcohol that gave them a bad character but the evil was there all the time. Thanks for reviewing. This story is very close to the end!
Is it sad that I agree with Tom that she's wasting her talents? :D I feel sorry for Gabe, but if you let him live, you've reassured readers that he'll help others instead of feeling sorry for himself when the romance is over.
Author's Response: I don't think it's sad that you agree with Tom. You're agreeing with the basic statement but for different reasons, I figure. Whatever we believe her talents to be we all probably agree that she could be doing something different rather than sitting around acting like a rich bitch and drinking all day. What makes me sad about Gabe's situation is that if he lives, life will go on. But, there will always be that piece of his heart that has died. He will have lost Rain, Autumn Rose, and probably Bella. Time will heal some of his wounds but there will always be that little spot of infinite sadness. I have another chapter done but it has to be edited to dialogue. Right now it's all description of what's happening.
When Bella cut the painting Gabe had to be in shock, but he really is too nice, thinking she needs help instead of seeing her action as proof that she doesn't care about their relationship. I'm looking forward to Cissy doing something about Bella's drinking. Memory Charms? Rehab? :D
Author's Response: I think you'll get a real kick out of what Cissy does. As a teaser, she gives Bella a taste of her own medicine. You know Gabe tries to think the best of everyone, especially Bella. He's a sensitive young man. He's someone who could be scammed very easily, if you know what I mean:P I hope Bella doesn't overly take advantage of him. He really does love her but you know how she uses people. I hope they get back together and Bella "reforms" somewhat--but she wouldn't be Bellatrix if she was a good girl, would she?
I think you made the comment once that I don't review because I've already read the chapter. Since I found out that you've become the most prolific reviewer on MNFF, I decided I had to give back some of the review love. So here goes!
When I'm in beta mode, I'm looking for things like missing commas before conjunctions that link independent clauses, or repetition of words or phrases. I probably forget to tell you that I enjoy Bella's one liners like "Cissy, does Lucius know he’s going to be a daddy and not a husband?" :D
From the first chapter of this story, you've created your own unique slant on Bellatrix's characterization. She's a young, aristocratic hedonist, and anyone who disagrees with her is going to be told to eff off. I can't say I like her, but she is interesting. Her romance with Gabe would be unequivocally OOC if you hadn't set the story before she became a Voldemort worshipping Death Eater. You've given yourself wiggle room by making this a story of how she changed from being the bad girl of the Ancient and Noble House of Black who would shag anyone she fancied into the woman with one single focus: Voldemort.
You've had a lot of fun with Bella and Gabe's romantic ups and downs. She's always outrageous and not considering others, and I think he's getting tired of pretending she doesn't have a drinking problem.
Since this is chapter 22, I hate to suggest that the fluffy romantic fun should be over, but from a simple reader's viewpoint, it's time her owls came home to roost. Lucius is suspicious. You've set up how much Bella has to lose. I know it's hard to take that step toward her becoming a Muggle-hating ruthless killer, but it needs to be done.
I'll look forward to it.
Author's Response: I am so unused to having a review that I forgot to respond.:D I kind of enjoy coming up with Bella's one-liners. Bella isn't a good girl gone bad. She's a bad girl who went worse, if that's even proper English. I can see her problems starting out with her hedonistic behavior and then getting out of control. She couldn't say no to the bottle and went down the wrong path to the point where she couldn't turn back. As Tool says in the song Sober, "I will find the center in you. I will chew it up and leave. I will work to elevate you just enough to bring you down." With the next chapter events will turn very dark and then darker still until we see Bella as we know her from canon. Gabe has seen what alcohol can do to a person and he's starting to worry about Bella. As always, a partner's drinking is a very difficult topic to deal with. Bella is going to fall very far but will she drag Gabe with her? Will he survive this relationship alive?
Finally! I'm glad I decided to check and see if you updated this story. Sounds like Gabe and Bella are having a good time. The plot thickens...
Author's Response: I never expect to have reviews so I don't look at my chapters very often--pitiful. Anyway, many thanks for the review. This could be one of the last good times Gabe and Bella have. Things are getting more tense in the wizarding world. If Gabe knew I think he could handle it but Bella--I don't know. I need to get to writing. My real life keeps getting in the way. But, hang on, the exciting stuff is coming up next.
Oh hai, Liana! *waves eagerly* I've been taking way, WAY too long to come up with a proper review for your chapter twenty on HPFF (stupid "you may only respond once per chapter" rules), so I thought that maybe I could just start reviewing Bella Rosa on this site as well, after all I've created an account here (luckily this name hadn't been taken yet) for some time already. Who knows, perhaps before I reach chapter nineteen here I'd finally review chapter twenty over there. :)
This has nothing to do with formality, you know. I really get a lot of new stuff from your chapters after second (third, fourth...) readings, and especially with all those newer chapters out I have so much new material to cross-reference and look back on for clues and Foreshadowing and whatnot. [Also . . . ahem . . . I have been spending literally weeks trying to read your reviews on this site (moving rather slowly since I discovered lots of good fics on the way), having gone through your one and a half thousand reviews on the other site. Oh if only more people who received reviews from you would review your fics as well.]
~*~
So now I can see more clearly that right from the get-go, Bellatrix's romantic/emotional interests were more than dangerously conflicted. She fascinates the possibility of being subservent to a Dark Lord of Slytherin, Purebloods and the rest of the whole darn world, yet her interest got intsantly peaked when she first heard that the muggle owner was reportedly a yummy kind of bloke. Col. Kurtz once symbolised the horrors he faced into a vivid dream about A Snail Crawling Across The Edge Of A Straight Razor . . . And Surviving. For a long time I have made up endings to your story in my head, wondering if one or more characters would end up muttering "The horror . . . the horror . . ." While reading your reviews (and I'm nowhere near finished yet), I came upon some of your discussions you've had with Ms. K even before this first chapter got posted on any website, about your visions, characterizations and even possible endings. Isn't Bella walking across the edge of a straight razor, as well?
It would be hard to tire of reading Bella's antics, whether it be her bullying the homeless people or adding some spice into the bar (and catching Gabriel's attantion for the first time) with that pseudo-lesbian smooch.
I never got around to saying this before, but the first time I read this chapter, I did not expect that Gabriel would have such a chip on his shoulder in the form of a dreadful personal tragedy. Without spoiling much for any first-time readers, I'd say that Her headstrong attitude had a lot to do with that outcome turning out as such. Not many ficcers would straightout make a story happen that way, with an abbrupt . . . something . . . crashing down and leaving the readers to thinking "Must it have gone that way?". I mean, why isn;t She even feeling terrible that She let { } happen and cause so much grief to Gabe? Although going back to my point at the beginning of the paragraph, I must say that your wording here gave little indication of any past miserabilities (is that even a word?). From the "Oh, yeah, and proving his mother wrong" I had only detected a son striving to prove his worth through realizing his dreams as an artist/gallery master against a disapproving mother (who wanted him to be a [insert vocation here] instead, which would have set off a contrast between him and Bella Black in a different, hopefully still workable, way.
One of the many perks of reading yours and Ms. K's stories is the amount of pop references (usually in the form of music and songs) you manage to incorporate into the chapters. You once introduced me to Muse in a reply, and I must say that "Resistance" is indeed a chillingly appropriate portraal of the way Bellatrix and Gabriel's clandestine relationship is going. Whether or not the story would be heading towards the way you'd hinted in your own reviews, I think I wouldn't be disappointed.
Speaking of which, how much do you know about a band called The Smashing Pumpkins? I first heard about it in an ad for Batman & Robin's OST, but that movie wasn't good at all so I'd given up on any related music; this year however I finally read the famous graphic novel WATCHMEN and watched the Zack Snyder film adaptation as well, but not before checking out the two trailers online. And the first one was one of the awesomest movie trailers I'd ever seen: there was nearly no dialogue (voiceover or otherwise) in it, and the whole clip was set to an abridged version of "The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning", and the audio and footage set each other off more than perfectly. The opening electronic percussions accompanied the studios' logos, small pauses in the tune is where something major takes place, etc... and the lyrics described perfectly the bleak overtune the story would present. (The rest of the songs in the film are just as awesome, but that's another story) I'm asking you to check out that film (or at least the trailer) if you haven't seen it before, and do you think the lyrics would be good for describing the moods in this story as well?
~ David
Author's Response: I cannot believe I waited this long to respond to your review. That was very rude of me. If you only knew how much each review means to me. I love reading your reviews but you always leave me thinking--so picture me just sitting there thinking about all that you said. So, let me respond to things that struck a particular cord for me. I love the Smashing Pumpkins. I have most of their cds with the exception of Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. I gave that to my youngest daughter a long time ago and never replaced it. I love the sound of their music--there's so much bass. There's going to come a time very soon when I will refer to Resistance by Muse. I'm about to get to the exciting part of the story:D Miss K has advised me to move it along. It's not so much that Gabe's mother is disapproving but she's like any Native mother with her children. He's her only (biological) son and she wants him close by not over in London. Why can't he make a name for himself back on the rez? That's all she wants--her child near to her. Bella is indeed walking on the edge of a straight razor (I've never heard that saying before but I like it) or as I like to say she's "dancing in quicksand." (Reference is to a song by Tool on their cd Undertow called Swamp Song.) She loves to live dangerously. What I was trying to portray in the story so far is that she was first attracted to Gabe because she thought of him as dangerous. He was everything her family would hate. Then she started to love him. Gabe's tragedy is a true story--well kind of--there was no accident but the girlfriend died when his daughter was around 11 or so. I know where I'm going with the ending and it will be tragic but I'm also toying with writing an alternative ending that would be much happier. I just don't know. I have a new chapter to put up. I've had it for a while but I just haven't had time to post it. I've been so busy with work writing and working on my other things at home that--oh, I'm making excuses. I'm trying to figure out whether I should write the alternate ending. What do you think? Of course, I have to write one ending before I can think of the alternate.:D
Sorry to hear about your troubles, Fynnsmom. Hope things are better now. I'm curious about what will happen next in the story, but now I have to wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: One thing I've discovered over time is that whenever you lose hope, something wonderful will always happen to bring that hope back. I really shouldn't complain about things because it all adds to my life experiences. Anyway, I have the next chapter written but it needs editing by me and then my beta friend. I hope to get that chapter up shortly after Thanksgiving. After that crazy, exciting things start to happen in the story. It's time to bring the story to its high point and then watch it crash. Finally, we will have a last flash of hope in the epilogue.
Gabe is too good for Bella. I wonder what will happen when she tires of toying with him. Maybe she'll be sorry. She may end up actually falling in love with him.
Author's Response: He is too good for her. And, he's an innocent victim and very vulnerable right now. Bella pursued him from the start, more or less as a challenge. She heard someone else talk about him and she decided to play the game and win. You have to wonder how deep her feelings go. Would a pureblood Black really fall for an American Muggle. All I can say is God bless both of them. It would be nice though if this story has a happy ending. Bella is such an intense person and she experiences all of her emotions more than others do.
Tom sure sounds like a Nazi.
Author's Response: I guess I've always seen the Death Eaters as Nazis. I couldn't resist making the comparison. At this point Tom is a handsome young man and he's charismatic. He's trying to bring people into his cause and the purebloods are flocking to him, buying all of his propaganda. I think that's what Hitler did. He didn't start out well known and wealthy. He had to sell his ideas. Some people need someone or something to blame their problems on; for Hitler it was the Jews and for Tom it was non-purebloods.
She seems pretty rebellious all right, and doesn't give a crap what anyone thinks of her, except maybe Gabe. Good.
Author's Response: Gabe started out to be her rebellion but you have to ask what's going on with that. She seems more concerned about protecting him and doesn't flaunt him in her family's face which you'd think she would do if she wants them to know she's rebelling. I mean, what fun is rebellion if no one knows about it.
Gabe is an interesting character.
Author's Response: I was so excited to see your reviews. It seems I get a lot of readers but not many reviews. Gabe is mdeled after my son--with some extraordinary talents added. I'm trying to write how I think he'd react to these many situations. I hope I'm not too far off the mark:D
You've taken on a challenge with a protagonist who is so despicable in the HP stories. She seems interesting, and I like the story so far.
Author's Response: Believe it or not, Bella is one of my favorite characters. I found the actress who portrayed the evil Bella to be so beautiful and when I think of Bellatrix that's who I see. It is hard to write her as a halfway decent person but I'm going under the premise that she started out as a regular person but a big tragedy befalls her and she turns dark. So she has her Slytherin qualities and the pureblood family background but something had to cause her turn for the worse. That's the point of my story--to explain what went so wrong in her life.
Beautiffuly done. I personally like Bella myself, so this made for an interesting read.
~crbluvsravenclaw~
Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review. So few people do that it seems. I'm always happy when someone reads this story. Bellatrix Black Lestrange has always been one of my favorite characters. She is beautiful and has this mad insanity that makes everything she does crackle! I hope you read more as I introduce her Muggle artist lover:D See you next time.
Hello! It’s been a while since I reviewed so I thought I’d review too chapters at once. While reading them, I did feel that the last chapter was quite short and that Gabe’s ultimatum and chapter 14 could quite easily have made one full chapter, but that’s a minor quibble.
I love your characterisation of Bella throughout this story- but particularly in the details of how she dresses conservatively, over the clothes she wants to impress Gabe with. It’s just very Bella. I also loved the line “She already believed that she was better than other witches and wizards and more powerful. The question was did she need Tom’s philosophies? What was in it for her? She’d have to wait and see.” It shows that Bella, despite in her loyalty to Voldemort being quite unslytherin did start her sympathy with him based in self-interest, rather than some ideology or skewed sort of love.
I really enjoyed Gabe’s thoughts in chapter 14, and the way he’s so protective of Bella- I think its very natural to be jealous and realistic that Gabe, having grown so much closer to Bella, would want to meet, no matter how uptight and English Bella characterises them as.
- Your characterisation of Rodolphus is also really interesting- he seems rather awkward, dominated by his parents (and Bella’s) but then the line “It could be fun taming a wench like that” shows him as being capable of being a Death Eater, even though the reader knows he will not succeed with Bella, but someone else might. It’s sad that your Bella is caught between what’s good for her (Gabe) and what she wants/ thinks is expected of her in the Dark Lord and Rodolphus.
A couple of nitpicks- I found the sentence at the beginning of chapter 13 “Bella fought with Gabe in a horrible way the night before.” slightly clumsy. I mean when you fight with your lover, its always horrible- and since you go on to talk about the fight the reader can see for themselves that it was horrible. Also when I first read “He asked again to be her escort” it sounded a bit odd, but maybe that’s just because in the UK when ‘escort’ is used as a noun it means someone beautiful hired for the night. I also found it slightly strange that this late in the seventies Voldemort would be okay with talking to the Minister For Magic, but that’s probably due to my personal canon of how bad things were at this point rather than yours.
I love how the conflicts in this story are now coming to a head, and really glad you haven’t abandoned it. I can’t wait for the rest- Alex (oh, and congratulations on the new puppy!)
Author's Response: I'm embarrassed that it took me so long to respond to your review. One thing that I've learned is that reviews are precious and should be responded to as soon as possible. it seemed I was so busy with work for a while. Maybe now things will lighten up a little bit. I hope so. I still have about half of Bella's story to write yet. I noticed you've been writing a lot and I can't wait to get in there and read some more:D Your nitpicks were valid. No matter how many times I read and edit, it's still possible to miss something, like the "horrible way." Escort means the same thing in the United States--but I never meant it that way. I guess I'd better watch the words I use. I can see Death Eaters as being a little awkward at times in social situations. They're pure-bloods but very conservative. They're not as experienced as they'd like to be at times. I think Bella wants to go down the good path with Gabe but she's such a risk taker. She's going to gamble and spiral down. Some bad things are going to happen. Well, I will get out of here for now and see you next time. Thanks for reviewing.
I'm back! You can't keep me away from this story. Accidents be damned! ^_~
By the way, you're a big tease! I know the professor rating doesn't let you get away with much, but still! I wanted to see some BellaxGabe loving.
“Merlin’s hairy balls. I almost hexed you. You’re the last person I want in my bed. Not my type at all.”
Lol! I love your Bella. And I love how she managed her mum, like it was nothing. Hehe. I am curious about how this dinner will go and what Bella will think of Voldie. Oh, and I liked Gabe's description of a wild rose; it fits Bella to a tee.
Until next time, m'dear...
Author's Response: Are you back from your trip yet? I'm embarrassed that I took so long to respond. If you received my e-mail about my new puppy maybe you'll understand. He's the baby and he's been keeping me very busy. I was stalling with this chapter because I didn't know how to write the sex scene. My beta pretty much said to get on with it so I managed to avoid the whole thing.:D Sorry. Maybe next time I'll get up the courage to write what you want to read. Remember how Bella learned some of these little "management" tricks from her mum. At first I had her Imperious Mrs. Black but it wasn't time to get that drastic yet. Bella hasn't turned dark at this point. She's just a little ornery and likes to have her own way. Wild roses are really like I described them. They're so beautiful and they can hurt you so much--very much like Bella. See you next time. You do have another chapter of this story to read.