Name: dmbw7052 (Signed) · Date: 04/19/14 18:59 · For: The First & Last Chapter

Hi there!

This was a really fun next gem story, focusing on a character people don't really write about often. I think naming Neville's son Frank was quite good, since Neville really does want to honor his parents and naming his son after his dad was a good way to show this. I really like how frank is a lot like his dad, but still his own person. He seems to be a little more outgoing, but also more interested than Neville in his studies.

One thing I liked a lot was how you described his interactions with girls. Since he's friends with James, who is good with girls, he would look up to his friend and try to copy him. But I think he figures out in the end that he doesn't really have to impress Lily to get her to like him. They're friends after all and she liked him as a friend for a long time. It's just another small step for them to be in a romantic relationship.

My only problem is that I wished it would have gone on! I would have loved to see how their relationship would progress and how Frank would deal with being an Unspeakable.

Brilliant job!
-Georgia

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 04/06/13 10:43 · For: The First & Last Chapter

Hi there. Thought I should return the favour and leave you a review. This is a sweet story. You've built up the characterisation of Frank very well here. He comes over as quite Nevilleish, but brighter and more immersed in books than his dad. Nice diofference because it stops him being a clone. Lily too has little bits of her Mum in here, and is very Weasley, but at the same time she's her own person, so well done on that. I thought the build up to the kiss and Frank's awkwardness was well played.

I did get a little confused with the timeline here. You speak of Frank and Lily knowing each other for seven years, so I presume they're both seventh years (especially as she organised the party), but then you mentioned Frank being friendly with James, who must have been at least three years older than him. Because of the hair ruffling, I assumed it was Lily's brother, so if it's not, it might be wise to change the name.

Ha ha - I liked all their friends in the bar waiting for them to kiss. How embarrassing, yet how Gryffindor of him to kiss her anyway in front of them all.

Well done and good luck in the challenge. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the advice! I guess you're right, it was a bit confusing.. :) It means so much to me, that somebody actually read something I wrote, so thank you again!