Name: The owl (Signed) · Date: 05/15/13 17:28 · For: Chapter 1

Hey Minna!

I'm not entirely sure how to begin this review, as I'm still reeling from the intensity of your poem. It's not often that I read something which gives me a such a deep, persnal insight into a relationship, and especially not with such gorgeous imagery. It was an absolute delight.

The first thing I'd like to address is the technical excellence of this. I mean, all of those images of the sea were so inventive. I particularly liked “eyes like sunlight in deep waters” because I can picture the gleam in deep blue eyes so perfectly from it. It's vivid and sharp and strong and so full of love. And the mix of first and second person worked really well for me, too. Moving back and forth between the two characters so directly again strengthened my sense of their relationship – really lovely.

Another technical detail I really liked was all of the questions. It gave me this sense of wonderment, almost of awe, which spoke of absolute love in the most moving way. What added to this for me is that, although you didn't use a particularly regular rhythm/rhyme, everything flowed really well. It read very smoothly, with an almost lyrical feeling. In particular, the line “broken is discarded is changed is beautiful” worked really well because it tripped off my tongue so easily. It was kind of like a stream of thoughts, full of rapturous loveliness.

I said before that this was really intense, and I think a large part of that was all of the sensory description you used. The colours of the beach, the taste of salt, the sound of the sheets, the heat: I actually was on the beach outside Shell Cottage with them, and then inside too. I loved how the characters were connected to the place, how they fitted into their surrounding exactly. Linking their relationship to the nature around them made me all the more convinced by it.

I assumed that Bill was narrating this. Without a mention of genders either way, I wasn't 100% sure, but the blue eyes made me think of Fleur, and I thought Bill was the one most likely to be described as “hollow”, and “beaten and scraped”. That's the thing, though; not knowing really didn't bother me. I thought it could work either way, and I really liked that thought. They both love each other with this absolute intensity, and, whoever is speaking, their relationship seemed really intimate. That's why I liked your choice to use the crook of the elbow. It was unexpected, and unexpectedly intimate. The subtlety of it was great, too. I mean, you could tell exactly what was going on at that time without the need for you to outright describe it.

In terms of character, I really liked the way Bill (I'm going to carry on with that assumption) seemed to depend on Fleur, judging by your last line, and the suggestion earlier on that she made him new. It made me think of their older man/younger woman dynamic, and about how much he would have needed her support after the war. His sense of awe, too, fitted in just right with how I imagine her Veela side might affect him. It's not why he loves her, but sometimes it really intensifies things. The idea of her being “born of seafoam” was a lovely image for her otherness, her other heritage that is always somewhat mysterious.

I could go on and on about this poem. It has so much depth (no pun intended) and intensity, so many layers which I could be drawn into. If nothing else, it reads absolutely beautifully, without any need for analysis, which for me is very important in poetry. Fabulous job!

~Sophie

Name: WeasleyMom (Signed) · Date: 05/02/13 23:07 · For: Chapter 1

Beautiful, Minna. Really beautiful.

Author's Response: Aw, thanks. <3