Login
MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Simone2016 (Signed) · Date: 08/15/15 3:33 · For: Chapter 2
looking forward to seeing draco at his new life back out in the world.. should be interesting to see.. (former user name- roni 2010)


Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 06/10/15 14:00 · For: Chapter 2
This is looking interesting.


Name: beaflower114 (Signed) · Date: 04/09/15 11:47 · For: Chapter 1
Please update with the next chapter soon! I've really enjoyed this first chapter and think the story line could be amazing and capture more readers!


Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 03/10/15 1:36 · For: Chapter 1
Hi, Marissa. This is Vicki of Slytherin House commenting on your interesting story. I liked it and am interested to read further. In your second paragraph you stated, “Draco felt ashamed and isolated,” and I wondered if we readers were going to hear more narrative that illustrated his shame and isolation, and yes, we did.

I was interested to read the third paragraph, the listing of Draco’s sins. At first I thought it was what he was thinking, that he was reviewing his faults in his head, but then in the fourth paragraph you reveal that it was a synopsis of what the members of the Wizengamot were discussing aloud. A neat touch.

It’s true that there is a lot of reflection in this opening chapter, and not a lot of dialogue (well, Draco didn’t have anyone to talk to in prison and wasn’t allowed to say much in court), but that’s okay for this opening chapter that sets the scene and the situation. In fact, an entire story done this way can be successful: read Vanishing Green by Armagod 679 in these archives for a good example of that. And I’m sure that, this story being a romance, there will be plenty of action and dialogue in the chapters to come.

But you have a good start here. There is some unusual development, in the surprising testimony of Hermione, and some mystery: what will the Wizengamot’s decision be, and why? How will Draco be changed? What exactly happened to the members of the Malfoy family after the war ended, and how they coped with their terrible situation, has always been a source of great speculation among us readers. Thank you for writing.


Name: roni2012 (Signed) · Date: 03/08/15 22:21 · For: Chapter 1
love the story!!


Name: baby54boomer (Signed) · Date: 03/03/15 23:03 · For: Chapter 1
Now that you have provided sufficiently long paragraphs in narrative form, please focus more on dialogue and interaction. This is an interesting storyline.


You must login (register) to review.