Login
MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Kerichi (Signed) · Date: 07/03/15 19:06 · For: The Academy
“It's all just words, then, this philosophy?” Ollivander tried hard not to sound plaintive. “There's no proper magic taught here at all?”

“There's a kind of magic in words, too, you know. A wand isn't the only way to heal your friends, or harm your enemies.”


Very nicely phrased! Poor Ollivander. Plan A is out, now he's having to figure out a Plan B. Interesting that Ollivander didn't mention that the third assailant hadn't looked ghostly. He seems so self-confident most of the time.

I've noticed a few modern sounding words and phrases in the last chapter and this one. "Mind if I sit here", "Nice move" "Thanks" and "Let's get out of here." I'm not saying use stilted wording, but consider tweaking modern phrasing to sound more in keeping with your time period. "My thanks" perhaps, or "Let us take our leave."

You're making me hungry mentioning the bread and honey. Will see what they eat. ;)

Author's Response: I can't really claim credit for Callias' comment about the magic in words, as he's just paraphrasing Dumbledore. (Or maybe Dumbledore's quoting him; either way, JKR thought of it first.) As for modern-sounding language, I had a similar problem with one of my other stories on this site, which is set in 1519. In that case I settled for a vaguely antiquated phrasing that is still well short of authentic pre-Shakespearean English. But ancient Greece is so far removed from our own time that one really has to treat it as another culture entirely; the only help one can expect from the language itself is the occasional evocative word or phrase.


Name: Kerichi (Signed) · Date: 07/03/15 18:51 · For: Honey-cakes
I love historical mysteries, (Lindsey Davis's Marcus Didius Falco, Steven Saylor's Gordianus the Finder, Ellis Peters's Brother Cadfael) so your story of the young Ollivander being followed by the mysterious figure in the cloak of foreign cut has hooked my interest. I love the contrast between the languid setting with the triremes dozing at anchor and Ollivander leaping ashore and heading for his destination at a brisk pace. The meeting at the wine shop was well done.

The only concrit I have is that Ollivander and Callias traded encyclopedia entry type monologues when telling each other about their ancestors. It came across as info dumps instead of a natural exchange like the ones at the end of the chapter when they interrupt each other "Well, yes" and "But that's what I'm doing, too!"

Just an observation. Going to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Guilty as charged, I'm afraid. If ever I get around to re-doing this chapter, making the honey-cake stories fit in to the dialogue better will be the first priority.


Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 04/22/15 23:23 · For: Honey-cakes
Hi, Geoff,
I am enjoying your story immensely, and I certainly should have not let so much time go by before reading chapters 2 and 3. Your background material makes this story immensely rich; I almost feel inspired to write something historical myself. All your characters come to life for me, and I can easily envision all the Grecian scenes. It is a pure joy, among all the travails of life, to spend a few minutes reading your story. I hope that further chapters will be coming soon!

Vicki

Author's Response: Thanks, Vicki. I did spend some time on background material for this one: the idea was to add the Potterverse to another culture where magic had rather different connotations. No need for a Statute of Secrecy here: everyone in the ancient world knew that magic was real, although it wasn't always respectable.


Name: Cinderella Angelina (Signed) · Date: 04/10/15 14:52 · For: The Wand of Orpheus
Very interesting! I'm enjoying the story so far. I like the glimpse into the past you're portraying.

Author's Response: Thanks! I can't truly promise historical authenticity, but I do my best.


Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 02/19/15 2:03 · For: Honey-cakes
Hi, Geoff. How nice to see another story from you. I presume that your young Ollivander is a distant ancestor of the Ollivander who sold Harry his wand. Interesting to see your use of the word 'mugloi'. I had always thought that 'Muggle' sounded derogatory, but 'mugloi' does sound as if it could be a Greek word, so it is more satisfying simply to think of 'Muggle' as derived from the Greek.

It will be fun to see a magical story played out against the sunny Mediterranean scenery instead of the darker, damper climes of northern Europe. I look forward to your subsequent chapters. Thanks for writing.
Vicki

Author's Response: Hi Vicki. Yes, I'm imagining an unbroken line of descent: 24 centuries' worth of Ollivanders. I'm afraid I didn't invent "Mugloi": the Ancient Greek translation of Philosopher's Stone (which I'm sadly unable to read) uses "Mugaloi", which the translator says means "field-mice". Hope you like the story; there's another chapter already in the queue.


Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 02/11/15 17:53 · For: Honey-cakes
Looks like a very enjoyable story.

Author's Response: Thanks, Dad. I'm unsure how big the potential readership is for this one, but I certainly had a lot of fun writing it.


You must login (register) to review.