As soon as I left Hogwarts, I began my training as a Healer. I knew from the second that courses were offered that it was career of choice. I felt blessed to have gotten the marks in Potions that I needed, for Snape seemed determined that he would fail me.

Ron had congratulated me the day that the N.E.W.T. scores arrived. I remember the look on his face. He was proud of me. I was both elated and crushed. He smiled, gave me a hug, and told me he always knew I could do it.

“Mione, you’re the brightest witch in our year,� he said, slowly leaning toward me.

Well, if I actually did have supreme monarchy over the world, that’s what would have happened. In reality, it went a bit more like this.

Ron tore open his letter, snorting like a horse. He looked at it, disgusted, and tossed it aside. “How many did you get, mate?� he said to Harry, running long fingers through his fiery hair, which now stood on end from the number of times he had run his fingers through it.

“Eight,� Harry replied, smiling, satisfied. “You?�

“Six,� Ron said, snorting again. “What did you get, Hermione? Twelve?�

I blushed crimson. I knew Ron could read me like a book, but I didn’t care. It was just something I would have to get used to.

“No, Hermione, you didn’t!� he screeched, rolling off his bed and snatching the letter from my hand. “Merlin’s beard!� he said, pushing his fingers through his hair once more. “An O in Arithmancy? Isn’t that supposed to be hard or something?�

“Oh, yes, it’s very challenging,� I mumbled, faltering as I spoke, He laughed at me, a smile lighting up his eyes.

“Well, Hermione, they always said you were the brightest witch in our year.� I beamed, as his grin became devious. “I just figured that Arithmancy was impossible to pass.�

I grabbed the nearest pillow and promptly began bludgeoning him with it.

Well, he did eventually hug me.

I had often thought about Ron, especially in light of Ginny’s and Harry’s engagement a year after we left Hogwarts. They loved each other, even though she was barely nineteen and he was just twenty-one. I had decided that even if I did like Ron, I just didn’t have time to waste on sentiment. Here I was, valedictorian of my Healer-training class, my career just taking flight. Any distraction at this point could bring me down entirely, and I had discerned at a very young age that love simply wasn’t worth that.

War was upon us. It had come forth as our fifth year ended, long after I had first noticed Ron. Even I remember that first battle in the Department of Mysteries. That was the day that Sirius had died – the day that had marked Harry’s slow descent into depression. If I needed any other reasons to stay away from Ron, it was that. I did not want to become attached to something or someone that might not be here for long. It wasn’t certain that anyone would survive that war, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

Any other girl my age would have thought it unfair. I was twenty-one, just beginning my career as a Healer. My prospects were excellent, and yet many would pity me. I had pitied myself at first, until I realized how little there was outside of that anymore. True; I could be happy with Ron, the one that I had loved all these years, but that would not save his life. He could leave, and I would be broken. Even I could not save him.

When I graduated from St. Mungo’s Honorary Healer Training Program, Harry and Ron were there. I remember the day perfectly.

“Healer Hermione Granger,� Harry said, smiling at me. I laughed as his wrapped his arms around me.

“When I was little,� I said, looking him in the eye, “I always wanted to be Dr. Hermione Granger. So much for that.�

“Yes, but you’re a Healer,� Ron said, shaking his head. “For shame, Hermione!� His eyes were filled with that sparkle that I loved so well. I laid my hand on his shoulder and glared at him.

“Shut up, Ron,� I said lovingly. He smile, his white teeth showing.

We all had gone back to the Weasley’s for my graduation party. Mrs. Weasley, ever since I had graduated, was determined to treat me like a daughter. My parents were there, but they didn’t stay for long. They never understood why I wanted so badly to be a witch, but it was my decision to live out my life. Harry, Ron, and I stayed out late into the night.

“Hermione the Healer!� he called, trying to make an insult out of it. He grabbed my graduation cap and threw it high into the air. I smacked him.

“Ronald!� I yelled, shoving him into a tree. “Get it back!�

It hit the ground a second later, a few meters to my left.

“Pick it up, Ronald,� I said sternly, pointing at it.

“Yes, Healer Hermione,� he said, sweeping me a gentlemanly bow. I glared at him, but smiled through it. It was so good to be back home. Even out of school, I had to do very little about finding a job, for St. Mungo’s had offered me a position in psychiatrics and instability right away. Ron had a stable job in the Ministry of Magic. It was not a particularly well-paying job, but it was enough for a twenty-one year old bachelor to live comfortably on. Harry, even, had a job now, and he and Ginny were still planning for their life together. It had taken me all these years to realize it, but we were finally growing up. We were growing up and going up into the world.

Amid all of the memories, I hardly noticed all the feelings that I had for Ron. I never let me them take hold of me, for I had too much to live for. Ron was a distraction, and I could not afford anything that stood in my way.

There had been so many good times with him and with Harry that it had always been hard for me to distinguish between friendship and love. Harry had always been there for me, as had Ron. I would have to learn to love on my own. But love was a frivolous thing, and I could not allow it to stand in my way, no matter what the situation. It was risky.

Outside my own little world, Voldemort was on the move. I didn’t know it, but these movements would bring my barriers crashing down upon me.

“Hannah!� I shouted down the surgically clean hallway. “Mrs. Longbottom wants a few more pillows! Do you think you could get a few for me?�

Seconds later, I heard shoes slapping on the tiled floor as a witch my own age came jogging down the hallway with a pillow in her hand. “This is the last clean one, Hermione,� she said apologetically, rolling her eyes. “The beds have become uncomfortable all of a sudden.�

“It’s all right,� I said, taking the pillow from her. “I doubt she’ll know the difference.�

I walked toward the woman with grey-streaked hair. “Alice,� I said softly. The woman covered her ears, and I lowered my tone. “Alice, Hannah’s brought you a pillow. Here you go.�

The woman looked at me suspiciously for a moment and wrenched the pillow from my grasp. She clutched it tight and sauntered back to her bed, where she popped a piece of Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum into her mouth. Her hair was snowy white, and her eyes seemed to have become hollow with the years in the Psychiatric Ward at St. Mungo’s. Her husband, Frank, was no less stable. He sat quietly in the corner, hands folded in his lap, staring at the floor.

“Frank,� I said, and Mrs. Longbottom covered her ears again. “I’m sorry, Alice,� I whispered. “Frank, do you need anything?�

The man did not move.

A familiar boy came into the room, holding his hat. As always, his look was very sullen as he peered over at me. “Hello, Hermione,� he said, looking away.

My heart melted at the sight of him. “Hello, Neville,� I said. “How have you been?�

“I’ve been getting on all right,� he said, turning away. “And yourself?�

“I’m fine.�

Alice Longbottom waddled over to her son and presented him with her latest collection of bubble gum wrappers. Neville looked down at them, his face reddening. “Thanks, Mum,� he mumbled, as the woman shuffled away. Neville sat down next to his father and began to talk to him.

Hannah and I backed silently out of the room. Once out of earshot, we began to talk normally again.

“It’s funny,� Hannah mused. “They’ve been here since You-Know-Who was in power last time.�

“Yes,� I said. “They’ve seen it all. Poor Neville.�

“Frank hasn’t said anything for months now,� Hannah reflected. “I though he had been getting better.� Her blue eyes shone out at me.

“You don’t ever recover from the Cruciatus Curse,� I informed her. I shuddered at the remembrance of the one time it had been used on me. “Not ever. It’s a wonder that they’re not already dead.�

Hannah’s delicate demeanor was always touched by such statements, and tears filled her eyes. “Alice hates loud noises now, too,� she sniffed, wiping them away. “What does that mean?�

“She’s heard others tortured too,� I said, my own eyes beginning to burn. I hated the Spell Damage Ward. It made me remember too many things.

We left the fourth floor and climbed up to the fifth, where the cafeteria was. Hannah and I had worked a long morning with the Longbottoms, and we both felt that we deserved a nice, long afternoon break. We passed several patients we knew and loved, including a very confused Gilderoy Lockhart, who waved vaguely at us as we passed.

“You know,� I said to Hannah as he flashed a brilliant smile at me, “he taught Defense Against the Dark Arts in my second year.�

“Really, Hermione?� she whispered to me. “I was there, you know. Remember?�

“Oh, yes,� I said vaguely, remembering that we had indeed gone to the same school. I barely knew her there, but since attending the Honorary Healing Program together, we had become best of friends. “I had forgotten.� That was one of the reasons I loved her. Most girls would be offended that I had forgotten such vital information, but Hannah made jokes out of my short-term memory, as we called it.

We passed the room where Mr. Weasley had lain in my fifth year. I remembered it so well. That was the day when Harry’s deep depression began, even before Sirius died. I hadn’t been there, but I had heard the tale recounted so many times that I felt as if I remembered. Now that I worked here, I could picture it.

It was amazing to me how much each of us had grown up over the years. Harry and Ron were still fighting, and Ron still maintained his job at the Ministry. I smiled at the thought of them. They had been my friends from the day I entered Hogwarts.

“Hermione!� I heard shouted behind me. “It’s so good to see you.�

I turned around found myself face to face with Harry. I smiled and squeezed him with all the might of a twenty-two year old girl. He embraced me like the old friend that I was.

“Harry!� I said softly. “What are you doing here?�

I looked into his eyes. He was so good. A dear friend of mine, to be sure. He was taller than he had been at graduation, but his bright green eyes were as beautiful as ever.

“I came to see how you’re getting on, Healer Hermione,� he said, walking beside me. I punched him in the arm.

“This is Hannah, Harry,� I said introducing her. “Hannah Abbott. From school, you remember her?�

“I do,� he said. “It’s good to see you again.�

Hannah nodded and blushed. I knew that she had liked Harry in school. She was happy with her boyfriend, just as Harry was happy with Ginny as his new wife. Old crushes rarely fade, however, so awkwardness was understandable.

“I’ll meet you at lunch, Hannah,� I said, parting off with Harry.

“Why are you really here?� I asked him as we walked into the visitor’s lounge. “You’ve never come to visit me here before.�

“It’s about tonight,� he said, sitting down across the table from me. Even the lounge was surgically clean, and Harry looked rather uncomfortable. I smiled at him. Encouraged, he went on. “We’re attempting an attack on Voldemort’s headquarters tonight. We may not make it out alive.�

Tears welled up in my eyes. My dreams were haunted by such pictures of death and destruction. I knew that eventually someone would die, and many had already. Never before had there been such a reckless attack attempted, and I feared that maybe these casualties would hit closer to home.

“I’m going with you,� I said defiantly. “I’m going to fight the battle too.�

“You have to work tonight, don’t you?�

“There won’t be a place to work if he wins!� I shouted, startling half the room. I lowered my tone. “I’ve got to go with you!�

“You can’t, Hermione,� he said, reaching out and putting his hand on my shoulder. “It’s dangerous, and I don’t want you in the middle of that. We have to go. I would rather die than let him win.�

It was in that moment that I was a remnant of the old fire that filled his eyes when he would speak of Voldemort. In the last years, it had been extinguished by grief, but when it still shone it was terrifying. Eventually, I gave in.

“You have to go,� I repeated. “I know you do. Just promise me this.�

“I don’t know about that, but I’ll try,� he said. “What is it?�

“Don’t let him die.�

Over the years, I was quite positive that Harry had seen my interest in Ron. He knew that I wasn’t ready to let him get in the way of my career, but I loved all the same. Harry’s eyes sparkled one more time.

“I won’t,� he said, laying his hand on mine. “I’ll promise you that. I won’t let him die.�

We got up and left the hospital. We were standing outside the glass panel in front of the ugly mannequin when I hugged him goodbye. “Bye, Harry,� I said, tears in my eyes. “Be careful.�

He smiled and squeezed me. “I will. Don’t worry about me.�

Yeah, right. Don’t worry about him! Of course I would worry about him! He and Ron were going out to fight against Lord Voldemort – the most fearsome wizard of our time, and I was supposed to remain calm? So sorry, Harry, but I’ll be up all night in a cold sweat.

He Disapparated.

I stood out there for a moment, staring out at the street. There were many cars zooming past on the wet road and the heavens opened up. I looked at them. There were Muggles in those cars who had no idea what was going on. In my opinion, ignorance was bliss. They were ignorant of the danger that awaited them tonight, and I prayed that Harry and Ron would take care of themselves. Tears flowed freely down my face as I stared at the skyline.

“Don’t let him die, Harry,� I murmured, turning toward the ugly mannequin in the shop window. “Don’t let him die.�

“Hermione, what are you doing here?�

I appeared in the doorway of the Burrow. It was after work, and I had no other way to pass the time. “Hello, Hermione, dear, how have you been?� said Mrs. Weasley, rising to meet me.

“I’m fine, Mrs. Weasley,� I said, removing my cloak, and tossing it to the left. The coat rack caught it and hung it up. “I just came to see everybody.�

“It’s good you’re here, dear,� she said, smiling the same way I remembered that she had when we were children. Her hair was now streaked with gray, but she was the same woman who I remembered from when I was a girl.

“Hermione,� Ron looked bewildered. “I haven’t seen you in a long time.�

“Work’s kept me up a lot lately,� I sighed, pulling a chair up at the kitchen table. “I figured I’d say hello while I had the chance.�

We sat in silence for a while. Mrs. Weasley was bustling about, getting dinner cleaned up. I stood up to help her.

“Oh no, Hermione, sit down!� she said, gesturing toward the table. “You’ve been at work all day – it’s high time you had a rest.� I sat back down reluctantly and continued to sit in silence.

Eventually, Mrs. Weasley joined the remainder of the family in the sitting room in front of the fire, leaving Ron and me alone. Ron leaned forward, his blue eyes filled with concern. He rested his hand on mine and looked me in the eye.

“Hermione, what’s the real reason you’re here?� he asked, squeezing my hand. When I looked up, my eyes were brimming with tears. I could tell it had startled him, for a pink tinge was creeping up around his neck.

“Oh, Ron,� I said, my voice shaking. “Harry came to see me today at St. Mungo’s.�

Comprehension dawned on Ron’s face.

“Oh,� he said, removing his hand from mine and coming around the table to sit next to me. “He told you, then?� I nodded. “He wasn’t supposed to. We knew you would worry, and then you would want to come with us.�

“Why can’t I come with you, Ron?� I asked. “He doesn’t care if I’m fighting against him – he’ll kill me anyway!�

“That’s not it, Hermione,� he said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “This is dangerous, and I – we don’t want you to get hurt.�

I looked at him. I hated that honesty in his eyes – he really did care for my safety, and I wanted to hit him for it. Who cared about my safety? I was ready to die for him!

“Hermione, you can’t come,� he repeated. “I – we don’t want you to get hurt. You need to be here for everyone else.� Tears flowed freely down my cheeks. I had never thought that I would see the day when Ron Weasley would reject me. I knew he liked me a lot even though he knew I wasn’t ready to let him in my way. Still, I couldn’t bear to see him telling me to go home like a little girl. I wasn’t a little girl anymore. I was twenty-two years old! How dare he?

“Ron, just promise me this,� I said, my voice quivering again.

“Anything, Hermione.�

“Be careful, Ron,� I said, fighting tears. “Be careful.�

I left them soon after that. I couldn’t bear to be around him anymore. He was such a distraction that I feared I would break down completely if I let myself near him.

I sat alone in my apartment, furious. Ever since I had begun work at St. Mungo’s, I had lived just outside of London, so that I would be close to my place of work. In fact, I lived in Surrey, rather close to the Dursleys, much to their displeasure. To them, I am what a pure-blood wizard would consider a blood-traitor. To Mrs. Dursley, especially, I was just like her sister the traitor, the weirdo, so as you can imagine they never liked me much.

Today, I sat in that apartment in Surrey, staring at the ceiling. I was lying on my bed, watching the ceiling fan circulate air through the room. It was dark outside, and the only light in my house was a small candle which had burned down to a stub. The window was open. It was cold and raining outside, which was usual for spring in London. I usually only did this in summer, but I had begun to break out in hot sweats, so the night air was refreshing.

I had been tempted to handcuff myself to the bed and throw the key out the window. That would have worked when I didn’t know I was a witch, but I always had my wand within reach of me now. Harry and Ron were at the Death Eater Headquarters as I lay here at home. I hated to think about it. They were out there, risking their own lives to save mine, and I was lying here at home. I had to do something, I had to keep moving, but I couldn’t do anything except wait and hope. I needed to stay here. They had told me to do this for my own safety, but I would lose my sanity if I sat here any longer. No matter how many times I told myself it was for the best, my conscience wouldn’t let me sit with that.

They had told me not to enter into battle. I wanted to fight to save the ones I loved. I wanted to fight for my own freedom. Instead, the ones I loved were fighting for me, and I didn’t deserve freedom if I couldn’t earn it on my own.

There was a clock on my wall. Almost midnight. That’s when Harry had said they would be storming headquarters. I began to breathe quickly. I couldn’t take much more of this. Almost midnight. Thankfully, I had to work then.

I rose from my bed and got dressed. I couldn’t stay here any longer. I’d just be a bit early, and get distracted sooner. I Disapparated.

I Appeared in the front office, and a witch with a pair of pink horns gasped at my sudden arrival. I could always tell when they were Muggle-born like me – I had never gotten used to people appearing from thin air. I walked up to the office.

“Granger, you’re early,� said a man, glancing up from his roll call list. “I was afraid that you might not have come.� There was a twinkle in his eye that I had always hated. It was a spark more than a twinkle, and it unsettled me.

“I’m always here early, Redman,� I retorted. I had never liked the man. I may just have been warped by the times and death around me, but I was suspicious. He never sat right with me, and I suppose that he never will.

“Hermione,� a witch grabbed me by the arm. “Come on, we’ve got to get up to Spell Damage. The Longbottoms are due for a checkup.�

She led me up the stairs to the fourth floor. “So good to see you, Adrienne.�

She glared at me and continued to drag me up the stairs. We didn’t have Muggle devices like elevators or escalators in the hospital, nor were we allowed to apparate on night shifts. I was still shaky. I needed to get my mind on work, and off Ron.

I told myself that every day of my existence. I couldn’t afford to think about Ron. He was too much of a distraction, and distractions were the last thing I needed. Now with the war in its full-blown fury, it was the most important thing in the world to think about my work, and what I needed to do at that exact moment. Ron was irrelevant right now. Harry had promised – he would not let him die.

Despite her dark tendencies, Adrienne really was one of my better friends. She and I worked the night shift together. Those were the times when she made good friends – when she was focused. I needed to take a leaf out of her book and focus – or my head just might explode.

We entered the Longbottoms’ room. They were both asleep, but Mrs. Longbottom had begun to twitch. “I got this one, Adrienne,� I said softly. “Go on to the next. I’ll be there soon.�

Ever since Alice Longbottom had become sensitive to sound, it was very hard to get her to sleep at night. I had discovered the key, however, to keeping her calm. She liked it when I sang to her. I pulled a chair over beside her bed and began to sing softly, while rubbing her back.

It took me a while to find a song to sing for her. I finally decided to hum aimlessly. I had never had a spectacular voice anyway. Tonight, I couldn’t think of anything but Ron. He needed to stay safe, if I wanted to stay out of the ward that I controlled.

Often, after she was calm, I would talk to her. Tonight, I felt the need to tell somebody of my broken heart and of the dark cloud of worry that was hanging over me.

“They’re attacking them tonight, Alice,� I breathed, barely producing sound. “I don’t know what to think. Neville, your son. He’ll be with them. I don’t know if any of them will make it out alive. I don’t know what to do.�

She grunted and her arm swung around convulsively. I began to speak again.

“And Harry will there. Harry Potter? Do you remember him? He saw you once, a long time ago. And Ron Weasley. Molly and Arthur’s son. He’s fighting now, fighting for his life – and mine.�

Alice had finally calmed down. Her breathing was even and steady and I wished her sweet dreams. I knew they were always filled with terror, for she rarely fell asleep on her own. I hated to make her do it, so I brewed the potion of Dreamless Sleep for her whenever I had the chance.

Ron now haunted my own dreams. My waking dreams. I could always see him now, gaunt and faceless, lying dead in the Death Eater headquarters.

I quickly brushed tears out of my eyes as I walked back down to meet Adrienne. “Hey,� I said, jogging up to her. “Who else have you finished?�

“Gregory Norris is all right now,� she said, brushing her black hair out of her eyes. “C’mon, we’re supposed to go back down to emergency.�

We were climbing down the first flight of stairs, when our attention was direction elsewhere. Red lights began flashing. My heart stopped.

I knew what those meant. Those lights. They had been installed especially for the war times ahead, for the times when casualties from the battles were brought in. I couldn’t breathe. I was empty. All these people would be coming soon, dead or dying. Adrienne and I looked and each other and flew down the stairs to the emergency floor.

Upon arrival, I broke down. Tears were flowing down my face, and I didn’t have the strength to wipe them away. There were bodies, many bodies, mangled and disfigured and cold. A puddle must have been forming at my feet for the amount of water falling down my face. I searched the mass of people who lay dying before and found many that I knew.

In the distance, I saw a streak of red. Without thinking, I ran to the bedside. I thought of Harry. He had promised me he wouldn't let Ron die! I reached down for his wrist and felt his pulse. It was weak and dying, but there still. His eyes fluttered and looked at me. “Don’t let me die, Hermione,� he said frantically, his eye twitching. “Don’t let me die!�

“Don’t worry, Ron,� I said, my own eyes darting frantically around the room. There was death and destruction everywhere, and my own Ron was in the middle of it. “I promise. I won’t let you die.�

His head collapsed and he fell back onto his pillow. I checked his pulse again. It was still there, yet weak and dying. Tears were still pouring down my face, even though I had calmed down considerably. Ron was here. It would all be all right, if only he would live.

He was cold, but he was still alive. I found a blanket and covered him with it. There was a deep gash on his forehead, which was still bleeding. I dabbed at it with the blanket, trying to stem the flow of blood. I swept a lock of ginger hair off his forehead and kissed his forehead. It would all be all right. Oh, it had to be all right!

Suddenly, my career was thrown on the ground. My twelve O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s were thrown out the window. Nothing I had ever accomplished was relevant. Nothing mattered anymore, if only he would survive the night. Oh, Merlin. Merlin, please let him live!

“Granger!� I heard my name shouted from across the room. Tears still flowed freely down my face. I could hardly see, but I knew it was Adrienne. “Granger, get over here! You’ve got to help!�

Quickly, I bent down to kiss Ron on the forehead and brushed away the tears that were still clinging to my eyelashes. “I’m coming, Krapf!� I shouted. I called her by her last name during these times, mostly because it was easier to say. I couldn’t bear to leave Ron, but duty had called.

“Granger, assess them. We’ve got to get them help!� she shrieked frantically. “Merlin, they’ve got to stop attacking at night! We’ve got absolutely no one on staff!�

Witches and wizards were appearing every few feet. My heart was beating frantically, and I couldn’t think. Somehow, I began to move among the patients and talk to them, sending them off to the different medical teams. By the time I got to where Ron had been he was gone. I took several deep breaths and moved on. I did not have time to dwell on him. I had to help the others.

The next bed I hit was Neville’s. I rushed over to him and grasped his hand. It was still warm, but his heart was not beating. I began to cry again.

“Somebody take care of him immediately!� I screamed, sobs shaking my frame. “He’s dying!� As soon as I finished my sentence, Healers rushed over, bringing him back to life.

I took a moment to take in the death around me. It was a mistake. My head immediately began to spin, and everything went black.

When I awoke, I was lying in a dark room. I sat up and rubbed my eyes sleepily. Everything came flooding back.

“Oh, Ron,� I began to sob. “Where are you?� I began crying again, and it made my head hurt. My lips were dry and cracked, and my hands were shaking. My head began pounding out its well-beaten path of dehydration. Oh, I needed water.

I shuffled out into the hallway, blinking and clearing my head. The light hurt my eyes. Eventually, I found a familiar face.

“Granger, there you are,� said Adrienne, hugging me. “Are you all right?�

“I’m fine,� I said, blinking a few times. “I just need some water. Which rooms am I working?�

“You need to calm down, Hermione,� she said, leading me off toward the lounge. “We’ll get you some water. When you recover, we’ll assign you a ward.�

She led me upstairs and sat me down with a glass of water. When it hit my lips, my headache left me instantly. It trickled down my throat, clearing away the last of my distraction. It was then that I remembered Ron.

“Where is he?� I said, sitting up straight.

“What?� said Adrienne, furrowing her brow.

“Oh,� I said, blinking again. “Nothing. I’m all right.�

“You sure, Hermione? You look a little peaked to me.� I nodded. “All right,� she said, shrugging. “You’re supposed to be in the Herman Michske Ward in Spell Damage. You’re with the Longbottoms, as usual, and the Dai Llewellyn Ward in Serious Bites.�

I nodded, rising and going to my work. “Wait, Granger,� she said. “Make sure you visit Michske first – the victims are in there.�

Nodding again, I left the lounge.

I headed up the stairs, rubbing my head. Ron, Ron was here. My breathing came in sharp gasps. Had he lived? Was he all right?

I enjoyed working at St. Mungo’s. I had grown to love its white hallways and its clean smell. I had grown to love the patients that I cared for daily. All in all, I loved my job, and loved everything associated with it. But now, I could barely concentrate. I had to concentrate – other’s lives were riding on my presence of mind. They needed me. Ron would have to wait.

I reached the Herman Michske Ward within five minutes, and my head was still spinning. Ron was here. He would be all right, I told myself. Harry promised me.

A felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around. “Harry!� I gasped, surprised. “Are you all right? What happened?�

“We lost,� he said. “I was lucky to get out alive. Where’s Ron?�

“I don’t know,� I said, tears coming back to my eyes along with my headache. “I’ve been trying to find him, but I’ve got to find the patients in my ward.� I looked up at him. “Harry, I don’t even know if he’s alive. I couldn’t stay with him.�

“I promised you, Hermione,� he said, grasping my shoulder. “He won’t die.�

“I hope you’re right,� I said, pulling away from him.

I walked into the Michske Ward and the lights flickered on. Harry followed me cautiously, a few steps behind. I heard a moan from the opposite end of the room, and I jumped at the sound. That moan had sounded oddly like that of a certain familiar redhead.

Ron was lying in the bed at the other end of the room. His head was bandaged, his red hair poking out from under the white and bloody linen. I rushed over to his bed. I didn’t care what Harry thought of me at that moment. All that mattered was that I was here and so was Ron. I froze suddenly.

Ron’s life was suddenly in my hands. I felt so helpless. It was my job to care for him. There was a clipboard lying on the table beside him.

Healer Hermione Granger, it read. I swallowed and read on.

This is your ward. There are three patients for whom you are responsible. The first, Edgerton Yates, male, 27, is suffering from the aftereffects of the Cruciatus Curse. The second, Emmeline Vance, female, 54, has been Obliviated. The third, Ronald Weasley, male, 22, is suffering from the effects of a jumble of curses. He also has been bitten by the Dark Lord’s serpent, whose venom has an antidote from a previous bite.

They have all been stabilized, so you must tend to their bumps and bruises, as well as …

I couldn’t read any further. Tears blurred my vision. I couldn’t take it anymore. I looked at the clock. Thank heaven it was almost three. I couldn’t take much more of this.

Harry cleared his throat gruffly. “Poor man,� he said. “Take good care of him, Hermione. I’ve got to get back to headquarters.�

For the second time that day, he disappeared into thin air, and I was left alone with my thoughts.

These injuries were serious, I thought. They would make a career for me. From the day I entered Hogwarts, I knew that I wanted to be a Healer. Now, if I played my cards right, I could have a ward named after me. That would be wonderful – Mum and Dad would be so proud of me.

Oh, who was I kidding? I was just glad that Ron was safe. If he hadn’t survived the night, I would never have forgiven myself. Lifting the coma should be simple enough, and for now there was nothing that I could do but let him sleep. The others, as well, only needed a good night’s rest, for nothing heals as well as deep slumber. I went to a small cabinet and began to assemble ingredients for the potion of Dreamless Slumber.

Fifteen minutes later, it was finished. “Here, Mr. Yates,� I said softly, smiling at the nervous young man. “This will put you to sleep. There will be no dreams, I promise.�

When he smiled, the corner of his mouth twitched, but I knew that he was grateful. He took a sip of the potion and then drained the glass. A blissful smile fell onto his lips, and he was asleep.

A chime rang out through the hospital to announce the end of the midnight shift. “Thank Merlin,� I said. “I need some sleep.� I walked over to Ron’s bed quickly and touched his hand. It was warm and his pulse was strong now. I could breathe again. “Sleep well, Ron.� I bent down to kiss him on the forehead. “Dream of me.�

I took up the remainder of the potion and stepped into the green flames inside the fireplace. One last swirling glance of his face, and the hospital was gone. I stepped out into my apartment and collapsed onto my bed. I took up a ladle of the potion I had brewed and took a long draft. Immediately, I fell asleep.

The bonds of Love are more powerful than anything else. Even one of the most powerful potions in the world could not sever them, for I dreamed of Ron. Even though I undoubtedly loved him, I hated dreaming of him, for nothing made sense when I did. I wanted to maintain a successful career, and there was no room in that successful girl’s life for romance.

“Dream of me, Ron,� I murmured in my sleep. “Dream of me.�

Thinking back, there were times when I was not afraid of love. There had been a time when Ron knew that I loved him and that I didn’t have to pretend. These times were long gone, but I always remembered them. History repeats itself, and if we cannot learn from history, we can learn from nothing.

I looked out the window. It was early in the morning, and frost was painted on the circular window in the dormitory. The shades of pink and gold were just fading away and giving way to the light of the early morning, which was full blown and glorious. I could see my breath against the window panes, and outside, I could see Ron walking by the lake.

I turned from the window and back to my books. If I wanted the proper marks for my career as a Healer, I would have to study. There would be no foolery today, no matter what day of the week.

A rock hit my window. I stood up and peered out of it into the cold, where Ron was standing. He was laughing and beckoning for me to come out with him. I glanced around, but no one but him was near.

I opened the window and smiled down at him, chucking a balled up piece of parchment out the window. I closed the window and looked back at my pile of studying I had set out for myself. Healer training would have to wait – Ron was waiting for me in the here and now. I hurried around the room to and fro, gathering up my gloves, scarf, coat, and hat. I nearly rushed out of the room without any of them, for all of my hurry.

The common room was deserted when I reached it, save for a few lingering fuddy-duddies like myself. They, too, were hoping to get a head start in life, but I was young and able to love. I was here with Ron.

I strolled out onto the grounds, but Ron was nowhere to be seen. I turned my head back and forth until I had almost giving up hope of finding him. When suddenly, I felt a pair of hands come from behind and tickle me until I was out of breath.

I landed in a pile of leaves at the foot of a tree with Ron staring down at me. “Ronald Weasley, I am going to kill you!� I shouted, tackling him. He laughed and fell willingly with my body on top of him.

“Aha, the triumphant returns,� he said, smirking and rolling out from under me. “What were you doing up there?�

“Studying,� I replied. “I need to get ahead if I ever want to be a Healer.�

Ron rolled his eyes. “I shouldn’t have asked,� he said, throwing a leaf at me. “Studying isn’t everything, you know.�

I returned the favor with a gigantic handful of the leaves. He gasped mockingly and pushed me down in the leaves. I inhaled their smell and looked up at Ron, pretending to glare at him. I rose up, indignant, leaves stuck in my bushy hair.

“Ronald!� I said, frustrated, picking the bits of leaves out of my hair. “You –�

He got up and ran, and I chased him across the grounds, armed with a fistful of leaves. Finally, exhausted, we landed at the edge of the lake, breathless and warm. We sat for a moment, staring out at the lake, feeling each other’s presence. The light was reflecting off the water and casting brilliant light patterns over the castle and the Dark forest, and even we were granted with its light. A light breeze began to blow, swirling the colored leaves of the Whomping Willow over the entirety of the ground. It was so beautiful. I had always loved Hogwarts in the autumn, and now I was sharing it with my Ron.

I turned to him. “So studying isn’t everything, Ron?� I said, raising an eyebrow. “What is everything?�

“I don’t know,� he said, his ears reddening. “I just know there’s something more.�

“What’s life if we can’t succeed?� I asked. “If we don’t accomplish anything, what’s left for us?�

Ron’s face was red as the sunrise we were facing now. I swore at that moment that if I had touched his face, I would have burned my finger. “What is there?� I repeated, causing his face to go redder.

He swallowed, looking at me. “There’s family,� he said, looking up. “There are values, there’s happiness. There’s love.�

I looked at him. There was honesty in his eyes, and color in his face. I didn’t know what to think. Everything – all the barriers I had built up over the years all in that moment were broken down.

“There’s you, Hermione,� he said anxiously. “There’s you.�

I didn’t want to kiss him. I didn’t want to show the feelings I had swallowed since third year. I didn’t want to let him know how much I loved him. I didn’t want to hold him and for him to hold me. Success was what I wanted. Prestige, power in magical world. I wanted to achieve success, and there was no room for romance in the life that I wished to lead.

“Hermione, say something,� he said, reaching out for my hand. I pulled away, tears in my eyes. I didn’t want to say I loved him, but it was wrong to lie.

I blinked the tears away. What did greatness matter when I had love? What greatness could I achieve with him, the one I loved? The barriers crashed down I my head and my lips formed the words, “I love you, Ron.�

I leaned in gently and kissed him. I was lost to success; lost to greatness, lost to the woman I wanted to be. All I could think about was Ron and how much greatness he would bring to me. He was the one I would spend the rest of my life with – I knew it in my very heart of hearts. This was surely the meaning of love, and in that moment, that one second of bliss, I knew the power of love.

As we broke, I felt my heart break. I needed him to be near me, but I couldn’t be near him. He was a distraction, and I needed to achieve before I could love. My heart was tearing, but I could not let him know.

“Ron,� I breathed, as I felt his hand on my neck. “Ron, I can’t.�

His eyes filled with confusion. “Hermione,� he said. “We just … you just … I love you.�

“I know Ron, and believe me I don’t want to hurt you,� I said, knowing that I already had. “I have so much more to accomplish. Love doesn’t fit in my agenda.�

Before I could remember leaving his side, I was running away. I don’t know why I left him that day, but I did just the same. I left because I didn’t want to hurt him, but the pain inside me is screaming louder every day. I can’t take much more of this, and now that he is wounded...

I woke with a start. There was a loud crack inside my room and the lights flickered on. Harry appeared inside my room.

“Hermione,� he said seriously. “Come on. The Order needs you.�

Blindly, I rose from my bed and followed him down the stairs of my apartment. “Can’t we Apparate?�

Harry brought a finger to my lips. “No,� he said softly. “We’re being watched.�

We spent a few more moments in silence, running down the hallways. “Here’s the Portkey,� Harry said, grabbing my hand. “Ready? Three … two … one …�

I felt a jerk from behind my navel, and we were speeding off to some unknown destination.

We arrived in a windswept heap between two houses, number eleven and number thirteen. I looked around. I knew where I was. I had been here once before, many years ago …

“The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix can be found at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place,� Harry said quietly. Immediately, a large house came into view, and we hurried quickly inside.

“Don’t speak, Hermione,� he said, pulling me by my arm. “We need to act quickly.�

I wouldn’t have spoken anyway. I knew how much there had to be at stake for the Order to call me into action. It was a rarity for me to even see people like Professor Dumbledore anymore, as he was so often on some secret mission or another, and people like Harry were nothing short of forbidden to leave the house at some times. Nevertheless, Harry had come to see me the night before battle, and that comforted me.

Silently, we passed the portrait of Sirius’ mother. I knew it had to be killing Harry to be back in this house again after all that had happened, but I also knew that he had inherited it. It was the most convenient place to have a secret headquarters, so he would just have to put up with it. Nonetheless, my heart reached out to Harry in his misery.

As he was dragging me along, my legs got dangerously close to hitting the umbrella stand. I moved them out of the way, and thought I had gotten past them, when suddenly –

“Dammit!� shouted Harry, holding his leg. So much for a narrowly averted catastrophe. As you can imagine, the red curtains ripped open, revealing Sirius’ mother, who began to wail inconsolably and angrily. I could have kicked Harry for it, but I suppose it couldn’t be helped.

Mrs. Weasley immediately rushed out into the hallway, sending a jet of red light at the portrait. “That’ll shut her up,� she said, wrenching the curtains closed over the gaunt woman. “Hermione, it’s so good to see you … again.� She smiled and led me silently into the kitchen.

I was surprised by the mass of faces that greeted me. Minerva McGonagall was there, as well as Professor Snape. Ginny had her hair tied back and was staring down at a map of something. Fred and George, for the first time in their lives, were looking rather serious, and it was that which scared me the most. Harry glided in and took his place next to Ginny, while I sat down between Mrs. Weasley and Professor McGonagall.

“Hermione,� Mr. Weasley said from the head of the table, leaning forward so that everyone could hear. “When we attacked … V – Voldemort’s … headquarters, there were a lot of casualties. We …�

“Ron’s all right,� I said quickly, blushing. “I saw Neville, too, but I don’t know what happened to him.�

Mrs. Weasley broke down into tears. “Oh, Arthur,� she said, sobbing into her hands. “I was so afraid …�

“We all were, Molly,� he said consolingly, “but that is not why we called this meeting.�

A puzzled expression fixed itself to my face, and I stared at Mr. Weasley. He chuckled and said, “Hermione, listen. We knew. We did have inside contacts. We have them everywhere.�

“Oh,� I said, still less than informed. “Why am I here, then?�

“When we stormed … his … headquarters, we lost. But we found something.� He reached across the table and took the map that Ginny had been examining. “This is a map of St. Mungo’s,� he said, holding it up. “Evidently, they lured us into thinking that storming the headquarters would be an excellent idea. It worked, but they didn’t count on us finding their plans.� He held up the map. “This has plans for St. Mungo’s on it. They have a Death Eater stationed inside St. Mungo’s. An inside organization, of sorts.�

I blanched. Inside St. Mungo’s? Were they crazy? The wizard hospital was among the most magically secure building in England. How could the Death Eaters possibly penetrate it?

“Hermione, I know it seems ridiculous,� Ginny said, leaning forward, “but you’ve got to believe us.�

I looked around the table. Tonks was there, her violently purple hair nearly blinding me. Harry was looking down at his knees, trying to be invisible. I wished he wouldn’t. He had done that so much in the last few years that I hated to see him do it any more. He was fighting now for the lives of many – he had nothing of which be ashamed.

“Do – do you have a name?� I asked, surveying the table once more. They looked so honest.

“No, Hermione, we don’t,� Ginny said, pushing her hair out of her face. “We don’t even know if the person is there yet.�

“Whoever it is,� interjected Lupin, looking up for the first time from his end of the table, “he won’t be a widely known face or name. More than likely, he’ll be a nameless person – someone that you or I have never heard of. If he is there, he’ll have been there for a long time, and you would never know it.�

I began to rake through my memory, combing every last detail for a face, a name, anything that would suggest this sort of inside organization. I saw Adrienne, Deanna, Bertram, every face of person that I knew. Hannah, even, the most innocent person that I knew, came to mind. In my mind, everyone was a danger – a danger to Ron. I saw Redman, that man who always hated me …

“I know who it is!� I exclaimed, sitting up straight.

“Keep in mind, Hermione,� Lupin cautioned, causing me to slouch back down, “that it may not be the one who immediately comes to mind. The Dark Lord is subtle in actions, especially in those regarding secrecy. He has dealt in it for most of his life, so do not think him a fool to make the solution so obvious.�

“Hermione, please,� Mrs. Weasley begged. “Don’t try to be the hero. That won’t end up where you want it to. People’s lives are at stake. Whoever it is will be killing patients at St. Mungo’s and they will not leave a trace behind them. It is very unlikely that they will use an Unforgiveable, because those are so easy to identify. You can think through this logically, and that is why you are his perfect counterpart.�

I nodded, wringing my hands. Ron was in my ward. His life was in my hands, and now they were saying that there was someone inside the hospital walls trying to end his life? I could already hardly concentrate on what I needed to do, simply because of Ron’s presence in the ward! Now that he was in danger, and I was in danger, how much harder did they need to make it?

I was being tested.

“All right,� I said. “I knew this would happen. Ron’s all right. I’ve got to work in the morning – I’ll work it out from there. Good night.�

Outside Number Twelve, Harry and the Weasleys bid me goodbye. “Harry, good luck,� I said, smiling at him and Ginny. “Thank you.�

“Goodbye, Hermione, dear,� said Mrs. Weasley, hugging me and kissing me on the cheek. “Keep a sharp watch and be careful. Good luck.�

Luck. I felt that if magnified a thousand times, luck would not be enough to see me through this.

When I woke up the next morning, I had a terrible headache.

No, it wasn’t because I was dehydrated or because I hadn’t eaten enough – it was because the second I got home I began to bang my head on the windowsill repeatedly until I couldn’t remember why I was sitting there.

Yes, it was stupid, but I didn’t like dreaming about Ron. It was with that that I fell asleep, trying not to think about him. I’ll give myself a little credit, because I didn’t dream about him again.

I had taken such care not to fall in love with Ron, and now this had to happen. His life was in danger already, and now this? What of this mysterious stranger? Who was it that was trying to take my Ron’s life?

I didn’t have time to worry about it now. I had to be in to work at ten.

My alarm went off at eight o’clock and I rolled out of bed. The window was still wide open from the night before, so I closed it. Luckily, today was bright and sunny, but I felt as if one ray from the sun today might send me over the edge. Ron was in danger, I didn’t even know if Neville had lived through the night, and now there was somebody trying to penetrate St. Mungo’s. Brilliant.

Life, it seemed, was inconsiderate of my young worries and woes. As I opened the cupboard, I found that life was again demanding that I go shopping, which I have always despised. I was out of food – and nearly out of Floo Powder.

I went into London that morning, intending to go shopping, no matter how hard my head hurt. The sun was beating down on the back of my neck, and I hated it for doing so. The spring always reminded me of that other day, when Ron had told me …

Don’t think about that, I reminded myself for the tenth time that day. Don’t think about him. Focus. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t even focus on where I was going. It was useless.

As I walked around the bend, The Leaky Cauldron appeared in front of me. I was so focused on getting to it that I bumped into a young man, roughly my own age.

As I walked into him, a great mound of books cascaded from his arms and hit the pavement. I gasped. “I’m so sorry!� I said, bending over to help.

“It’s all right,� he said, blinking and looking up at me. “I was just taking these to sell today. No damage done.�

We managed to clean them all up rather quickly, and miraculously, they all ended back up in his arms. It was then that I looked at him closely. “Redman?� I said cautiously.

“Miss Granger,� he said, stooping low, despite his load of books. “Why might I find you in London today?�

“Nearly out of Floo Powder,� I said shortly, ignoring his façade of elegance. “And yourself?�

“Ah, sadly,� he said, “this I did not lie about. I’m working at Flourish and Blotts today.�

“Why?� I pried, sounding rather rude, I am sure. “You work the night shift at St. Mungo’s – with me.�

“They don’t know that, do they?� he said slyly. “After all, I do only work the night shift. Shall I accompany you, Miss Granger?�

I don’t know why I let him. Perhaps he was being kinder to me today than he usually was. Whatever the reason, there was a small voice at the back of my head telling me, do it. Just do it. Everything will be all right.

We entered the Leaky Cauldron and the bartender raised a hand in greeting. “This is where we part ways, I am afraid, Miss Granger. I shall see you at ten.� From there, he Disapparated.

Goodness, that man confused me. Not only had I never liked him before, but I had been so certain that he was the inside operative of the night before, that I would have told it to them then and there. Now, it was getting ridiculous. He was being gentlemanly, something I would never have expected from a man of his situation. I hated him for it, thoroughly.

I bought the Floo Powder and returned home quickly. I needed to get ready for work. With my mind set on work now, I got dressed and Disapparated.

Beckoning through the window, the ugly mannequin urged me on through the glass window pane. Although I showed up every morning and night, she was never satisfied. I always walked through. No matter how many times I did, however, the mannequin in the window always beckoned to me. I hated it.

Just in time for my shift, I materialized in the waiting room. Indignantly, I turned around to find a wizard grunting and poking at a gigantic purple pustule which seemed to have attached itself to his forehead. Furrowing my brow and clapping my hand over my mouth, I walked in the other direction. Somehow, after all these years I could never get used to the diversity of stupid things people managed to do to themselves.

While I was with the Longbottoms about ten minutes later, Hannah found me. Rather pale and shaky, I deduced immediately that someone had told her about the events of the night before.

“I had no idea,� she said, her eyes tearing up. “They told me when I came in this morning. They assigned me a room, and – oh, it was terrible. I can’t imagine how you put it all last night.�

Conveniently neglecting to mention that I had fainted, I said, “It comes with practice. You’ll get used to it eventually.� Hannah nodded, still unsure that she ever would. “Listen,� I said. “Could you look after them for a little while? I have to go check up in my ward. There’s a snake-bite in there, and I want to take a look at it. Would you mind?�

Hannah shook her head, and I smiled in thanks. Friends like her were rare, and I did not take them for granted. I dashed out of the room and quickly down the hall. My patients were waiting for me, and one of them was Ron.

I walked into the room, holding my breath. He was sleeping peacefully, it seemed, but then I remembered his coma. It would take many long hours to figure out how to lift it. Edgerton Yates was sleeping fitfully. I assumed that my potion had worn off. He would have to face his fears eventually, but now was the time for him to sleep. He needed to sleep the hurt and terror away. Facing his fears would come another day. I brewed the potion and woke him gently.

“Mr. Yates,� I called smoothly, letting my voice infiltrate his crooked dreams. “Here, take this. You will not dream.�

He looked at me with the same expression he had worn the night before – mistrust. I smiled. “My name is Hermione,� I said. “I’m here to take care of you.�

A crooked smile crept over his face and he took the potion gratefully. Immediately, his head fell back onto his pillows, and the clouds over his face lifted. I turned the woman next to him. She sat up straight in bed, her eyes wide. “Hello,� she said. She spoke like a child. Her eyes were round and innocent, like she had not fought in any battle, like she seen no hardships. For a moment, I envied her, wishing that I could, somehow, wipe away every bad and bitter memory from my past. Looking back, the bad and bitter were not always wicked. They were unforgettable.

“Ron,� I swallowed, my voice shaking, holding onto his hand for dear life, as we looked into the black oblivion ahead of us. “I’m scared.�

“Harry needs us,� he said, looking bravely at me. “It’ll be okay.�

“I’m scared,� I repeated, looking up at him.

We were in our seventh year, on the edge of battle. I knew he still loved me, and I still loved him, but I could not let him in my way.

“I don’t know what’s in there.�

“Neither do I,� he said calmly, and a shiver ran up my spine. He felt it and pulled me into his chest. I could smell the sweet fragrance of Weasley laundry, and I could hear the rapid beating of his heart. He was clinging to me, and I to him. He was my life, my breath, my everything. The world around us stopped and stared, but we were there together, never knowing that they did.

“Ron,� I said. “Don’t let me go.�

He released me from his grip. “I have to,� he said. “Harry needs us. Our lives don’t matter anymore. He’s the only one who needs to survive.�

Tears slipped silently down my cheeks. They were bitter, as they always were when I was terrified. They were bitter tears, and I couldn’t find the strength to push them away.

I didn’t need to find the strength. Ron bent down and kissed me on the cheek. Oh, how I wanted to catch his lips and taste them, but he only lingered there for a moment. With his thumb, he gently wiped away the tears from my face. I satisfied the longing I had by kissing his fingertips as he neared my face. I couldn’t stand what I was doing. I wanted him … I was leading him on. I couldn’t let him get in my way, yet I was the one who gave him hope.

I couldn’t go on like this. Not anymore.

I shook my head and broke from my reverie. Funny how in such evil times, I could have such a memory as that. A simple kiss, a few bitter tears, and a longing so strong that even ambition could not drive it away. I couldn’t go on like this. I couldn’t deny it anymore.

I loved Ronald Weasley.

Oh, but I had hurt him so badly. He knew nothing of the remorse I felt for having done so. He was my everything, and I had ripped needles through his heart. I brought him to love, and I tore him down, once he was willing to wear his heart on his sleeve. He was not the villain here – I was.

I turned my head and saw him lying there, sleeping peacefully. I was so glad to see him there, near to me once more. He would not die, not while I had anything to do with it. Sighing, I turned back to Emmeline and began the routine evaluation.

“Emmeline, I am Hermione. What is your name?� I asked, speaking slowly and articulately.

She stared blankly at me. Oh, this was going to be harder than I thought. At least she was happy for the present. She remembered nothing of the hardships she had been through. I would have to bring them back eventually, but for now she could lie in peace.

I turned back to the woman before me. “My name is Hermione,� I said, looking into her eyes. “You are Emmeline Vance, and you are fifty-four years old. Today is Tuesday. How are you feeling?�

Emmeline’s eyes uncrossed. “Hello,� she said vaguely. “Who are you?�

Patience, I reminded myself, is a virtue. “I am Hermione,� I repeated. “You are Emmeline Vance, and you are fifty-four years old …�

When I arrived home that evening, life was more than I could handle. I had spent all these years believing that I could forget about Ron if I tried hard enough. As it turned out, I could not forget him, no matter if the earth gave way and the sun ceased to shine. Ron would be my beacon of light in the darkness. He would be my pillar of hope throughout storm. He would be my stronghold, no matter how little I wanted him there.

I loved him, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

I arrived home at four o’clock. Exhausted, I collapsed onto my bed in the middle of the room. Right now, nothing in my medical training could relieve the hurt I felt in my chest. It was time for some serious chocolate therapy. True; I had learned in my medical training that chocolate did absolutely nothing for me, but I didn’t care at the moment. Ron was the most important thing in the world. For all I cared, the stupid medical training could die along with my hopes of a career.

I settled down on my bed with a chocolate frog or two, methodically shoving them, one by one, into my mouth. Ron was back in control of my life, and he wasn’t even conscious. It killed me to think that I could ever have hurt him so badly. All these years, he had swallowed his pain. He had swallowed what he always wanted to tell me. Man that he was, he had swallowed his bitter tears.

It was not my place to judge him: I could only sympathize. He was right in his own to swallow his feelings, for I had done the same many times before. What I did not realize was that I had done the same with him. On the same day as he, I had swallowed my feelings for him. I had ignored my heart and pushed down into my chest. When it beat, I stopped it. I did not want love, so I ignored it. I iced him. I tore him down.

As I shoved the wrappers into the rubbish bin, I dissolved onto my bed. Warm tears, salty tears, overwhelmed me. I was no longer Hermione the Healer, I was lost, broken, undone. As I lay there, sobbing into my pillow, I released these bitter tears. Finally, after all these years, I knew what I had to live for. I had someone to live for, someone to die for. Someone to fall into when the world grew dark.*

---

*from ‘Someone To Die For’ by Jimmy Gnecco.

**Fifty reviews! Fifty! That's like, two and a half times more than any other story that I've written! You guys are awesome! Thanks so much for reading!

Stirring, my eyes fluttered and I looked up at the ceiling. My face was sticky from the salty tears which had been cascading down my cheeks. My hair was bushy and untamed, more so than usual. Memories flooded back into my mind, and my eyes screwed up. I began to cry again. There was nothing for me save for Ron, and I had betrayed him.

Rolling over, I looked at the clock. My tears blurred my vision, so I couldn’t see the numbers properly at first. I couldn’t have seen them properly – If I had, I certainly wouldn’t have seen 10:25. It would have been ridiculous. I had never been late to work before. I must have been much, much earlier.

I blinked the tears away, to find what time is really was. Funny, the numbers weren’t changing – Oh no!

I was late. Lucky for me, I wasn’t hallucinating, which was just about the only good thing right now, apart from the fact that I hadn’t changed out of my work uniform. Quickly, I threw my hair back into a bun, grabbed my ID and Disapparated.

I was so distracted when I left home, that instead of the only point in which we were allowed to Apparate, I ended up in a broom closest. “Wonderful,� I whispered. There was always something about the dark that made me want to do so. In this case, it was very lucky that I did.

“Did you hear something?� a deep voice said. I could hear footsteps in my direction, and I squished against the wall.

“No, I don’t,� said a second voice, rather disconcerted by the sound of it. “Can we get a light in here? I don’t like the dark at all …�

“No,� said the first voice. “This is secrecy, and secrecy must always be practiced in the dark.�

“Well, then I don’t think I’m going to like secrecy at all,� said the voice, now sounding spoiled. “If we have to be in the dark all the time …�

“Shut up,� said the first voice. “We have little time.�

“All right,� said the second, “but we better hurry up.�

“That’s what I’m trying to do, you twit!� roared the first, losing his cool. “Now shut up, and let me talk.�

I remembered a few times during Harry’s Auror training he had come back from school just to be with his friends. It was in those times that he taught us stealth tips and concealment. Now that I had to use it, I couldn’t remember anything. I became the wall, praying that they wouldn’t see me.

A grunt pulled me out of my reverie. The first voice grunted and I suddenly became aware that he was talking. I could now tell that it was a man who had been speaking. “… Do not let yourself be seen. I’ll be waiting for you at midnight tomorrow. You had better be there on time, or I really will curse you into a thousand pieces.�

The second voice whimpered, a woman, I could now tell. “All right. I just don’t know about this …�

“You had better know about it by tomorrow night,� said the man. “And you had better be there, or we will go through every single one of the ways that I could kill you.�

I heard a gulp from the corner. Be the wall, I thought. Be the wall.

“Let’s go,� he said. “And remember … this never happened.�

The woman made a guttural noise, but said nothing. The man turned the door handle, as I scampered for a place of refuge. I closed my eyes, remembering one of Harry’s fundamental rules: Never look at the light.

The closet door closed behind them. Well, this was wonderful for me, for another of my fundamental rules was never to get locked in a closet. I waited a few minutes, just in case one of them was watching the entrance. I could, of course, have just witnessed an illegal trade or the exchange of illegal media. Nonetheless, the feeling in the pit of my stomach told me otherwise. Even if my other two choices had been just as bad, I had a feeling it was very much more. More than I could ever have wanted.

After five minutes of waiting in the dark, it felt safe to leave the broom closet. Now that I was more than half an hour late, it was refreshing to find myself in the light again. I stood, dazed in the light, trying not to blink. I didn’t want any passerby to think that I regularly spent my days and hours in the broom closet.

The man’s voice, I thought I knew. To be sure, I couldn’t identify him exactly, but I was biased. I didn’t Andrew Redman, nor was I about to admit that he had been civil to me in London that morning. Nevertheless, the voice had sounded like his.

For the woman’s voice, however, I was at a loss. I couldn’t have picked her out of a crowd of woman had she spoken there. Her voice was so stereotyped. It was thin, but not to thin. Quiet, but not to quiet. She sounded like a spoiled little girl, for that matter, and I had no idea what to make of it.

I had been so deep in thought that I hadn’t noticed where my feet were carrying me. Surprise of all surprises, I ended up at Ron’s bedside. I sat down next to him, looking at his pale face. Hesitantly, I raised my hand and ran it along his face, feeling his cheek, rough from days of not shaving. I ran my fingers through his soft red hair and toyed with the few stray hairs that covered his forehead. Oh, how I wished I could hold him. I supposed it was time to wake him.

Standing up, I pulled my wand out of my pocket. “Ennervate,� I said, sending the spell at him. His eyes fluttered, but that was all. Nothing. So he wasn’t stunned. Usually, I could make that spell work for anything. Some Death Eater must have put an ancient spell on him, which no one could break. Well, I thought, taking a few steps. Some Death Eater doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.

I racked my brain for the spell I would need. I had learned many ancient evil spells and their countercurses in Healer training, especially because of the times we were entering. At the time, I had never thought any of them to be necessary, but now I saw their worth. I was particularly glad, at that moment, that I remembered every spell ever taught to me.

“Cataclypso,� I said, trying the countercurse for an ancient spell, the first one that came to mind. It was a little-known spell that could send the one it hit into an irreversible sleep for a thousand years, where the correct countercurse was unknown. Ron didn’t move. It was time to move on.

A few more hours found me sitting in a chair beside his bed, murmuring to myself, a dusty volume sitting in my lap. I had perused its pages many a time, but I never thought that I would need it so often. It was one of my training textbooks. I had tried just about every curse I could find, but Ronald wasn’t waking. I was desperate. I didn’t know what to do to help him, and he was in here for a reason. I was the only one who could help him. Maybe they knew something that I didn’t.

I turned the page. It was full of runes and lettering systems that I hadn’t studied, and therefore did not understand. My eyes misted with tears. The whole operation seemed so hopeless. I had tried everything.

I scooted the chair closer to Ron’s bedside. I couldn’t see him properly from my vantage point, so I stood and sat on his bed. I took his hand in mine.

“I’m sorry, Ron,� I said. “I never deserved you. You were always out of my league. Then, when I found out you wanted me, I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. I played with you, Ron. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I suppose it was that which scared me the most. I played you for your heart. I never intended to hurt you.� I laughed. “Look at what I’ve done.�

The tears were now flowing freely. I swallowed them quickly and looked upon his face. “I don’t deserve anything from you. You gave me everything you had, and I put it on display. You loved me, and even though I loved you, I rejected you.�

I looked toward the door and down the hall, making sure no one was looking. “The truth is, Ronald Weasley. I love you. I know you love me, but you shouldn’t. I’ll only end up hurting you again.�

I touched his face. It was warm and soft. I wanted so badly to kiss those lips one more time and remember why I loved him so much. After all, he had been my first kiss and my only kiss, and I wanted him to be my last.

“Promise me, Ron,� I choked. “I never promised you anything, but promise me. Promise me you won’t hate me for what I’ve done.�

Ron’s eye twitched in his slumber. I didn’t know what to do for him. It seemed impossible to wake him from the deep slumber that had fallen upon him. “Ron,� I whispered. “I’ll bring you back. I promise.� I kissed his forehead, leaving a trail of kisses across his cheek and down his neck. “Don’t worry,� I said, sitting up. “I’ll look after you.�

After all, he was everything to me.

I returned to the lounge a quarter hour later, where Hannah was supposed to meet me. Instead, I was greeted by Andrew Redman, the last person I wanted to see. “You’re late, Granger,� he said simply. “It’s a lucky thing we can tell that you were in here only a half an hour late, or you’d be begging to keep your job.�

“I’m sorry,� I apologized quickly, brushing past him. His eyes flared up, but he seemed to remain his composure.

“It is in your best interest, Miss Granger, to show respect to those in authority over you.� He started to turn away, as did I, but he turned back quickly. “My sincerest apologies for this morning.� He took my hand coyly and kissed it, leaving me stunned.

Two seconds later, Hannah appeared behind me. “What was that about?� she asked incredulously, putting her hand on my shoulder.

“I don’t know,� I said vaguely, staring off into the distance. “He’s been acting very oddly lately. I’m not quite sure what to make of it.�

“Well, come on,� she said. “Want to come see my ward with me? You’re free for a bit.�

“All right,� I said. A thought struck me. “Who’s in your ward?�

“Let’s see …� she said, pondering my question. “Bernard Richardson, Freida Bennett, and …� – her voice trailed off – “… Neville Longbottom. Why?�

“Nothing,� I said, relieved. Neville was safe, which was the only good news of the day.

Well, Ron, I thought, pausing for a moment in Hannah’s wake. The truth is, I’ve loved you as long as I’ve known you. That’s the truth.

The next morning, I woke up early. It was five-thirty in the morning, which was especially early, even for me. I rolled unwillingly out of bed and shuffled over to my coffee pot.

Yes, I know what you’re all saying – the British don’t drink coffee! That’s too bad. I had developed a habit of drinking it on the days when I worked late and got up the next morning to do the day shift. Since then, I had become a caffeine addict. Right then, my body craved it. The never-ending, eternal, insufferable headache was coming on, and my fingers had begun to shake. Those were always my symptoms. I hated this addiction, but it kept me awake.

I sipped my coffee in silence. My eyes blinked slowly of their own accord, slowly clearing the mist that sleep had brought. I could hardly remember what had happened the previous morning, but luckily, I wouldn’t have to work again until midnight.

The word struck a chord with me. Midnight. There was something that I was supposed to remember about that.

I sat bolt upright. Of course! It was tonight at midnight that something terrible was supposed to happen. I couldn’t say what, exactly; the previous day’s conversation in the closet wasn’t enough to tell me that. This I knew, however – Ron was not safe while this information stayed locked within me.

I continued to sip my coffee, draining it down to the dregs. I would tell Adrienne, I discerned, but she wouldn’t be awake yet. She worked all the night shifts, and would have only gotten home a few hours ago. In the mean time, I drew a very hot bath.

I liked to take these on occasion, if only to sort out what I was thinking. Maybe not so much to sort everything out, but to wash everything away. If anyone needed help at the moment, it was me. I pulled the tap and sank into the foamy mass of water.

I loved him. I knew that. It should have been clear the moment I saw him. I couldn’t deny my feelings any longer – he was the one who supplied breath for me, and I could not live without him. But I would have to. I didn’t deserve him. I was the one who had originally betrayed him, and nothing could take that away, not even the cleansing streams of the bathtub. I was still sitting in my own filth, even if it made me feel clean.

I was filthy, dirty, unworthy. I couldn’t live up to any standard, and Ron was the least of my worries. I had left him there in the hospital, not thinking about his condition for any other reason than for my sanity. Then I wondered whether my sanity would be in question if it had been anyone else. Ron, I thought, sinking down into the bubbles. I remember.

My head disappeared beneath the water, and I was no longer in my apartment.

“Hermione the Healer,� he scoffed for the fortieth time that day. “Why not do something useful with your time?�

“It is useful, Ron,� I said indignantly, drawing my hand dramatically across my chest. “What about all those people who need the Healers? We are highly respected among the magical community.�

Ron rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever,� he said, feigning disinterest.

I laughed at him, and joy filled his eyes. Immediately, my heart sunk into my stomach. I hated when that happened. Every time it had, I felt a great remorse at what I had done. I had played him for a fool, and he knew no better.

It was several hours later when he finally approached me.

“I’m really proud of you, Hermione,� he said, his ears reddening a bit. “You did it.�

“Thanks,� I said, blushing, my heart sinking further. “I’m glad.�

We stood there for a moment, not looking at each other. He seemed to become quite friendly with his shoes for a moment, and I couldn’t take my eyes off the grass. When I finally glanced up at him, his eyes shone like an inextinguishable fire. He moved a step closer.

“Hermione,� he said, lifting his hand to my face. His hand seemed to burn me at the touch, but I couldn’t look away. His blue eyes were shining like the sea after a storm, and everything was perfect. I couldn’t imagine life apart from him.

He took his other hand under my chin and lifted it. I could feel my lips brushing gently against his. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. Truly, I thought, there was no life apart from this. And yet …

“Ron, no,� I said, pulling out of his grasp. Unnoticed by me, his hands had snaked their way around my waist. “Ron, I’m sorry.�

“Hermione, don’t do this to me again,� he said, his hands shaking. “I don’t think I can take it. I can’t live without you.�

“Ron,� I said gently. “You know what I want to do with my life. This is my graduation party. I need to know who I’m going to be.�

“Can’t I be a part of that?� he said, taking my hands in his. “It doesn’t matter. You can work and be successful – and you can be with me. This isn’t logical – nothing is logical without you, Hermione. I can’t think. I can’t breathe. You’re everything.�

I closed my eyes and freed my hands from him. I touched his cheek. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.� I walked away. That day, I had been wearing a white dress, but my heart was black, and there was nothing inside me.

My head broke the surface of the water, and I took in a deep breath. I had never heard of anyone crying underwater before, but I somehow managed it. The water’s calming effect hadn’t worked on me today. I rose from the bathtub and wrapped my bathrobe around myself.

A few hours later, I found myself at the door of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. I didn’t know why I was there, but I felt that I needed to be in the company of those that I loved, just to make the pain go away. When I was by myself, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t feel – everything was devoted to ignoring the unanswered questions about Ron that I had. He was my life, my very breath – he was the beating of my heart.

I opened the door and crept inside. It was very quiet in the hallway, as it always was, because of Mrs. Black. A chill crept up my spine. Something was not right.

I edged quietly in the kitchen to find it deserted. Fresh bread lay on the counter, and the stove was heated. I crossed the kitchen to turn off the burner, and then I looked around.

Harry was standing in the doorway. “Merlin, Harry,� I said, jumping. “You scared me to death.�

“Sorry,� he said, turning his head aside. “What’s wrong?�

I was silent for a moment. “No, Harry,� I said, moving toward him. “What’s wrong with you?�

He wouldn’t speak. No matter how hard I tried to get it out of him, he wouldn’t tell me. “There’s nothing wrong,� he kept saying, over and over again, aggravating me more and more every time he said.

“Harry, I know you!� I shouted, flailing my arms like a great idiot. “I know when there’s something wrong, so for Merlin’s sake just tell me!�

He looked at me, his eyebrows raised.

“Please?� I returned, batting my eyelashes flirtatiously. “Tell me?�

“We can’t find Ginny,� he said, lowering his tone. “We’ve looked everywhere.�

I couldn’t speak. My throat seemed to have dried up. Ginny, my best friend – disappeared?

“Where’s everywhere?� I finally managed to croak.

“The Ministry of Magic, Hogwarts, every room in this stinking house,� he said. “Nothing.�

I blinked. Ginny often went places without telling him, yet I had never seen him this worried. “Did you check St. Mungo’s?� I asked quickly, an idea popping into my head.

Harry’s brow furrowed, as if he was thinking hard. “Why would she go …� I glared at him, tapping my foot. “Oh!�

“Come on,� I said, taking him by his wrist. I Disapparated.

I materialized in the lobby a few seconds later. I only had to wait about thirty seconds before Harry showed up next to me with a pop.

“What took you so long?� I asked, walking upstairs with him. He shrugged at me, leaving me utterly confused. Luckily for him, we were upstairs in Ron’s ward before I could ask any questions.

Ginny was sitting beside her brother, crying. When Harry cleared his throat gruffly to announce our presence, Ginny looked back, her eyes bloodshot and puffy. “It’s okay, Gin,� said Harry, walking up beside her. “They’ll figure it out soon enough.� He looked at me as if to say, “Won’t they?�

I assumed a nervous position. I hadn’t wanted to be the one to relay this bit of information, but there was no one left to it. They had to know sometime. “Actually,� I said slowly. “We don’t know when he’ll wake up. This isn’t a magical sleep, it’s a coma. He’s undergone a serious bit of brain damage, and we are going to have to wait it out, just like the Muggles.�

Ginny looked at me, her brown eyes full of honesty, and began to cry again. I bowed my head. “Are you serious, Hermione?� Harry said, his voice cracking. “There’s nothing we can do?�

I began, “Well, it’s not as if his life is in danger. We just don’t know when he’ll wake up.� My throat began to hurt, and my eyes began to sting. My hands were shaking again, but not from a lack of caffeine. This time I felt horrible for not being able to do anything – as if it was somehow my fault that Ron was in this condition. I couldn’t do anything. I felt helpless, coupled with loneliness, and tear stung my own eyes. I brushed them away quickly and looked at the young couple.

Then it hit me – they were happy. It wasn’t that they both had something that the other wanted; it wasn’t that they were pressured to marry. They married because they loved each other, and in marriage they were happy.

That was what love was about. It wasn’t about giving up what you already had; it wasn’t about quitting and giving up. It was about your best interests and your partner’s, and the fact that they fell into perfect sync. Oh, if only I had figured that out sooner.

I moved over to Ginny. “He’ll be okay, Gin,� I promised. “I won’t let him die.� Ginny nodded, but I could tell that she was by no means consoled. Subdued, perhaps, but never consoled.

After about fifteen minutes, they left. I wasn’t on duty, nor were any of my friends, so I was free to visit as I liked. I sat beside Ron’s bed and talked to him about the days when we were young. I told him all about how I had loved him since the day I first laid eyes on him; I poured out everything. I spoke to him of things that I had only just realized – the value of love and of life. When I had nothing left to say, I went home.

Around ten o’clock that evening, I jumped and got ready for work. I would have to be there a little early in order to catch the inside operative at work. True; I would have to make up for being late the day before, so I had decided that eleven thirty would be the perfect time for my arrival.

I gathered my things about a minute before I had decided to be there and disappeared from my home. When I arrived a few minutes later in the lobby, it was the usual scene. Men and women with unusual disfigurements, children crying. It was unusual to see the lobby next to empty.

I checked in with Redman, who grunted at me. I hadn’t expected him to say much, because he hadn’t said a thing to me since the day before when I had been late. He shot me a shifty glance and looked back down at his work, while nodding by way of hello.

Adrienne came up behind me and grabbed my forearm. “Hermione,� she said, coming into stride with me. “You aren’t supposed to be here yet.� She looked worried, but I couldn’t say why.

“I know,� I said, grinning. “I was late yesterday, so I figured that I would come in early tonight …� My voice trailed off, as I remembered what I had said I would do that morning. “Krapf, I have something to tell you.� I stopped. Her eyes were biting through me. “Ade, are you all right?�

She nodded. “And don’t me that,� she said, glowering. “You know I hate it.�

“Sorry,� I said apologetically. “It’s just – that look was weird.�

“What are you talking about?� she said, taking a hair tie from her wrist and scooping up her dark hair. “Mione, are you sure you’re all right?�

“Yeah,� I said. “And speaking of hating nicknames …�

“Sorry.�

We went upstairs to do our rounds together. We went to the Longbottoms first, as I always had to. Alice was sleeping peacefully, and I left a piece of Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum on her nightstand. Frank had fallen asleep in his chair. I would just leave him there, I supposed. It was impossible to get him to move.

After a little while, I realized the time. Although it was nearly midnight, I hadn’t thought much about the midnight invasion which I should have been inspecting. “Krapf,� I said, turning suddenly to her. Her eyes flashed and she looked at me.

“What?�

“I forgot, I was supposed to tell you something.�

“Calm down, woman. Just sit down here, and tell me what it is.�

“No, there’s no time,� I pleaded. “We’ve got to walk. I’ll tell you on the way.�

I told her the whole story. “Do you honestly believe that?� she said, a familiar whine in her voice. She sounded like a schoolgirl complaining of too much homework. “Really, Hermione. Think. It could be a janitor, yelling at some subordinate for being late to work.� She grinned. “You’re no stranger to that, you know.�

“Shut up, Ade,� I said, causing her to roll her eyes. “It’s not that. I know it isn’t. There’s got to be more to it than that.� I looked at her. “Krapf,� I said, looking closer. “Your eyes. They’re different.�

“What are you talking about?� she asked, folding her arms. “Honestly, Granger. I think you may be losing your mind.�

“Oh, whatever.� I glared at her. “We’ve just got to wait here until the operative comes along. She’ll be here any second.�

“She?� Adrienne pleaded. “How do you know it’s a she?�

“It was a woman’s voice,� I said. “I know it was, and don’t try to convince me otherwise.�

“How did you get into this conversation anyway?� she scoffed. “Did two of the Dark Lord’s operatives just come and have this conversation right in front of you?�

“No,� I said. “I told you, I was distracted when I Apparated. I ended up in a broom closet and that’s where they were.�

“Oh, come on,� she said mockingly, folding her arms again. “Do you really think that just because you’re distracted you’re going to end up in the middle of the Dark Lord’s secret goings on?�

“Shut up, Krapf.� I folded my own arms. “It wasn’t like that. I know it was something very significant.�

“Whatever,� she said. “Look. It’s five past twelve. Where’s your operative now?�

I looked at the clock. She was right. The minute hand had ticked past the appointed time within the broom closet. After such death threats, the operative certainly would not have dared disobey Voldemort’s command.

“Maybe you’re right,� I shrugged. “Maybe it didn’t mean anything.�

“Exactly,� she said. “You’re overreacting, Hermione. I’m afraid you’re starting to lose it.�

I shook my head and smiled. “I’m not that crazy yet,� I said, shrugging again. “Love just makes you do crazy things.�

Whatever I told Adrienne, I still wasn’t sure about the insignificance of the conversation I had overheard. No matter how unlikely it was, a woman’s intuition rarely lies to her, and of all people, I was not going to be fooled. Nothing would keep this away from me.

“Oh, you and love again,� Adrienne sighed, rolling her eyes. “Come on, Hermione. Let it go.�

Let it go. There she was right. I should have let it go years and years ago. In fact, I had tried to do just that. I had failed miserably. I couldn’t live without Ronald Weasley, that was a fact.

Whoever Voldemort’s delegate had been, she hadn’t shown up tonight, and one could only wonder why. Perhaps it was that I was here. Maybe I had been dreaming, but I doubted it greatly.

Whatever it was, she had slipped out from under my thumb once again.

And another thing – Adrienne would never sit right with me again. She was acting weirdly, and I didn’t like that. She had changed, or something had changed her. I was determined to find out what it was.
___________________________________________________
*First, thank you to all of the seventy-two people who have reviewed! There are so many, and you all are very dear to me.

**Second, I am thinking of changing the name to "Someone To Die For." It's more approapriate to the story in general. Plus, I love that song. If any of you have any feedback on that name, by all means review and tell me. No, this does not necessarily mean that anyone will be dying. Calm down.

Mind you, if I don't get any feedback, I'm going to change it. So if you all really like the current title, please let me know.

A few weeks passed. I was still paranoid about the inside organization, but less so since Adrienne had willingly squashed my hopes of finding out who it was. In reality, the criminal sat right under my nose, but I was unwilling to believe that I knew such a person and interacted with him or her daily.

In the Weasley household, we were delighted to find that Bill and Fleur were expecting their first child. This was a cause for great celebration among the Weasleys, for this was their first grandchild of the clan. Personally, I was overjoyed, for small children always excited me. This was the first time I truly realized what I was missing by being out of touch with Ron. Family, friends, happiness. Ron was my source, and I had finally tapped into the love that was there.

I, however, had other problems on my hands. Work was getting increasingly more stressful, as more and more casualties flooded in. I was overwhelmed with my work, but somehow I managed to find time to think about Ron. It was a miracle. He was not clouding my mind; he was clearing it. I had only to look upon his face to find the strength to go on.

So this is love.

Yes; I knew that it was. Such a powerful thing I had never felt before in my life, and I was always singing. My heart was singing melodies never written, and my soul was soaring.

There was one problem.

Ron was still unconscious.

I hated to see him in that state, helpless and alone. I wanted him to wake up, to wake him up, and I felt helpless because all I could do to help him was make him comfortable. I wasn’t used to that sort of thing. For as long as I could remember, I had been the one to call when you couldn’t figure something out. Now in these days when I was helpless, I didn’t know what to do.

Around the hospital, no matter what kind of day I was having, I was still required to do my duties as usual. I was at home, getting ready to leave when something hit me. I still didn’t know who was endangering the life of my Ron.

I went to the Weasleys more often than I had ever expected. They loved my company, and always wanted new reports on Ron and Neville. When Neville was released, they shared in my joy, and they shared in my sorrow when things of less happy cause occurred. They became my second family, and they adored me as their own child. Now that Ginny was married, I became a second daughter to Mrs. Weasley. I spent many long afternoons and early evenings discussing the day’s events. There were even times when I would accompany her on the family’s shopping trips and keep her in good company.

All the while, however, Adrienne’s state was at the back of my mind. I had spoken to her many times since that night, but every time she was just as steadfast. She was a changed individual, and I could hardly see the girl that I once knew in her.

We still worked the night shifts together, she and I, but we never connected in the same way again. Before we had been friends – best of friends, but now we were merely co-workers, acquaintances. We had to be near each other – it wasn’t a happy thing. I began to feel lonely on the night shifts. Adrienne was near me, but she wasn’t my friend anymore.

Ever since I had begun working in St. Mungo’s, I had always worked within the Psychiatric Ward. I told Alice Longbottom most of my secrets, but now that Ron was there, I could tell him everything.

“Adrienne isn’t acting right,� I told him, smoothing his hair. “Ever since I told her about their plot to hurt you, she hasn’t been right. I don’t know what to do with her anymore.�

I slipped my hand into his and continued.

“I wish you were awake, Ron,� I said, squeezing his hand and running my thumb along his palm. “The things I would tell you!�

I kissed his cheek and proceeded onto the next bed, where Emmeline Vance sat, her eyes very round. “Emmeline,� I called, reaching out and taking her hand.

She looked at me and sat up. “Yes, Hermione?� she said, smiling. I looked with pity upon the five-year-old trapped in a fifty-four-year-old’s body.

“Emmeline, what day is it?� I asked quietly.

“Friday,� she answered, folding her hands. I smiled. At least she could now remember the days of the week.

I pulled at the shirt I was wearing. “Emmeline, do you remember what color this is?�

“Blue,� she answered promptly, pleased with herself. I smiled again.

“Very good.� I brushed her hair out of her face. “Tomorrow we’ll do this again, all right?�

“Yes,� she said eagerly. I left her and went to the next bed, where Mr. Yates lay.

“Edgerton?� I called, approaching his bed.

“Yes?� he croaked, sitting up. The man was nearly recovered, and I was so proud of his progress. He had developed a nervous twitch from his bout with the Cruciatus Curse, but other than that he was a healed man.

“Hello,� I said, sitting on the edge of his bed. “We may be able to send you home soon. Would you like that?�

“Yes, I would,� he said eagerly, sitting up straighter. Then he lowered his tone, “I should also like to meet Frank and Alice Longbottom.�

“Why?� I asked curiously. “Why do you want to meet them?�

“To see how lucky I’ve been,� he said gravely, stroking his beard. “They’ve had so much worse than I.�

I nodded in consent. “All right,� I said. “Tomorrow we’ll go to see them.�

He nodded and rolled over in his bed. Emmeline was almost fast asleep already, and neither was looking. My lips grazed Ron’s cheek, and I hurried from the room.

I arrived back in the Healer’s lounge a few minutes later, where Hannah was waiting for me. “Heading out?� she yawned, stretching her arms toward the ceiling and leaning back in her chair.

“Yep,� I replied. “It’s been a long day. People with no memory require more work than one could ever assume.�

“Indeed,� Hannah agreed, taking a sip of her tea. “There’s one in my ward. He’s impossible.�

“He replaced Neville, I assume?� I sighed, flopping down beside her.

“Yes, he did.� Hannah smiled. “Neville was a pleasure to work with, though.�

“He – what?� I asked, blinking at her. “You’re not –�

“I saw him yesterday,� she giggled, her eyes shining. “We’re going to an opera house this weekend.�

“Hannah!�

“What?� she said innocently, batting her eyelashes. “He asked me!�

“All right,� I sighed, incredulous. “The best to you, I suppose.� Hannah smiled. I stood up slowly and turned to face the door. “Merlin, I can’t remember anything anymore,� I murmured. I turned to Hannah. “I left my ID upstairs; I’ll be right back down.�

With a pop, I was gone.

I appeared in the doorway of the Michske Ward, and a strange sight met my eyes. “Krapf?� I commented, looking appraisingly at her. “What are you doing here? You don’t work the day shift.�

Adrienne rolled her eyes. “Just because I don’t work now, Granger,� she said snidely, pursing her lips, “doesn’t mean I can’t stop in with old friends.�

“You know Ron?� I asked immediately, not even stopping to consider any other possibilities. Such a change had been wrought in me since Ron’s arrival that even logic was excusable in these times. All that mattered was Ron’s safety. “How do you know him?�

“I don’t know him,� she said, turning away from him to face Emmeline. “I know this one. She’s my aunt.�

I stood there, flabbergasted. If Adrienne wasn’t here for evil purposes, then why was she still uptight?

“She won’t remember you,� I stated openly. “I’m the only one whose name she can remember – apart from her own.� I gave a weak smile, which Adrienne did not return.

“Yes, I know. I’ve been here for about a quarter hour. Thanks for clearing that up.� She sneered at me and headed for the door. “See you around.�

I furrowed my brow as I watched her back go. She shouldn’t have been here. I wasn’t about to call her on it, but I knew that it was four o’clock, and I had left the ward less than five minutes ago.

There was something very fishy going on. This was the beginning of the end.

I turned to Ron. “Oh, if only you knew what was really going on,� I sighed, bending down and kissing his forehead. “Everything would be so much easier.�

I appeared back down in the lounge and said goodbye to Hannah. As I was walking out, someone caught me by the elbow. When I turned around, I was face to face with Redman.

“Miss Granger,� he said, bowing low and kissing my hand, which I pulled away from him. He had remembered his façade, it seemed, and I wasn’t about to let him get away with it. I lowered my tone.

“Be careful, Redman,� I said, narrowing my eyes. “I know what you’re up to.�

A few seconds later, I was gone.



*Sorry, short ... ish shot! I wanted to finish it, and that was all I wanted to put in this chapter. Actually, it’s more of a filler with a crucial bit of information.

**For all you H/G shippers, I have story written called 'Breaking the Habit.' If you like the dramatic feel of this, I suggest you check it out. Thanks again!

I arrived back at my apartment, tired once again. I collapsed onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about what had happened. Adrienne did not work the day shift. When we were friends, she said that she rarely went out in the daytime. Why on earth, then, would she be visiting her aunt, who had no memory of her anyway, in the middle of the day?

I couldn’t explain it; the logic simply didn’t make sense. She and I were great friends, when suddenly she became a – a demon. I couldn’t put two and two together. We had been friends. I wished that I could make amends with her, even if I didn’t know what had gone wrong in the first place. Maybe a few hours of sleep would put my mind at rest.

I laid back and closed my eyes. How I wished it was winter, so that I could slowly watch the sun go down through my eyelids. That had always been a favorite activity of mine as a child … especially when I was lonely …

I awoke to a tapping on the window a few hours later. The clock read seven twenty-four, as I sat up in bed. There was a quite familiar tiny Scops owl ramming itself into my window. I smiled at the remembrance of Ron.

I rose and opened the window. “Luminesca minimo,� I murmured, as Pigwidgeon flew in circles around my head. Immediately, the lamp beside flickered on, and I was able to read the letter. It had been hastily scribbled on parchment paper. I could tell because of the blotted ink and the smudged letter. In short, it read:

Hermione,

I’m sorry for the short notice. I can’t believe we forgot to invite you!

Fleur’s shower is tomorrow. We would be coming up short if you were not there. You may not know many people, and I doubt that you know much French, so you may bring a few guests if you like.

Molly

I lifted my eyes and laughed. The Weasley were so dear to me! Beside the smudged letter was a hurried postscript –

P.S. - Neville has asked to bring your friend Hannah! What a cute couple they make!

I sighed. Mrs. Weasley was my favorite person in the world.

It was becoming dusky now, and the streets of London were emptying slowly. I smiled on them and thought of them fondly, as I had spent most of my youth here. Why, only a few blocks away was my father’s dental practice! I remembered walking on that corner, just there, with Timothy. He was my dearest childhood friend. I never spoke to him again after we left Hogwarts.

I sighed. I would be a shame if I never spoke to Adrienne again. I resolved that I would go see her at work tonight, even though I didn’t have to work until Monday, and I would invite her. Friend or foe, I wished we could make amends.

I smiled and sat down at my writing desk. “Maxima!� I flicked my wand and the rest of the lights in the room flickered on.

Dear Mrs. Weasley,

Of course I’ll come. Don’t mind the short notice. You know me – as long as it’s not during work, I’m up for it. That said, thank you for inviting me. I’m going to be bringing my friend Adrienne, I hope, and maybe one more, so make sure you set an extra place or two.

Lovingly,

Hermione

There, I thought. That should be good enough. I snatched Pigwidgeon, still hooting ceaselessly, out of the air and tied the note to his leg.

“You’re Ron’s owl,� I said to him, holding him down. “Make sure this gets to his mother.� I walked to the window and tossed Pigwidgeon out of it. He plummeted a few feet and sped, screeching, off into the night.

I looked up at the royal sky. It was a deep, velvety blue, dotted here and there with stars. Oh, how I loved these English nights – the ones when you could look up at see the deepest parts of the universe! I sighed and crawled into bed, overwhelmed by the beauty I could see in the sky around me.

“Nox,� I murmured, and the lights fell down around me.

I awoke the next morning to Crookshanks massaging my stomach. His yellow eyes glared down at me.

Feed me, he said, glowering down at me. I let you sleep, now it’s my turn.

“All right,� I mumbled, sitting up in bed. I staggered to the cabinet door and shook a bit of cat food into his dish. “I hope you’re happy,� I laughed at him, as he devoured his food gratefully.

I smiled at Crookshanks. Now that I looked around, I was glad he had woken me up. I had a baby shower to attend today, and I needed to get ready. I walked over to the window and swung it open, hanging my head out and it and looking down into the streets. People were bustling about below. It was Saturday morning, around eleven o’clock. The sun was shining brightly, heralding the coming of the summer. It was the first of May, I realized, smiling to myself. Maybe Hannah and I would go shopping.

I dressed, took and pinch of Floo Powder, and threw it into the fire.

“Shenandoah,� I said, stepping into the swirling green flames. I felt their heat rising up against my face. I clenched my fists tightly and prepared for a slightly unpleasant ride. Floo Powder had never been my preferred means of travel, I thought as my empty stomach churned. It was a good thing that I hadn’t yet had breakfast.

I stumbled out of Hannah’s fireplace a few seconds later. She looked up from the breakfast table, raising her eyebrows. “Warn me next time, Hermione,� she said, setting down her spoon. “What do you want?�

I regained my composure quickly and stood up straight. “I would like to apologize for the short notice,� I said, bowing cordially, “but I would also like to invite Miss Hannah Abbott to my friend’s baby shower this afternoon.�

Hannah laughed, her eyes lighting up. I dropped my formal tone. “Mrs. Weasley wanted me to bring a few friends, as most of the people there will be French.�

Hannah’s brow furrowed. “French?�

“Bill Weasley married Fleur Delacour,� I said. “From the Triwizard Tournament, do you remember?�

Comprehension dawned on Hannah’s face. “I think I remember. She was half-Veela, wasn’t she?�

“Yeah,� I said. “A quarter, I think.� I paused. “Anyway, would you come?�

Hannah laughed at me again. “Of course, dear,� she said, standing up. “What are we wearing?�

“A – about that,� I stammered. “I need to go shopping – badly.�

Hannah smiled. “Career overshadows all, no?� she remarked.

“Indeed.�

“Wait for me a minute.�

She disappeared back into her room and came back out dressed. “Let’s go. Where are we off to, then?�

“Diagon Alley,� I said. “I think I saw a shop with dresses in it there … long ago.� I lied. I didn’t think there was one at all, actually. I knew that there was one at the very end. I had found it many years ago and bought the dress I was wearing when I rejected Ron for the final time. I hated that store, but I would venture there once more out of respect for Mrs. Weasley.

“I’m glad you’re coming with me,� I said. “I couldn’t bear to be there alone.�

Hannah closed her eyes and smiled. “I would have been there anyway,� she said. “Neville’s been invited, and he asked to bring me along.�

Now it was my turn to look stupid. Excellent actress that she was, I should have expected it. Ever since that spring, I had been forgetful.

“Well, I’ll have to bring Adrienne then, I suppose, if I’m to look like I have any friends at all,� I laughed, my eyes shining. “Wait here a minute; I’ll be right back.�

She rolled her eyes at me. “Honestly, Hermione.� She folded her arms and shook her head. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were the most forgetful person I’d ever met.�

“Don’t worry, I am,� I said sarcastically, taking a handful of Floo Powder. I threw it into the fire. “Aisling Hollow,� I called clearly into the swirling green flames, and they accepted me as I stepped into them.

I whirled about painfully in the green flames for a few seconds, catching occasional glimpses of living rooms, but it was all a blur to me. Within the minute, I found myself on Adrienne’s hearth, coughing up ashes from the fire. I looked up and found Adrienne standing over me, glaring down at my visage.

“What do you want?� she snarled, reluctantly throwing down a hand to help me up. I took it gratefully and struggled to my feet.

“I wanted to invite you to a shower tonight.� I looked at her with contempt, but I fought for a smile. “You might remember Fleur Delacour from the Triwizard Tournament. She went to your school.�

“Of course,� she said bitterly. I knew that she hated Fleur as I once had, but I had long since realized that Ron loved me and not her. Oh, how I wished that I had not taken that for granted! “How could I forget?� she said, folding her arms.

“Yes, I know,� I said. “Anyway, I thought it might be nice if you came, considering you know her. It’s her baby shower.�

Adrienne raised her eyes from the floor and looked at me. “All right,� she said. “I’ll come.�

“Hannah and I are going shopping today,� I stated, hoping for a ray of friendship. None came. “Would you like to come?� I prompted, reaching out for some symbol that things were repaired between us.

“That’s all right,� she murmured, shrugging. At least she didn’t look ready to hit me. “I’ll be there.�

“Okay,� I said, moving slowly back toward the fire. “I’ll be going then.�

“Yeah,� Adrienne said, her eyes misting. I couldn’t say why, but it seemed as though she felt sorry for something. I brushed those thoughts off in the blink of an eye and and turned back toward the fire. “Shenandoah,� I repeated.

Hannah laughed at me as I stumbled out of the fireplace, coughing up soot. She extended a friendly had to help me up with shining eyes. “Hermione, I don’t understand you.� Her knees weakened with her peals of laughter and she sank onto the couch. “You can’t arrive at someone’s house uninvited by Apparition, but you can leave it.�

I sighed. Quite honestly, the thought had never occurred to me.

We arrived in front of the Leaky Cauldron a few seconds later. We walked toward it. “A bit gloomy, isn’t it?� Hannah remarked, looking up into the sky. Since the morning, the sky had become cast over with dark clouds. She said gloomy; I would have said ominous. The clouds cast a foreign shadow over my heart, and I felt the coming of some unknown detail – something I couldn’t stop or save. Something was going to happen, and it was too late for me to intervene.

Small rain drops began to fall and we started running toward the shop at the end of the Alley. Inside the shop, the rain began to fall harder and pound heavily on the roof. I was scared. I felt as if the rain was coming to get me, like a shadow of a past life. Whatever it was, I didn’t like it.

Hannah and I left the shop after an hour or so and decided to spend a few minutes to have a drink in the Leaky Cauldron. By now, it was raining so hard that I had to conjure a magical umbrella in order for us to walk safely down to the opposite end of Diagon Alley. A river now ran diagonally down the cobblestone street and there was a great rut where the water cut deeply into the mud. Hannah and I skipped over this, making sure that we kept our purchases out of the mud and dirt below us. When we finally reached the Leaky Cauldron, the charm on my umbrella had worn off, and we were cutting it so close to the time we had to be at the party that we both decided to go home.

“I invited Adrienne, by the way,� I remarked. “She said she’d come.�

“I thought she was mad at you?� Hannah questioned, obviously confused.

“I don’t know why we were angry in the first place,� I said. “We just were. At least everything’s patched up now.�

Hannah shook her head. “Not necessarily. She could cause you all kinds of trouble if you aren’t careful tonight. Be on the watch.�

With that, she Disapparated. I did the same. I got home, changed, and decided there was nothing I could do with my hair. My best hope was to sweep it up into some sort of bun while it was still wet, and hope for the best.

I arrived at the party a little late, but Neville and Hannah were already there. I ran over to them, best I could in the tiny heel that Hannah had forced me to wear. “Neville!� I said, giving him a hug.

“Hi, Hermione,� he said. I smiled at him. His pudgy boyish face was not so far gone as I had thought it would have been, and it was refreshing to him after all these years. “How have you been?�

“I’ve been fine,� I said, glad to have the company of an old friend. “And yourself?�

“Never better,� he said. I noticed he squeezed Hannah’s hand as he said this. I felt warm inside, but a pang of loneliness worked its way in eventually.

I could see Bill and Fleur sitting together, surrounded by a flock of friends and well-wishers. Bill looked tired. He had cut off his long hair recently, I could tell, and if I was not mistaken, a tiny bald patch had begun to appear at the back of his head, so like his father. I smiled. Mr. Weasley was like a father to me.

I said see-you-later to Neville and Hannah and walked toward Bill and Fleur. She looked absolutely exhausted, but she was still beautiful. She had always been beautiful. At one point, I hadn’t thought it fair, but then I realized that beauty was never everything. There was some boys standing in lonely corners, staring toward the mother-to-be, seemingly mesmerized.

“Fleur,� I said, “do you remember me?�

“’Ermione?� she said, through her thick French accent. “Is zat you?�

“Comment ca va?� I said, smiling and using the only bit of French I knew. Fleur smiled at my attempts at an accent.

“Tres bien,� she laughed. “Et toi?�

“Tres bien.�

Fleur hugged me. “It is so wonderful to see you again, ‘Ermione. I am glad you are ‘ere.�

“The same to you,� I said. “Congratulations.� I noticed how very much her English had improved. Bill’s tutoring must have done some good before they were married.

Fleur put a hand to her bloated belly. “Bill is very happy,� she said, glowing. “’E swears
‘e is ze luckiest man on ze earth.�

“I’m sure he is,� I said, making Fleur blush. I didn’t know her very well still, but I no longer had anything to hold against her, save that she was prettier than me.

As she turned to greet other people, I caught a glimpse of Adrienne out of the corner of my eye. I turned to get a better look, and I saw her kissing a man goodbye. He was tall with dark hair, and just as I was about to put him out of my mind, he bent and kissed her hand.

It was Redman.

I looked a bit closer. Yes, it was him, all right. There was no mistaking that walk, not for the world. Adrienne looked nice, but there was something about her not right. What it was, I wasn’t certain … yet.

She approached me and kissed me on both cheeks. “Hermione,� she said. I noticed how different her accent was from Fleur’s. I knew they had both gone to Beauxbatons, but Fleur had lived in France until she married Bill, and she had not seen the outside of it since the Triwizard Tournament. Adrienne, however, had moved to England when she was twelve, but her parents insisted that she continue going to Beauxbatons, because it was part of her heritage. She still spoke fluent French, but her accent was gone.

“How are you, Adrienne?� I asked courteously and carefully, trying not to break her.

“I’m fine,� she said shortly. “Where’s Fleur?�

“Over there.� I gestured toward the tight-knit group of people that surrounded the woman. “She hasn’t got much time to spend with anyone.�

“She’ll make it for me.�

Adrienne’s manner was very abrupt. I felt as though she was here for no other reason than to snub me, for snub me she did. I felt slighted, but her dress was beautiful. It hung just below her knees and it glittered. It was a deep shade of green, perhaps suggesting her house, had she been at Hogwarts. Her long black curls fell around her face and shoulders, and a thin mesh covered her arms.

What was this? On the upper of her arm, nearly on her shoulder, there was a tattoo. I had never seen it before. I edged closer to her so as to get a better look. When I figured out what it was, my blood ran cold.

On her upper arm, a skull had been tattooed – branded, it was possible. The human cranium had a serpent snaking in through its eyes and out of its mouth, and the mere sight of it was menacing. The eyes of the serpent flashed a bright red, and Adrienne fiddled with the mesh covering her arm.

Adrienne Krapf bore the Dark Mark.

Immediately, I began to sweat. It was hot in the house with so many people, but never before had it been this hot in my life. All this time, Adrienne had been the inside operative, and I had never once suspected her! How could I have been so blind? A wave of anger swept over me. She – she had been the one to hurt my Ron! Oh, I would kill her for it if it was the last thing I ever did! My common sense returned to me slowly and I realized of what I was accusing her, my dear friend. Treason against the human race.

Nonetheless, I needed no more proof. Adrienne bore the Dark Mark, and in those days that was enough to have one thrown in Azkaban for life. I had to tell somebody – immediately. I had no other choice.

Quickly I found Mrs. Weasley in the crowd. “I’m not feeling well,� I said softly, trying to stop looking terrified. “I’m – I’m going to go home.�

“Oh, dear,� said Mrs. Weasley, feeling my forehead as if I were her own child. “Go home and rest. Be better in the morning.�

I dared not Disapparate, lest I find myself amidst some unknown place. Yet this was the quickest way to get anywhere. Once again, Floo Powder was my only option. Oh, how cruel life is.

“Can I use the fireplace?� I asked timidly. “I don’t think I’m feeling up to Apparition.�

“Of course, dear,� said Mrs. Weasley. “What’s ours is yours.�

I staggered to the fireplace, on the verge of blacking out. This was amazing. My dear friend – a Death Eater! Of all the ways that this could have turned out, I was most stunned by this method. I swallowed hard and stepped into the fireplace.

I arrived in the lobby of St. Mungo’s after a few seconds. I rushed past people I barely knew, knocking down patients and staff alike. None of them were important right now – I needed to tell somebody. I made my way briskly up to the Dai Llewellyn Ward. If anyone else knew about it, she would be the only one who knew what to do. “Healer Llewellyn?� I called. A tall black woman arose from amongst large stacks of paper. She wore large glasses and had grey hair. I was swore she was twice the height of a normal human – she looked so intimidating in her long white coat.

“Hermione,� she said in her deep, rich voice. “Please, just Dai.�

I was too scared and out of breath to communicate anything comprehensible in reply to that. I simply nodded and waited for acknowledgement.

Something in my eyes must have told her I had something important to say. “Speak, child,� she said, her deep voice washing around me like honey. “What is it?�

“Healer – Dai,� I said, standing up straight. “Adrienne Krapf wears the Dark Mark.�

The woman was silent for a moment, absorbing this interesting bit of information. She walked around to the back of her desk and covering her face with her hands. “I never thought it would come to this …� she said quietly, sighing. “Are you certain? This is a very serious accusation, Miss Granger.�

I swallowed and a shiver ran up my spine. “I saw it there,� I said. “On her forearm. I saw it.�

Dai Llewellyn rose from her chair and stood before me. “Very well, Miss Granger. If you are certain that this is what you saw, then we cannot waste time. I will contact Albus Dumbledore immediately, and he will alert the Ministry of Magic.�

“Why the Ministry of Magic?� I queried, clueless. “Why must they know?�

“Hermione, this is something that everyone must know. It is one of the things that will stand out in the minds of those whose positions are uncertain and may cause them to take a side for better or for worse.� She took to pacing. “If Dumbledore can convince them, this will be in the Daily Prophet tomorrow, and our forces will be greater than theirs, we can only hope.�

I nodded. Things like this just did not come to me when I needed to think of them.

“As for Adrienne,� Llewellyn continued, resuming her pacing around the room, “she will need to be removed immediately. Tell me, where did you see her?�

“She was at a baby shower for my friend’s family,� I said right away. “I invited her. I had no idea until I saw the Mark on her arm.�

“We must act quickly,� she said, turning to look at me. “We have no time to waste. If any one of the Death Eaters find out, Adrienne will be removed and they will storm the Wizarding world. Now, go back to your home and try to get some rest.�

I blinked. “I want to help,� I said forwardly, staring at her. “This is my war as well.�

“The fewer that are involved in this,� she said, sighing heavily, “the better. Go. Do not waste your time here.�

I turned and walked from the room, my eyes burning. I didn’t know what to think anymore. Adrienne had been one of the few people in this world who I thought I could trust, and my trust was destroyed when I found out that she was under the thumb of the Dark Lord, our enemy.

I smiled briefly. I wondered how I could ever have lived without Ron. Even now when he could not share my sentiments, I referred to everything in the plural -- us together. Things like this made me happy in times of sorrow, and I was glad to know that Ron would love me no matter how much pressure was on me. I would visit him, I decided, before I had to stop in at work the next day.

As I turned the corner, I realized how Adrienne would hate me for what I had done. I had revealed her secret … as a Death Eater. I could not picture her in my mind as one of Voldemort’s followers … or perhaps I could. How could I have been so blind? Of course, that day in Ron’s ward she was not visiting her aunt – she was trying to find Ron and hurt him. Anger burned in my veins at the very thought. I couldn’t believe that a woman I had befriended for all these years would turn on me at the drop of hat – rather, an offer for power and prestige.

I was sad for her. She was just a child, so mislead and undone. Then again, I knew that she was a few years older than I, and that she had had a life harder than any woman I had ever known. When she was a child, her father had murdered her mother, and from that point on she had never been the same. She had never liked to talk about these things with anyone, and I didn’t feel right forcing her to throughout our friendship.

All that was gone. Now that she had turned against the Wizarding world, she was my sworn enemy, and it was my duty to treat her as such. I checked my watch. It was nearly seven. I felt lost and didn’t know where to go. Ginny always helped me when I felt like that.

“Hermione?� Ginny’s brown eyes looked worriedly at me. “Are you all right?�

“I’m fine,� I lied. “I need someone to talk to.�

“Harry’s not here,� she informed me, pulling the door wide. “Come in.�

I stepped over the threshold and immediately a sense of security washed over me. The couple that lived here was among my best friends, and I knew that neither one would judge me – for any reason.

“Hermione,� Ginny repeated. “I know there’s something wrong.�

I took a deep breath. “That girl Adrienne I brought to the shower today,� I said.

Ginny frowned. “Yes, I remember her,� she said brusquely, not looking me in the eye.

I smiled. “You didn’t like her?� Ginny shook her head. “I thought as much. With good reason, Ginny,� I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. Ginny looked up at me, confused.

“You invited her,� she said. “Shouldn’t you, at least, like her?�

“She wears the Dark Mark,� I said.

Ginny gasped. “No!� she said. “Don’t accuse her of that! I’ll deal with her if – Hermione that’s a serious accusation!�

I shook my head. “It’s true. I saw it on her arm. Adrienne wears the Dark Mark.�

Ginny sat in silence for a while, shaking. “There was a Death Eater in our midst,� she murmured, clearly unnerved. “Harry talks about them all the time. They’re everywhere.�

“They are,� I said. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know who to trust.�

Ginny wore a knowledgeable look. “You’re lonely.�

My throat began to hurt and my nose began to prickle, heralding the coming of tears. “Yes,� I whispered, barely getting the words out before I choked on my breath. “Oh, Ginny, he’s going to die! I know it!�

Ginny patted me on the back. “You need to be strong. He won’t die; you just have to wait.� She looked at me. “He loves you more than you know, Hermione. He really does.�

Heartened by her words, I looked up. “I know,� I said, brushing the tears away. “I hate waiting though.�

“You made him wait,� Ginny sighed. “It’s coming back to bite you, but he’ll be with you eventually. Look at Harry. He was blind once, as well.� I could see the laugh in her eyes.

“Gin, you’re the best,� I laughed shakily from the tears. “Thanks.�

“No problem.� She hugged me to make me feel better. The door opened, revealing Harry’s tall and lean frame. He smiled. “Hello, Hermione,� he said, pulling me and giving me a hug. “What brings you here?�

“Just trying to figure things out,� I said, knowing that he could see through me.

Harry wore a knowledgeable grin. “Women,� he muttered. “He’ll be all right.�

I glared at him and hit him, much reminiscent of the way I had tackled Ron all those years ago after we got our N.E.W.T. results. We were always together, and that was part of the reason we loved each other so. This was why I had befriended the two young ones. I had felt it in my bones that we were meant to be friends – I didn’t know how much they would mean to me in the end at the time, but they were dear, dear friends, and I would not have given them up for all the world.

I returned home to find Crookshanks sitting on my bed, his ears pricked. “Hello, Crookshanks,� I said, sitting beside him and stroking his ears. He narrowed his yellow eyes and purred with contentment. “Today’s been wild, that’s for sure.� I collapsed back onto my bed, tired from the day’s events.

The next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes to a bright spring sunshine flooding in through my open shutters. I rose slowly and threw them open further. Spring days delighted me. They reminded me of the many beautiful days I had spent on the Hogwarts grounds with my dear friends.

“Ronald, hurry up!� I whined at him, as he fell behind on the sloping Hogwarts lawn. We’re going to be late for Care of Magical Creatures!�

“Hagrid doesn’t care,� he said, kicking a dandelion that had popped up amongst the grass. Heaving my bag back up onto my shoulder, I grabbed his wrist and dragged him toward Hagrid’s cabin.

“Come on,� I said. “We’re going to be late.�

I could see his ears turning red at the very thought of me touching him, but I didn’t care. I liked him, true enough, as a friend, but I could not bring myself to love him. He was too much to me.

“Harry!� I cried, frustrated. “Make him move!� Ron had planted his feet firmly in the turf and, try as I might, I could not force him to move anywhere. Harry simply smiled and kept walking. I glared at him. He had been wearing that devilish smile he always wore when he was scheming --

I shook my head, clearing it of any and all memories. I had more important things to concentrate on than old times. I had my career ahead of me.

I dressed quickly and grabbed my ID. Heading out of my apartment, I looked wistfully back into it. I wished so much for a home I could safely call my own and a family. I rarely saw my own parents anymore, since I had become a legal witch. It wasn’t enough that I was successful – I needed people who loved me just as much as anyone else.

Once in the lounge, I found Hannah sitting on a chair reading The Quibbler. I rolled my eyes at her momentarily. She giggled when I did so. She knew that I thought her habit of doing so was stupid, and I knew that she did it just to annoy. It was a mutual understanding of annoyance. Just one of those things we did.

“Hi,� I said, swinging into the chair beside her and pulling a claw clip out of my bag. I quickly twisted my hair up and fastened the clip there, as Hannah set down her copy of The Quibbler.

“What’s wrong?� she said. “You look tired.�

I sighed, resigned to telling her the story. I told her everything, from Adrienne’s mysterious behavior to the meeting in the closet over a month ago. When I had finished with my tale, her eyes were full of tears. “Hermione,� she said, amazed. “I had no idea any of this was going on. If there’s anything I can do …� She choked and swallowed. “Oh, I just can’t believe this.�

“I can’t believe it either,� I added. “But we’re going to have to.�

Hannah nodded resignedly. I sighed and said, “Well, I better get going. Work’s waiting.�

Hannah rolled her eyes. “All right,� she said. “I better get going too.�

She went downstairs to her ward, and I went to mine. It just made me feel better to be able to walk alone and sort out my thoughts. I tried to weigh the good against the bad. I wouldn’t have to deal with Adrienne anymore, that was one good thing. Ron was safe as well; that was another. Of course, there were people watching my Ron, and Adrienne would be far from happy that I had gotten her fired. I swallowed the small lump in my throat. I would have to walk through this like everything else.

I saw Ron lying there, as I opened the door. The cut on his head had completely healed from the day he had arrived. It struck how long he had really been there now. It had been well over a month; perhaps two, I couldn’t properly tell. I had lost count. Information escaped me when he was around. It was then that I realized what he was to me.

He was everything. He was my life, my breath. He was everything. He was my very being. If I let him go, I wouldn’t have anything left. If I let him go, I would be lost. Lost and utterly hopeless. I could not survive without him. I touched his forehead and brushed away the fiery locks from his forehead. There were tears clinging to my eyelashes now, but not for the life of me could I remember how they had gotten there. Suddenly I was kissing his face, his forehead, his neck and anywhere that I could reach. Ron was my all, and I should live without him for one more second, my world would come crashing down upon me.

I sat there for a moment next to him, realizing what I had just done. Had anyone seen me, I could have been fired, no matter how much this man meant to me. I didn’t care. If that was the price for one kiss, it would be a small price to pay. Slowly, ever so slowly, ever so carefully, I lowered my head and kissed him softly on the lips.

It was as if a shock of electricity had bolted through me when I did it. Now I had realized what he was to me. Now I knew how much truly depended on this man’s survival.

Ron moaned in his sleep. Shocked, I looked down at him. His eyes were fluttering open. Slowly, he was realizing where he was.

“Mione,� he croaked, his voice raspy from disuse.

Immediately, tears began to pour down my face. In the next bed, Emmeline Vance sat up and clapped her hands together. I could see here sitting there, but I never gave her a second though. My mind was blown. “R – Ron?� I stammered, taking his hand tightly in mine.

“Mione,� he said. “You … I knew you wouldn’t …�

I put my finger to my lips. “Shh, Ron,� I said. “Oh … I can’t believe it. Finally.� I didn’t know what to do or say. After all these long months apart, he had come back.

Ron looked dazed. He sat up, looking at his surroundings. “Hermione, I don’t remember,� he said. “You’re …� he struggled with his tongue. “You’re all I remember.�

I pulled him close. “Ron, it’s going to be okay,� I said softly, rocking back and forth with him. “You can home soon. I’m so sorry.�

I could tell he had no idea what I was sorry about, but I felt the need to apologize for everything I had put him through in the last ten years. All those times he had poured it heart out and I had left him alone. Oh, how I wished I could take it all back! None of that mattered now … only that he was safe.

I lay him back down on the bed. “Sleep, Ron,� I said with difficulty, wishing that I could hold him forever. I knew it would be the best thing for him to sleep a true, natural sleep, but I didn’t want to let him go. Tears rising in my eyes, I walked over to the inter-hospital Floo Network and threw a pinch of powder into it. “Michske Ward,� I called into it, almost choking. “Healer Llewellyn to the Michske Ward.�

I began to cry as soon as the fire disconnected. Ron was sleeping a natural sleep, and I was so happy that he was finally all right. A few seconds later, the tall African woman was looming in the doorway.

“Ah, Miss Granger,� she said in her deep, mellow voice.

“He’s come around,� I said. “He’s just gone back to sleep. I thought that would be best for him.�

“Thank Merlin he’s all right,� she said, her rich voice floating in the room. “Terrible things could have happened to him.�

I nodded gravely. Healer Llewellyn spoke again. “You did a wise thing, Miss Granger, to let him sleep. Go home; you are excused from the remainder of the day. You’ve done quite enough work. Let him sleep, and he should be able to go home in a couple of days.�

“He doesn’t remember anything,� I mused. “He remembers my name, and that’s all.�

“He has heard others speak to you and about you during his sickness,� she replied. “Naturally, he knows your name.� I smiled. “He will, however, have to have a Healer take care of him at his home when he returns there.�

I nodded again. “Go home, Miss Granger. Come back tomorrow.� She smiled and me and left the room.

I sighed, giving my consent. She was right. He was awake, and all I could do now for him was to let him recuperate. One must wonder, though, why he woke up at that exact moment. Perhaps the power of love is stronger than I had imagined. Shrugging, looked back at him, kissed his cheek, and left the room, knowing that all was well.

On the horizon, however, there were uncertainties that I could never unfold. What would Adrienne do to me for getting her sacked? Who was the other operative? It seemed to me that the whole world was a mystery. But for now, I was content. Ron was back with me, and for now that was all that mattered.

“Hermione,� pleaded Mrs. Weasley, standing her ground in my kitchen. “We all want you to come! The poor boy can hardly take care of himself!�

I found it funny that the relationships I had forged with the Weasley family over the last few months had become so strong. They knew me during school, but they would never have invited me to come live with them until Ron could take care of himself properly. I didn’t want to be a financial burden on the family; on the other hand, I did not want to tell them my reasoning for not coming.

“Mrs. Weasley,� I reasoned, thinking quickly. “I don’t want to be a burden.�

“Nonsense,� she said, waving her hands wildly. “You would be nothing of the sort. You are one of the family, as far as we are concerned. Please, Hermione. I’d rather you be helping him than some stranger coming once a day.�

I looked discerningly at her. She seemed honest enough, and she had made a fair plea. “Besides,� she said softly. “You’re the only one he remembers.� Her eyes were quivering with tears. I couldn’t imagine how terrible it must be for a mother to have her own boy not recognize her. My heart melting, I relented.

“All right,� I said. “I’ll come over tomorrow.�

“Nonsense,� Mrs. Weasley repeated. “You’ll come over now.�

I blinked as she flicked her wand around my apartment, packing all my things and setting the place into order. I couldn’t believe it, but by the time she was done my apartment was spotless – probably in better condition than it had been before I moved in. “Thanks,� I murmured.

“Not at all,� Mrs. Weasley said briskly, smiling as she magicked my suitcases into the air. “Now come. He really needs your help.�

I followed her into the swirling green flames. She called out “The Burrow!� and we were whisked off to the place I loved so well. Glimpses of living rooms and happy families flashed past us, until we finally arrived in the Weasleys’ kitchen, staring around. I was surprised I had managed to keep my feet this time. I did not deal with being spun around and around and around inside green fire.

“Hermione!� I dropped my suitcase and hugged Ron back. “It’s so good to see you.� I almost began to cry again, I was so happy to see him. I knew he didn’t know who I was, but he remembered my name, and that was enough for me.

“It’s good to see you too, Ron,� I said. It had been about a week since he had woken up. Now he could walk on his own, but he didn’t remember anything, and he had trouble controlling his hands and speaking at times. Mrs. Weasley had made sure I knew everything that he couldn’t do before she let me speak that morning when she had come to my apartment. Technically, it was still mine, but I had a feeling that I wouldn’t be going back to it.

Ginny came from behind him, as Ron let go of me. Ron stalked off in the other direction, blind to the world except me. That was the way I felt about him; he was my dearest friend of all, and I was glad to be there for him. He was all I could think about at times – when I was lying at home at night, stroking Crookshanks blindly, just reminiscing. The simple things made me happy. Every smile, every touch. I was glad to be near him.

“Gin,� I said, embracing her. “How is he?�

“He’s a little detached,� she said, her voice shaky. “It’s weird to be around him. He just kind of … is.�

I swallowed and nodded my head.

“You light him up, Hermione,� said Ginny, shrugging. “You’re the only one he remembers.�

Tears were filling her brown eyes, and I swallowed. I knew this wasn’t my fault, but I couldn’t help feeling responsible. Ron knew no one but me. He was blind even to his own family. As I followed Ginny into the family, I caught sight of Harry sitting on the couch, looking vaguely in Ron’s direction.

“He hasn’t spoken much since Ron came home,� Ginny said, gesturing toward her husband. “I think he’s a little shocked. He’s never seen Ron like this. Well …� She paused. “Not since the incident with the brains in the Department of Mysteries. I don’t think he thought he would ever have to see his best mate like that again.�

I looked at Ron, sitting there in the corner. He was whistling through his teeth, because he couldn’t control his lips well enough to whistle the normal way. His hands were in his lap, and there was a blank look in his eyes. His eyes traveled around the room and rested on me. If only for a moment, I caught a glimpse of my dear and darling Ron in his eyes – the way he was supposed to be. If only I could keep him that way forever …

Harry touched my arm. I looked over at him from my position on the couch. There was fear in his eyes. Such fear I had not seen from him in what seemed a lifetime. “Harry,� I said. “He’ll be all right. I’ll bring him back.�

He nodded, seemingly satisfied, but I knew he would not sleep well that night. There was something in him that was attached to his best friend, and I knew that everyone there would have greater reason to rest their heads at night if he knew them.

“We better get going, Harry,� said Ginny, pulling him to his feet. Harry cleared his throat and nodded.

“Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Weasley,� he said formally.

“Oh, come now, Harry dear. You married my daughter; the least you can do is call me ‘Mum,’� sighed Mrs. Weasley, crossing the kitchen and taking Harry’s cloak from the rack. “You’re one of the family now.�

Harry smiled, comforted by finally having a family after all those years. I often wondered whether he kept in touch with the Dursleys anymore. Even if they had treated him badly, they were still his family. With me, blood ties were very strong, and miraculous as it would seem, I would have kept in touch with them. I couldn’t blame him for it – They had been horrible to him.

Harry and Ginny reached the door together. “Thanks, Mom,� Ginny called over her back. She turned to me. “I’m trusting you, Hermione.�

With that, she left the Burrow. I felt a great lump rising in my throat, and I almost choked. I caught myself. This was my fault; I knew it. I didn’t care what the world would tell me – I had somehow caused this.

“How can I help you, Mrs. Weasley?� I asked, reaching for an apron which was hanging over the back of the chair. She turned to me and sighed.

“Help me with the potatoes, if you wouldn’t mind, dear,� she said, turning back to the skillet and tossing the peppers a few times. “Always remember,� she said, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye, “that the best food is not made with magic, but with hard work and effort.� She smiled, glanced at her son sitting quietly in the next room, and tossed the peppers once more. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I saw a tear glistening in her eye. But when I thought about it, years later, I couldn’t be so sure that it wasn’t forming in my own.

“Dinner!� I called timidly into the next room, only to find it empty save for Ron. He came running like an obedient puppy, and I almost had an emotional breakdown just watching him. It was as if he remembered nothing at all. Yes, you’d say; he remembers you. He only remembers my face – nothing of meaning. It’s as if he remembers me, but not why he remembers. It was almost looking at a photograph I thought I had seen before, but I wasn’t quite sure. Ron looked empty.

“You’ve got to say it louder, dear,� she said, looking up at me. “Arthur’s hearing is terrible.� She grabbed two soapy frying pans from the sink and clanged them together. “Supper!�

Even I, who had been expecting it, jumped when the two pans clanged together like a resounding gong. This was the Weasley home, and I was so glad to be treated as a part of it.

“Mmm … excellent, Molly,� said Mr. Weasley, laying down his fork and wiping her mouth with his napkin.

“Hermione made the most of it,� she said absently, getting up and bustling around the table to collect plates and cups. “I only made the mushrooms.�

“Well, the mushrooms were delicious, then,� he said, winking at me. “Thank you, Hermione.�

I blushed, glad to be treated as one of their own. The Weasleys were already like family to me, so I was blessed to be considered a part of this happy establishment. I rose to help Mrs. Weasley clear, but she motioned for me to sit down.

“I want to help,� I reasoned, but she refused to let me clear.

“Go help Ron,� she said, vigorously scrubbing a dishpan. “That’s why you’re here.�

Reluctantly, I climbed the stairs. I knew that she was right: That was why I was here, but I could still help. I had been in Ron’s room many times before, but I was used to Ginny’s, since I had spent so many nights there. As I fumbled with the doorknob and the door swung open, I stifled a laugh.

Ron’s room had not changed one iota since I was there. The walls were still orange, the bedspread was still the same, the Chudley Cannons poster was still plastered to the walls. The only thing that was different was how clean it was. The bed was made, the floor was vacuumed. I had never taken the time to think what Ron living in the room would do to it, and I suppose Mrs. Weasley had tidied it up a bit since Ron moved out.

Ron himself lay sprawled on the bed. I knew that position. That’s what he did when he was thinking. I remembered the many times I had seen him assume that position while pondering some particularly difficult potion or some complex spell. Usually when he did this, he would sit up, scratch his head, and ask me for the answer. This time, he just lay there contemplatively. I didn’t want to disturb him, for I feared that I would lose this rare sight. Ron thinking for himself.

I walked over to him and sat on the edge of his bed. Even if the room was a blinding shade of orange, it was refreshing not to see him lay amongst white sheets. I hated the idea of that hospital now, with all its patients. I could feel what I change Ron had wrought in me, and I loved him more and more every day.

His eyes fluttered open and he looked at me. “Hermione,� he said, clearly perplexed. “I can’t remember …� He closed his eyes again. “Do you know?� Here was clearly a mind that couldn’t read itself.

“No, Ron, I don’t,� I said soothingly, brushing his hair away from the place that I remembered with all the blood and white bone. I had been so scared that night, but we had lived through it – we both had. I smiled to myself. “I don’t know, but you do. You’ll remember soon enough.�

“If you say so,� he yawned. Evidently, his accident had turned me into an absolute truth as well. I could get used to this.

I bent and kissed his forehead. “All in time, Ron,� I promised, slipping my hand into his. He squeezed it instinctively. “All in time.�

He was sleeping. I couldn’t see anything but him, I loved him so much. When I was near him, everything felt so – so – right. Like now, my hand in his. Surely, this was the way it was supposed to be, I could feel it. I was no Seer, that was for sure, but I could feel him in my future.

“We’re meant to be together, I know it, Hermione,� he said, putting his hand tenderly on my shoulder. “I can feel it.�

I looked at him incredulously, not believing what I had just heard.

“Nothing is certain, Ron,� I said, pulling away. “You can’t know that.�

“I know this,� he said, his eyes blazing. “This is certain. I know I will be with you.�

Oh, I had done everything in my power to prove him wrong. I had made sure that I would be proven right in the end. I was an absolute truth in my opinion. I couldn’t be wrong. My life nearly depended upon it. Oh, but how wrong I was.

“All in time,� he murmured quietly, as he was drifting off to sleep. I smiled, running my fingers over his face, feeling the stubble that had grown there since his father had helped him shave after he got home. I longed to caress the soft skin beneath it and hold him close to myself.

That too, I thought to myself, will come in time.

I paused at the door, swinging it wide before me. “Never forget I love you, Ronald Weasley,� I said shakily, my throat hurting from tears of happiness. “Never forget that.�

I closed the door behind me. Ron stirred in his sleep, unmaking the rigid bedcovers. I could feel him in my heart. He was everything to me, and I could not let him go.

Those next few days in the Weasley home were some of my most treasured moments. Every second I spent with Ron was blissful, yet heart-wrenching. I could tell that although he remembered me, he was an empty frame. He didn’t know who I was or how he knew me – simply that I existed. I was a name, and nothing else.

Still, this was the first time I had had true family in a very long time. This was a family where I would not be judged because I was different. Those years had home had been spent with my parents talking about their work in dentistry, and me about Wizarding school. To be fair, they couldn’t quite understand the immense heaviness on my heart about such topics as Voldemort and the safety of the Wizarding world, of which they were not a part. All the same, those summers as home had been painfully awkward, and I would not relive them if given the chance.

I suppose it all went to show me how much a part of the Wizarding community I had become. I was no longer the bushy-haired girl with buck teeth and a special need to constantly be right. I was now a witch, highly respected among a community of my own kind. I had been accepted into the most prestigious of medical schools, and I had begun my career as a Healer.

Now I knew what had been missing in my love. I had been an ambitious woman, with high thoughts of power, prestige, and fame. Never had I given a thought to the one who loved me, that one that if I looked deep enough, I would find I had loved all along. I had never had enough reason to give him a second glance – not until I lost him.

Now I had him back, and I was determined that no matter what might come at us in the raging storm that was War, I would not let him go. The second he could hear me, I would tell him I loved him. I would tell him how much I truly cared.

The time had now come for me to carry out that promise to myself. I owed it to him. He had stood by so many years, waiting for me to come to my senses, praying that one day I would realize that I needed him. I was now living in the same house as he was, by invitation of his family. Now was the time for me to fulfill my promise to the man I loved so well.

But what if he doesn’t remember? I asked myself over and over. What if he’s given up long ago? I found excuse after excuse, and soon I had given up all hope of ever telling him. Love was enough.

“Hermione?� A timid knock came on my door. I sat up straight and smoothed out my shirt.

“Come in,� I said hurriedly, standing up. “Ginny!�

Sure enough, Ginny Weasley came into the room. I expected to see Harry following behind her, but he wasn’t there. “Gin,� I said. “What’s up?�

“I need to talk to you,� she said. “Ever since you came here, you’ve withdrawn.�

It was true; since I had come here, my life had been less centered on the workplace. I could usually be found there – putting in extra hours, visiting friends, wandering around looking for something to do (and occasionally working) – but ever since Ron had been taken out of the hospital, I found little reason to be there. I still worked the day shift four times a week, and the night shift twice, but I did not stay there past that.

“I guess so,� I said pensively. “What do you need to talk about?�

Ginny sat on the edge of what had once been her bed. “Hermione,� she said, looking me in the eye. “When are you going to tell him?�

“Tell him what?� I asked, avoiding her eyes.

“Tell him you love him,� said Ginny, not fooled by my elusiveness. “You do … I can see it.�

“What’s the point in that?� I asked. “He doesn’t know who I am anyway.�

“You’re the only one he remembers!� Ginny said, her eyes filling with tears. “Hermione, you don’t know what most of us would do to be in your position! Mum goes around the house all day with her son in it. He doesn’t even know who she is, Hermione. She wants to comfort him, but to him she’s a stranger. If you ever want to tell him, tell him now.�

I sat there for a moment, taking it all in. What Ginny said made sense, but I knew better than that. I looked at her solemnly.

“I’m not sure I’m ready,� I said, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. “I mean, I’ve thought about it.� I paused. “But telling him I love him is so much harder than I thought it would be.�

Ginny stared. I knew she didn’t mean to be rude, but she had never known such confusion. I continued heavily.

“I’ve never told someone that I love him,� I said. “It’s a lot for me, and I don’t know if I’m ready to give it all up for him.� Tears were forming in my eyes. Even if I was going to ignore all feelings for him, no man had ever made me this emotional. Not ever.

Comprehension dawned on Ginny’s face. “Hermione,� she said. “Just do it. You’ll regret it if you don’t.� She glanced quickly over her shoulder. “Look at Harry. He would never have woken up if I hadn’t done something.�

I swallowed, in my heart knowing that she was right. Ginny was always right. She was daring, outgoing, and totally calm around men. People always said that after marrying one lost all shyness or negativity toward the opposite sex, but Ginny had never had problems around men to begin with. I, however, was not so lucky.

“Ginny, you don’t understand,� I said, looking down at my hands. “I know I’ll regret it, but I can’t just throw everything I’ve worked for away.�

Ginny scooted a little bit closer. “Hermione,� she said, “you already know that he won’t be in your way. He loves you; he really does. He’s told me so countless times, and I’m sure that if he knew who I was, he would tell me again. He loves you, Hermione. Don’t take that for granted. You’ll end up hurt.�

I sat there for a moment, wondering. I knew that she was right, but I couldn’t open up my heart again. “I’m broken, Gin,� I said. “I don’t know what to do.�

“Go,� she said, standing up. “He needs you now more than ever.�

She left me alone in the room. I knew he was waiting for me, staring at his ceiling, waiting for me to go and talk to him. I was the only one he would talk to nowadays, and I felt the same way about him. He was everything.

Resolutely I stood. I would tell him, whether he understood me. My walls had fallen down long ago, the ones I had built so carefully. He was my everything; my all. I needed him. If only I could get this off my chest, I would feel better. This would be my last resort. Ginny had said that he needed me – I needed him! Now more than ever.

I was ready. I knew it in my heart. Thinking back, from the second I saw him on the train – that little boy with dirt on his nose – that we were meant to be, and somehow, someway, he would be mine. I had loved him with a fire all those years, until I learned to suppress my unreturned affections. I knew now that I loved him. I knew now that my career, my health, my life didn’t matter – not unless I had him.

I opened the door to find him on his bed. He was sitting there, staring at the gigantic toad in the aquarium on his bedside table. I smiled as I saw it had developed a few new eyes since I had last seen. My attention was not focused on that, though, as soon as I saw Ron.

His eyes were looking clearer. “Hermione,� he said, pushing his fingers through his hair so that it stood on end. “Do you remember?�

“I do remember, Ron,� I said, coming to sit beside him. “You loved me once.�

“I did,� he said tonelessly. Thinking he was only agreeing with me, I continued.

“You kissed me once,� I said. “Do you remember the time we were down by the lake?� I asked tentatively.

“Which time?� he asked. “I remember the lake.�

Time was short. I had to get him to remember now, or he would never know. “It was in the first days of spring,� I said, picturing it clearly in my mind. “You were holding my hand, and we could smell the white blossoms on the Whomping Willow.�

“The Whomping Willow,� Ron repeated. I was very close to breaking through. I scooted closer and squeezed his hand, trying to help him remember the feeling.

“You told me you loved me,� I said, trying to avoid getting lost in his eyes. “You said you’d never leave me.�

I waited. Nothing happened. Maybe he wasn’t going to remember … ever. But something in his eyes kept me going. “You said that you would die if I left you,� I said. “And I left you. I’m sorry.�

Something behind his eyes clicked. “I forgive you,� he said. “I forgave you long ago. There was more to your life than me.�

He was remembering! There had to be more to life than this!

“Then after all these years, we’ve come together again,� I whispered, my breathing growing shallow. “And you showed me that I love you.�

His eyes widened in astonishment, and then he blinked.

“Where am I?� he said, rubbing them. “The last thing I remember we were going into battle …�

“You lost that battle,� I informed him, tears welling up in my eyes. “You were hurt and you came to St. Mungo’s with me. It’s autumn now. You went into battle in the spring. You’ve been awake for three weeks now, but you haven’t known anyone until just now.�

“Hermione,� he said, looking at me. “You didn’t let me die.� He pulled me into a familiar bear hug and we swayed back and forth. “Thank you.�

I couldn’t control myself. I began to sob, tears pouring from my eyes. He was back. Ron was back. My Ron was back, and he remembered! “Go,� I sobbed. “Your mother will be wanting to have you back.�

I stood and watched him go all the way downstairs by himself. He didn’t need any help, and he hadn’t gotten lost on the way. I heard Mrs. Weasley’s squeals of delight downstairs as she called her husband. I was left leaning in the doorway of Ron’s bedroom, hiccoughing silently.

I had been left slightly disappointed. All that time, energy, and emotion for nothing. He remembered me, but he did not remember my confession of my undying love for him. For the first time in my life, I was no longer in control of our relationship, which sharpened my appreciation for the hurt I had put him through. I knew there was no reason to cry anymore, but something told me I had great reason to. I knew the great hurt of love, and I needed him.

I followed him blindly down the stairs, where I was greeted by a flock of happy Weasleys. I smiled reluctantly.

“What’s the matter, dear?� Mrs. Weasley asked, stopping her attack on her son. “You look very tired.

Ron pulled away from his father for a moment. “Are you all right, Hermione?� he asked. I opened my mouth to speak, but Mrs. Weasley cut me off.

“She stayed here and took care of you, Ron,� she said, taking his arm. Ron looked down at me with real concern in his eyes for the first time in months, and it nearly broke me.

Ron cleared his throat gruffly. “Thank you,� is what he said, but the glimmer in his eyes told me he wanted to see me later. He longed to talk with me. Lucky for me, I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to him. It was too much too soon, and I wasn’t sure what to say to a Ron that remembered who I was. “I guess your healer training came to good use after all.� He smiled weakly. As his parents flocked back around him, a look came into his eyes that said very clearly, “I love you.�

A happy bubble rose inside me. I remembered the old days when he was mine. I needed him greatly, I couldn’t live without him. I needed him now more than ever.
___________________________________________________
*A/N- Thanks, you guys! You've all been so patient while I'm being a butt and not updating. You get the idea. Anyway, the one-shot I wrote the better to concentrate is up. It's called "Regret." Check it out. I'm rather proud of it.

Meeting him turned out to be more of an ordeal than I could ever have imagined. For one thing, in all my weeks at the Weasley household I had learned one thing. Mrs. Weasley was an extraordinarily light sleeper, and her motherly instincts were honed so well that she always knew when something in the house wasn’t quite right. I could only hope that if I became a mother someday my instincts would never be like hers, and maybe I could give my own children some sort of privacy, but I knew it was not to be.

I was already a very light sleeper. I knew how to move so as not to wake anyone else, but still I could not help my heart racing in my chest from the combined anxiety of meeting the newly restored Ron and Mrs. Weasley’s watching stare, as I crept past the master bedroom. In all honesty, I was ambivalent in deciding if what I was doing was right. I had teased him all these years. I wasn’t even sure if he had meant what I thought he meant.

Still, something in me urged me on. I didn’t want to let go, and I was so close. As I slid out of the screen door, I saw his tall form silhouetted again the fence. The warm night air fluttered my hair, and goosebumps rose on my arms. I realized then that I was still wearing my pajamas. I almost laughed in spite of myself. A fine way to reacquaint oneself, I thought, smiling.

“Good of you to come,� Ron said, pushing his hands deeper into his pockets. “I was worried.� In the faint moonlight, I could see frown lines deepening in his forehead. I longed to trace them with my finger, I loved him so.

“No need,� I said quickly. “I was afraid I’d wake your mother.�

“Ah.� I knew if I had been able to see his face more clearly, he would have been bright red. It had been a long time since he had done something so bold as this. I wouldn’t ruin his attempts tonight. An awkward silence fell between us, like some sort of muffling blanket. Neither one of us seemed to want to speak. The night air was warm, and each was pondering what to say.

He was the one who finally spoke. Clearing his throat gruffly, he said, “I meant to thank you earlier. You kept your promise.�

“I couldn’t let you die, Ron,� I said, drawing nearer to him. “You know how much you mean to me.� A space of about two feet stood between us.

“Well, thank you,� he said.

“And you kept your promise as well,� I said quickly, babbling to fill the silence. I felt like an idiot. “You were careful.�

“Yes, I was,� he said, shoving his hands deeper and deeper into his pockets. His eyes were shimmering in the darkness. I was drawing nearer.

“I never found out what happened that night,� I said softly, tipping my head to one side. “Everyone was so confused. I hardly had the time to ask Harry before he left.�

Ron sighed and took his hands out of his pockets. Looking up, he flopped onto his back in the grass behind his house. Looking up at me, he patted the ground beside him. Following suit, I took up a position beside him and prayed that I wouldn’t be overcome. Ron made a deep guttural sound and pointed up to the sky.

“See that?� he said, nodding and glancing at me.

“What?� I said, oblivious. I saw a dark night dotted with thousands of stars.

“The brightest one,� he said slowly, taking my hand. Taking my finger, he pointed with me up to the heavens, showing me what he wanted me to see. “That star is Sirius, the dog star.�

“Sirius died,� I said, not thinking. I could see the star, all right. It was right above us, and it seemed as though all the light being shed on us came from that single source. It was a beautiful night. The air was warm and the moon was full. I could feel him beside me; I could see his chest rising and falling as he breathed. Oh, how I wished to lie my head on his shoulder and be comforted!

“No, the star,� he said, almost laughing at me. “The brightest star in the sky. That’s what he was named after. His parents, he said, meant it as an oxymoron of sorts. That, or he would overcome the light. They never expected what he became.�

Silence coated the night. Ron sighed and stretched his hands behind his head, readjusting himself on the ground. He ended up a little closer to me than before, making my breath catch in my chest. “It was just like this before we went into the headquarters,� he said, taking great care to form his words. “I remember looking up into the sky and seeing the Dog Star. It was just as bright as it is now that night. I looked up and I remembered how dangerous what we were about to do was. Sirius died fighting the Dark Lord.�

“I wish he was here,� I said, sighing lightly and moving a bit closer to Ron. I wished he would stop playing and tell me what he came here to tell me. I couldn’t bear to be apart from him longer than I had to.

“We all do,� he said gently. “He was a great person.� A sigh of sadness escaped him, or at least that’s what I took it as. Perhaps he meant it as a sigh of remembrance or exhaustion. I may never know. As he continued, I could see the Dog Star in his eyes. “It was dark and we approached the mountain carefully. His servants were everywhere. At any moment, one of us could have been picked off, and no one would know.�

I shivered. Work for the Order was scarier than it sounded. Then I realized how much he had given to keep me out of trouble that time. I could tell be the sound of his voice: War had changed him. Oh, Ron, I thought. How I could love you!

“We stormed the mountain,� he said. “We were driven out almost instantly, but that wasn’t enough for them. Those of us who survived were forced to run like hell to avoid their spells flying at us from behind. I was running and seeing people fall around me. War isn’t pretty, Hermione.�

“I know,� I squeaked, almost inaudibly, goose bumps rising on my arms when he said my name.

“They surrounded us.� His voice was filled with terror. “There was no one to hear our cries for help. I looked up just as they were closing in and saw the Dog Star. It meant something different that time. Then it had meant hope; now it meant certain doom. I remember thinking that I was going to die, just like Sirius.�

Tears were coming into my eyes and my faced worked furiously to keep them away. I couldn’t bear to let him see me cry. But cry I did. I cried for him and those who were lost. I cried for the life that they might have had.

Ron sat up a little and looked at me. “That’s when I was hit. So many of the people in that circle died that day, and I was almost among them, Hermione. I can hardly believe I wasn’t there to fall at their sides. They gave their lives for freedom, and I was handed the coward’s way out.�

“You’re not a coward,� I said. “What you did was brave, at whatever price. You kept me out of danger as well,� I added as an afterthought.

“Yes,� he said, turning a little. I could see the moon reflected in his eyes and tears were shining there. He wasn’t going to cry in front of me, I knew it.

“Ron,� I said. “What does it say to you now? The Dog Star, I mean.�

“It says memory,� he answered, without hesitation. “It tells me that I fell behind. It reminds me of what I’ve lost.�

I stifled a whimper. I couldn’t bear to see him like this.

“Hope,� I whispered. “Hope for tomorrow. I’m so glad you made it back. I have you back.�

“You never loved me,� he said, his mind jumping into sync with mine. “It was always Harry, I thought. The hero.� He sighed. “I’m no hero.�

“You are,� I said. “We’re older now, and I understand.�

Ron smirked. “You see that star up there?� he said, pointing back at Sirius again. “That’s the star that was over us every time you rejected me. Every time you told me that I wasn’t good enough.�

“No, Ron,� I said softly, putting my hand on his. “No. You mean so much to me.� I had been stung by that last remark. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you.�

“It’s not as easy as that,� he said, moving his hand. “It’s not what I’ll have, but what I’ll have to lose. I can’t lose you, so I can’t have you. Hermione, you don’t know what you want yet, and until then, we can’t be together.� He smiled and ran his hands through his hair incredulously. “To think,� he said, more to himself than me. “I had intended to tell you everything tonight, but I’m ending it instead.� He looked at me. “Funny, isn’t it?�

My throat began to hurt from all my attempts to stop crying. I let the tears flow freely down my face. I couldn’t believe it. I knew I deserved it, but it still hurt. I knew it was true. All those times I had rejected him – how could I think that a simple apology could make him forgive me?

“I’m sorry, Ron,� I squeaked, unable to keep control of myself. “I didn’t understand.�

He looked appraisingly at me. “Neither did I.�

The moon was still shining bright over us, and the Dog Star was still gleaming in its place. The fireflies were glowing around us, hanging in midair like little beacons of light and hope. I could feel no light. I could feel no hope. All I could feel was emptiness, the absence of love. I knew he loved me as much as I loved him, but he was older. He understood. Warm tears quickly turned cold as they found their way down my neck.

“I won’t try to kiss you this time,� he said, turning away. “That wouldn’t be fair.� He turned and walked back into the house as sobs began to shake my body. I rolled over into the grass and cried until a grey rim crept up on the horizon and the birds had begun to sing in the trees. The house would be up soon, and I had a feeling I was moving out today.

A twittering had started in the row of pine trees behind the house. A rustling in the bushes told me that the garden gnomes as well had begun their day. It was indeed time for me to make an entrance in the Weasley household, even if it did mean seeing Ron again.

I managed to make my way quietly up the stairs. Not one creaked. The house seemed to have taken on the same feeling as I had. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, nor did I want to see them. I needed time to myself more than anything else at that moment, and I would demand peace.

I felt as if nothing could lift my mood. Ron had been everything to me, and I didn’t know what I would do if I couldn’t be with him. I had apologized, but he continued to be mad at me. It wasn’t like him. War had changed him – either physically or mentally – I couldn’t decide. Something about him was different, and I couldn’t seem to figure out what.

I lay in bed, listening to the house. The roof creaked silently as the house settled around me, and birds twittered in the trees. I fought against the tears that threatened to plague me once more and bit down hard on my comforter. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to get out of this house – this house that reminded me of everything I had lost. I had to leave.

Quickly, I packed my things, throwing all my belongings haphazardly into my suitcase. I fought off tears for the last time, and resolved to go. I made my way down the stairs. When I saw Ron downstairs, I couldn’t look him in the eye. It was unbearable. He was everything I had lost, everything I had left behind.

He didn’t want to look at me either, it seemed. He was jumpy all morning through breakfast, and didn’t move when I announced that I should be going.

“But Hermione,� Mrs. Weasley protested, bewildered, “can’t you stay a bit longer? We don’t mind at all.�

But I did. If I spent another moment around Ron, I would explode. Mrs. Weasley tried to send him along with me, but I declined. I hated to tell her I no longer wanted to stay at her house, but I couldn’t speak about her son without tearing.

And so, broken and undone, I returned home. Arrangements had been made, and Hannah had agreed to let me live with her until I could get my own place back. For the moment at the very least, it looked as if Ron and I were never meant to be.

A/N- Okay guys, I know I kind of left this chapter hanging as well, but I wanted to get it up quickly, and not waste time. I hated what happened with the last chapter, so I’m going to put this one up now. Check out my other fics, including my newest one called “The Love Potion.� *gasp!* It’s not under Romance fics, it’s under Humor! I know, it’s amazing. Anyway, check it out and tell me what you think. Thanks!

“Hermione, you’ve got to eat something.�

I knew it was Hannah, knocking at my door, telling me to come out of my room. I knew she was genuinely concerned for my mental and physical health. I knew, as a Healer, that I should be thoroughly appalled at the state in which I was currently living. The truth of it was, however, that I just didn’t care.

For the past week, I had hardly left my room. I was now living in Hannah’s house until I could find a situation of my own, but I hadn’t taken any steps toward doing so. Hannah didn’t mind; she loved having me around. I scarcely left my room except to go to work and scrounge through the cupboards to find mood foods through which I could work my way, while fighting back my tears. I had locked my door. Hannah would come every hour or so, trying to get me to unlock it and let her talk to me, but deep down she knew I wasn’t ready to talk, and when I was ready I would unlock my door.

Ron had stripped me of my last shreds of sanity. He had worked his way down into my mind, making me believe that if I loved him, he would love me as well. Without question, he loved me, but that fact that he could just walk away from something he wanted so badly puzzled me. It wasn’t like him to do that.

Could war have changed him that much? Could this be some newly acquired trait as a result of the death and pain that he had seen?

No, that couldn’t be it.

All this boiled over in my mind as I lay there, day after day. It was not until St. Mungo’s asked me to testify against Adrienne that I came out of my room.

“Hermione?� Hannah called, timidly knocking on the door. “Hermione, open the door.�

“Leave me alone.� I hated to be so curt with her, but she just had to understand how I was feeling at the moment.

“Hermione,� she said, more firmly now, knocking again. “St. Mungo’s wants you to testify.�

At this I opened my eyes.

“They need testimony for Adrienne’s arrest,� she continued, knowing that a spark was forming in my mind, “and you’re the only one who can give it.�

I sat up quickly, eyeing the door suspiciously. She knew very well that I didn’t want to come out yet. I sat for a moment, turning the situation over and over in my mind. Hannah wasn’t a generally deceptive person, nor did I think that she would use things important or touchy to lure me out of my state of utter misery. Cautiously, I stood up and walked to the door.

Once outside my room, I was surprised how horrible I felt. The little eye makeup that I wore was smeared under my eyes; my hair looked like I had been given an electric shock. If Ron had seen me in this state, there was no doubt in my mind that he would reject me all over again. I slowly turned to look at Hannah.

“Are you serious?� I said, not believing her.

She nodded solemnly. “They keep sending owls, wondering where you are. They value you, Hermione, even if Ron doesn’t.�

I hated to hear it, but it made me feel better just the same. Perhaps I liked to hear my sorrows confirmed by other people; it was just a morbid pleasure. In spite of myself, I smiled, letting a smile of relief wash over Hannah’s face.

“Look,� she said, sitting down next to me and taking my arm. She giggled. “Neville and I were supposed to go out to lunch today, but …� She paused. “Maybe we could go out instead. What do you say?�

I smiled at her. She was so good to me. She was the best friend I had ever had, not to mention one of the few girls I knew. I tried to run my fingers through a strand of hair, but found that task impossible, because of the knots that had accumulated there over the past few days. Confirming her request, I said, “In this state?�

Hannah smiled and handed me a hairbrush. “Get dressed,� she said simply, turning away and walking toward the fire. “I’m going to talk to Neville.�

It felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I was out of the room, and I could feel the warm summer sunshine wafting through the house. It smelled like summer, and that had always made me happy. Setting the hairbrush into my stubborn curls, I tugged – and tugged – and tugged. At last, when I had straightened it out and brought life back to my dying complexion, I declared myself presentable.

Lucky for me, Hannah came back at that exact moment. When I told her we could go, she sighed.

“Hermione, have you already forgotten the reason you came out of that bedroom?� Hannah asked, sipping her tea.

Of course! How could I have forgotten? Adrienne, that lying scoundrel – I had to deal out justice wisely. “I’ll be back in an hour,� I said quickly, and Disapparated with a pop.

For the first time in a week, I saw the inside of St. Mungo’s. Rather, I saw anywhere or anything but the walls of my bedroom. It all came flooding back into my memory as I took in the site of the white, surgically clean building. As I walked the halls to Healer Dai Llewellyn’s office, I saw the room where Ron had lain, and tears came to my eyes. Brushing them gently away, I walked past the Longbottom’s ward.

Of course, the Longbottoms! I knew that in my absence their ward had been given to another employee, but I wanted to drop in on them, just this once.

The sight that met my eyes was terrible. Frank Longbottom as I had remembered him sat in the corner of the room. When I looked closely, he was a different man entirely. His hair was white and frizzy, instead of calm and grey, and his eyes were bloodshot and veined, like some sort of nightmare. And Alice – Alice sat in a corner as well. Usually, she was the livelier of the two, and the same held true even now. She sat in a rocking chair, rocking compulsively back and forth, singing a song to herself. Her voice shot up and down the scale without any real purpose, and there was a wild look of fear in her eyes.

“Alice,� I said, crossing the room and sitting down next to her.

She didn’t recognize me. She got up out of her chair and continued singing, while looking at me, terrified. I bit my lip, and then it dawned on me.

I knew the reason that Ron knew he couldn’t be with me.

Alice had been a friend, a brain-dump, someone to whom I could talk even if I knew she couldn’t understand. In a way throughout the years, she had become a dear friend – at the very least someone for whom I cared deeply. But I remembered many times when work had overtaken me, and I had neglected to stop by – I had had less time to spend with her and her husband. And when I thought about it, I had done the same thing to Ron.

When we were younger, he would sacrifice time that I knew should have been spent studying to accompany me to Hogwarts when Harry wouldn’t go. He skipped Quidditch practice on occasion to keep me company in the Common Room when he knew I was feeling particularly down. Now that I thought about it, this was the reason I loved him. He wasn’t the great oaf I had met on the Hogwarts Express and endured for five years. In our sixth year he had changed, and he had been more willing to make sacrifices for me – though I hadn’t realized it at the time.

Thinking back now, I realized precisely what I lacked. I knew he loved me deeply – he had told me so. In fact, he cherished every moment we spent together. Every second was a pleasure. But he knew as well as I did that I was reluctant to give up my career, my aspirations – I was unwilling to let my hopes and dreams give way to love. He knew that until I realized this, I couldn’t be with him. There was no way.

It seemed I had become blind for a moment. I couldn’t see Alice anymore, and my mind filled with a different scene – a memory.

“Mione, you all right?� Ron asked, sitting down beside me and resting his hand on my forearm.

I was flustered. My mind was cluttered with numbers and calculations and Scouring spells. “Fine,� I muttered, not looking up or responding to Ron.

I had been stupid. I could feel him nervous and reddening next to me – I could feel him breathing, but I did nothing. He rubbed his thumb on my forearm and smiled. I could tell. I knew him just that well. As soon as he began this act, I brushed him away.

Unfazed, he went on. “Listen, Mione, I was wondering …� He scratched his neck, shaking his head. “Do you – do you want to come to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?�

“Ron, I’ve really got to study,� I said, ignoring his plights. “I’ve got to get the marks – exams are in four weeks!�

“Just once?� he said. “It’ll only be for a few hours.�

“I’m sorry, Ron, I can’t.�

There was disappointment in his eyes. I knew I had wounded him beyond repair.

But only now did I realize why.

I was unwilling to give things up for him. I knew that he also needed marks to become an Auror and go into the same field as Harry. Nonetheless, he knew that I was more important than anything in the world, and to think I would have disagreed with him. Now, I would give anything to have that moment back, and it is gone – lost in the vacuum of time. He would have laid down everything for me, and I pushed him away.

Walking dejectedly down to Healer Llewellyn’s office, I felt a surge of emotion. Quickly and silently, I brushed it away. I had work to do.

I knocked on the door. “Come in,� sounded Llewellyn’s deep, honeyed voice. I opened the door and stepped inside.

“Miss Granger,� she said, getting up and shaking my hand. “You’ll testify, then?� She looked worried. “We need to make sure that our patients are safe.�

For a moment, I seriously considered declining. I didn’t know why, but it seemed a good idea to me at the time. Adrienne had never done anything to me, and now that Ron was lost, nothing seemed to matter anymore.

I opened my mouth to decline, to refuse to testify, but my heart spoke that day.

“What should I say?� I asked, surprising even myself.

Dai smiled. “Thank you, Miss Granger.� She heaved a great sigh of relief. “You have no idea what this will mean to the magical community.�

Immediately after telling Dai, I Disapparated. I couldn’t bear to do anything but go home and lay on my bed, watching the ceiling fan spin. I was so distracted in fact, that I Apparated into the middle of my old apartment. After apologizing profusely to its new owner and modifying a memory or so, I made it back to Hannah’s house.

At any moment but that one I would have found my situation funny. I was in no state to laugh. I tore the clip from my hair and stormed to my room, slamming the door behind me, ignoring the worried look in Hannah’s eyes. I spent an hour or so in my room with a magical directory, looking up new apartment buildings in magical communities, so I wouldn’t have to hide anymore. I was just so tired of everything.

Then I realized the real reason that I couldn’t bear to be near everyone. I couldn’t stand to know that I had rejected, therefore I had been rejected. I needed to be alone – by myself, yet loneliness was the last thing that anyone would have prescribed for me. I sat alone in my room, staring at the cracks in the ceiling, listening to my own thoughts.

You don’t have time for him. You can’t afford to be like this. …

All the same, these words tore at my insides. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw something. And then, when I thought about it, all I wanted to do was break down and cry. And that is exactly what I did.

Miles away, I could almost feel Ron thinking about me, for I knew he was. I had known him all these years, and these were the things I remembered. For so long, I had lived without him, and I knew that he was just as distraught as I was.

Ron sat on his bed, looking out the window. In some odd twist of events, the sky had clouded over. A clap of thunder resounded throughout the house, shaking its foundations. If the artless symbolism didn’t stop, he might just scream.

The fact that he had left her was killing him, he knew. Slowly, particle by particle, he would disintegrate, leaving only the shadow of what had once been a man. Of course, he knew she was right. In battle, he hadn’t taken the coward’s way out – it wasn’t his fault. He liked to think so, but on the inside he knew that it was not the case. Nonetheless, the coward’s way was his escape this time. How could he have been so stupid? Instead of fighting for the girl he loved, he had chosen to stand at arm’s length and keep her just far enough away that she couldn’t hurt him again.

Yet again, she kept telling him years and years ago that she had no time for him. She couldn’t let him get in the way of her career. It was clear now, he thought. There was no mistaking the mist that had clouded her eyes that night a week ago when he had told her that he couldn’t love her anymore.

He stood up. It was enough. He couldn’t go through this anymore. She would hate him forever for hurting her, but he had to tell her, and he had to tell her now.

A/N- Okay guys, I know I kind of left this chapter hanging as well, but I wanted to get it up quickly, and not waste time. I hated what happened with the last chapter, so I’m going to put this one up now. Check out my other fics, including my newest one called “The Love Potion.� *gasp!* It’s not under Romance fics, it’s under Humor! I know, it’s amazing. Anyway, check it out and tell me what you think. Thanks!

The weeks flew by. Before long, I realized that it had been over two months since Ron had woken up. Unnoticed in my blind misery, summer had begun to wane, and we were headed toward September.

It had always been my favorite month of them all. I could remember all the times on the train, flying along the countryside back to Hogwarts, my favorite place in all of England. All those long rides, sitting in our favorite compartment, eating Jelly Slugs, occasionally patrolling the corridor and putting Crabbe in detention. Those were the times that I remembered above all others, and beyond all others. They were the times with my friends – the ones who would love me through thick and thin. Whenever the leaves began to turn on the trees and a frostbitten air flowed through the cracks under the door, my mind would go back to Hogwarts, the most blessed of all establishments.

“Ron, shh! You’ll wake the entire castle!� I hissed, shoving him into the wall.

He backed off of it, pretending to be hurt. “Hermione,� he said, resting his hand on the wall, “do you have any idea how thick these walls are?�

I scowled at him. “Well,� I said, anticipating an old joke, “they’re probably not as thick as Goyle’s skull, but as we’re supposed to be responsible, we’d better not risk it!�

Ron smiled. In all seriousness, it was more like a smirk, but it was dark in the corridor. “But we’re prefects!� he mocked, putting a few more paces between us. “We can do whatever we want!� He puffed out his chest and spoke in a normal voice. “I bet,� he said loudly, “that I could hex you and wouldn’t even get detention!� As he spoke, he brandished his wand.

My hand flew to the ready, although I knew he was only playing. “Ronald Weasley,� I said, stage-whispering, “if you don’t put your wand back in your robes right now, I’ll hex you.�

He pretended to whimper, but didn’t put his wand back in its place. My sly smile was concealed by the darkness, as I brought my wand out of my robes.

“Rictusempra!� I cried, forgetting how loud I could be. The jet of silvery light hit him with an immense force, and I grinned, knowing victory. He lay against the stone wall, shaking with laughter.

“Mione,� he pleaded, breathless, “Please! I can’t – ha! – breathe!�

Something in me pitied him in that moment, and I lifted the hex. He got up, brushing himself off.

“That was wicked of you,� he said, mimicking Professor McGonagall to perfection. “You should never put hexes on idiots like me! You know I can’t measure up to you anyway.� He pouted and looked pitiful, but the next second –

“Rictusempra!� he cried, and hit me with the same charm. I tried to scream at him, through my helpless wails of laughter, but failed miserably. I slid down the wall, holding my sides, helpless, then –

It stopped. Ron stood over me, triumphant. “Ha!� he said loudly, his voice ringing down the halls. “See? We can be loud. No one can here us!�

I smiled, watching him from my place on the floor. Two lamplike eyes loomed out of the darkness, just I watched Ron disappear into it. There was a catlike screech, a yell of victory, and then a sinister hiss. From the sound of it, Ron had carried out the dearest ambition of many of Hogwarts’ students.

He came back out of the dark, grinning. I grinned too. Even I hated Mrs. Norris. But just around the corner, we could hear Filch wheezing and shuffling down a nearby corridor.

Ron’s expression of ecstasy turned immediately to one of horror. “Run,� he said in a hurried whisper, took my hand, and we bolted down the hallway, dashing in and out of empty classroom, knocking into suits of armor. Down this hallway and that we rushed, flattening ourselves against walls to hide from the occasional ghost we came upon, and once even from Peeves. Each time we thought we were safe, we would find Filch, puffing and wheezing, a few steps behind us. We rounded a corner and found a cabinet, the door to which Ron flung open whispering, “In here!� and sat, silent, waiting for Filch to catch up.

We must have waited five minutes in the dark before Filch found us. Truth be told, they were the longest five minutes of my life. Not only did I have to be silent, but there were distracting things going on around me. I could Ron breathing loudly, panting from the wild chase we had just experienced. His heart was beating rapidly and raggedly, and I could feel the veins in his arm twitching as they pumped the blood throughout him. Last, but most certainly not least, he had never let go of my hand, which he had neglected to realize. Any time a sound was made, by anything outside of our cabinet or by me, he would squeeze my hand a little bit tighter.

After a few minutes, we heard Filch shuffle around the corner, his wheezing worse than ever. My breathing had become loud and ragged, and now that everything had to be quiet, everything was louder than it should have been normally. I heard Mrs. Norris yowl and Filch shuffling about, muttering to himself. “They can’t have gone far, my sweet. Don’t worry, Mrs. Norris, we’ll get them.� It was rather, nerve-racking, sitting there in the dark beside Ron. But I didn’t move – not at all.

When we finally heard Filch trundling back down the hallway, murmuring to his cat, we unlatched the door and let out two giant sighs of relief.

“That,� Ron said, rolling out of the cabinet onto the floor, “was close.�

Standing up, he took my hand again and helped me out of the cabinet. When I came up in front of him, we were extremely close. I must have looked worried, or distracted perhaps, because he asked, “What’s wrong?� with a bit of conviction.

Maybe I looked a bit pale, because when I didn’t answer, he didn’t press me any further. Instead, we continued on our prefect routes. After a little while, he let go of my hand again.

“Mione?� he asked tentatively, perhaps to fill the silence.

I was still quiet. I didn’t have the composure to speak, and I still wanted to hear his voice. Confused, he stumbled on into the silence. “Have you ever …� His voice faded looking at me. I don’t suppose I’ll ever know what he had wanted to say. He didn’t say anything for a long time. I could only hear him breathing as we passed countless portraits of sleeping witches and warlocks. After a while, he sighed and checked his watch.

“It’s late,� he said. “We can go back to bed now.�

I looked up at him, my eyes wide and full of wonder. I wanted to tell him then – I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him I loved him. I was too afraid of what it would do to me.

Giving up, I stopped beside him. “Thanks,� I murmured, and we walked back to the Common Room.

As we arrived, Ron knocked on the portrait of the Fat Lady, jerking her awake. “Back already?� she said grouchily. “Sometimes I think I just shouldn’t let them in anymore.�

“Femella adonis,� Ron said, and she swung open to let us through. Ron stepped up first and then pulled me through, the laughter gone from his eyes.

“Night, Mione,� he said, waving a hand back at me as he began to climb to boys staircase.

For a moment I stood there, paralyzed, not knowing what to do. But after I moment, I followed him, catching him at the top of the staircase. His brow was knitted in confusion and his red hair stood on end from the number of times he had pushed his hands through it. His blue eyes looked at me in wonder as I stood on tiptoe, whispered, “Night, Ron,� and kissed him on the cheek.

I can’t believe now that I left him there at the top of the stairs. There was such fire between us, such yearning. It was evident throughout school that all we wanted was to be together, nothing else. Nothing obstructed our way; no one told us we weren’t right for each other. We, in our youth, had plotted this fate for ourselves. Now I wish it hadn’t been. Now I wish that I could take it all away and go back to that night and hear him say in the darkened corridor, just beyond the North Tower staircase, “I love you.�

The number of times is mounting now that I have known regret, and I can’t do it anymore. My heart is breaking, and my life is being whittled away by uncertainty. And all I can do now is wait and hope that something goes my way.

I go to testify tomorrow. I go to betray one of the best friends I ever had. Yes, I know she is a Death Eater – Yes, I know that it is she who betrays. But I still can’t help thinking that maybe she could change.

We can’t change. We are bound by the decisions that we make. I chose to hate, to hurt, and I have received my comeuppance. Tomorrow, she will receive hers. I can’t believe I’m going to do this, and I know it will be right.

With that, I got up from my bed and wiped the tears from my eyes. The night was growing old, and I still hadn’t gotten to sleep. I had anticipated this. I took a long draft from the Sleeping Potion I had brewed earlier that evening and lay down against my pillows. In a few moments, I was asleep.

A/N- This really has nothing to do with the plot – it’s just a memory. I think it’s sort of necessary though, most because I really, really love this chapter. 

With some difficulty, I rose from my bed the next morning, tore through the breakfast she had made for me, muttered a hurried thanks, and walked out of the door. I had made arrangements with Mrs. Weasley to come in the Ministry car Mr. Weasley had gained in his experience with the Ministry the last few years. I had never had a problem with Apparition, but growing up Muggle-born taught me how truly frustrating it was to see someone and turn back for a second glance – and he was gone.

The visitor’s entrance had never looked so foreboding. As I walked up to the broken receiver, I took note of my surroundings. They were, more or less, the same as they had been almost ten years ago when the members of Dumbledore’s Army had descended here into the Department of Mysteries. It was chilling how similar I felt. Here I was, making that descent once more, and I would once again be facing a known Death Eater.

The calm woman’s voice did not soothe my nerves today. Rather than that, it frustrated me, almost to the point of pacing inside that small, square box. There was a careful grinding noise as the box descended into the heart of the Ministry of Magic. When the doors finally opened, I saw the Atrium, and at once my fears were relieved. It was busy, and full of life. This alone provided consolation. Out of the corner of my eye, a witch waved to me, and as I turned to acknowledge her, I recognized her as one Lavender Brown, a dear friend from school. Smiling, I walked toward her. The day was looking up.

My outlook on life could not have changed more as I walked down the hallway toward old Courtroom Ten. The pathway was dusty, and my every step echoed unpleasantly in the large stone hallway. My eyes flickered back and forth, and I jumped at small noises. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for Harry coming down this way with the possibility in mind that he may never come back to Hogwarts.

I reached the courtroom doors. They were large, heavy, and made of oak – ominous, foreboding. I put out one trembling hand to touch the handle, and the doors swung open before me.

It was like some sort of sporting event. Stadium seating lined the walls, where several witches and wizards were conversing in low and solemn tones. Albus Dumbledore himself sat in one of the chairs, his face expressionless, his mouth thin and cold. In the center of the room was a lowered floor, which gave room for a crudely carved stone chair. Around the arms of this chair were chains, hanging loosely at the sides, waiting to bind the victim to itself to prevent escape. It felt hollow and empty, dry and dusty, as if it had not been used in years.

I jumped as a hand grabbed my wrist. I looked down and saw an elf hovering timidly about my feet. As scared as I was, I hardly even call sympathy from deep within myself for this poor creature.

“Miss is to be coming with Blinky?� she squeaked, ducking around my feet. “The witnesses is supposed to sit here, miss.� She led me to a wooden bench in front of the Wizengamot. Numbly, I sat and stared around the harsh stone room around me. Surely -- surely I was not about to convict a friend?

“Miss is looking tired,� the elf squeaked again, her bulbous blue eyes filling with tears. “Blinky knows, Blinky knows. These is bad times, miss, bad times indeed.�

Ron, in the meantime, knew nothing of Hermione’s situation. Desperate to find her, desperate to tell her of his mistake, he was hurrying toward the only place he knew to look for her – St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. True enough, it was a long shot that she would be here, but maybe someone – someone would know where she had gone.

The mannequin beckoned him forward, and he stepped through the glass pane into the lobby of the hospital. There were people all around, some coughing with a disease, others sprouting extra heads. None of these things mattered – none of them. He had to find her. Shoving a witch whose eyebrows were growing out of control, covering most of her face, he reached the witch at the front desk, who looked up at him lazily and said, “Next.�

“I need to find Hermione Granger.�

“The patient?�

“No, Healer Hermione Granger.�

“She isn’t here.�

Ron’s head reeled, leaving room for one thought, one solitary purpose. He needed to find her.

“Ron!�

A petite blonde witch was hurrying toward him, her eyes wide with shock. “Ron,� Hannah said, reaching him, “what – what are you doing here?�

“I’m looking for Hermione.� He said it simply, loud enough for the whole room to hear. He didn’t care anymore. He loved her, and he didn’t care if the whole world knew it.

“Ron, no!� she said, dropping her voice to a whisper. Then louder, “She’s on her break.� And softly again, “Come with me.�

“What’re you – ?�

“Not here, Ron!�

She grabbed his wrist and hurried him along into an empty broom closet and shut the door behind. She conjured up a few candles, lit them, and magicked them into the air.

“Why,� she said, turning around after locking the door, “do you find it necessary to wear your heart on your sleeve?�

Flabbergasted, Ron got ready for a rant.

“No, not now, Ron,� she said, holding a finger up to his lips.

“Who are you?� he demanded.

“I’m –,� she began, but stopped. “Oh, you! You don’t remember anything!� And she launched into the story of Adrienne’s betrayal and where exactly Hermione was right now.

“She’s at the Wizengamot?� he nearly shouted, ears reddening. “With a Death Eater? No!� He made to dash out the door, but Hannah held him back.

“Ron, don’t you see? This is a secret,� she said. “If the whole world found out that there had been a Death Eater inside St. Mungo’s, they’d go insane.�

“But, Hermione!� he protested.

“She’ll be fine,� Hannah assured him. “Adrienne won’t do anything – at least not in front of the Wizengamot. She’s not stupid.�

Ron seriously doubted this, but Hannah had gone to Hogwarts, and he trusted her enough because of that.

“Now,� she said. “You can go back to my house and wait for her there. I’ll be along, most likely, before she gets there. If not,� her eyes flickered dangerously, “you two can have some alone time.�

I knew, once they brought Adrienne in, that the room would fall silent, as it did. She came in quietly, her dark eyes darting hither and thither, keeping her eyes on the ground, but she did not speak until she was spoken to. As she sat the stone-hewn chair, the chains rattled dangerously and bound her, and a purple-robed man with a mustache came forward rather quickly.

“The accused,� he announced proudly to the Wizengamot, “Adrienne Elizabete Krapf, is charged with the most serious offense of service to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, this seventeenth of September, eight years past his return.� He smiled sickeningly at the jury, who stared stonily back at him.

Turning sharply on his heel, he faced Adrienne. “Miss Krapf,� he said, his eyes flashing, “is it not true that your given name was Mercote?�

Adrienne, who until this point had been staring silently at her knees, allowed her eyes to roll up to face him. “Yes,� she hissed, her voice being quickly lost in the enormity of the room. “Yes, that was my name.�

There was an accent in her voice I had never heard there before. It was icy cold, like venom, and it swept through my body like ice.

The accuser seemed to recover himself quickly. “And it is true,� he said, “that you attended Beauxbatons Academy at age eleven?�

“Yes,� she answered, assuming the same icy tone as before.

“You will be twenty-five next month?�

“I will.� She seemed reluctant to say anything.

The accuser sniffed indignantly. “Miss Mercote, you have been --�

“You will not call me by that name.� She spoke so suddenly, so unexpectedly, that half the room jumped, though her voice was the smallest of whispers. She continued on, louder this time. “That name is from the past which I have left behind.�

“Very well then,� he said, recovering him. “Adrienne Krapf,� he continued, putting the smallest emphasis on her name, “you stand accused of fraternization with and abetment of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. This is an offense of the most serious nature. Do you have anything to say in your own defense?�

During this speech, Adrienne had been trembling madly. The questioner looked rather startled by this unnatural behavior, and stumbled a few times over his words. All of sudden, however, she became quite still and her head hung down at her chest. When she lifted her head, there was a furious rage burning in her eyes, a hate so sinful that she was sure she could have burst into flame.

Her eyes were now rolling in her head, her fingers white from the strength of the grasp she had on the stone-hewn chair. She became very quiet again, and then burst out –

“YOU—HAVE—NO—PROOF!� she shouted, her voice powerful and resounding, ringing in my ears even to this day. “YOU HAVE THE WORD OF ONE NO ACCOUNT WITCH AND YOU THREATEN ME WITH DEMENTORS? BE NOT FOOLS, MEN OF THE MINISTRY! THE DEMENTORS ARE IN THE SERVICE OF MY MASTER! THE SERVANTS OF THE DARK LORD DO NOT FEAR THE MINISTRY. WE WILL SERVE TO THE END!�

Her voice echoed in the room, leaving many members of the Wizengamot speechless.

“W- well,� stammered the questioner, staring white-faced at Adrienne. “We have almost all of the needed evidence to convict this – quite evident – supporter of Lord – well – You-Know-Who.�

Adrienne’s outburst had quite deprived him of his nerve. Behind his mustache, I could see him becoming paler and paler by the second. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed and said, “If – if you please, Miss Granger?�

Shaking, I stood and came to the witness’ stand.

“Hermione Jane Granger,� said the questioner in his loud, booming voice. “Have you seen the Dark Mark emblazoned on her arm?�

I was silent. I could feel the eyes of every member of the Wizengamot glued to me. This was the moment I had to make a decision. At last. To betray a friend, or to doom the Wizarding world? At any other moment, the choice would have seemed simple. Adrienne’s black hair was unkempt and tangled. Her eyes burned in their sockets, and peeking out from the sleeve of her robes was a human skull, a snake weaving in and out of it, with eyes like the Devil himself.

“Miss Granger?� he prompted me quickly. I again became aware of the burning sensation in my stomach. To do what is right, not what is easy …

My throat was very dry … I felt about to faint. Making my decision, mustering every ounce of resolution that I possessed --

“Yes,� came the answer, clear and unwavering. “She wears the Mark of Lord Voldemort.�

There was a collective shudder about the room.

Adrienne exploded yet again. “SLIME! VERMIN!� she shrieked. “HOW DARE YOU BEFOUL THE NAME OF THE DARK LORD? MUDBLOOD! HOW DARE YOU DEFILE MY MASTER?� She strained against her bonds, but (to my relief) they held fast.

Muttering broke out among the Wizengamot. Here and there, I caught fragments of dialogue.

“They say they knew each other …�

“They even worked together. …�

“Were friends even …�

“Killed her father …�

Something registered in my head. Adrienne had – had killed her father? I looked at the woman in the chair next to me and something stirred in my heart. Was it compassion? No. It was hatred. Burning, fiery hate. How – how dare she? She called me her friend, and dared to call me something as – as foul as –

“Adrienne Elizabete Mercote,� announced the questioned. “You are here charged with association with and abetment of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. In the presence of the Wizengamot, and� – he took up a piece of paper and his eyes widened – “with full assent, you are sentenced to a life term in Azkaban.�

A wave of anger swept over me. I wanted to leap on her … to kill her, but she got to it first. When she spoke, a deadly quiet fell over the room.

“Soon,� she said barely above a whisper, the room hanging on her every word. “You will be very sorry. Soon, the Dark Lord will take over. And very soon,� she added, with a venom in her voice I had never heard there before, “I will disappear before your very eyes.�

There was a crack like a whip, and she was gone. A stunned silence followed, ringing … ringing. A few mouths fell open.

Pandemonium broke out all at once.

“Where has she gone?�

“She must have Disapparated!�

“She can’t have Disapparated; those chains are there to keep her in that chair!�

“It couldn’t be -- him?�

A witch in purple robes stood in the center of the room. Within a few seconds, every eye in the place was on her. “Well, isn’t it obvious?� she said, blushing a bit. “He’s taken her away.�

There was a roar of assent. Several people Disapparated, and several other people ran out the doors, shouting into the corridors. Terrified, I sat down on the witness’ stand. There would be no mercy from a freed and fuming Adrienne. No respite from her fury. A few seconds later, Blinky appeared at my knee.

“Miss is troubled,� she said, her great blue eyes full of tears. “Miss is finished for today. Miss can go home now.�

Gratefully and with a watery smile at the elf, I stood up, preparing to Disapparate. “Blinky,� I said, as an afterthought. “Have you ever wanted to be free?�

One long and polite yet fruitless conversation later, I bid the forlorn House-Elf goodbye and exited Courtroom Ten. On the trip toward the Atrium, I noticed how markedly different the Ministry looked, after having a Death Eater slip through its fingers. There were ashen-faced wizards running back and forth, glasses askew and tousle-haired. Every few feet, there were workers huddled in corners, whispering and murmuring amongst themselves, no doubt telling their own versions of what had happened in the courtroom.

I knew Mr. Weasley would be coming to pick me up, but not for another hour or so. He had believed, just as I told him, that the trial would be much longer than I had supposed. It struck me, there in the middle of the Atrium, what I wanted at that very moment. I wanted arms to hold me, and those arms, belonging to none other than Ron Weasley, were waiting for me at the Burrow. I Disapparated immediately.

I knocked timidly on the front door a few seconds later. It was Mr. Weasley who opened the door.

“Hermione!� he said, surprised to see me. “What –?�

“The- the trial ended early,� I said, making it clear that something very exciting had happened. Mrs. Weasley appeared at his shoulder immediately and ushered me inside. Before long, I was seated on the Weasley’s sofa, sipping tea and carefully detailing my account of the events in Courtroom Ten.

“Merlin!� said Mr. Weasley, wiping the bald patch on his head. He rose and began to pace. “I’ve never seen anything like it. I remember the old trials down there … Never … No one’s ever done anything like that before.�

“Well, it’s like she said, isn’t it, dear?� Mrs. Weasley said quickly, looking up at her husband. “You-Know-Who stole her right out of the Courtroom?�

“That’s what everyone thought,� I said. “And I daresay that’s the most reasonable explanation.�

A few seconds silence followed.

“Poor dear,� said Mrs. Weasley. “You’ve had quite a day! Are you sure you wouldn’t like some more --?�

“No, I’m really very tired, Mrs. Weasley.� (“Of course, dear,� said Mrs. Weasley.) “I think it’s just best I went home,� I said, heaving a great sigh.

“Well, if you’re sure,� she said, taking my coat off the rack and handing it to me. “You’re welcome here, you know that.�

“Yes,� I said. I Disapparated. I didn’t feel like carrying on the conversation very much longer anyhow.

I ended up in Hannah’s foyer back at Shenandoah. It was darkish in the house, and I lit the lamps with a wave of my wand. “Hannah?� I called, and my voice echoed through the house. I should have known – Hannah was still at work.

I tiptoed down the hall, not sure why I wanted to be so quiet. It felt wrong to disturb such a perfect silence, for silence, it seemed, was all I had wanted since Ron’s rejection.

I fought to turn Ron out of my mind. Thinking of him now brought only pain. I turned toward the kitchen, thinking I could make a cup of tea. I nearly screamed when I saw a man sitting in a chair at the table, looking at idly down at his hands. He seemed to feel my stare and looked up. When he did, he jumped.

“’Mione,� Ron croaked, his voice low.

I was feeling venomous. “What are you doing here?� I said coldly, turning my back on him and fumbling with the handle on my door.

“Hermione, you know why I’m here,� he said. There was a pain in his voice, and my heart softened.

“Actually, I don’t,� I retorted. “After you’d spoken to me like that, I don’t know why you’d ever want to look at me again, let alone appear in my kitchen.�

I turned around and found him much closer than before. He had risen from the table, evidently, and was now about midway between it and me. I felt rather smothered by the distance closing. His eyes … oh, his eyes … they were so pure … so beautiful …

“I spoke rashly,� he said, taking a step backward. “Never, Hermione. I never meant to hurt you. Well,� he said, thinking for a moment, his eyes twinkling, “I suppose I did. I wanted to hurt you like you had hurt me. I wanted to make you feel that way I had.�

“Oh yeah?� I wanted to hit him, hurt him for hurting me so. “I died the day you left!�

He looked down at his feet, and I was able to withdraw my gaze. My heart was pounding in my throat. I hated him, loathed him with every fiber of my being … and yet …

“I was wrong.� I choked as those three words, so much simpler than I love you, registered in my mind. Never. Never, as long as I’d known him, had he admitted he was wrong. I melted. “I shouldn’t’ve done that. It was wrong, Hermione.�

“It hurt,� I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t know what that did to me.� I turned and found the door. “This room. I didn’t leave this room for almost a week.�

There was an odd look in his eyes. He took another step toward me.

“No!� I threw my hand out to stop him. “Don’t you touch me!� I began to cry. His eyes flared up and I could tell he only wanted to hold me. “Ron,� I choked, “Ron! No! I know what I did to you all those years … I – I don’t deserve you. …�

“Hermione?� he said, a puzzled expression on his face. “Hermione, no …�

“Yes!� I sobbed, no control left in me. “Yes! Don’t you remember every time you kissed me and I told you I couldn’t be with you? I wanted it every time, and – and then … but I just decided I didn’t want you to get in the way of my career! I wanted to be a Healer, and go to school and to learn! You – you don’t know how badly I wanted you … how badly I still want you …�

The words came pouring out of their own accord, me shaking bodily as I wept. I wasn’t looking, but even so I could picture the numbness on his face, the hurt in his eyes, the remembrance of what I had done wrong.

“You knew how much I loved you,� he said, his eyes glazed. “I knew that. I knew you were ambitious. But … I just wanted you so badly … you can understand, can’t you? I knew it would hurt, but I don’t regret any of it.�

I choked again. I couldn’t stop myself. I did want him … I – I loved him – so much … but I couldn’t hurt him again. It would break me.

“I did hurt you,� I said, mustering every ounce of self-control I possessed. “You know that.�

He opened his mouth to deny it.

“Don’t lie,� I said, tears coming back to my eyes.

Maybe it was the tears returning to my already tear-stained face, or perhaps it was the conviction in my tone of voice. Either way, he closed his mouth, nodded, and muttered, “You did.�

“You see?� I said, smiling for some reason. “We can’t be together … It hurts.�

Ron looked stricken. “I don’t care!� he almost shouted. “I’ll hurt my whole life if only I have you! I’ll – I’ll let myself be hurt, and love every minute of my life, when I only see you.�

It hit me suddenly how much he had grown since our sixth year. Not only was his face more mature and honest, but his manner of speech had changed as well. But his love – oh, his love for me had evolved in unspeakable ways.

I sighed and gazed steadily at him. “But you wouldn’t have me,� I said softly, pondering. “I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you again, and I wouldn’t let you have me. I can’t fight against myself. And I would, inevitably, hurt you. To have me, would be to have not. Do you understand?�

He did. It was more than plain in his eyes.

“There are only two ways to live,� I went on, for he remained silent. “Either we give it a shot, and you end up with me, living but not living at all, or we can go our separate ways, remain friends, and hope life treats the other well.�

He looked utterly despondent. “Isn’t there …� he began, “couldn’t there be some chance?� He seemed desperate for a third door, but I could find none.

“Ronald Weasley,� I sighed. “I love you. More – more than life itself. If there was a third door, I would have found it – and opened it – many years ago.�

There was true desperation now in his eyes. “So … that’s it …� he said, with some finality. “There’s … no more … between us. This is the end of the line.�

I nodded, tears in my eyes and a lump rising in my throat. “I’m so sorry,� I said, my voice quavering and cracking. “We could have been happy, if it wasn’t for my selfish pride. I … I don’t deserve you. All you wanted was my life, and I was too prideful to give it.�

I turned away, trying to hide my tears. I didn’t want it to end, but I couldn’t see any other way out. Ron cleared his throat gruffly. I looked up at him for the first time in a few minutes and was surprised to see that his eyes too were filled with tears. The end. This was the end.

“W-wait,� Ron said desperately, his voice quivering with anxiety.

“No, Ron!� I said hysterically, almost sobbing. “No, it can’t be!�

“Not that,� he said, his eyes honest and true. “If we can’t be together, can we – can I … just one – one last kiss to remember? Before we go our separate ways, trying to not to hurt each other? One final kiss to remember you by?�

My mind immediately began ringing. “Yes! Yes, you dolt! Kiss him, kiss him, you love him!� I could hardly breathe, let alone speak, but my eyes must have told him the answer. He took my elbow gently and pulled me towards him, planting his lips firmly on mine.

This was not the kiss of two nervous teenagers, loving enough to kiss but not to understand. Not even the kiss of two strangers was this, for we knew each other well. Or of two lovers, for the level of understanding between us was far beyond that. It was not what the world would call passionate, for it was did not look so. It was what the world would call simple, chaste, distant even, but never passionate. It was something that the world could never understand, nor would want to understand, for the world is fixed upon storybook love – love with a happy ending. This was not the kiss of a happy ending, but a mixed one. One of tears and joy and compromise. This was the kiss we shared – not passionate by the world’s standards – for it was a couple’s last kiss, passionate and hungry, but sad and perfect.

When we broke apart, I shook with longing. I wanted him, and from the look in his eyes he wanted me. We knew, though, it could never be – that we were people too different, or too alike, or whatever the cause might be. We looked into each other’s eyes, long and hard, wishing that it didn’t have to be this way.

“I’m sorry,� I said, and it was true. I had never felt sorrier in my life. For him, for myself, and for what might had blossomed and bloomed.

“Well, I suppose I should go,� Ron said, the light in his eyes gone.

“I’ll show you the door,� I said, near tears once again.

“No …� he said vaguely, not looking me in the eye. “I can manage.�

And before I knew it, I was left alone in Hannah’s kitchen. I sank into the nearest chair, my head in my hands. I knew it was the only way, but I wished … oh, I wished for so many things.

The light clicked on, and Hannah came in, looking slightly worried. “I saw Ron on the way out,� she said, glancing back toward the door. “Did you two –?�

She fell silent at the look on my face, laid her shopping bags down, and bustled out of the kitchen.

I sat there and cried. I don’t know why to this day the sight of her made me feel so low and unwanted, but it did. I felt like this was the worst thing I could have possibly done, but still …

Someone was whispering from the hallway. The light had gone out again, and I was left sitting there in the semi-darkness. I looked up, listening, straining for even the most distant sound. There was nothing. I stood up, feeling a bit foolish, but wary all the same. Something wasn’t quite right, even if I couldn’t hear it.

I turned around and went about making tea, drying my tears now and again. I had just finished filling my mug full of water, when I made the mistake of turning around. When I did, the last word I wanted to tumble out me made its way through my lips.

“A- Adrienne.�

“A- Adrienne.�

My mouth went dry. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. This was it – I was going to die. Here, in this kitchen. The final frontier. Beyond the veil. Death. The end.

The corners of Adrienne’s mouth pulled into a rictus of pure insanity. She looked crazed. Her eyes were bloodshot and wild, her face white and pale. She looked like one who would kill for pleasure. I braced myself, waiting for the blow. Either death or torture would come next, I knew it. This was it.

“Hermione,� she calmly for her appearance. But still, her hair was perfectly groomed, her robes neat and clean as ever. I found it odd that I was standing in the presence of a Death Eater.

“Actually,� she said pompously, “the presence of two Death Eaters. The Dark Lord has accomplished me as a Legilimens.� She sneered, and I saw, emerging out of the darkness, a second form.

“Malfoy,� I muttered. He didn’t look surprised that I recognized him, for although he wore a mask and a hooded cloak that threw his face deep into shadow, his cold grey eyes pierced through. Even he, in the Dark Lord’s inner circle knew that those eyes were unmistakable to any who knew him.

“Silence, Mudblood!� Even if I had recognized him, he wasn’t going to let me get away with disrespect of his master and brethren. “You speak,� he said in a voice of deadly calm, “and you shall die.�

I shuddered. From what I had heard, Draco Malfoy was very good on his word, when it came to issues like these. I had heard Harry speak of it briefly and Ginny had told me many things – I knew that the only way to deal with wizards like these was to challenge them, but not to push it too far. Malfoy’s cold eyes glinted with malice, and Adrienne continued to look crazed.

“You’re coming with us, Granger,� Adrienne said quietly. “No, not a word. And now.�

~*~*~*~

“What’s wrong, love?�

Ron sat on the couch, staring helplessly toward the fireplace into the empty grate. His face was no longer tearstained and pale, but vacant and lost. There was a hole in him now. All he could see was Hermione’s face – that is, until his mother grabbed his arm, jerking him out of his reverie.

“Ronald,� she said. “Tea.�

“No thanks,� he muttered.

“Now.�

Ron groaned and rose up from the sofa, his mind still reeling. A kiss, a last kiss, a sorrowful gaze, and she was gone. Forever. Out of his life. His mind was still swimming. It wouldn’t leave him alone. Something was wrong … horribly wrong …

“What is it, dearie?� Mrs. Weasley pressed on, coddling him. “You haven’t spoken properly since you came home.�

“It’s – it’s nothing,� he said, shaking his head, trying to clear it. He already knew something was wrong, damn it, he’d already lost her for good. But, oh but his mind wouldn’t leave him alone. Something bigger … something worse was happening.

“No, Ron, it’s not,� she said. “And if you can’t tell your own mother –�

“I’ve got to go,� he said abruptly, standing up and knocking the teacup over. Even if his mind was just playing tricks on him, it was better to go than to stay here waiting and wondering.

“All – all right dear,� stammered Mrs. Weasley, looking slightly put out. “I’ll be here when you get back.�

Without another word, he left. This – this was all wrong. He was supposed to be sad, yes, but … this was different. Wrong. Where was she now? He had to go and find her.

“Hermione?� he called, coming through the door. “Hermione? Mione, where are you?�

It was deadly silent. It was still dark in the house. Giving up his search for Hermione, he rounded the corner. “Hannah? Hannah?�

Hannah came out of the parlor, looking confused. “I thought she would have answered you at least,� she said, her brow furrowing. “I called her from the hall and she didn’t answer. I reckoned she wanted to be alone, what with --� She stopped rather abruptly. “What do you want with her?�

“I only need to see her,� he said, looking around behind him as if hoping she might appear. “Just – just make sure she’s safe. Have you seen her?�

“Yeah, she was …� Hannah said, scratching her head. “Well, I thought she was in the kitchen. I didn’t hear her move.�

Something hung in the air that wasn’t comforting. If only he could figure it out … she had been to court … with Adrienne. …

Adrienne. She must have come here! With a great bound he leapt into the kitchen, perhaps expecting to find them there, but there wasn’t anything.

He rounded on Hannah. “Did you see anyone?� he asked, rather more sharply than he had intended. “Did anyone come in?�

She shook her head. “I don’t know,� she said, shrugging a bit. “That is, I don’t think so. … I didn’t hear anything, once again, but I came back here when I saw her in the kitchen, and haven’t been back since. It’s been nearly an hour since that.�

She looked down. He knew she was telling the truth, telling him everything she knew, but where –

His eyes fell upon something lying on the table. But it wasn’t on the table … rather, it was the table. There, in the middle, burned into the fine polished oak was a human skull, a serpent twisting its way in and out –

“That’s it,� he said to himself. “Hannah,� he said, louder now. “It isn’t safe here. They’ve taken her.�

A look of horror came immediately into Hannah’s face. “They can’t be far,� she said, then understanding came into her face. “They’re at Aisling Hollow!� she shouted, her eyes frantic. “Aisling Hollow! Go!� Then at the puzzled look on his face, “Her home! The pit where the vermin meet! She only goes there. That’s where they’ve her … to murder … go!�

She pointed toward the fire place.

~*~*~*~

I was bound instantly. They dragged me through the fireplace, showing no pity to my discomfort. Malfoy’s cold eyes shone through the holes in the mask, carefully eyeing Adrienne’s back. Every once in a while he paused to sneer at me, then returned to speaking to Adrienne in a soft voice. There was a Silencing Charm placed on me, and I was locked with a Full-Body Bind, helpless to move, to speak, to plead.

I was locked inside a body I could not control. I spoke, but my lips remained silent. I moved, but my body moved not. I wanted to cry, to scream, to cry out … not to escape but to have some feeling in my person, but none would return. I was trapped inside the prison of my body … This, I knew, was what true torture was.

“Mudblood,� Adrienne said with a sneer, very like Malfoy’s. “Your destiny calls you. Have you anything to say for yourself?�

Fool! screamed my mind. Murderer, fiend! To bind your captives so! Death, lies, murder all worse than this! Kill me now and be done!

“Oh, no, no, no,� cooed Adrienne, her lips curling once again. “That won’t do. Fool? Fiend? Murderer? No, that won’t do. Not at all.� She sneered. “Fool? Oh, but I’ve trapped you here, have I not?� She spread her arms as if showing me about. “I could bury you alive and let you breathe … no one would ever be the wiser.�

A shudder gathered at the base of my spine, but my frozen state was unable to accommodate such an action.

“Yes,� she pondered. “It isn’t very comfortable is it? Perhaps … a taster …�

I had heard those words before. My mind cried out, but it was too late. It was pain, burning pain like I had never experienced before … white hot, like knives piercing my flesh … to die, that was nothing, but this – this was beyond bearing …

It stopped. The hexes had been lifted and I lay spread eagled on the cold stone floor. They stood over me, menacing, cruel, and terrible. I couldn’t think anymore … I wanted them to kill me, to stop toying with me. Anything but more.

“No,� my voice came out as a croak. “No more … please …�

She began to laugh. It was high-pitched, cruel, cold, unfitting … her look changed … and as I looked into those cold, glinting, black eyes of hers, they changed – from black to deep, flaming cruel red.

Her voice, too, was different. It came cold and high-pitched, laughing not at all like herself. “So …� it said menacingly. “You’re going to beg before you die. Not at all as I would have expected of you, Miss Granger, but not unbefitting to your kind.�

My mind burst with rage. It was too much … I would have killed him myself were it not for the prophecy! Worse than anyone … It was never Adrienne … never her in her right mind. Hot tears of rage poured from my eyes. No, it was him all along, infiltrating her mind … Even Malfoy looked surprised.

“Let us see …� he continued coldly. “Fiend? Perhaps, but not so much as filth of your lineage. Murderer?� A shadow passed over his face, and the glow returned to his eye. “One might say so. Purifier of blood, more than that. But even more, Mudblood, I am Lord Voldemort.�

My mind spun out of control.

“I am he,� he said, “who you have sought these many years, Mudblood.� A grimace spread over Adrienne’s face, brought to her through the Dark Lord. “It is unfortunate. Harry Potter is not here to thwart me once again – he might have saved you. His misfortune is yours. But to me, it is a triumph beyond all reason. Mudblood, die, and meet your doom.�

He raised his wand against me, and I flinched. I would die upright. But, no, it was all fading and turning dark. The image swam before my eyes, and my head hit the floor. I knew nothing more.

It was black all around, and the earth was spinning. There was a small light in front of me. So this is dying, something said inside me. It’s not so bad. I just wish …

But the darkness was fading now, and the light was growing brighter. An image swam into view before my eyes. It was light and now dark, and now light again. In and out of focus it came … All I wanted was to lay down my head for a while … to rest …

“Hermione?� a voice came, a long way off.

The tone’s clarity stirred me. I can’t be dying, I thought vaguely. It must already be done. This is what lies beyond the veil.

I opened my eyes.

There was quite a scene brewing around me. In the distance something was burning, and there were strange people milling about everywhere. Over in the corner, there was quite a fuss around a still figure in the center of the room.

That must be me, I thought. I’m seeing myself, dead.

I looked up, my head throbbing. But if you’re dead, a voice came, there can’t be pain.

The voice was right! I wasn’t dead! But who … ?

“Hermione!� a voice said, more clearly this time. I shied away from the sound, not wanting to hear it. It made my head throb so. Oh, how I wanted to rest.

“Hermione?� it persisted.

Above me, for the first time, I saw a figure. The hair was red, I was sure. I could see freckles dotting a long nose. I thought I had seen the face before, but my mind was so clouded … but somehow … I knew him …

“Ron,� I croaked, my voice ashen.

Suddenly it was all in focus, and I remembered precisely what happened. But – but he was here! I had to tell … had to warn …

I made to get up, but Ron set me back down.

“I thought I’d lost you,� he said, a sort of hollowness in his eyes.

I remembered well. “You already had,� I said. “You already had lost me. You’re more than I ever deserved, Ronald Weasley, I’m sorry.�

I meant to say more, but he decided to intervene. He lifted me easily off the floor, up closer to him, and kissed me. I shook and clung to him. I knew nothing of the world save of that moment, and I would gladly give up all time to go back to it.

“I love you,� he said softly. No one was yet watching.

I pushed my fingers through his hair. It was almost stiff with sweat, and there appeared to be blood trickling down near his ear. I wiped it away with my hand.

“How can you?� I asked, almost incredulous, “After all I’ve done to you?�

He kissed me again. It was answer enough.

I then became fully aware of my surroundings. “V-Voldemort,� I sputtered. “What – what happened?�

“It was funny, really,� he said, scratching his neck. “I don’t know what happened. I was sitting at home, and I – I felt like … I dunno … you were in trouble or something. I came back to Shenandoah, but you weren’t there, and Hannah didn’t know where – where you were, so …� He shrugged. “I called the Order and we stormed Aisling Hollow. We didn’t know what we would find, but we didn’t expect to find Voldemort here, that’s for sure.�

I looked at the limp figure in the corner. “Is he …?� I questioned softly.

“Him? Nah,� he said, supporting me. “He got away. Left. Gone. But your friend here …� His voice trailed off indistinctly, and I looked in spite of myself.

“That’s – Adrienne?� I gasped, horrified. She was innocent! I would kill who had killed her!

“She was possessed,� Ron said, rubbing my shoulder quietly. “She was like that when we came. He had taken over her, and – well, you remember what happened to Quirrell when Voldemort stopped possessing him.� He finished sheepishly and stared at the floor.

So it had been Voldemort who had finished her. She had been innocent of any crime with which we had charged her … just a girl, in too far with a Dark Lord who had power she knew not.

“So she’s …� I couldn’t bring myself to go further. Ron nodded solemnly, and I buried my face in his shoulder. He rocked softly with me as I cried, ridding myself of the whole experience. He was my rock in this storm of emotion. Slowly, I let go of it all.

“Hermione,� he said, “do you want to … to see her?�

I nodded and tried to stand up. He helped me do so and together we walked across a room. In a sense, we were indeed going to a grave, the grave of a child who was innocent.

Her eyes were open, cold and blank. Her face was white as paper, and it scared me to see her like this. In life she had been … so beautiful, and she had been my friend. Maybe she was not as innocent as we had thought, but she was only a helpless child, who had dabbled with wizards stronger than herself and ultimately met her demise.

As we walked toward her, wizards I knew stepped back to let me through. Some of them I knew – others, I did not. But all seemed distant to me … it was strange. I had never known a friend of mine to die. All my life, I had been told that I was too young to see death, and I had been sheltered from it. But now …

“Hermione,� Ginny whispered, tears in her eyes, and I realized that there were tears in my own. Adrienne had been a friend before all this had started, and I remembered those days well. Harry stood beside Ginny, holding her a little and staring at me. I smiled at him and he smiled back, but it was distant. He had seen so much, and he knew, as I did, that I was seeing this for the first time. He was the first (beside Ron, that is) to come up to me.

“Are you all right?� he asked, embracing me. “It must be hard for you.�

I smiled. “Not as hard as you might think,� I said, shrugging. “It feels like I never really knew her.�

“It does,� Harry murmured, looking away. I felt Ron’s hand on my waist, and I looked back to him.

He took my arm and pulled me into him. “You’re not okay,� he said, telling me exactly what I needed to hear. “But you will be … you will be … and …� He stopped, seemingly at a loss for words.

“He’s not gone.� I couldn’t talk about my feelings now. “He’s going to come back and do this to some other poor people.� I looked down. It felt like it had been all for nothing.

“Don’t say that,� he said. “It matters that this happened. You had fainted before we got here, but we still learned loads. We got Malfoy, for one thing.�

My heart lightened considerably. He just continued to look at me, staring deeply into my eyes. Only one thought got through my senses … He was so good to me.

“I’m so sorry, Ron,� I said quickly, stumbling over my words. “I should never – you were – I’m just so sorry!�

He smiled at me, and I knew it was all right. It just felt so right.

“You could have died doing this,� I said softly, not daring to look him in the eye. “You could have died, doing it … for me. Why did you come?�

Ron turned my head back toward him. He was smiling and his eyes were shining. “You’re worth it, Hermione. It’s worth dying for you.�

He kissed me. It was not a solemn last kiss or the kiss of a joyful reunion, but the kiss of two lovers who no longer had a care in the world, who no longer had a reason to hide, and, most of all, never thought to be parted again.

Before you landed
I had a will but didn't know what it could do
You were abandoned
And still you're handing out what you don't wanna lose
You make me drop things
Like all the plans I had for a life without you

Someone to die for
Someone to fall into when the world goes dark
Someone to die for
Someone to tear a hole in this endless night
Someone like you

I'm drunk when sober
The room is spinning
You are what I hold on to
You're taking over
I find that giving in is the best I can do

Someone to die for
Someone to fall into when the world goes dark
Someone to die for
Someone to tear a hole in this endless night
Someone like you

After a long time, we broke apart. It didn’t seem right to end such a beautiful exchange, but I had to speak again. “Ron, I’m willing,� I said. “I – I can let you in …� My voice strengthened. “I’m not afraid.�

He kissed me again. I wasn’t afraid to let him in or to fight … We were here – here in the midst of a war, each other’s best source of comfort, and I – I, for the first time, it seemed, in my life, was whole.
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*A/N- Wow, guys, it's finished! I'll miss these regular updates and all your reviews. I'll miss talking and filling in the normal plot holes that I have for lack of planning. I'm not sure how soon, but I'm going to be writing Adrienne's backstory, how she was pulled into Voldemort's employ. I hope to see some of you there -- it promises to be interesting, at least. Now, guys, a big, super-awesome, enthusiatic thanks to every single person who reviewed my story! I love you all, and it's been a good run.