Summary: *one-shot* The soon-to-be-married Lily takes her quill in her hand and writes James her final love letter before she become his bride. These are the musings and wonderings of a young girl, who is about to become a woman. Please R&R.
Categories: James/Lily Characters: None
Warnings: None
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes
Word count: 1318
Read: 1690
Published: 01/22/05
Updated: 04/15/05
1. From the Very Bottom of My Heart by Ella Norman
From the Very Bottom of My Heart by Ella Norman
Dearest James,
Tomorrow is our wedding day. I can hardly believe it, can you? You chased me at school for all those years. Do you remember? Tomorrow I shall be yours at last.
I am not writing this so that you may see it tonight or tomorrow and love me more than you do. I am writing it for some year in the future when you may forget why you married me, why you ever loved me in the first place. I am writing this because I must. No, James, you will not read these words I pen with trembling hand until we are old and grey; our children are grown and married, as we shall be tomorrow. James, my dearest James, this letter may remain untouched save by the hand of time long after we are dead and gone. Indeed, we may never lay eyes on these words again. I may grow old and forget that I ever penned them, but I shall never forget the love that I feel for you now.
In the garden, the sky is white, and the ground has been dusted with the soft and powdery snow that is falling steadily and silently outside the window. Jack Frost is painting his icy patterns on the windows, and he is dancing lightly across the lake. Oh, James, I wish that you were here to share these moments with me. I know you can feel my presence – I can feel yours. It is beautiful outside the garden – beautiful, crisp, and cold. James, I wish I could dance with you one last time before I become your wife.
Oh, James, this is all I ever wanted out of life. From the time I was very young all I wanted was to become the wife of the one who I loved. Even now, I can hardly believe that it is you. I had never dreamed of marrying a man like you, but you are wonderful and handsome all the same. You shall remain so, forever, in my eyes.
Dear James, I can remember the day you first called me Lily. Do you? That was the day you found the missing piece in the puzzle of my heart. That was the day you called me Lily. That was the day that you melted my heart once and for all.
The blanket of snow is lying thicker outside my window now, and the fire on the hearth is dying down. My thoughts swirl round inside my head now, just as the snow swirls round before it adds to the blanket on the ground. I am to be a bride tomorrow, and you are to be my bridegroom. James, that is the only way that I would have it. Tomorrow, I will walk down the aisle, and you will be standing at the end of it. See? Even at the thought of it I smile, and I must briefly abandon this writing lest tears should come in my happiness. Ah, my darling, you know not what torment I endure in waiting for tomorrow, when I shall see you and be your bride. My heart swells at the mere thought of it, and every second lasts a million years while I am waiting.
How easily these words do come to me now, but how rarely shall I find a time in which to speak them as a married woman! Know this now, my darling, as you read this letter, yellow and aged, by some fireplace in a time many years hence: I shall love you forever, no matter how few times I have told or shown you. Words such as these have been shut away, and my quill has long since ceased to scratch on miles and miles of parchment, such as it does now.
As a married woman, I may assume a different appearance, and it is then that our love shall be tested truly. James, hear this, read this, know this now, I implore you: I shall remain always your Lily, the same forever and always. When a flower is past its prime, is it not still a flower? When a rose withers and dies, does it cease to be a rose? Nay, James. Remain faithful to me always, for I will always be your delicate flower.
Dear James, the rewards and fears of becoming a bride lay more heavily upon my shoulders now more than ever before, as I sit here beside the fire, pouring out my thoughts onto paper. Greatly now do I fear that you have never loved me, but only time will show me the answer to these endless questions of mine. My joy is overflowing, yet anxiety overwhelms as well. Little can I say now, for tomorrow, I am determined, I shall become your wife.
Do you remember my mother, James? Muggle that she was, she was a beautiful person, inside and out. It was she who passed on to me the greatest lesson that life had ever taught her. “Independence,” she always said, “is a virtue that must and will be gained, no matter how vehemently one fights against it.” These are her words of wisdom to me, and because of them I learned to live on my own. James, when I met you, independence was needed no longer. Oh, how quickly I digressed back onto even the lowly stages of infancy! Darling, you became my breath, my food, and tomorrow you will become my husband.
How willing now must I digress back into complete dependency. Now, my dear, I must rely on you for food, for clothing, and I must learn to trust you completely. There is no doubt in my young and foolish mind that I will, in the course of time, step only where you have previously trodden. And now gradually must I regain my independence as I grow older and become a mother and a faithful wife. Know this now, James, and do not forget it: I will never leave you or disgrace you. Hold fast to this promise, James. I will not break it.
My mother is not the only one to glean morals and lessons from life. Indeed, I believe that all women do, but few share their findings with posterity. I shall share mine with you, James, for only you are worthy. It is my belief that the greatest thing one ever learns is simply to love and be loved in return. Dear, this is what I have found in you. By lapsing into a state of infancy and helplessness, I have collapsed into your arms, and I have learned what it is to love.
These are my thoughts written down on paper. How easily does my mind pour out these small worries and woes of a young woman who shall be wed at the morrow. At first light’s dawn, my life will change for the better, for I cannot live without you.
Dear James, pay no heed to the girl who murmurs ceaselessly today in this letter, for by the time you read it, this day will be long gone. Do, however, remember always the lady walking down the aisle before you, the lady in white, the woman to whom you will vow to be faithful. Perhaps you will little remember these days by the time you read this, for by then you will be old and your mind will be cluttered up with other, more important thoughts. This is my last letter to you as your lover, and the first to you as your future wife. Remember still these words – The greatest thing you will ever learn, James, is simply to love and be loved in return.
As long as you love me, I shall love you, James. Remember that always.
These words are and will always remain,
Yours deeply,
From the very bottom of my Heart,
Lily
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