Disclaimer: The song--not mine. Sirius--not mine (damn). Basically everything except the twisted plot line-not mine! The song is by The Offspring.

Note: This implies Sirius/Lily relations. If you do not like that, even in humour content, well don't cry to me about it. I don't care that it obviously never happened or whatever. I am warning you now: don't read it if you are just going to say "HOW DARE YOU? LILY WOULD NEVER...*blablabla*".
Thank you! ^____^


Went out drinkin’ late last night I had a glass

And now the morning light has come and kicked my ass

WOHO

Light streamed in from the large window in the boy’s dorm and flooded the bed of 17-year-old Sirius Black, making his handsome face even more gorgeous than it had been before. He opened his brilliant dark eyes, glared at the window for a moment, then turned around and let his face fall directly into the soft feather-filled pillow groaning. His head was killing him, and he could not, for the life of himself, remember what had happened the night before. Knowing, however, from past experience and the fact that he was the most sought after guy in the whole school, there was probably some beautiful girl laying next to him who was utterly tired out from something -- he could only guess what.

He turned over to see who the lucky girl was, hoping to God that it wasn’t Rita Skeater, as she terrified the living daylight out of him. Surly he hadn’t been that drunk? Next to him, her deep red hair fanned out on the pillow, laid the peacefully sleeping figure of someone who looked strangely familiar, although, as her face was facing away from him, he couldn’t see who she was. Sirius leaned closer to her, brushing her neck with his soft, luscious lips. Then the fiery beauty stirred, groaning slightly as what Sirius suspected was a severe hangover hit her. As the girl rolled over, her soft green eyes staring at Sirius in surprise, he let out a yelp of surprise: “BLOODY HELL!!! LILY?!”

Then he fainted...

“Sirius...Sirius...SIRIUS DON’T-MAKE-ME-USE-YOUR-MIDDLE-NAME BLACK!!!” Lily screeched at an utterly disturbed and disgusted (and now also fainted) Sirius who grunted and then swiped at her face. He opened one eye, saw Lilly wrapped in only a blanket, and then closed it again, making a noise that could only be described as a cross between a groan and a snort. “What was that supposed to mean?!” Lily screeched again, hitting him over the head with a pillow.

“Nothing...nothing...” he muttered, his eyes still tightly closed. Maybe if he kept them closed long enough he could pretend he was sleeping, and that this was all just some terrible dream. “I just find it rather freaky that...well, you are my best friends girlfriend and...EW!” Another blow of the pillow greeted his answer and he opened his eyes, staring at a livid Lily in surprise.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘EW’?!?!” she bellowed, making Sirius wince slightly. His head was still rather sensitive, and Lily could get in quite a temper when she wanted to. He still had the scar from his second year when him and his fellow marauders had tried to steel he bra, but he would rather not think about that.

“Well...uh...it’s just, you are Lily! Your sister is...uh...crazy and you are dating my best friend! No offence, but this is not what I call a successful Friday night...” he pouted, his head still hurting. Lily’s glare was now murderous, and he sensed he had perhaps said something wrong. Well, he wasn’t used to talking to girls...

“So does that mean I’m not good enough for you?!” she screeched, he pretty face turning red and slightly blotchy. “Well, I’m sorry, Mr. I-am-such-a-bloody-great-person-that-I-think-everyone-is-beneath-me! For your information, I am not enjoying this either!!!”

“Really? Wow, that’s the first complaint I have ever received...I am so hurt,” he replied sarcastically, sticking his tongue out at her. How dare she? He wasn’t arrogant, and he didn’t think that she was beneath him...well, at least not anymore. He shivered slightly at that thought, and Lily obviously noticed the face he was making, which looked something like the face of a child after they have eaten a lemon.

“Okay, let’s stop being silly for just one moment and try and figure out what happened here,” Lily said, trying to calm herself. She couldn’t believe what she had done! She was James’ girlfriend, for goodness sake! It couldn’t be true, it just couldn’t.

“Hey! I’m never silly!” Sirius replied, slightly hurt. It wasn’t his fault he was so irresistible that no one could resist him.

“Yes you are. Now, let’s just try and figure out what happened,” Lily snapped back, losing her temper slightly. She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with Sirius Black, her boyfriend’s best mate! It was just so wrong!

“Well, by the looks of things, we had sex. Happy now?” Sirius asked grumpily, turning away from her again and trying to go to sleep. His head still hurt very, very much.

“I GOT THAT, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!” she screeched, making him jump up again, looking at her evilly.

“Must you screech like an owl? It is rather unattractive,” he muttered, dodging the pillow aimed at his head. Actually, he dodged it so much that he fell out of bed. Then he started laughing.

“What’s so funny?!” Lily demanded, not looking at Sirius, because naked Sirius was not something she wanted to see.

“It’s just...nothing happened. I’m still wearing my jeans!”...

******

When Remus came in later that day to pick up some schoolbooks for homework, he found Sirius lying amongst brutally butchered pillows, covered in feathers.

“Rough night?” he asked his friend.

“You have no idea...”

I’m never gonna drink again

I’ll probably never drink again

I may not ever drink again

At least not ‘till next weekend...