I Loved Him First
By Valentinia


Chapter 1: James

Petunia walked up to the stool with the old hat on it. She had never been this nervous before in her life. As she looked out into the sea of faces staring up at her, Petunia recognized her sister, Lily. Lily was gazing at her younger sister with mild interest. Petunia knew she didn't want people to realize they were related. Of course she didn't.

Lily and Petunia had never gotten along, as Petunia thought Lily had always been their parents’ favorite. She was beautiful, she was clever, and she was extremely talented at everything she did. Petunia was none of those things. She was just, had always been, Petunia. A tall, long-necked, horsey-teethed, plain girl with lanky, brown hair. It had seemed, also, that Lily was a witch and Petunia was just a "Muggle" for almost a year. Petunia smiled a little; at least the world hadn't been quite that unjust to her.

As Petunia sat on the stool, Lily began chatting quietly with the girl next to her. This girl was June, and she was to Lily the sister she had never had. Well, more accurately, June was the sister Lily wished she had. In reality, Lily did have a sister, after all.

Petunia knew June, as she had visited the Evans' home a lot, during the last summer break: Lily's first one back from Hogwarts. June had blond hair, and the perfect tan; a vision of pre-adolescent beauty, only contested by Lily, with her flowing red hair and almond-shaped, bright green eyes.

"Well, well. I saw your sister just a year ago," whispered a voice in Petunia's ear, "Never seen siblings so different. Hmmm... A difficult choice. Potential, yes. You could be great at whatever you set your mind to. Very stubborn. Honesty. But do I detect… a jealous nature? Oh, this is a challenge... loyalty, yes.... let's make it..." anxious beads of sweat were building on Petunia's forehead.

"Hufflepuff!" yelled the hat. Petunia jumped up, placed the hat carefully on the stool and hurried towards the table decorated with black and yellow banners, where the students began clapping loudly.

Petunia looked momentarily over towards Lily, sitting at the Gryffindor table, but her sister's gaze was already focused on Frank, Luisa, who had just placed the sorting hat atop her black curls.

Sitting down, Petunia received many a pat on the back. She did not feel very proud or happy, though. These people did not like her for her, they were just happy that there were new Hufflepuffs to help them win the evasive house cup she had heard Lily and June talking about. Petunia knew that she could just as easily fall out of favor with all those now congratulating her. They were like her parents' friends, polite, but without real liking or compassion for Petunia. How could they have it, after all? She had never even spoken to any of them. It was all fake.

But at least she was here, at Hogwarts. For a long time, Petunia had worried that she wouldn't be accepted at all. Lily and that horrible boy from down Spinner's End had received letters, and she hadn't. She had written to the Headmaster, Dumbledore, sure there had been a mistake. At first it didn't seem like it, and Petunia had made up her mind that Hogwarts must be a school for freaks. Lily wouldn't stop bragging about going there, and Petunia spent most of a year wishing she could've been as fortunate as Lily was.

And then, finally, there it was. Petunia was a year younger than Lily, so it made sense that the letter should arrive a year later, and there it was. Lily's tantrum when she realized Petunia would be attending Hogwarts also was enough to make Petunia happy enough to apologize for calling her a freak the year before. Her apology hadn't been accepted, and yet, here she sat, beneath an enchanted ceiling, sure that she had entered an enchanted world.

Then she saw him. Sitting at the Gryffindor table, casually looking over at her from between a handsome boy with long black hair, and a chubby, blond boy with small, watery eyes. He was a hazel-eyed boy whom she instantly recognized. She had heard Lily and June complaining about him last summer. This had to be James Potter. He was, like her sister, a second year Gryffindor. Although he was not nearly as handsome as the boy sitting next to him, who, she presumed had to be Sirius Black, whom June "secretly" fancied, James had a sort of rugged sex-appeal (not that Petunia formulated it like that yet). His messed up hair had something cool about it, and Petunia decided, whatever her sister might think, there was something nice about this boy. He turned his head in her direction, and, catching her staring, he grinned and winked. At least she fancied he did, maybe he just had something in his eye. Petunia felt an unfamiliar churning in her stomach. No! This couldn't be happening. But, yes. It was. It was at this point that Petunia decided, subconsciously, that she would befriend James Potter, and that she, in her nosy way, would discover everything there was to know about this boy.

At the end of the meal, and their headmaster's speech, which Petunia had not listened closely to, as she had been too busy watching James, the first years were shown to their common room and dormitories. As Petunia lay in her warm feather bed that night, she thought of James.

He certainly was a character. All through dinner, he and Sirius had been acting like complete loonies, and doing clever tricks. They were very popular, the foursome of James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew (the blond boy Petunia had seen next to James at the meal) and Remus Lupin, especially for second years. Soon, Petunia fell asleep, full of the good food from the feast, and happily dreaming of James.

Two weeks later, Petunia had decided she loved Hogwarts. Hogwarts was the home she felt she had never had, and, although she had not made any friends, she felt great all the time. Still, there had been one incident, which had disquieted her a bit.

As Petunia had sat in the library, one evening, reading an, admittedly rather boring, book, someone spoke to her. He was a tall boy, his lank black hair looked very greasy and his skin was a waxy color. It was Severus Snape, a boy she recognized from her home. He was poor and dirty and cruel. The first she could forgive, but the other two attributes were two Petunia couldn't stand.

"Hey, Evans. You made it in after all, did you?"

Petunia nodded, timidly. She had always been rather afraid of the scary boy from Spinner's End.

"You read the letter didn't you. He never actually said I couldn't come, he just said 'not this year', remember?" she said testily nonetheless.

Snape and Lily had read the response she had gotten from Dumbledore the summer before Lily started at Hogwarts, and Petunia hadn't forgiven this intrusion of her privacy. There were some things she hated, and one was nosiness in other people.

"Oh, very clever. You're still nowhere near as worthy of being here as your sister, Mudblood."

Petunia had no idea what a Mudblood was. But, something told her it was nothing nice. And here he was, comparing her to Lily, Lily who had laughed at her for not being a witch. Lily who could always pretend when their parents were around but who had bragged and laughed when the were gone. Yet, Snape looked menacing, holding his wand at his hand, and Petunia didn't say anything.

Then, suddenly, Snape's wand flew out of his hand, in a blast of red light. James Potter walked towards them.

"Leave her be. Now." James commanded. The boy slunk off, picking his wand up on the way.

James turned to Petunia. "Did he hurt you?" he asked.

"N-no," was all Petunia could manage to stutter.

Truthfully, Petunia hadn’t been that scared. Yes, she had been shaken a bit, because he knew that she was related to Lily, but it was only another student after all. Being this close to James Potter himself, however, the boy who had also just saved her was making Petunia very nervous.

"Well, he knows your sister. Just, keep away from him, don't go off alone, especially at night, and, if Snape..." assuming she didn't know him he continued, "that boy you just, err, met, ever bothers you, let me know."

He turned and walked away serenely.

Petunia smiled at his back, really loving Hogwarts. Here, no one ever compared her to Lily, no one besides Snape, and she could ignore him if James said she could. Most people did not even realize the two were related. Here, at Hogwarts, Petunia was her own person. And for once, she liked herself. And maybe, just maybe, James would too, some day.

Chapter 2: James vs. Snape

It was a warm summer afternoon, and Petunia was lounging outside on the grounds. She was now fourteen years old, but looked much the same as the Petunia who had sat trembling under the sorting hat almost four years ago. She still had stringy brown hair, a long neck, and horsey teeth. All in all, she was still the same tall, gangly, homely girl. The only difference (which horrified Petunia) was the addition of a few pimples on her chin and forehead, and a few extra inches height.

Though it was a warm day, Petunia had her hot robes on, and was sweating slightly.

Near the lake she saw Lily, who was dangling her feet in the water and listening to June talk excitedly. Petunia could hear enough to make out that June was babbling about Sirius's "wonderful, handsome, sexy self� as usual.

Petunia's eyes did not linger on the girls by the lake, though, as she saw James sitting under a large beech tree with Sirius, Peter and Remus. He was playing with a snitch he had nicked, and Petunia thought he was catching it wonderfully.

James was a Gryffindor Chaser. He had had the spot since his second year, and he was brilliant. Petunia was sure he could have gone out for any place on the team and performed almost as well.

She too, enjoyed flying, but was very shy, and had therefore not tried out for the Quidditch team. What if James laughed at her?

As Petunia watched James from her hidden spot in the bushes, he stood up, along with Sirius and looked directly at a boy with a hooknose and long greasy hair. Petunia recognized him as Severus Snape. James had saved her from in first year, she recalled fondly.

Since then, Petunia had seen him around a lot, not least in her own home unfortunately. Lily was friends with him, and this was all the more reason to avoid him. Truthfully all she knew, however, was that he was a terrible Slytherin who loved the Dark Arts, and that it was an open secret that he and James hated each other.

When Petunia saw Snape stand up, she almost yelped in surprise at the place he had been sitting. She had been so preoccupied with James that she had not noticed that Snape was sitting mere feet away from her hiding place. Luckily she stifled her shout just in time and merely shuddered slightly. Snape and his group of Slytherins was a nasty bunch, especially when it came to “Mudbloods�. By now she knew, of course, that those were people who, like her, had non-magical parents.

Snape was walking away, but James called out to him.

"All right, Snivellus?" he shouted, in a carrying voice.

Less than five seconds later, Snape had his wand in his hand. James, however, was quicker and hit Snape first with a disarming spell, next with the "Impedimenta" curse.

Usually Petunia would not have understood James's reason for doing this and would have thought it very unfair. When James was the perpetrator, however, Petunia thought it was very brave and the right thing, too. Snape often snuck up on James in corridors and cursed him from behind, she reasoned, and that was very chickenish. At least James gave Snape a fair warning. Besides, James had every right to want to get back at Snape, who tormented anyone he could easily overpower, such as defenseless first years. Well, Petunia had no proof of this, really. But, Snape was just a git. Really, James’s actions were completely justified, she thought.

James and Sirius walked towards Snape, who still lay on the ground, and began talking to him. Petunia couldn't hear what they were saying, but she registered it must have been some sort of insult, as many students in the surrounding area laughed, and Snape glared up at them from the ground.

Petunia would usually not have laughed at anyone who was being bullied like Snape was, as she herself was not very popular. When it was James doing the bullying, though… There had to be a reason!

The three boys talked a little more, and Petunia heard a stream of very colorful words come out of Snape’s mouth. Many of them she hadn't even been familiar with. Then, as James yelled, "Scourgify!" pink soap bubbles replaced them. Snape was choking, gagging, when Lily stepped over to him with a blushing June a ways behind her, staring at Sirius.

"Leave him ALONE!" Lily shouted, so loud that Petunia could hear her all the way across the lake. James said something to Lily, and she replied. It was another open secret that James had a thing for Lily that she did not return.

The two talked some more, and Petunia felt torn. She was jealous of her beautiful sister, she was relieved and happy that Lily didn't want James, but she also felt a bit guilty for having those feelings. She felt bad for James, as the girl he liked put him down. She felt what James was doing was no reason to ignore his love. After all, it wasn't like Snape didn't deserve it.

"OY!" yelled Sirius, and Petunia, like James started and turned to look at Snape. He had his wand back, and had cursed James.

Petunia cringed; she saw blood spatter James' robes, as it gushed from a cut on his cheek. "He's hurt!" she thought desperately. James had not done anything nearly that bad to Snape, only a few minor hexes. Snape was a Dark Arts-loving little slime ball. Petunia peeked a little farther out of her bush, and saw to her immense relief that James was still standing. She sank back into her hiding place.

Of course James couldn't just take that lying down, so, as Petunia watched, James flipped Snape upside-down, and revealed his graying underpants.

The students in the surrounding area laughed and applauded. Petunia would have applauded too, but she didn't want anyone to notice her. She liked her privacy, and did not want to just blend in with the crowd. Most importantly, she did not want James to see her. No, he would never like her. Oh, James. She sighed to herself. Lily, however, seemed to feel very differently about Petunia's hero. She said something to James, at which he let Snape down, and hit him with a full body bind. Lily was screaming again.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!�

James and Lily spoke once more, James messing his hair up the whole time, and James took the curse off of Snape, who turned on Lily and said something. Couldn't Lily see that James was messing his hair up for her?

Didn't she care that he wanted her desperately; that he was willing to leave an arse like Snape be, only to gain her approval?

Lily seemed to have changed her mind about Snape, as she looked coolly down on him. Typical, Petunia thought. Her sister was incapable of loyalty.

"Apologize to Evans!" James shouted at Snape.

Petunia wished James would stick up for her like that one day. Just like that day in the library, back in first year.

"I don't want you to make him apologize, you're just as bad as he is..." Lily screamed at James.

How dare she? James was so much better than that Snape! Why did James still like Lily after the way she treated him. James was right, Snape should apologize, no one deserved whatever Snape had said, she was sure of it. Not even Lily, if that's what James thought.

"What?" James asked unbelievingly. He went on to talk to Lily; all Petunia heard was the word "never". Then Lily spoke again, Petunia could understand only was "sick". Lily walked haughtily away.

Petunia would never have walked away from James. Her sister did not understand him. She never would.

"Evans! Hey, EVANS!" James called after her, but Lily ignored him.

James turned away from Lily and back to Snape, who was hanging upside-down once more. James seemed furious, and was taking it out on Snape. Well, Snape had cursed him.

When Petunia looked again, Snape was hanging in the middle of a roaring crowd, with certain body parts that would usually be hidden, out in the open, and hanging limply down.

Everyone standing around was openly laughing, one girl was even yelling, "Oh, it's so cute!" over and over again.

Petunia watched for a while longer, giggling softly, until James stopped displaying Snape because the Potions teacher, Professor Slughorn, was walking over, albeit chuckling.

He should be. James had to be the funniest person to have ever attended Hogwarts.

Chapter 3: Snape's Revenge

On the day after the incident between James and Snape, Petunia sat in the library once again, doing homework. She had just finished her essay on "How To Perform A Correct Summoning Charm And When It Can Be Useful In Everyday Life", when she heard footsteps behind her.

A slight nervousness overcame Petunia, and she felt, for some reason as if she were experiencing a déjà vu. When she turned to face the person approaching her, her heart stopped for a second.

Petunia now realized why she had thought she was experiencing a déjà vu. Behind her stood a boy who had, almost four years previously, sneaked up on her as she sat on this very spot in the library.

As Snape grew nearer, and Petunia's apprehension grew, she found herself cursing her love of privacy.

'Why? Why the back of the library? Why the bloody back?' she was thinking, as the curtain of greasy hair and that large, protruding nose drew nearer to Petunia's face, and she attempted to ignore the tall boy.

"Hey, Evans," he said coolly, looking into Petunia's eyes, "Did you happen to see your sister yesterday?�

Really, Petunia shouldn’t have been that scared of Snape, but for some reason he had always made her more nervous even than the others in his little gang. Perhaps it was the fact that even they didn't seem to respect him much, but he was still allowed to hang around with them. Or maybe it was just because she had known him for so long, and she was sure he was the one person always comparing her to Lily, even here, at Hogwarts.

"I don't know...I mean.... why are you telling me that you saw Lily yesterday?" Petunia stuttered, genuinely surprised and quite apprehensive.

"I think you did see that... err... scene yesterday, did you?"

Thinking of those old Muggle movies her dad loved so much; Petunia decided her best bet would be to just "deny everything".

"I wasn't even near the lake yesterday," she replied, calmly. A second after the words escaped her mouth, Petunia could have kicked herself.

"Then how, one might ask, do you know anything happened by the lake yesterday? I think you saw your Gryffindor savior and Lily out there.� His mouth had twisted into an odd, sardonic smirk.

That was odd. How could he even know that she fancied James? Her Gryffindor savior? This, Petunia surmised, was why so many people disliked Snape. There were definitely more pressing matters at hand, though.

"Well, Snivellus, she sure has every right to think she's better than a slime-ball like you!" came a male voice from the doorway, "Evans, get out of here. You shouldn’t see this!�

Petunia stumbled towards the door, tripping over her own feet, with eyes only for James. James wanted to save her. James was her hero.

"Hello? Are you okay?" Sirius was waving a hand in front of Petunia's face. She was torn from her thoughts of James, as he asked her again.

"Are you alright, Evans?�

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Thanks. Thanks! You guys saved me!" she said quickly, feeling pretty giddy at being with the Marauders and, most of all, James.

"James's idea. He thought it was a really cowardly thing to for Snape to beat up on someone younger than him. I say Snivellus was too cowardly to face Lily herself. Should have been grateful, the bastard." Sirius gave that sexy little grin that June so loved, but the flip in Petunia’s stomach had nothing to do with that, and everything to do with the fact that James was exiting the classroom she had just left.

"Th-thanks. Thank you so much. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't saved me. I could've died! Thank you!" Petunia gushed, which was not normal for someone usually as down-to-earth and skeptical as she prided herself in being.

In fact, Petunia had to admit that that she was overdoing it. Snape would not have killed, her she was sure. Blushing bright red, she hung her head in shame. What would James think of her now?

His next statement seemed to match her thoughts.

"Ah, that's okay, don't get excited now."

"Why did you help me? We're not even friends. Do you really like my sister?"

Petunia clapped her hand over her mouth just in time. Her inquisitive (her mum always called it downright nosy) side had gotten the best of her. She had been about to ask every single question she had been wondering about for years in one breath, perhaps thereby admitting her secret feelings.

"Never mind," she said.

Sirius, Remus and Peter, who were all walking alongside of James grinned knowingly, as James blushed slightly at the mention of Lily.

"We can change that, you know? The bit about us not being friends.�

Petunia knew James was probably just trying to change the subject. Still it was hard for her not to show her excitement at these words. Her, Petunia Evans, friends with James Potter? Her secret crush for the past four years? This couldn't be true, it was much too wonderful.

"You really mean that? I mean you actually would want to hang out with me? With me?"

James turned, a bit questioningly (probably at her excitement), to Sirius, who turned his head to stifle a chuckle. Remus frowned slightly and looked back at Petunia.

He saw the tall, gangly girl with a long neck, the outcast, and smiled.

"Yeah, I think that's what he was suggesting. Or are we so low-down that you wouldn't want to be seen with us?" he joked, then added in a stage whisper: "Wouldn't surprise me, you know, with these two around.�

He and Peter chuckled, as James and Sirius playfully punched each of Remus' arms.

Petunia watched the four boys in front of her, as they joked, and suddenly she giggled, another very un-Petunia-ish thing.

"Yeah. Yeah. You lot seem okay." She blushed madly.

And so, the four Marauders and their newfound friend walked towards the grounds.

"So, Ev...ah, I mean Petunia, (that's your name, right? Good) tell us about yourself," Sirius said.

Petunia still couldn't believe her unimaginable luck. Next to her stood the boy she had loved for four years, the boy she had thought fancied her sister. The boy that now wanted to be her friend.

'Well, I don't know whether he really does like Lily.' she thought hopefully.

'Of course he does' said another little voice in her head 'you saw him yesterday by the lake!'

'Oh, shut up,' she told herself, 'for once forget who you are, and just have fun and accept the good things in life. It may sound cliché, but James is by your side, just let go.'

And so, just for that day, for that afternoon, for that moment, she did.

"Well, I grew up in a small suburb of London..." she started, amidst much laughter.

Chapter 4: You Just Want Lily

Merely weeks after Petunia became a friend to the Marauders, the summer break started. After Petunia had finally realized that, yes, she could be friends with these boys and with James, she had calmed down and the Marauders had been able to get to know the real Petunia. And, as impossible as it seemed, they seemed to like her.

Sitting in the train home, Petunia chatted with James as the other three boys went off to find the food trolley.

"You know, Petunia, if you could... well... no, I can't ask that." James seemed embarrassed and anxious.

"What?" Petunia asked eagerly.

This couldn't be what she thought. Or, maybe... no, there was no way that James, probably the most popular boy to have ever attended Hogwarts, had any feelings for her other than friendliness. Even that was more than she (or anyone else) had ever expected. Petunia was sure that any other feelings were just one-sided. But maybe... after all, he hadn't needed to save Petunia from Snape. And, he did befriend her out of the blue. It was possible. Wasn't it?

"What?" she pressed, "Would you tell me already!"

"Okay, okay, well... I was wondering if you... no, I can't ask... okay, fine."

It was very unlike James to be this nervous; after all, he was usually the one who was always cool, calm and collected. Except when it came to Lily of course. But this couldn't be about her. A little bubble of hope began to inflate in Petunia's stomach. Maybe, if this wasn't about Lily it was about Petunia? She waited, hopefully and with bated breath.

James looked at his folded hands lying on his knees. Then, very quickly he said: "Could you put in a good word for me with your sister?"

Petunia could feel the bubble burst. So he was after Lily. The irony struck her like a physical blow to the head. Trying to hide her disappointment, she asked a question that had been in her head for a long time.

"James, you saved me because you wanted to impress Lily, didn't you?" She hadn't meant to sound so accusing. Or maybe she had.

Startled, James looked up. He was blushing furiously.

"Well, yeah, I guess that was my original motive, but, well now if you were attacked I would help you even if you were Snivellus' sister." He attempted a feeble chuckle at his even feebler joke.

"Well, if that's the only reason. Now I know, don't I? You just wanted to get closer to Lily," she was crestfallen and let it show, not caring what James thought or found out.

"If that's how you want to see it. You heard what I said, I'm not going to repeat myself." James, too, was starting to sound angry.

"Admit it, you just wanted to get closer to Lily. You have a crush on my sister! Admit it!"

"Yeah, well, why shouldn't I like Lily? She's great! What's wrong with you? So what if I have a thing for your sister?" he was shouting now, too.

"You were using me!" Petunia was livid.

"I wasn't! I like you, Petunia. You're my friend! Just accept what I said, will you."

"NO, I won't! I know the truth! I know you like Lily, I know!"

"SO WHAT? WHY DO YOU CARE?"

"You were using me!" She was trying to regain her calm.

James, however, was working himself into a steam.

Just as he was about to shout something nasty towards Petunia, though, Peter, Sirius and Remus entered the room carrying piles of candy.

Petunia turned her back on James and looked out the window. For the rest of the train ride, James and Petunia remained icily silent, refusing to tell the others what was wrong, while Peter, Sirius and Remus took turns making forced conversation and stuffing their faces with candy.

When they arrived at the station, Petunia made to grab her trunk and it fell on her toes. James was by her side immediately, helping her get the trunk off and helping lift it from the car. However, halfway through this act, he broke off, as Petunia glared at him.

"Fine!" he muttered and stopped helping Petunia, who struggled with her trunk until Remus noticed her and took pity.

Sitting in the car on her way home with her parents, Lily and June, Petunia was still fuming. James was using her, she was sure. And to think she had believed that he actually like her. It was so unfair.

'But, didn't he try to tell you that it wasn't true? That he does like me?' a small voice in her head said.

Why had this fight occurred so late in the year? They wouldn't be able to settle it until September. But did she want to settle it? Wasn't she sure he had only been trying to get closer to Lily? He had saved her from Snape to impress Lily, not because he cared about her. Besides, she doubted that Snape would have even hurt her. Did it matter? No, she decided. What mattered was that James had done something he considered noble, not for her, but for Lily.

Now she thought it over, though, Petunia came to only one conclusion: she would most certainly not be putting in a good word for him with her sister.

The biggest problem with this fight was that, no matter how hard Petunia tried to be just plain mad at James, a part of her always still liked him. In her juvenile way, loved him even.

Petunia was torn out of her reflections by June's whining voice.

"And so he turned me down. I can't believe it. Remember during O.W.L.s? He was sitting just ahead of me, and he was leaning back, he was so sexy. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. So I thought he would've noticed by now, but no. What is it? Am I ugly? Am I fat? Am I not sexy enough?� said June, "Or maybe, he's just shy," she added as an after thought.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Look, June, Sirius is so not shy. Don't lose hope, maybe it'll work out next year.� Petunia was quite sure that June didn’t catch the sarcasm in Lily’s voice, nor the annoyance. Neither should I, Petunia reminded herself. 'Well, she is my sister' the voice added, feeling the need to comment on everything, apparently. Petunia ignored it.

"Another girl? How can the guy cheat on you if he turned you down cold when you asked him out? About five times. You sound like you're going steady or something," joked Lily. Again, Petunia heard some annoyance in her voice. Was Lily growing up, just a little? Seeing how ridiculous her friend was, Petunia thought spitefully. Then, she felt a little guilty, and she wasn’t sure why.

"Oh, how I wish it was so," sighed June melodramatically, "My love, why do you hurt me like this?"

This time, Lily was giggling wholeheartedly. June joined in the laughter, and there they sat laughing their heads off on the back seat of the car, while Petunia sat in the front, angry with James, annoyed with her happy sister and confused as to why she still wanted James to like her. Why she still liked him. Why her stupid, stubborn heart refused to give up hope.

Chapter 5: Outbursts By The Seashore

"Well girls, this is your last day with your parents for this year," Mrs. Evans said, sounding rather depressed.

"Your friends will be here soon, Lily," added Mr. Evans.

Petunia sat on the sofa, pretending to read her Potions essay over again. Summer break was almost over, and Petunia couldn't wait to return to Hogwarts. Perhaps she and James would be able to make out. Make up, she corrected herself mentally, giggling in a way that only teenage girls can.

James had not contacted Petunia at all over the vacation. Remus had written a friendly letter once or twice, just asking how she was and what she was up to. In his letters he had hinted heavily she should write to James, because James was too stubborn and proud to write to her first. Well, though she had politely answered Remus’s letters, Petunia refused to write James. She, Petunia Evans, had her own pride to consider.

The doorbell rang, and Lily jumped up to get it. Lily and a few of her friends had organized a camping trip that was to last the remaining week of vacation, as a sort of "back-to-school-get-together". Mr. and Mrs. Evans had convinced Lily to take Petunia along, too, so that they could go on vacation to Mallorca. Therefore, all of the family's suitcases as well as Lily and Petunia's school trunks were packed and standing by the door.

"It's June and Marie!" Lily called from the doorway.

"How many are we waiting for, then?" her father called back.

"Just one more!" was Lily's reply, then "Oh, look, there comes Claire! That's everyone."

Petunia was not really looking forward to going camping with a bunch of hormonal teenage girls - though she was a sharp-minded girl she refused to see any irony in referring to her sister's friends as such. They didn't even want her to be there! But she hadn't wanted to spoil her parents' trip, so she had to go along with Lily and her friends.

The four girls had just come pouring into the living room, much to Petunia's dismay, as she wanted to be alone with her thoughts for the time being.

The living room, however, was no longer a peaceful, sunbathed refuge for Petunia. Lily and her friends were giggling and chattering excitedly.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans were hugging and kissing their daughters good-bye as Claire and Marie, who would be entering her seventh year, and were already 17, shrunk all the baggage, tied it to their brooms, and performed Disillusionment Charms on everyone, as well as the broomsticks and shrunken bags.

"Why don't we just Apparate?" asked Claire exasperatedly as she struggled to perform the Charm correctly.

"Yeah!" exclaimed an equally annoyed Marie, "Claire and I have passed the test! We could side you guys along."

June gave them an understanding look, then nodded towards Petunia.

"Oh! I completely forgot she was coming. Too many people then. This stinks!"

"Come on. Just forget it," said Lily, obviously a bit embarrassed, though Petunia wasn't entirely sure why. It couldn't be because her friends were insulting her sister. That much Petunia was sure of. Lily hadn't stood up for her little sister since before Hogwarts.

"I wish Lily could perform the Disillusionments at least. It's really complicated," Claire complained, and then added, grinning at Lily, "You got the best marks of the year in the O.W.L.s, didn’t you?"

"Her and James," June reminded the group playfully.

"Oh, don't talk to me about that... that... puffed-up PERSON!" Lily intoned meaningfully.

"He is sort of handsome you know," Claire stated, raising her eyebrows.

"His bullying of innocent people for the heck of it helps me to get over that!"

"Next to that sexy Sirius Black, he's nothing, anyway," Marie replied, wisely changing the subject.

June sighed longingly in agreement.

For the whole rest of the flight the girls talked of the Marauders, while Petunia just watched the landscape, feeling awful because she couldn't clear her mind of the fact that she and James were not speaking to one another.

When they finally reached the beach they would be camping at, it was evening.

With the help of magic, the girls pitched their tents and built a fire where they made their food Muggle fashion. Everyone besides the two Evans sisters found this very exciting, though they burned most of their sausages and marshmallows.

That was how the rest of the vacation went, mostly. Lily and her friends went swimming or lay around on the beach, chatting, giggling, and getting tans

Petunia, however, spent most of her time hidden away in a small crevice a quarter of a mile away from camp, trying to read and thinking of James. Why did she still like him?

Then, on the girls' last day by the beach, something happened.

Lily had gone off to walk in the moonlight, alone, and Petunia sat with June, Marie and Claire eating dinner (prepared magically this time). Petunia was musing over James, as usual, and the others were talking about couples.

"Don't you guys think I would fit so well with Sirius?" June was asking for the umpteenth time.

"Sure," replied Marie, as everyone rolled their eyes in unison, "I mean, you're pretty much the hottest girl in school, and he's the sexiest guy, without a doubt."

"Well, Lily is as beautiful as you are, June," supplied Claire.

"But, I mean, Lily and Sirius? That would just not look right," said Marie.

"You know who I think would go great with Lily?" asked Marie, looking around furtively for effect.

"Who? Who?" Came Claire's eager reply.

"Okay, don't tell Lily, but I think..." she paused dramatically.

"Yeah? Go on!"

"James," Marie finished.

At the sound of James' name, Petunia looked up. She hadn't been listening to their conversation before, but now she was.

"You know, I think that's so true," Claire told the other two.

What did she think was true, Petunia wondered. Were they still talking about James? Probably not. She was about to go back to her thoughts, when she heard his name again.

"James and Lily, Lily and James, yeah, it sounds right," June mused, "Just imagine, Lily James Potter. Cool."

Petunia jumped up.

"It is not cool! They would be horrible together!"

"Oh my gosh, I forgot she was here," Marie muttered audibly.

"I didn't think she and Lily were that close, I wouldn't have expected her to stick up for her," June said, as if Petunia couldn’t hear her.

"Not like we were doing anything bad anyway, we just said Lily and James would look cute together," said Claire, sounding apprehensive,

"Enough! They would not look cute together," Petunia shouted, forgetting exactly to whom she was talking, she continued, "James deserves so much better! He deserves someone who loves him, and cares for him. Someone who craves his love and returns it. Not someone like Lily! Someone like m..." she stopped herself just in time.

Petunia had almost confessed her love for James to a group of Lily's friends. Besides, she was mad at James, why was she sticking up for him? Maybe he did deserve someone as shallow as Lily.

Just then Lily returned, asking what was the matter. The other girls shrugged guiltily while Petunia herself crawled into her sleeping bag. Oddly enough she didn't fall asleep thinking about James, but about Lily. And the fact that her friends were keeping secrets, albeit harmless ones, from her. For a few moments, just before nodding off, Petunia missed the relationship she had had with Lily so long ago, before Snape came into their lives. And she fell asleep, not loving James so much as hating Snape.

Chapter 6: First Kiss

The next morning, Petunia was awake first and had cleaned everything up before the rest of the girls opened their well-shadowed eyes.

When they did, they were all trying their best to avoid Petunia, or at least not speak to her. Petunia thought they seemed a bit nervous because of her outburst the night before, but, still mad, she did not care.

Around noon, everything was packed and ready to go, the girls were mounting their brooms, shrinking the baggage, and performing Disillusionment Charms on one another.

They flew to Kings Cross, where Lily and her friends quickly separated from Petunia. Petunia did not really care either way, but she knew the others would not want to be seen with her.

Petunia entered the train, and was immediately ambushed by Sirius, Remus and Peter.

"Petunia, come on, we have a compartment in the back."

Petunia looked uncertain. Did she want to see James? Had he perhaps, (and at this thought her heart gave a leap) forgotten their fight already? But no, the other Marauders probably hadn’t even told him they were getting her.

"Come on!" urged Sirius, "You have to come, we saved you a seat."<

Deciding that nothing would stop her from being with her other friends, not even her fight with James, Petunia followed the three boys towards their compartment.

As soon as they reached the compartment, Petunia saw James. He was absently looking out the window.

Petunia sat down without even saying “Hello�.

Out of the corner of her eye, Petunia saw Sirius and Remus exchange glances. Then Remus stood up.

"I should go... ah... patrol the train," he said.

"Yeah... you know, I... um...saw some Slytherins... they were... they looked... suspicious. You know Slytherins, slimy bastards, the lot," Sirius added, "Remember, Wormtail?�

"No," he stated, looking honestly confused.

"Yes, and why don't we just go show them to Moony, eh?" he asked forcefully.

Peter didn't catch on, but by this time both James and Petunia were grinning. They caught each others eye, but both quickly looked away when they noticed the other looking.

"Come on!" Sirius said through clenched teeth.

They (or rather, Sirius) looked so menacing that Peter complied, and got up muttering to himself.

As the three boys left the compartment, Petunia and James heard Sirius scolding Peter for not catching on to the fact that they wanted to leave James and Petunia alone.

James looked at Petunia, she looked at him, and they both couldn’t help laughing fit to burst. Why, they weren't even sure. Perhaps the pathetic attempt of the other Marauders to get them alone together. The hysterical laughter did a lot to break the ice, in any case.

"Look, Petunia, I'm really sorry, I wasn't using you. You know, I thought about it, and I don't think that I even love your sister. It was more of a schoolboy crush, you know? She's definitely not the girl for me. I'm really sorry, I wish I could prove it to you," James said earnestly, once he had regained his composure.

For what seemed like an eternity, Petunia looked at James. Finally, she decided that he was not lying. He looked so honest, so sorry, and so, she admitted it, if only to herself, cute.

"Yeah, you know what, James, I think I could forgive you."

"Really? You know, Petunia, I haven't known you for that long a time. Well, I'd have recognized you, but, well I only just got to know you end of last year," James started, "And, I've learned in that time, not only that what I felt for Lily, or rather, what I thought I felt for Lily, was not true love. But I've learned something else, too. Something that is at least just as important. And that is, that a person can become friends in mere weeks. Petunia, I've known you for a few weeks, and in that short time, I've become very attached to you. You have no idea how much you mean to me."

After his very long speech, James looked up, obviously expecting some sort of response from Petunia.

"I think I do," was all she offered.

"You do what?" James seemed slightly confused.

"I do have some idea of how much I mean to you. At least if I mean as much to you, as you mean to me," she stated calmly, then added, "By the way, that speech was really beautiful... I think."

They both giggled.

Then Petunia became earnest again. She looked closely at James.

"James, how did you realize that Lily wasn't the one for you? How did you know? What made you realize it?" she asked.

"Well, you know, after what you said on the train, I felt really miserable. Mostly because I like you... a lot. You're a really good friend to me. But I also felt so bad, because I thought you might be right in some way."

Petunia opened her mouth, hurt. She had expected something completely different. James, however, indicated that she should be quiet and continued.

"Well, so there I was, feeling awful, when I realized something. I wasn't trying to use you. Otherwise I wouldn't have felt that bad. I know, this might be screwed up logic, but I was certain, and I still am. I was not using you to get closer to Lily, not even subconsciously. Then I thought about it some more. I realized I didn't love her. How could I? How could I love someone who hated me? Lily is not the girl for me!"

It was the second long statement he had made on the train ride. Petunia was frankly impressed, if not with his wording, with the sheer amount he had spoken.

"You know, I feel like I’m in a really cheesy soap opera."

The two laughed almost hysterically once again, this time just happy to have ended the fighting. Not even a grain of doubt was to be found in Petunia’s usually so incredulous heart. Perhaps mostly because what James had said matched what she had wanted him to say. But this thought never so much as crossed her mind.

James opened his mouth. He closed it again. Then opened it. Then closed it.

"You look like a fish, just spit it out, would you?" asked Petunia sounding jokingly exasperated, and feeling a group of excited butterflies dancing the tango in her stomach.

"Well, Petunia, I didn't only think about Lily, I also thought about some other things, and well..."

Petunia would never know what possessed her to do what she did next, and yet she wondered, years later, what might have happened if she hadn’t done it. But she did.

Petunia leaned across, putting her face very close to James'. She put her finger on his mouth and murmured, in what she hoped (but later on rather doubted) was a breathy and sexy voice:

"Don't say anything."

Then, she pressed her lips to his. It was a very short, innocent kiss, but Petunia felt tingles all over her body, as her blood raced, and her pulse quickened. Her first kiss. It was with the boy she loved. Petunia was in paradise right then. And it got better: James returned her kiss.

"Oh!" Sirius gasped, surprised and embarrassed, though, Petunia noted he did not look disapproving. "We didn't realize... we wanted to tell you that... we're at the station."

James and Petunia looked at each other, both beet red. Then they started laughing for the umpteenth time that train ride. The other boys looked from James to Petunia, then to each other, and just wondered.

Chapter 7: Young Love

For Petunia, school had always been quite important, as she had always realized she would need good grades to get somewhere in life. Neither looks nor charisma nor connections would be helping her in the least. Therefore, she had always viewed her fifth year with worsening anxiety due to exams. Fifth year for her had never meant anything but O.W.L.s and therefore lots of work. Now, however, in her fifth year, she felt happier and more at ease than ever before.

She felt so happy, not because of her upcoming exams, or course, but because of James. At the end of her fourth year, Petunia had found friends, the first real friends she had ever had, and thought that it could not get any better than that. How wrong she had been.

Petunia now had a real boyfriend. Of course she had always loved James, from the time she first set eyes on him, but now he was returning her love with vigor. Of course, from time to time, Petunia wondered what he saw in a homely, incredulous girl like her. But those thoughts were swept from her mind whenever James reached out to hold her hand under the table.

And, best of all, although Petunia and James still usually hung out with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, the two did find time to be alone.

Whenever they met in the corridors they held hands, enjoying the whispering and pointing. Most students knew James; the Marauders were very popular, and though most girls favored Sirius, James had his own group of admirers. They were all extremely upset about this strange, gangly, little-known girl who had stolen "their" man.

Another thing was very different, too. Now, when Lily walked around the school there was no James following her, asking her to go out, and being annoying. Lily seemed extremely glad, as did a number of boys who had mad crushes on the pretty girl. In fact, Petunia wondered if Lily didn’t miss the protection James had given her. After all, she had had to put up with James, but, because of this, was bothered by no one else.

Really though, Petunia, couldn't have cared less about Lily. She was just overjoyed that the one she loved cared for her, too.

Sirius and Peter had been very surprised at first, when they heard that Petunia and James were going out. Remus had, apparently, seen it coming and was very supportive, as was Sirius once he got used to the idea. Peter seemed to feel slightly betrayed, perhaps because the only thing he really had in life was his friends. Though a part of her begrudged Peter this lack of enthusiasm, Petunia could understand it. He wanted the Marauders to himself, just as she hated to share anything with Lily, because she knew Lily would outshine her. Still, knowing that anyone thought she, Petunia could outshine someone else (even if it was only Peter) was a bit flattering.

This lack of enthusiasm was only one of Peter's peculiarities, though. Petunia, who believed herself to be a very astute judge of character, had found Peter to be a bit strange from the beginning, and these feelings had only intensified since, no matter what sympathy she felt for him.

But she spent as little time musing about Peter as about Lily, especially since by Christmas break she had so much homework that she barely had time to eat and sleep.

The time not spent with homework and studying for the pre-O.W.L. tests, Petunia spent with her new friends, or alone with James.

Her relationship with James remained very innocent, never going beyond holding hands and a bit of snogging in a secluded broom closet, but Petunia found it to be enough. She never even stopped to wonder if James felt the same. Or if he, perhaps, was the reason their relationship didn't progress. She loved him enough, she told herself, to rule both of those ideas out entirely.

And that was certainly how it seemed. Hogsmeade weekends were spent together, and the two enjoyed moonlit walks by the lake, after escaping the school under James' invisibility cloak.

All in all the relationship was a blossoming teenage romance, Petunia thought to herself, as, on Christmas Eve, the two teens were sitting on the bank of the lake. Side-by-side, holding hands, staring into each other's eyes, the two were the perfect image of young lovers.

"James?" Petunia tore her eyes off of her boyfriend to stare off over the lake, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Mmmh?" he mumbled into Petunia's hair. She moved away a bit.

"Do you really love me? I mean really." She looked at him.

James was quiet for a second, then: "I reckon I do."

Petunia scooted back closer to James, snuggling up to him as he laid his arm around her bony shoulders.

"You know, I think I love you, too."

If that wasn’t the understatement of the year. But she had been brought up well and didn't want to sound too clingy.

"Good."

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"What is love?"

"What do you mean? Love is a feeling, a deep feeling. You can love someone. Many people. Parents, siblings, lovers... Why?" James said, sounding a bit nervous, and chuckling weakly to hide said nervousness.

"It's not funny. You know I don't mean love in families. I mean... Well, before I came here, I went to a Muggle school, 'cause my parents didn't know I was a witch. We had science classes - biology."

James looked puzzled, so Petunia added: "Oh, right, you never went to Muggle school. Well, you learn about animals and plants and stuff. It's basically the study of the living. You know?"

James nodded, still looking slightly confused, and Petunia continued.

"Animals just mate to have babies. People don't. We have this "love". Why should people have love? Why don't... Hippogriffs get married? Why don't fire salamanders only mate with one lover?"

Blushing slightly, James giggled. At Petunia's glare, he tried to turn it into a cough, failing dismally. Petunia broke down and laughed at his attempts. James laughed with her and they sat there laughing for a while. Then Petunia regained her composure and began talking once more.

"But seriously, is love just made up? Is it real?"

"YES! Don't say stuff like that. Love is real, and it's important!" James said indignantly, "You just said yourself that you loved me!"

"Okay, okay. I was just, you know, wondering. Thinking about life." Petunia hugged James, and so they stayed for a while. Just holding each other, and thinking.

"But you do love me, right?" James finally asked, his voice sounding almost strained.

"As I said, I guess I do. Yeah. Think so."

"And you would love me, whatever I did?"

Petunia eyed him sceptically. Was this a test? Timidly, she nodded.

"I... I suppose I would, James. Why?"

"Just... just wondering," he responded, then added, rather too enthusiastically, "Great, 'Tunia!"

Deciding to ignore any odd feelings this conversation had given her, Petunia joked: "You're so uncertain!"

"Uncertain? The great Marauder, Prongs? Never!"

"Oh, James. You are so cute. That's what I like most about you,� she cooed, only half kidding.

"Love," James corrected, sounding oddly serious, "that's what you love about me."

"Whatever."

"Hey, what time is it?" James asked suddenly.

"1:30, why?" Petunia answered, glancing at her wristwatch.

"Happy Christmas!" James picked Petunia up and swung her around a few times, Petunia yelping in surprise and excitement.

"I forgot it was Christmas."

"I bet the others did, too. Let's go wake everyone with some fireworks!"

Petunia shook her head in mock disapproval, and then followed the running figure of James up to the castle.

He was waiting for her in the doorway, holding the invisibility cloak.

"I love you," he mouthed.

Chapter 8: Meeting Luisa

For most of the year, Petunia's life continued in much the same way, though her romantic evenings with James became fewer and fewer what with her studies for the pending exams. Come May, O.W.L.s approaching fast, Petunia decided that studying should be taken even more seriously.

That's why Petunia sat in the library, her books spread out on the table on a warm Saturday morning. She had library almost to herself, as the weather was magnificent and most of the students were outside enjoying it.

"Aren't you coming, 'Tunia?"

"No, I'm not! I have O.W.L.s coming up. And don't call me 'Tunia!"

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"James calls you ' 'Tunia ' all the time. Why can't I?"

"Because. Now bugger off, I'm studying."

"Would you say yes to James? You would wouldn't you?" Sirius whined, pretending to be offended.

"No, I wouldn't. And I've already told him so. Many times. Go away."

"Fine!" Sirius turned on his heel, still pretending to be offended and walked towards the exit where Remus, Peter and James were waiting. He had insisted on trying to convince her himself, being the stubborn person he was.

"Well?" asked James, "Any luck?"

Sirius shook his head. The Marauders looked over to Petunia and waved, but she just shook her head without even looking up.

"Definitely not coming?"

Petunia did not deem that last annoying question worthy of an answer.

Dramatically pretending to be highly dejected, the boys headed outside, leaving Petunia to her studies.

As the door swung shut again, Petunia glanced up. They were gone. Finally. The pests had been trying to convince her to go out flying by the lake with them for the past half hour.

And as much as Petunia would have loved to join the fun, she had exams coming up in only a month, not to mention piles of homework to complete.

"Well, they were rather annoying,� a strangely misty voice announced, interrupting Petunia’s thoughts of Unicorns, Trolls and Hippogriffs. Her Care of Magical Creature's notes were very hard to understand, even for their taker.

Ready to stick up for her friends (even if the unknown speaker was saying the complete truth) Petunia exasperatedly looked up at the person in front of her anyway.

"My name is Luisa. Luisa Frank."

"Yeah. Look, sorry, but what do you want?" Petunia had been up half of the night and was rather ill tempered.

"We are in a few of the same classes, I think."

"Yes," Petunia said slowly. She did recognize this girl. She was in most of her classes, in fact. Luisa was pretty much an outsider; Petunia usually saw her alone. Back before Petunia had befriended the Marauders, Luisa had tried to talk to Petunia, as Petunia also had no friends. But Petunia had not wanted to be friends with Luisa; Luisa was an outsider. A very strange outsider.

For, unlike Petunia, the Ravenclaw girl could have been popular. She was pretty, with curly, black, shoulder length hair, full, red lips and large, innocent, brown doe-eyes. Also, she came from a respected, pureblood family and her grades, though they were not top marks were passable.

But Luisa, though she was polite to everyone, was an oddball. Whatever people were doing, she did the opposite. Not only that, but she did not seem embarrassed by anything, not even going out with strange and eccentric Ravenclaw seventh year Xeno Lovegood who was possibly the most unpopular boy in school. No one spoke to him, not even other outcasts. Except, of course, Luisa.

"Petunia?"

"What do you want, Luisa?"

"Would you like to study with me? We could test each other," Luisa stated.

Why not? Petunia might as well do the girl a favor; after all she had no friends. And, now that Petunia’s reputation was good, since she was dating James, studying with Luisa couldn't hurt it. Besides, who knew, it might be fun.

"Sure."

"Great!" exclaimed Luisa with more excitement than Petunia would have expected.

Luisa pulled out her schoolbooks and sat down across from Petunia.

"I see you're studying Care of Magical Creatures. Are you doing Unicorns? Wonderful."

Before long, Petunia had forgotten the girl she was sitting across from was a weirdo. Luisa knew all there was to know about magical creatures, and she even told Petunia about some creatures Petunia had never heard of. Of course, most of them were so outrageous Petunia had a hard time believing in them, but it was still fun studying with someone who knew so much.

Care of Magical Creatures was finished in no time, and the two girls moved on to Transfiguration. Luisa was not as good at any of the other subjects as she was at Care of Magical Creatures, but Petunia got the distinct impression that Luisa was far from thick.

In fact, Petunia was starting to enjoy this girl’s company quite a bit. They studied well together, stopping every now and then to chat about other things.

Luisa had no siblings, and had basically grown up away from people her own age. An only child. Petunia envied her for that.

They finished studying by two o'clock, and decided to go down to lunch together.

Sitting at the Hufflepuff table (Luisa showed no inclination to go join the other Ravenclaws), many people stared, and whispered: Apparently Luisa had finally found a friend. But since Petunia herself was not that popular, and was protected from real ridiculing by dating one of the Marauders, not many people cared to talk about them for long.

Just as the two girls had begun eating, James, Sirius, Peter and Remus entered the hall. They walked over to Petunia, and looked questioningly at Luisa.

"Hey!" Petunia greeted them. She leaned over and kissed James quickly (“Yum! Potatoes!� he grinned and was rewarded with a smack and an “Ewww, James!�) before introducing Luisa to them.

"Nice to meet you," Remus supplied cheerily before sitting down between Luisa and Sirius who had already taken his place and begun chewing happily.

James, following suit, sat down next to his girlfriend, putting one arm lightly around her waist and filling his plate with the other.

"So, no time to go out with us, but time to socialize with the girls, huh?" James asked, feigning deep resentment.

"Very funny. No, James. We studied the whole time."

"You're kidding. That's mental. You're mental."

"That's why you like – eh, love - me."

He laughed.

"But seriously, 'Tunia, the O.W.L.s aren't that bad. I got twelve, remember? It was a breeze," James bragged.

"Oh, shut up. I'm going to study as much as I see necessary, and there's nothing you can do to stop me! Right, Luisa?"

"Whatever. You're two nutcases, then," laughed Sirius. Petunia suspected Sirius didn't much mind the girl's reputation for being odd when he saw how pretty she really was.

"Oh, shut up!" came the reply from two mouths as one. Smiling when the Marauders made no further comment, Petunia returned to her meal. Finally she had found an ally - and a friend.

Chapter 9: O.W.L.s

"Oh god! I'm so nervous! What if I fail? Then what?"

"You know that you won't fail, Petunia."

Petunia and Luisa were standing in a small waiting room outside of the Great Hall, waiting to be called in for their Charms practical exam. If it hadn't been for Luisa's calming presence and quiet reassurances, Petunia was sure she would have had a nervous break down already.

"Evans, Petunia; Frank, Luisa; Gad, Samuel; Grant, Morris," called the tall professor holding a list of names.

"Good luck, Petunia!"

"Thanks. Good luck to you, too!"

Petunia's examiner was an elderly man, perhaps 60, with a mane of dark gray hair and veined hands.

"I am Professor Tofty," he wheezed, before asking Petunia to do all manner of things involving charms, including everything from making eggcups perform cartwheels to making a rather heavy anvil float in the air.

"I think it went all right, you?" Petunia asked afterwards, looking at Luisa, who seemed more distraught than Petunia had ever seen her before.

"Well... I think I destroyed some of the equipment. One of the dinner plates. I accidentally said something about mushrooms, I’m not sure… I was pretty nervous. The examiner seemed not to have noticed, but I think might be permanent!"

"Don't worry, Luisa. I’m sure it’s fine. Plus, now the exams are almost over."

"Yeah... Yeah, I guess so. Care of Magical Creatures tomorrow. Then Transfiguration on Friday. I'm sure we'll be fine."

"And Divination for you,� Petunia reminded her, then added happily, "and then we can just relax until summer break."

Luisa nodded, restored to her serene self.

"Two for me. But you're right. We should do some more studying,� Petunia sighed.

"I suppose," Luisa said reluctantly, looking out onto the sunlit grounds.<

Just then, the four Marauders walked over to the two girls.

"What's up, girls? That wasn’t so bad, was it?" James asked, laying an arm around each of them. Petunia wished he had only draped his arm around her shoulders, but tried to ignore the resentful feeling.

"It was!" Petunia exclaimed at once, "And we still have a lot of studying to do!" she added, throwing James' arm from her shoulder.

Sirius looked incredulously at her.

"You're kidding, right? You have only two more subjects left, right? Don't you have some time for your old buddies? Come on 'Tunia!"

That was the final straw for Petunia, whose nerves were already beyond raw.

"One, NO! Two, Luisa still has three subjects. Three, we have to study! Don't you want me to pass my exams? And four, DO NOT call me ‘Tunia!" Petunia stomped off, pulling a still calm looking Luisa behind her.

"What was that all about?" inquired James, looking surprised.

Remus chuckled. " Padfoot, it really ticks her off when you call her 'Tunia,� was all he was willing to share.

"What would we do without you, Moony?� Sirius asked, sarcastically.

“Oh, you’d get by,� Remus answered with a grin, “Peter would just have to explain all these things to you.�

He nudged Peter, who looked rather alarmed, and all four boys reluctantly burst out laughing. No matter what, they were the Marauders.

Meanwhile, Petunia was sitting in the library, poring over her Care of Magical Creatures textbook with Luisa next to her, sighing over Petunia's complicated Transfiguration notes from last year.

Next day the Care of Magical Creatures exams went extraordinarily well. Petunia was sure Luisa had done everything perfectly, both in the written and practical exams, and knew that she herself had done alright too.

Transfiguration also went rather well, not as well as Care of Magical Creatures in Luisa's case, but both girls were sure to have passed.

That weekend, Petunia decided she had better go spend some quality time with the Marauders. She had been neglecting their friendship for a while, preoccupied with her O.W.L.s and her new friend, Luisa.

The friendship she had with Luisa was a very special friendship, after all, the kind of friendship that can only be formed between two girls. And she had been enjoying it immensely.

For, while her friendship with the Marauders was also a very special and rich friendship, the closeness that was between her and Luisa could never exist between boys and girls, she was sure. Besides, the Marauders had been close since First Year - Petunia felt she would never really belong, no matter how much they cared about each other. Luisa, on the other hand, was already like a sister to Petunia, though Petunia hated to compare someone so nice to Lily.

So, on Saturday morning, Luisa went off with her boyfriend Xeno, leaving Petunia with James, Sirius, Remus and Peter to spend some time with the boys.

"So, got some time for us again?" James joked as Petunia kissed him good morning at the breakfast table.

"Finally," Sirius threw in, pretending to reproof Petunia, while he clapped her heartily on the shoulder.

Content, Petunia began tucking into her eggs and bacon just as the morning owl post arrived.

In all her time at Hogwarts, Petunia had not received a single letter. She had never even bothered to buy herself an owl. However, this morning, an owl that Petunia recognized as Lily's fluttered down in front of her.

James looked up, surprised, as did Petunia.

"Isn't that Lily's bird?" James asked, looking over towards Lily for a split second before hastily returning to his breakfast.

"Yeah. Hey look, it's a letter from mum," Petunia exclaimed, holding the letter up and reading it:

Dear Petunia,

Your father and I have been missing you a great deal and can't wait for you to come home over summer. However, that is not why I am writing. This letter is to tell you that your father and I wanted to let you know that you are welcome to invite some friends over the summer, to go camping, as none of Lily's friends seem to have time to come.

Missing you greatly and looking forward to seeing you come summer,

Mum

P.s. Could you please return this bird to your sister, it is hers, and she kindly let us borrow it.

"Wow!" Petunia said under her breath. She didn’t even stop to be jealous that her mum was obviously in more contact with Lily than with her. Nor did Petunia consider that her mum really didn’t have a way to reach her younger daughter, even if she wanted to. Petunia had a certain knack for ignoring things that were right under her nose, sometimes.

"Hey, guys, how would you like to come camping with me, at the end of the summer holiday?" Petunia asked excitedly.

"I for one will come!" Sirius said nodding vigorously.

"Me, too!" James agreed.

"Count me in!" Remus said, nodding, "Peter?"

"Yeah, yeah... I could make it," he replied.

"Great!" Petunia said, patting the owl and whispering it should fly back to Lily. She didn’t notice James’s eyes following the bird.

Chapter 10: Peter Pettigrew

After breakfast, the four boys ran upstairs to grab their brooms, as they had decided over breakfast to go out flying for a while.

Sitting at the table, waiting for her friends, Petunia, who hadn't flown in ages, was full of excitement. She was going to get to get up into the air again!

Finally, the Marauders arrived at the front of the entrance hall and waved frantically for her to come.

She walked over to them, and the five friends headed towards the Quidditch pitch.

"I can't wait to go camping!" Sirius was babbling to Remus, "I mean like real Muggle camping! That's what we'll be doing, right 'Tu... Petunia? Must be really exciting!"

Petunia rolled her eyes, and nudged James, who laid a warm, protecting arm around Petunia's waist, and she snuggled up to him, though she felt very warm already. She didn’t complain.

The others sniggered a bit, but at James’ look, they returned to their conversation about the camping trip at the end of summer break.

"... And we'll roast marshmallows..."

"Get over it, Padfoot! You'll have to wait 'till the break, anyway."

"I know, I know... Although, maybe… our dormitory is fairly large…" he mused in a voice that was so serious Petunia knew he was kidding.

She giggled. "It's really not that great," she started, but then, seeing that Sirius was intent on thinking they would be having a great adventure she didn't even try.

Arriving at the pitch, Sirius and James kicked off immediately, while Petunia headed over to the storage shed with Peter, who also did not own a broom. Remus, apparently, was too tired and was sitting out.

The two walked along in silence for a while.

"You don't like me, do you?" his squeaky voice came from Petunia's left.

She looked down at the short, blond boy next to her, carefully looking over his podgy face, the fat cheeks almost hiding the small, blue, watery, cold eyes… Wait, Petunia thought, blinking. Cold?

He, too, was closely examining the girl in front of him, eying her large front teeth and lank hair.

"Do you hate me?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I see it in the way you look at me, all the time, like you don't trust me. You don't do you? When you look at me it's different, always. I want to know, I want to know the truth! Answer my question. Do you hate me?" His voice was becoming higher and higher as he ranted on.

"Should I?"

Petunia's voice was exceptionally hard as she stared down at the boy. Do I? She asked herself, do I hate him? No, she answered herself, hate was too strong a word. He was James's friend, after all. She didn't like him though - that much was certain. But why not? If only she knew what it was that made her dislike him so. Petunia always thought she was good at reading people, though, and something about Peter made her distrustful.

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you accusing me? What have I ever done? Nothing! I'm innocent! I did nothing, nothing, you hear me?"

His cries were becoming hysterical, as if he were on one hand looking for her approval, and on the other hand had completely forgotten Petunia was there. Petunia took pity on him.

"Look, Peter, I am not accusing you of anything. I know you've done nothing. I know that you're innocent," she reassured him, soothingly patting his back.

His sobs subsided, leaving Petunia wondering. Now, she was sure something was wrong. But he was James's friend, so she would let it be. After all, she didn't have to be best mates with Peter.

Still... there was something suspicious about him. Petunia, always a nosy girl, she thought proudly, would be watching him carefully.

By this time they had reached the shed and were getting out two school brooms out.

They walked all the way back in silence.

Upon returning to the field, Peter looked Petunia in the eye, just for a moment. This look clearly said: Please, please don't tell anyone.

Petunia gave him a tiny, tight nod.

"What took you? What were you two doing, huh?" Sirius yelled, pretending to be annoyed.

"Yeah, Wormtail. She's taken, remember?" Remus added, grinning at James.

“Why you little… You’re disgusting!� Maybe it wasn't a very nice thing to say, but Petunia wasn't considering that just then.

Jumping onto her broom, Petunia raced towards Remus, who was lounging in the stands Changing courses, she quickly sped after James instead, when James stuck his tongue out at her. Plus, James, being on a broomstick (and a much better one that Petunia's at that) posed more of a challenge.

He flew away, and Petunia flew after him, as fast as she could, but she hadn't a chance on her old school model.

James slowed down, letting her catch up to him for a second, laughing, then he sped up once more and Petunia raced after him, panting slightly.

Sirius and finally Peter, too, joined the game of tag above the Quidditch pitch.

Eventually Petunia, Sirius and Peter had caught James, and were speeding towards the ground, giggling and whooping with delight.

Peter cringed fearfully as Petunia barely missed the ground, pulling up into the air again.

All the boys looked on admiringly.

"You should really try out for your team next year, 'Tunia. I never thought I’d say it, but maybe Hufflepuff would have a chance!" James told her, awed.

Sirius just gaped; Remus, who had walked down, patted her back, while Peter broke into quiet applause. Soon the clapping grew louder, as all four Marauders joined in.

Petunia's face was burning, but somewhere deep inside she felt very, very pleased. Perhaps she would go to the Quidditch tryouts next year.

However, she couldn't let the boys make fools of themselves, so she shot up to where they hovered, crashing through the middle of their brooms, starting the chase over once more, with a cry of: “What do you mean Hufflepuff might have a chance?"

Around 6 o'clock, Petunia, Remus and Peter managed to convince their more adventurous friends to go back to the castle for some dinner.

Chattering and laughing, they sat down at the table, near Luisa. Petunia started chatting with her and the Marauders at the same time, everyone posing questions, yet not waiting for answers, as teenagers are apt to do.

Just then, the world was at peace for the group of friends.

Chapter 11: Peter's Secret

"Bye, Luisa, I'll miss you. Are you sure you can't come camping? Think about it, okay. It'll be fun, I promise.�

"Look, Petunia, I really want to come, I've told you a thousand times that my parents are making me come home. I'd much rather go with you, you know that don't you?" she spoke with regret in her voice.

"Yeah, I guess so," Petunia sighed, looking Luisa directly in the eye.

"You know, Luisa, you look a bit peaky."

"No, I'm fine really, just feeling a bit under the weather, it'll go away soon. I'll see you next year, Petunia. I'll miss you so much.�

Critically, Petunia mustered Luisa's pale and sickly appearance.

"Okay, then, I guess I'll see you next term. Have a good holiday!" Petunia said, hurriedly hugging her friend.

Then, with a quick wave, she ran off to where her mother stood waiting for her.

Mother and daughter watched, silently, as Lily hugged at least ten friends, saying goodbyes and waving, until she finally walked over to her family, many a male eye following her.

Purely out of habit, Petunia never answered her mother's questions on the way home with more than three words.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Petunia, your friends are here.� Her mother's slightly high-pitched voice brought her back to the present day.

She had been thinking of the last time she'd seen Luisa. Considering it now, she became very worried. Her friend had written, yes, and the letters had seemed cheery enough, but Petunia was sure something was wrong. Petunia hated being so far away from Luisa with this uneasy feeling.

However, now was not the time to stress over it. She would see Luisa in merely a week and did not want to spend time on her camping trip worrying. And it wasn't like she could change anything by worrying, anyway.

"Hey, Petunia!"

"Long time no see, ay!"

"How've you been?"

Petunia heard Sirius' bark like laugh, Peter's slightly high-pitched giggle and Remus' friendly chuckle. She couldn't hear James though, and quickly she turned her head to where the noises were coming from.

James stood, next to Sirius looking mildly distracted, staring off into space.

Petunia looked in the direction he was staring, but could detect nothing more interesting than her sister wearing tight Muggle jeans and a white T-shirt. James must be thinking or something, she thought, shrugging to herself.

Now, James snapped out of his reverie, and made his way over to Petunia.

"'Tunia! Good to see you!" he scooped her up in a warm hug. He made no attempt to kiss her though. Maybe he doesn’t want to in front of my parents, Petunia thought.

A few minutes later the four boys and two girls were soaring through the sky, Petunia riding on the broom the Marauders had bought for her birthday about two months ago. They had stopped by her house, in fact, and she had had a little party. The only present she didn’t like (or refused to like) was that from Lily, a pretty necklace. Petunia had never liked any of Lily’s gifts. She always told herself they were too impersonal. Not that her gifts to Lily were ever very personal, either.

Looking up from her thoughts, Petunia let her hair wave in the wind. Over the summer it had become a much lighter color, almost blond. She grinned, letting disturbing thoughts be blown right out of her mind.

By nightfall the group had reached the same beach that Lily and her friends had been camping at last summer.

"So, now we start acting like genuine Muggles, right?" Sirius asked, with far more excitement than the occasion called for.

The others giggled, yet they set about putting the tents up in the sparse moonlight with enthusiasm. James and Remus, though they would not admit it, seemed to find it just as exciting as Sirius did.

Peter seemed to be the only one who was not helping happily. Petunia noticed with some unease that he seemed nervous and jumpy, but she was the only one who seemed to notice. Everyone else was far too busy acting like proper Muggles.

Finally, when the night was almost spent the group crawled into the tents exhaustedly.

Petunia, however, noticed that Peter did not seem intent on going to sleep. As soon as he was sure everyone was sleeping, he crept out of the tent, not knowing that Petunia was following him.

She could not explain it, but she felt he was up to no good. In fact, Petunia could not stand Peter. In Remus and Sirius, Petunia had found a wonderful friendship, and in James she had found that and more. Peter, however, had remained closed and basically ignored Petunia from the start, even though she hung out with him and his friends.

It was not only that. Petunia did not only dislike the boy, she felt very uneasy around him, and for some reason suspicious of this weird teen. She could not explain these feelings, though, and therefore never told anyone about them. Ever since the incident last term, her unease had intensified greatly, and Petunia, being of an inquisitive nature, wanted to know what secret Peter was hiding from his best friends.

They sneaked along in silence for some time, until they reached another campsite, where a girl sat silhouetted eerily by the light of the campfire.

She was tall, and her long, black hair hung in plaits down her back. Her face was gaunt and skeletal. Still, there was something disgustingly beautiful about the thin, pale face and the blood red lips.

Had Petunia not vaguely recognized this girl as a Slytherin, a girl called McNair who had a brother known for beating up first years, she would have believed her to be a vampire.

Peter stepped up to the girl, his eyes shining oddly. Upon reaching her, he wrapped her in an embrace, kissing her lips hungrily.

This seemed very strange to Petunia, as Gryffindor and Slytherin were enemies. No Gryffindor would ever touch a Slytherin, unless to it was beat them up, and no Slytherin would talk to a Gryffindor unless they were making a nasty comment.

Of course there were exceptions, but they were seldom and most people believed Slytherins and Gryffindors could not be friends. Even Lily and Snape's friendship had faltered and faded away over the years, it seemed.

Petunia would, however, have though nothing of it, assuming that Peter had fallen for a Slytherin girl and had, understandably enough, not wanted his friends to know about it.

But just then, many other figures appeared. It was a group of Hogwarts students and former students. Mostly Slytherins, as Petunia noted, though she recognized a few from other houses vaguely as well. Liking one Slytherin was one thing, but meeting with a group of Slytherins? Something was going on and Petunia was determined to find out what.

So she moved closer to the group, until she could hear the mumbling voices.

She could understand very little, only two phrases came through loud and clear:

"The Dark Lord" and "spying".

Realizing James would want to know about this, and also realizing she could not get any closer in order to eavesdrop without them seeing her, Petunia decided she should note what the people looked like.

There were Peter and the McNair girl, next to her stood Snape. On his other side stood McNair's brother, next to him a boy called Parkinson. Then came a group of Slytherins who had already left the school, including Avery, Nott and Malfoy, all three infamous for their hatred of Muggleborns. Next to Malfoy stood a very pretty blond girl, but she was nothing in comparison to the girl who stood on her other side.

A girl known to the school as Bella, or the Belle of Hogwarts. This old-fashioned epithet fit to her perfectly; Bella, it was said, was a rich, pureblood beauty. Petunia had never really noticed her, but Bella was still talked about by everyone. Petunia refused to believe the rumor that every boy in her year had loved her, but seeing her now, Petunia was sure a few of them had.

As she was staring, Petunia thought there was something about Bella's beauty that recalled Sirius's high cheekbones and straight nose. But she supposed all truly good-looking people had these features, and she banished the absurd thought of their similarity. Instead she continued searching for people whose names she knew. However, it seemed that she could not recollect any other names, though she recognized a few more by sight.

Most looked large, strong and stupid, but a few, the ones that were talking, gave the impression of great cunning and intelligence. Those were the ones that scared Petunia most.

Then, suddenly, the voices died out. Petunia almost ran for it, thinking that the group had discovered her as she cowered in the shadows, but no. Peter had started talking, and everyone was listening eagerly.

Petunia couldn't quite make out what he was saying, but she did hear one word quite clearly, at least four times.

Just what was Peter talking about? What was he telling these Slytherins? Why was he kissing that McNair? Who was "The Dark Lord? And... Why was Peter saying the word "Evans"?

Evans... What was he saying about Lily, or even Petunia herself? He couldn't be spying could he?

Petunia had to tell James. She sneaked out of her hiding place, and crawled away from the light of the fire, then got up off of her knees and began to run.

James. She had to talk to James.

James.

Inexplicable panic was spreading throughout her entire body. She had the terrible feeling that James was hurt.

She had to find him.

She had to reach him before Peter. What if something happened to him? What if something already had?

James!

Chapter 12: It's Been Her All Along

Finally, Petunia reached the campsite where she was staying with the Marauders. To her surprise a small fire was going. However, only two figures sat by it. One was James and the other was... Petunia's heart felt as if it had dropped past her knees and down to her toes. It couldn't be, could it? James had gotten over Lily, right? He loved her, Petunia, now.

The voices floated over, and Petunia sat, still unnoticed, in the shadows, listening.

“I… James, I feel like I’m betraying Petunia by saying this, but I guess she hates me anyway… God, I know it’s awful to be doing this, but it feels so right…�

"But I thought, I mean... well, I thought you hated me," James exclaimed.

"I thought so too. But I was wrong. I'm so sorry that I hurt you all those years, James. When you started dating Petunia, you became more mature. You haven’t hexed Snape for ages. But really, I guess it just took the... admittedly, the jealousy, that you were dating someone else, dating my sister, for me to see how much I actually didn't hate you. And, James, I understand if you can’t be with me. I know you love me, but if you don’t want to hurt Petunia like that, then honestly, I will only respect you more," Lily replied, sounding on the verge of tears. Petunia was sure she was faking it. Since when had Lily cared about her?

“I… Lily… I wish I could do that. I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but I wish I could just say I don’t care for you. But I can’t lie. I don’t know what Petunia and I had, but with you, I know I can have so much more.�

“James. I… I don’t know what I can do, except hope she forgives us both.�

And with that, the two had somehow found each other’s arms, and James was holding Lily in a way he had never even held Petunia.

Petunia sat, immobilized, watching, horrified. Lily's small body was mashed into James's in an intrusive way, Petunia thought. Why didn't James move away? Tell Lily he didn't love her; tell Lily that it was Petunia he cared for. Petunia watched, a sick fascination building within her. Lily's green eyes, James's green shirt, the green leaves on the ground all seemed to have melted into one being as Lily and James sat entwined with each other.

James didn't move. He stayed where he was, as Lily made to give him a tender kiss. James made a tiny protest, which turned into a small moan.

This was too much. Petunia jumped out of her hiding place, Peter momentarily forgotten. The tears were streaming freely down her cheeks and she wasn't even trying to stem the flow of salty water.

James jumped at the sight of Petunia, covered in dirt and twigs from crawling around, and with a tear-stained face.

"'Tunia, I..." he began, pushing away from Lily.

Petunia just stood there, crying silently, occasional sobs shaking her whole body.

This was the boy she had loved since she was eleven years old. The boy she was willing to sacrifice her life for, the boy she had lived for.

And there he sat, wrapped in the arms of her beautiful sister, who had shunned his love when Petunia had embraced it.

At long last, Petunia's voice returned.

"No!" she yelled, as if yelling could change what she had seen.

She didn't care that Sirius and Remus were crawling out to see what the commotion was about, didn't care that she was causing a scene. It wasn't her fault. It was James's. No. Lily's. She felt like spitting on the ground in anger.

"Petunia, I can explain, it's just, I..." James stuttered, embarrassed.

Lily too was staring intently at the ground in embarrassment, and, if Petunia had been looking, she might have also seen the small tear of sadness and apology in her eyes. Lily knew that she had sacrificed her sister for James. But Petunia did not have time to watch Lily.

She cut James off with a hysterical scream.

"I thought you loved me! I thought you cared about my feelings and about me! I always loved you, I always cared. You lied to me, James Potter. You were using me, weren't you? I don't know why I didn't see through your lies. But then, I thought you loved me! I thought I could trust you. I see now that I thought wrong!" Petunia was rambling on, crying and screaming, her voice becoming increasingly high-pitched, "You just wanted Lily from the start. I was just a tool in the plan. How could I have been so blind? Lily and James, the perfect couple. Head Girl and Boy, best of their years, 12 O.W.L.s! But I believed your lies, James. I believed you!"

James was obviously very uncomfortable, yet this, he felt this was going too far.

"Look, 'Tunia, I wasn't using you. This was the first time that Lily... that Lily and I... that..."

Petunia gave a dry hiccup.

"I thought I loved you, too. I thought I got over Lily. And, 'Tunia, I do love you. I really do! I just love Lily, too. I... I... I love you both, but differently, I mean, 'Tunia…�

Petunia cut him off once more, furious.

"You mean that you love her more!" she shouted, enraged.

"No! No, that's not what I mean to say. I mean to say that... 'Tunia, I love you. I love you more than I could say. I would give my life for you in a second. But... 'Tunia, I love you the way I love Sirius and Remus and Peter,� James gesticulated towards his other friends, not even noticing that the last one was missing, "like mates. Best friends. But, 'Tunia, not like a lover. I don't love you or anyone else in that way."

Sirius gave a nervous little giggle, but finding nobody sharing in his little joke stopped laughing abruptly.

James continued.

"No one besides Lily. I'm so sorry, 'Tunia. I swear, I wasn't using you, this wasn't planned. I thought I loved you like that. But when Lily kissed me, just now. I felt... I felt...� he looked around in search of the right word.

"You felt like you were in heaven. The one you loved was kissing you for the first time. Lights were going off in your head like fireworks, your stomach was churning, but you never wanted it to stop. You felt like you were floating on clouds. And then, when it was over, you felt as though a part of you was missing. An important part. Something you couldn't live without,� Petunia supplied, dully, "Yeah. That's the way I felt the first time I kissed you. I thought you were feeling it, too, but I guess I was wrong. You were saving that wonderful feeling for Lily. Why did you toy with me, James? Why did you play with my feelings, pretend to love me when you didn't?"

"'Tunia, I swear. I didn't realize it myself. I thought I had gotten over Lily. I'm sorry, 'Tunia, I really am, but I can't help my feelings."

"And it's Petunia," she hissed as though she hadn’t heard his last sentence.

"I'm sorry. I do love you. Just not the way I love Lily."

Petunia had summoned her broomstick, and was swinging herself onto it, ready to take off. She didn’t know where she was going to go, just as long as it was far, far away.

James hadn't noticed and was continuing, "I'm so sorry. But you said it yourself, what is love but an uncontrollable feeling? I love you, Petunia. And I thought I was in love with you. But, I guess,� he stopped, not registering that Petunia had left, then continued, in no more than a whisper, “it's been Lily all along."

Chapter 13: At Luisa's House

By dawn, Petunia had reached the Frank residence. At the end of term last year, Luisa had given Petunia her address “just in case.�

Hopefully Luisa's parents wouldn't mind letting her stay with them for the remaining few days of summer vacation. Upon leaving the camping ground, Petunia had been so upset that she had not stopped to think about anything.

Now she stood in front of the door, uncertainly eying the entrance, and deciding whether or not she should knock. But before she had made up her mind, the door swung open, and in the doorway stood a man who appeared to be a St. Mungo's healer. As he left, a thin woman stepped to the door. She had long, dirty blond hair, protruding blue eyes and was so bony that every rib was visible under her tight robe.

Watching the healer go, her eyes silently filled with tears that she dabbed at with a large, pale blue handkerchief. The woman almost didn't see Petunia, and was about to shut the front door, when she noticed her.

Nervously, Petunia looked up at the woman in the doorway, not sure what to say. The woman looked right back at Petunia, and then disappeared into the house, not saying a word. Disheartened, Petunia was about to leave, when she saw Luisa waving out of a window on the upper story. The skinny woman stood next to her. Then the two left the window, and a few minutes later, Luisa was downstairs, hugging Petunia.

But when Petunia tightly embraced her friend, Luisa winced, tears of pain shooting into her eyes.

"What is it?" Petunia asked, concerned, "Are you alright, Luisa?"

Luisa coughed, and the woman rushed over to wrap a shawl around her shoulders.

"I'm fine," Luisa finally managed, "Don't, mum."

"Luisa...," Petunia began, but was interrupted by her friend.

"First you, Petunia. What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Petunia replied, giving Luisa a look that clearly said she would tell her all about it later.

"I... I... uh... well, I know it's a lot to ask, but... I... well... the camping trip didn't work out and my parents are somewhere in Spain, and... I... was wondering... if it's not too much trouble... whether I could..." Petunia was highly embarrassed by having to ask to stay with Luisa's family. She was greatly imposing on them, she knew.

"Petunia, if you want to stay here, you're welcome to."

Petunia nodded gratefully, then looked up to see what the strange woman, Luisa's mother, thought of her new houseguest. The woman's face, however, did not reveal anything.

Petunia tried to smile at the woman, but was sure it looked more like a grimace. She was still very upset and confused about James and Lily.

The woman in turn gave what looked like an attempt at a smile, which also ended in a strange, involuntary smirk.

"I guess I should introduce you two,� Luisa finally said breaking the uncomfortable silence, "Mum, this is Petunia, you know, my friend from Hogwarts. Petunia, this is my mum."

Petunia awkwardly waved, and Luisa's mum stated in a barely audible voice: "You may call me Helena or Mrs. Frank, which ever you are more comfortable with."

"Thank you... Mrs. Frank," Petunia answered, not quite sure what the correct response was.

"Come on, Petunia." Once again it was Luisa who lifted the almost ominous silence that had fallen on the room. Slowly, a sense of dread was filling Petunia's consciousness. Something was wrong, she was sure of it.

Luisa took Petunia's hand, and pulled her behind herself up a flight of stairs, into a short hallway, and finally through a bright pink doorway.

The room they entered could not have been anyone's room but Luisa's. Instead of the usual posters of handsome singing sensations, the walls were covered with pictures of magical creatures, both real and imaginary. One wall was completely covered with a mural of a strange looking beast, captioned "Crumplehorned Snorkak." Petunia knew that Luisa loved to paint.

The bits of wall that weren't covered with pictures of strange animals or short articles of The Quibbler (Xeno's father was the editor) were the same bright pink as the door.

Luisa's bed stood by the gigantic mural, and was covered by an assortment of oddly colored covers, mostly pink, orange and yellow. On the bed sat many stuffed toys, all of them magical creatures.

Her desk, which stood under a large window with a view out into the countryside, was littered with magazine cuttings, pictures, half completed assignments, broken quills, balled up bits of parchment and many other oddities, including a pair of earrings with radishes hanging down. Luisa had told Petunia that they, though they might look ridiculous had been passed down by the girls in her family for generations, and they were very important to her.

Next to the desk there seemed to be sort of potions kit set up, and Petunia wondered if Luisa like to experiment with potions. It was one of the subjects they didn't have together.

Despite her confused and hurt feelings, Petunia couldn't help but grin. This room just screamed "Luisa".

For a few minutes, Luisa just let Petunia stand around, gaping at her room. Then she crossed over to her bed, pulling Petunia with her, sat down, and indicated that Petunia should take a seat as well.

“Well? Why are you here? What happened?� Luisa asked sounding worried.

In a few sentences, Petunia told her what had happened with Lily and James. Petunia felt the tears rising to her eyes once again. Luisa patted her back, and she let them flow freely, sobbing about her lost love, vowing never to love again. For almost an hour, the two girls sat there, Petunia giving more and more details on the incident in between her sobs, and Luisa comforting her crying friend.

"Look, Petunia. Forget about it! James was a pompous Gryffinder arse!" Luisa said, looking Petunia right in the eye.

It was more the shock of hearing Luisa put down a Hogwarts house when she usually remained so good-naturedly neutral, than anything else that helped Petunia regain her composure enough to speak coherently. There was something that had slipped her mind up until now, what with the heartbreak and betrayal that had been going on in her life.

"Luisa, earlier last night, I followed Peter away from the campsite. He was meeting with a bunch of people - all the ones I recognized were Slytherins, or at least had been. I think that Bella girl was there, and Malfoy and lots of others. All I heard was "Dark Lord" and... and my last name. What do you think ... Luisa? Are you okay? Are you ill or something?�

Eying her now, Petunia realized that Luisa's condition looked far worse than it had appeared at Kings Cross. Luisa was thinner, her skin was a pale, milky color, and she moved gingerly, as though every move hurt her.

“Petunia, I don't think now is the right time,� she began, but seeing Petunia's determined expression sighed reluctantly and looked at her knees.

“The truth is, I don't know exactly what's wrong with me. We were at St. Mungo's, but they haven't been able to diagnose anything yet. They say the have a pretty good idea, and, well, to tell you the truth, it doesn't look good.�

“What do you mean?� Petunia inquired, worried.

“They say… oh… they say, well, they say that it might be fatal.� Seeing the expression on Petunia's face, Luisa hastily added, “but they're not sure yet.�

Petunia felt like her whole world was falling apart. James didn't love her. She knew her friendships with Sirius and Remus were over; they would stand by James, he had known them longer and was much closer to them. And now this. Luisa was dying. She couldn't stand to lose someone else. Not Luisa. Not her last, her best friend!

Petunia was on the verge of starting to cry again, but just then Luisa was seized by another coughing fit. This time it was worse than it had been downstairs: Luisa was doubled over in pain, clutching her stomach, barely having enough time to breathe in between coughs. A bit of blood spattered out of Luisa’s mouth.

“Luisa?�

Luisa didn't answer. Petunia turned and ran as fast as she could out of the room, calling for Mrs. Frank as loudly as her voice could go. Luisa couldn't die, not now, not ever. At least not in the near future. Luisa just couldn't die! It might be selfish, but Petunia needed her!

Chapter 14: Bad Outlook

"I'm sorry, miss, you have to leave now. Visiting hours are over, dear."

Petunia ignored the plump healer standing in the doorway.

"You can come back tomorrow. But you have to leave for now. Come along, don't be silly."

Slowly, Petunia turned around. She eyed the woman standing there, a look of pure rage on her face.

"No."

She said it calmly, not a trace of anger in her voice. Inside, however, she was shaking. Why should she leave? She didn't want to!

"Come, dear..."

"No."

She was a stubborn Hufflepuff and dammit, she was determined to stay put!

Petunia stood up, still keeping her voice down in consideration of the limp form lying on the bed by her side. However, she had taken a venomous tone, and could see the healer was becoming nervous.

"I don't think I want to leave."

"But child, you have to..."

"No! No! What if she dies in the night? I am going to be by her side! You can't make me move one step!"

Petunia made to sit back down, her temper bubbling.

The healer shook her head and started to say something.

"No! No!" under any other circumstances Petunia would have been shouting as loud as she could, shaking with rage and fear for her friend.

"I'm not leaving. Mrs. Frank gets to stay. Why don't I? I can't leave my friend now! She needs me. She needs me! Don't you get it, you stupid woman? Can't you get it? Or don't you understand friendship and trust and loyalty? I can't leave her when she needs me most! I can't, I don't want to, and I won't!"

The healer shook her head again.

"Family only. I'm so sorry, dear, but you have to leave!"

She walked towards Petunia, and, with a gentle strength that made Petunia suspect she did this sort of thing often, she pulled Petunia out of the small room.

Once outside, Petunia was led to the door, and finally stopped fighting. The woman stuck out her arm and hailed the Knight Bus, murmured something to the driver, said "The Leaky Cauldron", pushed Petunia onto the bus and walked away.

Petunia went to the very back of the double-decker purple bus and sat down. This "Knight Bus" was a very new thing, and she would have been very excited to be on it, had Luisa not been... well... the way she was. Leaning back in her seat, Petunia allowed herself to think over her first day at Luisa's house for the thousandth time.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mrs. Frank! It's Luisa, she's coughing, there’s blood come on, come on, you have to help her..." Petunia had finally found Mrs. Frank and was leading her to Luisa's room.

By the time they had arrived, both out of breath having run up the flight of stairs, Luisa lay on the floor. All the blood seemed to have left her face and they could barely feel a pulse.

Mrs. Frank had run to the fireplace and contacted the wizard hospital, St. Mungo's. Their emergency helpers had arrived seconds later, and Luisa had been transported to St. Mungo's. Mrs. Frank and Petunia had been at the hospital soon after, where an elderly healer had informed them that Luisa's situation looked very grave.

"I'm sorry," he had wheezed, "but I can't give you a guarantee that she'll make it. I know it's hard. At least we have a pretty good idea what is ailing her, now. But no known magic can cure this, I’m afraid."

Petunia had not been told what exactly this was. Mrs. Frank had spoken with the man and Petunia had finally been allowed to go to Luisa. She had been sitting by her side (Mrs. Frank had joined her after a short while) until the plump healer had come for Petunia.

------------------------------------------------------------------

And now, here she was, in the Knight Bus. School would be starting tomorrow. Petunia had bought all she needed at the beginning of break, so she would be ready, but it didn’t matter to her, anyway. She hadn’t even considered how she would get to the Hogwarts Express, without flying over Muggle towns. That wasn't the most pressing problem on her mind right then. Thinking everything over, Petunia was very worried, as she had been for so long now. What strange disease did Luisa have? And... would she make it through this?

"The Leaky Cauldron," the driver called.

Petunia felt like refusing to leave the bus, but decided it would not be a wise thing to do. Instead she got off the bus, not even thinking of what would happen to her, only pondering Luisa's illness.

"Evans!" the sharp tone sounded only too familiar.

"Professor McGonagall?"

"Yes, it's me, Evans, don't gawk. Soon you'll be seeing me everyday. I heard about Miss Frank, and arrangements have been made for you to make it to Kings Cross tomorrow. Please go with Mr. Hagrid. I trust you know him, he is our gamekeeper. Meet him in front of the pub. I'm sorry, but it's not possible for you to Miss Frank again tomorrow. That's all, Evans. I shall see you tomorrow. I do hope you've completed your assignments and not forgotten all we learned."

With that, the strict Transfiguration teacher made to turn away.

“Oh, and Evans?� McGonagall stopped to add, “I am dreadfully sorry about Miss Frank.�

That being said, McGonagall disappeared with a pop. Petunia just stood there. Her professor's appearance had greatly surprised her. And that comment at the end had been a bit unsettling. It had sounded far too final for Petunia to want to think on it more.

Slightly confused, she walked up to her room, and sank down onto her bed. She slept uneasily as usual. Dreams of Luisa's corpse plagued her and Petunia awoke many a time, bathing in sweat or screaming in terror. Morning could not have come quickly enough.

When it did, she dressed, packed all her things, and breakfasted quickly. Petunia knew that she would not be able to see Luisa again today, and she felt silent tears gathering in her eyes.

Standing in front of the pub, Petunia waited for Mr. Hagrid to come up to her. In all her time at the school, she had never talked to him, and was anticipating the arrival of the gigantic man.

"Hullo, name's Rubeus Hagrid. But Hagrid'll do," he introduced himself.

Petunia gave him a pained smile.

"I hope you know how to use Muggle stuff, 'cause we're takin' the Muggle underground there," he said, sounding apologetic.

Petunia merely nodded.

A very long subway ride later (including Hagrid complaining loudly about everything he saw, which actually did a lot to lighten Petunia's mood) the two arrived near Kings Cross.

"Almos' there," Hagrid informed Petunia, walking with great strides toward the front of the station.

Petunia followed, nearly running, and finally they arrived at the secret entrance to platform nine and three-quarters.

"This is where I leave ya. Good-bye, Evans."

Petunia waved with her hand and walked through the barrier. There, in front of her, stood the Hogwarts Express, the smoke rising from it making a gray cloud above the colorful crowd of students, animals, parents and baggage.

Soon, Petunia would be in the place she loved most, doing what she enjoyed more than anything else. But nothing, not even the prospect of Hogwarts could get Petunia's mind off of Luisa's limp form lying on the white sheets, having not moved a muscle for almost two weeks. For the millionth time, tears gathered in Petunia's brown eyes.

Chapter 15: All Alone

The train-ride to Hogwarts passed uneventfully. Petunia sat in her own compartment, with no one else, just brooding over Luisa and feeling sad and sorry for herself. No friends. All alone. Of course, this was how most of the first four years of Hogwarts had gone by, but now she knew what she was missing. And Petunia was so worried about Luisa.

For one fleeting moment, she was sure she saw James, Remus, Peter and Sirius heading towards her compartment, and was hopeful. Perhaps James would tell her he had made a mistake he didn't want Lily. Of course he loved her, Petunia.

Or, better yet, he would tell her that it had all been a scheme to get back at Lily for breaking his heart so long ago. Now he was breaking hers.

But James would have told Petunia if he was planning something like that. And besides, Petunia was sure James would never do anything that Slytherin. After all, he was James. Her perfect, noble, honorable James.

No. Not hers. Lily's. Only Lily's. It was so unfair. Lily had everything, always had, and always would.

She was beautiful, she was popular, and she was perfect. Always the apple of her parents' eyes, Lily now had James, too. When they had been younger, their parents had always wanted to show Lily off when company was there.

"Look at her," they would say, "seven years old, and already so clever.�

And the guests would nod, enthralled, then walk up to Lily and start talking about something, always thrilled with her cute, childish, perfect answers.

Petunia would always sit in a corner, waiting for the guests to come talk to Petunia, too. But they never came to speak with the brooding girl, scowling to keep the tears from coming, wondering why they couldn't both have been pretty.

Sometimes, afterwards, her mother would even scold her for not being sociable.

And Lily would stick out her tongue, while Petunia climbed the stairs to her room to cry on her bed.

Lily always got better things, got what she wanted, Petunia never did. Always it was Lily this and Lily that. Their parents had always been oh so proud of their brilliant little girl, thrilled when her Hogwarts letter had come, though they hadn't understood it, really. When Petunia had gotten the letter a year later, they hadn't been as enthralled; after all, Lily had already been there and done that. Lily had always gotten everything Petunia wanted. And now Lily had gotten James, too.

Petunia had thought she had found love, thought James was hers forever. But of course ugly little Petunia didn't get the man. Lily did. Just like everything else.

It wasn't really the world's fault that it loved Lily. After all, Lily was beautiful and charming, she was clever and witty, she was calm but passionate. Who would pick little no-body Petunia over her? She had thought James would. Petunia had honestly thought James loved her for who she was. Thought he wasn't blinded by Lily, thought he saw through her. But she was wrong, she was so wrong.

Petunia gave a dry little laugh. At least her parents loved her, too, even if they had never been as proud of her or as thrilled with her accomplishments. They had tried not to be so obvious when doting on Lily. James couldn't do that. He couldn't split his love between them. He said he loved her like a sister. But Petunia didn't want to be his sister. She wanted to be her own sister. Petunia hated to admit it, but she wished more than anything else that she was Lily, and Lily was she. Then she'd know what it was like, being popular, having everyone love her. Having more than just one friend, as Petunia had.

With that thought, Petunia was reminded painfully of what state her one friend, Luisa, was in. When they reached the school, Petunia would have to ask Professor McGonagall how Luisa was doing.

Thinking this, Petunia fell into a much needed, yet very troubled and light sleep.

She dreamed that she lay in the street, dirty, starving, thirsty and alone. Then James came by, he was carrying something that Petunia needed to regain her strength. As he reached her, she cried out and James knelt down. Then a voice, reminding her of the sirens that lured sailors to their deaths from the old Muggle stories her father had told, called from the other side of the street.

"James. James. Heeeere I am. Cooome to meeee!"

It was Lily's voice. James stood abruptly.

"Good-bye, my sister," he whispered, saluting Petunia even as she reached out to kiss him farewell.

Then he ran towards Lily's intoxicating voice.

"I'm coming to you, my love! I'm coming.�

And suddenly, everyone was with James. Petunia's parents, Sirius, Remus, strict-looking Professor McGonagall, good-natured Hagrid, everyone. The whole world. They all fell to their knees in front of Lily, and she looked down upon them.

Each and every one of them held that thing that Petunia needed, though she knew not what it was. But she craved it, she could almost feel a physical need for whatever it was that everyone had to give. Something about her was inadequate though, as if all of those people had chosen she wasn't worthy of whatever it was they possessed. The crowd offered the objects to Lily; she took them and smiled like a film star.

Unable to watch any longer, Petunia painfully turned to her right. Next to her on the street was a corpse. Unsure, she reached out, flipped it over with ridiculous ease, and saw the face.

"Luisa!"

Petunia awoke, bathed in sweat and shivering. Her dream had seemed so real! Looking around for what had woken her, Petunia saw that everyone was leaving their seats. They had arrived at Hogwarts.

The months dragged on, and nothing happened. Petunia's schoolwork became sloppier and sloppier, until she was falling behind drastically. For Petunia, always a perfectionist and a hard-working Hufflepuff, this slacking off was noticed by everyone. It was mostly due to lack of sleep and stress. Every week, worse and worse news came about Luisa, who had long since been put into a magically induced coma.

Every night she had nightmares similar to the one on the Hogwarts Express.

And, to top it off, every day, she saw Lily and James, holding hands, kissing by the lake or simply doing homework or hanging out with friends together. It was slowly becoming too much to bear.

Lily had always been the favorite, and this was the last straw. Petunia was near giving up.

If only she had had friends by her side to help her through. If only she had had Luisa. But Luisa was not at school, and one rainy day, Professor McGonagall pulled her aside with bad news. The healers said that Luisa would not live much longer. She informed Petunia also that Xeno (who had graduated last year) and Mrs. Frank were not leaving her side, but Petunia was not comforted. She, Petunia, needed to be there with her too!

In fact, the only thing that had been keeping Petunia sane the last few months was trying to find a cure. She had looked up all the symptoms and was desperately attempting to find out what Luisa had and what she, Petunia, could do for her friend. Potion after potion malfunctioned, spell after spell was rejected by the healers when Petunia suggested them while visiting Luisa on the weekends. Petunia could find no magic to help Luisa. Hogwarts was letting her down. The world she had come to adore was proving to be so much less than the shimmering lights and glittering spellwork had promised her.

A month or so later, though, Petunia received even worse news.

Once again rain was hammering down on the castle, and Petunia sat in the library at her usual spot. She was almost hoping that that Snape kid would come and take her life. Or better yet, she could help him plot against Lily and James. After all, through her sorrow, Petunia had still noticed that he seemed upset at the couple, too. Madder than usual, in fact.

These thoughts were all thought in a half-sleep, as Petunia dozed, wishing more than anything else that Luisa was not ill and that James loved her.

Just then, Professor McGonagall walked up to Petunia.

"Miss Evans, please follow me. It's urgent!"

Wondering what was wrong now, Petunia followed her professor. Watching Professor McGonagall, Petunia decided that she was not in trouble. Her professor did not look mad. She looked pitying and upset. Was something wrong with Luisa? Was she... dead? As quickly as it had come, Petunia banished the thought. No. It couldn't be. Life couldn't be that cruel. But life had been harsh on her before, hadn't it? Hadn't she had James and been happy only to lose him? As they walked along the corridors that had been home to Petunia for so many years, anxiety built up inside of her.

Finally the two reached a pair of Stone Gargoyles.

"Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans," Professor McGonagall muttered, and the gargoyles sprung to life.

Petunia jumped, startled, as they moved to reveal a revolving stone staircase, going up and up and up.

Petunia stared, entranced, finding the ever-moving stairs strangely calming. But her short peace was broken as Professor McGonagall walked onto the steps, motioning for Petunia to do the same.

Up they went, until, finally, they arrived at a door. A very impressive door, beautifully crafted and made from a dark redwood.

Professor McGonagall raised her bony hand and knocked.

The headmaster opened the door.

Dumbledore looked them over, and without so much as a greeting, he stated bluntly:

"Please come in, I will explain everything, Miss Evans. I’m afraid your I have terrible news."

Chapter 16: Really Dead

"Your parents are dead," Dumbledore concluded, his bright blue eyes looking sad.

Lily had already been in the room when Petunia had stepped in. James was with her.

Under any other circumstances, Petunia would have felt a stab of resent, anger and jealousy, at the sight of James holding a crying Lily.

But right now that wasn't the most important thing she had to deal with. Dumbledore's statement had wiped all feelings, all emotions from her. She looked at him. Her parents couldn't be dead. It wasn't true. Petunia was a sensible girl, and thinking it over with surprising calm, she came to the conclusion that it wouldn't make sense at all if mum and dad were dead.

They were in perfect health when she had seen them last. They had no enemies. Their work was safe and had nothing to do with politics or any other dangerous matter. They couldn't be dead.

"No, they're not," Petunia stated.

She felt Professor McGonagall place a hand on her shoulder. For comfort or to ensure that she stayed calm, Petunia wondered dully. Lily stared at her, a mixture of disgust and hope on her face. It was obvious that Lily wanted to believe her little sister, looked to her with admiration, and at the same time was sure she was lying. Petunia felt an odd twinge at the reversal of their roles for a moment.

"Miss Evans," Dumbledore began, " I understand that this is not only sudden and unexpected, but also most distressing for you and your sister. But, unfortunately, it's true. And the circumstances make it inevitable that you should find out who did this immediately. Perhaps you girls have valuable information for us."

Petunia looked up. They weren't dead.

"Prove it," she spoke with contempt, "Show me the bodies."

Dumbledore sighed. He really was quite old. If anyone could think of dying, it was he, Petunia thought malevolently.

"Alright, then. Minerva, would you kindly bring the girls over here. Mr. Potter..."

"No. I'm not leaving. There's no way. Never in a million years. This is a... these are two girls that I would give my life for. And I won't see them go through this alone. I stay."

Dumbledore just nodded tiredly.

"No, you wouldn't," Petunia muttered, but no one paid her any attention.

Professor McGonagall led the two girls and James over to what appeared to be a Portkey in the shape of an odd silver instrument. Everyone save McGonagall touched it, and they were off.

When they reappeared, they were standing in front of the Evans' residence. Or what it once had been. It was burned, a pile of ashes, the grass singed, what was left of the house charcoal-black.

Lily began to cry even harder, and James kissed her forehead tenderly. He looked over to Petunia, and must have decided that she did not want his attention right then.

Petunia barely noticed. She was shocked. What could have happened? In her logical thinking earlier, she had not even considered natural disasters such as fires.

"Come with me," Dumbledore said.

Petunia, Lily and James followed apprehensively. There were wizards standing everywhere. Petunia recognized them as Aurors by their robes.

Finally they reached what had been her parents' bedroom. There, still in the bed where they had died, lay Mr. and Mrs. Evans. In her hand, Petunia's mother held something. A picture. A photograph of Lily.

At the sight of her dead parents, Lily began to cry even louder, holding on to James as though letting go of him would be her death, too.

James looked at the sight, unsure of what to do or say.

"Lily, I love you," he managed. Then he looked over at Petunia.

"You, too, 'Tunia," he spoke quietly, but Petunia heard him. She didn't care. James was a thing of the past. She turned her back.

Petunia felt like crying, but no tears would come. Instead she found herself shouting and screaming and ranting and raving. She screamed and screamed, not only about her parents, but also about Luisa and about James and about anything that was wrong with her life. Everything. Petunia lost it completely right there, in the ruins of the house she had grown up in, in the company of a school professor, her sister and her lost love. Perhaps she wasn't even making intelligible sounds, perhaps those horrific, animalistic screams were truly emanating from her own body. And she didn't care.

No one could make out anything she was saying, only that she was sad and outraged and that she couldn't control herself anymore.

And suddenly there was black. A calm, cool darkness enveloped her and she fell, fell, she was floating, the world was at peace, everything would be all right.

When she awoke, Petunia was being held in a warm embrace. Familiar, muscular arms were cradling her. She snuggled closer. This was the way things were supposed to be. She was drowsy. Then, suddenly, the memories came flooding back to her. James. Luisa. Her parents.

Petunia jumped out of the enveloping heat, and instantly felt cold. Her head was throbbing most unpleasantly.

"You," she snarled.

Next to her stood James. They were in the Hospital Wing and Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen. Petunia looked around at her surroundings. On the next bed over lay Lily.

"Yes, me," James said sounding weary and torn. "I'm sorry it couldn't have been someone else. So sorry."

He hung his head, and his shame seemed so real that Petunia hesitated with her tirade, just for a moment. Someone stepped into the room.

James kissed Petunia's cheek and stepped away from her bed, back to Lily's. This was it. Petunia touched her cheek, and knew, finally, for the first time that this was really over. What was between James and Lily was real, it was special, it was right. She, Petunia, was not meant to have anything, she was meant to lead a cursed life. And she was fulfilling her destiny. Petunia sighed, and might have stayed in bed apathetically for a very long time had Dumbledore not strode over to the beds at that instant.

"Miss Evans," he said, addressing Petunia, "please come with me. I feel it is time for me to tell you of the circumstances in which your parents died. Your sister has already heard. I fear you were in no state to hear the news at that point. So now will do."

Petunia swallowed and followed him from the room. Her yelling could wait a little longer, but she could feel the anger bubbling just beneath the surface once again, just like molten lava, laying dormant in a volcano, awaiting the right moment to spew forth, destroying and burning and killing.

This had better be quick.

Chapter 17: A Story of Betrayal

Petunia sat silently on the strait-backed wooden chair in the headmaster's office. She stared at Dumbledore, and didn't feel a thing. It was as if everything around her was occurring in slow motion. Only one thing was felt through the haze of her pain. Professor Dumbledore was going to tell her who was responsible for this disaster. And then she would find the bloody murderer and make him regret that he was alive.

"Miss Evans, I feel it is my duty to tell you who is responsible for your great loss, and why this terrible crime was committed. This may upset you; it did shock your sister. But I believe information is the only key to safety. It's time you know the truth."

Petunia just sat there, saying nothing, but taking every word in.

Dumbledore continued calmly.

"You saw the wreckage of your house. However, one thing you did not see that was at the scene when the Aurors arrived. This was a great, green skull. A Dark Mark. I assume you do not know what a so-called Dark Mark is. To explain this, I will have to start at the beginning. This is a very long narrative, and I know you will be wondering what it has to do with the murder of your parents. However, I'm sure by the end of my story you will understand."

Dumbledore looked down at his fingers and began his tale, with the air of one who has told the same horrible story too many times.

"Now then. Many years ago, I was the Transfiguration teacher at the time, I was given the job of introducing a young boy to our world. Then he was known as Tom Riddle. Tom attended Hogwarts like every other pupil, but throughout his years, he was always a cruel boy. Not many saw it coming, he was a Slytherin, respected even by Gryffindors, he was Prefect, Head Boy, best of his class."

Dumbledore paused, looking Petunia in the eye. But it seemed as though he was looking right through her. Tom Riddle reminded Petunia just a little of James, actually. Perfect, loved by everyone, even grudgingly admired by the other houses. Dumbledore sighed.

"I'm not sure when it happened, not sure what went wrong, but something did. I believe it might have been when Tom Marvolo Riddle discovered his heritage. In any case, Tom decided he would no longer be Tom. He would be someone else. Taking up a new name, Lord Voldemort, he began to find followers.

"And many people joined him. For years after Hogwarts we had lost track of him, while he became more and more powerful. We had thought he was gone forever. But Tom is back. Of course, not many people realize that it is Tom. I fear I am one of the few who make the connection between the brilliant Head Boy and the awful, power-hungry Lord Voldemort, and one of the even less who will admit that they recognize him.

"Years ago, Lord Voldemort began this reign of terror. At first, the Ministry of Magic was able to keep everything under control to some extent, but things got worse. And I'm afraid that they are getting worse yet. The only place that is still safe is Hogwarts. And even the Muggles are noticing things. Murder. Destruction."

Petunia looked up. Yes, there had been all of those accounts of terrorists when she had still been actively part of the Muggle world. And yes, the students of Hogwarts had been getting more and more subdued over her years as a student. But that wasn't at the forefront of her mind. Instead a scene was playing in her head. A memory she had believed to be long forgotten.

Her parents sitting in front of the television set, watching the news. The reporter had been talking about strange mass attacks, with no suspects, not a single lead on what exactly was going on. Her parents had been looking terrified, and then her mother had turned to her father.

"It's him."

That was all she said, but the two had held onto each other like their lives depended on it, shaking, obviously very frightened. Petunia had only been 9 or 10 at the time. It was the only time she had ever seen her father cry.

But how had her mother known who it was?

Dumbledore resumed his speech.

"I have attempted to keep it a secret at Hogwarts. I see you have noticed nothing, or very little. I believe I am correct in assuming you did not surround yourselves with others for quite a while here," he added bluntly, then continued, "But others have noticed. And there are those who have joined him, even amongst our students. I think, in many respects, I have made a great mistake in trying to keep it from the students. The students from wizarding families have obviously known everything all along.

"But to stay with our story, his power grew and grew. And I had to have spies, as I'm sure he does. One spy in particular was a highly talented, very loyal woman. A woman named Rose Lestrange. Though you would know her as Rose Evans."

Petunia gasped.

"My mother?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"The very one. You see your grandmother, Heather, she was called, attended our school years ago, along with Tom. I do not think that Tom ever had true friends, but Heather, a fellow parent-less Slytherin was someone he confided in, perhaps as a partner in crime. Heather was one of the very first Death Eaters, Voldemort's followers, a part of his innermost circle. She married another Death Eater, a wealthy pureblood by the name of Lestrange and had a daughter.

"However when she attempted to get her daughter, Rose, to join in her evil deeds, Rose instead came to me with the information. And she proved very useful. Pretending to remain loyal to her mother and Voldemort, Rose became a spy for me and later on for the Order of the Phoenix. This is a group of people who work against Lord Voldemort.

"By this time, of course, the woman had married a Muggle man, and had children. We decided that her family would never know of her dreadful responsibility as a spy. She would raise her children as Muggles, never letting anyone suspect a thing, until the two girls, you and your sister, came to Hogwarts, where they would be safe."

"But she told him, didn't she?" Petunia asked, her voice shaky.

"Indeed, Rose told her Muggle husband, your father, of who and what she truly was. He took it surprisingly well, and stood by her side. Still, telling him was her great mistake. The mistake that cost her and her beloved husband their lives."

Petunia made to say something (he couldn't blame anything on her dead parents!) but Dumbledore stopped her.

"Later," he said, "Until later, you should listen while I finish.

"As I was saying, Rose told her husband about everything. And Lord Voldemort found out about her duty as a spy through him. You see, Lord Voldemort had some suspects, and wanted to find out which of them were spies without rousing my suspicion, for then I would have attempted to bring them and all those who knew the truth to safety.

"Unfortunately, though, Lord Voldemort tracked down your father. He was an easy target, of course, a Muggle. And his intentions may have been good at first, perhaps Voldemort even forced him into it, but your father began working for Lord Voldemort. And your mother never noticed, or perhaps refused to notice, until it was too late."

Dumbledore sighed loudly. His story was over. He looked at Petunia, and he knew what was going to happen, he had seen it too often not to.

"That's not true!" Petunia shouted hotly, "Dad was killed, too!"

"I know," Dumbledore, said in a resigned voice, "You see, Lord Voldemort shows his followers no more mercy than he does his enemies. And he despises all Muggles, even if they are his workers."

Petunia got up, knocking her chair over in the process.

"That's not true!" she repeated, half screaming, half crying, "It wasn't because of that!"

Petunia was becoming hysterical.

"Dad never...! It wasn't his fault! He was the good guy. Mum and Dad loved each other more than anything! He never would have betrayed her!"

Dumbledore sighed once again. He waved his wand silently.

And for the second time since hearing the terrible revelation, Petunia felt herself sinking into a dreamless darkness.

Chapter 18: Thoughts of Revenge

When she awoke, Petunia lay back in the hospital bed next to Lily. It was morning, and Lily had just woken. She was talking to James in hushed tones. Apparently she was telling him what she had learned from Dumbledore.

Petunia felt a twinge of jealousy and hurt. She should be the one James was holding while she poured her heart out to him.

But these feelings were pushed to the back of her brain by other thoughts. Thoughts of her parents.

Her father had betrayed her and her mother to an awful wizard. But, of this she was sure, her father had been tortured and threatened before he agreed to work with them, and had died in a final attempt to save his wife.

It wasn't her father's fault. It was this Lord Voldemort who had killed them.

Tears filled Petunia's hazel eyes. A small sob escaped her lips. Neither Lily nor James looked over towards her. A part of her was grateful. It was none of their business if she was crying. But another, bigger part felt resentful. James should notice. James should care. Hell, Lily should care. She was her big sister, wasn't she?

Petunia put her head in her hands. Why them? Why couldn't it have been someone else?

She lay back on her bed as silent tears ran down her cheeks; her mind was filled with happy memories of her parents.

The time she had fallen out of a tree when she and Lily were home alone and her father had had to come home from work because she was crying so much that Lily had called him.

Or the time she and her mother and Lily had gone shopping and her mother had bought her a wonderful, black dress. Petunia had put it on and stood looking into the mirror. Her mother had looked her in the eye.

“You look beautiful, dear,� she had said.

Or the time the family had gone on a picnic and Lily had been afraid of all the bugs, which Petunia then squished. Her father had called her his brave little girl.

Or the time…

The list went on and on and on.

Never before had Petunia appreciated what wonderful people her parents were. How much they had loved her. How much she had loved them.

Petunia hoped they had known. Known that though Petunia didn't tell them childishly that she loved them as much as the ocean, that not only Lily loved her parents. Petunia hoped they had known that their other daughter, sulking in the shadows, had loved them too. Now it was too late to tell them.

In her life, there had only ever been four people she had really loved. Luisa she had loved; still loved, as a friend. James she had loved, oh who was she kidding, still loved, as a man. And her mum and dad, Petunia had loved as parents, as family.

Petunia couldn't think clearly, couldn't move. Even breathing had become difficult. One thought reverberated in her head, over and over again.

“They're gone. Really gone. Forever.�

Petunia didn't know how long she lay in the comfortable, warm, hospital bed. Didn't take in her surroundings, and never knew whether she was awake or asleep.

Days could have passed, or just a few hours.

Finally, Petunia woke to find herself thirstier than she had ever been in her life.

She turned over with effort, and found herself looking into the worried face of Madame LaBouche, the school nurse.

“Do you…� she croaked, her voice cracking, still hoarse from the screaming. She couldn't have been abed for too long, then...

“Do you have…�

Madame LaBouche hurried over to her bedside.

“I expect you're starving!� she exclaimed, “but at least you're awake. It's been two days, dear. I'll be right back with something for the throat ache. I know that peacefulness draught is murder on the throat!�

When Madame LaBouche came back, she carried a platter full of every food Petunia liked. And some she didn't like, but after eating nothing for so long, anything looked good.

After eating her fill, drinking two tall glasses of water, and swallowing the soothing potion Madame LaBouche handed her, Petunia looked around. The pain inside of her had not dulled, not in the least. But she no longer wanted to sit around crying and not eating. That was not enough. Petunia wanted to act. Soon. She wanted revenge.

Lord Voldemort had killed her parents. She would kill him. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. It was as simple as that.

With this thought, Petunia stepped out of the bed she had been laying in. But she fell right back in. Weak from not moving and not eating for too long, she decided revenge would have to wait then. Not for long, though, only until she had her strength back.

While Petunia was forming thoughts of revenge, the nurse had been examining her.

"Ready to leave as soon as you've taken this last dose of medicine," she pronounced. "There now, that didn't taste too awful. You may go, Miss Evans. Just one more word of advice, dear. I know that you feel very sad and confused, but don't kill yourself over it. Life has to go on, even if you don't want it to. Even magic can't stop time. That's all, you may go back up to school, Miss Evans."

Petunia turned mutely and walked out of the hospital wing.

Only one thing could make her pain less right then, and that was planning revenge. Even if it did kill her.

Maybe, if she said that over Christmas Break she was going to visit Luisa... yes... then she would actually go and find Lord Voldemort... and then what? And how would she know where to find him? And how would she kill him?

Well how she would kill him, she wouldn't think about until the time came. After all, she was quite a powerful witch, many of her teachers had said that. But this would be so much easier if she had someone to work with... oh why was Luisa not here?

She needed an accomplice. But who?

Just then two people came down the hall, holding hands.

Maybe… no… but… yes!

Pushing all of her doubts aside, Petunia called out.

Chapter 19: Hatching Plans

James and Lily had been talking in hushed tones when they heard someone cry out.

Not thinking, Petunia hurried towards them.

"Look, Lily, we have our differences," she started.

Lily gave a small start, which quickly turned into a dry laugh.

"But we have to put that aside and unite now. Our parents are gone. And I don't know about you, but I can't just stand here waiting for Him to kill again. I don't know if you feel the same, but I loved my parents, and I want, no, need, to avenge them. Even if it's the last thing I do!"

This said, Petunia stood still while the two took in what she had just said. They both spoke in the same instance.

"You'll get hurt!"

"Why are you telling us?"

Petunia looked at James.

"Do you really think so? And Lily." She turned to her sister. "I'm telling you because I realize that I can't do it alone. And I for one am willing to put my pride aside this one time, just so that revenge can be had. Then I promise to never bother you and your slave... boyfriend... again."

Both Lily and James looked quite surprised that the otherwise meek little Petunia could have such a cold voice, and be so commanding.

Finally, James nodded his head.

"I'll help you, but only if you promise to stop being jealous and to just be my friend again. 'Cause I know you miss me, too," he said.

"That's not what it's about. I know you've suffered losses too, James, you don't have to help because of me," she ground out through clenched teeth, "For you this might not be personal, but Voldemort is a murderer, and if you're the Gryffindor you've always claimed, you must want to end his reign. And Lily, they were our parents. So I don't want deals. I want you to agree to help me find him over Christmas and kill him. I'm asking you, James, because you are the only person I have left to help me. And I'm going to kill him because I hate the bloody..."

"Now, now, language," a joking voice said from behind Petunia.

"Oy, Sirius," James called, and sighing inwardly, Petunia turned around.

There stood Sirius, Remus and Peter, all staring wide-eyed at Petunia. They had obviously not expected to see her with James or Lily any time soon.

"What?" Petunia hissed, sounding perhaps more venomous that intended.

"We were just looking for James," Peter squeaked, obviously made nervous by Petunia.

"Well, not now, okay?" Petunia asked them hotly, and wondrously the three boys pulled back far enough that they would not hear what Petunia was about to say. But before she could so much as open her mouth James spoke:

"Sirius was going to stay at my place over vacation. We can't just not tell them."

"Why the hell not?" Petunia demanded.

"Because," James whispered back, trying not to sound as aggravated as he was, "they are my friends. And I will not be disloyal by trying to keep this secret."

"And anyway," Lily added, "they'll get suspicious. They care about us."

At these words, Petunia almost broke down. So the Marauders all cared about Lily, too? Her friends had left her to befriend her slimy sister! Had they ever really liked her, Petunia? Or had they just put up with her while she dated James and then breathed sighs of relief when the two broke up?

But instead of giving in to her tears, Petunia pretended to think it over for a second.

"Fine," she hissed, "tell them. But no one else. Got that?"

James and Lily nodded and James headed over to his best friends, leaving the two Evans sisters standing in icy silence. But, for the first time in her life, Petunia felt as if she was the dominant sister. And she liked the feeling pf control. But not the price.

No, don't think about mum and dad now, she reprimanded herself. Concentrate on avenging them. That's what they would have wanted. After all, mum was a brave and beautiful spy, right?

After a long moment, James walked back towards Lily and Petunia, Sirius, Remus and Peter close behind. Sirius spoke first.

"Petunia, of course we want to help you. Because we care about both of you."

He stressed the word 'both' in a way that made a little bit of the cold inside of Petunia melt away. One chip falling from the ice berg she was determined to replace her heart with.

Remus stepped up to stand next to him.

"Sirius' family is up to their eyes in dark magic. He has reason enough, even without this to want to kill You-Know-Who. And so do I, Petunia. You know, when I first met you, I saw myself. You were studious and quiet, but the moment James saw you, he felt a connection. Obviously a different connection than he felt for me." Remus paused for a second before continuing, "You didn't have friends before us, and it reminded me of myself. And now, your life has been changed, ruined, destroyed by You-Know-Who. And, Petunia, so has mine."

This was the longest speech Petunia had ever heard from Remus, and it was this, more than anything else that made her nod her head. Another chip of ice melting, threatening to break the barrier. But Petunia knew she would stay strong.

"I guess more help couldn't hurt," she said. "But no more other than us."

Everyone nodded.

"So, what's the plan?" Sirius asked.

"Are you mental?" came the reply from Petunia, "we can't discuss this right here in the hall! I don't know what came over me."

"Well, where then?" Peter asked anxiously.

Petunia looked him over. She didn't really want him to be part of this. He wasn't trustworthy. But she couldn't have convinced the other boys of this.

Well, she could have tried, perhaps, but still in a haze of hurt and upset, and finally having plans for revenge, she didn't think of the time she had seen him meeting with those Slytherins. The Marauders probably wouldn't have believed it anyway.

"I know just the place," was all she said, "follow me."

They hurried up stairs and around corners, until Petunia came to a halt in front of a door.

"In here," she said, beckoning them in.

Lily entered first.

"Wait a minute," Peter said uncertainly, his foot already in the threshold, "this is a girls' toilet."

Petunia nodded impatiently and rolled her eyes behind his back.

"Well... I'm not a girl."

"Wow, you caught on fast," Sirius said, rolling his own eyes, "if Petunia says no one will find us in here, she's got to have a reason."

Reluctantly, Peter stepped inside. Everyone else followed and Petunia closed the door behind them.

"So, 'Tunia, why do you think it's safe in here?" James asked.

"Petunia, if you don't mind. This is why. Myrtle! You can come out now," she called, poking her head into a cubicle.

Out flew a ghost of a girl in a Hogwarts uniform with thick glasses, long dark pigtails, a pimply face and a pouting mouth.

"Meet Myrtle," Petunia said dryly.

"I knew it. You aren't as lonely as you made out to be. That's why you stopped visiting so much last year, isn't it? And I thought you came here to see me! How could I have thought you liked me?" Myrtle cried out, flipping over in the air, and diving head first into a toilet, causing water to splash all over the floor.

"Yeah, she gets like that sometimes. You'll have to excuse her," Petunia supplied dryly then continued as if nothing had happened. "Anyway, I thought, over Christmas we could say we're leaving school, but actually go find him. That would give us the two weeks to find him and kill him before anyone notices that we're missing."

"And it's still a month to Christmas break, so that's how long we have to get really good at dueling and think of a way to kill him and find out where we can find him," James added.

"Well, finding him shouldn't be too hard," Sirius said. "My brother's a Death Eater, you know one of his followers, after all."

He tried to sound casual, but Petunia could see the pain in his eyes. Poor Sirius. Petunia could sympathize, for, though her sister wasn't a Death Eater, Lily had always taken up all the time and care of her parents and of everyone else. But thinking of her parents hurt, so Petunia merely nodded briskly.

"So... um... how do you plan to... you know... kill him?" Peter asked anxiously.

Petunia was disgusted at his fear. It wasn't like anyone was forcing him to do this; he should want to kill a man who murdered innocent bystanders, even children. Anyone should want to do that.

"Well, I haven't exactly figured that out yet," Petunia admitted.

"We may have to learn the unforgivables," James said apprehensively.

"But... they're illegal. And they're really dark magic," Lily said uncertainly.

"Yeah," said Sirius, "but there's no other spell that can kill, is there?"

"Don't worry, Lily, you won't have to. I'll learn the spell. I need to be the one to kill him. But he'll have some sort of protection, won't he? I mean, we'll need to get past bodyguards or whatever, so everyone will need to learn lots of defense spells."

"Sure," Sirius agreed, "that's not so hard. But we'll also need to plan based on where he is. So I'll try to figure out where we can find him with the least protection."

Everyone else nodded their assent.

"It's settled then."

Grimly satisfied, the six walked out of the bathroom.

Chapter 20: Hidden Pain

“You have to find out soon," Petunia reminded Sirius gently.

"I know, I know. But it's not that easy, you know. I have to get him alone before I can get him to talk."

"Break is in two weeks. Good luck, Sirius."

Petunia walked away, leaving Sirius alone with his thoughts. She understood that this had to be very hard for him, but they were relying on knowing when to attack.

And break was getting close.

Thank goodness they had chosen Christmas break, for everyone was already looking forward to the holidays so much that no one noticed how jumpy and nervous Petunia, Lily and the Marauders were.

The fact that they were studying so much went unnoticed as well. Lily and the Marauders had exams later that year, and Petunia studied a lot anyway. And all of the Marauders, with the exception of Peter, and been the tops in their classes before, as well. As had Lily, of course.

Petunia headed towards the library once more. It was lunch break, but she wasn't hungry at all.

Lately, Petunia had taken to spending all the free time she had poring over all the books the Restricted Section of the library had to offer on the Unforgivable Curses.

She did, of course, realize that, like James told her every day, they were not something that could be learned by heart. But still, it was worth a try. Though the library had, of course, let her down the last time, when she had been searching for a cure for Luisa. But Luisa's condition had been forced to the back of her mind by her rage at Voldemort.

Besides, studying in the library it was an excuse to spend more time with the Marauders, and especially James.

For though he claimed that books were for nerds, he could be seen with his nose in a book much more lately. His way of showing nerves, Petunia decided. Thankfully there were no Quidditch matches concerning Gryffindor coming up soon, Petunia was sure that would have complicated matters to no end. Petunia didn't understand how James could still care about points and Quidditch, but somehow, inexplicably, he did.

Many heads had turned to see James' old, plain girlfriend, the sister of his new, beautiful one, spending so much time with him. But neither James nor Lily nor Petunia had time to worry about such trivial matters as gossip.

Petunia looked up, only to see Sirius entering the library looking even glummer than he had when she had left him standing in the hall.

Taking pity on his plight, Petunia walked over to him.

"Come and sit with me. I don't really get this one spell."

It wasn't true, there wasn't anything Petunia was reading or studying that wasn't crystal clear to her, but Sirius definitely needed someone to talk to right now.

Sirius followed her and sat, but it didn't seem like he was going to say anything.

"Look, Sirius, I understand how you feel.� At his incredulous look, Petunia smirked slightly.

"I mean, you probably won't get this, 'cause you like Lily so much," Petunia managed to keep most of the bitterness out of her voice, "and I'm not claiming that she's a Death Eater or anything, either. I'm just saying that I know how it feels to be the 'other' kid. My parents doted on Lily, and though they probably treated me better than you were treated, I was always the second choice. Always compared to Lily. And always found to be less than her."

"Yeah, I guess. But your family were Muggles, Petunia. They had nothing to do with the Dark Arts. And you think your situation is similar to mine, which I suppose it is in some ways. Or was..." his voice drifted off thoughtfully.

Petunia was pleased to hear a bit less pain in his voice. However, he knew nothing about her parents. Nothing to do with the Dark Arts indeed. She didn't correct him, though. Talking about it again, explaining the terrible betrayal would only break her further.

She was barely hiding her pain by numbing herself with preparations for her revenge. And to have all that pain wash to the surface and weaken her when she was managing to stay so strong was the last thing she needed.

"Thanks, Petunia. I know I can't just sit around wallowing in self-pity. I was never one for sitting around doing nothing. And especially not when the people I care about need me to act. I will find it out; I will talk to my brother. Because I can live with the pain, when I have people around me to make sure it doesn't get out of hand."

He grinned at Petunia, and got up, perhaps to go find Regulus right away. Grudgingly, Petunia admitted, though only to herself, that he had a point.

He had been talking about himself, but Petunia knew he wanted her to live by his advice as well. And she should. After all, he was right. It was better to feel the pain, and have it subdued by friends, than to pretend it wasn't there. Because she couldn't hide it forever. She knew that.

Thinking this, Petunia bent further over her book. Right now, she was going to have to ignore the throbbing pain. Because right now she needed to concentrate on learning enough to keep herself and her friends safe. To avenge her parents. And to numb her pain.

Chapter 21: Sirius's Information

"I've got it!"

Sirius came tearing into the library, looking grimly pleased with himself.

James, Remus, Peter and Petunia leaned forward eager and yet afraid.

Sirius sat down in the free space between Petunia and James, and leaned over the table. The others all followed suit. But all Sirius whispered was:

"We've got to meet somewhere else, and all of us together. This is really important. I've got all the information."

The others nodded mutely.

"I'll go get Lily, and we'll meet at Myrtle's place, yeah?" James said.

"Sure," everyone agreed, and Petunia, Remus, Sirius and Peter got up and headed towards the bathroom.

No more than ten minutes later, Lily and James arrived, panting and out of breath.

"She... made... us... run... the entire way... here," James panted, pointing a finger at Lily.

"Whatever," Petunia quickly interjected as Lily playfully swatted James' arm, not feeling up to watching them flirt.

Sirius, sensing Petunia's unease, turned to the group and began to talk.

"Well, we've got the place to corner him. Apparently he never really goes out to do the dirty work himself, unless it's really important. You know what I mean."

Petunia felt proud that he had felt her mother was a big enough threat to kill her personally. Her mother had been a good woman, a powerful witch, a loving mother. These memories gave her a little shimmer of... something. Not happiness, really, but something that gave off a similar, deceptive glimmer.

Thoughts like that were wrong, and they hurt Petunia more than she could describe. After all, she would feel even better if her mum and dad were still alive. Much better. Maybe even a little bit happy.

Sirius was continuing: "But he obviously keeps loads of Death Eaters as protection. This may be extremely obvious, but all I could get out of Regulus as to when to attack was when he was having a really big attack, so his best followers are involved. But not too big, 'cause then he'll be part of it."

"Well, we could've figured as much out," Remus said in his slow way. "But did your brother know when that might be?"

"Well... he gave me a pretty good idea as to when the best time within our limits would be... it seemed Christmas day is the day."

"Alright then. Did you find out what his protection will be like then? And where will he be? ..."

Petunia broke off. He would tell them if he knew. But he shouldn't keep them waiting like that. She was so nervous.

"He said that he would be in some 'secret cave'. Apparently he's going to be doing something 'really important' in there, and he's not letting his protection come very close to where he'll be. And his protection won't be very strong, 'cause most of the Death Eaters will be 'on an important mission involving Muggles, Mudbloods and getting drunk', (hey, he said it not me, don't look like that Lily!). In fact, he kind of hinted that there will probably only be guards about our age. So that's good. And, 'Tunia, I know you were about to ask where the cave is. Well, I don't know."

At Petunia's disappointed look, he hastily continued.

"But I know how we can find it. You see, as most of the guard will be underage, a fair amount will be leaving from this school. And we'll just follow them."

"Wow, Sirius," Lily said in awe. "How did you get all this out of your brother?"

At Sirius' look, James and Remus began to speak of something else. Instantly, Sirius joined their blabber, and Lily, realizing her mistake blushed and did the same.

Peter, however, repeated Lily's question. But his voice didn't sound impressed and slightly curious like Lily's had. His voice sounded frightened, cold and... betrayed? Did he wish they hadn't found out? Was this sad excuse for a Gryffindor that big of a coward?

"Look, Pete," Sirius said. "I don't really want to talk about it, yeah?"

Perhaps sensing Sirius' unwillingness to share this, or perhaps just intimidated by the looks he was receiving, Peter left it at this.

"It's settled then," James said.

"Back to studying like crazy, I presume?" Lily asked, trying but failing to hide her great anxiety.

"No, wait. We have to plan out exactly what we're going to do," Petunia said hastily, hoping she had been able to hide her nerves better than her sister had managed.

"What do you want to plan?" James asked. "We know that we're going to follow the 'guards' to this cave place, and then we'll just pelt them with the spells we've learned, 'till we can get past. Then, we'll get through any obstacles using the same technique."

"Right," added Sirius,� and if when we reach You-Know-Who we're still alive, then we'll let 'Tunia do the honors."

"But," James continued (the two were really quite comical at times; it was like only one person was talking), "if she doesn't kill him at the first shot..."

"Which she won't," Sirius threw in.

Petunia shot him an angry look, and he shrugged as James continued.

"We'll start pelting him with any spell that we can think of, while Petunia will sneak up behind him and hit him with the killing curse or something, as he will be distracted by us."

Petunia and James had figured this plan out in the library earlier.

She hadn't liked the sound of sneaking away while her friends fought Voldemort, but it was the only way. And besides... what James didn't know was that Petunia was going to give Voldemort some sort of warning. She needed the upper hand to defeat him, it was true. But she would never, ever kill a person from behind without warning. She might be a Hufflepuff, but never a coward.

Chapter 22: What We're Up Against

Petunia was four years old, sitting under the beautifully decorated Christmas tree with her family.

She tore open one lovely package, only to see her parents faces drop horribly.

"What's wrong, Mummy?" she asked, and her mother answered that this present wasn't intended for Petunia. It was for Lily, who then reached over and grabbed the beautiful porcelain doll out of Petunia's loving grasp.

But Lily, having grabbed too roughly, cracked the beautiful doll's head.

Both Petunia and Lily started crying at once.

"She breaked my dolly!" Lily had sobbed, "it was mine!"

Petunia had tried to say that she hadn't meant to. Lily had been the one who grabbed. But it had still been Petunia who was blamed.

"Petunia, we know you didn't mean to break your sister's doll. But it wasn't very nice of you to open it in the first place. And, it wasn't right for you to break it out of jealousy, either. I want you to apologize to Lily."

Mutely, Petunia shook her head.

"She broke it," Petunia insisted.

Her parents shook their heads, and glanced at each other.

"Now, I want you to think about what you did for half an hour. We'll wait with the present opening until you've thought things over," her father said sounding very disappointed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Petunia awoke from yet another nightmare, of the first Christmas she could remember. Apparently it was a family trait to get terrible nightmares when stressed. Her mother had always had the same complaint.

And stressed, Petunia thought bitterly, she certainly was.

Today was Christmas Day, and there was a pile of presents at the foot of her bed that she was lying on in the Leaky Cauldron. On the bed next to her, Lily was grimly tearing wrapping paper off of one of her many presents. Petunia noted that Lily's pile was far larger than her own.

Petunia, Lily and the Marauders had been staying in the Leaky Cauldron for the past week of break.

Their days had consisted mostly of more spell studying and other preparations, though James and Sirius had convinced even Petunia to join them on a tour through Diagon Alley once or twice, and could proudly report that she had even laughed a few times.

Now, however, the day had come. They had planned this well. At the crack of dawn, Peter, Sirius and James had headed off to Hogwarts (all having Apparation licenses already) under James's invisibility cloak.

With them they had the Marauder's map and one of James's and Sirius's two-way mirrors. That way, if they saw the Slytherins leaving two of them would follow immediately and the other would alert the rest.

The day was planned in shifts. At one, if the Death Eaters hadn't showed up, Remus, Lily and Petunia would take over.

Petunia hadn't liked this plan at all. She had wanted to be there if any action whatsoever took place, but James had argued convincingly. This way the group not on duty would get to rest. And besides, Petunia had been outvoted.

"Why don't you open your presents?" Lily asked timidly, looking over at Petunia who lay still in her bed, eyes wide open.

"No!" snapped Petunia, "Do I look like I have nothing better to do than open Christmas gifts?"

Lily looked down. Over the break, Petunia had gotten the feeling that Lily was trying to make up the years of neglect to Petunia. And Petunia told she would have gratefully accepted this, had it not been for the fact that Lily had stolen the only man Petunia would ever love. The flaws in her logic were obvious, but she ignored them.

"I guess I'll go invite Remus over," Lily said, then she attempted to laugh and added: "all his mates have left him behind, he must be feeling lonely."

Sure, Remus must be feeling lonely. As if she couldn't think of a better excuse to leave.

"PETUNIA!" came a loud cry, and Petunia jumped out of bed to get to where it came from.

"Remus? Lily? What happened? Are you alright?"

Petunia skidded to a halt. They looked fine, just standing there ashen faced and grim.

"It's time," Remus said slowly.

"Okay then," Petunia answered, surprisingly calmly. "I'll see you later then."

The three Disapparated to where Sirius and Peter stood waiting.

It was merely a matter of minutes before they caught up with James, who threw off the cloak when he saw them coming.

Petunia hurried forward and grabbed the invisibility cloak from James.

"You guys follow at a safe distance then. I'll go closer and listen," she whispered and flitted off.

When she reached them, Petunia realized with a jolt that this situation reminded her strongly of what she had witnessed during the summer.

There were the McNair siblings, walking side by side. Snape stood there as well, silently, seemingly lost in thought. Parkinson was behind him, talking to a muscular boy Petunia could have sworn was called something like Crab. Behind them, a boy who could have passed as Crab's brother (was his name Gual?) spoke with a lumpy pair that Petunia recognized as Amycus and Alectus, a brother and sister whose surname she couldn't recall. Walking at the very end, just behind these two stood a boy who had to be Sirius's brother, Regulus, deep in conversation with a boy Petunia did not recognize.

Straining her ears, she was able to catch bits of their conversation.

"... Immortality, I've heard," said the dark boy Petunia didn't know.

"But how, Nott?" Regulus whispered back.

"Search me. I thought Malfoy mentioned something about souls to that girlfriend of his."

"Who? Bella?" Regulus asked.

"No, the other Black sister, Narcissa. Bella's been promised to Rudulfus Lestrange, I've heard."

"How do you find these things out?" Regulus asked, sounding admiring, "I mean, they're my cousins!"

"I have my ways," Nott replied.

So she hadn't imagined the resemblance between Bella and Sirius, Petunia thought. Poor Sirius. It really was his whole family he was throwing aside for his friends.

Regulus and Nott had distanced themselves, and Petunia could no longer hear anything.

Then, out of nowhere, Malfoy appeared. The group assembled and they all Disapparated.

"Where are they?" Lily gasped.

"They Disapparated," Petunia replied calmly.

Luckily, Petunia and James had been reading up on how to track people. Finding out where they had gone was really very simple. James spoke the spell, and they all followed the Death Eaters.

There had only been ten of them to begin with, but now they had been joined by the same group of ex-Slytherins Petunia had witnessed that evening while camping.

Also, it seemed that a group of Durmstrang students had joined the masses, as there were about fourteen perpetually scowling students wearing robes that looked like the ones she'd seen in pictures of Durmstrang.

"That makes thirty," Sirius whispered.

"Look!" Petunia hissed, pointing as a wizard appeared. He was almost good-looking, but there was something strange about his face that made it appear snake-like, waxen and frightening.

And when he looked around, not seeing the group of teenagers huddled together under the invisibility cloak; Petunia saw his red slits for eyes.

She hated him so much.

"You will stand guard outside," Lord Voldemort hissed through clenched teeth.

"You will not let anyone through. Or else... Black! Come here!"

Scared and startled, Petunia, Lily, James and Remus all looked at Sirius.

But it was Regulus who had been called. Perhaps he had not been attentive enough, or perhaps Voldemort just wanted to make a point. When Regulus crawled up to his master and kissed the hem of his robes nervously, a wand was pointed at him.

"Crucio!" Voldemort yelled in a loud, ringing voice, and Regulus fell flat on his back, whimpering and jerking with the pain.

"I'm sorry!" he whimpered over and over again clutching his stomach.

"No more! Please..."

But Voldemort was not pitying. He just smiled maliciously.

Petunia took one look at Sirius, before laying a comforting arm around his shoulders. Sirius shook it off, and muttered something that sounded like "he deserved it."

Petunia was shocked, this was unlike Sirius. And it was all Voldemort's fault. So this was the man, no, the monster they were up against.

Chapter 23: The Battle

Still crouching under the Invisibility Cloak, Petunia felt the person on her other side (not Sirius) shaking. She looked around. It was Peter. And he looked even more horrified than Sirius.

He seemed to be muttering.

"Didn't do anything. Not my fault. Didn't do anything."

The others were too preoccupied with the scene in front of them to notice his odd behavior. Petunia felt a small surge of pity for Peter. His fear was disgusting, yes, but if he was this compassionate perhaps he could be redeemed yet. She would remember to confront him with this, talk to him even, when they got back to school. Provided, of course, they made it through this.

Voldemort was speaking again.

"Stand guard out here. Don't let anyone get past you! Or you'll pay," he hissed vehemently, smiling maliciously at Regulus laying crumpled on the ground.

Then he disappeared into a nearby cave. The six teens waited under the Cloak for about ten minutes. Ten long minutes. And yet, to Petunia, time had never gone by so fast.

"This is it," Petunia muttered, "when he leaves, we attack them. Fast. We're about the best students to ever have attended Hogwarts. And there are only thirty of them. We can do this!"

"On my count, then," said James, sounding only slightly nervous, "one... two... THREE!"

They ripped the Cloak off, and started firing curses all at once.

Surprisingly, they got past the young Death Eaters without much trouble. None of them were hurt, and even more surprisingly, the guard made no attempt to follow them. Perhaps they knew Voldemort would take care of the intruders. Perhaps they feared bursting in on their master.

They were inside the cave now, walking as quietly as they could.

"Let's put the cloak back on," whispered Lily.

The others complied. Stealthily they continued, until they reached a wall. A solid, stone wall.

"How do we get past this?" Sirius asked quietly.

"You don't," came a cruel, laughing voice out of the darkness.

"You see, only I can get past it. No one else."

The Invisibility Cloak flew off them, as a yell of "Accio Cloak!" was heard.

"Stu..." started Petunia, but Voldemort cut her off.

With a lazy flick of his wand, he caused Petunia's own wand to fly out of her hand. She refused to back away.

Now James pointed his wand at Voldemort. Using his mind, he attempted a curse. Too late.

Everyone's wands flew out of their hands.

"Potter, isn't it? Ah yes... Potter. And Evans. Yes, I knew your mother. A pity I had to kill her, really. We had such good times. A pretty woman. How she dared marry a Muggle, I don't understand. A pity. But it had to be done. A spy. She thought she had fooled Lord Voldemort. But know this, Lord Voldemort can see through all means of trickery. I will always know."

"Yeah, she was a spy. And she had fooled you! You only got her because you tortured my dad into helping you! You forced a helpless man to work for you. You would never have known," Petunia spat.

Voldemort chuckled.

"Is that what that great Muggle-loving fool has told you? That I tortured him? He came to me and begged me. He hated his wife. He was my willing servant."

"Oh yeah? Then why did you kill him?"

"He was no longer of use," Voldemort said dismissively, "and he was a Muggle."

"I don't believe you!" Petunia yelled.

Dad had not betrayed her mum. No. Voldemort was trying to weaken her. She knew it. But was she really sure?

"Ah, well, unlike that Dumbledore," he spat the name, "I cannot be fooled. There is a traitor amongst you right now. The reason I knew of your arrival is here, in this cave with us. And Dumbledore has never suspected."

His eyes fell on each person in turn, watching the effect he had created. Everyone was looking at the others with dismay and fright.

"You're lying!" James yelled, "I don't believe you. None of us would betray..."

Voldemort was laughing, and it was a cruel, echoing laugh. His already strange face contorted.

"I see into your minds. You do not trust. Anyone. It could be anyone, couldn't it? Black? Isn't his family all dark? Evans? Isn't she desperate to do something, anything? Or... the werewolf? Since when can a werewolf be trusted?"

His eyes lingered longest on Remus, and everyone looked too, in spite of themselves.

"Why would you tell us that if it were true? So we could expose whoever it is?" Petunia demanded.

"So that, when I kill you, you will know why you died: because you were betrayed. But I am fair. I will give one of you a chance to fight me. Who will it be?"

Immediately, Petunia stepped forward.

"I will."

Smirking slightly, Voldemort threw Petunia her wand.

She bent her head slightly, as Voldemort made a show of bowing. Petunia had read about real Wizard Duels, and was not going to die in a clumsy effort to save herself. She would die like her mother. A hero.

Petunia stood up straight again. Voldemort stepped to the side. She followed suit.

"Cruc..." she thought, but Voldemort hissed "Protego" before she could finish the incantation. Legillemncy. She should have known.

Well, two could play at this game. Though she was not skilled, Petunia had studied Occlumency in detail during their preparations.

Keep your mind blank, she remembered. Think of nothing. Nothing.

"Crucio!" she actually managed to finish the incantation this time, though she could feel him trying to reach her mind. She knew she was weakening very quickly as he deflected her curse.

Behind her she heard a quiet pop. But she didn't turn. Instead she focused on Voldemort. To her surprise, he too looked tired.

Think of nothing. Keep your mind blank. Concentrate on nothing.

"Avada..."

"Protego!" shouted Petunia.

She would wait for him to attack. Keep your mind blank. They circled around and around, and sometimes Petunia was the hunter and sometimes she was the prey. Petunia was sure much time had passed. She was vaguely aware of her friends standing behind her terrified. Concentrate on nothing.

"Crucio!"

Petunia howled in agony. Thousands of knives were boring into her skin. She was going to die. Death didn't even seem so bad anymore.

She had let her guard down for a second. A second too long.

Her parents were fighting. Her father struck her mother. She was hiding. Lily was asleep. Petunia was terrified. It was back when her father had had been drunk every evening, after he lost his job. Her mum pulled out a wand. She cursed her dad and he yelled "Witch!" and ran at her.

"No! Mum!" Petunia screamed.

She couldn't even remember that scene. She had blocked it out. Hidden away in the back of her head it had been kept though. And now it was found. Her father really had hated her mother. Maybe. No. Yes. No. No... The thoughts in Petunia's head were jumbled, the burning pain searing through her, as if every nerve ending was on fire.

But the others! This thought burst into her mind, suddenly, in a shock of clarity. Petunia had to fight back. Mustering all her willpower, she thought again of nothing. The traces of Voldemort's mind died away. Petunia was alone with her thoughts once more.

Not for long though, she was sure.

"Stupefy!" came a yell from the other side of the room.

It was James. He and the others had summoned their wands and were fighting too. While Voldemort was distracted, Petunia noticed that Remus was missing. Had Voldemort been telling the truth? Was he a traitor? ... No... He couldn't be...

As she thought this, Remus appeared at the others' sides. With him were many others. Adults. Some teachers from the school. Help.

Now it was all against Voldemort. And yet, he seemed to be winning. Many of their rescuers were injured already, and more were falling under Voldemort's highly complicated, highly powerful curses.

The Death Eaters who had been standing guard now had joined him. Members on both sides fell. Petunia was firing hex after hex at the Death Eaters, keeping her eye on Voldemort.

Then she was hit. A Death Eater was attempting the Cruciatus curse. He was not doing it properly, Petunia didn't feel the pain she had felt when Voldemort had tortured her, but it was terrible nonetheless.

Voldemort had disappeared. The battle seemed to be ending. Death Eaters were fleeing. Why? The pain of the curse was still strong, and Petunia gasped for breath.

James was kneeling by Lily. She looked hurt. Help! She needed help! The Death Eaters were fleeing. Why wasn't her tormentor running too? She looked up at the boy cursing her.

But she knew him... it wasn't a Death Eater... when had he put the Cloak on? He hadn't been wearing it earlier. Was it really him?

"No!" yelled Petunia, "help!"

Chapter 24: The Meaning of Magic

The man, no, boy, who had been torturing her suddenly cut the curse off. Though the pain left her body, Petunia continued to tremble.

She didn't even have the time to be thankful the curse had stopped, for her torturer grabbed her arm roughly.

"What're you doing?" she managed to ask, though her venomous tone of voice was somewhat marred with a small coughing fit.

The addressed didn't answer her, but gripped her more tightly, and apparated away, pulling Petunia with him.

Seconds later, Petunia found herself lying on a cold, stone floor.

"I thought... you... how could you? You were supposed to be James's friend! My friend!"

"Well, I opted for bigger things. Better things. Powerful friends. My own power," Peter answered, smirking.

"Bigger and better things? That's what you call this? That's what you call murdering innocent people? That's what you call torturing and hurting others? You're willing to do all this... this... evil for power?"

This time, Petunia's voice did sound quite venomous. Threatening even. Of course, it was hard to be threatening when lying, defenseless at the feet of one's enemy.

For that was what Peter had just become. It was funny; really, how quickly he had made the transition from friend to enemy.

Obviously, he was unsure of what to say to this. But Peter was relieved of having to justify this betrayal by the appearance of his cronies.

All the other young Death Eaters who had been fighting Petunia's friends appeared.

One of them, the one with sleek blond hair and rather cruel gray eyes, the one she knew to be called Malfoy, walked up to her.

"Evans. You're a conceited one for a Mudblood, aren't you?"

His voice was just as sleek as his hair, but there was a menacing undertone.

"Well, I did battle Voldemort, and I'm still alive, aren't I?"

Behind Malfoy, all the Death Eaters reacted to her saying Voldemort's names. Many hissed and shuddered, and Sirius's cousin, Bella, muttered, "How she dares!"

Malfoy, however (though he had sharply sucked his breath in when she had said 'Voldemort') continued.

"You think you're his match, do you? You, a mere child! A Mudblood child! He was not defeated by you, you worthless..."

Malfoy was cut off when a tall, dark figure suddenly appeared with a swish of a cloak.

"Thank you, Malfoy!" Lord Voldemort said in ringing tones.

"Oh, master..." Malfoy, said fervently, crawling to Voldemort on his hands and knees to kiss the hem of his master's robes.

"You are dismissed!" Voldemort hissed to his followers, and, immediately, they disappeared.

"Ah, Evans," Voldemort spoke, addressing Petunia, "Yes... I must say you did put up a rather good fight for a child. For a half-blood."

He smirked slightly.

"Yes. As Malfoy told you, though, I must say I was not at the height of my powers. I had just gotten rid of a rather important foe. I say important, as it was this death that will help me reach my lifetime goal. Immortality."

Petunia stared up at him. Why was he telling her this? Didn't he realize that she would tell Dumbledore everything. If she ever saw Dumbledore again, that was.

As if having read her thoughts (which, Petunia thought bitterly was pretty much what he must have done) Voldemort chuckled. It was not a pleasant sound, but an eerie, ringing tone that Voldemort was emitting.

"You wish to tell that Muggle-loving old fool of my plans? Of my Horcruxes? You will never get this chance, I assure you. By the end of the evening, I am sure you will be dead. Unless you choose to help me."

Now it was Petunia's turn to laugh. And her laugh sounded almost as hollow as Voldemort's had.

"Help you? Never. I prefer death."

"And you will, undoubtedly receive this in the end," Voldemort said, "but now... Pettigrew!"

Peter instantly appeared groveling at his feet.

"You will get her to talk. Enjoy your revenge, Pettigrew."

"No, Peter, please!" Petunia pleaded, but then she stopped herself.

She was not weak. She would not die pleading. Petunia Evans would die strong and proud. And she would die without having betrayed her friends. Without having said a single word. No matter what anyone did to her.

Peter looked nervous, but complied nonetheless. He directed his wand at her, and, for the second time that day, Petunia felt that terrible feeling of being burned with a thousand hot pokers, of having millions of knives stuck into her simultaneously.

"Tell me everything you know. How much did your mother tell Dumbledore?" Peter's voice shook slightly, but, glancing at his master, he continued, "What about Potter and Black and Lupin? What do you know about the Order of the Phoenix?"

"Slowly, Pettigrew," Voldemort drawled, "give her time to answer."

"Well?" Peter said, looking down at Petunia.

It was extremely hard to even think through the haze of pain, but Petunia managed to answer him.

"Traitor!" she gasped, "traitor! How dare you? Traitor! Traitor!"

Petunia fell back into silence, as it took all her strength not to scream in agony.

"I don't think she knows anything, my lord," Peter said, hesitantly to Voldemort.

"We shall see," Voldemort replied, "continue."

But then Malfoy burst back into the room.

"Dumbledore is here! And most of the Order, I think. They've gotten the others already. I just managed to get away..."

"Fool!" hissed Voldemort, "Pettigrew. You know what to do.

Peter threw himself apprehensively at Voldemort's feet, and Voldemort began performing the Cruciatus on him. Peter yelled in pain, and Voldemort motioned Malfoy was to take Petunia and leave.

Malfoy did as he was told. They were leaving. Leaving Peter and Voldemort and her would-be rescuers behind. And that was all Petunia remembered.

She must have blacked out from the pain, as she now lay, unable to move from the dull ache in an empty room. Malfoy had gone.

Petunia did not know it, of course, but hours had passed. Dumbledore and the Order thought they had defeated all the Death Eaters. And Voldemort had disappeared. And many of the Order had died in the battle.

But Petunia knew none of this. She could now hear Dumbledore talking to Peter, however, just outside the room she was in.

"...Find out who it was who betrayed you?" Dumbledore asked.

"No... no... only... well he said... maybe... but Remus would never!" Peter's voice replied.

"And what did they do to you, Peter?" Dumbledore continued briskly, but compassionately. He doesn't deserve compassion, Petunia thought weakly.

"Tortured me," Peter gasped, "wanted information. About you. The Order."

"And Miss Evans?" Dumbledore inquired, "What did they do with her?"

"I- I don't know. I didn't see her."

"I'm right here!" Petunia tried to say, but her voice failed her. Had she been charmed so she could neither speak nor move? Or was it merely exhaustion and abuse?

"I have attempted to find her in every way possible, but have turned out no results. I can only conclude that they have taken her with them. We will try, of course, to find her."

"Some rooms might be..." Peter began, but stopped himself.

"Yes?" prompted Dumbledore, "some rooms might be what, exactly?"

"Um... locked," Peter finished, and Petunia knew it was not what he had been planning to say.

"I have tried other means of locating the girl, Peter. Not merely searching with my eyes. I have attempted to magically find her. She is not to be found. Of course, if you have information as to where she might be, Peter, share it now, please."

His deep blue eyes were gazing at Peter, contemplating him, Petunia was sure, but never seeing him for what he was.

And then it hit her. This room must be unplottable. Voldemort really must be a great wizard, Petunia admitted grudgingly, if not even Dumbledore could find her. If not even magic could find her.

Yes, Dumbledore and magic could not help her now. She was left to die here. Abandoned by all. And it was Voldemort's fault!

No. No. It wasn't Voldemort's fault that Dumbledore could not find her. It was not Voldemort's fault that Luisa was dying, nor that James did not love her either.

Petunia's thoughts were straying from the present situation, as all her life flashed before her as though she were dying.

It was no one's fault, really. No. It was the fault of... of magic she decided. After all, where had magic gotten her? Nowhere! Magic hadn't been able to save Luisa or her parents, magic hadn't brought James' love back to her. No, Petunia decided she would give up magic. Forever. And she wished an unpleasant demise on anyone who tried to bring it back to her. Magic had ruined her family, her love, her dreams, and her very soul. Magic had ruined her.

And with this thought she fainted into darkness again.

Chapter 25: Her New World

"What's up with her?"

"I dunno. Is she alive?"

They were looking down at a girl lying there in the dust. Her face was scraped and dirty; her hair hung down lankly and looked grimy and dusty. The girl seemed to be wearing black robes of some sort, and they too were torn and filthy.

Petunia was barely aware of the voices muttering just above her face. People seemed to be leaning over her, but Petunia couldn't even tell how many. Her vision was blurry from exhaustion and thirst.

A foot nudged her side.

"Hello?"

Looking up, Petunia was able to distinguish two figures. A girl and a boy, apparently.

"Come on, Amy, let's go," the boy muttered.

"No way! We can't just leave her here. Help me pick her up," the girl commanded.

"Fine, fine," grumbled the boy.

He reached hesitantly down to Petunia, helping the girl lift her. Too weak to protest, Petunia let them pick her up and carry her away from what appeared to be an old warehouse. Good. Leaving that place, she was leaving behind unpleasant memories.

Memories of Voldemort, battle, betrayal... magic.

After Voldemort, the Death Eaters and Dumbledore and the Order had all been long gone, Petunia had managed to crawl out of the unplottable room. In his haste to flee, Malfoy's spell to bind her where she was must have been cast weakly without conviction. It had worn off after merely a few days.

But that was all in the past now. Petunia resolved to never think of it again. Not only this she would no longer think of though; she was also giving up her only happiness, her first and only friends. Her one true love.

"I think she's moving!"

The shrill voice of the girl supporting her head and shoulders reminded Petunia painfully of her current situation.

She looked up at the girl who had just spoken. The girl (had the boy called her Amy?) was rather plump with bobbed, white blond hair wearing a shortish, salmon-colored dress.

Holding her feet up, Petunia could see was a fat, pink boy. His thick, straw-colored hair was plastered to his rather square, sweaty face.

"Let's take her to my place, Vernon," said Amy.

The pink boy, Vernon, nodded his consent.

Soon the two teens supporting Petunia had reached a long street. It looked very respectable, the houses and lawns on either side were well kept and orderly.

Vernon was looking around furtively.

"Come on, hurry up, Amy. The neighbors will see us!" Vernon whined.

"So?" Amy replied.

"So we're carrying a filthy... I dunno... tramp, possibly, down the street. What will the neighbors think?" Vernon responded in a pained voice.

Finally, the odd group reached the front door of a light yellow house. It had a freshly painted look about it. Amy stepped forward and pushed open the crisp white door with her shoulder.

"Mum!" she called.

"Yes dear? What is it? Mrs. Dursley and I were just wondering where you two had... who is that?"

While the first part of the statement had sounded motherly, slightly worried and definitely like this woman had been very conditioned by society, the last three words came out as a sort of shriek.

"Sorry, mum. We found her, and we couldn't just leave her to die! We'll try to wake her up. Then, after she washes up, she can explain everything, okay?" Amy asked.

Petunia had the impression Amy could get her mother to say yes to anything she wanted. And she seemed to be right.

Amy's mother nodded, still looking slightly shocked, and Petunia saw her returning to a tea table on a patio outside in the back of the house, where Petunia distinctly heard her sigh: "brought her back, I daresay, the sweet girl that my Amy is, just couldn't leave her, I suppose."

Petunia couldn't hear anymore, however, since she suddenly found herself in what had to be Amy's bedroom. She lay on a luxurious, queen sized bed. Next to the bed was a vanity on which lay a every imaginable hair accessory.

"So... how do we wake her?" Vernon was asking.

"Let me."

Amy slapped Petunia. Hard.

Petunia winced.

"Ow. I... I'm awake... I... water...?" Petunia managed.

Until she had been slapped, this was about what she had wanted to say, but she had found her mouth unwilling to speak.

"Go and get her some water!" Amy ordered Vernon.

It looked like this girl always got her way, for Vernon scurried off and returned barely a minute later with a glass full of water. Distilled, Petunia was sure.

"Thanks," Petunia croaked, greedily gulping down the water as fast as she could. Merlin, did it feel good on her parched throat and lips.

Amy smiled.

"Well, what's your name?" she asked, sounding politely inquisitive.

"Petunia."

"Alright, Petunia. You can go in the bathroom and wash up. Take a shower, okay? And wash your hair. And you can borrow my hairbrush. And some of my clothes. You'll see the shampoo and conditioner and soaps and stuff in the shower."

With this, Petunia found herself unceremoniously pushed into an adjoining bathroom.

It's floor and walls were tiled with pink tiles. Everything was spotless.

Petunia smiled to herself. She, too, was a big fan of cleanliness. It was a small bit of satisfaction, but satisfaction nonetheless to see that these people kept an immaculate household.

Hesitantly, Petunia stepped out of her filthy clothes. She did feel odd about taking a shower in the home of a perfect stranger, but what choice did she have, really?

Besides, Petunia was feeling a great need to wash herself. She had been laying in the dust for days.

An hour and a half later, Petunia was all washed up. The transformation was amazing in the eyes of Amy and Vernon.

Petunia had washed, conditioned, dried with a hair-dryer and brushed her hair, so it no longer fell limply over her shoulders but hung in nearly graceful waves, smelling of fresh strawberries.

Her face and body were scrubbed clean of all dirt, and she had on one of Amy's dresses. It did hang rather loosely, as Petunia was rather slimmer than Amy, but looked much better than her raggedy robes all the same.

"You look great, Petunia," Amy gushed when Petunia finally showed herself.

"Now let's go and introduce you to my mum."

A very awkward conversation with Amy and Vernon and their mothers later, it had been decided that Petunia would be allowed to attend St. Elizabeths, the private girls boarding school that Amy went to, as a charity case. Petunia would work after school, and one day would repay Vernon's family, who would take over her (minimal) fees.

During the summer break, she would stay with Amy.

Most of this had been decided by Amy herself, to whom, as Petunia had correctly assumed, the others were putty in hot hands.

That evening, Amy and Petunia were in Amy's room, where Petunia would be living until school started up again.

"This is going to be fun. Like having a sister! I've always wanted a sister," Amy exclaimed excitedly, fishing out her oldest nightie for Petunia to sleep in.

"Did you have any siblings? Before they... died?"<

Petunia had told Amy and the others that her entire family had died, and she had not been questioned any more about them until now.

Well, almost the truth. Lily was as good as dead to her now. So was everyone from the magical world.

"No. I didn't."

What did Amy know about sisters. She had no idea how lucky she was. Petunia wished she had never had a sister. Then she would still be at Hogwarts, she thought. With James. Who would still love her.

"Oh, me neither. I always wanted a sister about my age. You too?"

Petunia just nodded. Better keep this girl in a good mood. And not asking too many questions. After all, she didn't have anywhere else to go. The magical world held no meaning for her anymore. Petunia was no longer part of it. She would never, ever perform magic again. Even if it meant living with this girl forever.

Chapter 26: I Loved Him First

Dear Ms. Evans,

The last time we corresponded, it must have seemed to you that I was attempting to keep you away from Hogwarts. This time it is with utmost sincerity that I beg you to return. Voldemort still reigns, as I'm sure you're aware, and we are in desperate need of true talent like yours. I apologize that we did not find you earlier, and I assure you that we have searched for you unwaveringly until this moment. Your sister...

Petunia laughed out loud as she ripped the letter up, tossed it into the flames of Amy's fireplace. Dumbledore had found her just one day after Amy and Vernon, and it was too late. She would never return, and it was with reluctance that she had even accepted the owl into her temporary home. Dumbledore's false sincerity mocked her, as Petunia stood resolute in her decision not to return to the magical world that had failed her. His was the last owl she ever accepted. It was weeks before they stopped coming, but eventually the flow was stemmed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Very good, Miss Evans. Marvelous. Miss Conrad, if you would stop passing notes to Miss Adams, perhaps you could be this good. Ah well, class dismissed"

The wheezing voice pulled Petunia from her memories as she recited dully the mathematical formula the class had been studying for the past weeks. Their elderly mathematics teacher, Ms. McDonald, smiled at Petunia in passing. A rare treat. Ever since Petunia had first attended St. Elizabeth's two years ago, Ms. McDonald had reminded her uncannily of Professor McGonagall. So much in this world was just like her old world. Yet so much was different. She tried to keep such thoughts out of her mind though.

'McGonagall is dead. They’re all dead,' she told herself firmly.

"Brilliant, 'Tunia. I don't know how you understand all that stuff. I mean it's just so boring!" Amy said, as she and Petunia left the classroom together.

Indeed, Amy was one of the worst students Petunia was sure the school had ever seen. And that was saying something, as most who attended the prestigious St. Elizabeth's were merely there because of good connections and money. Not brains.

Perhaps that was why the teachers loved having Petunia in their classes. Of the thirty some students that were in the classroom, Petunia was usually one of the four or so who understood every concept.

All her free time was devoted to studying as well; with the exception of the time she had to spend with Amy, for fear of losing her place at the school and her temporary home.

This time had become less (much to Petunia's relief) in this last year, though, for Amy had finally gotten Vernon to ask her out. They were now officially a couple and Amy spent all her free time over at his school, Smeltings, which was right next door to St. Elizabeth's. They were sister schools.

Amy and Petunia had just reached the football field of Smeltings where they waited for Vernon to join them, since today was Friday.

As soon as he arrived, Amy and Vernon began demonstrating their newfound relationship, arms wrapped around each other's waists with Petunia walking on Amy's other side, not quite sure how to act.

"We're going out to take a walk," Amy said, dismissing Petunia.

Ignoring the fact that she was being treated like a servant of Amy (she was used to it by now after all) Petunia nodded, noticing Vernon looking slightly upset. She did not think this relationship would last much longer. Petunia wouldn't have been fussed about this if it weren't for the fact that Vernon was hinting heavily that he wanted Petunia to be his next girl. And she knew that she wouldn't be able to say no.

Though Amy pretended it was her family, Petunia knew it was actually Mr. Dursley, Vernon's father, who was paying for her to attend the school. And who was employing her.

For Petunia had found a summer job as the personal secretary of the boss of a company called "Grunnings" that made drills. This boss was, of course, Mr. Dursley himself.

Petunia sorted his paperwork, answered calls and dealt with angry consumers whose products had malfunctioned. And Mr. Dursley paid her to do it. Paid her a lot. She didn't like to think of her dependency too much.

Math had been their last class of the day, and so Petunia was heading back to the dorm she shared with Amy and a smart (Petunia guessed another scholarship student, or, more accurately, charity case) girl called Yvonne.

Sometimes Petunia studied with her, and she was the closest to a friend she had found (not counting Amy and Vernon, whom she didn't quite consider friends, of course).

Petunia had just finished her math assignment and settled down on her bed with a novel Yvonne had lent her when she heard someone enter the room. She looked up, surprised to see Vernon walking towards her. Hadn't Amy said they were taking a walk?

She looked at her watch. Less than half an hour had passed since then. Bit of a short walk, wasn't it.

"Hey, 'Tunia," Vernon greeted, looking strangely not-guilty, though Petunia was sure he should be.

"Um... hi. Weren't you and Amy taking a walk?"

"Yeah, well. She was annoying me. Don't know where she is now," Vernon stated, still not remotely guilty looking.

Then he leaned forward to Petunia. She knew what was coming. And she didn't want it. But she knew if she didn't let this happen, she would lose any chance of a decent life. She would be left on the streets. Abandoned. Again.

Vernon's face had reached her own now. He kissed her on the lips. Petunia knew he meant it to be gentle, but the kiss didn't convey gentleness at all.

Petunia was disgusted. She felt for Amy. This was exactly what James had done. Well no. Lily had returned James' kiss and that had made the betrayal much harder to bear. Still, it was close to being the same.

Even though Petunia couldn't stand Amy she knew that this wasn't right, wouldn't even be right if she had wanted it. Poor Amy.

At that moment the blond came around the corner.

"Vernon! I've been looking everywhere..."

But she stopped dead mid-sentence.

Petunia pulled away.

"Amy, I... we..." she started, but Amy cut in.

"How long has this been going on? I thought you were my friend!"

"This was the first time, I swear..." Petunia hastened to reply.

This scenario was so familiar. She couldn't stand it. It was like a terrible déjà vu. Eerie, really.

"I don't care. Congrats on ruining our friendship. You stole my man. How dare you, you... you bitch!"

Petunia had never seen her this unhinged. Amy made to slap her, but Vernon stopped her.

"Look, sorry. But we just don't go together the way I go with 'Tunia. And she is not the bitch here. You're the one who's slept with half of Smeltings, including the professors!"

Petunia wanted to contradict him, she wanted to so badly. She did NOT "go with him", no more than she had gone with the Giant Squid in the lake at Hogwarts! The old Petunia would have told him so. The old, passionate Petunia, the witch, would have hit him for saying that. But then again, that Petunia would never have kissed him in the first place.

And that wasn't who she was anymore. Giving up the magical world hadn't meant only friends. It had meant giving up herself. Her personality. Her identity. Her integrity. And she despised this new self. But this was who she was now.

Enough of the old Petunia remained to be stubborn and unwilling to return to the world that had failed her. The world that had taken all she loved from her.

Thinking these thoughts, Petunia felt a single tear slide down her cheek.

"It's okay," Vernon was saying, "ignore her. She's jealous. It's ridiculous. I know."

"This is such a betrayal of my friendship and kindness! After everything my family has done for you! How dare you!" Amy screeched.

Yes, Betrayal. Everything in Petunia's life had been about betrayal, hadn't it? James had betrayed her by leaving her for Lily. Lily had betrayed her by wanting James. Her father had betrayed her mother to Voldemort. Peter had betrayed her and her friends to her parents' murderer. But this was the first time she was the betrayer. In all honesty, Petunia preferred being the victim. Even that had hurt less than this, somehow. But there was no going back.

"Your family?" Vernon spat, "It was my family who took care of Petunia. My mum and dad pay for her to go to school! My dad employs her! And I love her! I always have!"

"You've always loved her, have you?" Amy yelled back, "Well, let me tell you this, Petunia. I loved him first."

I know, Petunia thought. I know. I loved him first, too. She didn't mean Vernon. She meant the man she had loved. The man she still loved; would always love. The man she, not Lily, deserved. James. The one she had loved first.

Epilogue: The Final Irony

Only two years after that fateful afternoon at Smeltings, Vernon asked Petunia to marry him. In a last, desperate attempt to be rid of this man whom she had never envisioned her life with, she told him of her past. Not all of it, of course. She didn't even mention that she herself had been a witch. Or speak of all she had gone through with James and everything else at Hogwarts. Perhaps he would have left her, but she couldn't stand to see the revulsion on his face become more intense.

At least that was what she told herself. The fact was that it would have hurt too much. Telling this man of all people about James.

She had hoped that in his own version of the wizarding fervor for pure-blood (though he, of course, didn’t care about the purity of magical blood, but about such trivial things as race, wealth and social status) he would not want anything to do with wizards. Especially, of course, because they were obviously so much more powerful than he and his rich family could ever hope to be, no matter how many influential politicians they had to supper.

All her confessions did not help, though. Maybe he hoped to squash magic in some way by uniting with someone who hated it as much as he immediately did. But whatever the reason, Vernon still insisted he loved her. So the two were wed that same year.

It was very hard, pretending to be a docile, loving housewife, thrilled to have a chance to be married to such a rich, promising young man.

Life after the ridiculously extravagant wedding was even worse. Two years after the wedding (Petunia was not yet 20 years old) she gave birth to a boy. He looked so much like his father it was painful. So painful. It hurt even more to see how Vernon ruined the boy. And to not be able to do anything, for now, more than ever, she was dependent on this loathesome man she was forced to call husband. She loved the boy, of course, he was her baby, her son. But Vernon would never let her raise him to have values and morals, and if she was honest with herself, she didn't know if she would have been able to raise him properly even given the chance. She didn't know if she herself had any of the morals or values she had once prized.

For somewhere along the way she had changed. Petunia was no longer the stubborn, strong girl Hogwarts had known. She was a broken shell of what she had once been.

It wasn't until Dudley, her son, was one year old that the hardest thing of all came along. A baby, wrapped in blankets left on her porch. Harry Potter. The son of James and Lily. They were dead. Petunia couldn't help but cry for James, even though she tried desperately not to care. She even cried for her sister, because she knew that they could have had more than they did. But that was all over and long ago, and still Petunia couldn't suppress the tears.

Looking at the boy was so hard: he looked just like his father and her feelings were very different. Part of her wanted to love the boy as her own son, just as she had wanted to love James.

A bigger part of her loathed him. Loathed him for what James had done to her.

And an even huger part, the biggest of all, the part that ate away at her heart, was so jealous. Harry should have been her child. His eyes should be not green as Lily's had been but the soft brown, once bright with excitement and a wish to live life to the fullest, of her own.

Also, with Harry came the prospect of facing the magical world once more. Letters from Dumbledore came regularly, and every time she saw the owl coming it was all Petunia could do not to just strangle the bird right then and there.

But if living with that had been hard, it became unbearable when Harry got his letter from Hogwarts.

She joined Vernon in trying to stop him, for Petunia didn't think she would be able to stand him getting what she had lost. But, as she had known it would, the magical world won.

It was awful when Hagrid found them. He looked with such warmth at Harry, and with such disgust at the girl he had once comforted, when she had mourned for her friend.

This was undoubtedly part of the reason she had such a breakdown. Everyone was shocked as she shouted about Lily. Petunia was barely able to stop herself from revealing too much about herself in the process.

Harry's look of shock and anger were disgustingly satisfying, then.

But the continued letters from Dumbledore were terrible. Dumbledore sounded so disappointed that she had not been able to move on. So upset that a bright, determined Hufflepuff had given in and become an intolerant monster. And then there was the actual content. Hearing of Harry's adventures at Hogwarts.

Not to mention Sirius's escape.

Petunia knew he would try to contact Harry the second after she saw him on TV. Part of her desperately hoped she would see him. Perhaps if she had, she would have left Vernon for good. Maybe she could have recovered what she had left behind.

But all her hopes were in vain, for she saw and heard neither hide nor hair of Sirius; not until he died.

It was hard for Petunia to sit still, act indifferent when Dumbledore spoke to Harry of Sirius's death, right there in her immaculate living room. She wanted to cry at the loss of yet another friend, but she was able to hold the tears back. After all, in reality, she had lost Sirius a long time ago.

Still, fathoming that he was gone was harder yet than it had been for her to realize that Voldemort, the man who had killed her parents, who had killed James was at large once more. She was terrified, not only for herself but also (and she hated to admit it) for Harry.

And Dumbledore's accusations of her neglect of Harry hurt, too, much more than she would have thought. How could she have done it, she wondered every night, just before she fell to sleep, after that meeting in her living room with Dumbledore.

How could she, who had been the 'other' child, as she had told Sirius so long ago, have treated any innocent being that way? But maybe she had not learned anything different, she told herself. Was not Harry's growing up reminiscent of her own childhood?

The greatest challenge was yet to come, however.

After his sixth year at Hogwarts, Harry returned with terrible news. Voldemort was at large, killing and waging war, and Harry was going to fight him. The Death Eaters would surely go after the Dursleys, and so they were being relocated for their own protection.

Vernon and Petunia had had no choice. And in some ways, Petunia had been expecting this from the day she read that letter left by Dumbledore years ago, anyway.

They had been bustled from their house, and Petunia had almost held onto Harry and begged to go with him and return to her world when her son - her Dudley, whom Vernon had spoiled so horribly for so long - had thanked him. Petunia wanted to stay with Harry, though she knew it was impossible. She hugged Dudley instead and vowed to teach him what was right and not what Vernon believed.

What Petunia had not expected, though, was for the war to end so quickly. In her day it had lasted so long and been so hard. Now it barely reached them as they lived, secluded and alone, but safe, as well. What Petunia had not expected either was the horrible guilt that built up inside of her every time she thought of Harry Potter, her nephew. He couldn't help what Lily and James had done, she knew. And she decided she would find him and apologize, for what it was worth. Even if it was worth less than nothing.

Finding Harry was hard work, terribly hard, but at long last she managed it. By pure luck she walked in when he was sitting in the Leaky Cauldron. He was not alone, however. A pretty redhead was sitting at his side, next to her was a blond girl. Across from the blond was a young man with longish hair and a round face, next to him what appeared to be a couple: a tall, red-haired man and a petite brunette.

Petunia felt awkward walking up to them, but she did. This was her chance. As she drew nearer, Petunia thought the blond girl looked horribly familiar, somehow. When she was within hearing distance, Petunia paused.

"I saw the latest edition, Luna, it was really good. I think more people are buying The Quibbler than the Prophet, now, actually," the girl brunette was saying.

"Yes, Daddy says circulation's sky high. He prints the truth," the blond stated proudly.

Petunia's heart almost stopped at this. The Quibbler? Her father?

Petunia couldn't help herself; she rushed over, throwing caution to the winds.

"Your father? Xeno? Are you...? You are, aren't you? You're her daughter? Right?" Either answer, Petunia knew, would be devastating.

Everyone at the table was staring at her, but Petunia didn't even hear the protests and exclamations of surprise from Harry and his other friends. The blond just smiled serenely and nodded.

"Yes, I am. My name's Luna. Mum told me quite a lot about you, you know. She was so distraught, she told me, when she found out that you had decided to leave our world. It was terrible, she said. You were the only friend she had, you see. "

"Luisa? She's alive? But the Healers... they said..."

"She's not alive anymore. It was a rather horrible accident, actually... But she was alive then. Daddy found the cure for her. The Crumplehorned Snorkack's venom was what saved her."

Petunia couldn’t bear it. The world faded, the edges of the furniture in the dingy pub became blurry. She had completely forgotten that she had come here to speak to her nephew, she could hardly stop herself from fainting. She had not lost everything then after all. Luisa had lived. Her best friend, her Luisa, had been alive all this time. And she had wasted her life with Vernon. She had given up magic and power and happiness. Why? Just because of a failed teenage romance, a bit of angst in an otherwise wonderful life, hadn't that been all? And now, when she had the chance to go back, she couldn’t. Luisa was dead now. But she hadn’t been then.

And she, Petunia, had given up just when Luisa had needed her most.

Life always had been cruel to her, hadn’t it? And this was the last proof she needed. The irony of it was too much. And this time she knew she couldn't bring herself to go back to Vernon, and she couldn't speak to Harry, not now. She didn't even remember where she was or why she was here. It was all Petunia could do to stumble out of the pub and back towards her car.

That night, before she went to bed, Petunia went to her medicine cabinet as usual. Every night she took a sleeping pill or two to help her get to sleep. Watching her large husband stretch on the bed, she decided.

Tonight she would take a few more than she usually did…

The End