Disclaimer: I own none of the characters except for Aderyn. The plot is completely mine, although the inspiration came from a short story I read that had a similar idea in it.

Understanding the One Thing You Can’t

Everyone always says it's my eyes. The silver seems to catch the attention of them all. It was no different with James. He was drawn to them, he told me, and he couldn't just walk away. I supposed he still loved me, but it didn't always seem that way. Not when she came along. The pale girl with red cascading to her shoulder bones.

He calls her Lily-flower, has since he first introduced her to me on the train. I was blonde then, but it seems to have a lighter shade now. She was always friendly to him, but I don't think she really meant it. She seemed to not like Lily-flower either, but you could only tell if you looked in her eyes. Her eyes were green, the brilliance you can see from a lake, when you look down on it. He's told me her eyes draw him too, but still said I was the only one for him, that I always would be.

I wasn't so sure about her, that girl. She was humane to me, but she seemed to think that James was showing off; he would never do that.

Other than that, the train ride wasn't that bad, I suppose, but James and Sirius, a tall boy with steel gray eyes, were playing exploding snap; I wasn't able to sleep, making me snap at anything. Worst of all, a boy came in later reminding me of a mouse. He had the eyes, the nose, the coloring to be one. The only thing wrong was his height. Much too big for a mouse, but he still left the lasting impression.

After the train, we rode in a boat across the lake; that was different for me. I'd never ridden in a boat before, but James was there with me the whole ride, making sure I wasn't upset by it. I watched the tiny white specks floating around on the water, the stars reflected perfectly, reminding me of the first time I flew.

That flight had been wonderful. James was there with me, making sure I didn't fall. We flew together for hours, right through the sunset, watching the stars appears. I wanted to fly to them, around them, taking in all their glory, but James' broom wouldn't go any higher, so we went back down. Down to Earth, where I'd be with him forever. Then he turned eleven. We were going, together, to Hogwarts. He said we'd always be together, he'd never leave me. We were going to the school where he'd meet Lily, the girl who stole his heart.

Later after the feast, I'd met James in his dormitory. The colors were bold and dark, complimenting the castle, but not me. I prefer the gray, white, and black rainbow. I would get used to it though.

He shared his dorm with the boys in his year, that mouse boy was one of them. But another boy also was there. He seemed to know James a little, met him at the feast. James told me his name was Remus.

"Remus, I'd like you to meet Aderyn," James politely introduced.

"Hello, you have the most beautiful eyes, Aderyn. They remind me of two full moons," he said, growing quieter as he went. I returned the greeting, which seemed to surprise James.

He spoke for me. "She usually only talks to me. She must really like you."

I didn’t say anything, but it was true. There's something different about this blonde boy with blue eyes; he seems to understand me more than most people.

When ever James wasn't with me, Remus would talk to me. He told me about his parents, his wolf dog at home, his plans for classes and after school, and how he hoped to have some friends here. But there was something else about him too, almost like he could begin to understand me.

James would often tell Remus and I about Lily, that little girl with piercing eyes. He told us how well she did in her classes, how she never broke any rules. I knew this of course; I did pay attention to details well. She could master any spell on her first try, she always finished her homework before everyone else, she always knew the answer to any question, and she never had wrinkled skirts. She was perfect.

Every night I would kiss James goodnight, and he'd go to bed; I just gazed out the window. The grounds were so peaceful at night. I could see mice skittering at the edge of the woods, and I longed to be with them, them to be with me. I wanted to know every mystery of the grounds, but even more, I wanted to know the mysteries of Remus.

I watched; he would disappear for a day or two, quite often actually. He always told me he'd be back, that he'd tell me where he was going; I trusted him. He told James and the other boys that he had to visit his sick mother, or that his Great-uncle died. It only took him two months to trust me with the fact that he was a werewolf.

James would talk to me about him. He wondered where Remus would go, and why all his family was so sickly. I wondered when James would know, but never agreed or disagreed to any of James’ theories on the blonde boy.

They were quite good friends by the first Christmas, which I was glad of. The four boys, including the mouse one, would talk about everything to each other, go raid the kitchens, set off dungbombs, do magic in the halls, or practice their spells on that greasy boy.

Something James chose to not tell them, but instead only me, was that talking with the Lily-girl wasn't going well. She wouldn't talk back, and when she did, it was usually to ask why he was talking to her. I myself didn't understand this. James was a wonderful person, he always helped me when I needed it, and never asked too much of me. While I didn't like her much, she could at least have been nice.

I got the chance to really get to understand her one day when I happened to be in the Owlery. She had come up to deliver a package to home, and not having her own, she was borrowing one of the school's owls. I was up there to be alone for a while with my own thoughts.

"So, you're Aderyn, right?" she had asked. I didn't feel like talking to her, so I didn't. She took this to mean I was shy.

I didn't reply to anything she said, but she felt like she could talk to me, so she did. I heard about her sister, who seemed nice enough, I learned that she was a Muggle-born, which James had never told me. I knew now that she wasn't perfect. She wasn't very good at making new friends.

She had tried to be nice, and she hadn't meant to be rude to James, but she wished someone could understand. I understood. She knew I did. This got me to thinking that maybe the redhead wasn't quite as bad as expected, maybe.

She happened to be a fervent note taker. James simply took down anything he thought would be fun to try on Snape. I remembered everything. Anything I heard or saw was remembered. I smell things that have been long gone; it merely sticks with me, always there, just waiting for when I might need it.

I remembered to be in the Owlery every Friday afternoon, when Lily came to write home. It was almost scheduled.

Anything and everything was said in the Owlery. I found that her sister, Petunia she said, wasn’t returning her notes, which upset Lily. They had been best friends, and Lily couldn’t understand why her notes were going unanswered. She hoped her sister was sick, which was found to be wrong.

James and I often went flying together at night. We could have soared for hours, but sleep was a necessity, and classes were important. Most of the time I’d go back with him, then when he’d gone to bed, I’d go fly more. I was a night creature, flying with the bats, seeing everything. Everything happened to include Remus.

James was still trying to figure out where Remus would go. Remus had me promise not to tell anyone, the fear of being abandoned was looming with him every time he changed. James was getting closer too. Sirius and the mouse boy would discuss the matter while Remus was in the tree. I felt bad, not wanting anyone to hurt him, but there wasn’t anything I could do.

It finally came in second year.

“Aderyn, Remus is a werewolf!” He stared at me, waiting. I stared back. No one could win a staring contest against me, never James. He blinked, expecting me to do something, any reaction.

“You already knew?" he concluded. "What should I do? I’m not leaving him, but I haven’t told him I know. Should I tell him?” I agreed of course, Remus needed to know.

Next I saw Remus, he was paler. James had told him. He had come to me, needing to talk.

“James knows, 'course you probably already knew that.” I urged him on. He sighed. “He’s still my friend. Didn’t even squirm when he told me. That’s something new. Everyone else I’ve told, except you, look at me like I’m going to rip them to shreds at any moment. I’m really lucky.” He stopped again, watching his hands.

“I said he could tell the others, I hope I did right,” he said, watching me for approval. I didn’t move, wanting him to decide on his own. “I guess I did, they’d find out anyway.”

The next meeting for the Marauder's was to discuss what to do about Remus. I was the one who gave them the idea; they told me it was the best yet. A werewolf couldn’t hurt animals; it was their only chance. Animagi would solve it all, and with a side of mischief, it was too good to pass up. James was best at transfiguration, he could help the mousy boy, and Sirius was almost as good as James. They could do it; they’d found a book telling them how.

They made a pact, to 'conquer at all costs.' I fully took it on too, though I’d never be an animagus. I could help keep up their spirits though.

As school moved on, the Animagus Project grew more dangerous. It was quite clear by the end of third year that James would be a deer. His antlers had first appeared in the transformation practices in the middle of third year. Sirius had long, black ears about the same time, but it took the mousy boy until the beginning of fourth year to have a pink nose and whiskers. It surprised all the boys that he would be a rat, but I found it horribly fitting.

More dangerous than the project was the Marauder’s declared ‘Unholy’ wars. I was unfortunate enough to be caught by some of the shrapnel during one of the worst one’s, ending with me having violent pink feathers. Rather disturbing actually; thankfully Madame Pomfrey was able to fix me right up with a bit of experimenting.

Worst above all though, was James’ Lily-rants, which started near the end of fifth year. He told me he hadn’t asked her to go to Hogsmeade yet, but he planned to. I myself wasn’t looking forward to this, I knew it’d lead to me being forgotten.

The day came sooner than I was ready for. Exams had been boring, but easy, and the Marauder’s had gone outside afterwards to cool off. I was asleep; the evening before had been long, with Remus and I going for a short walk around the lake.

James told me that the greasy boy, Snape, started to fight with them, calling names and other obscenities. Then he attacked James when his back was turned; a huge gash was what I saw from the fight. After James had been hurt, he asked the Lily girl to go on a date with him, and she refused. I’m outraged really, James asked her out, his cheek bleeding, and she said no.

I can never say no. James is an amazing boy, with character to fill to the moon. He seems perfect to me, I can’t understand why she doesn’t see what is so obvious. I didn’t meet her in the Owlery anymore.

James, of course, made Headboy. This was expected by me, he’s always a gentleman, punctual, and got homework done extraordinarily well. I once stayed up with him until three in the morning so he could finish a Charms essay, it was my job to peck his cheek if he drifted off.

He told me immediately, knew I’d be excited. James could hardly wait to get to school this year, mosty to hear what that Lily-girl had to say about it.

On the train I found that the Lily-girl was the Headgirl, wasn't surprised at all. This, I discovered, would not be in my best interest as the two Heads would have many meetings together; James had asked me not to come, he wanted to impress Lily-girl…

He did tell me the first meeting of the year went well, with hardly any yelling. I suppose this is all well, but I find it hurts more than a little that I’ve been denied the chance to go. After so many years of always having him there, the space felt empty.

James told me during our only time together, our flying session every Wednesday after curfew, that talking with the Lily-flower had improved. I don’t think he noticed that I tensed to this, almost flew into the middle goal actually.

It was only fog to me why he needed to have her notice him, why her? She has beautiful eyes, very much like the moss found under waterfalls, the tough kind that never gives in; mine captivate everyone, no person cannot see me.

She seemed to have eased up a bit, not so prim and rude as before too. I felt as though James no long remembered me, he’d forgotten to kiss me goodnight more than once.

Worst of all, the note exchange began. James would have taken the notes to her himself, but he couldn’t go to the girl’s dorms. Thus, I was sent, the sickening task of giving the love devices from the mind of one James Potter in my keep, my duty to deliver safely, my task to make sure nothing of the wrong sort came into contact with the poem or note, which ever this one was. One can hardly blame me for the shredding of said devices that incurred.

The decision after the aforementioned incident resulted in the bribing system, as I was the only trustworthy entity who would never think of telling any thoughts or opinions contained in the notes; even the fact of my hatred for the redhead wouldn’t lead me to that. Of course, the added benefit of apple slices, my favorite treat, did secure the parchment’s safe passage into the hands of the Lily-girl. The notes, however, stopped after That Day.

He didn’t come flying That Day, our time together was gone. He was with her.

Remus had tried to explain it to me, why James forgot. I didn’t understand. That ignorance left me feeling stupid and naive.

I could tell Remus wasn’t telling me something. His eyes, when he told me my liking for the redhead would grow, they shifted, and he didn’t look me in the eye. He seemed adamant I’d like her more, once I spent more time with her. I wasn't going to, I didn’t want to. Of course, that was before James told me.

Remus had known, Sirius had known, even the rat boy had known, but not me. Remus and James had felt I’d do better if they tried to get me to understand before I knew. It was simply a mind-numbing fate for me.

I had been subjected to James’ practice periods, all of which were pointless. He was perfect. His approach was perfect. The asking was perfect. The ring was perfect. He’s perfect, she’s perfect, they’re perfect. I’m not. Perfection went when I tried to put my piece in the puzzle. I didn’t fit.

Of course he took me to look for rings, all of which would have been fine; I was only there to tell him he was making the right decision, a yes individual. I had no say in the matter anyway, what point had I there? I had only to look into his eyes to know what he did not. All the nods of dissatisfaction were only echoing what he thought, the small approval of the Marquise cut diamond still only a reflection.

Her answer was yes, as though it could be anything else. I felt odd; James said I’d like her, get use to her, I’d still be his girl. I couldn’t believe that though. How could I? I didn’t think I’d ever understand, and neither would he.

Changes can, and do, happen though. The wedding was in beautiful summer, and the snow now can only reflect the sun's shine seen there. The Dark Lord's ranks gain, along with the Order's. While I’m obviously not a member, they sometimes call on me to deliver messages. Like now.

James has called me down to him, another important note to deliver, although no longer to his now wife. I'll go; I’m not mad at him anymore, happier than ever before, actually.

They were right, I love Lily now. She gives me all the apple slices I could ever get fat on, most likely to get me to like her. She’s sweet actually, tells me how idiotic James is sometimes, how he sometimes leaves off parts of stories. She never tightens the bindings too tight, and she even taught her cat to leave me alone.

I fly down the stairs onto James’ arm; he always holds it like that. I never say anything about it, but his arm is always tilted up slightly, just so. Almost as if he wants me to feel we’re equal, though it seems unconscious.

He ties the piece of brown parchment to my leg and kisses my beak lightly. Try as I may, my mission may be the end of me. Many of us are intercepted, I never have been thankfully.

I nip James’ nose back and fly out the window, because as McAlexander said, "The harder you work, the luckier you get."

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