It’s not everyday that you feel extreme pain. At least, that’s the way it is for most people. You wake up, you go to school, you spend time with your friends, you play. At some point during your day, you are happy. That’s not the way it was for Ginny though.

It was three years after the final battle and so many people were lost. Luna Lovegood, Seamus Finnigan, her brother Percy, Cho Chang, Remus Lupin, and Dumbledore were just a few of the people from the good side who were now gone.

And what happened to Harry?

Harry was, well, in hiding. And there was nothing for him to be hiding from.

Voldemort had been killed by him three years before, but Harry just couldn’t get over all the losses. He couldn’t get over them because he felt that it was all because of him.

Screw that prophecy.

No one knew where Harry went, and Ginny was especially hurt. At the time before the final battle, her and Harry were basically together. Although, they weren’t an official couple.

After the final battle, Harry left without a trace. All he left was a small note in which he wrote:

I need to clear my head. I’ve lost so much, it’s like a part of me is missing.

He never even signed the letter. And that was it. He was gone.

Everyday Ginny did the same thing. She woke up, went downstairs, talked to Ron and Hermione for about five minutes, ate breakfast, and then sat down with a book. And it wasn’t just any book. It was a wizard address book—a little different then a regular phone book because most wizards owned more than one home. It listed all the homes they owned and if it was connected to the floo network.

Ginny would sit and scan the book for hours looking for wizards names she had never heard of, because she assumed that Harry had changed his name in the book so no one could find him. (By wizard law your address had to be in the book somehow…so Ginny assumed he would have changed his name.)

There was another problem. Under Harry’s name in the book, it listed over 1,000 addresses—just for him. Ginny knew he could also be in one of those places too, but she’d already been to about 400 of them and had given up.

Ron and Hermione worried about Ginny.

They also worried about Harry.

Ron wished he could show Harry all he pain he was causing everyone. He wished he could find him too, but he wasn’t being as obsessed as Ginny.

Today was a bad day for Ginny. After looking through the address book for two hours, she chucked it across the room and listened to it smash into a vase.

Ron hurried into the room just in time to hear Ginny’s frequent breakdown spazz, “IT’S NOT FAIR. HE LEFT ME WITH NOTHING. HE JUST LEFT ME. AND HE PROMISED ME HE WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE. IT’S NOT LIKE HE NEEDS TO BE HIDING. THERE IS NO MORE VOLDEMORT. I NEED HIM---� and suddenly her voice got softer as she began to cry, “and he needs me.�

Ron walked over and wrapped his hands around Ginny, cursing Harry as he did so.

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Harry was sitting in a wooden rocking chair, rocking back and forth like he had been doing for the past three years. That was all he ever did.

And what did he think about?

Nothing. There was nothing to think about. Well, he spent a lot of time thinking about Ginny. And Ron. And Hermione. But other than that, he was done thinking.

He had cleared his head about Voldemort and all the lost people ages ago, but he couldn’t get himself to go back home.

He liked being alone with nothing to worry about and no one congratulating him. He hated being the hero. He really did.

Harry never talked because there was no one to talk to. He sometimes wondered if he still had a voice, and every once in a while he would make some sort of weird noise just to make sure.

And where exactly was Harry hiding?

Well, right where no one would think of looking for him. He was in England, about five miles away from The Burrow. One year ago, he had sworn he had seen Ginny walk by his house, but he figured he was just imagining things.

Oh, how he missed her sometimes. But he knew it was better this way. All the pain he felt was for the better, right?

The main thing was that he was afraid. Yes, Harry was afraid of going back. Why?

He knew everyone would be mad at him. He knew Ginny would probably kill him. He knew Ron would probably attempt to beat him up. And he knew that look that Hermione would give him, and he hated that look.

There was no way he was going back. But, maybe he could write a letter. So, he sat down at the table in his rocking chair, and as he rocked back and forth, he wrote.

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For some reason, the last few days had been especially hard on Ginny. Ron was seriously thinking about going on a man-hunt for Harry and Hermione was considering writing Harry another letter (they had all written him at least 1,000 times).

Before anyone knew what was happening, Hedwig was sitting at the kitchen table in the burrow flapping his wings noisily as three people rushed to untie the letter from her leg.

The letter was addressed to all three of them and Ron and Hermione decided to back off and let Ginny read it first because she looked like she was going to attack them all.

She tore open the envelope and held the folded up letter in her hands and stared at it for a few seconds. “Finally,� she mumbled as she began to read the letter.

Dear Ginny, Ron, and Hermione,
I know that by now you all probably hate me and I completely understand. And by the end of this letter you will probably hate me even more. Well, here it goes then. I am never coming back. I can’t come back. I hate being the hero and the second I return, that is what I will be. The hero. I am not a hero, I never was, and I never will be. I love you all so much and you have all played such important roles in my life. But, what it comes down to is this—the pain I feel from this war is greater than any pain anyone has ever felt. If I come back, you will all feel my pain and I could never live with that.

Ron—go off and marry Hermione. You two are perfect for each other. Take care of your sister for me, please. You were my best friend through all these years, and I will truly miss your pointless comments. You’ve been like a brother to me.

Hermione—while Ron has been my brother, you have been my sister. Without your brains and cleverness, I would have never gotten as far as I did. Thank you so much, and I love you. And for god sakes, marry Ron.

Ginny—This has probably been especially hard because of you. You are the love of my life and you always will be. It is because of you that I make it through each day. I love you with all my heart but you must do this for me—live your life to the fullest. Pretend I don’t exist. Go out and have fun. Forget about me Ginny because I am not coming back. And you’re probably wondering why, well the answer is simple. Because of the pain I’ve felt. I love you, Gin, and I always will.

Love always and forever,
Harry

Ron and Hermione watched as the letter slipped from between Ginny’s fingers and fall to the floor. Seconds later, Ginny was lying on top of it.

While Ron helped Ginny wake up, Hermione read the letter. Ron watched her as her hand went over her mouth and a waterfall of tears began to fall.

When it was Ron’s turn to read the letter, he was scared. By now Hermione and Ginny were sitting in a corner crying so hard that it sounded like they were dying.

When Ron finished he just stared at it. “Something is wrong with him,� Ron said as he turned around and stared at the girls, “He’s afraid of coming back. I can tell. We have to find him.�

It was then that the three of them made a pact. They would look for him until they died. There was no way Ginny was going to live her life without Harry being a part of it.

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Another two years passed when Hermione finally called it quits in the middle of a forest not too far from home. “We have looked everywhere for him! In that stupid letter he talks about pain like he’s the only who feels it! If only he could see all the pain we go through!�

Ginny wasn’t giving up. Or was she? She thought long and hard as Hermione continued to go on about how much she hated Harry. Ginny then said something that neither Ron or Hermione didn’t think Ginny would ever say.

“I loved Harry. But, that’s the past. If he really loved us like he claims, he would have come back. He doesn’t love me like he says he does. You can’t live without someone you love. Why do you think I’ve gone crazy looking for him? Because I love him! He would have come back to me ages ago if he truly loved me. This is the end of Harry. I will not look for him ever again. And if he dare writes to me, I will burn the letter without ever reading it,� Ginny finished her statement with her head held high. Ron and Hermione could do nothing but stare.

Little did any of them know that they all happened to be having this fit right outside Harry’s house. And he heard every word.

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Harry sat inside listening to his three best friends talk about how much they hated him. He didn’t realize how much they missed him. He also didn’t realize they’d been looking for him all this time.

And to hear Ginny say something like that about him, it made him realize something. It made him realize he had to overcome his fears. He had to go back. Their pain was deeper and more painful than his.

He quickly changed into robes that didn’t look so raggedy and took his wand with him. He had a feeling he was probably going to be hexed.

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As Ginny, Ron, and Hermione began to walk out of the woods and back towards the burrow, the sound of crunching leaves came from behind them. They all stopped and turned around.

Oh my god.

Oh my frickin’ god.

Ginny dropped the bag she was holding. She had pictured the moment that she would finally meet Harry again over and over in her mind. She had pictured them both running towards each other and hugging and kissing and apologizing and everything would be just perfect.

She remembered what she had just said about him to Ron and Hermione. Would this count?

She picked up the bag from the ground and as she fought back an insane rush of tears, she turned around and walked away.

Ron and Hermione were both staring at Harry. There was such a strong hate for Harry at that moment that they both did the same thing as Ginny. They turned around and walked away.

“This is stupid,� Harry said. He knew he shouldn’t have left. He knew they would be mad. He turned around and walked the other way. He wasn’t going to go chasing after people that were just going to turn him down again. He didn’t want more pain.

Ginny, Ron, and Hermione all expected Harry to come chasing after them. At least, that’s what they all wanted. They never expected him to give up so easily. After about another two minutes and they all turned around and saw Harry in the distance, Hermione started crying first.

She ran as fast as he legs could carry her and jumped right into Harry’s back. She sobbed and told him, “Harry we’ve missed you so much. We love you, Harry.�

Harry smiled as he hugged Hermione back. “I know,� he replied as his eyes met Ginny’s who was slowly walking towards him.

When Hermione let go, Ron jumped on him much like Hermione did. “Man, you have no idea…� Ron said, “You really have no idea.�

When Ron let go, Harry looked up at Ginny. She was about 50 yards away, and her arms were folded across her chest. Harry’s face lit up as he saw her, but she was pouting.

Ginny’s mind was playing games, as well as her heart. Should she run to him? Should she walk? Should she talk to him? Should she be mad?

Ginny didn’t know what to do, so she waited for Harry.

Harry wasn’t going to move. He had heard what she had said about him not truly loving her, but he knew that if she really loved him, she would come running any moment.

It only took Ginny another 8 seconds to wonder why she was just standing still.

And within another ten seconds she was in his arms.

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Epilogue:

The foursome all lived together for three years until they all got married.

Harry and Ginny had three children named Lily, Harry Jr., and Sirius.

Ron and Hermione had two children named Percy and Melia.

Harry and Ginny often tell their children about their own childhood and everything they had to go through to get where they were. There were tears shed and fights often, but in the end they still always loved each other.

One late night when the two families were having a common dinner together, Ron, Ginny and Hermione began telling the story about the five years that Harry was away. They tried to explain what life was like without him, but nothing could explain all the pain felt.

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A/N: When I first wrote this about three months ago, I hated it. When I just re-read it, I realized it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Originally, I wrote this to try and get my point across that Harry just can’t die because of all the pain everyone will suffer. I did some editing to make the story much more than that. I hope you liked it—its my first one-shot. Please REVIEW. I love hearing from you guys.

Woah, ok, i have just re-read this and im actually beginning to think it may be better than Now or Never! haha please let me know what you think!