After battling with herself, she had bought one. A pregnancy test. She had only just plucked up the courage to use it. She couldn't be pregnant, she just couldn't be. They had been so careful. Yet, she was very late, and she always felt sick in the morning... She couldn't be, she decided, but she thought she would check all the same, after all better safe than sorry! Who she was putting on this cheerful air for, she didn't know. Herself, most likely. For if she really was pregnant, then she didn't know what she would do. This reality was much more real, and frightening than the other.

There were all sorts of questions that needed answering: What would he want, it was his child too? And where would they find the money to look after the baby, a real live baby? Something about the phrase 'real, live baby' stirred an unfamiliar emotion in her. Was it hope or fear? Or was it even... longing? She truly loved Remus, she really did, and in a way she wanted a child with him. But never, not even in her wildest dreams, did she see herself as a mother at fifteen. Would Remus want to be a father? She was not sure that Remus felt the same way about her, as she did to him. He was always so vague, so quiet, a real introvert, but underneath that he was a kind, caring person. He had a lovely personality, and some of her doubts lifted, at the thought of what a great father he would make.

She pulled the test out of it's wrappings and discreetly went to the bathroom to use it, making sure none of her friends knew where she had gone. It said on the packaging that she would have to wait until the colours were shown clearly on the sample, so she locked herself in the bathroom, and slid to the floor, clutching the test.

She imagined what it would be like to hold a baby of her own in her arms, a baby that was made from her and Remus. A baby that would always carry a part of them both in him (or her, of course) and she thought that in a way, both she and Remus would live on past their graves. A tiny, miniscule baby, that was all her very own. No one could change that, or take that away from her when she became a mother.

She thought back to the night, the night of passion, when she and Remus had proved their love to each other. She could remember every detail, the sweat on his body, and the feel of his lips on hers. Afterwards, he had seemed so hesitant to touch her; so cautious that she had left him there... She felt strange and alone, but she knew she couldn't have lain in his arms all night, even if she had wanted to. She hadn't seen him until the following morning. He seemed pale and withdrawn, distracted, even. She wanted to rush over to him and kiss him, but she couldn't. None of their friends knew about them, and that was the way they both liked it.

The day they first got together was a happy, happy day for her. She had liked him secretly for ages, but had never quite plucked up the courage to ask him. So he had asked her. She remembered everything about him that day, the nervous expression on his face when he had asked her, and the astounded look of mixed joy and relief when she had said yes.

Their first date was in a clearing near the Shrieking Shack, quiet and remote. She had picked it, no one ever went there, and it was all the less likely, for someone to find out about them when they were there. When she had first arrived, he was already there, sitting crumpled up, rocking to and fro, anxiously. Things had been quite awkward to start with, they had just sat there -- Remus insisted on having his back to the Shack.
Then Remus had reached out, and grabbed her hand, and things had progressed from there, their mouths met hungrily, and soon it was like some invisible force had thrown them together -- there was no parting them. She had reminisced about that afternoon from that day on, everything was just so perfect, just him and her...

She touched her stomach gently. Not just him and her anymore, but a new addition too. A part of him, and a part of her. Both of them. Her mixed feelings had turned to just one -- elation. She didn't care what anyone else had to say; they would be fine, her, Remus and baby. Together they could do anything.

Then the more practical side hit home -- her parents. What would they have to say about this? She couldn't see them as being exactly thrilled at being grandparents so young. And what if they made her get rid of the baby? Of course, she would have to write home after the test confirmed her suspicions. What if they hated Remus? Oh, she was being silly now. Who could hate Remus? He was such a lovely person. But the questions remained unanswered.

She once again let her imagination fly back to the feeling of holding her safe, warm and happy child in her arms. In her mind he (or she) was wrapped in pale pastel colours, with a tuft of dark brown hair, and big, bright eyes. And there was Remus, standing beside her bed, smiling down over their baby, and at her...
She opened her eyes still cradling the imaginary bundle in her arms. She was distracted by her pregnancy test, which she noticed was almost ready.

She thought about Remus again. She was so easily distracted by him, always had been, and she suspected she always would be. She wondered who the baby would look more like, Remus or herself. Did she want a girl or a boy? Would they have more? She checked the test again.

Her test was clear! It was finished, and she checked the colour chart to compare it. Her heart sank. What? It couldn't be, she had been so sure. But it was. Negative. She wasn't pregnant. There was no baby inside of her.

She cried inside, then gave a great, rasping sob, and mourned for the faceless baby she didn't know.