It was a cold, damp night and the fire lit inside Remus' cottage was doing absolutely no good. He sat there, inches from the flames but still felt no warmth. He felt empty, as if all of the happiness he had once had disappeared and there was nothing left but cold. He poked the logs in the fire hoping that the warmth would finally sink into his skin, wishing it would reach into his soul and replace the emptiness with the joy he knew he once had. It wasn't working; the emptiness, the bitterness, the loneliness was far too deep to get rid of. He felt as if every single day he was being held captive by a dementor. He was pretty sure he finally knew what it felt like to be in Azkaban. The cold sank deeper; Azkaban made him think of Sirius and he didn't want Azkaban to be his only reminder of him.

He thought of Sirius for a long time as he sat in front of the fire; he had abandoned the act of stoking the fire, it just wasn't helping. He thought of Sirius's life and how it had been so tragic. He was forced to run away from his family all because he was blessed with a good heart. Sirius had probably only experienced true happiness during his time at Hogwarts, the best seven years Remus had experienced as well. Not long after Hogwarts, Sirius was betrayed by one of his best friends and he was sent to Azkaban as an innocent man. All because of Peter, witches and wizards everywhere, including Remus himself, had been forced to look at Sirius as a two-faced, cold- hearted murderer when they had once called him a friend. Remus wondered how Sirius could have trusted another soul after he had been betrayed by loved ones all his life.

The more he thought about Sirius, the clearer the picture became. He thought of the many adventures they had had and a flicker of warmth rose inside of him. He remembered how many times they had nearly gotten expelled and how they had laughed about it later. He remembered throwing dung bombs at Filch from under the Invisibility cloak and watching him scramble to discover his attacker, while James, Sirius, and Peter stood beside him choking back laughter. He remembered how Padfoot used to run beside him on the night of the full moon. Some nights they would run deep into the forest, racing past creatures they had never known existed. Padfoot would bark and howl with excitement, and this had made Moony feel happy instead of feeling hungry for prey. He thought of how whenever Sirius laughed it usually sounded more like a bark and he thought of how he would never hear it again.

The warm flicker he had felt was now dying away again. He realized that while he had sat there reminiscing, the fire had become only smoldering embers, but it made no difference. Remus felt that he would never feel warmth again; his happiness was disappearing with the fire. He couldn't sit in his cottage anymore. He felt that the cold spreading from the dying fire would smother him. He thought for a minute and then rose from his seat, grabbed his tattered traveling cloak, and headed for the door.

He stepped outside into the freezing mid-winter air; a light snow was falling, dusting the ground. When he exhaled his breath rose in front of him like a wisp of smoke. He walked down the path leading to his front gate leaving footprints in the newly fallen snow. His ears were already growing numb from cold and he was reminded briefly of how his ears used to go numb while running through the forbidden forest with his friends so many years ago. He was now standing outside of his gate, wondering where in the world he was going to go. He needed to be somewhere alone, but he couldn't return to the cottage, he felt it would swallow him up.

He looked across his street at the small patch of woods on the other side and finally got an idea. The Forbidden Forest. Why didn't I think of this before? He didn't know why this was the place to go, but it just felt right to him, deep down he felt he needed to be there. He walked to the small patch of woods to have some cover and apparated to the Forbidden Forest. He could tell he landed somewhere deep in the heart of the forest for there was no falling snow. The trees were thick overhead and it was very dark. He began to walk in the direction he was already facing; he didn't know which direction this was but he had been in the forest so many times that he felt he always knew that he was going in the right direction, whatever the destination.

He had been walking for close to twenty minutes when the snow was coming down around him again and it was getting brighter, he was getting closer to the edge. He was now very cold and his whole body was becoming numb. A sudden movement ahead made him stop. He stood rooted to the spot, unable to move. What he saw, or what he thought he saw was something very large and black. His mind instantly went to Sirius even though he knew it was a foolish thing to think. Sirius is gone. He's dead. He can never come back. Stop being so ridiculous. He felt a wave of embarrassment rush over him as he listened to the logical part of his brain. It was impossible for Sirius to be running around the Forbidden Forest but he knew that he had half wished he would see Sirius even if it were impossible. Hadn't that been why he had come here anyway? He felt very foolish for he knew this was right, he wanted to glimpse his friend one last time, to say goodbye, and this was the place where Sirius had been the closest to Remus, running by his side, as Padfoot.

He continued to move forward. He figured the thing he had seen was just his imagination and forgot about it. He walked for another twenty minutes before reaching a large structure that was falling apart from old age and hard use. He stood there and stared at the decaying image of the Shrieking Shack. Although he hated what it reminded him of, he still felt some sort of attachment to it, almost as if it were his second home. His first home was of course Hogwarts. He didn't even think about his cottage; that was no home to him. The cottage only represented a shelter to him; there were no happy memories made there to actually call it a home. To him, it is only the place where he sleeps, eats, and breathes. It wasn't a place of warmth; it was a place of loneliness.

He started towards the shack: it's broken and dirty windows were caked with snow. He knew that it would be dark inside and very cold, but it didn't matter, for he was cold enough already. He reached the rusty door and pulled out his wand and muttered a spell that made the door glow bright blue and then fall back to its original rust brown color. The spell had been a reverse Permanent Sticking charm, and only he would be able to reverse it. Years back when he used this place for his monthly transformations, Dumbledore had taught him how to perform this charm so that no one would be able to enter unless he lifted the spell. Of course there was always the Whomping Willow entrance but he doubted that anyone except a certain few would ever know about that.

He crossed the threshold and closed the door behind, sealing the door with the Permanent Sticking Charm once again. He stared into the dark depths of the cold, bare house and muttered "Lumos!" under his breath. His wand tip flared with a bright light that cast eerie shadows on the walls. This was far from frightening to Remus having been in this house so many times. He knew that he was the only person who ever haunted this place and he also felt that if there was someone hiding in here waiting to strike, then he wouldn't bother to fight. He was far too lost in his own misery and self-pity to fight for anything anymore. He wasn't sure what was right or wrong or even if there was anything left for him to fight for. What's happened to you, Remus? he thought to himself. You used to be Mr. Optimistic. Everything happened for a reason. He smiled wryly at himself.
Yeah, but everything always happens to Me. he thought bitterly back to himself.

He was now climbing the stairs, his wand tip still alight and his feet leaving footprints on the dusty floor. He climbed higher and higher, not really positive about what he would do once he reached the top but determined to get there anyway. As he reached the landing, he halted, staring at the large closed door at the end of the narrow and crooked hallway. There was a thin line of light underneath the door, a flickering light. He stood thinking for a minute, pondering his next move and wondering whom in the world would be up here in the middle of the night, and on such a cold night at that. He moved closer to the door until his ear was pressed against the cold wood, listening hard. All he could hear was the crackling of fire. He decided to enter. Wand poised and ready to strike, he gently nudged open the door, which let out a loud creak, and jumped inside.

"Harry?!" Remus said with a puzzled expression. "What are you doing up here?"

Harry, who was startled by Remus' appearance, quickly lowered his wand as he realized it was him. "Oh, Professor Lupin, I was just…."

"Harry, Harry," Remus interrupted waving his hand dismissively. "Please call me Remus." "We've been through too much to be so formal."

"S..Sorry Remus." Harry replied, "You just surprised me, that's all."

"Yes, you surprised me as well." Remus said with a smile. "I thought you were a vandal or something. You really shouldn't come here alone, Harry, it isn't….."

"Safe for me, yeah I know." Harry suddenly interrupted; his expression went from surprise to annoyance.

"I know I shouldn't be out here by myself but I just needed some time alone." He sat down on the huge four-poster bed and stared down at the floor. "The common room was too crowded and Ron and Hermione, they…they just don't understand."

Remus could feel the grief coming off of Harry as he sat there examining the floor. He walked forward and sat down next to him. "I know how you feel, Harry." Remus said. His words sounded strangled. "It's been a very difficult time for all of us, but mostly for you." He paused for a moment and went on. "I know how it feels to be constantly hurt, emotionally and physically."

Harry cleared his throat and lifted his head to look at the wall but said nothing. Remus continued.

"What I'm saying is that you are not alone and that there are plenty of people out there who want to help, whether they understand you or not. Everyone needs time to grieve, Harry, but we have to stick together on this or we won't stand a chance." Remus' words were followed by a tense silence in which Harry had finally turned to face him.

"What about my parents?" Harry asked as his voice started to rise. "What about them, huh? They fought for what was right, they stayed together and look where it has gotten them!"

"Harry…listen…" Remus began.

"NO YOU LISTEN!" he shouted as he practically jumped off the bed. "WHAT ABOUT SIRIUS?! HE STAYED COOPED UP IN THAT DAMN HOUSE OF HIS AND WHEN HE WAS FINALLY SET FREE TO FIGHT WITH THE OTHERS LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!!" His voice was starting to crack.

Remus was staring at him helplessly. His eyes were burning with the formation of tears.

"And you know what the worst thing is? The worst thing about it is that it's all my fault!" Harry said; his voice was dripping with self-hate.

"Harry, it is not your fault!"

"YES IT IS!" Harry yelled angrily. "That's exactly what Ron and Hermione say all the time; that it isn't my fault. Well it is! If I didn't have this stupid scar on my head then I would be normal! I wouldn't be an orphan! I wouldn't have lost Sirius!!" His voice broke off and he turned away.

Remus' eyes were welling up with tears. He wiped them away as he walked over to Harry.

"Harry look at me," he said.

Harry hesitated, wiped his eyes, and turned slowly to face Remus. His eyes were so full of passion; it reminded Remus briefly of Lily and James. He was so very much like them.
Remus reached out his hands and placed them on Harry's shoulders.

"Listen, Harry, please." Remus said in a calming voice. Harry blinked; his eyes were red and puffy. "Harry, your parents died to save you because they loved you and believed in you; the same with Sirius. It was their decision and no part of their deaths was your fault. They wouldn't want you to act this way, Harry. Make them proud and show everyone that you are as strong as they have always known you to be."

Harry's eyes were rimmed with tears. He stood there apparently at a loss for words.

"Oh," Remus said suddenly. "I think I should give you this." He said as he pulled a piece of old folded paper from his pocket and handed it to him. "You need it more than I do."

Harry took it and unfolded the aged paper to reveal what it really was. It was an old photograph, a wizard photograph. In it were Sirius, James, and Lily with baby Harry on her lap. They were sitting on a blanket underneath a big tree; it looked like they were having a picnic. They all waved up at him; even baby Harry was flexing his fingers in imitation. Sirius smiled his handsome grin at the tiny Harry and then up at the older Harry as if he knew that he would be looking at this photo one day. A tear rolled down Harry's cheek and he quickly brushed it away.

"Remus, I can't accept this…." Harry began.

"You will take it Harry. I've got it permanently stuck in my head by now and you'll probably take better care of it than I did." Remus said, noting on the tattered state of it.

Words failed Harry again. He stared at Remus with grateful eyes and then suddenly embraced him. Remus was taken by surprise but he returned the hug. "Thank you." Harry finally managed to say. "Thank you."

Remus broke away from him and smiled warmly. "You're welcome." he said sincerely. "Now, let's get out of here before we freeze to death."

Harry nodded and followed Remus out of the shack through the door he had entered earlier. "I'll walk you up to the castle." Remus said as they started walking towards the castle.

"Oh, that's alright I can…" Harry stopped speaking and walking abruptly.

Remus didn't have to ask why. Everything had gone dark and cold; even colder than before. The few lights that were once visible from the castle windows were now gone. Out of nowhere came at least sixty dementors bearing down on them. Remus was already drowning in cold and he could hear a wolf howling in his head and it was steadily getting louder. Harry had reached for his wand and was yelling, attempting to produce a Patronus but only a thin wisp of smoke was coming out.

Great, what now? Remus' mind was racing. What were dementors doing at Hogwarts? I know Harry can produce a Patronus but since Sirius' death he has been much more vulnerable. So much more despair for the dementors to feed off of. He needs me, he needs his teacher, his friend but I've never produced a Patronus before, why would I be able to now?

He began to rack his brains for happy memories; all too aware that he was getting colder and that Harry's yells as he desperately attempted to produce a Patronus were becoming strangled and weak. The howling that had started was now deafening. Come on, Remus, think! His mind demanded. He thought of the photo. He thought of how it had made Harry feel. He thought of Sirius' face as it had smiled up at him. He thought of his bark-like laugh and how he felt when he ran with Padfoot through the forest every full moon. The howling was now being drowned out by Sirius' laugh.

He suddenly felt a burst of happiness in which he had only experienced as a boy when he was with James, Sirius, and Peter. It was amazing. He felt invincible. It was now or never. He plunged his hands into his robes and grabbed his wand. He yelled as loud as he could manage: "EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!!!"

A burst of light shot from his wand as if he had turned on the world's brightest flashlight. They were bathed in a light brighter than the sun and it seemed to Remus as if it was warming his soul.

The dementors had stopped but didn't retreat. Remus moved forward and held his wand higher. A large shaggy dog suddenly bounded out of the sea of light and tore after the dementors. Remus watched the dog in amazement as he lunged at each dementor, making sure none of them got close to Remus. Some of the dementors were turning and leaving as others tried to take the dog on.

Suddenly, another burst of bright light had erupted from Harry's wand. He had finally managed to produce the Patronus. The stag had appeared and was now charging the remaining dementors. It caught up with the dog and they ran side by side after the last few dementors until they were gone. At Remus' side, Harry stood with his mouth and his eyes wide open; the light was illuminating his dark green eyes. Remus watched as the stag and the dog turned back to look at Harry and him. They bowed their heads as their conjurors looked on in appreciation and awe. The light that had covered the ground was now fading; making the forms look brighter for a brief moment before they too faded away into the night.

That was when Remus felt it again. The flicker of warmth he once experienced was back, although now it was more like a roaring fire. He had just seen his best friend again, he knew it. He had come back to fight with his friend, to keep him safe, to keep the beacon of hope bright. He realized that James and Sirius were still there in a way; they were in Harry and him. He finally wasn't cold anymore despite the wintry chill in the air and the snow falling down around him. He turned to Harry who was still very surprised at what had just happened. He felt a sudden urge to laugh but only beamed at him. He put his arm around Harry and they headed up towards the castle and as he thought about his Patronus, he was filled with a sudden renewed hope.

THE END