CONTEMPLATING WHAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN

BY_ RavenScarlett (ff.net archive: Fade to Black)

RATING_ PG-13 (pending)

GENRE_ Drama/Romance/Angst

LEGALITIES_ HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of and copyright Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing rights copyright J.K. Rowling. All rights reserved. I am in no form or fashion gaining any money from writing this; all I receive is a good laugh.

MISSION SUMMARY_ They began their education as Housemates; and yet they hated each other. Encouraged by their pureblood families a shaky alliance was formed between the two. An unstable "romance" transcends. (SLASH) (DM/BZ)

MISSION STATISTIC WARNINGS_ Minor language, slash, incest, het

MISSION STATUS REPORT_ One-shot, first person

PRE-MISSION BRIEFING_ In my Delena/Aneled Hupp account I am writing a fic called Seventeen and Falling Fast which focuses on the unravelling relationship between Male!Blaise Zabini and Ginny. The slash humour I inserted seemed to indicate that Draco and Blaise had a history together and that got me thinking... Which is NEVER a good thing. Basically, Blaise is just brooding about the relationship he had/has with Draco.

END BRIEFING-BEGIN DOCUMENT_

I was twelve years old when I first came to Hogwarts. To a kid, it's the most amazing place to see- hell, it still is. I had already known a few of the kids there from the aristocratic inner circles of the wizarding world, and I got on well enough with most of them... most of them. There was one boy there whom I had known far longer than I cared to; a Malfoy named Draco. He was an obnoxious and stingy wretch if there ever was one, a cousin of mine on my mother's side, with a pale and pointed face. He was attractive, I guess, in his own peaky and vindictive way; but looks or none he was all in all a general pain in the arse to contend with. Just my luck of course, he and I were both sorted into Slytherin. And while he became known in nearly an instant around the school because of his father's high rank in the ministry and his own mediocre vendetta against Gryffindor's Golden Boy, I faded into the school's stonework and became another face in the crowd.

I tried to get along with him on several occasions, I honestly tried; but... he was so damn hard to be around without being irritated by him over one thing or another. His popularity sickened me, he was whiney, snivelling and always used his father's ministry position to intimidate people or back himself out of something or just cause a general stir. Gods, he grated my nerves. Looking back now; maybe that was childish perspective on both behalves blowing everything out of proportion; who can say? No matter how much I loathed him, I couldn't escape from him. He was everywhere I went by pure misfortune; we had the same classes (naturally), had to eat at the same table, lived in the same dormitories, studied in the same Commons, and travelled with the same crowds. All of the Houses stick to themselves, but as a rule we Slytherins are more to ourselves and take great pains to avoid associating out of our circles. In essence, I was stuck with Draco Malfoy, whether I liked it or not. And I most certainly did not.

It wasn't until around our Third year that he finally stopped acting so damn high and mighty around his own Housemates; I think he got sick of everyone giving him disgusted looks and only having Parkinson fawn over him. Ugh, Pansy Parkinson has GOT to be the tackiest person in existence. But despite his attitude adjustment around his fellow Slytherins, there was something about Draco Malfoy that I absolutely could not stand; it took me three years of being around him constantly to finally figure it out. It wasn't so much his smug personality and caustic temper, nor was it his stupid obsession with abusing Potter. It was the fact that he was a Slytherin. It sounds hypocritical of me, I know; but the whole idea of him- pathetic Draco "I-need-my-daddy-to-bail-me-out" Malfoy- being in so noble a House as Slytherin made me want to vomit. He didn't deserve such a title; he redefined the whole bloody stereotype! Yeah, for the most part we are a bit on the cynical side and make an effort to be hated by the other Houses; but that's not our fault. We can't help it that we were born superior.

The thing about Malfoy is, he abuses his authority; even a Slytherin can go too far- and he's gone too far on several occasions. Those moron thugs of his are a disgrace as well. No thanks to Blondie and his crew Slytherins of this generation have been given a new typecast- dumb and pure evil. Of course Malfoy is neither; in fact he's pretty flippin brilliant at times, but you'd have to be to cast the blame so perfectly on another. And as evil as everyone would like to think he is; he's relatively harmless; more of a nuisance than anything. He's had ample opportunities to join the Dark Lord's service but hasn't- he even fought in the Order against Voldemort last year.

I can't be positive, but I'm fairly sure he hated me just I much as I hated him. He may still hate me; if he does I can't tell. The more I think about the past, the more I wonder how things ended up the way they did for those two years. Things were going so perfectly from year one to year three; we exchanged bitter words, ignored each other, got into several rows, and generally despised each other. It was a beautiful thing we had going, far better than that sad excuse for a rivalry he and Potter had/have. In year four things went horribly awry. At the start of our Fourth Year everything was normal and right, we'd insult each other, exchange punches every now and then, and serve detention for it. Simple as that. Then something happened; maybe his hormones kicked in or something because apparently heated arguments turn him on. Or maybe there had been an awful kind of love/hate complex building up between us. Whatever the case, around the middle of the year we were fighting like any normal day; suddenly I was backed against the wall with Malfoy's tongue practically down my throat. If I had been thinking clearly I would've pushed him away and halted everything right then and there before it would get out of hand. Unfortunately I wasn't thinking properly, because somehow I had unconsciously developed a similar masochistic fetish of being provoked by violent arguments. When that happened I haven't the faintest.

It was really odd, we never got along unless we got in a row and ended up snogging afterwards- I guess it was a twist on the saying "kiss and make up"? Despite our sadistic hatred towards one another, we gradually started spending more time together. Naturally our families were thrilled. Mum had been trying since we were children to make us get along and nothing had worked; for us to suddenly be "best friends" was a dream come true for the old bat. I love mum, don't get me wrong; but I don't think pressuring me to being friends with Malfoy was a good idea- besides, I don't think she quite had in mind the situation we found ourselves in. Eventually it progressed beyond simply snogging, though; and there were infinite days when I would walk through the castle like a zombie from a lack of sleep. Not to mention for about the first month before I had adapted my whole body would ache. I got used to it though, and while it galled me to acknowledge it; I was starting to actually like Malfoy. I guess spending that much time snogging or shagging a person you eventually have to develop some kind of emotional bond. Mine just happened to be suspiciously possessive. I'm not sure if I ever loved him; but I'd be damned if someone else would try to steal him from me.

We never made our sordid romance public; we both had reputations to maintain. Parkinson would always be wary; the sneaky little bitch knew there was something going on with us, but the rest of the student body seemed quite oblivious and Malfoy and I intended to keep it that way. To put on a good face, we'd still fight in public- earn ourselves a few detentions and shiners; however away from the omniscient eyes of our peers we associated in a far different manner.

This went on for several years, until one night in our Sixth Year a nagging and ever-present possibility arose; and quite honestly scared the both of us incomprehensibly. We were taking things slower than usual with less anger and less lust than usual. No previous argument sparked any initiation and yet there we were like any normal night after fighting- Draco straddling me, skin to skin, his hot tongue in my mouth responding to my own tongue's caress. A few beads of sweat fell down my face despite the winter cold outside, and though it was almost too warm under the covers I shivered involuntarily. Something seemed...off. The thought distracted me a moment until Draco's tongue trailed down my neck making me moan low in my throat. I was desperately hoping he remembered to put a silencing charm around the four-poster; I had forgotten to when things started heating up.

Normally if we start arguing I know to place the charm, anticipating what would come next; that night I had no warning. As if he had heard my thoughts- perhaps I spoke aloud without realising- he muttered the incantation to enforce silence wards around the bed; then he reclaimed my mouth. Of all the times we had done this I could remain composed, but that night I couldn't. Something made me want him, and want him so bad it hurt. Draco pulled back; his nose was touching mine as a look registered in his eyes and I think he saw something in mine that worried him. As soon as the anxious look came, it was replaced by an unfamiliar hunger and it was then that I realised that I had let things go too far. I realised what had seemed so out of place on my behalf and Draco's. We had fallen for each other without noticing; and that was the last thing either of us wanted. At that moment, however, I didn't care. I wanted- no needed- him, so before my nerve could fail I pulled him down onto me and kissed him with a release of more bottled up passion than I had ever done before.

Somehow I ended up on top of Draco and was straddling him by the time we were done; how or when that happened I had no idea. That was the last night we spent together though. The risk of being in love with one another was one neither of us could take, nor were we willing. We broke off our relationship completely a week later just before we received our draft notices and were transported to the Phoenix outpost in Tambov. I had thought it would be awkward sharing quarters with him after the break-up, but we had worse things to worry about than sexual tension. Towards the end of the war I met the youngest Weasley, Ginevra Molly. Somehow she made more of an impact on me than I would have thought, and I suddenly found my separation from Draco bearable. When we finally returned home at the end of the war, Ginny and I began dating. She bridged the gap and with her I felt real love; not the unhealthy tense lust Draco and I shared.

She brought me to her family's home- they call it the Burrow- and we're staying here over the Christmas holiday. It's her Seventh Year now; her family seems to have accepted me initially well; so I have more confidence about the ring I've been carrying for the past few weeks. Despite the stress Draco and I endured; Ginny and I faced so many more trials together because those around us believed a Slytherin and a Gryffindor could never be together. Everything we've worked so hard for rests on her response to my gift to her; I hope she accepts. She doesn't know, but I believe she could very well have saved me.

Christmas Eve seems so far away...

MISSION COMPLETE_

POST-MISSION ANALYSIS_ Kind of an unceremonious ending, I know-I might rewrite it later. I'm extremely proud though, because I wrote the closest thing to a lemon that I'm capable of. I also successfully eked out a one-shot blurb over-viewing a twisted dynamic to Blaise and Draco's relationship and forced in a transition to Ginny! If anyone's totally confused; I suggest reading Seventeen and Falling Fast, which is featured on my Fanfiction.net account for het stuff: Delena/Aneled Hupp. The angsty slightly AU prelude to SFF that the said fic branched off of is Like Lovers (Holding On) and it has a somewhat clearer explanation for the war. I know, how very original, a war in Harry Potter fiction. Please review! I'd love to hear response! There aren't enough Draco/Blaise or Blaise/Ginny fics out there. Not enough Blaise period. By the way; just in case anyone was unsure, Tambov is in Russia.

END TRANSMISSION_