Death Eater Limericks

Avery
This one makes artwork through pain,
There’s no doubt he’s crim’nally insane
With a razor and curse
He’ll rehearse the perverse,
Cleaving kind folk and children in twain.

Barty Crouch jr.
For a year under Polyjuice hid
To try’n get that Potter kid
With a portkey
And bad witchery.
Then Dememtors came – fail you did.

Crabbe and Goyle
You’re stupid as stupid can be,
So stupid you can’t even see,
You cannot gain,
You’re worth disdain,
Or’s that too big a word for thee?

Bellatrix Lestrange
Two Aurors you tortured, you filth
Your own cousin’s blood you spilth
Angelic face
Torted in haste
As your venom and evil is tilth

Lucius Malfoy
Yes, Lucius Malfoy, it’s true:
The smiling killer, they call you
You smile indeed
And kill without need,
All of evilness you imbue.

Peter Pettigrew
A Marauder, you once were one
Betrayer of James and his son,
A silver hand,
A grey rat and,
A life-debt that must be undone

Severus Snape
Potion Master at Hogwarts school
Brewing Potions both perfect and cruel
He swoops like a bat
Does for Dumbledore rat
When around the Dark Lord keeps his cool.

The Ministry and the News

The Ministry
Believes what it wants to believe,
Giving all its fans a reprieve
Or maybe a raise
And ample praise,
All of which are meant to deceive.

Cornelius Fudge
There once was a leader named Fudge,
Who from his stupid ideas wouldn’t budge.
He put politics first,
And is always the worst,
Holding ‘gainst Harry a terrible grudge.

The Daily Prophet
A paper of constant mendacity,
Can’t stand the idea of true honesty;
It makes heroes bad,
Evil misread and sad,
Little more than a wet rag of pity.

Rita Skeeter
Tasteless eccentric and smug
Her Animagus form a bug
Her glasses are scary
And yet she helps Harry
After Granger keeps her in a jug.

The Quibbler
A news source exceedingly strange
Specializing in writings “free-range�
‘Bout Manatees
And Oliphantees
And the ways Gooschadas can get mange.

Random Muggle News
Doesn’t mention Harry at all,
Just stuff like foot and baseball.
He likes that well,
Yes thinks it’s swell,
If not in the very least helpful.

Witch Weekly
Five times had Lockhart best smile,
Oh, gag me and choke me with bile,
It’s that kind of thing
That praises does sing
Without any evidence on file.

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If anyone has suggestions for a topic for limericks, I'm happy to receive an advice you have. Please review, constructive criticism welcome.

The Weasleys
(Yes, they are a category all to themselves)


Arthur
Enchanted by Muggle inventions
This man has the purest intentions
When writing loopholes
Although his payroll
Causes his wife apprehension.

Molly
A woman who always gives love
Her worst nightmare ever was of
Losing her children
Don’t ever hurt them
For Molly holds nothing above.

Bill
Once Head Boy now a curse breaker
Getting past evil to gold and nacre
He works at Gringotts
Knows the Order’s thoughts
Is giving and kind, not a taker.

Charlie
Once in Ron’s first year he helped Hagrid
With a dragon of which he must get rid
He’s an expert at that
Helped at the Tri-Wiz spat
And much for the good cause he did.

Percy
Perfect Percy the Prefect
To the Ministry did defect
His family he left
Is at sucking-up, deft
That’s all part of his perfect effect.

Fred and George
Fred and George or Forge and Gred
These twins are never insipid
With their brilliant jokes
And sly little pokes
Remember canaries and “Big Head�?

Ron
Sidekick to Harry indeed,
This boy will move with speed
To save the day
He is the way
With hair red and much hunger to feed.

Ginny
Although it may seem quite far-fetched
This girl was by Riddle possessed
An evil diary
This girl was fiery
Despite her clear right to’ve kvetched.


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Author’s Note:

Thank you to all you beautiful reviewers. I appreciate it muchly. Please keep it up. :D

DADA Professors

Quirrell
With a stutter so no one would guess
This turbaned wizard was nothing less
Than a murdering scum
Under Voldemort’s thumb,
Who over a stone did obsess.

Lockhart
Inept though quite handsome was he,
The author of “Magical Me�
This memory-wiper
Was a silly swiper
Of other’s lives and stories.

Lupin
Lupin, the werewolf, the nicest
In Harry much time did invest
Then one night
Full moon’s light
Nearly murdered Harry and his guest.

Moody/Crouch
Mad-eye was nothing but wary,
With a false eye looked creepy and scary,
But it was not him
Who taught all of ‘em
For a year about curses and fairies.

Umbridge
Just as evil as her dark quill,
This teacher drew blood at will,
Taught nothing of use
Treated kids with abuse
Centaurs all now make her ill.

Unknown – sixth year
Before term Harry’ll meet/ hear of him
He’ll have a secret that’s dark and grim
Harry should fear:
Near the end of the year,
He’ll almost die (or at least lose a limb).

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Diamond Quill -- Thank you for the request. I already had this part written, but I can promise Order members for part 5.
I will also get around to writing other professors, eventually.
Probably.
Reviewing helps.
Thank you, everyone for reviewing!

Post-Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter except several very good books which I like to read, but did NOT write.

Order Members

Mad-Eye Moody
With a eye that spins up and around,
This auror creeps without sound.
For sure he’s mad,
But he’s not bad,
And if you are, trouble you’ve found.

Tonks
Ah, she’s lovely: a tall lady fair,
No, wait, is that purple hair?
A putrid wig?
A nose like a pig?
With a color-changing cheerful stare?

Sirius Black
Animagus to match his name,
Brightest star – but watch his fame:
Falsely accused
In prison abused
He’s a different man going than came.

Mundungus Fletcher
Using magic with muggles there?
Giving Arthur Weasley a scare?
This old-crowd guy
Is slimy and sly
And a crook through and through – beware!

Arabella Figg
This batty old squib loves her cats
Musty old cake, faded hats,
Yet she’s honest, kind
Good-natured, not blind,
Trades kneazles, crossbreed-cats.

Kingsley Shacklebolt
Tall, strong, intelligent and clever,
One of the best of the aurors ever
Under Ministers both
(Muggle and not)
To benefit the Order’s endeavor.