A/N: This one-shot was inspired by Madeleine L'Engle's A Ring of Endless Light. Wonderful book by the way. One of my favorites. Also inspired by the poems A Ring of Endless Light introduced me to by Henry Vaughan. You can find them below. I hope you enjoy this one-shot and please

“I saw Eternity the other night,
Like a great ring of pure and endless light,
All calm, as it was bright,
And round beneath it, Time, in hours, days, years,
Driven by the spheres,
Like a vast shadow moved, in which the world and all her train were hurled.”
-Henry Vaughan’s “The World”

“There is a God, some say,
A deep but dazzling darkness: as men here
Say it is late and dusky, because they
See not all clear.”
-Henry Vaughan’s “The Night”

A Deep, But Dazzling Darkness

I watched in disbelief as the Dark Lord crumbled to the floor, finally defeated, his taut, sickly white face drawn and pale, his normally smoldering red eyes dull and lifeless. His wand flew across the air and landed with an echoing clatter, rolling around in a beautiful and graceful arc and coming to rest at Harry’s feet as if it desired to join with its mate, the long, slender phoenix-feather wand that was still clutched in Harry’s outstretched, trembling hand. I looked into Harry’s pale, astonished face and saw the same emotions that were rising within me established there. Neither he nor I could believe it, but as the crowd around us burst into hot, fiery whispers and Voldemort did not twitch from his sprawled position on the floor, we had no choice but to accept the dawning comprehension that was now setting in. Voldemort, the most powerful Dark Wizard of all time, the horrible creature that had caused so many people such deep pain by stealing away the lives of everyone they loved, was defeated.

I tried to get to Harry, to talk to him, to congratulate him, to tell him that his eyes were not deceiving him, that he could actually believe it: Voldemort was dead. But I could not get through the tightly-knit throng of people who had rushed in toward Harry upon his victory; I was merely pushed aside, shoved around, brutally handled. I was left among the bodies of the dead with no escape and I could feel tears gathering in my eyes. I tried to stop before I started crying because I knew the moment the first tear fell down my face, I wouldn’t be able to stop. But I failed and cry I did as I looked around at the tattered, broken bodies around me. I had been told, warned that the casualties would be huge in number. I had known the cost and the consequences of fighting against the Dark Lord. But being told something and seeing it with your own eyes are two very different things.

As I looked at the still, cold, and lifeless bodies that lay scattered and uncared for on the ground, I could hardly see for how thickly my tears were streaming down my cheeks. So many I loved, and many whom I didn’t even know, had lost their lives much too soon to Voldemort and his followers; none of them deserved it. Neville, Luna, Fred, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Tonks, Seamus, Parvati and Padma, Bill, Hannah...the list of those left dead went on for ages. And several more lay bleeding on the ground. Ginny...

I took a deep, shuddering breath and willed my tears to stop. It was difficult, almost impossible as I had so much grief stored away inside of me, but I managed to succeed, just barely. This was not the time and place to grieve for those whose lives were lost; that would come later, after the celebrating was over and everyone’s hearts were momentarily lifted.

I turned around to face where Harry had been before, but he was not in sight and senseless and erratic shouting had arisen from the area around where he had been. The terror and horror that was now exhibited on the faces of the crowd informed me instantly that something was wrong, terribly wrong. I tried much harder this time to push myself through the crowd. I was pushed and shoved the same as before, but I managed to push my way through. However, the moment I emerged I wished I had not. For what I saw made my heart freeze in my chest.

Harry, whom I had seen not three minutes before alive and unharmed, lay dead on the ground, untouched but for the fact that he was cold and pale. I threw myself down on him and scrabbled for his wrist and pressed my thumb against it, desperately wishing for a pulse. I found none. The tears that had flowed freely down my face the moment before ceased, I was in so much shock. I could not comprehend how this had happened, how Harry could be all right one moment, then cold and lifeless the next. I turned my head for one moment and he was cruelly snatched away from me.

I looked around helplessly at everyone around, begging silently for an explanation, any explanation, but unable to utter a sound. I locked glances with Lupin and could see that he knew, had seen what had happened. I stared him down, my eyes surprisingly dry; I felt nothing but despair and confusion. Lupin’s face melted into a look of pity and sadness as he pointed a shaking finger at a figure on the ground that I had assumed dead.

It was the dying figure of Bellatrix Lestrange. She was coughing up blood as she laughed manically. I could barely hear what she said, but I heard enough.

“I killed him,” she laughed, her pain-riddled face in an expression of absolute triumph.

My mind grew numb and an overwhelming sense of hate that I had never felt before in my life, at least not at such a magnitude, overcame me. My blood boiled in my veins and I could not see anything but Bellatrix’s cruelly laughing form. A ringing began in my ears, softly at first but steadily growing louder and louder, and I felt an uncontrollable urge to strangle her. Tears ran once again down my face as I threw myself on her and began to pound her, punching her face, her arms, her stomach, any part of her that I could reach. How dare she take Harry away from me? How dare she ruin my life? I hated her. I hated her!

I felt my arms roughly being seized and I tried to struggle away, to throw myself back at Bellatrix’s dying form, but I could not escape. I could not see who pulled me away; I can’t remember how I was pulled away. I just remembered drowning in grief and dispair. Hopelessness set around me. And I fell into a darkness that was far from dazzling. For my Harry was gone.

I was in a bright, white room, filled with people, all yelling. Yelling at me. Their mouths moved in silent screams and they shook me, but I could not hear them. I looked down at my clothes, filthy and drenched in blood and felt sick. So much death; so much dispair...

“Hermione, listen to me! Talk to me! What happened?” Ron shook my shoulder, wild misunderstand and fright shining in his eyes. But I could not hear him. I felt unclean; my clothes reeked of death, death stifling the darkness.

“I promise I’ll understand, honey, just talk to me!” My parents gestured furiously at me, tears flowing from their eyes, their confusion evident. For they had not been there, they had not seen what had happened. You don’t, I wanted to tell them if only I could speak. No one understands. It’s too dark and heavy. It’s piled too high and I can’t bear the weight. I’m crushed under it. So much darkness, so much pain. I can no longer see the light...

Lupin walked up to me, his face unsure and his eyes shining in discomfort. “Hermione,” he said cautiously, twiddling his thumbs, “I have news of Ginny. She’s been stuck in the hospital wing and I’ve been told that she’s...”

Dead. Of course she was dead. They were all dead. I was stuck in a place where no light would ever come, a place of annihilation.

“She’s going to be all right! She’s recovering quite well; I even spoke with her earlier today...”

No, she’s not all right. No one’s alright. We’re all dead, either literally or figuratively; we’ll never be all right again. We’re caught outside the ring of endless light...

“Hermione, talk to us!” Ron begged once more, his eyes pleading, still scared.

Nothingness, despair, hopelessness, grief, that’s all I felt now. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything.

“Hermione.” Dumbledore was here now, speaking to me. I could hear him but I didn’t want to. “What makes you think that you can wallow this way? You’re not being asked to bear any more than the rest of us, more than the regular burdens of life. Death is part of life, Hermione, and you have to come to accept it.”

Not life. Death. No one understood, no one else was as close to Harry as I had been. I loved him, damn it! I loved him! And I still do, that’s the hardest part...

Dumbledore continued, “Hermione, are you hearing me?”

“No,” I said tonelessly, heartlessly, dully, without energy, my first words to speak all day. I couldn’t help but shiver. For all I felt was darkness, and darkness is cold.

“There’s hope, Hermione, there’s always hope...”

Why wouldn’t Dumbledore give up; didn’t he get it? There was no more meaning to life. Not for me, not for anyone. I heard everyone saying that it was alright, but it wasn’t. They told me that Ginny had regained consciousness and wanted to see me. What for? Why be conscious in a world like this? Why bother? It doesn’t matter because nothing matters, not anymore. There was only silence, terrible silence, and cold, unforgiving darkness. There was no more light.

But, as soon as I thought this, a blinding array of light filled the room and Harry’s illuminated self appeared in front of me. I glanced around the room. No one else had moved, no one else had noticed. I was hallucinating. I must be. But, even so, I could not express my gladness as I gazed, entranced, at the unharmed, glowing form of my Harry. He reached out and held my hand in a strong, healthy grasp, and he began to speak.

“Hermione, do not let yourself be torn apart like this,” he murmured in that deep, comforting voice of his. “It was my time, but it is not yours. You have more to live for. You must protect Ron and Ginny, look after them. You can not afford to be selfish, for they need you. You are stronger than this. I believe in you.”

Harry pulled me up off the floor, giving me strength. He held me up, trying to bring me out of the darkness and into the light. But the darkness remained because the light was too heavy to bear. But he continued to pull and enveloped me in a loving embrace. We were both caught and lifted in the light and I felt his arms around me as he held me close. And it gave me strength. My heart began to sing, crying out alleluia, and I could once again see the sun on the horizon. The darkness began to recede and a ring of pure and endless light surrounded me. I could once more see hope in everyone around me, despite the despairing, pained expressions they wore on their faces.

I turned around toward Ron, taking in his creased brow and the glittering tears that wound their way down his cheeks. I floated across the few steps that were needed to reach him and I held out my arms to him. He gazed at me for a few seconds before crumbling; the barriers came crushing down and a fresh flow of tears started as he fell into my arms. I pulled him into a comforting embrace, feeling closer to him than I ever had before, and I let him cry into my chest. And together, we rocked, back and forth, working to overcome this deep, but dazzling darkness.