He eyed the boy angrily. "I don’t like that ugly head" thought Bob Penguin. It was the head of the boy who for no reason just ticked him off.

"Bob!" yelled Bob Penguin.

"What, Bob?" asked Bob the other Penguin as he waddled over.

"I don't like that head. It seems strangely large." They both stared at it through their beady black eyes.

“You’re right Bob. He has to be stopped. We have to stop him.” Said Bob the other Penguin. The two Bobs got together with the others to form a plan.

MEANWHILE…

Harry Potter could not believe that Dudley chose to go to the zoo AGAIN for his birthday. Worse, Harry had to come along. They had visited the flamingos, hippos, gorillas, and now they were in the dark, stinky, penguin exhibit.

“MUM! THAT LITTLE BIRDY HAS A SUIT ON!!! MUM! MUM! HE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME!” silently Harry prayed that the loud voice that was echoing all over was of a two year old and not his 16 year old cousin.

“That’s right Diddy Darling!” he heard his Aunt reply as an instant headache spread through Harry.

“Why me?” asked Harry. He was kneading the migraine out of his forehead when he felt a different kind of pain. It was the kind of pain very few people experience and those that do never speak of it again. It was the unholy and excruciating pain of a beak attacking his kneecaps.

“AHHHH!!! BLOODY BIRD!” screeched Harry as he fell backwards. In the corner of his eye he could see broken glass and a sea of black and white bodies toddling towards him.

MEANWHILE

“ATTACK THE HEAD! IT’S HIS ONLY WEAK POINT! FIGHT TO THE DEATH BOBS!” A squawking cheer was sent up as their victim fell.

“What now Bob? Target Hideous Cranium is down. Should we proceed as planned” Bob looked to Bob hopefully. “Should we feed him dead fish and wiggle them around to look alive?”

“Now, now, Bob.” Bob said parentally “It would only be fair to give him an ultimatum.”

The Penguins circled target Hideous Cranium and pecked the remaining people out of the exhibit.

“What are we gonna do Bob?” asked Bob. “Should we make him swim in that freezing pool?”

“No! Make him play with degradingly simple toys” suggested Bob.
“Silence! Let us question the prisoner!” Bob said commandingly.

They shuffled over and started asking as many questions as they could.
“Who are you?”
“What do you have against penguins?”
“Why is your head so big?”
“Who’s your Daddy?”
“What’s your favorite color?”
“Do you have any fish?”

MEANWHILE

“This has to be the low point of this entire summer.” sighed Harry. A large group of penguins were standing quite orderly around him, each squawking mercilessly. He ran his fingers through his hair and sat up.
“Well it’s been nice chatting with you guys but honestly, I have to go now.” And with that Harry Potter flew off into the open blue sky.

There have been tales of a jet-blacked hair boy with an unusual head. He doesn’t fight for good and he doesn’t fight for evil he is Hideous Cranium. Enemy to penguins, friend to none. I don’t know when I’ll see that boy again, but when I do, know, I will be ready.