---

DISCLAIMER:


J.K. owns the rights to this;

She has the fame and glory.

All I have is one small space

In which to tell my story.

So, if you have a little time,

And nothing else to do,

Read this tale of Severus

And leave a kind review.


The OFC, Clancy Norgard, is my own creation. I can't really imagine that anyone else would want her.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

This story portrays Snape in his canon characterization, but in a lighter, more humorous style. Imperfection is the theme, so Sex God Snape will not appear. I have tried to comply with canon, with the exception of references to frockcoat buttons.

Please do not judge this story solely by the prologue or the opening chapters. If you are patient, and put your mind to it, I promise you that you will be amused. Please try to allow me time to establish a credible reason for bringing my OFC to Hogwarts. If you can't wait for Snape, then you are free to skip ahead to Chapter Six for the obligatory "cute meet" scene. I wrote this story to amuse adults, so if you don't particularly care for Snape as a character, or prefer to read about the Trio, I understand perfectly, and I will release you from any further obligation.

---

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE
By Vocalion

Chapter 1 (Prologue): Witch In Exile

---

Hillary was just not cut out to be a witch.

In stark defiance of the expectations placed upon generations of pure-bloods, Hillary was a determined free spirit. From an early age, she delighted in fraternizing with Muggles. By the time she was seven, she had taught herself to sing and to play piano. Soon, she was sneaking into music halls.

Her parents hoped that once she was accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hillary's unseemly proclivities would diminish, but they only became more pronounced. "Hufflepuff! Most definitely Hufflepuff!" proclaimed the Sorting Hat. Hillary's reaction was a mixture of elation and dread--elation because Hufflepuff House was where she knew she belonged, but dread because her parents would disapprove. She was the first member of her family ever to be sorted into a House other than Slytherin.

Never one to concern herself with the serious business of magic, Hillary dismissed Potions and the Dark Arts in favor of amusing charms and silly spells. Music was her greatest passion, and always would be.

While Hillary was attending her first year at Hogwarts, her sister Eileen was born. What little there was of affection in the household transferred to her younger sibling. Hillary was largely ignored and left to her own devices, though frequently reminded of what a disgrace she was to her family.

Upon leaving Hogwarts, Hillary settled into a flat with two Muggle roommates. She supported herself by teaching piano and voice. Not until her sister married a Muggle and gave birth to a baby boy did she resume contact with her family.

Severus, Hillary's nephew, became the center of her life. Although still an outsider in her own family, Hillary was allowed to care for Severus, staying with him whenever she could. "Aunt Hilly, I've missed you," Severus would say eagerly, whenever she arrived. She doted on the lad, giving him the genuine warmth and affection that was lacking in his parents' bleak household.

Hillary watched as her young nephew grew from a precocious toddler into a quite remarkable boy. By the age of six, Severus displayed the intelligence of a twelve-year old, and was already doing magic worthy of a second year Hogwarts student. The dark-haired boy with the trusting eyes lived for the moments when Aunt Hilly came to visit him. Only her presence in his life could lessen the trauma of his parents' loveless marriage.

One day, quite unexpectedly, Hillary fell in love. She eloped with an American Muggle jazz musician. She anticipated what her father's reaction would be, but not his response. Her father Hadrian gave her an ultimatum: "Either you leave the Wizarding world forever, or I'll kill you and your filthy Muggle husband before you produce another half-blood to disgrace me! One half-blood Prince in this family is enough! I won’t allow you to bring further dishonor to my name!�

Hillary's only choice was to leave, but how could she bear never seeing young Severus again? Hadrian would not even permit her to say goodbye to the boy. She dearly hoped Severus would remember her words to him the last time they were together: "Always believe that you have the power within you to overcome any adversity. Never forget all the love and trust you feel when we are together. Someday this unfortunate period of your life will pass, and you will learn to trust others the way that you trust me now."

She left her world behind to begin a new life in America, never knowing that Hadrian had told Eileen a very different version of the reason for her departure. "Your miserable aunt left us out of pure selfishness," Eileen told her heartbroken son. "She chose a disreputable American musician over her own family. She never loved you, Severus. She has no interest in ever seeing you again."


*~~~*~~~*

Hillary adjusted well to America, and tried to live completely as a Muggle. She was now Mrs. Ziggy Brubeck of 6500 Pennsylvania Circle, Pasadena, California.

The Brubecks lived next door to Ziggy's sister Nancy, and her husband Clarence, who were expecting their first child. When the couple was stuck for a name, Hillary proposed, "Call the baby 'Clancy'. Take the 'CL' from Clarence and the 'ANCY' from Nancy, and you've got Clancy! The name is a beautiful combination of the two of you." This seemed agreeable to all, whether the child was a boy or a girl, so that was what they did.

Hillary became the proud aunt of Clancy, a girl. She coddled and cooed her to distraction, bestowing on Clancy the love she had once showered on Severus.

As the years passed, aunt and niece grew extremely close. Clancy adored her Aunt Hilly. "Hilly" was what Severus had called her, in a child's futile attempt to pronounce "Hillary". Clancy had always called her that as well. Aunt Hilly filled Clancy's childhood with fanciful stories of mythical creatures and reminiscences of her darling nephew. Given Aunt Hilly's gift for hyperbole, Clancy imagined Severus Snape to be the most handsome, kind, intelligent boy ever to grace the earth.

Mentored by her aunt, Clancy learned all the important things and all the useless things every child should know. In addition to teaching her piano and voice, Hillary imparted to the child the delight of wordplay and the importance of seeing the ridiculous side of every situation. They attended musicals together, sang silly songs, and enjoyed each other's company immensely.

The happy years of Clancy's childhood ended all too quickly. She became a young woman, and in time lost everyone that she loved. Her father and mother passed away, followed by Uncle Ziggy. Then, the inevitable day arrived. Aunt Hilly died peacefully in her own bed, with Clancy by her side.

---

Author's Notes:

Before the release of HBP, Hillary was Snape's paternal aunt. Now she is his maternal aunt. That is the only revision I made to the prologue.

Special thanks to Susan for beta reading chapters 1-28.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 2: Do You Believe In Magic?

---

Hillary's funeral was a private affair with only a few close friends and neighbors in attendance. After hostessing a potluck memorial dinner and listening to fond reminiscences of her aunt, Clancy found herself alone and despondent. She collapsed on the sofa, sobbing until sleep brought temporary respite from pain.

The next day dawned as the most wretched day of Clancy's life. Already thoroughly dejected, Clancy decided to indulge her misery further by taking stock of her life. Through a blur of tears, she somehow managed to locate a notepad and pen and began jotting down random ramblings and self-appraisals.


THE UNBEARABLE DULLNESS OF BEING ME


WHO: Me.

WHAT: Depressed!!!

WHEN: Right now, and most likely forever.

WHERE: Here. In hot, stinking, boring Pasadena.

WHY: I don't know. Fate, I guess.

PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT: Jean Brodie Middle School, 720 North Slunkin Court, Pasadena, California

JOB DESCRIPTION: Lowly assistant choir teacher. Underling to the great Miss Brightman, whom everyone considers a better singer and teacher than I -- because she is, dammit!

FRIENDS: A small, cherished coterie, bless them!

ROMANTIC PROSPECTS: Dismal, disappointing, few and far between.

AGE: 27

LOOKS: On a scale of 1-10, a 7 at best; after a complete beauty makeover, 7.1

SEX APPEAL: None, apparently. Oh, enough to merit an occasional wolf whistle or lingering stare, I suppose. Men just don't seem to appreciate a sharp tongue and moodiness. Can't imagine why.

OTHER PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: Ordinary dark blond hair, ordinary green eyes, ordinary height and weight. In other words, just plain ordinary.

GOAL IN LIFE: Stop crying.


Listing her grievances distracted her for a time, but only delayed the inevitable task ahead. As executrix of Aunt Hilly's estate, it fell to Clancy to decide what to do about everything -- the clothes, the furnishings, all of her aunt's personal items. What right did they have to exist without their owner? Clancy groused bitterly.

By late morning, she worked up the nerve to go next door to Hilly's house. Clancy slipped in through the back, and made her way to the bedroom. Upon her death, Hilly had instructed Clancy to find a purple hatbox decorated with glittering gold moons and stars that would be on the top shelf of her bedroom closet. Clancy found the hatbox, now almost gray from decades of dust, and coaxed it down with the aid of a coat hanger. She transferred it to the bed, sneezed three times, and carefully opened the lid. Clancy found a sealed blue envelope marked "Open Me First." She began to read the letter inside.


Dearest Clancy,

What the devil are you crying for? It's only death -- not really the end of anything, is it? Now pull yourself together, girl, and try your best to read my words with a clear head.

You know that I've never lied to you. I may have concealed the truth now and again for safety's sake, but I always tried to be straightforward. I'm telling you the truth, now.

Are you sitting down? Good. There's no point in beating about the bush any longer, so here it is: I am a witch, or rather I WAS a witch. Now that I'm dead, I don't really know what I am, but as soon as I find out, you'll be the first to hear.

The contents of this hatbox should help to confirm what I am saying. Actually, I've been telling you about magic since you were little. Do you remember all the wondrous stories you used to beg me for when you were a child? Well, they were all true. As you grew older, you stopped listening, so I stopped storytelling. It all boils down to Puff-the-Magic-Dragon Syndrome, as I like to call it. Muggles (non-magical persons) stop believing in magic once they cross the threshold into adulthood. I watched with great sadness as this happened to you, my dear.

Oh, Clancy, it's difficult to put one's thoughts on paper and get everything to come out just right! There's only time to rectify a few things. I hope you won't be offended when I point out that your life seems to be going nowhere. Not that I'm blaming you. I managed to make a mess of things myself once, so I am certainly in no position to judge. Still, my darling niece, you've always had a tendency to over-analyze things, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. Should you find love, take my advice, and jump in head first! The result's the same, whether you've planned everything or not: Either you get your heart broken, or you don't.

My one regret is that you and Severus never had the chance to meet. You two are much alike in many ways. I've been in touch over the years with the headmaster of the school where he teaches. Severus is a full professor now. (Did I tell you that already?) His life hasn't been a happy one. My marriage to your Uncle Ziggy contributed to his problems, I'm afraid. I wish this weren't true, since I've always loved Severus as if he were my own child -- just as I love you.

Well, there's not much more I can say, except LIVE your life, Clancy -- and enjoy the ride!

Here are instructions for what must be done:

1. Go to the kitchen and grab a bite to eat. You're looking a bit peaky.

2. Give my budgie Gertrude, to Mrs. Lawrence across the street. I've always thought they'd be a good match. She'll need someone to watch over her.

3. Donate my clothes and belongings to charity, keeping whatever you like for yourself.

4. DO work on your high notes. You always tend to get screechy around high E.

5. Cry your last tear, remember all the fun we've had, and visit your friends to get your mind off things.

6. Here's your final, most important task: Contact my dear friend Albus Dumbledore to inform him of my death. You'll find his address and further instructions among the papers in this box. DO NOT CONTACT SEVERUS DIRECTLY. It's best to let Albus handle things in his own way.

A thousand treacle kisses,

Aunt Hilly


P.S. Don't be alarmed if you find a photograph that moves. It's only magic -- you'll get used to it!


Trying to absorb the letter's shocking disclosures, Clancy could barely stagger to the kitchen. Had her aunt been joking? Had Hilly's mind started to wander before the end? Clancy didn't think either explanation made sense. She decided simply to follow Hilly's first instructions until she had time to think about the others.

Clancy forced down a glass of Ovaltine and two hard-boiled eggs before carrying Gertrude in her cage across the street to Mrs. Lawrence, who was elated to receive the bird.

"That's enough for one day. I'll get to the rest of the list tomorrow," Clancy said aloud, on her way back to Hilly's. "I'm all alone now, so I may as well get used to talking to myself."

She gathered up the hatbox and its still-unexplored contents, then returned to her own home, wondering how Hilly's letter could possibly be true.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 3: The Very Thought Of You

---

After another puffy-eyed, fitful night of semi-sleep, Clancy wasn't sure that Aunt Hilly's farcical letter hadn't been a complete hallucination. Clancy's usual breakfast of instant oatmeal and Diet Dr. Pepper fortified her somewhat to explore the hatbox once again. She reread Hilly's letter four more times, and still didn't know what to make of it.

The hatbox also contained a thick, rubber-banded stack of envelopes, years of correspondence from that Dumbledore person. His letters looked rather odd, Clancy thought, like old, faded parchment. She removed the rubber band and opened the first envelope. But, before she could read the letter, it disintegrated into ashes. As the ashes reached the floor, they sparkled bright white, then disappeared altogether. Clancy opened another, and then another, and the same thing occurred each time.

Putting the remainder of the pile aside, she proceeded to open a packet containing nothing more than duplicates of family photos she'd seen dozens of times -- nothing unusual there. She sorted through them, and found one at the very bottom she didn't recognize. Clancy held it up to the light for a better look, and the two people in the photograph started to move. A prickly, shivery sensation played up the length of her spine, before the photograph fluttered to the floor.

This called for another Dr. Pepper. Drink in hand, Clancy cautiously approached the picture, and gingerly picked it up for another look. There was Hilly, looking young and blissfully maternal, bouncing a beaming boy on her lap. The boy had beautiful dark eyes and thick black hair. He looked over his shoulder, gazed adoringly at Aunt Hilly, and laughed as she pantomimed playing piano across the top of his head.

Could it be, Clancy wondered, SEVERUS?

She turned the picture over. On the back was written: "My darling nephew, Severus Snape, age three, 1963." The little boy in the picture was awfully cute. Clancy could certainly see why Hilly had cared so much about him, and kept in touch with her friend, Dumbledore, for news about her nephew. As Clancy continued studying the photograph, she imagined what Severus might look like today.

One last item remained in the hatbox: It was Aunt Hilly's old conductor's baton. Clancy never did understand why her aunt treasured that thing so much, always keeping it near her. Why would she have one, anyway? Hilly had taught piano and voice; she had never been a conductor.

Picking up the baton, a sudden memory flashed through Clancy's mind. She was a little girl, and Aunt Hilly and she were singing together. She remembered the feel of Hilly's baton against her throat. Hilly murmured something foreign-sounding. Then, miraculously, Clancy heard herself singing higher notes than she had ever reached before.

As she continued holding the baton, another memory came rushing back to her. She was ten years old, returning from a visit to Mrs. Lawrence. Aunt Hilly was on the opposite curb, awaiting her. Just as she reached the center of Pennsylvania Circle, a car swerved around the corner heading straight toward her. Within a matter of seconds, Hilly pointed her baton at the oncoming car and shouted something. The car stopped only inches before it would have hit her.

All this was really too much for Clancy to absorb. Her aunt had had her quirky little ways, but she couldn't have been a ... a WITCH! And yet, Clancy couldn't stop thinking about those memories, the moving photograph, and Dumbledore's disintegrating letters.

She tried opening more of the strange, parchment envelopes, but the result was the same as before. As the last one turned to ashes, it revealed underneath another of Hilly's plain blue envelopes marked "Mailing Instructions." Clancy opened it, and began to read.


Dearest Clancy,

You're still with me, then? Good girl! Here's what to do next:

1. Write your letter to Albus Dumbledore. Get to the point, no hearts and flowers.

2. Seal it in an envelope, and address it to

Albus Dumbledore
Headmaster
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

3. Now, put THAT envelope inside a larger envelope, and address it to

Mr. A. Dumbledore
Personal & Confidential
c/o The Leaky Cauldron
(You'll find the rest of the address in my stocking drawer.)

4. Put it in the post. Off you go now!

A thousand treacle kisses,

Aunt Hilly


P.S. When a wizard writes a letter and marks it "personal," it's charmed to disintegrate if anyone other than the addressee tries to read it. There's nothing to get alarmed about.

---

June 20, 1992

Dear Professor Dumbledore,

I regret to inform you that my aunt, Mrs. Hillary (Prince) Brubeck, passed away on June 8th. Her last request was that I advise you, her dear friend, of her passing.

Very truly yours,

Clancy Norgard


P.S. Is my aunt's nephew, Severus Snape, well? I understand he's a professor at your school. Aunt Hillary mentioned him to me so frequently I feel as though I almost know him.

---

17th July 1992

Dear Miss Norgard,

I am very sorry to learn of your aunt's passing. Please accept my sincere condolences. She was a most kind and loving woman. She possessed many unique qualities, as I'm sure you know.

Hillary and I shared a great love of music, and she was one of the few people who ever had the good sense to send me socks for Christmas.

She wrote of you often, so I feel as if I know you, as well. Did you have instant oatmeal and Diet Dr. Pepper for breakfast this morning? Do you still have the scar on your left ankle from tripping over a pumpkin last autumn?

Regarding your inquiry about Severus Snape, why not pay us a visit and see for yourself?

Very truly yours,

Albus Dumbledore


PS: I've taken the liberty of enclosing a train ticket to Hogwarts from King's Cross Station, London. The Hogwarts Express is by far the easiest way to reach our school. Please try to arrive at the space between Platforms 9 and 10 by ll:00 a.m. on the appointed day. Look for a large family with red hair. Join their league, and you shouldn't have any trouble passing through the thick of things.

---

Clancy had no plans for the rest of the summer, and it would be a treat to get out of the California smog and enjoy a different climate. She could do a little sightseeing, visit Hogwarts, meet Professor Dumbledore and Severus, and still be back home in time for her own school term to begin. Her friends Rhonda and Brad Sepell had expressed interest in leasing Aunt Hilly's house, and she had agreed to let them move in on August 1. Clancy had happy childhood memories of staying next door with her aunt while her parents traveled, so she didn't have the heart to put the house up for sale. The Sepell's could keep an eye on her place, so why shouldn't she go?

When Morpheus came to call that night, Clancy dreamed she was skipping across the moors and frolicking through the heather. Goodbye, hot, smoggy Pasadena! Goodbye, Mr. Chips! Hello, Severus Snape!

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 4: How Long Has This Been Going On?

---

Oh, I feel that I could melt,
Into Heaven I'm hurled!
I know how Columbus felt
Finding another world!

---

On the first of September, Clancy arrived at King's Cross Station and searched the platforms for the sight of anyone with red hair. Suddenly a flurry of children pressed by her and a voice behind her said, "Do you need any help, dear? You look lost."

Clancy turned around and saw a short, plump, kind-faced woman smiling at her. "I'm trying to find the Hogwarts Express," she explained. "I've been invited by Professor Dumbledore to visit his school."

"Oh, you're American. How lovely! My name's Molly Weasley," she said, extending her hand. "What's your name, dear? Are you a Muggle, by any chance?"

"My name is Clancy Norgard. I think I might be a Muggle," she confessed, recalling the strange word Aunt Hilly had used in her letter. "I'm not certain that I fully understand what the term means."

"Well, if you're not quite certain," Mrs. Weasley laughed, "then it probably means that you are!"

Two boys passed by, and Mrs. Weasley grabbed the arm of the one who resembled her. "Ronald, Harry, -- this is Miss Norgard. She's going to be visiting your school."

The boys didn't seem very interested in this news, but they nodded a polite hello to Clancy.

"This is my youngest son Ronald, Miss Norgard. And this is...HARRY POTTER!"

"Hello, boys," Clancy said.

"This is the Harry Potter. You know...", Mrs. Weasley said, with a wink.

Clancy inferred from Mrs. Weasley's wink that there must be something special about the scrawny, messy-haired boy with glasses, but she didn't have time to find out.

Another red-headed Weasley flitted past. "Ginny, dear, stay with me," Mrs. Weasley called to the girl. "Come along, Miss Norgard. Hold on to us and we'll pull you through."

In a blink of an eye they were gone.

---

The shock of being pulled through a solid barrier proved to be only the beginning of Clancy's remarkable day. After a long train ride, and sharing a boat with the largest, hairiest man she had ever met, she was greeted at Hogwarts Castle by the most diminuitive man she had ever seen.

"Miss Norgard?" inquired the little man.

"Yes. Are you Professor Dumbledore?"

"Oh, good gracious, no. I'm Professor Flitwick. Professor Dumbledore asked me to escort you into the Great Hall. Our start-of-term banquet and the Sorting ceremony are about to begin. Professor Dumbledore will meet with you later this evening. Will you follow me, please?"

Flitwick showed Clancy to the High Table and found her an empty seat next to a blond gentleman wearing robes of aquamarine.

"Hello," the man said to Clancy. He flashed a sparkling smile, with a row of perfect white teeth that seemed to stretch the length of the table. "And who might you be?"

"Clancy Norgard. I wonder if you'd mind if I asked you --"

"Of course. I'm always more than happy to autograph pictures for my fans. Do you have copies of all my books? I'll be glad to sign those as well."

Clancy was nonplussed. She didn't wish to appear rude, but she had absolutely no idea who this fellow was, or what he was talking about.

"I've only just arrived from America. I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with --"

"Oh, you must be our Muggle guest that Professor Dumbledore mentioned in the staff meeting. I'm Gilderoy Lockhart, author of Magical Me, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award."

Feeling a little dazed, Clancy continued, "I see. Well, I just wanted to ask you if you'd mind pointing out Professor Dumbledore to me."

Lockhart's answer would have to wait, for it was time for the Sorting ceremony to begin. Clancy took it all in, trying her best to comprehend what was going on. She understood the four Houses that comprised the school -- but a talking hat? That just about topped off her day!

Halfway through the lavish dinner that had magically appeared, a hideous, hook-nosed man dressed in black robes strode into the Great Hall from a door near the High Table. He seemed agitated about something, and motioned to a man and a woman seated at the center of the table.

"There's Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall," Lockhart noted, indicating the pair who hurriedly followed the ugly man in black out the door. "Ask me anything you like. I'm an expert on everything," he laughed merrily.

A while later, Dumbledore returned to eat a custard tart for dessert and to make a few announcements. An older man in a purple robe, he had a fine, white beard and a mischievous twinkle in his eye. Clancy decided that he looked both dignified and friendly. Stuffed with too much fine food and exhausted from the train ride, Clancy wanted nothing better than to collapse into a soft bed, but she hadn't even been shown to her quarters yet.

At last, a bespectacled, stern-faced woman with her hair in a tight bun approached Clancy and introduced herself as Minerva McGonagall. She led the young woman out of the Great Hall, and up countless flights of steps, until they reached a large, and extremely ugly stone gargoyle. "Lemon drop!" Professor McGonagall said, and the gargoyle slid aside to reveal a moving staircase spiraling upward. They stepped on, and rose up until they reached a gleaming oak door. Professor McGonagall rapped on the door, and it opened silently.

"Wait in here, Miss Norgard," she instructed Clancy. "Professor Dumbledore will be with you shortly."

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

How Long Has This Been Going On?
~Lyrics by Ira Gershwin

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 5: Sorting Hat, White Beard, And Tales


*~~~*~~~*

Clancy had barely seated herself in Professor Dumbledore's office, when a small voice called out, "Did you enjoy my ceremony tonight?" Perplexed, her eyes searched the room.

"Over here, on the desk. Come closer, I won't bite. I haven't any teeth."

It was the Sorting Hat. Clancy moved closer. "You'll have to forgive me. I'm new around here, and this day's been a trifle overwhelming."

"Would you like to try me on and be Sorted?"

"I'm not a student, I'm a visitor," Clancy replied, surprised to find herself having a conversation with a hat.

"Oh come on. It's just for fun. It gives me something to do."

"Well, all right," she agreed reluctantly, placing the Hat on her head.

"My, my. You do have a lot going on inside. There's plenty of Ravenclaw in you, but there are signs that point to Hufflepuff, as well. You could be great you know, if you'd just work on those high notes -"

"Ah, Miss Norgard! Welcome to my humble chapeau."

She started. "Professor Dumbledore?" she asked sheepishly, removing the Hat from her head.

"I hope you'll forgive my shameless pun. I don't get the opportunity to use that line too often, and I couldn't resist. Hillary told me you enjoy wordplay, as I do. May I call you Clancy?"

Professor Dumbledore's pale blue eyes gazed at her warmly from behind his half-moon spectacles. Clancy couldn't help but stare at his unusual appearance. His robe was actually dark violet, and he was wearing high-heeled buckled boots. She watched as he ran a lean finger down his silver beard to flick away a custard tart crumb. She liked him immediately. "Yes, certainly, Professor Dumbledore," she replied.

"Please call me Albus," he said, seating himself behind his desk. "Was your trip here a pleasant one?"

"Yes, very. There's been so much to take in! I've seen so many things today that I don't fully understand -- food appearing out of nowhere, people moving in portraits, and were those actually ghosts floating about in the Great Hall?"

"Welcome to the Wizarding world, Clancy. In time, all this will seem quite commonplace to you, if things work out as I expect they will. But, just now, you look very tired. I am going to have Professor McGonagall show you to your room. We'll have a nice chat tomorrow."

Professor McGonagall returned. As Clancy followed her out of Dumbledore's office, she wondered what he'd meant by, "if things work out as I expect they will."


*~~~*~~~*

Clancy slept in late the next day, still weary from her journey. When she awoke, a breakfast tray was waiting for her on the bed table. She helped herself to tea, an assortment of muffins, and coddled eggs. There was a note on the tray from Professor Dumbledore. "I regret that we do not stock instant oatmeal and Diet Dr. Pepper," it read. "I hope this will do. Come to my office at 1:30 this afternoon, and we will become better acquainted."

The appointed hour arrived, and Professor Dumbledore greeted her warmly. "You must have many questions," he said, waving her to a seat.

Clancy nodded. Where to begin? "On my way here, I overheard a group of students discussing a flying car. Is such a thing really possible?"

"Quite possible, though not particulary prudent. Molly Weasley's son Ron, and Harry Potter missed the Hogwarts Express. They flew here in a charmed Ford Anglia, then crashed it into a rare and venerable tree."

"Oh yes, I met them on the platform," she remembered. "Is the Potter boy famous for something? Mrs. Weasley seemed to think I should know who he is."

Dumbledore paused for a moment in thought. "Perhaps we'd better discuss that another time. It's a very long story."

"I'm anxious to meet Severus...I mean, Professor Snape. Could that be arranged soon?"

"Patience, Clancy," Dumbledore chuckled. "It will happen soon enough."

"Can you tell me something of him? What is he like?"

Dumbledore paused again, as if trying to weigh his words. "How much did your aunt tell you about their relationship?"

"Only that her father opposed her marriage to my uncle Ziggy, and wouldn't let her see her sister or Severus again. I know you've kept her updated over the years, but because her father threatened her, she's never contacted Severus directly."

"Yes, but there's more to the story, I'm afraid. Hadrian was a cruel man. He instructed Severus’ mother to lie about Hillary, and tell Severus that Hillary no longer cared for him. Once, when Severus was young, he referred to Hillary, and Hadrian beat him."

"How did you come to know all of this?"

"I have the ability to see people's thoughts, if I choose to. I've learned quite a lot about Severus that way," Professor Dumbledore explained.

Dumbledore could see thoughts? Clancy mentally added that fact to her list of Hogwarts wonders. "Then, Severus hates Aunt Hilly? Did she know this?"

"No, I never had the heart to tell her. I didn't lie to her, though, Clancy. I just emphasized the good things and left out the bad. There are dark periods of Severus' past that would have destroyed her if she'd known about them. As for him hating her, I don't know. It's more a case of him trying to block out a painful memory. He's a very complicated man -- astute, brilliant, and gifted beyond measure, yet at the same time, quite insecure. You'd never be able to get him to admit that, though."

"Is that why you invited me here, so I could tell him the truth?" Clancy asked.

Dumbledore smiled. "I'm guilty of not always planning things out methodically," he admitted. "I thought it might be interesting if the two of you met. I know Hillary wanted that. Sometimes it's best to just throw two people together, then sit back and watch what happens."

"Then, when do you plan to introduce us?"

"Again, I would advise patience. When the time is right, things will come together as they were meant to."

Clancy wondered if Professor Dumbledore was being purposely evasive, but she was reluctant to press the matter.

"But, what of you, Clancy?" Dumbledore inquired, trying to redirect their conversation. "What kind of life will you be returning to without Hillary? Are you happy living in Pasadena?"

"It's been a sad time for me, a hard transition," she revealed. "I suppose I'll have to learn to adjust."

"Perhaps you might consider staying on here and putting the Hogwarts choir back on its feet. It was disbanded nearly a decade ago, but I've always wanted to see it up and running again. Hillary often reproached me for the lack of musical education at Hogwarts. Would you be interested in such a position?"

"You mean that you'd like me to direct the choir, not just be someone's assistant?"

"Why, of course. Hillary wrote me many times telling me what a lovely voice you have." Dumbledore raised his eyebrows playfully, then added, "With the exception of a few discordant high notes."

Clancy's fluctuating self-esteem made her cringe at Dumbledore's last remark, but she could tell by his benevolent expression that it was meant only as a good-natured jest. "May I think it over for a little while?"

"Certainly. Take all the time you need. You might grow to like it here. Everyone needs a little magic in their life."

Clancy spent the rest of the day exploring the castle and its grounds, while mulling over everything that Dumbledore had said. She had the most unsettling feeling that Dumbledore really did plan methodically, and that he already knew what her answer would be. But, how could he know, when she didn't know herself?

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 6: A Note of Disappointment

---

One good night's sleep was all it took to convince Clancy to consider Dumbledore's offer seriously. She had been looking for a change. From what she'd observed during the last day, Hogwarts was about as different from Pasadena as any place could be.

Again, she slept late, and a breakfast tray awaited her on her bedside table. There were muffins and eggs as before, but in place of tea, Clancy found a silver goblet filled with a thick, stringy, orange-colored beverage. Curious, she tasted it. It was like drinking pumpkin pie! She happily consumed the rest of the drink, before turning her attention to the food.

Finished with breakfast, Clancy dressed, deciding to go to Professor Dumbledore's office to ask him a few more questions. As she opened the door to her room, she nearly collided with the wizard, who was standing with his arm upraised to knock.

"Good morning, Clancy," Dumbledore greeted her.

"Good morning," she replied, mystified. "Are you seeing into my thoughts now? Did you know I was on my way to visit you?"

Dumbledore laughed. "Pure coincidence, I assure you. Will you come with me, please? There's something I'm very keen to show you."

Clancy followed him down to the Great Hall, then through a door behind the High Table, and along a corridor until they reached the staff room. It was vacant, as classes were in session. Dumbledore led her to another a room nearby. "This will be your classroom if you consent to stay on and teach here," he explained, ushering her in. "The acoustics are excellent. Would you care to try them out?"

Clancy trilled a rather hesitant solfege. The acoustics were, indeed, top notch.

"In the Great Hall, the acoustics are even better," Dumbledore assured Clancy. "That is where choir performances will take place. If you'll step over here," he said, taking her arm and guiding her to the far side of the room, "this is what I've been so eager to show you."

They stopped in front of a concert grand piano. "I transfigured this for you last night. It's enchanted to play anything you command, or it can be played manually, if you prefer. All you need do is depress the key in which you would like the tune to be played, and speak aloud the name of the song. Then, say 'COLO PORTERUS!' The piano will do the rest. It will play night and day. Isn't that delightful?"

"De-lovely," Clancy marveled.

Professor Dumbledore beamed. "Have you any questions?"

"What types of songs would I be teaching?" she asked.

"Oh, anything and everything. We like a mixture of traditional and popular, Muggle or Wizarding music. Surprise us. The school library has a vast archive of sheet music and choral arrangements. Our librarian, Madam Pince, will help you find what you need. Have you had enough time to make a decision?" Professor Dumbledore pressed.

Clancy hiccupped.

"Was that a 'yes,' or did you drink your pumpkin juice too quickly?"

She hiccupped again, much louder.

"Excellent! The matter's settled, then. You can begin at once. The choir will be voluntary, with practice held after hours. You'll have your days free to plan lessons, work on musical arrangements, or to do whatever else you feel is necessary. You may visit any of the classrooms to observe lessons. The staff will be happy to accommodate you. The sooner you become accustomed to our ways, the better. Now, I must leave you. I'll check back with you later, to see how you're getting along." Without giving Clancy the opportunity to hiccup a third time, Dumbledore disappeared down the corridor.

Taking a seat at the piano, Clancy reflected upon what she'd just done. Of all times to get the hiccups! What must Professor Dumbledore think of her? It might have been the pumpkin juice, or a simple case of nerves, but why did she have to hiccup at that precise moment? She felt a complete fool.

The piano that Professor Dumbledore had transfigured and charmed especially for her was most impressive. Clancy tried to trick it by naming incredibly obscure tunes, but each time the piano played the song effortlessly. And such tone! This was one of the finest pianos she had ever heard.

The magical instrument continued to fascinate her for the better part of the morning. At length, Clancy decided it was time to tackle some of those elusive high notes, the ones Aunt Hilly had begged her so often to improve. After a few warming up exercises, Clancy instructed the piano to play "You Are Love" from Showboat. That song had been her undoing for as long as she could remember.

Facing the piano, deep in concentration, Clancy did not notice the man in black hovering in the doorway. She began to sing. All went well until the high note in last chorus. "You are love, wonder of all the world," she sang. "Where you go with me, heaven will al--"

Her voice cracked, dreadfully, in the exact place it always had. Instead of improving that frightful note, the acoustics in the room only served to amplify its shrillness. This time, Clancy even scared herself!

Disgusted, Clancy turned away from the piano, noticing for the first time, the man brooding in the doorway. She recognized him as the repulsive, agitated man she'd seen in the Great Hall at the banquet. She assumed he must be a Hogwarts teacher.

"Hello," Clancy said, with a friendly smile. She advanced a few paces toward him. "I didn't see you standing there. I was singing."

"Oh. Is that what made the ghastly noise?" he asked dryly. "I thought, perhaps, Professor Sprout had left some unpotted Mandrakes lying about, or possibly a stray Fwooper bird had flown in the window."

Clancy's acerbic critic surveyed the room with a contemptuous expression, and then withdrew before Clancy could reply. She didn't understand his reference to Mandrakes or birds, but she was aware that she'd just been roundly insulted.

Seconds later, Dumbledore returned. "Getting along all right, Clancy?" he inquired.

"Professor Dumbledore --"

"Albus, Clancy," he reminded her. "We only address each other formally in front of the students."

"Albus," she corrected herself, "who was that man who was just here?"

Professor Dumbledore searched her eyes before he began to speak. "That, my dear Clancy, was ... Severus Snape."

A sensation of nausea began to swell in her throat. Clancy staggered backward to steady herself against the piano. "Is ... that was ... you mean, he--" she stammered.

"Yes. Tact has never been Severus's strong suit, I'm afraid. I should have warned you. I believe he's on his way to the staff room. I may as well introduce you two properly now."

Berating herself silently, Clancy followed Professor Dumbledore to the staff room. What had she done? She'd traveled thousands of miles by plane, train and boat only to be hoodwinked by a crafty old wizard into accepting a teaching position. All for what? To indulge her idiotic, romantic fantasy of the perfect man? What could have transformed the innocent young boy in the photograph into the twisted man that she'd just seen? Severus must have some admirable qualities she had yet to discover; she would have to dig deeper.

Escorting her into the staff room, Professor Dumbledore introduced Clancy to the teachers who were present. Professors Flitwick and Lockhart gave her cheery waves from across the room. Clancy had brief conversations with Madam Hooch and Professor Sprout, whom she particularly liked. Pomona Sprout's laughter and warm personality reminded Clancy of Aunt Hilly.

Finally, Dumbledore led Clancy to where Severus Snape was standing. He introduced them. Snape was distant, greeting Clancy with forced politeness. "Welcome to Hogwarts, Miss Norgard," he said, with no hint of welcome in his voice. "I hope you have a pleasant holiday -- before you return to wherever you belong."

"Miss Norgard has consented to join our staff as Choir Director," Dumbledore explained. "You are to be colleagues. I trust, Severus, that you will extend to her the same courtesies as the rest of the Hogwarts faculty, and do your best to make her feel welcome here."

"Yes, Headmaster," Snape muttered deferentially to Dumbledore. Looking directly at Clancy, he added, "I intend to be the same bubbling font of congeniality as always. Now, if you both will excuse me --." He turned away to stalk across the room toward Professor Flitwick. Dumbledore directed Clancy to a nearby table for a soothing cup of tea.

"An elegant pair of legs on that Muggle, don't you think, Severus?" Professor Flitwick queried, as Snape took a seat beside him.

"I'm afraid we see things from an entirely different perspective," Snape replied curtly.

"Well, really, dear fellow," Flitwick huffed, offended.

"I was speaking of viewpoint, Filius, not eye level," Snape clarified.

Professor Dumbledore went to speak with a teacher, leaving Clancy alone to contemplate her predicament. Surely, Dumbledore wouldn't hold her to an agreement obtained by means of an ill-timed hiccup! And, as for digging deeper into the enigma of Severus Snape, she wasn't sure she wanted to make the effort, after these first two unpleasant encounters.

Her initial impression of Snape was that he possessed a sharp wit, tarnished by the desire to home in on the weak points of his intended victim. Once the target was identified, Snape would attack mercilessly, then withdraw before his prey could parry the blow.

Was this a defense mechanism? Perhaps, anticipating rejection because of his unsightly appearance, Snape felt justified in striking the first blow. But, even his rapier tongue could not fully distract a person from observing his obvious physical deficiencies.

The first thing Clancy noticed was the pasty, blanched complexion. After that, there was the nose: Wherever had that come from? Aunt Hilly's nose had been petite. Snape's teeth, uneven and yellowed, wouldn't win any prizes, either. And, what of his hair and eyes? The hair was shoulder length, limp and oily. Parted down the middle, it made his hooked nose appear even more prominent. His eyes were remote and decidedly unfriendly.

Clancy wasn't one to judge a person solely on physical attributes. She could have seen past those defects easily, were it not for Snape's sarcasm and brusque manner. She remembered Aunt Hilly saying that Severus' life had been unhappy. Dumbledore, too, had alluded to dark periods in the man's past. Perhaps she was being too harsh, Clancy chided herself.

But, then, there was Snape's voice -- that insufferable VOICE! It was by far the worst Clancy had ever heard: raspy, hissing, barely audible at times. His voice sounded like air escaping from a leaky tire with overtones of a sputtering lawn sprinkler. A sexy voice was the one thing that could make a man appealing enough to conceal his other flaws, and about this, Clancy was certain: Severus Snape most definitely did not possess that saving grace.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 7: The Object of My Affection?

---

For the rest of the afternoon, Clancy tried to locate Professor Dumbledore so they could discuss her reservations about accepting the position. Shaken by her encounters with Snape, Clancy was definitely having second thoughts.

But, Dumbledore was a wizard who knew how to make himself scarce, she learned. She did not see him again until dinner that evening in the Great Hall. He avoided making eye contact with her throughout the meal, which puzzled her. Had she done something to displease him?

When dinner concluded, he rose to address the students. "As you may be aware," Dumbledore announced, "we have a guest from America visiting our school. It is our good fortune that she has consented to join the staff as your new Choir Director. Although the choir will be voluntary, House points will be awarded to all who audition. Additional points may be earned for participation throughout the year. Auditions are scheduled for tomorrow at 4:00 in the new choir room located on the main floor corridor."

Directing his gaze toward the Slytherin Table, Dumbledore added, "I strongly urge all Houses to audition. And now, let me introduce your teacher, Miss Norgard, who will tell you more." With a broad and innocent smile, Dumbledore gestured toward Clancy.

Clancy stared in disbelief at the headmaster, wondering how he dared put her on the spot like that! Next to bungee jumping naked off the Golden Gate Bridge, impromptu public speaking was her least favorite pursuit.

"Honi soit qui mal y pense," she repeated under her breath. In high school, she had facetiously translated the phrase as: I honestly think I'm going to be sick. She evoked this private mantra whenever she felt queasy. As she rose, enthusiastic applause erupted from the Hufflepuffs, followed by polite applause from the Ravenclaws and Gryffindors. The Slytherins, as their reptilian symbol suggested, apparently had no hands.

"Thank you," she began. "It is a privilege and a very great surprise to find myself addressing you this evening. Music is another form of magic -- one that I hope you will all embrace. I look forward to working with you."

Thank goodness, that's over with, Clancy thought, sitting down. At least I didn't hiccup ...

As the students filed out to return to their common rooms, Dumbledore approached her. "You're not too angry with me, are you?"

"No, I'm still stunned -- but I might have a delayed reaction."

"Try it for just a little while. If you find that you are not happy here, you can always return home. I think Hogwarts will be good for you, and you will be good for Hogwarts."

Clancy recalled the eager response she had received from the Hufflepuffs. That, coupled with the sincerity in Professor Dumbledore's eyes, softened her heart. Snape be hanged! She would stay and direct the choir. "All right. You've won me over. But -- there's a price."

"Anything," Dumbledore said quickly. "Within reason, that is."

"If you can transfigure a grand piano, surely you can do something to make my blow dryer work without electricity. My hair has looked like wet straw for two days."

"Blow dryer? That would be a device for ... ?"

"Drying my hair."

"Ah. I believe that can be arranged," Dumbledore chuckled.

---

The next day was a busy one for Clancy, as she prepared for the afternoon auditions. She spent all morning in the library rifling through the musical archives.

How different Wizarding music was from what she was used to! The notation was the same, but it was all written on the same heavy parchment that seemed to be used for everything at Hogwarts. Some of the song titles she discovered were quite intriguing, particularly, "I've Got You Under My Boomslang Skin", and "Fugue For Bicorns."

Clancy intended to take notes on what she found, but the only writing tools in the library were quills and parchment. The librarian, Madam Pince, a thin, older witch who resembled a vulture, took Clancy under her wing, instructing her in the basic skills of writing with a quill.

Dipping a quill dozens of times just to write a brief note frustrated her. She dribbled ink all over the parchment and stained her fingers. It took hours to write the simple letters she needed to put her affairs back home in order. Then, she had to make the long climb up to the Owlery to send her letters to the Leaky Cauldron, where they would be transferred to regular Muggle post. Clancy was discovering that adapting to this Dickensian lifestyle was not going to be easy.

Arriving early to the choir room in the afternoon, Clancy heard someone singing. Though muffled by the thickness of the closed door, the voice sounded beautiful. The door creaked as Clancy opened it, and the singing cut off. She caught a flurry of movement out of the corner of her eye, and spotted a young girl dashing for cover behind the piano.

"Please continue singing," Clancy urged, moving nearer. "That was lovely." The girl resumed singing, yet remained concealed. Her voice was full, rich, and resonant -- not like a child's voice, at all. "Excellent!" Clancy praised. "You needn't bother auditioning; you've already passed with flying colors. What House are you in?"

"Hufflepuff, Miss Norgard," the girl replied meekly.

"Well, then, ten points to Hufflepuff for being the first to arrive, and for your very pretty song. Now, will you come out and tell me your name?"

Timidly, the girl emerged from behind the piano. "My name is Eloise Midgen," she said, staring at the floor.

Suppressing a wince, Clancy studied a small face ravaged by the worst case of acne she had ever seen. Otherwise, the child was quite appealing. With wavy, dark hair and luminous eyes, Eloise resembled a very young Elizabeth Taylor. "Hold your head up and stand proud," she instructed the girl. "A voice like yours is a gift! How long have you been studying?"

"I've never had any training. I just like to sing. It makes me feel happy," Eloise admitted.

"You'll soon be making many people happy," Clancy predicted. "I think I've just found my soloist."

"NO! I only want to be part of the choir. I'll stand in the back row so I can be heard but not seen."

"Stage fright?" Clancy inquired sympathetically. "That will pass. Everyone experiences it at one time or another."

"It's my complexion," Eloise confessed. "I don't like people watching me. They don't look in my eyes -- they just stare at my pimples."

Clancy took both of Eloise's hands in her own, and made sure she looked directly into the girl's eyes. "Have you tried any skin care products, or consulted a dermatologist?"

"A derma -- what?" Eloise asked, confused.

"Sorry. That's a Muggle doctor who treats conditions of the skin."

"My parents say magical ways are best."

"Just what are the magical ways?" Clancy wanted to know.

"Bubotuber pus," Eloise cringed as she said the word.

"Bubo--what?" Now it was Clancy's turn to be enlightened.

"It's an extract made from giant black slugs. It's slimy and yellow. It smells like petrol, and I have to apply it to my face at night before I go to bed. It's supposed to cure Mandrake acne, but it hasn't helped me very much. My case is just too severe."

Clancy smiled reassuringly. "No one makes it through adolescence completely unscathed. If it's not acne, it's something else. That's one thing our worlds have in common. I had acne too, when I was about your age. Some of my blemishes grew so large and stayed so long, I gave them names." She parted her bangs to reveal a small, white scar on her forehead. "Do you see this? This is all that remains of Leslie."

Eloise laughed.

Students were now arriving and finding seats. A Hufflepuff girl waved to Eloise, and she walked over to join her.

About seventy-five students auditioned, predominantly Hufflepuffs, with a smattering of Ravenclaws and Gryffindors. Ginny Weasley, the girl Clancy remembered from the train platform, was among them.

The audition was simple. Clancy asked each person to sing a C scale up, and then back down again, followed by sixteen bars of any song a capella. Everyone passed. There were a dozen or so students with minor pitch problems that could be corrected with a little ear training, but she found not a tone-deaf one in the lot, much to her relief.

She decided to divide her singers into two separate groups: first- through third-year students in one, and fourth- through seventh-year in the other. She had the students suggest names and then vote by a show of hands. Thus, it was decided that the lower choir would be called the Musical Mooncalves, and the upper choir, the Harmonious Hinkypunks.

As the auditions ended, Professor Dumbledore limped into the room, carrying a small parcel. "Albus, what happened to your leg?" Clancy asked, concerned.

"Nothing to worry about. A minor sprain." He grimaced and rubbed his leg. "I'm getting along in years, after all. I wonder if I might impose upon your good nature and ask you to deliver this to Severus in the dungeons?"

"Must I, Albus? Couldn't one of the students -- "

"It contains a very valuable book. I'd rather not entrust it to a student."

"All right," Clancy agreed reluctantly. She hoped Snape wouldn't be there, so she could leave the parcel on his desk and beat a hasty retreat.

"Thank you. I'm deeply grateful," Dumbledore said, handing her the package. "I'm going to try to rest until dinner." He turned, and limped out the door, favoring the opposite leg from the one he'd favored coming in.

Clancy shook her head. Professor Dumbledore was a very persuasive wizard, but a very bad actor.

The dungeons were cold and oppressive. She found Snape's office and observed him from the doorway as he sat at his desk studying a piece of parchment. The walls of his room were lined with rows of glass jars, each containing grotesque creatures. Snape sat hunched over, squinting, with his long nose almost touching the desk. He must have heard the clicking of Clancy's heels as she crossed the stone floor, but he did not look up. She placed the parcel on the edge of his desk, paused for a moment, and then turned to leave.

"Miss Norgard," Snape said shortly, in that terrible, hissing voice. "Hogwarts' very own musical Muggle -- or should I say, Dumbledore's Folly? To what do I owe this intrusion?"

"Professor Dumbledore asked me to bring this to you," she explained, pointing at the package.

Snape opened the wrappings and read aloud in a derisive tone the title of the enclosed book, How To Be Charming Without Resorting To Charms--A Guide For The Waspish Wizard by Letitia Bickerson. He sniffed, abruptly shifting in his chair. "This is yet another of the headmaster's feeble attempts at humor. You can see for yourself," he said, thumbing through the book, "the pages are blank."

"Why do you suppose he--"

"With Dumbledore, one never supposes or assumes. He is a man of many mysteries, which he uses to his advantage. He has a peculiar way of getting people to do exactly what he wants them to do by convincing them it was their own idea in the first place."

"Yes, I'm beginning to see that," Clancy acknowledged. As Snape once again lowered his nose to the parchment, she asked, "Why don't you use reading glasses?"

Snape looked up, regarding her with disdainful eyes. "I am vain," he said evenly.

Clancy stifled a laugh. She did not know him well enough to be sure he had meant that as a joke. Snape got up and turned his attention to a black cauldron simmering beside his desk.

"What are you cooking in that pot?" she asked.

"I am Potions master at this school, Miss Norgard. I do not cook, I brew; and this is a cauldron, not a pot. I am brewing powdered root of asphodel with an infusion of wormwood, which produces the Draught of Living Death. May I offer you a sample?"

"No, thanks," Clancy said sweetly. This might be Snape's way of dismissing her, but she was not done with him, yet. "My presence here obviously disturbs you. May I ask why? Is it because I'm an American, or because I'm a Muggle?"

"Both are equally low. Take your choice."

Inwardly seething, Clancy continued, "I would think that you could sympathize with the difficulty I'm having adjusting to your world."

"To a degree, yes," Snape disclosed. "I am certain that I would be considered an oddity in yours."

"I doubt seriously that you would be considered at all," she retorted.

Snape had not expected that barb. He bristled. He swiped his arm across the desk, to send flying a jar of green baby eels. It shattered on the floor, surrounding Clancy's feet in a slimy pool of the slippery, lifeless creatures. Clancy tried to remain calm, as if standing in oozing, green eels were an everyday occurrence.

"I am a very powerful wizard, Miss Norgard. You would be wise to be afraid of me," Snape growled.

"I am afraid of you, Professor," she said defiantly, "just not in the way you want me to be."

Their eyes locked. Snape looked confused. Clancy had succeeded in throwing him off balance. Quickly regaining his composure, he sputtered, "I trust that this will be your last visit to my dungeons."

"You may safely assume so, yes," Clancy replied icily. "In fact, Professor Snape, you can bet your sweet asphodel on it!" She turned on an eel, and stormed out of his office.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Honi soit qui mal y pense. The actual translations is: Shame on him who thinks this evil.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 8: My Shining Hour

---

Blast that contemptible man! Clancy huffed, as she ascended from the depths of the devil's lair back into the light of reason. He has the audacity to call ME low? He's the one who lives in the dungeons! And, why does he always wear black? Is he afraid we'll forget he's mysterious and evil? I have an excuse for being edgy today -- PMS. What's his excuse? He's in a foul, dark mood everyday!

Professor Dumbledore was alone in the staff room when Clancy walked in. Robes lifted up above his ankles, he was dancing a little jig.

"I'm glad to see you're feeling better, Albus," Clancy said.

"Yes, well, aches and pains come and go," he replied brightly, still dancing. "My health has always been unpredictable."

"Why did you send me down there with that ridiculous book?"

"I'm anxious for you and Severus to become friends. That's what you want, isn't it?" Dumbledore ended his dance, and regarded Clancy seriously. One look at her face told him things had not gone well. "Was it as bad as all that?"

"It was horrible. He told me I was low, he tried to poison me, and he smashed a jar of eels at my feet."

"Well, I'm glad I sent you to him on one of his better days. Things could have gone much worse. You didn't say anything to provoke him, did you?" Dumbledore inquired.

"No. I merely suggested he might try reading glasses." Then, attempting to be completely honest, Clancy added, "I may have made one or two regrettable remarks -- but purely in self defense."

Dumbledore laughed heartily. "Perhaps it would be best to ease off for a bit. Meddling is a deplorable habit, and I plead guilty. I do plan to have a talk with Severus, however."

"No, please don't," Clancy begged. "He'll despise me all the more. The thing is, I still don't know what I've done to make him hate me."

"Think for a moment: Your Aunt Hillary was the first real emotional connection that he made. What ended their relationship? It was her marriage to your uncle -- an American, Muggle musician. Then, you come along -- an American, Muggle musician. Why should Severus like you?" Dumbledore asked. "He has a powerful reason for distrust."

"Yes. That does make sense," Clancy agreed. "But he told me I'd be wise to be afraid of him. Should I be?"

"Not in the least. He merely likes to be intimidating. And what, may I ask, was your response when he said that?"

"I told him I was afraid of him, but not in the way he wanted me to be. Please don't ask me what I meant by that, because I really don't know."

Dumbledore convulsed with laughter, and removed his spectacles to wipe his eyes. "You two certainly are a pair. I think it would be advisable, for now, to focus on your teaching and let matters take their course. You have my word as a wizard and a gentleman that I will not interfere again."

Clancy was greatly relieved to hear Dumbledore's promise, although she noted he had one hand hidden behind his back at the time.

---

The autumn months flew by as Clancy absorbed herself with choir activities in preparation for the Yule Concert. The students were a delight to work with, especially Eloise Midgen, whom Clancy particularly enjoyed.

Clancy had brought Aunt Hilly's baton along with her for good luck, and had adopted the habit of using it to conduct both choirs. A baton at a California middle school would have seemed pretentious, but at a grand castle such as Hogwarts, it fit right in.

She saw very little of Snape, and preferred it that way. For meals at the High Table, she always chose a seat at the opposite end from wherever he was seated. If she arrived first, Snape followed suit.

Clancy occupied her days by observing classes whenever time allowed. One session with Professor Binns was quite enough. His lecture was so dull, that the novelty of being taught by a ghost soon wore off. She occasionally dropped in on Professor McGonagall's Transfiguration classes, but her favorites were Herbology with Professor Sprout and Charms with Professor Flitwick. Naturally, due to her strained relationship with Snape, Clancy avoided Potions altogether. She steered clear of Defense Against the Dark Arts, as well. The subject frightened her, and she had strong reservations about Gilderoy Lockhart: He was much too charming, and much too shallow.

Professor Flitwick dropped by the choir room often to visit with Clancy. The little wizard seemed to take an avuncular interest in the young woman. She invited him to watch the choirs rehearse one evening, and he was favorably impressed. Afterward, he stayed for a chat.

"When did you acquire that?" Flitwick asked, pointing to Clancy's baton.

"This old conductor's baton? It belonged to my aunt. I brought it along as a keepsake -- and for good luck."

"This isn't a conductor's baton, Clancy," Flitwick told her, as she handed it to him to examine. "This is a wand."

Clancy reflected for a moment on what Flitwick had just said. Everything made sense now. Those confusing memories of her childhood at last seemed clear.

"Your aunt was a witch?"

"Yes, she was. I only learned of it after her death, however. She left this baton, I mean wand, for me in a hatbox, of all places."

"I see." Flitwick rubbed his chin and continued, "You enjoy auditing my classes, don't you?"

"Oh yes, very much so. Charms fascinate me."

"You may want to bring your wand along next time, just as an experiment. Wands don't work as well for others as they do for their original owners, but since your aunt left it to you, perhaps it was her intention that you use it -- for more than just conducting, I mean."

"It might be fun to try. I think I will, Filius," Clancy said eagerly.

"Your aunt was not a blood relation, though, from what I understand, so don't build your hopes up too high. And you're beginning a bit later than most. Magic is easier to learn when one is younger, so I'm making no guarantees," Flitwick cautioned. "We'll just have to wait and see what happens."

"Even learning the simplest charm would do," Clancy sighed. "I sometimes feel so inferior and unaccomplished compared to everyone else around here."

"You needn't," Flitwick said. "Hogwarts accepts all kinds. Take me, for example."

Clancy waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't. She'd often wondered if Professor Flitwick might be something other than completely human, but she'd always been too polite to ask.

---

As the Christmas holiday drew closer, Professor Dumbledore summoned Snape to his office. "Have a seat, Severus," Dumbledore invited, motioning him to a chair. "I want to speak with you regarding Miss Norgard."

"What has she to do with me?" Snape asked defensively.

"That's entirely the point I wish to make. As headmaster, one of my duties is to ensure that all members of my staff get along well together. If I detect a problem, I must address it."

"I see no problem. She chooses to ignore me, so I --"

"From all that I have observed, the avoidance is mutual. I want to share with you something about Miss Norgard that I don't believe you know. I invited her here because she was unhappy and needed a change. Her aunt passed away, and she has no other family. Her aunt and she were extremely close, and she took the death very hard."

"Aunts!" Snape scoffed contemptuously. "Useless relations."

"Not everyone shares your sentiments, Severus. Her aunt was a very dear friend of mine."

"Forgive me, Albus. What is it, precisely, you wish me to do?"

"The Yule Concert is tomorrow night. I will expect you to attend, of course."

Snape's face fell.

"It would be a polite gesture if you were to drop by the choir room afterwards and compliment Miss Norgard on the performance. You might even find another way to compliment her, as well."

"I never indulge in empty flattery," Snape grumbled.

Dumbledore gave Snape a stern, paternal look over the top of his spectacles.

"That's not what I'm suggesting. Just make the effort, Severus. That's all I'm asking of you."

"Yes, Headmaster. I'll ... try."

---

The Yule Concert was a success. Both choirs sang exceedingly well, performing a mixture of Wizarding and Muggle holiday standards. Much to Clancy's disappointment, Eloise Midgen had refused to sing a solo. Due to her complexion troubles, which had grown even worse, Eloise chose to hide in the back row.

Elated from the evening's excitement, Clancy returned to her classroom to reflect upon her first taste of glory. Seated at her desk, she looked up in surprise as Professor Snape walked in. He crossed the room while Clancy steeled herself for a verbal assault.

"I wish to congratulate you," Snape began. "You're obviously a better teacher than --"

"Than I am a singer?" she challenged, still stung by the bitter memory of their first meeting.

"Than I thought a Muggle could be. The performance was entertaining, and your students seem quite devoted to you," Snape choked out.

"Thank you," Clancy replied, softening slightly.

Snape paused for a long moment, searching for more to say. "Good night, then," he said, at last. "I have some work I need to --"

"Ah! Professor Snape! There you are!" Gilderoy Lockhart called, strutting gaily into the room to join them. "Lovely concert, by the way, Miss Norgard," he said, flashing his white teeth as he acknowledged Clancy.

"You wish to see me?" Snape asked Lockhart.

"I just finished conferring with Professor Dumbledore. He told me you'd be delighted to serve as my assistant tomorrow night at my Dueling Club." Lockhart smirked and raised a hand to smooth his hair.

"Did he, indeed?" Snape said through clenched teeth.

"Yes. Eight o'clock in the Great Hall. Please be on time. You'll come, won't you, Miss Norgard?" Lockhart asked, as he continued preening. Without waiting for her response, he strode over to the piano. "I used to play a bit. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Go right ahead."

He began to play, quite clumsily, a lighthearted, monotonous tune.

Clancy noticed a muscle near Snape's jaw throbbing. There was a murderous look in his eyes. "I've never seen a real sword duel before," she said, trying to break the tension. "Will you be wearing plumed hats?"

"It's wizard dueling, Miss Norgard, done with wands," Snape explained, annoyed by her ignorance. "And, no, I do not intend to don a plumed hat. As for that popinjay," he muttered, casting a withering glance at Lockhart, "a plumed hat may very well be a staple of his wardrobe."

Clancy smiled. Lockhart played on, revelling in the pleasure of his own company.

The musical interlude was wearing on Snape's nerves. "I really must be going," he told Clancy. He regarded her for a moment, then added, "The color of your hair is rather attractive by candlelight."

"Oh! Do you really like it?" Lockhart gushed, assuming the compliment was meant for him. "I'm developing my own line of hair care products. Did I tell you?"

"Yes, I believe you've mentioned it," Clancy confirmed, "several dozen times."

"Ah, music!" Lockhart rhapsodized, still struggling to play the same simple melody. "Music hath charms to soothe --"

"The savage Cornish pixie?" Snape interjected smoothly.

Lockhart stopped playing and froze. "You haven't seen any flying about anywhere, have you?" He gulped, then gave a nervous shudder. "I though they'd all been captured."

"It would seem so, but one can never be too sure," Snape answered.

"Well, I think I'd best be running along," Lockhart said, edging toward the door. "If you should see any pixies, Professor Snape, you'll know what to do with them, won't you?"

"I believe a few ideas might occur to me."

Clancy laughed as Lockhart made his exit. "You're very clever, Professor Snape. I can appreciate your wit when it's not directed against me. Good luck, tomorrow. I'll be rooting for you."

"I promise not to disappoint," he said, with a faint glimmer of a smile.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE



Chapter 9: Be Careful, It's My Heart

---

Clancy had never seen Severus Snape in action. The Dueling Club was a revelation. When Snape used the Disarming Spell to knock Lockhart flat on his backside, he disarmed Clancy's heart at the same time.

She did not understand most of what happened that evening -- the evil black snake menacing the Potter boy or Potter's speech in a foreign, hissing language or why everyone else was so shocked. One thing stood out in her mind: Severus Snape was supremely competent.

Confident in his abilities, masterfully controlling the situation, Snape showed a side of himself that astonished her. Snape became, in Clancy's mind, positively Cyranoesque. He possessed the intellect, the courage, and the wit. The most striking similarity however, was as plain as the nose on Snape's face. She even imagined him composing poetry, though she did not relish hearing him recite it in his irritating voice.

Her relationship with Snape improved, somewhat. They exchanged brief nods when they happened to pass in the corridor, yet neither made an attempt to find a seat next to the other at meals. Still, Clancy began entertaining romantic notions about him. She concluded that only a miracle could correct his faults, but this had been a most unusual year, so perhaps, miracles were not out of the question.

Over the term break, Professor Dumbledore summoned Snape to his office. "I have an assignment for you, Severus," Dumbledore began.

"Yes, Headmaster. What is it you wish for me to do?"

"I am deeply concerned, as we all are, about the Chamber of Secrets, specifically, the recent instances of violence."

"Has there been another incident?" Snape asked, alarmed.

"No, not since the attack on Justin Finch-Fletchley. It is my responsibility, however, to keep Hogwarts safe for students and faculty alike, which brings me to the subject of Miss Norgard."

"Her -- again? What now? I've done as you requested."

"The heir of Slytherin has been targeting Muggle-born students. Miss Norgard is also a Muggle. As a precaution, I would like to ensure that she is protected. I've selected you to look after her."

"Haven't I enough to do watching out for Potter?" Snape asked, annoyed.

"We've all been watching out for Harry. Each of us, in his own way, has a duty to perform," Dumbledore reproved.

"Couldn't you assign someone else to look out for her?"

Dumbledore heaved a sigh of resignation. "Very well, Severus. I can see that you're more than a little reluctant. I do appreciate all the sacrifices you've made for Hogwarts over the years. Perhaps I am asking too much. I'll assign Gilderoy, then."

"LOCKHART!" Snape bellowed. "You're joking!"

"I assure you, I am not. The rest of the staff is preoccupied with other tasks. Gilderoy is the only one available."

"And who, might I ask, will protect Lockhart while he is supposedly protecting the choir teacher?" Snape probed. "Never mind. I've reconsidered. What will my duties entail?"

"I would like you to escort Miss Norgard to her room each night and ward her door. Then, each morning, remove the ward and escort her to breakfast. That's all. I have warned her to stay near her classroom, only leaving to visit the classes she regularly observes."

"I was not aware that she was observing classes," Snape said, mildly surprised.

"She has been doing so for some time. She's trying very hard to adjust to our ways," Dumbledore explained.

Snape repeated the directive to be sure he understood. "You expect nothing more of me than warding her door and escorting her to and from her room?"

"Correct, unless something else should occur to you."

"I can't imagine that it would."

"Neither can I, Severus," Dumbledore said, slowly shaking his head. "To a large extent, that is the core of your problem."

---

Snape began his duties that very evening. After dinner, he followed Clancy out of the Great Hall, catching up with her at the foot of the main staircase.

"Miss Norgard?" Snape mumbled, in what he hoped would pass for a gracious tone.

"Yes, Professor Snape?"

"I was wondering how much you've heard regarding the Chamber of Secrets."

"Only that two students have been attacked -- petrified, or something. That news has been all over the school. Students are gossiping that Harry Potter is involved," Clancy told him. "Ever since I came here, no one has seemed eager to tell me much of anything. I still don't know why the Potter boy is famous."

"Frankly, neither do I," Snape sneered, before saying, "The headmaster has asked me to escort you to and from your rooms for the time being, to keep you safe."

"Professor Dumbledore advised me not to wander around the castle alone, but he was rather vague about why. Am I in danger?"

"We don't know for certain," Snape answered, as they started to climb the stairs, "but both attacks were on Muggle-borns."

"I see. I appreciate your interest in my safety, Professor Snape. It's very kind of you," Clancy said, encouraged by his sudden concern.

"I understand that you've been informally observing classes. Why is it that you've never visited mine?"

"Would I have been welcome?"

"Must you always answer a question with a question?"

"You mean, as you just did?"

Snape frowned. "To address your initial question, no, you wouldn't have been welcome."

"Then, why ask a question to which you already know the answer?"

They continued on, in silence. When they arrived at Clancy's door, she said flatly, "Good night, Professor Snape."

"Good night, Miss Norgard," Snape replied, with an equally dull intonation.

She closed the door. Snape warded it, and skulked down to the dungeons like a great, brooding bat.

Just when Clancy thought Snape's attitude toward her might be changing, he had demeaned her again! She paced the room, barely able to control her rage. The curse of PMS was upon her once more, and Snape had been just the catalyst to set it off.

Her eyes fell upon the picture that hung above her bed. Inside the frame, two elderly witches were seated at a small table. They generally gossiped, sipped tea, or took long naps. Clancy's restless stomping had awakened them, and they glared at her disapprovingly.

---

As February approached, the weather began to thaw the remains of winter's ice. The sun managed to peep through the heavy clouds, but not enough to remove the chill that existed between the Potions master and the Choir Director. Their daily discourse was confined to morning and evening salutations.

The 14th of February began as an average day. Snape escorted Clancy in stony silence down to the Great Hall. Before they could go their separate ways, Gilderoy Lockhart pounced on them, bursting with good cheer. He was adorned in flowing robes of bright pink.

"Good morning! Good morning! Happy Valentine's Day! How do you like my little surprise?" Lockhart asked, pointing to the heart-shaped confetti falling from the ceiling.

Clancy looked around the room. The walls were decorated with garish pink flowers that perfectly matched Lockhart's robes.

"Well, it's certainly different," she had to admit.

Snape, looking as though he'd just swallowed a host of glumbumbles, brushed past them and proceeded to the High Table.

A short time later, Lockhart's second surprise appeared: a band of sour-faced dwarves dressed as cherubs. Sporting tiny golden wings and carrying harps, they trudged about the castle throughout the day delivering musical valentines to students and staff.

Clancy found half a dozen valentine greetings on her desk, all in the form of four-lined poems. Fortunately, none had been delivered by a grouchy, singing Cupid. Reading through them, she had to smile. A few people at Hogwarts were thinking of her, even if the one she was thinking about was not among them.

She still found herself strangely attracted to Snape. There was so much mystery to the man, the biggest mystery of all being what she saw in him. His manners were deplorable, his looks, frightening. He either insulted her or refused to speak to her altogether. Yet, something made her want to break through that icy façade to see what lay beneath -- and, those tiny black buttons down the length of his frock coat were driving her absolutely mad!

In spite of Lockhart's foolishness, Clancy had a very pleasant day. When it was time to retire for the evening, she awaited Snape at the foot of the main staircase, as was their custom.

"Did you enjoy your Valentine's Day, Professor Snape?" Clancy asked, half expecting him to ignore her question.

"No more or less than any other day. Why do you ask?"

"I was curious to know if you'd received any valentines, or if you'd sent any of your own."

"Who would send me a valentine? None of the staff sends them, with the exception of that idiot, Lockhart. As for my students, they loathe me as much as I loathe them."

"That's very sad, really. Most people derive pleasure from making others happy."

"The premise of Valentine's Day was conceived only to make confectioners and flower peddlers happy -- by lining their pockets."

"How cynical you are, Professor Snape," Clancy observed.

"Did you receive any valentines?" Snape inquired idly.

"Yes. Two from faculty and a few from students."

"Really? Two from faculty, did you say? Do share them with me, won't you?" Snape said with vitriol.

"Very well," she agreed, reaching into her bag. "Here's one."


"She walks in beauty like the night
This songbird fair and tragic
She needs a smile to light her way
From an expert, in all things magic"


"Lockhart, of course," Snape said with disgust. "The first line isn't too bad, but the rest is rubbish."

"He stole the first line from Byron."

"I suppose even Muggle poets display talent, occasionally."

"Here's another."

"Years and metres so divide
That she cannot respond
But, sweetest magic often sparks
From the oldest wand"

"Flitwick?"

Clancy nodded.

"Well, it seems that even you are capable of making a small conquest."

"What do you mean by, 'even you'?" Clancy demanded.

"Nothing, really. I imagine a few plainer women exist."

Clancy glared at Snape. Snape responded to her ire with a wry smile. "If I were of an inclination to wax poetic, I could do so at will, without the need of quill or parchment," he boasted.

"You're prepared to prove this?"

"Of course. Still, I never accept a challenge without presenting one of my own: You, witless girl, must respond in kind."

"You set yourself up for defeat," Clancy replied confidently.

"Do you prefer your poetry flattering or truthful?" Snape asked.

"I'll make this easy for you -- truthful. I suspect you're incapable of flattery."

"I am capable of a great many things, Miss Norgard, of which you are unaware. And, I will rhyme both couplets of my quatrain, instead of merely two. I will begin with the truth."


"A minx, devoid of intellect
She should give up her struggle
It falls to me to thus protect
This helpless, wretched Muggle"


"Conceited," Clancy disparaged. "Now, here's one for you."

"A kindness or a courtesy
Will never pass his lips
This sourpuss, the face that launched
A thousand cutting quips"

"You only rhymed two lines."

"I never agreed to that part of the challenge!" Clancy responded angrily. "And, I'm still waiting for your flattering poem."

Snape began:

"Shrillness rings from her refrains
She'd look quite well beheaded
Yet, this one truth fast remains:
She needs to be well bedded"

Clancy sputtered, blushing the same shade of pink as Lockhart's robes. "If ... if that's your idea of flattery, I clearly win the challenge!" she told Snape.

"Not until I evaluate your offering. You will need to produce a better example."

"Easily done. But remember, this is only an illustration," she told him, attempting to convince them both of the lie. "Here it is."

"His wit and style bewitches me
Yet, I dare not confess it
My heart is his for all to see
If he could only guess it"

Snape stood for a long while in silence, his eyes narrowed. Clancy could not read his mood. Was he angry, bewildered, or merely lost in thought? At last, he said, "I concede the challenge. Good night, Miss Norgard."

"Have you nothing further to say?" she asked softly.

He cleared his throat, then added, "It ... scanned quite well."

"Good NIGHT, Professor Snape!" Clancy shouted, slamming her door. The impact jostled the portrait of the old maid witches, causing them to spill their tea.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 10: Low Spirits, and Too High

---

By spring, Clancy was entertaining thoughts of killing Snape on a daily basis. She had endured as much as any woman could possibly be expected to withstand, and she had all but given up on the condescending bastard. She wished the whole Chamber of Secrets business were over, so she could be free of Snape for good. Their daily ritual had become intolerable: Either they argued or they stalked along in oppressive silence.

Resolving to focus her attention wholeheartedly on anything but Snape, Clancy rehearsed the choirs to perfection as she readied them for the Spring Concert. She tried repeatedly to convince Eloise Midgen to come out of her shell and sing a solo, but the poor girl still balked at the suggestion. Clancy knew the child's vocal talent would amaze the entire school, if only she could persuade Eloise to perform.

One afternoon, Clancy decided to speak privately with Eloise after class. "You're progressing quite nicely," Clancy told the girl. "Your voice is even stronger now than it was last term. Please, Eloise, won't you consider singing a solo for the Spring Concert?"

"I just can't, Miss Norgard," Eloise insisted. "My skin's looking worse all the time," she moaned.

"The bubotuber pus isn't helping?"

"No, nothing helps. There's no hope for me."

"You're much too young to give up hope, Eloise. You mustn't let your spirits flag. Surely, between Madam Pomfrey and Professor Sprout, there is some treatment that will work."

"They haven't been able to come up with anything," Eloise said sadly.

"Just a minute -- what about Professor Snape? Isn't he always brewing things and experimenting with potions?"

Eloise's eyes widened with fear. "I don't think Professor Snape would want to help me or anyone else. He hates us and calls us 'dunderheads.' All the Hufflepuffs are afraid of him."

"Yes," Clancy agreed, "I know first-hand how intimidating he can be, but I may decide to have a little talk with him, all the same."

---

The dreaded hour arrived, and it was time for Clancy to meet Snape at the foot of the stairs. She decided she had nothing to lose by bringing up Eloise's plight.

"Professor Snape, may I ask you something -- without having my head bitten off?"

"That depends on what you ask me," Snape responded suspiciously.

"I have a student -- Eloise Midgen -- "

"Yes, I know the girl."

"Then surely you must have noticed how much she suffers from her acne. Is there anything you could do to help her? Could you concoct some new potion, perhaps?"

"Offhand, I can think of nothing I would be able to do for her. If bubotuber pus isn't working, then she'd best learn to cope with her condition."

"I should have known you wouldn't be sympathetic. Please forgive me for troubling you," Clancy snapped.

Snape was taken aback by Clancy's reaction. He had thought that his response had been quite civil.

"I know what it is like to be different, Miss Norgard," Snape revealed candidly. "Whatever else you choose to believe of me, I can occasionally sympathize with others."

"I've yet to discover any evidence of it. You act as though you hate everyone, especially children, and ... me."

"Most of the time circumstances require me to focus my thoughts elsewhere. What you perceive as an abrasive manner is merely an attempt to spare myself the torment of having to suffer fools."

"Then you think me a fool?"

Snape paused to consider the question. "No, but it would make things much simpler if I did," he admitted, with a slight tone of chagrin.

As they reached her room, Clancy lingered outside her door. Tempted almost beyond her strength, she began to stare openly at the black buttons on Snape's frock coat.

"Have you never allowed yourself to become close to anyone?" she asked.

"More to the point, others have never allowed me to become close to them."

"Can't you see that you've created your own barriers?"

"I've had more than a little help from nature in that regard," Snape replied testily. "If anyone were ever to take up with me, she would have to possess the ability to see beyond the physical. Now, if you've finished with your impertinent probing, I will bid you good night." Snape turned to leave.

"One moment, Professor," Clancy called.

"Yes?" Snape said, turning back.

"You forgot to ward my door."

"The Warding Charm will be much more effective if you go inside, first!" Snape barked.

---

Unable to sleep, Clancy lay staring at the ceiling. The firelight from the hearth illuminated her bedchamber in a soft, romantic glow. It was cozy in there with just the three of them: Clancy and the pair of old maid witches, who were conversing loudly in the picture directly behind her.

"Join us for a cup of tea, won't you, dearie?" the crone on the left called down to her. "You'll be one of us soon enough, you know."

Clancy buried her head in her pillow to drown out their cackling. Trying desperately to fall asleep, she began counting sheep. She visualized fluffy white ewes jumping gracefully over a wooden fence, one after another.The 44th sheep turned black, with oily, matted wool. More black ones followed. The 79th sheep shrank in mid air, transforming into a tiny black button. Buttons began cascading over the fence in rapid succession. The 112th button reverted into a black sheep, wearing Snape's frock coat, but the frock coat was gaping open, with only loose threads attached where the buttons should have been. At last, Clancy fell asleep, completely unraveled, only to awake the next morning exhausted from her night of wool-gathering.

---

The atmosphere at Hogwarts changed to a somber tone in May, when two more students were attacked. The school governors held Professor Dumbledore responsible and convinced the Ministry of Magic to suspend him from his duties. The entire school was in a state of uproar, and the Spring Concert was abruptly canceled.

A few weeks later, circumstances turned completely around, and there was cause for much celebration. The Potter boy, Clancy learned, apparently did something remarkable in the Chamber of Secrets -- something that involved killing a large snake. The petrified students were restored to health, Professor Dumbledore was reinstated, and Gilderoy Lockhart was whisked away to St. Mungo's Hospital to be treated for memory problems.

Clancy was relieved to see the school term draw to an end, but disheartened that the choirs had missed their chance to perform. Now that she no longer needed to rely on Snape to protect her, she was free to enjoy her summer holiday. She would have the entire holiday to get him out of her system, and that was precisely what she meant to do.

At Dumbledore's suggestion, she took a room above the Leaky Cauldron, thereby enabling her to keep one foot in each of her two worlds. She would be free to explore Diagon Alley as well as Muggle London.

Clancy's holiday passed all too quickly. London had to be one of the world's most fascinating cities. The theatres and concerts alone kept her enthralled. Then, of course, she had to take in as many sights as her budget would allow. She even managed a quick trip back to California to wrap up Aunt Hilly's estate matters. But, even when she was with her friends there, Clancy felt strangely foreign. She was glad to return to Britain, secure in the fact that she had succeeded in wiping that demon Snape completely out of her mind! As the days grew close to return to Hogwarts, she thought of him no more than 25 to 30 times a day.

One task Clancy had to face before school resumed was a visit to a dentist. Her back teeth had been plaguing her for weeks. Tom, the innkeeper at the Leaky Cauldron, referred her to Mr. and Mrs. Granger.

X-rays revealed that Clancy had severely impacted wisdom teeth that needed to be extracted at once. After a double dose of Novocaine and a lavish quantity of nitrous oxide, Clancy was much too woozy to return to the Leaky Cauldron by herself. The Grangers assisted her into a cab, and Mrs. Granger accompanied her to the Cauldron to ensure that she would reach her destination.

At the Cauldron, Mrs. Granger led Clancy to an empty table. She settled Clancy, leaving her with a bottle of codeine and an antibiotic obtained from the chemist's shop adjoining the Grangers' practice.

Groggy, and out of sorts, Clancy attracted the sympathy of a kindly old wizard nearby, who concerned himself with her condition. "Here love," he said, pressing a drink into her unsteady hand. "This'll put you right. Best to drink it down straightaways, before your stomach can complain."

Clancy did as she was told. It didn't take long for her to realize that the cure-all she had just imbibed was alcohol. "Wha ... what was that?" she gasped, waiting for the burning in her throat to die down.

"The finest there is -- Ogden's Old Firewhisky!" The elderly gent tottered off, leaving her in a much worse condition than he had found her.

"Honi soit qui mal y pense," she barely had time to utter, before BANG! Her head hit the table, and she slid to the floor.

Upon regaining consciousness, she cracked open one eye. Clancy felt the room spin. She was seeing double. Leaning over her were two black, nebulous figures that slowly merged together to form the scowling countenance of Severus Snape.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 11: How to Handle a Woman

---

"So, this is how you spend your free time away from Hogwarts," Snape remarked, as he assisted Clancy back into her chair.

"Where did you come from? What are you doing here?" she said, still very much confused and inebriated.

"I've been dispatched by Professor Dumbledore to fetch you directly back to the castle. Due to Sirius Black's escape from Azkaban Prison, dementors will be guarding the Hogwarts Express, as well as the school grounds. The headmaster feels you are much too delicate to be exposed to dementors before certain things can be explained to you."

"What's a medentor?" Clancy asked, between hiccups.

"Dementor, Miss Norgard. We'd best go into that when you're sober."

"Am I drunk?"

"All signs indicate that you are." Snape seated himself across the table. He picked up the bottle of codeine and examined it. "Muggle medication mixed with alcohol? I never realized your capacity for vice was so well developed."

"It's not what you think! I've den to the bentist," she explained, pointing to her mouth, still stuffed with gauze.

"Oh? Pity. Now I won't be able to provide the headmaster with grounds to discharge you."

Clancy started to revive, slightly. "Is it hot in here, or is it me?" she asked Snape, fanning herself with both hands.

"It is a trifle warm," he agreed, as he stood to remove his cloak, "although I wouldn't go so far as to say that I am, actually, hot."

"Oh, I don't know, Professor. You look pretty hot to me!" Clancy gazed suggestively into Snape's eyes.

Snape's pale complexion warmed from chalked to ash. "I would suggest, Miss Norgard, that you join me in a cup of very strong tea."

"Sounds like fun, but do you think we'll both fit?"

Snape frowned, and regarded her coldly.

"I'm not saking any mense, am I?" Clancy asked.

"You're making about as much sense as you normally do."

Snape re-seated himself, and Clancy found herself staring at those maddening little black buttons on his frock coat. "I've missed them," she sighed, leaning on her hand.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Your buttons. My KINGDOM for a BUTTONHOOK!" Clancy offered, much too loudly, appealing for replies with wildly flailing arms.

Snape tried to remain nonchalant to avoid further embarrassment. He began casually gathering up his cloak and her various belongings. "Come, Miss Norgard. I am taking you directly upstairs to bed."

A delighted smile swept across Clancy's face. She opened her mouth to speak. Snape, anticipating her response, muzzled her with his hand, and hurriedly guided her up the stairs. Before they reached the upstairs landing, Clancy's knees buckled, forcing Snape to carry her the rest of the way. Once inside her room, he deposited her on the bed, removed her shoes, and covered her with a blanket.

"I'm in Number 10, directly down the passage. If you should need anything, please don't bother me. I shall call for you early in the morning. I trust that you will be able to pull yourself out of your lamentable stupor by then," Snape said sourly.

"Stay--" Clancy pleaded, in a kittenish voice.

"Whatever for?"

"Because I want you to." She patted the edge of her bed, inviting him to sit.

"I doubt you would repeat that offer to me, sober," Snape observed, surveying her warily.

"Are you drunk, too?"

"Good night, Miss Norgard," Snape said, turning to leave.

"What room did you say you were in?"

"Number 10."

"Well, that's cozy. The Boy Who Must Be Famous For Something is in Number 11!" Clancy told him, giggling.

Snape grimaced, and closed his eyes, deeply pained. "The perfect touch of irony to crown a most implausible evening." He stalked out, leaving Clancy in hysterics.

---

The next morning, Clancy awoke with a severe headache, remembering nothing of what had transpired the previous evening. Hearing a rap on her door, she crossed the room to open it.

"Where did you come from? What are you doing here?" she demanded of Snape, surprised to see him.

"We've already played that little scene, Miss Norgard. It is no more amusing this morning than it was last night."

"I haven't the vaguest notion what you're talking about. What has last night to do with anything?"

"You remember nothing?"

"No. All I remember is sitting in a dentist's chair with a suction hose hanging out of my mouth. I don't even know how I got back to my room."

"I carried you here and put you to bed," Snape informed her.

"You did no such thing!" Clancy protested in disbelief.

"I assure you, I did."

"Well, I'm still fully clothed, so you must not have been anymore charismatic than you usually are."

Snape let that remark pass. "Will you please hurry and pack your trunk? I will apply a Shrinking Charm so it will fit in the Floo."

"Why on earth would I want all my clothing shrunk and chucked into the Floo?"

"As I endeavored to convey to you last night, Professor Dumbledore sent me here to return you to Hogwarts. You will not be taking the Hogwarts Express in three days. We are returning by the Floo Network this morning. Surely you've heard of the Floo Network?"

"Yes. I've heard of it, but I certainly have no intention of using it. I'm allergic to dust and powder."

Snape was growing irritated. "Something tells me you wouldn't be too keen on a Portkey excursion either, so I'm afraid I must insist on traveling by Floo."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere until I've eaten a decent breakfast. I'm as hungry as a hound."

Clancy packed her trunk. Snape applied a Shrinking Charm, and then tucked it into his wand pocket. They walked downstairs and found a table. "How can you possibly eat?" Snape inquired.

"I only had a light lunch yesterday, and I haven't eaten since," Clancy explained. "As long as I stick to soft foods, I should be fine." She ordered hot cocoa and eggs, and consumed them while Snape gave her a briefing on dementors.

"You mean dementors can actually drain every happy thought and memory out of a person and reduce them to utter despair?"

"Correct."

"Funny, I always thought that was your job."

"You are very droll this morning, Miss Norgard," Snape observed dryly. "If you persist with your levity, I shall be forced to visit Quality Quidditch Supplies to procure a Bludger bat!"

When breakfast concluded, the happy pair proceeded to Diagon Alley to find an available Floo, as the Cauldron's was closed for cleaning. A large crowd was present, consisting predominantly of Hogwarts students and their families buying school supplies. Snape disliked crowds, and was much too impatient to stand in a long queue to wait for an available Floo. He dragged Clancy by the arm across the way to Knockturn Alley.

"What is this awful place?" she asked Snape, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"Knockturn Alley," Snape told her, offering no further explanation. "It will take us to our destination. That is all that matters."

As they navigated their way along the crooked street, an unkempt tart, a witch of ill-repute approached Snape. "I'll do anything you want for a Galleon," the witch propositioned Snape, with a come-hither leer.

"Very well," he agreed, reaching into his pocket. Clancy stood silent, watching the scene unfold. "Paint my house," Snape proposed. The wretched creature ambled away, cursing Snape under her breath.

"I'll admit she wasn't very appealing, but you didn't have to go out of your way to insult her," Clancy remarked.

"Oh, I don't know. She was infinitely more appealing than you were last night."

"What is it you're getting at? Are you implying that I behaved in an unseemly fashion?"

"All I care to say on the subject is that you did a great deal of rambling on about BUTTONS!"

Snape pushed Clancy into a shop called Borgin and Burkes. It was by far the filthiest, most disgusting establishment she had ever seen. They stopped in front of a large stone fireplace, and Snape grabbed a handful of silver powder from a tarnished urn attached to the mantle.

"Get in," he ordered Clancy, stepping in after her. "The Floo is quite large. We will go together."

The Floo Powder made Clancy's nose tickle, and she tried as best she could to suppress a sneeze. "I have...to...ah...ah...sneeze," she choked out, contorting her face to prevent the inevitable.

"Well, see that you don't!" Snape ordered.

Clancy held her nose, but she was fighting a losing battle. "Ma...ma... dahm... dahm...tah...SOOOOO!" she sneezed, loudly and emphatically, at the precise second Snape released the Floo Powder.

They disappeared in a flash of emerald green flame, only to reappear moments later in the Chamber of Horrors at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Re: Paint my house: I am 99 percent certain I stole that line from Henny Youngman.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 12: The Bumpy Road to Love

---

When the smoke and dust cleared, Snape looked around the room. Clancy sat in the Floo, too dizzy to stand.

"Well, at least your idiocy hasn't thrown us too far off course. From the look of things, we are still somewhere in Knockturn Alley," Snape said, relieved.

Clancy slowly regained her equilibrium and managed to stand. Noticing a metal plaque, she walked over to it and read, "Chamber of Horrors Exhibit". She told Snape, "I don't think this is Knockturn Alley. I believe we're inside Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum."

"Never heard of the place," Snape grumbled. "I don't recall it being listed on the Floo Network. I shall have to notify the Floo Regulation Board."

"It's in London. We're not completely lost."

"I don't understand what brought us here. This is YOUR doing, you feather-brained imbecile!"

"Shh! I hear footsteps," Clancy whispered. A heavy-heeled security guard was patrolling the exhibit halls, heading in their direction. "Quick!" Clancy urged Snape. "Get behind me. Put your hands around my throat and pretend to strangle me."

"Must I only pretend?" he hissed through clenched teeth.

"Stand very still. Whoever is coming will think we're waxworks and pass right by."

"This is ridiculous. I'll just use my wand and--"

"There's no time! Get ready!"

"How shall I pose?"

"Just look natural--you'd scare the pants off of anyone." Clancy could feel Snape's fingers tighten around her throat.

The guard walked past, as she expected, then stopped and turned around to examine them. He took particular interest in Snape, and tapped his finger lightly against Snape's nose.

"Here's a piece of old gum that's ready for the dustbin. They ought to drag it out of here and melt the bloody thing down into candles," the guard said to himself. "The nose is so out of shape, I should pull it off here and now and see how high I can bounce it."

Clancy's lip began quivering, but the guard moved along and never noticed. Snape looked murderous. "We're leaving! Now!" he commanded, grasping her wrist.

"Wait a minute," Clancy said, stopping in front of a long, wooden table with iron shackles at both ends. "What do you suppose this is for? Is it a torture device of some kind?"

"How on earth would I know?" Snape said impatiently.

"Well, you do look the type--"

Snape dragged her down a long flight of steps. "It's dark," Clancy complained. "I don't believe this place is open, yet. It's still early morning."

"Excellent! Then I can murder you and commit the perfect crime."

"But, you wouldn't. You'd miss me too much," Clancy replied brightly.

"I'd recover with very little effort," Snape assured her.

The stairs led them down to a dimly lit passage. A sign on the wall read "The Spirit Of London." Ahead, they spied a narrow track supporting a row of miniature cars. A temporary sign in front of the track was marked "Closed."

"Can't I sit down for a moment? I'm feeling dizzy, and I have a raging headache." Without waiting for Snape's reply, Clancy crossed the passage and took a seat in a small, black cab. Snape stood near a niche in the wall that contained an electrical control panel. He leaned against it, setting the row of cars in motion.

"Climb out!" Snape ordered Clancy.

"I can't! A safety bar is pressed against my lap!" she yelled, as the cab disappeared into a dark tunnel.

Befuddled by his limited exposure to the Muggle world, Snape did not think to turn off the switch or use his wand. Instead, he raced across the passage and jumped into another moving car.

The ride carried them through various rooms of animatronic figures, all dressed in costumes from different periods of British history. Snape stared in disdain at the flashing lights and ludicrous, moving characters. Near the end of the ride, a small boy with a puckish face smiled as he whirled gleefully on a carousel.

Finally, when the ride stopped, Snape and Clancy found an exit door leading out to the street. "What was that foolishness all about? Is it some form of banal entertainment to amuse Muggles?" Snape queried.

"Weren't you paying attention? We just passed through five hundred years of British culture," Clancy explained.

"Five hundred years of Muggle culture condensed into a matter of minutes? It signifies to me the relative unimportance of your existence."

That old, familiar feeling of complete loathing was coursing once again through Clancy's body, beating in counterpoint to the throbbing of her intense headache. "Let's just get out of here and find a cab!" she fumed.

"I refuse to take any form of Muggle transportation!"

"If I can withstand the sensations of being yanked through swirling green flames and having my entrails pulled inside out, you can certainly TAKE A CAB!"

"A cab requires Muggle money, does it not? I don't have any."

"Well, I DO! My treat!"

"Very well," Snape replied coolly. "In the interest of time, I will make an exception, just this once. You will have to do everything. Instruct the driver to deliver us to the Leaky Cauldron, and I will take over from there."

"I didn't realize you were so helpless out of your element."

"You'll be back under my control soon enough, you empty-headed nuisance," Snape sniffed.

These endearing exchanges continued until Clancy successfully flagged down a cab. A few minutes into the ride, the driver caught a glimpse of Snape in the rear-view mirror. "Just now getting in from a fancy dress party?" the driver asked Snape. "Would you be a ghoul or a vampire?"

Snape curled his lip in fury.

"What he's supposed to be is none of you're concern," Clancy said, lashing out at the driver. "I, however, will be the woman who doesn't tip you, if you don't start minding your own business!" Clancy shook her head. A short while ago she had wanted to kill Snape, and now she was defending him?

"No offense intended," the driver explained. "Besides, I can see him in the mirror. That proves he's not a vampire!"

Clancy instinctively reached over and touched the back of Snape's hand. He withdrew it with a jerk, and folded his arms.

After a 25-minute cab ride that seemed like several hours, they arrived back at the Leaky Cauldron. Clancy said to Snape, "Well, you're officially in charge, again. Now, what?"

"Diagon Alley. Quality Quidditch Supplies. I'll never trust you near a Floo ever again."

"Then, at least purchase a Bludger bat for me too, so I'll have a sporting chance."

"I am going to buy a broom," Snape informed her.

"This is a funny time to take up Quidditch. I thought you were anxious to return to Hogwarts?"

"That is precisely what I mean to do. We will be returning there by broom."

"You're joking."

"We shall see."

As they approached the shop, Clancy noticed a beautiful broom in the window. "How about this pretty one, here?" she suggested.

"That is the new Firebolt," Snape told her, as he evaluated the broom. "It's top of the line. You're not worth it."

He ended up choosing a used Cleansweep that the proprietor had to dust off and bring out of storage. "Did you have to select the cheapest one in the shop?" Clancy asked irritably.

"It will take us to our destination. That is all that matters."

"Didn't you say the exact same thing directly before you pushed me into the Floo?" she reminded him.

"I am fully in control. Nothing can possibly go wrong."

"Famous last words," Clancy muttered.

Snape led Clancy behind the shop to the middle of a small clearing reserved for patrons. "We will take off from here," he said. "Get on."

"How?"

"Sit sideways in front of me, and put your arm around my waist. When we lift off the ground, tuck your legs up so there won't be any drag."

"Are you certain there's no other way?" Clancy asked hesitantly.

"Get on, and be quick about it!" Snape commanded. After the application of a Cushioning Charm and a few minor adjustments, Clancy settled in, and they were off.

The flying conditions were perfect. Low, dense clouds obscured them from view. So far, so good, Clancy thought, holding her arm gripped tightly around Snape's waist. She leaned in toward him, with her face in close proximity to his. Laying her head against his shoulder, she peeked furtively at him. She studied the wisps of long hair whipping across his dark, glittering eyes. She noted the determined set of his jaw and the profile of that remarkable nose.

Her mouth was only inches away from the row of tantalizing black buttons. Imagining that they must taste like sweet, succulent raisins, Clancy flicked her tongue to test the theory, but she could not quite reach them. With her free hand, she twiddled the fifth button from the top. She had to admit that Severus Snape did not look a bit better than he did the first time she ever saw him; nonetheless, she was mad about him!

Unbeknownst to Clancy, Snape was taking the same opportunity to observe her. He managed a series of surreptitious glances timed perfectly to miss the ones she was directing at him. He rather liked the way her arm felt about his waist, holding on to him for dear life. Her hair was soft and silken. The shape of her nose was not unpleasing when she wasn't sticking it deep into his business. Her chin was the thing that disquieted him the most: it was forever tilting upward, taking offense at every reasonable and fair-minded thing he said. Overall, he considered her to be the most infuriating, obstinate, impertinent -- and strangely desirable -- woman he had ever had the misfortune to know. To his great annoyance, Snape was beginning to cave in.

"Are you enjoying the ride, Miss Norgard?" he inquired.

"I'll say I am," she answered dreamily, then, recovering from her reverie, added, "I mean ... it's not as bad as I thought it would be."

The wind began picking up, and the broom became unsteady. The air turbulence caused it to pitch from side to side. Clancy grasped Snape tighter about the waist, and drew her other arm around his neck. She placed her lips close to his ear. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you," she whispered softly. "I really should have confessed this to you long before now ..."

"Yes, Miss Norgard?" Snape responded, hopefully.

"I get airsick."

Snape's hostility quickly returned. "I have enough to do trying to control this bucking broom. Don't bother me with your petty problems!"

Clancy tried to hold back the feeling of nausea that was steadily overtaking her. "Honi soit qui mal y pense," she repeated under her breath, as her mouth became dry and her throat began constricting.

Snape focused his attention on trying to maintain a northerly direction, but the winds kept pushing them westward. They were drifting farther and farther off course.

One exceptionally strong gust sent Clancy's stomach over the edge, and she could no longer quell her discomfort. "I'm sick .. .I'm going to .. .oh, Severus--" She vomited, profusely, covering Snape in the acidic remains of eggs, mixed with cocoa.

"You never run out of inventive ways to repulse me, do you Miss Norgard?" Snape said, glowering. "And, might I ask why you chose this particular time to begin addressing me by my first name?"

"Well, you're wearing my breakfast," Clancy moaned. "It seemed like an intimate moment. By the way," she continued, "You may call me Clancy."

Snape looked straight ahead, fully enraged. The winds had quieted, but he did not seem to realize they were now heading in the wrong direction.

"Clancy," Snape said, trying out the sound. He spoke her name as if he were spitting something distasteful out of his mouth. "What a ridiculous name for a female. How did you come by it?"

"My aunt invented the name, and I think it suits me quite well."

"It doesn't suit you at all. It sounds like a burly Irish peasant."

"May I point out that your name doesn't exactly roll trippingly off the tongue?"

They flew on for some time in bitter silence.

"Hand me my wand from my wand pocket, will you Clancy?" Snape said, still trying to get used to the preposterous sound of her name. "It's closer to your reach than it is to mine. I'll use a Cleaning Charm to get your filth off of me."

Clancy located the wand, fumbled it, and watched it fall gracefully downward and disappear into the clouds. "Oh, dear!"

"What's the matter, now?"

"Your wand -- I accidentally dropped it."

"WHAT!" Snape yelled. "I'll never be able to find it. You miserable, incompetent, menace!"

"It was an accident," Clancy insisted.

"I've a good mind to double back and lighten my load over the Channel! Here -- see how you like this!" He yanked her handbag off her shoulder and sent it hurtling downward.

"You FIEND!" Clancy shouted. "I had all my money in that bag, and my MEDICINE! If I develop an infection, my illness will be on your hands!"

"In case you haven't noticed, it is already on my hands -- and all over my clothing, AS WELL!"

Another long bout of silence ensued.

"Of course, I could always use my wand," Clancy suggested casually.

"You have a wand?"

"I most certainly do. How else would I be learning magic?"

"What magic could you possibly learn?" Snape asked mockingly.

"Professor Flitwick showed me how to do a Cleaning Charm."

"That's fifth year. You would be much better off to start at the beginning and work your way up to it."

"Filius thought I might find it useful, so he's been working with me. He told me I'm showing great promise. It's not perfected yet, but I'm definitely progressing in the right direction."

"Fascinating. What else have you learned?"

"Only one other thing, actually."

"Well?"

"I can make a pineapple tap dance across the top of a desk!" Clancy told Snape proudly.

"Oh, that's very useful," he snorted. "Hardly a day goes by that one isn't called upon to make a pineapple tap dance. Now, give me your wand!"

Clancy produced the wand from the inside pocket of her jacket and handed it to Snape. He grabbed it away from her roughly. "This pitiful thing? It's too lightweight. The balance is all wrong, and it's much too slender."

"Give it back, then, if it's beneath you."

"Strange," Snape remarked, still examining the wand. "I've seen this before."

"Where?"

"I don't know. I just had a funny feeling ... well, perhaps not. Many wands look alike."

Clancy wondered if Snape were remembering Aunt Hilly. She put the thought out of her mind, as this would not be the ideal opportunity to discuss the topic.

Snape handed the wand back to her. "Put it away. I don't wish to use it."

"I thought powerful wizards such as yourself were capable of wandless magic," Clancy retorted.

"In some instances, but it doesn't apply to domestic spells."

"Well, then, allow me. Evanesco!" Clancy cried, poking the wand directly into Snape's chest.

The charm worked much too well. Not only did it remove her breakfast from his clothing, it removed his clothing. He was left with only his underwear and a bandage wrapped around his left forearm.

"Now look what you've done! As soon as we land, I'm going to thrash the tar out of you!"

"Oh, Severus, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--" Clancy intended to apologize sincerely, but she burst out laughing, instead.

"I'll give you something to laugh about. Consider this: Your trunk was in my pocket. Now, it's gone, TOO!" Snape pointed out. Clancy laughed even harder.

"Stop it! Do you hear me? I will not be laughed at!"

"I'm deeply sorry, Severus. I truly am. It's just that you look like ... like a plucked raven!"

It was true. Snape did, indeed, resemble a featherless bird. Goosebumps were rising on his white skin. Without all those layers of clothing he always wore, there was not much to the man.

"Didn't Filius tell you that you're supposed to swish and flick from a discreet distance? You're not supposed to impale me with your wand!"

So, there they were, flying aimlessly in the wrong direction, penniless and Knutless, one of them nearly naked. Clancy was reminded of Snape's earlier boast, "I am fully in control. Nothing can possibly go wrong."

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 13: Let Me Entertain You!

---

As they continued flying west, a light rain began to fall. Snape guided the broom downward to survey the countryside. "This terrain doesn't look familiar. I'm going to land, and find out exactly where we are," he told Clancy.

They touched down along a deserted road near a grove of trees, and they sought shelter beneath them. "There's a signpost across the road. Walk over there and read it," Snape directed.

"Me? Why don't you go?"

"You're better dressed for the occasion."

Clancy conceded the point, and went over to read the sign, while Snape shivered miserably behind a tree. A few moments later, Clancy returned, looking crestfallen.

"I'm afraid we've taken a wrong turn. I can't even pronounce the name on the sign. It's a very long word with a few too many Ls in it, so I'm guessing we must be somewhere in Wales." Snape's teeth were chattering so badly that he could barely reply, but he gave Clancy a look that would wither fresh flowers.

"Look," she suggested, "why don't I walk down the road a piece and see what I can find out?"

"All I require at the moment is some warm clothing. I'm freezing."

"Can't you transfigure some with my wand?"

"I wouldn't care to attire myself in anything that useless wand might produce."

"Take my jacket, then," she offered.

"Remember this, you pathetic little goose: Not now, or at any time in the future will I ever wear WOMEN'S CLOTHING!"

"Be that way! I'm not the one who's freezing. I'll be off, then." Lifting her chin, Clancy prepared to leave.

Snape caught her arm. "Can I depend on you to return?"

"Well, let me see ... I'm a worthless Muggle -- and an American, to boot. How can you rely on my feeble brain? Considering the current state of your affairs, though, it looks like you'll have to depend on me." Smirking, Clancy took off down the road, determined to prove to Snape beyond all doubt that she could do a better job of managing things than he could.

A village lay just around the bend. Near the outskirts of it, Clancy spotted a large barn that had been converted into a community theatre. It appeared to be closed, but she walked around to the back to have a look. There she found another, smaller structure with a sign above it that read, "Dressing Rooms." Clancy jiggled the latch, and it yielded. Inside were two long costume racks, one marked for men, the other for women.

Clancy pictured poor Snape, huddled pitifully under a tree. She grabbed the first costume she saw from the men's rack, and started back up the road.

"You've returned sooner than I expected. Let me see what you've brought," Snape said, taking the costume from her. "A KILT? You brought me a KILT?" he growled.

"It's the first thing I could find. There's a theatre troupe down the road doing a production of Brigadoon, according to the marquee. I was concerned for your welfare, so I didn't want to leave you alone for too long. Put it on, and don't complain. Beggars can't be choosers."

Scowling, Snape positioned himself behind the tree and proceeded to dress. Meanwhile, Clancy promised herself that no matter how ludicrous Snape looked, she would not laugh. She had, after all, given him enough bad turns for one day.

Snape took an incredibly long time dressing, so at last Clancy asked, "Aren't you about ready?"

He stepped out. "If you dare say one word about my appearance, I will tie you to this tree and leave you for the vultures! I may not be able to do domestic charms without my wand, but I am quite capable of summoning a rope!"

"Would that be before or after you thrash the tar out of me?"

"I am much too hungry to thrash the tar out of anyone, at present. Let's go!" he commanded. He picked up the broom and strode toward the road, leaving Clancy to follow in his wake.

As she walked behind him down the road, Clancy studied Snape. Oddly enough, he cut a rather dashing figure, in his black velvet doublet worn over a white ruffled jabot. His legs were a bit scrawny, but overall, he didn't look half bad.

"There's the theatre where I found your costume," Clancy pointed out as they approached it. "If you're terribly uncomfortable, we can go and have another look around."

"That won't be necessary. All I wish to do now is eat, then press on to Hogwarts. The sooner I'm free of your company, the better."

"How can we eat? Neither of us has any money."

"When we reach the village, something will occur to me," Snape declared.

---

In the village, Snape noticed a sign in front of a building that appeared to be a meeting hall. The sign read, "Talent competition here today! Come one, come all! 100 pounds cash prize!"

"There's our answer," Snape told Clancy. "Sign yourself up, and you can sing for our supper."

"I can't sing," Clancy said.

"That has already been well established. I see no other alternative, at present, so you will just have to squeak by on your meager abilities and hope we get lucky."

"Thank you for your glowing praise, but what I meant was, that I have just had oral surgery. I can't open my jaw wide enough to sing."

"Then play the piano."

"Why must everything be left up to me? You're supposedly the one in charge."

"I am not at the top of my form in Muggle society, in case you haven't noticed."

"All right. I'm getting hungry, too. I'll sign up," Clancy agreed reluctantly. They joined a short queue to wait their turn.

"What's your talent, miss?" asked the man at the registration table.

"I play piano."

"Sorry, miss. We haven't a piano. This is a meeting hall. When we hold competitions, the contestants generally bring whatever they need for themselves," he explained.

Clancy had to think fast. "All right, then. Sign up my companion. He has an act."

"WHAT?" Snape said, incredulous.

"Leave it to me," Clancy whispered to him. "You want to eat, don't you?"

"What's your friend's talent?" the man asked Clancy. "Does he play the pipes?"

"No, he's a ... a ... well, he's sort of a ..."

"Does he have an act, or doesn't he?" the man demanded, growing impatient.

"He's a MAGICIAN!" Clancy blurted out. Snape was too astonished to speak.

"What's the name of his act?" the man needed to know.

"The ... the ... GREAT SNAPINI and his assistant ... er ... Lulu."

The man scribbled down that name and told them, "Find a seat and watch the show. You'll be performing near the end." They positioned themselves in the back of the hall, waiting for the competition to begin.

"Lulu?" Snape inquired.

"Well, I don't know -- it sounded theatrical."

"This time you've really gone too far! I will not degrade myself by performing a magic act for Muggles!"

"What other choice do we have? You heard what he said. There's no piano. Relax. No matter what simple trick you do, the locals are sure to be impressed. This is a small village. What are the chances anyone around here would have a real talent?"

"Just what do you propose I do?"

"I'll go into the audience and ask for volunteers to contribute a personal item. They'll tell me what they'd like to have it transformed into, then I'll bring it to you on the stage. Use my wand, and just do the best you can. If the magic doesn't turn out quite right, no one will know the difference. It'll be simple -- you'll see!"

"This is the most outrageous idea you've had yet. Unfortunately, my stomach is grumbling violently. All right, Lulu," Snape growled sarcastically, "I will play along."

The competition began. The longer the show progressed, the more confident Snape grew. The performers were terrible! A farmer produced a series of birdcalls, but they all sounded like the same bird. An elderly couple attempted to dance the quickstep, but the man dislocated his knee and had to be helped off the stage. A young boy made some crude sounds with his armpit; another man recited Hamlet's soliloquy in pig Latin.

At last, it was time for the Great Snapini to take to the stage. Clancy gave Snape a brief introduction, then made her way back to the audience to solicit volunteers.

A rather brazen young woman was the first to stand. She removed a garter from around her thigh, and handed it to Clancy. "Let's see him turn this into a mouse," she challenged.

Clancy brought the item to the stage and Snape easily transfigured it into a mouse. The mouse wriggled free of Snape's grasp, scurrying back into the audience. It ran straight up the leg of the startled young woman, and attached itself to the very spot on her thigh where it had once been a garter. Shrieking, the woman dashed from the hall while the audience howled.

Next, a man requested that his pipe be turned into a piccolo, as he had always wanted to play one. Snape managed to transfigure it into a pickle, but the audience was very appreciative just the same. The man soon realized that he couldn't smoke a pickle or play a tune with it, so he demanded that it be restored to a pipe. Snape transfigured the pickle into a drainpipe, but as the man's sink was in need of repair, he was more than satisfied. On and on it went, with the Great Snapini receiving more approval after each trick he performed.

For his final feat, Clancy approached a plump woman wearing an ugly, brown felt hat. "Stand right up, Madam, and prepare to face the Great Snapini! Kindly remove your hat, and before your very eyes, he will transfigure it into anything you can name!"

"How about a pineapple?" the woman suggested.

"An excellent choice, Madam, but not enough of a test for the Great Snapini! Not only will he change your hat into a pineapple, but prepare to be amazed as he commands it to tap dance across this very stage!"

Clancy delivered the hat to Snape, flashing her best I-told-you-so expression. Snape curled his lip. "Now, now," Clancy chided. "We mustn't forget our stage presence!"

Snape performed the transfiguration, producing a lush specimen of the exotic fruit. Not only did the pineapple tap dance across the stage, it switched to a conga, hopping up the aisle and out into the street. The audience cheered as Clancy and a very self-satisfied Snape returned to their seats.

"We'll be dining in the finest restaurant in the village within the hour," he told Clancy smugly.

There was only one act left. A young, brown-haired girl, who looked about seven, climbed up on the stage and began to sing.

"She's pretty good," Clancy commented to Snape. "She's no Eloise Midgen, but she's got potential."

"Rubbish. That worthless Muggle brat is destined to live out her life in well-deserved obscurity," he scoffed.

"Forgive me. I didn't realize divination was among your many accomplishments."

The competition ended with the contestants lining up on stage in the order of their performances. The winning act would be determined by audience applause. The Great Snapini and Lulu received a very enthusiastic response, and Snape took a conceited little bow. When the master of ceremonies placed his hand over the head of the young girl, the audience rose for a standing ovation.

"It is my great honor and privilege," the gentleman announced, "to award the cash prize to the pretty little lady with the big voice -- MISS CHARLOTTE CHURCH!"

Snape stalked off the stage, muttering obscenities. Clancy thought it would be best to leave him alone for a while, so she strolled outside. The weather had cleared, and night was falling. About ten minutes later, Snape joined her.

"Here's your money. Where shall we dine?" he asked, with a cunning smile.

"Where did you get this?" Clancy asked, amazed.

"While the brat's parents were preoccupied with congratulations, I used the Diffendo spell to cut open the mother's purse. The money fell to the floor, and I casually picked it up. Now, where shall we dine?"

"You stole money from a child? That's the most despicable thing I've ever heard! I, for one, refuse to touch that money!"

"The money was in the mother's possession, so technically, I stole it from her."

"That makes no difference. I refuse to eat with ill-gotten gains!"

"I fail to see how this is any worse than you taking the clothes I am wearing from that theatre," Snape reminded Clancy.

"I took the clothes because you were cold, and I was concerned for you," she retorted.

"Well, then, be gracious enough to accept that I did this for you, because you are hungry," Snape rationalized.

"You're hungrier than I am, so it's by no means an altruistic gesture!"

"You can lie in the road and rot, for all I care. I am ravenous. I am going to eat!" Snape bellowed, and tramped down the street.

Clancy watched Snape stride angrily away from her. Her mind recalled that sweet little girl, but just then her stomach emitted a profound growl. "Wait for me!" she called to Snape, hurrying to catch up with him.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

A word concerning pineapples: I feel I should warn you there is much PWP ahead. In this case, however, instead of Plot? What Plot? it stands for Pineapple Within Potterverse. The tap dancing pineapple can be found in the canon (Book One, Chapter 16). It is NOT an OFC (Other Fruit Character). I maintain that if a legless piece of fruit can tap dance, it would surely be able to do the conga, which is a much simpler dance.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 14: Almost Like Being in Love

---

"At last you've come to your senses," Snape said to Clancy, when she caught up with him. "I knew your keen instinct for self-preservation would assert itself."

"It's not that. You're unfamiliar with Muggle money, so you'll need my help."

"Help? I need your help about as much as I need a dancing pineapple! I've a mind to leave you outside in the street guarding the broom, while I enjoy a leisurely meal. It's times such as these, that your ingratitude saddens me."

The happy couple turned a corner, and Snape spotted a convenient pub called the Wicked Wicket. "This looks decent. We'll dine here."

"I thought you promised me the finest restaurant in the village."

"I haven't seen a fine restaurant in this village. Are you coming in or aren't you?"

"All right, but I have serious reservations..."

The pub was certainly enjoying a brisk business. Snape and Clancy were lucky to find a table. The menu was extensive; the décor, quite tasteful. Perhaps Clancy had been mistaken in her judgment. While Snape ordered their meal, she glanced around the room and noticed a dance floor. Several couples, all of the same gender, were dancing. Clancy's eyes surveyed the other patrons, and her suspicions were confirmed.

Snape announced he was going off to wash his hands. "I'd keep my back to the wall if I were you," Clancy advised.

"And what, precisely, is that supposed to mean?" Snape asked.

"I'm merely suggesting caution since you're wearing a kilt. You might want to keep your eye on things."

"What are you trying to get at?"

"It's not me you have to worry about getting at you," Clancy said pointedly. Snape gave her a blank stare. "Has it escaped your notice that I'm the only female in here?"

"What of it?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Clancy let the matter drop.

After Snape returned, their dinner was served, and they consumed it greedily. Near the end of the meal, a drunk staggered over to their table.

"Ah now," the man said, leaning over them, his hot breath reeking of gin, "we've a Scot here. Keeping something for me under that kilt?"

Snape reached inside his doublet for Clancy's wand.

"Severus--don't!" Clancy implored.

"Pay the check and let's leave!" Snape ordered.

The drunk would not be put off. "Give us a peek at your Neeps and Tatties," he wheedled, lurching forward. He reached toward Snape's kilt.

Snape sprang out of his chair, and grabbed the man's throat. Pushing him down hard against the table, he began choking the sot. A group of pub patrons rushed to his aid. Snape began to fight them, but he was vastly outnumbered.

Clancy racked her brain for a distraction before something most unexpected occurred: The door swung open, and in hopped the pineapple from the Great Snapini's magic act, still dancing a lively conga.

"Look, everyone!" Clancy shouted above the din, "It's CONGA time! Queue up behind the dancing pineapple!"

The fighting ceased, as the brawlers eagerly began following the fortuitous fruit. Clancy quickly threw money on the table, grabbed the broom, and gathered up Snape. They escaped unnoticed through the merriment.

"Are you all right, Severus?" she asked, when they were a safe distance away.

Snape was breathing hard, and was quite disheveled. One of his eyes was beginning to swell, but he was not seriously hurt.

"Hogwarts! Broom! Now!" was all he could manage to articulate.

---

It was a clear, starry night. Snape studied the heavens to navigate their course as they flew north. Clancy was the first to speak. "Can't we land and rest for a while? I'm completely worn out."

"NO!" Snape said emphatically.

"Why not? You look tired too."

"We're finally making good time, and I'm anxious to be rid of you. This entire day has been disastrous. I hold you completely responsible."

"I admit that the Floo incident and the airsickness were my fault, but you're the one who brought us to Wales. The talent competition and the Wicked Wicket were your ideas."

Snape relented, and they began descending. He landed on top of a secluded, grassy knoll overlooking a nearby town. "We'll rest here for a few hours, but no more," he told Clancy firmly.

"Here?" Clancy asked, aghast. "This is a cemetery!"

"What better place to enjoy a sound rest?"

"You always bring me to the nicest places," she remarked, shaking her head in disgust. "You don't actually expect me to sleep here, do you? This is preposterous!"

"Suit yourself, but I intend to sleep here." Snape began to search the ground.

"What are you looking for?"

"A leaf. In spite of your inferior wand, I'm hoping that I will be able to transfigure an adequate blanket." In the growing gloom, it took Snape a long time to find a suitable leaf and successfully create a plush, russet-colored coverlet. "At least one thing turned out well today," he said, displaying his handiwork. "This will do quite nicely."

"What about me?" Clancy complained. "Can't you transfigure one for me, too?"

"I may be persuaded, but you will have to supply your own leaf."

"It's too dark! I'll never find one."

"Then share mine, if you must."

"All right, but I refuse to get on top of anyone."

Snape raised his eyebrows and gave her a quizzical stare.

"I meant on top of a grave, naturally," she quickly clarified.

Snape selected a location against a low stone wall, and they settled themselves in. Clancy said, "Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"You wouldn't really thrash the tar out of me and leave me for the vultures, would you?"

"I haven't yet, have I?"

"No, but why not?"

"If you must know, it's because Dumbledore trusts me to look after you. His trust tends to foster loyalty and devotion -- even in the likes of me."

"I trust you too, Severus," Clancy said softly, moving closer toward him.

"Trust no one, Clancy, least of all me," Snape warned. He folded his arms behind his head, and scowled up at the stars.

"Why shouldn't I trust you?"

Snape thought for a moment, and then replied, "That would be too difficult to explain, and I hope you'll never ask me to."

Clancy moved closer still, snuggling against him. After a time, Snape lowered his arms, wrapping them around her. "You know," he admitted, "this is precisely why I brought you here."

"So we could be alone?" she asked expectantly.

"No. Muggles fear death, darkness, and the unknown. By bringing you here, I can ensure that you will not wander off and get us into any more trouble. If I gave you free rein, I am sure that you would find a way to pull us both into a bog. This way, you will be dependent upon me, and I can keep you firmly under my control."

"Well, that's very Slytherin of you, I must say!" Clancy rolled away from Snape, pulling the blanket along with her.

"Clancy?"

"WHAT?"

"Come back into my arms, won't you?" Snape pleaded.

"What for?" she answered crossly.

"My knees are cold. I need the blanket."

"You vile, hateful bastard! Would it kill you to say something tender? I don't even know why I--"

"Why you what?"

"Put up with you," she pouted.

"There's something wrong with me?" Snape pressed.

"You're OBTUSE!"

Uninvited, Snape moved closer to her and reclaimed his share of the blanket. Eventually, Clancy positioned herself back in his arms again. The tip of her nose was chilly, so she nestled it beside Snape's ear.

"Get that bothersome icicle away from me!" he grumbled. "I'm trying to warm up, not become even colder!"

"You couldn't possibly become any colder," Clancy observed bitterly.

"Clancy?"

"Now what?"

"The way you distracted my attackers was rather clever. I might have been in trouble if it weren't for you," Snape admitted.

"You needn't thank me, thank the pineapple. And, while we're on the subject, I don't want to hear another disparaging remark about my judgment ever again. Granted, your magical abilities are far superior to mine, but I occasionally prove useful."

"We do seem to complement each other in strange ways," Snape mused. "We just don't travel well together, I am afraid."

Clancy laughed at this understatement. Snape managed a mild snicker. "Good night, Snapini," Clancy murmured against the side of his neck.

"Good night...Lulu."

Snape fell asleep first. Clancy lay awake, analyzing the events of their very trying day. Here I am, she thought, sleeping in a graveyard, wrapped in the arms of a pickpocket wearing a kilt. Ah, life is good!

---

Before the sun rose, they were back on the broom, heading for Hogwarts. They flew along making very good time, until at last they approached the castle. Resting her free hand on the broom handle, Clancy ran a finger along its shaft, and felt a narrow fissure.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"I believe the broom handle has split."

"Nonsense. It's as sound as it's ever been."

"You did select the cheapest one in the shop, remember?"

Before Snape could respond, they heard a loud cracking noise, and the handle broke. "Hold on! We're going down!" Snape shouted.

He managed to land them safely just outside the Forbidden Forest, but his Cleansweep bargain was beyond repair. In frustration, Snape threw the pieces on the ground as hard as he could. "We'll have to walk the rest of the way," he decided. "We could cross down to the lake, but if we cut through the Forbidden Forest, we'll get there faster."

"I thought the Forest was off-limits."

"Dumbledore's warning is for students and other fools. It certainly doesn't apply to me. Now, let's go. We are wasting time."

"All right, if you're sure."

"I am fully in control. Nothing can possibly--"

"Yes, Severus?"

"Never mind."

---

They hiked through the forest, heading deeper into its interior. A clearing appeared ahead, blocked by a tall shrubbery that rimmed its perimeter. "What an odd hedge," Clancy said wonderingly. "The tips of the leaves are silver--and shimmering. What do you suppose it is?"

"I haven't memorized every specimen of flora and fauna in this wretched place. What difference does it make?" Snape snorted. "We'll just have to make our way through it."

He began pushing aside the dense branches, with Clancy following close behind. The hedge was quite thick, and it took some time before they emerged on the other side. They walked for a while longer, once more entering the dark forest canopy. They passed into a grove of grotesquely gnarled trees.

"I think I know where we are now," Snape said confidently.

"You think you know? You weren't sure before?"

"I have never actually been this far into the Forbidden Forest. I have only entered from the Hogwarts side, not from the outer edge."

"Now you tell me!"

"At any rate, look straight through the tops of those trees. I believe I see the smoke from Hagrid's chimney."

Relieved to find themselves so close to their destination, they quickened their pace. As they neared Hagrid's cabin, they saw something amiss in his pumpkin patch. Behind one of the boulder-sized pumpkins, two students were sharing a moment of stolen pleasure. Oblivious to Snape and Clancy, they were rapidly shedding their inhibitions along with their clothes.

Snape interrupted their progress. "Of all the blatant improprieties! The headmaster shall hear of this at once! Stand up, and put your clothing back on immediately!"

A boy with messy hair and steamed glasses wrapped his invisibility cloak strategically around his midsection before bolting toward the castle at top speed. A fair-skinned girl, with long, dark hair bound in a plait, casually buttoned her robe, and then turned to face her accuser. She regarded Clancy, and then Snape, but didn't speak. Her dark eyes wore an expression of both contrition and confusion.

"Well?" Snape demanded of the girl, "What have you to say for yourself?"

"Mum? Dad?" she began sheepishly. "I thought you'd be in Hogsmeade for the day." Looking at Snape, she inquired, "Why are you dressed in a kilt, Dad? And, why do you both look so...young?"

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 15: A Kiss to Build a Dream On

---

"Who are you? Give me your name! I'll see that you lose House points for your impertinence!" Snape threatened the girl.

"Are you feeling well, Dad? I'm Salacia. Don't you recognize your own daughter? You just saw me this morning at breakfast!"

Snape and Clancy exchanged looks of bewilderment, but just then, Hagrid opened the door of his cabin. His coarse hair was grayer; his massive shoulders, slightly stooped, but he was still an imposing figure. He spied Salacia.

"'Lacia Snape! What're yeh doin' in my pumpkins? If I catch yeh one more time in there with tha' lad, I'll go straight to yer uncle!" Hagrid opened his door a bit wider, and at last noticed Snape and Clancy. "Beggin' yer pardon, Professor Snape -- ma'am," he said, addressing Clancy. "Yer both lookin' young an' fit today. Bin 'sperimentin' with a new potion or summat? Mrs. Snape don' look no older than she did the fers time I brung her over on the boat! Hardly knew yeh in a kilt, Professor Snape, meanin' no offense, sir."

"Hagrid," Snape asked, "would you mind telling me what year this is?"

"Why, it's 2015, o'course." Hagrid looked at Snape suspiciously.

---

Inside Hagrid's cabin a short while later, and after several cups of his strong tea, Snape and Clancy were still grappling with the concept than they had somehow been transported to the future. They sat facing an attractive 16-year-old girl who claimed to be their daughter. She did resemble them. Salacia had Snape's dark hair and eyes, but her eyes were much more lively. They glowed defiantly with wanton mischief. She had Clancy's chin, and most fortunately, her nose and teeth. But, Salacia's mouth was something else, again. Her lips wore an amused expression that could be attributed to none other than Aunt Hillary.

"Salacia?" Snape said, wrinkling his nose at the sound. "That's a most unusual name. Your doing, no doubt," he accused Clancy.

"Don't blame Mum! Uncle Albus named me."

"Uncle Albus?"

"Honorary Uncle Albus," Salacia said slowly, as though talking to a child -- or a moron.

"Tell me, Salacia," Snape questioned the girl, "what House are you in?"

"Need you even ask? Slytherin! What else? I am my father's daughter, after all. I mean, my other father -- that's you, too, I suppose. This is a bit confusing, isn't it?"

Clancy seemed disheartened by Salacia's disclosure. "Don't worry, Mum. I sing in the choir. And, before you ask," she said, looking back to Snape, "my marks have always been top-notch. I excel in Potions." Snape smiled proudly.

"Are you popular at school?" Clancy inquired, worried about the fact that her future offspring was a Slytherin.

"Yes, very. Why shouldn't I be?"

Clancy described the resentments among the Houses that she had observed. Salacia waved this off. "House rivalries still exist, but they're not too important. I'm dating a Gryffindor boy."

"That young idiot from the pumpkin patch, I presume," Snape said, suddenly growing protectively paternal. "What is the scoundrel's name?"

"Are you sure you really want to know?" Salacia asked dubiously.

"Nothing could unnerve me at this point. You may as well tell me."

"J.S. Potter, but I call him Jimmy."

Snape flew into a rage. "POTTER? Surely you don't mean --"

"Yes Dad. Jimmy's the son of The Boy Who Blighted Your Life."

Snape began pacing furiously about the room then turned back to Salacia. "He's Gryffindor Seeker, I'll wager."

"No," she laughed. "Jimmy's awful at Quidditch. He's a soloist in the Harmonious Hinkypunks, though."

"Really?" Clancy said, warming a bit. "He can't be all bad, then."

"Not bad?" Outraged, Snape gaped at her. "I would give that boy endless detention and take away every Gryffindor House point -- at least, my future counterpart should!"

"You tried that. Every time you deduct House points from Jimmy, Mum gives them right back again. She knows it's not easy for me to be the daughter of the terrifying Professor Snape. All the boys avoid me like the plague. Jimmy's the only one brave enough to risk seeing me."

"He didn't seem too brave when I confronted him in the pumpkin patch!"

"It must have been the horror of seeing you in a kilt. He probably thought you'd finally gone 'round the bend," Salacia said with a smirk.

"I see your attitude hasn't mellowed throughout the years," Clancy noted to Snape.

"Mum," Salacia said suddenly to Clancy, "your hair's so golden. I'd forgotten how pretty it used to be."

"Does it look that bad now, I mean, will it in the future?"

"Well, you have gone a bit gray."

Snape threw back his head and laughed wickedly.

"Not so fast, Dad," Salacia cautioned. "You're completely bald!" Snape's laughter cut off. "Just joking! Your hair looks the same as it does now--only cleaner," she said, winking at Clancy. "Oh, and you do have one wide patch of white growing down the back. You're beginning to resemble a rather dignified skunk!"

Snape regarded Salacia evenly. "You've a ready wit, young lady."

"I come by it honestly. I was served puns with my porridge and satire with my soup. And, I was tutored in the finer points of wordplay by the very best there is," Salacia revealed, smiling at her mother. "I even picked up a few pointers from you, Dad." Clancy giggled, and even Hagrid, who had been pretending to busy himself with the clearing up, guffawed.

"Professor Snape," Hagrid said, as he crossed the room to join them, "how d'yeh think yeh got here?"

"We were returning from Diagon Alley by broom. The broom began breaking apart, so we had to land on the outer side of the Forbidden Forest. We came through the Forest on foot, and then we arrived here. That is all I know."

"Wait just a minute," Clancy interjected. "Do you recall that hedge with the glimmering leaves? It looked very unusual. Perhaps it could have been bewitched, or something?"

"No!" Hagrid gasped. "Yeh didn' tangle with the Hedge o' Cronos, did yeh?"

"The Hedge of Cronos?" Snape repeated.

"Professor Dumbledore and me are the only ones who know about tha'. 'Ceptin' the centaurs, o'course. They're s'pposed ter keep it trimmed back. I'll have ter let Dumbledore know abou' this."

"Dumbledore's still alive?" Snape asked, incredulous.

"Why certainly, Salacia confirmed. Uncle Albus is the picture of health! He's a veritable phoenix, or didn't you know? His beard's dusting the floor, but he just flings it over his shoulder and carries on. He's still sharp as a Grindylow's horns; I've never been able to beat him at anagrams."

"Hagrid," Clancy asked, "Will we be able to return to our own time?"

"O' course yeh will, ma'am. Don' be worryin' abou' tha'. Make sure yeh go back through the same spot yeh come out, though, or yeh might end up sommers else." Snape and Clancy relaxed when they heard this. "Jus' one more thing yeh should know," Hagrid continued. "Professor Dumbledore put a Memory Charm on the Hedge. Once yeh pass back through, yeh won' remember yeh was even here. He did tha' because it's a bad thing to be messin' with Time Travel."

Clancy nodded sadly. The Memory Charm made sense, but she wished she would be able to remember what she had learned.

Salacia gave her a hug. "Don't worry, Mum. We'll meet again." The daughter reached for her mother's hand and led her over to a corner by the fire for a private chat. "Was this the weekend?" Salacia queried.

"What do you mean?"

"You know, when Uncle Albus sent Dad to the Leaky Cauldron to return you to Hogwarts?"

"How on earth could you possibly know about that?" Clancy asked, astonished.

"You told me the story when I was old enough to ask you about your courtship. You two were in love, but neither of you wanted to be the first to admit it."

"Salacia, I --"

"Come on, confess! I know quite a lot about your future. During the school week, I stay at the castle, but at the weekends, I stay with you. Sometimes, when you think I'm sleeping, I sneak down the passage and listen outside your bedroom door. I often hear you call Dad 'Snapini', and tell him how great he is. Then, he starts calling you 'Lulu'. Before too long, you invariably end up discussing all the odd things one can do with a pineapple ... "

"SALACIA!"

"Shh, Mum! You don't want Dad and Hagrid to overhear us, do you?"

"Certainly not."

"Dad tells a completely different version of the story of your courtship," Salacia said, baiting her mother.

"Does he really?"

"Yes. He says you were so hot for him, that you couldn't keep your hands off his buttons. He went on to say that you were always all over him like a Blood-Sucking Bugbear, and he had to beat you off with a Bludger bat at least five times a day!"

"There's not a grain of truth to his story! He's completely fabricated everything! By the way, your father still wears frock coats, doesn't he?"

"Yes."

Clancy breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, just checking."

Snape and Hagrid had moved over to the window. "Come have a look," Snape said, motioning for Clancy to join them. "You might find this interesting." Clancy walked over, while Salacia remained behind. Salacia stole a scrap of parchment and a quill from a side table near the fire, and hurriedly scribbled a brief message.

"Look 'cross the green," Hagrid told Clancy, pointing to a small, white house with an undulating thatched roof. "Tha's Snape Cottage, where yeh live now."

"It's charming!" Clancy marveled. "It's so bright and cheery! Lovely view of the lake, too. Now isn't that much nicer than those clammy old dungeons?" she asked Snape.

Snape made no reply, but continued to gaze with interest toward the cottage. Before long, they saw their future selves returning home from Hogsmeade. Professor and Mrs Snape were walking arm in arm, engaged in a lively conversation. They turned down the path toward their home. Professor Snape gallantly opened the garden gate, and made a courtly bow as his spouse passed through. Then, he deliberately slammed the gate hard behind her, and it struck her derriere. She sprang around like a tiger to throw a fist at him, but he grabbed her wrist, and then drew her near for a playful kiss.

"Apparently we're quite happy," Clancy said, as she continued to stare in awe at what her future held in store.

"You seem to have put on a bit of weight," Snape observed.

"I don't think I look too bad at all. I'm obviously very content."

"Don' mean ter be rushin' yeh both, but I think yeh bes' be startin' back," Hagrid suggested.

"Mum," Salacia said to Clancy, "I wish you didn't have to leave, but at least I'll see you both at dinner tonight!"

"Yes," Clancy said wistfully, "but it will be quite a few years until we see you again."

Salacia hugged and kissed her. As she did so, she slipped the little piece of parchment into the pocket of Clancy's jacket. "Goodbye, Mum."

Tears were swelling in Clancy's eyes. "Goodbye, Salacia, dear," she said.

Salacia walked over to Snape. "Give us a kiss," she said, and before he could object, she reached up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

Snape stood stiffly, his expression never changing, but he said, "Keep your mind on your studies, girl, and stay away from that J.S. Potter boy. By the way, what does the 'S' stand for?"

"I'd better not tell you. The shock might kill you."

After a brief farewell to Hagrid, Snape and Clancy both took one last look at Salacia, then exited the cabin. "This is a day we won' be forgettin'," Hagrid told the girl. "Good thing they didn' run in ter no trouble, or take summat back with them ter their own time tha' they shouldna. Might change the whole course o' things."

Salacia turned away slowly from Hagrid, rolled her eyes upward, and choked, "Uh-oh!"

---

"Couldn't we sneak over to Snape Cottage and peek in the window? I want to see the furniture."

"Clancy!" Snape scolded, as he pulled her back toward the Forbidden Forest. "How completely irrelevant. There are more important things in life than nesting."

"I almost wish we could stay," she said regretfully, ignoring him.

"One of you is more than enough. I fear the living arrangements might prove to be too complicated. I am certain being beside ourselves at every turn, would soon grow cumbersome."

Without much difficulty, they retraced their path and located the Hedge of Cronos. A wide break in the branches confirmed that they had found the spot they were seeking.

"You know," Snape reflected, before they entered the shrubbery, "Salacia is rather lovely, don't you think?" Clancy nodded, and smiled.

"Perhaps we're not such a bad team when we put our heads together."

"I imagine her conception involved more than just our heads."

"Yes. I believe I see what you mean."

"Do you suppose this has all been real, or just an unexplainable illusion?"

Snape gave the matter some thought, and then gazed searchingly into Clancy's eyes. "There is only one way to find out." He moved in closer and kissed her, employing his vast reserve of fiery passion.

"Well?" he asked, in expectation of high praise.

"Well, what?"

"What did you think of it?"

"What did I think of what?"

"What I just did!"

"Did you do something? I must have blinked and missed it." Clancy was enjoying having Snape right where she had wanted him for so long; she intended to make him suffer deliciously.

"It was only a first attempt," he said defensively. "I will admit to being a trifle out of practice. Shall I try again?"

Clancy shrugged. "You may if you wish. Only this time, try to actually come into contact with my lips."

Snape kissed her again -- and again. An hour and a half later, Clancy was convinced that he was beginning to get the hang of it. Somewhere along the line, they had shifted to the ground. Snape lay supine, looking up at Clancy with a foolish grin that matched her own.

"I don't believe I've ever seen you look at me quite like this before," she told Snape. "You don't appear too bright."

"From the expression on your face, you don't object too strenuously to my letting down my guard temporarily. I have merely been giving you a taste of what you've been craving."

"'Craving' is much too strong a word, but I do wish we could have arrived at this point sooner."

"There's one thing we haven't considered," Snape reminded her, turning serious. "According to Hagrid, we will not retain any memory of this time once we pass back through the Hedge."

"It doesn't seem fair! We're obviously meant to be together, yet in a few moments, we'll be just as we were, sniping away at each other and fighting like two cats in a bag. Isn't there some way we can defy Dumbledore's Memory Charm?"

"I'm afraid there isn't. We had best be returning and not dwell on the unattainable." Snape helped Clancy to her feet. They embraced, and engaged in a lingering lip lock that neither wanted to be the first to break. Snape at last pulled away, and guided her back through the mangled branches, leaving their future in the past, to return to their uncertain present.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 16: Let's Call the Whole Thing Off!

---

Out from the Hedge they came, exiting from the precise spot which they had entered several hours earlier. To Snape and Clancy, however, it seemed as though only ten minutes had passed.

"This is peculiar," Snape remarked, as he observed their surroundings. "We've made a complete turn and come out on the same side."

"How can that be?" Clancy asked. "We were proceeding in a straight line."

"I don't know how it happened," Snape replied curtly. "All I know is that I am fatigued, and I feel as though I've walked for miles."

"I feel exactly the same way," Clancy acknowledged. "And what's more, I have the most appalling taste in my mouth. What I wouldn't give right now for a toothbrush! My lips seem rather bruised and tender, as well."

"Now that you mention it, mine do too. Perhaps the leaves of that shrubbery contain toxins that cause skin sensitivity."

"It feels more to me as if I'd been kissed -- repeatedly. If I had been though, I'd surely remember it."

"Who could have kissed you? It certainly wasn't me. If I were to ever favor you with a kiss, you would doubtless remember and cherish the experience as the supreme high point of your otherwise dull life."

"Taken with yourself, are you Severus?" Clancy replied with disgust. "I'll chalk up your inane comments to weariness, while pointing out that our current condition is the result of your deplorable sense of direction."

"We'll retrace our steps through the Forest to where we entered, then cross down to the lake, after all."

"You're the leader!"

"Do shut up!" Snape hissed. He deliberately took long strides, forcing Clancy to jog to keep up.

"Severus!" she called, trying to catch her breath. "Please stop. I can't continue at this pace. I need to rest, and I'm starving."

Snape stopped so abruptly that Clancy careened into his back, knocking them both to the ground. "You clumsy, dim-witted pest!" Snape shouted into her face.

That did it. Clancy yanked off one of her shoes, and made a motion to crown Snape with it. "GIVE me that!" he spat, grabbing the shoe. He threw it far into a clump of tall reeds.

"You BEAST! First, my purse -- now my SHOE? How am I supposed to make it the rest of the way on ONE SHOE?"

"Hop along like that BLASTED PINEAPPLE! And, the next time you attack me will be the sorriest day of your life -- if not the last!" He strode away angrily.

Furious, Clancy's eyes narrowed and her heart hammered violently. She tore off her other shoe and hurled it savagely at Snape's head. It missed his skull, but succeeded in grazing his ear.

Snape stopped in his tracks. He casually picked up the makeshift weapon, and flung it into the reeds to join its mate. Then he withdrew Clancy's wand from inside his doublet. He pointed the wand near her feet and uttered, "SERPENTSORTIA!" Instead of a threatening black snake, however, the unpredictable wand produced a fluffy, pink, ostrich feather boa.

Clancy picked it up from the ground, and draped it around her neck with a saucy flourish. "Why thank you, Severus. However did you know pink was my color?"

Snape walked slowly toward Clancy with a menacing look in his eye. He placed the wand lengthwise under her nose and flicked it upward with a sharp jerk. With a half bow and a sneer, he presented the wand to her.

Infuriated, she yanked it from him and gouged it into his chest. "EVANES- -"

"Don't even THINK it!" Snape warned with a threatening growl, snatching the wand away.

---

Shadows spread across the low hills and meadows as the sun prepared to set. They had made their way out of the Forbidden Forest, but they still had to circle around to the lake. Clancy plodded along as best she could with only her socks for footwear. Neither she nor Snape had spoken to the other in hours.

"Two days COMPLETELY WASTED!" Snape said with rancor, at last breaking the silence.

"Yesterday was in part, my fault, but the award for today's poor planning goes exclusively to you!"

They came to a rough-hewn fence, scaled it, and then continued on until it grew too dark to find their way. Stopping, Snape spoke to Clancy. "We will rest here for the night, and get a fresh start in the morning."

"In the middle of an open field?" Clancy protested.

"Do you spy a convenient inn that is invisible to my eyes?"

"No. There aren't any leaves around here, though. What can we use for a cover?"

Snape removed the plaid from around his shoulder, and transfigured it with Clancy's wand into a red tartan blanket. "Well, at least you're good at something," she conceded.

He wandered over to a soft patch of clover, and settled in. "What about dinner?" Clancy wondered. "We haven't eaten since last night."

"Take off your socks," Snape instructed.

"Why?"

"I will see if I can transfigure them into food. Transfigured food is barely palatable, but it's better than nothing, I suppose."

"I wouldn't care to eat anything that came from old dirty socks! Besides, my feet will get cold. Why not use something of yours?"

"I've already contributed my plaid. If you wish to eat, then you must part with something; if not socks, then something else."

"All RIGHT!" She removed one wool sock. "I'll donate this on speculation. See what you can do with it." She handed the sock to Snape, and he transfigured it into a thick lamb chop, which he kept for himself. As he began to eat, Clancy wailed, "Selfish! What about me? That came from my sock, so it should be my lamb chop!"

"I am allowing you to share my blanket, aren't I? Remove your other sock, and I will fashion another."

At this point, Clancy was more hungry than cold, so she sacrificed her last sock. Once the transfiguration was completed, Snape presented the chop to her. "Yours was bigger!" she complained.

"It's the fault of this shoddy wand. Eat, and be satisfied. You have imposed upon my generosity and good nature enough for one day."

"Generosity? You're the most self-centered skinflint I've ever met! Buying the cheapest broom ... "

"Let me explain something to you, you overly critical know-nothing, little Muggle: Has it ever occurred to you that I could have Apparated to Hogsmeade at any time and left you stranded? I could be enjoying a tasty meal and a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks right now!"

That revelation gave Clancy pause. She softened a bit. "No, actually, it hadn't occurred to me. Why haven't you?"

Snape raised both his fists and screamed to the heavens, "BECAUSE DUMBLEDORE TRUSTS ME!"

A short while later, they were huddled together under the blanket, safely tucked away for the night. "Severus?" Clancy ventured.

"Yes?"

"Why do you suppose we quarrel so much?"

"Being thrown together under such stressful conditions would cause any two people to argue. That, coupled with the fact that my opinion is always correct, and you refuse to listen to reason. I rely on logic; you do not."

"I seem to be able to get along with everyone except you. No, there has to be more to it than that. My theory is sexual tension."

"That is absurd," Snape protested feebly. "I am not attracted to you in the least. There is no room in my orderly life for a woman; even if there were, you are not my type."

"Oh, really? Just what is your type?"

"Subservient and mute," Snape shot back.

Something in Snape's delivery amused Clancy, and she began to laugh. "This unfortunate trip must be getting to me. I'm feeling giddy. What you just said was actually funny." She sat up, and pulled the ostrich boa from her neck. Tossing it into the air, she squealed, "Whee!"

Snape regarded her with a bemused expression. "Just for argument's sake, what is your type -- your taste in men?"

"I haven't any taste -- none at all! Never have, never will!"

Snape began laughing. Both of them relaxed, and inevitably, Clancy found herself back in his arms, just as she had been the night before. This time, she was the first to fall asleep.

Snape lay awake, gently stroking Clancy's hair. Here she is, he thought to himself, clinging to me with blind trust. If she understood my true nature, or if she learned of the things that I have done, she would recoil from me. He silently cursed himself and all the stars, then slowly closed his eyes.

---

The first of September dawned. Exhausted from walking and very little nourishment, Snape and Clancy overslept. What, the night before had been a fresh, fragrant pasture, had taken on a rank odor. Though Clancy's eyes were tightly closed, the stench awakened her.

"Severus, roll over," she mumbled. "Your breath is atrocious. It's making me ill." She nudged him in the shin with her toe.

Snape's eyes were still shut. "Gladly, if you will stop drooling."

"I don't drool," Clancy protested. An unmistakable noise followed by a particularly foul blast of flatulence, caused her to crack open one eyelid. "SEVERUS?"

"Let me sleep," he muttered.

"Severus, we're not alone."

"That's fine, now let me sleep ... "

"We have a visitor."

"Bull."

"That's right."

A throaty snort aroused Snape, and he woke, covered in mucus, gazing into the nose of a massive, very curious shaggy red bull. Nostrils flaring, the creature pawed the ground next to Snape's chest. Snape drew back in alarm. "Why am I not at all surprised?" he whispered, attempting to remain calm. "Do I really require more proof that you're a jinx?"

"I'm a jinx?" Clancy repeated. She had spoken too loudly. The bull turned to study her. She shrank down, whispering, "'We'll rest here for the night, and get a fresh start in the morning,' you said. What kind of an IDIOT sets up camp in the middle of a cow pasture?"

"Let's trade insults another time, shall we? Suppose you suggest a plan to extricate us from this predicament," Snape proposed.

"Aren't bulls supposed to be attracted to red? It's this red tartan blanket. As long as it's here, he won't go away. I'll grab it, and distract him, while you sidle off toward the fence."

"A Snape does not sidle. I am protecting you, remember?"

"Yes, but he's closer to you. I can wriggle free." Clancy rolled over, sliding the blanket off Snape. "TORO!" Clancy exclaimed, jumping to her feet and waving the cloth like a cape.

The bull shied violently, fortunately in the direction away from Snape, and began trotting in a zigzag pattern, eyeing Clancy. He tossed his head and huffed.

"What do you think you're doing? We're in Scotland!" Snape howled, scrambling to his feet. "This brute doesn't understand Spanish!"

"What now?" Clancy asked, as the bull continued to prance uncertainly before her.

"Hold the blanket off to your side. If he decides to charge, you're in his path."

The bull stopped, and lowered his head. "I'll get his attention," Snape said in a low voice. "Walk slowly -- don't run --over to the fence. Once you've made it to safety, then clap or yell, and, hopefully, he'll forget me."

Snape jumped, waving his arms. The bull whirled on his haunch and snorted. Snape stood stock still, only his eyes moving to follow Clancy as she made it over the fence. Then, she clapped, whistled, waved her arms, and did all that she could think of to lure the bull away from Snape, but the bull was no longer interested in her. The animal planted himself in front of the wizard and lowered its head, not to charge, but to eat clover. When Snape tried to move, the bull looked up. He pawed the ground. Snape held still once more.

"It's your kilt!" Clancy called. "It keeps waving in the breeze, catching his eye. Take it off!"

"WHAT?" Snape jeered. "Never."

"You stubborn nitwit! TAKE OFF YOUR KILT!"

With no other choice, Snape let the kilt fall to the ground, revealing his underwear. The bull huffed again, before returning to defiant grazing. Snape cautiously edged toward Clancy. The bull watched him, but did not follow.

Snape launched himself over the fence. Exhaling heavily, he wheezed, "Hogwarts! Now! Move!" while shoving Clancy in the direction of the lake.

"Severus?" Clancy began tentatively, to break the silence.

"Don't even speak to me!" he barked.

Clancy bided her time before trying again. "Severus, I am sorry. I know how humiliating this has all been for you."

"Humiliating? This journey with you has been so trying, 'humiliating' doesn't begin to describe it."

"You're right. It's been awful. Now, I'm terribly hungry," Clancy realized. "That one puny lamb chop you transfigured last night didn't fill me for very long."

"We will reach the castle within the hour. You can stuff your greedy little belly at the start-of-term banquet."

"I'm feeling lightheaded. Please, can't you --"

"Very well! You're hungry? Take off your trousers. I'll make breakfast!"

"You're humor is becoming puerile," Clancy chided. "If you don't at least allow me to stop and rest, you're going to have to carry me piggyback the rest of the way."

"I hesitate to ask, but how does one 'carry someone piggyback'?" Snape inquired.

"Well, first you squat down, then I straddle your back. You hold onto my legs, while I cling to your neck. You rise effortlessly, and voila! Piggyback!"

"It sounds torturous, but in the interest of time, I am willing to have a go at it -- against my better judgment, I might add." Snape kneeled down. "Climb on," he said.

Clancy took her position, and Snape struggled to rise. She arranged her ostrich boa over Snape's shoulders, and laced her arms around his neck.

"Get those feathers off of me. They're tickling my nose. Just pitch the damned thing away, will you?"

"No, I'm sentimental. It's the first present you've ever given me, and I intend to keep it."

"It wasn't meant as a gift," Snape reminded her, jabbing his fingernails into the back of her knees.

"Ouch!" Clancy cried. She rearranged the boa and tossed its ends over her shoulders. A section of Snape's white neck was peeking through the tangled strands of his matted hair. She leaned in close and nipped it.

"Ouch!" he responded tepidly. "Look! There's Hogwarts! At last this ordeal will be over!"

"Severus, what will happen to us once we return?"

"I can only speak for myself, but I intend to bathe, and rest until dinner."

"You know that's not what I meant. What will happen to us? We've shared certain informalities during our adventure, and I've spent the last two nights in your arms. We're not going to go back to 'Professor Snape' and 'Miss Norgard', are we? I can't go on wondering if you -- "

"Clancy," Snape tried to explain, "if we were ever to ... you'd have to understand that I -- "

"SEVERUS!" she shrieked. A hooded black figure was gliding toward them. Clancy watched in horror as slimy, grayish hands protruded from its sleeves.

"That is a dementor," Snape told her. "It won't harm us. It's only after Sirius Black. Turn away from it, if it frightens you."

"It does frighten me. I hate ugliness and dark things." She buried her face against his back.

Clancy's comment served to confirm Snape's reservations that a relationship with her could ever be possible. She had just spelled it out plainly: She hated ugliness and dark things -- and that was how Snape had always viewed himself, as an ugly, dark thing. He wanted time to think this through. "Let's go down to the lakeshore," he proposed. "I need to rest for a moment. The dementor is moving away."

As he started down the bank toward the water's edge, Snape stepped in a gnomehole, and lost his footing. Clancy and Snape plummeted head over heels into the lake.

"Did you have a nice trip?" Clancy asked Snape facetiously.

"This too, is your fault!" he said acidly, as they floundered in the water. "If you hadn't insisted upon riding me like a pig, my balance wouldn't have given out from supporting your great weight! You must weigh as much as that bull!"

Clancy cupped her hands and splashed water into Snape's face. "My weight is in perfect proportion to my height! I am neither too plump nor too slim. You, on the other hand, are much too skinny -- especially with your trousers off!"

Snape sent a wall of water in her direction. "If you don't care for the way I look without trousers, then stop taking them off of me!"

The splashing increased with their petulance. "Let me tell you this, Severus Snape," Clancy began. "The first time you lost your trousers was my fault, but that bull would be wearing your behind as a hat right now if I hadn't convinced you to take off that kilt! And furthermore, the next time your trousers come off while you're with me, it will be entirely your own idea!"

The full meaning of Clancy's remark struck them both. They ceased splashing, and exchanged embarrassed glances. "Time to go," Snape decided. He seized her arm, and hauled her roughly up the bank, continuing to half-drag, half-carry her all the way to the castle.

Professor Dumbledore was just descending the entry hall staircase when Snape lurched through the door, straining against the burden of Clancy's weight. Snape propelled her toward the elderly wizard. "Here's Hogwarts' precious choir teacher. I found her drunk and disorderly, but you wanted her back, so here she is."

Dumbledore surveyed them as they stood dripping water onto the floor: Snape, dressed as a kiltless Scot; Clancy, barefoot, with a sodden feather boa hanging from her neck. "Was there some trouble?" Dumbledore asked the pair. "You've arrived much later than expected."

"Some trouble?" Snape gasped. "I've had nothing but trouble!" He shot one last baleful look at Clancy then stomped off to the dungeons.

"Clancy?" Dumbledore asked. "Is there anything you wish to tell me?"

"Only that these last days have been a COMPLETE NIGHTMARE! We even took an inadvertent detour to Wales."

"Wales, you say?" Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "That's very curious. There was a front-page story in the Daily Prophet this morning concerning an enchanted pineapple giving conga lessons in a Welsh pub ... "

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Greetings, fellow nit-pickers. Why, do you ask, didn't Snape just Apparate to the other side of the fence to escape the bull? Because this is a comedy, and I wanted to get him out of his kilt!

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 17: I Get Along Without You Very Well

---

Returning to her room, Clancy undressed and tossed her wet clothes on the bathroom floor. She bathed and dressed for the feast, then plopped down on her bed to rest and brood. She decided she'd had enough exposure to the flawed character of Severus Snape to last many lifetimes. No more would she suffer his crass insults and patronizing attitude. She was free, at last, of his dubious charm. Forty-five glorious minutes had elapsed since their eager separation from one another -- and she missed him already.

As soon as Snape reached his quarters, he tore off the remains of his Scottish ensemble and crammed it into the rubbish bin. Realizing that he still had Clancy's wand, his first impulse was to fling it into the fire, but he spared it from the flames and placed it on a table near the door. He bathed, and quickly changed into his familiar black robes. Never in his entire life had he so yearned for seclusion. The constant antagonizing company of that maddening female had frayed his last nerve.

Lying down to rest, his mind replayed the events of the past three days: Discovering Clancy sprawled out drunk at the Leaky Cauldron, the entire Floo incident taking them to a wax museum, and the cab driver insulting his appearance. Then, there was the ill-fated broom flight, resulting in the loss of his wand and his clothes.

Thinking back, Snape tried to recall the precise moment in which he had lost all control. He remembered the sensation of shivering beneath a tree, only to suffer the further indignity of having to don a kilt. He cursed the image of that conniving Muggle brat, who cheated him out of the talent competition, which by rights, he should have won. Pulling at his hair, he envisioned endeavoring to enjoy a quiet dinner, only to have some sot poking about for his Neeps and Tatties. Then, too, there was the broom breaking apart, the bull fiasco, the endless squabbling, culminating in the acrobatic pratfall into the lake!

But, Snape was a reasonable man, and he resolved to be magnanimous about the situation. He decided he would break precedent and seat himself next to Clancy at the feast, and grant her the privilege of begging for his forgiveness.

---

Snape arranged to arrive early for the start-of-term banquet, thereby allowing Clancy ample time to grovel. He strolled haughtily into the Great Hall and scanned the High Table. He was surprised to find Clancy already seated, enjoying an animated conversation with ... Remus Lupin?

Visibly palpitating with rage, Snape experienced a feeling of loathing even more intense than the first time he had seen Harry Potter. Professor Dumbledore had mentioned to Snape before his departure to locate Clancy, that Lupin would be joining the staff as the new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher. Snape had protested the appointment at the time, but the headmaster had refused to listen to his objections. Snape still could not believe that Lupin, the mangy werewolf, had returned to Hogwarts. He stumbled into a chair at the opposite end of the High Table, his dark eyes boring viciously into the unwelcome intruder.

Professor Dumbledore made his annual welcoming address, and introduced Lupin to the students. If Clancy were aware of Snape's presence, she gave no indication of it. She seemed utterly entranced with her new colleague. Snape noted the way her eyes focused on Lupin, as if she were enthralled by his every word and gesture. She laughed gaily at whatever it was they were discussing. She stirred her food around on her plate instead of consuming it. Could this be the same woman who was weak from hunger only hours earlier?

Snape sulked and ate his dinner, never tasting the food. He was hatching a plan: As soon as dinner concluded, he would saunter over to the foot of the main staircase, and honor Clancy by escorting her to her rooms. He would be congenial, even tempered, and accept her apology graciously. Then, when he had finally decided to forgive her, he would tactfully suggest that she avoid any further contact with Lupin The Interloper.

As the students began to leave, Snape watched with uncontrollable fury as Lupin escorted Clancy out of the Great Hall. Snape rushed through a side exit, and tore down an alternate corridor to beat them to the staircase. Clancy, Snape predicted, would see him waiting for her, and desert Lupin and his tattered robes. With deep remorse, she would convey to him her sincere regret for having used him so poorly.

Striking a pose, Snape pretended to study intently a portrait near the landing that he had seen thousands of times. But, something had gone awry. Instead of turning toward the stairs, Lupin led Clancy across the entry hall and out the main door of the castle. Snape's jaw dropped.

"You're going to catch lacewing flies, Severus, if you don't close your mouth properly," said a high, squeaky voice. Snape turned around, and looked down to meet the amused gaze of Professor Flitwick. "Albus would like a word with you in the staff room." Then, looking toward the door, the tiny professor added, "Clancy and Remus make an attractive couple, don't you think so? That young woman would be quite a catch for any wizard with the brains to appreciate her. If I were in my salad days, and a good deal taller, I might be tempted to give Remus a run for his money."

"Thank you, Filius," Snape replied icily. "As always, I find your small observations riveting."

---

"Come in, Severus," Dumbledore told Snape as he entered the staff room. "You're looking unusually grim this evening, even for you. I imagine that you must have a fairly good idea of why I wish to speak with you."

"I believe I do," Snape responded crisply.

"Good, then I can come right to the point. Before you left on your assignment, I informed you that Lupin would be joining the faculty this year. In spite of any past animosity between the two of you, I expect you to be civil to one another. I know I can rely on him, but I need your assurance that I may rely on you."

Dumbledore's expression conveyed to Snape the futility of raising any objections. "Yes, Headmaster, you can rely on me. But," Snape felt compelled to point out, "Lupin is a werewolf. How can you risk bringing him here?"

"Everyone is entitled to a second chance. A few of your colleagues felt much the same as you do now, when I appointed you Potions master," Dumbledore revealed. "In addition to your acceptance of Lupin, I will expect you to prepare Wolfsbane Potion to have on hand whenever he requires it."

"Yes, Headmaster," Snape said dully, looking down at the floor.

Dumbledore placed his hand on Snape's shoulder. "Thank you, Severus. I know I can always trust you to do the right thing. Good night."

Snape sat alone for a time in the staff room, ruminating over the situation. He smashed his fist down hard against a nearby table. Could this evening turn any worse? It could, and it did, for just then, Clancy and Lupin breezed through the door.

"Oh, Remus," Clancy purred, "you're ever so charming and witty! I can see that we're going to become great friends."

"You're a delight, Clancy. Your smile alone brightens up this dreary castle," Remus said, beaming at her fondly.

With a sour nod to Lupin, and a curdling look for Clancy, Snape brushed past them out the door.

---

Snape had no sooner changed into a long gray nightshirt, than he heard someone rap lightly on his chamber door. He crossed the room to open it, and found Clancy standing there.

"Well?" he said, addressing her coldly.

"I've come for my wand. You forgot to give it back to me."

Snape grabbed it off the table and slapped the wand roughly into her outstretched palm. "This could have been easily put off until tomorrow," he snapped peevishly.

"Yes, you're quite right. Sorry to have disturbed you. Good night, then." Clancy turned to leave.

"Just a moment! Come in. There's a matter I wish to discuss with you."

"Very well." Entering his chamber, she glanced about the room, noting the sparse furnishings. The only clutter was the stack of books piled on his bedside table. "You must enjoy reading in bed."

"What better way to occupy one's time in bed?" he returned.

"If you don't know, than I'm certainly not going to be the one to tell you."

"It helps me to relax," Snape explained. "What do you do when you can't sleep?"

"I count buttons, er, sheep."

"You find that intellectually stimulating, no doubt."

"When I retire for the evening, the last thing I want to have stimulated is my intellect." They exchanged a prolonged glance.

"I wouldn't care to touch that remark of yours."

"Nor any part of me, apparently. Now, what was the matter you wished to discuss?"

"I feel I must warn you about Lupin. It is my duty as your protector."

"You're no longer my protector. You've fulfilled your assignment, and you're under no further obligation."

"Listen to me, you little fool," Snape growled, grabbing Clancy by the shoulders. "For one such as you, so delicate by nature and frightened of the dark side, it would be wise to avoid Remus Lupin."

"Avoid Remus?" Clancy scoffed. "Anyone could tell by looking at him that he's a decent person. Just because he'll be teaching a distasteful subject doesn't mean that we can't be friends."

"You've known the man for an hour, and you are already addressing each other by your first names?"

"Not everyone is as slow on the uptake as you are, Professor."

Snape released her. "I saw you leave with him after the feast. Where did you go, and what did you do?"

"We took a stroll through the rose garden--not that I consider my whereabouts to be any of your business."

"I shudder to think what might happen to you if you were ever to be alone with him under a full moon."

"Are you implying that Remus is a wolf? Why, nothing could be further from the truth. He's polite, considerate, and a perfect gentleman. You could steal a page from his book and profit quite nicely," Clancy informed Snape.

"There are wolves, and then again, there are wolves!" Snape articulated threateningly.

"You're beginning to bore me, Severus," Clancy said, starting toward the door. "I'll choose my own friends, if you don't mind."

"Remus Lupin can never be anything to any woman but a friend," Snape continued.

Clancy whirled on Snape. "You are absolutely PATHETIC! First, you try to convince me he's a ladies' man, and now you're insinuating that he's GAY? Jealousy really doesn't become you."

"I am merely trying to keep you safe, you cretinous ninny! You've managed to misinterpret everything that I have said! Why would I be jealous? I have no interest in you!"

"Oh yes, I forgot. I'm not your type, am I? You've made that clear enough, haven't you? This comical little scene is finished. GOOD NIGHT!" She headed out the door.

"Clancy, wait!" Snape called after her.

"What is it, then?" she demanded irritably.

"I will escort you back to your quarters. The Bloody Baron likes to patrol the dungeons at night. He might frighten you."

Clancy regarded Snape from head to toe in his preposterous nightshirt. "I'm more afraid that you'd scare the castle ghosts in that outfit of yours."

"What's wrong with it?" he inquired, looking down at himself.

"Nothing, if you're going for a mid-Victorian look."

"What difference does it make what I wear to bed?"

"None really, since you have only your books to impress."

"Let's go then," Snape muttered.

They ascended to her room, and when they at last reached her door, Clancy said, "Good night, again."

"Won't you invite me in for a moment?" Snape suggested idly. "I may as well see where you count your sheep."

"Isn't this all rather sudden? It's only taken you a year to think of it." She made an elaborate sweeping motion with her arm, indicating that he was welcome to enter.

As Snape passed through the door, he caught the attention of the two old girls in the picture behind Clancy's bed. "Look Prudence," remarked the crone on the left to her companion, "she's finally brought a man into her boudoir!"

The other spinster witch took a long, critical look at Snape. "That's not a man, Constance, that's the git!" They both began to cackle. Snape snarled at them, and they raised a mocking toast to him with their teacups.

"Just ignore them as I do," Clancy advised.

Snape surveyed her bedchamber, stalling to find the right words to say. "Clancy, it wasn't my intention to quarrel with you tonight."

"I know. We're both worn out from our travels. Perhaps you'd better go now, so we can get some rest."

"Yes. I have a full schedule of classes tomorrow, and I will need to Floo to Ollivander's during lunch hour to purchase a new wand."

"Due to my clumsiness."

"You came out much worse than I, losing your trunk and your purse."

"I didn't exactly lose my purse. You deliberately threw it away, as I recall."

"I'm bad tempered at times," Snape confessed.

Clancy thought of several clever comebacks for that remark, but she discreetly held her tongue. Snape began heading toward the door, and she followed him. He paused, and then turned to face her. "It's going to be a welcome change to have a soft bed to sleep in after spending two nights on the hard ground."

"Oh, I don't know. Some aspects of it were not entirely unpleasant."

"I've almost grown accustomed to waking up next to you in the morning, with or without the bull," Snape admitted. Clancy smiled weakly. Snape glanced over at her bed. "It's going to seem rather funny, you up here in your bed, and me all the way down in the dungeons." Snape flashed Clancy a nervous smirk.

"I don't find any humor in it at all, I'm sorry to say." Snape stood there, dumbly, expecting Clancy to offer him some encouragement, but she didn't. "I suggest you leave now, and you and your books can have a good laugh about it all night long." She ushered him out the door, and Snape walked away sadly.

"Such ambivalence!" Clancy grumbled aloud after his departure. "I don't think he'll ever decide what it is he wants. If he insists upon acting like that, I can't see the two of us ever getting together -- not even in my wildest dreams." She undressed and got into bed, not realizing the irony of her final waking thoughts; for that night, the dreams began.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 18: This Time the Dream's On Me

---

That night, Snape and Clancy slept in separate beds, but their thoughts were connected. They shared dreams that were similar enough in nature to be considered convergent.

Clancy dreamed of owls flying into the Great Hall to deliver the morning post. Seated at the High Table, she received a Between The Lines Howler, a form of Wizarding correspondence that conveyed both the conscious and subconscious thoughts of the sender. The missive opened itself in front of her, and began shouting in Snape's harsh voice:


MISS NORGARD:

Then, in a softer, more intimate tone:

(Clancy, my darling,)


IT IS MY INTENTION TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS POSSIBLE!

(How long will it take you to remove all your clothes, and come over here to sit on my lap?)

I THOROUGHLY WASH MY HANDS OF YOU! TRAVELING WITH YOU WAS, WITHOUT DOUBT, THE MOST LOATHSOME EXPERIENCE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!

(I wanted to make love to you that night in the graveyard, and the next night in the pasture, too.)

YOU FORCED ME TO WEAR A KILT AND TO PRETEND TO BE A MUGGLE MAGICIAN! HOW DARE YOU DEGRADE ME IN SUCH A FASHION!

(I'd put the kilt on again right now if you asked me too, dearest. My Neeps and Tatties are ready whenever you are. If it's a Muggle magician you require, then I am yours to command. I'll make magic with you all night long, Lulu, my pet.)

YOU AND THAT IDIOTIC PINEAPPLE CAN DANCE OFF A CLIFF, FOR ALL I CARE!

(I'll slice open the fruit and feed it to you in small, luscious chunks. I'll even hang a ring of it from my nose, and watch as you suck the juice.)

HAVE I MADE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR? STAY OUT OF MY SIGHT!

(Do you know how much I adore you? Come to me, my love, and I'll prove to you the strength of my desire.)


PROFESSOR SNAPE

(Your own Snapini)

---

Snape dreamed he was seated at the High Table, and received a Between The Lines Howler from Clancy.


PROFESSOR SNAPE:

(Dearest Severus,)


I REALLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU! CAN'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME?

(I can decide for the both of us. Why not come over here, and I'll show you just what I mean?)

WHY DO YOU INSIST UPON DRESSING LIKE A SEXUALLY REPRESSED VICTORIAN?

(That's part of the turn on, wondering what's underneath all those little black buttons.)

REMUS IS TWICE THE MAN YOU ARE! WHY DON'T YOU STUDY HIS EXAMPLE?

(Insult me again, you bad boy. Give me long, deep, passionate kisses, then insult me some more, and make me like it.)

I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS I SEE IN YOU!

(I want you ... desperately ... take me now.)


MISS NORGARD

(Your lascivious Lulu)


Snape and Clancy awoke with a start. Soon, Clancy drifted back into a peaceful slumber; Snape reached for a book and began reading it upside down.

---

Beginning the new school term with a clear head was difficult for Clancy after last night's vivid dream. As she sat at the piano trying to focus on a musical arrangement, she was distracted by constant thoughts of Snape.

Professor Dumbledore came in to speak with her. "Clancy, may I have a word?" he inquired.

"Yes, of course, Albus." Turning to face him, she noted that he was in a serious mood. The customary twinkle had left his eyes.

Dumbledore handed her a scrap of parchment. "One of the house-elves on the laundry crew brought this to my attention. It's addressed to me, but it was found in the pocket of your jacket. There has been water damage from whatever it was you and Severus were up to in the lake, but the writing is still legible. Peruse it, if you will, and tell me what you make of it."

Clancy unfolded the note and began to read:

Dear Professor Dumbledore,

A Poem for You, FUN TRUE CLUE

One named for lust
Sends A SHARPENED GUST
Of clues to remove the wedge.
A RED GNAT PUSHES
Through mysterious bushes
Can you find me beyond the Hedge?

Love,

FIE! CUTE RUNE!


Clancy frowned, returning the strange communication to Dumbledore. "I don't know what to make of it, Albus. I don't even know how it got into my pocket."

"The handwriting is unfamiliar to me. You have no idea, then, how this came to be in your possession?"

"No, but, why are some of the words written in capital letters?"

"I've been wondering that myself, and I'm especially curious as to why the word 'Hedge' is capitalized." Dumbledore stroked his beard pensively. "Tell me, did you and Severus venture into the Forbidden Forest, by any chance?"

"Briefly, but we took a wrong turn somehow, and ended up back where we started."

"Do you recall anything unusual happening to you while you were in the Forest?"

"No ... YES! At one point, we became entangled in a shrubbery with glimmering leaves."

The twinkle returned to the headmaster's eyes. "Thank you, Clancy. I believe I may be on the way to solving this little puzzle." Before she could ask him to explain himself, the elderly wizard was already halfway out the door.

---

Snape's classroom behavior became more brutal than usual that first day. He excoriated the Gryffindors, especially poor Neville Longbottom.

Having to waste his lunch hour Flooing to Diagon Alley to purchase a new wand put him in an even fouler temper. By the time Mr. Ollivander finished deliberating over the selection of a suitable replacement, Snape only had time to pop into the Leaky Cauldron for a quick snack.

Tom, the innkeeper, approached Snape's table. "Professor Snape, I've something for you." He dropped a purse down in front of the wizard. "I believe this belongs to your lady friend, Miss Norgard."

"So it does," Snape said, scowling down at the bag. "How did it turn up?"

"Those Muggles, the Grangers, brought it in yesterday. Their address was on a pill bottle found inside the bag, and a man turned it in. They said the bloke told them it fell straight out of the sky and bonked him on the head!"

"I'll see that it's returned to her, Tom." Snape waited for him to leave, then casually began rifling through Clancy's purse. His Slytherin instincts made him keen to learn her secrets.

The bag was stuffed with innocuous items: Clancy's passport, wallet, keys, lipstick; also wads of gauze and tissues. He felt down to the bottom and found an unsealed envelope.

Removing the photograph inside, he recognized an image of himself as a three-year-old boy. But, the woman -- who was she? She was smiling at him affectionately, and tickling the top of his head. Snape stared at the picture, expressionless, until comprehension dawned. "Aunt ... Hilly?" he breathed.

Snape pulled another photograph from the envelope. It was a picture of Aunt Hilly, but she looked a bit older. She had her arm around a young, fair-haired girl of about eight. Both of them were wearing black caps with big round ears. He turned the photograph over. On the back was written, "Clancy and Aunt Hilly at the Magic Kingdom, June 1974".

Question marks whirled through Snape's mind. Why had Clancy kept this from him? What other secrets might she be concealing? Was Aunt Hilly Clancy's aunt, too -- the one Dumbledore had mentioned? And, what was this Magic Kingdom?

"I'll get to the bottom of this," Snape muttered. He paid his bill, then placed everything back in the purse, and carried it beneath his cloak. In a fit of fury and confusion, he Flooed back to Hogwarts.

For the remainder of the day, Snape was a bundle of nerves. At dinner, he found Clancy seated next to Lupin, again. He glowered at her throughout the meal, believing that she had betrayed him in more ways than one.

After the meal, he hurried down to the dungeons to check his stock of Veritaserum. There was just enough for what he had in mind.

---

Lupin escorted Clancy to her room after dinner, and she invited him in. It seemed as though they were never at a loss for things to talk about.

"Clancy," Lupin asked, "would you mind explaining to me a little bit about Muggle culture?"

"No, as long as you don't consider the term to be an oxymoron, as Severus does."

Lupin laughed. "Not at all. I was speaking recently with an acquaintance of mine at the Ministry of Magic. He related to me a number of terms he'd heard bandied about by one of his American colleagues. He asked me if I were familiar with them. Frankly, I wasn't, even though I have a fair knowledge of your society. Would you happen to know what the 'Hokey Pokey' is?"

"It's a kind of a group dance in which the participants place various parts of their bodies across an imaginary line. As they do so, they sing a little song. That's what it's all about!"

"I assume you're joking," Lupin said, with a wary smile.

"No, I'm entirely serious. It's a dance intended for very young children, I should add."

"I see. Well then, what, precisely, is a 'Pet Rock'?"

"Oh yes, I remember those. A Pet Rock was something Muggles used to legally adopt and raise as their own child. They had to sign a contract promising to be responsible for its welfare and to see that it received a proper college education."

"You can't be serious!"

"No Remus, this time I am joking. A Pet Rock was a fad -- a gimmick for people to waste their money on."

"Clancy," he laughed, "you've a delicious sense of humor. Suppose you show me how to execute the Hokey Pokey, so I can explain it to my friend."

"All right, I don't mind. I believe it begins with the right foot." She guided him through the movements of the dance, while singing the song. Just as they were about to "put their whole selves in," someone rapped on the door. "Come in!" Clancy called out, as she and Lupin froze in a rather odd posture.

Snape entered, carrying a tea tray. "Oh," he said, glaring disapprovingly at the two of them, "I didn't realize you were entertaining."

"I always have been, Professor. Are you just now noticing?"

Lupin and Clancy broke into raucous laughter. Snape did not join in. "Perhaps another time would be more appropriate," Snape remarked coolly.

"Severus, come in," Lupin told him. "I was just leaving. I have lessons to plan for tomorrow." Turning to Clancy, he added, "I'll see you at breakfast, then?"

"Most definitely, Remus. Good night!" Lupin made a tactful exit, as Snape placed the tray down on a table near the fire. "To what do I owe this great honor?" Clancy asked him.

"A celebration is in order." He reached inside his cloak and presented Clancy with her purse.

"My purse! Where did you find it?"

"It found me. I stopped in for lunch at the Cauldron, and Tom gave it to me to return to you. Someone read your medicine label inside, and brought it to the Grangers; they brought it to the Cauldron."

"What luck! I'm so grateful to get this back. I hope -- " she began, rummaging through the bag, "oh, good, the pictures are still here. That's a relief! Thank you, Severus."

"Pictures?" Snape probed.

"Family photographs. They're very dear to me."

"May I pour you some tea?"

"No, thank you. I'm still quite full from dinner. I'll sit with you while you have some, though."

Snape positioned himself between Clancy and the table. After he had poured two cups of tea, he reached into his pocket and withdrew the phial of Veritaserum. He hesitated for a moment, aware of the fact that the Ministry of Magic strictly controlled the use of this powerful truth potion. Still, Clancy had concealed things from him. She could be an agent of the Dark Lord himself, for all he knew. He needed to know about Aunt Hilly and this sinister Magic Kingdom.

Dispensing three drops of Veritaserum into one of the cups, he turned and offered the cup to Clancy. "Have a few sips, just to be sociable," Snape coaxed.

"Oh, very well." Clancy pulled a chair up close to the fire, and then began drinking the tea.

Snape seated himself in a nearby chair. He studied Clancy, waiting for the potion to take effect. Clancy's pupils began to dilate, so he knew it was safe to proceed. She gazed into the fire, as if in a trance, not realizing she was about to be interrogated. "Clancy?" he began.

"Yes, Severus," she responded slowly and evenly. She continued staring into the fire, hypnotized by the flames.

"What brought you to Hogwarts?"

"You did."

"I'm not referring to yesterday. I mean, when you first arrived here."

"The Hogwarts Express."

"Must you be so literal?"

"Yes, unless you phrase your questions more precisely."

Snape was growing impatient. "What was your reason for coming to Hogwarts last year?"

"You."

"Why are you talking in circles?"

"I'm not talking in circles. I'm answering your questions."

"Let's start from the beginning, shall we? Why did Dumbledore invite you here?"

"Before my aunt died, she left instructions for me to inform Albus of her passing. They were very good friends. I wrote to him, and he invited me to Hogwarts. He enclosed a train ticket."

"Why did you want to visit here?"

"To meet you."

"How did you even know of me?"

"My aunt told me constantly how kind, handsome, and wonderful you were. You had her fooled."

"Never mind the uncalled-for observations. Just answer my questions. Your aunt spoke of me, often?"

"Yes. She loved you. It broke her heart when she was forced to leave."

"Forced to leave? How?"

"Your grandfather threatened her, and my uncle, too. Aunt Hilly never wanted to leave you. You meant everything to her."

This was not at all what Snape had expected to hear. He had convinced himself that Clancy was deceiving him for some unknown, evil purpose. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from his heart. After years of bitterness, he had learned that his beloved aunt had loved him, and not deserted him, as he had been led to believe. And now, Clancy, whom he realized he also loved, had proven to him that she was guileless. "Why didn't you tell me any of this when you first came to Hogwarts?" he wondered.

"Albus thought it best to wait. He felt that you had enough on your mind. I wanted to tell you, but you treated me cruelly, so I gave up. I almost left the castle that first week because of you."

Snape, satisfied with her answers, decided to explore a new topic. "What were you and Lupin doing as I came in?"

"The Hokey Pokey."

"And, what is the 'Hokey Pokey'?"

"A Muggle dance."

"Oh. Are you becoming infatuated with Lupin?"

"How could I be, when I'm in love with you?"

"You're ... in love ... with me?"

"Yes."

"You find me handsome?"

"No. You're as ugly as sin."

Snape was getting more of the truth than he had bargained for. "How can you be in love with me, then?" he challenged.

"Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I think you're as cute as a bug's ear."

"But, why do you think you love me?"

"You're a complete mess; somebody has to. You're also brave, competent, intelligent and witty. I think I fell in love with you the night of the Dueling Club."

"Really?" Snape paused. Then, he asked, "What would you like to do right now, more than anything else in the world?"

"Play Ping-Pong."

This was not the response Snape expected. He gulped some tea, and found his courage. "Would you like me to remain here tonight, and make love to you?"

"Yes, and no."

"Which is it?" Snape demanded.

"Yes, I'd like you to make love to me, but not tonight. I want to be courted first."

"In what way? Candy? Flowers? Poetry?"

Clancy snorted.

"Well, what is it you want, then?"

"Romance."

"Define 'romance'."

"I can't."

"How do you expect me to understand what you want, if you don't?"

"I'll know it when I feel it."

"What do you suggest I do?"

"Be creative. Improvise."

What an impossible female, Snape concluded, as he stared vacantly into the fire. "I'll give the matter some thought," he mumbled. He gathered up the tea tray and started toward the door. Pausing, he said, "Oh, one more thing: What is the 'Magic Kingdom', and why is one required to wear black hats with ears?"

"It's an amusement park for Muggles, like Madame Tussaud's, but on a much grander scale. The hats are souvenir items, so people can pretend they're Mickey Mouse."

"Who is 'Mickey Mouse'?"

"A sweet little character with a comical face. He wears white gloves and short trousers with large buttons."

"You actually find such a creature appealing?"

"Yes, very. He's as cute as a bug's ear, just like you."

Snape shook his head. "Good night, Clancy. You had better go to bed." He let himself out the door, and lingered for a moment in the corridor, reflecting upon her last disclosure. "Hmm," he marveled aloud. "She finds both me and a mouse wearing clothes appealing? It must have something to do with the buttons!" Snape shrugged. With a jaunty step, he took off toward the dungeons.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 19: Accentuate the Positive

---

No dreams came to either Snape or Clancy that night.

Snape had too much weighing on his mind to fall asleep. Through trickery and deceit, he had discovered that his Aunt Hilly had never really forgotten him, and that now, as incredible as it seemed, Clancy was very much in love with him! He did not even have the decency to feel guilty; he was much too pleased with himself.

As Snape lay in bed, he began worrying about how much Clancy would remember of their conversation while she was under the influence of the Veritaserum. He wanted her to retain some memory of the information she had revealed, but nothing of what had prompted her candor. That would make things much easier for him; he would not have to pretend that he did not know about Aunt Hilly.

But, Snape did not want her to remember too much. If Clancy wished him to court her, then so be it: he would do so. Not having the foggiest notion of what it would take to woo her, Snape preferred that she forget what she had told him. That way, he could bide his time and wait for inspiration to strike. When, at last he had figured out a plan, she would be all the more receptive, assuming everything had been his own idea. At most, Snape decided, he would admit to snooping through her purse, but nothing more.

---

Clancy awoke the next morning feeling rested. Comfortable in her cozy bed, she was reluctant to rise, until her eyes spotted her purse on the table near the fire. Her thoughts drifted back to last night. She remembered Remus visiting, then Severus entering with a tea tray. Severus had returned her purse, poured some tea, but then what? They had sat by the fire talking. Had she mentioned Ping-Pong? Had they discussed Aunt Hilly? Wondering why her sharp memory had suddenly failed her, Clancy realized she did not even remember Severus leaving. The next time she saw him alone, she would make a point of asking him exactly what had happened last night.

As Clancy entered the Great Hall for breakfast, Lupin waved to her and she joined him. From the opposite end of the High Table, Snape watched with contempt as the Dark Arts professor stood to hold Clancy's chair out for her.

When the morning owl post arrived, an unfortunate Ravenclaw received a Howler from her father. As the letter screamed its strident message throughout the room, Clancy recalled her dream from the night before last. She stole a glance at Snape, and was unnerved to find him staring at her. He smiled crookedly. Clancy returned his smile uncertainly.

---

Snape paid a visit to Clancy that afternoon in the choir room. "Hello," he called from the doorway.

Seated at her desk, Clancy looked up in surprise. "Hello!" she returned.

He crossed the room, and swept around to the side of her desk, looming over her.

"Did you wish to speak with me?" Clancy asked.

"I was wondering if you rested well last night?" Snape inquired, still wearing that odd smile.

"Quite well, thank you. Why do you ask?"

"You seemed rather fatigued when I left."

"Did I? That reminds me, what were we discussing? I only seem able to remember fragments of our conversation."

"What, precisely, do you remember?"

Clancy regarded Snape quizzically. "Were we discussing my aunt?"

"Yes," Snape confirmed. "We were discussing...our aunt."

"Severus! You know?"

"You told me about Aunt Hilly and showed me the pictures in your purse," he lied smoothly.

"And, you're handling this well?"

"You seem surprised."

"I am! I thought that the revelation might shock you, and that you might be angry with me."

"Not at all. I was delighted that you finally decided to confide in me."

"It's a relief to have all of this out in the open, at last. I'm just trying to recall what it was that led up to me telling you."

"You were overjoyed to have your purse again, I suppose. The photographs of Aunt Hilly were inside, and you were eager to share them with me."

Clancy wasn't convinced. "Severus, did I mention something about wanting to play Ping-Pong?"

Snape coughed nervously. "Yes, I believe you did. What else do you remember?"

"Nothing. Is there something else I should remember?"

"No, I don't believe so. You seemed a trifle drowsy after drinking your tea, so I suggested you retire for the evening, and I let myself out."

Clancy pulled her chair away from her desk. As she did so, the end of Snape's cloak became pinned under her chair leg. Still seated, she looked up at him. "I'd like you to have the picture of you and Aunt Hilly."

Snape felt a slight pang of remorse. "Clancy, I don't know what to say, I - "

"Come up to my room after dinner, if you're free. There are more pictures in my bureau drawer of Aunt Hilly and the rest of my family. You can see those, too, if you'd like."

"Very well," he agreed. "Shall I meet you at the foot of the stairs?"

Clancy smiled. "Just like old times."

"If you can tear yourself away from Lupin, that is."

"Now, Severus, we're being civil to each other for a change; please don't spoil it. And," Clancy continued, "I'm so glad there are no longer any secrets between us. I want you to feel that you can trust me as much as I've always trusted you." She gazed at him adoringly.

"I do trust you, Clancy. I'll never have any doubts about you ever again," Snape promised. "It doesn't even bother me anymore that you're a Muggle or an American."

"Really?" she teased. "Well, it's so kind of you to overlook my shortcomings."

"Inasmuch as you seem to be able to overlook most of mine, then the least I can do is to return the favor. Perhaps this turn of events has been for the best if it brings us to a higher level of mutual understanding."

"I'm elated that you feel that way, Severus, because trust is everything between two people. Once it's broken, all is lost. Don't you agree?"

"Yes, Clancy. Trust is everything," Snape admitted, looking down to avoid her eyes.

She reached out and squeezed his hand. "I'm an excellent judge of character, you know. I've always felt in my heart that underneath your gruff, brooding exterior you were hiding a pure and noble soul. You like to act powerful and intimidating, but you're not fooling me. I can't even imagine you hurting a fly! Besides, fate has a way of tripping up cheats and liars. They always get caught, sooner or later."

Snape cleared his throat. "Well, until tonight, then. I must return to the dungeons."

Turning to leave, he took one long stride and choked himself against the collar of his cloak as its hem held fast, caught beneath Clancy's chair. The pressure against his throat knocked him off balance, and he toppled backward, banging his head on the sharp corner of the desk. The impact upset an open ink bottle. As Snape slumped to the floor, the bottle rolled off the edge, covering his hair and clothes with ink.

"Severus! Are you hurt?" Clancy asked, rushing to kneel beside him.

Snape sat up slowly, feeling dazed. He regarded Clancy as she watched a bead of ink travel down the bridge of his nose. "I'm not entirely certain what just happened," he groaned. Attempting to wipe the drip from his nose, he managed to smear the ink further across his face.

"Don't worry, Severus," Clancy assured him. "Everything will be all right. I always knew that you'd fall for me, eventually!"

---

By the end of the week, the news had spread throughout the school that Snape had been Neville Longbottom's boggart.

Longbottom, terrified of the Potions master, had envisioned Snape as his worst fear during Professor Lupin's boggart lesson. As Lupin instructed the timid young wizard on the proper application of the Riddikulus spell, the shape shifter emerged from the staff room cupboard. At Lupin's suggestion, the boggart's power was weakened by Neville imagining Snape dressed in Gran Longbottom's clothes.

The students found this highly amusing; Clancy did not. She understood Snape well enough to know how deeply mortified he must have been to hear this tale. It was one thing for her to make fun of him. She felt she was well within her rights for having to put up with his petty behavior, but it angered her to see others laughing at Snape's expense.

The day after the incident, Clancy confronted Lupin in the staff room. "Hello, Remus," she said coldly.

"Clancy?" Lupin began tentatively. "Are you upset with me? Suppose you tell me what it is you think I've done?"

"It's the whole boggart business. My Mooncalves and Hinkypunks were so preoccupied with laughing and gossiping about Severus dressed in women's clothing that I couldn't teach them anything today."

"I thought that might be what was disturbing you. Let me explain: Everyone has a worst fear. Snape happens to be Neville Longbottom's. I merely provided the boy with a recommendation for how to weaken the boggart's power. It wasn't meant as a personal affront to Severus."

"I realize that, Remus," Clancy admitted, seating herself at a table. "I'm not really blaming you. I know Severus is quite unpopular with his students. Sometimes, I just feel sorry for him."

Lupin brought a tea tray over from the sideboard and joined her. "Would you mind if I asked you a rather personal question?"

"I suppose not. Fire away."

"How long have you been in love with Severus?"

Clancy blushed, and covered her face with her hands for a moment. Looking again at Lupin, she asked, "Is it that obvious? What gave me away?"

"It might be the fact that you find a way to work his name into every conversation, or perhaps it's the expression of forced indifference you assume whenever he enters the room. I've also noticed that Severus spends most of his time at the High Table glowering at the two of us."

"I may as well admit it. I've been suffering from this strange affliction for some time. He's given me nothing but grief for a year. I can never quite make up my mind whether I want to kiss him or kick him."

"Something tells me you're leaning toward the former."

"I'm afraid you're right. Severus is an acquired taste, but I seem to have acquired it. You don't suppose he's aware of my feelings, do you?"

"Severus?" Lupin remarked doubtfully. "He's much too absorbed with his work. He's never struck me as the sort that would be too perceptive when it came to affairs of the heart. No, Clancy, short of him plying you with Veritaserum, I believe your secret is safe."

"Veritaserum? What's that?"

"It's a Truth Potion. A few drops placed into a cup of tea or any beverage would cause even the strongest willed person to reveal his deepest secrets."

"Oh? Would the victim remember afterward that he'd done so?"

"It would depend on the individual. Most would recall only bits and pieces, at best."

"How interesting." Clancy pondered the possibility, but decided to put it out of her mind - for the time being. "Now, can we please change the subject? I've embarrassed myself enough for one day."

Lupin poured Clancy a cup of tea. "As you wish," he said. "What's your favorite film?"

"Remus! Don't tell me that you're actually familiar with movies! I couldn't possibly choose a favorite. I like everything!"

"I find many Muggle films appealing," Lupin confessed. "I've been attending them for years. They've always helped to lift my spirits."

"Tell me your favorites, then."

"That's difficult. I enjoy revivals the most, I suppose, particularly the older American comedies: Capra, Sturgess, Wilder. I'm quite certain that I've seen every film Billy Wilder has ever made."

"I'm impressed! You really do know your films." Clancy took a sip of tea. "Ouch! This tea is too hot."

"Sorry. Allow me." Lupin transfigured a bowl of ice cubes. "I don't care to have my mouth scorched, either." Clancy placed two ice cubes into her cup, and Lupin placed one into his own. "But then again," he observed, casting a sly glance toward the boggart cupboard, "some like it hot!"

In spite of her affection for Snape, Clancy giggled and spilled her tea. "Remus, you are wicked."

"Forgive me," Lupin apologized, through his own laughter, "I really couldn't resist."

As their chuckling subsided, Clancy began rubbing the back of her neck. "Oh, no," she moaned.

"Aren't you feeling well?" Lupin asked.

"I believe I'm getting one of my PMS headaches. They come upon me about the same time each month. Sometimes they become so intense, I can barely function."

"I can sympathize certainly, but being a man, I can't honestly say that I understand what it is you're going through."

"It's dreadful, Remus. First, my head begins throbbing with pain, and then my eyes start to burn. My personality changes; I just want to tear into people. There are times when the discomfort becomes so unbearable that I completely lose control and behave like a howling lunatic. Even worse, I'm constantly craving chocolate."

"On second thought," Lupin disclosed with a rueful smile, "perhaps I do understand, after all." Suddenly turning serious, he said, "There's something you should know about me. I've been meaning to discuss this with you all week. None of the students knows of this, but the rest of the staff does, and I feel you should, too."

Clancy had never seen Lupin in such a somber mood. She studied him for a moment, noting the weariness in his eyes. Even when he joked with her, his eyes betrayed some hidden sadness. She wondered why such a young man would have premature flecks of gray in his hair, or look so sickly and malnourished. Her instinct told her that what he was about to reveal would not be pleasant.

"What is it?" she asked hesitantly.

"You might find this unbelievable, but you've been among us long enough to know that certain...conditions exists here that are unknown to the Muggle world."

"Yes, go on," Clancy urged, growing more apprehensive.

Lupin stared down into his teacup, then looked up to meet her questioning gaze. "I suffer from the Lycanthrope Curse. In other words, I'm a werewolf, although I don't much care for the term." He drew in his breath, awaiting her response.

Clancy had very little reaction; she only smiled. "Oh, that's very good, Remus! Your deadpan delivery had me going for a moment. Now, I'll tell one."

"This isn't a joke, Clancy."

"Come on, Remus! You're just paying me back for pulling your leg about the Pet Rock! That's all this is about, right?" Lupin wasn't smiling. "Remus, please tell me you're joking!"

"I was bitten when I was a small boy," Lupin explained solemnly. "There is no cure. But now, thanks to Severus, there's a Wolfsbane Potion that I drink the week preceding a full moon. I still transform, but I retain my human mind so I won't harm anyone. Are you comprehending any of this, Clancy?"

She nodded sadly. "So, that's what Severus was trying to tell me the night of the start-of-term banquet. He warned me to stay away from you, but he was in such a foul temper, he couldn't quite make his point. You say he's been helping you?"

"Grudgingly perhaps, but I'm very grateful to him all the same. The man's a genius in his field, one of only a handful of wizards that can brew Wolfsbane Potion properly. Severus can be quite decent when the chips are down."

Clancy fell silent for a long while, trying to analyze her feelings. She concluded, at last, that she was more intrigued by the fact that Snape had actually done someone a good turn than she was by Lupin's alarming confession. She had always believed that Snape was a fine person, but this was the first time that any actual proof had been presented to her.

"Thank you for confiding in me," she told Lupin. "You'd be surprised how everyone tries to keep things from me around here. Even after spending a year at Hogwarts, I still don't know much about Harry Potter, or why he's famous."

"I imagine Albus must have his reasons for shielding you from too many worries."

"Are there things I should be worried about?"

"No, not at present. But, tell me, Clancy, what have you decided? Will you still be my friend, now that you know about my condition?"

"Of course I will, Remus!" She reached across the table to pat the back of his hand. "Nobody's perfect!"

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 20: A Fine Romance!

---

A fine romance, my good fellow,
You take romance, I'll take Jell-O.
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean,
At least they flap their fins to express emotion.

---

As winter approached, Clancy's Mooncalves and Hinkypunks were in a mad frenzy, rehearsing for the Yule Concert. This year, Clancy had persuaded Professor Dumbledore to allot school funds to purchase costumes and props for the choirs. Due to the cancellation of last term's Spring Concert, she was eager to stage a unique performance and showcase her pupils' talents. She was determined, in fact, that this would be the most opportune time for Eloise Midgen to make her solo debut -- if the poor girl could overcome her self-consciousness.

Clancy's friendship with Remus Lupin blossomed, and so did her relationship with Snape. It was still too soon to categorize the nature of their relationship, but he had definitely warmed to her.

Snape's public persona had not changed in the least: He was as harsh with his students as he had ever been. He began spending long hours experimenting with new potions, when he should have been thinking about how to court Clancy. In all these months, not a single idea had occurred to him.

They had been spending a good deal more time together. Several evenings a week, Snape visited Clancy in her room to hear her tell Aunt Hilly stories. Snape sat, entranced, as Clancy told him of their aunt's charming idiosyncrasies.

She shared her stories and her jokes -- all the things Snape had missed as a child, due to his grandfather's cruelty. Clancy assumed that once Snape learned that he truly had been loved as a child, the knowledge would surely remove his persistent gloom, but to her dismay, her strategy seemed to have little effect.

Snape and Clancy continued to experience convergent dreams. One night, in mid-December, they dreamed they were seated at the High Table observing the Sorting ceremony. As the Sorting concluded, Professor McGonagall made a motion to remove the Sorting Hat from its perch upon the four-legged stool.

"Not so fast, Professor!" the Hat called out. "Please find a seat, and I will advise you when it is time to return me to the headmaster's office. Now, then," the Hat continued, "it has come to my attention that we have among us two Hogwarts teachers who are very much in love and are longing to be together. Something, however, seems to be standing in their way, so tonight I have decided to become the Courting Hat!"

The Hat began to sing:


"You may not quite believe me

When I tell you I possess,

The wisdom to advise you

When your love life's in a mess.

But, I can make the perfect match

'Tween most unlikely pairs,

There may be those who doubt me,

But, I've had my own affairs.

Many, many years ago

I loved a fair young bonnet,

With hardly any work at all,

I won her with a sonnet.

And then, my sweetheart made of straw,

Whom I fancied for a day,

I thought that she would be the one,

Till the wind blew her away.

Ah, Gwendolyn, the pillbox!

She was shapely, trim and lean.

We'd planned to marry till the day

She was sold to the Muggle Queen!

So, you see I have been seasoned

By the frailty of love's whim,

Though never have I chanced to wear

My heart upon my brim.

When you try me on, I'll tell you

Whom you should coax and court.

Do not scoff, for I may be

Your very last resort!

Now, come right up and I will peer

Deep within your soul,

And search your heart until I find

Two halves to make a whole."


"Ladies first," the Courting Hat cried. "Will Miss Norgard please step forward?"

When Clancy heard her name called, she blushed and shrank down into her chair. She looked to Dumbledore for support, but he merely smiled, and indicated that she must do as the Courting Hat instructed. Reluctantly, Clancy sat down on the stool and placed the Hat upon her head.

"Hmm ... you do love a challenge," the Hat told her. "Not just any wizard for you, young lady. You crave the greasy bad boys, don't you, my dear? He must possess a keen intellect, though. You need a git with wit! Fire and ice. I believe the only match for you would be ... Professor Snape!"

Clancy removed the Hat and returned to her seat. The Courting Hat called for Snape next, and he trudged down to the stool like a condemned prisoner. He placed the Hat upon his head, but it slid off and dropped to the floor. Picking it up, Snape put it back upon his head, then folded his arms and grimaced.

"That's the first time I've lost my hold in centuries!" the Courting Hat complained. "Any woman who takes you as a lover will have to change her bed linens daily!"

Snape snarled and tried to remove the Hat, but this time it held fast to his head.

"Well, well, Professor. You may be a skilled Occlumens, but I can read you like an open book. You need someone to bring you out of the doldrums -- a woman with an eye for the unusual and an exceptionally strong stomach! She'll have to be very tolerant, though, and possess a tongue as sharp as your own. I'd better match you with ... Miss Norgard!"

As the dream faded, Clancy giggled in her sleep and caressed her pillow, imagining that it was Severus. Snape woke in a feverish sweat. He buried his face against his pillow, and the sharp end of a protruding goose feather poked him in the eye.

---

The next afternoon after the choirs had finished rehearsing, Clancy joined Lupin in his office for tea. She found him arranging some personal items in his trunk.

"Come in, Clancy," Lupin invited, greeting her with a welcoming smile.

"Still unpacking, Remus? You've been here over three months!"

"I'm only just beginning to feel as if I really belong here," Lupin explained. He removed a framed picture from his trunk and showed it to Clancy. "This is a photograph of my parents. It was taken shortly after their marriage. Do you have an eye for design?"

"I believe so. Most women do. Why do you ask?"

"I'd like to hang this on the wall, and I've never been any good at deciding where things should go. Would you care to help me?"

"I'll try."

"All right. Step over there by the window, if you will, and I'll move the picture around the walls with my wand. You can tell me where you think it looks best."

Just then, Snape arrived outside Lupin's door to deliver a goblet of Wolfsbane Potion. The door was slightly ajar, and he became curious when he heard Clancy's voice coming from the other side. He could not see inside Lupin's office, so he pressed his ear close to the door to eavesdrop.

"Do you like it there, Clancy?"

"Oh, yes, Remus. It's marvelous, but could you try it a little lower?"

"Just tell me where you want it."

"I never knew doing this could be so much fun! I could go on like this all afternoon!"

"As long as you're enjoying it, I'll keep doing it."

"Let's try it against the other wall for awhile, shall we?"

"Anywhere you like. We can try it everywhere in the room."

"I'm game if you are, Remus."

"How is that, now?"

"That's the best position yet!"

Snape was livid. Had Clancy been deceiving him with Lupin? He decided to listen for a while longer.

"Look, Remus! We've got the grindylow smiling. He's certainly a horny little devil, isn't he?"

"Yes, they're rather curious creatures, you know."

"He's pressing his little face up against the tank to watch us."

"Well, if he's enjoying the show, I may as well keep it up a while longer. How do you like it there?"

"Oh ... wonderful ... keep it right ... there."

"Shall I hammer it in, now?"

"Oh ... yes!"

Snape had heard quite enough. He was ready to slay Lupin with his bare hands! He burst through the door, expecting to catch them in an act of unbridled passion.

"Aha!" he shouted triumphantly.

Clancy stood near the window; Lupin was seated behind his desk. They both turned to regard Snape, puzzled by his theatrical entrance.

"May I help you, Severus?" Lupin inquired.

Snape attempted to regain his composure and his dignity. "No. I thought ... well, never mind what I thought. I've brought your potion." He thrust the goblet at Lupin, eyed Clancy scathingly, and then backed out of the room bristling with indignation.

"What do you suppose that was about?" Clancy asked Lupin.

"I haven't the foggiest idea. Severus was always an enigmatic fellow, even during our school days."

"You never told me that the two of you were at school together! What was he like as a boy?"

"Much the same as he is now, I'm afraid -- reclusive, bitter. Of course, he was teased and bullied a great deal by a couple of Gryffindor boys. They were two of my best friends, strangely enough."

"Why was Severus bullied?"

"House rivalries played a part, to be sure, but mostly because he was different. I tried to stay above it all, but in retrospect, I should have made an effort to prevent it. We were all a pack of brash, young fools back then."

"I can't imagine that you were ever a fool, Remus."

"I wasn't the worst of the lot, but I had my impetuous moments."

"You and your friends were quite popular with the girls, I suspect."

Lupin grinned. "One of our group in particular was a bit of a show-off, and a formidable Quidditch player. He used to swagger about, trying to impress all the pretty girls. Sometimes, he acted like such a prat, he'd find himself without a date when we went into Hogsmeade at the weekends."

"What did he do then, go stag?"

Lupin smiled cryptically. "Yes, Clancy. As a matter of fact, he often did!"

---

The next morning when the owl post arrived, Clancy received a letter. She opened it and began to read: If you are not otherwise engaged for the evening, would you consider accompanying me on a sleigh ride after dinner? A nod of affirmation will serve as your answer. S.

Clancy was taken aback. It was just like Snape, she thought, to be so proper and formal. But, what a marked improvement it was that he actually wanted to spend time alone with her in a romantic setting! At least, she hoped that was what he had in mind.

She looked over at him and nodded her acceptance. Expressionless, Snape returned her nod with a barely perceptible one of his own.

---

After dinner, Snape paced impatiently in the entryway, waiting for Clancy to join him. At last, she descended the staircase.

"What kept you?" he demanded.

"I needed to go up to my room to get my coat and mittens."

"Let's be off then, shall we? I'll apply a Warming Charm to the inside of the sleigh. You won't be cold," Snape promised. He held the castle door open for Clancy as she passed through, then guided her toward the waiting sleigh.

"A Warming Charm? What a brilliant idea! I'm surprised Remus didn't think of that last night when he took me sleighing."

Snape stopped in his tracks. So much for originality and creativity! Clancy had already put a damper on his evening. "Lupin," he muttered. "Are you certain my company won't pale in comparison to that of the fascinating Remus Lupin?"

"I don't believe so, Severus."

Snape silently helped Clancy into the sleigh, applied the Warming Charm, and took the reins. The horse began to trot, and the sleigh slid smoothly over the newly-fallen snow in the direction of the Quidditch pitch. The night was clear and filled with stars.

"We will remain within the castle grounds to avoid the dementors," Snape decided.

"As you wish. Remus suggested the same thing last night."

"If you mention that man's name one more time, I will eject you from this sleigh and deposit you face down into the nearest snowdrift!"

Clancy moved closer to Snape and linked her arm with his. "No, you won't," she said softly.

"Bah! It was your very good fortune that there wasn't a full moon last night."

She pulled away from Snape. "You can stop right now with your snide remarks! Remus told me about his condition months ago."

Snape gaped at her, amazed. "He told you? Condition, eh? Is that how he refers to it, these days? He might have torn you limb from limb by now, were it not for my Wolfsbane Potion."

Clancy took umbrage at Snape's haughtiness. "You needn't take any bows. Remus has already acknowledged his gratitude to you."

Snape drew in the reins, stopping the sleigh. "That's it!"

"That's what?"

"That's twice you've mentioned his name after I warned you not to. I spot a convenient snowdrift directly ahead."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Do you promise to behave?"

"I promise not to bring up the name of a certain Dark Arts professor, but I don't promise to behave!"

Snape regarded Clancy coolly, but the corners of his mouth turned up. With a flick of the reins, he signaled the horse to move on. "You may take my arm again, if you so desire," he said.

"Is that your way of flirting with me, Professor?" Clancy asked mockingly.

"I do not flirt. I merely offer. It is entirely up to you whether you wish to accept or decline."

With no further discussion, Clancy snuggled closer, took Snape's arm, and leaned her head against his shoulder. "We're making great strides this evening. Who knows where tonight may lead us?"

Snape sniffed. "Meaning?"

"Meaning, that in spite of your Warming Charm, I am still feeling a bit of a chill."

"I see." Snape transferred the reins to one hand and placed his free arm around Clancy's shoulder. "Is this better?"

"Much."

After circling the Quidditch pitch, they made their way down to the lakeshore. Snape halted the sleigh near the water's edge. The moonlight flickered upon the rippled surface of the frozen lake, and played across the tangles of Snape's oily locks.

"You're planning to attend the Yule Concert tomorrow night, aren't you, Severus?"

"It was tolerable last year. I suppose I can suffer through it again this season. Which reminds me," Snape said, reaching into his pocket, "I have something for you." He handed a small box to Clancy.

"What is this?" she inquired with a surprised smile. "Are you giving me my Christmas present, early?"

"I do not give Christmas gifts, at least, I haven't in the past. This has nothing to do with Christmas. As a matter of fact, this isn't even for you."

She looked at Snape, perplexed. "I see. Well then, shall I open it now to find out what it is I won't be receiving?"

"By all means."

Clancy removed the lid and found a potions phial inside. Feeling a pang of disappointment, she quipped, "And, what would this be -- another dose of Veritaserum so you can learn the names of all my former lovers to contact them for references?"

Snape began choking violently until he gasped for air, motioning Clancy to slap his back. She obliged with rather more vigor than required.

"How ... how did you ... find out?" he wheezed.

Clancy was furious. "Then it is true! It was only a hunch, but you've just confessed! You're CONTEMPTIBLE!"

"Who told you about Veritaserum?"

"I really can't say."

"You mean, you won't say!"

"I mean, I can't say. You asked me not to mention his name!"

Snape's plan for a romantic evening was snowballing out of control. "I'm sorry, Clancy," he admitted, looking chagrined, but not particularly contrite. "Will you forgive me if I promise never to deceive you, again?"

"I don't know. How much faith should I put in the promise of liar?"

"What do you wish for me to do then, take you back to the castle?"

"Explain to me why you did it, and relate to me everything I said, and I may consider forgiving you."

Snape was trapped, and he knew it. "I looked through your purse and found the pictures. I needed to know about Aunt Hilly."

"Is that all? You just could have asked. Why drug me?"

"It isn't easy for me to give my trust to anyone. I've been disappointed too many times in the past."

"Yes, I'm beginning to know the feeling. Did I reveal anything else of interest?"

Snape clenched his jaw and closed his eyes tightly, striving against his inner demons. "Yes," he managed to hiss.

"Well?"

Snape squirmed. He climbed down from the sleigh, and began to pace back and forth in the snow. Finally, out of breath and out of ideas, he stopped, and glared hatefully up at the moon.

Just then, a large black dog emerged from behind a nearby tree. The dog ran up to Snape and proceeded to urinate against Snape's leg.

"There's a good boy!" Clancy praised. Her black ally looked over at her and wagged his tail. He approached the sleigh and stood up on his hind legs to greet her. She patted him on the head, and he licked her hand. Before he scampered away, she could have sworn the dog winked at her!

Snape returned to the sleigh. "Have you concocted a likely story, yet?" Clancy inquired.

"ALL RIGHT! Here's the TRUTH!" Snape swallowed hard and began, "In spite of the fact that you consider me to be as ugly as sin, you confessed to being in love with me. You said that you wanted me to make love to you, but only after I had courted you. You went on to say that you wanted romance, but you couldn't define precisely what that meant. This whole evening has been my rather clumsy attempt to provide you with what I THOUGHT would make you HAPPY! And now, before this night turns any worse, I shall return you to the castle!"

Clancy gave in to a laughing jag that continued for several minutes. She howled and snorted, holding on to her aching ribcage. Snape sat stone-faced, waiting for it to subside. When, at last, she composed herself, she said, "That's so utterly preposterous, it can only be true! Now that you know all of my secrets, where do we go from here?"

"I suggest that we both try to forget this unfortunate evening, and that you consent to giving me another chance."

"All right, but if I ever catch you in another lie, I will kick you from here to Dundee and never speak to you again!"

"Agreed. Now, aren't you the least bit curious about what is in that phial?"

Clancy looked down at the phial in her hand. "Yes, actually, I am."

"It's for Eloise Midgen. I've been experimenting with different ingredients, trying to create an effective Acne Potion. This won't cure her, but if you give her the potion thirty minutes before the performance, her skin will clear long enough for her to sing a solo."

"Severus! I can't believe this! I thought you'd forgotten all about our conversation last spring. You acted as though you were unwilling to help Eloise."

"I never said that I was unwilling to help her; I merely said that I could think of no other solution to her problem at that time."

"What's in this potion?" Clancy asked anxiously.

"It is predominantly strained bubotuber pus reduced to a liquid state, with the addition of ground veela eyelashes. The rest of the ingredients would no doubt repulse you, so I am rather hesitant to mention them."

"Are you certain that it's safe?"

"Yes, it's quite safe. I've tested it extensively on Mandrakes and achieved excellent results. Contrary to popular opinion, I am not in the habit of poisoning children. Add it to pumpkin juice, and Miss Midgen should find it quite palatable."

Clancy threw her arms around Snape's neck. "Severus, I can't tell you how happy this makes me. Tonight hasn't been a complete loss, after all."

"Then, will you spend Hogmanay with me -- if you haven't already made other plans?"

"What about the staff party? Won't we be missed?"

"We can put in a brief appearance, then slip out. I promise you that I will plan something very special."

"It's a date, then. There's no one with whom I'd rather ring in the New Year."

"Clancy?" Snape whispered softly against her ear.

"Yes, Severus?"

"I don't suppose you'd consider spending the night with me in the dungeons, would you?"

She backed away, smiled, and shook her head. "It's much too premature to be discussing that. As for the dungeons, when and if the time is right, I'd much rather bring you up to my level."

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

A Fine Romance
~Lyrics by Dorothy Fields

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 21: I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

---

"Drink this, Eloise," Clancy directed the apprehensive girl, handing her the goblet of pumpkin juice. "Professor Snape assured me that his experimental Acne Potion would clear your skin -- temporarily, at least."

The girl drank the mixture as instructed. "Did Professor Snape tell you what is in the potion?"

"He mentioned strained bubotuber pus and ground veela eyelashes. That's all he told me."

Eloise touched her cheek. "I think I feel something happening already. My skin is beginning to tingle!"

Clancy looked closely at her. "I believe you're right! Some of the redness is fading."

"I wish I could look in a mirror."

"Come with me." Clancy guided Eloise over to her desk and retrieved a small hand mirror from one of the drawers. "Sit here at my desk while I go help some of the First Years with their costumes," she suggested, handing Eloise the mirror. "I'll check back with you in a little while."

The choir room was bustling with activity. There were props and scenery to set in place, and many of the younger performers needed help with their make-up. Professors Flitwick, Lupin and Sprout volunteered to assist Clancy with all of the last-minute preparations.

Professor Dumbledore had transfigured a second grand piano for use in the Great Hall, in addition to a full orchestra of self-playing musical instruments. Professor McGonagall popped into the choir room to announce that the students were seated and that the concert could begin.

Clancy returned to her desk to speak with Eloise. "Miss Norgard," the young girl squealed, "look at me--I'm...I'm...beautiful!"

"You always have been, Eloise. Now, hurry along. We're ready to start!"

---

The first half of the performance was flawless. The choirs presented a musical version of A Christmas Carol, with Cedric Diggory portraying a much-too-dashing Scrooge and Colin Creevy playing Tiny Tim. When Ginny Weasley made her entrance as the Ghost of Christmas Future, some of the younger members of the audience averted their eyes, convinced that she was a dementor!

The performers took their bows as their efforts were applauded most appreciatively. During the intermission, Clancy scanned the Hall for Snape, spotting him standing off to one side, looking dour and unmoved.

The second half of the concert consisted of traditional Christmas carols interspersed with novelty numbers.

At last, it was time for Eloise Midgen's long-awaited solo. She walked out confidently, costumed in a heavy coat, scarf, and mittens. A hush fell upon the Great Hall. All eyes were upon Eloise: she was a vision of youth and beauty. Clancy nodded to Flitwick to cue the magical orchestra, and Eloise began to sing.

"The snow is snowing,
The wind is blowing,
But, I can weather the storm.
What do I care how much it may storm?
I've got my love to keep me warm."

Her voice, rich and full, resonated throughout the Hall. The audience was stunned, especially Hogwarts' young male population. Dumbledore and Lupin smiled appreciatively. Pomona Sprout dabbed away tears of pride and happiness from her eyes. Minerva McGonagall cracked a thin smile and Filius Flitwick bobbed up and down gleefully atop the grand piano.

The Choir teacher caught the eye of the Potions master and mouthed a silent "thank you." He nodded and smiled smugly.

As Eloise went into the bridge of the song, the most startling thing occurred: She began to shake her shoulders and wiggle her hips suggestively. "Off with my overcoat, off with my glove," she crooned in a teasing tone. She removed her coat, scarf, and mittens and flung them into the lap of a very enthusiastic Hufflepuff boy seated in the front row.

"I need no overcoat, I'm burning with love!" Eloise intoned seductively.

Dumbledore and Lupin tightened their smiles; Pomona Sprout blushed. Minerva McGonagall shot Clancy a reproving glare. Professor Flitwick lost his footing and toppled into the tuba!

Rolling her eyes and whipping her hair wantonly from side to side, the uninhibited young enchantress concluded her exhibition. The faculty applauded politely, as did the female students. The applause from the male pupils was deafening.

"Honi soit qui mal y pense. Honi soit qui mal y pense," Clancy muttered, through clenched teeth. She hurried over to dislodge Flitwick from the tuba, then distractedly gathered the choirs together to take their final bows. Searching the room, she spied the last billow of Snape's cloak as he swept out the back door.

After the performance concluded, Clancy drew Eloise aside in the choir room. "Eloise, what happened? That's not the way we rehearsed your song!"

"I can't explain it, Miss Norgard," the girl said, confused. "It must have been the veela eyelashes." Moments later, her acne began to reappear, and she ran from the room in tears.

---

Clancy remained behind after the last of her students had gone, drumming her fingers in frustration on the top of her desk. Snape appeared at the door, and crossed over to the piano to seat himself on the bench. He waited for Clancy to speak. At last, she looked over at him. "What were you trying to do," she demanded, "disgrace me and have me discharged?"

"I had no idea that the potion would have that particular effect. The disposition of the Mandrakes was not altered in any way."

"You should have seen how Minerva was looking at me. I'm certain that she must think that I intentionally choreographed Eloise's number that way."

"If anyone complains, I will explain that Miss Midgen's provocative performance was the result of my potion."

"Well, thank you for that, anyway. I believe I'm coming down with a cold. I may as well turn in and call it a night," Clancy said, disgusted.

"I can give you something for your cold."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'd prefer to consult Madam Pomfrey in the morning."

"As you wish. May I, at least, escort you to your room?"

"It really isn't necessary." Clancy rose and walked toward the door.

Snape followed her. "I suppose this means that you would no longer care to spend Hogmanay with me," he inquired softly.

Clancy stopped, turning to him. "It means nothing of the sort. What happened tonight has no bearing on our plans. I'm merely disappointed because I worked long and hard on that show and I wanted everything to run smoothly."

They crossed through the entryway and began ascending the stairs. "You are a most forgiving woman," Snape managed, in lieu of a direct apology.

"Any woman who chooses you would have to be."

"I was under the impression that it was the man's prerogative to select the woman."

"That is a misconception that seems to be as prevalent in your world as it is in mine. And, I might add, most men are not in any position to be too choosy."

"Well, then," Snape countered, "it may interest you to know that I have already made my selection."

"Really? And, who is the unfortunate creature?"

"In time, I will reveal all."

"I do hope you mean that literally, Professor."

"Miss Norgard, you are an inordinate flirt."

"Ah! We've reached yet another milestone: You have actually caught on to the fact that I have been flirting with you."

"I have had a strong suspicion for some time now that you have been doing so. As I have rarely been the object of a woman's attention, I am not attuned to the finer points of social interaction between the sexes."

"Perhaps I have been too subtle." They arrived at her door. Clancy turned to face Snape, moving closer to him. She lifted her chin, leaving no doubt as to what she expected him to do.

Snape grasped her shoulders, drawing her nearer. He opened his mouth to kiss her, then stopped abruptly and pushed her away.

"What's the matter?" Clancy asked.

"You were staring at my teeth."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you were. I saw you staring at my teeth."

"I was not staring at your teeth. I was staring at your mouth, waiting for you to kiss me!"

"I believe I am fully capable of determining when someone is staring at my teeth!" Snape hissed violently.

"Well, it may have appeared to you that I was staring at your teeth, but all I was trying to do was to avoid staring at your nose!" Clancy covered her mouth with her hand, realizing what she had just said.

Snape grew more hostile. "I am quite aware of my ugliness, which is why I cannot bring myself to accept the fact that you are in love with me!"

"You drugged me with Veritaserum, so it must be true!" Clancy reminded him. "You've made me so upset with your idiotic insecurities that I am in no way responsible for anything that I've said!"

"Oh, you meant what you said. If you hadn't been THINKING it, you never would have SAID it!" Snape raged.

"Severus, calm down. Stop trying to ruin our relationship before it even begins," Clancy said gently.

Snape would not be pacified. "Go to bed and nurse your cold. I have no desire to kiss you and risk contracting your disease!"

He swiveled on his heel, but Clancy caught him by the arm. "Does this mean that you no longer wish to spend Hogmanay with me?" she asked.

"I have, what I hope you will consider to be a very romantic evening already planned -- if you don't mind spending your time in the company of a man with an enormous nose and crooked teeth!"

"Severus, please. Come in for a moment, won't you?"

"No, I don't believe I care to," he muttered irritably. He freed himself from her grip, then added, "Pleasant dreams."

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you say that?"

"Why did I say what?"

"Pleasant dreams."

"No particular reason. It is something one often says when bidding someone good night. I find nothing remarkable about the statement."

"It just struck me as rather odd, because I've been dreaming so much lately."

Snape regarded her skeptically. "Have you, indeed? And, what do you generally dream of, if I may inquire?"

"You."

He considered her response for a time. "Perhaps I will come in for a moment, after all."

They entered her room and seated themselves in chairs near the fire. "What, precisely, do you dream about me?" Snape asked.

"The first dream came several months ago. I dreamed that you sent me something called a Between The Lines Howler."

Snape bolted from his chair and paced the room. "What other dreams have you had?" he demanded, pausing to face her.

"The last one came two nights ago. I dreamed we were attending the Sorting ceremony, except it turned into a Courting ceremony. There have been other dreams, as well, but I might blush if I were to relate them to you."

"Did you have a dream concerning the two of us standing beside an ant hill, then the ants transformed into little black buttons and you began eating them?"

"Yes, how did you--"

Snape returned to his chair, folded his arms, and glared into the fire. "This is most unusual, even in the Wizarding world."

"Severus! You've been having the same dreams! Don't deny it, you have!"

"I do not profess to understand what this means. It could be Dark Magic."

"Oh, please," Clancy protested, "a man of your intellect, and you can't figure out what this means?"

"You have formed a theory?"

"I certainly have. It means that we're meant to be together! As long as we resist acting upon our emotions on a conscious plane, we'll continue trying to resolve our feelings subconsciously - through convergent dreams! This is the most romantic thing I've ever heard of!" she gushed.

Snape regarded her uncertainly. "It's rubbish," he concluded. "I refuse to entertain such foolishness. Some of my dreams have been sheer nonsense, like the one concerning the ant hill, for example."

"You're always so certain of everything, aren't you? Don't you realize that dreams can be interpreted, even if, at first, they seem incomprehensible? Sometimes words or images we create in our subconscious minds symbolize other things. Now, consider the ant hill: aunt hill - Aunt Hilly!"

Snape frowned dubiously. "What of the ants turning into buttons?"

"Simple! Aunt Hilly had a button box that she treasured, and I treasure your buttons! They're so perfectly aligned on your frock coat, that I just want to nip them off one by one and munch on them like chocolate-covered ants!"

Snape's mouth twitched with amusement. "There is a most disconcerting air of decadence about you. I find it quite unsettling -- and most becoming."

Clancy smiled at Snape's first foray into the art of flirtation. "Have you ever dreamed of words, Severus?"

"Words?"

"Yes, words or phrases printed out, as if they were written on the page of a book."

"I had such a dream a week ago."

"Was it on a Thursday night?"

"Perhaps."

"There! That proves it! I dreamed of words that night too, and they turned out to be an anagram!"

"Anagrams!" he sniffed. "More foolishness."

"Albus doesn't think so. We've been meeting twice a month to play word games and anagrams. Remus and Filius enjoy playing, too. You should join us some evening. Anagrams reveal great truths." Snape regarded her disdainfully. "If you don't believe me, let me explain my dream: I dreamed that I saw the phrase, 'overuses evil' written on a page. After rearranging the letters for awhile, I discovered that 'overuses evil' anagrams into 'I love Severus'."

"Does it, indeed?" Snape responded, unimpressed. "I dreamed of the words, 'volcanic lye'. What do you make of that?"

Clancy thought for a time, trying to picture the letters in her mind. "Well, I'm not as quick with anagrams as Albus, but if you take the first three letters of 'volcanic', V-O-L, and reverse them, you get L-O-V. Add the E from the end of 'lye', and it spells, 'love'. Now, separate the I from 'volcanic', and you get 'I love'. That leaves only the letters, C-A-N-C-L-Y, in that order. I believe, Severus, that you are bright enough to rearrange those letters by yourself!"

Snape shook his head in disbelief. "One of us is completely insane."

"Really? Which one of us do you think it is?"

Snape raised his arms in resignation. "Me. I am beginning to accept all that you've been saying. You are, without doubt, the most absurd mixture of mind and madness that I have ever encountered."

"Well, if you don't appreciate my little idiosyncrasies, then blame Aunt Hilly. She made me all that I am today."

"I am not suggesting that you change."

Clancy crossed her legs seductively and slouched down in her chair. "I wish I didn't feel so wretched," she moaned. Right now, I can't determine whether I want to kiss you, or throw up."

Snape rose, and approached her chair. He extended his arms to reach hers, then lifted her up into an embrace. "When we do kiss for the first time, I sincerely hope that you won't find the latter is the result of the former."

"Never," she assured him, leaning her head against his chest.

Snape picked her up, and carried her over to her bed. "As I have not yet proven myself to be particularly deft at creating romance, I presume you intend to postpone our lovemaking indefinitely."

Clancy smiled up at him languidly. "Oh, do you really think so, Severus? How little you know about Muggles."

Crossing to the door, Snape turned to say good night.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"At times, your reticence leads me to believe that you would be content to postpone things between us indefinitely."

Snape twisted his mouth, amused. "Oh, do you really think so, Clancy? How little you know about wizards."

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:


Snape's and Clancy's last exchange: "Oh, do you really think so/How little you know about" -- I borrowed this from the Terrence Rattigan play, The Winslow Boy, and adapted it to fit this story.

I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm
~Irving Berlin

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 22: Bell, Book, and Scandal


*~~~*~~~*

Still recovering from her severe cold, Clancy overslept on Christmas Day. She had isolated herself in her quarters, too weak to join the teachers for meals in the Great Hall.

When, at last, she awoke, her eyes focused hazily on the Christmas tree that the house-elves had set up in a corner near the fire. Underneath, were presents from the staff. On her bed table, she spied a note. She opened it and began to read:

"I shall call upon you this afternoon, immediately following the holiday luncheon. If you are well enough to receive me, we can exchange gifts at that time.

S.

P.S. If you have not already done so, raise your eyes and you will find attestation of my regard for you."

Clancy looked up to the high, vaulted ceiling of her room. Enchanted snow fell lightly, just as it did in the Great Hall. Suspended amid the snowflakes were dozens of miniature dancing pineapples, whirling and swaying from side to side.

Grinning deliriously, Clancy snuggled beneath the bed covers to await Snape but fell back to dozing. Several hours later, the sound of someone rapping awakened her. Was it he? Clancy rose, hurriedly tidied her hair, and crossed the room to open the door.

"Happy Christmas," Snape muttered angrily, wearing his customary scowl.

"Severus, can't you, at least, be cheerful on Christmas Day?"

"I've just come from yet another of the headmaster's detestable Christmas luncheons," he fumed. "Not only was I forced to dine at the same table with six loathsome adolescents, I had to endure the nonsensical ramblings of Sibyll Trelawney and her all-knowing Inner Eye. If that weren't torturous enough, I had the misfortune of pulling a Christmas cracker containing a pointed hat with a stuffed vulture."

"I'm sorry," Clancy said honestly. "Come in and sit with me by the fire. Try to get your mind off of it."

Snape strode through the doorway but didn't take a seat by the fire. He stood, rubbing his hands, still agitated. Turning to Clancy, he revealed, "Sibyll made a rather odd prediction concerning your future that she insisted I relate to you."

"Oh, no," Clancy groaned. "It's nothing bad, I hope."

"It's nothing at all. Everything that woman says is worthless. She asked me to warn you to beware of a man with a border collie. What rubbish!"

"Is that all?" Clancy sat down, gesturing for Snape to do the same. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, I don't know any men that own dogs, and I haven't seen a border collie in all the time I've been here. But, why did she ask you to tell me? She's never even seen us together, that I can recall. Sibyll must possess some psychic abilities, or else how would she have known that you were on your way to see me?"

"Trelawney doesn't need any divination skills when there's gossip to be had. Hogwarts has always been a rumor mill. Perhaps we have been indiscreet."

"We haven't yet, but I have high hopes," Clancy remarked archly to Snape, who raised one eyebrow. "I'm surprised she didn't ask Remus to tell me. She's seen the two of us together several times."

Snape tried to suppress a sneer, but failed. "Your precious colleague is not quite himself today, if you take my meaning."

"Yes, I take your meaning fully, and the snide implication behind it." She shook her head sadly. "The poor lamb."

"Lupin a lamb? You would do better to pity any humans who crossed his path within a ten-mile radius. They would be in need of your sympathy if Lupin ever forgot to take my potion."

"It's cruel the way you speak of him--and on Christmas Day, too. Remus can't help the way he is. You must try to be a better man, Severus."

"At least, I am a man, and not half beast," Snape observed.

"You behave like a beast, so I see very little difference!"

"Your temper is causing you to behave very badly, and on Christmas Day, too," he returned. Snape drummed his fingertips on his knees, obviously trying to regain his composure. "I suggest we call a truce, and endeavor to enjoy this occasion."

"Very well," Clancy agreed. "I can control myself if you can. Thank you, by the way, for bewitching my ceiling. The snowflakes and the pineapples are lovely. When did you perform the spell?"

"This morning directly before dawn. It took but a few moments. I was careful not to wake you."

Clancy tilted her head suspiciously. "How were you able to enter my room?"

"Through the door. I believe that is the conventional method." Clancy still looked confused. "You will recall that over a year ago Albus assigned me to ward your door and select passwords. Even though you are notified of password changes through your in box in the staff room, surely you must have realized that I am the one responsible for selecting them. I can enter your room easily whenever I choose."

"I didn't realize that at all," Clancy admitted, frowning. "Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Have you ever come into my room?"

"I just informed you, before dawn this morning--"

"Don't be evasive! You know I mean aside from today. Have there been other occasions? The truth, now," she cautioned. "You promised that you would never lie to me, again."

"I place an exceedingly high value on my own privacy; therefore, I have great respect for the privacy of others. No, I have never entered your room without your knowledge. Despite my many failings, I am a gentleman, not a voyeur."

Clancy smiled. "I believe you, Severus." She rose and extended a hand. He took it, allowing her to lead him to the Christmas tree. "How do you like it? Aren't the ornaments beautiful?"

Snape examined each branch thoroughly before commenting. "They're rather plain. Muggle ornaments, I take it?" He pointed to a green elf fashioned from a pipe cleaner.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, they are," Clancy confirmed, ignoring his disapproval. "Albus made them for me. He read my thoughts and transfigured ornaments to look like my decorations from home. Aunt Hilly gave me a special ornament every year." She removed a white, winged horse from the tree and handed it to Snape. "This is Pegasus. When I was a little girl, Aunt Hilly read me a story about a baker's wife turning Pegasus into a frosted gingerbread cookie so he could hang on a tree and learn how humans celebrated Christmas."

Snape studied the fragile object. "This holds special meaning for you?"

"Yes," Clancy admitted. "He's my favorite. I've always thought that Pegasus was the most wondrous creature in the world, and the ornament reminds me of all the happy times I shared with Aunt Hilly." Snape handed the delicate horse back to Clancy, and she returned it carefully to its place upon the tree. "I do wish you could have known Aunt Hilly better. She adored you. Hardly a day went by that she didn't mention your name."

"It's my lot in life to be alone. I've become rather used to it by now," Snape reflected bitterly.

"But, you're not alone! You have me!"

"All I have is today," he said quietly. He took a deep breath, then proposed, "Why don't you begin opening some of your presents?"

"All right." Clancy reached down and selected the package nearest to her.

"Who is it from?"

Clancy read the tag. "Remus."

Snape's lips tightened. "Open it."

Removing the ribbon from the box, she lifted the lid. "Oh, how thoughtful!" she cooed. "Chocolates from Honeydukes and a six-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper!"

"What, in the name of blazes, is Diet Dr. Pepper?"

"It's a Muggle drink--carbonated, very sweet, and no calories. Would you care to try it?"

"I think not. It sounds revolting. How did Lupin ascertain that such an odious concoction would appeal to you?"

"Oh, he employed a most devious method," Clancy told Snape, all the while trying hard to keep a straight face.

"What did he do?" Snape clenched his fists.

"He asked me."

"Lupin!" He snorted. "Very uninspired gifts, if I may say so. He must have prevailed upon his friend Arthur Weasley to procure the beverage for him, and pay for it too, no doubt."

"You're not exactly a free spender yourself, as I recall. That used Cleansweep broom of yours nearly got us both killed! You're just jealous because Remus knows how to please a woman and you, apparently, do not! You're much too preoccupied with stirring your little potion pots to give a damn about my feelings!"

"Cauldrons, you imbecile!"

Clancy fixed Snape with her most venomous glare. "How DARE you call me an imbecile, you BASTARD! You've spoiled my Christmas!"

"YOU'VE SPOILED MINE!" Snape shouted.

"You ruined your own Christmas before you walked in here! I had nothing to do with it! You insist upon acting as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders twenty-four hours a day, and you're dragging me down with you!" They glowered at one another in a stalemate for a long moment, before Clancy screamed in frustration, "I NEED CHOCOLATE!" She tore open the box and began devouring the candy.

Snape folded his arms. "Look at you, making a spectacle of yourself chomping away like a ravenous swine. You really must learn to control your cravings and emotions." He seated himself in a chair, observing Clancy sanctimoniously as she continued consuming the sweets.

"At least, I have cravings and emotions! You're the coldest, most self-contained jackass I've ever known!" She glanced up at the ceiling. "It might have occurred to you to place a few sprigs of mistletoe up there among the pineapples!"

"Mistletoe? Clichéd and trite. Besides, you're ill. Once you've fully recovered, I will decide if kissing you is even worth the effort. Now, put away those wretched chocolates and wipe off your face--it's filthy."

Clancy tapped her foot, deciding what to do. "Fine, then. I'm beginning to calm down again, anyway. Sugar always helps." She padded across the room to retrieve a tissue, then dabbed it across her mouth. "There! Am I pretty, again?" she demanded.

"No, merely clean." An involuntary smile raised one corner of her mouth. "Why not open another gift?" Snape suggested.

"I've a better idea." Crossing over to the tree, she picked up a small package and gave it to Snape. "Read the tag."

"To The Great Snapini from Lulu." He opened the package and gaped in disbelief. "SOCKS? You gave me a pair of argyle socks?" Snape examined them closely, noting the strange blend of colors. "I prefer to wear only black."

"Why?" Clancy wondered.

"It suits me."

"Well, take a walk on the wild side for once in your sorry life. Inside your boots, they won't show. No one will know the difference."

"I'll know the difference," Snape assured her sourly.

"I carried on Aunt Hilly's tradition and gave Albus socks for Christmas. If socks are good enough for the headmaster, they're certainly good enough for you!"

"What did you give to Lupin?"

"I gave Remus socks, too. What did you think I'd give him -- a framed picture of me naked?"

"Do you have such a picture?"

"I most certainly do not!"

"I am overjoyed to hear it." Snape placed the offensive socks in his pocket.

"If you don't like them, transfigure them into lamb chops and eat them for dinner!" Clancy proposed nastily.

Snape studied her face. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I've become rather set in my ways over the years. If it will please you, I shall wear them sometime soon. Perhaps on Hogmanay?"

"You're a hard person to shop for," Clancy chided Snape defensively. "Just what is an appropriate gift for the man who hates everything? Here," she added, bringing another package over to Snape, "you probably won't like this, either, but you may as well open it."

Snape read the tag: "To Severus, with all my love, Clancy." Removing the wrapping, he found a book, Witticisms I Learnt At A Muggle's Knee (And Other Joints): A Compendium Of Humourous Quotations. "A rather thin volume," he grumbled.

"It's only a small sampling. I found it in a little shop in Hogsmeade. Their Muggle literature section was limited. Your knowledge of my culture is sorely lacking, so I suggest that you take the trouble to read it, someday."

"I shall--someday." He reached inside his cloak and presented Clancy with a silver box tied with green ribbon. "From me," he mumbled.

Clancy eyed Snape's gift hesitantly. "Slytherin colors. This has nothing to do with snakes, does it?"

"No. Open it, but, keep in mind that I am not experienced in giving romantic presents."

"Severus! You bought me something romantic?"

"I didn't buy it; I created it for you. Now, are you going to open it or aren't you?" Snape watched nervously as she began pulling off the ribbon.

Inside the box, Clancy discovered a golden bell--a plain, unadorned, insignificant bell, about the size of a teacup. She rang it, but it made no sound. "Is the clapper damaged?" she asked.

"It is a silent Summoning Bell that only I can hear," Snape explained. "If you should ever need me, ring it, and I will come to you."

"How close do I have to be in order for you to hear it?"

"That is the magic of the bell. Wherever you are, anywhere in the world, its ring will lead me to you. But, this you must remember: Only use it if you are in danger or have desperate need of me. I am not your lapdog to be summoned for frivolous matters. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Severus. It's a lovely gift, but, why would I ever be in danger?"

"Let us hope that you never will be. There are certain...perils that exist in my world that you are better off knowing nothing about. I intended the gift to be romantic but practical, as well. I will always endeavor to protect you if it is in my power to do so. In return, I ask that you never question my actions. When I promised you that I would always be truthful, I meant in regard to our personal relationship in the present. I do not wish to discuss my past with you -- ever. Is that clear?"

Stunned, Clancy responded, "No, it's not clear at all. I love you, Severus, and I believe you love me, too, even though you're too arrogant to admit it. What could possibly be so bad that you couldn't share it with me?"

Snape turned away from her and gazed into the fire. "Clancy, have you ever done anything in your life for which you were thoroughly ashamed?"

"Of course, I have. Everyone has, at one time or another."

"What, for instance?" he inquired skeptically.

"Well, let me see...I've been issued tickets for driving too fast and for parking illegally. I've thrown popcorn at the screen in a movie theatre, and stuck gum under the table at restaurants. I even stole a ten-cent chocolate mint, once, just because the service was slow. And, then there was the time I--"

"That is more than enough detail about your life of crime. It's a wonder you weren't incarcerated years ago."

"Wouldn't you like to hear about the time Aunt Hilly and I were nearly arrested?"

Snape turned to face her. "Pray, enlighten me."

"Well, we were attending the Rose Parade on Colorado Boulevard--"

"The Rose Parade?"

"It's an annual Muggle event held on New Year's Day. Volunteers kill perfectly beautiful flowers, pick off all the petals, then glue them onto huge platforms, called floats. Some poor sucker has to drive a car in the dark underneath all that mess, then people stand on top and wave like fools to throngs of idiots who camped out all night on hard cement."

"Fascinating," Snape remarked acidly.

"Anyway, just as the Queen's float passed by, Aunt Hilly pulled two water pistols out of her bag and pressed one of them into my hand. She said, 'If she's the Queen of Roses, she ought to be well watered, don't you agree?' Aunt Hilly only got off three good squirts before a policeman came along and grabbed the pistols away from us. I never even fired a shot!"

"Then, what happened?" Snape asked, utterly bemused.

"Aunt Hilly told the officer what a fine young man he was. She complimented his eyes and went on and on about how he was the spitting image of her first sweetheart. She had him wrapped around her little finger in no time at all, and he let us off with a warning!"

"Remarkable," Snape declared. "I had absolutely no idea I was becoming involved with such a hardened criminal. I am convinced that you pose a greater threat to Hogwarts than Sirius Black. I must alert the headmaster, at once."

Despite his attempt at humor, Snape still looked uncomfortable. "Severus," Clancy said softly, seating herself across from him. "Please tell me what's bothering you. I know you're reluctant to speak of it, but, whatever it is, can't you just put it behind you? Isn't it time to move on?"

Snape stared at the floor. "No one has ever understood me or my motivations. You wouldn't either."

"How can you be so sure that I wouldn't? I thought you had finally learned to trust me."

"I will tell you a small part if you will promise never to bring up the subject again. Do you agree to those terms?" Clancy nodded solemnly.

"I made many mistakes as a young man; supreme errors in judgment. For years, I have been taking steps to atone for my transgressions, and because of this, I am constantly under strain. I conceal my emotions to disguise the endless torment I suffer, but my suppressed rage frequently surfaces in temperamental outbursts."

"Is that why you're so hard on your students?"

"No. As a child, I was never allowed to fail. I was held up to very high standards, which is why it galls me to have to teach intellectually lazy children. I detest the lot of them."

"Then, why did you choose teaching as a profession?"

"I have my reasons, and they are personal."

"But, why do you punish yourself so? Can't you allow yourself to be happy?"

"Perhaps I don't deserve to be happy."

"Everyone deserves to be happy, especially on Christmas. Is that all you care to tell me?"

Rising from his chair, Snape was careful to avoid Clancy's eyes. "If I were to tell you any more, I fear you would stop loving me."

"Stop loving you?" Clancy approached Snape and draped her arms around his neck, forcing him to meet her gaze. "You haven't even allowed me to start, yet!"

As Snape held her close, the faintest hint of a smile creased his mouth. "Only six more days until Hogmanay," he reminded her.

"And, we will ring in the bells of the New Year together," she assured him.

"Yes, the bells. Always remember: If you should ever need me, Clancy, use the Summoning Bell and give me a ring."

"I'll remember, Severus. And," she added pointedly, "if you were ever to give me a ring, I wouldn't mind at all."

"Everything to you is a play on words or a joke, it seems."

Clancy traced Snape's mouth gently with her fingertip. "Never presume that I am joking."

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

The holiday tale Clancy referred to is "Pegasus and the Star", adapted from a story by John Brangwyn from The Golden Christmas Book. (Golden Press, 1955)

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 23: Bella Notte

---

Side by side with your loved one,
You'll find enchantment here.
The night will weave its magic spell
When the one you love is near.

---

Eager for his holiday celebration with Clancy to begin, Snape was the first to arrive in the staffroom for the annual faculty Hogmanay party. He watched as a crew of kitchen-elves bustled about setting up the buffet along one side of the room. Deciding to retreat to the dungeons until more teachers arrived, he deposited his wool scarf and heavy coat on a chair near the door, then exited the room.

A short time later, Peeves glided through to supervise the last-minute preparations. Always up for a fresh bit of mischief, the poltergeist breezed about waiting for inspiration to strike. At last, it did. Peeves spied Snape's coat and noticed a thermos protruding from one of the pockets. He floated closer to investigate.

"A sip of the grape for Professor Snape?" he surmised. Removing the lid, he took a whiff. "Hot cocoa on Hogmanay? Dear me, no, this won't do at all!" Transporting the thermos across the room, Peeves dumped its contents out of the window. Noting the large bowl resting on the sideboard, the spirit began ladling rum punch into the container, then stopped when he discovered a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky inside the glass-fronted hutch above. "Just for good measure," he chortled, as he added it to the mixture. Satisfied with a job well done, Peeves replaced his little surprise back into Snape's coat pocket.

By the time Snape returned, the room had filled considerably and the festivities were well underway. Searching for Clancy, he spotted her chatting with Professors Lupin, Flitwick, and Madam Hooch near the buffet. He approached them.

"Bless the kitchen-elves!" Minerva McGonagall sang out as she helped herself to the fare. "They've prepared my favorite--Neeps and Tatties!"

"I'm partial to them, myself," Clancy said, smiling directly at Snape as he joined her. He shot her a stern look of warning. Excusing herself to her colleagues, she wandered over to the window with Snape at her heels.

"Let's be off," Snape ordered impatiently.

"We've only just arrived. Everyone will think we're being rude," Clancy protested.

"I ceased caring long ago what anyone thinks. And, I'll thank you to maintain a higher level of propriety when we are together in public. Neeps and Tatties, indeed!"

"I thought you just said you didn't care what anyone thinks. No one knew what I was referring to, anyway. Stop being so prudish!"

"You will find me far from prudish if this evening proceeds in the direction that I am anticipating."

"You're rather sure of yourself, aren't you, Severus?"

"Yes, frankly, I am--in light of the fact that you're staring at my frock coat buttons, again."

"Was I?" Clancy responded indifferently.

"Which reminds me," Snape continued. "I'm...wearing them."

"You're wearing what?"

"Those ostentatious socks."

"They're not ostentatious at all," Clancy insisted. "If I hadn't thought they were stylish and in good taste, I never would have selected them."

"You seem to have selected me and I am not particularly stylish. It leads me to question your judgment."

"I frequently question my judgment in regard to you, as well!"

"What, precisely, is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. When I'm hungry, I grow irritable. I'm going to go grab a quick bite to eat."

"Don't," Snape directed, restraining her by the arm. "I've already arranged for us to dine elsewhere. Now, are you ready to leave?"

"Yes, I suppose so, but can't I at least grab a handful of nuts?"

Snape glared at her reprovingly. "I'm warning you--"

"I meant from the buffet, naturally. Really, Severus, your lack of propriety in public is shocking!" Clancy chided.

"Where is your coat?" he snapped.

"I placed it on the chair next to yours along with the rest of my things."

"Fine. I'll retrieve them while you pay a brief visit to the buffet." Snape strode over to the chair while Clancy crossed over to the snacks and helped herself to a small plate. After putting on his coat, scarf, and gloves, Snape collected Clancy's belongings, then swept across the room impatiently to deliver them to her. He joined her as she was making her goodbyes to Lupin, Flitwick and Hooch. "I see you found the nuts," he observed darkly.

"Well, really, dear fellow!" Flitwick squeaked.

Hooch and Lupin exchanged amused glances.

"I realize it is out of your direct line of vision, Filius," Snape explained testily, glancing down at the tiny wizard, "but I was referring to Clancy's buffet selection, not to present company."

Snape helped Clancy on with her coat, then handed her her purse and mittens. She glanced about the room, concerned. "Severus, have you seen my muff?"

Hooch and Lupin dribbled their rum punch directly on Flitwick's head. Snape addressed Clancy evenly, with forced nonchalance. "I beg your pardon?"

"You know," Clancy continued brightly, "that little furry thing of mine where you placed your hand to keep it warm that night you took me for a sleigh ride."

Hooch and Lupin broke into hysterics as poor Flitwick darted away to avoid another soaking. Clancy, at last, came to realize her unintentional double entendre. She joined in their laughter as Snape stood by idly waiting for the embarrassing moment to pass. "Oh, here it is!" Clancy exclaimed, pulling the muff out of her bag. "I had it with me the whole time!"

"I will wait for you in the entry hall," Snape informed her measuredly, barely moving his lips. "I suggest you hurry along before I change my mind." Enraged, he strode angrily out the door. Clancy bid her friends goodbye, then followed him.

Hooch downed the last of her drink and shook her head in bewilderment. "What does Clancy see in an arse like Snape?" she remarked to Lupin.

"Rolanda, I'm the wrong person to ask. Women are a complete mystery to me-- Muggles and witches alike. A large number of them seem to be attracted to dark, brooding, complicated men."

"Well, I think you'd be a much better match for her, Remus, than that colossal prat."

"Clancy and I are very good friends, nothing more. Women seem to like a challenge; they seek out a man with flaws so they can have the fun of trying to improve him." Lupin swallowed the remainder of his punch, then sighed in frustration. "That's the story of my life, I'm afraid--I'm just too damn normal."

---

Catching up to Snape, Clancy said, "Why are you so upset? It was a silly, harmless mistake. I didn't realize what I was saying. You unwittingly offended Filius with your remark about the nuts, but if I embarrassed you, I'm sorry."

"You seem to take fiendish delight in making me look like a nincompoop!"

"You do an excellent job of that all by yourself! You don't need any help from me! Besides, if anything, my remark doubtless improved your reputation."

"I have no reputation!"

"My point, exactly. Now, are we going to try to enjoy this evening or aren't we?"

"That depends entirely upon your conduct," Snape muttered curtly.

"I promise to be good--until you tell me otherwise."

Snape led Clancy out the door and they walked a distance until they came upon a horse and sleigh. Hagrid was there to greet them. "Everythin's ready, jus' like you wanted, Professor Snape. The kitchen-elves fixed yer dinner basket and it's there on the seat."

"Thank you, Hagrid." Snape helped Clancy into the sleigh, and they were off.

Clancy couldn't take her eyes off of the shiny, milk-white horse and its long silky mane. Draped across his back was a thick feathery blanket that shimmered and sparkled in the moonlight. "What a magnificent creature -- much nicer than the last horse. But, still, this is just another sleigh ride and a basket dinner. I thought you were going to plan something romantic and very special to surprise me."

"I suggest that you withhold judgment until the end of the evening. Would you care to take the reins?" Without giving Clancy time to decide, Snape slipped them into her hands. "Just give them a flick and say 'up'."

"I don't know much about horses," Clancy confessed, "but don't you mean 'giddyup'?"

"Try it my way, first."

"Up!" Clancy instructed, flicking the reins lightly.

The horse's pace increased from a walk to a trot, and then a canter gallop within a matter of moments. The blanket on his back rustled, then unfolded down the center. Clancy gaped in disbelief when she realized that the blanket was actually a pair of large feathered wings! "Oh, Severus, it's PEGASUS!" she squealed, as the sleigh rose upward into the sky.

"Well," Snape confirmed casually, "that isn't his name, but he is a direct descendent. I hired him for the evening just to please you. Does this qualify as 'romantic'?"

"Beyond anything that I could have imagined." Clancy handed the reins over to Snape, then flung her arms about his neck. "Thank you, Severus." Smoothing his hair behind his ear, she kissed him lightly on the temple. "Just one thing," she whispered.

"Yes?"

"Could you apply a Warming Spell again? I'm freezing."

"Of course." Withdrawing his wand, Snape applied the spell, heating the inside of the sleigh.

"What about the dementors?" Clancy wondered. "Aren't we traveling too far away from the castle?"

"We're heading north, well away from where the dementors are searching for Black. A flying horse is much swifter than a dementor, anyway. You needn't worry."

"Where are you taking me?"

"You'll know soon enough."

Snuggling against Snape, she sighed contentedly. "Live your life, Clancy--and enjoy the ride!"

"Hmm?"

"That's what Aunt Hilly wrote in the letter I found in her hatbox after she passed away. If she could only see us now!"

"What do you suppose she'd think?"

"I'm sure she'd be very happy."

They flew on, gliding smoothly through the air as the stars twinkled in the heavens and the moon illuminated the snow-covered hills below.

"Doesn't this moonlight give you any ideas?" Clancy hinted to Snape.

"Such as?"

"Such as finally getting around to kissing me?"

"Isn't it traditional on Hogmanay to wait until the stroke of midnight when the bells ring?"

"Propriety in public, observing traditions," Clancy rattled off in annoyance. "PHOOEY!" She folded her arms in disgust as Snape pretended to concentrate intently on handling the sleigh. With a sidelong glance, he studied her, waiting to see what she would do next.

"Close your eyes," she directed.

"Why?"

"Don't argue, just do as I say, for once." Snape closed his eyes. "Now, don't peek!" Reaching inside her bag, Clancy located the Summoning Bell and tinkled it gently.

"You rang?" Snape asked flatly without opening his eyes.

"You really can hear it, can't you?"

"Obviously. Why did you ring it? I told you that the Bell is only to be used if you are in danger or if you have desperate need of me."

"I realize that; I was only conducting a test. Besides, I wasn't really summoning you, because you're already here!"

"Was that the only reason you rang the Bell--merely to conduct a test?"

"You never have been too bright, have you?"

The skies clouded and a light snow began to fall. Snape thought of another way to impress Clancy. He withdrew his wand. "Suggest a word," he told her.

"What for?"

"Never mind what for, just suggest a word."

"What kind of word?"

"Any word, or a phrase," he snarled, growing impatient.

"CRASSITUDE!"

"How charming. Is that the word you've selected or shall I interpret that as self-analysis of your intellectual shortcomings?"

"Very funny."

"Can't you suggest a more aesthetic word or phrase?"

"All right. Let's see how clever you are with anagrams-- and believe me, I'll keep my expectations low." Clancy thought for a moment. "Try this: Wise monks."

"Wise monks?" Snape repeated. "That will do, I suppose." He pointed his wand toward a flurry of snowflakes. "Prepare to be amazed."

"What are you going to do--reprise your act as The Great Snapini?"

With a cocky smirk, Snape began making elaborate flourishes with his wand as if he were writing with a quill. In the sky directly ahead, snowflakes fell downward, shifted, then gathered together spelling out "wise monks'.

"That is rather impressive," Clancy admitted.

"Rather impressive?" he huffed. "I'd like to see any of your former Muggle beaus try to do that."

"Quite impressive, then. As for my former Muggle beaus, they comprised a very short list. Most of them couldn't even spell 'wise monks', let alone write it in snowflakes."

Clancy's disclosure seemed to please Snape and she noted his self-satisfied expression. "How about solving my anagram before your back begins aching from taking so many bows?"

"It's only nine letters," Snape boasted. "How difficult could it be?"

"Solving it is simple; the complexity begins when the words are put into action. Give it a go," she challenged. With a few more waves of his wand, Snape rearranged "wise monks" into "some winks". Clancy shook her head disparagingly. "Try again. Here's a clue: It creates a three-word phrase."

Striving to mask his disdain for her folly, Snape continued flicking his wand turning "some winks" into "mess, I know".

"I'm afraid you're not even close." Clancy informed him. "This is your last chance. The first word is four letters and begins with 'K', the second word is two letters, and the third word ends in 'W'."

Again, Snape waved his wand. He smiled, then turned to face her. "Is this the correct phrase?"

"Congratulations."

Snape was on to her little game. After a moment of awkward silence, he said, "You wouldn't care to speak the words aloud, would you?"

Clancy leaned in closer to Snape. "Shall I?" she asked softly.

Snape positioned his mouth nearer to hers. "If you wish."

"Kiss me...now."

Barely brushing against her lips, Snape hesitated, uncertain whether to proceed or back away. Clancy placed one hand behind his neck, encouraging him to continue. Clumsily, he intensified the kiss as their hearts beat as rapidly as the wings of the horse pulling them through the winter sky.

Much to Clancy's delight, Snape's skills improved markedly over the course of the next half hour. And, to his great relief, Clancy seemed to approve wholeheartedly of his experimentation.

"You were right, you know," she murmured against his eyebrow.

"You're actually...conceding...that I was...right about something?" Snape managed between kisses.

"Mmm," Clancy confirmed dreamily, resting her head upon his shoulder. "Do you remember what you said to me directly after we came out of that shrubbery in the Forbidden Forest?"

"At present," he mumbled, adjusting her chin to nibble her neck, "I can barely remember my own name. Suppose you remind me." Snape transferred his attention to her ear.

"Remind you of...what?" Clancy breathed distractedly.

"Of...what I...said...when we--"

"Ouch!"

"Sorry. Did I accidentally bite you?"

"Yes. And, next time, Severus, promise me that you'll do it on purpose."

Their lips met once more as the moon peeped out from behind the clouds. A bright moonbeam reflected off of the silver hinges of the dinner hamper reminding Snape to concentrate on the rest of the evening's plans. He broke off their kiss, and Clancy watched as Snape reanimated the snowflakes to continue their journey to the earth below.

"Tell me, what was it I was right about?" Snape asked.

"You said, and I quote, 'If I were ever to favor you with a kiss, you would doubtless remember and cherish the experience as the supreme highpoint of your otherwise dull life'."

"And, it was?"

"It was!" Clancy confirmed readily.

With a proud smile, Snape puffed out his chest. "Down!" he commanded the horse, and the sleigh began a smooth descent toward a secluded glen. As they neared the ground, he surveyed the terrain and spotted a waterfall cascading into a rocky woodland pool. The sleigh touched lightly on the snow and the horse folded back its wings. Soon, they arrived at the location Snape had selected and he halted the sleigh near the water's edge. All was still, save for the rushing of the water flowing over the falls.

"What a magical place you've found!" Clancy marveled, drinking in the scenery. Icicles shimmered like delicate crystal from the tree branches, and rivulets of water threaded paths through the icy pond.

"Everything I do is magical. I would think that you would be quite used to it by now," Snape responded smugly. "Let's see what the kitchen-elves prepared for our dinner." He handed the hamper to Clancy.

Lifting up the lid, she frowned. "Doll furniture?"

"Give me a moment." Snape removed the tiny objects then stepped out of the sleigh. Clancy watched him, wondering what he was about to do. Snape walked a short distance then aimed his wand at the ground. He turned, making a complete circle, and as he did so, the snow melted away exposing the bare earth below. Arranging the items in the center, he applied an Engorgement Charm. The furniture enlarged, filling the space with a round table and two chairs. A checkered tablecloth appeared along with a candle. "Incendio!" Snape directed, and the wick produced a flame.

Returning to Clancy, Snape extended his arm to help her from the sleigh, then reached for the basket. "I shall escort you to our private dining room. And, don't worry--it's well heated."

Once they were seated, Snape suggested, "See what else the hamper contains. I instructed the kitchen-elves to create an American dish for you. I hope it will be to your liking."

Clancy discovered two plates with insulated covers. Removing the lids, she smiled questioningly. "Spaghetti and meatballs?"

"You're disappointed." Snape twisted his napkin nervously underneath the table.

"Not at all!" Clancy assured him. "America is a melting pot...I mean, cauldron of different cultures. Spaghetti and meatballs is just as American as any other cuisine. It's perfect, really!"

As they began to dine, Clancy became quite unnerved by the way Snape stared at her. His gaze was electrifying, invasive, yet so very endearing that she grew self-conscious and developed the giggles. "This is the night and the heavens are bright, on this lovely bella notte!" she crooned.

"Must you spoil my evening with your levity and your miserable vocalizing?"

"Forgive me for spoiling 'your' evening. You almost had me convinced that this was our evening."

"Perhaps I was too harsh. It's just that whenever you laugh, I'm never certain if you're laughing at me or at some private joke of your own."

"Let me attempt to clarify it for you: If you're behaving rationally, then you may assume that I am laughing at a private joke. If you've just done something completely inane, then you may rightfully assume that I am laughing at you. As for what prompted my laughter a moment ago, this little scenario made me feel as though we were Lady and the Tramp."

Snape's fist tightened around his fork. "Are you calling me a TRAMP?" he demanded angrily.

"No, Severus. Lady and the Tramp is an animated Muggle film about two dogs who fall in love. It was one of Aunt Hilly's favorites."

"Dogs do not fall in love," he protested, calming a bit.

"Oh, no? Well, then where do puppies come from?"

Snape heaved a sigh of disgust. "Your logic escapes me. Puppies are the result of the natural instinct of two canines to mate; love is not a factor."

"Is love a factor for you, Severus?" Clancy asked coyly.

How in the name of Merlin did we get on to this topic? Snape wondered. The success of this evening may hinge on how I answer her question. Surely I have provided her with enough proof of my feelings. Must I declare them aloud like some simpering schoolboy? "Love is an eternal mystery that no one can solve. So much so, in fact, that it is studied in the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry of Magic." Snape gave Clancy a crooked half-smile, certain that his statement would satisfy her.

"Then, by your own admission, you are not an expert on love and can present no solid evidence that dogs cannot feel the emotion just as strongly as humans."

Snape was losing ground. "So, Lady and the Tramp was one of Aunt Hilly's favorite films, you say?" he asked, feigning interest in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

"She considered it to be one of the greatest love stories of all time. It held a very special place in her heart."

"Did it indeed?"

"Yes," Clancy prattled on, oblivious to the fact that Snape was not really interested in a lengthy dissertation on their aunt's taste in Muggle films. "There's a scene in which the dogs are served dinner at a table similar to this one in an alley behind an Italian restaurant. Two waiters serenade them while they're eating spaghetti and meatballs. The dogs gobble up opposite ends of the same noodle, then their lips meet and they kiss!"

Snape stabbed distractedly at a meatball wondering whether Clancy's story actually had a point. "Aunt Hilly considered that a great love story?" he inquired dubiously.

"She most certainly did, and I'll tell you why: On her 64th birthday, Uncle Ziggy rented the film to surprise her. I prepared spaghetti and meatballs for dinner as part of the gag. While we were dining, Uncle Ziggy placed one end of a long noodle in his mouth then went over to Aunt Hilly and placed the other end in hers. They slurped it up, kissed, and laughed like the dickens!"

Folding his arms, Snape regarded Clancy carefully. "I refuse to do it."

"Do what?"

"Share a noodle with you."

"I wouldn't dream of suggesting it. Now, will you allow me to finish my story?"

Snape grimaced. "There's more?"

"As I was saying, they laughed so hard that Uncle Ziggy decided to keep the gag going. He lowered his head down to his plate and pushed a meatball across the table to her with his nose! Later that night, they had the wildest sex of their entire lives!"

"I am shocked that Aunt Hilly would reveal such intimacies to you."

"She didn't," Clancy returned candidly. "I lived right next door to them and they left their window open!"

Pushing his plate away, Snape grumbled, "I believe my appetite has been ruined." He rummaged through the hamper searching for a beverage. "The kitchen-elves neglected to pack anything for us to drink. I brought a thermos of hot cocoa along, but I am afraid that it wouldn't mix well with spaghetti."

"That's all right. We can melt some snow in our mouths." Clancy rose and reached outside the circle to collect a handful of the soft white powder. Forming it into two marble-sized balls, she fed one to Snape. "Scoot your chair back a bit," she told him. As he did, she sat on his lap and popped the other bite of snow into her own mouth then moved closer to kiss him. Sensations of hot and cold intermingled as the icy particles dissolved against their tongues.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"How adventurous are you?"

"In regard to what?"

"I was wondering..."

"Yes?"

"If you can cast a Warming Spell to heat a circle of earth, can the same spell be used to heat water?"

"It requires a different incantation, but otherwise, it works in the same way. Why?"

"Suppose we take a little dip in the pond au naturel?"

Snape needed very little time to reach a decision. "I am not entirely averse to the suggestion," he replied coolly, prying Clancy off of his lap. He rose and with lightning speed extinguished the candle, gathered their dinner back into the basket, then shrank the furniture. "Wait here," he told her. Bounding toward the sleigh, Snape heaved the basket onto the seat, then bolted down to the water. He touched the tip of his wand to the surface of the pool and steam began to rise as the ice melted away.

Returning to the circle, Snape scooped up Clancy in his arms then reversed the Warming Spell before carrying her back to the sleigh. "We will undress here to keep warm and make a dash into the water. Is that acceptable?"

Nodding, Clancy slipped out of her coat and mittens while Snape removed his own. There she stood, at last, facing those frock coat buttons that had been tantalizing her for more than a year! Mesmerized by the Potions master and the moonlight, she walked her fingers slowly up his chest from one button to the next until she reached his collar.

Snape watched Clancy curiously as she tried to unfasten the top button. "Stubborn little thing," she complained.

"Suppose I arrange for you to practice undressing me another time," Snape suggested. "I'm rather eager for our swim."

"I'm rather eager myself, but I hadn't planned on swimming."

They grinned at each other foolishly for a few moments before Snape said, "Allow me to hurry things along." He magically removed his frock coat, shirt, boots, and socks, then pointed his wand at Clancy. "May I?"

"Please do," she answered, and with one masterful flick, all of Clancy's clothing fell away.

"You're still wearing your trousers, you know," Clancy reminded Snape, as she began fiddling with the button on the waistband. She stopped abruptly. "Oh, no you don't. You're never going to accuse me again of taking off your trousers. You can manage them magically, as well." She gave Snape a promising kiss, then sprinted quickly into the water until she was submerged up to her neck. Snape tore off his trousers and underwear as one flinging them carelessly over the far side of the sleigh in his haste to join her. He waded out to meet her in the center of the pond, placing his wand safely on a rocky ledge nearby.

"Severus, you surprise me," Clancy complimented Snape as they embraced. "Underneath your pose of propriety and all those maddening buttons, you have the makings of a hedonist."

He kissed her hungrily as the heat of the water sheltered them from the night's chill. Cradling Clancy in his arms, Snape rocked her back and forth creating a gentle current, as they moved closer to the waterfall. "I bewitched the fall to turn warm the moment it flows into the pond."

"Severus, you're wonderful," Clancy sighed. "This is truly romance beyond measure." She smiled at him lovingly and noted a softness in his expression that she had never seen before. They resumed kissing with even greater ardor until Snape found the courage to become a bit more uninhibited with his hands. No sooner had he found what he was seeking, than the moment was shattered by the sound of gunfire and the barking of a dog. Snape tensed and reached for his wand.

"Remain still," he whispered to Clancy, before muttering an incantation.

"What are you doing?"

"I've applied a Disillusionment Charm to the horse. If a Muggle spots it, he will see a plain horse and not a flying one." They heard a man's voice calling a dog, followed by the sound of footsteps slushing through the snow.

"Come along, Rory," the man said as he neared the pond. The dog fixed his eyes on the horse and sleigh, crouching in a low stance. He crept forward a few paces then froze.

"Severus!" Clancy whispered, clinging to Snape's arm. "The dog--it's a border collie!"

"Get behind me," Snape ordered.

"Steady now," the man instructed his dog. He observed the sleigh from a distance. "Just some folks out for a ride. They probably stepped out to admire the scenery. Let's be on our way." Turning sharply, the man disappeared down a path through a thicket of trees. Before obeying his master, Rory sprang toward the sleigh to investigate, sniffing his way around the outside. Detecting a human scent, he began pulling at Snape's trousers with his teeth. After three short whistles, the man shouted "RORY!" and the animal scampered off, dragging the wizard's trousers and underwear in his mouth.

Clancy peeked out from behind Snape. "Have they gone?"

"Yes, they've gone, and I suggest we leave, too, before something else goes wrong. The Muggle must live on a farm nearby."

"Why did he fire his gun?"

"He was probably inebriated. It is Hogmanay, after all. There is nothing I find more detestable than drinking. Alcohol clouds the mind. Wine, in moderation, is acceptable if the occasion calls for it, but otherwise I do not indulge." Leading her by the hand, Snape lifted Clancy when they reached the shore, returned the pool to its frozen state, then carried her swiftly to the sleigh. After applying a Drying Charm, they began dressing.

"BLAST!" Snape bellowed, reaching for his shirt.

"What's wrong?"

"My trousers are gone and my underwear, too!"

"Well, don't look at me -- I had nothing to do with it."

"That mongrel must have made off with them." Snape regarded Clancy scathingly. "Every time I'm with you, I lose my trousers!"

"I'm sorry, but at least you were right about Sibyll's prediction being worthless. The danger has past and I don't have to worry anymore about a man with a border collie."

"No, I suppose not, but how can I continue on with my plans for the evening when I'm not wearing any trousers or underwear?"

Clancy locked her arms around Snape's neck. "If we both give the matter a little thought, perhaps something will occur to us."

Snape brightened. "Do I take you to mean--"

"Yes, Severus," Clancy purred. "Tonight's the night!"

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Bella Notte
~Music & lyrics by Sonny Burke & Peggy Lee
From the film Lady and the Tramp, 1955

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE

Chapter 24: Some Enchanted Evening!

---

"What's our next stop?" Clancy asked Snape, once the sleigh was airborne.

"A quiet room somewhere. Any local Muggle establishment will do."

"Shouldn't you have made an advance reservation?"

"Why would I reserve a room before knowing whether you would agree to share it with me?"

"I understand your reasoning, but this is Hogmanay. All the hotels will be booked with tourists. We may not be able to find a room. Besides, you're ill at ease around Muggles. Aren't there any wizarding hotels around here?"

"None that I know of. I Flooed to Diagon Alley and exchanged Galleons at Gringotts for Muggle currency. I thought you might find a Muggle hotel more comfortable."

"That was very thoughtful of you, Severus, but after spending more than a year at Hogwarts, I've become used to living in the 19th Century."

Snape searched Clancy's face. "Do you plan on remaining at Hogwarts?"

"That's an odd question to ask. What do you think?"

Snape reached for her hand. "I think," he began hesitantly, "that you would be better off with your own kind."

"Severus! Does it still bother you that I'm not from your world?"

"Yes, Clancy, in all honesty, it does -- but not for the reason you might think."

"I don't know what you mean." Clancy regarded Snape quizzically, expecting him to elaborate.

"It is not so much a matter of inferiority as it is concern for your safety."

She squeezed his hand. "I've never thought you were inferior, Severus. You mustn't be so hard on yourself."

Snape bristled. "I wasn't referring to ME!"

Clancy withdrew her hand. "Surely you weren't referring to ME!"

Snape exhaled deeply in an effort to calm himself. "I was merely prefacing my remark, and you drew the wrong inference. What I wished to convey, is that you would not be able to defend yourself with magic should the necessity arise."

"Why would it? I'd have you to protect me. Isn't that why you gave me the Summoning Bell?"

"Yes, but it will only be beneficial if I am free to come to you. There may be times in the future in which another ... commitment would take precedence."

Clancy decided she didn't care for the sound of that. "What's her name?" she demanded.

"What is whose name?"

"Your other 'commitment.' Is she blonde or brunette?"

"Once again, you have arrived at the wrong conclusion."

"I see. A redhead!"

Snape glared at Clancy. "I am not involved with another woman!"

"Then suppose you explain to me in plain English what it is you're driving at?"

"Merely this: There is more to me than meets the eye. I have obligations to fulfill. Forming a close alliance with me could put you at risk."

"Don't make me laugh! How could my association with you prove dangerous? You're a Potions master. You spend your days teaching children how to chop up vile ingredients to brew in cauldrons. It's not as if you're a glamorous secret agent defending the Wizarding world against imminent domination by a diabolical super villain!"

"No, I suppose not," Snape conceded in frustration. To lighten the mood, he reached for the thermos in his overcoat pocket. "Suppose we toast the New Year early with some hot cocoa?"

"Fine with me."

Unscrewing the lid, Snape's hypersensitive nose detected the presence of alcohol. "Someone tampered with this while I was out of the staff room. This is rum punch! I detect the odor of Firewhisky too," he added.

"Are you sure?"

"Quite sure." Snape held the thermos under Clancy's nose.

"Yes, you're right. The smell of rum is unmistakable. We'll have just a sip, then, for our toast. I don't approve of alcohol any more than you do, despite the impression I gave you that night at the Leaky Cauldron."

"Very well," Snape agreed, "but only because this is a very special occasion." He poured a trifling amount into the cup and offered it to Clancy. "You may make the first toast."

Raising the cup, Clancy said, "To love, honesty, and lasting unions!" She swallowed a drop and made a horrible face. "Much too strong; it doesn't agree with me." She handed the cup to Snape.

Snape's reaction to her toast was an equally unpleasant expression. "Carpe diem," he countered, then sampled the punch, rolling it around his palate critically.

"And the night, too, Severus?" Clancy teased.

"That was implied." Refilling the cup, Snape declared, "I find this quite flavorful. My throat is parched. I believe I will have a bit more." He drained the cup.

"Do you really think you should, Severus? If you're not used to drinking, even a small amount of alcohol can make you tipsy. It tasted quite strong to me. Please be careful."

"Nonsense," Snape refuted. "I am fully in control, and I know my limitations. The punch is having no effect on me whatsoever." He filled the cup again.

"I suggest you wait a few minutes before drinking any more, just to make sure."

Disregarding her advice, Snape tossed down another cup, then another, until the thermos was drained. "Quite flavorful, indeed," he pronounced, smacking his lips.

They flew on, for a time, in silence. Clancy waited patiently for Snape to speak. "Reach into my coat pocket," he said, at last, smiling mysteriously.

"What for?"

"Must you question everything I say? There's a gift in there for you, if you must know."

"Really?" She felt in his pocket and pulled out a small, black velvet box. "Severus!" Clancy squealed excitedly. "Is this what I THINK it is?"

"The best way to find out is to open it."

It's a ring! I know it's a ring, she chanted silently. I HOPE it's a ring. PLEASE let it be a ring! Opening the box, Clancy's face fell. "It's a...pineapple pin," she observed, unable to conceal her disappointment.

"I found it in a shop in Diagon Alley. It reminded me of our little adventure. Do you like it?"

"It's ... sweet."

"On the back is an inscription: 'From S to L.' Snapini to Lulu."

"Thank you, Severus." She leaned over to kiss him. "It's ... sweet," she repeated.

"Would you like me to pine the pinapple on you?" Snape inquired.

Clancy looked as Snape suspiciously. "What did you say?"

"I said, would you like me to apple the pin on your pine?" Snape regarded Clancy intently, as if trying to remember who she was. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you think I am?"

"No, I don't believe you have." You consummate ass!

"Well, I am, you know."

"I always suspected as much." You faun's behind!

Snape smiled broadly. "Sling me a little song."

"Severus, you're tight. If you were sober, you'd never ask me to sing."

Snape cleared his throat and rubbed his face. "I am feeling chari...chat...caritable." Snape frowned and slouched lower in the seat. He began absently flapping the horse's reins. "Sing!" he insisted. "You will sound mush better when you're drunk."

Clancy cocked her head, astonished by the complete collapse of Snape's sentence structure. In spite of her growing annoyance, she found his behavior rather amusing. "What would you like to hear?"

"Something Scosh for Hogmanay!" he urged enthusiastically. So taken with the idea of music, Snape forgot that he was driving. Without direction, the horse began flying in circles.

Clancy began:

"Oh, ye'll take the high road and I'll take the low road
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye.
For me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond."

Snape grew maudlin. "Sad ... so sad." He shook his head, "I mushed be rat-arsed," he admitted, underlining his conclusion with a thunderous belch.

Clancy noticed that the sleigh was floundering. "Severus, are we heading in any particular direction?"

He glanced at the reins dangling from his hands, and made a show of rearranging his grip. "We're traveling weshed by sownorth," Snape replied with conviction, before belching again.

"I think you'd better take us down. You're higher than this sleigh, I'm afraid. There are some lights below -- a small town? How far from Hogwarts do you think we are?"

"Far enough," Snape decided, leering crookedly before resting his head on her shoulder.

"Hold that thought." Clancy took the reins from him. "Down," she directed, tugging on them and praying the horse would understand. The winged horse obeyed, landing them safely near the outskirts of the village.

Clancy turned to Snape. "Severus, try to sit up. You're putting too much weight on my shoulder." She gave him a shove at the precise moment he leaned away, sending him nearly tumbling from the sleigh.

"We're down," he noted, head hanging over the edge. "Why?"

"We're waiting for you to sober up."

Snape looked at Clancy earnestly. He blinked. "You're angry?"

"No," she assured him, realizing that was true. "It's not your fault -- it's the demon rum talking."

He looked relieved. "Thought it was me talking." Snape lunged at Clancy and gave her a sloppy, rum-flavored kiss.

"Professor, you may be smashed, but I'm certainly not complaining." Clancy did feel sorry for Snape, but she couldn't resist having a little fun. "Say something in Latin, Severus. It turns me on."

"Indeed? Slavelmezoticum malumrenina" he mumbled in her ear.

"That sounded like complete gibberish to me. Care to try again?"

"Salve, mea exoticum malum regina," Snape managed with difficulty.

"Translation, please?"

"Greetings, my lovely pineapple princess!"

Clancy giggled. This is going to be interesting. I wonder how much I can get him to reveal about himself while his guard is down? "Severus?" she purred. "How many women have you known intimately?"

"None," Snape volunteered effortlessly.

"What? You're a virgin?"

"No, I just don't ask for names."

"You mean you've been frequenting witches of the evening?" Clancy's stomach lurched. "Since you've known me?"

Snape shrugged. "Yes, since I've known you, but ... not since I returned you to Hogwarts last September. They were just bodies in the dark -- nothing more. A moment's respite from the futility of hope. Why not? I'm an ugly greasy git, aren't I? What woman would choose to be with me if I didn't pay her?" he asked reasonably.

Clancy's anger and revulsion dissolved into understanding, if not full acceptance. "Me, for one," she confessed softly, linking her arm with his.

What had she done? Her intention had been to extract information from Snape about his prior experience with women. Instead, he had admitted to her something best kept private, and had given her a glimpse of his vulnerability. Clancy had never loved him more than she did at that moment -- or thought less of herself.

She sighed. "Let's ride into the village. It must be getting close to midnight. Do you think you'll be able to place another Disillusionment Charm on the horse?"

"I can ... try." Snape aimed his wand at the horse, bungled the incantation, but, after several attempts, succeeded in applying the charm. She reminded him to remove the Warming Charm, as well.

Clancy took the reins. When they reached the village, they found the main street packed with revellers. Spotting a deserted alley, she guided the horse into it and halted the sleigh. "Wait here," she told Snape. "I'll be back shortly."

Snape did not protest. Leaning back against the seat, he closed his eyes and groaned.

Within minutes, Clancy found a constable who provided her with directions to a boarding stable and the village's only inn, located above a pub. Hurrying back to Snape, she drove the sleigh to the stable and made arrangements with the night groom. Rousing Snape, she supported his arm, helping him walk the several long blocks to the Kilty Pleasures Tavern.

"I doubt we'll find a room," Clancy fretted, as they pushed their way through the crowd of celebrants, "but at least I can order you some strong tea."

Snape hadn't spoken since they had left the sleigh. He was concentrating on the difficult art of walking. He held himself erect, though his gait was unsteady.

Rounding the corner, they were engulfed in a sea of merrymakers counting down the last seconds of the year, then raising shouts of "Happy New Year!" Bells rang out from the village kirk. Amidst the confusion of noise and jollity, Clancy paused to kiss Snape. "Happy New Year, Severus," she breathed.

Snape grunted. "Doubt it."

Arriving outside the entrance to the tavern, Clancy dropped her bag when Snape stumbled against her. "Go in ahead of me. I'm right behind you," Clancy advised as she bent to pick up her purse.

As Snape stepped inside, he was greeted by enthusiastic cheering. The proprietor rushed over and vigorously pumped the dazed wizard's hand. Neither Snape nor Clancy had the slightest idea what was going on.

"It's the First Footing!" the landlord explained in answer to their bewildered expressions. "If the first person to pass through the door in the New Year is a tall, dark stranger, that's a sign of good fortune. You've brought us luck! Drinks for all!" he announced to the patrons, before escorting Snape and Clancy to a table. As they took their seats, the innkeeper asked Snape, "You wouldn't have a bottle of whisky or some shortbread with you, by any chance?"

"No, he doesn't," Clancy answered for Snape.

"It's the custom to bring an offering, but you're tall and dark, and that'll do."

A barmaid passed by with a tray of drinks. The landlord seized two glasses of whisky and set them down on the table. "A Guid New Year to you both!" he said, before heading back to the bar.

From across the room, someone sat down at an ancient piano and began playing "Auld Lang Syne." Clancy joined in the singing while Snape downed his whisky and emptied Clancy's glass as well.

"Severus," Clancy moaned, when she realized what he had done, "why are you still drinking? The idea is to get you sobered up."

"Still thirsty," he told her defiantly. Clancy huffed in exasperation.

Pub patrons began making toasts as a good excuse to guzzle more whisky. "To Robbie Burns!" offered a man seated in a booth nearby.

"To Rob Roy MacGregor!" bellowed a swarthy brute.

"To the famous HARRY!" shouted the pianist.

Snape smashed his glass down hard against the table. It bounced out of his hand to fall off the table and roll away. "Blast it all! Even Muggles know bleeding Potter?"

"Calm yourself, Severus," Clancy said, patting his hand. "Do you see the photograph above the piano? The one of a man in a kilt?"

Snape squinted, trying without success to bring the room into focus. Giving up the attempt, he sprawled back in his chair.

"That's Sir Harry Lauder, an old Muggle music hall entertainer," Clancy went on. It's him they're toasting, not Potter." She noticed Snape's posture. "Severus, please put your knees together. You're not wearing any trousers or underwear, remember?"

"I'm not? Did you take them from me, again?"

"No, you did it all by yourself this time. Now, please put your knees together." Clancy nudged Snape's legs, then closed up the gap in his overcoat. "Can you stay out of trouble long enough for me to inquire about a room?"

"I want to go to bed."

"So do I. Stay put." Clancy left Snape and walked over to the bar to have a word with the proprietor. "Excuse me," she began. "Is it possible to find a room here for the night?"

"There's but one left. Yours it might be," the innkeeper said with a wink, "if you have a quick wit. I've kept back a room as the prize in our New Year's contest. I was just about to make the announcement when you came up." He ambled around the bar to the center of the room.

"Your ears, lads and lassies: If you're needing a bed, or just a cozy spot to slake your thirst into the wee hours, gather 'round the bar and try your luck at our New Year's puzzler. Make us laugh with the words 'liver' and 'cheese,' and the prize is yours!"

I've got to win that room for us, Clancy told herself.

A number of patrons gathered at the bar, eager to compete. Clancy ordered strong tea for Snape, hoping something clever would occur to her while she waited. She caught Snape's eye, smiled warmly, and waved. He blinked at her.

A stout, middle-aged man with ruddy cheeks contributed, "Liver makes me quiver, and cheese makes me sneeze." No one laughed, so he slunk back to his seat at a far table.

THINK! Clancy chided herself. No one needs that room more than we do. Think of something to say -- ANYTHING!

Several more contestants tried to impress the proprietor. An old man offered, "Now is the liver of our discontent, made glorious summer by this son of cheese." He was hooted down.

Still waiting for Snape's tea, Clancy found herself the target of a young man's unwanted attention. Well in his cups, a regimental officer began rubbing her back with his hand. She didn't care for the way his sporran was protruding against her hip. She moved away, but he pursued.

Snape watched idly until he could stand it no longer. From somewhere deep within his fuzzy brain, he retrieved a vague recollection of what his legs were for; he used them to lurch unsteadily toward Clancy's assailant. Grabbing the lout roughly by the shoulder, Snape pulled him away from Clancy and shoved him up against the bar. With utmost drunken dignity, Snape boomed, "LIVERALONE -- CHEESEWITHME!"

"Brilliant!" the innkeeper proclaimed. "The First Footer is the winner!"

After much backslapping and another round of drinks on the house, the landlord showed the weary couple to their room.

---

"Are you feeling any better, Severus? Did the tea help?" Clancy asked him as she hung the "Do not disturb" sign outside the door.

"No," Snape answered inaccurately. In fact, his speech had improved. Staggering toward the bed, he collapsed onto it with a thud. "Where are we?"

"We're staying at the Kilty Pleasures Inn and Tavern," Clancy informed him. "Room Number 7." She pulled back the bedcovers and helped Snape off with his boots.

"Lucky Room Number 7," Snape repeated, studying his feet.

"That's right, lucky Room Number 7." You'll be lucky if you don't pass out in the next seven minutes.

"Why are we here?" Snape inquired.

"Once you've sobered up, hopefully, it will all come back to you." Clancy wrestled Snape out of his overcoat, then began the monumental task of unfastening the long row of buttons. The reek of Snape's whisky breath in her face ruined the fun. Frock coat at last removed, Clancy asked, "Would you like me to help you take off your shirt?"

"Yes, but leave my socks on," Snape insisted, happily contemplating his feet. "They're beautiful socks. Best I've ever seen. I want them near me. Always."

After pulling off his shirt, Clancy prodded Snape to move so she could lift the bedcovers on his side and tuck him in. Kissing him on the forehead, she grabbed her bag and disappeared into the bathroom. A short time later, she emerged wearing a diaphanous, black nightgown.

Her entrance met with a loud snore. Lanky limbs akimbo, Snape had sprawled across the bed, leaving very little room for Clancy. She turned off the light and crawled in next to him. Here I am, Clancy lamented, at the Kilty Pleasures Inn, abed with a whisky-soaked wizard. Happy New Year!

---

Shortly before dawn, Snape awoke with a start. Where in blazes was he? His head was pounding and his mouth was as dry as the desert. He staggered to the bathroom, turned on the tap and gulped water for long minutes before slapping more water onto his face. Peering at himself in the mirror, he groaned, "Merlin!" then shut the door.

Stumbling back into the room, he saw Clancy, and stood there, stunned. Vague images of the prior night drifted back, but he had no idea what he had done after drinking the rum punch. Had they made love?

Scowling, Snape located his clothing on a chair and fumbled about for his wand and a potions phial that was in his coat pocket. Returning to the bathroom, he applied charms to clean his teeth and freshen his breath. After a long shower, he concluded that the Cruciatus curse had nothing on a hangover. If the Dark Lord ever discovered the true power of liquor, the world was done for.

Snape thought of Clancy. When she awoke, he would find out what happened last night. He cringed, worrying that he had made a fool of himself. He would have to hope for the best. In the meantime, he would fortify himself on the outside chance that today she might still want him.

Pulling the stopper off the phial, he gulped its red-liquid contents. Shuddering, Snape realized his horrible mistake as he felt his body temperature plummet. One look in the mirror confirmed his error. "Blast! What have I done NOW?" he shrieked.

Snape began shivering violently. He put on his overcoat, then raced back to the bed, where he plunged in and yanked the covers up over his ears. Shivering, he pulled Clancy into his arms.

Clancy stirred, delighted to feel Snape's body pressing against her back. She smiled at the welcome weight of his arm wrapped tightly around her. Dawn was breaking, its light filtering into the room, turning the darkness into muted tones of gray. "Severus," she whispered happily. Then, she remembered last night. "How are you feeling?"

"Cold," he said, teeth chattering. "Terribly cold."

Concerned, Clancy began to roll toward him. "NO! Stay as you are!" Snape commanded, clamping his hand on her head to prevent her from turning.

"Why? I don't look that bad in the morning, do I?"

"Clancy, listen to me. Something ... unexpected has happened. Promise me that you won't overreact."

"Come out with it, will you?" Confused and anxious, Clancy said, "The longer you stall, the more upset I'm getting."

"I'm invisible," Snape moaned miserably.

"There's no need for insecurity, Severus. I know most women can't see you for dust, but that doesn't include me. Surely, after our experience in the pond last night, you shouldn't have such doubts."

"I am speaking LITERALLY, NOT FIGURATIVELY! I AM INVISIBLE!"

"You're still drunk," Clancy accused.

"That's not it, I tell you! I will allow you to turn around if you promise not to scream. On second thought," Snape decided, reaching for his wand with his free hand, "I'd better place a Silencing Charm on the room -- just in case."

"I won't scream," Clancy promised. "May I turn around, now?"

"You may as well," Snape said with resignation.

Clancy turned, looking at the space where Snape should have been. She drew in her breath sharply and shrieked. The bedcovers were raised and Clancy could feel his body against hers, but only his overcoat was there. "Severus! I can't see you!"

"At last, you've grasped the situation."

"But, how--"

"Don't ask. Please don't ask," he said, mortified that he had snatched up an experimental Invisibility Potion instead of the Invigorating Potion he had intended to bring along last night. Still, he would have to tell her something. "It's just a slight mistake I made with a potion."

Clancy reached her hand up, trying to feel Snape's face.

"Ouch!" he howled. "You just poked me in the eye!"

"I'm sorry. I can't see your eyes. How long is this condition supposed to last?"

"I'm not entirely certain. This potion wasn't quite ready to test on humans. With mice and toads, it lasts approximately twelve hours. I am predicting that appendages will reappear first, followed by the extremities; the torso follows later."

"But, why are you so cold?" Clancy asked.

"It is a side-effect of the potion, but it wears off quickly. I'm already beginning to feel warmer."

Clancy watched as Snape's overcoat rose from the bed, floated across the room, then collapsed onto a chair. A pair of argyle socks came stomping toward the bed. A depression appeared on the mattress, the socks took their position near the footboard, and the bedcovers turned themselves up. Another depression appeared on Snape's pillow, then Clancy felt a hand traveling down her hip and thigh.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"May I ask just what it is you think you're doing?"

"If memory serves, I believe it is called foreplay."

"I have another name for it: Prelude to a fist!" Clancy backed away to the very edge of the bed. Glaring angrily at nothing in particular, she saw a faint shimmer transform into a large, asymmetrical lump with two dark holes at the bottom. "Severus, your nose has returned," she informed him coldly.

"So it has," Snape noted happily. "That's good news. Why did you pull away from me? Don't you want me to make love to you?"

"I refuse to make love to a nose and a pair of argyle socks!"

"Just what do you propose we do all morning, instead?"

"I suggest we sleep in for several more hours. Afterward, I'll order breakfast. By then, I may be able to overlook your disgraceful performance last night."

So, they had made love last night. It hadn't gone well; that much was clear. "It was that bad?" he squeaked.

"Bad? You were dreadful. I can honestly say no man has ever disappointed me more."

"Perhaps we should return to Hogwarts," Snape suggested in a very low voice.

"How can we with you in your present condition? Even if we could, have you nothing to say to me?

"Such as?"

"An apology for last night, your feelings toward me; anything along those lines," Clancy prompted.

Bollocks, now she wants to rub my nose in it -- taunt me for my failure, the heartless chit. "I prefer not speak about my emotions," Snape told her.

"Fine, have it your way, then. I know perfectly well how you feel about me, so expressing it in words isn't necessary. You're a coward."

"I am far from a coward! Need I remind you that your safety and well-being may depend on me?" Snape shot back.

"Oh, yes. There's 'more to you than meets the eye.' Isn't that how you phrased it? Under present conditions, you'd be hard put to convince me of that!"

"Thank you," Snape returned, "for your sensitivity and compassion. It's just as well that I learn how you behave when I'm not at my best. As for you knowing my true feelings, that is quite impossible. My mind is impenetrable. I have the ability to block my thoughts."

Clancy smirked at the disembodied nose tilted skyward, conveying an absurd air of condescension. "Skip the posing, Severus. At the moment, you've never been more transparent."

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Loch Lomond
~Traditional

LIVERALONE -- CHEESEWITHME: I do not drink. I do not know any bar jokes. I web-searched "bar humor" and that line turned up. The original joke has something to do with three dogs at a bar.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE

Chapter 25: Believe It, Beloved


Believe it, beloved, because it’s true.
You’re all that I want you to be:
A darling, adorable devil who
Loves someone who looks like me.

You’re delicious, delightful, delirium.
See what your love’s done to me?
Believe it, beloved, because it’s true.
You’re all that I want you to be.

---

The morning wore on.

Still invisible, Snape lay supine, arms at his sides, drumming his fingers irritably against the bed. Clancy, with her back turned to the surly wizard, pretended to be asleep. Snape’s incessant finger thumping had set her teeth on edge. She began wondering why she’d ever come to Hogwarts in the first place. After all this time, she still had no idea what made Severus Snape act as he did. Was he truly a genius among wizards or just a man who continually behaved like an idiot? Or, was he a certifiable moron with occasional sparks of brilliance? Why was she in love with him? Was Snape the best she could do? Sullen, temperamental, stubborn to a fault, at times he was completely childish. The man didn’t seem to realize that he was his own worst enemy.

Snape glared at the back of Clancy’s head, knowing full well she wasn’t asleep. The tempo of his finger tapping increased as he took stock of the situation: An intelligent, desirable woman, to whom he’d been attracted for longer than he cared to admit, had agreed to spend the night with him. And, what had he done? He’d lost his trousers, become roaring drunk, and turned himself invisible. Now, there was nothing for it other than to wait out the agony of his humiliation until his body reappeared. But, what then? He’d already disgraced himself once. Should he try again and risk further rejection–or take the Slytherin way out by offering no apology and denying any blame?

Snape decided to take a chance. “Clancy?� he began, concentrating on keeping his voice steady.

She rolled toward him. “Yes?� she responded, addressing his nose.

“What did I do last night that you found particularly distasteful?�

“Well, for one thing, it was all I could do to keep you erect. You kept wobbling all over the place.� She flapped a limp-wristed hand in the air by way of illustration. “I did the best I could to keep you up, but it was next to impossible with you placing so much dead weight on me.�

“Then, you didn’t enjoy it at all?�

“What was there to enjoy? I tried my best to be obliging, but after awhile, it grew tiresome.�

There was no point in having her go on. She had succeeded in presenting him with a very clear picture of his failings.

“You might take into account that I was slightly inebriated,� Snape muttered defensively.

“Slightly inebriated? You were as drunk as a skunk. It didn’t even seem to concern you that there were people watching us!�

“What do you mean?� Snape asked, flabbergasted. “What type of establishment is this?�

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What does this inn have to do with you staggering down a public street like a befuddled sot?�

At last, Snape understood. “You mean we didn’t make love last night?�

“Of course not. You fell sound asleep before I came out of the bathroom.�

“Ha!� Snape exclaimed gleefully. “Thank Merlin for that!�

“You needn’t sound so relieved!� Clancy snapped. “Have you changed your mind?�

“No.� He hesitated before asking, “Have you changed yours?�

Just to torture him, Clancy deliberated the question longer than necessary. “No. Once your hangover improves and your body returns, we can pick up where we left off. In the meantime, I’ll dress and go downstairs and see about getting us some breakfast.�

---

While she was gone, Snape thought things through. Over the course of the next several hours, he would regain his visibility. In some ways, he almost wished he could stay invisible. Once his body returned, his Dark Mark would return right along with it. Clancy would be sure to notice it. He had been careful to keep his arm turned away from her when they had disrobed in the sleigh, but eventually, she would discover it and ask him to explain. After weighing his options, Snape decided the best course of action was to do what came naturally to him -- lie. The Dark Mark had no direct bearing on their relationship that he could determine, so he wouldn’t be breaking his promise to her.

A short time later, Clancy entered and spied Snape’s nose and socks pacing the room. “I told the landlord you were suffering from a hangover and he was very sympathetic. You’re quite the celebrity in his eyes, so he’s sending his wife up with a breakfast tray for us. If it weren’t for your great wit, we’d be expected to dine downstairs with everyone else.�

The nose and socks marched toward Clancy. “What do you mean, my ‘great wit’?�

“You don’t remember a thing, do you? You won this room for us in a contest last night.�

“I did? How?�

“I’ll save that glorious tale for another time. I would suggest that you remove those socks and wait in the bathroom. She’ll be bringing our food up at any moment and your nose might frighten her.�

“You can’t resist making a derogatory remark about my appearance, can you?�

“Your sensitivity is showing, even if the rest of you isn’t. I didn’t mean to imply that your nose is displeasing in any way, only that it appears to be floating about the room.�

They heard a soft knock so Snape retreated into the bathroom. Clancy opened the door to a cheerful, heavy-set woman carrying a tray.

“Thank you, so much,� Clancy said to the woman. “This is very kind of you.�

“My pleasure, Mrs. Snapini. Our barman made our special hangover cure for your husband. We call it the Highland Fling -- hot buttermilk, cornflower, salt and pepper. Make sure he drinks it, and he should be himself again in no time.� She set the tray down on the table and headed toward the door.

“I can’t thank you enough,� Clancy repeated gratefully.

Before leaving, the woman remarked, “My husband and I can’t get over how amusing Mr. Snapini was last night. Is he a professional?�

“A professional what?� Clancy wondered. Drunkard?

“Humorist.�

“No, not intentionally. He’s a…magician.�

Snape, eavesdropping from behind the bathroom door, began tearing his hair.

“Oh, how thrilling!� the woman exclaimed. “Can he make things disappear?�

“I’ll say he can. Last night, he made an entire thermos of rum punch disappear, not to mention his trousers, and my good mood. You wouldn’t believe what he did this morning for an encore.�

A loud cough emanated from the bathroom.

The landlady chuckled. “Well, I’ll leave you two to your breakfast. Enjoy your stay at Kilty Pleasures. If you need anything at all, just let us know.�

“We will. Thanks.� Clancy closed the door and locked it. “You can come out now,� she called to Snape before taking a seat at the table.

Snape joined her. “Will you pass the jam, Mrs. Snapini?�

“I told them we’d be staying another night, perhaps two. They asked me to sign the register and I didn’t want to give our real names. That was the first thing that popped into my head.�

“The Mrs. or the Snapini?� Snape asked dryly.

Clancy chose to ignore his jibe. “I registered us as Mr. and Mrs. Greg Snapini. If you prefer that we keep everything on the up and up, I’ll rush back down and change it to Miss Clancy Norgard and nose!�

“Hmm,� he sniffed. “Do you think that I look like a Greg?�

“Not particularly, no. I started to write Great, and then caught myself.�

Clancy watched as Snape’s fork levitated from his plate to shovel a large portion of eggs under his nose. The eggs disappeared and the fork lowered itself to spear a sausage.

“What are you gawking at?� Snape asked.

“I’ve never seen an invisible man eat before. It’s rather intriguing.�

“Tea?�

“Please. Be sure to drink the buttermilk, Severus.�

The teapot rose and hovered over Clancy’s cup to fill it. Next, Snape’s glass flew up, then tilted, and the thick, chalky liquid disappeared.

“Dreadful,� Snape gagged, and the nose shook violently from side to side.

Clancy’s napkin slid off her lap and she bent underneath the table to retrieve it. A surprise awaited her. “Severus, another of your appendages has returned.�

Snape looked down at himself. “That’s encouraging.�

“Yes, very.�

They continued consuming their breakfast at a leisurely pace. By the time they pushed away from the table, Snape had regained his fingers and toes. Within moments, his hands and feet followed.

“It shouldn’t be much longer now,� Snape promised. “Couldn’t we at least –"

“No.�

Snape stormed over to sit on the edge of the bed. The finger drumming began, again. “What shall we discuss while we’re waiting?� he inquired, biting out the words.

“Oh, any number of things,� Clancy responded lightly, crossing over to the bed. She plumped up her pillow and sat with her back against the headboard. “For starters, do wizards make love the same way as Muggle men?�

“Better, I would hope.�

“What I really meant was, is there any magic involved?�

“Would you be disappointed if I said no?�

“A little, perhaps,� she admitted honestly. “Everything else is so different in your world, I though…well…I was just curious.�

“Magic can be used, if necessary. I’ve never found it necessary.�

Clancy could tell by Snape’s tone that he was quite taken with himself. What a contradictory bastard you are! One minute you’re a mass of insecurities; the next, you’re a braggart! “Speaking from your vast experience, Severus?� she asked innocently.

Snape made no reply. Clancy excused herself to the bathroom to change back into her nightgown. By the time she emerged, the outline of Snape’s head and neck had reappeared. Over the course of the next few minutes, the rest of his facial features filled in, along with his hair.

“Welcome back,� Clancy said when she could gaze into Snape’s eyes once more.

His crooked smile had returned, too. “My hangover is much improved. All the important parts of me are visible. Do you suppose we could –"

“I’m sorry, but no. I prefer that everything be attached.� Grabbing the bedpost, Snape shook it furiously. “You’re behaving like a spoiled child,� Clancy admonished him. “You’ve no one to blame but yourself for your current predicament.�

Snape smashed his fist against the bedpost, yelped in pain, and then raised his hand to his mouth to suck on his bruised knuckles. He cast a furtive glance at Clancy hoping to receive a little sympathy, but he found none. He grumbled something to himself under his breath.

“What was that you said?� Clancy demanded.

“Nothing!� he spat out. “I was just thinking of a few Unforgivable curses.�

“Well, let them fly!� she returned, unimpressed by his tantrum. “I’ve heard foul language before.�

Long minutes of silence ticked by as Snape rethought his strategy. If this was what it was like to be in a relationship with a woman, he didn’t want any part of it. Hadn’t he spent an extravagant part of his salary to hire the flying horse? Keeping the horse another night or two would cost him double, perhaps triple! In Snape’s mind, Clancy was being extremely unreasonable. He decided to take the high ground.

“I’ve been planning this date with you for weeks – and this is my reward? Didn’t you tell me when we were in the pond last night that I had provided you with ‘romance beyond measure’?�

“It was true, at the time. Today, things are different. You’ll have to learn patience, Severus. I’ve had to, over the past year. Try to see things from my perspective: Right now, there’s nothing more to you than a head, two hands, and two feet. With me, it’s all or nothing.�

“There’s one accessory of mine that you neglected to mention. You’ve been eyeing it ever since breakfast.�

Clancy smiled sweetly at Snape. “Once I feel it has reached its full potential, I will add it to the list. But, for the time being,� she said, striking a pose, “you haven’t even bothered to admire my nightgown. Don’t you like it?�

Snape regarded her hungrily. “It’s exquisite. Take it off.�

“Take it off? What’s wrong with it? I bought it in Hogsmeade at the Saucy Sorceress to wear especially for you!�

“I’ve seen it. It’s quite becoming. Now, take it off,� he insisted.

“I want to look pretty for you. I’m trying to create a romantic mood,� she pouted.

“So am I. You’d look better without it.�

“That isn’t romance–that’s lust!�

“Would you prefer that I begged you to keep it on?�

“Well, no,� Clancy conceded, “not when you put it like that.�

“Why create a romantic mood at all, when I’m not allowed to touch you?� Snape pointed out.

“We’ll be touching one another soon enough. I just want to see what it is I’m touching.�

Snape’s temper came to a boil. He’d tried patience, petulance, persuasion – none of which had reaped results. One last avenue remained: indifference. He crawled into bed, pulled the covers up tightly under his chin, and closed his eyes.

“What are you planning to do–go back to sleep?�

“You don’t mind, do you?� he responded peevishly without opening his eyes.

Clancy pulled back the covers and climbed in next to him. “I’d rather talk.�

“Fine. This time I’ll ask the questions. Agreed?�

“Agreed.�

“Have you had much…experience with your short list of Muggle beaus?� Snape shifted his eyes nervously to the ceiling while waiting for her answer, suddenly fascinated by a knothole in one of the beams.

“Only enough experience to know that I need much more experience.� She moved closer to Snape. “Next question?�

“Did you form an…emotional attachment to any of them that you would care to reveal?�

“No, none…� Clancy admitted. Snape relaxed and exhaled heavily. “…that I would care to reveal.�

Turning away from Clancy with a sharp jerk, Snape began chewing on the corner of his pillow. Clancy snuggled against Snape’s back. Raising the covers, she peeked underneath. “Severus! Your legs have returned!�

Snape looked for himself. It was true, and his arms were beginning to fill in, as well. “Must we wait for my torso?� he pleaded piteously. “If the situation were reversed, I’d be willing to compromise.�

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me in the least,� Clancy observed.

“We can stay underneath the covers. You won’t even know the difference,� he coaxed.

“Seeing is believing.�

Snape rolled toward Clancy and pulled her close. “Then, believe this.� He kissed her, gently at first, but with growing insistence. Before long, Clancy came to realize that having a lover with a visible torso was not essential. As Snape’s lips traveled down her neck, she had to concede that his opinion about her state of dress also contained merit. She shimmied out of her nightgown and flung it with abandon halfway across the room.

---

From early afternoon until late evening, Snape and Clancy explored new ways to communicate without words. Snape proved to be a startling combination of awkwardness and skill. What he didn’t know, he mastered quickly; what he did know, he executed superbly. They knocked heads, elbows met eyes, and a jagged toenail gouged an ankle. Yet, overall, their ecstasy outweighed their embarrassment.

As Snape lay cuddling Clancy in his arms, he wondered if, through this experience, he had been reborn. He felt completely relaxed, and, for the first time he could remember, quite comfortable with his lot in life. He loved this woman–as much as he knew what love was. Love or lust, he was all for it. He resolved then and there to become a new man, a better man. Indeed, he had been reborn! But, after a series of deep yawns, he concluded that he was merely tired.

They napped and nuzzled well into the evening, deciding at last to shower, dress, and dine downstairs in the tavern. To Snape, food had never tasted so good; to Clancy, food had never been less important.

Throughout the meal, Clancy couldn’t keep the smile off of her face or take her eyes off of the Potions master. Half-god, half-git, an incongruous mixture of grace and grease -- she wouldn’t trade him for any other man in the world.

As they rose from their table, the landlord greeted them with a wink and a friendly smile, addressing them by name. Snape found himself wishing that they were Mr. and Mrs. Greg Snapini. He allowed himself the luxury of forgetting, for a time, that there was a Dark Lord to defeat and a cause he must serve. They had tonight and the better part of tomorrow to spend together at the Kilty Pleasures before returning to Hogwarts and the new school term. Snape’s future was already set, but for one more day, at least, he intended to ignore reality.

Once more in their room, they began afresh. At some point, and with no great fanfare, Snape’s torso reappeared.

Snape found Muggle lighting much too harsh. He transfigured a candle to place on the bed table. He wanted just enough illumination to see Clancy’s face and read her expressions. Snape liked what her eyes reflected back to him: the image of himself as a hero. He decided to do whatever was necessary to ensure that she would always see him that way, including lying about his past and the Dark Mark. He loved her; he’d admitted that to himself months ago. But, to confess his love aloud signified weakness. At this point, Snape’s primary concern was that she love him.

As the night progressed, their comfort with one another increased. Snape discovered that being with a woman entailed a good deal more than physical release and a few Galleons thrown on the bureau. He was learning that sex was not the same thing as intimacy. With Clancy, he felt lighthearted. Unimaginable as it seemed, Snape found that the intensity of their lovemaking was balanced with a degree of playfulness, through Clancy’s doing, at least. What they were experiencing together was in equal parts sensual, silly and sacred.

Bemused by Clancy’s inventiveness, Snape allowed her to do things to him that no one had ever done before. He studied her, enraptured, as she twisted a lock of his hair, placed it in her mouth to wet the end, then proceeded to paint imaginary pictures across his face. Next, she held the strand horizontally under her nose, curling the end to resemble a handlebar moustache. Snape’s arm was pressed into service as a toothsome stand-in for corn on the cob, upon which she pantomimed spreading lavish amounts of butter and salt, before nibbling away.

The hours raced by. Late the next morning, each sensing that the other had awakened, they smiled and stretched before sharing the first kiss of the day.

“That was awful!� Clancy complained, pulling away from Snape. “Bertie Botts should add morning breath to his line of Every Flavor Beans.� She started to get out of bed.

“Where are you going?� Snape inquired, restraining her by the arm.

“I’m going to brush my teeth. I brought a toothbrush along in my purse.�

“Stay where you are.� He reached for his wand and applied charms to clean their teeth and freshen their breath.

“Mmm, it tastes like pineapple,� Clancy said approvingly, licking her lips.

“I had an inkling that might appeal to you.�

“Magic does come in handy at times, doesn’t it?�

“At times.�

“Severus, does it bother you that I can’t do any magic?�

“You are not progressing in your studies?�

“Filius has all but given up on me. He told me recently that it’s time I face the fact that I have no magical abilities whatsoever.�

“What about the pineapple?�

“I embellished that, a bit,� Clancy admitted sadly. “I can’t really make it tap dance. The best I can do is give it a nudge with the tip of my wand when Filius isn’t looking and get it to roll.�

“But, when we were flying on the broom, your Cleaning Charm worked -- not properly of course, but you did achieve results.�

“I’ve studied enough magical theory to come up with an explanation for that. The charm never worked for me until I tried it on you. Aunt Hilly was your blood relation. I was clinging to you so tightly, that the magical energy must have transferred to me through you, then out the tip of her wand, and back into you, again.�

“Hmm. That might explain it. At any rate, don’t concern yourself with it. I know enough magic for the both of us.�

“Yes, you proved that last night, didn’t you?� Clancy murmured, snuggling into his arms.

“Ah! A rare compliment!� Snape returned, astonished.

“You were wonderful, Severus--closer to perfection than I would have believed possible.�

“What do you mean by that?� Snape knitted his brows.

“I mean that things can only get better.�

“I didn’t hear any complaints from you last night. What, in your opinion, needs improvement?�

“Nothing, only…�

“Well?�

“Has the invention of the toenail clipper escaped the notice of the Wizarding world?�

“Magic can take care of that, too,� he informed her, aiming his wand at his feet. “If that’s the only thing you found objectionable, then I must be doing rather well.�

“There is one other thing, but please don’t take it as a criticism.�

Clancy was staring at his forearm. Snape steeled himself in anticipation of what was coming. “What is it?�

She touched the Dark Mark and Snape withdrew his arm self-consciously. “What does that symbol mean -- the skull with the snake? Has it something to do with Slytherin House?�

“Yes…that’s it. It was an initiation, of sorts -- an indiscretion of my youth. It can’t be removed, I’m afraid.�

There was something in Snape’s tone, and in the way he avoided her eyes, that made Clancy not quite believe him, but she didn’t press the matter. She knew intuitively that her question had struck a nerve triggering an unpleasant memory. Clancy decided to see if she could make him laugh. Swishing and flicking her index finger, pretending it was a wand, she pointed it toward his male appendage.

“PENARDIUM LEVIOSA!� she joked.

Snape grasped her wrist and gave her an amused half-smile. “What would you have it do, burst into flames or fly out the window?�

“I know what I’m doing,� Clancy assured him. “I’ve been practicing with Filius.�

Rolling on top of her, Snape pinned her to the bed. “You wouldn’t care to clarify that remarkable statement, would you?�

“I meant practicing with feathers. The Latin prefix was my own little touch.�

Snape spoke between light kisses. “I didn’t know you were studying Latin prefixes.�

“Only the ones that interest me.�

After a few more exploratory nuzzles, they decided to skip breakfast and focus on the matter at hand until lunch. All too soon, lunchtime arrived, and they dressed and trudged downstairs. They ordered Sunday Roast with all the trimmings, spending much more time gazing stupidly into each other’s eyes than consuming their food.

Snape watched Clancy rake her fork around her plate. “How are you enjoying the Neeps and Tatties?� he asked.

“I’ve had better,� she confessed, smiling devilishly.

Snape laughed so hard he sprayed his mouthful of beef down the front of his coat, bathing it in gravy. He began dabbing it off with his napkin.

“You’ve come a long way, Severus, since the day you smashed a jar of eels at my feet.�

“My hand must have slipped.�

“No, your hand didn’t slip. That happened directly after you threatened to poison me,� Clancy reminded him.

“I didn’t understand you then. I’d had very little exposure to Muggle women before you.�

“Do you understand me now, Severus?�

“To a certain extent, yes; but I’ll never understand why you want me.�

“Because you’re very dear.� Snape smiled at her foolishly, and then resumed eating. “Severus, have you thought of a way for us to be together at the castle without stirring up too much gossip?�

“I’ll speak to Albus about connecting our rooms by Floo.�

“Does Albus have to know about us? Shouldn’t we keep this to ourselves?�

“The headmaster knew long before we did. I wouldn’t be surprised if we found our Floos already connected by the time we return. One thing,� Snape cautioned, turning serious. “I insist upon discretion at all times and –"

“Propriety in public? Yes, I know. It isn’t because you’re ashamed of consorting with a Muggle, I hope.�

“It is for the reputation of the school, primarily.�

“Aren’t professors allowed to have private lives?�

“It’s for your safety, as well.�

“Why are you always bringing that up?�

“You may as well know. Dumbledore shields you from a great deal. There is a faction in the Wizarding world that does not approve of Muggles mixing into our society. They refer to themselves as pure-bloods and they have very little tolerance for those whose viewpoints differ from their own.�

“The more you explain, the more confused I’m becoming. Why would anyone care if we’re together?�

“I’ve already said too much.� Snape reached for her hand. “Let’s not concern ourselves with this now, all right?�

“All right,� Clancy agreed reluctantly. “Whatever you think best.�

When luncheon concluded, Snape and Clancy returned to their room to spend the remainder of the afternoon and evening together. The hours continued to speed by, until Snape determined, at last, that it was time to leave.

“I’ll miss this place,� Clancy lamented as they gathered their possessions. “Our time here together was magical.�

“All we are leaving behind is the room,� Snape told her, drawing her near for one final embrace. “The magic will remain with us.�

Clancy rested her head against Snape’s chest and wound her arms tightly around his waist. “Forever, Severus?�

Snape paused before responding, and Clancy could feel his body grow tense. “Yes…forever.�

---

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

Believe it, Beloved
Words and music by Nat Burton, J.C. Johnson and George Whiting
Recorded by Fats Waller, March 11, 1935

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE

Chapter 26: There’ll Be Some Changes Made

---

Once classes resumed, Snape and Clancy fell into a comfortable routine of nightly trysts. Snape had been mistaken in assuming Dumbledore would connect their rooms by Floo before their return from the Kilty Pleasures. The headmaster had more weighty matters on his mind than a love affair between two teachers. Dumbledore approved Snape’s request in short order, but voiced no opinion concerning the arrangement.

Clancy set a few simple ground rules early on: Snape would have to come to her. Still plagued by allergies, she preferred to avoid Floo travel, and the prospect of a lover’s rendezvous in the dank, musty dungeons held little appeal. In addition, Clancy prevailed upon Snape to magically remodel her bathtub and shower. She had plans for their use that would require a bit more elbowroom. Also, the pair of dear old crones that cackled down at her from the portrait behind her bed would have to go. The first night Snape and she spent together, the elderly spinsters placed their hands discreetly over their eyes, but Clancy caught Prudence peeking through her fingers.

Snape obliged willingly. He didn’t mind coming to her room or making the improvements she’d requested. He didn’t have the foggiest notion why Clancy required built-in dispensers of whipped cream and chocolate sauce inside her shower, but he certainly couldn’t wait to find out. It took the formidable abilities of Dumbledore himself to reverse the Permanent Sticking Charm that anchored the portrait of the elderly witches to the wall. As compensation for displacing them from their happy home, the ladies were taken to a storeroom and placed facing the Mirror of Erised. Forever more, the ancient spinsters would see themselves as young and beautiful with throngs of male admirers worshiping at their feet.

Never one to give freely without gaining something in return, Snape demanded that Clancy discontinue her friendship with Remus Lupin. Her response to his unreasonable proposal was negative, although she did agree not to discuss their relationship with the Dark Arts professor.

There was one last concession Clancy insisted Snape make: Every other Thursday was Anagram Night. She intended to spend her time playing word games with Dumbledore, Flitwick, and Lupin. She encouraged Snape to join them, but true to his antisocial nature, he declined, preferring to use the time to mark essays and supervise detentions.

Meals in the Great Hall were as they always had been. Snape isolated himself at the far end of the High Table, while Clancy dined beside Lupin. She did take to wearing the pineapple pin on her lapel and would occasionally toy with it as a signal to Snape that she was thinking of him.

On school nights, Snape would visit her room but return to his own quarters before morning. The sudden increase in physical exercise coupled with lack of sleep had turned the Potions master into an absolute bear with his students, although none of them seemed to suspect the cause. Snape and Clancy relished their weekends together.

On Sunday morning, the 9th of January, Snape awoke late. He reached for Clancy only to find her space unoccupied. He called to her, but received no answer. Checking the bathroom and discovering it empty, Snape grew anxious. Mistrustful by nature, he had visions of Clancy and Lupin frolicking about the castle grounds and romping in the snow. In his mind’s eye, he could see Lupin fashioning a skinny snowman with a disproportionate nose and naming it Snivellus. Snape returned to bed and cursed the day he’d allowed a woman to get into his blood.

Moments later, the door flew open and Clancy entered carrying a square, cardboard box. “Good morning, Severus!� she called cheerfully.

“Where the devil have you been?� Snape demanded.

“Down in the kitchen picking up my order,� she informed him, placing the box on a table.

“Why bother? I could have summoned one of the house-elves to bring breakfast.�

“This isn’t our breakfast; it’s your birthday cake. Happy 34th birthday!�

Snape leaped out of bed to inspect the contents of the box. Inside was a round, white cake with a border of green frosting. One candle adorned the center. “How did you learn that today is my birthday? I never mark the occasion. The staff knows my wishes and none of them ever mentions it. Who told you?� he asked suspiciously.

“I’ve always known. Every year since I’ve been old enough to remember, Aunt Hilly baked a cake, and we’d celebrate your birthday together. She’d make a wish for you, and I’d blow out the candles.

“Really? What did she wish?�

“I don’t know. She never spoke the wish aloud. I remember her eyes would always get teary, so I’d try to do something to make her laugh.�

“This is incredible,� Snape said solemnly. “I had no idea that an aunt whom I’d thought had abandoned me and a girl whom I never knew existed were celebrating my birthday thousands of miles away.� He shook his head in wonder. “Why didn’t you tell me this last year?�

“You were barely speaking to me last year. If I’d thought of giving you a cake at all, it would have been to throw in your face.�

Swiping his finger through the frosting, Snape presented it to Clancy to lick clean, and she obliged. “Do you know what I would have done to you if you’d tried that?�

“Yes,� she said with a smirk. “To intimidate me you would have made some empty threat that you had no intention of carrying out. You had feelings for me even then but you were too pig-headed to admit it.�

“You think you have me sorted out completely, don’t you?�

Clancy dipped her own finger into the frosting and spread it across Snape’s thin mouth. “Not completely, but I’m learning. Shall we have our little celebration now?�

Licking the frosting off his lips, Snape picked up Clancy. “An excellent idea.�

“I meant shall we cut the cake?�

“I had something else in mind,� Snape revealed, lowering her to the bed.

Clancy looked up at him with a wicked grin. “I was hoping you’d say that.�

---

The first month of their affair was idyllic. Snape was on his best behavior when he was with Clancy. Around his students, however, he was as disagreeable as he’d ever been. Saturday, the 12th of February, was a particularly exasperating day for Snape. By the time he appeared in Clancy’s room that evening, he had worked himself into quite a lather.

As he stepped out of the Floo, Clancy sensed that he was in a dark mood. “What’s wrong, Severus?� she asked consolingly.

“I’ve had a most trying afternoon,� Snape said bitterly as he paced the room.

“If you’d care to talk, I’ll lend you a sympathetic ear.�

Snape paused for a moment to scowl at her. “It involves Lupin. I’m sure you’ll side with him.�

“Not necessarily. I feel I can be objective.� Clancy motioned for Snape to take a seat by the fire, and after a time, he did so.

“It began when I discovered Potter emerging from behind the statue of the one-eyed witch. One of the students from my House came to my office to report that he saw Potter’s head in Hogsmeade near the Shrieking Shack.�

“Just his head? Did you slip him a swig of your Invisibility Potion when he wasn’t looking?�

“No,� Snape said crossly. “I don’t know how he managed it, but if his head was spotted in Hogsmeade, it means the rest of him was there, too. I won’t rest until I find out how.�

“He’s only a boy. Boys that age are always getting into mischief.�

“Potter does a good deal more than ‘get into mischief’.� He’s an arrogant rule-breaker, just like his father. The young fool is making himself an open target for Black!�

“If you say so, Severus. Harry Potter isn’t in choir, so I don’t pay much attention to him. I still don’t know why everyone makes such a fuss over the boy or why he’s in danger from Sirius Black. What has Remus to do with this?�

“Lupin!� Snape growled, clutching the arms of his chair so tightly that his hands trembled. “I called Potter into my office and made him turn out his pockets. I knew he was hiding something. I found a magical map, and when I commanded it to reveal its secrets, the blasted thing insulted me.�

“I’m sorry, Severus. Tell me what it said,� Clancy urged.

Snape was enraged. “It told me I had an abnormally large nose which I should keep out of other people’s business. It called me an ugly git and registered astonishment that an idiot like me could ever become a professor! But it didn’t stop there. It concluded its remarks by bidding me a good day and calling me a slimeball who needed to wash his hair!� Snape rose and began pacing, again.

“None of that’s true,� Clancy said soothingly. “The map’s comments were childish. You shouldn’t take them seriously.�

“Then you disagree with the remarks it made about me?�

“Basically, yes…if you don’t press for details.�

“I BEG YOUR PARDON?� Snape shouted, veins bulging at his temples.

“I’ll tell you the unvarnished truth, if that’s what you really want to hear, Severus.�

Snape stopped his pacing and stood looming over her. “Tell me,� he insisted.

“Very well. Here it is, then: You do have a large nose, but it is not abnormally large. Sometimes you do act like a git, but your ugliness lies in your manner, much more than in your physical appearance. At times, you behave like an idiot, but you are obviously more than qualified to be a Hogwarts professor. I do not in any way, shape, or form, consider you to be a ‘slimeball’ and,� she added softly, fiddling with his buttons, “your hair has never looked cleaner than it has this past month.�

“Stop undressing me!� he sputtered, batting her hands away. “I haven’t told you about Lupin, yet.� He resumed pacing.

“I’m still listening,� Clancy said patiently, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

“I called him into my office by Floo and asked him to explain the map, since he’s the expert on Dark Magic. He tried to convince me that he knew nothing about it and that Potter probably obtained it from Zonko’s Joke Shop. Potter’s cohort Weasley picked that precise moment to arrive and to provide his confirmation. Lupin pocketed the map, and then all three of the liars waltzed out of my office without so much as a backward glance! Can’t you understand why I’m upset?� Snape thundered. “My authority is undermined continually not only by addle-brained Gryffindors, but also by Hogwarts faculty!�

“Yes, Severus, I do understand why you’re upset. Would you like me to speak to Remus about it?�

Snape whirled on Clancy with a look of fury in his eyes. “I don’t need any help from you! You filthy, little–“

“Severus!�

He crossed over to the bed. “Clancy, I –"

“Get out.�

“Please, I didn’t mean –"

“Take your bad temper and your Floo powder and go to blazes!�

Congratulations, Snape, he admonished himself. Keep this up and you’ll lose the only person who seems to give a damn about you. Control your emotions and do some fast thinking. “Valentine’s Day is only two days away. I’ve already–"

“You’ve already what? Composed a sarcastic poem to belittle me? I can just imagine how it might go,� Clancy snapped, and then began imitating Snape’s irritating, hissing voice.

“Now, with her, I am conjoined;
Two as one, we share a bed
My reason gone, thus purloined
By a worthless cotton-head�

“And that,� she continued, “would be your flattering poem!�

“Hmm,� Snape responded haughtily, evaluating her offering, “you are capable of rhyming four lines within a quatrain, after all.�

Clancy reached for the Summoning Bell that she kept on her bed table and threw it at Snape as hard as she could. He managed to duck. The bell crashed against the far wall.

“If you wish to summon me, a simple tinkle will suffice.�

“I am not summoning you; I am dismissing you,� Clancy retorted.

Snape held his ground. “Suppose we apologize to one another on the count of three, and then I’ll remain.�

“If you think that’s likely to happen, then perhaps I should register my astonishment that an idiot like you was ever made a professor! GOOD NIGHT!�

With a snarl and a swoosh, Snape entered the Floo with his cloak between his legs and disappeared in a burst of green flames.

---

As Valentine’s Day approached, Clancy prepared herself for a disappointment. She knew Snape was not the sentimental sort. In fact, neither had spoken to the other since their spat. The morning after their quarrel, Clancy made a deliberate decision not to wear her pineapple pin to breakfast. Snape noticed she wasn’t wearing it and stormed out of the Great Hall halfway through the meal.

When the 14th of February arrived, the atmosphere was much more subdued than it had been the previous year. Only last week, Sirius Black had managed to break into Gryffindor Tower, and security trolls were still guarding the portrait of the Fat Lady. Gone were the sour-faced dwarves and garish decorations that had been the brainchild of Gilderoy Lockhart. Aside from some cards exchanged among the students and some heart-shaped muffins, breakfast in the Great Hall was much the same as it was on any other morning.

Clancy was concerned that Lupin, in a gesture of friendship, might remember her with candy or flowers. That would not set well with Snape and she would be sure to be on the receiving end of one of his venomous glares. How many times had Snape told her he was not susceptible to jealousy? Humbug.

At lunchtime, Snape didn’t even appear. Clancy imagined him brooding over a cauldron or skulking morosely across the length of his office.

Directly after choir practice, Lupin called upon Clancy in the choir room. Seated at her desk, she saw Lupin enter and smiled up at him warmly. Snape sauntered in moments later and helped himself to a seat near the back of the room. Picking up a scrap of parchment from atop her desk, Lupin transfigured it into a small bouquet of flowers. Arms folded across his chest, Snape watched the werewolf’s performance.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Clancy,� Lupin said sincerely.

“Thank you, Remus. You’re always so thoughtful. I wish I were able to transfigure something for you, but unfortunately, I’m just not magical.�

“You’re magical in other ways,� Lupin assured her.

As their exchange was taking place, Snape held his stomach melodramatically and pantomimed retching. Clancy caught Snape’s act out of the corner of her eye. Lupin, standing with his back to Snape, was unaware that the Potions master had entered the room.

“You’re very sweet to say so, Remus,� Clancy told him, laying it on thick for Snape’s benefit.

“There is one thing you could do for me, if you don’t mind.�

“Yes?�

“Filius told me you can compose poetry extemporaneously. Do you suppose you could do so now?�

“I don’t see why not,� Clancy said casually. “How’s this?�

“A wizard schooled in chivalry
Beside him others pale
He bears his fate with gallantry
With or without his tail�

Lupin threw back his head and laughed heartily. As he was doing so, Clancy shot Snape her best what-do-you-think-of-that look. Snape responded by shaking his head slowly and pinching his nose.

“Clancy, your humor is so refreshing. I can’t tell you how tiresome it’s become always having people feeling sorry for me.�

“You have a positive attitude, Remus. That’s half the battle. If everyone could learn to face their sorrows with your good humor, the Wizarding world would be a much nicer place.�

“How can you compose rhymes in your head so easily?� Lupin wondered.

“My aunt taught me when I was very young. We used to carry on long conversations in verse just to amuse ourselves. I’ve been doing it for so many years that it’s become second nature to me.�

“Well, it’s a rare and wonderful gift.�

“It’s not that special. Severus can do it, too.�

Lupin cocked his head dubiously. “Severus?�

“Yes.� Looking over at Snape, she called out, “Why don’t you join us and impress Remus with your brilliance?�

Lupin made a half turn, noticing Snape for the first time. “Hello, Severus. I didn’t see you come in.�

The Potion master’s scowl deepened. “Surely the headmaster retained you for more important tasks than transfiguring parchment into posies. Please don’t let us keep you from your duties.�

Lupin told Clancy he would see her at dinner, and then made a diplomatic exit.

“Grow up, Severus,� Clancy scolded, as soon as they were alone.

“You’re speaking to me, again?�

“I never stopped speaking to you. I thought you had stopped speaking to me.�

Snape rose and approached her desk. “If an apology will help, I’ll make one,� he offered.

“All right, go ahead.�

“I’ve already done so. That was my apology.�

Clancy made a show of picking up Remus’ bouquet to admire it. Aiming his wand, Snape blasted it out of her hands, reducing it to dust.

“That was a petty thing to do.�

“You’re mine. I will not allow you to receive gifts from other men -- especially Lupin.�

Clancy laughed weakly. “I will assume that you've just imbibed a Possessiveness Potion, and for your sake, I hope it wears off quickly.�

“Why are you no longer wearing your pineapple pin?� Snape demanded.

“Its absence signifies my disappointment in you.�

“What must I do in order for you to wear it again?�

“Change. Radically.�

“I can make no guarantees.�

“In that case, neither can I.�

“Will you come down to the dungeons with me for a moment?�

“What for?�

“Your Valentine’s gift is there. I wish to present it to you.�

“Why not bring it up here to me?�

“That would be rather hard to do.�

Snape had aroused her curiosity. “All right,� Clancy agreed, “but this had better be good.�

As they descended the long, stone stairway, Snape asked, “Are you giving me anything?�

“I'm giving you just what you deserve -- nothing.�

Silently, Snape led Clancy through his office to a door behind his desk. “Your gift is in here,� he told her, guiding her into a dark storeroom.

“Brrr,� Clancy shivered, “it’s colder than an icebox in here.�

“That is precisely why I selected this location. LUMOS!� Snape commanded, and a wall sconce lighted.

Clancy looked around. The room was filled to capacity with cans of Diet Dr. Pepper. “How did all this get here?�

“I arranged with Tom to acquire them from a Muggle shop. He purchased several large shipments over a period of weeks and had them delivered to the Leaky Cauldron. I Flooed there during lunch today, applied a Shrinking Charm to the crates, and then returned with them to the castle.�

“Severus, this is absolutely amazing! How many cans are there?�

“Six thousand.�

“Six thousand?� Clancy repeated in disbelief. “Even if I drank five cans a day, it would take me over three years to finish all of this. Why so many?�

“To prove a point,� Snape informed her imperiously. “Lupin gave you six cans for Christmas. This is my way of illustrating that I am one thousand times better than Remus Lupin.�

Snape’s male logic confounded Clancy. It was quite apparent to her that he’d spend an exorbitant part of his salary in a rather juvenile attempt to show up Lupin. He could have given her a ring for far less than what he must have paid for this cache of carbonation, but would the obvious ever occur to Snape? To the contrary, it seemed to be his goal to embrace the obscure, which probably explained, in part, why Clancy was so madly in love with him. It had just begun to dawn on her, however, that her Potions master paramour was emotionally stunted.

She decided to give the devil his due. “Thank you, Severus. I can say in all honesty that this is the most…unusual Valentine’s gift I’ve ever received. It’s rather romantic in an odd way.�

“Then am I invited back to your room tonight?� Snape inquired hopefully.

“As long as you can control your temper, but consider yourself on probation. And Severus,� she added in a seductive whisper.

“Yes?�

“Be sure to arrive early and bring me what I’ve been craving.�

“My Neeps and Tatties are eager for your attention,� Snape assured her.

“I didn’t mean that. I meant a couple of cans of ice-cold Dr. Pepper!�

---

Reconciled once more, Clancy decided to concentrate on Snape’s positive traits instead of his negative ones. Unfortunately, the scale was tipped decidedly in the wrong direction. Unpredictable at best, his temper seemed to be growing worse. She found it disturbing that Snape had lashed out at her when she had offered to speak with Lupin on his behalf, but she tried to rationalize that he had been under a great deal of stress that day. Still, she would not allow him to get away with surly behavior.

The next few months passed without incident, and for the most part, Clancy was happy. She assumed that Snape was satisfied with their arrangement, as well, although he never expressed his feelings in words. In fact, the more they were together, the less communicative he became.

Snape worked hard trying to please Clancy in unconventional ways. He became obsessed with perfecting his Acne Potion, not out of empathy for Eloise Midgen, but to be hailed by Clancy as a genius. He substituted veela eyebrows in place of eyelashes, doubled the amount of bubotuber pus, and added one chin hair from a Himalayan hag, just to keep Eloise’s hip gyrations under control.

The night before the Spring Concert, Clancy insisted that Eloise test the potion for the dress rehearsal, just to make sure the actual performance would run smoothly. The young singer performed beautifully, with clear skin and no untoward side effects. Unfortunately, the potion’s curative properties were still temporary.

The following evening, the show was a great success. Both choirs outdid themselves, and Eloise was the hit of the show. After the performers took their bows, Professor Dumbledore stepped forward to present Clancy with a large bouquet of roses in recognition of her achievement. The students and guests applauded enthusiastically, although the response from the Slytherins was rather restrained. Wearing the thinnest trace of a smile, Snape stood in the back of the Great Hall with his eyes fixed on the choir teacher.

As Clancy searched the room trying to locate Snape, she glanced in the direction of the Slytherins and locked eyes with a silver-haired wizard with a pale, pointed face. He regarded her with a disturbing expression that made her feel as if he disapproved of her, as he brought his hands together lightly, clapping superficially. Uncomfortable, she looked away.

Later that night, when Snape and she were alone in her room, they discussed the evening’s events. “Severus,� Clancy asked, “is it my imagination or don’t Slytherins like music? No students from your House have ever auditioned for choir.�

“Aside from an obligation to support our Quidditch team, I never concern myself with their extracurricular activities.�

“Then you’ve done nothing to discourage them from participating?�

“No, nothing at all. I rather enjoy music apart from your singing. I would even go so far as to concede that Miss Midgen has a pleasant voice. She will never achieve the melodic perfection of Miss Warbeck, however.�

“And who is Miss Warbeck?�

Snape made no attempt to mask his disdain for her ignorance. “Miss Celestina Warbeck is the greatest living singer of Wizarding music. She is hailed throughout Britain and all of Europe as the divine Singing Sorceress, yet to Muggles she is unknown. The ignorance of your society astounds me.�

“Hmm. Is she pretty?�

“What has that to do with anything? I believe she will be turning 77 this year.�

Clancy breathed a sigh of relief. “There are plenty of famous Muggle singers with whom, I am sure, you are unfamiliar.�

“Let’s keep it that way, shall we?�

“As you wish, Severus.�

“Let’s get to bed,� Snape suggested eagerly.

“Severus?�

“Yes?� he answered impatiently.

“Who was the light-haired gentleman with the pointy chin that was standing near the Slytherin table?�

Snape started. “Why do you ask?�

“He looked at me as though I were dirt beneath his feet; in fact, he frightened me a little. At times I get the feeling that it’s me the Slytherins object to, more than the choir.�

Snape was uncertain how to address Clancy’s question. The less she knew about Malfoy, the better off she’d be. “He’s a former school governor. His son is in my House.�

“Is his son that horrid boy who made a big squawk about being attacked by the hippogriff? I remember some of my students discussing it. The man was standing directly behind the boy; they look a great deal alike.�

“Yes,� Snape confirmed cautiously. “The Malfoys are a very old and aristocratic Wizarding family.�

“Is he one of those pure-bloods you were telling me about?�

“Er…yes. Now put him out of your mind, and let’s retire. I’m sure you only imagined that he disliked of you.�

“All right, Severus. Whatever you say.�

Once they were in bed, Clancy dozed off quickly, exhausted from the excitement of the show. Snape lay awake cradling her in his arms. Yet another worry to distract me. Potter is always up to something, and Black is on the loose. Lupin’s mere presence stirs up painful memories, and now Malfoy. He closed his eyes willing himself to sleep, but sleep would not come. It’s nearly June, Snape realized. Surely the remainder of this abysmal school term will pass without incident. At last, he allowed himself to drift into an uneasy dream state, a twisted nightmare of full moons, maps, and Malfoys -- and a wily werewolf pilfering Dr. Pepper.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 27: Full Moon and Empty Arms

---

The sleepless nights, the daily fights,
The quick toboggan when you reach the heights;
I miss the kisses and I miss the bites –
I wish I were in love again.

When love congeals, it soon reveals,
The faint aroma of performing seals;
The double-crossing of a pair of heels –
I wish I were in love again.

The pulled out fur of cat and cur,
The fine mismatching of a him and her;
I’ve learned my lesson, but I wish I were
In love again.


I Wish I Were in Love Again
~ Lyrics by Lorenz Hart

---

On the first Thursday in June, Snape awoke smothering beneath his pillow after a perverse dream. Perspiration dripping from his brow, he mumbled, “Clancy�, before opening his eyes to discover that he was alone in his own bed in the dungeons.

What a night it had been! One dreadful image shifted into the next, with no pattern or logic. Snape dreamed he was in a forest clearing observing a group of hooded figures in dark robes. They formed a circle around a faceless woman who was pleading with them to free her. As Snape drew nearer, the woman cried, “Save me!� and he realized it was Clancy. He tried to go to her, but found that his legs had become mired in a bog. The more he struggled to free himself, the deeper he sank.

A full moon appeared from behind a cloud, casting an unholy glow upon the scene. Snape’s eardrums were assaulted with a series of high-pitched howls, and then a large, shaggy creature emerged from the shadows. It was half-man, half-beast, with the body of a wolf and the head of Remus Lupin. Snape screamed in terror as the monster approached Clancy.

The beast knelt to the ground and Clancy climbed upon its back. He led her fearlessly through the ranks of her captors, and as they parted to let the heroic wolf pass, they removed their hoods. Each was revealed as a high-ranking official of the Ministry of Magic, and as Clancy and her savior paused, the officials formed a queue. Remus the Good stood proud on his hind legs as a dozen First Orders of Merlin displayed on satin ribbons were looped around his neck.

Snape watched, powerless, as the ooze swallowed him up to his knees. Cornelius Fudge stepped forward to present Clancy with a can of Diet Dr. Pepper. She popped the tab and held the beverage in front of her to share with Lupin. The assemblage applauded as wolf and woman paraded past Snape. He reached out to Clancy as she passed, but she merely raised her can of Dr. Pepper in salute and said, “A brew lends pep, Prof.!�

Lupin’s medals dangled directly above Snape, but just beyond his reach. He grasped desperately for them, sinking lower with each attempt. Clancy pulled a map from her pocket, unfolded it, and held it in front of Snape’s face. “Reveal your secrets!� Snape panted, losing strength, and words appeared on the parchment.

“Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Ellis Lamb and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose away from Miss Norgard.�

Snape shook his head in a fruitless attempt to comprehend the map’s message. “WHO THE DEVIL IS ELLIS LAMB?� he screeched. Clancy and Lupin laughed derisively as the map continued its commentary.

“Miss Norgard would like to register her astonishment that an idiot like you cannot deduce that Ellis Lamb is an anagram for slimeball!�

“Clancy! Help me!� Snape pleaded, as the quagmire consumed his torso.

“Sorry, Severus. You said you don’t need any help from me, remember? And another thing,� she reminded him, “a brew lends pep, Prof.!�

Confused, and shaking in agony, the last image he saw was Lupin strutting triumphantly into the night with Clancy riding him piggyback. Too weak to struggle, Snape slipped unnoticed into the black, bottomless bog.

---

After a long shower, Snape still could not quiet his nerves or forget the humiliation he’d suffered in his dream. He decided to skip breakfast and go directly to his classroom.

Clancy had overslept. Arriving late to the Great Hall, she was surprised to find both Snape and Lupin absent. She took a seat beside Flitwick.

“Good morning, my dear,� the diminutive professor greeted her.

“Good morning, Filius. Have you seen Remus?�

“He’s outside on the grounds preparing an obstacle course for his Third Years. They’re taking their final exam today.�

“Oh, what fun! Perhaps I’ll go observe his class after breakfast.�

“Is our Anagram Club still on for tonight?� Flitwick inquired.

“Why, of course, Filius. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ve been working on a special anagram all week, and I believe I’ve come up with one that will stump all three of you.�

“I’m afraid it will be just the two of us.�

“Oh? Won’t Albus and Remus be able to attend?�

“No,� Flitwick explained sadly. "Albus is going to be with Hagrid this evening. Minister Fudge and representatives from the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures will be arriving later to execute the hippogriff.� He pulled out his handkerchief and dabbed his eyes.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Poor Hagrid,� Clancy sighed sympathetically.

“Yes, it’s tragic,� Flitwick agreed. “And Remus,� he hesitated, “well, tonight’s the full moon, you know.�

“I hadn’t realized,� she admitted quietly.

“Now, now, Remus is a brave fellow. You mustn’t let it upset you.�

“What a miserable existence it must be for him, though.�

“Yes,� the tiny wizard concurred, “but at least he’s come to terms with it after so many years. It’s a pity Severus can’t follow his good example and resolve his inner conflicts about being a former Death--� Flitwick reached quickly for his goblet of pumpkin juice, flustered by his near slip of the tongue. It occurred to him as he began to speak the word that most likely Snape had never confided in Clancy. The Charms professor turned as red as a Clabbert’s pustule.

“What were you saying, Filius?� Clancy asked distractedly, reaching for a raisin scone.

“Why, I…I don’t recall,� he stammered. “I must have lost my train of thought.�

“That doesn’t sound like a Ravenclaw trait to me,� she teased.

“You know, Clancy,� Flitwick mused, “if you had been born a witch, you would have been Sorted into Ravenclaw House.�

“Thank you, Filius, but I imagine myself more as a Hufflepuff. I’m cursed with an unfortunate tendency to let my heart rule my head. Above all else, I’m loyal.�

I hope, for your sake, that your loyalty will never put you in danger, Flitwick thought, before saying, “Shall we meet in my office tonight around 9:00?�

“Very well. See you then,� Clancy agreed, before rising to leave.

---

Clancy spent the remainder of the morning standing on the sidelines watching Lupin put his Third Years through their paces. She admired his innovative approach to teaching. He seemed to be having just as much fun as his students as he observed their ingenuity in dealing with the challenges with which he had presented them.

Clancy laughed as the students tried to evade and outwit a grindylow while wading through a deep pool. Next, Professor Lupin instructed his class to run through a series of potholes. They were expected to use charms and hexes to avoid an assault by Red Caps. One of the tiny, goblin-like creatures climbed out from his lair and charged toward Clancy with a bloodthirsty look in his eye. Effortlessly, Lupin leveled his wand at the creature and applied a Hover Charm, causing the Red Cap to float helplessly in the air.

After battling their way through a marsh while trying their best to ignore erroneous directions provided by a devious hinkypunk, the exam concluded with the students taking turns climbing into an old trunk to take on a boggart. When their final challenge had been met, Lupin dismissed his class with a wave of his hand.

Happy to be released, the students sprinted back toward the castle followed at a more leisurely pace by Lupin and Clancy, who discussed the exam.

“Do you mean to tell me that one-legged wisp of smoke was a hinkypunk?� Clancy asked incredulously.

“Yes,� Lupin confirmed. “They look harmless, but they’ve been known to lure unsuspecting travelers to their deaths.�

“And to think my upper choir is named in honor of those little beasts! And why,� she wondered, “did that other creature begin running toward me?�

“Oh, the Red Cap? They’re naturally malicious. It must have sensed you were a Muggle and would be unable to defend yourself, so it decided to attack. They pose no great threat to wizards, however.�

“There’s still so much I’ve yet to learn about the creatures in your world,� Clancy realized.

“You might find a Jarvey amusing. I’ll see if I can acquire one for next term.�

“A Jarvey?�

“Jarveys resemble large ferrets,� Lupin explained, “and they can actually talk. Their remarks consist entirely of rude comments and insults.�

Clancy regarded Lupin knowingly. “Yes, I can well imagine why you’d think they might appeal to me.�

Lupin attempted to maintain an innocent expression, but failed miserably.

Arriving in the entry hall, Clancy and Lupin parted company to return to their own classrooms. The final choir meeting for the Harmonious Hinkypunks, consisting of an in-class talent show, had taken place yesterday afternoon. Today, the Musical Mooncalves would be performing. Opening the door to the choir room, Clancy was surprised to find Snape waiting for her inside.

“Severus?� she called from the doorway.

He stood glaring out the window. “I’ve been waiting to speak with you. Where have you been all morning?� he asked suspiciously.

“Out on the grounds observing a Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Remus set up an obstacle course for his Third Years,� Clancy told him. She crossed the room to join him and give him a quick kiss, but Snape’s only reaction was a snarl.

“Hmm,� she observed, licking her lips, “rather sour and unsatisfying. At times like this, I wish I were able to perform a Cheering Charm. Why weren’t you at breakfast?�

Snape collapsed into a chair. “I didn’t sleep well. I was wondering if you dreamed anything last night.�

Clancy thought for a moment. “No, nothing that I can recall.� She noticed how drawn and tired Snape looked. “Did you have an unsettling dream, Severus?�

“Thanks to you, I’m dreaming of anagrams, Dr. Pepper and…other disturbing images.�

“I see. What, for instance?�

Snape regarded her carefully. “Never mind. Tell me what you make of this: ‘A brew lends pep, Prof.’.�

“Pepproff? I’ve never heard of the word.�

“No,� Snape explained impatiently, “pep, as in energy, and Prof., as an abbreviation for Professor. Do you think it could be an anagram?�

“I don’t know. The longer the phrase, the more difficult it is to solve. Albus would be the best person to ask, or Filius.�

“Which reminds me, your nonsensical Anagram Club meets this evening, doesn’t it?�

“That’s right.�

“Can’t you miss it, just this once? I’d prefer not be alone tonight.�

“I’ve already promised Filius. He’d be disappointed if I canceled.� Snape gave her a hurt look, so she proposed a compromise. “We usually run out of steam by 11:00. Suppose you call for me in Filius’s office around that time and then we can be together. All right?�

“Very well.� With no more than a perfunctory squeeze of her hand, Snape rose and skulked toward the door. Before exiting, he paused and turned back to Clancy. “By the way, did you know that Ellis Lamb is an anagram for slimeball?�

Clancy regarded him quizzically. “No, Severus, I didn’t.�

“Curious,� Snape observed, before he swept out of the room.

Not as curious as Filius’s comment about your being a former Death…something. I bet it’s some silly Slytherin boys club. I must explore that remark with him at length tonight, she promised herself.

---

“I’ve solved it!� Clancy crowed proudly, laying down her quill. “Diogenes Lime is an anagram for Eloise Midgen!�

“Brilliant, Clancy!� Flitwick confirmed enthusiastically. He withdrew his pocket watch and noted the time. “It’s just after 11:00. You say Severus will be meeting you here soon?� He stifled a yawn, endeavoring to remain dignified while perched atop a makeshift booster seat fashioned from four thick catalogues of Watty’s Wizarding Wear for Wee Wizards.

“Yes, I told him we’d be finishing up by now. I wonder what’s detaining him?�

“How about a game of wizard’s chess while we’re waiting?� Flitwick suggested.

“I’d rather not. The chess pieces seem to sense that I’m a weak player; there’s nothing worse than receiving a dirty look from a rook right before his little turrets are whacked off.�

“To a Muggle that must seem rather brutal.�

Clancy nodded. Wizarding ways were still so foreign to her. “Filius, may I ask you about a comment you made earlier?�

“Of course,� he responded amiably.

“You were telling me that you wished Severus could resolve his inner conflicts about being a former Death something or other, but you never completed your thought. What was it you were about to say?�

Flitwick proceeded carefully. “Has Severus discussed his past with you?�

“No, he’s very secretive. In fact, he made a point of making me promise never to question him about it. But, then, Severus is always rather dramatic. What’s all the mystery about, anyway? If you know anything, I wish you’d tell me.�

Flitwick gave her a rather odd look. “Clancy, to be perfectly honest, I don’t know the entire story. Albus is the only one who does. I believe the headmaster would be your best source of information. Good gracious, it’s getting late!� He began clearing up the game table.

“Oh, come on. You know more than you’re saying. Won’t you, at least, tell me what that word was you were going to use?� she persisted.

The Charms professor studied her eyes forlornly and said, “Death…Eater.�

“What an odd name. I can’t begin to guess what it means, but it sounds most unpleasant.�

“Really, I’m not the one to ask.� He picked up his quill and said, “How about letting me take a crack at your new anagram? Give me a chance to solve it before you share it with Albus and Remus?�

“Shall I tell you the category?�

“Well, I am a Ravenclaw, but since the hour is late, perhaps it would be beneficial.�

“The category is notorious. Are you ready?�

“Ready,� Flitwick said, dipping his quill in ink.

“Here it is: Basilisk cur.�

Just then, the door swung open, and Clancy watched Flitwick’s eyes widen in disbelief. “Sirius Black!� he cried.

“Filius, that’s amazing! How did you solve it so quickly?�

Flitwick hopped off his chair and looked beyond her at a ragged, emaciated man floating on a stretcher. Dumbledore stood on one side of him, and Snape stood behind, aiming his wand at the man. Clancy turned to see what was causing the commotion.

“Filius, we will need to borrow your office,� Dumbledore informed Flitwick calmly. “Severus has just captured Black. Would you be so kind as to escort Clancy back to her quarters?�

Snape’s eyes never left the prisoner. They burned with hatred.

Frightened, Clancy rose and began edging her way slowly toward the door.

Black spotted her. “I remember you. You’re the woman in the sleigh.� He turned his head toward Dumbledore. “Ask her,� he moaned. “She knows the truth. She called me a ‘good boy’!� He laughed mirthlessly, and then closed his eyes.

“Severus? What does he mean?� Clancy inquired, bewildered by Black’s remark.

“He’s mad. Pay no attention to him,� Snape told her, still focusing on the prisoner.

“Come with me, Clancy.� Flitwick reached up for her elbow and escorted her out of his office.

“Severus, I’ll remain here to speak with Black,� Dumbledore advised. “Why don’t you meet with Fudge and relate to him all that has happened? I’m sure he’ll be eager to receive your report.�

“Yes, Headmaster.� Snape strode triumphantly out the door.

---

By midnight, Clancy had given up on Snape. She assumed as soon as he were free, he’d make a beeline to her room to boast of his great heroism, but once again, she was left in the dark. Hogwarts seemed to be brimming with secrets, yet no one was willing to share any information with her. After two years as a teacher, she decided it was high time to ask a few pointed questions.

She was proud of Snape, however, and she intended to tell him so -- if he ever showed up.

Growing weary, she decided to retire and speak with him later. She nodded off quickly, only to be awakened by a flash of green flames when Snape appeared in the Floo.

He was in a rage. Clancy sat up in bed and called his name, but he didn’t look at her. Instead, he picked up a chair near the fire and smashed it against the wall. Breathing hard, spittle dribbling from his mouth, he turned and spied a moth fluttering against the open window. He withdrew his wand and aimed it at the harmless creature. He shouted “Avada Kedavra�, and it fell lifeless to the floor.

Clancy was too stunned to speak. She was used to his temperamental outbursts, but she’d never seen him like this! She watched as he paced the room. Pausing in front of her bureau, he swiped his arm across the top of it, sending her belongings flying in all directions.

At last, he turned to acknowledge Clancy. She cringed as he leveled his wand again, but he merely used it to light candles to illuminate the room. As he approached, she noted that his scalp was bleeding and there were dark bruises across his forehead.

“Severus,� she ventured tentatively, “you’ve been hurt. What’s happened?�

Snape lost control. Chest heaving, eyes bulging with fury, he threw himself down on the bed and covered his face with his hands. “He didn’t believe me!� he screeched. "HE DIDN’T BELIEVE ME!�

“Who didn’t believe you? Please tell me what’s wrong.�

“He took their word against mine!� Snape lowered his hands and began pounding his fists down hard against the mattress.

“You need to see Poppy about your wounds and--�

Snape whirled on her. “I’ve just come from there. The hospital wing is rather crowded at the moment. The headmaster’s three precious Gryffindors invariably take precedence over me. Minister Fudge is the only one who commented upon my injuries. No one else even noticed!�

“Well, I‘ve noticed. I’ll be right back.� Clancy hurried into the bathroom and returned moments later with a cool washcloth. Folding it, she laid it gently upon Snape’s head.

Snape calmed a bit, but his face was flushed bright red. “Potter’s behind this. I know he is!�

“Rest for a while, Severus,� Clancy suggested. “Once you feel better, you can tell me about it.�

“I can’t calm down. I’m…I…I never…no one ever…� he mumbled incoherently. “BLAST IT ALL!� he screamed. He closed his eyes tightly for a minute and exhaled heavily struggling for control. When he spoke, he was still breathless. “Perhaps I should leave,� Snape said raggedly, casting a fierce look at Clancy.

“All right, Severus, if you think it best,� she agreed.

“Just like that?� he demanded. “You’re not going to try to convince me to stay?�

“Is that what you’d like me to do?�

Snape sprang from the bed and hurled the washcloth across the room. “Of all the infernal…I thought you, of all people, would make an effort to console me!� he grumbled.

“I’ve been trying to, but it’s rather hard to do with you storming in here bent on wrecking the place!�

Snape pursed his lips and pointed his wand at the floor. Clancy’s belongings resumed their original positions on the bureau. “I’ll have one of the house-elves restore the chair,� he muttered half-heartedly.

“What about the moth?� Clancy wondered.

“Some things are irreversible.�

“That was unnecessarily cruel.�

“It’s no different than you swatting a fly,� Snape returned defensively.

“If you expect me to sympathize with you, then you need to explain to me what happened that has you so upset.�

Snape sat on the edge of the bed and began removing his boots. “Here it is in a nutshell: Lupin has been aiding and abetting Sirius Black. I came across them conspiring together in the Shrieking Shack. I was knocked out by a Disarming Charm, and by the time I regained consciousness, I found myself outside on the grounds. Potter, Weasley, Granger, and Black were lying nearby. I conjured stretchers and returned them to the castle. Oh, yes, and one last detail: Your favorite colleague neglected to take his potion, and at this very moment, he is running loose in the Forbidden Forest. And, might I add, this entire, miserable evening is your fault!�

Clancy shot out of bed and confronted Snape. “My fault! I haven’t seen you since lunch! By what conceivable stretch of the imagination is any of this my fault?�

He rose to remove his cloak and regarded her scathingly. “I happened to pass by Lupin’s office earlier this evening, and what do you think I found there?� Clancy remained mute and shrugged her shoulders. “On his desk were the Wolfsbane Potion and that confounded map that insulted me. And something else…�

“Well?�

“Would you like to proffer a guess at what I discovered on top of the map?� Snape narrowed his eyes.

Clancy met his gaze. “Suppose you just come to the point and tell me.�

Snape threw his cloak into a chair and kicked his boots across the room. “I found an empty can of DIET DR. PEPPER! YOU’VE BEEN SHARING MY GIFT WITH HIM!�

“What if I have?� Clancy responded hotly. “It’s not as if I’m going to run out any time soon.�

“I’ll not have you squandering my hard-earned salary on that…that…CREATURE!�

“How DARE you refer to Remus like that!� Clancy looked toward the window. “I only hope he’s all right out there.�

“Lupin is a crazed monster who’s been consorting with an escaped mass murderer and you DEFEND HIM?�

“YES! Until I’m certain of all the facts, I DO defend him!�

“I’m right!� Snape insisted. “Why can’t I convince anyone that I’m right?�

“Ask yourself, Severus. Are you sure that you’re right, or do you need to be right? I’m confident that the truth will come out eventually to everyone’s satisfaction. Until then, I plan to keep an open mind.�

Snape stormed toward the bathroom. “I’m going to take a shower.�

“Make it a cold one,� Clancy shot back meanly.

He emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later to find Clancy sound asleep. Her eyelids were moving rapidly and her mouth was set in a grimace. Snape felt an uneasiness growing inside of him. He reached for his wand, and pointed it toward her. “Legilimens!� he whispered.

Inside Clancy’s mind, Snape saw an undecipherable grouping of alphabet letters. Anagrams, he seethed. She’s dreaming of blasted anagrams, again. The letters arranged themselves into the phrase “a hated tree�. A hated tree? Has it something to do with the Whomping Willow? Just then, the letters shifted to spell “heated tear�. Snape laid his wand on the night table and slid into bed. He lay awake, mulling over the evening’s events. How could this night have possibly been any worse? he lamented angrily.

Clancy’s dream faded, and in a half-waking state, she rolled over and settled into his arms. He closed his eyes for a time, thinking about her anagram dream. Suddenly, he froze, and opened his eyes. Every muscle in his body tightened. He eased Clancy gently out of his arms, careful not to awaken her. Silently, he retrieved his clothes and dressed, then stepped into the Floo.
 
I’ve lost everything, Snape realized. A hated tree and heated tear are anagrams for Death Eater! She knows! How can I ever make her understand? Lupin must have told her. After all he’s done, it’s time for me to repay him in kind. Tonight, I’ve been cheated out of my triumph and lost the one thing I’ve always wanted -- my Order of Merlin. Snape stole one last look at Clancy. And soon, I’ll lose her, too.

Releasing the Floo powder, Snape succumbed to the flames that carried him down to the depths of the dungeons.

---

The next morning at breakfast, Clancy hoped to see Remus, but he didn’t appear. A pall had descended over the High Table, and there was much speculation among the Gryffindors concerning the absence of Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Clancy caught sight of Snape standing at the far end of the Slytherin Table. He announced something that caused the students to become alarmed. They began whispering and passing along the information to one another. Then, smiling smugly, Snape strode out the door.

After speaking briefly with Professor Sprout and Madam Hooch, Clancy determined that, at this point, they didn’t seem to know any more about what was going on than she did. Professors Flitwick, McGonagall, and Dumbledore were missing, too. It was all quite puzzling.

She spent the rest of the morning in the choir room, filing away songbooks and sheet music. Slightly before noon, Flitwick hurried in, looking quite dismayed.

“Clancy, have you heard the news?�

“No, Filius. What’s happened?�

“Remus resigned this morning. Albus just informed me.�

“Oh, no,� Clancy moaned. “Where is he? I must see him.�

“He’s in his classroom packing his trunk.�

“Filius, will you excuse me?�

“Certainly, Clancy.�

She tore past him out of the room to go meet with Lupin. She found him standing behind his desk studying a map.

“Come in, Clancy,� Lupin said ruefully.

“Remus,� she asked, rushing to his side, “why did you resign? You weren’t really helping Sirius Black all this time, were you?�

“No. I thought he was guilty until last night. Albus will tell you all about it. I’m rather anxious to be on my way and put all this unpleasantness behind me.�

“But, why are you leaving if you haven’t done anything wrong?�

Lupin smiled sadly, uncertain how to respond. “After transforming last night, I’ve realized that it’s not prudent for me to be near the students. I became distracted and forgot to drink the potion. I can’t risk the chance of that ever happening again.�

“Do you have somewhere to live?�

“I may have prospects in London.� Lupin noticed Clancy’s bottom lip quivering. He gave her a quick embrace and a kiss. “Don’t you dare shed a tear over the likes of me,� he warned her. “I’ll write to you once I’m settled, I promise. Now you’d better be running along.� He pointed to the map on his desk. “Do you see those small dots moving down the corridor?� he asked, indicating the spot.

“Yes. What do they mean?�

“I’m about to have another visitor.�

“Goodbye, Remus,� Clancy said, heading toward the door. “I hope we’ll meet again.�

“We will, Clancy – if the Fates allow.�

Clancy left his office and collided with Harry Potter a few paces down the corridor. “Sorry, Miss Norgard,� the young wizard apologized. “Is Professor Lupin still in his office?�

“Yes, Harry. Just knock on the door and go right in.� Wiping tears from her eyes, Clancy headed toward the dungeons to find Snape.

---

A/N: I respectfully request that if you solve the anagram, please do not reveal it in the review thread and spoil it for other readers. Many readers have already solved it and have notified me by private e-mail, and I respect them for their consideration. Thank you.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Everything Happens to Me

---

As Clancy descended the staircase to the dungeons, she wondered what mood she would find Snape in today. He certainly hadn’t been at his best last night. In fact, she admitted to herself, she had felt somewhat frightened of him. At most times, Snape seemed so self-controlled that she couldn’t read him at all. Then, unexpectedly, he would explode into fits of anger.

Halfway down the steps, she stopped abruptly. Eyes still red from crying over Lupin’s departure, she realized that her highly emotional state might upset Snape further. Either that or he’d be elated to learn that his imagined rival would soon be gone. Clancy turned and decided to pay a call on Dumbledore, instead.

She found the headmaster sitting alone in the staff room. He looked up when he saw her enter.

“What are you doing indoors on such a fine, warm day? I thought you’d be in Hogsmeade shopping this afternoon.� He smiled at her serenely, as if nothing remarkable had occurred last night.

“I’ve just come from saying goodbye to Remus. It won’t be the same here without him.�

“Try not to be too hard on Severus about this, Clancy. He suffered an immense disappointment. Even though he was ignorant of all the facts, he still acted heroically.�

Clancy took a seat across the table from Dumbledore. “In light of what facts, Albus? What does Severus have to do with Remus leaving?�

“He told the Slytherins this morning about Remus’s condition. Remus decided it was in Hogwarts’ best interest to resign before parents began complaining to the school governors.�

“This is outrageous!� Clancy stormed. “Just because I shared my Dr. Pepper with him? Severus is overreacting!�

“Calm yourself, Clancy,� Dumbledore said soothingly. “I’m afraid the animosity Severus feels toward Remus goes much deeper than that. Severus has always been reticent to speak of his past. I’m not surprised he hasn’t confided in you. Perhaps if I told you what happened between them when they were students, you would have a better understanding of why he was out of sorts last night.�

“Please do. I want to know.�

“Briefly,� Dumbledore began, “Sirius Black and Remus were friends at school. Sirius put Severus in danger by luring him into a trap. He almost came face to face with Remus while he was transforming. Severus might have been killed if another boy hadn’t learned of the matter and rescued him. To this day, Severus believes that Remus knew of the prank, but I can assure you, he did not.�

“And he’s still harboring a grudge after all these years?"

“Yes. And when he found Remus and Sirius together last night, Severus had to confront painful memories.�

“I see. But Severus came to see me afterward and kept on about you not believing him. What did he mean?�

“Did he tell you he was hit with a Disarming Charm and was unconscious for a time?�

“Yes, he did mention that,� Clancy confirmed.

The headmaster continued, “Three at once, actually. Certain facts came to light during that time of which Severus was unaware. Something occurred that proved Sirius to be innocent. And, by a fortuitous turn of events, he escaped last night. Severus feels he was cheated out of his reward for capturing him.�

“Black escaped? How?�

Dumbledore stroked his beard and smiled winsomely. “It’s quite baffling. With all the security measures within the castle, I can only speculate that he must have had impeccable timing.� He rose from his chair. “Now, if you will excuse me, I –"

“Albus, what is a Death Eater?� Clancy interjected casually.

The elderly wizard’s eyes de-twinkled, and he resumed his seat. “I beg your pardon?�

“I’d like to know what a Death Eater is. Filius told me that Severus used to be one. When I asked him to explain what it meant, he suggested I speak with you.�

There was an abrupt shift in the headmaster’s demeanor. He frowned sadly. “Do you recall the conversation we had concerning Severus shortly after you arrived at Hogwarts?� Clancy nodded. “I alluded to a dark period in his life, of which even Hillary was unaware. It was during that time that Severus became a Death Eater. He was at a crossroads, and unfortunately, he selected the wrong path, for a time.�

“But, what is a Death Eater?� she persisted. "Did Severus break the law or do something wrong?�

“Someday, when he is ready, he will find the words to tell you.�

Clancy was determined to have her questions answered. “He refuses to speak with me about it. Please, Albus, tell me. Did he do something wrong?�

“He made many mistakes, but that was in the past. You must judge him as he is today – as you know him. We must learn from the past, but we must not dwell on it.�

Clancy tilted her head and wrinkled her nose. One of the headmaster’s stock profundities that sounds paradoxically simple yet complex, but in reality, means nothing. Translation: Stop asking questions. She decided to pursue the topic until Dumbledore provided her with concrete information. “Why do you trust Severus so completely if you knew he was unreliable in the past?�

He smiled patiently. “Do you trust him, Clancy?�

“Yes,� she replied without hesitating.

“Why?�

“Well, I…because he’s…I just do.�

“There’s your answer. Some things are unexplainable. If you know in your heart that something is a certain way, then nothing on earth can convince you otherwise. Do you understand?�

Clancy nodded her head slowly in defeat. This was what her private conversations with Dumbledore had been like ever since she’d met him. She always left the room knowing less than when she’d entered.

“Severus is an extremely complicated man, Clancy, as you well know. If he were one-dimensional, you would have tired of him by now. Think of him as a puzzle, or a thorny anagram.� Dumbledore was selling her a bill of goods, but she wasn’t buying. The headmaster rose once more to leave. “By the way,� he inquired, “have you made plans for your summer holiday? I imagine you must be eager to visit your friends in Pasadena.�

“No, I haven’t made any plans. I’ll probably remain here at the castle.�

“Really? I would think you would enjoy a change of pace. Give it some thought.�

“I’m happy here. I couldn’t bear to leave Sev--er, Hogwarts.�

With a cryptic smile, Dumbledore excused himself and left Clancy alone. She rose and poured herself a goblet of pumpkin juice from the sideboard, trying to analyze the peculiar expression in Dumbledore’s eyes just before he exited. She decided that they’d reflected a mixture of sorrow and calculation.

As she sipped the juice, Clancy was struck by the irony of her relationship with Snape. She had complete faith in him even though she knew nothing of his past. He had drugged her with Veritaserum, but still, she rationalized, he had done it to assuage his own insecurities and suspicions about her. She, on the other hand, had never deceived Snape; yet, after all their nights of intimacy and her obvious devotion to him, he still didn’t trust her.

Perhaps I should return to Pasadena for the summer. My absence may be just the kick in the pants Severus needs. If he missed me, it might light a fire under his cauldron. Then, by next Christmas, who knows? We could be engaged, or even married! I could be Mrs. Severus Snape – the wife of a petty, emotionally unbalanced wizard who’d squander the family fortune on Dr. Pepper and keep dark secrets from me.

Clancy shook her head, appalled by her bad taste in men. Downing the last trickle of juice, another thought played through her mind: Did she really want to get away from Hogwarts for a while, or was that what Dumbledore wanted her to do?

---

Later that afternoon, Dumbledore Flooed unannounced to Snape’s office. He found the wizard extracting pus from a slimy black plant that resembled a slug.

“Still trying to perfect your Acne Potion, Severus?� Dumbledore inquired.

Snape stopped his work and regarded the headmaster. “You rarely Floo to my office to discuss Potions research. I imagine the real purpose behind your visit is to call me down for my actions this morning and to try to convince me yet again that Potter had nothing to do with Black’s escape.�

“Then you would be mistaken, Severus. I came to inquire if you’ve made plans for the summer.�

With a snort, Snape replied, “A rather pointless question. I never make plans. I shall remain at the castle basking in solitude, all the while relishing my all too brief respite from the feeble minds of my charges.�

“Have you given any thought to Clancy?�

Snape sensed that he was about to be lectured, and that any moment now, the headmaster would lower his spectacles and give him that stern, paternal expression. His privacy was about to be invaded, and there was very little he could do about it.

“In what way?� he answered warily.

Dumbledore did not disappoint. The spectacles slid down his nose and he regarded Snape as if he were a wayward child. “Have you given any thought to what might make Clancy happy? Surely you could spare the time to take her somewhere special.�

“What would you suggest? You know it wouldn’t be wise for us to flaunt our relationship in public. She is much safer if she remains at Hogwarts.�

“True,� Dumbledore admitted, “but I see no harm in taking her out in Muggle society. You should broaden your horizons and explore her culture.�

“I have no intention of doing so. From the little I’ve seen of the Muggle world, I am far from impressed. Besides, Clancy is a most trying travel companion. She has a weak stomach; Floos and Portkeys are out of the question. Broomsticks make her airsick, and I am reluctant to attempt a Side-Along-Apparition. She would invariably place a stranglehold on me, knock me off balance, and manage to splinch a trail of our body parts from Hogsmeade to Sussex. Moreover, I would need to pack at least one half dozen spare pairs of trousers.�

“Very well, Severus. I see your point. However, why not try this?� Dumbledore reached into his robe pocket and handed Snape a small rectangular piece of heavy woven fabric.

Snape studied it carefully, running his finger across the intricate weave. “It’s a bit worn, isn’t it?�

“It’s been in my possession since 1893, but it’s still quite serviceable,� Dumbledore assured him.

“Hmm. I thought Weasley had placed an embargo on these.�

“Only on future imports. Although he is correct in classifying this as a Muggle artifact, this one is over a century old and the Ministry has no jurisdiction over it.�

Snape placed the item in his pocket. “I’ll think it over.�

“Do that, Severus. Don’t wait too long, however. Clancy may decide to return to Pasadena to spend her holiday.�

“She can’t!� Snape said, with a distinct note of panic in his voice.

“Oh? Why not?�

“Because I’d miss--� Snape cut off his admission, realizing that he had just fallen prey to Hogwarts’ master meddler.

“You were saying?� Dumbledore prompted.

Snape turned back to his work and squeezed a jellied mass of pus from the shiny swellings of a particularly plump bubotuber. The overpowering smell of petrol permeated the room. “I’m surprised you’ve never been approached to pen an advice for the lovelorn column for The Quibbler,� he observed. “You would be well-suited for the position.�

“Thank you,� the headmaster returned brightly. “The next time I fall out of favor with the school governors, I will give your suggestion serious consideration. In the meantime, however, I have other matters to which I must attend. I believe Fawkes is scheduled for a Burning Day and I want to be there to welcome him when he peeps through the ashes.� Dumbledore stepped back into the Floo.

“I’m having a Burning Day myself,� Snape muttered under his breath.

“What was that?� Dumbledore asked, looking back toward the Potions master.

“I’m learning more everyday about the properties of bubotuber pus.�

“Splendid, Severus! Keep up the good work!� Dumbledore reached for a handful of Floo powder. “By the way,� he added, leaning his head out from the Floo, “I spoke with Clancy earlier. Filius mentioned to her that you were a Death Eater; she came to me for answers. I told her you would explain everything to her when you were ready. Have a pleasant afternoon!� He released the powder and vanished in the flames, leaving Snape to ponder his latest predicament.

This day promises to be as abysmal as yesterday. So, it wasn’t Lupin who told her, but Filius. She’ll be pressing me for answers this evening. I’ll lose her if I confess, but if she catches me in a lie, she’ll want nothing more to do with me. I must find a way to tell her and make her understand, but not here at the castle. I’ll take her somewhere remote where she will be forced to hear me out. He reached inside his pocket and manipulated the piece of fabric that Dumbledore had given him between his fingers. Hmm…I wonder. It might be worth a try, at that.

---

Clancy noted the time on her mantle clock. It was after 9:00 p.m. and she hadn’t seen or heard from Snape all day. She’d caught a glimpse of him at breakfast from a distance, but he didn’t dine in the Great Hall for lunch or dinner. She worried that perhaps his head injuries were bothering him. But, if he didn’t have the common sense to see Madam Pomfrey, there wasn’t much she could do about it.

She decided, at last, to shower and turn in early. Turning on the spigots full force, she undressed and entered the stall.

A few moments later, Snape arrived by Floo. Hearing the sound of running water, he removed his clothes and joined her under the steam.

Clancy shrieked as he touched her shoulder, startling her. “Please don’t sneak up on me like that! I’d really appreciate it if you’d let me know when to expect you!�

“I prefer the element of surprise.�

“There’s a distinct difference between surprise and heart failure.�

“You don’t seem particularly disquieted.�

“How would you know? You’re not looking at my face.�

In one swift move, they were entangled in each other’s arms, soaping and scrubbing, shampooing and scratching, and kissing their way to cleanliness.

“How is your head feeling?� Clancy asked, after sucking the protruding nub on his shoulder.

“Much improved,� Snape mumbled, leaning down to nip lightly on her earlobe.

“And your spirits?� she wondered, dispensing a generous dollop of whipped cream into the palm of her hand.

“Still flagging a bit,� he admitted, as he watched her smooth the sweet mixture across his chest. “Perhaps you can think of a way to lift them?�

“Perhaps,� she said, as she licked her way down his torso.

After a thorough rinse, they toweled one another dry. Snape carried Clancy to the bed, prepared to enjoy the rest of his evening.

“Severus?�

“Yes?�

“There’s something we need to discuss.�

“We’ll make love first, and then converse afterward,� Snape promised.

“No, I’d rather talk first, and then perhaps we’ll -�

“What’s so important that it can’t wait?� he snapped.

“I just wanted to tell you that I know what you did, and I’m not angry.�

“You…know what I did?� Snape repeated, unable to pinpoint what she meant. He could have sworn he remembered Dumbledore saying that he hadn’t revealed anything to Clancy about the Death Eaters.

“Yes. And while I feel your behavior was inappropriate, I am willing to forgive your actions. But, I will expect you to be a much better man in the future.�

Clancy’s reaction to the revelation that Snape had been dreading for so long was far more composed than he had expected. But, he knew they had a tendency to hold parallel conversations, only to discover later that they had been discussing two entirely different matters. He decided it would be prudent to test the waters. “Does your attitude have anything to do with your talk with the headmaster today?�

“Oh, he spoke with you, too? Well, I must admit that I was terribly upset when Albus first told me, but he convinced me that you had your reasons, all stemming from the trauma you experienced during your school days.�

“Clancy, you never cease to amaze me. I was certain that you would take this badly and want nothing further to do with me. I don’t deserve anyone as fine as you. I believe this calls for a toast. Snape reached for his wand. “Accio Dr. Pepper!� he commanded, flicking his wand toward a chair, and a can of the beverage emerged from his robe pocket. It floated across the room right into Clancy’s outstretched hand.

She popped the tab, and asked, “What shall we toast to?�

“A new era of trust and understanding.�

“Severus! You mean, after all this time, you finally trust me?�

“Completely.� They smiled at one another lovingly.

“To trust!� Clancy declared happily. She took a swig and offered the can to Snape. “Go on, try it. It’s not so bad.�

Snape was skeptical. He sniffed the can and dipped his finger cautiously into the opening to sample the taste. “Too sweet, but it does have an intriguing bite to it.� He regarded her with admiration. “I must commend you again for your great nobility and your acceptance of my transgressions. To trust!� he exclaimed enthusiastically. He proceeded to gulp down a large mouthful of Dr. Pepper.

“Oh, I’m not so noble,� Clancy demurred. “Everyone says things they shouldn’t at one time or another. It’s not as if you did something reprehensible, like killing someone.�

Snape began choking violently, spraying the liquid across the length of the bed. His hand gripped the can so tightly that its contents spurted straight into the air, before cascading downward to splatter them both in the sticky, brown fluid. He gasped and wheezed, unable to catch his breath.

“Severus! What’s wrong? Would you like me to pat you on the back?�

He shook his head wildly, still struggling to clear the blockage from his windpipe. His eyes watered from pain as he coughed and gagged. After a time, he collapsed onto his pillow.

“You’re not used to the carbonation – is that it?� Clancy leaned over and touched his arm reassuringly.

Snape stared into her eyes, too distressed to speak. I should have known, he realized. She was referring to forgiving me for telling the Slytherins about Lupin – not for being a Death Eater! How stupid can you be, Snape?

“Severus? Are you all right?�

“Yes,� he said hoarsely. “Something caught in my throat, but I’m fine, now.� He performed spells to clean and dry the bedding, and then suggested they rinse themselves off in the shower.

Once they had returned to the bed, Snape faked a tremendous yawn and then settled in for a sound sleep. He decided he’d rather forfeit a night of lovemaking than have to dodge Clancy’s inevitable questions.

Clancy had other ideas. She nudged him on his derriere with her knee. When he didn’t respond, she repeated the action with considerable force. “Severus, roll over. You’re not asleep.�

“It’s been a long day. We’ll talk in the morning.� Snape forced out another exaggerated yawn.

“Well, good night, then.�

“Good night.�

“No kiss?� Clancy grabbed him gently by the shoulder and rolled him onto his back.

“I am much too fatigued,� he protested, without opening his eyes.

“All right, Severus. Sleep well.� She brushed a light kiss across his lips, then as an afterthought, she ventured a series of exploratory nibbles along his jaw and under his chin.

Snape’s Slytherin propensities rose to the occasion. Why not? he rationalized. My sexual privileges may be revoked soon. I may as well take advantage of her favors while I can.

As soon as he formed the thought, he despised himself for it – but not quite enough to deter him from his intentions.

---

By morning, Snape was thoroughly ashamed of himself. He was tempted to dress and Floo to the dungeons before Clancy awoke, but if he did so, that would alert her that something was wrong. It was Saturday, and it was their custom to spend the morning in bed together. He’d managed to stave off her inquisitiveness last night, but today she would begin afresh, and surely ask him about being a Death Eater.

Last Christmas he’d made her promise never to bring up his past, and she had agreed. But now things were different. She had been provided with a clue, a term she did not understand. Snape knew Clancy would not rest until she had all the facts.

As he lay in bed plotting his strategy, Snape decided he would be the one to initiate the discussion. His openness would lead her to believe that he was not averse to the subject, thereby biding him time to present the details in the most favorable light. Yes, he convinced himself, I will take full control of the situation. I will decide the time and the place to make my disclosure. I will take her to a romantic setting, and tell her what she wants to hear. A ring might be in order, as well. If I give her what she wants, she’ll focus on that instead of what I’m telling her and I can worm my way out of this. That’s the proper way to handle things, Snape decided. Slytherin logic will see me through. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

Clancy began to stir, and Snape wasted no time in putting his scheme into action.

“Good morning, my pineapple princess,� he began smoothly.

Clancy eyed him with suspicion. He’d only called her by that name once before, and that was when he had been, by his own definition, “rat-arsed�.

“Good morning,� she returned cautiously.

Snape pulled her into his arms and kissed her eyelids. “What would you like to be doing one week from today?� he inquired.

“I don’t know. Probably something similar to what I’m doing now. Why?�

“The term ends next week and the students will be taking the Hogwarts Express on Friday. Suppose we leave first thing Saturday morning on a little excursion of our own?�

“Severus, really?�

“Yes…a romantic getaway. Would you like that?�

“That would be wonderful!� Clancy said excitedly. “I was beginning to give up hope that you were ever planning to take me anywhere, again. We’ve fallen into a rut – an enjoyable rut, mind you, but still, a rut.�

“Very well, that’s what we’ll do.� Snape inhaled and clenched his jaw. His heart began racing. “I’ve decided that I am going to be forthcoming about my life and tell you about my experience as a Death Eater.�

Clancy blinked in disbelief. Next to an impromptu marriage proposal, that was the last thing in the world she would have expected to come out of his mouth. “Albus told you I’ve been asking questions, didn’t he?�

“He mentioned that he’d spoken with you, yes. I’ve been giving this a great deal of thought, and as agonizing as it will be for me, I will tell you about my past.� At last, Snape remembered to exhale. “However, I’ve decided to wait and explain everything when we’re on our holiday. Once I’m away from the castle, I will be more relaxed and able to speak about my feelings.�

“I understand, Severus. And I think it’s admirable of you to be willing to make a clean breast of it. Whatever it is you’ve done, it won’t make any difference to me. I believe in you.�

Forcing an uneasy smile, Snape asked, “Shall I summon the house-elves to bring our breakfast?�

“In a moment, but let’s have our dessert, first.�

Snape reached eagerly for Clancy, and was able to suppress, for a time, his nagging fear of losing her. One more week of having her in my arms until I lose her forever, he fretted. Unless, for once in my life, luck is with me.

---

A/N: I would like to thank Susan for being my Beta for chapters 1-28 of this story. I appreciate all her hard work.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 29: Taking a Chance on Love

---

“What are you peering at, Albus?� Minerva McGonagall demanded, as she poured herself a mid-morning cup of tea.

Dumbledore left his position at the window to join her at the staffroom table. “An experiment in human nature. I am keen to learn if love really can conquer all.�

“You’ve been meddling, again, haven’t you?�

“I wouldn’t define it as meddling, precisely. I merely set the stage and allow my players to perform as they wish.�

“And, which of your unsuspecting thespians were you spying on a moment ago?

“Clancy and Severus. They’re preparing to leave on holiday together.�

“They are as mismatched a pair as I have ever seen – a Muggle and a former Death Eater. The poor child has no idea of what lies ahead for her, and I’m certain Severus has every intention of keeping it that way.�

“Now, Minerva. That young man may surprise us one day.�

“I think it’s highly improper the way you allow the two of them to carry on.�

“I don’t believe I take your meaning.�

“My eyes are old, Albus, but quite sharp. I see how Clancy fondles her pineapple pin during staff meetings, and how the corner of Severus’ mouth turns up whenever she does so. It’s obviously a signal of some sort between them,� McGonagall observed accusingly.

“Really? And to think all this time I assumed that while you were in the staff meetings you were concentrating on what I was saying.�

“You can make light of the situation if you wish, but the least Severus could do is marry her,� she continued. “Their… arrangement is unseemly in a school environment.�

“In Severus’ defense, surely you must understand that he is in no position to marry, at present. Their time together will be short. I don’t begrudge them their happiness.�

“What are your plans for Clancy once the war begins?�

“She will be sent away, of course. There is no place for her in the Order. Her presence would create complications.�

“Have you discussed this with him?�

“No, Minerva. When the time comes, I am hoping he will recognize it on his own and come to me to propose it himself."

McGonagall shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “You may think me a prude, and perhaps I am, but I was down in the kitchens a few days ago and I overheard one of the elves mention that it was time to refill the dispensers of chocolate sauce and whipped cream in Clancy’s shower.�

“Imagine that!� Dumbledore said in mock horror. “The younger generation has no appreciation for true debauchery. In my day, pomegranate juice was all the rage.�

With a disapproving glare, McGonagall transformed into a cat. Hissing defiantly, she sprang from her chair, and padded magisterially out the door.

Dumbledore watched her leave and shook his head slowly. “Poor Minerva. Such profound animal instinct, and yet she hasn’t the slightest notion of how to exploit it.�

---

Clancy waited patiently on the lawn while Snape grew more agitated by the moment. He had successfully enlarged Dumbledore’s flying carpet with an Engorgement Charm, but it would not obey his command to become airborne. He intended to test it thoroughly before they embarked on their journey.

“FOAK! FOAK! FOAK!� Snape roared in frustration.

“Really, Severus. That sort of language is beneath the dignity of a professor.�

“’Foak’ is Arabic for ‘up’,� Snape explained impatiently. The wretched thing won’t respond to Latin.�

“Here’s a thought,� Clancy said, trying to be helpful. “Perhaps it won’t react because we’re not sitting on it. If it were weighted down, it might sense that you are commanding it to take flight.�

“I am perfectly capable of handling this without any interference from you!�

“Fine by me.�

Twenty minutes passed. Snape was nearly purple with rage. He flung his wand on the ground, spat on the carpet, and began kicking it.

After a time, Clancy sauntered over and knelt down to examine the fabric. In a matter of seconds, she diagnosed the problem. “You’ve placed the carpet on the wrong side. If you’d taken a moment to study the weave, you would have realized that the coarse side should be facing down.�

“I see very little difference.�

“Recognizing coarseness is an acquired skill. I’ve had a great deal of practice.�

Without comment, Snape retrieved his wand and flicked it, turning the carpet on its proper side. “Foak!� he muttered skeptically, and the carpet began to rise. Snape smiled conceitedly at Clancy, as if to suggest he had solved the problem without her assistance.

She applauded soundlessly. “Bravo.�

Snape wiped his brow in relief that the incantation had finally produced the desired result. “Tahat!�

“It is rather warm,� Clancy agreed. “Why don’t you remove your cloak if you’re too hot?�

“‘Tahat’ is Arabic for ‘down’.� He regarded her coldly.

“Well, how was I to know? You are standing there wiping perspiration off your forehead. I assumed you were too hot. Besides, nothing happened.�

“What do you mean, ‘nothing happened’?� Snape demanded.

“Look up.�

He glanced skyward. The carpet had not obeyed his command to descend. Hostility mounting, Snape screeched, “TAHAT!� The recalcitrant rug plummeted to earth with a resounding thud, directly on top of Snape’s head, knocking him to the ground.

As the hapless wizard struggled to free himself, Professor Dumbledore crossed the lawn to join them.

“You’re still here?� the headmaster inquired. “I thought you’d be well on your way by now. Are you having trouble, Severus?�

Pinned under the carpet’s heavy weight, Snape managed to poke his head free. He twisted and squirmed in an uncanny imitation of a glossy black beetle flipped helplessly on its back. “I have everything under control, Headmaster.�

“Excellent, Severus.� Dumbledore turned his attention to Clancy. “Have you packed everything you need?�

“Yes, Pomona loaned me her trunk. I lost mine last year. The kitchen-elves prepared enough food for us for at least a week, and Severus shrank everything to fit in his pockets.�

Dumbledore drew Clancy aside to speak with her privately. “No matter what happens, just remember: I trust Severus, and you should too. Try to keep an open mind.�

“Aunt Hilly raised me to be tolerant. Whatever it is he’s done, I’ll accept it and still love him.�

I hope you will, Clancy.� He smiled compassionately. “To err is human; to forgive – goes against the nature of most women, but do your best!�

Dumbledore hurried away before she could respond and approached Snape, who had finally extricated himself from his tormentor.

“Remember, Severus: Honesty is the best policy.�

I am delighted you feel that way, because in all honesty, I think you’re a meddlesome old fool who should learn to mind his own business. Now, take your damn twinkle and leave us the hell alone!

“Yes, Headmaster.�

Being a master Occlumens does have its advantages, you miserable nuisance!

“Well, I’ll be off and leave you two to your adventures. Bon voyage!� Dumbledore walked a few paces and then turned back to Snape. “Oh, that reminds me. Severus?�

“Headmaster?� he responded, inclining his head respectfully.

“Upon your return, do devote a portion of your holiday to brushing up your Occlumency skills. You’re slipping.�

---

After another half hour had passed, Snape was convinced that he could control the flying carpet. “Step on,� he told Clancy.

“You’re sure you know how to navigate that thing?�

“Yes, I’m sure. Hop on and be quick about it. We’ve already wasted enough time.�

“‘We’?�

“All right, me then,� Snape admitted. “Let’s go.�

Clancy climbed aboard and sat down. Snape folded his arms and stepped on behind her. He commanded the carpet to rise, and they were on their way.

“How does the carpet know where you want it to go?� Clancy wondered.

“It’s Dumbledore’s secret. He explained it to me this morning. I tap my wand in the center to make it fly forward, or on the corresponding corner to make it turn left or right.�

“Most impressive. And, so far, this flight is even smoother than the flying horse and sleigh.� Clancy glanced over her shoulder and looked up at Snape. “Why don’t you sit down? You’re not planning on standing up for the entire journey, are you?�

Snape didn’t feel particularly relaxed, but he decided to take her suggestion. He sat down, placing his arms around Clancy’s waist, and she leaned back against him.

“Severus?�

“Hmm?�

“Why did the kitchen-elves prepare so much food? Won’t we be dining in a restaurant or at our hotel later this evening?�

“No. We are going camping.�

“Camping? I hate camping!� Clancy protested. “You’re not exactly the outdoor type, and neither am I. You might have consulted me.�

“Wizard camping is much different from Muggle camping. You will be quite comfortable. The food will cook magically over the campfire. You won’t have to lift a finger.�

“Well, that doesn’t sound too bad,� Clancy decided, “but, what about wild animals?�

“I have my wand with me this time. I will protect you. I rather doubt we will run into any more charging bulls. In the Scottish Highlands, we are likely to see only game birds, rabbits, red squirrels, or perhaps a pine marten.�

“A pine marten?�

“It’s related to a weasel,� Snape explained.

As they proceeded north, Snape debated with himself when the best time would be to make his confession. Perhaps now, while we are in the air. If she takes it badly, at least she won’t be able to run away from me. She’ll have to rely on me to land us safely, too. This might be my most propitious opportunity.

The weather was warm and clear, with a slight breeze. Snape flicked his wand and a green velvet bolster pillow appeared behind them.

“This should make us more comfortable,� he told her, as they settled against it.

He flicked his wand, again. Clancy shivered. “Severus, what did you do? I felt a cold chill run through my body.�

“I applied a Disillusionment Charm so we won’t be spotted by Muggles. It has that effect. When I remove it, you will feel a warming sensation. It should not be too unpleasant.�

She snuggled into his arms and they began kissing. Snape realized that he might be forfeiting this pleasure soon by divulging to her his darkest crimes, and the mere thought of it was agonizing to him. I may as well do this sooner than later. Why does happiness always elude me?

“Happiness must be earned,� Clancy said, and then sighed contentedly.

Snape regarded her, alarmed by her peculiar remark. “What did you say?�

“Happiness must be earned,� she repeated. “Why are you looking at me so strangely?�

“Can you read my thoughts?�

“You mean, like Albus? Of course not. I’m not illegitimate, if that’s what you’re thinking.�

“Legilimens,� Snape corrected. “What did you mean, then?�

“Aunt Hilly and I used to attend silent film revivals. One of our favorites was the full-length restored version of The Thief of Bagdad. This flying carpet reminded me of it. The story is about a disreputable vagabond who wins the love of a beautiful princess, only to lose her when he confesses his true nature. He wins back her love by performing a good deed. At the end of the film, they take off together on a flying carpet, and the twinkling stars in the heavens spell out ‘happiness must be earned’, which is the moral of the film. Isn’t that romantic?�

Snape became pensive, for a time. The sly old fox! He must have known Clancy would be familiar with that film. He must have used Legilimency on her, or perhaps Aunt Hilly mentioned it to him in a letter. I’ll wager he devised all this deliberately just to make my revelation easier on the both of us. Twinkling stars, indeed! Whenever something twinkles, Albus Dumbledore is, without doubt, behind it.

There would never be a more opportune time than now, Snape realized. He gazed into her soft, innocent eyes. Please, Clancy. Please don’t abandon me. Please don’t despise me.Feeling as though there were an anvil lodged in his stomach, he clenched jaw and began.

“Stay in my arms, but look straight ahead. I am going to tell you about my past, but I cannot bear to look in your eyes while I do so. Will you do this for me?�

“Yes, Severus.� Clancy turned her head away from Snape and studied the expanse of sky in front of them.

“When I left from Hogwarts, I had no plans for my future. I knew a great deal about the Dark Arts and I knew I wanted to conduct Potions research, but beyond that, I was directionless. One evening I decided to attend an orientation with some of my Slytherin acquaintances. The Dark…the, er, leader of the group was looking for young men who were interested in preserving our Wizarding heritage and increasing their knowledge of unexplored forms of magic. He offered us wealth, position, and power. He seemed quite impressed with my qualifications and promised me employment as his personal potion-maker, as well.�

“I jumped at the chance, not fully realizing what my duties would entail. I was asked to swear my allegiance by receiving the mark you’ve seen on my forearm that very night. Before I understood fully what was happening, I was pushed to the ground, my robes were stripped off, and the Dark Mark was burned into my flesh.�

“Although my main responsibility was to brew potions, I was expected to prove my loyalty on occasion by performing unspeakable deeds.�

Snape felt Clancy tense in his arms. He paused for a moment and then continued. “To save my own miserable skin, I…I murdered three innocent people – a farmer and his wife and son. Because I hesitated before killing them, another Death Eater who was present reported me. Our leader decided to teach me a lesson for my disobedience. For the next hour, he hit me with one Cruciatus Curse after another. It was the worst pain I’d ever endured, and yet, I welcomed it for what I’d done to that family.�

Snape could not see Clancy’s face, but he could feel her trembling and knew that she was crying. “Are you all right?� he asked. “Shall I continue, or have you heard enough?�

“Go on,� she replied quietly.

“When I awoke the next morning, my body was still jerking involuntarily from the aftereffects of the Cruciatus. My hands were shaking so violently I couldn’t even grip my wand. All I could think of was how I could escape from the Death Eaters, but I was afraid I would be hunted down and tortured again.�

“As I lay there waiting for the convulsions in my body to subside, an idea came to me; there was only a slight chance that my plan would succeed, but I decided to risk it. Over the course of the next few weeks, I deliberately botched every potion my master ordered me to brew. When he summoned me to give account for my failure, I deceived him into believing that the residual effects of the Cruciatus Curse were responsible for my clumsiness.�

“If I could convince him that the tremors in my hands were preventing me from providing him with the Dark potions he demanded, I theorized that he would stop torturing me and leave me to my work, or he would kill me. I didn’t much care either way.�

“He decided to leave me to my research and never ordered me to participate in any more killings. He had plenty of other followers who were overjoyed to carry out his wishes in order to move up through the ranks. Whenever he felt the need to exert his control over me, however, he would have me accompany his assassins and watch as they tortured and killed.�

“After attending one particularly gruesome raid near Hogsmeade, I stopped into the Hog’s Head to collect my thoughts, and I overheard part of a prophecy that I thought would be useful to my master. Eager to remain in his good graces, I revealed it to him, never realizing where the consequences of my actions would lead. Although I gained his trust, I was also responsible for his decision to murder two innocent people who had been classmates of mine. I felt overwhelming remorse for what I had done, and I contacted Dumbledore to try to make amends and avoid being sentenced to Azkaban. Because of his generosity and protection, I still live and breathe.� Snape paused, then added, “For the time being,� in the hopes of playing upon Clancy’s sympathy.

He waiting for her reaction, and then grew anxious when she did not speak. “Clancy, tell me what you’re thinking.�

“How did you do it?�

“Do what?�

“Murder the farmer and his family. With a knife, with poison? How?�

“I used the Killing Curse. It was the same curse I used to exterminate the moth in your room the night I captured Black.�

“Why did your leader want them killed? What had they done?�

“They hadn’t done anything. He ordered them to be killed because he wanted their land and because they were…Muggles.� Snape reached for her hand, but she pulled away from him.

“Albus told me to judge you on the way I know you to be today, but how can I? At worst, I imagined that you might have robbed or vandalized a shop. I never expected anything like this. How can the headmaster justify employing you to teach children after what you’ve done? I don’t understand why he trusts you.�

“There’s much more that I haven’t told you. If you’ll give me a chance to explain -�

“I’m listening.�

“Dumbledore is the head of a secret order. I cannot go into anything specific, but the Dark wizard who was my master has fallen from power. He will one day return and pose the greatest threat to the Wizarding world that it has ever known. He will not rest until he has rid our society of all who are not pure-bloods. I offered my services to the headmaster as a spy the night he took me in and I have served him faithfully ever since. That is why he trusts me.�

At last, Clancy looked up at him. “Do you swear that everything you’ve told me is the complete truth? I can ask Albus for confirmation, you know.�

“I swear to you, Clancy, all that I’ve said is true.�

“This explains why Albus has been so reluctant to tell me anything. And, why you never take me anywhere. It all makes sense now. You’ve both been trying to protect me.�

“Can you forgive me for what I’ve done?�

Clancy reached for his hand. “I’ve always believed in you, Severus, and if Albus can give you a second chance, so can I. Do whatever it is you must do to defeat the Death Eaters, but there is something else I think you should do, as well.�

“Anything, Clancy. Name it.�

“To atone for taking lives, you must try to save lives. Not for me, but for your own self-worth. Such a gesture will not pardon you for what you’ve done, but it will be a step toward allowing you to forgive yourself.�

“Then, you intend to shun me as the princess shunned the thief in the Muggle film? You will not love me again until I perform a good deed?�

Clancy smiled sadly and drew her hand across Snape’s cheek. “I never said that. I’m no more a real princess than you are a prince! I’m only a pineapple princess.� She kissed him lightly and they clung to one another.

“I was afraid I’d lost you,� Snape whispered.

“You may yet,� Clancy warned him, “if I don’t hear those three little words soon that all women long to hear.�

Snape thought for a moment. He certainly wasn’t ready to verbalize his feelings, yet she had forgiven him so magnanimously, that he decided to meet her halfway. Brushing her hair behind her ear, he leaned in close. “Nicely you vocal.�

Clancy regarded him warily. “Those were not the three words I had in mind. Empty flattery will get you nowhere, and your syntax is rather peculiar,� she observed critically.

“You nice vocally.�

“That’s not much of an improvement. What are you playing at?�

“Anagrams, my lovely Lulu. It turns into four little words, however, not three.�

It didn’t take long for Clancy to catch on. “That was clever, Snapini. There may be hope for you yet. How did you work it out so quickly?�

“It came to me in a dream.�

They began kissing, and soon Snape’s kisses grew warmer and more prolonged. I did it! He congratulated himself upon his flawless handling of the situation. She knows the truth and she still loves me! I’ll prove to her that she hasn’t made a mistake in believing in me. I’ll find a way, somehow, to save three people. I want her to be proud of me. Winning her respect is the most important thing in the world to me – next to receiving the Order of Merlin. And, the best part of all, Snape realized with a satisfied smile, I didn’t even have to give her the ring! I can have my Cauldron Cake and eat it too!


*~~~*~~~*

In the late afternoon, Snape landed the flying carpet in a remote grassy glade, and they hiked into a wooded area. He selected a location under a canopy of tall pines to pitch their tent. As Clancy waded in a nearby stream, Snape made all the necessary magical modifications. She rejoined him just as he finished.

“Severus, do you suppose someday we could return to the Kilty Pleasures? We were so happy there.�

“We may return sooner than you think,� Snape replied, with a mysterious smile. He parted the canvas flap and motioned for her to enter the tent.

Once inside, Clancy’s jaw dropped. From the outside dimensions, she had expected a couple of sleeping bags on the hard ground with barely enough room to stand upright. Instead, she found herself standing in an almost exact replica of their room at the Kilty Pleasures.

“Severus! It’s lucky Room Number 7! How is this possible?�

“Wizarding tents contain magical properties. I visualized how I wanted the space to look and performed the incantations. It was quite simple.�

Clancy moved about the room, examining everything carefully. The bed, the table, even the knotholes in the beamed ceiling were the same. She checked out the bathroom. The toilet, the tub and shower, the sink – everything was in place and in working order.

“Something is different,� she said, glancing from the table to the windows and then to the bed. “The tablecloth, the curtains, and the bedcovers were all of the same tartan. You’ve made them all different. It’s colorful, but it clashes terribly.�

“I am a man of many tartans,� Snape returned defensively.

“I think it’s wonderful; you’ve made me very happy.�

Snape removed his cloak and robe and laid them on a chair. He reached into one of the pockets and retrieved the food chest. “I’ll enlarge this, build a campfire, and prepare our dinner.�

“All right. I’ll freshen up a bit and join you in a moment.�

Clancy retreated to the bathroom while Snape went outside. After the long flight on the musty carpet and a trek through the woods, she decided she could do with a change of clothes. She realized Snape hadn’t enlarged her trunk yet, so she walked over to the chair and began rummaging through his robe pockets. She felt something small and velvety. Pulling it out, she noted that it was identical to the box that had contained her pineapple pin.

“Oh, fine,� she said aloud. “Knowing Severus, this is probably a pair of matching pineapple earrings.� Opening the lid, she peeked inside. Wedged in a slit of padding, was a silver ring. It was rather plain, nothing extravagant, but still, it was a ring!

Clancy’s heart skipped a beat and an ensemble of acrobatic butterflies began performing in her stomach. Now that Severus has confessed, he can ask me to marry him with a clear conscience. That’s why he’s hesitated so long – he was afraid of losing me. I bet he’s planning to propose tonight, right after dinner!

Returning the box to his pocket, she exited the tent. She thought it best to ask Snape for her trunk. She didn’t want him to think she had been snooping. She certainly did not intend to spoil his surprise. Clancy imagined him kneeling stiffly and with exaggerated formality, mumbling a terse declaration of his affection. She planned to respond in kind. She might even pretend to be thinking it over for a time to make him suffer. No, she decided. Severus has finally learned to trust me enough to tell me the truth. I will act maturely and accept him on the spot. He’s gone through enough, the poor darling.

Snape had dinner well underway. Two Cornish game hens were roasting above the fire as if skewered on an invisible spit, and a casserole of red potatoes was warming nearby.

“It smells delicious! My compliments to the chef!� she said cheerily. “When you have the chance, would you mind enlarging my trunk so I can change clothes?�

Nodding silently, Snape entered the tent and applied an Engorgement Charm, then returned to the campfire. They enjoyed a peaceful meal surrounded by the harmony of nature.

After dinner, they changed into more comfortable attire. Snape suggested they take a stroll. Hand in hand, they wandered along the banks of the stream until at last they paused to sit on a low rock. The setting sun produced pink shimmers across the water and the warm scent of pine hung heavy in the air. Snape bent down on one knee and reached into his pocket.

This is it! Clancy realized. Severus is going to propose! She was a bundle of nerves as she waited for him to speak.

“This is one of the most important moments of my entire life,� Snape began. “I never thought this would happen to me.�

“Really, Severus?�

He began clawing at the ground and pulled up a clump of earth. “Goodyera Repens!� he exclaimed. “A rare type of orchidaceate indigenous to the Highlands. I can use this in a Perspicacity Potion I’ve been trying to perfect!� Unfolding his handkerchief, he placed the precious flower upon it, refolded it carefully, and pocketed it.

“What a fabulous discovery! As soon as you perfect it, be sure to drink some of it yourself!� Clancy scooted off the rock and stormed back to the tent.


*~~~*~~~*

There was a distinct chill inside lucky Tent Number 7 as they prepared to retire. Snape knew he had done something to displease Clancy, but he could not determine precisely what it was. In his mind, he replayed the evening’s events. His magical transformation of the tent had pleased her. Dinner was edible; in fact, she had complimented him on his culinary skills. All had gone smoothly until they had stopped to sit by the stream. He was at a complete loss as to what could be bothering her. Perhaps she’d had time to reflect upon his Death Eater disclosure and decided she was not able to forgive him, after all.

Clancy continued to fume. She undressed in the bathroom, and flopped into bed, gathering the covers tightly about her.

Snape slipped into the sheets knowing better than to attempt initiating intimacy. “Good night,� he said softly.

“Good NIGHT!�

“Are you angry with me?� he inquired uncertainly.

“Why didn’t you give it to me? You wasted a perfectly good opportunity. The two of us alone together in a woodland paradise, under a magnificent twilight sky - and what is paramount in your mind? Collecting PLANTS!�

“Why didn’t I give you what?�

“The ring! THE RING! How much longer do you expect me to allow you to take me for granted before I give up on you altogether?�

Merlin’s mendacious mandibles! So, that’s what this is about, she found the ring in my pocket! It’s not too late; I can placate her and gain her sympathy at the same time.

Snape cleared his throat and began. “I had every intention of giving you the ring tonight, but at the very last second, I decided it would be unfair.�

“What do you mean, it would be unfair?� she demanded.

Snape put on a pitiful face. “My undercover work for the Order puts me in a great deal of danger. I never know when I shall be called upon to serve. Once the war escalates, in all probability, I will not survive.�

“Severus!� Clancy moved closer to him.

“It’s true, I’m afraid.� He attempted to make his voice catch with emotion, but it came out as a pubescent squeak.

“Then why did you buy the ring in the first place?�

He gritted his teeth and squirmed. Why is she forever putting me on the spot? If she catches me in another lie, I’m done for. “I was expecting you to take my confession very badly. I purchased the ring with the intention of mollifying you in the hopes that you would not leave me.�

“I see. In other words, you want me to stay with you, but you have no intention of ever marrying me – is that it?�

“If I should survive the war, I might consider –�

“YOU might consider! You act as though you’d be doing me a favor!�

“I am merely endeavoring to paint a realistic picture for you. My future, at best, is uncertain.�

“What’s this idiot’s name, anyway?�

“Who?�

“The Dark wizard – the leader of the Death Eaters.�

“Even powerful wizards are afraid to speak his name. I refer to him as the Dark Lord, if you must know.�

“But surely he has a name! Why can’t you just tell me?�

“Many refer to him as He Who Must Not Be Named.�

“That’s ridiculous!� Clancy muttered. “It sounds like a riddle. Tomfoolery.�

“You’re not far wrong, at that,� Snape observed.

“Tell me his name. I demand to know!� she persisted.

“Very well. But you must promise never to repeat it in public – especially if you are away from the castle.�

“I promise. Now, what is it?�

“His name is…Voldemort,� Snape said, lowering his eyes.

“Voldemort?� Clancy thought about the name for a time and decided she didn’t like the sound of it. “So,� she snapped testily, “this Voldemort person recruits wizards that are stupid enough to do his bidding, and then tells them where to go and what to do?�

“Basically, yes,� Snape admitted sheepishly.

“Hmm. That must explain why his name is an anagram for dolt mover!�

“How the devil do you do that?�

“Don’t change the subject.�

Snape reached for his wand and aimed it toward the chair. “Accio ring box!� he directed. The box flew out from his robe pocket and sailed across the room into his hand. He opened the lid and presented the ring to Clancy. “Take it.�

“Do you really want me to have it?�

“Yes. As a symbol and a promise of, what I hope, might one day be possible.�

“Then, the ring is mine to do with as I wish?�

Snape nodded.

“GOOD!� Clancy grabbed it, sprang out of bed, opened the tent flap, and pitched the ring far into the dark woods. She stomped back over to the bed and positioned herself as close to the edge of it as possible.

“In the morning, when you have come to your senses, I shall help you find it,� Snape informed her calmly. “In the meantime, you had better hope that a Niffler doesn’t make off with it. You do know what a Niffler is, don’t you?� he inquired haughtily.

“No,� she admitted sharply. “I’ve never Niffled.�

“I shall overlook your ignorance and decide how to deal with your ingratitude in the morning. “NOX!� Snape growled, and the tent became as black as their moods.

The cantankerous couple fell into an uneasy sleep with a vast space between them.

---

Later that night, there was a scratching noise on the tent flap. It parted open and a long furry creature crept in. It sniffed its way around the room before curling up in a ball at the foot of their bed.

---

Name That Jarvey Contest

The last paragraph is a teaser for the next chapter. I will be introducing a Jarvey who will possess greater verbal skills than J.K.R. probably intended. If you would like to suggest a name for it, please leave your recommendation in a review or contact me by private e-mail. The winner will be selected at the sole discretion of the author. The prize will be an original poem based on your choice of one of the following:

1. You may ship yourself with any canon character.

2. You may ship any two canon characters together.

You may select the rating, but I warn you, I blush easily. The Jarvey is a male. Clancy will be naming it. Keep in mind the type of name she might select. Would it be something musical? Something to do with anagrams? The winner will be announced when the next chapter posts.

Miscellaneous Explanations

“I am a man of many tartans,� Snape returned defensively.

I inserted this line to amuse Grainne. One of her co-workers said that to her, and it struck us both as sounding so perfectly Snape-ish that we’ve been laughing about it ever since. Grainne is the author of Squidbait Returns . You can link to her story from my bio page.

Bagdad/Baghdad: When The Thief of Bagdad was released in 1924, the name of the city was spelled without the “h� in the title of the film.

If you have reviewed, and I haven’t responded, please know that it is due to Mugglenet’s server problems. I am not being rude; I just can’t stay logged in! Until they correct the problem, please be assured that I am grateful for the feedback, and as soon as I can respond, I will. ~ Vocalion