Summary: A Christmas play about Harry getting a book of Christmas stories and he and Ron read them. (Lots of Parodies)
***
The first story: "The Flightmare Before Christmas". Ron gets the bright idea to try Christmas this year, and does this with the help of a magical horse that can fly.
Categories: Humor Fics Characters: None
Warnings: None
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 12
Completed: Yes
Word count: 18765
Read: 65792
Published: 11/15/04
Updated: 12/01/04
Grawpy the Snowman by Jase
Based on the story/song "Frosty the Snowman, by Unknown Author. I did not write Frosty the Snowman, and I did not create the Harry Potter characters. I bet you're sick of me saying this by now.
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HARRY: *Stares at RON*
RON: *Stares at HARRY*
HARRY: *Finally breaks uncomfortable silence caused by the thought that Snape could turn out to be a good caring person* So….shall we read the next story?
RON: Sure. This one’s called…
GRAWPY THE SNOWMAN
NARRATOR: This tale begins at Hagrid’s hut, where he is spending his first Christmas away from his lil’ brother, Grawp.
HAGRID: *Drinking some sort of hot beverage while crying* I jus’ miss him so much! *Bawls* Why’d he ‘ave to go away?? WHY???
HARRY, RON and HERMIONE: *Enter*
HAGRID: Oh, hello all…
RON: Sup Hagrid?
HAGRID: Oh…I was just thinking about Grawpy…
HERMIONE: Hagrid, you’ve got to forget about that……brother…of yours. He’s happy now, and you should be happy that HE’s happy!
HAGRID: Oh, I am…but I can’t stop thinkin’ about ‘em!
HARRY: Maybe you should do something to take your mind off of him. Build a snowman!
HAGRID: Hey! That’s a great idea! I’ll build a giant snowman, in honor of Grawpy!
HERMIONE: Uh…I don’t think-
HARRY: *Stupidly* Can I help???
RON: *Who has been looking down the barrels of Hagrid’s assorted (and loaded) crossbows and guns* Ooo! Can I help too?
HERMIONE: Dear god. I am NOT going to be a part of this *Goes to therapy*
HAGRID: C’mon! We gotta start while the snow ‘ere’s still fresh!
NARRATOR: And so, Harry, Ron and Hagrid built a snowman version of Grawp. It took some time, but when it was finished, what a sight it was!
SNOWMAN: *Is a sight*
HAGRID: Isn’t she a ‘beaut! It’s identical to the original Grawp!
RON: Sweet.
HARRY: You know what would be AWESOME??? If this snowman were to somehow “magically” come to life!
RON: *Sighs* But…how could that ever happen?
HAGRID: I jus’ don’t know. *Totally forgets the fact that he lives at a school of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY.*
HARRY: Hmmm…I don’t know what, but Grawp seems to be missing something!
HAGRID: I know! Grawp used to use everyday things as toothpicks! I’ll stick my umbrella in his teeth. *Sticks his umbrella with magical properties in the snowman’s snow teeth*
UMBRELLA: *Glows*
SNOWMAN: *Jolts*
HAGRID: *Falls off the snowman* Wheeee!
SNOWMAN: *Comes to life*
HARRY: Woot! He’s alive!
HAGRID: Neat!
RON: This incident has inspired me to write a song!
“Grawpy the Snowman was a jolly happy soul!
With an umbrella and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal…”
HAGRID: Oh no! He’s moving!
SNOWMAN: *Stomps off, stomping several innocent flobberworms in its path*
HARRY: Oh no! We’ve gotta follow it!
RON: “Dooown to the village,
With umbrella in his teeth
Stomping flobberworms and unicorns
And the piles ‘o snow beneath…”
HAGRID: He’s heading towards Hogsmeade!
HARRY: We’ve gotta stop him!
HAGRID: But how! We’re just a dimwitted half-giant and a pair of idiot teenagers!
HARRY: I know! We have to get some expert help.
*CUT TO: The Gryffindor common room. HERMIONE is reading a book.*
HARRY: *Bursts into the common room* Hermionehermionehermionehermionehermionehermioneeee! *Crying*
HERMIONE: It’s okay, it’s okay…just tell me what’s wrong.
HARRY: Well, Hagrid, Ron and I? *Sniffle* We were…we were making a snowman? And it sort of…sort of…*Hiccup*…came to life.
HERMIONE: …I see.
HARRY: Can you help us?
HERMIONE: Yeah, I suppose I’ll have to. Where’s the snowman?
HARRY: About to destroy Hogsmeade.
HERMIONE: Great.
*CUT TO: RON and HAGRID chasing after the SNOWMAN. RON has a guitar and is stringing some notes, trying to come up with some more words.*
RON: “Stompetty stomp stomp
Stompetty stomp stomp
Look at Grawpy go…
Stompetty stomp stomp
Stompetty stomp stomp
Kicking up mounds of snow…”
HAGRID: Oh no! He’s heading straight towards the bar where I drown my endless sorrows in gallons of butterbeer!
RON: You mean The Three Broomsticks?
HAGRID: No, “Plenty ‘o Sorrows Bar for Misfit Creatures”. It’s not in the books because of it’s PG-13 rating.
RON: …
*ENTER: HARRY and HERMIONE, running up*
HARRY: I got Hermione! *Beams proudly*
RON: Good job Harry! *Gives HARRY a cookie*
HERMIONE: Hagrid! Did anything make Grawpy like, weak and defenseless?
HAGRID: Yeah “ if you poured Polyjuice Potion on him, he would inexplicably melt for a couple of hours.
HERMIONE: Ooookay. That’s perfect.
RON: But Polyjuice takes months to make and we need it NOW!
HARRY: *Pulls out a flask of Polyjuice potion* Here’s some.
HERMIONE: Harry, where did you get that?
HARRY: I’m the hero. I get anything. *Pulls out a small Yorkshire Terrier and pets it lovingly*
HERMIONE: …
RON: *Takes the Polyjuice Potion and throws it on the SNOWMAN. It hits him in the face and he starts to melt*
SNOWMAN: Nooooooooooooo! What a world, what a world……
RON: “Graawpy the Snowman
Was a’ melting down away,
And he yelled “I will smoosh all of you
If I ever come back one day!”
HARRY: He’s DEAD!!! YAY!
HERMIONE: YAY!
RON: YAY!
HAGRID: *Sobs uncontrollably*
SNOWMAN: *Melts down into a giant snow blob*
SNOW BLOB: *Turns into a giant snow avalanche*
SNOW AVALANCHE: *Heads towards the little innocent town of Hogsmeade*
HERMIONE: CRAP!
RON: DANGIT!
HAGRID: *CUSSES!*
HARRY: COOOL!
HERMIONE: How are we gonna stop it??
HAGRID: I know! I’ll sacrifice myself to save the town!
RON: How?
HAGRID: By throwing myself in front of the avalanche and making a wall to stop it.
HARRY: But won’t you die from the cold?
HAGRID: Probably.
HERMIONE: Oh well. *She and RON and HARRY push HAGRID in front of the SNOW AVALANCHE*
HAGRID: AAAAH! *All of the snow stops suddenly, pushing up against him and burying him.
HARRY: Hagrid! Are you alive?
HAGRID: *Muffled cry from beneath the snow* Yes…..
HERMIONE: Are you hurt?
HAGRID: *Muffled cry from beneath the snow* Yes…..
RON: Did you find the Weasley sweaters I buried around that area?
HAGRID: *Muffled cry from beneath the snow* Yes…
RON: Shucks. I thought I’d finally gotten rid of them that time.
HAGRID: *Stands up, covered in Weasley sweaters*
HERMIONE: Hey! All of those sweaters saved your life!
RON: Wow. They actually came in handy.
HARRY: Come on Hagrid, we’ve gotta get you inside.
NARRATOR: And so, the story had a happy ending. Hagrid was able to stop missing Grawp, the giant Snow Avalanche became a giant tourist attraction and brought loads of business to Hogsmeade, the Weasley sweaters were made into a quilt for children at an orphanage, and Ron became a multimillionaire with the song he had written. Harry and Hermione did absolutely nothing.
THE END
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.