THE PRINCESS AND THE PRAT


Disclaimer & Author’s note �“ The characters, basic plot and end result belong to the wonderful and oh-so-talented mind of JK Rowling, of whom we all believe to be the real god… or some such babble.

BTW, my evil sister has made me give her credit for her momentary brilliance in coming up with my title. So, thanks, Trina!

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Prologue:



We begin our story with prophecy from The Order of the Phoenix that is spoken to Dumbledore by Sibyll Trelawney 16 years before:


"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives...the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."

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Chapter One- Home, Sweet Home?


To put it simply, James Potter was hot. James was the most popular member of his gang, captain of his house Quidditch team, and happened to be the epitome of cool. Every girl at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (the school James attended) simply fawned over him. Much to their dislike, James only wanted one girl. The only girl he had ever met who hadn’t swooned at the sight of him. Lily Evans.


*****


Lily Evans was going into her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, taking several N.E.W.T.-level classes, and even been given the honor of being a prefect at Hogwarts. Unfortunately, she had no one to share any of this with. Mostly, because her family did not understand the magical world. Of course Lily had friends- Jessica Grant had been Lily’s best friend since the first day Lily had set foot at Hogwarts. They both were in Gryffindor house, and they both loved Charms classes above the others. But Lily’s family were all Muggles, and hadn’t the foggiest idea what a grindylow was or what ‘Alohomora’ meant, not to mention who Lily’s friends were.

Before Hogwarts, Lily had been very close to her father, Harry; they played games and went to football matches, they talked and told each other stories and watched movies. Ever since Lily had been accepted to Hogwarts, however, she and her father had drifted apart, until they hardly spoke at all. Harry had always encouraged Lily to try her hardest at everything she did, and he never questioned Lily’s other life, of which he knew almost nothing. In fact, he tried to be involved at one point, but had since given up and turned to passively supporting Lily’s work.

Very much unlike Lily’s father was Petunia. Petunia, Lily’s older sister by four years, frequently muttered curses and foul names at Lily under her breath, or sometimes just ignored her existence completely. The latter suited Lily just fine around Petunia, but around her parents was a different story.

Claudia, Lily’s mother, was always overflowing with praise around her younger daughter, trying to understand Lily’s life, mostly because she envied the relationship her husband had. This annoyed Lily greatly, and though she appreciated the attention, she tired of the babying and coddling.

During all of the bustle, Lily tried to maintain a normal attitude. This summer, the last summer before she would have to face the entire world (magical and otherwise), Lily was to be found in her room, away from her mother’s annoying cooing and her sister’s nasty comments. Early one morning, about a week and a half before term was to start, Lily woke up to two owls perched contentedly at her open windowsill. Sitting up, Lily rubbed the sleep from her eyes and took the two notes from the birds.

“Well, you are definitely a Hogwarts owl,” said a quiet Lily, taking the first scroll from a very pompous-looking screech owl, “so I can guess what you have for me.” As soon as the papers were safely unattached from its leg, the bird stretched its wings silently and took of into the morning light.

“You,” she said, untying the note from the second owl, a cute spotted owl with deep eyes, “are from Jess.” The bird stuck out its leg and hooted softly, almost as though trying not to be too pleased with itself. Once the remaining bird had been relieved of his burden, he softly flew towards the large cage at the end of Lily’s room, open and occupied by her own snowy owl, Archimedes.

Now, Lily turned to her letters. The first one to be opened was Jessica’s short script:

Lils-
How are you? How is your…er…lovely sister and family? Well, here’s a surprise- my mum says you can come and stay with me for the rest of the week! I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer, so I’ll be by to get you by floo at, say, seven on Friday night? See you then,
Hugs, Jessa


“Wow!” Lily whispered to herself, finishing the letter. A week at Jessie’s house… no Petunia for almost another year? It was almost unthinkable. Quickly, Lily grabbed some parchment and a quill from her desk drawer and scribbled a reply.

Jess-
Thanks so much- I would NEVER pass that up! Of course, I’ll have to ask my folks, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. See you Friday, then. Can you believe it’s our LAST YEAR?!?!?
Thanks and Hugs, Lils
PS. I haven’t yet been to Diagon Alley for my school stuff, so I guess we’ll do that, too.


Lily took out her wand, a swishy willow wand of about ten inches, and magically sealed the note. After addressing the letter back to her best friend, Lily walked to the cage and coaxed the spotted owl named Guinevere onto her arm. She extended her leg, and she tied the note on. Perched securely on her arm, Lily strode over to the open window and Guinevere brushed out over her head into the sky of a rising sun.

Next, Lily took the second letter, the one containing her Hogwarts book list and usual reminders, back to her bed and sat down. Heavy this year… Lily thought to herself. As she opened it, several papers fell out, accompanied by a gold badge with the Hogwarts crest, bearing the words “Head Girl”.

It was all she could do from shrieking with pleasure. Skimming through her first piece of school parchment and onto the second, she came to the words written by none other than the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. A quick look-over told her that she had been made Head Girl because of her “excellent O.W.L. and examination scores, as well as your outstanding work as a prefect for the past two years.”

Lily practically bounced all the way downstairs, from her room down the hallway and stairs, through the foyer and into the kitchen, smile a mile-wide.

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Chapter Two- Maybe He Lost a Bet?



James Potter sat in his large bedroom, reading over his Hogwarts letter, when Sirius Black woke up in the bed nearby that Saturday morning.

“Good morning, Prongsy!” Sirius Black said yawning. Sirius was the attractive co-ring leader of the Marauders and James’ best friend of seven years. “How is the master Marauder doing on this fine…” His head snapped up, as though pulled by a taught string. “I haven’t missed breakfast, have I?”

“No, Padfoot, you animal,” said James jokingly. “Breakfast hasn’t even started, I think.”

“Well then, I shall just go back to sleep, shall I?” And without further ado, Sirius crawled back under the covers of his bed and shut his eyes.

James smiled broadly and went back to his Hogwarts letters.

Head Boy… why in the world would Dumbledore pick me for Head Boy?

Since first year, James, Sirius, and Remus (and Peter, if you counted him at all) had been the height of prank-dom at school and had never hesitated to jinx anyone who deserved it (otherwise known as anyone in the way or just standing around). Remus, being the only sensible Marauder and a prefect, tended to be the voice of reason, even if he wasn’t entirely innocent. But James…

And then there were his parents. Jack �“ James, really, but he didn’t use that name in company �“ and Helena Potter worked as Aurors. Both had been at Hogwarts years ago, and his father had been Head Boy in his day. As Aurors, they frequently left the house (and often times, the country) on missions. It was sort of expected of him to be an Auror as well. Neither Helena nor Jack considered this too daunting of an assignment; it simply was. Telling them would mean an onslaught of lectures on the future, putting his mischief behind him, blah blah blah.

Suddenly, another voice in James head said, HEY! Who is the most likely girl in the year to be Head Girl?

“Lily,” James said under his breath. Of course, LILY EVANS would be Head Girl �“ as if it would be anyone else! James sighed and lay down on his bed, looking at the ceiling, hands behind his head. More time with Lily… more time to tease her, to watch her, to be with her. The possibilities were endless.

James was so busy dreaming up progressively more ludicrous ways to tempt Lily into a date, he didn’t Sirius called from under his covers. Apparently, the latter had been unsuccessful in his attempts to fall back asleep.

“Ooh, doest mine nose deceive me? Do I smell bacon and sausages? Oi, Prongs! Is that breakfast I smell or am I hallucinating?”

Sirius looked up at a dreamy-eyed James.

“James! Earth to James!” Sirius said, waving his hand in front of James. “Alright, well, if you want me to eat your portion, just stay quiet…” said Sirius slyly.

James, still in his reverie, nodded dumbly.

“OK, if you insist.” Sirius quickly bounded to the door, but looked back in time to see James mouth the word ‘Lily’ to the ceiling.

“Ah, so that’s it, eh? Prongs, old friend, she isn’t even around and already you’re working up ways to ask her out?” Sirius teased, sitting down near James’ feet.

“Huh, what? Hey, Padfoot, I was just thinking-’’ James began.

“About Lily? Yeah, I got that impression.”

James chose to ignore this comment. His eyes were slightly misty, as though he hadn’t entirely decided if he was awake or not. “She’s just so pretty…”

“Didn’t anyone tell you that looks aren’t everything?” said Sirius in a sing-song voice.

James stared. “I thought you were the one going for a record on dates at Hogwarts, not me.”

“What’s in your letter?” Sirius said, changing the subject. “What’s the badge for? Superior snobbery?”

“It appears,” said James, very wary of the reaction he was about to receive, “Dumbledore made me Head Boy, and �“’’

“HE WHAT?” Sirius shouted! “Oh my god, I think … I think… my heart…” Sirius clutched his heart, making very fake gagging noises.

“Oh, get a grip, Padfoot!” James said, shoving Sirius off the edge of the bed.

“Oi! What the … But has the man gone mad? I mean, James, seriously �“ Remus was obviously the best choice for the job.”

“I know,” agreed James. He had never sought this position, nor did he particularly like the road it led down… responsibility, etc.

Sirius was thoroughly enjoying himself… “Your criminal record is beyond repair, Prongs!”

“I’m never alone, need I remind you…”

“Yeah, but I’m not the one up to disgrace his followers and fellow trouble makers! Why’d he do it? Did Dumbledore give a reason? Maybe he lost a bet? No, can’t think that easily, must’ve been bigger… Ransom? Murder? Ooh, a good scandal?”

“Padfoot, you are making this way huger than it is. I was just as shocked, but the big man says it’s ‘cause of my…perfect scores and great enthusiasm, I believe he said.”

They sat, looking over the letter (Sirius tried to take it and “test it for flame-deflection”). “You know,” said Sirius finally, “if this is legit, your mother is going to die over the stove! At least let me eat before you tell her �“ I need nourishment!”

“If anyone DOESN’T need food, it’s you, Padfoot!” James said, gathering his letters and Head Boy badge, and walking to the door. Sirius laughed his bark-like laugh and pushed James out of the way of the door, running down the hall towards the stairs.

“Watch it!” James called, running after his friend. They ran around the second floor of James’ mansion, finally sliding down the banister, one after the other. James, now in the lead, sprinted the last twenty feet to the kitchen.

“Oh, honestly boys, don’t run in the house. Now �“ sit and eat!” James’ mother, Helena, said exasperatedly.

Sirius didn’t need telling twice. He practically ate all his bacon in one bite, then moved on to his toast and eggs. James watched in awe for several seconds before beginning on his own plate. The dishes Sirius plowed through were washing and drying themselves in the sink, while Helena put the clean ones neatly away with a bored flick of her wand.

About half an hour later, and several helpings, James cleared his throat and Sirius looked up.

“Um, Mum, I got my letter from Hogwarts today…” James began.

“Oh, yes. Well, James, we will need to make a trip to Diagon Alley, and I suppose Sirius will need his supplies as well.” Helena said kindly, but looking into James’ evasive eyes told her there was more to be said. “James, you haven’t been suspended already, have you?”

Needless to say, Sirius nearly choked on his last serving of porridge. James shot him a deadly sideways look.

“Well, um… Dumbledore sort of… well, he made me…” James stuttered.

“Fine, I’ll do it,” said Sirius with distaste. “James is Head Boy.”

“WHAT? Has the man gone mad?” Helena shouted, looking from Sirius to James, then back and forth very quickly. A dish that had been floating between the sink and the cabinet had crashed to the floor and broken, unnoticed.

“Ah, a woman with sense!” Sirius said, still chuckling.

“Thanks, Padfoot, you really lighten the load,” James whispered.

“Well, I mean…James this is wonderful! Oh heavens, you know, your father was Head Boy….”

“Really?” muttered James through his pumpkin juice.

“This is such a surprise! I must owl your father! Oh, I never dreamed! After that terrible stunt last year with the billywigs…”

James had had enough. “Run! Head for the hills!” James shouted loudly. They both ran (Sirius had to run back and grab one last biscuit) from the kitchen, slowing as they reached the stairs.

“Yes sir, your Boyship, sir. May I carry you, sir? Do you need anything, your most prankly highness?” Sirius said, saluting James and bowing as the two walked back to James’ room.

*****

Later that day, James and Sirius made their way through the crowded streets of Diagon Alley with Helena. Jack Potter, James’ father, had been held up at the Auror headquarters.

They visited the robes shop, Flourish and Blots, and Quality Quidditch Supplies, among others. James decided that, for his gift from his parents (on becoming Head Boy, of course) that he would like the new Golden Arrow 360 model �“ the newest broom to date.

About one that afternoon, after leaving Eeylop’s Owl Emporium at which Sirius had bought a new Brown owl, the boys met the remaining two Marauders-- Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

The four finally were freed of their chaperones, and all promised to meet their parents (or hosts, in Sirius’ case) at the Leaky Cauldron at six o’clock that evening. They boys wandered up to alley, wishing they could stray off the main street, though they had been forbidden on pain of something very terrible of which they were extremely skeptical.

“What you been up to, Moony?” James asked, as they entered Gambol and Japes, the joke shop.

“Full moon, vacation in Provence, homework, and then another full moon.” Remus grinned at a mask that made its own monster sounds. “How about you?”

“Homework?” said Sirius, so appalled the everlasting slug he was holding nearly popped. “I forgot!” He swore loudly.

“You can borrow mine,” suggested Peter squeakily, “but it wouldn’t be much help.”

“I’ll fake it. They can never tell.”

James laughed. Remus and Sirius talked more of their upcoming plans for pranks. As they wandered through the shop, James stared out the window. He knew Remus was slightly upset that it was James who had gotten the badge, though he hadn’t complained.

A flash of auburn was all it took to take James from his pensive stare. He walked quickly to the door, threw it open, and looked down Diagon Alley. There she was, entering Madam Malkin’s. Her gorgeous hair was visible from here, as was her breathtaking smile. James had the irrepressible urge to take off his robes and wrap her in them, smuggle her out of the street, and keep her away from the eyes of all of these idiotic men.

Trying his hardest, James rushed inside. He quickly made up a story about forgetting a broom kit; Peter, Remus, and Sirius �“ none of whom convinced �“ followed James into the street, and met a very interesting sight…

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Chapter 3 - Friends and Marauders




Lily, Jessica, and two other girlfriends of the pack were walking down Diagon Alley when Lily stopped dead. The other girls, being engrossed in a silly conversation about the cutest member of the newest Wizarding band, the Vultures, nearly didn’t see Lily stop.

“But, Hannah, he’s so short!” said Jessica.

“Oh, Jess, please �“ Lily, what’s wrong?” For Hannah had nearly walked into Lily. She merely pointed.

“Oh.”


*****


Lily had been given permission from her parents to stay with Jessica, who arrived a little late on Friday night.

Lily had been frantically cleaning her room beforehand, shoving all her clothes, books, and worn-out supplies in her trunk and large duffel bag. Archimedes also was not too happy with the plan of being stuffed in his cage early and being forced through a suffocating green fire. It was to Lily’s relief that she could leave the house she had inhabited been cooped up in for the last several weeks.

All in all, the pair had made it safely to Jessica’s house, though not before Petunia had made a scene at dinner.

“I am turning twenty-one next month,” Petunia announced, bitterness plain in her voice.

“Petunia, please sit down,” said Harry Evans wearily. “We’re having a celebration for your sister tonight! We can talk about your birthday tomo �“”

“No!” spat Petunia, pushing back her chair.

Lily looked pleadingly at her sister. Don’t do this… Please, act like my sister, just once…

“Vernon has proposed to me!” she shrieked. Her bony cheeks and long teeth added to the horse-like appearance her shouting had created.

“Has he?” Claudia asked, looking at her daughter as though mildly interested.

“Yes! And as I have accepted, I had planned for you to attend. However, I have no intention of inviting any abnormal” �“ here she glanced disgustedly at Lily �“ “guests.”

She stood, panting slightly from shouting. Mr. and Mrs. Evans were looking at each other; Lily was staring at the beef stew.

“Watch your tone.” Harry Evans was looking at his daughter, disappointment etched in his worn face.

After another pause, Claudia turned and said, “So, Lily �“”

“NO!”

Everyone’s eyes were on Petunia again. She looked livid.

“For thirty seconds, we do not have to speak of Lily, or her stupid school, or her accomplishments!”

“We acknowledged your news, dear, and we have come to a new topic,” Claudia said calmly.

“A new topic? What’s new? She practically goes to a mad house, and you don’t ever want to talk about anything else!”

“Calm down, please. You’re acting like a child!”

“A child?” Petunia yelled, looking as though she wanted very much to strike her mother (or father) across the face. “Fine then!”

And she left the room. Claudia pushed out her chair coolly, and followed Petunia’s thundering steps upstairs.

“I’m sorry, Lily,” said Harry from across the table.

“It’s alright, Daddy.” They smiled at each other. Within a second, however, the clock chimed, and Lily realized she needed to retrieve her trunk. She excused herself, and tip-toed back to her room.

So, she wasn’t invited to Petunia’s wedding? Good riddance. She might be spared the torture of meeting her sister ever again. But than why was Petunia’s stare so hurtful?

Claudia came into Lily’s room. “Your sister is planning to move out.”

Lily nodded dumbly.

“Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry! This was supposed to be your farewell dinner! We didn’t ever get to say a proper good-bye.” She moved and sat next to Lily on the edge of the bed, wrapping Lily in an unnecessarily large hug.

“Don’t worry about it, Mum.” Lily didn’t like this situation at all; her mother’s coddling, her father’s silence, and Petunia’s cold stare…

“Oh, my sweet baby! Off to her last year at school!” And Claudia burst into tears.

Lily tried not to roll her eyes. Her head was panging, though it must have been in frustration with her family. What a relief it was to go to Hogwarts, to never worry about what Petunia thought, or if her mother was lurking in the next room.

Jessica arrived on time, and helped Lily get her things through the fire.

Once at the Grant’s house with Jessica, Lily met up with her two other best friends �“ Bethany Kery, a very tall, skinny, and temperamental brunette, and Hannah Silver, a gorgeous blonde who sat at the height of popularity. The group had stayed at the Grant manor for the night on Saturday. On Sunday, per Lily’s suggestion (more like nagging pleas), the girls had decided to apparate to Diagon Alley.

**--Diagon Alley, Saturday afternoon--**

“Here it comes,” Beth muttered to her friends, who recognized a fire in Lily’s emerald eyes as she lay them upon the Marauders.

Across the way, Sirius warned, “Be careful, Prongs.”

“Well, if it isn’t the most beautiful Head Girl in the World!” James exclaimed, calling loudly to the group of girls growing closer to him from down the alley.

“How do you know about that, Potter?” Lily spat. Her red hair only enhanced her tone. Sirius found it terrifying; James was spellbound.

“Oh, fiery Evans, my pet, who else could compare to your spectac �“”

“Shut it, Potter,” said a raging Lily. “I am neither fiery nor your ‘pet’ as you so disgustingly put it.”

“Has anyone told you how great you look when you’re angry?” James asked, unscathed.

Lily just glared at him. She was trying very, very hard to suppress the tiniest bit of pride she took in this statement.

In the mean time, Hannah, Jess, and Beth were watching the fight with the other Marauders, safely out of danger on the sidelines.

“I put ten Knuts on the feisty redhead…” Sirius joked.

“Oh I don’t know, Sirius, James seems very focused…” Hannah argued, smiling stepping closer to a grinning Sirius.

“Between the two on my left and the two on my right, I can’t tell who is worse…” Jessica said quietly to Remus. He laughed nervously and took Jess to yet another bench.

This left a very bored Bethany and a pitiful Peter, who quickly looked at each other and began to talk lamely about the latest musical groups.

“No, Potter, I can’t stand you for one more second, so just go away!” Lily said, trying to push past him. As she did so, her ears rang, and she felt slightly off-balance. Stupid Potter…

“Lils, princess,” James continued with a laugh, following her, “you know that I am simply irresistible. That’s just your spirited nature talking.”

“This is my last year at Hogwarts. If you like me at all, you will kindly leave me alone.” All of the sudden, Lily got very dizzy and swayed a little on the spot. Since when did the sky get black? And why wasn’t James staying still?

“Lily, are you ok? “ asked James concernedly, rushing to her side.

“Yes…” Lily said, holding her hands to her temples and closing her eyes. That bench Remus and Jessica had taken was looking extremely comfortable. “Yes, Potter, so just leave, please. I’m fine,” she added, see the hurt and worry in his hazel eyes… such deep eyes…

Oh good god, Lily! Are you kidding yourself? Lily told herself firmly. This is James Potter, most annoying boy in the world, who just asked you out for the billionth time. He doesn’t care, he just wants you to let your guard down, so STOP IT! After a minute of internal debate, she looked up again at James, still by her side.

James loved her gorgeous green eyes, reminding him of fairies he had seen years before of the exact same shade.

Stop staring, you prat! a voice said in his head, but he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t want to be the cause of one ounce of her pain; of course, fury wasn’t really pain, as he had excused himself in pranks past. But now, she was actually sick.

“I’m sorry, Lily. I didn’t mean to push you…” James said sweetly. He stood, making his way back towards his friends. “I’ll see you at school, then.”

He stalked off. Lily watched him leave, and for some reason, wanted his company back. Guilt flooded her. She should have asked about his summer, or maybe his classes… She sighed. Why couldn’t she get along with him? He was always pushing, that’s why, she reminded herself; ‘no’ was never enough.

Still hearing a strange ring in her ears, Lily moved away from the wall and went to collect Jessica, Beth, and Hannah.

“Oh great. They’re up to it again?” James asked, walking up and announcing his return to the group at large. Remus and Jessica looked up from their conversation. Peter and Beth, the latter rather upset at the company she was being forced to sit with, also turned around.

Sirius and Hannah, however, were busy behind the group on a small bench, snogging. Hannah was sitting on Sirius’ lap; he looked as though he was about to fall back with the force of Hannah’s kisses, at which point she would be all the way on top of him, unlike the half-finished position they were in now.

“Oi, Padfoot! Get a room…” James called, when finally Sirius took a second’s break.

“I thought they’d never come up for air. Like fish, the pair of ‘em…” Remus said softly, as Jessica giggled.

“Well, bye,” said Remus and Peter.

“Bye,” said a wistful Jessica and a relieved Beth.

Lily felt terrible �“ her stomach churned with guilt. Without meeting his eyes, she said, “Thanks for caring, James.”

James could have skipped home.

Finally, when the three unoccupied members of each group had joined their respective teams, they parted. Lily and James turned around after a second, pealed the relapsed couple of Black and Silver off each other, and walked away again down the street.

As the boys finally got to another resting place, at the ice cream parlor, Sirius smirking madly at the astonished looks from Remus and Peter, James could only think one thing:

She called me James…

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A/n- aaaah, another soppy chapter done. I am so proud that I finished. Don’t you just love James.
Read and review, please. It keeps me sane--or, as much as my meds lead me to believe…

READ AND REVIEW!!!!!

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Chapter 4- Prelude to a Kiss






“Well, at least one of us got some action today…” said Beth, slightly downhearted and very awed at the same time.

“ I dunno,” said Hannah. “From what I could see �“”

“Which wasn’t a lot,” Beth interrupted, smirking.

The girls had made it into Flourish and Blotts �“ Lily had complained that she was out of stationary. Who she was writing to exactly, no one asked. Lily still felt out of it. Her ears were starting to pound rather than ring, and her head felt like it had in potions after the lesson on confounding drafts. James’ jet black hair and adorable glasses kept popping up in her mind.

“Well, Remus and Jessa looked pretty comfy…” Hannah continued. She elbowed Jessica, who elbowed her back. During the struggle, Beth came over to Lily.

“Lils…are you OK? You probably need to lie down. And… uh…” Beth started apprehensively.

The other girls had stopped fighting, had rounded the shelf of The Fire-Proof Guide to All Flammable Spells and were watching their friends.

“Yes, Beth?” Lily said, a little irritated.

“Well,” Hannah cut in, “you and a certain Mr. Potter were fairly close on that bench yourselves!”

“What? You had better be joking, because I do not like what you’re implying at all! You know I hate him �“ he’s rude and misogynistic and I hate him!” Lily snapped testily. Her temples gave an almighty pang.

“Lily, she didn’t mean anything by it,” said Jessica tamely.

“And if I did?” Hannah said. “Lily doesn’t want to admit how much she liked James following her around.”

Lily glared; silver sparks spat from the wand gripped tightly in her hand. “I’m in no mood.”

“Fine.”

None of the girls said much of anything. Lily knew Hannah was still upset �“ she had lost her cousin, Malory, in an attack earlier that year, and it had thrown most of her family into turmoil, putting Hannah on edge more than usual. And yet, this snappy attitude was not at all helpful for Lily’s attitude or her headache.

“So, you ready to go back to one boy at a time?” Jessica asked, turning to the blonde beside her. Hannah nodded and tried to say something, but failed.

Lily looked down at a large encyclopedia, anywhere but at Hannah; of course, her head throbbed even harder as she tried to bend down and pick up the book. “I’m going to go down to the apothecary. I need a Pepper Up potion.”

Affronted, Hannah snarled. “Sorry if I gave you an headache from just talking about him!”

“Hannah, please,” pleaded Lily, feeling utterly sick now. “I didn’t mean it like that. Give the James thing a rest, please!”

“Oh, sure, fine,” Hannah shouted, losing her temper, letting the shop door ding closed behind them all as they left the bookshop, causing several large Fwoopers to jump aside. “James Potter, hottest boy at Hogwarts �“ second to Sirius, of course �“ has been kneeling at your feet for the last six years. I know you are too stubborn to see that he tried very, very hard last year, in class and out, to impress you! Even if you refuse to admit you have feelings for him, he can see that you’re still the same!”

For a moment, Lily said nothing, as she felt tears of guilt and anger in her eyes. She wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m sorry…” she spluttered. “I-I-I… I tried to talk to him …s-sorry, b-but …”

“Being scared doesn’t protect you, Lily,” said Hannah angrily.

“I know.”

Lily turned away. Dully, she thought she heard Jessica say something. One moment, she was walking; next, Lily couldn’t see properly. Her vision was as though a conjunctivitis charm had hit her. She was dimly aware that everything went blurry before she felt a very strong pair of arms catch her as she fell into black.

*****

“Should we take her to St. Mungo’s?” a voice said faraway.

“No, no… she’ll be fine. She just needs to rest,” a closer and deeper voice replied.

Where am I? Lily thought. She kept her eyes closed and tried to remember. I was shouting… I fell… someone caught me? Who was it? Lily asked herself. Her head felt like a troll had clobbered it.

Just then, she felt a big hand stroking her hair, and a finger gently tracing her jaw-line. She nuzzled up against a broad shoulder, eyes still closed.

“You’re not really asleep, are you?” said a tender voice she knew.

“No,” she told him in a whisper.

“Mm-hmm,” James said back, still stroking her gleaming red hair. “So, are you really alright?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I can get up…” she said, in her weakest voice. What are you doing to yourself? a small voice in her head asked. Shut up! she told it firmly.

“I wouldn’t think so.” He sighed. “What’s the matter, Lily? Are you sick? Are you dying? One too many sundaes?”

“Sundaes?” she repeated slowly. “Since when do sundaes make your head explode?”

“Ask Sirius �“ I would prefer not to repeat that incident.”

She grinned, then sat up. From the looks of it, they were in the Leaky Cauldron. To her right was a large fireplace, cracking contently. Lily sat next to James on a very large, dark leather sofa. No one else was in this part of the room, though voices of (she guessed) a hag and a wizard filtered in from the next room.

“Thanks for… er, catching me. I wasn’t feeling so good. Of course, I could have been spared the bickering this morning…”

“You’re…. welcome,” said James, obviously hurt.

Lily looked at him, surprised that he had recoiled.

“That wasn’t an attack, I just �“” Lily murmured.

“It’s alright. I don’t care. See you at school, Lils.” James rose to his feet.

“No!” she protested loudly. “No… please, James, don’t.”

He stopped as soon as she said “James,” slightly heartened by this, and after a moment sat back down.

The annoying voice that sounded like Hannah told Lily to make him stay. “Thanks for catching me… both times. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today, but uh �“ hold on �““ she looked at him, suspicious, “how did you catch me if you had just left?”

“Well, I was talking to the other Marauders and then I realized that…well,” James stumbled on his words.

The Marauders had all been having pretty much the same conversation as the girls had started with, but it drifted to Sirius talking about Quidditch, while James had daydreamed about Lily. At some point, he realized that he hadn’t told her that he was Head Boy. This was a fairly significant piece of news, and Remus had told James it was a good idea to let Lily roll the thought around in her head before going back to school. Naturally, he had forgotten about it the second he saw Lily in the street, and had rushed up just in time to catch her as she fainted.

“Yes?” Lily asked, bringing James back to Earth.

“Realized you had a birthday, and I hadn’t sent you a card. So, happy birthday, a month late.”

She eyed him keenly. “My birthday?” repeated Lily, highly unconvinced.

“Yes, Lily darling,” he said, with an air of certainty that made her believe him. “So, we need to get you to a healer.”

“I don’t need a healer, I need twenty seconds of peace. Between my sister, my friends listen to the Wizarding Wireless all night, and you,” she added, looking at him pointedly, “I haven’t had any time to just rest.”

“Yet,” he said, “you claim your head exploded. Thing is, Lils, most people don’t have overheated brains from simple overwork.” They both looked at each other for a moment, before James said, “That didn’t make sense, did it?”

She laughed and shook her head. “Ow!”

“Want me to kiss it and make it better?” he suggested, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s under control, thanks.”

He shrugged.

“Will they be wanting you back?” he said. She turned, and saw that Hannah and the others were talking with the adults over near the door.

“They can wait. I’m ill.” He grinned, taking this as a sure sign of a change of heart. “Are you still on the team?” she asked, inventing a way of stalling before he left.

“Yeah, unless McGonagall kills me first.”

She smirked. “And you did your… homework?”

Homework? What in the world was she doing?

“Never off the job, are you?”

“Nope,” she replied.

The seconds lengthened. Neither James nor Lily said anything; instead, they sat, looking at the fire. Lily, for one, was amazed that such a civil conversation had occurred.

A slightly rebellious part of Lily, the one that she imagined as Sirius, was screaming inside of her. Ask him out, ask him out! He likes you… you like him…

No, I don’t! she argued. But Hannah’s words rang in her ears, adding to her growing frustration. “Being scared doesn’t protect you, Lily..."

“Were you going to get me something for my birthday?” she asked after some deliberation.

“If you still want one,” he said, obviously confused by this question.

“I get to choose?”

“I… suppose.” He took this moment to give her a lop-sided grin, which only further encouraged her to proceed.

“Do you have a coin?”

Despite the bewildered expression on his face, he dug through his long black robes, and finally retrieved a shiny bronze knut. “What are you doing?”

“Flipping,” she said simply. “Thank you.”

He scooted over one cushion closer, to see to the coin on the coffee table in front of them.

“Heads, you get me a new quill,” said Lily, tucking her flaming hair behind each ear. “And tails �“”

“I get a kiss.”

She stared, wide-eyed, then, after an awkward second, smirked. “Fine.”

Not even believing his luck, James ruffled the back of his untidy hair �“ a habit he had all but rid himself of.

In the milliseconds while the coin sat on Lily’s slender fingers, then rolled in the air, and finally fell, Lily tried not to wince. Her head was buzzing again, and the little voice of rebellion was quiet; a much louder and more responsible voice had taken its place.

CLINK.

She didn’t dare look, but bit her lip. James, however, sat forward. He looked at her, a growing smile. Lily knew before James had even begun to say, “tails.”

She tried to smile, but butterflies were attacking her stomach. Kiss James? She didn’t even want to sit next to him in class!

“Deal’s a deal,” she said under her breath.

Very quickly, she tilted her head forward and felt his lips brush her own.

As it turned out, he was a great kisser. A fantastic kisser. World champion kisser. It wasn’t the length of the kiss, or even the depth, but the feeling she got from it… One of the many perks was the throbbing in her head had dulled substantially.

This was what she had been missing? Why hadn’t she agreed to date him before?

She pulled away, and found his eyes flickering. Was it happiness or victory?

“Thanks,” she managed to say.

“You are most welcome,” he said, looking not in her eyes but still at her mouth.

“Lily!” said Hannah loudly, as Remus called, “Prongs!”

All of the sudden, they both snapped back into reality; Lily and James jumped to their feet.

“Oh, Lily, I’m so sorry!” said Hannah, coming around the table and wrapping Lily in a huge hug. “You have a cold, and all I could do was yell at you!”

Lily was still looking at James, who was staring back in return.

“Prongs!” said Sirius, joining the group by the hearth. “We need to get back. Your lovely mother is expecting us.”

“Alright,” said James, not breaking his gaze.

“Come on, Lily, my mum says you need some sleep,” said Jessica, taking Lily’s hand. No one had noticed the lingering glances Lily and James were sharing…

Can’t we stay? I just need to… ask James something… you guys go ahead.

She had half a mind to say this, but couldn’t muster to energy to speak.

Within seconds, Lily found herself being dragged out the door, though she wasn’t sure if she was glad or not.

James stared after her for another few seconds, then followed Sirius, Remus, and Peter toward the back door.

“What’s the matter, Prongs?” asked Remus, seeing James’ distracted eyes.

“Tired,” James said.

---

Read and review!!!!!!!

By the way, I've written past 31, and planned through the end, so the only halt on my postings is validation and my own sloth.

A/n - READ AND REVIEW, s’il vous plaît!
Short chapter… PS-- “~~~~~” means dream. By the way, I have chapters 1 to 31 already written, so be aware that new chapters are going up as soon as editing and validating are done.

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Chapter 5 - Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered



That night neither Lily nor James got any sleep.


No one had seen the kiss the two had shared, but Lily had felt guilty nonetheless. Dominating her thoughts were pleasant surprise and self-aggravation that she had lowered her own standards so low.


Dinner at the Grant’s house had been nice enough, as Jessica’s parents �“ a witch and wizard �“ had cooked a spiced pumpkin pie and made a special Percurona potion to clear Lily’s head after her “trying day”. When she finally did get to sleep, Lily’s dreams just made her more confused.


~ ~ ~


James had been inside a green restaurant, then told her to come outside. She couldn’t remember the occasion or anyone else, but he was clear. Every so often in the dream, they would go outside, and she would try to tell him that she liked him. However, every time she tried, James either made a fool of himself and she gave up, or she lost the nerve and they went back inside. Finally, at the end, he had put his arms around her. She leaned in for a kiss and…


~ ~ ~


“LILY! Wake UP! It’s time to go! You have to get to the train early!” It was Beth.


Oh Merlin, thought Lily, rolling out of bed.


She ran her fingers through her hair while looking under her bed for the last outfit she had left out.


Jessica was apparently in the shower, since Beth and Hannah had been getting back into bed �“ Lily’s alarm had woken them all. Since she had to get to the train early and meet the new Head Boy, Lily decided to wait for the shower.

“What time is it?” Lily moaned, taking off her PJs and wrapping herself in a towel.


“Six,” Jessica called from the steamy downpour. “I’m getting out.” The water shut off and Lily closed her eyes so Jess could get out.


“Go ahead!” Lily was still trying to wake up, but Jessica flicked her wet hair all over the bathroom, sending a chill down Lily’s spine. “HEY!”


Jessica laughed, looking at a shivering, blind Lily sitting on the closed toilet. “What’s the spell for hair-drying?”


“Droogapelli!” taunted Lily. They both knew full well the simple charm, but neither was a morning person and Lily let it go. “Are you going to get out of here, or what?”


“Fine, fine…”


Lily heard the door close and opened one eye from behind her fingers. No one was there. She stood up and stepped into the glass-walled shower, letting her towel flutter and slip to her toes; the floor was cold and Lily’s hair was in a clip, exposing her neck.


She turned on the water and tried to decide as she washed what to do about James…


It had been an amazing kiss. But she had known too many girls who had been jerked about by stupid Potter, and it was difficult to herself as his girlfriend. He just was not for her. One amazing kiss does not guarantee a lifelong bond, Lily reasoned.


Turning off the faucet, rubbing the last bubbles of soap out of her eyes, Lily decided how to proceed.


She would speak to James, at some point, and explain that she had no intention of being more than his peer. Yes, that was how to do it…


At 6:30 that morning Lily came out of the bathroom, clean but feeling a little down. Some part of her subconscious mind wanted the truth, but her denial suppressed it. She quickly threw a few last minute clothes into her duffle.


Surprisingly, Lily was neater than usual in Jessica’s house, so finding her books and homework was not at all difficult. By seven, all the girls trudged into the kitchen after Lily, who was the only girl dressed of the four.


Mrs. Grant had made them all a huge breakfast of rolls, eggs, kippers, tea, and some mulled cider.


When the dishes were cleared (Lily had been exempted since she was done, though she helped anyway �“ her levitation charms were, after all, legendary) it was almost eight and tempers were flaring. Beth, who was always very moody and never at all predictable, yelled at Lily for trying to help pack up the posters around Beth’s nightstand because Lily had nearly folded them. Lily didn’t really understand the big deal on having a crinkle across the nose of the Gytrash’s lead singer and panpipe player, but she got the message


Thanking the Grants for their hospitality, she gathered all her luggage, Archimedes in his cage, and apparated.


It took a second to get to the station with all her bags pinching her fingers and throwing off her concentration, but she got to King’s Cross station without any problems. Looking around, Lily found herself in the back of a deserted bookshop just across from the actual trains.


If I’m late, I’m going to get Beth for keeping me! thought Lily as she pulled up her sleeve.


Already half-ten. She swore lightly. She was supposed be meeting the new Head Boy with Professor Dumbledore already. Lily readjusted her belongings so she could run and carry them, finally just shoving them on a trolley she found after walking halfway to the platform. The commuters were bustling about the entire station, and she thankfully managed to slip onto Platform 9¾ unseen.


A few of the earlier students had arrived, and Lily knew her friends would be there before long. They never missed an opportunity to checkout how all the other kids (meaning boys) had changed.


Lily took a deep breath as the spell of the train drifted her way, sounds of happy people, owls and toads, and the continuous swishing of cloaks. It was oddly satisfying.


Snapping out of her daydream of Hogwarts, Lily walked briskly to the train car closest and boarded. Her bags and Archimedes’ cage got in the way of the door and she nearly dropped her biggest suitcase before someone took pity on her. Unfortunately, she stuck out her leg just as her cosmetic bag spilled into the hall and they leaned over to help, kicking her helper squarely in the jaw.


“Oh! I’m so sorry I �“” But looking up, she saw who it was. James. Of course. “Oh, it’s you.” Her plan to be civil was failing fast.


“Nice to see you, too, Lily,” James said. He smiled grandly. Wonder if she’s wearing that same lip stuff…


“Can you do me a favor?” Lily asked, realizing the as each awkward second ticked by, people were apparating in. “Carry my other bags to the Prefects’ compartment? I’ll get the cage and my, er… all this mess.”


James nodded, rubbing his jaw where she had kicked him. Lily had to switch hands several times until James could untangle the straps of her suitcases, which they did in silence. Eventually, James carried the bags off towards the far end of the train; Lily watched in bewilderment as he left.


This concern for other people �“ namely Lily �“ was uncharacteristic. Then again, yesterday…


Archimedes hooted loudly, reminding Lily of the reason she had stopped in the first place: The spilled make-up. Lily stuffed the contents back into their leather case, not bothering to organize any of it. Her thoughts were now on James.


When she got up to the front of the train, opening the doors into the large room labeled “Prefects Only,” Lily found only James.


He smiled again, and stood. “Good morning.”


“Hello,” said Lily awkwardly. She had stepped into the compartment, for it was much larger than the usually ones down the rest of the train.


After several more uncomfortable seconds, Lily sat. James sat, too, opposite her, never losing his smile.


She gaped about for something to talk about. “Was your summer �“” But she stopped. James was leaning forward, a foot, six inches, an inch away from her…


“James!” She was on her feet, and James was looking up at her, confused.


At this second, Sirius Black strode into the compartment, chin covered in lipstick.


James glared. He was absolutely nonplussed. Lily had pulled away from him…


Black was not at all on Lily’s Christmas list, to put it nicely. Hannah thought Sirius was the next Minister for Magic, whereas Lily often thought of Sirius as the next Leaky Cauldron janitor.


“Hello, Evans!” said Sirius, his voice low and jovial.


“Neither of you two can be in here. Prefects only, unless you’ve got permission from one of them, and they have to accompany you.” Lily informed the pair, using her most bossy tone possible; Professor McGonagall would have been proud. “What are you smirking at, Black?”


“Sirius, we’re staying,” said James, in a voice of greatest finality.


“We’re staying,” said Sirius, playing with his nails, baiting her.


Lily turned and glared at James. “Who gave you permission to be here, Potter?”


No one noticed James’ face fall as Sirius said, “Ask him.” Lily whipped around to see Albus Dumbledore closing the door behind him.


“Ah. My new Head Girl and Boy. Nice to see you both,” Dumbledore said in his usual calm voice, looking from Lily and then beyond.


Lily blinked. Who was Head Boy? What in the world was Dumbledore playing at?


“Excuse me, sir, but who is Head Boy?” Lily asked, trying not to sound as astounded as she felt. Sirius sniggered.


“Why, Mr. Potter, of course.”


Lily gaped, using all her strength not to let her jaw drop to the floor. “No offense, Mr. Black,” Dumbledore added, acknowledging Sirius.


“None at all taken, Professor,” joked Sirius in hearty reply.


Lily still felt totally confused. James? Who in their right mind would make James Potter the Head Boy at Hogwarts? Desperately trying not to imagine the weeks of planning for meetings and events she would have to endure, Lily gulped and plopped into a seat.


“Good, good. Well then, here’s a list of this year’s prefects and their houses. Fifth year prefects are to be given the most obvious jobs, I’m sure you recall…”


Half an hour later, Lily and James had been given the instructions for meetings and assigning duties for the incoming officers. Dumbledore left them with a swish of his cloak as the sounds of incoming parents and students filled the air.


“Interesting year it’s going to be, eh?” Sirius whispered to James.

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Welcome to fanfic land �“ home of the free, land of the lightening-scarred. Read and review, please please please! I do respond to every one. Enjoy!

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Chapter 6 �“ One Interesting Day

Both James and Sirius talked quietly for a little while, while Lily sat in a huff, staring out the window. They hadn’t even left the station, but it had felt like hours sitting here.


Lily had been formalizing the Hogsmeade dates on her calendar when Sirius looked up at the clock. “Oi, Prongsy, it’s half past. I guess we better go meet the guys.”


“Oh, no you don’t,” threatened Lily, stirring.


“Why not?” said James innocently. He was trying to ignore her shimmering hair, though not making much progress.


“Because,” Lily said, getting to her feet. “We’re going to help the first years and any new kids. Don’t even think about making me do all the work this year. You’re going to get your fair share, P-… James,” she finished, a little embarrassed that she had almost said, “Potter”.


“Alright, fine. Just go ahead, Padfoot, I’ll meet you later,” relented James.


Sirius looked about to say something in protest, but James cocked his head to one side, obviously saying, "Go on!" Sirius growled loudly, mostly kidding, and stomped off. James turned around and clasped his hands behind his back, soldier-like.


“Ready for duty, madam!”


******


Mountains flashed past the window, and clouds began to blanket the sky. Lily stared out miserably in the late afternoon, paying no attention to her friends sitting around her. The morning affairs had gone off well; the Prefects had their assignments, and the arrangement for meetings was set. James had not been as much of a burden as she had anticipated, but the eyes of every girl during the meeting had drifted to him at least three times, distracting Lily immensely. Since then, however, all three Marauders and Lily’s three best friends had filled the box and had not let Lily get any rest. All she wanted was peace and quiet. Sirius had made sure that it wouldn’t happen anytime soon. Hannah and Sirius had not been seen for at least an hour, but the girls who had come to talk about Quidditch with James (or goggle at him) created such a clamor that Lily felt a migraine coming on.


“James, I think you are definitely going to win the House Cup this year. I mean, you may be the only truly good player on the team, and-” began a blonde Lily did not recognize, but she had had enough.


“Out! OUT! Anyone who is not a Prefect, get out now!” Lily yelled, finally getting some control of the situation. “Out, before I start taking points! OUT!” Lily yelled, finally getting some control of the situation. The crowd evaporated, and only Beth, Jessica, Remus, Peter, Amos Diggory, and James were left seated.


“Well done,” said James, very gentlemen-like, clapping lightly. Lily scoffed and sat back down near the window. James sat next to Remus, in the corner across near the door. What's with her?


Lupin seemed to know what James was thinking, and beckoned him outside into the hallway.


“Yes, Moony?” James said, closing the door.


Remus smiled weakly. “What’s going on with her?”


“Merlin if I know,” said James angrily. “For a while I thought… while I thought I had progressed from hate to…”


“Supreme dislike?” offered Remus.


James squinted.


“Prongs, you need to keep in mind what Lily’s got going on in her head.” Lupin sighed, speaking wearily. “She likes you, she hates you, she’s confused, ambitious to a fault, and you go around making a public service announcement out of a possible relationship.”


James’ jaw dropped. “How do get all that? Gone Legilimens on me?”


“It’s not all that difficult to get, Prongsy. You just have to read between the lines.”


James smiled. “Meaning, Jessica told you?”


Lupin paused, sighing.


“Jessica told me. Anyway, here’s an idea…”


As James and Remus left, Lily sat up. Lupin had always been a good friend to Lily, even when Sirius and James were around; they had both been Prefects for the past two years, and they regarded each other as siblings more than classmates. He was the only member of the group with any sense, not to mention that he liked Jessica. In fact, Lily was often the one telling her best friend to talk to Remus, since Jessica really liked him, too.


“What do you think that’s about?” Jessica asked, looking suspiciously about the compartment window.


“I’d say it’s a little guy talk,” Amos piped up. Lily shot him a dangerous glare. Amos cowered a little and tried to focus back on Beth, with whom he was flirting. Pompous was the word the came to mind when Lily was around Amos �“ nice, but a little too boastful at times, always very proud of himself. Bethany, who usually had low self-esteem, saw Amos as a wonderful leader and perfect boyfriend.


“Anyone seen Sirius?” Peter asked sleepily. He had been sleeping underneath his jacket.


“No, but I would guess he’s with…” Jessica stopped when Lily flared her nostrils and threw daggers with her eyes to shut Jess up. “Um… well, anyway. Oh, hi, guys.” Remus and James had reentered the box.


“James, can I talk to you?” Lily motioned towards the hall.


James looked at Lily, nonplussed, then at Remus. Remus gave him a raised eyebrow, as if to say, What else do you have to do?


Giving in, James moved back out into the hall. Lily followed, nearly tripping on Peter’s feet, which were sticking out into the aisle. James grabbed her arm as she stumbled, but let go the second she had regained her footing.


“Uh… thanks,” was all Lily could muster. She saw a kindness in James that was not at all helping her confusion.


“It’s nothing.”


“Well, I just wanted to ask you a favor.”


He stared. “A favor?”


“Yes. Well, I just think that this is going to be a really long year if we can’t get along. I just… well, this year is important to me, and I just wanted to ask you to swear to help me.”


“Can’t get along?” His tone was no less than incredulous.


She looked uncomfortable, not meeting his eyes. “Promise?”


The train rocked beneath their feet, making James stumble into the wall.


“Are you alright?” asked Lily, as James swore, rubbing his elbow where it had hit the window.


“Never been better.”


Several more awkward seconds passed, the train rattling on, James looked at Lily.


“You want me to promise,” he said slowly, crossing his arms, “to behave, then?”


“I didn’t phrase it like that… But yes.”


“Fine.”


James nodded, then returned brusquely to the compartment, where Sirius and Lupin were in a chocolate frog eating contest.


*****


The rest of the train ride was gone in the blink of an eye.


Pretty soon it was time to get off the craziest ride to Hogwarts Lily had ever had the displeasure of experiencing, including when Sirius had tried to hang her by her ankles to the ceiling in second year (she had ended up hexing his hair blue, which did nothing but get him more attention from girls, even then).


The weather at the station was uncharacteristically good, clearer around Hogwarts than it had been on the train ride. Every star shone its brightest light. Lily watched in remembrance from the door off the train as the first years gathered near the caretaker to board the boats across the lake. Jessica had been nice to Lily, who had been a little shy, beginning a deep bond of friendship.


“Um, Lily…”


Lily jumped but didn’t bother to turn around.


“Yes?” she said impatiently, temper flaring easily.


“You might want to follow me out of here…” James coaxed.


“And why would I follow you anywhere?”


“Because you’re blocking the way off the train.”


Lily quickly stepped forward to let off about fifteen other kids, all eying her as though worried she way need to be put in special ward at St. Mungo’s.


“Thanks,” Lily finally said. He chuckled, automatically messing his hair in the back.


Just as she was about to say something to James, Lily heard someone call her.


“Yeah, Jess, what is it?” Lily called, walking over to her best friend, leaving James in the smiley-mood he hadn’t been in since… the day before.


“Lils, c’mon! We’re gonna lose our carriage!” Jessica whined, pulling Lily into the horseless car after her.


*****


Finally, at almost ten that evening, Professor Dumbledore had made his speech �“ tremendous, as usual �“ about the yearly reminders, including introducing Lily and James as Head students. Lily blushed furiously when her name was called, but James just stood and nodded politely, giving a new meaning to cool. Several girls had been staring at him all through dinner �“ he had been working out for Quidditch all summer, and it showed.


Everyone was sent to bed with full stomachs and satisfyingly tired brains. Tomorrow they would start work. Not tonight.


*****


James landed smoothly on the ground, wishing practice didn’t have to be over.


It was the beginning of a crisp and blustery October. Quidditch training had begun, better than ever, maybe because James was captain… Sirius had been beating splendidly, James had been chasing with lightning speed, and the entire team had played like a machine. A perfect, killing, winning machine. They were definitely going to flatten Slytherin in the first Quidditch match that Saturday. Making his way to the changing rooms, James heard someone call. Turning, he saw Sirius running to catch up.


“What’s up, mate?” James asked, once Sirius had caught up.


“Jog with me.”


James noticed the look in his friend’s eyes, and they both half-ran to the changing rooms off the field. Once inside the safety of the tents, James sat on the bench and waited for Sirius to say something.


“Well?” asked James after watching Sirius pace up and down the length of the door several times.


“Guess who I saw coming down toward the field a minute ago.”


James stared back, completely nonplussed. “Tell me.”


Sirius stared down at James and smiled. “Evans.” James felt his eyes bulge.


“Sh- she what? She hates Quidditch! She never comes near here! She told me so!” James stood, taking Sirius’ pacing strides.


“That’s what I thought…”


“Why in the world �“” began James, sitting down.


“For you, Prongs. She had just nearly reached the field when I came over,” he added, making James practically fall off the bench.


Maybe she had changed her mind! Maybe all of this horrible silence about the kiss was over! “Wh-wh… What do I do, Padfoot? What if she �“”


“Came to her senses?” Sirius asked with heavy sarcasm. “Realized she loves you? Wants to become Mrs. ‘Arrogant Prat’?”


“Needs to talk about Hogsmeade?”


Sirius whipped around as James stared, again open-mouthed, at the fuming girl in the doorway. Lily. Her hair floated to the side, the wind blowing into the tent and sending a chill all around.


“I think I’ll… go!” said Sirius cautiously, running the last few feet out of the changing rooms.


Lily rounded on James, marching over and pushing him as she spoke. “James Potter, you arrogant little �“”


“Lily, you can’t just come into the end a conversation and assume everything!”


“OK, fine then, James. Let’s pretend that I don't know anything. Explain it to me.”


“Well, um…” James sighed desperately. “Can we just start over? Don’t listen to what Sirius was running his big mouth off about… What did you need me for?” Lily scowled at his choice of words.


“I wanted to speak to you because we need plan the next Hogsmeade trip. You haven’t forgotten, have you?”


“No, I actually… give me a second…” James went behind the curtain, found his book bag, and dug out a long sheet of parchment, returning to Lily with the paper clutched in his hand. “This,” he said, handing her his list, “is the list of possible dates, and also the Prefects who had said they can’t make it on the trip for supervision.” Don’t want to, more like, James thought, reading the bottom of his page.


“Also,” he continued, “I owled out to a few bands for the ball, and several sent back long letters. I had to agree to attend a few goblin dinners, but it was not that bad. Met a girl, actually. Bvelenaka. Great dancer.”


Realizing he was rambling, he stopped and handed the aforementioned bookings to her. Looking at her, James smiled as he recognized the same look of surprise he had been wearing minutes ago.


“Wow. I, uh… Wow.” After a while Lily still could not say anything comprehensive. Lily looked up suddenly, feeling very grateful for a partner. Her Advanced Potions homework might get finished after all. “Well… good job. So, do you want to go over this now?”


James decided he was too sweaty and very uncomfortable. “Lily, I kind of need to, you know… change.”


“Oh, OH! Of course you do! Oh, I’m… Oh!” Lily covered her eyes with her free hand, as if James had been wearing a towel instead of his Quidditch uniform and his clothes. “I’ll just… see you tonight at the meeting. I really didn’t mean to �“”


“Lily Evans, were you trying to see me change?” James asked, trying (and failing) to contain his amusement.


“Ugh!” groaned Lily, flicking the tent doors open with her wand and storming back up to the castle. James couldn’t help but laugh as he began to change.


******


Gryffindor slaughtered the Slytherins at the match the next Saturday. Sirius credited Taxus Wilkes’ utter lack of common sense or reflexes. James, however, totally disagreed.

He credited the success to the fact that Lily had showed up about fifteen minutes in, her red hair billowing in the dramatic wind surrounding the pitch. When a bludger hit James in the rib, Lily had run down to the sidelines to “make sure she didn’t have to do all the work herself.” He had pleaded with the nurse, Madame Pomfrey (aged about fifty), to let him return to the field after she had made sure he didn’t have any broken ribs. In the end, the nurse couldn’t deny her hopes for a Gryffindor victory and had to give in.


*****


The weeks rushed by, and soon Halloween was upon them. Thankfully, the holiday was on a Friday, giving an opportunity to have the village trip on that Saturday, the first day of November. The Quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor had been scheduled for Saturday evening. For the Halloween feast, Professor Dumbledore had created a truly awesome sight. Lily had arranged for a dozen gigantic pumpkins to decorate the entire Great Hall; James had ordered a menu for the occasion, to the delight of a “starving” Sirius.

Most importantly, in retaliation against Snape, who had recently spread itching potion over Sirius’ shoes �“ he had noticed in time, only to be angrier than ever with Snape �“ the Marauders had plotted to pull a grand stunt on all of Slytherin house. Sirius had planted one firework into each treacle tart, enchanting all the rockets to go off precisely as dinner was expected to begin at eight.


Lily was just about to sample a bit of the sweet potato pie, smiling at a joke Remus had just told them all, when about a hundred of firecracker-like pops went off from the other end of the hall.


Everyone looked over to see 75 rockets and other fireworks explode in brilliant colors and shapes, leaving great burn marks across the faces of the enraged Slytherins. For a nearly a minute, there was chaos. Finally, the smoke cleared. Except for the house of green, the entire hall roared with cheers of laughter and applause.


Sirius began to get up, as if to stand on the bench and give an acceptance speech, but all three other Marauders pulled him pack to his seat. Lily dropped her fork with a clatter to her feet, not that the noise could be heard through the jeering and explosions still erupting from the now dying sparklers.


Jessica giggled to see the huge scorch marks and fizzing hair that was Snape. Lily was tempted to join in herself, but she saw, at that second, the struggling of the Marauders to restrain Sirius, and she knew.


*****


Dumbledore did not punish anyone, much to the dismay of Snape; Filch had threatened adding another mark to Sirius’ “already besmirched record,” but it was an empty threat.


“You will regret this, Black,” snarled Snape, walking with the rest of his strange gang, covered in burns (most of which forming rude words on his oily skin).


“I don’t think we will,” James said, laughing maliciously.


“James!” hissed Lily, from across the table.


Severus seemed even more angry at Lily’s whisper. “So, got your connections all set, Black? Must be fabulous to have the Heads in the palm of your hand. And a mudblood no less.”


“Out!” shouted James, wand suddenly unsheathed, on his feet. Nearly every student in the surrounding seats became quiet.


Snape smiled nastily and left.


“Great burns, Snivellus!” Sirius called after him, and the entire Gryffindor table burst into laughter.


*****


Sirius had celebrated that night in the common room with his friends over bottles of butterbeer.


“Nice one, Black!” called Earnestine Shook, a sixth year. A rumble of agreement passed through the crowd, coupled with several shouts of, “Here, Here!”


Sirius grinned. “No problem.”


In a sour mood, Lily tapped James on the shoulder and pulled him from the group towards the bottom of the girls’ stairs.


“How could you!?” she asked in fury, careful to lower her voice.


“Which ‘how could I’ are we talking about?” James said, smirking and taking a swig of his drink.


“You knew about that stunt at dinner! Someone could have been hurt, James, I mean, really! One boy is in the hospital wing because of a burn on his hand!” she ranted, whispering poisonously.


“How can I?” retorted James. He was using the same deadly whisper, though not as mad at her. “What about you? How can you take it? You let Snape insult you, and you don’t even enjoy it when they get what’s coming to them!”


“James, there’s a difference between being angry with people and injuring them as retaliation!” She spoke in a tone of exhaustion, putting her hand and massaging her temples. “I mean, Merlin, James! Please give me some kind of excuse, please!”


James thought with lightning speed, running through every alibi imaginable. Finally, he rested on a compromise instead. “If I promise to persuade the guys to loosen up on the stunts, can we forget about this one?” Lily thought for a moment. It was a little funny…Not to mention, if James joined Remus against the stupid pranks, it would be even…Maybe it was worth forgetting in order to abolish the rest.


“Fine. You swear to tell them to go way lighter on the jokes?” Lily confirmed, suspicious.


“Yes,” exclaimed James in relief.


“Alright. I’ll forget this one happened.” James breathed a heavy sigh. “BUT, if and when the next one comes, I will have to remember this incident,” she warned.


“Good enough for me,” said James. Lily stuck out her hand. James shook it without a second thought. As their hands touched, a shock zapped them both and Lily pulled away. Feeling odd, Lily turned to go back to her room. James watched as she retreated. Lily turned back around, saw him still standing there, and gave him a small grin.


“Goodnight, James.”


“Night.”


She tilted her head and smiled a little wider, then turned and walked over to the stairs.


The next day �“ Saturday �“ was long and dull for James. Remus had succeeded in convincing Jessica to walk around Hogsmeade with him. Sirius had, of course, found a place on the edge of the town to take Hannah; in fact, Sirius had planned a very romantic picnic, much to the delight of both. Peter hadn’t been seen since early that morning, and Remus had confided his suspicion of Wormtail’s possible location �“ sleeping back at school.


James was bored out of his mind at the thought of going solo, and none of the usual bimbos appealed to him, so instead he decided to study his notes for Quidditch strategies in the common room. Lily had, apparently, also decided not to go into town, since she could be found at lunch in the Great Hall, along with the younger kids and the older ones who had stayed behind. Unfortunately for her, James decided to sit next to Lily during their meal.


“Lily!” exclaimed James dramatically, plopping beside her.


“Hello.”


He looked around. Her regular bodyguards were nowhere in sight. “Where’s uh… Amos’ girl, you know… what’s-her-name?” James asked brightly, serving himself some sandwiches.


“Bethany,” Lily supplied, “and she went with Amos today.”


“So… are you coming to the match?” he said, changing topics swiftly.


“I’m not sure �“ probably not, actually,” said Lily, oddly happy to talk about something as boring as this.


“Why not?” he said in disbelief. “I mean, last time you came, we all played better! You can be our... good luck charm?”


“Maybe.” She smiled slightly.


“Good.” He put down his utensils, grabbed a sandwich, and rose from the table. He added, “Because I really do play better when you’re around.”

Lily kept staring down at her plate, smiling into her pumpkin juice. As much as she disliked James at times, he could always manage to be sweet. James had the impulse to kiss her on the top of her head, but kept his cool and walked away with a smile.


*****


Very late that night, James shooed the rest of his team and the other Gryffindors (all of whom had been partying since the match had ended) to bed. It had been a long evening for such a long day. The Quidditch match against Ravenclaw had gone perfectly; the Gryffindors had won, 250 to 30.


Smiling inwardly, James looked around and found Lily asleep in the armchair by the window.


He moved over next to her, removing the large hat of a Gryffindor lion from atop his head. She stirred as he pulled up a chair.


Yawning tiredly, she said, “Wonderful match. You did well.”


“Mighty praise!” he said appreciatively.


“As though you need it.”


He grinned.


“I’m going to bed, then,” Lily said. She stood, untangling her feet from her robes.


“Lily!” said another voice. Lily looked up at James, who shrugged and turned around.


“Kyle, er… hi!” Lily got up and stood next to James, who also rose, glaring at his fellow seventh year. Kyle Brendly was a short, fairly unattractive boy. He had never had the charisma or skill to be part of the Marauders’ group, but he had his interesting moments. Or, at least, had once had…


“Great game, Potter!” Kyle said, not bothering to look at James.


“Yeah, thanks.”


“So, Lily, you weren’t in Hogsmeade today!” said Kyle.


“Wow, you noticed, did you?” said James to himself. Unfortunately, Lily heard him and stomped on his foot.


“No, I was studying, actually,” Lily admitted with a smile.


James was flabbergasted. She was smiling at this disgusting pea-brained boy? Flirting with him?


“…So, can we talk for a moment?”


James interceded before Lily could reply. “Well, Kyle, as much as Lily wants to talk, she was just saying how that rash on her feet was starting to spread.” Lily stared, but James continued. “Got to go apply that unction, eh, Lils?”


“Oh,” said Kyle, plainly disgusted.


“No, I �“”


“Lily, don’t worry! I have some extra in the dormitory if you need it! Go ahead to bed, I’ll give it to you in the morning.”


She was looking both mortified and murderous, auburn hair crackling.


“Night, Kyle!” said James.


“Er… night, then.” He smiled at Lily, then disappeared up the staircase.


James nodded in approval.


“Night, then, Lily,” said James, before she could think of what to say. And he, too, disappeared, leaving Lily fuming with rage and embarrassment.

---

Read and review!!!!!!

A/N- Read and review.

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Chapter 7 �“ Trying to Be Honest







James couldn’t sleep.

Ever since the Quidditch match, Lily had been less anxious to leave a room as he entered it. During classes, she often smiled or whispered jokes between assignments. He had tried not to notice, but it was very difficult not to gaze into her almond-shaped eyes for hours.

Well, until... him...

*****

Lily sat in Transfiguration, a few days after the Quidditch match. Sadly, this was not her best subject. Professor McGonagall was a great teacher, but the spells were more difficult, required more instantaneous magic. Charms was more up Lily’s alley: imagining what her task, performing the spell, and it was done.

Now, James was an entirely different matter.

She had dreamed the night of the Quidditch match that James had flown her to bed… It was a strange dream, but oddly comforting. Being around James had always been comfortable, even if it hadn’t been enjoyable. Lily had never been afraid to stand up to him and say �“ shout �“ exactly what she wanted. Often, she found it therapeutic.

“I knew you would,” whispered Hannah over her horklump.

“Would what?” Lily retorted under her breath. It was difficult enough to concentrate, never mind gossip while do so.

“Fall for him.”

Her emerald eyes flared. “What are you talking about? I am not falling for James.”

After a pause (and a small squeak from the horklump), Hannah responded. “I never said a name, Lily.” Hannah grinned knowingly.

Unfortunately, Hannah’s predictions had a tendency to be true. Madam Chariclo, the Divination teacher, was one of Hannah’s biggest fans.

Lily made every attempt to get rid of her thoughts of James, but they kept sneaking up on her. Like now.

At the end of the period, James was talking with Sirius and Remus, joking it seemed, not bothering to rush back to the common room.

God, he looks amazing.

What? Lily was shocked that such a thought had formed in her head. Not just formed, but practically spilled from her mouth.

At that second, James looked up, and smiled even wider. She tried to smile back, but wasn’t entirely sure it had worked… he did look amazing…. NO, he DIDN’T! What was wrong with her?

Before she got herself into any more trouble, Lily swept from the room.

That night at dinner, Lily could barely eat. Every time she looked up, her eyes seemed to wonder over towards… him.

“Hey, Lily!” said a voice behind her.

Still very confused, Lily turned. “Hello, Michael.”

Of course, Michael Pretone. He was a Ravenclaw, also a seventh year, and in line with James. Unfortunately for Michael, he had none of James’ Quidditch talent, or his hair, or his eyes, or…

“How are you?” he asked.

“Pretty good,” she lied back. James was staring at her, and she was doing all she could not to turn her attention from Michael.

“Good.” Why was he acting so nervous? “Well, actually Lily, I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me?”

Whoa. If ever her focus had been wavering, it was back. Date Michael? Umm, no, thanks. “That’s a little far off,” said Lily, stunned.

“I know,” Michael said, now looking desperate, “so maybe we could hang out before then. How about Saturday?”

Jessica and Hannah had noticed as well. Michael was standing, looking down at Lily as though he might cry, and she felt extremely cornered. “Alright, I suppose.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I’d love to.” Somewhere behind her Hannah snorted, but no one else noticed.

“Great! Well… I’ll see you later, then.”

Lily nodded, very cool.

As he walked away, she tried to return to her food. Jessica was trying to catch Lily’s eye, but failing.

What had she done? Michael Pretone, the dork who constantly was asking for homework help from every girl in school? And she was dating him?

“Lily, are you �“”

“I’m going upstairs,” said Lily. As she swung her bag onto her shoulder, she saw James. His usually contagious smile was nowhere to be found; he looked as though someone had told him that he was now in charge of controlling the Slytherins.

For a fraction of a second, she considered running over, apologizing profusely, and telling him she would gladly go out with him instead. But next second, she had reminded herself: You don’t like him.

What did she owe him? He was an arrogant prat, playing every girl within these stone walls, and he had no right to dictate her dating choices.

Now completely disgruntled, she walked hastily from the Great Hall. Half way up the stairs, fiery hair flying behind her, someone called her back.

“Lily! Hey, Evans!” James.

She stopped but didn’t turn. He caught up with her on the third floor landing.

“Lily!” His hazel eyes appeared from behind his thin-framed glasses several inches above her natural line of sight.

“What is it, Potter, I’ve got homework?” She hoisted her bag higher on her shoulder for effect.

He was giving her that same downtrodden look as before. “Are you dating that Pretone bloke?” he asked bluntly.

“Yes.”

He laughed hollowly, but didn’t speak. After an excruciating second, struggling with himself, he smiled sourly and walked up toward the tower.

“James!” she called, running after him.

“What?” he called back. His robes billowed as he took long strides up the huge stairs.

“No need to take that tone,” she chorused angrily. She was supposed to be the one storming off, not him!

“Just because you’re beautiful, Lily, doesn’t mean you can lecture people.”

Her stomach did an involuntary flip at this, but she suppressed it. “I’m not lecturing you, I just wanted to ask you something.”

They were still climbing the stairs; her breath was extremely shallow, and he was pushing her nerves past endurance.

“Ask away.” Had they not been arguing, he would have been flashing one of his killer smiles right about now. The kind that made every girl swoon…

“Why do you care?”

He stopped here. They were standing just down the hall from the Fat Lady’s portrait.

“Why do I care?” he repeated. He looked at her, and whatever bitterness had been in his voice was not in his eyes. She realized her own anger was vanishing quickly. “Because, Lily, you’re am �“”

“Lily!”

Both Lily and James turned, mid-gaze, and looked at who had interrupted them. Michael Pretone was strolling up the corridor.

“Lily, I forgot,” he said. He was holding some piece of parchment. Beside her, James’ face was hardening, and he looked at her one last staggering time before shaking his head and entering the portrait hole.

“What’s his problem?” Michael asked, stepping beside Lily.

She wanted to yell at Michael, to tell him to go back, and have James come back into the hall. Her auburn hair fell into her face, and she swept it back slowly. God, this was a nightmare.

“Anyway, you didn’t get a chance to write down my schedule.”

“Thanks,” was all she could muster. His schedule? He had interrupted them about a class list…

“See you tomorrow, then.” He gave her a peck on the cheek, smiled, and walked off.

*****

The next few weeks were hell. Classes were getting more complicated, and the entire situation with Lily and… Michael was making James’ head spin.

Sirius and Remus were sportingly trying to help, but neither had succeeded. Every single second James was trying to think about her, it got worse. She was so much smarter than that idiot Pretone boy, and he was ugly. What was so special about him?

Whenever he and Lily were forced in a room together, they spoke in short sentences and didn’t stay long. He wished she would just yell at him, give him an excuse to make her admit she didn’t really like Michael. And then there was the kiss… He hadn’t forgotten that kiss, over a month ago. They hadn’t talked about it �“ acknowledged it even �“, but he wanted to find that Pretone bloke and (after sufficient beating with Sirius’ beater club) make sure he knew who Lily had last kissed.

Sleep was not happening tonight.

In order to get out some energy, he walked over to the window, putting on his glasses, and sat on the bench overlooking the lake. Suddenly, something down on the grass caught his attention.

Out on the grounds, a girl with long red hair was walking around the lake.

James looked at the clock-- it was well past midnight.

What in the world is Lily doing outside? It’s against the rules… thought James.

Pulling on some jeans, a sweatshirt and his trainers, James rushed out of the common room and sped up to his room. Reaching under his bed, James pulled out the invisibility cloak and Marauder’s map. He ran down past the fireplace, through the portrait hole and along the corridors. When he finally got to the front gate, James opened up his map and saw that Lily was still at the lake. James quickly found the secret door around the dungeons out to the grounds, ran out under the cloak, and went to find Lily.

When he had reached her, he stayed invisible so as not to scare her. James saw Lily was pacing, hair and robes fluttering in the light breeze, apparently debating with… herself. He pulled off his cloak as Lily turned away; straightening up and dusting himself off, James cleared his throat.

Lily gasped and backed up a few steps. “Potter! What the… Please, I can’t be seen! How late is it?” she rambled, pulling out her watch.

“Past one, I think,” replied James. He was more terse than he might have been a year ago. “Lily darling, you shouldn’t be out of bed.”

“I’m not supposed to be out here!” she went on, very annoyed by his pet name-calling. “Don’t call me that, James. I am kind of… thinking, so can you… you know, go inside?”

His next words seemed to tumble from his mouth before he could bite them back. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Sighing, Lily nodded, crossing her arms across her chest in impatience. “What is it, then?”

“Remember in Diagon Alley?” Again, he had no idea why these words were coming from his mouth.

She didn’t meet his eyes, but managed to splutter, “We kissed.”

“Glad you remember,” he said quickly. “I wanted to ask you what that was.” She obviously didn’t understand. “You’ve been acting like it never happened. Enlighten me. Are we going to go on, forever, pretending it was some sort of illusion?”

“I… don’t want to talk about it!” Lily told him loudly.

“No need to shout. It’s just a question,” James replied, trying not to upset her further.

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” yelled Lily, infuriated with his calm demeanor. She was raging inside, and the only outlet was him.

“Just an answer! That’s all! It’s not hard!” James said loudly so as to match her tone, but equally as mad.

“James, that was… not real, OK?” Lily shouted at him, eyes flashing lethally.

“Not real?” She looked for a moment sad, as though the hurt look on his face was angering her.

“No! No…I �“ I… James, please listen to me. I just… I just…” She swayed on the spot. He rushed over to help her but she stepped back.

“I’m fine, just let me get this out. James -” she said, looking him straight in the eyes. “James, that was most honest second I have ever had with myself, and since then I’ve been trying to tell myself that that was just me being hormonal and tired and crazy. I’ve been denying that…I have never felt more right in doing anything.

“If you have given up, or you don’t care anymore, I understand. I just thought you should know.” She took a deep breath. “You, James Potter, are without a doubt, the only, once and forever love of my life.”

They looked at each other for several seconds, which felt more like years.

“I may like Quidditch, Lily, but I don’t like games.”

“I get that you don’t believe me,” she said, and something in her voice was pleading. “Why would you? But Michael is nothing. All of those guys, they’re nothing. You’re so great and I am so, so sorry I hurt your feelings.”

Shock was spreading through him. Ecstasy, showed by skepticism. “Do you want to go out with me?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said, and, at long last, she smiled. “I would be happy to,” she added.

“Why? Why now?” He was confused, and as much as he wanted to believe her, he knew it could all be some sort of trick. A cruel joke.

“I don’t know,” Lily replied honestly. “If I did know, I’d tell you. There are so many little things. But every time I see you now, all I can think is, ‘What did I do?’”

“You’re not joking, are you?”

She looked at him, emerald eyes over bright and earnest. “No.”

And he believed her. “You know I could never turn down an invitation like that.”

She was laughing, or crying, he couldn’t tell, but he moved forward and caught her kiss. Fireworks, better than any combination he had invented or bought from any shop, lit the air around them. He was kissing Lily Evans, the girl of his dreams, and she wasn’t pulling away.

He broke for air, smiling, and was even happier to see she was smiling too. He touched his forehead to her’s, smelling her wonderful scent.

“Is there any chance Michael Pretone is awake?” he asked, never losing his smile.

“Why?” she whispered, slightly shocked.

“His arrogant little face would just make this night too good to be true.”

She smirked. “He’ll be gone tomorrow.”

“Very good,” said James, nodding. “One last thing, then.”

They were standing now in a small garden, near the side of the school that opened up onto the lake’s lawn. Cool, stone steps led back to the castle, and graceful wooden benches adorned the yard between flowering bushes. He lowered her onto a bench.

“What’s that?” asked Lily, tilting her head to one side.

He couldn’t stop himself �“ he wasn’t sure if he meant it or not �“ but he dropped to one knee. “Lily Evans, will you marry me?”

She laughed smilingly, then not sure he was joking, asked “What?”

“Sorry,” he said, getting up. “Swept up, won’t happen again.” He stood up and looked down at her (he was nearly a foot taller).

“That wasn’t funny,” Lily said, smiling largely now. They sat on the bench for several minutes, not speaking.

“James?” she said, into his arm.

“Hmm?”

“What were you going to say when Michael interrupted us?” She didn’t have to say when.

Grinning again �“ or was it still? �“ he looked at her. “That you are amazing, and gorgeous. And smart. And funny. That you’re the most amazing girl in the entire world, and if you would go on one date with me I could explain how much I like you.”

She looked at him, feeling cool water in her eyes. “I really like you, James Potter." She stood up.

He hugged her; she was lost in his broad, protective shoulders and comforting arms.

“We…. We need to get back to bed.”

He arched an eyebrow.

“To our dormitories, you prat, not a brothel.”

With a fake sigh, he held her hand tightly. They walked very slowly (it was far more difficult than she thought to walk and kiss), but eventually made it back to bed, without being seen.

After an eternity in the empty halls, they found themselves back in the common room.

“Goodnight,” she said sweetly. He wouldn’t release her hand, not yet. It was like a dream he didn’t want to wake from.

“Can’t you just come upstairs?”

She looked offended. “James, I don’t want you to think �“”

“You can sleep on my bed,” he interrupted, “and I can sleep… under… the bed.”

This time, she raised an eyebrow. “That makes no sense. Goodnight.”

Lily made her way, reluctantly, to her room, and had opened the door a crack when she noticed a light was on. Beth and Jessica were still awake.

Quickly, and unsure as to why, Lily closed the door, and raced back downstairs.

James was still standing in the same spot, though truly amused. “Good morning, sunshine.”

“They’re… they’re awake!” whispered Lily frantically. “Oh, god! They’re all going to want an explanation, and then the entire school will know… oh, god!” She swore, temper rising.

He chuckled. “My, my, Evans, you don’t disappoint.”

“Be quiet, Potter, I’m trying to work this out.” She walked around, not noticing James’ widening grin. “What?” she demanded finally.

“Looks like my solution is the only way,” James said, shrugging. “Shame, isn’t it? Oh well!”

She looked imploringly at him, then at the sofa, the stairs. “Let the record show that I refuse to do anything of a less than proper nature.”

“The record will put it in bold ink,” James said, nodding. He took her hand supportively, and they walked up the stairs.

The boys dormitory was lit only by moonlight �“ a glorious crescent moon was shining in. James’ bed was the second on her right, the only empty bed.

She walked over to his bedside. Pictures of his parents, of the Marauders, a few magazines, and an Auror booklet covered his stand. Instantly she was drawn to the Auror pamphlet.

“You are?” she asked in a whisper, picking it up and showing it to him.

“Yeah.”

She was impressed; he tried not to look too pompous. Reflexively, she yawned.

“You’re tired!” he said, remembering the hour.

“And you,” she said, with a coy smile, “are in no fashion watching me undress.”

“Undress into what, exactly?”

She didn’t answer.

“I have my Quidditch robes?” he offered, in the same hushed tone.

“They’ll do,” she said, accepting them as he drew his scarlet and gold robes from his armoire. “Turn around.”

He obeyed, and heard her unzip something, then several rustles of fabric, and then the creak of bedsprings.

“Thank you,” she said. Her auburn hair was clashing with his gold-and-scarlet robes, but her emerald eyes shone.

“Never been more welcome.” James, trying to feel tired, found his pajamas and went to the bathroom to change. When he emerged, Lily had eased herself down in the bed; she looked comfortable. Her eyes traveled quickly over his loose shirt and plaid pants, before resting in his eyes.

“Goodnight,” she said, yet again.

He could tell she was asleep within minutes, but he wasn’t as lucky. After a long sustained silence from Lily, James stood up from his make-shift bed of blankets under his real bed. She looked so beautiful, sleeping. Her perfume would be on his pillows for a long while after, as well, he was sure. Resigned, he pulled the curtains shut around her protectively, and got back on the floor.

Some part of him couldn’t believe it. The rest of him was yearning to shout, “YAY!” at the top of his lungs. When he finally did sleep, it was only with the knowledge of what he had gained, and what he had to keep up with.

*****

The next morning was Saturday. No one in James’ suite usually got up before 10 o’clock on weekends, unlike this morning. This morning, Sirius Black �“ who had not heard James come back from his rendezvous with Lily the night before �“ woke up worried about his best friend. He rolled over in his bed, looked at the clock on his nightstand to see that it was just past seven A.M.

Lily wouldn’t hurt James, would she? thought Sirius. She has got some temper…

As early as it was, Sirius could not go back to sleep, and so proceeded to wake Remus and ask about their missing friend.

“Huh, what?” asked a groggy Remus.

“Well, Moony old boy! Seems our Prongs got lucky last night, ‘cause he didn’t come back…” Sirius let the rest go unsaid.

“Nope. Sorry to disappoint, but I heard him come in at about one or one-thirty. I could have dreamt it, but �“”

Just then, Sirius noticed that James’ hangings were closed.

“Look, Moony. He never does that…” Sirius whispered slowly.

Remus looked over at the bed, and forgetting his sleepiness, he rolled out from the warmth of his four-poster. Sirius led the way slowly toward the bed, where he gradually removed the drapes. The two boys stared down at the scene before them.

Lily was wrapped in James’ spare Quidditch robes.

Remus gaped. “Oh my god.”

Just as he was about to approach her, Remus tripped over an arm on the floor. James’ arm.

“Well done, JAMES!” Sirius shouted. James woke suddenly. Realizing his current position �“ under Lily and in front of his friends, a.k.a. ‘not good’ �“ he put his finger to his mouth for quiet, and stood up, ushering his friends away from Lily. This protective thing wouldn’t go away.

“Fine,” Sirius whispered, trying not to howl with laughter. “Well, Prongsy, I knew she’d come to her senses… though, I did not know she’d come so fast, or so far…”

“James, please explain yourself before Sirius here goes blabbing the…er…more elaborate version all over the place,” said Remus, serious but smiling.

“Alright, but if you tell anyone you will no longer have any desire to date.” They nodded. “Well,” James began diplomatically, “we’re sort of… together…”

“The understatement of the year!” said Sirius, throwing his hands in the air.

“And last night, she said she needed to…stay here, so she did. You both know how long this has taken” �“ Sirius nodded, looking back at Lily �“ “So just… keep it quiet, alright?”

“Ugh. Honestly, James, you take the fun out of pranking and blackmail!” Sirius retorted.

“It’s only temporary,” whispered James thankfully. “Believe me, I want to make a banner for her and throw a ball in her honor, but �“”

“Oh you do, do you?” said Lily, rolling over to see a startled three-quarters of the Hogwarts Pranking Society.

James recovered first. “Hi, sweet. How did you sleep?” asked James kindly, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

“If at all,” Sirius muttered.

“Shut up, Padfoot,” James hissed menacingly. “So, Lils, you did sleep alright, yes?”

She smiled and sat up, careful to keep his robes covering her. “Of course.” .

You're also very, very attractive when I’ve just kissed you �“ mind, I haven’t had much practice for that one…” she added, tracing his lips with her finger.


“Aww, yuck! Get a grip, you two!” Sirius said in mock disgust from behind his arms, shielding his face.


Henry Kim and Kyle Brendly, the fifth and sixth Gryffindor boys in the suite were no longer fast asleep. Sirius dragged Peter out of bed, to the door and pushed him out towards the common room. Remus said from the door, “Don’t worry. We won’t tell… not even Wormtail. See you…um…later.”

And with a click of the door, Remus was gone. After they heard him walking downstairs, Lily got up and did several complicated locking charms on the door.

“Wow,” James said in awe.

She returned and laughed.

She climbed back next to James who smiled and kissed her cheek.

“Honestly Potter, I didn’t lock the door for a peck!”

“You have no idea how much you saying ‘Potter’ gets to me,” James admitted, grinning.

“Oh, really? Potter… Potter … Potter…” she said, kissing him first on the cheek, then on the lips.

“I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?” James said worried, when Lily pulled away a few minutes later.

“No.” She smiled and kissed him lightly. “We have to stop, though. I have to go break-up with my boyfriend.”

He grimaced.

“Unless you don’t want me to,” she said, looking indifferent.

“If you must, you must,” he said in the same tone.

“Then I should probably go get dressed. Most of the guys aren’t used to this outfit.”

They grinned, and she pushed away the covers, exposing her lower legs. “Watch it,” she cautioned, but she couldn’t hide her smile.

“Here,” he said, as she neared the door. She caught his invisibility cloak, thankful for something to cover herself. In a second, she had disappeared, and the dormitory room opened, then shut for an invisible user.

*****

He entered the Great Hall for breakfast, sitting with Sirius and Remus in a chair close to where Lily usually sat. He poured himself some cereal, not turning around to face the Ravenclaw table.

“What have you done?” asked Remus, careful to keep his voice down.

“I haven’t done a thing!” James replied.

“What’s she done, then?” Sirius said.

“Had her wicked way with me,” James said happily.

“And I was hungry!” said Remus, pushing away his plate.

“I was kidding, Moony. She just went to ditch that stupid Ravenclaw git.”

“Well done,” said Sirius with approval.

“WHAT?” came a shriek from the other side of the hall. Thankfully, it was early for the weekend, otherwise the entire school would have seen Michael Pretone throwing a fit at Lily’s dismissal.

“I just think we should be friends,” said Lily. She, unlike Michael, was keeping her voice down.

“Al �“ alright, if you want.” He seemed very choked up.

“You’re really sweet,” said Lily kindly, and she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

James heard the peck a mile away, and had whipped around to see if she had indeed kissed him. As Michael walked away, sullen faced, Lily was making her way toward the Gryffindor table. She sat next to James on the bench, wrapping her arm in his.

“You had a nice night, then? Sex wasn’t too loud, yeah?” asked Sirius.

“It was better this way,” said Lily mysteriously. “Good day to you all.” And she slid down to join Hannah, Beth, and Jessica, all of whom were looking perplexed at the Marauders.

James smiled and shrugged. Well played, Evans, well played.

---

Read and review, people! It's fun!

A/N: sorry if I borrow anyone’s stuff… Please, Read and Review! PS. If I borrow movie stuff, sorry...

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Chapter 8 �“ Who Are We Making Jealous?





For several months, Lily and James decided to find ways to meet in secret. Outside of their hidden romance, they pretended to The act was hardest for Lily. James didn’t have to act any different than he had been acting in the past six and a half years; Lily, however, had to pretend to hate and insult James.

Eventually, they had fun with it. On one occasion, James and Sirius had dropped numerous cauldrons of steaming chili upon the Slytherin table at dinner. Sirius, who had an obsession with Jell-O, had suggested using it instead of chili (“You know what? Maybe we could fill their cauldrons with some Jell-O, eh?”), but James had rejected the idea. At first, once the entire house had been drenched in the levitated dishes’ soup, Lily had been furious. But when she saw James grinning with his trying-to-look-innocent-unsuccessfully face, her heart melted and she had half a mind to snog him right there in the Great Hall. Instead, she had proceeded to scold her Head Boy, sentencing him to a week of detention.

Thankfully, both Lily and James had the same classes. They pretended to be furious with each other, but hardly fooled their friends.

Halfway through January, the seventh years met with representatives from several prominent career fields. To no one’s surprise, James and Lily met with the Auror wizard.

“Miss Evans?” asked the Ministry wizard. Lily nodded. “Well, your grades are impeccable. It seems school suits you.”

Nervously, she nodded again. This man was dressed in green robes, touched with gold and black; he had golden hair, though it was thin and graying. Lily had the distinct impression he had never actually fought a dark wizard.

Through the months, both students were among the rest of the seventh years in studying and practicing for N.E.W.T.s, not to mention Lily and James had to plan all the events for the rest of the year. Between Hogsmeade trips and Prefect meetings, the couple hardly saw each other. When they did, it was in secret, usually at night, out on the grounds. In a swirl of practice exams and dance planning, Valentine’s Day arrived. On the day of the huge ball, which James had been surprisingly helpful in preparing for, Lily decided she wanted to tell everyone about their secret. She pulled James into an empty classroom and told him her idea.

*****

That night, the couple got dressed separately, deciding to welcome everyone to the dance with their surprise. Sirius had suggested another mass-prank (“You know, I still think that Jell-O �“”) but James had again forbidden it. Since James was the only person Sirius ever listened to, the prank had been squashed. At quarter-past seven, people began flooding into the Great Hall, completely amazed.

Colored fairies in glass orbs hovered around the windows; there were rows of low-lit candles floating in midair. Bunches of tables off to the side were covered in confetti, and a light snowfall fell from the ceiling, warm to the touch. Along with every rose bouquet at each table sat one beautiful white lily �“ James’ personal touch.

Then, at half past the hour, the entire school watched as James climbed the stage. “Sonorous,” he whispered to his wand, holding it out like a microphone.

“I hope you all have a great night tonight. We have the wonderful talent of the Vultures tonight -- let’s give them… a round of applause,” James had to stop for the cheers of the crowd had droned out his voice. When the cheering died down, he continued. “Before we have the band come onstage, who would like to see the Head Girl?”

Cheers sounded, while Lily looked bashfully (if not angrily) at James. He smiled, looked around, and kicked his head to the side, as though saying, “Get on up here!”

She knew to go and join him; they hadn’t planned anything so huge �“ she had arranged for a special course of ice cream! James muttered “Quietus,” into his wand, which gave no more sound.

Lily mounted the stage with the grace of a dancer, utterly gorgeous. She wore a dress of black silk, with her hair in a curve around her face, over to one side. Her earrings were glass of the exact shade of green as her eyes. When she did reach James at the center of the stage, he gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. She pulled away, smirking, then gave him a long deep kiss on the lips. Almost everyone from Gryffindor, along with most Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, erupted with applause. Once she let go, James looked out at the crowd, then back at her. Lily laughed, and then led him offstage as the Vultures began to play.

*****

Around eleven, James led Lily off the dance floor onto the grounds outside the front doors. They walked a few paces in silence, then came around a corner onto a secluded path, into a garden James had arranged himself. Everywhere there were white lilies, pink lilies… every color imaginable. In the center of a small ring of flowers was a white box, laced with a red ribbon.

“James… what is this?” Lily asked, turning around in circles.

“I’m a herbology nerd,” James said in jest. He was standing over Lily, who he had directed to a seat on the nearest bench.

“So… you brought me out here to… sniff Fanged Geraniums?”

“No,” he said, with an uncharacteristically nervous laugh.

“Something wrong? Everyone seems to be having a great time in there.”

He nodded slowly. “Out here… I’m kind of... take this.” He thrust a grassy pink pod into her hands, but too quickly; she dropped it. As though on high-speed, a flower burst from the crumbled soil where the pod had fallen. A light blue lily grew beneath her hands.

She gasped in surprise. “It’s beautiful!”

“You’re beautiful,” he said predictably.

“What a line!” she murmured.

“But that’s the thing,” he said anxiously; it seemed this was what he had been trying to voice all this time, and he continued to talk in a passionate rush. “Lily, I love you. I always have, and I will never stop. I never want to. I hate to see you sad or angry, and I would die to protect you. I want you to know that.”

James was becoming quieter, but she hung on every word.

“I do.”

“Good.” He smiled, ruffling his hair in the back as usual. She grinned too. “I want you to remember that forever.” He stood up. “I want everyone to know.” James climbed on the next stone bench, raised his arms out wide and looked up at the stars. He looked positively ten feet tall. “Every time I see you, I feel completely insane and sane at the same time! I don’t know what to do with myself!”

Lily stood up, black silken dress flitting about her feet, pulling him down from his pedestal.

“James, you don’t have to prove anything,” she whispered smiling, once he was back on the ground.

“I know I don’t,” James whispered back, taking her hands in his. “Go get that box. Read the note first.” He pointed to the small white gift next to the blossom in the center. She looked at him, confused, but went and sat next to the box, knees bent and splayed off to one side. As she opened the card, a note fell out. It read:

Dear Lily,
This is James Potter, and I just wanted to tell you something. I know that you probubly don’t know me, but I love you. Please don’t hate me. Seriousley.

Love,
James


Lily read the entire note twice without understanding.

“I’ve never seen this before,” Lily said questioningly, looking up at him.

“No, of course not. I wrote that letter at the end of first year. I just never had the courage to give it to you then… or before.” James showed no emotion, but Lily was stunned.

First year? How could he have known in first year? Lily read the note again, this time realizing the scratchy writing, the terrible spelling…His passion and faith in them both was so strong, she was almost knocked over.

“Open the box,” suggested James, sitting next to her on the bench.

She smiled, looking back from the note. “Honestly James, this is more than enough.”

“No it isn’t. Just do it.”

Laying the letter down beside her, Lily took the box up gently and began unwrapping the ribbon. Inside the white box, as the ribbon fell gracefully to the ground, was another box �“ black and velvet.

“You are obsessed with boxes, too, then?” she asked, but he stopped her. James picked the box from her palms and then took the first of two bold moves �“ he got down on one knee.

“I love you. This,” he said as he opened the box, revealing a silver banded ring with a woven Gaelic pattern, “is a Promise Ring. I promise to be loving and faithful, with the hope of marrying you someday. Would you, Lily Bridget Evans, do me the honor of wearing this ring?” James’ hopeful hazel eyes shone, and he lifted the ring from its slip into the air before her finger.

“I-I-I… I’m not ready to be married,” Lily stammered, looking down at the ring before her.

He looked crestfallen, but persisted. “Neither am I. But when I am, it will be to you. I’m going to be an Auror and so are you. We can’t handle being married during all that time. But eventually, they’ll be a chance.”

She thought. No words came.

“Are you sure?” When he nodded, she stuck out her hand obligingly, unable to come up with a satisfactory reply. Lily let him slip the ring on her finger, enjoying its cool smooth feeling on her skin. She stood and hugged him tightly. Promised? It was so old-fashioned, but so incredibly like him: Sweet, understanding, and forever persistent.

James thought he might burst with joy �“ he kissed her entire face, her fingers, her neck.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you, I just…”

“You will find, Mr. Potter,” she said haughtily, “that it is very difficult to persuade me to do anything I would prefer not to do.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said.

Without waiting, she ran gracefully up the path towards the Hall. He followed right behind.

“Who can I tell?” she called over her shoulder, looking through her sheets of auburn hair into his hazel eyes.

“Who ever you want!” said James sweetly. She gave the smallest of laughs and went through the doors into the Great Hall. He smiled at the thought of what he had done.

Everyone.

Inside, Lily found her three friends and dragged them away from their dates �“ Amos Diggory, Remus, and (of course) Sirius.

“This had better be good, or �“” Hannah began.

“OH MY GOD! What is that on your finger?” Jessica asked excitedly, pulling Lily’s left hand out for inspection. Lily smiled.

“It’s a promise ring.”

“NO!” gasped Beth.

“From who? Potter?” shouted Hannah in shock.

“No, a centaur from the woods �“ great upper body.”

Jessica was laughing and hugging Lily, beginning to cry, while Hannah had yet to understand.

*****

Meanwhile, James had taken Sirius and Remus away from a prying Amos, leading them toward the punch bar at the far end of the Hall. Most people were dancing to the very loud music coming from the rock band. James gulped down four glasses of punch before he could tell them what he had done. When he finished, Remus was smirking, arms across his chest. Sirius, on the other hand, was tackling James to the floor in a bear hug. They punched at each other laughing as if in the middle of a very energetic pillow fight.

“Padfoot, you can’t kill the man before he’s properly proposed,” Remus joked. Both boys on the floor got up, still cackling hysterically, enjoying every second of the wonderful night.

*****

Finally at around midnight, the couples parted, wishing the fading notes of balalaikas and drums could go on. Everyone cheered as the Vultures bowed and disappeared behind the stage curtain. James and Lily got back on the stage and waved goodnight to their friends and peers, watching the tired but excited crowd depart.

Lily looked down again and played with her ring. Two chains wove in and around each other in a never-ending wave upon the polished band, graceful swans gliding in a symmetrical braid around the surface of silver. She smiled and closed her eyes as a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist from behind. A sharp chin rested on her head; she smiled even more broadly. Resting her head on James’ shoulder, Lily slipped her hands upon his at her hips.

“You’re good at this,” Lily murmured, eyes closed in bliss. She held on for another second before turning to him, letting go.

“You know, I’ll always be there for you. If ever you need me, day or night, don’t ever hesitate to find me.” He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, grinning. They both smiled at each other for a while, until James stepped back and practically squished his eyes out from the huge smile on his face. “May I have this dance?” asked James politely, extending his hand.

“There’s no music,” Lily said laughingly, looking around and brushing her fiery hair out of her eyes.

“We don’t need music.” She flashed him a small but appreciative smile and took his hands in hers.

Together the waltzed the stage, slowly but smoothly, touching every inch of the dance floor. After a while of floating on a cloud, not wanting at all to come down, Lily began to feel the weight of the hours, yawning.

“Want to go back?” James suggested sweetly.

Lily had half a mind to refuse, but she had been completely overwhelmed, and now she was totally drained. She relented. “Alright. I guess we can sit by the fire in the common room.”

Together, they wandered back to the common room, past those remaining students who had not trekked back to bed. Lily made it halfway through portrait hole ("poppycock"), she tripped on her skirt. Thankfully, James caught her; he smirked as he helped Lily back on her feet, containing a laugh.

“It’s this stupid dress,” complained Lily, raging under her breath, pushing ahead of James in a huff. “I feel like a penguin. I have to do a penguin walk. I hate my penguin walk.”

“I love your penguin walk,” James called softly. She turned to face him, temper gone.

“How do you always know how to get me?” Lily asked in her somewhat-seductive tone.

“I just read your diary, that’s all…” James said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.

For a second, she panicked. Then she realized �“ he was joking. “It’s a good thing, then,” replied Lily. James sighed, not being able to restrain himself.

“What’s a good thing?”

“That I love you.” Lily grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the door. James took the opportunity, maneuvering his hand into hers instead of next to it.

“I love you, too.”

"Don't be gross," said Hannah from her armchair by the window.

"Yes, please," called Remus over his book. He and Jessica were sitting on sofa near the fire, immersed in A Guide to Magical Creatures of Asia Minor and the Indian Ocean.

"Prongs," said Sirius loudly, for he had been half asleep near the notice board, "was that ice cream new? Tasted a bit like pumpkin juice and berries."

"Dunno," said James shrugging. "Ask the house-elves."

James and Lily sat on the sofa near the fire, talking with the rest about their first great Valentine's Day. Eventually, though, their beds beckoned, and soon all by Lily and James had gone to their dormitories.

"What's your middle name?" Lily asked all of the sudden. She realized she didn't know.

"William," he replied.

Something stirred in her memory... a family member... no, that wasn't it...

"Why does that sound so familiar?"

He didn't answer her right away, but finally met her gaze again. "A howler in first year."

She smiled, remembering the day just about a month after the start of term. The scarlet envelope had appeared in the Great Hall, and shouted at James for trying to hex Sirius (he had instead made a burn in a large tapestry of a toad and a rather unattractive princess).

They continued to converse about old pranks until, just before four, Lily fell asleep on the couch by the fire; James, still seated on the floor, had his hand in hers, even though it cost him a slight back ache the next day from the angle. But it didn’t matter to him. He’d done it before, he’d do it again.

---

I realize this was sickeningly cute, but a)sometimes happiness is fun, and b)is doesn’t last. Muhahahaha! Read and Review!!!!! It makes me feel good, even if it’s a suggestion!! C’mon… Also, balalaikas are real instruments. Look ‘em up. Or… listen to the Beatles…

Please read and review. Thanks. And, I reply to all my reviews, so if you leave one *please do*, check back and see my response.

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Chapter 9 �“ Bad Feeling



If anyone would have wished the weeks to be slower, to have been able to enjoy the blissful months of serenity that had settled over the castle, time seemed not to notice. Weeks flew by in a rush of Quidditch games, studying, and pop quizzes. The 7th years were forcefully reminded of 5th year, of which had been mostly a blur of O.W.L. practices.

Before any of them knew it, Easter break had come. A surprisingly large group of students had decided to go home and relax before the full onset of final exams. These past few years, more and more people were anxious to spend the maximum time with their families.

Lily and James were among them. On the last day, Lily had done a great deal of brooding. She knew it was stupid, that it was only a week away from him, but it made no difference. Her every waking moment (and dreaming, for that matter) had been with James for the last several months. Sure, sometimes her gang had paired up and gone out with the Marauders, but she had always had an opportunity to be with him. When they studied, Lily found how effortlessly the answers came to him, though they often got nothing done; they were too close, often giggling at cute things he said, to get any studying finished.

James found himself equally addicted to Lily’s presence. In all his years of once-fruitless pursuit, he had not actually spent time with Lily. Now, however, he got his wish. Together, they did just about anything. He never tired of her �“ and she was growing to be more at ease with Sirius and Peter, making his time ever more enjoyable. (Lupin and she had always gotten along well.)

At three o’clock on the Friday afternoon of break, James and Lily had to say goodbye. He was meeting his parents and Apparating from Hogsmeade, and then having Sirius come to the house later. She was taking the Hogwarts Express then rendezvousing with her parents at home. They stood together, hugging at the platform as the train whistled its final blast.

“I don’t want to leave,” Lily mumbled into his jacket, clutching him tightly.

“Buck up.” She laughed, and he tucked back her flaming hair as steam issued from the engine. “Never hesitate to come over. I’ll be there if anything happens,” said James.

“Bye James,” she whispered, letting go. She stepped back, looking at him.

“See you soon.”

She couldn’t help herself �“ she came back, gave him one last hug, and ran back onto the train. He waved, again trying to be reasonable, to tell himself how ridiculous they both were to act like this. Lily sat by the window in the train, trying not to look so miserable. The train began to pull out and James, for a second, thought of becoming a stag and racing alongside the steam engine, but he soon realized the insanity of it and continued to wave. One last blast came as the train left in a loud roar.

James stared, as the engine became a speck, then vanished around a mountain. The feeling inside him swelled, and he was worried. The feeling of foreboding had been haunting him since the previous night, and it was not easily shaken. Suddenly the feeling shot through him, stronger, almost painful. He wondered angrily if something was indeed wrong; he turned on the platform, almost expecting to see smoke rising from a shop. When no obvious calamity was visible, James told himself he was being a prat, and that he ought to find his parents before they worried.

*****

“James, darling!” Helena was never one for keeping quiet, and she always liked to say what she thought. Her being loud in public was nothing unusual. They were standing outside Gladrags Wizardwear in Hogsmeade, while other harried wizards were bustling past into the shop for new robes and cloaks.

“Hi, Mum,” replied James. His elderly mother was a gentle woman, but he had long lost any great desire to spill his deepest thoughts before her.

“How are you sweetheart?” she cooed.

“Wonderful,” he lied. Then, as the nagging feeling tugged at him once more, he asked, “Has anything been going on today at the Ministry?”

“No,” answered Jack Potter, his tone slightly concerned. “Something the matter, James?”

“I… I guess not.” You’re just being jittery. She’ll be fine.

“So,” Helena interrupted, not taking notice of the tension, “how are you? Hungry? Tired? How is she?”

“Can we move out of here?” he asked, after being shoved a fourth time, by a witch carrying a large sharp box.

“Oh, of course, dear,” Helena said. They walked down the street, chatting a bit, until finally Jack interrupted his wife’s yammering about the state of James’ robes.

He asked discretely, “Did you give her the, er…”

“Yeah,” said James, remembering that he had not owled home to tell his parents the news. “She took it.” Jack smiled proudly at his son, patting him smartly on the back, as Helena squealed.

“That’s wonderful news! You could have invited her to stay!” she said excitedly. James was used the chatter.

“Lily went to spend time with her parents. I offered, though,” he added, reassuring his mother.

About two hours later, James had endured a very long stroll of Hogsmeade, a tedious conversation with his parents, and had managed not to forget any of his clothes at Hogwarts as he apparated home. At the house, James positively stuffed his mouth with as much of Helena’s familiar cooking as he could find. James and Sirius helped themselves to sixths. Sirius arrived at sunset, recounting his goodbye with Hannah, which had included very little talking. All were worn out early that evening, and James decided to retire to his room at eight o’clock.

*****

Lily fiddled with the ring on her finger absent-mindedly. Outside, the bleary gray sky showed a calm before a coming storm, an eerie stillness that Lily felt only too well. Why, she wasn’t sure, but the feeling wouldn’t go away.

The train rattled along its tracks, lulling her into a nightmare.

~~~~~

She was walking around the stands at the Quidditch pitch. Gryffindor was apparently playing Slytherin, or so it seemed from the flashing colors of scarlet and green. As she caught sight of James zooming to and fro, a bludger flew out of nowhere and hit him powerfully in the head. Lily gasped, petrified, as he began to fall; he glided gradually to the ground as time slowed.

She ran to his lifeless body on the field, dropping to her knees and finding his motionless face cold and blank; a growing pool of cold liquid was matting his jet-black hair. Her heart erupted and she screamed for help, hysterical. People were leaving the pitch and walking past as though the saw neither Lily nor James’ body. She staggered to get to her feet, running between the marching figures, until she found Sirius; Lily shrieked and pulled at his clothes, begging for him to do something, anything, to help. Lily might as well have been a gust of wind. Desperate, she sprinted back to James’ body. He wore now the same outfit Lily had last seen him wearing at the platform. In his hands, James held the note he had given her from first year. Sobbing, Lily pried it from his limp fingers and lay her head on his chest.

“No,” she whispered, closing her eyes, stroking his hair. Her chest felt tight, and she wanted to �“

She woke suddenly, his name on her lips. Breathing deeply, Lily tried to forget what she had seen. It didn’t happen quickly. When she did finally control herself, she lay back down, thankful to be alone in the compartment.

It wasn’t real, she told herself. Go back to sleep. It wasn’t real.

This time her dreams were dull, leaving alone her already shaken mind.

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Read and review, if you would.
As a foreword for the next chapter, do know that it is ever so slightly AU. Not, I hope, from a character standpoint, but plot wise. This won't affect you unless you are a major purist. If you do not notice, then YAY! If you do, please forgive my liberty with this element of the story; however, I didn’t think it contradicts anything in the Potter universe, and so I have done so with the hope that my lovely readers won’t mind. But, funnily enough, you’ll have to wait for the next chapter to understand any of this. Hehe.

Okay, this chapter is scary and sad! Or, I should say, is meant to be so. Please read and review, even to say you hate it, love it, whatever you desire. Thanks!

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Chapter 10 �“ Nightmares are Real



Getting off the train at half past seven that night, Lily sleepily collected her bags and waited her turn to cross through the barrier into the muggle world. Even though Petunia wouldn’t be around, Lily still felt a cloud of apprehension fogging her joy at being home. Walking through a dark King’s Cross, she felt lonely. Her arrangement was to get a taxi and meet her parents at home.

They’ll be so happy about the ring, Lily thought to herself as she walked into the cool night air.

Hailing a cab and stuffing her trunk and Archimedes’ cage into the backseat, Lily got in and directed the driver.

“Got an owl, have yeh?” asked the man, who seemed dodgy at best.

“Yes,” said Lily bluntly.

The man steered down a sidestreet, then said, “Where’re yeh from?”

“Here.”

“No,” he amended, laughing creepily. “With that bird, and the trunk. Are you off of school? Yeh’re not from the nuthouse are yeh?” he added quickly, looking at her from the rear-view mirror.

“I was at school,” Lily said, slightly hurt. Carrying a trunk and a pet was the sign of insanity? Apparently 16 million loons were wandering around England…

With all the attention and curious looks at the owl, Lily decided to magic her belongings the last block and apparate. In the backseat, she took off her robes and replaced them with a sweater over her skirt and blouse; she also decided to fix her hair into a bun of red strands on the back of her head. Claudia had asked for Lily’s hair to be like that long ago, and Lily decided if she was going to be leaving home soon, she ought to at least give her mother that little favor.

“Here yeh’re,” the driver said a short while later. He turned a smiled at her. In the light of the lamppost his greasy head and filthy teeth shone.

“Er… thanks,” she managed to muster. After paying him, Lily gathered up her things and began towards a nice house nearby; once the sinister driver was gone, however, Lily moved away from the house into the shade of a large oak, pulled out her wand, and sent her trunk to her room with a whoosh. Next, her owl and cage went, which disappeared with the same sound.

Just as she put her wand away and was about to apparate, a voice from inside the nearest house called, “Who’s there?”

Damn, she thought. She might be seen apparating by that muggle if she tried it now �“ an illegal offence. Better just walk then, she reasoned to herself, only happy to be rid of the eerie man and his taxi cab. She smiled inwardly at James’ face if he knew she had been alone with such a person.

Her old neighborhood was exactly the same �“ Coleford Road, where Lily lived, was still dark, and still boring. She passed old neighbors’ homes, old friends…

She smiled, taking the shortcut through the thin trees, ducking between thorny branches. Things were no different here, nor were they at Hogwarts. It was true, things were dangerous, but the world was a dangerous place, with or without Voldemort in it.

And now she had a real future to look forward to. James was going to be an Auror; she was going to be an Auror. It was perfect. She could share whatever frustration or �“

Coming through the last of the rough trees, Lily caught first sight of her house, only feet away. Above her house was a green-lit skull, a snake protruding grotesquely from its mouth. The Dark Mark. Her heart stopped, fear paralyzing her. Filled with terror, Lily unfroze and ran, panic numbing her senses.

“Mum!” she shouted. “DAD!” Inside the door, a large scorch mark was smoking on the walls of the stairs. Chairs had been toppled, and there was a horrible silence but for the soft noise of marbles on the floor from a shattered vase. She ran from room to room, calling their names, pulling sets off beds, ripping open doors, growing increasingly more afraid.

They were here, they had to be!

But something kept whispering in her ear, telling her that those nightmares on the train were not just dreams…

She was sure if she was running, tripping, falling, or standing… her motions seemed far away, and…

And she found them. In the kitchen, sprawled on the floor were the bodies of her parents. Claudia was in a heap, covered by her husband, obviously caught in the act of protecting her. Lily couldn’t breathe correctly. Her lungs were taking in sharp, uneven gasps of air. She stepped back, panic overcoming her.

“Help,” whispered Lily to the silence. “Please… please, don’t be...” she fell to the floor and felt for a pulse on her father. Nothing. His hard face stared defiantly at her, almost daring her to understand. Whimpering, Lily went to her mother. Nothing.

“Oh, god… No…” she cried, tears falling without notice.

Her head spun; it was a jumble of a thousand things �“ panic, fear, despair, pain, heartbreak. This happened to other people, to Hannah, to Michael Sarpedon, to Christopher Petraca, Jaiden Young, all those people whose families had been slain.

Part of her knew nothing could bring them back; her insides felt cramped, like someone had gripped them tightly and wasn’t letting go. She tried to look away, but she just stood, feeling both younger and older than ever.

I have to get help, Lily finally thought, crying even more.

“HELP!” she sobbed. Dead? Surely, surely Dumbledore could make this better. Or Slughorn, with all his remedies. There had to be someone to fix this, to mend this gapping hole growing inside her.

Lily rose unbalanced to her feet, her hair falling in clumps into her face, her large sweater coming off her shoulder, panting for breath. What do I do?

James. Her body shook with tears. Without another thought, still sobbing uncontrollably, she thought of James. She was gone with a *pop*.

*****

Up in his room, James sat on his bed, thinking and staring unfocused at the ceiling. He felt strangely unsettled, though it was difficult to say why. He didn’t wake Sirius, who was sleeping like a log, and had been so after saying a “long goodbye” to Hannah and apparating to the Potter’s.

Next second, he heard a CRACK from the hall downstairs. “James!” Lily’s voice called, and in an instant he was on the edge of his bed. What was she doing here? And what was the matter, for her voice sounded choked, so unlike it’s normal tone.

“JAMES!” Lily screamed with all her voice, falling to the floor and crying harder still. He’s not here! Everyone is gone! Lily thought without any hope left. Her nightmare was real, but so much worse.

He stepped out onto the landing, and seeing her in a crumpled heap by the door, he ran, practically flew, down the stairs, vaulting over the banister and sprinting to her shaking figure.

“What is it?” he asked, trying to hold her. She drew back against a window, crawling backwards on her hands like a crab. Crouching in the corner, she sobbed.

“They’re dead!” Lily said, hugged her knees. She wanted to stand, to demand help, but James’ concerned voice rendered her legs immobile.

“Who is?” he asked forcefully.

Totally hysterical, resting her face in her hands, she gasped, “My parents!”

James got up and walked briskly to the study off the hall. He wanted very much to stay by her side, but he knew this was something for his father. Jack Potter was sitting, reading at his desk. He looked up as James came in, and noticed immediately the look on James’ face.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked, standing up.

“Lily’s here. She says her parents are… dead,” James said, in a tone of sincerity he rarely used.

“Where is she?”

James walked back to Lily, followed closely by his father.

Her fiery red hair was in bunches and her face was pale as she shook.

“What happened?” Jack said, willing her to explain.

She looked up, tears flowing down her cheeks. She spoke in jagged breaths, between stifled sobs. “I… got home. It was f-floating over my house. T-they were… on the floor…in the k-kitchen-n… Dead,” she gave a silent sob and buried her face in her hands again, softly crying. Wasn’t anyone going to help her? Every second they sat there was tearing her apart.

“What was over your house, Lily?” James coaxed, trying to understand, but he thought he knew.

“The… D-d-dark Mark,” came her voice as she tried to stand. Instantly, Jack called for his wife.

“Helena!” he called, racing up the stairs two at a time. She came from their bedroom, also fully clothed. “Two muggles. Dead. You-know-who. Dark Mark. Must go to Ministry. Now!” he panted, clutching a stitch in his side. She nodded once, and Apparated immediately to the Ministry.

Running back down to James, Jack asked, “Her address?” James repeated it for his father, who then disappeared.

James now turned back to the sobbing girl in front of him. He tried again to embrace her, but she retreated. It was unsettling to see her so scared.

“It’s all my fault!” cried Lily, thrashing to avoid his grasp.

“No, Lily! It’s not your fault!” James said firmly.

“Yes it is!” Lily yelled, and she turned away from him, resting her face against the wall. “I should have told them. I never should have left!”

“No!” he said, and it difficult not to shake her. “It’s not your fault. It’s not!”

She only shook her head, tears still flowing from her emerald eyes. He didn’t know what to do; he knew she needed to lie down.

“Come here,” he said soothingly, and he bent to pick her up. She tried to resist, but she didn’t have enough strength.

She let James bring her to her feet, breaking down, and just wanting to disappear. It was her fault. No matter what he said, she had left them unprotected, knowing that they were more a target than any of their neighbors or friends. All because of her, because she was Muggle-born. She didn’t notice where James was leading her, instead she let him lead her through the hall on their left, past large rooms on either side. He pushed open a door on their left in the middle of the hall; inside, a few steps lower than the rest of the floor, was the kitchen.

James looked around, cursing the lack of furniture. Without much choice, he settled her on the spacious, black leather sofa in front of the fire. She sank fluidly into it, and curled up, cat-like, shaking with tears. He sat on the floor in front of her, unsure of what she wanted.

They sat in virtual silence; James wasn’t sure if he closed his eyes or actually fell asleep. Lily remained still on the couch… until she looked at him sadly, stood, and left… her feet seemed not even to touch the ground… His house swam in and out of focus… from the door, Lily turned to look at him… She was dressed in her black dress robes, and she was again wearing her emerald earrings… he tried to call her back, but his voice was soft and she didn’t hear…

He jerked awake. His vision was blurred, and he readjusted his glasses, which had slipped off his face. Lily was staring somberly into the hearth. It was dark in the room, as though they had been left there for hours.

“What am I going to do?” she said, resting her head against the back of the sofa. She wasn’t crying, though her voice quavered and broke; her pain lingered in each word.

He didn’t speak for a moment. “You’ll stay here.” He sat up to face her, but didn’t extend his hand, not wanting to push her away. “We can figure out what happened.”

“We both know what happened, James,” Lily whispered fiercely. She couldn’t look him in the eyes. Instead, she closed hers. Her hand covered her face momentarily, and when she took it away there were fresh tears on her face; the ring he had given her flickered in the firelight. “Voldemort.” He didn’t cringe, but she shivered as she thought of it. That … monster had killed her parents, her family.

“Why?” she asked, voicing for the first time the question she both knew and couldn’t understand.

“Because, sweet,” replied James, looking into the fire. “He’s not human. He can’t love anyone. He’s evil.”

“I’m going to kill him,” she muttered, bitterness in her voice. In the many years she had loathed him, he had never seen the hurt and anger that filled her eyes now.

“You’re not going anywhere,” James said warningly.

She turned to look at him, face twisted in rage and sorrow. “So I’m supposed to just sit here and let him go? I’m supposed to not care what he’s done?” Lily asked, louder. Her voice broke as she went on, though her voice had dropped to a murmur. “How could they just leave me? They were always there for me, even when they didn’t understand! I hate them! They were always supposed to be there for me. Now what?” she cried, tears rolling down. “It’s all my fault.”

He couldn’t find anything to say. Crawling onto the couch, he held her, locking his arms around her. She sobbed, hugging him tightly.

They sat by the fire, though not feeling its warmth, and he remained there as she cried. After a while, her sobs lessened and her breathing became deep. James held her as she slept, wishing he had something for her. It wasn’t until hours into the morning that Jack and Helena returned with any news.

---

I'm depressing. Sorry, but anyway... Hopefully, 11 will be up soon.

Chapter 11 - Long Nights Get Longer




Late that night at around 1 o’clock AM both James’ parents came home. Helena went straight to the kitchen, while her husband decided to try to find Petunia and notify her of the disaster. In the lower level of the house, like so many magical manors of the period, she found her kitchen, the embers of the fire dying.

James had his head resting against a very pretty sleeping redhead. Lily? Is that her name? thought Helena. It touched her on some level that this was the first of James' serial girlfriends she had met in a year or two. Of course, the name “Lily Evans” came up quite a bit, especially with Sirius Black around, but only recently had it been from James. And now, before she had even had a chance to shake her hand, meet her properly, she was invading on the worst day in this poor girl's life.

With a sigh, she poked James awake. He opened his eyes at once, and raised his wand.

“What happened?” he asked quietly.

Instead of a reply, Helena summoned up a chair and fell into it.

“What happened?” he said again.

“Get Sirius,” she said. “We doing this the Dumbledore way. Everything out.”

He didn't question her, but got up slowly, lifting Lily’s warm head onto a pillow from the edge of the sofa.

“I think she has a fever,” muttered James, looking down.

“Go on. I’ll deal with her. Come straight back.”

James knew the look in her eyes too well to ignore her. It was similar to Lily’s fiery-eyed look, but Helena’s had a hint of weariness that Lily rarely let show. He moved out of the kitchen, down the corridor, up the stairs to his room. When he reached the door, he found Sirius lying awake.

“What’s going on?” Sirius joked, sitting up. He obviously hadn’t heard the news. “Evans miss you so much -”

“Don’t,” James cut in. There was no anger in his voice, but he wanted to explain in a serious manner.

“OK, what’s up then?” Sirius had noticed his best friend’s tone. It confused him.

“Lily's here because...” He couldn't look in Sirius' eyes, afraid he'd lose it. “Her parents are dead,” he said heavily, leaning just as dependently on his wall.

Sirius gaped back, obviously stunned. He grasped his wand and began to twirl it nervously. “I...” He apparently didn't know what he was, and instead let in and out a deep breath. His eyes were like a house-elf's.

“I know… I know…” James said, resting his head I his hands. After a few moments of silence, James spoke. “They didn’t even do anything.”

Sirius leapt out of bed and pulled James up, who fell limply on the bed with fatigue.

“I’m exhausted,” he said softly.

“Come on, man. If you’re ever gonna marry this girl, she has to know that you’re always gonna be there for her,” said Sirius wisely. “Or otherwise she might just have to leave you and be with...” he grinned, “me.”

“Padfoot, I didn’t know you knew so much about women,” James retorted, not quite able to smile.

“Oh, shut up, Prongsy. Let’s go check on the little buttercup.” Together, they walked downstairs. Inside, Helena was fussing nervously over Lily.

“Oh, boys. James - you’re right, she has a fever,” Helena said. James’ brow furrowed and he quickly strode over to were Lily lay, tossing and turning, sweat on her cheeks.

“Delenio.” A warm washcloth covered Lily's forehead, and she seemed in her sleep to calm.

Sirius broke the silence. “What happened at Ministry?” he mumbled politely.

“Well, they immediately dispatched the some MLE officials, and of course they found the Dark Mark above the house. Muggles can’t see it, of course, but they can see bodies. Somewhere, the Ministry people found what looked like a Death Eater’s mask lying nearby. Well half the Aurors spread at once, and the other half at the Ministry was trying to figure out what to tell the Muggle law enforcement people. Your father is finding her sister to tell her the… er, news.”

For a few more minutes, James, Sirius, and Mrs. Potter engaged in whispered conversation, but they quickly became silent once more.

“I don’t think she’s sick,” Helena told him softly. James hated her babying tone.

“What can we do, then?” he retorted.

“Just… wait for her to wake up.”

James sat on the floor as he had so many times before, pulling Lily’s hair away from her face.

Thankfully, a pop came from the fire, followed by a face in the flames and a welcome voice.

“Boys? Helena? Are you there?” called Jack behind the couch.

“Jack! What news?” Helena called, rushing and kneeling before the fire.

“Well that sister of her’s…” said Jack, fuming with distaste. “What a little -”
He stopped at the looks from James and Helena, though a quick glance at Sirius found a curiously amused smile egging him on.

“Anyway, I found her. She has a file at the Department of �“” but he stopped again, glancing at the look on his wife’s face. “She, er… was very upset, naturally. Husband of hers nearly took off my head with that stray end table, and she damn near fainted when we told her. Says she’ll arrange for the funeral and such.”

“That’s very good of her. Isn’t it, Jack?” she added.

“Yes,” he said back, shortly. “Why aren’t you all with the girl -”

“Lily,” said James sharply from the corner.

“I’ll be home when I can. I’m off to speak with the Daily Prophet - try to get a clean story out of them.” And with a *pop* Jack’s head was gone.

Helena seemed to be drained, and said “I’m off to bed. Can you two handle yourselves?” They nodded. “I'll be in my room, if you need anything. Goodnight.”

They bade her goodnight, and waited for the door to click. The orange light that had sparked from the fire was simmering under the ashes, and the darkness was making James groggy.

He looked up at Sirius, who stood silent in corner, arms across his chest as usual. His dark eyes and hair gave him a powerful look, and his sharp chin and broad figure all enhanced this image. He bent down on his knees in a squat, and his eyes were filled with sorrow.

“What are you going to do tonight?” he asked, in a voice he only used with James.

“I have to stay here.” It was plain from the reflection of determination in his hazel eyes how acutely he felt her loss, her pain. He was doing the adult thing, for once: he was staying.

“Well, we can make it a party…” and with that he summoned two blue sleeping bags, similar to the squashy purple ones Dumbledore always could find.

“Are you sure?” asked James, with uncontrollable relief.

“Hey,” said Sirius, grinning, “the closer I am to the kitchen, the better.” James got up and pulled Sirius into a brotherly hug.

Sirius shook himself, dog-like, and crawled into his sleeping bag. James sat back near Lily, grasping her hand. In minutes, James and Sirius were both soundly asleep.


*****


Lily woke with a start, willing herself to go back to sleep. She couldn’t remember any of her dreams, but she could still feel the sadness and fear they possessed. Like a tidal wave, the previous night washed over her-- she was an orphan.

Her father, the man who had loved her, raised her to be the strong, fiery woman she prided herself on being... he was dead. She was surprised, but more than that, she had a blankness of mind. Not a word, not a single thing anyone could say was meaningful.

And her mother. The woman who had cared for her. Been selfless, even overprotective for her baby girl, was dead too.

She imagined what people would say, what she had said to her friends in the same situations.

“Don't worry... I'm so sorry... What can I do for you?”

The truth was she just wanted to be alone.

She knew that someday she would think back on this. She'd have to tell people her parents had died when she was seventeen. It wasn't something she wanted to say. More was the question she knew she least wanted to answer, especially to herself.

How did they die.

They died, she told herself miserably, cowering in their home in the middle of the night, not realizing the world I brought to them was going to kill them. They died because I was too selfish to stay at home and lead that life.

Petunia was right all along.

Her abnormality had not only isolated her from her sister, but it had now killed those people who loved her. She wanted to tell them all of the wonderful things she'd accomplished, all the little things she'd neglected or forgotten. To be able to give them the satisfaction of having raised a good daughter.

A good daughter? She laughed hollowly. Not only was she a useless, no, that wasn't enough. She was nothing better than a murderer.

Wiping her eyes with from the silent downpour she suddenly felt there, Lily sat up. She felt a warmth not her own, and found James’ hand in her own. He looked uncomfortable, obviously in a position so as to be able to hold her hand from the floor. A soggy towel was stretched across her forehead. In any regular situation, it would have meant a lot to her. But this wasn’t normal.

Blank thought consumed her again. It was possible not to think at all, she found; be so sad or lonely that she could sit here and cry without having to think or speak. She felt wide awake, and wished with every breath and every stinging second that she could return to her stupor.

---

Sorry about the confusion with these past few chapters. This chapter has a title I don't particularly like anymore, but I've vowed to keep at least those the same.

Chapter 12 �“ Broke Them Both











Around sunrise, James awoke. Sadly, he noticed how Lily’s hand was not longer in his, but he was happy to notice that she seemed more comfortable.



Getting up, James did a rare thing: he made breakfast. Naturally he used magic, but he impressed even himself by knowing all the right spells. When the food was prepared, James conjured some plates and trays, albeit with stag hoof prints. He put the food down in front of the door on the carpet, then knocked, before running away.



Downstairs, James found Sirius, staring incredulously at the empty plates and pots. Before he could say anything, James found himself hanging by his heels from the ceiling.



“I've... you didn't... James!” he moaned furiously, staring up at James, who was thrashing furiously. “We have discussed, I recall, who is served first at every meal. Me!” he added, in his most arrogant voice. “If it weren't so early, I'd have shaved your head.”



“I'm sorry,” James began, feeling blood surging to his head, “I was going to �“ oof!” he exclaimed, having fallen several feet to the floor face first. “Padfoot, you've broken my glasses!”



Sirius smiled but tried to look hurt, throwing his hand to his chest as if insulted.



“And?” said Sirius expectantly. “Oh, come off it! Occulus Reparo!”



Rather than a proper thanks, James merely said, “Conduplico! Aerumna! Opella!"



“Continental breakfast �“ my favorite!” said Sirius with relish, taking on the appearance of a starved wildebeest.





*****



Lily didn’t want to get up, though she'd been awake since she'd heard James' feet hit the ceiling. On the able in front of her was a plate of food, but she didn't trust herself to open her mouth. Every muscle in her body was ignoring her brain, and she had an ache of mind and body. Besides, she didn't deserve his kindness.



She might be shaken, but she knew James and Sirius well enough to know she could easily sneak out of the kitchen while they ate. Being so close to James and being so drained, she felt completely able to make it to the door and upstairs unnoticed. While she managed the first part with an ease almost eerie, she didn't make it all the way.



“Miss Evans!” She had nearly fallen, but found herself in the sturdy arms of Mr. Potter, who she had bumped into in the stairway. “How can I help you?” he asked, without any sign of being condescending.



“Where... I need to lie down.” Lily heard herself say, shifting her weight from left to right.



Without hesitation, he said quietly, “Up to the first floor. Left from the stairs, first room on the right.”



She nodded and moved quickly away, not being able to bear his kind eyes, nor feel them as they watched her go. Lily walked up the stairs, following the directions she had and coming to a very plain room.



The bedroom was painted an ivory off-white, and was fairly empty except for a large bed, one bookshelf, and a dresser. There were two windows, but the shades of light gold were down; underneath one, a small bench with several soft cushions sat idle. The bed was sticking into the middle of the room, covered in a regal quilt and three large pillows.



Walking around, taking in the room as she patrolled the borders, Lily sat a few picture frames �“ some of James as a baby, others of Jack and Helena, weddings and birthdays… atop the dresser there was a very cute square mirror she knew belonged to James, a few wizard magazines, and an assortment of silver and crystal bowls. A light layer of dust blanketed the surface of the bookshelf, as though it had been there longer than its roommates. It held scores of books �“ reference, some novels, and many more.



As interested as she normally would be, Lily was worn down. Everything seemed shaky, both physical and mentally. She couldn't decide what she wanted, to sleep or to sit, to talk or to cry or to be silent. A bit like Goldilocks, Lily moved from place to place, removing various articles of sweaty, baggy clothing. The bed was not comfortable, not was the windowsill. The closet opposite her bed, however, proved perfect.



Clad in her underwear, Lily sat on the carpeted pulled the doors closed around her, shutting out all but thin sheets of dim light. The sheets on the floor wrapped around her, Lily wasn't sure if she slept or not. She saw her parents, dead… James dead on the quidditch field… the Dark Mark over her house…



She didn’t cry. She just sat, listening to the sound of her own breathing.



*****



He finished setting the dishes in the sink to clean themselves, and was about to vanish his sleeping bag, when he noticed.



“Where is she?”



Sirius' head shot around, and he looked at what James was looking at: an empty couch.



“She's probably gone to the bathroom,” said Sirius slowly, with no real conviction.



Or gone, though James. Just as he readied himself to search the house, his father entered.



“Did you see -”



“She wanted to rest,” said Jack fairly. “I told her to take the larger guest room. And I think,” he said, reading James' mind, “that we should respect her privacy.”





The day wore on, and no one saw Lily at all. James and Sirius sat in the kitchen, pretending to do play Exploding Snap. Mr. Potter went back in to the Ministry, explaining the deaths of the Evanses had been one of four attacks the previous night, and he had to report in to help. After Helena had made the boys swear to stay downstairs, she too went on to the Ministry.



“And ignore the Evening Prophet,” she suggested, owing to how James had ripped the morning edition to shreds when the owl had delivered it. The front page read:



“Muggle-Born’s Parents Killed”



It would suggest a clean report, but the Prophet had gone to question whether the Dark Mark had really been there. It went even so far as to imply “the children of the deceased, including a witch” as a suspect.



Helena came home on time, but Jack was not seen until late that night. Banned as he was, James kept thinking about Lily. He offered to bring her dinner, but Helena refused and brought a tray up herself. She came back only a short while later, the plate untouched. Lily had been asleep (James didn't believe his mother's face for a second as she said this). He was worried.



Both Sirius and James went to bed (locked in by Helena, though it was a pointless task since both boys knew the counter charm) and fell fitfully asleep to the steady downpour of a worsening storm.



*****



The weekend faded, and the mood in the Potter manor was on the same path.



On top of that, every time she entered the room, Helena found Lily in about the same place �“ on the edge of the bed, waiting for her (Helena began to suspect Lily had set a trip censor on the threshold).



“I don't want to, er... put you out,” said Lily feebly, wiping her tears away furiously.



“Oh, no, dear. You are not only welcome, but you actually brought even more security to the house. Aurors on the street round the clock, see.” When Lily blinked away even more tears, Helena smiled weakly and tried to back out gracefully.



Every visit since had found Lily in bed, uninterested in food or conversation.



Jack came home from work everyday tired, hungry and secretive. He told nothing to the boys, and spoke in whispers with his wife in the evenings.



The storm didn’t pass; it seemed to linger with a light drizzle over the neighborhood.



Then about midweek, James couldn’t take it any longer. Early that evening, with his parents both gone, James excused himself from chess, and tiptoed up to where Lily was sleeping.



*****



When he knocked, she looked at the door, confused. Helena had left already. Deciding it wasn’t a good idea to open the door, she rolled over on the bed and faced the darkening window. He knocked again, and she understood who was knocking. She closed her eyes and wished that he would leave her alone.



“Please, Lily,” he pleaded, calling tenderly through the door. She didn’t answer.



Patience was something James didn’t learn. He unlocked the door and stepped in.



He traced her silhouette, then moved through the shadowy room to sit by her feet. He tried to place a hand on her leg, but she recoiled.



“Go away,” she said calmly and quietly.



“But I want to stay,” he said. He look at her imploringly, willing her to turn and face him. “Eat something.”



She shot up, moving as far into the pillows as possible. “Go away,” she said again.



“You can't sit here, it's not good for you.”



Wetness filled her almond eyes. “Who cares?”



He was shocked, not just by what she said, but by the loathing with which she said it. “I care,” he said fiercely, putting his palm to her cheek. “I really care, and I want you to -”



But she had moved off the bed, away from him.



“Please, let me go if you won't.”



“Like hell you're leaving!” he said, standing.



“James, you can't understand this. I don't want you to...”



“But I do!” he cut in.



Shaking her head, she stared at him. “If you knew me at all,” she said, her voice low and hurt, “you would go away and let me go back to bed. ”



“No.” They glared at each other.



“I don't want to be involved with you anymore,” she whispered. “Get out.”



His stomach plummeted. He had waited for so long to be with her, and here she was, throwing it back in is face.



“Lily,” he said, trying to make her see reason, anything but leave him. “I gave you that ring...”



But he had stopped. She wasn't wearing the ring.



He stared, feeling as though he had been pushed off a high ledge.



She held out a hand. When he took it, he felt the tiny band in his palm.



“That’s yours.”



“No, it isn't.” Her face was dry, but the usual certainty she possessed wasn't in her face. “James, please, just go away.”



“OK.” He closed the door behind him, sagging against it and sitting on the floor. From the other side, her heard the closet creak open and closed.



“James!”



He looked up the hall, and saw his father coming over.



“You are supposed to be leaving that girl alone!” hissed Jack.



“Sorry.” James got to his feet. “It won't happen again.” With an awkward hand, he ruffled his hair, and slumped off to his room, before his father could say anything more.

---

Another ridiculous chapter title. Ignore it.

Chapter 13 - Patience is a Virtue




"It's... it's a masterpiece!" Sirius cried, standing back to admire his craftsmanship. It was past midnight, probably ages past, but it had been worth it.

"Concipio!" he said, and it stopped wiggling immediately. "Leviparopsis!"

Hovering just centimeters below the ceiling of the kitchen, Sirius directed it out in front of him, though the door. He arrived, panting, at James' door, and kicked it (both hands were quite occupied with his creation, which was now bobbing uncontrollably).

James appeared in the door, and moved back speechlessly to avoid being bowled over.

"It's... Padfoot..." He mouthed like a Banshee on the hunt, but no sound came out.

Sirius had channeled his creativity (and previous boredom) into a six-foot work of Jello history.

As he stared, James was fairly certain he, Lily, and a large colony of gnomes would easily fit inside it.

"It's a tower," said Sirius proudly (and largely unnecessarily). He set it down in the center of the room, between his bed and James' own.

"Tower?" said James in shock. "It's Hogwarts, and Hogsmeade. And possibly the whole of England... Are those - bridges?"

Sirius nodded proudly. "Over the river of gondolas. I embellished," he added. "Dig in!"

"You only just finished it!" James said in shock.

"I made sure the house-elves got a photo of me beside it," he said, moving forward and producing a fork from within his cloak.

They ate the sixteen tiers of Jello, including the miniature versions of themselves, Dumbledore, and Severus (who they took great pleasure in cutting into several jagged pieces).

Halfway through devouring the Great Hall, Sirius finally asked.

"So, what happened?"

James sat, munching on the Slytherin common room. He didn't meet Sirius' eyes, or even look up from his bare feet; instead, he dug a hand into his breast pocket, and placed its sole contents between them.

Sirius looked down at the ring, then at James, who refused to look up.

"Right." He nodded.

They sat and continued to peck at the Jello (Sirius single-handedly finished the electric blue kumquat tier).

"It was... I didn't do it right." James found his eyebrows creased deeply in anger, and he ruthlessly cleaved Zonko's from the rest of the village shops.

After a long pause, Sirius replied bracingly, "It isn't going to get better unless you change it."

"I know!" James shouted. "And if I loved her, shouldn't it be enough? I tried to change it. I went in there."

It's not another world, said his mind.

She closed herself in, he shot back. Might as well be!

"She's upset - " Sirius interrupted, but James matched him.

"Upset! She's traumatized! I've met people who were left after Death Eater attacks - my parents bring them home or talk about them often enough. You've been with them, too. How different is she?" He was becoming both furious and, though he could never say so, absolutely terrified. Sirius was blinking back, letting James rant, which made none of it better. "This whole mess is absurd! She's going try to do something stupid, and I'm not even going to notice! It's absurd!"

He realized he was on his feet, panting slightly, with a weight around his chest he had been ignoring, guilt and fear and hurt.

"Nevermind," he said, when Sirius just nodded. "It's not your problem."

"Prongs, I think you are underestimating her -"

"I'm going to bed," James huffed. "If I ever have to eat another cube of Jello in my life I think I'll just explode."

*****

The next morning was hardly better. James woke with the same wrinkled brow, the same compressed feeling inside like he had lost a quidditch match and been simultaneously starved. This did not prevent him, however, from waking Sirius up when breakfast was made - a gesture he knew was received as an apology.

It was in this mood, then, that he joined his mother in the kitchen, and took the food she offered, washing each few bites down with pumpkin juice. It refreshed his throat, but he remained distant and agitated all morning.

Both Mrs. Potter and James were sufficiently flabbergasted, staring wide-eyed, unaware of their dropped jaws, at Sirius, when he rounded off four steak and kidney pies.

"You are very lucky to have such an elastic metabolism," Helena said.

"And I intend to use it to the fullest," he muttered through his food.

Just as he was about to offer Sirius another serving, James heard a small hiss from the hearth. By the time he had turned around to look at the fireplace, his father was stepping out of it, looking grave as he dusted himself off.

Helena leapt to her feet. "Out!"

The boys both knew that she wasn't in the mood for a bargain. She practically slammed the door on James, who pressed his ear to the door the second it was closed. Sirius, for possibly the first time in his life, didn't join in the mischief.

Moving into the library, Sirius merely said, "James, I do believe you've corrupted me. I am trying to be good and the world just won't let me." He shook his head sadly, every hair moving in unison. "You tell me everything later, yeah?" Sirius added. He left as James nodded.

Inside the kitchen, James heard Helena opening and closing the cabinets hurriedly.

"They're upstairs," he heard his mother say.

"Good," Mr. Potter replied, and the scraping sound of chairs could be heard.

"Dumbledore's just got word off some... 'reliable source' that the Death Eaters are going to be meeting at Emerson's Grove tonight at midnight."

"Isn't that near where the Rookwoods live?"

"No, the Malfoys." (James' brow grew, if possible, more furrowed.) "The minister's having the Aurors all go and do the raid on them then."

"All of the Aurors? That's a little risky, isn't it?" Helena asked in a hushed voice.

"That's what I said. So it's going to be a team led... by..." Jack muttered something, which apparently neither Helena nor James could hear.

"Who, Jack?" Helena's voice was direct and low.

"Well... Me."

She gasped inadvertently; James stared wide-eyed at the door. The last important leaders on Auror-led raids had been killed or captured, and Jack wasn't as young as he had once been.

"I'm going, too," James heard Helena finally say.

"No, you're not," Jack told her, in the manner of an older brother instead of husband.

"Where are we meeting?"

Jack mumbled something again.

"If you're not going to tell me, I'll just follow you."

"We're meeting at the..." There was a long pause. "Can't it wait till after dinner?"

"Fine, but if you don't, I'll swear I'll..."

But James wasn't going to let them keep up this ridiculous conversation. He walked into the kitchen, fully bound on telling them flat out that he was going with them on their raid. Some irrational part of him connected the raid and that ring.

Unfortunately, door just swinging shut, Jack strode past James with a pat quickly on his shoulder.

He tried to sound respectful. "Sir, I wanted -"

"Sorry, James, I need to go," said Jack hurriedly, taking extra-long strides.

Helena whipped up some pots and pans, and began working on lunch, early as it was. She decided to make a roast, so the cooking would take a long time, even with of magic.

"Mum, I need to talk to you," James began.

"I'm occupied here, James, as you can see." Her temper was short enough that he didn't breach the subject. He turned instead and found Sirius.

They ate in silence, and everyone knew why. When they did need to fill the holes of silence, they talked about going back to school and the homework the boys still hadn't finished.

The talk was so empty, so emotionless, while James felt a clash of every conceivable emotion within that he felt drained. Sirius was hardly to blame, but his entire mind was set on after dinner, willing it to come.

He motioned to Sirius silently across the table, and they both left the kitchen as the adults magically washed the dishes.

When they reached James' room, Sirius locked the door and looked at James questionably.

"I'm going to get them."

Sirius waited. James didn't feel an explanation was necessary, apparently, so Sirius said, "Yes, James, you see, being psychic myself, that was an extremely easy statement to decipher."

The grin on Sirius' face evaporated. "What do you mean, 'go get them'?"

"The Aurors are going on a raid on the Death Eaters tonight. And I'm going, too."

Sirius knew by James' tone that it wasn't a joke. Sirius had always felt that James had a good interpretation of when to draw the line; now, however, that perception was vanishing quickly.

"Why?" Sirius asked.

James felt his resolve hardening in his stomach. "Lily is... I don't know, Sirius, but if she doesn't get herself back soon, I don't think she will. If I can get them back for this... maybe Lily can be mine again."

He took the ring from inside his pants pocket.

James shrugged. "It took too long for us to get here."

"Getting yourself mangled isn't going to convince Evans of anything," Sirius said forcefully. "You are not thinking at all! You have no idea what they're planning, or who's going to be there. It's stupid, Prongs, and you are only making more problems."

"I don't want to lose her," James said simply. "I have to try."

He put the ring on the chain from his desk top, clasping it around his neck. He grabbed his invisibility cloak, then smiled weakly at Sirius.

"Don't try to stop me, Sirius. I'm doing this."

Sirius sat down with a thud on his bed, not knowing what to do. "No. I cannot let you stick yourself like a big, dumb bulls eye in their inner circle and expect you to come home. Regulus is part of their group, and tons more. If they recognize you, they won't stop. You're not a kid, James."

"Sirius, if I'm not willing to risk getting hurt, then I don't love her."

James whipped out through the door, slamming it behind him. Sirius was so stunned by this sudden movement that he was barely up when the door shut.

"Don't be an idiot, James - OUCH!" He drew back his hand, swearing. The handle was burning hot. "You can't lock me in, Prongs, I am much too clever and too vengeful."

But try as he might, Sirius found himself on the wrong side of a rather effective oak obstacle.

*****

Crouching outside the kitchen, James waited until he heard the sound of dishes finally being set away. He listened intently and thankfully heard the information he needed.

"I understand, Jack. Where?" Helena asked.

"In the clearing by the biggest oak in Emerson's Grove forest," replied Jack.

James smiled, but then realizing what he was about to do, he felt something telling him to stop, to think, to wait... He shut it off, and the part of him with no fear took control. In a second he had disappeared under the invisibility cloak, just as his parents came from the kitchen into the hall, went upstairs and were out of view. Quickly, James ran to the kitchen. He picked up his forgotten wand from the coffee table by the fire.

As he gripped his wand between his fingers, he saw something else he hadn't expected on the countertop.

It was a slip of crinkled parchment with the words, "Emerson's Grove - Midnight," written on it.

The handwriting was of neither Jack, Helena, nor Sirius, and the scratchiness of it gave the paper a dirty look, as though it were a copy of a more important, older page.

Everything else forgotten, James stared at it; why, he didn't know. He couldn't take his eyes off it, he couldn't move, he just stared. One part of him said to leave it and continue, to follow the plan. The other shouted, Pick it up! The latter won out. Slowly, James stretched out his fingers until they felt the wrinkle of parchment.

In a second, the room spun and evaporated, and a hook pulled James from behind his navel; his muscles released his belongings in panic, leaving the cloak and his wand in his place, but he could not release the note, with a whirl of color and sound.




*********

Chapter 14 �“ They’ve Got Him




Stunned, James lay momentarily sprawled on the ground. Blood covered his tongue from where his teeth had cut his tongue. He was sure his left hand was broken, for it throbbed and shook with pain from beneath him where he had landed.

But he could not stay here �“ he must get up.

Wincing to refrain from moaning with pain, James, eyes closed, tried to wrench himself from the dewy blades of the forest earth.

“Stop.”

No voice he knew cut so harshly. The man spoke with the authority of a strict watchman, unyielding and self-important.

“Where-” James began to say.

“Don’t speak!” said another voice, venomous; James felt both the sneer and the threat implied in the tone.

James knew he was in no position to fight, especially �“ he realized with sinking dread �“ with no wand in sight. He stayed quite still.

“This isn’t the right one!” shouted someone faraway, angrily. His head was truly spinning now, knocked too hard, confused with the sudden chorus of furious men.

“No?” asked the slippery-spoken man.

His vision, which had been filled with distorted colors through his broken glasses was suddenly blocked. A blurred face, wrinkly it seemed, appeared in place of hazy greens and darkness.

The old man, spitting into James’ face as if he were a lowly worm, hissed, “What’s your name?”

In the instant he decided to tell the truth �“ they could find out easily enough, and from the looks of the group so far, he was not encouraged to lie.

“James,” he coughed, finding his voice tore from his throat.

Angry yells came from a crowd of dark-cloaked figures that James began to distinguish. A large hand swooped down to take the paper from his grasp. That one ridiculous leaf of parchment was already costing him enormous energy to form simple words.

“Where did this come from, boy?”

James, slowly licking his lips, took a moment to properly hear the question. For some reason this forest seemed to be slowly creeping into his brain and meddling with his mind.

“Why… why does it matter?”

Laughs echoed through the scene.

“Why, he says. Who wants to tell him?”

Here came a new voice, high and cold; James felt his thoughts clear around a single stream of consciousness. This was him.

“Who wants to show him?”

Silence followed this mocking question. James saw, though he felt it was harder to see, that the robed men were on their knees.

“I will, my Lord,” said the sharp voice James had first heard.

Someone came striding through the thick green grass, robes catching each leaf and twig in an eerie quiet. From above, the man whispered �“

And James was on fire. He wove and writhed with anguish - his body surely broken in each separate fibre �“ his broken hand was stabbing his arm like daggers �“ his back bent in every direction, wrenching him in every direction �“ he could not tell if he were sane, or whole, or breathing… only pain, and screams…


*****


Downstairs, Helena and Jack had just come from their room, armed with potions and their wands.

“What’s this?” Helena said, turning quickly to her husband.

Jack looked past her, noticing that the note was not where he had left it. Nor, he saw, had that cloak on the floor. It had once belonged to him; he knew it inside out.

He had entrusted it to James on his eleventh birthday. James had promised to keep it safe, just as Jack had promised his father, and so on through the generations.

“James wouldn’t leave this lying around. I know he wouldn’t,” said Jack to himself, picking up the cloak and running it through his fingers. Helena bent over and took her son’s wand, confused.

“Where is he, then?” she asked. Panicking, she shouted, “Sirius! SIRIUS!”

In a moment, Sirius Apparated to her side, out of breath.

“Where is he?” Jack demanded. Sirius looked from Jack to Helena Potter, whom he loved and trusted more dearly than any single member of his own family - then to James’ wand and cloak.

“I don’t know.” Helena’s eyes bore into him. “The git… he had meant… Thought he could get Lily back to right if he… if he dueled the Death Eaters himself.”

“WHAT?” Helena shrieked. Jack paled.

At that moment, an owl glided upon the windowsill outside the kitchen and pecked the pane.

“What is…”

Jack strode to the window, and opened it with a swish of his wand.

The official looking tawny owl stuck out its leg, and Jack tore off the letter he was presented. Closing the window as the bird flew silently, Jack read it quickly with widening eyes. When he finished, he was shaking his head in disbelief; he had to hold on to a chair to stay standing.

Helena rushed to his side, took the letter from him and read the notice:

“Dear Mr. Potter,

We have received notice that an unauthorized Portkey was used at your place of residence at quarter-to midnight on the night of the 2nd of April. In conjunction with the International Statute of Secrecy, and Treatise on Improper and Irresponsible Spell Casting, section 34-f, no unregistered Portkey may be used unless given notice by a Ministry official.

Any further use of unauthorized Portkey will result in a disciplinary hearing by the Ministry of Magic.

Thank you,
Malfada Hopkirk
Improper Use of Magic Office”

Helena looked defeated. “This can’t… oh, Jack, what has he done?”

“It means,” explained Jack, slowly and shakily, “that they have him.”

Sirius knew who ‘they’ were.

“How?” Helena exclaimed desperately. “How could anyone create a Portkey in our own home without us knowing? The entire mansion is charmed with Trespassing Triplines! We have no portkeys here!”

Sirius did not know what to say. James was certainly gone, and something certainly felt wrong. It was a moment before he could make sense of it �“ Jack pieced it together just as Sirius managed to.

“Where’s the parchment… oh, Helena, that’s it!” Jack said suddenly, sitting down and putting his face in his hands.

“But you’ve been carrying it around for days!” she told him, a tear spilling over her cheek. Her hair seemed grayer every second.

“Never so late! Not tonight!” Jack replied sternly. “I’ve left it on my desk, in my robes… I had a hearing today, anyone could have swapped it…” He swore brutally at himself.

“We… we must go to the Ministry. Figure out a plan, stop the others!” Helena asserted; her voice was higher than usual, and Sirius noticed she was shaking slightly. Jack nodded, and two *pop*s signaled their exit.

Sirius stood, alone in the kitchen. James’ cloak and wand lay on the table, deprived of their owner. He put them safely in a drawer.

The darkness outside, the unnatural stillness only served to bring images of James’ mutilated body through Sirius’ mind…

James, torn apart by Inferi… His body found, bloodless and mangled, on the steps of Hogwarts or Hogsmeade or the Ministry…

Maybe he would be possessed, driven so far beyond himself that he ceased to exist but as a carcass to be driven by a Death Eaters’ mindless spell…

This was no good. He abruptly stood up, wishing he could force his mind away. His parents have often said, so to the Mudbloods, so too unto the blood traitors of the land…

The Potters had a reputation, and James was somewhere, paying the price for their refusal to bend.

Chapter 15 - Awake

“A beautiful and blinding morning -
The world outside begins to breathe.
See clouds arriving without warning.
I need you here to shelter me.

And I know that only time will tell us how
To carry on without each other.

So keep me awake to memorize you
Give me more time to feel this way

We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you next to me today”


-“Awake” by Josh Groban





For what felt like the millionth time, he paced back past her door. He remembered with momentary glee the last time he had been pacing outside a girl’s bedroom… but that was hardly the point.

He could hear her crying inside. She had, only hours ago, told James in no uncertain terms to sod off, and that he was no longer invited to follow her around like a drooling niffler after a disco ball. (Sirius reprimanded himself for being so insensitive, albeit honest.)

Despite all this, he knew she’d be even worse if anything happened to James.

With a deft movement, before he could stop himself, he turned the handle.

Sirius had to wait for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He flicked his wand for all the candles around the room to go ablaze with flame.

Lily looked up.

“Go away, Sirius,” she said, still teary.

“No,” Sirius told her firmly. She glared at him, but he ignored it. “This light is hardly helping your complexion, dearie,” he said.

“Leave, really,” she insisted, starting to get up.

“Evans, you need to help me find James.”

That got her attention.

She sat bolt upright, staring at him, more tears suddenly pouring down. “Whatever he did, I… I don’t want to hear it.” Her voice made it absolute in his mind that she did.

This squirming, childish Lily was frustrating, and was only going to make the entire situation worse. “Well you’re going to.”

She rolled her eyes, and he lost his temper. “For God’s sake, just sit up and take it like an adult!”

He had never told her what to do, and oddly enough, it worked. She tried to stop crying and finally accomplished it, still startled. Glad to have finally gained some ground, Sirius pulled a chair from the air with his wand and sat in it backwards, looking her in the eyes.

“What you did today…” She seemed embarrassed but he kept going. “I didn’t know one person do anything to save their own skin, and at the same time give up everything they wanted.”

“I didn’t do it for myself,” she said softly.

“Bollocks,” he said. An urgency was mounting in him �“ so much time had already passed. “You know as much as I do what it did to James. He didn’t know what to do. He told me he was going to go after the Death Eaters tonight He’s gone, Lily. They’ve got him.”

He paused to see the effect his words had on her, but she seemed to be porcelain, frozen and lifeless, staring back.

This wasn’t right �“ there was not enough time to sit here, speaking in platonics, debating. Death Eaters were meeting, and James �“ whether already or not �“ was in serious trouble.

“It’s not fair to ask you to grieve later, I know that, it’s despicable to demand it of you. But if you don’t put it aside, we’re both going to have something new to be grieving for!”

“I’m bad luck, Sirius, I can’t do anything anymore �““

“Stop!” he shouted, and she looked at him like a fallen lamb. A fear in her eyes seemed contagious, and he found emotion emitting from his words as he had not intended.

“It’s not your fault! Your parents’ deaths are not your fault! Nothing you could ever have done could have made that different. But James is in danger, now �“ right now! I can’t go on without my brother, Lily… This we can change.”

She sat still, barely breathing.

Then something clicked inside her. Everything fell into place.

Sirius’ words repeated in her brain. It wasn’t her fault, it never was.

James was in danger. All the grief she felt seemed foolish… she would miss them, she always would, and there would be times, she knew, where it would haunt her. But now it was time to remove herself.

“What can I do?”

“Well, you can get off your bed and help me figure out where he went!” Immediately she rose to her feet, pulling her wand from her dresser, striding toward the door. Sirius only just jumped up to follow, his chair disappearing with a loud CRACK!

James can thank me later, thought Sirius smiling.

She strode away, moving rapidly through the gargantuan house, then realized that Sirius Black had just done his first good deed.

“James can thank you later,” said Lily, over her shoulder, racing down the stairwell. “Right now we �“ Oi!”

He had Apparated inches in front of her, opening the kitchen door and moving to the hearth. “Floo powder?” he offered.

*****

His ears rang with his own shouts, mingled at some points with mirthless howls from the group he unwillingly entertained.

“Yes, Potter…” hissed a Death Eater to James’ right. James had lost track, after being moved from their first location, who remained in the cluster. He heard names that whirled overhead, some familiar, others as foreign as the air he breathed.

“Now… where did you find this wretched piece of parchment?”

James’ pain flared, though he knew it was gone. He felt his legs twitch, and his knees still were raw from being dragged. “I… found it,” he said.

“Liar,” hissed the horrible voice, moving at his left. “Did you really think a teenage boy could fool me? I would be insulted �“ if you had done a better job at defending yourself.”

The others chortled conspiratorially.

“I haven’t done anything to you!” said James before he could stop himself. His hope was fleeting and the pain of the last attack still filled his limbs.

“James…” spoke another unfamiliar voice. “James Potter?”

James did not reply. Wasn’t anyone going to find them? He could not Apparate like this, nor had he his wand, or anywhere to run to.

What if they kept on torturing him? He didn’t know how often it happened, but he knew he could only endure it for a little while longer. By then, he might be moved again, untraceable, lost in a wood by creatures whose only magic was to hurt, to kill. That was an even more disheartening thought.

“My Lord… his father!” exclaimed the strange man.

“I know, Panett,” said Voldemort dangerously. Footfalls came closer to James; he felt the earth shudder with every step. “Get up.”

James didn’t move, not knowing where Voldemort was, but sensing the danger in the air.

“Did you hear me, boy?”

James was buoyed up with a powerful rage: he was either going to go mad or die, but at least he could have some dignity, if there was any to be had. “Yes. I rather like it down here, thanks.”

He had crossed a line, and he knew it.

“Maybe you need a little persuasion.”

Pain coursed through James’ body again, worse than before. He screamed once, unable to contain his agony. Lifting the curse, Voldemort laughed coldly.

James thought of Lily, of why he had wanted to come in the first place. Unless someone found him soon, her tear-stained face would be his memory of her forever.

*****

At the Ministry of Magic, the Aurors were gathered to hear Jack’s instructions. Helena stood faithfully by his side.

“Alright, everyone. Those of you on my team, you’re to Apparate to your points in and around Emerson’s Grove.” Even those who might have doubted his composure now saw, despite his ever more taxing age, that Jack was a leader and a serious threat himself to any adversary.

“When we get there, I want you three,” he gestured to the trio of men by the window nearest him, “to lead Elena’s team and create a huge distraction. You’ll draw the Death Eaters away, leaving You-Know-Who alone. Maybe ten or fifteen Death Eaters left around him. Use any spells you want, except the Unforgivables. Anyone found to have used any of those spells will be dismissed. Is that clear?” There was silence. “Good.

“Dumbledore will be meeting us there. He’ll deal with You-Know-Who. If any of you see my son, try to do anything you can, but save yourselves if it comes to that.” Jack paused, a shiver passing over his spine at this grim thought.

“Now, split into your teams, make a plan, and bring it to me when you all have it. GO.”

*****

“We don’t know what’s going on,” protested Sirius.

“Are you kidding?” shrieked Lily. “James is out there, held HOSTAGE by the Death Eaters, and Sirius Black wants to wait and see!”

She was pacing the kitchen, Sirius sitting by the stove, leaving the fire to warm his second treacle tart �“ he could not function on an empty stomach, after all. Lily’s wand was intermittently emitting sparks of fury and exasperation.

“No. I just think we shouldn’t jump into this thing, particularly in light of where that course of action caught our subject, with no extra thought of the afterward!”

I never thought I’d see the day when I had to tell Lily to think before she acted…

“Then what do you propose we do?” Lily asked him, half yelling in frustration.

“Well… I have one idea…”

“I’m open for suggestions,” she replied, flopping into a second chair.

The idea had been forming for several minutes now in his head. “What about his original plan?”

“He who? What plan?”

He spun �“ his nose had been embedded in the second pudding �“ and scowled at her. “James’ plan was to follow the Aurors and just blend in with them until… well, that part wasn’t clear, but the basic idea, you know…”

Lily paused for a moment, tapping her wand on her knee until the hem of her robe unraveled itself into a ball of string on the floor. Sleeveless, she said, “That’s not a terrible plan. How do we get to them �“ the Aurors, I mean?”

“Go to the Ministry. Evanesco,” said Sirius, and his plates disappeared with a whoosh. “I know my way around that place.”

Lily raised an eyebrow at this, unsure of how reliable Sirius could be. He bowed and indicated for her to step into the fire. She paused.

“Only because of James,” she relented. “After this, we go back to being… well, whatever we were.” Shaking hands with him, Lily accepted the pot of Floo powder and tossed it into the fire.

“Let’s go!” Sirius directed, standing up.

“Where to?”

“I’m in charge?”

She grimaced. “Unfortunately. Where to?”

“I’ll go first, and you just Apparated to me, OK?” Lily nodded, and Sirius �“ picking up his wand-- popped into thin air.

Lily waited a few seconds after he Disapparated, thinking how responsible she was for the entire mess. Without Sirius as a distraction, her sadness seemed to blanket her thoughts.

The guilt she had felt about her parents came back in a slow trickle �“ not too obvious but creeping in all the same.

Realizing that she was just stalling by waiting, Lily dashed away with a significant *pop*.

Next second, after the crushing blackness of Apparating, she found herself in a very dark room, stuffed with posters of various Quidditch players and teams zooming and maneuvering in their frames. Around her feet were several fallen broomsticks she had knocked over upon reappearing. Dusting herself off, Lily heard Sirius calling her in a whisper.

“Evans! Evans! Are you there?”

Rolling her eyes Lily untangled herself from the brooms, turned the corner and found Sirius peering into a closet nearby. “I’m right here, Sirius, you dolt!” she hissed back. He jumped when she spoke, turning to see her in the dark.

“Where are we?” she asked, looking around.

“The Quidditch storage division, I think,” Sirius replied, also viewing their surroundings. Trunks of supplies and brooms, jerseys and nets all littered the floor.

“Yes �“ definitely storage. I once nicked a set of old beaters’ clubs from here,” Sirius declared proudly.

“When, and why, pray tell, were you at the Ministry?” Lily asked, turning to him, appalled at his theft.

Sirius shrugged, checking his watch while absent-mindedly swinging a bat in his other hand. “Jack took James and me to his work once a few years ago. We got bored” �“ she rolled her eyes �“ “so we took his cloak and went exploring. Do you know how many secret chambers there are in this place?”

Lily stared, open-mouthed. “You… you can’t do that!”

“Ah, but we did.”

Lily fumed. Stuttering with utter fury at is lack of responsibility, she spluttered, “I…You…. Ugh! We… need to go! Now!” Lily grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the room, stopping in the hall. “Now where do we go?”

Sirius took his wand from inside his cloak, laid it in his palm and muttered, “Point me!” The wand spun like a dial, finally pointing towards the left corridor.

“Doesn’t that point North?” Lily asked as they slinked down the hall.

“The Aurors’ department is on the East face of the building �“ something about the sun.”

They used the spell two more times, and after a quarter of an hour they found themselves at the center elevators of the Ministry. Suddenly, a large group came up from behind them, whispering and looking very suspicious. All the figures wore emerald robes, hooded and fully disguised.

“Hide!” Sirius whispered frantically. Both Sirius and Lily hid behind a desk close by, listening to what had interrupted their search.

Whispers from the crowd were hushed, but Sirius and Lily caught a few phrases.

“Yes, well, we’ve got ‘em now!”
“His own son!”
“Can’t believe he’d let us go above-”
“Have the whole force out for little Edolphus, right Geilich?”
“Merlin, I can only hope the boy’s not mutilated… can’t see another body like that last one in Devon…”
“I told Irena not to tell the kids �“”

Lily stared in horror. Sirius didn’t look at her; if Jack was allowing the Aurors to save themselves rather than get James back safely, maybe the situation was worse than they knew… or had something already gone wrong?

The group stopped at the Atrium, gathering in groups, then, in unison like a gigantic whip crack, they turned and were gone.

Sirius slumped down into a squat.

“He’d give his son to Death Eaters for his career!” he whispered disgustedly.

“It’s not… we don’t know everything they do!” Lily reasoned quietly.

“For his own pompous goals, he’d let James die!” Sirius went on, ignoring Lily.

She shook her head, fiery hair swinging with each movement. “It was probably the hardest thing… he’s ever had to do…”

“No, it wasn’t,” Sirius fumed, voice rising, and he looked straight into her eyes as he said it. “Never mind that he’s probably in some godforsaken cave or dungeon! His own father isn’t even trying to get him back!” He shook visibly with anger, his fists clenching and face lined with fury. “If he dies, I swear I’ll �“”

Wham!

Lily slapped Sirius across the face. Hard.

“Don’t you dare!” she hissed. “We can’t go into this with that kind of attitude, so get a grip!”

She turned away in time to see the final straggling Aurors vanishing into thin air.

Thinking fast, she stretched a corner of her own cloak, pointed her wand and said, “Esverde!” The cloak instantly turned the same muted green as the cloaks they had seen on the Aurors. She did the same to Sirius’ cloak while its owner sat, paralyzed, hand on his check where she had hit him.

He nodded and closed his eyes. Trying to drown out the thought of a dead James, Sirius Apparated after the Aurors. Lily raised her own cloak hood, held her wand tightly and followed, hoping for the best, even as she expected the worst.