Meet me there

---

I often go up there. Not just because of my nightly rounds and the opportunity to take away house points, but simply because of the peace and quiet. I guess I need that little bit of peace in my life; I cannot find it anywhere else. I need the steps on the way up to release some of the tension in my body, the quiet on top of the tower to contemplate, and, whenever I feel like it, the peace of simply walking through the castle, my home, back to my quarters with nobody to interrupt my wandering thoughts. Well, that was how it used to be at least…until a few weeks ago.

I had been through one of my more stressful days when I arrived on top of the Astronomy tower that night. It was a day filled with teaching those dunderheads, with several students who ended up in the infirmary because of a couple of melted cauldrons and of course, a summoning from the Dark Lord. Fortunately, he seemed to be satisfied with me that night, and I arrived back at the castle relatively unharmed. I didn’t need Poppy to patch me back up, so I decided that a trip up the tower was exactly what I needed to relieve the stress. As I was climbing the stairs, I looked forward to the wind that would have a free reign on the top platform. It always fascinated me how it would whirl around and with me.

However, when I arrived at the top of the tower and opened the door to the top platform, I froze: she was there. Standing in the middle of the platform, she had closed her eyes, her head tilted back and her arms spread wide as if she was sacrificing herself. I guess she was indeed doing just that. She sacrificed herself to the winds, not moving except for whatever the wind did to her. Her hair all around her, wild and fierce; her robes pulled tight around the front of her body.

I looked at her, enjoying the play of the wind on her just as much as she did. I should have said something, and normally I would have. I wanted to tell her to leave, that she had no right being there, but she did. She was Head girl now. And she looked so…so, maybe beautiful isn’t the right word, even if she did look beautiful. No, she seemed to be full of joy and that somehow reached me.

I stayed for an hour, and then finally left…she didn’t notice me. Well, not that first night at least. I don’t know when she did notice, but at least last night she did.

~

I don’t know why I went up there that first night. Maybe it was the simple fact that I wanted to do it, and I was allowed to be up and about at night. I was Head girl now and I had always loved the Astronomy tower with its amazing view. What I do know now is that I loved the winds playing around and with me that first night, not thinking about anything but just surrendering mind, body, soul, to the elements surrounding me and myself. It was so peaceful that I went back night after night.

It was the fourth night on tower when I felt his presence there. I was sitting on the windowsill looking out over the lake, enjoying the reflections of the many stars that were out that night. I hadn’t heard him come up, but I felt him. I instantly knew who it was, but I said nothing, did nothing. I expected him to order me to leave, but he didn’t do anything. He didn’t even acknowledge my presence, so I ignored him. After an hour, he left.

He was back the next night, and every single one since. He stays for an hour and then leaves. I wonder during the days why does it, why he comes up every night and simply watches me. I don’t really care, well no, I didn’t care, but I do now. For some strange reason, I like it; I love to share the silence and elements with him. So every night I go up the tower and hope he will be there, to share our silent conversations and the elements with me.

This was the same until last night. He stayed longer for some reason, but I do not know. He didn’t stay much longer, maybe fifteen minutes. Just like I don’t know his reason for staying longer, I don’t know mine for speaking up when he left. “Goodnight professor,” I felt him stop for a moment before walking out silently.

I’m standing here again; it is Halloween tonight and I’m hoping he will come.

~

She knew I was there, but nothing happened. There were no questions about why I was there, no attempt to make conversation with me, not even a restlessness that occurs in most students and even some of the staff when I’m around. There was just a quiet, “Goodnight professor,” right before I left. I shouldn’t go back tonight; it seems inappropriate somehow now that we have acknowledged each other’s presence. But I like our silent conversations together and sharing the elements with her.

I knew she was up there even before I arrived; she had to be. She left the Halloween feast early. I walked up the steps, not sure what to expect, and the trip up not giving me the release of tension it normally does. I found her just like when I found her that very first time, surrendering herself to the wind. I looked at her, but surrendered myself to the wind as well. We both knew the other was there and I heard another, “Goodnight professor,” when I left.

We continued like this throughout the year, sharing an hour on top of the Astronomy tower. She bids me goodnight every night, even when I’m there hours after she has left. Those nights when I am summoned to the Dark Lord, and do not return to the tower until after midnight, she leaves me a note. ‘Goodnight professor,’ She signs them with her name, ‘Hermione.’ I have kept every single one.

~

I always hope he is there, leaving notes when he is not, and thanking the powers that be when I see him again the next day. He gives me no sign to let me know if he is alright, but I’m sure he can see the relief I feel in my eyes. Till this day, he has never said a word, never acknowledged my presence except for that one pause the first night I bid him goodnight, but the notes are always gone and I can almost feel the smile on his face when I say those two words. It’s a beautiful smile, I’m sure, though I have never seen it.

That day was Christmas, and I had given him a present. It’s a potions journal for his research, a beautiful leather bound book waiting to be filled. I saw his old one, a simple book almost falling apart with age; it is full. I have received nothing in return; I expected nothing in return; I just wanted to thank him for his presence and our silent conversations. But I couldn’t help feeling nervous because I was standing there in the snow that was lightly falling all around me, waiting for him to share this new element with me.

He came up the tower and stood in his usual place. He stayed one hour and left, nothing had changed. I felt a little sad; maybe I expected something to change. When I left, I saw a little package on the floor and I smiled. The note said, ‘Thank you for the beautiful gift, Merry Christmas, SS.’ Inside is a tear shaped pendant, a beautiful Gryffindor red ruby on a small silver chain. It must have cost him a fortune. “No, thank you for your beautiful gift, Severus.” But it was only the night who heard me.

~

I had decided that maybe it was time to say something, to break the silence. Nothing big, no conversation and nothing that could disturb our silent conversations, they are precious to me. No, it was just a simple, “Happy New Year,” when I left. I felt her smile that night. It’s a beautiful smile, I’m sure, though I did not see it. I haven’t spoken since that night, and I don’t need to; we share our silent conversations and the elements. She also sees me writing in her journal, and I see her wearing the pendant, cherishing it, whenever she is in my class.

But time has passed since then, and the world was getting darker. There were more and more nights when I couldn’t be there. The war was coming closer, we both knew this, and we were both willing to fight. I didn’t know what would happen; I never looked beyond the end of the war. I know she did, but I don’t know what she expects. I can’t offer her anything for the future, though I wish I could. I can make no promises beyond the night, so I keep my silence.

~

Quiet nights together have been rare these passed few weeks. The war is coming to an end; the fights are ferocious, but Dumbledore is making us study too. I guess he wants us to have something normal in our lives, like a routine, to take our minds of the war, even for a little while. It doesn’t work for me. I study, but I’m so anxious every night I do not see him. I am relieved every day when I see he is alright, only to get nervous about what is to come.

Tomorrow we will know. Tomorrow the war is coming to Hogwarts and he will show his true colors. I hope he survives; I hope we will both survive. He has no hope for himself, and he doesn’t expect to live beyond tomorrow, but I hope he does.

Strange. We never talk; I don’t even see him, yet I have come to know him so well. I hold hope for him. I need to. I need him to survive, for us, for our nights together.

~

I should have been the one. She should be standing here surrendering, no, sacrificing herself to the heat of this night. I should have protected her against that last curse, but I was too late. Maybe she will come tomorrow, but I guess she will not. The war is over, I am unharmed, but she had to spend two weeks in the infirmary simply because of that one last curse. It should have been me. But she recovered, got up to study and finally sat her N.E.W.T.s. I have no doubt she excelled.

She is an incredible woman, more amazing that any woman I have ever met, but she will be leaving, she will not spend another night with me. She is free now; free to go into whatever direction she wants. I will miss her.

It is time for me to leave, to take the quiet steps down to my quarters. But when I turn she is there. I did not hear her come in, but here she is. For the first time I look at her, we look at each other and we see faint smiles.

“Hello Severus.”

She is no longer my student anymore. I walk over to her and wrap her in my arms, while she encircles me with hers. It feels perfect.

She looks up and smiles, my breath catches.

“Hello Hermione.”

---

AN: This idea wouldn't leave me so I present it to you, let me know what you think. I know it doesn't stroke with HBP, but I wrote it before I read that. Thanks to Natoko, love you.