Changes and Love

“Flobberworm.”


The portrait swung open and Lily Evans walked into the Head’s common room. It was empty, she knew it would be, but there was still a fire in the grate from that morning when she had left for her classes. There were also books and parchment spread out all over the table. Lily sighed and walked over to the table to clean up the mess. James must have been here at lunch. He’s such a slob. He needs to clean up his things more.


It was James and Lily’s last year at school and both of them were Head Boy and Girl. Lily had intended to make this year the best one but as soon as she found out that James was to share her Head duties she dreaded the year to come. James was loud, obnoxious, and had the biggest ego of anyone at Hogwarts. (Keyword here being was). Plus, James seemed to have this annoying hobby of asking her out every time he saw her. She didn’t think she would be able to stand having to do Head duties with him and share a common room. At least we have our own dorms , she thought with a sigh.


It was true that James was better this year. He hadn’t asked her out once and was being genuinely friendly. In fact, if you caught Lily in a good mood she might just say they were friends.


At that moment, however, James was at his usual late night Friday Quidditch practice. He was the Seeker and Captain for the Gryffindor team. After practice he would usually go to the Gryffindor common room to visit the other Marauders.


Wait, what’s this? Lily picked up a small leather-bound book that was hidden under a sheaf of parchment that looked like Transfiguration homework. A diary? I never knew James kept one. Actually, according to the cover it was a journal. She opened it to a random page. She knew she shouldn’t but maybe there was something in it about James’ odd behavior as of recently. He had started to downright ignore her and in some desperate cases, avoid her. Plus, she reasoned, what could James possibly write about that the whole school didn’t know about already?


August 16
We got our Hogwarts letters today. I can’t believe this will be my last time going to school. I’m going to miss everything- Platform 9 ¾, the Hogwarts express, the dorms, the secret passage ways.


Sirius wouldn’t stop being a prat about me becoming Head Boy. I told him to shut up or else I would kick him out.


Not that I really would but he got pretty quiet after that. He still gets upset at any mention of his family kicking him out. Except he won’t admit that. He just says that he ran away. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on his face when my parents agreed to let him live with us.

Remus got here shortly after we got our letters. He was happy for me. Then he told me that Lily made Head Girl. I knew she would.


Lily was surprised to see her own name there. Especially what he wrote about her. But, even so, he had written her name. He had still been calling her Evans when he wrote that entry.


She was also surprised by the fact that Sirius was living with the Potters. She was sure James would have mentioned it. Then again, the two of them were already like brothers so it must not have been much of an adjustment. Lily, curiosity getting the better of her, flipped ahead a few more pages and read on.


August 21
Ever since I became Head Boy I’ve been thinking. This is my last year to get Lily. She would just hate me more if I didn’t take my duties seriously.


Remus was over again today. He suggested that the way to make Lily not hate me is to not be, or do, what she hates. I don’t think he realizes how hard that’ll be for me. Then again, I’d do anything for Lily.


So now Lily knew why he had changed. It was for her. She’d never really considered the fact that he could actually like her. She always thought he asked her out because she was the one girl he could never get. She flipped some more pages.


September 1
Right now I’m sitting on the Hogwarts Express in the front compartment. I’m waiting for Lily to get here so we can tell the prefects what their duties are. Here she comes now.


Still September 1
Well, that was interesting. Let’s just say that my first meeting with Lily this year didn’t go well. She walked into the compartment, took one look at me, and left. She came back in a minute later with a look of forced calm. I don’t think she’ll ever know how much that hurt me. Nor will she ever know how much her ignoring me the whole time hurt either. I’ll just have to try harder to be her friend.



September 3
I finally managed to catch Lily in the Head’s common room this morning. At first she didn’t want to talk to me. This was basically how our conversation went:
Me: Evans, wait!
Lily: What do you want, Potter?
Me: Well, we are both Heads now and we should probably set some sort of example by being a little civil to each other.
Lily: Potter, how thick could you be? How many times have I tried being “civil”, as you call it, over the years only to get “Hey, Evans, how about you go out with me?” back?
Me: A lot, I know, but I promise I won’t do that this year. I’m going to take this job seriously.
Lily: Yeah, right.
Me: I am, I promise! Will this convince you? If I do anything to make you mad you can go to Dumbledore and tell him that you don’t think I deserve to be Head Boy and I’ll back you up on it. Just give me one chance.
Lily: Fine. One chance.


Then we shook on it. I don’t know whether she felt it or not but the moment I touched her hand I got this strange shock. But at least we’re friends now. All I have to do is be extra careful that I don’t screw things up like I usually do.


Lily thought back to the day and remembered it perfectly. She had definitely felt the shock but all she had done was pull her hand away and glare at him like it was his fault. Now she knew how mean that was. Especially since she had seen the real him that was under the show.


Lily then flipped to the most recent entry. Maybe this would give her some clues as to why James had been acting so odd lately. The entry was from two days ago.


November 15
I can’t take it anymore. Being friends with Lily will never be enough. I don’t know why I thought it was better than her hating me. It only tortures me more. I talked to Remus about it and he suggested that since Lily doesn’t hate me anymore maybe I should tell her how I feel. I don’t think I could risk the rejection this time though. All the other times, when I was just asking her out, the rejection was easier to take. I already knew she hated me. Now, there’s too much at risk. I don’t think I could stand it if I was dismissed by her after telling her that I loved her-


Lily gasped and slammed the book closed. That could not have said what she thought it did. She opened it again and the word “love” was definitely written there. Does he really mean that?


I’ve come to a decision. I’ll just tell her. I am in Gryffindor. I have to be brave.


So that’s why James had been avoiding her. He was scared of her reaction once he told her he loved her. Quickly, before James came back, she shoved the journal under the sheaf of parchment and abandoned her cleaning work. Lily sat on the couch for half an hour just staring into the flames thinking. What would her reaction be if he was to tell her just then? She didn’t know. She had hated him, but that had changed to regarding him as a fellow Gryffindor and possibly a friend. Now what? She needed to talk to Alice Prewett, Maddie Leigh, Emmy Vance, and Marley McKinnon, her best friends. They would know what she should do, especially Alice. She gave the best advice and most of the school knew it. She had long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a cheerful, round face. However, she was extremely clumsy and forgetful, but that just added to the reasons why everyone loved her. Alice knew what she was and wasn’t afraid to admit it. Maddie, on the other hand, had shoulder length brown hair and was exceedingly shy. She had a pretty smile that few seldom saw, but for those boys who occasionally did see it, immediately fell for her. She was also a muggle-born. Emmy was different from all the other girls. She was energetic and bubbly, but not at all girly. She was petite and very skinny. Her hair was blonde and very short with the boy-cut she had worn it as her whole school career at Hogwarts. Her eyes were light green-grey and she had a smiling face. Marley was the by far the prettiest girl in school. She had long, dark, silky brown hair and deep, rich chocolate colored eyes that all the boys loved falling into. She had a gorgeous smile that worked on everyone, including McGonagall, and her laugh was like listening to bells.


Lily didn’t know where she fit in to all of it. Her hair, in her eyes, was just plain hard to handle and she was too small. But what she didn’t know was that others saw her as beautiful. Her hair was long, golden auburn and her skin was the color of smooth ivory. Her eyes were bright green and sparkled every time she laughed or got excited. Her small figure was alluring and, if it wasn’t for the fact that if any guy ever so much as showed interest in Lily James would hex them, she would have guys chasing her everywhere.


That’s all there was to it, she thought now. She would sleep in her old dorm that night. Just as she was about to get up and head to the Gryffindor tower the door opened and James walked in, looking distracted. He stopped short at the sight of her and swallowed nervously. Lily could feel her stomach flip and her breath caught it in her throat. Why was she acting this way? She had never noticed until then how cute James’ smile was when he was nervous or how hazel his eyes were.


“Lily, hey,” he said. He was definitely jumpy. “Uh, can I talk to you about something?”


“Like what?” Lily said trying to sound normal. She was tense.


“Uh, sit down first,” he said motioning to the couch.


“Don’t tell me what to do, Potter,” Lily ground out between gritted teeth. She didn’t know why she went back to being to so rude to him so suddenly but she did.


James’ eyes clouded over with disappointment but a second later they looked angry and hurt.


“So it’s back to that now is it?” he snapped.


“Maybe it wouldn’t be if you hadn’t been ignoring me lately!” Lily said hotly. This was far from the truth but James seemed be shocked. Lily, tears in her eyes, ran out of the room leaving a confused and troubled James behind her.


Luckily for Lily the common room was almost empty when she reached it. She rushed up the stairs to her old dorm and opened the door with a loud bang!


“Who’s there?” Emmy yelled, waking suddenly from her sleep.


“I-it’s me,” Lily sobbed.


“Lily?” Alice muttered, rubbing her eyes sleepily and sitting up. “What is it? What’s wrong?”


“What’s all the noise about?” Marley said groggily.


“I d-didn’t m-mean to r-read it,” Lily cried. “It was j-just s-sitting there. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was only c-cleaning. He’s such a s-slob anyway. Then I read it and it said he l-loved me. A-and how could he? I’ve hated him all this time and he bugs me so much. Then I remembered that it wasn’t the real him that I had been seeing all these years, but just someone he is for show. I didn’t know what to think…w-what if he told me that h-he loved me? What would I d-do? I was just a-about to come and talk to y-you guys when he came back. I started being m-mean to him again. He g-got upset and I don’t know why I d-did it!”


By now all the girls were wide awake and full of sympathy for Lily. She didn’t even have to fully explain herself. They all knew she was talking about James. The Gryffindor girls crowded around Lily, who had sunk to the floor by Alice’s bed.


“Oh, Lily, it’s okay, we’ll figure it all out,” Emmy said. Slowly, Lily stopped crying and wiped away the last of her tears.


“I’m sorry for waking you all up,” Lily finally muttered with a watery smile.


“It’s okay,” Alice said quickly before Marley could say anything. They all knew Marley hated being woken up, not just in the morning either.


“So what happened?” Maddie said. “Tell us slowly this time.”


Lily told them everything from the beginning, making a lot more sense this time. When she was done she looked at her friends. “So? What do you think? What should I do?”


“I think you should go to bed and get some sleep,” Alice said. Lily didn’t say anything, but waited for her to finish. All of the seventh years knew that Alice gave the best advice but most of the times you had to wait to hear it. “Then you have to get up and look yourself in the mirror. Say to yourself these three statements out loud: I completely despise James Potter. I don’t hate James Potter, but I only like him as a friend and nothing more. I might possibly be in love with James Potter, but was too blind to know it before.”


“You think that’ll work?” Lily asked doubtfully. Alice’s advice had never failed her before, but this was a little sketchy.


“Trust me, it does,” Alice said. “You’ll know when you’re lying to yourself when you say it to yourself out loud. I’ve tried it when I was confused about how I felt about Frank.”


“Besides, you can always watch for that little twitch in your eye,” Emmy joked. “It always happens when you lie.”


“It does not,” Lily cried indignantly, even as her eye twitched.