Hermione Granger leaned back in her chair, fingering the charm she had gotten from a childhood sweetheart five years ago. She remembered it clearly like it was yesterday. It was a sad memory, a sweet memory, and a memory that would linger in her mind forever.

It was seven days after Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord, five minutes before he would disappear from her life, and it would be four years until she would see him again. The train station was cold, despite the fact it was a warm summer afternoon. The graduates of Hogwarts said goodbye to one another making false promises, and crying empty tears. Ron had already taken off with Ginny back to the Burrow; their goodbyes were easy because she knew she could see them again. Now the station was even colder, more unfeeling than before. How could it possibly know what this moment would do to her? How this place, this memory would haunt her for many years to come.

“I owe you so much Hermione, I could have never have done it without you,� said Harry meaningfully. This was more than Hermione could bear but held back the tears. She didn’t want to say goodbye, she wasn’t even sure if she could. She wanted to tell him she loved him, that he couldn’t leave her alone. Tell him that he was done saving the world, that she was sick of watching him go off into danger. She wanted to tell him that behind her brave façade, she was scared for him. She wanted him to promise that he would come back to her. All she could do was nod, choking back the tears that wanted to come.

“I’ll come back, this won’t be the last time we see each other. You know without Voldemort the Death Eaters will be easy to clear out,� he said reassuringly, giving her a smile she could see through instantly. She knew he might not come back. She coughed, trying desperately to get rid of the choking sensation in her throat.

“Goodbye Hermione,� he said placing his hand on her shoulder and walking away just giving one glance behind him as he disappeared from view. Her strong persona of understanding disappeared the second he walked away. She morphed into a confused little girl, wallowing in her own tears. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think of answers to any of the questions that plagued her. She felt so lost; something she could never have claimed to feel before this moment, because she knew there was always an answer. How could he leave her alone, to wonder about him? Will he ever think of her more than just a best friend? More than just a sister? Was this a foolish love, wanting something she could never have? How could she return to Hogwarts without him? What if he died? All these were the questions with no answers; she couldn’t bear to think anymore. She wished for once she didn’t know anything, because it simply would be easier that way.

She wanted to be alone, and she didn’t. She wanted Ron or Ginny, anyone just to be there. She also wanted to drown in her own tears hoping that it would take her away from this uncertainty. Though when she looked up she was still in the middle of the train station, people moving about her. No one seemed to notice her standing there, luggage in hand, crying her heart out. Maybe that was because there were many other former seventh years standing around crying, or maybe it was because they simply didn’t care. Whatever the reason was, she still stood alone, in the middle of the train station wondering if life would ever go on from that moment.

Life did go on, but some things wouldn’t and couldn’t be the same. For four years, Hermione hadn’t heard from Harry Potter. The news reported he was missing in action, and after three years they said he had died, yet no body had been recovered. She knew how bad the news was, and her common sense told her he was never coming back. Yet something buried underneath the facts and evidence waited patiently for an empty promise, a lost dream, or something not to be expected.

Though Harry was gone, and her dreams crushed, Hermione still returned to Hogwarts. This time she returned as an assistant. The new headmaster had suggested she take up potions. There were few students with a gift for Potions, and though it wasn’t her best subject, he insisted she could excel there, as the demand for Professors in the field was limited. Hermione didn’t argue, and as a matter of fact she was enthralled by the suggestion. Potions was a subject she could put everything into and try to forget the pain of her crushed heart. So Hermione became the assistant to Potions Master of the school, Severus Snape.

Having Hermione Granger as an assistant intrigued Severus Snape. He always wondered what she would be like by herself, without the hindrance of “The Boy Who Lived� and that foolish Weasley boy. She exhibited great knowledge and passion for learning. He could teach her so much. Few students did as well in his class as Miss Granger did. She had the patience of a saint-- having to put up with Potter and Weasley must have helped. One day she was going to be a brilliant potions mistress; he could mold her gift into something marvelous. He found himself toying with ideas for her. Many times she caught him staring at her while she worked. He insisted that he liked the way she worked, but was it more than that? She wasn’t extraordinarily beautiful but had grown quite a bit through the years, developing curves, a more womanly body. Even her hair didn’t look like she had stuck her finger in a light socket anymore. It was far more tame, straighter even, though the same gorgeous chocolate brown.

Weasley had noticed this change, but his simple mind couldn’t penetrate the vast knowledge and wisdom of her brain. He was too foolish for her, just a child, hardly the intellectual she needed. Potter, on the other hand, as much as Snape hated to admit it, was much closer to her as an intellectual; by luck most likely, but nonetheless someone to confide in. He had noticed her attraction towards the “Boy Who Lived� during their last year at Hogwarts. This idea sickened Severus, someone as bright as herself falling for James Potter’s offspring. It was part of his idea at the Order meeting that he be sent away to search for the Death Eaters. It was widely accepted and he joined the team to save the world once again. It was better that he was away filling his egotistical mind, leaving Hermione Granger to more important things. Snape had no idea whether Potter would get himself killed but that was the chance he took, Snape didn’t lose any sleep over it.

That year was one of his best as a professor, it was easier as she taught many of the classes, and graded. She worked very hard, all the meaningless tasks he gave her and usually others that she came up with. He gave her everything she needed, access to his small but unique library and vast potions storage room. She never took advantage of these unless she absolutely needed to, and she always asked. He usually let her work, and watched from a distance, though sometimes he would watch her more closely on a more difficult potion, brushing her hand. His careful eyes would see her shudder. He was almost certain it wasn’t in fear or in loathing. She was different, better than that. She didn’t look at him, talk to him like the students or the staff. She respected him; that was something he felt was a long time in coming. Whether or not people recognized it, he was one of the best potions masters in the known wizarding world. Perhaps she recognized it, even if everyone else chose to ignore the fact.

Even so, he couldn’t let her affections go to his head, for he knew he wasn’t the only thing on her mind. That damned ruby hung around her neck, painfully keeping him in his place. She wore it every day without fail, and this one token still had Potter in its every gleam and sparkle. He found a token to match it or even surpass it in beauty, bestowing it upon her for Christmas. To no avail though, she still kept the ruby sphere at her throat. Long after she had started tucking it under her robes, he could still feel its presence. It was peering out at him, mocking him, and Severus Snape could barely stand it.

As the end of the year had drawn to a close, Snape realized he would have to let go of his beloved assistant. Her talent was far beyond that of an assistant, and both she and he knew it. The problem was, he was the Potions master, and they both couldn’t have is job. He also couldn’t afford to have her sent to another school. So he formulated a plan to keep her close. He had purposely asked the headmaster to split the Potions classes because of the increasing number of N.E.W.T students. The headmaster agreed to open a new teaching position for the General Potion classes. This meant that he, Severus, would teach the O.W.L preparation and the N.E.W.T level classes. The other classes would fall under “General Potions�.

He had carefully made sure she applied for the job without suspicion. That wasn’t hard; she liked Hogwarts, and he knew she wanted to stay. The hard part was that there would be other applicants. He knew what he did was best for her, and she should have gotten the job in the first place; just with little experience the headmaster might have faltered. The two men Snape had poisoned should have been okay, just not well enough to interview; although he hadn’t taken the time to study their conditions. He was a bit surprised one of them had died, but there was nothing he could do about that now.

The point was that Hermione had gotten the job, and she was still close to him, though he wouldn’t see her as often as he would have liked. So he instituted their meetings to go over lesson plans, suggestions on how she should teach. He knew she didn’t need his help, but she never said anything. Sometimes they would stay long overtime and talk. This made him love her all the more, that she would talk to him, and she was comfortable with him. He wasn’t the wretched bat the world saw, living alone in the dungeons. He was someone desirable, a rogue companion if not more. Something different. Change didn’t usually suit Severus Snape, but it did this time.

He was already making her see him in a new light. She cared about him; there was no doubting that. Could he make her love him? That was the question that usually danced about his mind in their long meetings. Surely she could see past her old potions teacher and find something to adore. First she would have to get past Harry Potter.

Many things had changed for Hermione Granger. During the year after Harry left, she became an assistant to Severus Snape, learning what it would take to be a Potions mistress herself. For a year she toiled, taught, studied, worked, brewed, and found herself unbelievably content where she was, a place where she could be void of all emotion. Severus Snape had become extremely accommodating in her year as an assistant. His cold nature seemed less cold when he worked around her. It wasn’t like working with her former Potions professor; it was as if he were someone completely different. It wasn’t at all like the days when she was a student. As a matter of fact, she had always thought he despised her as a student, but she learned to think better of that. Snape constantly told her how brilliant she was, and how he always knew she would achieve her goals.

Many times she caught him staring at her while she worked; he insisted he was amazed at her ability and dedication. For a while this made her uncomfortable, but she grew to enjoy his attention. She worked harder not only to become a good teacher but she felt that maybe something inside her was trying impress him as well. Sometimes he would dote on her if she was particularly clever and she certainly didn't mind. All his tokens and gifts were graciously accepted. He gave her a magnificent necklace with a charm that changed color according to one’s mood. No matter how much she loved it, she couldn’t take off Harry’s necklace; the ruby sphere remained on her throat. He asked her about it once.

“Why do you always wear that silly charm? It’s always on your throat,� he noted, running his hands over it, grazing her neck slightly.

“It was a present from Harry before he left,� she murmured, her heart falling at the memory.

“Silly girl,� he spat, “he isn’t returning. You know that!� His tone softened as if he had realized his anger. “Your place is here now, with me, at Hogwarts.�

He had dismissed her early that day. The next morning when Hermione arrived in the dungeons, her cauldron was overturned, her potion splattered all over the floor. She looked at it sadly; Snape entered the room and cleaned it up, and apologized for knocking it over. He claimed it was purely an accident, but Hermione didn’t think so. After that she started tucking the ruby charm under her shirt so that Snape would not see it. After a while, things returned to normal. For the rest of the year, Hermione Granger and Severus Snape worked side by side. She grew to appreciate all that he had done, all he sacrificed to help her. The way he looked at her, it gave her a feeling of being appreciated. Something she had never felt in her life. When he would touch her hand, her shoulder, or brush hair out of her eyes, her skin prickled. No one had cared for Hermione Granger in such a manner, even though she was much changed from the girl she used to be. Severus Snape seemed to be the only one who had noticed.

When the time came, he did everything in his power to make sure she secured a job at Hogwarts. As a matter of fact, strange things happened that made Hermione uncomfortable. A few applicants to the General Potions teaching position had unexpectedly become seriously ill and one had even died. He was old for a half-blood, Hermione told herself, but it still seemed out of place. She had a hard time believing he had just died, it couldn’t be just a coincidence, but she couldn’t prove anything so the matter lay at rest.

She got the job, nonetheless, and she would teach the General Potions classes and Severus would teach Potions for those preparing to take O.W.L.’s and the N.E.W.T. level classes. Every week, they would meet to discuss lessons and plans for the students. They saw each other less and less, only during that one day a week, and during meals, but Severus Snape hardly ate with the staff if he could help it.

Sometimes that one afternoon a week would go far longer into the night and they would share dinner. The topic usually got far diverted from Potions. They spoke about wizarding politics, the decreasing number of wizards, the dragon hunting laws, and the new Minister of Magic. They never spoke of the past; there was no reminiscing between the two. They both preferred it that way, Hermione’s past was too dark, and Snape’s was too empty. They would walk back from Hogsmeade in the dark, his cloak over her shoulders, keeping her safe in its warmth. Hermione knew he would do anything for her, if she just said the word. As much as she wanted to tell him what he made her feel, she never did but just enjoyed the moments they shared. The silent passion both of them felt around each other was enough for now, especially for Hermione, who had never felt such a feeling before.

The thing that Hermione didn’t understand was that this isn’t what she had felt for Harry. She was very pleased that Snape cared for her, and she felt sparks when they touched. Sure, he wasn’t handsome, but there was a dark attraction in the way his mannerisms and the way he spoke. She could talk to him seriously about anything. The feeling wasn’t the same innocent love she had felt for Harry, though; this seemed darker, more exotic. She wasn’t sure how to deal with her new emotions; she liked them and feared them at the same time. She wasn’t the little girl she used to be by any stretch. Then again she didn’t feel prepared for this dark lust that plagued her mind.

It did haunt her, her dreams were filled with strange thoughts, and he was always there. It was as if Snape had found the key to her mind, he was always with her. All her dreams were of him, she couldn’t clear her mind, and it was as if she were under a spell. She had no escape; she had no one to turn to. Ron would never speak to her again, and Ginny she hadn’t spoken to in ages. She didn’t really have to talk to anyone to know what her problem was, though. Harry was the problem, she couldn’t love Snape, and that was all Harry’s fault.

The years went by. Hermione was drawn to a man she couldn’t care for; Snape was trying to ensnare a young woman who wouldn’t give up her past. Both lived in silent frustration together. Yet, there was still the passion that refused to die, that passion between two lonely people who desperately want to be together but are held back by that unseen force. It was a game they played, a web they weaved, for three long years they played and weaved, and found it all to be for nothing.

Hermione smiled at the old memories, twisting the ruby sphere between her fingers. A warm feeling surrounded her as if she were actually living the memories over again. She leaned forward again in her chair and stared at the potion in front of her, not quite remembering what she’d been doing before she had strolled down memory lane. She picked up the potion, looking at it warily, and set it back down, she didn’t feel like working. She had a whole week to grade these. She looked at the picture on her desk; it was an old picture of the trio. She was leaning on Harry’s shoulder; Ron’s hand was around Harry on the back of her head. She laughed and sighed, smiling the picture, they were the best of friends. Even Ron kept in touch when Harry disappeared. Ron told her he wouldn’t be gone forever, she didn’t believe him, but always hoped. How little had she known? Ron had been right all along.

It was a year and four months ago, two days before school was to start. She had just left Severus, who had gone to consult the headmaster about the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Hermione had been carrying a stack of lesson plans and was walking aimlessly back to her classroom on the main floor, when she saw him, Harry Potter. He was alive, and at Hogwarts. She could have sworn they stared at each other for hours, but he was led away by another teacher into the Great Hall. She was in complete disbelief as she spoke with Ron through a cracked mirror.

“He still hasn't come to see me,� she murmured.

“Hermione, he will, trust me, you mean the world to him," rejoined Ron istantly.

She immersed herself in tiresome work the rest of the day, trying to fix her mind on something other than what she had seen earlier that day. She knew she couldn’t sleep without dreaming, that she had to get a Dreamless Draught from Snape’s collection. She tightened her cloak around her, knowing it would be cold in the dungeons, and ventured out. As she was halfway down the stairs a voice called her name.

“Hermione.�

She turned around suddenly, almost collapsing on the floor; she touched the wall with her hand to support her.

“Harry Potter,� she whispered, not trusting herself to speak.

“Look at you,� he said, coming down the stairs to meet her, “you look incredible.� He ran his hand through his hair walking down to meet her, and he stared at her a moment before embracing her. “You’re even a Potions mistress now, that’s brilliant Hermione. I’m going to be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, here, with you. We have so much to catch up on, come to dinner with me.�

“Harry, I can’t,� she replied. She knew she could, she knew she wanted to but something was holding her back. “I have to finish working and I need some potions.�

“Nonsense, you always worked too hard, come with me,� he said, “I’ll let you change, and meet you back at your office in twenty minutes.�

He clambered back up the stairs, “No, Harry, I can't..."cried Hermione but Harry was already out of sight. Her eyes stared at the empty space at the top of the stairs for a long moment before she took the second flight of stairs down to the dungeon, before she reached the bottom, she saw Severus Snape staring up at her.

“Foolish boy, how dare he strut back here like some god and take my position without a thought, I suppose he thinks he can have anything he wants now that he conquered the Dark Lord,� he said quietly as Hermione approached him.

She smiled sadly at him, knowing that once again, he had been thwarted for the teaching position he wanted most. Thwarted by a student he despised more than anyone, holding an everlasting grudge against Harry’s father. Hermione couldn’t help but feel sorry for him; she followed him down the stairs for her potion. He wordlessly sifted through his storage to find her a potion. Handing it to her, he sat down on the chair in front of the coffee table in his small room. He stared at her with looks of pain, curiosity, and obsession.

She almost felt like he was reading her mind, and she didn’t care. She curled up on the tattered couch directly across from the chair he sat in. She was confused, and very cheerless. What she had wanted more than anything was to be with Harry, that was the only thing keeping her arms length with Severus. Yet, he didn’t love her like Severus did. If only Harry loved her or hated her. Or if she wasn’t so foolish she could love Severus in return. There was no book to solve problems about love. All love left was unanswered questions, and a breaking heart. She drank the Dreamless Draught and unexplainably fell instantly asleep on the torn up couch in his office.

***

Severus Snape watched her sleep, the steady rise and fall of her chest. She had curled up in a ball, one of her hands was under her head; the other was across her abdomen. Her hair was down, falling loosely across her face and shoulders. She looked so peaceful, even vulnerable, not plagued by the decisions that had recently presented themselves to her. She was confused at least; she didn’t know what she wanted. This thought comforted Severus a little, she couldn’t choose right away. He had made an impact on her. She had turned down that filthy Harry Potter, coming down to see him. Granted, it was just for a potion, but it was his potion, she could have easily made one for herself. He wondered if she would suspect that he had mixed Sleeping Draught with the Dreamless Draught. She probably would suspect something; she did pick up on things like that. He couldn’t have her changing her mind about dinner with Harry. He could watch her this way undisturbed and he could guard her. This was something Harry could not do. For four years, it was Severus Snape who watched her, not Harry Potter. It was he who protected her while Harry Potter left her unguarded. Harry thought he could waltz back here and take her as his own, a war hero perhaps, but not God. He would not have her as a trophy. For once, Severus has the satisfaction of knowing he was one up on the famous Harry Potter, and he wasn’t about to let things change now.

***

Hermione awoke, her eyes fluttering open, and she looked around, recalling where she was. She had fallen asleep in the potions master’s office. She couldn’t remember why she was here. She shook her head, running her hand over her hair. She remembered coming to get a potion, a Dreamless Draught, because of Harry. Harry is back. She didn’t go to dinner with him; she came down here, and fell asleep on the couch. She got up slowly; she had never taken such a strong Dreamless Draught. Where was Severus? She wandered into his classroom to find him brewing away at something that smelled distinctly like lust. He didn’t seem notice her arrival until she was practically at his arm. He smiled gently at her, studying her like always before he spoke. These long silences were no longer uncomfortable and completely natural even to Hermione. The way he looked at her was like he was drinking her in. She knew he was going to make her go.

“Mr. Potter will be worried about you, we mustn’t keep him waiting,� he spoke a little dryly.

Hermione nodded, touching his arm lightly before she left. She didn’t want to leave, but she couldn’t stay. It was almost funny how she had waited so long for Harry’s return and now she didn’t know what to do now that he had finally come back.

Hermione Granger spent the next few months reuniting with her old friend. Harry seemed to have taken a much stronger interest in her than before, and he had quite grown up into the man she’d always wished he would be. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn’t forget the way he left her. She’d found something else; Potions, working with Severus. Had he expected her to wait for so long? Granted, she couldn’t say she was sure she loved Severus, but they had some kind of bond, a bond Hermione couldn’t explain, and she could explain everything. No matter what Hermione felt, or whatever questions ran through her head, Harry Potter didn’t give up. He was relentless in showing his affection, which delighted and frightened Hermione all at once. She could feel Severus watching them around every corner; it seemed like she and Harry could never be alone. She knew it was Harry she wanted, but, as much as he pleaded that they begin dating, she insisted they stay friends. She couldn’t bring herself to admit her desires.

Three months after Harry returned was the first school trip to Hogsmeade. After checking permission slips and arguing with various students Hermione could finally pull away from her duties.

The sky was dark as she walked down the familiar streets of Hogsmeade. As she gazed around the students, she sometimes had to glance twice to make sure she wasn’t seeing the old trio again, as children. Her vivid memory and captive imagination remembered every Hogsmeade visit, good and bad. She slowed down, finding herself slowly sinking back into reality. So many things had changed since those days; the whole wizarding world was entirely different. They had tried to escape a world of fear and terror by coming here. She and Ron were just distractions to Harry’s troubling reality. Now, there was nothing to fear; the Dark Lord was dead, none of these students would ever know the danger they had once felt as students. She envied them almost; maybe if the old trio had grown up unafraid things would have been different, and she and Harry could have had a chance. Then again, if the Dark Lord had never come, would she even know Harry today? She pulled her robes closer around her, and shook her head. She knew better than to try outsmarting fate

She and Harry met at the Three Broomsticks. As Hermione went up to get the drinks, an older man in a drunken stupor pulled her close.

“You look ravishing, my dear,� he slurred.

Hermione smiled weakly, trying not to be rude, but quickly pulled away, walking toward where Harry was half-standing, glaring at the old man. Hermione shook her head at him, showing him that she was unharmed. He relaxed and they enjoyed their drinks, but what happened next terrified her.

The man who had grabbed her started choking, coughing, and sputtering, turning various shades of red, purple, and blue. No one could help him, although four wizards were trying. Moments passed that seemed like hours, and he fell over dead. Hermione gasped, and then saw a pair of black eyes in the corner, staring at the dead man. Her heart pounded hard against her chest as she recognized the same black eyes that were always watching her. She couldn’t breathe; she fled, her scarlet cloak whipping behind her as she rushed out and up the road toward the Shrieking Shack, as far away from the scene as she could get.

The obsession had gone too far; how could he kill for her? With a pang, she realized he must have killed the other contestant for her job. Two dead wizards, all because of her. And what about Harry? He would kill Harry; he was always watching them, just waiting. Biding his time, then . . . he would kill him.

“No!� she shrieked to the empty space around her. “He won’t kill Harry!�

“Hermione! Hermione! Are you okay?� Harry asked, out of breath, looking at her apprehensively.

“We can’t go back there,� she whispered.
“It’s okay,� he said, taking a step toward her.

“He’ll kill you, he’ll find us, we can’t get away,� she whimpered hysterically.

“Hermione, don’t say that,� Harry pleaded, confused as ever.

“He’ll kill anyone that gets in his way! I don’t want him to hurt you,� she choked out, though she could tell Harry wondered if she was delusional.

“Hermione, it was an accident, no one was . . . murdered,� soothed Harry, looking worried.

“Harry, I’ve seen him, Severus, the way he looks at me. He’s been with me for four years, while I was alone. He cared about me when no one else would; he took care of me, he loves me, and he’d do anything. He killed the other professor so I could have my job, he killed that man just now because he touched me, and he’ll kill you, too, Harry; you’re getting too close.� Her words were cracked and stuttered as she shook with both fear and cold.

“No more,� Harry said, pulling her close to him. “No more talk of murder, death, obsession. No one is going to kill me or anyone else, especially not Snape; remember, Dumbledore trusted him. He saved me so I could kill Voldemort.�

Hermione just shook her head, obviously not consoled. “Help me forget him Harry, promise me you won’t leave me again,� she pleaded, her glistening eyes meeting his emerald gaze.

“I’ll never leave you again. You’re safe; forget about everything. It’s just you and me,� he murmured, passing his hand over her cheek to dry a tear.

“I just want to be free from the darkness, I can’t escape it.� She paused and looked up at him, “Will you save me, Harry?�

“Just say the word and I will save you forever,� he replied softly, holding her tightly.

“That’s all I want,� she whispered, then said even more quietly, “Say you love me.�

“You know I do,� smiled Harry.

“That’s all I ask of you.�

Then Harry kissed her. It was the most amazing thing she’d ever felt in her life. She held onto it as long as she could breathe, breaking off just to gasp some air, then kissing him again. She had waited so long, and now she knew that it wasn’t in vain; her dream had finally come true. Now he finally loved her, and she loved him. The world seemed to disappear around them, because it didn’t matter, nothing mattered. Not Severus, not the murders, not anything except her and Harry. Hermione knew it couldn’t last forever; those dark eyes watched them always. For now, though, she was safe in Harry’s arms as they returned to Hogwarts.

Hermione Granger smiled at the memory of her and Harry’s first kiss. Her smile faded as she also remembered all the trouble it had caused her. Professor Snape had disappeared for many months after that; they had said it was because of his health. Hermione knew he wasn’t gone forever. He returned by the beginning of March, and insisted that she keep learning new things from him, keep working at potions together. But Harry maintained that she stay away, so Hermione did, and finally the persistence stopped and Snape left her alone.

He was always watching, though, and during April, Harry and Severus got into a squabble in the hallway; just words, but both wands were drawn. She never learned what they were fighting about. This only made her worry about Harry all the more. She was certain Harry wanted Severus gone one way or the other, even if he didn’t believe he was a threat. She didn’t think she wanted him gone; she did care deeply for him, and she pitied him. All that time they spent together… she had cared for him, but her love for Harry was much older. She had broken Snape’s heart, and she wasn’t sure if she could forgive herself for that. It was almost as if she had betrayed him. Now he scared her though, with the deaths, the threats. She didn’t feel safe with him around anymore.

Severus’ and Harry’s encounter had made Hermione nervous. Harry insisted they were safe but she felt both she and Harry were in danger while Severus still watched them. So Hermione kept their engagement in a secret, using the necklace as a sign of their love, while in her locked dress drawer was a ring. She never took it out; just knowing it was there was enough. As finals drew near, Hermione realized she would have to meet with the Potions Master. It was crucial to prepare the students the best way she could. If it weren’t for her dedication to the students she wouldn’t have thought twice about meeting him. So Hermione had sent him an owl, and they were to meet tonight, around five. She had dinner at seven with Harry, so she wouldn’t be longer then an hour or so. At least that was her hope.

She wondered what was going to happen tonight, what would he say? Would he hate her? She wouldn’t blame him if he did; she deserved to be hated for what she did to him. Certainly he didn’t trust her, maybe he would even try to hurt her. She had to be careful. She imagined possibly the worst scenarios, before she decided to get ready for her date. She thought she should dress beforehand in case the meeting ran later then she hoped. She gazed thoughtfully at herself in the mirror.

She had decided to wear her favorite dress; the black dress with red seams and white lace outlining the top of the dress, her middle, and the straps. The bottom of the dress flowed around her legs, barely touching the top of her feet. She adjusted the thick loose straps, but they kept falling hopelessly off the top of her shoulder. She pulled part of her frizzy hair back into a small bun while the rest fell across her back and over her shoulders.

She kept staring at her reflection, twirling a strand of hair around her finger over and over again. She was so nervous; she hadn’t even considered Severus seeing her like this. She decided to wear her black cloak over her dress. Then she went back to pacing and twirling her hair. After a few minutes she heard the door to her classroom open. It was Harry. Hermione was so grateful to see him before she went, even if he couldn’t come with her.

“You look great,� he said, kissing her forehead. She collapsed into his arms, where she was safe if only for a minute.

“I’m scared Harry,� she said, her head resting on his chest.

“Don’t be, he won’t do anything to you while I’m here,� he replied, running his fingers through her hair. Hermione just nodded resting comfortably in his arms.

“You have to go now,� he said, pulling her away, “you’ll be okay.� He kissed her reassuringly.

“I suppose,� she murmured, pulling her cloak tightly around her, folding her arms over the top.

“I’ll come to get you at seven,� he said, finally letting go of her hand. She nodded, placing all of her heart in that sentence.

The walk down to the dungeons took forever; each step was a lifetime. She had no idea how to get through this meeting. She ran her hand over her books and papers, clutching them tight like when she was in school. She held them close to her like the little girl she was many years ago; they gave her comfort, something she could count on. Everything in the books was true, were fact, things she could place her life on. Relationships and emotions were never like that, they were changing, cruel, and they lied. She had finally made her way to the dungeon door and taking a deep breath swung it open. She held her head high, her body poised, but her heart shook with fear. He would know she was scared, he would know. When she entered the room, he offered to take her cloak immediately, which she had no choice but to reluctantly give up, revealing the seductive dress underneath.

“Hermione, please, have a seat,� invited Severus, pulling out a chair for her like a gentleman. She sat down and thanked him warmly but on the inside she was still shaking, and she knew he could see it. If he could see her fear, he didn’t show it, smoothly setting a glass of wine in front of her. She looked at it, taking it in her hand, swirling the wine around. She wondered if it were poisoned or drugged.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not going to poison you,� insisted Severus, sitting next to her, she blushed, and shook her head taking large drink hoping he was right.

She pulled out all her work and plans for finals, student assessments, aligning everything neatly. She had already thought of her game plan earlier, she was going to agree with everything he said. Even if she would normally disagree she decided it would be much easier if she agreed and she got out of there. She took another long drink of her wine, hoping it would calm her nerves, and it seemed to. She felt more relaxed; her inhibitions seemed to loosen.

“So would you like to start with the assessments or lessons?� she asked, meeting his eyes, somewhat entranced. Her body tingled, and she rubbed the goose bumps off her arms, pulling her eyes away. She blushed, taking another sip of wine.

“Is that really why you are here? Or is it that you have come to see me. You forget that I can see your very thoughts, and that I know what is in your soul.� He helped her to her feet, and she couldn’t resist, there was something in him that she wanted. She didn’t seem to care that this wasn’t why she came, or that Harry was somewhere very close. The feelings of passion she once felt had come back in a rush, either by his touch or his voice or maybe in his words. Whatever it was it had found Hermione lost in a wave of fervor, her thoughts lingering on his every word.

“In your mind you’ve already given yourself to me, you are even now surrendering to me again. Hermione, this game we’ve played ends here. Neither you nor I were made for foolish games; games are for the simple, like Mr. Potter. You and I are not simple.� He turned her around, so her back was to his chest, and he held her hands it his, crossing them over her stomach. Her body shivered with and old feeling returning, and she was sure this was what she wanted. “No use in fighting it now, now you can be free.� He turned her back around facing him, softly touching her cheek, “What is it that we will be together? What fiery longing has been dormant in our separation?�

Hermione stared breathlessly at him; this was what she wanted, this obsession. She wanted to mingle with the dark insanity he had brought her. She wanted his touch, the passion more than anything or anyone in the world. This was something Harry simply didn’t have, though the truth was that Harry was very far from her mind. “You have brought me to this place where words and logic make no sense,� she breathed. “For once I take rapture in my loss of thought because it’s with you that I’m lost. I fall in love with this moment when speech falls victim to silence. I came here, not really knowing the reason why. Yet in my mind, I’ve imagined our bodies as one. Now I’m here with no resistance, no looking back because all I need is standing here.� The straps of her dress had fallen down again, and she had no intention of pushing them back up. He kissed her hand, looking at her covetously. She smiled mischievously, continuing to lead him back. “We are past the point of answers and reason. We no longer belong in the age of morals and wickedness; real life has just begun.�

As much as she wanted him to, he didn’t kiss her, just held her, moving his hands across her body seductively. She closed her eyes, placing her hands over his, resting her head in his chest. She felt intoxicated, but free; for once she didn’t feel constricted by the ways of love and lust. It all made sense now, nothing in the world was worth what she felt now, not Harry, not the students, not potions.

He lifted her chin upwards, to meet his eyes. “Say you’ll love me. Say you’ll always be mine. Save me from my seclusion. That is what I ask of you.�

“Hermione!� yelled Harry from the dungeon door. She turned to look at him, and then looked back to where she was in Severus’s arms. Reality hit her like a hard brick, and she physically reeled at its hard blow. She swayed but Severus caught her tightly in his arms. The wine had been tampered with; he had given her a lust potion. She tried to pull away but it was too late, he already had her trapped, holding her close to him. All this had hit Hermione hard; she had the will to faint but not here, not now. The look on Harry’s face was pained and she would have done anything to fix it, but now it was too late. She had made a grave mistake.

Chapter 6-Changed

“Harry,� Hermione called, wanting to cry over her stupid mistake.

“It’s too late, Potter,� said Snape wickedly. With a flick of his wand, Harry was thrown against the wall, his head hitting the hard dungeon stone squarely. He slumped against the wall, obviously knocked out.

“Harry!� she screamed, but her screams fell on deaf ears. Snape dragged her away from him; she stopped struggling several minutes after she realized she couldn’t escape, for he was a lot stronger than he looked. All the wallowing in the dungeons had not made him weak. He took her inside his office slamming the door on Harry out in the main classroom.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get to see him again,� remarked Severus coldly. He locked the door and let go of her gently. She collapsed on the couch, and even though she wanted to she didn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid, and knowing she had been tricked and made a fool of made her angry.

Hermione looked at him unable to form a conclusion of her own, she was embarassed by her own innocence, she had trusted him. "How could you? How dare you! You disgust me.�

He looked at her longingly but didn’t move, still several steps away from her. Suddenly the sentiment in his eyes turned cold and his voice changed to anger, “No one could appreciate my sacrifice, my guilt, my ways, except for you. Now even you, the only one who dared to even love me, turn your back! Your eyes look at me with pity, your heart is full of guilt even as we speak. Your pity, your guilt, is too late! I am your fate! There is no going back!!� His eyes burned with a sick sort of passion, and obsession.

“You don’t scare me,� she started angrily, her voice suddenly becoming quiet, “you never did. And I do pity you, I pity that you had to reduce yourself even lower to win my heart, that was never yours to begin with." She stood up close to him, placing her hand on his heart. He considered her a moment before looking up and smirking, as he were just merely amused. They both stood there in silence for so long, they were both so close, her hand still touching him. He didn’t move it, and neither did she.

‘I tried…� she started, but he shoved her away, and she stumbled back a little shocked at his violent reaction.

“I don’t think you ever tried,� he shouted looking away from her. “Potter had you twisted around his finger years after he was gone!�

“But I…� she tried again, his eyes shot around and he interrupted her again.

“ You knew you couldn’t love me, and I knew you couldn’t forget him, and we both knew that for three years and we did nothing but let it come to this! Come to where we are now, and whether you will admit it or not, you helped us get here,� he spoke sternly, not yelling but with the silkiness in his voice that made Hermione feel sick inside.

“How can you blame me for this, when it was you who tainted the wine, and you who threw Harry against the wall, it was you that killed those men, and it was you that…that…� she sputtered, turning away from him as tears formed in her eyes. She felt sick, and guilty. She didn’t know why she felt guilty, it wasn’t her fault, and as much as she kept saying it she felt worse as more of the facts came to the surface.

“You don’t know half the things I’ve done for you, and half the things I probably will still do. I have done so much worse than murder for you, Miss Granger. And as many times as Harry Potter has protected you, I have done it more! I have risked my life numerous times if it meant your happiness, and have almost lost my soul to keep yours. Yet none of these things you will hear me speak about because they are stories so terrible that those tears you are holding in would spill out, and I couldn’t bear to see you cry,� he finished, his voice coming to a decrescendo as he stood right behind her, unsure of what to do with his hands. The words did not sound at all romantic or brilliantly placed. They sounded harsh and cold, and it was because they came out this way that she knew she had no reason to doubt that they were true.

“I didn’t ask for this,� she choked.

“Do you think I did, Miss Granger?� he asked her even more quietly, leaning in closer.

“I couldn’t love you…� she whispered, as a large tear streaked down her cheek, several more still hiding in the corners of her eyes. This caused him freeze behind her, the truth hitting him squarely in the chest. She turned to look at him, her face twisted in a look of unexplainable pain.

“You were the only one who knew who I really was, what I really wanted, you finally understood me for someone more than a child, after all those years, after Ron for heavens sake,� she grabbed his hand and ran her fingers in between his, “You were the only one who saw I had grown up into more than just brains and stupid book smarts. You saw beauty in me that no one else had ever dreamed of, not even myself, and because you loved me, or maybe because you pretended to, that is why I know now that you will always have this hold on my heart. I still don’t know whether it is love or lust, but I have been changed.�

She snaked her arms around the back of his neck and kissed him. It was not a simple kiss, it was a kiss filled with lust and longing. Severus could taste the sultry insides of her mouth and she didn’t pull back or stop him. Her body was pressed tightly against his, and he held her strongly in his arms in a loving manner. No matter how sweet it was or how whole it made him feel, he could feel that somehow it wasn’t real. The lust, the passion wasn’t meant for him, it was as if he could read between the lines and know that this kiss wasn’t his. It didn’t feel wrong, but it felt like a lie. He didn’t know how to feel about it any longer.

As her lips slid off of his, her hands fell on his chest, and with her eyes still closed, she whispered, “I can’t stay with you.�

“Then go," he said viciously but he turned away from her as if he were suddenly embarrassed or scared.

She turned and left the office, looking back at him. Severus sat at his desk, his arms lying lifelessly in front of him , his head hidden within his arms. She closed the door quickly so as to not endure more pain then what was already shooting through her body. Harry was coming to consciousness as she walked towards him in the dungeon classroom.

“Hermione,� he whispered as she kneeled next to him. He wiped away one of the tears from her face, and this among other emotions and thoughts caused her to cry all the harder. She rested her head in his chest and just sobbed as he stroked her hair. Harry would never understand why she was crying, and she never wanted him to either. There are some things in life that are just too dark, and Harry had already had to face his demons, now it was time for her to turn away from her own.

---

Author's Note: Don't worry, there will be an epilogue...just when I thought I was done. Thank you all of you who have read this and enjoyed it, or didn't enjoy it...I really didn't think much of this story and the reviews it has gotten have been really a treat. Stay tuned, hopefully the epilogue won't take so long to come out

The warm yellow sun beat down on a rather large house on the outskirts of a small familiar town. On the broad front porch there was a swing that hung from the roof of the porch. On the swing was a young woman who stared blankly out into the horizon, not appearing to focus on anything in particular, just staring, her mind concentrated on something beyond what she could see. One hand rested on her stomach and the other clasped the chain that held the suspended bench to the house. A young man stood behind her in the house observing her through the open window. After moments of silent thought, the young man moved around to the front porch to be with his bride. Sitting down next to her, he weaved his hand through hers, though she continued to look away, seemingly unaffected.

“What are you worrying about now?� he asked her softly.

“You know very well what I’m worrying about, Harry,� she replied, her voice melancholy.

“I wish you wouldn’t,� he returned, not seeming to want to begin a quarrel. Hermione didn’t respond but shook her head slightly. They sat in silence for a while and she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out right away.

“I…I really want this…more than anything almost. I’m tired of waiting for permission; we have before the Wizarding courts and the Muggle courts more times than I can count. I just want to do something that will make a difference; I mean, after all you’ve done—“

“Hermione, don’t belittle yourself because of what I’ve—“

“I’m not Harry, I’m not…I just want the Wizarding world and the Muggle worlds to be better; both have been through so much. I just want to help, but every time I get a step closer the law and Ministry pushes me back five more. I want to begin working; the sooner I can start the better. I want to see something change in my lifetime; I just want to see my dream come true. Is that selfish?�

“No, it’s not,� Harry, said simply, also seeming to turn cheerless after her confession. In the distance a white owl flew, approaching the house at a rapid speed despite her age.

“Hedwig!� Harry called. “Where have you been? I just sent you to town with a simple message and you come back three hours later!� Hedwig hooted disapprovingly and Harry removed the letters from her leg.

“What’s this? This is not from Neville,� Harry said, glancing at the two extra letters.

“It’s for me,� Hermione said, leaning over and taking the notes from him.

“Who are they from?� Harry asked, frowning, his brow furrowed.

Hermione opened the note and in a dark familiar scrawl was a short note.

Miss Hermione Granger and Charlotte,

This is part of my debt to pay. I would give you everything if that were all you asked of me.

Hermione frowned and examined the back but there was nothing else with this note. The other one had official script and a Ministry seal on the back of it. Her heart leapt in anticipation.

“Hermione?� Harry asked impatiently. Her eyes grew big and she jumped up, jubilant.

“Hermione!� he demanded this time.

“We can open the school, Harry! The Muggle Learning Center!� she cried, and he stood picking her up and kissing her.

“This is fantastic! But how? I thought we were years away from approval?!� Harry asked staring up at her

“Does it matter how? We did it! There is a great seraph watching out for me and that is all that matters,� she replied, and Harry put her down, not really satisfied with her answer.

“I must let Ron and Luna and all the others know!� she exclaimed, running into the house.

Harry picked up the Ministry letter and read it, still not understanding how it could be true. Then his eyes fell upon the dark scrawl of the first letter that had fallen under the swing. Scooping it up he stared at it, feeling a chill run through him as though it weren’t warm and calm outside.

“Hermione…�he called, but the words were caught and his throat and his call was more of a whisper than a yell. So he called for her again, this time his voice climbing into what seemed to be a cry of panic.

“Harry!� she said poking her head around the opened front door. “What’s wrong?�

“How does he know about Charlotte?� he demanded, his eyes growing large. “Why is he helping us? We don’t need that bastard’s help!� Harry tore up the letter and threw it from the porch angrily, staring hard at Hermione.

“Harry, don’t lose your temper, please,� Hermione begged from the door, still hiding behind it as if it were a shield.

“Why shouldn’t I, after what he did to you? To me? Does that matter to you at all!? You would make deals with Satan himself to open this school wouldn’t you, Hermione, behind my back! How long have you been talking with him? What am I supposed to believe is going on here?�

“Harry please, you don’t understand!� He started to interject but she shushed him loudly. “No! Listen to me! I haven’t told him about Charlotte, or about the school or anything, be reasonable! It isn’t hard to learn anything about our lives if you look hard enough, the newspapers have been covering the story about the school, and the gossips have known of our baby for a long time. You are the savior of the wizarding world; our private life is not a secret Harry, least of all to Severus…to Snape. You knew when we left him that this was not over. I’m not afraid of him Harry, and you shouldn’t be either. Why don’t we just take this as a blessing?�

“The devil doesn’t give blessings,� snapped Harry as Hermione started to emerge from the door.

“What are you afraid of� she asked, looking at him sadly.

“I don’t want him part of our lives anymore! Not then, not now, not ever� he replied, still obviously upset.

“Would you rather I decline the offer from the Ministry?� Hermione asked him.

“No, Hermione! Don’t put me in that situation. I will not be the bad guy here!�

“Harry,� Hermione pleaded, “I don’t know what you want from me.�

“I want…I want…� Harry started, running his hands through his hair. His eyes scanned around anxiously looking for an answer, finding none.

“I want to know that you are done looking back, I want to know that you need only me,� he said finally, looking at her. His face was that of a frightened child’s, anxious and earnest.

Hermione smiled and approached him, resting her head on his chest. She reflected on how cute it was that he still wanted to be her hero. She didn’t have to think much about his pleas. After leaving Hogwarts she’d tossed and turned, wondering if she had made the right decision, wondering if things would have been better if she had stayed, but after all these years it was still Harry who stood beside her and Harry who worried about being her hero. Severus was just like a seraph, a ghost watching from the distance, something she couldn’t reach any longer, and something she didn’t need to see anymore. She knew now for certain that standing here leaning on Harry was exactly where she was meant to be, and more than she ever wanted.

“Since I met you, Harry, I only ever needed you -- even if I didn’t know it then, I know it now. Every moment I need you more than the last, and I’m not going back if it means l lose the future. I always chose you, Harry, and I always will; please believe that, that’s all I want of you.� As she finished, he didn’t say anything but passed his hand over her hair and she could feel him relax.

“We’re going to be okay, Harry,� she said finally, looking up and kissing his forehead. “There’s no going back now.�