Disclaimer: You know the spiel; not mine, not yours. Harry and Hermione belong to each other {stolen from harryloveshermione.com} man I can’t do anything on my own lol =D

And now I’m all alone again

She had lost too much this time; her friends, her family, her husband, and her children.

Nowhere to go, no one to turn to

Her house was destroyed by Death Eaters. Everyone she’d loved and had loved her was dead; she was one of the only survivors.

I did not want your money sir

She looked like death. Her hair was matted and soaking from the rain. She had bags under her eyes from not sleeping, and her clothes were the ones she was wearing that horrible night.

I came out here ‘cause I was told to

What could Tonks possibly want to talk about tonight? Hermione hadn’t seen her since the final battle two days ago. They were the only people in the Order that had survived.

And now the night is near

Seeing as how it was nearly nine, she hoped Tonks wouldn’t make her stay too long. Lately, she didn’t want to deal with anyone. It hurt too much.

Now I can make believe he’s here

It was hard to walk through the Hogsmeade village. So many memories with her friends and family; with Harry.

Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping

Before Harry died, they would take walks late at night throughout Godric’s Hollow. Moving into his parents’ house was the best thing for them at the time, but now it had become too hard for Hermione. She couldn’t go to her car without a memory hitting hard.

I think of him and then I’m happy with the company I’m keeping

When she was in the Headmistress office at Hogwarts, thinking of him when she was bored or when she was angry always made her day that much better. Now, any thought of him made her lose complete control of her emotions.

The city goes to bed

She watched as everyone started to close up their stores. People swarmed out to apparate to their homes. Within ten minutes, the street was clear... except for The Three Broomsticks.

And I can live inside my head

The times when she was alone was the hardest. Her thoughts swirled in her head, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. Her memory flashed to scenes of her life, scenes she would much rather forget.

On my own pretending he’s beside me

As she moved towards the pub, many older, tougher looking wizards were looking at her with gleams in their eyes. She remembered how Harry used to look them straight in the eye and say “she’s mine” with a very straightforward tone.

All alone I walk with him ‘til morning

Just before they went to fight, Harry had given her a locket with a picture of him on one side, and a picture of the twins, James and Lily, on the other, for their anniversary. She’d never taken it off. Now, it was her only connection to her loved ones.

Without him I feel his arms around me

When Harry would go away on an Auror job, he would give her a very hard hug from behind just before he left. It often left marks there, and she would feel it for days afterwards, but that was how he stayed home with her.

And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me

When she would make dinner, Harry would sometimes go behind her and cover her eyes to let her know that he was home. When she made dinner tonight, no one was there to make her giggle like she used to.

In the rain the pavement shines like silver

She looked at her feet as she walked, something she hadn’t done since her first year at Hogwarts. Her shoes had blood and dirt specks on them. The rain washed the dirt off, but left the blood behind; yet another reminder that she was alone.

All the lights are misty in the river

She looked at the lake. The reflection from the school was flickering with the torch lights that lined the streets of Hogsmeade. It reminded her of her wedding that took place on the Hogwarts grounds. They had gotten married at night, and the only lights they used were torches. It made it that much more magical.

In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

It was clear night tonight. No mist from dementors breeding, because the dementors didn’t exist anymore. She hadn’t seen stars in almost 2 years. They were so bright, as if to make up for the nights that no one had seen them.

And all I see is him and me forever and forever

Some stragglers were leaving the pub as she entered. It seemed that everywhere she looked, she saw Harry. She looked around for about a minute before she spotted Tonks. She waved and walked over, asking Madam Rosmerta for a butterbeer.

And I know it’s only in my mind

Tonks was very upfront with why she wanted to talk to Hermione. She thought Hermione was becoming too reclusive. Granted, everyone she had ever cared about deeply was gone, but her whole mindset was driving her into a deep hole, one she might not be able to get out of.

That I’m talking to myself and not to him

Hermione listened to Tonks with a great respect. Tonks, too, had lost her husband, but she was keeping up a brave face. Lupin would have been proud of her, and Hermione told her so.

And although I know that he is blind

Tonks told Hermione that Harry would have wanted her to be happy, that her kids would have wanted her to be happy. Hermione finally looked up at Tonks with tears streaming down her face and asked how she could be happy when her life was torn apart, her husband and children murdered, and her two best friends, Ron and Ginny, were in St. Mungo’s with no chance of survival.

Still I say there’s a way for us

Tonks looked at Hermione with deep compassion. She walked around the table, turned Hermione in her chair, and enveloped her in a big hug. She told Hermione to get all her stuff, that she was moving in with her. Hermione looked up at Tonks, then smiled and quietly agreed to do it.

I love him but when the night is over

She paid Rosmerta and walked out, Tonks following right behind her. It was barely ten. The streets were very quiet, with no sound but a gentle breeze.

He is gone the river’s just a river

She looked at the lake again. The castle was dark now; she could barely see the reflection on the water. The water was still too, more calm then she had ever seen it.

Without him this world around me changes

She kept walking until she reached her destroyed home. She quickly stepped over the rubble, noticing that people had picked some of her stuff up and placed it under tarps for her. Her neighbors were wonderful people; she needed to remember to thank them for being there for her.

The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

She went to where her room used to be. Lately she had been sleeping on the couch; it had been too painful to sleep in her and Harry’s room anymore. She went first to her children’s room. She grabbed their blankets that her mom had made for them, green for James, and yellow for Lily. She looked at the walls, bare of pictures. In one of her rages, she had completely ripped off everything that reminded her of James and Lily.

I love him but everyday I’m learning

She finally worked up the nerve to go into her old bedroom. It looked untouched. Their pajamas were still strewn on the floor from when they got that dreaded call at 3 in the morning. Their bed was unmade, and dishes from her and Harry’s dinner in bed the previous night to that were still there.

All my life I’ve only been pretending

She realized that if she kept on like this, she’d only dwell on the bad things that happened, and forget all the good memories she and Harry had shared.

Without me his world will go on turning

As she went to grab the bag she finally packed she noticed something on their dresser.

This world is full of happiness that I have never known

She walked towards it, starting to cry as she realized what it was. Pictures.

I love him

A picture of the bridal party at their wedding: her, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Luna, and Neville.

I love him

A picture of her holding James and Harry holding Lily right after they were born.

I love him

A picture of her and Harry on their honeymoon.

But only on my own

She grabbed the pictures, put them in her bag, and walked out with Tonks, ready to start her life again.

And I’d give up forever to touch you

Hermione walked into Tonks’ house. It wasn’t clean, but it wasn’t messy either. It was… lived in. She remembered when she and Harry first walked into Godric’s Hollow, and how they spent 2 days making it livable for them and the twins. They’d given each other back massages after working.

’Cause I know that you feel me somehow

She missed holding his hand. That was the hardest part. She wanted to be able to hold *some* part of him… and she couldn’t.

You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be

Tonks walked in behind her, smiling as she remembered her feelings of utopia as she had loved Remus. She remembered talking to Hermione after she had fallen for Harry, hearing Hermione say how she entered paradise every time he smiled at her.

And I don’t want to go home right now

Parvati had sent an owl to Hermione, telling her to take her time coming back as Headmistress, that she, Lavender, Seamus, and Dean had everything under control. Hermione didn’t want to go back, knowing that every minute she was there would remind her of Harry, Ron, Neville, Luna, and Ginny. Every corner would remind her of all the teachers and friends she’d ever had, and how she’d lost almost every one of them.

And all I can taste is this moment

Tonks gently kept Hermione moving, up the stairs and into a big room with an en suite bathroom. Hermione felt like she was in a hotel. Tonks put her bags on the bad, gestured to the towels, and conjured up a box of Kleenex. She left the room, quietly shutting the door on her way out. Hermione grabbed the Kleenex, flung herself on the bed, and cried. She cried over Harry, her friends, and herself; she was so disappointed at herself for carrying on like this.

And all I can breathe is your life

She finally stopped crying and began to unpack her bag. The smell of Harry hit her like a tidal wave. His aroma of… she couldn’t even describe it. It was just… him. Every time she’d hugged, kissed, or stood next to him, that smell would make her weak at the knees.

And sooner or later it’s over

She knew she’d have to move on with her life, but it was too hard. She felt it was an insult to his memory if she attempted to be happy. She might have been able to try if James and Lily were still alive, but no; Voldemort had to kill them too, right in front of her. Those nightmares would never stop, and her thoughts would never forget, so how could she move on?

I just don’t want to miss you tonight

Term started tomorrow. She knew she needed to go back. It would help her deal and get over the memories if she went. She decided to pack her trunk. Luckily, she had stored it here during the battle, because this had been their meeting spot. She hoped the nightmares didn’t come tonight. Sleep would help her cope better with her new life.

And I don’t want the world to see me

The first thing she packed was Harry’s invisibility cloak. She needed a way to go through the castle without being seen if she needed to. She remembered the countless times she, Harry, and Ron had hidden under it to go millions of places.

’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand

Through their 7 years at Hogwarts and their 2 years of working/training, the cloak had remained a secret between the trio. Harry had wanted it to go to James when he got old enough, but Hermione thought that it would lead him away from his studies.

When everything’s made to be broken

As she looked through her textbooks, she read the doodles she, Ron, and Harry had done on them through the years, much to Madam Pince’s dismay. For her, everything was about books; Harry, Quidditch; Ron, chess. Her heart was aching looking at all of them.

I just want you to know who I am

When she got to her notebooks, a note fell out. It was from Harry. He had written it just before he had asked her out in their 7th year; just after her birthday. She sat down on the bed and began to read it:

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming

Hermione,
I know I should be studying, but I can’t… I can’t stop thinking about something… something important that I think you should know about
She remembered reading that line the first time, a feeling rising in her heart about what was to come. She smiled as she read on.

Or the moment of truth in your lies

I know we’ve been friends for awhile, and that this could hurt that friendship, but you need to know. I love you; not only as a friend, but as someone I want to be with. I’ve been lying to myself everyday, believing that I just cared for you like a sister. I realize now that I love you from the depths of my soul and the bottom of my heart.
Yours forever,
Harry.
She remembered feeling shocked, yet happy at this part. She had liked him for awhile, but had stayed away for Ginny’s sake. Now, it was almost like she had permission to like him publicly.

When everything feels like the movies

She had rushed over to him and threw her arms around him. As he slowly responded and returned the hug, she whispered in his ear, “I love you, too”. He pulled back, with a questioning look on his face, then smiled and kissed her.

Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive

She smiled as she put the note back into her book, and placed in the trunk. She slowly went around the room, collecting things to take with her, but turning them over and reliving the memories they held before she placed them in. As she went to put in a stack of parchment, she cut her finger. It bled, slowly and painfully, and she just watched. She watched as the drop of blood grew, then fell, dripping down until it landed on her shoe, the shoe covered in everyone else’s blood.

And I don’t want the world to see me

She looked down and watched as the shoe’s fabric absorbed the blood, alongside the other splatters. She took off the shoes and placed them in her trunk too, after wrapping them in the invisibility cloak.

’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand

As she went to close her trunk, Tonks knocked on the door. Hermione walked over and opened it, smiling as Tonks gave her a big hug. She went and sat on the bed, looked at the trunk and sighed. “I knew you would go,” she said, with a sad smile on her face. “I need to,” Hermione said. “I need to be where we were happy together. Where everyone was happy together.” “I know,” Tonks said, “I just hoped you would stay for awhile.”

When everything’s made to be broken

Hermione wanted to stay, she really did. But she’d never be able to move on with her life until she went back and plunged herself into the past. She needed to go to Hogwarts. That’s where everything started.

I just want you to know who I am

Tonks left the room, mentioning that she’d make Hermione food for the train ride there and that she’d be up reading if she needed to talk. Hermione ran after her, gave a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then went back to packing.

And I don’t want the world to see me

After the last thing was put in, Hermione changed into her pajamas and lay on the guest bed. She looked up at the roof, smiled, and muttered a spell that made the ceiling like Hogwarts’. She watched as the stars became brighter, the moon became whiter, and the sky became darker. She felt so small looking at all of it.

’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand

She smiled, remembering when she, Harry, and Ron spent a night outside one night in their sixth year, sleeping under the stars. Neither of the boys realized how amazed she’d felt just lying there with the universe all over her.

When everything’s made to be broken

Hermione’s heart was aching. She didn’t have Harry to hold or kiss or talk to. Her other 2 best friends were so close to death, she practically didn’t have them either. She decided to go visit Tonks.

I just want you to know who I am

As she approached Tonks’ room, she heard sobbing. Heart-wrenching, full body aching sobs. Then Tonks’ voice: “Lupin, I need you! Why did you leave me? I miss you so much!”

And I don’t want the world to see me

Hermione knocked lightly on the door, then walked in. Tonks looked at Hermione, then collapsed on the floor, crying hysterically. Hermione rushed over, scooped her up, and placed her on the bed. She held her as she cried.

’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand

Hermione felt that Tonks was the only one who understood what she was going through. Now she realized that she was the same to Tonks. They were the only ones who knew what it was like to lose a close one like this.

When everything’s made to be broken

Tonks clung on to Hermione like a toddler. Hermione stroked Tonks’ hair and kept telling her that everything was going to be ok. Slowly, Tonks began to drift off to sleep, finally curling up in a ball, and looking somewhat at ease.

I just want you to know who I am

Hermione gave Tonks one last hug, then went to bed. She lay there, looking up, thinking of everything that had happened in the past few days. She felt like another person tonight.

I just want you to know who I am

She thought of her first year at Hogwarts. She was herself, and she got friends. She broke down one time that year, and that was when she got friends.

I just want you to know who I am

Her second and third years, she slowly began to change, but it was by her fourth year that she really calmed down and didn’t worry so much about school. Well, she worried, but not as crazily.

I just want you to know who I am

When people had made fun of her friends, or told lies about them, she didn’t get aggravated; she just tried to help them along. In their fifth and sixth year however, she had had enough, and wanted to show that she wasn’t afraid to publicly stick up for them.

I just want you to know who I am

Still thinking about leaving on the train tomorrow, Hermione rolled over, and fell asleep.