The Choices We Make


Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Charms Corridor, Fifth Year.

Remus struggled with the strong arm holding him against the corridor wall, wondering yet again what he had ever done to attract such enmity from three of the most popular boys in the school. In five years he had never worked out why they had come to hate him and his best friend so much, although the feeling had long since become mutual. The arm holding him was well muscled and the wand pointing up his nose was precise. James Potter was one of the best Wizards in his year, and everybody knew he wasn’t afraid to use his powers to attack those he didn’t like.

“Got you this time, Loopy. Won’t be sending any more Stinging Hexes my way any time soon, will you?” Potter sneered, pushing his arm hard against Remus’s throat, choking off his air and making black spots dance in front of his eyes. Potter’s face was twisted with loathing, his eyes burning behind his glasses. Remus heard distantly the sound of sniggering as Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew lounged against the opposite wall. Remus knew that he was unlikely to get any help from them; if anything, they would make things worse for him if they could. He struggled weakly against the bigger boy as unconsciousness threatened.


Kings Cross, Platform Nine and Three Quarters, First Year.

Remus tried unsuccessfully to shrug off his mother’s fussing fingers. This was the third time she had started fiddling with his tie since they arrived on the platform. He looked longingly at the red steam train gleaming in front of him. He had always wanted to travel on a steam train, and this was the best one in the world. The one that took him away from his father with his bottle of whisky and his self-pity, and his mother with her pinched white face and eternal questions about his health. He was going to spend nine months of the year learning Wizardry, and he couldn’t wait.

“Now, have you got a clean handkerchief, dear?” His mother said, checking his blazer pockets yet again.

“You know I have!” Remus hissed, feeling a blush rising up from the neck of his shirt. People were looking at him. A group of older girls giggled as they went past, and he finally shook himself free of his mother. “I have to get on the train, Mother. Let me go!” His mother sighed, patting him on the head and helping him get his heavy, battered old trunk up the step.

“Now remember, when you get there you must go and see Professor Dumbledore straight after dinner. He knows all about your little problem, so don’t worry!” She called loudly after him as he dragged his trunk along the corridor. He knew he was bright red with effort and embarrassment. Pausing for a moment outside a compartment containing three rowdy looking boys his own age, he decided to keep moving. He didn’t fancy spending a lot of time getting stepped on and pretending to be boisterous. Moving further down the carriage he spotted a compartment with only one occupant, a dark-haired boy as skinny as himself. Pushing open the door, he dragged his trunk inside.

“Mind if I sit here?” Remus asked, earning an appraising look from dark eyes beneath two curtains of black hair.

“Not at all,” the other boy said. Remus smiled at his polite and refined tone. He wouldn’t have to tell any racy stories or sing stupid songs with this one, and that suited his mood perfectly.

“I’m Remus Lupin. This is my going to be my First Year,” he said. The other boy gave him a half-smile, glancing out the window at the suburbs rushing by.

“I’m going into First Year too. My name is Severus Snape.” He held out a sallow-skinned hand, which Remus gladly shook.

“Are you as glad to be going away as I am?” Remus burst out without considering his words. Severus looked slightly startled, and Remus quickly tried to backtrack. “I mean, that is, are you glad to be going to school? I mean home is fine, obviously, but learning magic…” To his relief, Severus smiled.

“I know what you mean. Things aren’t easy at home for me, either. I’m looking forward to a bit of a break from it all,” Severus said, sitting back against the cushions of his seat and pushing the hair out of his eyes. “My father… doesn’t like magic.”

“Neither does mine!” Remus said, grinning at his new friend. “He’s a Muggle. He’s always telling my mother not to do magic in the house. Says it disturbs the atmosphere.”

“My mother’s dead,” Severus said quietly. “She was a great Witch, loved the Dark Arts.” He seemed to brush the memory aside, but the lines of sadness that had etched his face remained. “Father didn’t want me to come to Hogwarts, so I ran away. Stole my mother’s old books and robes and went to London. I left him a note. He won’t care, anyway.”

“That’s terrible! Poor you.” Remus sympathised deeply, having known the same kind of rejection from his own father after the ‘accident’. “You did the right thing, running away. Muggles can’t understand what we go through.” He meant it kindly, knowing that Muggles often struggled with the idea of a Wizarding world full of magic existing right next to their own. Severus’ eyes lit up.

“I think that too. That’s why I want to be in Slytherin House, it’s the best House there is!” he said. His tone turned wistful again. “My mother was a Slytherin, that’s where she started learning about the Dark Arts. I’ve started learning already,” he said proudly. “I know about thirty curses, and I’ve brewed three potions by myself!”

“Gosh!” Remus exclaimed, a bit over-awed by Severus’s knowledge; he’d never been allowed to so much as levitate a piece of paper. “But aren’t the Dark Arts really dangerous?”

“No! The Dark Arts are just the other side of White Magic. You need both to keep things in balance.” Severus sat back, looking pleased. “It’s nature’s way.”

The two boys continued chatting happily throughout the rest of the journey, comparing notes about wands, spells they’d seen performed, and the magic they hoped to learn at their new school. Neither of them had ever seen Quidditch played, and they were both very excited at the prospect of seeing a match. By the time evening fell and the train pulled in at Hogsmede station, Remus was convinced that Slytherin was the House for him, and the Sorting Hat, after some deliberation, accepted his choice.


Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hospital Wing, Fifth Year.

Remus awoke to find a very worried set of dark eyes gazing back at him. The light was very bright and so he closed them again.

“Remus? Madam Sanguinus! He opened his eyes for a second!” Remus heard hurrying feet and made the supreme effort to open his eyes and keep them open. Severus’s thin face was replaced with the round, cheerful one of the school Healer.

“Well, now Mr. Lupin. Glad to see you back with us,” she said, checking around his throat and causing him to wince. “Some nasty bruising around your throat, but you’ll live. Just be more careful around Devil’s Snare in the future.” Remus was about to protest, but thought better of it. Potter and his gang were notorious amongst the students, but the teachers all thought the sun shone out of his proverbial. None of them would believe him, and all he would get was another kicking for his trouble. Madam Sanguinus helped him to sit up so he could see Severus sitting on the end of his bed, his hands twisted in his lap, whilst all the while the Healer kept on about how lucky he was that that nice James Potter had been passing and had known just the incantation to save him. Remus and Severus wore matching glowers and kept silent.

“Devil’s Snare?” Severus hissed as soon as Madam Sanguinus had gone. Remus shook his head painfully. “We’ll get him for this one, Lupes, I promise,” Severus spat, “I can’t believe it, yet again the great Potter is the hero! I’ll use that new curse I came up with on him when he’s not looking. With any luck he’ll bleed to death before they find him!”

“Stop it, Sev,” Remus croaked wearily, “you wouldn’t use that curse, you know it’s not you. Potter will get his one of these days, we just have to be clever about it.”

“Was this because of that Stinging Hex? He nearly choked you to death because he didn’t catch you after that?” Severus looked mutinous. “Remind me again why I can’t just do away with him once and for all. He makes our lives a misery, Lupes!”

“We’re just as bad to him,” Remus reminded him gently.

“He started it,” Severus said, but he stared at the floor, his shoulders dropping. They were both so tired of fighting all the time.

“Did he? I don’t think any of us remember how it all started.” Remus coughed a little and closed his eyes wearily. “I’m tired. I need to get some sleep.” He listened to his best friend’s footsteps quietly retreating, and hoped desperately that Severus’s temper would not get the better of him while Remus was in the Hospital Wing.


Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Potions Classroom, First Year.

“Can I watch you make the potion next time, Professor?” Severus watched in fascination as Remus swallowed the bitter Retendus Elixir. The potion would keep Remus drugged and calm during his physical and mental transformation into a werewolf. It took seven or eight hours to work, so it had to be taken early. Remus would become increasingly exhausted and clumsy all day, and at four that afternoon he would report to Professor McGonagall to be locked in a small cell until morning.

The two Slytherin boys had arrived early for class, leaving in the middle of breakfast so that Remus could quietly keep his monthly appointment with Professor Slughorn. Remus had been nervous of telling his friend about the condition, but they spent so much time together that Severus’s quick eyes had noticed his mysterious illness immediately and asked what was wrong. When Remus had hesitatingly told him the truth, Severus had been fascinated, asking all sorts of questions about the condition and how he dealt with it. After a few months it had become second nature for them both to slip downstairs before the rest of the class arrived.

“It’s a lengthy process, and very advanced, Snape. I think you would find it tiring.” Slughorn smiled down at his best student. He had made it pretty clear that he favoured Severus, giving Slytherin many House points for his quick answers. Of course, it helped that Severus was in the House he headed. Remus he tended to ignore, unless it was to shake his head jovially at the contents of Remus’s cauldron or to give him his potion.

“No, sir. I don’t get tired easily. I’d like to help you!” Severus was practically falling over himself in his eagerness to see the process. Potions was one of his favourite lessons, and he was never late, making Remus sit at the front desk with him so they could hear better.

“Well, well. We shall see,” Slughorn said, gesturing to the other students that were beginning to enter the classroom, “remind me next month, Snape.”

The lesson seemed to drag on eternally, and Remus felt the familiar lethargy overtake his body as the first stages of the Elixir took hold. He sat back quietly and let Severus make the assigned potion for both of them. At the end of the lesson, while Severus filled their flasks and took them to Slughorn’s desk, Remus gathered his things and wandered lazily towards the back door.

CRASH! He found himself mysteriously face down on the floor, his foot hooked around something wiggling. Looking down his body he could see the ankle, body and extremely annoyed face of Potter, a Gryffindor he’d never spoken to before. Potter kicked his leg free and pushed himself up, glowering at the mess of potion and broken glass in front of him.

“You saw that, Professor, he tripped me! He did it on purpose, knocked right into me so I fell!” Remus was about to protest, but he wasn’t quick enough. “He didn’t even make his own potion, that pal of his did it for him!” Potter spun around, facing Remus with a look of frustration. “I don’t like cheats.”

“That’s enough, Mr. Potter. Mr. Lupin is indisposed and I allowed Mr. Snape to make the potion for him,” Slughorn said without much annoyance. “Mr. Lupin, I suggest you go. Mr. Potter, gather another flask of your potion and Mr. Snape will help me to clean that up.” Remus backed away, trying not to fall over anything else as he made for the door. He caught a glimpse of two other annoyed Gryffindor faces, but kept moving until he was outside in the murky corridor. He walked slowly towards the stairs, expecting Severus to catch him up. Instead a hand grabbed the back of his robes, spinning him around so that his back hit the wall. Potter was standing very close to him, annoyance still clearly written across his features. Remus could feel the heat of the bigger boy’s body soaking into his own robes.

“Bet you thought that was pretty funny, Lupin. You Slytherins are all the same, cheats and liars!” Potter poked his finger repeatedly into Remus’ chest. “I’m on to you, Loopy Lupin. If you try anything like that again…” Potter didn’t have a chance to finish his thought. Remus felt a shock course through the other boy’s body, and turned his head to see Severus pointing his wand in their direction. Immediately the two other boys that had been flanking Potter left his side and grabbed Severus, fists raised.

“Stop!” someone boomed behind them, and they all turned to look. Lucius Malfoy, a Sixth Year Slytherin prefect, was standing behind the group. “What’s all this?” He continued in a more normal, if slightly bored, tone. “Now, now boys. I hate to see Gryffindors misbehaving like this, and yet time and time again… Black, I’m surprised at you, what would your mother say?” Lucius ignored the shouts of protest from the three accused, and motioned for them to follow him upstairs. “We shall see what your Head of House thinks, you can tell her all about it. Boys, you’ll be alright now.” Giving his Housemates a slightly condescending smirk, he led the Gryffindors away, but not before each of them had given Severus and Remus murderous looks.


Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hospital Wing, Fifth Year.

Remus tried his best to ignore the shaking hand on his shoulder. His head and neck still hurt, and he didn’t want to wake up and acknowledge that fact again. Unfortunately the hand was rather persistent. He groaned and opened his eyes to see Madam Sanguinus prodding him cheerfully.

“Look who’s come to visit you, Lupin. Aren’t you lucky to have such nice visitors!” She bustled away, revealing a rather sheepish looking James Potter standing near the end of the bed.

“Come to gloat, have you?” Remus rasped, annoyed at having his sleep interrupted for the one person he wanted least to see at that particular moment. James shuffled from foot to foot, staring at the ground between the beds.

“Look, I didn’t want to come!” he muttered. “I just came to see how you were, and Sanguinus insisted I visit you.” Remus attempted a sarcastic laugh, which came out as a painful cough instead.

“Nice bedside manner. Remind me to call you if I’m in imminent danger of death. Oh no, wait, you’ll probably be there anyway.”

“I ‘spose I deserve that. Loopy…n… Lupin, I’m sorry about what happened.” Potter raised worried eyes to meet Remus’s. “I didn’t realise that I was… hurting you so much.” He hesitated, drawing a pattern on the floor with the toe of his shoe. “This thing, us versus you and Sniv… Snape, it’s getting ridiculous. We spend all our time winding each other up.”

“I know. We don’t like it much, either.” Remus tried to get a better look at his enemy’s face, but the room was darkened. It was hard to tell if this was yet another trick.

“Can we, you know, call a truce? We don’t do anything to you and you don’t do anything to us?” Potter asked. Remus agreed quietly, hoping against hope that the battle that had raged between the two groups would be over at last. Potter didn’t stay much longer, as the two boys didn’t have much else to talk about, so Remus was left alone with his pain and his thoughts.


London, Four Years Later.

Remus pulled the key out of the front door of the flat he had shared with Severus over the two years since they’d left Hogwarts, stepping inside and shaking the rain off his umbrella.

“I’m home.” Although he could hear Severus moving around in his room, there was no reply, so Remus slipped off his raincoat and padded down the hall. A scene of minor devastation met his eyes when he pushed open Severus’ door. His friend’s possessions seemed to have distributed themselves all over the bed and floor. Severus grunted and continued to lay clothes into the open trunk on his desk. “Going somewhere?” Remus asked with surprise. It wasn’t like Severus not to keep him informed of his plans.

“I’ve been invited down to the country.” Severus sounded short with him, but that was becoming usual these days.

“Nice. By whom?” Remus tried to keep his tone light. Severus wheeled to face his flatmate, dropping a heap of clothes half in and half out of the trunk at the same time.

“Lucius, if you must know. He’s asked me to stay on a permanent basis, so you won’t have to put up with me any longer!” Severus went back to his angry packing, leaving Remus temporarily speechless in the doorway.

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?” Remus’s temper, rarely aroused, was rising in him now. “I’ve been ignoring your bad moods and trying to cheer you up for months, and you act as though I’m the one being unreasonable!”

“You are!” Severus stopped packing altogether, his normally pallid skin lit by the fierce flow of blood underneath. “You’ve abandoned a friendship that has lasted for nine years! Don’t give me that, I see the relief on your face when you skip out to see Potter. Such great friends!” he sneered. “I suppose all those years of torment he gave us are forgotten now!” Remus sagged against the wall. He’d always known that Severus was a lot less happy with the truce he’d agreed with James than he was, but he’d never quite realised the sheer hatred his friend still nursed towards their former enemy. Now it was pouring off him in waves, sending chills through Remus’s body. Severus stared at him for a time, before impatiently grabbing his wand and sending the rest of his meagre possessions into his trunk.

“Severus, you’re… you’ll always be my best friend. Nothing can change that!” Remus said, desperate to make him see sense. “I like James well enough, but he’s got his own life, and so do we. Going off to join Lucius Malfoy and his ridiculous circle of snobs is not the answer!”

“Fine!” Severus slammed the trunk shut and grabbed the Floo Powder from his shelf. “Call my friends whatever you like, at least they appreciate my work in the Dark Arts!”

“Oh Sev, you know I didn’t mean it that way. I care about your work too!” Remus moved forward with his hands outstretched until he was able to grip his friend’s thin shoulders and look him in the eye. “Please don’t go like this.” Severus gazed back at him, the anger seeming to drain away leaving his face set and determined.

“I have to, Lupes.” His voice was miserable, but his eyes were resolute. “I have to find my own place in the world. I can’t always be waiting for you to decide you’ve got time for me.” He held out his own hand, stepping back so that there was more room between them. Lupin felt his heart crack, watching the only man, the only person he’d ever felt truly close to walking away from him. He took Severus’s hand; exchanging a handshake that closely resembled the one they had shared so many years previously, as nervous First Years on the Hogwarts Express. “This is my choice, Remus. I need this right now.”

Remus watched silently as Severus left him, left them both to begin a new stage in their lives. One that would be spent alone.


Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, School Grounds, First Year.

The two Slytherin boys shouted and giggled as they walked across the grounds, replaying every second of the Quidditch match they had just witnessed. It was a first for both of them, and neither could stop talking about the save that Burge had made, or the last second goal scored by Malfoy that secured the match for Slytherin despite the fact that Hufflepuff had caught the Snitch. Even while deep in conversation, Remus felt himself take a step back and look at his friend and at the way he felt about his new life. He’d never been allowed to have friends before, his mother had seen to that, keeping others away from him for fear of them getting ‘infected’. Now he had a confidante, an equal to share his hopes and dreams with, someone who never belittled or patronised him. Severus’s thin face was lit up with pleasure, his hair blown back by the breeze that was trying its best to push them away from the castle. Remus had gained a friend, a home and a new life in only a couple of short months. He felt sheer joy coursing through his heart, and even as he challenged Severus to race him back to the Common Room, he prayed fervently that this life would last forever.

THE END