Still there

“No! Don’t leave me here!�

“I’ve got no choice! I have to! Why don’t you understand?�

“I… I…�

“This is our only chance to finish it all! Forever!�

She was crying now, tears falling silently down her rain-washed face – he couldn’t bear it.

“I’ll always love you,� he whispered.

“And I you,� she replied…

*

Alone, at night. It’s the worst place to be. The whole world, sleeping; some would be curled up in bed, warm and comfortable – others were twisted in their sheets, after hours of writhing like caught snakes: remembering, reliving…

That’s where Harry Potter was. All night he’d spent trying desperately to get some proper sleep; dreams merging with reality so that he could never escape the nightmare of the night. He could take it no longer. He sat up, untwined his limbs from the clinging bedcovers, and switched on the light. It was a great comfort to see the two, still figures of Ron and Hermione breathing heavily as they slept by his side; the memories of the war didn’t always stay true to the facts – he had seen both of them die horrible deaths more times than he cared to count.

Harry slid silently off his bed, his feet landing in a pair of chilly slippers, and crept across the attic room to the door. The stairs creaked as he carefully made his way down them, knowing that he shouldn’t, but not being able to help himself. He got to the door, reached out for the cold handle, and turned it slowly.

He inhaled the comforting scent that he so longed to be able to smell every hour of the day, and entered the room. It was exactly how she had left it. A well-made bed, covered in purple linen, an old, wooden desk and several small, moving photographs dotted around the walls. Harry’s breathing was shallow, and he felt as though it might stop completely as he went and sat down on the edge of the bed. A shiver ran down his spine; to Harry, it was her spirit, still living on in this room, telling him she was still there, that she would never leave him completely, not even for a second…

That’s what she had promised, anyway.

*

“He hasn’t been in there for three days, Ron. Give him some time.�

“He’s got to move on! It’s not good for him to keep going back in there.�

“And how many times have you been in there this holiday?�

“I… haven’t. I can’t.�

Silence.

“Come on, let’s go downstairs. Your mum’s got breakfast on the stove.�

Harry stayed frozen where he was. He was stuck in that groggy state of having just woken up and feeling as if he couldn’t move even if he tried. His head and neck were throbbing painfully, and the rest of his body ached with bad sleep. He slowly dragged himself upright and padded towards the open door. When he reached the kitchen, Ron and Hermione were already eating their breakfast, but fell silent as soon as he got to the bottom of the stairs.

“I know you’re talking about me, so you might as well carry on,� croaked Harry.

“We weren’t talking about you,� said Hermione quickly.

“Yes, you were,� replied Harry, sitting down beside Ron and pulling a plate of bacon towards him, even though he didn’t really feel like eating.

None of them spoke as they ate, Harry concentrating on chomping mechanically so that he could try to empty his minds of all other thoughts.

“Remus is coming for lunch, today,� muttered Hermione, when they had all finished. Harry grunted and Ron nodded. “Molly’s already got half of the dinner in the oven!�

Harry tried to ignore Hermione’s attempt to bring some Christmas cheer to the table, and, when no one spoke for another three minutes, she tried again.

“Have you seen the pile of presents at the end of your bed, Harry?� she asked.

Harry couldn’t bear to think that people actually cared about the number of presents they got this Christmas, so he simply grunted again and looked down at his knees. Another moment passed, until he heard a sniffling noise across the table, and looked up to see tears rolling down Hermione’s cheeks. Harry suddenly felt immensely guilty, but had no idea what to say.

“Sorry,� he mumbled.

“No, it’s okay, Harry,� she said quietly. “I understand.�

“No, it’s not okay,� he replied. “I know I’m being a jerk, I just…�

“I know, Harry… I know…�

They sat in silence for a while longer, until Ron said: “She’d have wanted us to have a happy Christmas, you know?�

Harry faltered – he wanted to avoid this subject like the plague, but he couldn’t ignore his friends any more than he already had done this holiday.

“I know,� he said quietly.

Ron hesitated.

“Once, when I was about nine, she accidentally charmed the Christmas tree to expand, and we ended up with a whole living room full of branches,� he said. “Mum got so cross, but in the end she couldn’t help laughing about it, and neither could we. Dad had to shrink it before it started to grow up the stairs…�

Harry smiled slightly – apparently he did want to hear about this – and suddenly he found himself feeling a little happier.

“Didn’t it break one of the windows, as well?� asked Hermione.

“Oh, yeah,� said Ron. “The snow came right in and we all had to spend the rest of the holiday getting it out of the house.�

Ron chuckled to himself as he remembered. Harry revelled in the sound of laughter – he hadn’t heard any for weeks – and he began to find himself laughing a little along with Ron and Hermione.

“Let’s go and check out those presents,� he said. “They want to be opened.�

*

“What is it?�

“It’s for you.�

She held up the tiny gold ring and gazed at it.

“But… we’re so young…�

“It’s for the future. One day, I want to marry you, and we can be together forever. Until then, you’ll always know that I’ll never leave you. Until then, we can always look forward to our future together…�

*

Harry stared at the last gift on his bed. A miniature box, wrapped in gold paper, sat solitarily on the duvet. He had received presents from all the usual people, but this one seemed to be pulling him towards it with a great tug at his heartstrings. His hand reached out for it involuntarily and he began to pick off the paper in a dream-like state. A velvety green box fell out into his hand – he recognised it immediately – and now he definitely wasn’t breathing. Once he had lifted the lid, he found a tiny scrap of paper sitting inside it: “Let’s do it now,� it said, and, beneath it, in all its heart-wrenching glory, was the very same ring that he had given to her all those months ago.

His heart skipped a beat, or several. A long, confused pause ensued, in which his eyes bore into the object in his hand. Then, as if from a long distance away, Hermione spoke.

“What’s that, Harry?�

He couldn’t answer. What he wanted to say didn’t make any sense.

“Harry?� said Ron’s voice. “You okay?�

They both got up and moved over to Harry, peering over his shoulder at his last present.

“What - ?� stuttered Hermione.

“Where did that come from?� said Ron incredulously.

But Harry knew. She had been going to give it to him just before she... The house elves must have brought it up here thinking that it was a Christmas gift for him.

“Oh, Harry,� whispered Hermione, and she threw her arms around his neck, sitting beside him on the bed.

*

“What are you looking at?�

“Come over here and I’ll show you.�

She went and stood by him at the window, where the snow was accumulating on the ledge.

“You see that? That’s what every Christmas should look like.� He slid his hand around her waist. “And you feel this? This is what every Christmas should feel like. Spent with loved ones.�

He glanced up at the mistletoe and leant in towards her…

*

Harry gazed out at the white lawn and the sparkling icicles hanging from the apple trees. The dazzling purity of the untouched snow was entrancing him; it was a perfect white Christmas, exactly how Christmas should be… almost, anyway… He reached out to the air beside him – aware of the nothingness that it held – and grasped at nothing. His bitterly cold fingers wrapped around nothing, and nothing answered his touch. He glanced up at the mistletoe, then looked down to see… nothing. A wintry shiver ran through him, as though he had been expecting to see something there. Then, quite suddenly, he felt a freezing cold hand touch his cheek, and he lifted his to hold it; but all that his fingers found was his own skin…

“Harry?� Harry started and looked around. Remus Lupin was standing several feet away, watching Harry sadly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…�

“No, don’t worry, I was just…�

A silence. Lupin stepped up to the window and looked out at the garden.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?� he said softly. Harry just nodded. “It reminds me of a walk me and Tonks went on last year. It was just like this… so… perfect…�

“How can you - ?� Harry started. “I mean… how can you… talk about it?�

Lupin continued to gaze out of the window.

“I have to,� he answered simply.

“Why?� asked Harry.

“Because if I didn’t, I’d never be able to move on.� Harry blinked as the bright snow dazzled his vision. “Do you miss her?� said Lupin softly.

Harry’s eyelids fell slowly, trying to hide the glistening tears that he could feel beginning to well up behind them. He inclined his head slightly, and two drops fell and spattered on the boarded floor, gradually sinking into the bare wood. Lupin put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Her beauty lives on,� he whispered. Harry shook his head – he didn’t understand. “Look.�

Lupin pointed out of the window and Harry followed his gaze. Suddenly, he understood. He could see her beautiful, red hair in the few autumn leaves that were still left on the trees; he could see her gorgeous figure lying in the curve of the land, and her beautiful soul shone back at him from the bright, blue sky and the glittering, white snow…

*

“Come on, Harry!�

“Hey! I’ll get you for that!�

“You’ll have to catch me, first!�

“I think you’ve forgotten just how fast I can be when I put my mind to it…�

“Come on, then!�

He flew towards her at top speed; she shrieked and sped away, but he was gaining on her. He threw the snowball as hard as he could, and it hit her square in the back. She pulled her broom around and flew at him, but he didn’t move, and she stopped just in front of his hovering broom.

“What are you going to do about it?� he asked teasingly.

“Oh, you just wait…� she said dangerously, and she spun her broom around and pelted back down to the ground as he chased her closely…

*

“Come on, Harry!� Hermione was beckoning him from the garden, a broom in one hand and a lump of packed snow in the other. “I don’t even like flying!�

“Oh, I don’t really feel like it,� said Harry, watching Ron mount his broom and kick off from the kitchen window.

“Don’t be stupid,� she said. “You’ll feel so much better once you’re up in the air. You know you will.�

She marched up to the backdoor and grabbed his arm.

“Hermione!� he cried defensively. “Get off!�

“Not until you’re on that Firebolt,� she said sharply. “Go on.�

Harry reluctantly picked up his Firebolt from where it was leaning against the brick wall of the house, and swung a leg over it. With little effort, he pushed off from the frozen ground. The bitter air rushed past his rapidly numbing extremities, and snowflakes soon misted his glasses so that he could no longer see a thing beyond them; but Hermione had been right – it did feel good to be back on a broomstick.

A cold, wet chill ran down his back, and Ron flew past Harry with a grin on his face, having just aimed and scored with a snowball. Harry shrugged and swept up some snow from the roof, packing it into a lump and lobbing it at Ron, who scowled.

Harry heard a girl’s laugh and spun round, smiling; but his breath was shortened when he saw Hermione – who had he been expecting? Hermione frowned.

“What’s wrong?� she asked, looking concerned.

“Oh, nothing,� said Harry. “I just thought for a moment that…� He felt Hermione’s eyes seeing into him. “Never mind.�

*

“What are you saying?�

“I just… don’t want you to get hurt…�

“Don’t want me to get hurt? What do you think you’re doing right now?�

“I don’t want to do this, trust me! But I couldn’t bear it if you got into danger and it was all my fault.�

“I don’t care! I’d rather be with you!�

“Sorry, I… I’m sorry…�

*

Night again. Only this time, the light was already on. Harry Potter had been sitting there, relentlessly, for three hours. He keep glancing down at the sleeping figures of Ron and Hermione on the floor; Ron was lying on his back with his arm around Hermione as she lay on her side, one hand on his chest. He had given up his bed to Harry in the hope that a decent bed might allow him to sleep, but Harry knew that it was partly because he wanted to be close to Hermione. Harry was suddenly overcome with a huge wave of jealousy; how come they still had each other, and yet he had no one? Why hadn’t one of them been taken? A sick feeling began to grow in Harry’s stomach as he realised what he had just thought – if it hadn’t been for Ron and Hermione, there was a large chance that Harry would not have been there now.

Hermione stirred and yawned. She opened her eyes a crack and squinted at the light.

“Harry?� she croaked.

“Sorry, I’ll turn it off,� he said, reaching for the light-switch.

“No, it’s all right,� she said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “Can you not sleep again?�

“I haven’t slept in five months, Hermione – don’t worry about me.�

“Harry, if I didn’t worry about you, I wouldn’t have anything to think about,� replied Hermione. “Do you want to go downstairs?�

They climbed out of their beds and tiptoed down the stairs. As they passed the room that Harry was trying so desperately to avoid, he felt that familiar shiver run through him and sensed that she was there.

He and Hermione curled up on the sofa beside the glowing embers of the fire, and, once more, he could feel her looking at him and reading his mind. That’s why she doesn’t need Divination, Harry thought, it’s built in. Harry was surprised to find himself smiling slightly at this; it was so much easier to feel happy when he wasn’t on his own…

*

“I’ve changed my mind.�

“What?�

“I’ve tried to live without you – I can’t do it.�

“You want me back?�

He flinched at her seemingly accusatory tone – he didn’t think he could bear rejection, not now.

“Oh, well, I just thought - � but he was cut off as she pressed her lips against his.

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that,� she said as they broke apart.

“You’re not mad?�

“I knew you’d realise what was really important. It was just a matter of how long it would take you. I wasn’t going anywhere.�

“I’m so sorry I ever left you. I thought I’d lost you…�

“I’ll never leave you completely, not even for a second…�

*

The handle creaked as it turned. Harry pushed the door open and stepped into the room. He gasped. The floor, which had once been covered in soft carpet, was now plain, hard board; the walls, once brought alive with photographs of people from happier times, were bare. There was no bed, no dresser, no desk; just a cold, empty room.

Harry’s jaw clenched. Who had done this?

“We had to do it,� said Ron’s voice from behind him.

Harry turned on him.

“Why didn’t you ask me? YOU HAD NO RIGHT!� he yelled, his fists balling.

“Hey, don’t shout at me!� retorted Ron. “In case you hadn’t realised, she was my sister! She was my mum and dad’s daughter! She was Hermione’s friend! You’re not the only one who cries every night because you’ll never hear her voice again! SHE WAS MY SISTER!�

Harry stared at him. His eyes were red as if he had been rubbing them, his face screwed up with rage.

“But…� murmured Harry. “This room was the only part of her we had left…�

Ron shook his head. “No, Harry. She’s still here.�

Harry sighed – he knew it, really. Yes, the room had been stripped of her possessions, but the house did not forget her. He shivered… she was still there.




A/N: This is for Challenge One of the Winter Snows challenges, so I really hope it is okay! Please review telling me whether it is or isn't! xxx hattiepotter xxx