The Pigeon and the Phoenix

"You know, Lils, he loves you."

Lily tried to keep her heart from jumping so fast. She scoffed and pretended to look unabashed by that offhand comment. Eyes darting to the corner just next to the door, Lily replied, "I know. I just - I just like the chase. The thrill of the chase, so the formerly promiscuous Mr. Black had put it." She shrugged. Suddenly for reasons unbeknowst to her, her beautiful emerald eyes began to tear up. She quickly turned her back to her friends, choosing, instead, to address the low, morbid clouds above her.

Unable to stop her mouth from rambling on, she began to pour out all her thoughts. "I like him. I know I do now. I should've figured it out the first day of fourth year. Heck, I should've figured it out the first day I met him outside the Leaky Cauldron."

She heard a slight ruffling sound followed by quiet footsteps. She ignored it, concentrating instead on biting back a sob only to turn it into a snort. "Can you believe that git? Thinking that just because he says the word 'love', I'll fall at his feet, like all those other girls he's dated before." She sniffed. "Well I won't have it. He should know by now that I am no ordinary girl. He should know that he has to do something crazy, something he has never done before to get my attention."

She groaned out loud from the weight on her chest. "How can he be so perfect?" Lily argued, now completely ignorant of her surroundings. "I'm sure there's something wrong with him." She shook her head. "There is nothing he has to do to get my attention," she whispered softly. "He already has it."

She smiled bitterly as she grabbed the ledge to steady herself. "You'd think I'd have learned my lesson with Diggory, wouldn't you? I should've learned there's no such thing as the perfect man. So what if that Potter might be charming and handsome and smart? So what if he might be funny, charismatic, and outgoing? So what if he might have every single girl love him the instant they meet him?"

Her voice began to waver and lose its confidence as she continued. "So what if he might have won my heart?" she whispered to the spring breeze, not bothering to hold in or to wipe the tears now streaming fiercely down her cheeks. She heard soft footsteps approach from behind, but she paid no heed. The words she was about to say next tormented her.

"I can't go out with him. I simply can't. Do you know why?" She let out a sob before collecting herself enough to continue. "I don't love him enough. He doesn't deserve me. He's liked me ever since fourth year. And I've only just found out his favorite color, for heaven's sake." She smiled wispily. "Scarlet. What a lovely name. Nothing like 'red' or 'orange.' Scarlet." Her eyes hardened again, "While he knows every detail, no matter how embarassing, about me. And yet, he still liked me. How can my love for him compare with his love for me? Or with any other woman's love for him. He deserves better.

"He deserves a woman who has been there for him from the start. A woman who never had to restrain her love for him. A woman who's just as charismatic, smart, and lovely." She shook her head remorsefully.

"I'm so afraid. I've never been more terrified about the future in my entire life. I dread the moment I say 'yes' to him, though it's the one thing I always wanted to say. Do you know why?" She looked up at the dark sky with red eyes gleaming with a distant hope. "I'm afraid that when I go out with him, the most wonderful man in the world, he won't love me anymore. He'll find one of my weaknesses atrocious. I'm nothing compared to him. I'm a lowly pigeon trying to befriend him, the great phoenix. And when he sees my gray common feathers, he'll turn away. Forever," she whispered with grievous finality. The shimmer in her eyes disappeared, replaced by a look of utter despair. "And I can't survive if he turns away from me like that. I know I can't. I need our relationship to stay the way it is. That way, he can't run away from me."

"Why don't you give him a chance?" a deep voice asked from behind. She didn't need to turn around to see who it was. She knew. In her heart, she always knew.

Gently, two hands took her smaller ones and turned her to face him. "Carrot Top, don't you trust me?" At the old, familiar nickname, she shut her eyes, tears still falling rapidly in succession down her face. A thumb reached down to wipe them off.

"A truly touching story, Lily," he continued, his tone soft and amused. "But you're missing something. The phoenix has a flaw too. Can't you figure it out with that large brain of yours?" he chuckled softly. "Let me give you a clue then. The phoenix dies in eternal flame in various points in its life." James tilted Lily's face up so that when her eyes finally opened ever so slowly, she stared deeply into the pools of melted chocolate behind James's wired frames. "You see? The almighty bird falls, too." He smiled sadly.

"My flaw, dear, sweet Lily, is that I fell in love with you. Your smile, your intelligence, and your passion. No one's perfect, Lils. But you, my Carrot Top, are very damn close. Perfect for me."

Lily then did something she had once declared she would never do: she fell at James Potter's feet.

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End notes: This chapter follows as closely to canon as my knowledge of the Harry Potter universe as of August 8, 2003 allows. Any information revealed to be false by Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will not be changed.

Reviews are graciously accepted and appreciated.