It was New Year’s Eve and Severus Snape was sitting alone in the kitchen of his small cramped hovel. It was yet another sleepless night for him. They’d become more and more frequent since the death -- the murder -- of Albus Dumbledore. Snape shivered and conjured up some Firewhisky.

Should keep me warm, he thought grimly as he readied himself for the burn in the back of his throat as he downed the glass.

Take away the thoughts. Take away the pleading look…oh damn that old fool! He thought angrily, clenching the glass in his hand so tightly he was surprised it did not shatter. It was then that he heard an anguished noise from upstairs.

Draco.

Snape sighed and a worried look crossed his face. Narcissa had been in touch with Snape asking him to look after Draco over Christmas and New Year as she was worried the Dark Lord was going to find him. Snape tried to reason with her that his house would be an obvious place to look but what with the Unbreakable Vow and Narcissa’s insistent pleading, he’d caved in.

Upstairs, in his bed, Draco was tossing and turning, his blond hair sticking to his forehead with cold sweat.

“No don’t make me, father, I don’t want to- yes of course, father I-” and then he let out a bloodcurdling scream, turned over and fell out of his bed.

“Draco?” called Snape, having heard the bump as he hit the floor.

Draco did not reply. He lay shivering on the dirty wooden floor, tangled up in his sheets and trying not to cry. He was a Death Eater. He had watched Dumbledore die.

Snape’s footsteps advanced until he was standing outside Draco’s door. He opened it a tiny bit. The light coming in hurt Draco’s swollen red eyes.

“Go away,” muttered Draco, disentangling himself.

“Draco, please, let me-”

“I said GO AWAY!” shrieked Draco.

“Be quiet, you stupid boy, you’ll wake Peter!” hissed Snape, entering the room and shutting the door with a snap.

“These nightmares are getting more frequent,” he said quietly, as Draco sat down on the bed.

“What nightmares?” snapped Draco.

“Oh don’t play dumb, Draco,” spat Snape before stating, “I have them too.”

“What?”

“Nightmares. About Dumbledore mostly. And what I did. He was nothing but kind and I-” he paused, looking distressed. “But tell me. What troubles you?”

“What do you care?” snarled Draco, but there was no bite in his voice.

“I can’t force you to tell me, but it might help,” said Snape in a more fatherly tone than Draco had ever heard him use before. He shifted uncomfortably on the bare mattress.


“I see him in my dreams,” whispered Draco.

“Dumbledore?” Draco shook his head.

“Voldemort,” he said.

“Do not speak his name here,” hissed Snape, hearing a particularly loud snore from next door.

“Why not? Afraid he might hear his most trusted servant isn’t even loyal to him?” spat Draco, standing up in his anger.

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that!” hissed Snape, grabbing Draco by the collar. “Listen to me, if you want to stay alive, tell me about it calmly and without sniping about the Dark Lord.”


Draco looked shaken as Snape let go of his collar. His shoulders slumped; he looked small and suddenly Snape realised just how young Draco was.

“I dream about the night I was branded with the Dark Mark. I see his red eyes, I see him raise his wand, I see him say I have failed him…I see myself die,” whispered Draco, sitting back down on the bed. Snape drew in his breath sharply.

“I wish I could tell you it was just a nightmare,” he said simply.

“Oh that makes me feel much better!” snarled Draco.

“I’m sorry, Draco, but I can’t deny that if he finds out it was me and not you that killed Dumbledore…”

“I know it’s true,” said Draco quietly. There was a moment’s silence before Draco spoke again.

“I just…I can’t take it,” he said. “I’m not a Death Eater, I only joined to make my father happy but Dumbledore-” He stopped, his voice choked.
He looked at Snape and there was pleading in his eyes; a cry for help.


“I know how you feel,” began Snape, but this seemed to anger Draco again. His eyes turned to blazing coals and he stood up again.

“How can you possibly know how I feel?” he yelled. “I want to die!” He turned to look at Snape, a maddened glint in his eye.

“You don’t really mean that, you’re just getting hysterical…” said Snape, a note of worry creeping into his voice.

“You can help me,” said Draco softly. “Kill me.”

“Draco, you don’t mean that!” said Snape sharply.

“Please, get me out of this, I don’t want to be here anymore,” whispered Draco and his eyes were now full of tears for certain. He looked utterly defeated; a wreck.


Snape was torn. Those words, he had to choose those words, he thought as a flashback came upon him.

Hogwarts. Draco wasn’t going to be able to do it. Raising his wand. The pleading in his eyes. “Severus, please...”


Snape shook his head and returned to the present, unsurprised to find that though his expression was calm, his hand was shaking.

“How could I live with myself if I did that? After all I’ve done…” said Snape quietly and seriously.

“You wouldn’t have to.”

The Unbreakable Vow.


Snape looked at the maddened pitiable expression on Draco’s face. The tears were streaming down his cheeks now, his fists clenched into balls, his face hard.

“Very well,” said Snape quietly, seeing no other way. He raised his wand with a trembling hand, which was unusual for Severus Snape; when you were a Death Eater you learnt to cope with killing and watching people be killed.

And will you, to the best of your ability protect him from harm? Echoed Narcissa’s voice inside Snape’s head.

The Order need you. You are their insider. He has a life ahead of him. Don’t do this, said his own conscience.

“I can’t,” said Snape, lowering his wand. “It isn’t right, there is life left for you yet, Draco.”

“If you don’t kill me, the Dark Lord will,” said Draco grimly.

“He won’t lay a finger on you if he cannot find you,” replied Snape. “You are young and there is hope for you yet. Don’t throw it all away. I am begging you, Draco. And I do not beg.”


For the first time in weeks, Draco smiled.

“You’re right, it won’t be easy but I‘ll do my best,” he said. “Although I know I’ll still suffer from nightmares-”

“They will pass over time,” said Snape with a smile.

It looked odd on a face that was usually snarling or frowning.

“Thank you,” said Draco, lying down on his bed.

“Happy New Year, Draco,” said Snape, as he walked to the door. He paused to watch Draco settle down and as he was leaving heard him mumble, “Happy New Year.”