The Twelve Days of Christmas by Me, Ron Weasley. (well, they’re really by Hermione, ’cause she’s the one giving them to me!)



On the first day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
A copy of Hogwarts: A History

Ok, first of all: TODAY IS NOT CHRISTMAS! So why is Hermione giving me presents? Besides, what does she think I’ll do with this bloody book anyways? Read it? I mean, I can just ask her; she has it all memorized already!


On the second day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

DEMENTORS?! How did she get a hold of those? Plus, more importantly, how will I get rid of them? And I don’t think the answer will be in Hogwarts: A History, either…wait…I bet she wants me to practice the Patronus Charm. Just like her, giving me more work over the holidays!


On the third day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

Great. More hints to do my homework. She’s no fun. I had to ask Ginny why Hermione keeps giving me all these presents. She said that her Muggle Studies teacher told the class about a Muggle tradition of giving presents on each of the twelve days of Christmas. Then she said that people usually give them to someone they love. Does that mean Hermione loves me? I asked Ginny if she’s been giving Harry presents, but she just blushed and wouldn’t answer. I’ll have to talk to Harry…


On the fourth day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Four Chocolate Frogs
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

I talked to Harry. He wouldn’t tell me if Ginny gave him any presents or not. Then he told me that in the Muggle world, people usually give chocolates as a romantic gift. And I thought she just wanted me to have a break! Women. They’re so complicated!


On the fifth day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Five Golden Galleons
Four Chocolate Frogs
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

Well they’re not real Galleons; they look like the old DA coins. Maybe she wants me to meet her somewhere…the date’s set for two nights from now. I guess I better go to the Room of Requirement and see what she wants…


On the sixth day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Six packs of breath mints
Five Golden Galleons
Four Chocolate Frogs
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

Now this one I really don’t get! I mean, I brush my teeth! Twice a day and everything! I asked Harry what he thought about this, and he said he didn’t know. But he was smirking a bit when he said it. I think he’s lying.


On the seventh day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Seven minutes in heaven
Six packs of breath mints
Five Golden Galleons
Four Chocolate Frogs
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

Wow. All I can say is wow. All Harry can do is laugh.


On the eighth day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Eight hand-knit jumpers
Seven minutes in heaven
Six packs of breath mints
Five Golden Galleons
Four Chocolate Frogs
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

As if I already didn’t get enough jumpers from my mum, I’m getting them from Hermione now, too! I guess after yesterday I couldn’t hope for much more, but maybe if I wear them she’ll decide she wants to snog some more!


On the ninth day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Nine hours of studying
Eight hand-knit jumpers
Seven minutes in heaven
Six packs of breath mints
Five Golden Galleons
Four Chocolate Frogs
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History


Now this is just getting bad! I know our NEWTS are coming up, and Hermione wants me to do well and everything, but really! Christmas isn’t even over! Harry and Ginny got to sit in the corner and play chess while I had to revise for NINE HOURS! At least, I think they were playing chess…


On the tenth day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Ten Gobstones squirting
Nine hours of studying
Eight hand-knit jumpers
Seven minutes in heaven
Six packs of breath mints
Five Golden Galleons
Four Chocolate Frogs
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

This is more like it! Playing games all day! Don’t get me wrong, Gobstones is no Wizard’s Chess, but Hermione’s never played it before so I got to play all day AND beat her! Not that I’m gloating or anything, but she always beats me! It’s good for her to lose once in a while, especially now that she won’t play chess with me anymore, on account of her losing so much…


On the eleventh day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Eleven secret passageways
Ten Gobstones squirting
Nine hours of studying
Eight hand-knit jumpers
Seven minutes in heaven
Six packs of breath mints
Five Golden Galleons
Four Chocolate Frogs
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

Ooo secret passageways! I wonder if she borrowed the Marauders’ Map from Harry to find them all. All I know is he better use that map, ’cause I don’t really want him and Ginny walking in on us…I’d really rather not see them walking anywhere dark together, so he better use that cloak of his, too.


On the twelfth day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me:
Twelve mistletoe
Eleven secret passageways
Ten Gobstones squirting
Nine hours of studying
Eight hand-knit jumpers
Seven minutes in heaven
Six packs of breath mints
Five Golden Galleons
Four Chocolate Frogs
Three new quills
Two Dementors
And a copy of Hogwarts: A History

I don’t know how she got over SPEW and let Dobby hang mistletoe all over the common room, but I sure am glad she did. Well, I was until I saw Harry and Ginny, but then Hermione shut me up. Plus, I can make a Patronus now. But there is still NO WAY I will ever read Hogwarts: A History! Ever.



A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know what you think!