Chapter 1 – Your neck just asked me to sniff it!

Thursday 2nd September, Period One:
I love my life! We have been seated in alphabetical order in Transfiguration due to “intolerable behaviour” last year. Any normal person would be completely devastated, like my friend Katerina Pane who has to sit next to Peter Pettigrew, but I am not normal (clearly I am much more talented in ways that no others possess). I get to sit next to the most infamous Marauder, and most handsome, Sirius Black. Can you believe it? Thank you oh great father of mine; it is you who gave me the privilege of our beautiful family name.

Let me introduce myself. I am, as you probably already know, but it’s only polite, Rozabela Bland or Rosy. I am also the most devoted Marauder fan. In fact I am so devoted to them that the majority of my diary is based on them, as is my life. I don’t like to call what I am doing stalking, but rather dedicated watching. They will thank me when my brilliant work is published; their names will be known the world over.

Anyway, it’s the first day of term - or is it second? We arrived here yesterday after all. Why do I confuse myself with my own mindless thoughts? Where was I? Oh yes, it’s the first day of lessons in my sixth year (that’s less confusing for my more simple-minded readers). I am sitting in Transfiguration, I am being lectured about NEWTs - which, may I add, are about six centuries away - by Professor Mcgonagall. I am managing to keep my rebellious activities (i.e. writing my diary) hidden. I’ve achieved this through the miracle of balance – I have stood my textbook up, giving the pretence that I am reading from it, I am actually writing my diary behind it. But nothing can spoil my mood; I am becoming light-headed from breathing in the heavenly scent of Sirius Black’s aftershave.

Sirius just coughed! Must make note:
9:45, Period One, Transfiguration: Sirius Black empties his lungs and windpipe of bacteria, he then quickly returns to being sexy.

Oh my! That doesn’t sound as appealing on paper as it does in my mind. Anyway, I am sitting here, turning dizzy from inhaling Sirius Black’s scent, come to think of it I am always dizzy. What is that aftershave he is wearing? I recognise it, and so I must get a closer sniff.

Double dung! Sirius caught me sniffing his neck and is now looking oddly at me. Understandable considering I just shoved my nose under his chin and inhaled rather deeply. He is looking expectantly at me!

Say something clever…

Say something, quickly…

Say anything; it doesn’t matter what it is, just let it be words…

I must look like a first-prize idiot; I am simply staring up at him after just smelling his neck…

Talk, you brainless cow talk…

“Your neck just asked me to sniff it!”

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother opening my mouth; it doesn’t do much good for my reputation. I must change my name at once to “Queen of the uncontrollable gobs”. I shall live forever in hiding with my fellow uncontrollably gobby minions and will never speak again, in order to save myself from humiliation. Oh kill me, someone please kill me now!

I think I managed to get away with my explanation. After cocking an eyebrow at me, he just looks up at James Potter. James is the second most infamous Marauder, and second most handsome, who is currently staring at the back of Lily Evan’s head. I may have to release my uncontrollably gobby minions on her. Sirius has now gone back to his doodling. Maybe he experiences crazy, dim-witted cheesecakes sniffing his neck regularly. I wouldn’t be surprised because he smells really good.

Well, I think I can say I received his attention. Perhaps not in the way I had planned, but it is his attention none the less.

Must go, McGonagall is looking suspiciously at me, perhaps because I look like I am concentrating hard, which I have never done before. I do not possess the brain power to do so properly.


9:52, Period One, Transfiguration: Sirius just received a note from a fellow Marauder. This is where my incredibly sneaky skills come in. After copying so many classmates’ work during lessons, I have perfected these skills., I shall read it over his shoulder.
The note reads:

Padfoot,
It appears that we have lost dearest Prongs again to the never ending desire to win Lily’s heart. Wormtail has just informed me that there are a considerable amount of drool patches on his parchment, so many that Wormtail can no longer copy his work. This calls for drastic action, what do you say mate? Any suggestions?
I must also inform you that we will be strolling in the moonlight in two weeks time. You forgot about it last year, repeatedly. Even Wormtail remembered.

Your dearest friend,
Moony

Padfoot, Prongs, Wormtail and Moony? Who are these people? I think it is time to use my, even handier, detective skills.

Padfoot- I’m guessing this is Sirius, seeing as the letter was chucked at his head.
Prongs- I’m thinking this is James as he is staring at Lily, hence the whole winning Lily’s heart (how on Earth does Lily manage to get everything decent?)
Wormtail- it says in the letter that Wormtail can’t copy Prong’s work. “Prong’s” is only sitting next to Peter, so he must be Wormtail.
Moony- My calculations show that Remus is the only Marauder left, so he must be Moony.

But what does it all mean? My mind is on overtime, must close eyes for a minute; my brain is too simple to think this much.

9:56, Period One, Transfiguration: Sirius is replying to the note. Wow…he has such nice handwriting!

Moony,
I never forget anything; I just sometimes lose my way. Wormtail never remembers anyway, James just drags him along.
Prongs has been romanticising in this way regularly for the past two years, but you are right, it is time he was given a slap around the face and brought back to the real world. Come to the Room of Requirements at ten. Bring Wormtail along because we have some Sirius plotting to do!
Padfoot
P.S. I have charms next, what about you?

He then lobbed the note at Remus’ head, once Mcgonagall had turned around to write something on the board, which was tough considering Remus was several rows behind us. Once I had recovered from my fit of giggles over the Sirius/serious joke (he is so clever) my mind began to run on overtime again. The Room of Requirements? Wasn’t that the room that Katerina and I found, one day when we got lost on our way to the toilets? It certainly was an interesting room, and we returned there ever so often. It always gives us what we are looking for. And the Marauders are going to have a meeting there at ten! Katerina and I could use her invisibility cloak and spy on them. I’m getting excited now. Not only are we going to spy on the Marauders tonight, but I have Charms next too. Let’s hope that our behaviour is intolerable in that class aswell!

Oh, there goes the bell!

Thursday, 2nd September, Period Two, Charms:
It turns out our behaviour is perfectly tolerable in Charms, in fact Professor Flitwick rather adores us. I am therefore sitting next to Lily Evans, as Katerina is not in this class. Lily proves very adept at performing the conjuring charm, and has given me a few pointers. She is very nice actually, and I may not set my uncontrollably gobby minions on her after all. I will have to think about it.

Nothing else interesting has really happened concerning the Marauders, except I think Sirius told them about the neck-sniffing incident, they are looking over. But that might be because of Lily, who knows?

Have to go, Lily is trying to read my diary over my shoulder, it seems she has developed sneaky skills as well!


Thursday 2nd September, Break:
I’ve just spotted Katerina hovering around on the other side of the courtyard. I will go and tell her about “operation: desire” (I’m quite pleased with that name; it is filled with passion and is also quite fitting to my cause I think). On second thoughts, I may wait a few minutes, she looks like she is angry.

Thursday 2nd September, Lunch:
Break went surprisingly well I suppose, Katerina certainly seemed up for tonight’s challenge. I went over to her a few minutes later.

“Katerina! Guess what I found out!” I screamed. Running over to her whilst trying to make sure my skirt didn’t fly up in the wind!

“What?” she growled. Yes I was right, she was in a bad mood (she had just had Potions with the Slytherins, who wouldn’t be?)

“Temper, temper! Listen, Remus and Sirius are having a meeting in the Room of Requirements at ten tonight,” I informed her. That brought her out of Grumpy-land.

“Are you serious? We have to go! We can use my invisibility cloak! I cannot wait!” she squealed with excitement.

I told you it would brighten her day up; she is just as obsessed as I am with the Marauders.

Thursday 2nd September, 9:00pm, Girls dormitory:
Katerina and I are tarting ourselves up; we want to look good just in case the lads catch us, and I have a really big nose that I need to cover up somehow, possibly by enhancing my lips.

We are about to set off, Katerina is getting out her invisibility cloak. It’s quite chilly under it; I think it is because of the material. Okay, she is ready. On with our journey!

Thursday 3rd September, 3:00am, in bed:
Tonight was unusual, and horribly embarrassing. We left the common room at about 9:15 so as to get there early - Katerina is also a very slow walker and usually doesn’t walk in straight lines. It took us a while to find the room. We had a general idea of where it was but girls are always too busy to remember things like that. We finally found the stretch of wall opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. We thought about what we wanted –somewhere that was cosy and comfortable; a place where we could listen to the conversation; somewhere we definitely couldn’t be seen, and, most importantly, somewhere with hot chocolate and cookies. The door appeared and we went in to a pretty bland room (no pun intended). In one corner was an invisibility curtain with a tray behind it filled with goodies. It took us about twenty minutes to find the curtain because, funnily enough, it was invisible. It was only when I grew bored and pretended to be blind that I felt the soft material in my hand, followed by the sensation of the cookies and hot chocolate falling down the front of my top.

We settled behind the curtain; we were snug, warm and hidden from view. Passing the next fifteen minutes by munching on cookies and drinking hot chocolate, we chatted about the day’s events. I recollected the neck sniffing incident whilst Katerina snorted into her hot chocolate, which I thought was rather rude, and disgusting.

That was when the boys entered. The whole room transformed into a very classy, old fashioned cigar room, like the ones you see in Muggle movies; the place where old gentleman go after dinner for cigars and brandy. It had three squishy chairs in the middle and, rather appropriately, cigars and brandy. Miraculously our invisibility curtain was still there; we both sighed with relief. The door swung open and they appeared in the middle of the room, their invisibility cloak flung onto the floor. It gave me a bit of a shock (I say a bit, I actually squealed when I saw them, both with shock and excitement). I managed to contain myself in time, although Remus, being the most aware, looked puzzled at my sudden outburst.

Katerina was still munching her cookies and slurping her hot chocolate, let me tell you that her mannerisms aren’t the daintiest. She can be heard in Peru! I put a stop to it, though, by hitting her in the stomach. That clearly wasn’t the most intelligent thing to do as she squealed, spilt hot chocolate on herself and cursed - in that order. I swear Katerina will put me into an early grave! Luckily Peter let out a huge, and I mean huge, fart at the same time, causing Sirius and himself to burst out laughing. In other words, they didn’t hear us. But, again, Remus looked around.

Once the boys had settled, and wafted the methane gas in the air (and there was a lot), Sirius called the meeting to order.

“Gentlemen, I believe we all know why we are here!” he proclaimed. Remus nodded, but Peter shook his head.

“Actually no, you just pulled me out of bed and brought me here.” I was wondering why he was wearing pink, floral patterned pyjamas with an over-the-top rose embroidery on the front.

“Oh right, sorry about that, Pete. We are here to finally sort out Prongs’ little addiction, once and for all!” Sirius exclaimed, authority and excitement in his voice – I found that a very sexy combination.

Muttering under his breath, Remus said, “If that’s possible…”

“Moony, do you doubt me? After all the things we have achieved for you! We are, after all, the Marauders. We can do anything!” Sirius boomed heartily, his voice filled with passion.

“Here, here!” Peter squeaked.

“Any ideas, Moony?” Sirius grinned playfully, but Remus scoffed.

“What? Why me? You’re the ideas man!”

“That I am. That I am. But I left my thinking cap in the dorm!” he teased in response. He lit himself a cigar and poured Peter a brandy.

“Typical… Well, why don’t we, instead of getting him out of love with her, get her in love with him?”

“Brilliant, why didn’t I think of that?” Sirius pondered.


“Because you left your thinking cap in the dorm,” Peter reminded him, earning himself a thump on the shoulder.

“It was a rhetorical question, Wormtail! So, Moony, how do we do that?” Sirius questioned. He’s so inquisitive.

“Well, we may need some insiders, to find out what Lily likes, dislikes etc. We will also need to make James less conceited because that’s the main reason Lily hates him,” Remus thought out loud.

“I can take care of that,” Sirius boasted, which I agreed with, always the gentleman is my Sirius. Peter snorted and Remus looked doubtful.

“What I’m not conceited! I always respect the ladies,” he paused in thought (looking very sexy, I might add). “Well maybe you should do it Remus! But who is stupid enough to volunteer to help us spy on Evans?”

I already knew I was very good at spying; I had been a professional at it for all of today! But I wasn’t stupid enough to volunteer, not while we were spying on them anyway, that would look dumb.

“I think we should volunteer!” Katerina whispered. “Then we’ll be in with the Marauders, you know?”

“We will not volunteer, not right now anyway!” I fired back.

“Why not? It will be fun. We can hang around with Sirius and Remus! Besides we don’t like Lily much, anyway!” she argued, annoyingly. Katerina can really get on my nerves when she doesn’t agree with me, why should she have her own opinions?

“Because one - we are not worthy of hanging around with Sirius and Remus. Two - Lily is actually a very nice person, who is good at charms. And three - ssshhh!” I whispered back. Anger was rising in my voice.

“Number three technically wasn’t a real point! And since when have you liked Lily Evans?”

“Shut up Katerina or you will get us found out! Be quiet or I will set my uncontrollably gobby minions on you; do you want that to be on my conscience?” I screamed, realising, for the first time, that I am not actually that bright.

The conversation beyond the curtain stopped immediately leaving us in an uncomfortable silence.

“Oh good one, Rozabela, what a great way to get our cover blown!” Katerina hissed, pointlessly as we had already been discovered. I gave her my worst possible death glare and mentally added her to my hit list. I watched through the curtain as all three boys searched around the room for any sign of the two of us. I had a quick flash of inspiration and grabbed Katerina’s invisibility cloak, threw it over my head and ran out of the room as quick as I could, leaving Katerina to clean up her own mess.


A/N howdy people!! Thank you so much for reading, which I assume you have done as you are reading this, I'd be a little worried fo you if you randomly went around reading Author's notes :)... anyway, please review, constructed criticism is always welcome :) thanks !! xx

Chapter 2:- I fancy some butternut squash

Sunday 5th September, 9:30am, My dormitory :
After Thursday night’s events Katerina and I were no longer speaking to each other. Although, I had received a recount of the happenings after I had left, thanks to her diary.

Apparently, soon after I had run for it, Katerina was found huddled behind the invisibility curtain, clutching her hot chocolate (stupid girl). The truth was dragged out of her, probably without any need for Veritaserum (I say truth, but it was presumably all a pack of lies) and my name must have been dropped into the story hundreds of times. The Marauders (may they live forever) were apparently rather pleased, seeing as they now had someone to recruit as their insider to spy on Lily.

Sunday 5th September, 11:00am, Library.
Nothing good ever comes from what I do. I may go to Sirius and Remus later and explain that I am much closer to Lily and make a much better spy. I may bring them gifts so they cannot refuse.

Sunday 5th September, 1:00pm, Lunch:
I’m sitting here playing with my food, constantly reliving the past couple of hours.

Here is proof that I am a lot closer to Lily than “The Amateur Spy”: I was, a few hours ago, sitting in the library with Miss Evans. After falling out with Kat, I decided Lily needed some excellent company, and excellent company was available, me, so I adopted her. She would probably be very interesting if she could just stop doing boring things, like reading.

She was at that time reading “Magic Mushrooms: The User’s Guide.” So Lily Evans is a drug addict? I thought Good to know, good to know! (Maybe she isn’t so boring after all) I had to question her on my new findings!


“Lily … may I question you on my new findings?” I asked nervously.

“Yes, sure, is it about how to make a general poison remedy, because if so a Bezoar is usually…”

I cut her off by raising of my hand. Bezoar? What in the blazes is that?

“No, I was just wondering if you were a drug addict?” She looked horrified at my question, maybe she didn’t want people to know (I should’ve advised her not to carry a book around labelled Magic Mushrooms then, and they say she’s the smart one!)

“What? Wherever did you get that idea?” she asked, confused.

I motioned to her book, a sympathetic look on my face. She looked at it, puzzled, and then laughed. “No, I just got this out of the library for my Herbology essay; it’s about mushrooms that have their own brand of magic.”

Oh God, I really shouldn’t have said anything. She launched into a lecture about mushrooms that turn into seagulls when people aren’t looking, or something along those lines (I wasn’t actually listening to her, although I should’ve already known what she was telling me as I am in her Herbology class). But still… when will I need to know about fungi that grow ten times stronger when they eat spinach?

Surprise, surprise, Kat walked in and innocently plonked herself down next to Lily. How dare she? I knew her game.

“I know your game, Katerina Pane!” I growled, I would not have her corrupting my new best friend’s happiness, especially when I should be, as I am the rightful spy. “Katerina, I will not have you corrupting Lily’s happiness!”

Kat threw me a pathetic death glare (one that was no match for my own) and Lily looked at me, her green eyes full of confusion.

“Corrupt my happiness? What are you on about Rosy?” she asked, torn between puzzlement and amusement.

Kat looked at me, as if to say, ‘You wouldn’t!’

I looked back at her as if to say, ‘Oh ho ho, I would!’

“Well, Lily, I hate to break it to you, but Kat has been employed to watch every little thing that you…”

I attempted to finish my sentence but someone clamped a hand around my mouth, rudely stopping me from finishing my sentence. They were actually quite hurting me, but I forgot all that as I looked up and gazed into the beautiful face of Sirius Black himself. I was suddenly urged to lick his hand. I thought I would faint. He began to drag me out of the library.

After being dragged out of the library, which any normal person would have been embarrassed by, but, like I said, I am not normal. Sirius then let go of me and gave me a stern look.

“Follow me!” he demanded

He then ran up to the seventh floor where the Room of Requirement lies, Peter and me tottering behind. He walked in front of the stretch of wall three times, which caused me to become rather dizzy. The door was revealed and we entered.

Inside the room was virtually empty, it had a stone floor and a bare, wooden chair in the middle (it rather reminded me of the court room trials that have been appearing in the Daily Prophet lately). He gestured to the chair. I didn’t move, too confused by the situation I was in. He therefore guided me towards the chair with a strong hand on my shoulder. Sirius then conjured two chairs out of nowhere and sat down, and then Peter followed suit (I was very impressed by this, as we had only just learnt how to conjure needles, which I couldn’t do). I almost burst into a fit of giggles as I remembered a joke about needles that I read in a Muggle book.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Sirius asked in his deep, sexy voice. I was quite stunned by his presence and couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Unhand me you whining, toad-spotted so-and-so, I need a hug, you and your sexy voice will get nothing out of me!” Oh my giddy Aunt, I had just announced the fact that I am a complete imbecile… again. Queen of the uncontrollable gobs had struck once more! Why? That was the second time I had made a complete fool of myself in front of the love of my life, in less than four days! I must start searching for a cheap cave to live in! I am still blushing at the memory.

“Okay, moving on.” Sirius looked at me as if I was a lunatic, which I am, so I cannot blame him. “Do you recognise this?” He held up a tube of mascara - the one I had been looking for! I must’ve dropped it when I ran out from behind the curtain. I nodded guiltily. He stared at me for a couple of seconds and then grinned. I swooned at the sight of his famous smile; it was the first time it was directed at me. He stood up from his chair and walked towards me, tapping his chin in contemplation.

“Rozabela Bland, you have just made mine and Peter’s job a lot easier!” He took my hand and kissed it. I thought it was very cheesy, but I could get used to it. “I assume it was you that screamed behind the curtain on Thursday night?”

I nodded remembering the incident that I would rather forget. He continued, “Since you already know our plan about getting Lily and James together, I don’t feel the need to explain it any further. Peter and I are recruiting you as our official spy; you can tell your friend that she is not needed anymore. She told us she doesn’t even like Evans.”

I smiled, whilst trying not to make my chin look huge. He offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up. “We thank you from the bottom of our hearts, my fair lady.” He feigned a very superior, posh English accent.

I began to leave the room. Trying my best to look sexy, I unlocked the door and stepped out, forgetting the step that lay the other side of the door. I tripped and fell flat on my face. I swore loudly, got up and ran down the corridor, praying they hadn’t seen or heard me.

Sunday 5th September, 11:30, in bed:
Am I doing the right thing? I mean, Lily Evans is supposed to be my friend, spying on her doesn’t seem very morally right. But then again, James, once she realises just how wonderfully amazing he is, will be perfect for her. But does she deserve James? This is another question I must add to the list, the list of thoughts and ideas that make my brain ache. I must sleep; I need to be fresh as a daisy tomorrow because I have double Transfiguration! Yay!

Wednesday 15th September, 8:30am, Breakfast:
I am still not talking to Katerina, although whenever she sees me she gives me big puppy dog looks, trying to make me come back to her. Well, woof woof, Kat - get some new friends! The last time I bothered speaking to her was when I had to let her down, rather harshly to be honest, about the whole spying on Lily fiasco.

In the last week or so, which I haven’t reported in, Sirius and I have been talking a lot about stuff I should be finding out. The music she likes and her favourite foods… that sort of thing. I never knew Sirius would care so much about his friend’s love life, he was making a huge effort just to get them together.

“So, Rosy, have you found out anything about Lily yet?” Sirius asked, looking up from the animagus transformation fact-sheet we were supposed to be filling in. I found it strange that he was actually taking an interest in the work.

I almost said something stupid, again, but managed to contain myself.
“Well, I know for a fact that she isn’t a drug addict, she just does Herbology essays!”

Well, something almost not stupid. He gave me that look people give me when I do something one usually wouldn’t do, but he shook it off when I smiled sheepishly.

“Ok then, she doesn’t take drugs. Nor does James, so that’s okay! Anything else?” he asked.

“Well, no. I haven’t really had a chance to talk to her; she’s been busy with prefect’s duties and other boring stuff. But I have a free period after this lesson, so I might be able to catch up with her!”

“You do that. We shall have another little chat soon then!”

I nodded, taking in as much as I could of what he was saying, which is hard when you have a small brain capacity like I have.

“Miss Bland, Mr Black, if you continue to talk I will turn your tongues into lead, then we shall see if the words flow so easily!” McGonagall spoke clearly across the Transfiguration classroom from over Snape’s desk

The bell rang and I noticed Lily scurrying out, rather faster than I would have imagined considering her height. I jogged to keep up. I had almost caught up with her when she yelled over her shoulder. “Potter, leave me alone. I will not go out with you; I never shall either, so leave me alone!”

“Lily, as much as I love James Potter,” may he live forever, I thought in my mind, “I am quite relieved to say I am not him,” I yelled back, stopping in my tracks as she carried on running. I began to run again because she was getting away rather quickly. She stopped, suddenly, causing me to run right into her. The crash knocked us both over into a heap on the floor, and caused my skirt to fly up, revealing the new woollen knickers my grandmother had just sent me. To passers by this would have either looked like an accident, or something a whole lot more embarrassing (something that involves me and Lily… you know…)

“Ouch, I’m sorry, Rosy. I swear it was Potter following me; he had that glint in his eye, you know!” she mumbled. Her voice was muffled and strained due to the considerable weight on top of her.

“I am afraid I would not know, seeing as James has never pursued me.” I continued lying where I was, Lily’s shoulder made a nice headrest, and so I was rather comfortable. I was unaware my beautiful, green, woollen knickers were on show. But I wasn’t in the dark about that for much longer.

“Gorgeous knickers, Bland.” A voice chuckled from somewhere above us. “Evans, I never knew you swung the other way!”

We both adjusted ourselves accordingly (i.e. jumped up quickly and pulled down skirts) as we saw who it was. James Potter. I almost swooned at the sight of him and even Lily was noticeably redder. “Moving on…” he continued, looking us both up and down, before Lily cut him off.

“Save it, Potter, I know what you want. The answer is, yet again, no!”

“Actually no, that is not what I am here for!” He grinned smugly. For someone who was in love with her, he sure did like to see her make mistakes. Such a strange boy, but wonderful. “I am actually here to tell Rozabela that Sirius is looking for her and wants to tell her… what was it…?”

“Oh, just say it, Potter, we haven’t got all day!” Lily spat out. James looked rather put out, and I had the urge to suddenly hug him.

“Sorry, he said good luck with operation free period, make it happen baby!” he recited. “He also said that you would understand, but I think that was because I didn’t understand, and I am now just confusing myself even further. Anyhow… as I am here Evans…”

“No!”

“Women!” he muttered as he slouched off, mumbling under his breath something that was barely audible but which sounded distinctly like: “I fancy some butternut squash!”

Lily and I then went off to the library because she also had a free period. We sat down at our regular table; I seemed to be coming to the library a lot lately. From her bag, Lily pulled out a ten-ton book, as our usual routine went, and began to read. I just sat there, twiddling my thumbs. But I quickly remembered that I had a mission. I pulled the book out of her hands and stared intently at her. She looked rather nervously back at me.

“What was that for?” She asked.

“Lily, we have been friends for what? Two weeks?” She nodded in response to my question. “Exactly, I was thinking this and I realised, we know nothing about each other, so I suggest we take this time to have a little chat! Do you mind if I ask a few questions?” I asked, in a voice that was quite unlike my own, but, none-the-less, she nodded, albeit tentatively. Wow, I was good at this!

“Fantastic! So, first thing’s first, what kind of music are you into?” I asked, whilst pulling out a notebook.

She eyed the notebook apprehensively before answering. “Well, a bit of everything really. You know a bit of Elvis, a bit of the Rolling Stones. I have a huge poster of them on my bedroom wall. Oh and that new band - Abba, and Hot Chocolate. Well, all the modern bands really.” She spoke with increasing speed and excitement. She could talk for England. I was quite interested to know that she likes some of the same music as me. I’m going through one of those music phases when that’s all you’re thinking about, well, when I am at home anyway. It’s a good job my mum is a Muggle because I can listen to all that stuff at home; we have all the latest LP’s and we might be getting one of those ultra modern cassette players as well. Anyway, I nodded as I scribbled down all the different bands she was naming.

“And, of course, Led Zeppelin and Lulu! By the way, do you do this with all your friends?” she asked, once she had finally finished reciting the different bands that she was naming. I looked up, confused at her question, and realised she was still eyeing my notebook.

“Oh,” I exclaimed, fishing around for an excuse. “No, I’m just writing down some possible Christmas present ideas.” She seemed to accept my answer and waited for the next question.

“I like your taste in music!” I said, once I had finished writing the endless list of bands. “So what’s your favourite food, meal, drink, chocolate bar?”

She took a deep breath before answering. “Well, I love that new range of marzipan and white chocolate Honeydukes has just brought out. Oh, and I have a sweet tooth for Muggle sweets, such as chocolate buttons, galaxy chocolate, marshmallows. I love marshmallows, wine gums, and chocolate cake - don’t even get me started on cake!”

I wish I hadn’t got her started on cake… she went on for about five minutes talking about chocolate cake, who ever knew Lily was such a chatterbox, and cake fiend?

Unfortunately, I had to stay and listen to her gabble on about all the different colour socks she likes to wear; Her favourite smells (frying onions get her senses tingling); lesson (charms, but she has a secret soft spot for potions); books (Wuthering Heights had her crying for hours); teachers (she’s Dumbledore’s woman through and through) and biggest celebrity crush (Donny Osmond and David Bowie, amongst others.)

But hey, all in a day’s work, don’t you think?

Chapter 3 – I have no desire to eat frog’s legs and cheese any time soon.

Tuesday 27th October, Period 4, History of Magic, 12:30
Yes, yes, I know! I haven’t written in over a month, but that would be because I lost my diary! Nothing interesting has happened anyway, other than the weather – a cold front moving in from the east, with expected temperatures of three to four degrees! So as you can plainly see, life is boring.

As for the whole losing the diary fiasco, well it wasn’t so much that I lost it, more that it was stolen; I don’t know who took it, so don’t ask!

I woke up this morning and fought with Kat over using the bathroom. I pushed her out of the way, just to find that it was locked anyway because another girl in our dormitory, Alice, was in there already. I waited patiently outside for five minutes before she stepped out her hair wrapped in a towel and her feet adorned with fluffy brown slippers in the shape of bears… she is a cool kid!
I smiled at Alice and stepped into the bathroom, earning myself a glare from Kat.

Because I’d already had a shower the night before, it didn’t take me long to get ready, and so I was down in the common room within ten minutes. I tried to push myself past the commotion of students that always linger in the common room before heading down to breakfast. They were attempting to get some last minute homework done, I suspect. I noticed a particularly large group of people crowding around the common room notice board, which could only mean one thing! Hogsmeade!

I love Hogsmeade! The smells, the excitement and the cobbled streets. My senses tingle just from thinking about it! Hogsmeade is definitely the best part of the Hogwarts school term, other than lunchtime of course!

My favourite thing about Hogsmeade is of course the dates. But who would ask me to go with them? I know who I would like to go with, one of the Marauders obviously, but the chances of them asking me was slim to none and the chances of me making a fool of myself, even if one of them did ask me, was fat to a hundred.

Every time I have been to Hogsmeade with someone, it has either been with a jerk, a loser, or just someone wanting a date for a terrible reason. Simon Lovegood asked me last year. It turned out he just wanted to write an article about some creature he had read about and according to some fourth year Hufflepuff I had spotted one of these animals. Amos Diggory asked me out as well, but he only talked about himself the whole time we were there and Severus Snape was a dare from Katerina.

Tuesday 27th October, Period 4, History of Magic, 1:00
A note just landed on my desk from somewhere to the left of me. I turned to see who it was and saw Sirius looking up at me. With shaking hands, I began to unfold the note.

Miss Rozabela Bland,
You are cordially invited to The Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade this coming Saturday the 31st October. Meet one for a butterbeer and more if you’re lucky, at precisely 12:00.

His Royal Highness

Sirius Orion Black

Oh. My. Bloody. God. He’s asked me, ME, to Hogsmeade! ME! Questions began speeding through my mind. What should I wear? What should I say? Why the hell has he asked me in the first place?

Oh great, now I am hyperventilating. Breathe, Rosy, breathe.

Tuesday 27th October, Lunchtime, 1:30
I gave the note to Lily. She reacted differently to how a teenager would usually act. She rolled her eyes.

“Rosy, you aren’t going to go are you?” She spoke too maturely for a sixteen-year-old girl.

“Too bloody right I’m going! Listen, Lily, let me put this in words that someone as uneducated to the ways of the Marauders like you will understand. Sirius Orion Black has asked me, Rozabela Letitia Bland, to go to Hogsmeade with him… Sirius Orion Black!” I spelt out, very slowly.

“Yes, as much as I am uneducated to the ways of the Marauders, I did get that part!” she said sarcastically, again rolling her eyes. “Now, Rozabela Letitia Bland, let me spell this out for you: Sirius Orion Black is a womaniser, as is the rest of his motley crew!” she spelt out for me, as if I was stupid. The nerve of some people!

“How dare you insult my Gods? Do you see me going around mocking your Christian beliefs? No I didn’t think so!” I growled, picking myself up from the table and storming off. But I quickly returned to pick up the half plate of shepherd’s pie I had abandoned – waste not want not.

28th October, Dormitory, 12:05am
I was sitting here in my dormitory, very innocently, a few hours ago. My mum had just sent me a French textbook. She seems to think I need to broaden my knowledge of her world. But French, I ask you, why French? I have no desire to eat frog’s legs and cheese any time soon.

Anyway, I was flicking through the textbook, repeating a few things to myself, when Katerina entered.

Page 3, ‘Talking about oneself’. The page wasn’t all that interesting. It showed a table of the etre verbs. To talk about myself, which is what I usually do as I find that topic second most interesting to the Marauders of course, it would be je suis. That was easy enough to remember. I decided to practice my discovery aloud.

“ Je suis un lapin!” My French accent est parfait. But the less talented seem to feel differently!

“You’re a rabbit? Well that much is obvious, but what’s with the French?” It was Katerina; she had wormed her way into the dormitory without me noticing and then began intruding on my privacy. She sat down on the end of my bed.

I looked away, pretending not to hear her. Using the silent treatment can convey the message loud and clear.

“Listen Rosy, you can’t ignore me forever. Besides, I need to tell you something,” She begged, looking pleadingly at me.

“I would prefer it if you would call me Rozabela. Rosy is a name only used by my friends. And I think you’ll find I can, and will, ignore you forever!” The silent treatment plan failed then.

“See, you’re already giving in.” She smiled innocently; she was using the over-sickeningly nice tactic. “I have some crucial information involving Lily which you may find very interesting!”

I threw a quill, wrapped in a piece of parchment, at her head. “You may write whatever it is you have to tell me down, and then get out of here.”

This really set Katerina off! She jumped up off my bed, bringing the quill and parchment, which had lodged itself into her tidy bun, with her. “You’re impossible Rozabela!” she spat, putting emphasis on my name and throwing everything she could reach onto the floor. “I try to make up with you, which any normal person would be willing to do, and you just dismiss me and throw your stupid quills at me!”

“I’ll have you know that is my favourite quill, it cost me….” I began.

“Oh, shut up! I don’t care anymore. Take your French textbook and favourite quill and stuff them up your ars…” She was cut off.

“Ladies? Is there a problem here?” spoke a stern voice from the door. We spun around and faced Professor Mcgonagall. A couple of pale first years teetered behind her.

“N-no, Professor,” we stammered, stunned at the sudden presence of authority.

“I should hope not. It is rather late and these first years have apparently been woken up by loud thuds and shouting coming from up your dormitory, and several other sixth years have been avoiding coming to bed. I found three crammed on the sofa downstairs trying to get to sleep. I wouldn’t have to report this to the headmaster now, would I?” She peered down at us over her square glasses.

“No, Professor,” we answered automatically.

“Good, now go to bed!” she finished, before turning on her heel and marching out, the two first years tottering along behind her. Katerina immediately got into bed and pulled the curtains around her four-poster bed. At that moment Lily quite literally bounced in the dormitory.

“What are you so happy about?” I mumbled from the floor, where I was picking up my things, which Katerina had so kindly thrown there.

Lily bent down to help me collect my things together before answering. She stood up, handing me my textbook.
“I got a date!” she beamed at me, clearly delighted. My stomach, heart and nose all sank at the same time.

“You got a what?” Merde!

“A date, silly!” she replied, still very excited.

I have failed, failed I tell you! A date, I am pretty sure this wasn’t in the plan, no doubt the date isn’t with James, who I am supposed to be setting her up with.

“Who with?” I asked, trying to act as casual as possible, which is oh so very hard when you are about to cry! What will I tell Sirius? He might not want go to Hogsmeade with me now!

“Well, don’t tell Alice, but I’m going with Frank Longbottom!” She whispered, which was pointless because Alice wasn’t even in the room.

“Frank Longbottom? Frank Longbottom? You’re jeopardising my happiness for Longbottom?” I squealed, really crying.

“Rosy, why are you crying? Do you like him? Oh, I am so sorry, I thought you liked Sirius!” she cooed, patting my back.

“No, I’m just … I’m just so happy for you!” I wailed, tears streaming down my face.

“Well the truth is I am only going so that I can set him and Alice up! Genius, eh?” she beamed, before bouncing, again, out of the room.

“Oh yes, pure genius. Shame I thought of it first!” I shouted to the closed door.

“Shut up! Stop talking to yourself, you lapin gros!” I heard the snappy remark from beyond the curtains.

“It is too bad Kat that I haven’t done adjectives yet!” I replied, before clambering into bed fully dressed.

Chapter 4 – I could certainly tell he was a hopeless romantic



Saturday 31st October, Dormitory, 6:30am

Okay, yes - I am aware it is 6:30 in the morning. I am aware that I am slightly crazy for being up this early, but what I was not aware of was that my clock actually had a 6:30 in the morning. Do people really get up this early? If they do, where are they? And what should be my weapon of choice once I find these people?



The truth is that today is Hogsmeade day. Since I need to look fabulous for my date with Him, I got up early to get ready. Five and a half hours early, to be precise, seeing as we aren’t even leaving until twelve. It’s official - I am crazy!



Saturday 31st October, Bathroom, 7:30

I have had nice long hot bath, my fingers and toes may resemble a prune now, but at least I am relaxed. My hair smells of Jasmine and my facemask is applied; I can no longer move my face but I must suffer for beauty.



I might just go and have a lie down for half an hour… just half an hour, I promise!



Saturday 31st October, Dormitory, 11:50am

Oh double dung. Not good, not good! I have ten minutes. TEN MINUTES! I overslept. I woke up, with my facemask still on and scared myself half to death thinking I was dead because I couldn’t move my face!



I know for bloody certain that my clock has an 11:50. I have ten minutes till my date with Sirius and I am wasting it writing in my diary! Oh, Merlin’s flea-ridden beard, save me!



Saturday 31st October, Dormitory, 11:00pm

I think I might cry. In fact, I will cry. Actually, I am crying! Not only that but I have a sudden urge to burst into some tragic love ballad. My heart is broken. I shall never be able to live again. Please tie me to a pole and leave me to rot.



But be gentle with me. I still have the wounds.



I can hear you already yelling at me to get on with the story. So, I shall please your highness and get on with the tale.



Well, I re-awoke at 11:50; my own snoring managed to rouse me from my deep slumber. I am usually completely unaware of my “heavy breathing” and always deny any suggestions that I do, in fact, snore. But today I was almost ready to bow down and kiss my nasal passages’ feet, that is, if they have feet.



Anyhow, I awoke, looked at the time, screamed bloody murder and got dressed. I didn’t have time to eat; I counted licking some lip-gloss off my lips as breakfast. I was tired, hungry and rather annoyed at myself, but I looked amazing. I had pre-chosen my outfit and I am pure magic, literally, with an eyeliner pencil.



I rushed out of the castle, knocking over a huge seventh year – well, I technically knocked over myself by running into him. I legged it down the school drive and into Hogsmeade; luckily I was only twenty minutes late.



I walked into The Three Broomsticks and scanned my eyes around to find Sirius through the smoky haze. He was sitting in a private booth attached to a fifth year Hufflepuff’s face. I must admit, I was a little put off by this. But I recomposed myself and bought a butterbeer from Madame Rosemerta.



I strutted over to the two leeches, Sirius and the Hufflepuff,, and sat down. They didn’t seem to notice my presence so I coughed quietly. Their little match of tongue-tennis continued, totally oblivious to their newly arrived company. I coughed a little louder, but to no avail. I am not exactly the most patient student there ever was so I had myself a little cough attack and flailed my arms around like crazy. I didn’t mean to knock my warm butterbeer on her new jeans, I swear.



She ran out cursing me to hell and back over her ruined skinny jeans. Except, they weren’t supposed to be skinny jeans, the butterbeer made them shrink. So, really, she found it rather hard to run and instead waddled like a demented penguin.



I turned to face Sirius, looking as innocent as was possible after ruining someone’s newly-acquired autumn outfit, but he just beamed back at me. I must admit, that took me by surprise.



“Thanks for that. Her breath was starting to smell!” he announced, before continuing. “Fancy another butterbeer?”



“Oh, yes. Thank you.” I smiled pleasantly. That was pretty much the first normal thing I had said to him, ever!



“Hungry?” he asked



“Starving!” I replied.



“Chips or a sandwich?” he half asked me and half asked himself, whilst glancing down the pub menu.



“Both!” Can you blame me? I hadn’t had breakfast.



He glanced up from the worn piece of paper and smiled, melting my heart as though it was wax dripping off the stub of the blackened candle that was stood between us.



“That’s my girl!” he chuckled, causing me to blush. He went to the bar to order our lunch and drinks, leaving me to daydream of our future children.



Up until this point in the date everything was trundling along the tracks of everything that is normal. Notice how I say “up until this point”? Also notice how I say “trundling along the tracks of everything that is normal”? Yes, don’t worry about that, I made it up. It sounded cool at the time.



So, anyway, Sirius returned to our table clutching two butterbeers in his hands.



“The food will be along in a minute,” he grinned, making my heart, once again, resemble the candle infront of us. I was becoming slightly worried about the candle. It was giving off thick green fumes that didn’t smell particularly safe, or legal for that matter.



Soon enough, Madame Rosemerta was bustling over to our table, her red dress much tighter than it should be for any women with her waist size. I never did like Madame Rosemerta when she was in Hogwarts; she always got much more attention from boys than I ever did. Anyway, she set our plates of chips and sandwiches between us.



“Bon Appetite!” she said in her typical cockney accent.



“I think you’ll find it’s: Bon Appetite!” I repeated in what was my idea of a perfect French accent.



“That’s what I said, ain’t it?” She looked confusedly down at Sirius, who just shrugged his broad shoulders and began inhaling his long awaited lunch. He ate as if he hadn’t for days, which, I realised, is how he eats at every mealtime.



“So, Bland, onto business.” He spoke thickly through his sandwich, spraying pieces of bacon all over me. I secretly had the urge to wipe the partly masticated food off my forehead and treasure it forever; I resisted that particular urge. He continued without noticing half his lunch all over my face. “How are you getting on with your research with Evans?”



Luckily, I brought my notepad. I pulled it out of my bag and placed it on the table. It didn’t take me long to find the pages with the information on Lily, mainly because it occupied half my notebook. That girl sure can ramble.



“Good actually, that free period really was useful. I found some general stuff about her. Want to hear?” I asked him.



His mouth, now jam packed with chips, prevented him from speaking (although, don’t think he didn’t try; I now had tomato ketchup all over my face to keep the bacon company). He gestured for me to go ahead. I cleared my throat and began. “First of all, music - she has a great taste in bands, I discovered.” I began to recite the list she had given me. “She likes: Rolling Stones, Elvis Presley, Abba, Hot Chocolate, Led Zeppelin…”



He cut me off. “Tell you what, why don’t you just give me the list?” He was clearly confused by the amount of information I had just given him in the space of about three seconds. A bit put out, I ripped out the ten pages of information I had acquired and passed them over to Sirius. He scanned over the list before shoving it in his jeans’ pocket.



“Next plan of action is?” he cracked on.



I could certainly tell he was a hopeless romantic - not!



“Well, I was hoping you maybe could help me on that one.”



He downed the rest of his butterbeer and stood up. “To be honest, I haven’t thought about it. I’ll leave it to you to come up with. Just make sure it gets them together, and quickly. I can’t stand seeing Prongs moping around like this.” And with that, he began to walk out of the pub.



“I… What? Where are you going?” I called out to him. He stopped and turned around.



“Madame Puddifoot’s. I have a date in,” he looked at his watch, “five minutes.”



“Five minutes? You have another date? You’re in demand, aren’t you? Three dates in one day.” To be honest, I wasn’t surprised.



“Three dates? Erm, no, just the two.” He glanced around the pub before looking back at me.



“No, that Hufflepuff, me and this girl you’re about to meet,” I said, slowly counting off on my fingers. “That makes three, if I am not mistaken.”



I wasn’t mistaken. My mother was Muggle and I had gone to Muggle primary school, as a pure-blood Sirius obviously hadn’t learnt basic mathematical skills.



“You thought this was a…? You thought I asked you out on a…?” He doubled over laughing. I was clearly missing something here. “Rosy, this isn’t a date.”



Was it me or had the temperature risen about 100 degrees?



“It’s not?” I asked feebly, feeling my self turn about as red as the tomato ketchup dripping off my nose.



“No, it’s not. I invited you here so we could discuss Lily and James, which we have done, meaning I have to go and meet Natalie now.” He looked rather frightened of me all of a sudden. “What made you think this was a date, anyway?”



I pulled the letter he sent me out of my bag, fuming at my own ignorance. I had kept the note, can you blame me?



“Here, look. Meet one for a butterbeer and more if you’re lucky,” I recited. “What was I supposed to think?”



His eyes skimmed over the letter. He, once again burst out laughing, causing me to redden, if possible, even more.



“I …I …I…” he stammered through his fits of hysteria. “I meant “more” as in lunch. A butterbeer and maybe some lunch, if you’re lucky.”



With that I left the pub, in tears. How could he laugh at my humiliation? I think I have said this many times before, but it feels appropriate to say it again: DOUBLE DUNG!






Ok, here's the thing. It's coursework time yet again and I need your help. Should I post the chapter now, making it shorter then it would be but you will be getting you chapter a lot quicker, or leave it till the coursework is all done in a couple of weeks giving me a chance to write a longer chapter? Review with your answer :) fankooo xx

Chapter 5 – Onward with this next escapade!

Sunday 1st November, Common Room, 10:30am
Does anybody actually care about the amount of emotional pain I am in? People just keep passing me by and laughing. It really hurts me. But do they care? Apparently not. As to how they found out, I have no clue. I am willing to bet that Natalie, the one Sirius had a date with, had something to do with it.

Life is rubbish and unfair!

I should probably start that flaming Potions essay, or at least try to find Lily’s so I can claim it as my own.

Monday 3rd November, Dormitory, 3:30am
Look at the ghastly hour! Something just woke me up. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my snoring this time. It’s coming from the window.

This is strange; it’s a letter addressed to me. It says:

Miss Rozabela Bland,

I am extremely sorry for my behaviour on Saturday afternoon. It was uncalled for and it was not my intention to make you cry. But being the arrogant git that I am, I pay no attention to how others feel.

It looked as if the author of the letter had either had second thoughts about the last sentence or someone else had disagreed with it. It had been hastily scribbled out, so I could barely make it out. It carried on:

I feel terrible about how I treated you and hope I can make it up to you at some point. I am very busy in the upcoming weeks. But meet me on the first of December in the broom closet on the third floor at 9:30pm.

Sirius Orion Black

I think Sirius likes his middle name.

December? I can’t wait that long. What does he think I am, some sort of magical creature? I admit that it would be nifty if I was, but alas, it is not to be.

Back to the point… I have a month to wait for his apology. I wonder what it will be. I must stock up on lip-gloss, just in case! It is difficult to resist the urge to giggle loudly, but I’m afraid I will be bombarded with pillows if I do.

Friday 14th November, Defence Against the Dark Arts, 2:30pm
I just got three detentions. How totally unfair is that? Can you honestly imagine me in detention? My parents are going to kill me!
I was innocently trying to pass a note to Lily behind Professor Court’s back. But Lily, being the goody-two-shoes that she is, wouldn’t accept it.

As Court was writing about non-verbal disarming jinxes on the board, I leaned across the aisle between Lily’s desk and mine. She gave me a sidelong glance before returning back to her desk. Assuming that she was as blind as a bat, I carried on leaning over.

“Psst, Lily!” I whispered. She carried on ignoring me, determinedly writing notes faster than what was expected of a student. Eventually, she looked over at me and made wild gestures for me to go back to my work. What work is that exactly?

By this time I was leaning so far over my shoes were barely scraping the floor, and my bum was halfway off the seat.

“Rosy, please sit up, you idiot. What are you doing?” she whispered back, desperation in her voice. I hadn’t noticed that half the class was staring.

Court turned back towards the class. “So, we focus strongly upon our opposition and think about … Miss Bland, what on earth do you think you are doing?” I squealed in shock as Professor Court’s eyes fixed upon me.

The chair I was half leaning on was starting to crack under my weight; the two legs I was supported by were creaking threateningly. The shock Court gave me didn’t help the chair’s burden either. I jumped at the sound of his voice and the chair finally gave way.

Time seemed to stand still. I could feel the chair fall from underneath me. I hovered in mid-air for a tenth of a second before crashing onto the stone-flagon floor, limbs akimbo and knickers undoubtedly on show.

I struggled to stand up; the shirt I was wearing was far too tight. I wore it to try and move Sirius’ apology forward with my alluring bust. I finally stood up just as all the buttons burst off, leaving me standing in the middle of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom with a red face and my bra hanging out.

Not only did I get two detentions for passing notes, but I also got an extra one for indecent exposure in the middle of class. I never did like Professor Court.

Friday 14th November, Common room, 6:30pm
Professor Court kept me behind after class to discuss when I should have my detention. He took his time, I tell you.

“Miss Bland, what were you doing on the floor during my class today?” he asked, peering at me over his glasses.

“Erm… stretching,” I lied.

“Stretching on the floor?” he accused suspiciously.

“Well, my muscles were very tense!”

“Hmm, so it would seem. It looked to me as if you were passing notes. Did I see correct?” He gazed at me as if he was reading my mind. I nodded, unable to control my confession. “So you agree that you should sit three detentions with me?”

“No, I…” I protested but was interrupted.

“So you agree that you should sit three detentions with me?”

All right, all right, I got the hint.

“Yes, sir,” I reluctantly agreed.

“Good. Now let me see,” he checked his diary, “I am free next week sometime? Yes, is the twentieth of November ok for you?” It didn’t sound like a question and it didn’t sound like I should give an answer. Still, what could I do? “Now go, before you’re late for your next class.”

I was already five minutes late. But I turned to leave without protest.

“Oh, and Rozabela, I would change your blouse if I were you.” he said without looking up from the book he had returned to. I looked down; the whole front of my shirt was open, revealing my ‘alluring bust’.

Sunday 16th November, Breakfast, 10:00
Oh God! I have never been more humiliated. The owl post just arrived. Guess what landed infront of me? A howler. A bloody howler! It is from my dad; some brilliant parent, he is.

Apparently he has received a letter from Professor Mcgonagall about my behaviour in Defence Against the Dark Arts! God, I only passed a note to one of my friends. I hate my parents!

The scarlet envelope landed infront of me, already smoking. I didn’t even have a chance to open it before it blew up in my face.

“Rozabela Letitia Bland!” it screamed in my dad’s voice. “I have just been informed that you received three detentions! THREE! Do you realise the kind of stress this puts your mother and I under? You are our only child and you spend your time dallying around with makeup and tight shirts! Is this the young woman we brought you up to be? Someone who passes notes in class instead of concentrating on her work? Do you realise how much money it costs to send you to a school like Hogwarts? And you’re taking all our hard work for granted. Do you remember the chat we had last year about your terrible O.W.L grades? Nothing higher than an Acceptable!

If I hear one more word about any of these shenanigans ever again I will bring you straight home! I don’t care if it’s for blowing up the school or missing a homework assignment. You are drawing far too much attention to yourself, and who knows the sort of danger you could be putting yourself and our family into. I am absolutely infuriated. You better keep your head down, young lady, or there will be trouble!

Oh, and your mother wants to send you some new underwear, and she wants to know which size to get. Are you still a size 14 or have you gained weight since we saw you last? ”

I don’t know how he can lecture me about not drawing attention to myself while the whole bloody school is staring at me because of his howler!

After the scarlet envelope had burnt into ashes, the Great Hall returned to its normal buzz of chatter. I stayed silent, however; absolutely fuming at my Dad.


Thursday November 20th, Dormitory, 11:59pm
I just got back from the first of the three detentions that I received.

I walked into the classroom to find only two other occupants: a girl from Slytherin, whom I didn’t know the name of, and James Potter himself. Both were on opposite sides of the room from each other. James was lounging back on his chair, feet on the desk and one hand in his hair. He gave me a nod when I entered. The other girl was staring intently at James with a creepy, half smile plastered on her face. She made no movement to suggest that she had noticed me come in.

She had long, dirty blonde hair that reached to the middle of her back, and a side fringe that almost covered her left eye entirely. She had eyes that seemed to reveal everything about her – some evil girl that is. I couldn’t tell. The other thing I noticed about her appearance was that she had huge boobs! I wouldn’t be surprised if they knocked her out whilst she walked. Surely she couldn’t stand up straight with two Mount Everests hanging from her chest!

I snorted at this thought, and made my way to sit at the back, where I could watch both James, for obvious reasons, and the girl, just in case she pounced on him.

Luckily, she didn’t. Court entered as soon as I sat down. He looked around at all three of us before making an announcement.

“Oh, good, everyone is here.” Couldn’t he see that there were three people in the room? Idiot. “Can anyone tell me what tonight is?” I thought this was supposed to be a detention not a lecture. Nobody put his or her hand up. “No? What about you, Miss Eynan?”

The Slytherin answered in a heavy Welsh accent. “How should I know?”

Professor Court frowned at her before turning to me. “Any ideas, Miss Bland?”

“Erm, the 20th November?” What was I supposed to say? Court cracked a smile before turning to James who was counting something off on his fingers “Potter?”

“Half moon, sir?” he answered. How the hell did he work that out?

“Excellent, 5 points to Gryffindor. Tonight is half moon, and therefore the perfect time to go, for want of a better word, fishing.” I stared at him confused.

“Sir, I don’t like fish,” I said, annoyed at myself for having opened my mouth. Eynan snorted at my statement, earning a glare from James and me – he has always had a disliking for Slytherins, and was used to my idiotic antics.

“Miss Bland, not that kind of fish, I’m afraid. This type of fishing will be a lot more demanding of your energy and concentration, so I suggest you listen carefully if you want to come back alive tonight,” he lectured. I didn’t like the sound of that.

“Oh good, Holly won’t like it if I come back smelling of fish!” James announced, grinning. “But then again, she might do. I haven’t asked her!”

Who the hell is Holly?

“Thank you, Potter. We don’t need to know about your girlfriend’s kinky fetishes. Save them for the bedroom.” Eynan said, and then sneered at James, causing his grin to spread even wider.

Girlfriend? He has a girlfriend? Oh, not good, not good at all!

“That I will, Miss Jennifer Eynan, that I will!” He chuckled as Jennifer gagged.

“That’s enough! Let’s get back to this detention,” Court said, his temper rising, obviously losing his rag with Jennifer and James. They both stopped glaring at each other and returned their attention to the front of the classroom. “Thank you! Tonight we shall be searching for the Kappa that has found its way into the lake. The half moon should draw it from its hiding place, as will we. Now, if we are not extremely careful it will strangle us. So I warn you, with the utmost urgency, that you concentrate. Otherwise it will be tonight that you will meet your dreadful demise.”

That didn’t sound good. I didn’t want to be strangled! I have only just bought this necklace.

He has a girlfriend?

“It just so happens that we will soon be learning about Kappas in class; you three will therefore have a head start in the assignments, having had first hand experience. Now, let us be off, I trust you bought your dragon hide gloves with you, as I instructed.”

Whoops.

After the night’s detention ended, we had managed to escape the Kappa, which is a random monkey that lives in water, without any one being fatally injured, unless you count James hexing Jennifer.

But it was a close one.

Night!

Monday, 1st December, 9:30am, Breakfast

Today’s the day; today’s the day! I can’t wait till tonight!

I feel like roaring. I guess I am some kind of magical creature and can wait that long! And evidently, this animal is one that can roar!

Ok, yes, I know this has become a tangent! Stop me before my tongue drops off.

Monday, 1st December, 12:30, Charms

Lily is really starting to pee me off! She keeps on lecturing me about how I deserved that detention and howler.

“Well I did tell you not to pass me the note!” she said, yet again.

“Yes, I know you did. But since when have I listened to you?” I replied.

She scoffed. “Fine, but just remember, if you had listened to me you wouldn’t be decapitating cockroaches in the dungeons. Think about it, Rosy.”

“What was that, sorry? All I caught from your incoherent babbling was: ‘Fine, but just remember that Lily Evans is a stupid carrot- topped cockroach with hairy armpits. Want to look, Rosy?’”

With that she turned back to her work. Such a shame, I wouldn’t have minded looking at her armpits.

Monday, 1st December, 9:20pm, Dormitory

Oh my god! Oh my god! It’s time!

Lip gloss applied?

Check.

Irresistible hair?

Check.

Onward with this next escapade...

Chapter 6 - She should get another detention for plagiarism!


Friday 5th December, 10:30, History of Magic
I have had the worst headache ever, all week. It’s the sort of headache that, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get rid of it. It’s as if I have landed on my head after a 60 foot drop, whilst being rammed in the noggin by a ten ton canon ball and having an opera singer from the Russian ballet scream a G flat in my ear. I don’t even like the Russian ballet!

The worrying thing is that this headache has had me blacking out every now and again; I wake up to find myself somewhere having not remembered how I got there. Soon I’ll find myself in the middle of the Sahara desert, standing on one leg in an attempt to give in my Transfiguration essay.

I might have to go to Madam Pomfrey if my head is continually going to pound like a mace-wielding knight.

So, anyway, I’m sitting here in History of Magic. The ancient ghost at the front of the class is droning on about some giant named Hengist of Upper Barnton, who was slain by some old giant slayer called Gifford Ollerton. Yeah - I have no clue either!

It’s quite interesting to watch James with his new girlfriend: Holly. Who, I might add, is quite disgusting to look at, only because she is annoyingly beautiful and you just get depressed.

She has long flowing red hair, cute little freckles and hazel coloured eyes. She isn’t all perfect red roses and strawberries, though. Oh no! She is constantly laughing – and her laugh; my God, her laugh! Every time she breaks into a fit of hysterical cackling the windows threaten to crack. She laughs at a pitch that is bound to give everyone within a 13 mile radius a migraine.

I think everyone apart from James is covering their ears to block out the evil curse of the mindless titter. God, if only I could murder the girl from here – how much fun would that be? Too bad it’s illegal.

Oh, finally - the bell! I need to take some tranquillisers for my pounding headache, which was only enhanced by that stupid girls’ laughing, surprisingly.

Monday 8th December, 1:30, Lunch
Ha ha! Holly just got detention! Oh me, oh my, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. The silly girl made such a fool out of herself in Defence Against The Dark Arts.

We were having a lesson with Professor Court on how to conjure a decent patronus, which I was failing miserably at. The only people who had managed to conjure anything were James Potter, the Child Prodigy, and Jennifer Eynan, who looked like she had done it before. From beside me, Sirius was almost getting there. So every now and again a stag, spider, monkey or half-formed dog would amble across the room – shrouded in silvery steam.

About three quarters of the way through the lesson, Holly stumbled her way to the front of the class. I looked up from my pitiful hovering cloud to watch her stand tall in front of the class. Court had his back to her, he was helping Katerina with her patronus, and the rest of the classes’ eyes were screwed up in concentration. She soon had the classes’ attention, though, when she announced:

“This is for my lovely boyfriend, James. I love you baby!”

She then began to sing. That’s right: she sang!

“Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a King”

As she sang this, in a dreadfully off key voice, she began to unbutton her cloak. After removing it and swinging it above her head, she began to untie her shoelaces. As perverted as it sounds, I couldn’t keep my eyes off the charade; neither could the male members of the class, unsurprisingly.

“Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the music's high
Where they play the right music, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...”

The class sat in stunned silence as the girl began to unbutton her skirt and blouse. She was making more of an arse out of herself than I do on an average Monday morning.

“You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen”

With these lines of the song she tore the hat off her head and began twiddling it elaborately between her hands before replacing it back on her head. The talent she possessed in extravagant hat twirling astounded me – she should join a baton twirling squad. Suddenly she reached into her hat and whipped out a tambourine. She started banging it against her hip.

”You're a teaser, you turn 'em on
Leave them burning and then you're gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...”

Her monotonous singing was almost hypnotising. I am a teaser! I do turn them on! And, oh, how I was in the mood for a dance! I should join that sexy young dancing queen with that lacy pink bra …


“You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen”

She pulled out the wooden chair from behind Professor Court’s desk and hopped it. She then began to dance as she sang, wiggling her hips as if there was no tomorrow – underwear akimbo. Every pair of eyes were glued to Holly as her body swayed. She looked like she was having spasms; or summoning some kind of spirit, either one. I was about to mention this to Sirius, but by the way he was staring I figured his mind was most likely focused on other things.

She began the final chorus of the song, belting it out as if she were the next big thing.

“Dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen”

She had definitely outdone my shirt-exploding skit from last month.

“Dancing queen, Dancing queen,”

As she began to unhook her bra, Professor Courts finally decided to put his eyes back in his sockets and leapt to the front of the class.

“Miss Davidson, please put on your clothes immediately! I don’t know what on Earth you were thinking!”

Holly suddenly looked up from her bra-unhooking as if she was seeing the class for the first time, her eyes wide. She looked down again at her state of undress. Upon seeing her practically naked self, she squealed and fell off her chair and flat on her face.

As the class burst into laughter, James leapt out of his chair to Holly’s side and covered her in his cloak as she peeled herself from the floor.

“Miss Davidson, that’s two detentions: one for interrupting the class, and the other for indecent exposure!” Court said sternly as the laughter died down.

“Indecent exposure? Yeah, that seems to be becoming a regular occurrence in this class. Who’s next then? Evans, how about a rendition of Sexual Healing?” Sirius yelled as the class pealed off into hysterical laughter again.

Wednesday 11th December, 8:00pm, Common room

Court has set my detention with Eynan, James and Holly for next Tuesday – great!

But who cares about that now? The school is in utter chaos; it’s brilliant! For the latest Marauder prank the boys really have outdone themselves. It’s really fantastic, if not a little disturbing.

The Marauders managed to get their hands on a special breed of rabbit called a Penetrabbit. This is a kind of rabbit that breeds within seconds. I mean, practically lightning quick: sex, conception, birth. I really do feel sorry for the females that are in labour every two minutes.

Apparently, Peter was able to get hold of ten of these Penetrabbits. They dumped them in the broom cupboard, in the Entrance Hall, at breakfast, and shut the door. When they unlocked it again thousand upon thousands of these rabbits came toppling out of the cupboard and ran rampage around the school.

I was eating dinner and felt a nudging at my feet. I looked under the table to find my school bag rustling and moving about. I unzipped the top and about six rabbits toppled out. I tell you, they didn’t half leave a mess over my Charms homework.

At the time I had no idea why the school, and my homework, and been infested with rabbits. Although, I could have probably guessed who was behind it all. I therefore decided to approach the Marauders (may they live forever).

“Sirius?” I enquired, as him and his friends were doubled over in laughter;s a second year boy turned back to his plate to find three rabbits where his shepherd’s pie had sat only moments before.

Sirius breathed hard, trying to control his laughter. “Can I help you, Bland?” He smirked up at me.

“Well, yes, actually. I just opened my school bag to find my Charms essay had been turned into a lavatory for about six rabbits.” I explained.

“They had to go somewhere, didn’t they?” He grinned, melting me like butter; damn those pearly whites.

“What the hell are these things?” I asked.

“Remus?” Sirius turned to the most mature and sensible of the four.

“The species that is currently running riot around the school is known as the Penetrabbit, or Hump-A-Lot-Bunny. The word “Penetrabbit” comes from the words “Penetration” and “Rabbit”. It is so called because the rabbits are pregnant for a mere matter of minutes before they go into labour with their offspring. They are therefore able to bear their young several times an hour. The Penetrabbit is also one of the few magical and non-magical species that engage in sexual intercourse for pleasure rather than just producing young. This therefore increases the amount of sex they have, and therefore the amount of offspring they produce.” He recited this as if from a textbook, without even looking up from his dinner.

“How on earth did you get hold of some rampant, sex obsessed bunnies?” I asked, even more confused than before.

“Easy, you can buy them in most wizarding sex shops! We can’t believe we didn’t think of it before!” Sirius mused.

“I’m sorry, what? You can buy them from most wizarding sex shops? Do I want to know why you know that?” His answer really freaked me out; what sort of kinky fetishes do wizards have?

“I saw them once whilst my mother was buying some orgasmagic. Her and my dad had run out,” Peter squeaked from behind his treacle tart.

I backed away slowly. I had no desire to know what “orgasmagic” is.

Friday 13th December, 9:30pm, Common room

Friday 13th is supposed to hold bad luck, right? OK, I’m not one to usually believe in Muggle superstitions but this was freaky!

Holly came and talked to me, which is strange in itself, but I really couldn’t control the things I said. It was like someone was speaking for me because I was just leaking sentences.

Weird, right?

I was sitting on the sofa in front of the fire, doing my Transfiguration essay, when suddenly a tiny voice from behind me squeaked. “Erm … Rosy?”

I turned around,saw the owner of the voice and instantly became rather worried. Why was she talking to me?

“Yes?”

“I was wondering if I could talk to you for a bit.” she said, moving around to the front of the sofa and placing herself down next to me. Had she actually wondered if she could talk to me or did she just decide she would, end of? I reckon it was the latter.

“Go ahead,” I replied, trying to sound uninterested as I turned back to my essay.

“Well, I was just wondering if you could help me with something, please.” I gave her a look to indicate she should continue, and that she did actually have permission to talk to me. “OK, well, I wondered if you knew anything about … about…”

“About what, Holly?” I demanded, getting impatient. It can’t be that hard to say, can it?

“Sorry, it’s just a little hard to say.” Oh, ok. “I wondered if you knew anything about … about…”

“Spit it out, woman.”

“…Lily and James” she cried.

“What?” I asked, shocked. Why on Earth?

“Well, it’s just everybody knows that James has been obsessed with that carrot ever since second year. And all of a sudden he has completely gotten over her, after four years of drooling at her feet. Why? Why?” Her voice had started to rise to a frequency that was ultrasound. Ouch. “I mean, why is he going out with me? Surely he can’t just get over her like that, can he?”

“Well, of course not. Anyone with half a brain could work out that he is only going out with you to make Lily jealous. You’re just a backup plan to make James look good. I seriously doubt he even likes you!”

“W-what?” Oops. “R-really?” Damn - me and my big mouth! Why did I say that?

“Yes, Holly, isn’t it obvious? James usually wouldn’t look at you twice. He just needed the first girl he could find, go out with her, and make Lily jealous.”

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

After that she ran off crying. I did feel bad, I do admit. But someone with half a brain cell knew what I said was true.

I didn’t have to be so harsh, though, did I?

Well, in my defence, I didn’t mean to say those things.

Tuesday 17th December, Dormitory, 11:30 pm
Blooming tulips, detention was so boring! I actually have never been so bored in my life. I’m surprised that I didn’t age about 50 years in there because it went so slow. It wouldn’t have surprised me if I had walked out of it with white hair that’s balding in places, sagging breasts and a dead husband.

We wrote lines, for God’s sake! Lines! Last time it was extracting a magical sodding monkey, now it’s lines? Who thinks up these detentions?

Probably some boring old man that has absolutely nothing better to do with his time other than think up detentions for “young miscreants”.
The only mildly interesting part was James trying to convince Holly that he wasn’t going out with her just to make Lily jealous.

“Holly, listen to me. It isn’t true. Why would you even think that?” James grovelled to the back of Holly’s head.

“Oh, it’s isn’t true, is it?” She said gruffly, turning to face him and crossing her arms. “So you’re saying that you were able to forget Lily Evans, after being in love with her for four years, is that it?”

“Y-yes.” James said timidly. He probably hadn’t realised that someone as stupid as Holly Davidson could see through his “fool-proof” plan.

“Don’t you lie to me, James Potter,” she screamed, slapping him on the side of the face. “Anyone with half a brain could work out that you’re only going out with me to make Lily jealous. I’m just a backup plan to make you look good,” she recited, exactly as I had done the previous Friday – she forgot the part about how he didn’t even like her in the first place!

“I seriously doubt you even liked me in the first place.” Oh, ok. A pause for dramatic effect. It worked; after this finish, he looked like he had been slapped. Oh, wait, he had been!

She should get another detention for plagiarism!

Well, that was the only interesting bit. The whole time this argument occurred Jennifer Eynan stared on. She might get some kind of perverse pleasure out of watching people argue.

I wouldn’t put it past her; she is a Slytherin.

Wednesday 18th December, 8:30am, breakfast
Holy Crap! Holly’s been murdered!

Chapter 7 – Someone had to add colour to the occasion

Wednesday 18th December, 8:30am, breakfast
Holy Crap! Holly’s been murdered!
Jesus. This has never happened before at Hogwarts. Like ever.
Oh, great, now I’m hyperventilating. Breathe, Rosy, breathe.

Will someone please hand me a paper bag.

Ok, right. So I came down to breakfast this morning, tripping over my shoelaces as I walked into the great hall – but that’s beside the point. The room was filled with the usual friendly chatter, so I just sauntered over to my place as close to The Marauders as possible. The usual spread was laid out over the table, so I grabbed a few handfuls of bacon, eggs, and doughnuts. I’m a girl with an appetite, don’t judge me.

I was scoffing away at my doughnuts and eaves dropping on the Marauders conversation.

“I can’t believe it. I … I’ve never been dumped before.” James was wallowing in his own self pity. He seemed to be more upset about being chucked than he was missing his ex-girlfriend.

“Listen, mate, it’s hardly your fault. The girl’s a lunatic, albeit she has a nice chest area.” Sirius offered, patting his friend on the back, while giving me a strange look as I had sprayed essence of jam as I choked back laughter.

“Padfoot, you’re not helping.” Peter scolded as James slumped further towards the table, picking at his sausages. “Prongs, don’t listen to him. Ok, so she had rather large, firm, white as snow and so delicate … I mean. Prongs, don’t listen to him. It’s not you, it’s her. She doesn’t feel ready to be in a relationship. She was just getting out of a long term thing and, as sweet as you are, she doesn’t think she should string you along when she is still in love with … um … whoever.”

“What? Shut up! That wasn’t the reason.” James looked at Peter as if he was crazy.

“Oh, well, it’s the one I hear a lot.” Peter muttered, Sirius ruffled his hair patronisingly.

“So, why were you chucked, then? Not like you is it, James? I think you’re getting a bit soft. You’ve got to treat them mean to keep them keen, old boy.” Sirius chuckled at himself as he stretched his shoulders.

“I am not getting soft, thanks. She just … seems to think that that I’m still hung up on Lily.”

“Oh, wherever did she get that idea?” Remus mocked sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“Shut up.” James sulked and went back to his breakfast. I giggled to myself as he ran his hands through his hair self-consciously, Remus heard and winked at me and I swooned into his arms… I’m kidding.

At that moment Dumbledore rose in his chair, The Great Hall was instantly silenced. The grave look on his face announced bad news before he could open his mouth. The chirpy mood was instantly snuffed out. He cleared his throat, unnecessarily, and began.

“Ladies and Gentleman,” Dumbledore announced with a more solemn than usual greeting. “I’m afraid I have some very grave news to bear upon your young souls and minds.” Looks were exchanged between friends and acquaintances, sharing their confusion and wonderment as Dumbledore paused, as if bracing himself for what he was about to share. “I regret to inform you, that there has been a murder within our halls…” The great hall was instantly filled with the load mutterings of every student in the vicinity. People were swivelling in their chairs to make sure that friends and siblings were safely seated at their designated tables, searching for any missing faces. Dumbledore soon put to rest any curiosity that hung in the air has he continued his announcement. “The murder of Holly Davidson was unexpected and has greatly shocked the very foundations upon which we stand. Her attacker is currently unknown, and it seems will remain so until more evidence has been uncovered. My condolences lie with her family, friends and enemies. She will be a loss to all who knew her, and the school has lost a great asset. A wake will be held in two days, this morning’s classes have been dismissed as I must hold a meeting with my colleagues.”

Dumbledore bowed his head for a moment or two as everyone digested the information. My own attention seemed to be focused on my plate; I had seen her just last night. I felt somewhat guilty at having been so harsh to her.

Sirius caught my attention, not being able to take the awkward silence that had settled over the great hall, he muttered, just audibly: “Prongs, she only dumped you. There was no need to kill her.”

James’ head snapped up in shock and Remus spoke calmly “Mate, I don’t think now’s the time.”

Even I didn’t find that crack funny.

Thursday 19th December, 2:15pm – Potions

Even the Slytherins are solemn. That really is rare to see. I mean, they’re always a bit glum looking (I guess lack of sense of humour and personality has that effect on you) but today their shoulders look slightly more hunched. Bless their cotton socks.

I miss Holly. I never thought I would hear myself say that.

But I do, I miss her enormous bosoms; her slightly off pitch voice and her migraine ensuing cackle.

The effect it has had on the school is crazy, though. Everyone talks in hushed whispers. Just walking down the corridor you catch sentences from conversations:

“…Yeah, probably You-Know-Who’s followers or whatever. She was Muggleborn you know? ...”

“… I reckon she topped herself, she seemed a bit out of it in Defence, I wouldn’t put it past her…”

“…I heard James Potter killed her for breaking up with him…”

The rumours are spreading like wildfire, they’re probably all a load of rubbish. This week is turning out to be a bit of a bum, to be honest. Not to mention how bad my bloody headache is getting.

Stuff this; I’m going to Madame Pomfrey.

Friday 20th December, 5:00pm, Common room

What a beautifully morbid way to start the Christmas holidays. I suppose, in a way, it was celebrating someone’s life. However little of her life there was to celebrate.

The wake was this morning, the only funeral I’ve ever attended. Possibly the most depressing thing ever and I’ve seen all those World War II movies, by gum.

We all filed into the great hall at eleven o clock this morning. The house tables were piled up at the sides of the room, in their place sat hundreds of small rickety chairs, ten to a row with an isle down the middle. The room itself was hung with black material flowing down from the enchanted ceiling, which was mimicking the clear and snowflake spotted sky, a complete contrast to mood of the occasion. At the front of the room stood a great white marble table with a coffin on top decorated with flowers of every colour imaginable. One particular arrangement spelled out the name “Holly”.

Students quickly took seats amongst friends. Holly’s parents were huddled up the front a little way from Dumbledore who stood at the podium in front of the great marble coffin. Holly’s best friend – Laura, stood with them, clutching a small piece of paper which I assumed was her speech. And, to my surprise, James Potter stood with them – looking as if he would much rather be somewhere else.

I took a pew – get it? – halfway down the hall from the front. The entire student body was dressed in black, including myself.

Although, funny story about that. I rose to the occasion nicely with my smart black dress. I had my mum owl hers to me as I do not actually own one, so I lied when I said my smart black dress. There, however, was a slight glitch in this plan as my mother, being a natural airhead (people say it runs in the family, this is what I have to say to those people “Pfffft.”); she forgot to mail shoes with it. The only smart shoes I own are bright orange.

Well, someone had to add colour to the occasion, right?

Anyway, I seated myself a row in front of the Marauders and overheard their conversation.

“Why, in Merlin’s name, is Prongs up there?” Sirius whispered under his breath to his companions.

“Padfoot, if I am not mistaken, James was Holly’s boyfriend, correct?” Remus muttered.

“No.” He replied

“Yes, Sirius, for a short time he was. Dumbledore asked him to say something, and James’ couldn’t exactly say no. Besides, James’ is actually really upset about her death.” Remus exasperatedly explained.

“I thought Prongs killed her.”

“Wormtail, you dolt! Shut up, of course he didn’t.” Remus looked shocked at his mousey friend.

“That’s what Sirius told me.”

“I was kidding, fool.” Sirius laughed. “You actually believed James would get that sore over a break up?”

“Yes.”

“Fair enough.”

Their conversation was quickly silenced as Dumbledore raised his arms, silence fell.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. And thank you all for attending on such a morbid day.” He began in a solemn and slow voice. “We are here, as you know, to say goodbye to the wonderful Miss Holly Davidson.

“Miss Davidson was an excellent student who did well in most of her subjects.” He coughed under his breath and a wave of gentle chuckling spread through the hall. “I have asked a few close relatives and friends to make a few speeches about Holly today. Mr and Mrs Davidson?”

Dumbledore stepped down from the podium and took a seat in the front row. The small, ageing couple stepped up together holding onto each other as they sniffled, their voices were magically magnified as they began a long rant about how Holly was born upside down. I really didn’t need to know this, and zoned out for twenty minutes.

I was awoken suddenly by the sound of James Potter clearing his throat. I sat bolt upright – Marauders deserve utmost attention from all they address.

He sheepishly looked over his glasses and smiled, a wave of flustered teenage girls sighing went through the halls. “Hi.” He began, I giggled girlishly, and a few heads turned and frowned at me. “A few of you may be aware that today would have been mine and Holly’s one month anniversary. And yes, before you ask, I have bought her a card.” He smiled again and pulled from the top pocket of his robe a crumpled pink envelope which he placed atop the coffin amongst the flowers. Holly’s mother sighed and burst into another rack of uncontrollable sobs as her husband put his arms round her protectively.

James turned back to the podium and continued. “Over the last few days since Holly’s death I’ve been riddling myself with how I should be dealing with our loss. Should I cry because it’s over, or smile because it happened? And then it hit me, I’m not sure who it was who once said: Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional, but they were a very wise person. So, in true Holly Davidson style, I invite you all to take a moment from your grieving and remember Holly for who she was.” And with that James took his wand, waved it, and as if there were invisible speakers floating around the hall, music blared out from all over as the voice of Holly Davidson filled the room with the first verse of Dancing Queen.