(A/N: This chapter isn't anything like the last chapter with all those inside jokes, so I don't have to explain much. I just want to say thanks to all my reviewers, and please leave another one at the end. Enjoy!)


Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this chapter (like Star Wars characters, eBay, a commercial guy,etc, etc, etc). Or this story. And the sad part is, I still don't own a radish.


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Useful Background Info:


Harry is back in his room at number 4 Privet Drive. He is the only one home, as the Dursleys are out at a convention – for porta-potties. (Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge!) Since he has no one to tell him how stupid he is (pity), he is on the computer.


Daringly, he tries out the – gasp! – internet. (Please gasp one more time for added sound effects.) For some odd unexplainable reason, he ends up on eBay, where he gets quite a shocker…


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Harry: Yeah! eBay!


Commercial Guy: *singing* Do you know the way to use eBay?


Harry: Uhh…I think so.


Commercial Guy: Oh, ok. *leaves*


Harry: *to himself* Whoa! This is amazing! Who knew you could buy a popcorn machine for so cheap? (A/N: We were going to use the word “dollars� in the previous sentence, but we decided to change it, as it would cause confusion to not only us, but everyone reading this.) *scrolls down page*


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As Harry continues his extensive search for useless items, he finally discovers the surprise that only people reading this knew he would eventually face.


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Harry: *still to himself* Someone’s selling their armpit hair? What an idiot! Who would do such a pointless thing? *Looks at seller* PtnsMstrSnape? Uhh…that looks familiar. I knew Snape was an idiot! Hey Ron owes me fourteen and a half galleons.


Door:*bursts open*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *runs in through now open door and pumps up fist* Huzzah!


Harry: …


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *stands up straight* I’d like-ith to place a bid-ith.


Harry: …


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Can I place-ith a bid-ith?! *looks radish-like*


Harry: *now getting over the fact that there is knight in his bedroom from 1472, he decides to make some small talk* Cheese has holes.


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Really?


Harry: But only on Tuesdays!


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Oh.


Harry: So how’s the weather?


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Now in today’s forecast, we predict that there will be a slight chance of rain for southern England and high chances of sun for everywhere else. This is good for the radish farmers. It’s a perfect radish farming season, I remember when I was just a wee little knight, I had just gotten… *gets tuned out -- FINALLY*


A Certain Geometry Teacher: circles?


Sarah: Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Harry: Get out! Get out! *sobs uncontrollably*


A Certain Geometry Teacher and Sarah: *leave while talking about the 861 different types of chocolate*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: And then, the radishes grow big, and then those pesky carrots, they try to take over the world, I mean just because we love the radishes because they are so cute and tiny and red-ish (A/N: Ha! Ha! Pun!), doesn’t mean that those carrots get to do that. You see, the carrots suffer from –


Brianna and Kris: itchus footus leftus?


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: no.


Brianna and Kris: too bad…


Harry: nougat monkeys?


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: No, I was going to say: they suffer from the tomatoes because tomatoes are like the mobsters and they *sniff* just always have to take advantage of those darn carrots *sniffs again*


Harry: Uh, can you guys leave? I want to place a bid.


Brianna and Kris: *become huffy* Fine! *mumbles* How rude! *finally leave*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Can I stay and place-ith a bid-ith? Please-ith?


Harry: Yes-ith.


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Are you mocking me-ith?


Harry: No!... ith


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Right…


Harry: Ok, lets get this show on the road.


The Show: *gets on the road*


The Road: *has a show atop of it*


Harry: *ignores any literal meaning of what he just said*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Ok-ith, I will put down-ith two canaries and a toilet brush.


Harry: Sorry, it isn’t 1472 anymore. You must place bids with money.


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Fine-ith I shall-ith put down-ith some of your “money�


Yelper: *yelps*


Harry: Why is a yelper yelping?


Yelper: *yelps again*


Harry: …


Yelper: *continues yelping*


Shrieker: *shrieks*


Harry: *becomes sarcastic* Yay. Now there’s two.


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Intermission
*show tune starts playing*


Five minutes later
*still playing*


Harry: OK! OK! We get the point!


Authors: Don’t get your panties in a knot.


Harry: Well, it’s hard not to in this costume.


Authors: Ok then. Back to the story.


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A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: So, did I win-ith? Did I?


Harry: Uhh…


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Did I win-ith? Did I? Did I?


Harry: Uhh…


Show Tune: *starts playing again*


Harry: Oh, shut up!


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Oh, sorry-ith. I was having fun-ith playing with your records. (A/N: *smiles innocently at mentioning of Harry’s music choice*)


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Well, did I-ith? Did I? Win-ith? *gets squeaky and is jumping up and down*


Harry:*looks at computer screen* nope.


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *become enraged* Who won?


Harry: Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! *doing victory dance*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: I’m going to kill-ith you-ith.


Harry: How? *looks interested*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *puffs out chest* in a dance-off-ith.


Music: Dun! Dun! Dun!


Harry: *starts disco-ing*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *starts square-ith dancing with-ith himself*


A Radish: *is the judge*


Harry: *wins*


Music: *stops*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *looks challenging* You may have gotten the armpit hair. And the dance championship, but I still have your *looks around and sprints over to an inanimate object* record player. Muah! Ha! Ha!


Music: Dun! Dun! Dun!


Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Radish: Harry, I am your father.


Darth Vadar: Hey! That’s my line.


Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


James: No you’re not! I am!


Radish: You’re supposed to be dead.


Harry: *mouth drops to floor*


Sirius: pun!


James: Shut up, Padfoot. Nobody said “serious.�


Sirius: Oh well. PUN!


Harry: *mouth drops even further. If possible.*


James: There’s still no pun!


Sirius: Well, the authors just thought that puns are very punny, and they just love me soooooooo much. So, they had to make me say it. As in: PUN!


James: *looks over to Lily, who just entered the room* Now who’s the arrogant toerag?


Lily: You.


James: *swears*


Harry: *jaw drops all the way to the other side of the Earth, eyes bulge, ears are covered with earmuffs to avoid hearing naughty words*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *runs out*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *with the radish*


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *and the record player*


James, Lily, and Sirius: *looks at Harry*


Harry: *looks at James, Lily, and Sirius*


James, Lily, and Sirius: *looks at Harry*


Harry: *looks at James, Lily, and Sirius*


James, Lily, and Sirius: *looks at Harry*


Show Tune: *starts playing*


Harry: *snaps out of daze* But where’s my record player?


A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have A Name: ith.