The Confessions Of Severus Snape by Master Wolf

Summary: And now, the smash-hit comedy sequel you've all been waiting for, featuring the other guy you all love to hate!
Categories: Humor Fics Characters: None
Warnings: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 352 Read: 2622 Published: 11/06/04 Updated: 11/06/04

1. The Confessions Of Severus Snape by Master Wolf

A/N: If you think the cow joke is getting old, you should most definetly NOT be reading this.

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Dear Journal,

Today I sent out the OWL results. How fun! I love failing people miserably. All but Harry Potter, because Albus told me he would speak to JK so she would kill me off if I didn't. So I had to.

One day I swear, I'll kill Potter. But for now I am in his debt, because his father cured me of my bad breath when he cleaned my mouth in fifth year.

Sevvie

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Dear Journal,

I have made up my lesson plan. I will terrorize everyone, then try to teach them something really hard.

Oh! I remember now! There is an office meeting tonight. Better go.

Sevvie

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Dear Journal,

That was one hell of an office party. Minerva drank one glass too much of Firewhisky. Did I say glass? I meant bottle.

So the party went a bit wild. I tried to tell her she was drunk and should give me the keys to her broom, but then she transfigured me into a cow made of orange Jello!

So now I have to be careful when I eat because if I eat something heavy my second stomach rips.

Sevvie-the-cow

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Dear Journal,

Why are students so mean? Weasley threw a bottle at me so now I have a bottle in my head.

Which is why I lost fifty IQ points cv4regtyyfrujikolpikjuyhtgrfgyhuj and oidasdjflknv...

Sevjhlks-the-comks

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Dear Journal,

The good new is, I got my IQ points back. The bad news is, Minerva changed me into a horned toad after I gave her some wine.

I am now dictating to my quick-quotes quill that once was owned by some disco freak that was sexily massaged HEY STOP THAT!

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Dear Journal,

I am going to Transylvania for a while to be changed back into my old self.

So I will probably buy a new journal on my way there. One that transforms you into a cow made of orange Jello when you come near it.

Sevvie

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