Behind my façade, it is rising high,
Sorrow, grief, emotions coming nigh,
Living in disappointment, the shadows of the past,
Impressions and expectations that last.
Living in a world where no one can care,
Because I cannot share,
And there’s just no one there.
And I listen to my Gran,
And she tells me, “You’re father took grief like a man.”
Masking my pain, hiding behind the grief that consumes me,
Will people note I have Dad’s bravery?
Visiting Mum and Dad’s a new trial, each time I go,
The wasted, the ruined-they were great once, I know.
The brave, loving and kind
Now lay with insane mind.
And I wonder, “Why this for me?
Why not other destiny?
Why clumsy, why outcast,
Why me?”
Trying to stand it all, each day,
Putting it all out of my mind’s way,
Yet when someone reminds me of the sorrow’s I keep,
I fight the urge to battle, the urge to weep.
No sad ignorant fool am I,
I am just ignored, and why?
Expectations, comparisons are high.
Yet how will I meet them, now I wonder,
While I cope as my parents’ minds lay asunder.