A bell tinkled softly as studious children wandered through Flourish and Blotts. Little wizards and witches as well as grown up ones flipped through stiff pages and filled their heads with knowledge, but this is not where our story takes place. We need to travel across the street to a shop with a large sign in the front window that screams, “Why worry about U-Know-Who when you should be worrying about U-No-Poo, the constipation sensation that’s sweeping the nation.” Children inside screamed with laughter as the played with the newest fake wand. A tall redhead presided behind the counter watching the children, and adults, enjoying themselves. He snickered at the large crowd of teenage girls crowding around the love potions that he himself had just invented. Business had never been better.


“Hey Georgey Porgy can you get your long hiney back here and help me put this new shipment on the storage shelves?” his twin brother Fred called.


“Of course,” he replied, “what else do I have to do?”


The twins worked side by side till they got tired which was exactly three minutes and twenty six seconds later. “Whew!” Fred sighed, “we really worked hard today!”


“I know, Ma should be proud of these macho muscles we have been making,” George replied, flexing his skinny arms proudly. Fred turned to watch him as an eerie silence followed. “Hey kid brother,” Fred suddenly said, “is it just me or is it way to quiet for our joke shop?”


George looked up and realized how quiet it was. “Maybe we should go and see what scared our little, and quite large, consumers away.”


The twin jokesters jauntily strode out into their store and looked around. All of the customers were gone except one. The man or woman was wearing a morbidly black cape and was standing with its back facing George and Fred. “Can we help you,” George offered curiously.


“Yesssss, you can,” the stranger replied and turned around.


Fred and George recoiled in horror when they saw the stranger’s face. “Wow, did your kid brother do plastic surgery on your face,” Fred asked.


“Do you not realize who I am?” the ugly white figure hissed.


“Wellllll, see I don’t get out much, so I’m sorry but I don’t seem have to have met you before,” Fred replied hesitantly. “Wait; were you the guy who chased us down Diagon Alley because our sign had the word ‘poo’ in it? I say he was about as ugly as you are,” Fred questioned as his brother nodded in agreement.


“Fool! I am the Lord of Evil, the...” the stranger replied as George interrupted him suddenly.


“Oh, I know who you are! You’re that one guy; I can’t remember his name that stalks our little bro’s best friend. Urghhhh, what is your name! Refresh my memory please,” George replied insolently.


“My name is Lord Voldomort. And I do not stalk your best friend’s brother...” Voldomort huffed as Fred cut in.


“Actually it’s are little bro’s best friend,” Fred corrected.


“Whatever, same thing,” Voldomort sneered.


“Well, do you need something, dear Voldy?” George asked with a snicker.

Voldomort looked at him and pulled out his wand. “I would like to make a little speech. First of all I do not appreciate being compared to constipation and you will suffer for it. Now the real reason I am here. I have decided that the only way to make Harry suffer is to make the ones he loves suffer. Harry obviously thinks of you two as older brothers if he would give you the money for your own store, so I think it might hurt him to have you both dead. Besides getting rid of you two will be like ridding the Wizard world of all fun and games, which will be banned when I come to power.”


George and Fred sniffed in unison and wiped their eyes. “Wow, I didn’t know you could make me so emotional,” Fred sobbed. “Now if you don’t mind I would like to make a little speech of my own, and Georgey Porgy will join in from time to time. First of all, it is a compliment to be compared to constipation. Do you realize how many people actually read that sign a day? That sign is like propaganda for you. As long as we have that advertisement up people will never forget your in-need-of-plastic-surgery-face. Also, you have just made my day in saying that Merry Harry thinks of us as his wonderful, dear, sweet, kind, gentle, and most importantly dashingly handsome brothers. You are incorrect in saying that killing us would rid the world of laughter because all people would have to do would be look at your face. Ooooohhhhh burnnnnn.....Watcha gonna do know Moldy Voldy?” Fred finished and turned to us brother who was now covered in fake tears.


George turned to his brother and sobbed out, “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything I was just too touched by your wonderful way with words.”


You-Know-Who looked at the twins in fury and spat,” I’ve had enough, now I shall kill you.”


Fred turned to George and started screaming hysterically and apologizing for things he had done to his twin, while George turned to Moldy Voldy and prepared to beg for his life. Suddenly Fred looked up and asked through sobs, “Wait a minute, big guy. Did you say, ‘now I shall kill you’?”


“Yes idiot,” Voldomort replied disgustedly. Fred yanked George to his feet and slapped him across the face.


“Pull it together bro. The man, or thing, said “now I shall kill you” we have nothing to worry about,” turning to a puzzled Voldomort he asked with a barely straight face, “Refresh my memory, how many times have you told Harry Potter that you are going to kill him?”