Narcissus

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Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyton wohsi
Sum erd nasu iris
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Every night, he left. Every night, young Sirius Black, fourth year student at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft left his bed at the dead of night. And every night, Remus Lupin would stay in his bed and wonder where Sirius had escaped to until night overtook the pondering boy.

It was common habit for Remus to observe almost everything Sirius did. The two were very close friends, but Remus always watched more carefully than anyone. Remus watched the way Sirius’ throat moved when he drank pumpkin juice, the way Sirius’ eyes fluttered when he was up until past midnight doing homework, the way the corners of Sirius’ mouth curved upward when James Potter, another friend of theirs, made a joking remark. Sirius was Remus’ favorite work of art, and after awhile, Remus realized his true love for his classmate. At first, he tried to deny it, but with every gesture Sirius made, Remus fell more in love, until Remus had fallen deep that he couldn’t dig himself out. Remus had tried to tell Sirius so many times, but his voice always clenched in his throat, and he remained silent, as if some god from above had cast a spell on the truth. Not even the excruciating transformation to a werewolf could come close to matching the pain of Remus’ silence.

And now, Sirius was acting strange and Remus seemed the only one who noticed. Remus sighed, realizing that his curiosity would never be satisfied until he knew where the beautiful dark haired boy stole off to every evening. So after about one month of watching and wondering, Remus arose from his bed about two minutes after Sirius left. Remus grabbed James’ invisibility cloak and began to pursue the one he loved. It wasn’t very easy, as Sirius moved quickly and stealthy, but Remus was able to keep up without being detected.

After about ten minutes of rushing through the dark corridors of the abandoned castle, Sirius came upon what looked like an unused classroom on the fifth floor. Remus wondered what could be inside. Could it be a secret lover? Or maybe it was something illegal. Remus smiled to himself; he had read far too many mystery novels. Sirius opened the wooden door and Remus slipped in behind him. The room was empty and would have been completely dark, had the moon not have been shining through a large window. Remus shuddered and knew he would have his transformation in a few days. The invisible boy, not wanting to get too close, stood against the wall near the doorway, as he watched a peculiar sight.

Sirius approached a large object that looked very out of place in the dusty classroom. From the side, Remus could only see the deep golden frame, but he guessed it was a mirror. And a fancy one to boot! The mirror reached up to the ceiling, standing on two steady legs. Remus watched Sirius’ face change when the dark-haired boy gazed deeply into the mirror. Sirius’ face grew completely relaxed, and he looked almost vulnerable. Sirius barely blinked as his body relaxed. He took deep, soothing breaths, as if getting the best massage of his life, all the time staring sweetly into the mirror. Remus was completely mystified. Well, Sirius is incredibly attractive, thought Remus, but the cloaked boy just couldn’t understand how anybody could stare so lovingly at their own reflection. Still, Remus could barely think, captivating by the beauty in Sirius’ dark eyes during the rare vulnerable state of the gorgeous boy.

“I love you,” muttered Sirius at the mirror. Remus sighed and shook his head, broken from his moment of staring at Sirius. This love was going nowhere. Sirius Black, adored by nearly every girl in the school, would never love another guy, let alone the grungy bookworm Remus Lupin. Yet young Remus was still drawn to utter a small echo under his breath at the beautiful dark haired god, he who stared passionately at his own reflection.

“I love you.”

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Sirius gasped. He swore he heard it. The boy looked around the room, seeing nobody. But I know I heard it, thought Sirius feverishly. He looked at the mirror again and wondered if there was enough magic in it to add sounds to the sweet vision. Sirius shook his head and decided it was in his imagination, just like his true love.

For almost half the term now, Sirius had been in love. Ever since the faithful meeting on the Hogwats express, the dark haired boy from the pure-blood family knew there was something special in Remus Lupin. But this year, Sirius felt things becoming more than friendship. Sirius felt some kind of vibe between him and Remus whenever they were together. Doing homework, sitting in class, and even while the other boy was sleeping, Sirius felt a heat between them that fueled the emotions of the dark-haired boy’s heart. This would keep Sirius awake for hours, so Sirius began prowling Hogwarts at night, exploring passageways and making new discoveries. The day after, Sirius would always show Remus what he would find. Sirius shared everything, except for the mirror.

It was a stormy night when Sirius stumbled into the abandoned classroom on the fifth floor for the first time as a desperate attempt to escape that wretched cat Mrs. Norris. There, Sirius spotted the tall mirror with the golden frame. Atop it, there was some odd inscription. Sirius had no idea what it meant, but decided to ask Remus the next day. The moment Sirius stared into the mirror, though, he immediately forget everything as he saw the wonderful sight. Out of the air, Remus appeared, smiling. Sirius turned around frantically, but saw nothing. He looked back at the mirror to see Remus still there. Sirius was about to scream when he watched the Remus in the mirror put his arms around Sirius. The dark-haired boy immediately lost himself, as if he had gone to sleep and it were all some dream. After that, Sirius went back every night and stood for about and hour or two, in the arms of the ghost.

And now, for the first time ever, Sirius swore he heard Remus proclaim his love. Sirius thought it may have been the mirror, but now the dark-haired boy knew it was just in his imagination. Sirius wished Remus would really know Sirius’ true feelings, but Sirius knew that the truth would be the end of their friendship. The only thing that kept Sirius same was the mirror, the portal to the imagination. Or at least Sirius thought it was that. Sirius sighed. Maybe I’ll never know.

It was then that Sirius looked up at the curious inscription. He had never bothered to ask Remus what it meant. But suddenly, everything became clear to him.

It’s not my imagination. It’s not the future. It’s just some silly desire, some silly crush. Sirius kicked himself for not figuring these things out immediately. He suddenly felt as if the truth had laid itself before him. He looked back at the magical reflection, and noticed that Remus suddenly looked more distant. His arms were still around Sirius’ neck, but Sirius could barely feel them anymore. Remus had fled, and Sirius knew he had to move on.

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Every night, Sirius went to the Mirror of Erised and every night, Remus would follow stealthily with James’ invisibility cloak. Every night, Sirius would see less of Remus in the mirror, and every night, Remus would come closer to realizing that Sirius was an impossible dream. One night, Sirius stared at the mirror and all he see was fog. It was as if there was a stormcloud sitting directly in front of the mirror. No matter how close Sirius got to the false reflection, the misty fog still remained. After that night, Sirius left the mirror alone. Remus had lost love for Sirius altogether.

Neither told of his midnight trips to the Mirror of Erised. Nobody else knew of their escapes. Both would grow up to follow different paths, one as a fugitive and one as a broken down bookworm. They saw each other often and were always friendly. But Remus never asked Sirius about the midnight trips and Sirius would never tell. They had convinced themselves that there was nothing left.

In the Department of Mysteries, Sirius knew he was losing the battle against his cousin. When the flash of green light came, Sirius looked away and caught Remus’ eyes. Sirius felt as if he were looking at the mirror again. Sirius muttered the name of his lost lover the second before the misunderstood Narcissus fell behind the veil.

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Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyton wohsi
Sum erd nasu iris

I show not your face but your hearts desire
Sirius and Remus
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