Imaginary

Life is never an easy thing… especially when you’re different. Now you’ll have the people who will tell you everyone’s different, and you have nothing to feel ashamed about. But there’s always that very likely chance that you’ll find those few people who will milk it for all it’s worth… which is why you must keep it a secret, your true identity. Then there’s always the chance you’ll find someone who will understand completely, and they promise to be your friend through thick and through thin. Life is perfect then… You have one single, solitary friend who is able to look through you and see who you really are.

The only problem is… what if you didn’t know what they really are?

Chapter One

Remus Lupin woke with a start and sat bolt upright in his bed looking wildly around the room. Then, upon seeing that everything was just as it had been when he had gone to sleep the night before, he threw his blankets off and got down from his bed, shivering as his bare feet touched the cold floor. Remus had had yet another nightmare. This one had been about that fateful night nine years ago when he had wandered, unwittingly, into the forest and had been condemned to a life as a werewolf. The weeks preceding the bite he had been plagued with these nightmares, each growing steadily worse, until his parents had to get him a case of Dreamless Sleep Potions. Then once he had turned ten they thought he was able to stop his nightmares, and they had thought right as they only occurred once in a while.

Remus hurried downstairs, eager to go to Diagon Alley later that afternoon so he could get his school supplies for his third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Remus’s first two years at Hogwarts had been anything but fun. Most of his fellow Gryffindors thought him to be a little oddball who read too much for his own good. He was often the butt of many jokes of the Slytherins because of his weak exterior, though they didn’t know how badly Remus could jinx them if he really tried. The boys in his year - James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew - paid him absolutely no mind, which he was fine with. He didn’t want any of their cruel pranks to be targeted at him. But, despite his first two years, he could only hope that this year things would improve.

“Did you sign my Hogsmeade form, Dad?” Remus asked when he spotted a man with sandy brown hair and grey eyes sitting at the kitchen table.

Mr. Tom Lupin looked over his copy of The Daily Prophet and nodded at his son. Remus used to have those grey eyes before he was bitten. After that they had turned a mysterious golden colour, though it was nearly undetectable and he got away with saying they were hazel to anyone who asked. Remus smiled gratefully. Hogsmeade was the only entire Wizarding village in all of England and third years and up were allowed to visit it on certain weekends.

Of course Remus’s fellow third years had no idea that Remus had been visiting Hogsmeade for a long time before they had, although it wasn’t for any reason that Remus found enjoyable. In Hogsmeade there was a building dubbed the Shrieking Shack., for the reason that every month the villagers would hear ear shattering cries of pain and thought they belonged to a rowdy group of poltergeists. Little did they know that it was Remus Lupin enduring his monthly transformations into a werewolf.

“You’ll love Hogsmeade, Remus,” said the voice of Remus’s sixteen year old brother, Blake. Blake grabbed and apple out of the fruit bowl and took a seat at the table. Blake was the Lupin’s second oldest child, and Remus the third oldest. They had a nineteen year old daughter, Cassie. She worked as a curse breaker for Gringotts Bank, and she was often abroad with her work, but she was expected to be visiting at the end of the week. After Remus’s accident in the forest, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin weren’t sure if they wanted to have another child, but eventually they had Remus’s five year old sister, Lucy.

“My advice, buy everything out of Zonko’s before those boys in your year do,” Blake said, leaning over the table to where Remus had just sat down. That was the typical advice of Blake, who was very protective of Remus, even before he had become a werewolf. Blake was always looking out for him. It was only because of Remus’s protests that he didn’t beat the pulp out of the people who picked on him at school.

“Yeah,” Remus agreed. He knew the James, Sirius and Peter would love to get their hands on every prank item within the store, and that spelled danger for anyone who wasn’t part of their clique, Remus included.

“That’s not the only reason to go to Hogsmeade,” reminded Mr. Lupin from behind his paper.

“Well, yeah,” Blake agreed grudgingly. “If you’re interested in the history of it, like Remus probably is.” He winked at his brother and got up from the table. “What time are we leaving to go to Diagon Alley?”

“12:30,” Remus said quickly.

Blake nodded and disappeared up the stairs.

“We have to get back early though,” Mr. Lupin said, folding up his paper. Remus raised an eyebrow, but then a look of comprehension dawned on his face. That night was the full moon, and once that thought appeared in his mind, his stomach lurched painfully. “Remus,” his dad said slowly. “No one at Hogwarts knows, do they?” Remus shook his head. His dad smiled, seemingly satisfied.

That’s all good for him, Remus thought bitterly. His parents didn’t understand that maybe, just maybe, if someone knew, things would be better for him at school. People just thought he was a weak wizard because he always looked worn out. They had no idea how good of a wizard he was. They knew nothing about him because they never bothered to get to know him. His parents didn’t even know how many times Blake had caught him sitting miserably under the stairs in the Entrance Hall, nursing an injury of some sort. Of course Remus made his brother promise not to tell their parents, not wanting them to worry about him. They worried about him enough.

Remus was broken out of his thoughts by a faint pop in the next room and footsteps approaching the kitchen. He looked up and saw a dark haired woman with green eyes standing in the room.

“Cassie? What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Got off work early,” she replied offhandedly. “So I thought I’d come to see how my favourite little brother’s doing,” she added fondly, ruffling Remus’s hair. Remus pushed her hand away. He had always hated it when anyone ruffled his hair, especially when his sister did it. Cassie was taller than their parents and extremely sunburned. Her face was covered in freckles due to the fact that she spent most of her time in the desert with the sun beating on her constantly. Though, despite her sunburned appearance, she was still very pretty. “So how are you, Remus?”

“Fine,” he lied.

She nodded slowly, seeing right through his lie, but she didn’t question him any further. That was what Remus liked about his sister. She would ask how he was and if he felt like lying she wouldn’t question him about it. His parents on the other hand… they were another story entirely. If he told them he was fine on the day leading up to the full moon, they would worry if the moon was causing him to lie. But Cassie would just let it slide.

“Excited about your third year?” she asked conversationally.

“Not really,” Remus answered bluntly.

“Still haven’t made any friends yet, have you?”

“No.”

“Well this year could be different from all of the other years. This year you might have more friends than you could want.”

Remus tried smiling at her. He knew that she was right, but she had told him the very same thing the summer before his second year, and it had yet to come true. He hated thinking that he was going to be spending most of his life thinking that he just had to hope that the next year would be different. He wanted to it be different right then and there. Cassie didn’t even know what it was like to go through school without a single friend. She had been in her seventh year when Remus was in his first and every time he had seen her she was with a group of friends, and the same went for Blake as well. Though he wasn’t as popular as his sister, he still had a good group of friends.

“Where’s your brother?” Cassie asked hesitantly.

“Went upstairs,” Remus answered indifferently.

Cassie stood up and went towards the stairs. “I think I’ll go and say hi,” she said and retreated upstairs.

Remus leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. He hated himself sometimes for what he was. It was the one thing preventing him from being normal, even by Wizarding standards. His sister and brother couldn’t even begin to contemplate what he went through every month. They had no idea what kind of pain he went through. They just had no clue.

“Remus Lupin, get your feet off the table.”

Taken by surprise, Remus toppled over sideways and fell off his chair. He heard the familiar intake of breath and looked up to see his mother, Maria Lupin, standing over him. His mother was one of the usual mothers who worried a little too much about their children. But her amount of worry increased ten fold for him when he was bitten by the werewolf. Now every time he fell over or got a scrape she was a nervous wreck. She held out a hand and helped her son up.

“Oh I’m sorry,” she apologised, taking it up herself to straighten her son’s shirt.

Remus backed away and did it himself. “Please, Mum,” he muttered.

“Did you hurt yourself?”

“No, Mum.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Mum, just lay off, please?” And before even waiting for an answer Remus marched up the stairs and went to get ready for their trip to Diagon Alley. He passed his little sister Lucy as he made his way to his room, and discovered she had found his wand and was attempting to perform one of her own invented spells. Remus doubled back and snatched it from her before any damage could be done. Pocketing his wand, he disappeared into his room to change.

“Remus, hurry up!” his brother called from the foot of the stairs.

Remus bounded out of his bedroom, pulling his robes over his black shirt and ambled down the stairs. He bolted into the living room to see his family assembled at the fireplace. His father stepped aside and gestured for Mrs. Lupin to step into the emerald greens flames raging in the fireplace. So, stepping gently into the grate, she grabbed a handful of Floo Powder and shouted loudly and clearly, “DIAGON ALLEY!” and vanished in a rush of flames. Cassie went in next, holding Lucy’s hand as Lucy was not allowed to Floo by herself. Now, a little too anxious, Remus hurried in front of his brother, who was just about to step into the fireplace and Flooed out of the living room at warp speed.

His feet landed hard onto the stone grate below him and he lost his balance for a moment, nearly toppling over to the right, but he managed to stay upright. He quickly stepped out of the fireplace, before his brother could land on top of him, which had happened one too many times and he knew he would not enjoy it. Blake wasn’t overweight, but it was still rather painful to have someone who was three years your elder to land on top of you. He looked around and discovered he was standing in the Leaky Cauldron’s barroom and he saw that the rest of his family was standing at the bar, in discussion with Tom the barkeeper.

Remus liked Tom. He was one of the few people who knew Remus was a werewolf, but didn’t mind at all. Remus wasn’t quite sure how Tom knew when he was younger, but his parents had disclosed to him that it was Tom who had found Remus after the werewolf, Fenrir Greyback, had bitten him. So naturally he was concerned about Remus’s well being after discovering him bloody and unconscious. He went along to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries to see the how the Lupin’s were faring. Remus had remained in the hospital for a week in a half, suffering from various other wounds along with his fate determining bite.

Remus hurried over to the bar to join his family and Tom greeted him with a cheerful smile and offered a bottle of butterbeer to him, which Remus declined. They didn’t have much time to spend in Diagon Alley. So once they were joined by Mr. Lupin and Blake, they made their way to the back alley entrance to the alley. Walking through the brick wall, which had politely parted itself when the correct bricks were tapped; they entered Diagon Alley and immediately made their way to Gringotts Wizard Bank. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin descended the trolley to the vaults while their children milled around the main lobby. Remus, who had been watching a line of goblins stamping some documents, noticed a boy who looked to be about his age, but he had never seen him before. He had jet black hair and grey eyes, and was wearing a red fur cloak. Curious, he approached the boy.

He stopped halfway over to the boy and made to turn around; trying to thwart his curiosity, but the boy turned and saw him.

“Hi,” he said in a friendly voice, though Remus detected a slight accent in the boy’s voice that was not English like his.

Hearing the friendliness in the boy’s voice, Remus walked over.

“Hi,” he said quickly. “Are you new around here? I’ve never seen you in Diagon Alley before.” The boy nodded in response. “Well, where are you from?” Remus asked slowly.

“I’ve just transferred from Durmstrang and I was hoping to meet someone who I can talk to at Hogwarts. What year will you be in?”

“Third.”

“Oh, me as well. Then I’ll be seeing you there I expect.” The boy turned to leave, as he had just been handed a sack of gold by one of the goblins and Remus stopped him.

“Wait, I didn’t catch your name.” The boy stopped and turned around, smiling.

“Oh, Larry Wilkins,” he said, looking over his shoulder and out the door. “Yours?”

“Remus Lupin.”

“Well, Remus, I’ll be seeing you at school then.” And, with that, the boy was out the door.

Remus then remembered that his parents were retrieving their gold and he went back over to where Blake was waiting. He discovered that Blake had been watching Remus talking with the boy, which wasn’t exactly an odd thing for Blake to do, as he had always been suspicious of anyone that wasn’t already friends with his brother. He shrugged, and said nothing to Remus, not that he could since their parents returned and they joined up with Cassie and Lucy, who had gone outside for some fresh air.

They split up once they were outside. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin decided to head back to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink while their children shopped. Blake and Remus had to go shopping for their school supplies so Cassie took Lucy to Quality Quidditch Supplies, seeing as how they were allowing anyone to have a test ride on the latest models. Walking down the cobblestone street, the two boys said nothing. They merely looked inside the windows of various shops, until they got to their first stop �“ Flourish and Blotts.

The bookstore was oddly empty for that time of year, late August. Apparently everyone had gotten their school stuff early. Upon entering the shop Blake was hailed by two of his fellow sixth years so he told Remus to wait outside for him once he was finished getting his books. Remus nodded and looked at his school list. He only needed three books for that year �“ The Standard Book of Spells: Grade 3, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and Arithmancy: Grade One. He only had to look for a moment before discovering a stack of his Care of Magical Creatures textbook. He went over, grabbed a copy and made to leave when a voice stopped him.

“Taking Care of Magical Creatures as well?”

Remus turned around to discover a boy with black hair and shockingly blue eyes standing above him. Sirius Black �“ Remus’s fellow third year. Remus nodded in response and so did Sirius.

“Should be interesting,” Sirius said conversationally.

“Yeah… interesting,” Remus stuttered, not knowing what else to say. He was never on speaking terms with Sirius Black, not once in his life.

“You okay?” Sirius asked suddenly. “You look kind of sick.”

Remus realised how pale he must have appeared, due to the impending full moon. He quickly muttered something about having a head cold.

“Um… why are you talking to me?” Remus asked curiously. It was an innocent question and Sirius knew to expect it. He had no other answer except, “There’s no one else here. Well see you at school then.”

“Right… school…”

Remus caught up with Blake after purchasing his textbooks and they set out for Madam Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions, being that Remus’s school robes were just a bit too short on him. Out of the robes shop they went to the Apothecary, as both of them were short on Potions supplies and their shopping was done.

Once they were back at the Leaky Cauldron they joined their parents for dinner, all the while having a lively conversation with Tom. Remus was half listening to the conversation, as he had just begun to develop a painful headache. The only one who seemed to have noticed this was Cassie, who quickly mentioned it to her mother.

“Oh, that’s right,” Mrs. Lupin said in a hushed voice and she quickly stopped up, announcing to Tom that they had to leave.

Tom nodded, looking understandingly at Remus, whose head was swimming. “Been nice talking to you all,” he said cheerfully. “And feel better,” he added to Remus, who smiled gratefully.

The Lupins quickly made their way over to the fireplace, arriving home in a good amount of time before the full moon.

Chapter Two
- Remus reread the letter at least five more times before pulling out a sheet of his own parchment and deciding how he should explain to this kid that people who were in Gryffindor and Slytherin generally didn't get along. -

Clearly it wasn’t a very pleasant night at the Lupin household, as Mr. Lupin was forced to lock his son up in the attic with a number of precautionary spells. None of the Lupins slept as they listened to Remus’s cries of pain as he made his transformation. How could they even think of sleeping once he was a fully fledged werewolf clawing at the attic door? So naturally it was a very long night for all of the Lupins. Only once dawn broke did any of them get any sleep. At around noon Mr. Lupin broke out of his dead sleep and removed himself to the attic to check on his son.

Opening the door, he looked around and discovered Remus curled up in the corner, in very bad shape. He knelt down beside Remus and gently turned his son onto his back and examined him. Along both of his cheeks were three gashes which were steadily seeping blood onto the floor and into his mouth, which was hanging open. His nose was bleeding and swollen. His arms also had gashes, much like the ones on his face, and he was covered in many bruises. Also, Mr. Lupin could see that his son’s braces had broken in several places, especially around his incisors. Mr. Lupin pulled out his wand and quickly muttered some healing spells that the Healers at St. Mungo’s had taught him many years ago. With another flick of the wrist and a swift mutter of the incantation Reparo, Remus’s braces had mended themselves.

He smiled, satisfied, when the wounds mended themselves and Remus was left only with some bruises. Mr. Lupin hesitated, wondering if he should wake his son up being that it was noon already, but he didn’t have to, as Remus began to stir. Moaning faintly, Remus’s eyes flickered open and he looked slightly confused at first, but recovered quickly. He sat up, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and muttered a quick good morning to his dad, who didn’t bother to tell him it was the afternoon already.

Remus took his father’s hand when offered it, and the two traipsed down to the kitchen to find Cassie and Lucy eating lunch at the table. Mr. Lupin announced that he had to leave to go send in an article he had been writing for the Evening Prophet and quickly Apparated off the spot. Cassie offered a ready-made sandwich to Remus, who declined it. He felt that his stomach was not yet ready to digest anything. He contented himself with a glass of water and listening to his sister telling him about her latest job at Gringotts.

The story was actually very interesting. Apparently there was a large amount of gold in an unknown pyramid in Egypt. They had to spend a week and a half trying to crack the spells that had been placed on the tomb where the gold was hidden. But, as a result, three goblins got blasted away in the attempt. Remus felt bad for the goblins, even more so when his sister said they had found them in bits and pieces that were scattered across the desert. He could only imagine the disgusted looks on the face of Cassie and her fellow workers.

“Those poor goblins,” she said quietly. “But they knew what to expect, I guess. I’m just glad it wasn’t more of us.”

Remus nodded and focused his attention at the wall.

“So, did you have fun at Diagon Alley?” Cassie asked him curiously.

This was what Remus had been hoping someone would ask him. He had two things he wanted to discuss with someone, and, truth be told, Cassie was the best person to talk to about issues like friendship.

“I met some transfer from Durmstrang at Gringotts,” he said.

Cassie nodded slowly, her eyebrows curving together and her brow furrowed. Clearly there had never been a transfer at Hogwarts when she went there. “That’s strange,” she commented. “But I guess with Dumbledore as the Headmaster… He takes everyone in, hates to turn anyone away.” Remus agreed. It was only because of Dumbledore that he was even at Hogwarts. His predecessor, Armando Dippet, would never have allowed a werewolf to come to Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore, on the other hand, saw no reason why Remus shouldn’t go. So it shouldn’t have seemed strange that Professor Dumbledore would allow a transfer student to come to Hogwarts. “Was the kid nice at least?” she asked after some time. Remus nodded. He didn’t think the boy seemed mean at all. “Well now you have a potential friend, so that’s good.”

“Yeah,” Remus said, smiling slightly. Then he thought of something else he had wanted to tell his sister. “Sirius Black talked to me in Flourish and Blotts.”

This really got his sister’s attention. Cassie knew full well that Sirius Black usually tended to ignore Remus, as did his friends. It certainly was odd for him to suddenly acknowledge Remus’s existence. But it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, quite the opposite actually. Maybe this meant that Remus had a chance to become friends with Sirius and his mates. They weren’t exactly bad kids… they were just mischievous.

“That could be a good thing,” Cassie said sensibly. “I mean, if he was talking to you civilly. He was, right?”

“Yeah, he asked me if I was taking Care of Magical Creatures. He said it should be interesting.”

“That’s good, Remus. Maybe him and his friends’ll try and be friends with you this year.”

She checked her watch and jumped up quickly, having realised she should have been at work three minutes ago. So she said a hurried goodbye to Remus, asking him if he could tell their parents that she had gone, and she vanished with a faint pop. Remus sighed and got up from the table, thinking over what he could do that day. Maybe he could go flying, or he could just sit inside and practise the piano. Either one was appealing to him at the moment, the latter a little more.

He wandered into the living room and saw the small, organ-like, piano against the wall and sat down on the stool. He opened the music book on the stand and chose a song at random. He began to play; completely unaware of the fact that he was playing a Christmas song at the end of August. Remus loved playing the piano. He could play it better than anyone in the house, except for his mother and that was only because she had been playing it since she was his age.

Accidentally hitting the wrong note at the end of the song, Remus shut the book and discovered that Lucy had been listening behind him. Remus had tried teaching his little sister how to play the piano by writing letters down on a sheet of composition paper and writing the letters specifically for each hand. And to reinforce the letters he had taken torn pieces of the paper and taped them above the corresponding keys, using cellotape, an idea his mother wasn’t too fond of. He managed to teach her very few songs this way. But he was pleased that she had managed to learn something. At the moment, it looked as if she was eager to show off the little that she knew. So Remus reluctantly got up and sat down to listen on the couch.

The moment his sister started playing Remus regretted getting up, as he was now doomed to listen to Row Your Boat twenty times before she got bored of it. He knew quite well that Lucy would expect him to sit it out. If only he could perform a Silencing Charm on the piano… Although this gave him some time to sit and think, a privilege had been denied for a few days. Now he could just sit there and mull over what was going through his mind, although he was occasionally interrupted by wincing as his sister struck an ear piercing note on the piano.

He knew that Cassie was probably right in suggesting that if Sirius had talked to him it meant that he was trying to become friends, though Remus couldn’t possibly fathom the reason as to why the boy had waited two years to talk to him. They had been living in the same room for the majority of those two years. The thought that they might be wise to his condition had often been one of Remus’s ideas concerning the whole situation. But he strongly doubted that James, Sirius and Peter were positive that Remus was a werewolf. This year could be different though. He had a chance at being friends with that Larry Wilkins he had met at Gringotts.

Wincing once again as Lucy messed up the song she was playing, Remus lifted his feet up on the coffee table, after making sure his mother was nowhere in sight. He continued to focus on the subject of his third year at Hogwarts. Both Blake and Cassie had said that their third year was their favourite year. This was because they were still considered to be kids in the eyes of their professors, even if they were given the opportunity to go to Hogsmeade. When the teacher still considered you to be a child they weren’t as harsh with their punishments, should they have to give one.

Of course there was Hogsmeade. There were so many different places to go in the village that Remus didn’t know where he wanted to start. He wanted to visit every place possible, anywhere from Zonko’s Joke Shop to Honeyduke’s Sweet Shop. There was also the post office that had so many owls hooting you could barely hear yourself think. Blake had mentioned a few of the places you could go to get a drink. One of three that he mentioned were Madam Puddifoot’s (but he described that place as a place for couples who in were sickeningly in love). There was the Hogs Head (which was where all the tough people went). And, lastly, The Three Broomsticks, which he claimed was the perfect place for Hogwarts students.

He had already been mapping out his schedule for the first trip there, which would take place on Halloween. He thought that he would go to Honeyduke’s first, as they would be having the Halloween Feast when they got back and he didn’t want to be too full on Honeyduke’s sweets. Then he would head over to Dervish and Bangs. Then he would go to the post office to see all of the different owls, and finally to Zonko’s. He wondered if he should take his brother’s advice and completely buy the store out. But he decided against it after remembering that one of his fellow Gryffindor third years had actually talked to him. He didn’t want to jeopardize his chances at becoming friends with them by trying to pull pranks on them.

He was broken out of his thoughts by his dad calling him from upstairs, saying that he had gotten an owl. But I got my Hogwarts letter already, he thought as he made his way towards the stairs, treading carefully as his bruised leg gave a painful throb. Who else would he get a letter from? His dad was waiting for him at the top of the stairs, holding a parchment envelope with Remus’s address written on it in scarlet ink. Remus took the letter and stared at the letter curiously. It was the correct address, there was no mistaking it. He definitely lived at 547 Willow Road, but no one at Hogwarts knew that except for the professors.

Shrugging, he proceeded past his father and straight to his room. Dropping down on his bed, he ripped the envelope open and unfurled the slip of parchment that had fallen out. The letter was written in handwriting unfamiliar to him, which only confused him further. Sighing, he began to read.

Remus,
I’m not sure if you remember who I am, but we met at Gringotts yesterday. I was just wondering what house you’re in at Hogwarts, as I just got sorted into Slytherin this morning. Write back quickly.
Sincerely,
Larry Wilkins

Remus reread the letter at least five more times before pulling out a sheet of his own parchment. He tried deciding how he should explain to this kid that people who were in Gryffindor and Slytherin generally didn’t get along. But just as he formulated a reasonable explanation, he decided against it. So what if this kid had been sorted into Slytherin? He seemed nice at the bank. Maybe he was just incredibly cunning? That wasn’t exactly a bad thing. He wouldn’t let the animosity between their houses stop them from becoming friends.

With that thought in mind, he began scrawling out a response. Once he was finished, he set his quill down and read his letter through two times before sending it off with the family owl, Dreyfus. Walking back to his bed from the window, he began to wonder if the fact that he was in contact with a Slytherin would have a bad effect on him at school. Naturally his fellow Gryffindors wouldn’t bode well with it, and the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Although they might not detest it as much as the Gryffindors, they would still resent him for it. But what were the chances that they would even know? Remus was very good at keeping secrets, as he had been keeping one for practically his whole life. He thought that, if he played his cards right, he would be able to be friends with a Slytherin and allow it to remain a secret.

It was important to him though. This Larry kid could be the one person who would be able to look through Remus’s weak appearance and see who he really was. That was really all he wanted. He wanted to be friends with someone who wasn’t shallow, someone who could see through the outer exterior and appreciate the personality. But if Larry was in Slytherin… naturally they had a harder time seeing the better in people. Still, he couldn’t help but hope.

Remus’s arm took a nasty throb and he rolled the sleeve of his blue robes up to see that he had a particularly painful looking bruise there. As a matter of fact, all over his body his bruises were beginning to ache. He knew that his father had done his best to heal them all, but his father had never been skilled at healing bruises. The only time he tried he ended up mutating Remus’s legs, so he never tried again. The effects of the previous full moon were beginning to take their toll on Remus and he found himself slowly falling asleep right where he was standing. So he slowly backed towards his bed, nearly tripping over his trunk, which was resting innocently against his bed. He dropped down and was fast asleep within seconds.

---

The Lupins stood outside of Platform Nine and Three Quarters waiting for the all clear to walk through the barrier and onto the platform where Remus and Blake would be heading off for their third and sixth years at Hogwarts. Taking a thorough look around the station, Mr. Lupin nodded towards his sons and they quickly ran through the barrier. When they appeared on the other side they were face to face with a long scarlet steam engine �“ The Hogwarts Express.

Blake was immediately hailed by two of his friends. He said a hurried goodbye to his parents and Lucy, all three of which had nearly knocked Remus over upon coming out of the platform barrier. Remus, on the other hand, stood with his parents and scanned the crowd of students as he looked for Larry. But he didn’t see him at all. The steam engine billowed a puff of smoke into the air and its horn blew, signaling that it was about to depart. Remus rapidly said goodbye to his family and ran over to the nearest open door and began his search for a compartment.

Unfortunately for Remus, all of the compartments were full. He found himself at the back of the train and looked into the last window and saw an only too familiar face �“ Severus Snape, resident Dark Arts oddball. Looking to the opposite side of the compartment, he saw that Snape was conversing with Larry Wilkins, which made Remus worry. Snape was probably brainwashing Larry right now, telling him all these horrible, false, facts about Gryffindors. Just before Remus could retreat to another end of the train, Snape looked up towards the window and he grinned a dangerous grin.

He promptly stood up and opened the compartment door.

“Lupin,” he said in a false kind voice.

“Snape,” Remus acknowledged, trying desperately to keep his voice even. He glanced over Snape’s shoulder at Larry, who was watching them with a look of mild curiosity.

“Would you like to join us?” Snape asked, a sneer playing at his lips.

Remus dreadfully wanted to say no, that he would rather sit with the Giant Squid than Snape, but he didn’t want to appear rude in front of someone he was trying to become friends with. So he grudgingly took a seat next to the window. There was silence in the compartment for a very long time before Snape chanced speaking.

“So, Lupin,” he said, turning to face Remus, who remained staring out the window. “When are you getting those braces off?”

Remus raised an eyebrow. That was the last thing he expected Snape to ask him. But he merely shrugged his shoulders. Truthfully it would be another year until he got them off. As his mother was Muggle-born; she thought it was important for Remus to use Muggle techniques for things such as largely spaced teeth. Snape didn’t question him any further after that, he simply continued the conversation that he had been having with Larry before he invited Remus inside. The conversation was just what Remus had predicted �“ Snape was indeed trying to brainwash the transfer. But, to Remus’s happiness, Larry didn’t seem to be buying anything that Snape was saying.

Snape was doing his usual round of reasons why Gryffindor was the lowliest of the four Hogwarts Houses. The first and foremost reason being that they allowed filth into their house �“ Muggle-borns, or as Snape preferred to call them �“ Mudbloods. Remus was very close to opening his mouth and yelling at Snape, but then thought that he was giving Snape a clear target for a punch in the mouth. So he refrained from saying anything. He just kept glaring out the window as the green hills rolled by. He also proceeded to explain to Larry that Gryffindors were far too trusting. He claimed that they would trust someone who was threatening to use the Killing Curse on them.

Every now and then Larry would side glance at Remus, possibly waiting for him to reprimand Snape for insulting his house, but Remus never said anything. He was in no mood to pick a fight with Snape. Perhaps tomorrow he would say something, but not right now. So for the moment he contented himself with envisioning the many ways in which he could hex Snape.

The trolley came around after an hour and, as Remus was buying a Cauldron Cake, his brother appeared. Blake smiled at his brother and glanced into the compartment that he had seen Remus come out of. Nearly choking on the Chocolate Frog he had just bitten into, he gestured for Remus to pay the trolley lady and to follow him. Remus did as he was told and followed his brother in the direction of the bathroom.

“Blake, what are you doing?” Remus asked after his brother locked the bathroom door.

“What am I doing?” he asked rhetorically. “What are you doing is more like it. Why are you sitting in a compartment with Severus Snape of all people?” Blake was positively fuming at his brother, and that was a rare occurrence.

Remus fumbled with his answer before saying, in a feeble, quiet voice, “I don’t know… there was nowhere else to sit.”

Blake rolled his eyes.

“Then why didn’t you come and find me?” he asked, making it sound as if that was the most obvious solution to the problem, which it was. “You know my friends would have let you sit with us!” Remus shrugged. His brother was making him feel increasingly stupid for not thinking of that before he decided to accept Snape’s invitation. “Come on, Remus,” Blake said finally, in a much calmer voice. “Come and sit with us.” And, with that, Blake led Remus towards the front of the compartment to where he was sitting with a few of his sixth years.

Sitting with Blake and his friends was, if possible, more boring than sitting with Snape and Larry. Although he didn’t have to listen to Snape jabber on about how superior Slytherins were, a topic that could make anyone sick. Occasionally one of Blake’s friends would ask Remus a question. Other than that Remus was allowed to keep to himself, until he eventually fell asleep, only to be awoken by his brother once they arrived at school.

Getting off the train, Remus listened as the Gamekeeper, Hagrid, called all of the first years to him. He veered off in the direction of the horseless carriages and looked for a vacant one. Just as he was stepping into one he heard a voice calling him.

“Hey, Lupin!”

He looked over his shoulder and saw a boy with extremely messy black hair, hazel eyes, and glasses coming his way, with two other boys following him. One of the boys was a mousy looking boy with watery eyes, and the other was Sirius Black. James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black stopped just short of Remus’s carriage and James folded his arms across his chest.

“So, been hanging around Slytherins, have you?” he asked.

Remus blanched when he heard this accusation. He had no doubt in his mind that the other Gryffindors would know about this by the next morning at the latest. He looked past James at Sirius and Peter, both of whom looked like they would rather be anywhere than where they were at the present moment.

“James… just leave him alone,” Sirius muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

For this Remus was glad because Sirius clearly showed that he didn’t want to get Remus angry and thought that his friend was being rather stupid. But James neither heard him nor cared as he only went on with his interrogation of Remus.

“Too good for Gryffindors, are you?” he continued.

“I never said that,” Remus said, finally finding use of his voice. “I… well there was nowhere else to sit and…”

“And so you decided to sit with Severus Snape of all people?”

“James…” Peter mumbled warningly. But, yet again, James seemed to not have heard Peter.

“Look, James,” Remus said, his voice rising with each word. “I’ve already heard this from my brother. I don’t need to hear it from someone else, especially from you.” And before James could even utter another furious question, Remus slammed the carriage door shut in James Potter’s face.

The ride to the castle seemed to take twice as long as it usually did. For Remus it was probably due to the fact that his ears were still ringing with the conversation that had just taken place. He could honestly not believe that James Potter would take it upon himself to scold Remus for sitting with two Slytherins. What business of it was his anyway? What did he care if a kid he didn’t talk to was sitting with someone he didn’t approve of? Now if it was Sirius or Peter that was sitting with Snape, Remus could see James’s problem. But it wasn’t, so Remus couldn’t see why Potter had blown up the way he did.

He shook his head dismally and slid down in his seat, waiting for the long carriage ride to be over and he would be able to go to the feast. The carriage halted and, looking out the window, Remus saw that they had finally approached the stone steps leading up to the castle. There was already a crowd of students pushing their way past each other, eager to get inside now that rain clouds had broken. Rain slowly splattered over the heads of the students as they scurried towards the castle, Remus in the thick of them.

Breathing a sigh of relief when he was in the warm castle, Remus made his way to the Great Hall. Craning his head to see the Gryffindor table, he saw that it was not even half full. Pushing through a crowd of Ravenclaw fourth years, Remus sat down next to his brother, who was busy entertaining one of his friends. Remus looked longingly at his empty plate in front of him. He sincerely didn’t want to wait until the Sorting to be over. But he was forced to satisfy his boredom with looking up at the High Table at the front of the Hall, looking at all of the teachers.

Of course the Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, was seated at the very centre, his long white beard gleaming in the candlelight. Professor Dumbledore could be described in one word �“ eccentric. The first thing that made him eccentric, though very kind, was the fact that he had allowed Remus into his school. No one in their right mind would have even considered it. Professor Dumbledore was currently surveying the Hall through his half moon spectacles. When he looked at the Gryffindor Table he smiled slightly at Remus and then was engaged in conversation by the rather round man sitting next to him �“ Horace Slughorn, the Potions Master.

Professor Slughorn was the kind of person who had many connections for the plain fact that he knew how to get them. He had basically researched the history of every student in the school and found the ones with the most famous relatives or the most talent or charm. He had formed what he liked to call The Slug Club. This was a club of which Remus was not a part of for the main fact that he was a horrid potion brewer. He was exceptional in all of his classes, with the exception of Potions and History of Magic. But the class he usually went to pieces in was Potions. He didn’t know what it was about that subject, but he couldn’t grasp it no matter how hard he tried. Periodically his potion would explode and anyone with a three foot radius would be splattered with whatever they happened to be concocting that day. Usually it resulted in a trip to the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey, the school nurse, had become so fed up with Remus’s potion inaptitude that she had actually begged Professor Slughorn to allow Remus to not make any potions. Unfortunately, she had no luck.

The Slug Club consisted of only a few third years. Three of them were Gryffindors �“ Lily Evans being one of them. She was a Muggle-born with red hair and green eyes, whom Professor Slughorn often fawned over because of her wit. He even suggested that she would have done well in his own house �“ Slytherin. James Potter and Sirius Black were also part of the Slug Club, though they tended to miss a number of the gatherings due to their habit of getting detentions. He knew that there was at least a Ravenclaw and a Hufflepuff in the club from his year, and a Slytherin or two, but he knew none of them by name. He didn’t really know why Slughorn insisted on having that ridiculous club. It was showing favouritism in the worst way. He was very thankful for his horrible potion abilities for only that. If he was a great potions brewer he would find himself locked up in Slughorn’s office against his will.

Next to Slughorn was a small wizard with a nose as pointy as the hat that was perched on his head �“ Professor Fillius Flitwick, the Charms professor and Head of Ravenclaw. Remus liked Professor Flitwick. He was always a nice person, and even if he had to be strict you could still see that it wasn’t wholeheartedly. Also his class was good for a conversation because there were usually loud noises, both from mishaps in performing a Charm correctly and from when it was performed incorrectly.

Alongside Flitwick was the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher �“ Professor Hanks. He was a man described by the students to be schizophrenic, due to his random and rapid mood swings during class. Remus remembered one time when Hanks had been walking about the class, looking at all of the students affectionately, and Remus accidentally let ink drip off of his quill onto the desk. Hanks went berserk. Remus didn’t think he had ever had as much detention in his life as he did that day… two weeks for dripping ink onto a desk! But he wasn’t about to argue it, afraid he might bring about another mood swing.

There were some other teachers sitting alongside each other. There was the Astronomy teacher Professor Sinstra. Professor Sprout, who taught Herbology and was also the Head of Hufflepuff, sat beside her. However the table was devoid of one teacher �“ Professor McGonagall, Transfiguration teacher and Head of Gryffindor House. She was standing at the head of the Hall and was holding a large scroll out in front of her and reading out names. As she called out names there would be a squeak of panic and a small first year would hurry up to the stool. Professor McGonagall would place a patched and frayed hat on their head �“ the School Sorting Hat.

Remus drummed his fingers on the table impatiently. His stomach rumbling worse than ever as the list went on. He raised his hands to clap once or twice when a Gryffindor was announced, but only brought them together three or four times. A small monkey-like boy named Jason Turner was announced as a Gryffindor and he took the vacant seat beside Remus, who smiled in a friendly fashion. Remus was also smiling because there was only one more name after Jason and the feast was about to begin.

Professor Dumbledore stood up from his seat as Professor McGonagall rolled up the scroll and took her seat while the caretaker, Mr. Filch, removed the stool and Hat. Professor Dumbledore looked fondly at all of the students.

“I have only two words to say to you �“ dig in!” And instantly the golden platters were filled with every food imaginable. Remus grinned at the shocked faces on some of the Muggle-born first years, and quickly loaded his plate.

“Careful, Remus, or you’ll choke,” Blake said offhandedly when he saw how his brother was stuffing himself.

Remus shrugged uncaringly and disregarded his brother’s warning. The conversation was lively in the Hall, but Remus would rather listen than talk. Right then he was listening to one of his brother’s friends telling everyone a story (clearly made up) about how he accidentally mutated his brother’s head three summers ago. It was funny to some extent, but more stupid if anything.

The chatter died down as the pudding disappeared from the table. Soon there was not but the dull murmur of the Great Hall as everyone waited patiently for Professor Dumbledore to give his notices for the coming year. And, soon enough, Professor Dumbledore stood up and the Hall hushed.

“To all newcomers, welcome! To all returning, welcome back!” he said in a voice that carried to the very end of the room. “Now I have a few start-of-the-term notices to give out. First of all, Mr. Filch would like to remind you all that dueling in the corridors between classes is strictly prohibited. Madam Pomfrey would also like to implore upon that notice as she had never had so many students in the Hospital Wing in one year.” A few students chuckled at this announcement and Dumbledore also found himself laughing lightly. “Now, I know I do not have to remind you that the Whomping Willow on the grounds is off limits to all who do not wish to lose a body part, like that poor student almost did last year.”

Upon hearing this Remus shrank in his seat, his ears turning red. Blake also side glanced at Remus, but didn’t say anything. The Whomping Willow was only there because of Remus. He hated thinking about Davey Gundgeon, the student who had nearly lost an eye by the tree. Although Blake liked to remind Remus that it was the kid’s own fault. He shouldn’t have been playing near it in the first place.

“Also, any students who wish to play on their House Quidditch team are reminded to contact their Head of House, or Madam Hooch, as soon as possible and anyone who wishes to commentate must do the same.” Dumbledore paused for a moment and then said, “Now if you would all follow your prefects to your common rooms, good night.”

Chatter broke out once more as the students got up and hurried to find the prefects so they could find out the new password. Remus followed lazily behind his brother, as he knew that Blake would have found out the password beforehand. He glanced further ahead and saw James Potter with his friends, talking animatedly. Remus felt a pang of anger towards the messy haired boy. He hated how James had just yelled at him for something as dumb as sitting with a Slytherin. It wasn’t as if he was joining in on the Gryffindor bashing.

But he managed to shrug the thought out of his mind as soon as he reached his dormitory. He looked over towards his bed and saw that all of his items had been brought up. The room was currently empty except for one occupant, Sirius Black. Sirius looked over his shoulder when Remus entered, but said nothing, which Remus was fine with. He didn’t feel much like talking. He pulled the hangings around his bed and hurried to change. But when he pulled them back around he was shocked to see Sirius standing in front of them.

“Look, Remus,” Sirius began in a rushed voice. “James was being stupid and he didn’t have a right to yell at you the way he did.” Remus nodded, he knew that full well. “I really don’t care. You probably had no choice, right?”

“Yeah,” Remus said carefully.

Sirius nodded and returned to his bed. Remus looked at the boy curiously, but said nothing more. He was now more confused than he was tired. Sirius Black was attempting to talk to him, he was glad about that. But he also knew that this might not make James happy, which could make things bad for the both of them. Remus rolled over onto his stomach and with that thought in mind, he fell asleep.

Chapter Three
- "Why do you talk to Snape?" -

The next morning was a hectic one starting at the crack of dawn. All of the boys in the dormitory had relied on Peter Pettigrew’s alarm clock to warn them if they overslept for the past two years and it had never failed them, until that very day. At 4:59 A.M. all of the boys had been sleeping peacefully, each of them lost in their own dream world, not a care drifting through their minds. The aura of the room was almost unnatural, it was so calm. This soon ended when Peter’s alarm clock screeched loudly and caused the boys to yell with a start. Sirius even toppled sideways off of his bed and landed with a thud on the wooden floor.

“Oh, crap! We overslept!” James exclaimed, jumping out of his bed and rushing to pull his trunk out from under his bed. Peter, who was apologising furiously for messing up his alarm clock, found James’s trunk under his bed and pushed it towards James, who exchanged it for Peter’s. Chaos rang in the third year dormitory as the boys hurried around, crashing into each other as they fought for the bathroom. It was only when they were dressed, and had brushed their teeth and hair, that Remus looked out the window and saw that it was far too dark for it to be morning.

“Um, guys?” he said quietly. “I don’t think we overslept.”

The other occupants in the room raised their eyebrows at Remus, who mutely jerked his head towards the window. The boys looked over and with a dreadful realisation, Peter shrunk back towards his four-poster. He looked at his luminous alarm clock and saw that it was a quarter past five in the morning. He didn’t understand how that had happened, but he knew not one of his roommates was happy with him.

Looking defeated, the four of them sat miserably in silence, each one of them mourning their lost sleep. The silence went on far too long for James’s liking, so he decided to start talking, to no one in particular.

“Did you ever wonder if Professor Dumbledore was an Animagus?” he asked randomly, earning himself a strange glance from Sirius, who had been rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“Why?” Sirius asked.

James shrugged lazily. “I dunno,” he said. “Maybe he’s a Phoenix or something.”

And so the conversation went on for the remainder of the morning, before classes started. James and Sirius went back and forth, producing the most ridiculous reasons as to why Professor Dumbledore could or couldn’t be an Animagus. Their reasons were so ridiculous that it made Remus wonder if there was something wrong with their sanity. Peter seemed to be thinking along the same lines as well, though he openly laughed at his friends. Remus did find it funny, but merely chuckled once or twice, spending the rest of his time trying to catch some extra sleep. Though his efforts proved futile and he was forced to wait the morning out with his roommates.

Two hours later it was seven thirty and the boys actually had a reason to go down to the Great Hall. So they packed up their books and, still yawning, made their way down to the Great Hall. Making his way through the Entrance Hall, Remus heard someone calling out his name. Thinking it was his brother, Remus turned around, rolling his eyes in the process. However, it wasn’t Blake who was calling his name; instead it was Larry Wilkins coming his way from the Slytherin common room. Remus stopped and waited for the boy to finish winding his way through a group of fourth years who were blocking the path.

“Hey,” Larry said, having finally reached his destination, only after being shoved to the left by a fifth year.

“Hi,” Remus said.

“Where’d you go after the lunch trolley yesterday?” he asked inquisitively. “You left me alone with Snape.”

“Oh, well my brother made me go sit with him,” Remus explained lamely. “I guess you might’ve figured out that Gryffindors and Slytherins aren’t really supposed to mix.”

Larry nodded. “I figured that much when Snape started berating your house.”

“Yeah, well, my brother about had a heart attack so he made me go and sit with him.”

Larry raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest. “And you listened?” he asked incredulously.

Remus shifted from his left foot to his right foot and shrugged. “Well yeah,” he said, not seeing anything wrong with what he had just said. “He’s my brother. I mean, I don’t like not listening to him.”

“So, you two are really close then?” It was really an innocent question, but Remus had a funny feeling about it when Larry asked.

Shrugging the thought off, he nodded and responded, “Yeah, why?”

“Just wondering. Well, I’m hungry,” Larry said, looking over Remus’s shoulder and into the Great Hall where breakfast had just started.

Remus was hungry as well, especially after having spent two and a half hours listening to the absurdities of James and Sirius. The two of them made their way through the same group of fourth years that Larry had fought his way through. Once inside the Great Hall they separated and Remus made his way over to the Gryffindor table. On his way to a vacant seat he could feel someone’s eyes on the back of his head.

Turning around, he saw James looking at him through narrowed eyes, clearly contemplating the many reasons as to why Remus was talking with a Slytherin. Remus rolled his eyes in disgust. He didn’t want to have to put up with the idiocy of Potter. Remus had every right to talk to who he wanted to, no one could tell him different. So, he chose to ignore James and therefore prevented any arguement that could take place. He took a seat at the end of the table closest to the Staff Table, where Professor McGonagall was currently giving out schedules.

He took a seat and began piling strips of bacon onto his plate. Chewing lazily on a piece, he waited, slightly impatiently, for the Transfiguration professor to give him his schedule.

“Let’s see,” Professor McGonagall said when she finally reached Remus. She sifted through the stack of parchment, her eyes scanning the names at the top of the page. “Lupin… third year, here we are.” She pulled out a rectangular parchment from the stack and handed it to Remus, who instantly began reading it.

Third Year Schedule �“ Remus Lupin
First Period �“ Transfiguration, Professor McGonagal
l Second Period �“ History of Magic, Professor Binns
Third Period �“ Charms, Professor Flitwick
Fourth Period �“ Lunch
Fifth Period �“ Care of Magical Creatures, Professor Kettleburn
Sixth Period �“ Arithmancy, Professor Vector

Remus smiled at his schedule. It was definitely the best Monday schedule he’d ever gotten in his years at Hogwarts. He remembered in his second year, when he was far more knowledgeable about the horrors of each class, when he received the worst Monday schedule possible. It still brought him nightmares, figuratively speaking, of course. He could already tell that it was hideous from the looks on his fellow second years. They were all blanching at the slip of parchment they had received. Peter was so shocked that he accidentally stabbed his face with the fork he was using.

At first he had thought they were merely overreacting, as they so loved to do, but when Professor McGonagall handed him his programme he saw, with dawning terror, that they were not overreacting. Their courses for the day were that bad. All in one day they had the worst classes possible �“ double Potions with the Slytherins, History of Magic, and double Defence Against the Dark Arts with the schizophrenic Professor Hanks. He didn’t think he would be able to survive the day, but luckily he managed it, though barely. He was, yet again, the victim of one of Professor Hanks’s many mood swings. He could distinctly remember each word that the teacher had bellowed.

“Remus Lupin, you are a sorry excuse for a wizard,” he had proclaimed, which was a complete lie, as Remus was very good in Defence Against the Dark Arts. “It’s a wonder you know what end of the wand to hold. If you were caught in a duel you would be lucky to come out alive.”

The class just sat there in a stunned silence. None of them knew what to say to this false accusation. Remus only sat there, sinking into his seat in embarrassment, trying to fathom what could have brought on that outburst. Maybe it was because he had accidentally gotten the wrong answer on a question he was working on. He couldn’t remember. He just knew he had not deserved that. Later when word spread around the castle, he heard that Hanks had been told off, loudly, by both the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall. That satisfied him somewhat, but it wasn’t enough to erase the moment. He was cheered up later, however, by Blake doing a very accurate impression of Professor Hanks losing it on Severus Snape later that day when Blake happened to pass by the classroom on his way back from the bathroom.

Checking his watch, Remus saw that classes were going to start soon. So, checking his schedule and seeing that he had Transfiguration first, he made his way out of the Great Hall and to the third floor. He walked past Larry, who was conversing with Snape as they made their way out onto the grounds, presumably for Herbology. Larry caught Remus’s eye and smiled. Remus smiled back and continued on his way. Remus was the first one to class, which he was fine with. Only a few minutes later the remainder of the class filed in, chatting loudly in the hallway, but then falling into an eerie silence once they entered the classroom. It was common knowledge to never be loud in Transfiguration class.

Professor McGonagall entered from her office and surveyed the students through narrowing eyes. Then, without saying a word, she nodded at Lily Evans, a pretty Muggle-born with red hair and who had been the object of James Potter’s affection for two full years. Lily took that as a signal to go up to the desk. Professor McGonagall handed her a stack of paper and directed her to hand it out amongst the class. There was a dull whisper as Lily handed them out, throwing the sheet of paper at James, and returned to her desk. Remus looked at the sheet that had been given to him and saw that it was divided into two sections. The top section described people known as Animagus, or people who could transform into a certain animal at will. The second half, which made Remus’s face burn slightly, was dedicated to werewolves. Blake had warned him about this lesson, but he had thought nothing of it, until now.

He knew this lesson would come; he just wasn’t prepared for it. They were going to spend the period listening to Professor McGonagall as she told them the differences between werewolves and Animagi. The tone in the room had changed from quiet and dull to louder and more excited. Clearly, no one thought anything of it. Not one of them even cared that they were going to learn how to decipher a werewolf. Professor McGonagall was very good about Remus’s being a werewolf. She would never deliberately do anything that could cause people to become wise to his secret. And, after all, they were only going after the actual animal aspect, not about the person.

The chatter in the room quickly dissipated once the professor stood up, scrutinizing them once more, sizing them up to see if they had the knowledge to handle this lesson. Clearing her throat, she leaned over and picked up one of the handouts Lily had given out. Looking from the sheet to the class, the professor transformed into a cat and leapt on her desk, earning a loud round of applause from her students. Then, transforming back, she turned to the class and asked,

“Can anyone tell me what an Animagus is?”

Remus could swear her head someone, most likely Sirius, say “you,” but Professor McGonagall didn’t seem to have heard him. James Potter’s hand shot up in the air and Professor McGonagall acknowledged him. Transfiguration had always been James’s best subject, so he was bound to know loads of information about the topic.

“An Animagus is a wizard who can change into an animal at will,” James answered promptly, earning five points for Gryffindor.

“And now can anyone tell me what the difference between a werewolf and an Animagus is?” she asked.

Remus slowly raised his hand and was called on. “An Animagus can transform into an animal any time they want. A werewolf doesn’t have a choice.”

“Correct, Mr. Lupin. Take five points for Gryffindor.”

And so the lesson went on. James and Remus answered most of the questions for the sole fact that James was really good at Transfiguration. Remus knew most of the information because he was unlucky enough to be a werewolf. The class was pretty interesting. They learnt that the animal the witch or wizard transformed into depended on their personality. So, for example, somebody who was loyal might end up being a dog �“ man’s best friend. Once class was dismissed, and Remus was putting his quill in his bag, he was called up to the desk.

“Yes, Professor?” Remus asked curiously. Had he done something wrong?

“It has come to my attention that the full moon falls on your first trip to Hogsmeade,” the professor said, gesturing towards October 31st on her calendar.

Remus’s heart plummeted, he hadn’t known that bit. Was she possibly going to tell him that he wasn’t allowed to go? She couldn’t say that to him. That trip was the only thing he had to look forward to. They couldn’t take that one privilege away from him. Professor McGonagall apparently saw what he was thinking because she quickly assured him that he would be able to go to the village. There were just some safety precautions that they would have to take.

“You will not go back to the castle with your classmates,” she told him. “The Headmaster has specifically told me to make sure you do not enter the castle when everyone is coming back.”

“So, I’m going to stay at Hogsmeade?” Remus asked.

The professor nodded. “You will go to the Shrieking Shack when the day ends.”

“But what am I supposed to do before then? Everyone leaves a few hours before nighttime.”

“You will go to the Three Broomsticks and wait there. Trust me; no one will bother you at all.” She paused for a moment and continued. “Do you understand, Mr. Lupin? You must not let anyone see you going towards the Shrieking Shack. You have been doing a very good job in convincing everyone that the noises are merely poltergeists. Please, do not let your cover waver now.” And with that, she dismissed him.

At least he was able to go to Hogsmeade. He wouldn’t have been able to stand it if they refused to let him go. That would have been unfair, but they saw things his way and he was perfectly okay with that. He checked his schedule and saw, with dread, that he had History of Magic with the horrifically boring Professor Binns. That class alone was enough to ruin anyone’s day. Out of all of the teachers who could have taught this potentially interesting subject, they had to pick one who talked in a monotone and seemed to never end his classroom lectures.

Throughout the entire class, everyone was put into an agonizing lull that seemed to never end. Everyone would place their heads in their hands and watch the professor drone on as they fought to keep their eyes open. As for the very few who actually took notes and paid attention, it was a difficult task indeed. You had to have a remarkable attention span to be able to focus in that class. Remus was not one of the people who could take notes and keep himself from sleeping. Of course, he managed to get some notes, but they were vague and open ended, seeing as how he lost his attention two minutes into the lecture. He really didn’t want to endure the dullness that was History of Magic.

However, luckily or unluckily, Remus was stopped when he heard someone calling his name. He spun around and saw, to his disgust, that it was none other than Severus Snape who had summoned him. Remus could see that, at a few feet behind, Larry Wilkins was hurrying along trying to keep up with his fellow Slytherin. Why did Snape have to come bothering him now? This was the worst excuse for being late for class.

“Yes, Snape?” Remus said, trying to keep his voice calm.

“How are you today?” Snape asked.

Remus couldn’t help but let his shock fall into his expression. That was the last thing he had been expecting.

“Fine,” he said shortly.

“Really? You look awful.”

“Stuff it, Snape.”

All while this exchange was going on, Larry was looking in between the two third years. Clearly he wasn’t sure who he should side with �“ the supposedly noble Slytherin or the allegedly bumbling Gryffindor? He waited and listened before making his decision.

“But you have a rather large cut above your eye,” Snape went on, pointing at a spot above Remus’s left eye and almost instantly Remus felt a piercing sensation there. Clapping his hand to the spot, he felt warm blood trickling through his fingers. He gritted his teeth and bit back the retort he so wanted to shout, as he saw someone approaching from behind Snape.

“Hey, Snape!” It was Blake, and he was mad. He bounded upon Snape and Remus was suddenly grateful for his brother’s height. He towered over the Slytherin. “What the hell are you doing to my brother?”

“Remus cut his eye. I was just trying to help,” Snape lied smoothly. If anyone hadn’t seen what had happened, they would have actually believed him. Luckily, Blake had seen what happened, and he wasn’t stupid enough to fall for it. He pulled out his wand and pointed it in Snape’s face.

“I’m not an idiot, I saw you do that. Now, why don’t you take your bloody wand and point it at someone who isn’t in my family!”

Remus could see the corners of Snape’s mouth twitch. He knew that he was never going to be able put one past Blake. Reluctantly, he gestured for Larry to follow him. But Larry didn’t move. He seemed to have picked his side. Snape stood rooted to his spot, utterly nonplussed. He gestured again for Larry to follow him, but Larry held his ground firmly. Remus had to do his best to hide his smile. No one knew how much pleasure he got out of seeing someone disobey Severus Snape. Snape gestured once more to Larry, but Larry simply shook his head and Snape left in a rage.

“Remus, are you okay?” Blake concernedly, once Snape had gone.

Remus nodded, despite the stinging pain above his eye that was beginning to bother him. Blake moved closer to his brother and moved his face to one side so he could get a better look at the gash. He grimaced at it, seeing that it was bleeding rather badly and just about to drip into Remus’s eye. He pulled out a tissue from his pocket and handed it to his brother, instructing him to press it against his eye to stop the bleeding.

“What’s your next class?” Blake asked.

“History of Magic,” Remus answered, wincing as he pressed the tissue too hard.

“I’ll tell Binns you went to the Hospital Wing. You,” he added turning to Larry, “take him to the Hospital Wing, will you?”

Larry nodded and the two set off while Blake hurried to the History of Magic classroom. Remus was seething with anger at the moment. Snape was a no good scumbag to have pulled a trick like that. Remus’s face was throbbing as the cut continued to bleed. If he was a Muggle he would probably need stitches in order to fix it.

“Snape had been planning that all morning, you know,” Larry said suddenly.

“Really?” Remus said as he took the tissue and folded it so he found a clean part. He wasn’t shocked by what Larry had told him. It was just like Snape to plan something like that.

“I tried talking him out of it,” Larry continued with, unless Remus was mistaken, a little guilt in his voice. “But he told me to get out of it.”

“Why do you talk to Snape?” Remus blurted out. It was a fair question really. Why would Larry talk with Snape if he clearly didn’t like the things Snape thought of? Remus wouldn’t speak to someone like that.

Larry merely shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “All of the other Slytherins don’t want anything to do with a Durmstrang transfer. Snape thinks it’s cool.”

“I can’t see Snape thinking that anything is cool.”

“You really don’t like him, do you?” Remus shook his head; it was rather clear from the events that had just taken place. “He’s not really that bad.”

“How would you know? You’ve only known him for a day.”

“I’ve talked to him a lot. Aside from him trying to get me to hate Gryffindors and him pulling that stunt on you, he’s not so bad.”

“Yeah well, he’s caused me nothing but trouble ever since I met him. I do my best to keep away from him.”

Larry shrugged again and left once they reached the Hospital Wing, saying that he had to go to Herbology and it would probably be a long walk. Remus nodded him off and looked inside, spotting Madam Pomfrey tending to a fourth year who seemed to have come out of the wrong end of a Bat Boogey Hex. He knocked loudly on the door and Madam Pomfrey looked up at him, frowning sympathetically when she saw what happened.

Once she let the fourth year go she was able to tend to Remus, whose eye was now stinging so painfully his eyes were tearing. She sat him down in a chair and looked for the correct potion, all the while listening to Remus recount the events that led to this. Madam Pomfrey always ended up furious with him when he was the cause of his own injuries, outside his werewolf state that is. Luckily it was Snape who was the cause. The potion stung, if possible, even worse than the cut itself. It was one of those potions that you didn’t have to drink, which Remus was grateful for. It probably would have burned his entire throat and his stomach.

Madam Pomfrey released him after ten minutes, but not before making sure that the cut was nothing more than a faint scar. He hurriedly left the infirmary and preceded to the History of Magic classroom, though he was taking his time. He wouldn’t be too devastated if he missed one lesson in that class. Actually, he would be the happiest person alive. Besides he wouldn’t be missing too much, save for a particularly lengthy lecture on the history of some evil poltergeist. He could learn about poltergeists from watching Peeves.

However, Remus couldn’t linger outside of the classroom forever. When he entered, he found that Binns hadn’t even broken his lecture (which turned out to be about vampires). He carefully took his seat in the back and didn’t even bother to open his book. Binns looked up and saw that Remus was sitting in the back.

“Yes, Lambert,” he said vaguely. “Your brother, Drake, mentioned you would be late.”

Remus normally would try to tell the professor that his surname was Lupin and that his brother’s name was certainly not Drake. But, he didn’t have the presence of mind nor the time as the bell had just ringed. So, he slung his backpack over his shoulder and left in the crowd of students, all the while pressing on the spot where Snape had slashed his face. It still hurt, despite the fact that Madam Pomfrey had mended it.

As he turned the corner he caught Blake coming out of Charms, which was Remus’s next class. Blake appraised the job the nurse had done in healing Remus’s cut and smiled vaguely at his brother, though not stopping to say anything. Remus knew that his brother was bursting to tell him that he should say something. He shouldn’t just lie down and take it. That was what he said every time that he caught Remus nursing some injury and, honestly, he was tired of hearing it. He knew that he should say something, but he didn’t want to get any teachers involved. It was bad enough that Blake always managed to see it. He was just grateful that Blake would never tell anyone anything that Remus didn’t want him to tell. If it wasn’t for that than Remus would never be touched again. But that seemed like the chicken way out… and he wasn’t chicken.

Chapter Four
- It was because of Fenrir Greyback that Remus had the life he had. -

September slowly faded into October and soon the students found themselves obsessing over one thing and one thing only �“ Quidditch. Quidditch was like a sickness amongst the student body, particularly the older boys. When the season rolled around they all began talking about it constantly, especially James Potter. James Potter had been on the Gryffindor team since his second year and was said to be one of the best Chasers Hogwarts had ever seen, and they were right on many counts. James was small and light, making him ideal to weave in and out of the larger players on the opposing teams. Also, despite the fact that he wore glasses, he had excellent aim and scored practically every time he tried. However, he tended to brag an awful lot about how wonderful he was at the sport, and when that started Remus made it a point to leave the room.

Remus had tried out for Quidditch when he was a second year, trying out for the position of Beater. He had no luck. He was a good flier but he wasn’t strong enough to hit the Bludgers at other players. James usually loved to mention this whenever they were talking about the sport, which was exactly the reason Remus liked to become invisible when the topic came up. He did like talking about Quidditch, but mainly to his brother, who was also bad at it. But he was good at memorising the stats and the rules.

But this one time Remus wasn’t able to escape from James talking about it. It was during Potions class on the Friday before the first match and, as usual, Remus was going to pieces as he made his Shrinking Solution.

“Mr. Lupin, you didn’t add enough rat spleens,” Professor Slughorn reprimanded as he watched the potion turn orange.

Remus nodded fervently, red in the face from both exhaustion and embarrassment. Professor Slughorn clicked his tongue impatiently and moved to the row ahead of Remus to check on the other students. Remus couldn’t think of a way to correct his mistake. The only way was for him to start over and there wasn’t enough time left in the period. So, sitting back in defeat, he waited for the bell to ring.

“Jeez, Lupin, you make potions just about as bad as you play Quidditch,” said James from the row behind him.

Remus looked over his shoulder and saw James smirking at him while Sirius stared at his cauldron, eyes squinted in concentration. Remus didn’t say anything; he just stared at the boy in disgust. Was he really so pathetic that he had to make mention of it? He bit back a retort and continued to wait for the class to end. But clearly James wasn’t going to stop just because Remus had turned his back on him.

“How hard is it to add three rat spleens into a potion?” he asked loudly.

Remus felt his face growing warm as several eyes turned on him, even Professor Slughorn had frozen over the cauldron he was inspecting. Remus knew that he was having a battle between right and wrong as he stood there.

“James, leave it,” he could hear Peter say quietly from the left side of James.

“What?” James snapped as if he had not heard Peter correctly.

Peter nodded towards Remus and glared at his friend. James grudgingly obeyed Peter’s order and sat down, stirring the contents in his cauldron slightly faster. Remus turned to smile appreciatively at Peter, but found that the boy had already refocused his attention back on his work.

Remus didn’t understand it. James usually paid no attention to him and he was okay with that. He would rather be invisible than be tormented. But now James was telling him off and insulting him every chance he got and it was getting to be too much. He would rather James act the way he used to, completely indifferent to him and only acknowledged him as the strange bookworm everyone thought him to be. Life was slightly better that way.

The bell rang and Remus quickly packed up his books and tried to run out of the room before any more jeers could come his way. And, much to his luck, none did as James had remained behind to help clean up the ink bottle that Sirius had accidentally knocked over. He looked to the opposite side of the classroom and saw Larry waiting intolerantly for Snape to collect his belongings, muttering that they would be late for Charms if he didn’t hurry up. Remus checked his watch and saw that he had only two minutes to get to Care of Magical Creatures. So, he high-tailed it through the thinning crowd of students and sprinted down the lawn once he made it outside.

He arrived just as Professor Kettleburn was coming out of the Gamekeeper �“ Hagrid’s �“ hut and he was carrying what appeared to be a box full of overgrown worms. Remus frowned in disgust and disappointment. He had been hoping that they were done with Flobberworms after working with them since the beginning of the year. How many magical properties could they have? Kettleburn smiled at the glum looks on his students’ faces and set the crate down. Clapping his hands together he looked over his students and gestured to the box.

“Yes, I know what you’re thinking,” he said in his booming voice. The students nodded. Each of them �“ Gryffindor and Ravenclaw �“ was not eager on spending another lesson with these creatures. But, much to their surprise, Professor Kettleburn kicked the crate over and all of the Flobberworms began inching their way across the lawn and towards the Forbidden Forest. “We’re setting them free!”

Predictably, the class roared with cheers, some of them even stamping their feet on the ground. That was the entire lesson. They didn’t even have to learn about a new creature, although Professor Kettleburn promised them they would be learning about Hedgehogs next time. All they had to do that day was help the Flobberworms get along so Hagrid’s boarhound, Fang, wouldn’t eat them as he walked about the grounds. Remus looked about the little worms squirming around on the ground and picked the slowest one and kept prodding it with his wand in an attempt to make it move. In the end he resorted to using the Levitation Charm and lifted the Flobberworm into the Forbidden Forest.

“Professor, why are we making them go in there?” Sirius asked, as he narrowly avoided stepping on one. Professor Kettleburn scratched his chin and sidestepped out of the way of a Flobberworm. “Wouldn’t they get eaten by a werewolf or something?”

Remus restrained himself from looking too interested in this conversation, so he forced his concentration on the herd of worms scrambling to the forest. He knew very well what would happen if a Flobberworm strayed across a werewolf’s path and it wasn’t what Sirius was expecting.

“Well, if they ran across a werewolf they would be most safe,” Kettleburn said calmly, picking up the empty crate and cradling it under his left arm. Sirius raised an eyebrow, clearly he had not expected that answer, just as Remus had thought. “Werewolves despise the taste of Flobberworms. They’re far too slimy for them to stomach.” He chuckled lightly, and Remus could have sworn Kettleburn had glanced at him. But at the next moment, he figured he had only imagined it. “It would be like a human eating a worm,” Kettleburn went on, turning his back on Sirius so he could put the crate away.

“Class dismissed,” he called from over his shoulder. Chatter broke out as the students collected their bags and trudged up the grassy slope for lunch.

“Hey, Lupin!” a voice called out as Remus stooped down to tie his shoe. He looked up and saw that Sirius was coming his way. Remus wondered why. He thought that Sirius would be hurrying to the Great Hall to catch up with James and Peter, who were leaving Muggle Studies at the moment.

“Sirius,” Remus acknowledged, straightening up and adjusting the strap on his bag.

“Look,” he said in a voice that suggested that he wanted to either get this over with or to just get his point across quickly. “Don’t listen to what James says to you.”

“Oh, you mean that I’m a bad Quidditch player and potion maker?” Remus said coldly. “I didn’t need him to tell me that.”

Sirius visibly flinched, but didn’t back away. “James is just like that with some people,” he continued, doing his best to defend his friend but not offend Remus. “It’s like him and Snape.”

“Please don’t compare me with Snape.” Remus could see the tiniest flicker of a smile on Sirius’s face, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t want to be funny.

“I wasn’t trying to. But that’s the way it is.”

“Well, I don’t give a hang about what James says. James saying all those things just proves that he’s so pathetic he needs to make fun of other people.”

Sirius looked Remus up and down, sizing him up, and let out a low whistle. Apparently he had expected Remus to act like the meek boy he appeared to be. He had suspected Remus to simply say that he knew that James was just being stupid, and that he didn’t mind, but Remus wasn’t going to play that game. He wasn’t going to lie down and let them all walk over him. He was sick and tired of it. He suddenly found himself not caring about the fact that Sirius had never really given him a problem.

“James should just watch what he’s saying!” Remus snarled.

Sirius nodded in spite of himself. Remus did have a point.

“Yeah, he should,” he mumbled, looking down at the ground. He had tried countless times to discuss the matter with James, but he hardly ever got any decent answers. James would simply say that there was something strange about Lupin, something that he wasn’t letting on. James thought that it meant Lupin didn’t like to trust people, and he wasn’t interested in being friends with someone unless he earned their trust. Sirius wondered if he should bring that notion up with Remus, but he decided it probably wasn’t the best of ideas. If there really was something strange about this kid, then he didn’t want to press the matter. It was either something too strange to handle or something really bad, and Sirius didn’t prefer to find out either one. He sighed and shoved his fists in his pockets.

“I think I’m going to go now,” he said, almost to himself.

Remus nodded without hesitation and Sirius set off to find his friends, leaving Remus alone on the grounds, contemplating whether he should go eat lunch or remain outside. He walked over to the lake and picked up a red stone. Observing it for a mere second, he skipped it across the water and watched as a large tentacle surfaced and brought the rock down into the murky depths of the water.

Sitting down against the beech tree, he gazed across the lake and found himself drifting slightly. The full moon had been two days before and yesterday he was definitely feeling the worst of it. He had been taken back to the castle in a bloody heap and his robes torn so much that they resembled discarded rags. He should still be in the Hospital Wing, according to Madam Pomfrey. But he felt perfectly fine, except for the fact that he had been constantly tired and was in danger of falling asleep everywhere. Even in his favourite classes, he was found dozing. Professor McGonagall, in particular, was not happy to find Remus with his face in his arms during her lesson. Though she was infuriated and took ten points from Gryffindor, she did not give him detention nor did she suspend him from the upcoming Hogsmeade trip, which was usually the punishment for a case like that.

Maybe that was one of the reasons why James was so bitter with him? It was very possible that James didn’t like the fact that Remus could fall asleep during class and escape practically unscathed. But it wasn’t always like that. It was purely because Remus was still worn out from the full moon. He couldn’t be punished for that. It wasn’t his fault he was a werewolf, although he liked to tell himself that it was in order to spare his father the grief. He remembered, sometimes as if it were from a dream, the night that he learnt that it was his father’s fault that Fenrir Greyback had went after him.

He was about eight at the time and for the four years since he had been bitten he had been blaming himself for what had happened. He used to think that it was something he had done that earned him his fate. Maybe he had done something awful to offend his parents, or his brother, or his sister? Maybe he was just one of those people who didn’t deserve a good life because they were destined to become the type who ruined lives for others. So, his life should have been ruined first. A lot of times, usually after a full moon, he would find himself feeling sorry for the werewolf who had done this time him. He was able to sympathize with the person because he could understand the hideous pain they both went through every month. He knew that nobody merited such a fate.

He soon learnt that there was someone who deserved this life. It was the werewolf who had done this to him.

One day, when he was recovering from a violent full moon, his bedroom door opened and his parents walked in, his father white and stony faced. His father looked imploringly at his mother. Remus couldn’t quite tell why, all he could think was that something bad had happened. But nothing bad had happened. In fact the day had been going quite well, with the exception of the effects of the night before. The problem was what was about to happen. Mr. Lupin sat down at the foot of his son’s bed and was silent for quite some time before he was able to tell Remus what he needed to tell him, with some encouragement from Mrs. Lupin.

He began talking about all of the horrible things he, Mr. Lupin, had done in his life and how he had thought that none could be as worse as any of them. And how he learnt four years previously, when Remus was four, that he was wrong. He discovered that things could be far worse than anything he had done when he was a child. Remus looked up at his father curiously. He didn’t understand what he was getting at. Why was his dad telling him this? What was so bad that it made all the other bad events in his life seem so miniscule?

And that was when he told him. Mr. Lupin confessed that it was his fault that Remus had been attacked by the werewolf. Remus’ eyes grew wide and he stared disbelievingly at his father. No, it was impossible. His father would never have any part in that twisted event. He would never help in any way, that wasn’t the kind of person he was. He didn’t have anything to do with it! His frantic thoughts were interrupted when his father continued, seeming to struggle with his words. Mr. Lupin had written a scathing article about the wrongdoings of the werewolf Fenrir Greyback and had it published in the Evening Prophet. Well, Mr. Greyback wasn’t pleased with that at all and one night, when Mr. Lupin was leaving work, he was confronted by the werewolf.

Greyback had threatened him with everything under the sun, ranging from Mr. Lupin dying a painful death to anything he could imagine that was worse than that. Mr. Lupin didn’t take the man seriously. He figured that he was just bitter about the article. But it didn’t make any difference what he thought about it. The article was published and that was that, it was in the past. But, he soon learnt that that article would never be in the past. It would haunt him for the rest of his life.

That same night Remus was with his mother near the outskirts of the village of Hogsmeade. While Mrs. Lupin was having a conversation with one of the residents, Remus wandered off. Mrs. Lupin only realised it when it was too late. Remus had been trailed by Greyback and caught off guard. The werewolf leapt on him and its jaws snapped hard on Remus’s forearm. The weight of the werewolf on a four year old was too much. Remus suffered from cracked ribs and his face might have been permanently scarred if it hadn’t been for Tom, the barman’s, quick thinking. He was able to perform the spell to prevent it. The barkeeper had scooped Remus up and went to the village, and found a frantic Mrs. Lupin right away. When she saw her son, she promptly fainted with shock.

Remus didn’t need to hear the details about his own encounter with the werewolf. That memory was as sharp as any in his mind. But he did need to hear about the reason he was a werewolf. It was his father’s fault. He wanted to yell at his father. He wanted to tell him in the worst way what the pain felt like. He wanted to just yell nonsense because he knew it was his father’s fault that he had to go through what he went through. But when he saw the look on his father’s face, the pained expression, the look of wanting to go back in time and change everything, he found he couldn’t yell. He couldn’t say anything.

And so, he learnt not to feel bad for the werewolf who had done this to him because that person wasn’t deserving of the sympathy of anyone, not even the lowest of creatures. Fenrir Greyback had done it on purpose. He purposely positioned himself close to where Remus would be. He did that to all of his victims �“ bite them young, raise them away from their families. He felt no pity towards this creature. He would never mercy this man again. It was only for this man’s hardheadedness and cold heart that Remus was lying in his bed and racked with pain. It was because of Fenrir Greyback that Remus had the life he had.

---

The Quidditch pitch was packed with loud, cheering students as the first Quidditch match of the season �“ Gryffindor against Slytherin �“ drew nearer and nearer by the minute. All across the stadium, there were scarlet and green rosettes and banners bearing slogans (some of them being rather insulting and the Heads of Houses were having fits over them). Madam Hooch, the referee and the Flying Teacher for the first years, was standing at the centre of the pitch with a large crate next to her. The crate contained the four game balls �“ the red Quaffle, the two black Bludgers, and the most important object in the entire game, the Golden Snitch.

Remus leaned over the stands and looked down at the field below. The two teams were approaching Madam Hooch, the Gryffindors clad in scarlet robes and the Slytherins bearing green ones. The captains were glaring daggers at each other and, very reluctantly, shook hands when ordered. Hooch blew the whistle and the game was on.

“Welcome to the much anticipated first Quidditch match of the season,” announced the commentator Jerry Symes, a fifth year Hufflepuff. “Today’s competitors are Gryffindor and Slytherin. Now, we all know who the favourite house is so-”

“Symes, I think we would rather hear about the game, not your bias!” Professor McGonagall reprimanded.

“But it’s true, Professor!”

“Symes…”

“Fine. Well, Gryffindor is in possession of the Quaffle. Third year, James Potter, is making his way towards the Slytherin end. Ouch, that nearly hit him.”

And, indeed, a Bludger, hit by Slytherin Beater Jason Pucey, had gone whirling at James, who ducked his head just in time, therefore avoiding a very painful event. James scored, earning the first ten points for Gryffindor and for the game. He also earned himself a loud uproar from more than half of the stadium, the remainder booing and cursing loudly.

And, so, the match went on. The Slytherins clearly didn’t practise at all, seeing as how they had only scored two goals and both of them were the results of accidents. The first one was when a Slytherin Beater accidentally whacked the Quaffle out of James’s hand (breaking two of James’s fingers in the process, as everyone found out later) and sending it straight past the Gryffindor Keeper. The second accident was due to a Slytherin Chaser riding his broom too fast and he almost went spiraling into the Gryffindor Keeper, who dived out of the way to avoid being rammed into and the Quaffle miraculously went through the goal posts.

Gryffindor was now up one hundred points to twenty and it was obvious that the Slytherins were getting infuriated. They were now viciously swinging the Bludgers every which way they could. Some of the Bludgers went wayward and nearly hit the students in the stands. This game was getting dangerous, too dangerous in fact. The Slytherins had been known to play dirty, but this was bad, even for them. They normally would never hit a Bludger in such a way that it nearly took out fifteen students. Apparently the teachers were sensing something was out of the ordinary because they now set a limit to whatever team scored one hundred and twenty points first would win. They didn’t even need to catch the snitch.

Remus didn’t think that was possible. Quidditch was an addiction, even amongst the teachers. They would play in hurricanes and blizzards, in any kind of condition and never had the game been limited. Squinting at the players, Remus could see that James seemed to be glad about this, as his face was contorted in pain from his broken fingers. Another rebellious Bludger nearly took out a group of Ravenclaws as Slytherin scored another goal making the score 100-30. And, even if Remus thought it impossible, he didn’t mind an early calling of the game.

The cheering for Gryffindor grew louder as they would most likely be the ones to end them game and free them of this strange brutality. Remus always thought something like this would happen during a game and it frightened him beyond belief. He had seen what a Bludger to the head could do to you and it wasn’t a pretty sight. The previous year, a Hufflepuff Keeper had taken a Bludger to the face and was knocked out cold for two full days. Her whole face had to be mended and she had to take eleven potions nightly before she could be released from Madam Pomfrey’s care. Remus hoped he would never have to experience such an accident. Not only was it painful, but it was highly humiliating.

However, Remus’s wish for this was quickly diminished when a Slytherin hit the Bludger in the direction of Harold Geraldo of Gryffindor. Harold ducked quickly out of the way and the Bludger collided with the side of Remus’ head, sending him reeling backwards and unconscious.

When he finally came around, he saw that he was in the brightly lit Hospital Wing with an intense headache. He tried sitting up, but his head seared with pain and he dropped back down onto the pillow he was propped up on. He moaned lightly in pain and gazed up at the blurry ceiling. He heard a door open in the distance, but he was too tired to turn around and see who it was. However, he didn’t have to turn and see as he saw a pair of fingers stuck up in his face.

“Mr. Lupin, how many fingers am I holding up?” came the voice of Professor McGonagall.

Remus was silent for a moment before muttering the number two. He couldn’t see her reaction, as she hadn’t said anything. So, he assumed she was satisfied. He could hear her footsteps moving in the direction of Madam Pomfrey’s office. Honestly, he was surprised that she wasn’t in the Wing bustling around and ranting about how dangerous Quidditch is, even for the innocent bystanders in the stands. But she was nowhere to be seen, or heard in Remus’s case. He assumed McGonagall was going to retrieve her.

And, indeed, he was right, as the next moment he could hear the swift footsteps of the nurse as she made her way over to his bed. Remus could see worry etched in the witch’s face and he found himself wondering why she was so worried and why he was in the Hospital Wing in the first place. Then it came to him. The match had been getting violent. Bludgers were being knocked into the stands by Slytherins who were unintentionally hitting them hard. One had come towards him and it was blank after that. So that explains the headache, he thought irritably as his head took another painful twinge.

“Well, you’re awake at least,” she said with relief, as she walked out of her office with Professor McGonagall trailing behind her, following her to wherever she was going. Wanting to see what she was doing, Remus slowly raised himself up slightly and saw that she was looking in the cabinet to take out several potions. She clicked her tongue and brought the appropriate potions to Remus’s bedside table. He winced at the sight of the potions, as he had always had bad experiences with them, the horrible tastes and the burning sensations as they slid down his throat.

“No whining, Mr. Lupin,” she scolded when she saw his face.

“I will be speaking to Professor Slughorn about the match, Poppy,” Professor McGonagall said from behind Madam Pomfrey. Madam Pomfrey nodded, with a contented look on her face, and uncorked one of the bottles.

“This will sting,” she said warningly, though she hardly needed too.

Remus had taken that potion many times before to relieve the intense pains he received in his head after full moons. He was very well aware of how badly it would sting his throat. She poured the neon orange potion into a goblet and handed it silently to Remus, who downed it in one excruciating gulp. Cringing at the taste of it, Remus wiped the potion off his mouth with his sleeve and dropped back into his pillow.

He wasn’t surprised to find that the potion had only increased the throbbing pain in his head, this was what always happened. Madam Pomfrey would tell him that the potion took affect immediately and Remus would find that he’d still be in a considerable amount of soreness for a few mores hours before he was relieved of it. And having severe head pains at this time wasn’t fun for him, especially when the Hospital Wing door burst open and Blake came hurrying it, a deathly look on his face. Remus gave a pleading look at the nurse, who ignored him and went to rearrange the potions in their shelf.

“I swear when I get my hands on the kid who did this to you,” Blake raged, swearing very loudly and earning him a reprimand from Madam Pomfrey. But, Blake didn’t care he went on sounding, if anything, two times a deafening. “What the hell were they playing at anyway?” he raged, throwing himself into a chair beside Remus’s bed and nearly toppling over in the process. “Couldn’t they see it was going to get dangerous?”

“Blake!” Remus snapped wincing as his head throbbed painfully. “Not so loud.”

Blake smiled understandingly and ceased his tirade. Instead, he made himself comfortable and went on telling Remus that their parents were furious that he had gotten injured while in the stands. They knew Quidditch was dangerous, but they didn’t think it could harm the spectators. Shows how much they know, Remus thought indignantly. Blake soon got tired of talking about the match and, after checking his watch, saw that it was nearly dinner time and offered to bring Remus something up from the Great Hall. Remus declined, as he didn’t feel much like eating.

“Okay then,” Blake said, after insisting three more times. “Well feel better, kid.”

Remus watched lazily as his brother left the room and laid back in his bed, rubbing his head as it throbbed. He was right, the potion didn’t help much. But he imagined that if he went to sleep for an hour or so it would feel better when he woke up. And with that he fell into a peaceful lull.

Chapter Five
- "Please... don't tell anyone." -

As it turned out, Gryffindor ended up winning the match, much to Remus’s relief. It would have been twice as mortifying to return to class after being clubbed with a Bludger and find that Gryffindor had lost. Being hit in the head when he was in the stands was humiliating enough. Blake came into the Hospital Wing the next day with blood pouring out of his nose, staining the handkerchief he was holding against it.

“What happened to you?” Remus asked curiously, giving his brother a funny look.

Blake’s eyes flashed and he took a seat on the vacant bed beside his brother’s. “Oh, I just knocked the stuffing out of Kirk Bullstrode,” he explained.

“Why?”

“I caught him in the Great Hall, doing an impression of that Bludger hitting you. The little bugger was making you look like a complete moron.”

“Lupin,” Madam Pomfrey said warningly.

Blake looked over and saw the nurse standing at the opposite end of the room, tending to a second year girl who had come out of the wrong end of a Hair Growth Charm.

Blake ignored her and went on, his voice rising with each word. “What the hell are people thinking, anyway? How funny is it to watch someone to get hit in the head with a Bludger?”

“Right,” Remus said, rubbing a spot above his right eye.

“I bet they wouldn’t think it was funny if it was them.”

“Lupin!” Madam Pomfrey said, marching over to where the sixth year was sitting. “Will you keep your voice down? You are disturbing my patients.”

Blake looked around the infirmary. There were only two patients at the moment. “There are only two people in here!” he pointed out.

Madam Pomfrey glared at him and waved her wand, fixing Blake’s nose up. “Now, will you leave so I can tend to my two patients?”

---

Remus remained in the hospital for only three days. By the time he was released, he found that he wasn’t as embarrassed as he had expected. Apparently Blake had made it clear to everyone that what had happened was not to be made fun of, or else. Remus fell back into his regular routine, though suffering from bouts of headache. Luckily, it wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t concentrate. He also found that he was spending most of his free time out on the grounds. He didn’t know why, exactly, but there was something nice about the grounds. It was peaceful outside. The students weren’t spending as much time out there as they normally would, as the weather was increasingly cold for October. But Remus didn’t mind the cold; he enjoyed it.

He was visited occasionally by Larry Wilkins, who seemed oddly intent on discussing the events of the Quidditch match. Remus had thought that he and his brother had made it clear that the topic was not to be brought up. Yet here was this kid bringing it up every chance he got. Soon he was getting so overbearing that Remus lost it completely. He shouted, very loudly, that Larry should just stop bringing up the subject or else he would hex him into oblivion. This made Wilkins stop talking about the match. In fact, Wilkins stopped coming towards Remus at all. If Wilkins saw Remus in the hallway, he would either skirt him or walk in the opposite direction.

One day when Remus was sitting out on the grounds, his nose dug in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, he saw Wilkins near the Whomping Willow with Snape. This struck Remus as rather ominous. Both of them knew very well that no one was supposed to go near the tree, since Dumbledore had warned every student at the Start of the Term Feast. Letting his curiosity get the better of him, he bookmarked his page and drifted inconspicuously in their direction. He couldn’t really hear what they were saying from the distance he was at, but he could see Snape pointing towards the bottom of the tree trunk.

Remus felt himself pale. The only thing at the bottom of the trunk was the knot that froze the tree’s violent branches. This raised many frantic questions in his mind. Did Snape know where Remus went every month? Did he possibly see Madam Pomfrey pushing the knot, even though she appeared to be alone? Was he able to make the connection between Remus’s absences and the Willow? It was then that Remus realised that Snape wasn’t pointing at the knot. Snape couldn’t possibly know that the knot was there unless he had gone and tried pushing it on his own. If he had done that, then he would have met Remus during a full moon.

Carefully, Remus stuck his hand inside his pocket and grabbed a small handful of money. He made sure that Snape and Wilkins were looking in the opposite direction, and he tossed the coins a decent distance. Crawling towards a silver Sickle, Remus strained his ears to catch a bit of their conversation.

“I don’t get why you’re so interested in this tree,” Larry was saying, looking at the Willow without the faintest amount of interest on his face.

Snape sighed and began polishing his wand with the inside of his robes. “You don’t find it fascinating?” he asked as he gave the tree an adoring smile.

“The only thing I find fascinating is that you’re so into it. It’s just a tree that whacks people who get too close to it.”

“But, don’t you know that �“ Lupin, what are you doing?”

Remus jumped slightly when Snape and Larry spotted him eavesdropping, but he did his best to look innocent. After all, what could be more blameless than picking up money? Remus shrugged and stood up, dusting the dirt off his pants.

“Picking up money that I dropped,” he said in his most convincing voice. Snape glared at him suspiciously.

“I didn’t think you had enough money to drop,” he said sarcastically. Remus rolled his eyes at Snape’s insult. It was just like Snape to make a rude comment on someone’s standings when it came to money. If Remus remembered correctly, Snape wasn’t all that rich himself.

Larry smirked at the slur. Remus found, surprisingly, that he didn’t care. After all, this kid wouldn’t stop bothering him about what happened at the Quidditch match. He had eyes; couldn’t he see what happened for himself? Why did he have to badger Remus about it? Remus picked up the last Knut on the ground, pocketed it, and made his way back to the castle. As he was making his way up to Gryffindor Tower, he passed James, Sirius, and Peter coming out of the Transfiguration classroom. The three of them looked rather pleased with themselves, from what Remus could see. Remus also noted that he could hear Professor McGonagall muttering from inside the room, although he couldn’t make out what she was saying.

The three boys stopped when they saw Remus approaching. Remus slowed his pace and braced himself for another one of James’ outbursts. But, much to his shock, none came.

“How’s that head?” James asked. Unless Remus’ ears were cheating him, James actually sounded a little concerned. Remus was so startled he found himself incapable of answering for a moment. “Remus?”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Then, trying to think of something else to say, he asked, “How’re your fingers?”

“Good. Madam Pomfrey fixed them in a minute,” James answered, cracking his knuckles to demonstrate. “Well, we’ve got to be going, detention with Filch soon,” he added with a grin.

“Right, see you.”

Remus stepped backwards, allowing the three room to walk down the corridor and continued on his way to Gryffindor Tower. He wondered what they could have done to have gotten detention this time. Probably pulled another one of their pranks, Remus thought as he rounded a corner. To be honest with himself, he kind of admired their skill at executing pranks, only getting away with detentions and nothing else. He would have expected the professors to take no mercy on the troublemakers after three years of nonsense.

He thought they might at least suspend them from Hogsmeade trips since they were finally permitted to go. He had also thought that the teachers might suspend James from Quidditch. Oh, McGonagall would have a fit if that happened, Remus thought as he stepped through the portrait hole. Professor McGonagall was a fanatic when it came to Quidditch. She was worse than the entire student body put together. She absolutely hated it when the Cup went to Slytherin; Professor Slughorn never let her forget it.

Remus looked around the common room and saw that it was empty for the most part, save for a few first years, and a fourth year. He could also see the unmistakable red hair that belonged to Lily Evans, who was sitting in one of the armchairs. She seemed to be reading, judging by the way her head was bent forward. Not wanting to disturb her, he quickly made his way towards the boys’ dormitory.

“How’s your head?” she asked, looking up from her Charms textbook.

Remus stopped, his right foot on the first step, and looked over his shoulder at her. She was looking at him concernedly. Maybe she thought something worse had happened when the Bludger hit him? He didn’t know, so he just took it as being polite.

“It’s okay,” he answered truthfully.

She smiled, apparently satisfied and returned to her book. This allowed Remus the chance to escape to the dormitory. He entered the room to find that it was completely empty, as James, Sirius, and Peter were in detention. He had at least expected to find Frank Longbottom, their fellow third year, there. But Frank was probably hanging out with his Ravenclaw friend, Jorge Hendrix. Remus really shouldn’t have expected anything other than this. Sitting down on his bed, Remus pulled out the coins he had and lazily counted them. They weren’t much, when he grouped them together and looked. Perhaps he should send an owl to his parents, asking if they could send him some of his money he had left at home? They should understand. They always did for Blake.

Then again, how much did he expect to buy? He knew he wasn’t going to buy a lot of Honeydukes sweets, as he would be too sick to eat them. He probably wasn’t going to get a drink at the Three Broomsticks, for the same reason. Then he remembered what Blake had told him the day they were going to Diagon Alley. As they sat in the kitchen of their house, Blake had jokingly suggested that Remus should buy out Zonko’s. Now, that kind of advice was usually Blake just joking around.

Had there been a hint of seriousness in his voice? Should Remus do that? It wasn’t like he really needed anything out of there. He sighed and dropped back down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He just wanted the trip to come.

---

Hogsmeade could be described in one word �“ disastrous. Remus didn’t think that any one day could be so terrible, especially a day that was intended for fun. First of all, the entire day was plagued with torrential downpour. However, that didn’t stop that staff from sending the students off to the village for the day, so they could be soaked to the bone. Then there was the fact that the village was hosting a meeting of vampires (for a reason that Remus had not found out) and most of the pubs were closed off. Because of this, the students were being heavily guarded by Ministry wizards.

When he arrived at the village, his robes sticking to him uncomfortably from the rain, he took one look around and instantly wondered what Hogsmeade looked like on a bright, sunny day. He imagined it look far nicer than it did now. Streetlights were illuminated on every single corner in order to keep the streets lit enough so everyone could see where they were going. The lights were helpful, but they gave the streets an eerie glow. The shutters on the buildings were clattering noisily in the strong winds, causing a racket as the students trekked about. Wringing his sleeves partially dry, Remus set off towards Zonko’s, deciding to see what he could buy for a few Sickles and Knuts.

“This is just great,” Remus muttered angrily as he stepped in a deceptive mud puddle that splattered his pants and soaked his cuff. The villagers of Hogsmeade would wonder if the spirits haunting the Shrieking Shack were sick tonight. Folding his arms across his chest, he squinted his way through the dark street. He tried to locate Zonko’s, only to come out of his search fruitless. Even with the lights on in every building, it wasn’t nearly enough to illuminate an entire street, especially one as vast as this. How was he supposed to tell if the sun was setting, when he couldn’t even see the sun? He could end up transforming right then and there. Shivering at the thought, or maybe the cold gust of wind, Remus walked aimlessly up the road.

“Hey, Remus!” Remus turned to see Blake coming out a shop with one of his friends, Billy Jacobsen. Remus looked up at the shop they had left and discovered that he had walked right past Zonko’s.

“You’re going to get sick out here,” Blake said as he approached. Remus nodded knowingly; his nose was running slightly and he was shivering from the cold winds. “Come on into to Zonko’s,” he continued, jerking his head over his shoulder. “They’ve got some cool stuff in there.” But whatever cool stuff that was in there, Remus never saw, as some moronic human being, who Remus couldn’t see, had just decided to set off every single bit of the Dungbombs that the store carried and everyone was being ushered out. Looking over the crowd of heads, Remus could see the owners rushing about, waving their wands furiously in an attempt to get rid of the smell. The three boys stepped back out into the rain and looked around.

“Let’s go to the Three Broomsticks,” Billy suggested. Blake and Remus glanced at each other and nodded. This seemed as good an idea as any. So they set off on the high street in the direction of the pub. When they approached the pub, they were, once again, greeted with disaster. Ministry wizards were having difficulty restraining a vampire who appeared to have just spotted a nice neck to bite. The student was shrieking wildly as the vampire struggled to break free of his restraints. Madam Rosmerta, the owner of the pub, was beside herself with anger. Once all of the vampires had left the building, she shooed everyone out and closed up for the day.

Remus looked at the closed sign on the door and remembered what Professor McGonagall had told him on the first day of school. He was supposed to stay at the Three Broomsticks until it was time for the full moon to rise. But it looked as if that was out of the question. Rosmerta wasn’t going to let anyone else in, no matter what. Looking defeated, Blake glanced up the road and turned back to his brother and his friend.

“Why not the Hogs’ Head?” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “We’re not banned from going there, are we?”

Just as Blake was suggesting this, one of the vampires spoke up and suggested going to the same place. This suggestion was met with many cheers.

“Well, this stinks,” Billy muttered as he watched the group of vampires head off. “The only place left is Madam Puddifoot’s, and I am not going there.” Remus sniggered at this remark. “Unless, Blake, me and your little brother can pretend….”

“Ha-ha, not funny,” Blake snapped.

“Blake, what time is it?” Remus asked.

“Two.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Here, why don’t you take my watch with you and go on up to Dervish and Banges? They’ve got some good stuff in there.” Blake handed Remus his watch and nodded him off in the direction of the store. Before Remus was out of earshot, he heard Billy begin speaking to Blake.

“Why is your brother such a tagalong?” he asked, annoyance greatly evident in his voice. Remus stopped when he heard this. He turned to his left and pretended to be looking at something in the window so he could eavesdrop. Remus could see through the reflection in the window, Blake raising an eyebrow at his friend. Blake tried to keep his voice in check.

“What’re you talking about?” he asked coolly.

“He’s always with us and everyone else when we want to do something!”

“Billy, in case you didn’t notice, I was the one who invited my brother along today. He was planning on spending the day by himself.”

Billy was silent for a moment, as there was no denying this, but it still didn’t stop him from carrying on. “What about on the train? He ended up sitting with us.”

“Again, I told him to sit with us. He was stuck with Slytherins, for Merlin’s sake!” Billy opened his mouth again, but Blake beat him to it. “He’s my brother; I’m supposed to look after him. And honestly, I don’t care if you get annoyed by it.”

“I know how you feel. I have a little brother too, remember?” Blake shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t care if Billy had ten little brothers at the moment. “I just think you’re a little overprotective. He’s thirteen; he can look after himself.”

“You don’t get it, you just don’t get it. My brother needs to be looked after.”

“Why? He looks like he can get on by himself! He’s not stupid.”

“Did I ever say my brother was stupid? I don’t think I did. He’s just as smart as you are. I don’t expect you to understand this, you’re not supposed to.” Blake looked over and saw Remus standing only some feet away from them, clearly listening. “I’d just appreciate it if you don’t say anything about my brother.”

Remus suddenly felt as though he shouldn’t be listening. This arguement wasn’t any of his business, even if it was about him. So, easily breaking his attention away from the dull display in the window, he hurried down towards Dervish and Banges, like Blake had recommended. On his way, though, he slipped and landed on his bottom in another puddle of mud. Groaning in disgust, he raised himself up and decided to not even bother. There were more trips to Hogsmeade; he could visit the shops then. He was just going to wait the day out in the Shrieking Shack. He pulled out his wand, gave it a simple flick and siphoned the mud off his pants. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to get rid of the image that he had an accident.

When Remus came upon the dilapidated building he pointed his wand at the lock and he whispered, “Alohomora!” The door swung open and Remus stepped into the dry house. Shutting the door and locking it behind him, he sighed in relief now that he was out of the bad weather. Though the inside of the Shack wasn’t much of an improvement, it was definitely better than being stuck outside, where the rain hammered on him full force. He looked around and saw the familiar battered armchair in the corner. It looked comfortable enough, so he settled himself inside, shut his eyes and, waited patiently for the pain to come at nightfall.

Remus was completely unaware of a figure standing outside in the rain, watching the Shrieking Shack and waiting for him to come out.

---

Pain racked his body as Remus sat in the fetal position, crying out in agony. His head was pounding as if it was being smashed onto a boulder. His stomach was threatening to come up. He raised a trembling hand to wipe the sweat off his forehead, but his arm dropped tiredly to his side before he could reach it. He fell over sideways and cried out loudly, calling for help, knowing that no one was going to help him. His nose lengthened into a grey snout. His eyes sharpened, allowing every detail of the dark room to become visible. His bones curved and broke to accommodate his wolfish shape. Fur sprouted all over his body, covering every inch of skin. His robes tore as his back arched. His canine teeth broke through his braces, curved and sharpened. Then, in a matter of minutes, his cries of pain turned into fierce howls, as the beast side took over and his human mind succumbed. He was a full-grown monster.

Weakly, the wolf got up on all fours and sniffed around, gaining his bearings. He looked around, trying madly to locate some human flesh to bite. But there was none. He was all alone. The only option he had was to bite and scratch himself. So he did. He sunk his fangs into his paw, letting to blood flow into his mouth. He howled in delight at the taste, scaring every villager passing by.

---

Remus woke with a quick, excruciating start the next morning, when he heard the distinct slam of a door. He had raised his weary head barely an inch off the floor when he heard a single set of footsteps approaching him. When he fully turned his head, he saw a pair of black shoes at his nose. This isn’t right, he thought tiredly. Madam Pomfrey doesn’t wear shoes like this. What was going on?

The owner of the shoes stooped down and Remus was met with the face of none other than Larry Wilkins. His heart stopped. This wasn’t happening, this kid was not here. This meddling kid was not standing there in the Shrieking Shack! Remus’ head pounded with these questions, along with the aftermath of his transformation. He couldn’t take it. Larry was going to run through the village and up to the castle, shouting the identity of the Shrieking Shack’s haunt. But, getting a good look at the boy, Remus could tell that Larry wasn’t about to back away from him, even if he had seen Remus as a werewolf. Even so, Remus couldn’t help but panic. His secret was exposed. He had to defend himself; he had to say something.

But all he could manage to say was, “Please… don’t tell anyone.” And he lost all consciousness.

---

When Remus next awoke, his eyes were met with bright sunlight reflecting off a white room. He was in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts. An assortment of potions sat on his nightstand. He looked down at his body. His arm was wrapped in bandages, and ached. His middle wasn’t as badly scarred as he expected, but it was still bad enough. He couldn’t tell how his face looked, but he imagined that it wasn’t any better. Taking a deep breath, he sat up and tried to recall the night’s events. It was raining. He had been listening to Blake and his friend, Billy, argue. After that he had gone to the Shrieking Shack where he had his transformation. He knew he passed out when he changed back. But that wasn’t all that happened. Something else occurred between the loss of consciousness and the present. He had woken up once before now, but only for a moment.

He wasn’t alone when he woke up. There was someone with him, someone who had heard him howling… someone who wasn’t supposed to. It was Larry Wilkins, that meddling Slytherin. Remus wasn’t going to be able to forget this. Wilkins was going to badger him about this for all eternity. Although that was better than Wilkins’s other option. Wilkins could easily announce Remus’ condition the entire school. This could be his one chance to fulfil every Slytherins dream and humiliate a Gryffindor beyond belief. This was the end, Remus thought sadly, a sickening feeling expanding in the pit of his stomach. After two years of keeping it a secret, one third year could ruin it for him. There was the possibility that Wilkins had seen him as a wolf and had chosen not to run. There was hope that Wilkins could not be scared.

The door to the office opened and Madam Pomfrey burst in; looking rather harassed, and slammed the stack of papers she was holding down on an empty bed. She marched over to Remus’ beside and began uncorking potion bottles at a furious rate, thrusting them at her charge. Remus, afraid of doing anything that might further upset the nurse, downed them quickly. Once she was finished, she crossed back to the stack of papers, muttering something about paperwork for the foolishness of a boy. Curious, Remus asked her what was going on.

“Severus Snape was knocked unconscious by the Whomping Willow. The whole side of his head was bleeding. Oh, it was such a mess!” she moaned, gesturing to the bed across from Remus’. He had not noticed it before, but on the bed was a silent, sleeping, Snape. One part of his head was currently covered in a purple goop. Remus’ stomach lurched. He didn’t like the idea of being in the same room as Snape, even one who was unconscious, for an extended period of time.

Apparently Madam Pomfrey noticed some unrest in him, as she next said, “Are you going to be sick, Remus?” she observed his face closely. “You’re looking awfully pale.” Remus slowly shook his head, saying something about leaning too hard on his arm. She warned him to be careful and hurried back into the office, still looking hassled. Once she was gone, the door to the Hospital Wing and a wary-looking Wilkins entered. An anger that Remus had never before experienced swept through him as he looked up at the other boy. He wanted nothing to do with Wilkins, who had the opportunity to ruin Remus’ life.

“I didn’t tell anyone,” Larry said quietly. “Just like you told me.”

“You better not,” Remus warned. His work on keeping his secret was not going to be spoiled. Through clenched teeth, he added, “I mean it. I’m not going to be kicked out of here.”

“When did it happen?”

“What?” Remus was completely thrown off by this question. He had been expecting a large defence on Larry’s part. He had thought that Wilkins would declare that he would never tell anyone. Remus had heard that many times and no one ever meant it.

“When did it happen?” Wilkins repeated, his expression impassive.

“I dunno, when I was four. But I swear if you tell anyone-.”

“Have you ever attacked someone?”

“What? No! What are you getting at?”

“What about yourself? Ever hurt yourself?” Wilkins eyes were gleaming in a manner that was strange to Remus. Was this boy getting enjoyment out of his interrogation?

“What do you think?” Remus snarled, motioning towards his ragged appearance. He didn’t like the way this conversation was going. This was far too strange for him. He would rather have the kid saying he was a menace to society than being as interested in this as he was.

“Did you ever think that you might accidentally kill yourself?”

“Well, yeah, of course I have, but-.”

“What about someone in your family? Like your brother?”

“That’s not of your business,” Remus snapped defensively.

Wilkins laughed softly, his eyes still gleaming. “Of course it isn’t,” he said in an understanding tone. After a minute’s silence, he continued. “I mean, if you accidentally killed your brother, you would be devastated, wouldn’t you?”

Remus decided Wilkins wasn’t going to let the question go, so he answered. “Of course, my brother’s the one who looks after me.” He wanted to get back to the point of the arguement. “Please, just don’t tell anybody what you saw!”

Larry smiled and, although friendly in appearance, it unsettled Remus somewhat.

“Don’t worry; I wouldn’t want to ruin your life like that.” And with that, he calmly left the ward.

Chapter Six
- The way this boy was talking... it made it seem as if every single one of his worst nightmares were going to come true. -

The last words Larry had said as he left the Hospital Wing left Remus very confused and extremely nervous. He didn’t like the way it sounded. There was something behind it, but what that was, Remus couldn’t tell. What he knew for sure was he wanted to avoid this student at all costs. Wilkins was up to something, Remus could tell. He just wished he knew what it was. All he did know was that it wasn’t good, whatever it was.

Remus didn’t like this. He had actually been friends with Wilkins at the beginning of the year. Ever since the Quidditch match, things had changed for the worse. He hated this. He had one friend, and now he had lost him. Now, his former friend was up to something that could be dangerous. Of course, Remus tried to tell himself he was overreacting. He tried to convince himself that he wasn’t thinking straight, as it was right after a full moon.

What he really wanted to know, was why Wilkins was so interested in Remus accidentally killing himself or his brother? Wouldn’t he be more interested in the fact that Remus was a werewolf? If he wasn’t interested then he could least be frightened like everyone else. Wilkins had an unnatural interest in Remus, and it was unnerving. Now that he had found this out, he was spending every spare moment trying to weasel more information out of Remus. Remus didn’t like it. Wilkins was going out of his way to question him about this. It just wasn’t normal.

The only thing Remus gained from Wilkins’s endless questions was finding out how Wilkins knew where he had gone at Hogsmeade. Apparently, Wilkins had seen Remus making his way towards the Shrieking Shack. His curiosity got the better of him, naturally, and he followed. He saw Remus enter the house and decided to wait until he came out. When he didn’t come out and started to transform, his screams of pain piercing the night, Wilkins had hurried over to the window. Managing to peer through a large crack in the boards that were meant to block the windows, he saw Remus as a werewolf. He waited until morning to inspect the Shack and found Remus as a bloody mess. He only managed to narrowly escape when he saw Madame Pomfrey coming.

Remus had to admit, it took a lot of nerve to do what Wilkins had done. Not many people would brave a night near the Shrieking Shack, especially when most considered it to be haunted. Nerve, however, was just one way to describe it. Remus also considered it foolish, stupid, and downright meddling. He couldn’t help but be worried about what Wilkins might do; he had the worst kind of ammunition against Remus.

“Remus, what’s up?” Remus looked up from his seat in the library, expecting to see Wilkins making his way towards the table. It wasn’t him, however, it was Blake. Remus smiled slightly. He hadn’t talked to Blake since their Hogsmeade trip a few weeks ago. Remus had purposely been avoiding his brother after he heard the arguement between Blake and Billy. If he was annoying his brother’s friend and jeopardizing their friendship, he wanted to stop it as quickly as possible.

Blake took a seat and looked at the book Remus was reading. “Checking up on Grindylows?”

Remus nodded. Professor Hanks had warned them that they would be studying them in their next lesson. There would be dire consequences if they did not have a solid background. Since Remus knew next to nothing about Grindylows, he had been studying them furiously so he could avoid another one of his professor’s mood swings.

“I haven’t seen you lately, not even in the common room,” Blake continued. Remus shifted in his seat and shrugged. “Remus, I know you heard that arguement between me and Billy. You’re not taking that seriously, are you?”

“I dunno… he had a good point,” Remus muttered. “I should have my own friends instead of hanging around yours. I don’t care if you’re the one who asks me to,” he said promptly as Blake opened his mouth. “I need to find my own friends.”

“What about that Wilkins kid?” Blake asked hesitantly. It was well known that Blake didn’t like Wilkins, for the simple reason that he was far too interested in that Quidditch match. The corner of Remus’s mouth twitched. How was he supposed to tell his brother that Wilkins had discovered his secret? Remus had tried so hard to keep it from everyone and it was found out just like that. “Don’t you talk to him?”

“He talks to me, yeah,” Remus agreed. “But I don’t want him around.”

This confused Blake. Why would Remus reject a friend, even if they were from Slytherin? He wasn’t that prejudiced. “Why?”

Remus struggled with his words. As he glanced around, he saw that the library was far too crowded to actually come out and say it. “He knows something he shouldn’t know.”

Blake blanched upon hearing this. This wasn’t happening. This kid couldn’t possibly know. “Remus, how the hell did this kid find out?” he whispered furiously.

“He saw me going to the Shrieking Shack. He was there when my transformation was over... he saw me!” Blake was beside himself with fury, causing Remus to recoil slightly in his chair. “I didn’t see him when I was going in. When I looked around, there was no one there, and there’s nowhere to hide over there.”

“Remus, how the hell did you let him find out?” Blake yelled, jumping out of his seat, causing Madam Pince to threaten him. He completely ignored the many occupants of the library who had now turned to stare.

Remus gestured for his brother to sit back down and to lower his voice.

“I didn’t let him find out,” Remus hissed. “He was just being nosey.”

“Don’t you know what could happen now that he knows? Remus, he’s friends with Snape!”

“Yes, I know what could happen! Trust me; if anyone knows how bad things could get, it’s me! But I warned him not to tell, and he said he didn’t want to ruin my life like that.” He almost considered telling Blake the way Wilkins had said it, that he had said it in such a way that it made Remus scared to even think of what it meant. From the way Blake was acting at the moment, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to divulge that information.

“Remus, he could be lying!” Blake argued, his voice rising again.

“He’s not lying, honestly!” Remus stood up, picked up the book he was reading, and turned back to his brother. “Look, you’re angrier about this than you should be. If anyone has the right to worry… just forget it.” He quickly turned around to check the book out and left the library before his brother could stop him. As he was walking down the Entrance Hall steps he heard a voice calling for him to stop. He knew that voice and he was in no mood to be interrogated endlessly about his lycanthropy. He already had to be yelled at by his brother about this kid. No sooner would he be receiving a Howler from his parents about it. His parents loved him very much, but they were as strict about his secret as he, himself, was.

No matter how fast Remus walked, Wilkins wasn’t giving up. He ran towards Remus, nearly knocking him off the stairs.

“Can I help you?” Remus said exasperatedly.

“I’m not going to bother you about that,” Wilkins said quickly.

Remus raised his eyebrow at him, he strongly doubted it. “Then what do you want with me?”

“I just want to talk. You know, we were pretty good friends at the beginning of the year.”

“Yeah, we were. That was before the stupid Quidditch match, and you kept bothering me about it. You know I don’t like to talk about all the bad stuff that happens to me.”

They were out on the very cold grounds now. Since it was mid November, they were getting bouts of snow. Their most recent snowfall had covered the grounds in two feet of the white powder. Remus liked going out in the snow. He wouldn’t participate in the many snowball fights that took place, but he enjoyed watching them. At the present moment, there was not a soul out on the ground, save for himself, and Wilkins. He could also see Fang the boarhound sleeping in the frozen pumpkin patch.

Remus had hoped that he could shake off Wilkins once he was outside, but to his misfortune, this seemed to only make Wilkins more intent on following him. Remus had an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, something wasn’t right. He felt as if he was reliving every horrible event in his life. The feeling was so strong it was almost painful. He rubbed a spot right about his left eye and trekked on, thinking that, if he showed signs that he wasn’t going inside soon, Wilkins would lose interest in talking. That was false wishing on his part, because Wilkins did not lose interest.

Getting disgusted with the boy, Remus turned on his and glared at him straight in the eye.

“What do you want from me?” he snapped, throwing the book he had been holding on the ground.

Wilkins grinned and took a step forward. “I want to know something. What would happen if you were really vicious as a werewolf and attacked yourself like you were another werewolf? Would you kill yourself? That’s your worst nightmare, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about? Can’t you just leave me alone?”

Remus hated to admit it, but he was getting scared. The way this boy was talking. It made it seem as if every single one of his worst nightmares was going to come true. Wilkins’s grin was growing wider as he continued stepping forward, closing the gap between he and Remus.

Unless Remus’s eyes were cheating him, he could swear the boy’s eyes had flashed gold for a moment… a strange, werewolf-like gold.

“That’s what would probably happen, right?” Wilkins continued. “You would hate that, wouldn’t you? Not only because you’d be dead, but it would destroy your family.”

“Leave me alone,” Remus said, nearly in a pleading tone. This was wrong. This wasn’t the kid Remus had met in Gringotts. This wasn’t the boy he had been friends with at the beginning of the school year. Maybe Wilkins was finally showing his true colours? Maybe he was finally revealing to Remus the reason why he had been sorted into Slytherin. Whatever the reason was, Remus wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, something bad was going to happen.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Wilkins said, his voice sounding as if he savored every moment that Remus was in a panic.

“What �“ who are you?” Remus said at last.

Wilkins’s smile turned into a fanged one, his eyes had definitely flashed gold, and remained that way. He closed the gap between him and Remus and said slowly, “Me? I’m your worst nightmare.”

---

Sirius, James and Peter had been debating for at least an hour about having a snowball fight out on the grounds. Sirius was all for it, having a strong need to relieve himself of all of the energy he had bottled up as he studied for their Transfiguration exam. He didn’t care if it was nearly below zero outside; he just wanted to have fun. James was also for a snowball fight, but he just wanted to wait until it got a little warmer outside. He had only just gotten over the flu and didn’t want to bring it back full force. Peter, on the other hand, was stating that a snowball fight wouldn’t be fun with only three people; it would be too easy for one of them to win.

In the end, Sirius won the debate, only by jumping on James’s back. He gave James a noogie until he pleaded for him to stop. Then Sirius pointed out that it was two against one, so Peter had no choice but to join him and have fun. They made their way out onto the grounds (only after Sirius threw two coats at his friends) and scouted out the area with the most snow. As they were nearing the lake, James could swear he saw a large animal running into the Forbidden Forest. At first he thought it was merely Fang breaking free of his leash and trying to give Hagrid a problem. He soon realised that Fang was still asleep beside his owner’s hut.

He shrugged the thought out of his mind and continued on his search. They went on further and found a nice spot near the Whomping Willow. Sirius announced that they would each have five minutes to make their snowballs. Then they would have another five minutes to get as far away from each other as possible. At the end of the first five minutes they each had a considerably large pile of snowballs. As the boys backed away to make their first shot, Peter began to notice something odd. The snow was red where he was standing. Curious, he forgot all about the fight and went to investigate.

“Oh, Merlin… James! Sirius!”

James and Sirius dropped their snowballs upon hearing Peter’s shout and sprinted over, nearly knocking their friend backwards. There something was wrong with Peter. He was staring at the ground, shaking; his face was pale.

“Peter, what’s wrong? What happened to you?” Sirius asked nervously, looking his friend over for some sign of illness. Peter shook his head and pointed to what he was looking at.

On the ground, surrounded by a puddle of blood, was Remus Lupin. His whole body was mangled in such a way that it looked like he was dead; but, as James knelt down and placed two of his fingers on Remus’s neck, he felt a faint pulse.

“How did he end up like this?” James wondered, looking him over. Sirius and Peter didn’t respond; they simply stared at his various wounds. Remus had three large gashes going down the right side of his face. His nose was spouting blood that mixed with the stream that was coming out from under his hairline. The sleeves of his robes were torn beyond repair, and his arms had dozens of bites over them that were bleeding freely onto the snow. The wounds looked so horrible that they had no idea how he could still be alive.

“James,” Sirius said, slowly turning to his friend. “Go inside now; get Madam Pomfrey, or someone!”

James didn’t need telling twice. He swiveled around and did a mad dash towards the castle. The second he skidded into the Entrance Hall, he saw one person who needed to hear the news.

“Blake!” he called out frantically, hurrying up to catch the sixth year.

Blake turned around and looked at the panicked James inquiringly.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Your brother! Something… something attacked him out on the grounds!” James explained frantically.

The colour in Blake’s face drained when he heard this, and he broke into a run towards the doors.

“Where on the grounds?” he asked James, who was struggling to keep up.

“He’s near the Whomping Willow. But it wasn’t the Willow; there were too many bites on him.”

“Merlin…,” Blake moaned, skidding to a halt and placing his face in his hand. “How could this happen? I was talking to him not even an hour ago.” He squinted out over the grounds and spotted Sirius and Peter standing over Remus. They seemed to be talking very swiftly. Blake turned to James and in a very firm, yet frightened, voice instructed him to get Madam Pomfrey and bring her down to the grounds. James listened without hesitation. Within moments the nurse was bringing the unconscious form of Remus up to the Hospital Wing.

The boys weren’t allowed in as she did her best to fully heal Remus, so they waited outside, occasionally peering through the window in the door. It was useless though, Madam Pomfrey had him in a corner where no one could see him.

“Oh, how did this happen,” Blake said miserably, glancing over his shoulder into the Hospital Wing.

“It’s not even a full moon,” James said lazily, then mentally slapping himself.

Blake slowly looked up at the third year, shaking his head disbelievingly.

“How many people know, for Merlin’s sake!” he yelled, only to have the nurse scold him from inside the infirmary.

“Only us!” Sirius explained. “It’s pretty obvious if you share a dormitory with him for three years.”

“But you haven’t told anyone, have you?” Blake asked; anger clearly evident in his voice.

“No, we’re not stupid. We wouldn’t do that to him.”

“Well, if you wouldn’t tell anyone, why didn’t you tell him you knew?”

“Because we didn’t know if he would trust us,” Peter said. “He hasn’t told anyone else; he doesn’t trust anyone.”

“Well, you can’t exactly blame him,” Blake said, looking into the ward once more, still unable to see if his brother was okay. “When he was little he didn’t think there was anything wrong with other people knowing. Then when they found out, they abandoned him. He was scared of that happening to him here, so he never told anyone.” He turned around and kicked the door. “Come on, Madam Pomfrey!” he snapped. “It’s not like it did any good! That moron of a Slytherin knows, and that’s probably why he’s in there, nearly dead!”

James, Sirius and Peter looked at each other. Someone else knew? Remus definitely hadn’t meant them to find out, judging by the way his brother was acting. They suddenly felt like they shouldn’t be there. This was a family matter and they were intruding. As soon as they went to leave, they were stopped.

“Do you care?” Blake asked; his voice becoming calmer. “That he’s a werewolf?”

“No,” James said sincerely. “We’ve known this for a long time and we don’t care. He’s a werewolf for one night out of a month, but he’s just Remus Lupin for the rest of the time.”

“Then tell him you know, tell him you don’t care. Please, you guys can help him. There’s only so much I can do.”

“Lupin, you can come in now,” Madam Pomfrey said through a crack in the door. She stuck her head further through the crack and said that James, Sirius and Peter could come in later, if they wanted.

The three boys nodded and returned to Gryffindor Tower, though rather reluctantly. They wanted to do what Blake told them to do; they wanted to let Remus know that they didn’t care; that he could trust them. That was why James was always so hard on Remus. James wanted friends who he could trust. He wasn’t about to befriend someone who couldn’t trust him. They could change that, though, if they tried. They’d just have to wait.

Remus was barely awake when Blake sat down beside his bed. The potions hadn’t taken their effect yet, as Remus was still in significant pain. The right side of his face was covered in a purple substance to heal the gashes that were there. His right arm was bound in a sling; his left arm and legs were bandaged heavily, as well as his torso.

“How are you, Remus?” Blake asked quietly.

“Fine. Madam Pomfrey says I’m going to be okay,” Remus answered in a small, pain-filled voice.

The corner of Blake’s mouth twitched. He hated seeing his brother like this. So many bad things had happened in his life already, why did he have to add this to the list? “Remus, what happened?”

“I don’t know. I can’t remember anything that happened after I talked to you in the library.”

“You don’t know if you met someone else between the library and the grounds?”

“I didn’t even know I was on the grounds.” He inhaled sharply and scrunched his face in pain.

“Remus?”

“I’m fine, it just hurts a bit.” He tried smiling, but it came out as more of a grimace. “Don’t start yelling or anything. Madam Pomfrey’ll kick you out if you do.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

They sat in silence for a long time, Blake not sure of what to say, and Remus in too much pain to speak. The door to the ward opened about a half an hour later and James, Sirius and Peter walked quietly inside. They looked extremely anxious, like they were unsure of what to say.

Blake looked up at them with an expression that clearly asked if they had thought about what he had said. They nodded at him; they had spent all their time in the common room discussing it. They had come to a decision.

Blake stood up, gave his brother an encouraging nod, and left the ward.

“Remus, we need to tell you something,” Sirius said. Remus sat up a little to signal he was listening. “We know you’re a werewolf.”

Remus’ eyes widened at an alarming rate, three more people knew? This was getting to be too much for him to handle. How was this happening? No one was supposed to know and now four people did.

“We haven’t told anyone,” James added, sensing that Remus was starting to panic. “We just wanted to tell you that we don’t care if you are. It doesn’t change anything about you.”

“Yeah, you’re still human ninety percent of the time,” Peter said.

“Was that why you never bothered to talk to me, or you just yelled at me when you did?” Remus asked quietly.

“Yeah, it was,” James admitted. “We didn’t find out until our second year, but first year we knew something was up with you. We didn’t like that you wouldn’t trust anyone with whatever it was. And if you don’t trust us now with it, I guess we’ll understand.” They turned to leave, thinking that nothing was going to change, but Remus stopped them. They had known all along that something was wrong with him; they hadn’t told anyone, and they didn’t care either. Maybe he could really rely on them with this. After all, their friendship was based on trust.

“I do,” he said. “I trust you. You guys would never do anything to betray each other so… I guess you wouldn’t betray me with this.”

“And we wouldn’t.”

Chapter Seven
- Maybe, as crazy as it sounded, some good came out of Wilkins attacking him; it enabled him to trust more people. -

When word got out that Remus Lupin had been attacked on the school grounds, panic spread throughout the castle. The students had always thought Hogwarts to be the safest place there was, except for Gringotts. Now to even think that there was something out there that could harm them; they didn’t even want to fathom the possibilities of what it could be. Students could be seen discussing the alleged attacker at every corner of the castle, from the Great Hall to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. Some of the suggestions were rather accurate, if they knew what the creature was. Others proved to be as absurd as one of the plants in the greenhouse mutating, attacking whoever came closest to it. None of the students seemed to know that Remus had been nowhere near the greenhouses when he was assaulted. Professor Dumbledore was doing his best to assure the students that whatever committed the crime would be caught. Not even the word of Professor Dumbledore helped to ease the students’ fear.

Remus’s parents were beside themselves with fury when they received Blake’s letter, explaining what had happened. They were doing everything in their power to find whatever did this to their son; they even ordered Cassie to find out if goblins were violent enough to do something of the sort. Cassie, however, refused to, as it would endanger her career. She also knew that goblins would never attack someone, unless it was deserved. She strongly doubted Remus would have done anything to upset goblins. They wanted to go up to the castle to check on their son, but Professor Dumbledore guaranteed them that he was in the best of care. He was well cared for, as Madam Pomfrey hardly ever left his side. The only times she ever did was by Remus’s personal request or if she had to tend to another student.

That was another thing; students were now purposely getting into duels so they could get into the Hospital Wing and see the damage reaped on Remus. Every day a number of students would enter the infirmary with bizarre mutations, claiming that they had gotten into a fight and needed immediate care. Once inside, they would be able to catch a glimpse of Remus, who deliberately turned his face away. It was embarrassing enough without students gawking at him. Madam Pomfrey soon became wise to this and, while she couldn’t directly stop them, she pulled the curtains around Remus’s bed and the staged duels eventually ceased.

Remus spent most of his time trying to recall the events that preceded his attack. At first he came up with nothing but a blank spot in his mind where the memory should have been. He would spend all day trying to figure it out. When he was in the company of Blake, James, Sirius, and Peter, they could easily tell that his mind was elsewhere. When they questioned him about it, he wouldn’t tell them what he was thinking. Initially, he only remembered leaving the library and waking up in the Hospital Wing. He didn’t remember any pain or meeting someone else. Soon, as he dwelled further, he knew he had gone on the grounds. He distinctly remembered stepping out into the cold snow. As his thoughts progressed, he knew he was accompanied.

He wasn’t about to figure out who he was with. Soon he realised, with a bit of thinking, he discovered he was with Larry Wilkins. As the days wore on, he was able to recollect the exact conversation they were having. Wilkins was claiming that he wasn’t going to harp Remus about his lycanthropy while Remus kept trying to shake him off. Wilkins wouldn’t do as Remus ordered. He followed him onto the grounds where the arguement continued. It ended with Wilkins stating that he was Remus’s worst nightmare.

Then there was the pain. The pain was unbearable; it was like a thousand knives piercing his skin, tearing away at him. The only problem was that Remus didn’t know how Wilkins had hurt him. All he knew was that it wasn’t with his wand. He could just remember everything up to the pain, the rest was blank.

Currently, Remus was sleeping in the Hospital Wing. It was the middle of the afternoon, but the potion Madam Pomfrey had given him made him feel drowsy. He had had no visitors that day, so it wasn’t as if it mattered if he went to sleep or not. He was having a rather peculiar dream that consisted of three chocolate frogs playing a round of leap frog, using Remus’s shoulders to hop on. He had eaten one too many of the chocolate frogs Blake had given him.

“Hey Remus, wake up!” Remus was shaken out of his sleep by a very wet looking Blake. He opened his eyes and muttered some nonsense, waving his hand at Blake, as if he was trying to swat a fly away. “Remus!”

“What?” Remus whined. He hated being woken up and his brother knew this quite well.

“You missed the most hilarious thing!” Blake laughed, taking a seat beside the bed.

“Would that explain why you’re wet?” Remus asked tiredly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Yes,” Blake answered proudly. “So, Peeves was having a fit because the Bloody Baron told him that he wasn’t invited to the Christmas Feast again. He got a whole load of water balloons and dived bombed the Slytherins with them!”

“So, why’re you wet?”

“Oh, you know how Mum and Dad want me to be Head Boy next year, I was supposed to look like I cared and try to help. I ended up getting hit with a few, but, Merlin, it was hilarious!” His smile faded when he saw Remus’s sceptical look. Clearly he didn’t think that was anything worth being woken up over. “I guess you had to be there.” Remus nodded. “Anyway,” Blake went on, helping himself to a Sugar Quill on Remus’s nightstand. “You’re looking better.”

It was true. After being locked up in the Hospital Wing for a week and a half, Remus was showing definite signs of improvement. For one thing, the gashes on the side of his face were now faint scars. His arm was still in a sling, and the bites were mending themselves. The only real problem was that the gashes and bites on his stomach seemed to be refusing to mend themselves. Every time Madam Pomfrey went to change the bandages she was met with a river of blood. This baffled her terribly and was really the reason that she had not yet released Remus. If she found the cure for it then he would be free to go.

That was another reason why Remus had been concentrating so hard on figuring out how Wilkins had assailed him. It would lead to the cure. He remembered that Wilkins had grown fangs and his eyes turned gold, though his fangs were not that of a vampire, nor were they the eyes of a vampire. He was at a loss.

“Did James, Sirius and Peter stop by yet today?” Blake asked as he fished through a box of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans, picking out two and handing one to Remus. Remus shook his head as he inspected the bean.

“They had detention; they’ll probably stop by later,” he explained, hastily shoving the bean in his mouth. Almost immediately, he began gagging on it and spit it onto the floor.

“Vomit flavoured?” Blake asked, trying to suppress a smile. Remus nodded, grabbing the jug of water on the nightstand and quickly pouring a glass so he could get the wretched taste of his mouth. “Sorry, I thought it was marshmallow flavoured.”

Remus rolled his eyes at the mistake, but made no further mention of it.

“Mum and Dad still aren’t bugging Dumbledore to come up here, are they?” Remus inquired.

“Nah, me and Cassie double teamed on them and now they’re just happy that you’re okay.” Blake smiled, the memory apparently a funny one. “People still aren’t trying to get in here, are they?”

“No, Madam Pomfrey looked like she was going to get violent if they kept it up.”

“What about Wilkins? No surprise visits from him?”

Remus slowly shook his head. He still hadn’t told Blake who it was that attacked him. This was because he wasn’t sure what Wilkins had done. He only knew it was Wilkins. He only knew that the boy had threatened to make every one of Remus’s worst nightmares become a reality. That was the only thing he managed to recollect from the actual assault, other than the pain. He could distinctly hear Wilkins saying it when it was all over; he meant it too. He meant to take away every good thing that Remus ever had.

“Good,” Blake said in a satisfied voice. He stood up and picked up the stack of books on the floor. “Is this your homework?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s all of it.”

“I’ll take it to your teachers then.” Blake shifted the weight of the books to his right arm and turned to leave. “I’ll stop by after dinner, alright?” With that he was out the door.

Blake indeed came back after dinner; this time looking like he had more on his mind than he did when he first woke Remus up. Remus looked at him questioningly; he could hardly imagine what was making his brother look at him like that. Well I don’t exactly look too great, he thought lamely, as he caught his reflection in the mirror. Even if his face was healed, it was still deadly pale.

Blake took a seat in the folding chair and leaned back on it, rocking on the hind legs. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt before looking Remus in the eye and asking, “Who did this to you?”

Remus hesitated; he wasn’t sure how he could explain to his brother that Wilkins was the culprit. Blake would certainly ask how he did it and Remus wasn’t able to answer that.

“Remus… I need to know. I’ve been thinking about this ever since I left here earlier. It’ll make things a lot easier if you just try and figure it out.”

Remus bit his bottom lip. He knew that if there was one person he shouldn’t keep this from, it was Blake.

“I know who did it,” Remus murmured.

The front legs of the chair fell to the floor with a loud thud. Blake was leaning so far forward that his nose was nearly touching Remus’s.

“Who is it? Why haven’t you told anyone?”

“Because I don’t know how he did it!”

“He? It’s a he? You mean a student did this to you?” Remus nodded fervently, though stopping as he was gaining nothing but a headache. Getting a look at Blake, he could see that his mind must be racing with all of the possible scenarios in which Remus could have been hospitalized. The look he had on his face was almost frightening. “Who?” Blake persisted.

“Larry Wilkins,” Remus answered. “But please, don’t ask me how he did, I don’t know how. All I know was that he did it. He was the last person I was with before I woke up here.”

He waited for Blake to say something else, maybe a word of encouragement; that this would be taken care of. He at least thought Blake would say he would bring it to the attention of the Headmaster.

All Blake did manage to say was, “I have to go.” And he rushed out of the ward without a backwards glance at his brother.

Remus leaned back on his pillow and shut his eyes, hoping to go to sleep soon. He wasn’t able to; the thought of Wilkins’s threat was still fresh in his mind. Remus needed to stop him before anything bad happened. He couldn’t risk any of his worst fears coming true; it would endanger the lives of everyone who ever meant anything to him. He didn’t know how he had been hurt; he needed to find this out how if he wanted it to be stopped.

He had heard no more from Wilkins since it happened. He received no visits as he had after the Quidditch match. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t even see the boy wandering past the Hospital Wing during passing. He was simply gone. It was as if his attacker existed once, but then became no more than a figment of his imagination. He was simply imaginary.

---

Remus was released from the Hospital Wing after being cooped up for two weeks. Madam Pomfrey had, at long last, discovered a potion that would heal the gashes on Remus’s stomach. Though he still wasn’t healed to Madam Pomfrey’s liking, so she warned him not to overexert himself for a while. Remus was grateful for finally going back to the activity of the castle; he only wished he would be able to enjoy the grounds more often. He hated to admit it, but he was afraid of going back out there alone. James, Sirius and Peter weren’t too keen on going out there either. The only fresh air he got was whenever he stood by an open window. Even if he wasn’t afraid of going out there he wouldn’t be able to do much in the snow. Snowball fights counted as overexertion and he wasn’t too eager to sit through a lecture from the nurse.

Remus noticed, almost immediately, that he had become the centre of attention once he was out of the Hospital Wing. The students had not at all lowered their interest when Madam Pomfrey barred them from the infirmary. All around the school, he would attract stares from everyone he came in contact with. People would whisper behind their hands to their friends as he passed by on the way to class. They would peer at him as if they were trying to detect a hint of leftover injury. Remus didn’t understand why they had to squint at him; it was rather clear from his limp as he walked and the scars on his face. Now that he was friends with James, Sirius and Peter, the majority of the third years would try and fish answers out of those three. They were true to their word, however, and refused to tell them what happened.

Being that he couldn’t do much, he spent a good amount of time following his friends around and watching them execute their pranks. As he couldn’t participate in them himself, he could at least be a spectator. He had to admit that those three had pranks narrowed down to a fine art. The only way that it could be perfected was if they stopped getting caught. Even the seemingly simplest plan took hours, sometimes days, of preparation. They would sit up in their dormitory for the longest time, discussing the many ways of pulling it off. Then they would spend another hour devising an escape route. One day, they were sitting up in the dormitory listening to Sirius plot out their latest prank involving the Slytherins. It was a simple task of sneaking into the kitchens and putting a little blue elixir in their pumpkin juice, so when the Slytherins drank it their tongues would turn blue. Their only problem was that they didn’t know where they should escape to if the need arose.

“Why don’t you guys make a map of the school?” Remus suggested. “You’ve been doing this since we got here. You need something like that.”

“You know, that’s a pretty good idea,” James said fairly. “If we had a map we could get away easily. We could even chart out where everyone is, so we can avoid being caught.”

“Yeah, but James, we don’t know how to make something like that,” Sirius said.

“Well, it’s really just a bunch of Location Charms,” Remus explained. “For locating everyone in the castle, I mean. The actual map would probably need to be drawn and then enchanted to match the castle movement.”

“It’s a good idea, it really is,” Peter commended. “It’ll just be really hard to do and I can’t draw, so I’m out for drawing the map.”

“Well I can, so I’ll draw the map,” Sirius volunteered. “And you three can handle the location charms and everything.”

So, once everything was settled, work on the map began. It was a difficult task, indeed, to roam about the castle, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. Countless times they had been shooed away by professors who thought they were up to something. They had managed to find some secret passageways that they were certain nobody, except for Filch maybe, knew about. They all seemed to lead off the grounds. After sitting on it for some time, they came to the conclusion that they would have to follow the paths one night and see where they led to.

They didn’t know how long it would take for them to finish the entire map. They weren’t sure if they could even manage it before they graduated. They usually had to take James’s Invisibility Cloak out at night and go in pairs, trying to discover some unknown stairwell or hallway. If they had any luck, they would report it back to the two that remained in the dormitory. Also, Sirius’s drawing time was rather limited as their roommate, Frank Longbottom, was always curious to see what they were cooking up. Then there was Filch, the caretaker, who was notorious for barking at students and passing out detention slips for doing anything that seemed to be out of order, even if it wasn’t. He was already angry with James, Sirius and Peter for setting off a box of fireworks they had gotten from Hogsmeade. He wasn’t about to let them wander about as they made a map that would enhance their pranking skills.

“Well, there’s a passage under the Whomping Willow,” Remus brought up one night as they were examining the accuracy of the map.

Sirius looked up from his drawing interestedly.

“Where’s it lead?” Peter asked.

“The Shrieking Shack. That’s where Madam Pomfrey takes me every full moon. She smuggles me out of the castle and waits until I’m in the passage before she goes back to the castle.”

“But don’t you get whacked by the Willow?”

Remus shook his head. “There’s this long branch that Madam Pomfrey uses to prod this knot at the trunk of the tree. Once she does that, it freezes and I can go through.”

“Dumbledore thought of everything when he let you into this school, didn’t he?” Sirius said in a faintly awed voice.

“Yeah, if Dippet was still headmaster I wouldn’t be allowed to come here.” He scratched the side of his neck and looked at the ceiling. “I dunno, sometimes I think that’d might’ve been better.”

“What?” Peter asked confusedly.

“Sometimes I just think people’d be a lot safer here, even if I haven’t come close enough to bite anybody. I guess it’s the guilt of being a werewolf. The only werewolf I know of that doesn’t feel any shame in it is the one that bit me.”

His friends looked at each other with expressions that were evidently interested in what Remus had to say. Their expressions also looked a little guilty. They felt that it was private and Remus would tell them when he wanted to, but a part of each of them wanted to hear this.

“You guys want to know, don’t you?” Remus said, getting right to the point.

“Only if you don’t mind,” Sirius said quickly.

“I don’t, I’ve wanted to tell someone outside of my family.” He was quiet for a moment, before deciding how he should start. “Have you guys ever heard of Fenrir Greyback?”

They thought for a moment. The name did ring a bell, to Sirius especially. He had definitely overheard his parents talking about him and this gave him mixed feelings about the man. They were disgusted that he was a werewolf, but they admired his idea that if a child had to be a werewolf, then it was best to condemn them while they were young. That must have been what happened to Remus.

“My dad wrote this article about him in the Evening Prophet and it was really insulting,” Remus elaborated. “Greyback got offended by it and threatened my dad to do something really horrible. He just didn’t say who he would do it to. So my mum took me to Hogsmeade one night and I wandered away from her. Greyback found out that we would be there and knew that it would be a full moon, so he purposely made his transformation near where I would be.”

“He just attacked you right there?” James asked intently.

“Pretty much,” Remus concurred grimly, thinking of the memory. “You know Tom, the barkeeper at the Leaky Cauldron? He was the one who found me and he went with my parents to St. Mungo’s.”

“How old were you when it happened?” Peter questioned.

“About four, I think. It was really bad after it first happened. I got nightmares about it for a long time before my parents fixed it.”

“Was that what happened to you our first night here?” James asked, suddenly remembering being sound asleep on their first night ever at Hogwarts and then being awoken by Remus yelling.

Remus nodded, his face reddening as he explained that sometimes he would start yelling or else he would just wake quickly, thinking that something was going to come out of the shadows and get him.

“They stopped when I turned ten, but they come back every once in a while. The last time I had one was during the summer. They’re just so realistic when I have them; it’s like it’s happening all over.”

“You know, we should’ve told you we knew a long time ago,” Sirius admitted, sitting back against the wall and looking ashamed.

“Well, I didn’t really give you a reason to tell me,” Remus said fairly. “I probably wouldn’t have trusted you.”

“Then why do you now?”

Remus shrugged. “Getting attacked, I guess. It made me think that I should trust more people with it, because if I don’t, then it could happen again. Besides, trust is the one way to get friends and if I want them I have to learn to open up more.”

He leaned against his headboard and picked up the map that Sirius had been drawing. He looked at the path that led to the Shrieking Shack. Maybe if he hadn’t gone to Hogsmeade that day none of this would have happened. Maybe if Wilkins hadn’t seen him that day Remus would be sitting alone in the common room, instead of with three people who accepted him for the werewolf that he was. Maybe, as crazy as it sounded, some good came out of Wilkins attacking him; it enabled him to trust more people. It allowed him to confide in somebody outside of his family. It gave him a chance to trust someone. It gave him a chance to be truly happy for the first time in his life….

Chapter Eight
- The pain was unbearable, the physical pain and the mental, his throat constricting and his shoulders shaking, and his mind reeling, why did this happen? -

Blake sat quietly in the Owlery, having just picked up a letter that the family owl, Dreyfus, left for him. It was full of the usual questions �“ how was school? Were his friends good? Were his grades up? Was Remus feeling alright? There was also a new addition to the inquiry �“ have you found out who attacked him? Blake had, at first, told them that he and Remus didn’t know; he had thought he was being truthful. Now he was teetering on the edge of telling them, just so he could relieve himself of the burden he had been carrying since Remus told him. That had been over a week ago and he had kept it a secret ever since. He didn’t want to betray his brother’s confidence, though Remus had never said that he didn’t want their parents to know. Blake just had that feeling.

He was now sitting on the straw scattered floor, lazily petting Dreyfus as he stared at the blank piece of parchment he was supposed to be writing on. No one knew how badly he wanted to come out and say who did this, but it wasn’t right. Well it was; it would solve a lot of problems that could arise from him keeping silent. It was wrong because Remus clearly wanted to figure this out for himself. Why did he have to be like that? That was the one question that Blake was thinking as he turned the paper over, possibly hoping for some hint on the other side, only to find nothing. His brother was too stubborn for his own good and, because of it, he left Blake in a mind boggling situation.

If anyone had the right to know what happened, it was their parents. They cared for him more than anyone else (except for Blake, perhaps) and they needed to know. It wasn’t fair to keep them in the dark; it wasn’t fair that no one knew, not even his friends. Blake was fed up, so fed up that he felt a strong urge to take it out on someone, and he knew who. He stood up so abruptly that Dreyfus hooted angrily and flew up high into the rafters, only after nipping Blake hard on the ear. He was going to find that Wilkins and give him a piece of his mind. He didn’t care what this kid was capable of; he was ruining their lives.

Dinner was currently going on in the Great Hall, so he knew where to find him. He hurried down the steps to the Entrance Hall and made his way towards the Great Hall, to find it still full of teachers and students. He stood off to the side of the entrance and scanned the Slytherin table, trying to find that sorry excuse for a kid. At last spotting him, he walked over, trying to look as casual as possible. Wilkins was sitting with Snape, talking quietly as they both poked at what appeared to be a green piece of chicken. Maybe someone poisoned it, Blake thought wildly. He certainly wouldn’t mind it at the moment. He knelt down besides Wilkin, once he approached, and hissed in his ear,

“Can I talk to you?”

Wilkins looked at him strangely, but complied, shaking his head at Snape who had stood up to follow. Folding his arms across his chest, he followed Blake out of the Hall. Blake led him out onto the snow covered grounds, all the while thinking of how he should yell at Wilkins. Maybe he could throw in a few swear words? Or he could just get straight to the point. He was rather good at yelling for a really long time and still making sense by the time he finished. All he wanted to do, though, was find out how this kid hurt Remus. Giving Wilkins a piece of his mind didn’t sound all that bad of an idea, either.

They were soon at the edge of the lake, which, miraculously, had not frozen over yet. Wilkins appeared to have noticed this as well, and he seemed rather pleased about this. Blake chose to ignore Wilkins expression and looked over at the Giant Squid, who had resurfaced for one reason or another. He then turned to Wilkins, who was watching him intently, though with a bored look.

“Well, Lupin, what do you want?” Wilkins asked, in a voice that suggested he wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.

“What’d you do to my brother?” Blake asked, listening to the tone in the boy’s voice, and he also didn’t want to stay with him as long as he had to.

Wilkins took an offended step backwards and dropped his jaw. Clearly he thought he was a good actor, but Blake wasn’t buying it for a second. This kid was the reason Remus nearly died; he wasn’t supposed to take that lying down. If he let it persist, Remus could be worse off than he already was.

“Lupin, what are you talking about?” Wilkins asked exasperatedly.

“My brother said that you were the last person he was with before he was attacked! Who else could have done it?”

“Maybe Fang did.”

“Fang was sleeping, you idiot! And why would Fang want to hurt Remus?”

“He’s a dog… much like your brother.”

Blake’s fists clenched painfully, Wilkins was pushing it, nobody, absolutely nobody could call Remus a dog. “I want to know what you did to Remus!”

“You want to know what I did to Remus?”

“Why do you think I’m asking?”

“Fine, it was all very simple. Your brother simply told me what he fears the most. I caught him off guard, made him scared and he figured had no choice but to answer. He was afraid of accidentally killing himself during a transformation. Of course I couldn’t kill him because I couldn’t make his other nightmares come true. But, you know, I think I can now, starting right here with you.”

---

“I dunno… Madam Pomfrey hasn’t told me if I can actually have fun yet,” Remus was saying, as he watched his friends prepare for their trek out onto the grounds. He did want to go with them, but Madam Pomfrey had continued watching him like a hawk, never giving any clear indicator of when she was going to stop. A walk on the grounds did seem nice though, after being cooped up in the castle for so long.

“Come on, Remus,” Sirius whined. “It’s not like we’re going to throw you in the lake or anything. We’re just going for a walk.”

It was true that going for a walk was alright with the nurse, even if it was in freezing temperatures. So he told his friends to go down without him and he would catch up in a few minutes. He slid off his bed and looked around for his cloak. Glancing out onto the grounds, he could see that it had to be fairly cold, as ice was forming on the edges of the window. He also saw, unless he was just imagining things, a large dog - or was it a wolf? �“ running towards the Forbidden Forest. He thought it might have been Fang, but he could hear the boarhound barking from inside Hagrid’s hut. He shook the thought out of his head, thinking that it was no big deal, and continued looking for his cloak, which ended up being under his bed.

Fastening the silver clasps on his cloak, he made his way into the common room, which was rather full with students. It was, once again, far too cold even for the rowdiest students to go outside, so they had taken refuge in the common room. James, Sirius, and Peter had no perception of cold, they didn’t mind going outside. One of the students inside was Lily Evans; she appeared to be coming up from dinner and was conversing with her friend Alice Gordon. As Remus passed them, on his way outside, she turned to talk to him, only after Alice left her, saying that she would go get her Gobstones set.

“I never thought I’d see the day when Remus Lupin was friends with Potter, Black and Pettigrew,” she said, watching her friend ascend the stairs to the girls’ dormitory.

“Well, I didn’t either,” he agreed. “I know you don’t like them, but they’re actually nice.”

Lily raised a sceptical eyebrow, but questioned him no further about his friends.

“How’re you feeling?” she asked instead.

“Good. Madam Pomfrey still won’t let me do anything fun, but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” He smiled, thinking what he said was rather funny, but Lily apparently thought he was being foolish.

“It’ll just hurt you.”

“I’m careful. Listen, I’m supposed to meet James, Sirius and Peter outside, so I guess I’ll see you later, then.”

As Remus turned to leave, Lily stopped him again. “Do you know who did it to you?”

“No… I really can’t remember anything.”

Before Lily could question him any further, he dashed out of the portrait hole. He didn’t like that no one knew who his attacker was; it only made things more complicated. This brought him back to his original problem; he wasn’t able to prove Wilkins did it because he didn’t know how he did it. What was he supposed to tell people? He couldn’t go on saying he didn’t remember for the rest of his life. All memories resurface eventually, although you may not be able to tell where they came from. Remus had a strong feeling that he would know where that one came from if he really couldn’t remember.

Wilkins was making him into a liar, and not a very good one. The look on Lily’s face when he said he couldn’t remember proved that to him. She knew he was able to recall almost every single detail about his attacker, except how he actually did it. Remus sometimes felt disgusted with himself because he wasn’t able to figure it out. He knew he shouldn’t, but he had always been good at figuring things out when no one else could. This had happened to him and he didn’t know; he was just fed up with it.

He stepped out into the shin deep snow, shivering heavily as the cold air whipped and cut his face. He folded his arms across his chest, hoping that this could warm him somewhat, and looked around for his friends. Remus had almost forgotten how cold it could be outside, as he had been avoiding the grounds since he got out of the Hospital Wing. When his friends asked him to come for a walk, he couldn’t refuse. He needed the fresh air, anyway. He saw them near the lake. Judging by the way they were standing, they seemed to be looking at something that he couldn’t see from his distance. Whatever it was, they seemed very keen on hiding it. Curious, he ran towards them. As he got closer, he could hear them whispering hurriedly and he managed to catch his name in the bout of whispers.

“Peter, go head Remus off,” James was saying nervously, shoving Peter in the direction of the castle. “Tell him you need help with your Potions homework.”

“But Remus is terrible at Potions,” Peter argued.

“Well, then offer to help him!” Sirius shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. “Just keep him off the grounds. Don’t let him see this!”

“See what?” Remus asked, stepping forward to try and see what they were looking at.

The three boys bunched together to block it from view; they couldn’t let Remus see; not now. They had to prepare him; it was too horrible for him to just look at and not be ready. They knew they weren’t ready to see it when they first came upon it. Remus definitely wouldn’t be able to; he’d have a breakdown and they didn’t want to witness that. They had to tell Remus what they were hiding before letting him look.

“Guys,” Remus said slowly, craning his neck. “What are you hiding?”

“Remus,” Sirius said, reaching out his hand and placing it on Remus’s shoulder. “We need to prepare you for what you’re about to see.”

“Just let me look.” He broke out of Sirius’s grip and walked around the boys, who quickly turned to block it again. “This isn’t funny.”

“It’s not supposed to be.” The boys reluctantly stepped aside to let Remus view what they had been hiding.

Remus’s breath caught painfully in his throat when he saw it. His mind went numb and his limbs instantly began trembling. He shook his head wildly as if that might help rid his mind of the image before him, maybe make it disappear. Maybe it would get it away from him. Maybe he would wake up from this dream and find that he was still in his bed. There was no way this was happening.

Lying spread eagle on the ground, showing no signs of life, was Blake. His head was sopping with water that mixed with whatever blood was flowing out of him. His face was a ghostly white colour, disfigured with gashes and smashed bones. His eyelids were half open, revealing unseeing eyes that stared right through Remus. Remus knelt down and shook his brother, trying to wake him up, though he knew it was impossible.

“There’s no pulse, Remus,” James said quietly. “We already checked.”

Remus only looked up at James and nodded. James, Sirius and Peter didn’t know what to say. What could they say to their friend who just saw his brother’s dead body? They only waited for Remus to say something and when he did, they weren’t expecting what came out.

“I’ll kill him!” he yelled. “I’ll kill the little son of a-. I’ll kill him! I’ll kill him!” He took a deep, uneven breath as his body shook violently. He was caught up in a violent rage; he wanted revenge… sweet, sweet revenge. “I’ll kill him… I’ll-.” He couldn’t go on anymore; he did just as they predicted he would. He broke down. He sobbed uncontrollably into the lifeless body that had once been his brother.

“Remus…” Sirius said, stooping down next to him and putting his arm around his friend’s shoulder. Sirius looked up at James, “go get Dumbledore.”

James nodded, with a sick look on his face as he saw Remus deteriorating before them.

Peter knelt down on the other side of Remus, as he and Sirius did their best to comfort him, knowing the whole time that it was useless. Remus’s brother was gone. The one person who would risk everything for Remus had died, probably for that very reason.

---

“What happened to him, Remus?”

“I told you, I don’t know.”

“Remus, you saw him! They let you see him!”

“No one let me see him!”

“Answer the question, Remus.”

“Tom, leave him alone! He’s been through enough without you doing this to him.”

Mr. and Mrs. Lupin had been called up to the castle immediately, once James alerted Professor Dumbledore about what had happened. Cassie would be coming soon with Lucy, who was with their grandparents. Remus strongly doubted that they had told his little sister what happened; it would scar her for life. They were now sitting in the Headmaster’s office, waiting for Dumbledore to come back from talking with the Minister of Magic.

Mr. Lupin was not taking this well. He was beside himself with grief that showed as he forced his youngest son to tell him what happened, though Remus clearly didn’t know. Mrs. Lupin was sitting in the chair beside her son, glaring dangerously at her husband. She kept her arm across Remus’s shoulder as he fought to remain calm as he listened to his dad yelling at him.

“I’m sorry, Remus,” Mr. Lupin said, taking his seat at last. “How did this happen?” he whispered to himself.

Remus broke free from his mother and walked away from his parents, fighting with his thoughts the whole time. He had to tell them who it was. Who else could it be? It had to be that little jerk… and it was his, Remus’s, fault that it happened. If he had just told someone who it was that attacked him then this could have been avoided. Blake would still be alive! Blake would still be there, alive and healthy and happy, not a blank void. He hated himself; he was more of a murderer than Wilkins was. If only he wasn’t so stubborn.

“Remus, where are you going?” his mother asked when she saw him stepping out of the room.

“I don’t know,” he answered bluntly. He shut the door and, just as he was stepping off the revolving staircase, he found himself face to face with Professor Dumbledore.

“Hullo Remus,” he said softly, his usually sparkling eyes cold with grief and determination to catch the culprit.

“Hi Professor,” Remus said.

“Why aren’t you with your family?”

“I don’t want to be.”

“I understand, everyone has their own way of grieving.” He stepped aside to allow Remus passage.

Remus didn’t feel right being with his parents; he was just as guilty as the actual murderer was. He didn’t deserve to be with those people who had nothing weighing on their conscience. He walked dejectedly down the corridor, thankful that it was free of students and ghosts alike. If someone was there it would only bring out questions that he wasn’t willing to answer, not yet at least. The absence of students in the corridor proved that they knew something had happened.

The corner of Remus’s mouth twitched and his eyes began to burn again. He did his best to stay cool; all the while thinking that the Calming Draught he had been given was wearing off. He wasn’t going to start crying again. He had been crying for hours, ever since his parents had gotten to the school and it finally became real to him.

He found himself walking past the Hospital Wing and, despite the fact that he knew he shouldn’t, he peered inside the window and saw the bed that contained his brother’s body. He couldn’t see the body though; it was covered with a white sheet. Even just looking at the sheet broke him. He couldn’t take it; he collapsed to the floor, buried his face in his arms, and began crying. Nothing was fair. Life was just this cruel game someone created to make people miserable. Remus couldn’t stand it, he wanted it to all end. He wanted to stop the madness! It was always the good people who were taken away, never the bad. They were always allowed to walk free, to go through life unscathed, without a conscience or a soul. They had no voice inside them that told them what they were doing was wrong; they went through life without a care in the world! They took away the lives of others without blinking an eye and now Blake was one of their victims.

The pain was unbearable, the physical pain and the mental, his throat constricting, his shoulders shaking, and his mind reeling. Why did this happen? That was all he could think; he wanted to know why it was his brother. What did he do to deserve such a fate?

Remus wiped his eyes on his sleeve and tried steadying himself long enough to stand up so he could return to the common room. He just wanted to sleep right now. He thought that crying would make him feel better, but it just made him tired. He needed to sleep.

“Mr. Lupin?” Remus turned around to see Professor McGonagall approaching him, an unnaturally sad expression on her face. “Oh, Mr. Lupin, I’m so sorry…” Remus nodded, unsure of what to say. “When the Headmaster told me what happened… it shouldn’t have been Blake.” Remus nodded again, that was the most honest thing he’d heard all day. “He would’ve been Head Boy, you know. He could have been whatever he wanted.”

Remus’s heart clenched painfully as he listened to the professor’s words. Blake could have been anything he wanted. He was going to be Head Boy, just like their parents wanted, but now he couldn’t be.

“Your friends are looking for you, Remus,” Professor McGonagall said suddenly. “They want to see if you’re all right.”

“I really don’t want to see anyone right now, Professor.”

“I understand. Just go see them for a moment; they’re worried.”

Remus nodded and continued on his way. He really didn’t want to see anyone; he just wanted to sleep. Was that too much to ask? He just wanted to sleep this whole day off; maybe it would lessen the pain, even if only a little. There was a part of him that wanted to talk about this with someone, but not with his parents or a professor. He needed to talk to his friends; they would be able to console him. They could get him through this, or at least help him a little. He wondered vaguely if Professor Dumbledore had informed the school. His question was answered immediately when he walked into the eerily quiet common room. If he had told anyone, he had at least told the Gryffindors. All around were the sullen faces of usually happy Gryffindors, especially the sixth years. When Remus entered the room he could have sworn he saw them all glance at each other, as if they were sharing some secret message. Remus looked around and saw that his friends weren’t in the common room, so he weaved through the groups of students and went up to the dormitory.

He entered the dormitory to see James, Sirius and Peter sitting on James’s bed, conversing quietly, presumably about Remus, as they stopped the moment they saw him walk in.

“McGonagall said you wanted to see me,” he said in an expressionless voice.

“We just wanted to see if you were okay,” Sirius said.

“Well I’m not, were you expecting something else?” He dropped down on his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. “I dunno… I want to talk, but I don’t wanna talk. I just want to sleep and forget about this. Merlin, I’m mixed up.” He could hear one of them stand up and make his way over towards him. Glancing over, he could see that it was James.

“Remus, none of us knows what to say to you,” he said truthfully. “We don’t want to tell you that we know what you’re going through, because we don’t.”

“Good,” Remus muttered. “I hate when people say that.” James visibly flinched and Remus noticed how harsh his voice sound. “I’m sorry,” he said, sitting up and resting his forehead in his hand.

“You don’t have to be sorry.”

“I don’t know what to be or what to do. My dad was interrogating me before, probably thinking it was my fault this happened and you know what? He’s right.”

James, Sirius, and Peter shook their heads at each other; there was no way he was going to do this to himself. He was not going to sit there and tell himself that it was his fault his brother was dead.

Sirius sat down at the foot of Remus’s bed and looked him sternly in the eye.

“You’re not doing this to yourself,” he said. “It’s not your fault.”

“You don’t understand, I should’ve said something!”

Sirius looked at James and Peter and jerked his head towards the other side of the room. They followed Sirius and there they decided that this must have been what Remus meant when he was saying that he would kill someone. Remus had to have known who it was that killed his brother. It must have been the same person who attacked him. He was going to beat himself up over this because he knew something bad was going to happen, but he didn’t know exactly what.

They went back over to Remus, where, slowly and carefully, James asked him, “Who did it, Remus?”

“Larry Wilkins,” Remus answered, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his robes.

“The Slytherin?” Peter said confusedly. “The one that hangs out with Snape?”

Remus nodded. “He was the one who attacked me. He was probably the one who messed up that Quidditch match, too. There’s something not right with him and he’s taking it out on my family!” He took another jagged breath and rested his head on his knees. “It’s like all of my worst nightmares are coming true.”

“Remus, try going to sleep,” Peter suggested. “Clear your head. Maybe you’ll feel a little better when you wake up.”

Remus nodded, pulled the covers over himself, and shut his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t feel better when he woke up. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to clear his head, and he knew that, when he woke up, the pain of losing Blake would be just as great. He could only imagine the pain his brother must have gone through before he died; it had to have been worse than how Remus felt when he woke up after being attacked. He was all wet when they found him; Wilkins must have drowned him after destroying him the way he did. He was all torn up, parts of his face completely smashed. The image of Blake made Remus shiver involuntarily. He didn’t think he would ever forget it.

Of all the people in the world, why his brother? He had done nothing to deserve such a fate. What had he done to set Wilkins off? What was he doing the moment he encountered him? Had he been looking for a fight? Was he the one who started it? If so, then he brought it upon himself. No, don’t think that, Remus told himself firmly. He was not going to say it was Blake’s own fault he died. He knew what Wilkins was capable of, but he never expected Wilkins was capable of death. Blake knew that he was the one who had done it to Remus; that was why he had gone after him. Blake knew what he was getting himself into. Remus knew one thing �“ no matter how Blake’s fate was decided, he could only hope he had found peace wherever he was. Remus hoped that Blake was somewhere he deserved. Blake could have been anything he wanted to, but his life was cut short before he had the chance. Maybe, in another lifetime, he could give his little brother the love that he had given Remus… maybe, just maybe…

Chapter Nine
- "It is never easy to acknowledge the loss of someone, especially someone who was in the prime of his life." -

The Great Hall was silent as the students waited for Professor Dumbledore to make his announcement. The Gryffindors knew full well what Dumbledore what about to tell them, as they had heard the day before, but the rest of the houses were baffled. None of the school houses were permitted to leave their common room the night before, so word had not yet spread. The professors and ghosts weren’t allowed to tell anyone what had happened either, which also prevented knowledge from leaking. The Hall was draped in black �“ a symbol of Blake’s death, though not all of the students knew this.

Professor Dumbledore stood from his seat at the Staff Table and looked around at all of the students.

“I am not quite sure how to say this,” he began, looking meaningfully over at the Gryffindor table, his eyes lingering on Remus for a moment. “It is never easy to acknowledge the loss of someone, especially someone who was in the prime of his life.” There was a rush of whispers amongst three of the house tables; they were clearly wondering who the Headmaster was talking about. “I do not need to remind the Gryffindors that one of their own was taken from them, but the rest of you need to know. Yesterday, sixth year, Blake Lupin, was killed on the grounds of this castle.” He looked around at the wide eyes of the students before continuing. “We do not know how this happened, but we are doing all we can to ensure that this does not happen again. I ask you to respect Blake’s family. Offer your condolences, but do not badger them about this. It is a… terrible thing… to lose someone in such a way, especially if they had not done anything to deserve such a fate. I ask you, when the time comes, to think of him as a person who could have been anything he wanted to; a person who cared so much for the people in his life. Think of him as the remarkable person he was.” Professor Dumbledore looked around the Hall once more and resumed his seat.

It took quite a while for talk to start amongst the students. When it did, it was either stunted or full of shock. At the Gryffindor table James, Sirius, and Peter were doing their best to make sure that the students listened to what Dumbledore had said �“ not to badger anyone in Blake’s family, particularly Remus. Luckily, Remus didn’t have to worry about the inquiries, as Professor McGonagall had just appeared at his side to tell him that it was time to leave. Remus would be heading home with his family so they could have a quiet funeral for Blake. He got up to follow the professor out of the Hall, his friends trailing behind. Professor McGonagall led them out into the Entrance Hall, where Remus’s parents and sisters were waiting.

“Remus,” James said. “Are you going to be alright?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe I will be when I get back.”

With that, the Lupins set off towards the gates of the school where they could Side-Along Apparate with Remus and Lucy. The walk to the grounds couldn’t have possibly been longer than it seemed. The grass appeared to stretch on endlessly before them, making the gates seem so miniscule, even as they drew closer to them. Remus didn’t really know if he wanted to go home. If he went home then it would make Blake’s death real… make it absolutely irretrievable. He didn’t want to face the moment when he had to be honest with himself and know that there wasn’t any chance that his brother could still be alive. He couldn’t pretend forever.

He could feel Cassie’s eyes on the back of his head; she was clearly trying to figure out what to say to him. She never did say anything, for which Remus was grateful. He didn’t want anyone prying at the moment; he needed to think. His friends seemed to respect that, as they had not mentioned Blake or anything relating to him. It felt as if it had been a week since it happened, rather than a day. Life was slowly stretching on. Remus stumbled slightly as the hill sloped further, but quickly steadied himself. He went on, keeping his eyes on the ground as it moved with him. Looking up meant that he would have to face his family and he wasn’t ready to do that yet.

He had been trying to figure out a way to tell his family that he knew who the culprit was, and that Professor Dumbledore didn’t have to have the Ministry investigating. It would save everyone a lot of trouble if he just told them, but he was afraid to. He knew everyone would hate him for it, especially all the Gryffindors; they would blame him for Blake’s death. They would claim that Remus knew something bad was going to happen. Truthfully, he knew that something was going to happen; he just didn’t know what exactly. There were so many horrible things that could occur that he could never have predicted that it would be the murder of his brother.

They were now on the opposite side of the gates, Hogwarts still visible to them, but they were now able to Apparate back home. Mr. Lupin went to help Remus, but Remus shrunk away towards his older sister. He felt uneasy around his father, since he was not very understanding of the whole situation. The way he had yelled at him in Dumbledore’s office the day before, it was enough to scare anyone off. Mr. Lupin looked at his daughter, who nodded in a knowing way. So, sighing in defeat, Mr. Lupin took hold of Lucy’s hand. They disappeared with a faint pop. Mrs. Lupin quickly followed them, leaving Remus and Cassie.

“We don’t have to go straight home,” she said to him.

Remus looked up at her and saw that she looked like she wanted to be home as much as he did. “Won’t they get mad?” he asked unenthusiastically. He very much wanted to go anywhere but his house, but he didn’t want to upset his parents.

Cassie shrugged lazily. “I don’t much care if they do,” she said. “Besides, I need to tell you something.”

Remus asked her what she needed to say, but she refused to answer until he agreed to go to the Three Broomsticks with her. It was early in the morning, so they were guaranteed some quiet. Despite the fact that he didn’t want to upset his parents, his curiosity was far greater. So he took his sister’s arm and felt it twist in his hands as she prepared to Apparate.

It wasn’t the most comfortable feeling; it felt as if he was being compressed into a small box and then swiftly released as they appeared at their destination. Remus stumbled forward, nearly falling on his face, but Cassie caught him before he could. She wordlessly led him towards the Three Broomsticks, leaving Remus to wonder what she had to tell them. Whatever it was, it had to have been important if she was willing to send their parents into frenzy, wondering where they went. Still, although he had no idea what it was, he knew it wasn’t good and that it involved Blake, in one way or another.

Cassie was right in saying that the Three Broomsticks would be empty. There was no one there except for Madam Rosmerta, who was sitting lazily at the bar counter, wiping the same spot repeatedly. She looked up with wide eyes when she saw them enter. She was apparently very startled to find people in her pub at such an early hour. She hurriedly got the butterbeers that Cassie asked for, and then went, rather reluctantly, back to her cleaning.

Cassie led Remus towards a seat all the way in the back. The moment they sat down she plunged in. “I don’t know why I decided to tell you this now,” she said. Remus looked at her strangely. “But… I know you need to know this and that Mum and Dad wouldn’t want me to say this now, since Blake only just died.” So Remus was right in thinking that it had to do with his brother. This only made the uneasy feeling in his chest deepen. “Do you remember much after you got bitten?” she went on hesitantly. Remus shrugged his shoulders; he remembered very little, and what little that was, was blurry. “Do you remember anything that has to do with your brother?”

“No,” Remus said slowly, the confusion mounting with each word Cassie spoke.

She sighed and went on. “That’s because he didn’t want to be near you after it happened.” It took a few minutes before Remus fully processed what she had just said. Had she just told him that Blake was afraid of him, like every other person who rejected him for what he was? Was she for real? He didn’t want to believe her; why was she telling him this now? Of all times, she had to tell him this now? “I know you always thought he was never scared of you,” Cassie continued, looking as though she wanted to get this out before Remus could say anything. “But he was scared… really scared. Remember when you two shared a room? He refused to sleep in it. Mum and Dad had to fight with him to get him to.”

Remus was shaking his head furiously; he wanted her to stop telling him these lies. Why was she doing this to him? Didn’t she think that losing Blake was bad enough? Now she had to add this on top of it… that he was actually scared of him? No, she was lying; she just had to be. This had to be some sick trick his parents had cooked up to get him to tell them what happened to Blake. If he was in his normal state of mind, that would have made very little sense, but now it was the most sensible thing he had thought for a while. Cassie apparently sensed what was going on in his mind, as she tried to convince him that she was telling the truth. But Remus wouldn’t hear any of it; he couldn’t take any more lies.

“Will you stop it?” he snapped, causing Madam Rosmerta to nearly slip off her stool. Cassie also looked startled; she didn’t expect an angry outburst. “Why are you doing this to me? Are you trying to get me to tell you who did it?”

“No Remus!” Cassie stammered.

“Then what are you telling me this for? Do you want me to think he was a bad person who was afraid of his brother? Is that it? Or are you just trying to make yourself look better because I know you were scared of me too?”

“Remus, I’m not trying to-.”

“Just stop talking about it then! I don’t want to hear it! Not now…” He got up and started moving away from the table. “Can we just go home? Please?” Cassie sat still for a moment, unsure of whether she should move or stay where she was. But Remus appeared to have calmed down, even if it was only a little. Deciding that the best thing to do was leave, she got up and left the pub with her brother.

Once outside, they prepared to Apparate and this time Remus was ready for the hideous sensation he received from it. Cassie gripped his forearm, twisted around and soon the compressed feeling returned, once again disappearing as quickly as it came. They found themselves standing in their kitchen almost instantly. Being in the kitchen, however, wasn’t where they wanted to be at the moment, as the second they turned around they saw their parents sitting at the table, fuming. Cassie smiled guiltily and tried shooing Remus away; she saw no reason for him to be blamed for something that wasn’t his idea.

His parents weren’t going to let him get away that easily.

“Remus, get back here,” his father said firmly.

Remus stopped just as he was about to set his foot on the stairs and turned around, walking dejectedly back into the kitchen. His mother and father looked as though, if they were capable, they would have steam spurting from their ears. He didn’t understand why they were so mad; it wasn’t as if he had wandered off by himself. Cassie was with him, and it was her idea, after all.

“Where did you two go?” Mr. Lupin asked, struggling to keep his voice even.

“What do you care?” Cassie replied in an expressionless voice.

This was not a smart thing on her part; it only fueled their parents on.

“What do we care?” Mrs. Lupin repeated. “I’ll tell you what we care about �“ there is someone out there who killed Blake! There is someone out there who attacked Remus! There’s someone out there who has it in for this family and we do not want any one of you going off and not telling us where! I don’t care if you’re of age, Cassie,” she added when she saw her daughter open her mouth to speak. “The point is, we don’t know who killed you brother and if you two are going to be so stupid to-.”

Remus had it; he couldn’t take it anymore. First, Cassie telling him that Blake was afraid of him, and now their mother was raging at them like this. He couldn’t take it.

“Will you just shut up?” he yelled wrathfully. The kitchen went eerily still. Neither Cassie, nor Blake, nor Remus, not even Lucy, had ever told their parents to shut up. None of the four Lupin children had ever said that, and now for Remus to yell it out as he did… it was unheard of.

“Remus, you do NOT tell your mother to shut up,” Mr. Lupin snarled, rising out of his chair.

“And she shouldn’t be saying that Cassie’s stupid!” Remus snarled back, his voice rising with every word. Even if he wasn’t happy with his sister, his mother had no right to say she was stupid. “Because I know who did this! I know who attacked me! I know who killed Blake! And I could’ve stopped it! So it’s my fault, you hear me? It’s my fault! I’m the stupid one. It is MY fault that Blake’s dead!” Before anyone could stop him, he burst out of the kitchen and pounded loudly on the stairs as he ran up them.

He made his way to his room, climbing up the next flight of stairs that led to his attic bedroom and, once inside, slammed the door shut behind him. He leaned back against the door and slid down it, drawing his knees up to his chest, which was heaving up and down at a rapid pace, as his breath came in jaggedly. He didn’t like to admit it, but he hated his parents for saying what they said, and he hated himself for yelling at them the way he did. But it was all he could do to keep himself from melting down again. It was his way of grieving and his parents would have to accept that. Even Dumbledore said that everyone had their own way… this was his.

It was his fault that Blake was dead; they were just going to have to understand that. If he had opened his mouth and told someone who attacked him… if he had just told somebody then his brother would still be there with them. He knew that it was Wilkins who had attacked him; he just couldn’t prove it. Still… if he had just mentioned it to the Headmaster, it would have raised some curiosity. Maybe they would have given Wilkins some Veritasserum and gotten the truth out of him. Why hadn’t he thought of that in the first place?

He felt the door opening behind him and he pushed his back against it to prevent it from doing so. It had to be his parents or Cassie coming to either talk or to yell and he wasn’t in the mood to listen to them. Someone tried opening it again and he pushed it shut once more.

“Remus?” said the small voice of Lucy.

Remus hesitated for a moment. Lucy hadn’t done anything to him; she didn’t even know what was going on. Their parents had just told her something bad had happened to Blake; they didn’t bother to tell her that he was dead. She deserved to know what happened; he was her brother after all. So, Remus stood up and let her in.

Lucy stumbled forward, having been leaning on the door, but Remus got her before she fell. Getting a close look at her, he could see that she was severely shaken. She knew that whatever happened was worse than what her parents were letting on. The shouting in the kitchen wasn’t helping much, either.

“Why were you yelling?” she asked. Remus shrugged, despite himself. He didn’t want to tell his five year old sister, even though he knew he had to. But Lucy made it so he had to tell. “You said someone was dead.”

Remus sighed and sat down on his bed, gesturing for her to sit down beside him. She looked scared… he had to tell her.

“Someone’s dead,” he concurred.

“Who?” she asked nervously.

“Blake.”

Lucy was silent for a moment, taking in what her brother had just said. Remus got up from his bed and sat down at his desk, purposely facing away from her. He couldn’t stand to see the look on her face. Even a five year old could understand the concept of death; she was able to know that he was never coming back.

“How?” she asked in a smaller voice.

“Someone killed him at school.”

“But you said it was your fault. You didn’t kill him?”

Remus sighed and rubbed his temples tiredly. Sneaking a look at the clock on his wall, he could see that it was only ten thirty. Why did he feel so tired? Looking back around at his sister, he could see that her face had went as white as a sheet and her eyes were as round as they could be, filling up with tears. He hated this…

“I as good as killed him,” he muttered.

“You killed him, then?” Lucy whispered, utterly terrified.


“I didn’t actually do it,” Remus said hurriedly. The last thing he wanted her to think was that he actually murdered Blake. He didn’t want her to think that he actually stuck Blake’s head under the water until he couldn’t breathe anymore. He didn’t want her to think that he beat him until there was no way he could ever be healed, even with magic. “I know who did it. I knew that the person who attacked me was going to try and do something else. But I didn’t know what. I should’ve said something… I should’ve told Dumbledore! That’s why I as good as killed Blake, because if I said something, then he’d still be here.”

In frustration he kicked his desk, receiving a sharp pain in his foot, but he didn’t care. This pain was nothing compared to how his brother probably felt. Remus thought he deserved the pain, it was his fault.

“But you really didn’t do it?” Lucy asked fearfully.

“No,” he said, his voice choking up. “But I could’ve stopped it from happening.”

He took a breath, steadying himself before saying anything else. Taking another brief look at her, Remus discovered something. After what Cassie had told him at the Three Broomsticks, that Blake was afraid of him at one point because he was a werewolf, he realised that Lucy was the only one who wasn’t. She was the only one who didn’t, at one point or another, run away from him. Even if she was only five, she still knew what Remus was and she was at the age where she could be convinced to believe anything. But she never believed for a second that Remus was someone to be afraid of.

Getting up from his desk, he went over to his bed and sat down. She was the only one who was never afraid of him… Cassie was, Blake was, possibly his parents, even he was afraid of himself at one point. Pulling his sister into a hug, struggling to stay calm, he said,

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Lucy asked, looking at him peculiarly.

“For not being scared of me.”

---

Apparently Remus was not in any position to tell Lucy what happened, as the events that followed were not in the least bit pleasant. As it seemed, Mr. Lupin had been coming up the stairs to talk with his son, to explain that it wasn’t his fault, when he heard Remus tell Lucy that Blake was killed. He went back down the stairs to inform his wife of this. The second time he came up the stairs, Lucy was gone and Remus was sleeping. Mr. Lupin didn’t care that his son was sleep, he woke him up anyway and the arguement that followed was the worst that they had ever had.

Mr. Lupin and Remus never really fought before. Sure they went at it once in a while, but it was usually about something so trivial that they forgot about within the span of three minutes. Never had they gone at it as they were that day. It started with Mr. Lupin shaking his son awake, which was already enough to set Remus off at this point. Mr. Lupin pointed an accusing finger in his face and told Remus that he had no right to tell his sister what happened. Remus, still a little drowsy, took some time to process what his dad was yelling at him about. When he got it, he was not happy.

Remus went on to say that he had as much as right to tell her than anyone in the house and that it wasn’t fair that she was kept in the dark about something as important as her brother’s death. His face was a violent shade of red, one to match the colour of his father’s face. The two went back and forth for at least twenty minutes, neither one deciding to back down and admit they were wrong. Remus wouldn’t admit to his father that he shouldn’t have told Lucy what happened, even though he knew very well that he was supposed to. Mr. Lupin, on the other hand, wouldn’t admit that he shouldn’t have been yelling at his son the way he was. Mr. Lupin was so infuriated at his son that he shoved him backwards into the wall and left the room, but not before muttering something that sounded distinctly like, “damn half-breed.”

Remus sat on his bed, completely stunned, rubbing the back of his head, which had connected painfully with the wall. That man wasn’t his father; his father would never have yelled at him like that, and he never would have pushed him into a wall and call him a half-breed. He half expected his father to come back in and apologise, but after ten minutes of waiting, he knew that an apology was not coming. He closed his eyes in pain as his head throbbed, and cautiously left his room to get the icepack from the bathroom.

As he made his way down the stairs, he could hear his parents talking in the kitchen. At first he decided not to listen to it; it would probably just set him off again. When he heard his name crop up in the conversation, he stepped into the bathroom and stuck his head through the doorway just enough to be able to listen.

“-don’t know what came over me,” his father was saying in an odd voice, much unlike the voice he had been using fifteen minutes previously when he was fighting with Remus.

“You called your son a half-breed,” his mother said in a slow, anger filled, voice. “What’s the matter with you?”

“I don’t know… it’s like I wasn’t even myself. I was just so mad at him for telling Lucy what happened.”

“Don’t you understand? He thinks it’s his fault; he thinks that he’s supposed to tell her what happened because he thinks he caused it. You’re not helping matters.”

“But what if it was his fault? What if he had said something before it happened?”

The kitchen was silent once Mr. Lupin uttered these words, an eerie, dangerous silence.

“Tom!” Mrs. Lupin snapped. “Listen to yourself! Accusing your son of your other son’s death? Don’t you understand that Remus was scared? He was afraid to say something! He didn’t know Blake was going to die because of it.”

Remus couldn’t listen anymore; he slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it.

“Brilliant,” Mr. Lupin said, loud enough for Remus to hear from inside the bathroom. “He was listening.”

Remus stood at the sink, looking at his reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror. His face seemed to be drawn into a permanent frightened look, and he wasn’t even aware of it. His eyes were wide, with a haunted look lurking behind them. His face was ghostly pale, as if he was the cadaver and not his brother. He opened the cabinet and shuffled through the various items before coming upon the rubber icepack. He looked at it, knowing that he needed to put ice in it, but he didn’t want to go downstairs and risk another dispute with his father. So he went for the next best thing �“ filling it up with ice cold water.

Coming out of the bathroom, pressing the pack on the back of his head, he found himself face to face with his mother. He didn’t want to talk to her; he didn’t want to talk to anybody. It was still early in the day and even though he had taken a decent nap, he just wanted to sleep again. Inside his dreams was the only place he was allowed to escape the horrors of reality. But his mother looked insistent on talking to him, so he walked dejectedly to his room.

“What?” he said tiredly as took a seat at his desk.

“Remus, I don’t want you blaming yourself for this,” his mother said, getting straight to the point. “There was nothing you could have done.”

Remus restrained himself from rolling his eyes. Did she not hear him earlier? Did she not hear him shouting that it was his fault?

“If I said something then nothing would have happened,” he mumbled.

“You were scared,” his mother protested.

“No, I was stupid. I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t prove who did it.”

“Remus, who did it?”

“It sounds so stupid… this kid, Larry Wilkins. I don’t even know if he’s a kid anymore though; what kind of kid can kill someone like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You didn’t see Blake’s body; you didn’t see me after I was attacked! No kid could’ve done something like that, only a monster could. And I know it was him, he was the last person with me before I was attacked.”

“Maybe that was just a coincidence.”

“It wasn’t a coincidence. This kid found out I’m a werewolf; he was hounding me with all these kinds of questions about it. He was asking if I was afraid I’d ever kill myself, or hurt myself really badly when I’m a werewolf and asking how if I was afraid I’d ever kill Blake. He was coming out with the questions so fast, I just answered them.”

“It wasn’t just curiosity, maybe?”

“I thought it was, but then it all started happening… This kid… I remember what he told me before I blacked out; he told me he was my worst nightmare. It sounds dumb, but it’s true.”

His mother was silent, mulling over what her son was telling her. It sounded crazy, especially to her. She never fully understood what went on in Remus’s mind and this just added to her confusion. The way he was saying this made it believable, and all the more terrifying. How could a student at his school attack him and then kill someone else? It just wasn’t normal, even by Wizarding standards. This kid had said he was Remus’s worst nightmare. Was there any creature in their world that could make someone’s worst nightmare come true? If so… why did this creature pick Remus?

“I thought I was just being paranoid,” Remus muttered.

“You’re not paranoid,” Mrs. Lupin said in her most comforting voice. “Just please, don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have done anything… you didn’t know this was going to happen. You couldn’t have saved him, no matter how much you wanted to.”

“But I could’ve tried…”

All the while, Mr. Lupin was standing outside the bedroom door, listening carefully to his wife and son. It was the easier way out of this, to blame his son for Blake’s death. It would help ease the pain a little. At least that was what he thought at first, but then to have Remus mad at him, that only increased it. Mr. Lupin knew he could have tried harder to find out who Remus’s attacker was. He could have pressed Remus harder to come out with it, but not pressing hard enough to anger him. Blake knew all along whom it was… that was why he was gone. He just hoped that Remus knew, despite whatever he thought, that his mother had come through to him. That it wasn’t his fault.

Chapter Ten
- "I'm going to find out how his killer did this... I'm going to bring him to justice. I am not letting him walk free." -

The weather seemed to reflect the Lupins’ mood perfectly as they stood outside, assembled around the freshly dug grave. The skies were crowded with darks clouds, fit to burst with rain, and thunder was rumbling in the distance. The family listened quietly as the priest read the prayers from his book and the family repeating when necessary. Remus didn’t understand why they had to do all of this; they could have just as easily had a Wizard-style funeral, which was a lot quicker. But, what with having a very proud Muggle-born mother, he wasn’t in any position to question it.

He stood between Cassie and Lucy, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes gazing at the priest, but not really seeing him. He was the only one of the lot that was not crying. Looking around, he saw his mother’s face buried in her husband’s shoulder. His father was staring at the ground, but Remus could still see the tears clinging to the tip of his nose. Lucy was looking intently at the ground, her face tear streaked, while Cassie watched the casket, determined not to see anything else. Her face much resembled her little sister’s.

Remus found that he couldn’t cry with them. He had cried too much already and had told himself he wouldn’t anymore. He didn’t even have it in him if he wanted to; he had been robbed of his tears and was left to watch miserably as the priest closed the prayer book. He then allowed the family to come forward to place roses on the casket. Still, Remus wondered, how was it that his parents hadn’t gone to pieces like this before now? They were old enough; they didn’t need to see the actual casket go down into the ground to understand that it was really happening. Or maybe they did? After all, he was their oldest son. The worst thing that could happen to a parent is to outlive their own child. Even so, Remus was now plagued with the thought of wondering why he had accepted it so quickly.

Shaking his head tiredly, he placed his rose down and looked around to see where everyone had gone. Squinting over his shoulder, he could see his family in the distance, presumably heading back to their cars or their Apparition spots. He could see the top of his father’s head standing near the entrance to the cemetery, so he knew they were waiting for him. He would join them soon; he just needed to do something first. Making sure no one was still around, he turned back to the grave, wanting to do this before they lowered it down, which was something he didn’t want to witness. He ran his hand across the smooth wood and stared down at that casket.

“I don’t know what to say,” he mumbled. “I really don’t. I just can’t believe it happened. You don’t deserve it… you didn’t deserve to be killed, especially by someone like Wilkins. He just catches you off guard, doesn’t even give you a chance to defend yourself. I know you wouldn’t want me blaming myself, and Mum and Dad told me the same thing, but I just can’t help it… something could have been said.” Remus paused for a moment, half expecting a response, but knowing that none would come. Sighing, he continued. “Maybe you were just one of those people who weren’t supposed to live that long. I hate when people say that, though. How does anyone know how long they’re supposed to live? Everything’s unpredictable; you didn’t know you were going to die. You didn’t know you’d be gone by the time you were sixteen.”

Remus turned around, thinking he heard someone say his name, but at the next second he thought he imagined it. Shrugging, he turned back around.

“I didn’t know you were scared of me,” he said quietly, his throat constricting slightly. “Why didn’t you tell me? If I had to hear it from anyone, I would’ve liked to have heard it from you… you’d be able to explain why. Then again, you wouldn’t really need to explain; you were just afraid that your little brother could turn into something that could kill you… I can’t really blame you. You were only seven at the time; you had every right to be scared. That must be why you were so protective, to make up for it. You didn’t have to make up for it; I would’ve forgiven you… just like I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Remus felt a hand on his shoulder and, for one second, he thought it could have been Blake, coming to say that he didn’t blame him. But Remus saw that it was his father coming to retrieve him.

“Come on, Remus,” he said, drawing his son away. “They need to �“ they need to do it now.”

Remus didn’t even need to ask what his dad was talking about; he just allowed himself to be led through the rows of graves towards the car. Remus knew his father didn’t want him to see them lower the casket into the freshly dug grave. One part of Remus didn’t want to see it either. Still, as he got into the backseat next to Lucy, he couldn’t help but look out the window and see them lower it down… making him realise, at last, that it was irretrievable. Blake was gone forever.

---

Remus didn’t understand how people could go from being so upset to laughing and smiling in the span of an hour. The moment he got home he had gone into the kitchen to help his mother with the food. After ten minutes, he could hear his family laughing and talking lively. He couldn’t bring himself to laugh with them, mostly because he didn’t know why they were. Were they not just mourning the death of someone dear to them? His mother could clearly sense what he was thinking, because she placed a hand on his shoulder and told him that it was normal.

Remus didn’t care if it was normal or not; he couldn’t bear to be in a room with people who were laughing when he had a painful knot in his chest. He abandoned his position of helping and stole up to his room, where he would be spared listening. Up on the third floor he couldn’t hear anything, save for the low buzz of activity coming from the living room but, thankfully, it was harder to distinguish. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything else other than sit on his bed and stare at the wall opposite him.

He knew Blake wouldn’t want him dwelling on his death too much, that he would want him to go on and make the best of things. Remus wanted to grant that wish; he just didn’t know how he could when he was feeling the way he was. He knew it was a little rude to stay away from his family, especially now, but he expected them to accept how he was feeling. This was why he was surprised when the door opened, revealing his Uncle Albert.

Remus liked his Uncle Albert; he was his father’s brother. From the time Remus was two his family could tell that he and his uncle resembled each other very much. He also like that his uncle had a fun personality; whenever Remus really needed a laugh his uncle would be there, doing something or other to cheer up his nephew. Even today, his uncle managed a grin for him, knowing that he needed someone friendly around, someone to make him feel better.

“How come you’re up here?” he asked curiously, leaving the door open a crack behind him.

Remus shrugged his shoulders tiredly. “How are they all laughing down there?” he asked, looking straight past his uncle, towards the door.

“Because they knew that that’s what Blake would have wanted. He wouldn’t want them to be upset over him for too long. He’d want them to have fun.” He paused and looked meaningfully at Remus. “And he wouldn’t want them to sit up in their room. Please, Remus, don’t stay up here alone.”

Remus shook his head.

“I know this is hard for you. You think it’s your fault, but, Remus, it’s not. You can’t know everything that’s going to happen. And even if you do, you won’t always be able to stop it.”

Remus placed his head on his knees and stared through his uncle. When he next spoke it seemed as if he was speaking to someone else.

“I could’ve tried… Blake always tried everything to help me and the one time when I should’ve helped him, I didn’t. And it cost him his life.” For the first time, Remus actually looked at his uncle and saw that his uncle was looking dismayed at him. Remus couldn’t blame him; he knew he should stop blaming himself. “I know I should stop saying that, but I can’t help it.” He cleared his throat loudly. “But I know what I can do.”

That was what he had been doing in his room, other than sparing himself from hearing the unbearable laughter of his relatives. He knew what he had to do; he knew Wilkins wasn’t human… he knew that much. All he needed to do was find out what he was and expose him, prove him the killer, get the terrible guilt of his own chest, and give Blake the justice he deserved.

“I’m going to find out how his killer did this… I’m going to bring him to justice. I am not letting him walk free.”

Remus glanced at his uncle, who was staring at him with a peculiar expression, an expression that clearly wanted to know who had done it. Remus knew that he was not going to ask, for which he was grateful. Instead, his uncle came over and placed a hand on his nephew’s shoulder.

“If that’s what you really want to do… be careful then.” He sighed at Remus’s determination; he knew that when Remus wanted something, he would go to any lengths to get it. If he wanted to catch Blake’s killer, the thought of his own death wouldn’t even stop him. He would do anything to achieve his goal. “But, for now, just come downstairs. Trust me, you’ll feel better.”

Remus nodded mutely, knowing that his uncle was right, and followed him down to the living room. The moment he entered the room he could tell why his family were laughing and sounding like they were having a good time. They were talking about the days when Blake was with them, and how much they all loved him. They knew that he was happy now; they knew that this was what he wanted for them. He wanted them to be happy; he wanted them to laugh and have fun. He didn’t want them to mourn for too long; he just wanted them to remember him.

Remus scanned the room and saw Cassie talking with their grandmother. Remus instantly felt guilty about the way he had talked to her the day before. He knew she was just trying to do what she thought was best for him. So, weaving his way over, he pulled her aside, saying that they needed to talk.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like I did.”

Cassie didn’t say anything for a moment, making Remus think that she wasn’t going to forgive him. But, as he began to walk away, she stopped him.

“I was never mad at you for yelling at me,” she said sincerely. “I knew it would be hard on you, but you needed to know. I didn’t want you to think any differently about your brother.” She pulled him into a hug. “You’re my last little brother; I want what’s best for you.” She let him go, excusing herself to the kitchen, where she had to help their mother.

Remus folded his arms across his chest and took a deep breath. Looking at the room, at the smiling faces of his relatives, he could still see a trace of sadness within and he knew this was how it was supposed to be.

“Remus?” He looked down to see Lucy standing beside him, looking at him concernedly. “Are you okay?”

Remus smiled down at her.

“Yeah, Lucy,” he said, feeling that now he could say it and actually mean it. “I think I’m going to be okay.”

---

James, Sirius, and Peter had been warned by Professor Dumbledore not to mention anything about Blake’s death, unless Remus brought it up on his own accord. They didn’t exactly need a warning because they hadn’t planned on talking about it, unless Remus wanted to. Now they were more resolute in their decision, since Professor Dumbledore told them how it could bring a breakdown on Remus’s part. They were confused when the Headmaster told them this, as they had seen Remus break down when he first saw his brother. But Dumbledore told them that that wasn’t anything compared to the one he had seen.

Apparently the summer before their first year the former Headmaster of Hogwarts, Armando Dippet, had refused point blank to allow Remus into school, claiming that he would be a danger to the other students. When the Hogwarts letters were sent out Remus got one that told him he wasn’t going to be going to school that year. Not long after the letters were sent did Professor Dumbledore step in from Transfiguration Professor to Headmaster. He soon found that one of the students that were supposed to be entering his first year had been refused. Curious as to what the reason was, Dumbledore looked up the student’s case and came upon some old records from St. Mungo’s.

In the records, he discovered that this student had been bitten by a werewolf at the age of four and that was the sole reason he wasn’t allowed to attend school. Dumbledore knew he was too late to stop the letter from being sent to the boy, but he could still rectify the problem by hurrying to the student’s residence. When he arrived he was let in by a boy he recognised as a Gryffindor entering his third year, Blake Lupin. The boy was clearly shocked to see one of his professors at his front door, but let him in when Dumbledore told him why he was there.

He was led into the kitchen, where he saw the rejected student being talked to by his parents, his mother holding what he recognised as an official Hogwarts’ letter. He listened carefully to what they were telling him. They were explaining, slowly and quietly, that, because of his lycanthropy, he wasn’t allowed to attend school. The boy sat silently, his head resting on his hands, staring determinedly at the tabletop, listening as they talked to him, obviously resenting what he was being told.

When his parents ceased speaking, he looked at them with cold eyes.

“So I can’t go to school because I’m a four-legged freak?” he hissed, his voice like venom. His parents looked at each other, knowing that an outburst was coming. “Doesn’t that moron get that it wasn’t my fault? What’s he think? That I’m going to taint his precious students with my disease?” He gripped his hair, a frustrated expression on his face. “Its idiots like him that makes me hate myself! I’m not a freak! But they keep treating me like one! Do they think I asked for it? Do they think I wanna be a stupid werewolf?!”

“Remus,” his father said slowly. “We know it’s not your fault, but really, can we help this? They’re not going to budge.”

“Well, why can’t they? I’m sick of people treating me like a monster! I’m only a werewolf twelve times a year, the rest of the time I’m human like everyone else! I’m a human who has feelings and wants to go to school like anyone else! Why can’t they get over themselves and realise that? I didn’t want to be a werewolf!”

Professor Dumbledore listened silently as Remus shouted loudly; venting every bitter feeling he had been building up. He knew he couldn’t deny this boy the chance to be normal, the chance to have friends and have the life he wanted. He knew it was unfair of Professor Dippet to keep his prejudices against this boy. This boy was just like any other; he deserved a normal life. Remus’s brother stepped forward; offering to teach him what he learnt at school, but Remus shook his head. If he couldn’t go to school, then why bother learning anything? They wanted him to go through life with an empty mind; he might as well do what they wanted. His mother suggested sending him to a Muggle school, the one she was supposed to attend before she got her acceptance letter. Remus resented that idea even more; he was a wizard and he wasn’t going to pretend that he wasn’t.

It was a horrible sight to witness, seeing an eleven year old boy berating himself for something he had no control over. Dumbledore wished he would never have to witness it again.

“I believe I have the solution to your problem,” Dumbledore said, speaking for the first time.

The Lupins looked up, startled to see the wizard in their kitchen.

“Professor Dumbledore,” Mrs. Lupin said, thoroughly shocked.

Professor Dumbledore smiled good-naturedly at them. “Maria Benson,” he acknowledged. “Tom Lupin,” he said, holding out a hand for him to shake. “Clearly you don’t know yet, but Professor Armando Dippet is no longer in charge at Hogwarts. I have been chosen to take his place.”

“Really? Awesome!” Remus’s brother, Blake, cheered, only to receive reproachful looks from his parents. Professor Dumbledore, on the other hand, grinned and chuckled at him. “Wait… who’s going to be the Transfiguration teacher?”

“Minerva McGonagall, very talented witch. Remus,” he went on, finally addressing the boy he had come for. Remus looked up at him, looking as if he was embarrassed for having shouted like he had in the presence of a respected wizard. “No need to be embarrassed,” he said reassuringly. “As I said, I have been made Headmaster of Hogwarts and I was looking at the list of incoming first years and noticed that your name had been rejected.” Remus’s eyes flashed at the mention of this. “Now, I believe that if we took the necessary precautions there would be no reason as to why you would not be allowed to come to Hogwarts.”

“And what would they be?” Remus muttered, sounding as if he didn’t want to chance getting his hopes up.

“Well, the only thing we would need to do is to get you somewhere safe for your transformation, and that can easily be done. I will find a way to do this, so I have no hesitation in giving you this.” He handed Remus a parchment envelope, the very one he should have gotten. “Welcome to Hogwarts, Remus.”

That was the moment that made up for seeing Remus break down before him; Dumbledore was able to remedy the situation. This time he wasn’t able to; he could not raise wizards from the dead, no matter how much he wanted to. That was the reason he wanted James, Sirius and Peter to avoid mentioning anything that could bring about the conversation of Blake’s death. He didn’t want them to see what he had. They took it very well and even informed him that they hadn’t planned on saying anything about it.

The day Remus returned to school they had been up in the dormitory, playing a round of Exploding Snap. The dormitory door opened, revealing a rather nauseous looking Remus, clearly Apparating didn’t agree with him. He spotted his friends and smiled sleepily at them, and went on to unpack his trunk. His friends looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Luckily they didn’t have to think of anything, as Remus started the conversation for them.

“What work have I missed?” he asked, refolding one of his cloaks.

“Not much,” Sirius answered. “We have a Transfiguration test next week though, on distinguishing Animagi.”

Remus nodded, making a mental note to look at the few notes he had on the subject.

“How are you?” James asked uneasily. He knew Professor Dumbledore told them not to bring it up, but he still needed to check his friend’s wellbeing.

“I’m okay,” he said genuinely. “I decided not to dwell on it too much… it’s not what my brother would’ve wanted me to do.” He shuffled through his trunk, checking for something.

James, Sirius and Peter looked at each other, glad that they had gotten that over with.

“Still, Remus, if you need to talk about it…” Sirius offered.

“I’ll talk to you when I need to.”

Sirius nodded mutely. “You know, Remus, we’ve been thinking about something.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at them, from how Sirius said it, it sounded as if it wasn’t about Blake. They sounded excited about it. He nodded at them to continue.

“We’ve been talking a lot about Animagi in Transfiguration,” James explained. “And we’ve started learning about werewolves in Defence Against the Dark Arts. One of the things Hanks mentioned was that werewolves are only a danger to people, not to other animals.”

“Yeah?” Remus said. He was not quite sure of where they were going with this.

“If we become Animagi then we could help you,” Peter elaborated. “You can’t hurt us if we’re animals along with you.”

Remus bit his bottom lip. It was an interesting offer, but he didn’t know if he liked it very much. It wasn’t as if they had been friends for a long time that he could easily jump in and say yes; they had only just started talking. He had to consider the fact that something might go wrong with their attempts. It could disable them for life; he wasn’t ready to open them up to that risk.

“I dunno guys,” he said, getting up to put his trunk under his bed. “You know that becoming an Animagus is dangerous. And who would let three thirteen year olds do it?”

“Well, we don’t really need anyone’s permission to do it,” James said quickly, hoping that Remus wouldn’t be able to fully process it that quickly.

That was false hope, as Remus’s eyes widened and he began shaking his head wildly. “No,” he said firmly. “That’s illegal; do you know how much trouble you can get in?”

“Remus, we can do it in secret, no one would have to know!” Sirius argued.

“But people would find out. I’m not ready to let you guys do that to yourselves, and I don’t think I ever will be. You can get sent to Azkaban, you can get hurt doing it. You can get stuck like an animal forever.” He looked around the room, thinking that someone would come to his defence, but shook his head and stared straight into his friends’ eyes. “It’s not even like we’re best friends, that I’d be more willing to let you do it. We just started talking to each other.”

“But we don’t care about that, Remus,” Peter protested. “If there’s anything you need right now, its friends who’ll do anything to help you.”

Remus was silent as he took in Peter’s words. That was what he called loyalty. They were willing to sacrifice their own freedom and health for his sake. Still, if they wanted to help him so much, there was something they could do before becoming Animagi. They could help him get justice; they could help him catch Wilkins. Granted that could prove to be more dangerous than illegal animal transformations, it wouldn’t have to be that way. They could only help in the research; Remus would be the one to actually catch Wilkins.

“Then can you help me with something else?” he asked carefully. “Before we decide on the Animagus thing.” His friends leaned forward intently. “I want to bring justice to my brother’s death. I want to get Wilkins for it, to find out how he did it… I know he’s not human… I need to find out what he is. You guys can help me with that.”

“You want that more than us becoming Animagi for you?” James asked uncertainly.

“Yes… right now at least.”

“Then we’ll do it.”

Remus smiled gratefully at his friends. If anyone could help him right now, it was them. Maybe, when Wilkins was apprehended and he could think about it, he could reconsider his friends’ offer. He had to admit that there was a part of him that really wanted them to do it, it would lessen the pain. He would do anything to get rid of the pain… but he still wasn’t willing to let his friends challenge the Ministry and become illegal Animagi to do it. Leaning back on his bed, he stared up at the ceiling, thinking that this was how it was supposed to be. This was what his brother would have wanted, for Remus to have friends who would do anything for him, even at their own risk, just as he would have done.

Chapter Eleven
- "Remus... we promise, we'll remember that we were friends... we have the proof. We have the map! We have our memories." -

Chapter Eleven School seemed to stretch on endlessly in the days following Remus’s return to Hogwarts. Even if Christmas break was on its way, it seemed to take longer than normal for it to actually arrive. All the students were anxious for the break, after having spent so many tedious hours in the classrooms, but none were as impatient as Remus. From the moment he returned to class he had been the object of pitiful stares from most of his fellow classmates. Then there were some students, like Snape for instance, who taunted him about it, trying to wield it into his mind that it was his fault. But Remus wasn’t about to listen to someone like Snape; he had fully convinced himself that he wasn’t to blame.

As Remus went from class to class, he found himself scanning the crowds of students, trying to pick out Wilkins, but he was nowhere in sight. It was as if he had done what he had come here for and was now going to leave, never to resurface again. Remus thought this would ease his mind, but it only made him nervous. The silence from Wilkins made it seemed as if he was plotting something. What else could he possibly plot? He had already snatched Remus’s brother from him, what more harm could he do? That was what Remus originally thought, until he realised he had more fears than he knew what to do with. These fears made more than one person an object of Wilkins’s terror.

This was what drove Remus to research faster, looking through piles and piles of library books every night, spending as much time there as possible, or at least until Madam Pince shooed him away. His only problem was that he didn’t know exactly what to research. Should he look up magical creatures or spells? Under what title should he search? This was where his friends came in handy. Remus knew he couldn’t handle the load alone, as he had too much homework to make up, as well as the homework that had been assigned since his return. They would take shifts in the library, poring over book after book, most of their attempts proving fruitless.

Finally, James, Sirius and Peter sat Remus down and forced him to examine everything that he been going on, both in his life and his mind, when he met Wilkins. It took him a long time before he was able to recall every emotion and every event that he had felt or seen in those days. Soon he had come to the conclusion that he had been feeling rather lost and had been plagued with nightmares. He had become fed up with his life, sick of the fact that he had no one he could call a friend. His nightmares were causing him to lose sleep and become listless. Then, the day he had gone to Diagon Alley, he had met Wilkins in Gringotts. He seemed nice, someone Remus could be friends with, which as all he really wanted.

“I saw you the day I went there,” Sirius piped up when Remus had finished recounting the events. “You didn’t look too happy.”

Remus nodded agreeably, not wanting to say why.

The four decided to check the library once more, nearly sending Madame Pince into cardiac arrest from seeing James, Sirius and Peter in there again. Still, as they piled book upon book on the table, Remus’s symptoms weren’t enough to help them, and his friends weren’t able to get much else information out of him, for the time being. They were just going to have to look harder, focus in more.

As they were leaving the library, Remus felt a rage sweep over him when he saw the person walking in. It was none other than Larry Wilkins, looking as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, like he never killed anyone. When the three boys spotted Wilkins and then got a look at Remus, James and Sirius quickly grabbed his arms to restrain him from doing anything he might later regret. Remus fought against their restraints, the fire of rage burning within him; he wanted revenge right now.

“Remus, calm down,” James hissed, tightening his grip of Remus’s arm.

“I said I’d kill him and I meant it!” Remus snarled, his eyes fixed on the back of his enemy’s head.

“If you kill him, you can’t prove he killed Blake,” Sirius reminded.

“Seeing his ugly face wiped off the Earth would be revenge enough.”

James and Sirius looked at each other, shrugged, and pushed Remus out of the library, so hard that they nearly knocked him flat on his face. Steadying himself, Remus spun around and glared at his friends.

“You didn’t have to push me!”

“Yes we did,” James said dismissively, leading Remus as far away from the library as humanly possible. Walking down the corridor, they discussed the possibilities of Wilkins’ true identity, though there were very few that they could think of. They didn’t know of many creatures that fed off people’s worst nightmares. It was clear that they must have been very rare to not even appear in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. The four had become frustrated by this, but none more so than Remus, who was tired of having to watch his every step, waiting to see when he was going to next be attacked, or someone else important to him was going to be taken.

If he had to live in fear for the rest of his life, he didn’t think he’d be able to make it. To him, there was no feeling worse than always having to look over your shoulder, waiting for the worst to come. When the worst came he was never able to handle it; he would go to pieces, like he did when Blake died. A knot in his chest clenched painfully as he thought about this, but that was it. He found that he didn’t want to cry every time his brother’s name was mentioned or he thought about him; it still hurt, but not so much.

---

Remus sat in Defence Against the Dark Arts, calmly writing down the notes on werewolves that Professor Hanks was dictating. Reading over his notes, Remus was extremely grateful that his professor wasn’t having one of his famous mood swings. If he had one, today especially, Remus had no doubt in his mind that he would be part of it, for one insane reason or another. Just as though the thought had fluttered out of his mind and into the professor’s, Professor Hanks ordered them to put down their quills and witness a demonstration. He hurried to Remus’s desk, and pulled him up by the collar of his robes. The class watched bemusedly, thinking that their professor had finally lost it. What would he want with Remus Lupin when they were doing a lesson on werewolves?

“I will now demonstrate a werewolf’s many weaknesses,” the professor announced in a booming voice. Remus gave Professor Hanks a pleading look, but knew it was futile; his professor was lost in his own world. Remus just hoped that the class wouldn’t become wise; he hoped they just thought it was another one of his antics. Remus watched anxiously as Professor Hanks pulled out something from his pocket. He couldn’t even imagine what it was. What would Hanks have that he could use on an actual werewolf who wasn’t in their transformation?

Professor Hanks turned around, holding what appeared to be a silver spoon he had stolen from the Great Hall. Remus rolled his eyes at the absurdity of it; didn’t he realise that merely holding a silver spoon wasn’t going to do much damage? Although Remus wouldn’t deny that he was thankful for the daftness of his teacher, no one would have a clue.

“Observe,” Professor Hanks said loudly, holding the silver spoon on Remus’s nose. If he thought it was going to do anything to Remus, he was sadly mistaken. The most it would do would make him crossed eyed from looking at it.

Lily Evans slowly raised her hand.

“Miss Evans?”

“What exactly are we supposed to be observing?” she asking inquiringly.

“See how he reacts to it!” Hanks insisted, pressing the spoon tighter on his student’s nose. Remus winced at the pressure, which Hanks took as a werewolf’s allergic reaction.

“He’s not reacting to the spoon!” Lily protested. “You’re just pushing it on him.”

“Are you questioning my ways of teaching, Miss Evans?”

Now she’s done it, Remus thought, looking from Professor Hanks to Lily. She had brought about a drastic mood swing and she was going to get the worst of it. However, shockingly, James headed the professor off before he could focus his attention on one particular student.

“She’s got a point, Professor,” he said reasonably. “And why are you picking on him anyway?”

Professor Hanks blinked several times, clearly disbelieving what he was hearing. “But don’t you know?” he asked incredulously.

The class exchanged baffled looks; they thought their professor had finally lost his mind.

“That you’ve finally lost your marbles?” Sirius asked innocently.

Professor Hanks’ turned a violent shade of red when he heard Sirius’s snide remark.

“Detention, Mr. Black!” he snapped, pulling a pink slip off his desk and attempting to throw it at Sirius, only to have it flutter a few millimetres and float down to the ground. “And to anyone else who dares question my teachings,” he added when he saw the hysterical faces of his class. Remus looked over at Sirius, who was doing his best to suppress a grin; apparently having a detention for this was enough to send him laughing for hours.

Professor Hanks managed to compose himself long enough for his eyes to dart over to Remus, as if he hadn’t noticed he’d been standing there the entire time. “What are you doing?” he snapped.

“You made me come up here,” Remus replied smartly, disregarding the professor’s warning.

“What did I say before?”

“Something about detention and questioning your ways… Professor.” Saying professor was all he had to do to restrain himself from calling Hanks ‘your majesty.’

“Detention, Mr. Lupin!” he declared, once again trying to launch a pink slip and failing, even though Remus was standing no more than two inches away from him. “Class dismissed!”

Without even waiting to put their books back in their bags, the class dashed from the room. Remus ran to catch up with his friends, who were waiting at the end of the corridor and they made their way down to lunch.

Sitting down at the end of the Gryffindor table, they burst out laughing about the events of their class. Hanks had really gone over the edge that day; it was only a matter of time anyway.

“I can’t believe we actually got detention for that,” Sirius said, snorting into his goblet of pumpkin juice. “He’s pathetic!”

“I can’t believe he actually thought you were a werewolf, Remus,” said the voice of Lily Evans from behind them. They looked up to see her standing there, positively seething. It was a well known fact that Lily Evans couldn’t stand Professor Hanks; no student’s hatred of him could match hers.

“Well, you know Hanks,” Remus said, laughing falsely. “He’s an idiot.”

“Yeah, he is… But really, where could he get the idea that you’re a werewolf?”

Remus shrugged his shoulders, muttering something about Hanks getting the strangest ideas into his head. That seemed to be enough to satisfy Lily, as she left them to go sit with her friend, Alice Gordon. Remus sighed in relief, that was all he needed right now, for someone else to find out he was a werewolf. Even though he knew Lily wouldn’t use it do his disadvantage, he didn’t want her finding out.

What Hanks did was bad enough, nearly exposing him to the entire group of Gryffindor third years. He was only thankful for the fact that no one took that man seriously, even when he was in his regular state of mind. What professor could possibly think of revealing a student like that? As if it wasn’t bad enough that Remus was ridiculed in that class on a regular basis, at least it was for something as small minded as dripping ink on the desk, not for being a werewolf.

---

Remus sat in the library well after he had returned from his detention, poring over a welcoming book he had found there. He had never seen it before, and he was certain that it had just been placed there. It was a book about the rarest creatures in the Wizarding World, the kind of creatures he wouldn’t be able to find in a school textbook. He only wondered why it was open to all students. For the types of creatures listed; it should have been in the Restricted Section. There were beasts that could destroy entire villages by merely spraying spit in the ground, monsters that could take out a crowd of two hundred men with a single swipe of its claw. Remus shuddered as he looked at actual pictures of the destruction they had caused. He didn’t think even Wilkins could be as vicious as some of the other monsters that were in this book.

He turned the page and stared blankly at the book, which was now describing some creature starting with the letter F. He was too tired to look at the rest of the name. It was late at night and he was sitting under James’s Invisibility Cloak, which James had graciously lent to him. He wanted nothing more than to sleep at this moment, but he felt that he was getting somewhere. Though he hadn’t found anything, he still thought that if he kept looking, he might find the answer he had been searching for. He had been searching for a while and, now that it was exactly one week until Christmas Break, he needed to find something, something fast. If he wanted to get Wilkins, he might as well do it when the school was empty; he could make it look like some sick accident. Or maybe he would take credit for whatever horrors happened to Wilkins; it would be a small price to pay after what this boy had reaped on his family.

Even in his semi conscious state, Remus could hear how bitter and vengeful he sounded. This was what he had felt like ever since he returned to school, and he was certain everyone had noticed it. Students who usually gloried in taunting him had been avoiding him. At first he thought that they had pitied him, but then the Slytherins started backing off. He knew it was unlike Slytherins to pity him for the loss of his brother, as they had despised him greatly. It was only when Sirius pointed out how much he’d changed that he discovered why he was no longer being bothered. His brother had always protected him because he had been too meek to come out and defend himself, but lately it had been just the opposite. He was ready for a fight and would beat anyone who started it.

Remus stifled a yawn and focused on the page he had opened to. It was nearly midnight, he’d go to bed then, call it a night, and enjoy a nice rest. He slowly read the page, not drinking in a word of what he was reading however, until it started sounding oddly familiar. Rereading it, he realised that this was what he had been looking for. He had struck gold; this was the answer. He had found it!

He snatched the book up and did a mad dash out of the library, nearly knocking all of the bookshelves over as he did so. He couldn’t believe it; this book had given him the answer he wanted. He was going to do it; he was going to catch Wilkins. He knew what Wilkins was, though the thought sickened him slightly, he needed to tell his friends. He hissed the password as he approached the portrait hole, hoping that the Fat Lady would be too drowsy to comprehend that it was after hours. Even if he was caught, it wouldn’t be able to destroy the feeling of triumph in his chest.

“Jelly Slugs,” he whispered. “Jelly Slugs!”

“Mmhmm… slugs… jelly… quite good,” the Fat Lady mumbled, gradually opening and allowing him entrance. Remus smiled gratefully, although she couldn’t see him for the Invisibility Cloak. He hurried inside and up the stairs to his dormitory. He yanked the curtains around James’s bed and threw the Invisibility Cloak on top of him, startling him awake.

“Remus?” he asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

“I did it!” Remus hissed excitedly. He held up the book and ran over to wake Sirius, who proved to be much harder to wake than James. Sirius woke up angrily, but lightened up once he heard what Remus had to say and went to wake Peter, who was the easiest to wake of them all. Remus silently led them into the common room and shoved the book into James’s chest. His friends stared at it sleepily, but looked down to read when Remus gestured for them to do so.

When they finished they handed him back the book, looking thoroughly confused, and, unless Remus’s eyes were cheating him, a little frightened.

“Are you sure?” Sirius asked nervously.

Remus nodded; he had never been surer of anything else.

“Remus… this… this thing, its-”

“It’s always been there,” Remus finished for him. “Wilkins has always been there; he’s just never shown himself.” He picked up the book and read it over. He knew it was true. It had to be; there was nothing else that sounded like what happened to him. “I’ve never heard of it before, though.” He gazed at the name, so obvious of a name and yet he’d never seen it before �“ Fearnck. A Fearnck was a creature that dwelled within humans, preying on every one of their fears. A Fearnck would wait to release himself, choose the opportune moment. Why had it chosen him?

“These things are dangerous, Remus,” Sirius said, shaking his head.

“You don’t need to tell me they are,” Remus snarled sarcastically. “But what else can it be? A Fearnck dwells within someone their entire life, and waits for the perfect moment to come out and ruin their life. It’s not something I wanted; it was something I was born with. It feeds off your worst fears, makes them come true… and when you have so many, it gets stronger. And if I don’t get rid of it, it’ll make me go mental.”

He let that one thought sink in. At first this was nothing more than a quest to catch Blake’s killer. Never did he expect the cause of it to have been something living within him ever since he was born. The very thought was frightening; Wilkins was a part of him, or not really a part, more that he was born inside Remus. He shivered involuntarily and snapped the book closed.

“The only thing that isn’t in the book, is how to get rid of it,” he said, a hint of helplessness in his voice.

“But if you kill it, what would it do to you?” Peter asked quietly.

Remus knew that his friend was worried about the possibility that killing Wilkins could also bring about Remus’s death. Remus didn’t need to worry about that; the book had clarified that anything that happened to one, would not affect the other.

“No,” he confirmed. “If I killed Wilkins, I wouldn’t die. If he killed me, he wouldn’t. It’s pretty fair, I guess… But if you saw in there, once it’s gone, it’s as if it was never there in the first place. People forget it ever existed. If I even mentioned the name, Wilkins no one would know who I was talking about.” He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back on the arm of the couch. “Nothing that happened while he was here would matter anymore, like it never even happened.”

“But wouldn’t that mean Blake would come back?” Peter asked, earning a disapproving look from James.

Remus shook his head solemnly. “No, he wouldn’t come back. But no one would remember how they felt the days following, or even how he died. And no one will remember I was attacked, or anything that’s about to happen.”

He sighed and gazed around the common room, quiet except for the breaths of him and his friends. The excitement of finding the answer was slowly dwindling away and becoming a feeling of helpless despair. He didn’t want everything to be forgotten. He wanted it to be remembered, however horrible it was. He knew he wouldn’t forget it, because it was a part of him. What about his parents? It wasn’t fair for them to forget how their oldest son died, for them to forget the pain they felt. He knew no one liked the pain, but it was important.

Then there were his friends, this was what worried him most. If everything that occurred since the Fearnck made its appearance became trivial and almost as though it never happened, would they be back at square one? Would their friendship have never existed and would he once again be alone? This time he would have no brother to help him. He couldn’t bear that to happen again, even if the times following had been painful, he had been happy, now that he had friends. He couldn’t have things go back to the way they used to be.

If he could go back to having no friends once Wilkins was dead and gone, then why couldn’t his brother come back from the dead? It seemed logical. It was a reasonable thought; one thought he wanted to come true. No matter how this ended up, he just wanted some good to come out of it, whatever that good may be.

“Guys?” he said quietly, looking at them carefully. “If, when this is all over, if you guys don’t remember that we ever became friends, can you at least be nice to me? Treat me like I’m there?”

“Remus, we promise we’ll remember that we were friends. We have the proof. We have the map! We have our memories,” James said encouragingly.

“I don’t know how far the map is going to help, there’s no proof the four of us made it. For all we’ll know, you three could have made it up without my help. And this book is making it sound like you won’t have much memories from this time, and that could be one of them.”

They said nothing for a while, sitting in a stony silence that was only penetrated by the ticking of the grandfather clock. They knew that Remus was right; they may not remember what happened to them since they stumbled upon him earlier in the year, bloody and beaten on the grounds. They might not be able to recall the friendship that grew as the days went on, making them like brothers. If there was anyone who deserved to keep those memories, it was Remus; if he had to have been infested with this monster, along with being a werewolf, then he needed to remember the good times, even if they were plagued with pain and loss. He needed to remember there was a time in his life when he had friends, friends who would do anything for him.

Sirius suddenly jumped up off the couch and scrambled up the dormitory steps, leaving his friends confused as they watched him disappear. He came back seconds later, holding a very familiar piece of parchment �“ the map of Hogwarts. In his other hand, he held a quill and an inkbottle. He stooped down next to the table and dipped his quill in the ink.

“If we need proof, we’ll have the proof,” he said determinedly, scribbling on the paper. When finally set his quill down, he handed the map to Remus, who looked at his friend strangely, but didn’t question him.

Instead, he read aloud to Peter and James, what Sirius had written.

“Messrs. Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black and James Potter, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers are Proud to Present
The Marauders Map.”

Chapter Twelve
- He read the letter over again... his stomach clenching painfully as he did so. -

James, Sirius and Peter became unbearably obsessed with the Marauders’ Map after that night; they were hardly able to keep their eyes, or their conversation, off it. Remus, on the other hand, had become rather distant when it came to this, only helping when they needed to figure out a hard spell. He would look it up, perform it for them, and then go about his business. The withdrawal of their friend, however, didn’t deter the boys a bit; they knew what Remus was worried about. Almost every day they could see him restlessly flipping through the pages of the book he had found the Fearnck in, desperately looking for the way to destroy it. Nevertheless, after all of his searches, he had still come up fruitless.

Now with Christmas approaching, he had become further withdrawn, hardly speaking at all, even in class. He had completely given up on hexing Wilkins into oblivion, which he had been so keen on doing when he first got back to school. The only times he ever seemed interested in anything was when he heard someone discussing a magical creature, hoping that he could find any hints. It was understandable behaviour. If he didn’t find anything to help him, he would lose his sanity, and that wasn’t something he was willing to bargain with.

One morning, a few days before students would be heading home for the holidays; Professor McGonagall came around the Gryffindor table, finding out which students planned on staying at the castle.

“Potter, Black, Lupin, Pettigrew,” she said when she approached the boys, who were currently watching as an owl attacked a student across the Hall. Professor McGonagall seemed to take no notice to this. “Will any of you be staying?”

“I will,” Sirius said quickly. It was well known that Sirius would rather endure the worst kind of torture than return home. James and Peter said that they would be going home, as they didn’t the year before.

“Mr. Lupin, I assume you’ll be going home?” the Transfiguration Professor said, turning to Remus, who was busy scribbling on a piece of parchment.

“What?” he asked blankly. “Oh �“ no, I think I’ll stay here.”

Professor McGonagall looked at him questioningly, but said nothing else and merely moved over to the group of fourth years sitting next to the boys.

“Remus, you’re obsessed,” James said pointedly, reading what his friend was writing.

“No I’m not,” Remus snapped defensively.

“You’re spending all your time with this thing,” James continued, disregarding his friend’s comment.

Remus rolled his eyes, evidently frustrated. “I’m sorry James, but I value my sanity,” he snarled.

James looked taken aback by his friend’s sharpness, but didn’t question him any further. Instead, he contented himself with reading the piece of parchment his friend had been writing on and what he saw wasn’t pleasant. It was a list compiling all of Remus’s worst fears and, judging by what was written next to them, he was trying to figure out the probability of the ones that were most likely to occur. James nudged Sirius in the ribs and showed him the list, making sure Remus didn’t see them. But the chance of that wasn’t very likely at the moment, as he was, yet again, absorbed in his library book.

Sirius and Peter leaned over to read the list and noticed that their names came up on it as well, which put an unsettling feeling in their stomachs; they noticed Remus put them very high up on it.

The list read as follows:

Getting attacked… again (very likely)
Wilkins killing any one of the following �“ Mum, Dad, Cassie, Lucy, James, Sirius or Peter (extremely likely)
Losing my sanity (very likely)
Attacking myself as a werewolf (ridiculously likely)

“Find my list interesting?” Remus said, startling James, Sirius and Peter and causing the parchment to fall to the floor, at the feet of the last person they wanted to see it.

Larry Wilkins stooped down and picked the paper up, making to hand it back to James, but stopping when he saw his name on it. He read the list interestedly, obviously trying to make it seem as if he couldn’t believe Remus would assume such a thing, but he failed dismally at his attempt. Remus watched, seething with anger, his fists clenched on his quill, nearly breaking it in half.

“Just give that back, Wilkins,” Sirius said cautiously, inching his hand forward to take the list.

“Who wrote this?” Wilkins sneered, brandishing the paper in James’s face, earning nothing except James slapping his hand away.

“None of your business who wrote it,” James snapped, finally grabbing a hold of the parchment, but unable to pull it away.

“My name is on it,” Wilkins said pointedly. “I think it’s my business.”

“Oh, come off it!” Remus said, jumping out of his seat. “You know what you did, you just won’t admit it.”

“Lupin, what are you talking about?”

“I’ll tell you what I’m talking about, you idiot �“ you killed my brother!”

The Great Hall, which had just been full with the merry chatter of students happily discussing their holiday plans, suddenly grew silent as every head swiveled in Remus’s direction. But Remus didn’t care; he didn’t give a damn about them. All he wanted was to put Wilkins in his place; he didn’t give a hang if everyone in the Great Hall thought he was insane. If he didn’t put a stop to this then he might very well be that way.

“Remus,” James said warningly, he did not want his friend getting into a duel, especially when the Hall was swarming with professors. Professor McGonagall, in fact, had turned to see what was happening but, shockingly enough, didn’t do anything to stop it.

Wilkins stared at Remus, not angry, but merely fascinated, as if he was witnessing an exhibit at a museum. He seemed to find Remus rather amusing, not someone to be frightened of, which only infuriated Remus.

“Lupin, I’m afraid I don’t understand you,” he said innocently.

“Wilkins, I’m afraid you do understand me,” Remus scowled. “You’re just too stupid to admit it.”

“Would you really accuse me of murdering your brother?”

“I don’t need to accuse you, I already know it.”

The crowd around the two had increased greatly, every single student hoping a duel would break out, although there were some who just wanted it to end before it got violent. Professor McGonagall inched closer to the group, ready to pull Remus and Wilkins apart if the need arose.

“You know, you and your brother really have wild imaginations,” Wilkins laughed. “He got the idea that I attacked you!”

“It’s not our imaginations, you did attack me! You were the last person with me, you… you-”

“You know, stuttering makes you sound very brave.”

“That’s enough.” Professor McGonagall had made her way through the now disappointed crowd of students and was glaring down at Wilkins and Remus. “Mr. Wilkins, get back to your own table. In the future I would appreciate it if you didn’t come visiting the other Houses.” Wilkins hesitated for a moment, wanting to hold his moment of triumph against Remus, but one stern look from his teacher sent him back to the Slytherin table. “Remus, follow me. I’m sure Professor Binns will hardly notice if you’re missing from his class.” Remus tried to repress a grin, Professor Binns currently thought his surname was Lambert, so he could barely even notice if Remus was missing.

Remus didn’t even bother to look back at his friends as his teacher led him out of the Hall, only giving him enough time to grab his bag. She did not look at all happy. He could only imagine what lectures she had in store for him. Professor McGonagall was a professor you did not want to cross, especially when it came to near duels. He was in for it, but frankly, he didn’t care. He was more irritated that she had interrupted; if she had waited just another moment he would have gotten to curse the life out of Wilkins, possibly getting rid of his problems forever.

Professor McGonagall opened the door to her office and pushed Remus inside, as he was quite keen on hovering outside. McGonagall nodded for him to take a seat at her desk and she pulled up a tin from one of the drawers. “Have a biscuit, Lupin,” she said curtly.

Remus blinked several times before saying anything. “Excuse me, Professor?”

“Have a biscuit,” she repeated, more firmly. Not wanting to upset his teacher any more than he had, Remus quickly took a cookie from the tin and took a small bite, not having much of an appetite.

“Remus, I understand you’re having a difficult time dealing with your brother’s death, but accusing other students of-”

“I wasn’t accusing him! I know it for a fact,” Remus argued. It was bad enough having to listen to Wilkins taunt him about it, but for Professor McGonagall to take the Slytherin’s side, he couldn’t take it.

“Lupin, sometimes when you’re grieving your mind makes you think of things that don’t really exist.”

“I’m through grieving; I did enough when it happened! I know it was Wilkins who killed my brother; I know it was Wilkins who attacked me!”

Professor McGonagall studied him quietly for a moment. She knew that Remus Lupin was never one to lie about such important matters. Granted he was never entirely truthful with trivial matters, such as the time he was caught with Potter, Black, and Pettigrew near the hump of the one-eyed witch; he would never go in any other path other then the truth when the situation was like this. Still, he may have been losing his grip a little if he was ready to accuse another student of such a criminal deed. However, she was his Head of House, she had to hear him out, and perhaps it would make sense when he was finished.

“Okay, Lupin,” she said, sighing in defeat. “What is your story?”

Remus gritted his teeth slightly. It was one thing to relate the Fearnck to his friends, but to tell it to a professor was a completely different story, particularly when the one he was telling it to was already beginning to doubt his sanity. But if he didn’t say it he might not have any sanity left by the end of the year; he was not ready to give up without a fight.

“I was looking up some creatures in the books in the library,” he began. The professor nodded. This was quite understandable and not at all unusual for Remus. “When I was attacked, James said he saw an animal running into the forest and I remembered that when Blake died, I saw an animal running into the forest, so I wanted to look up creatures. And since I think it was Wilkins who did it, I don’t think he’s really human, so what else could it be?”

“But why are you so insistent on it being Wilkins?” the professor asked exasperatedly.

“He was with me before I was attacked, the only other thing out on the grounds was Fang and Fang wouldn’t hurt me! And when I told my brother who I thought it was, I bet he went to go straighten Wilkins out and it got violent. Besides, Blake looked a lot like I did after I was attacked.” He took a deep breath and stared down at the desktop. It was one thing to tell his friends… “I found a creature in this book in the library, it’s called a Fearnck.”

Professor McGonagall’s eyelids widened dangerously upon hearing this. Remus stared up at her, knowing that she thought he was crazy. After all, how many people really knew of this monster?

“A Fearnck, Mr. Lupin?” she questioned uneasily. Remus nodded. “What book were you looking in?”

Remus grabbed his bag, shuffled through his notebooks, took out the thick black book and showed it to the professor. She considered the book for a long time, plainly wondering how such a book fell into the hands of a thirteen year old.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you have this back,” she said resolutely, taking it and placing it inside one of her drawers. Remus looked at her in horror, that book was his key to getting everything back to normal! And there she went, placing it in her drawer as if she didn’t realise what she was doing. “That book should not have been open to a third year.”

“Professor, I need that book!” Remus begged.

“Remus, you are not supposed to have it. I can hardly believe that Madam Pince let you check it out, I will be having a word with her.”

Remus groaned inwardly, but deciding not to press the professor about the matter any further nor point out that Madam Pince had no knowledge of him taking the book out. “Do you believe me?” he asked instead. “About the Fearnck.”

“I’m not sure what to believe, to be honest. It is very possible that you were born with a Fearnck inside of you. It would explain a great deal about the pains you been having through your life. But why do you think it is Wilkins?”

“Because he just came out of nowhere,” Remus explained, tired of beating around the bush. “One day, when I was feeling my worse, I see him at Diagon Alley and he tries to be friendly and he was. We were friends at the beginning of the year and then after that Quidditch match where I got hit with the Bludger, he became too interested in it and I threatened him to keep him away from me and then he saw me transform into a werewolf.” He took another breath and went on. “He kept asking me all of these questions, like if I was afraid of accidentally hurting myself really bad during a full moon or accidentally killing someone, like my brother.”

Professor McGonagall was quiet… too quiet. Remus didn’t like it, he needed her opinion on it after making him relate it to her, this was the least she could do for him.

“Maybe it is possible,” she said at long last. “But, Remus, I do not want you trying to handle this all on your own. You do not know what a Fearnck can do to you when you threaten it.”

“Blake threatened one… I know what it can do.” He knew very well that he could be killed if he tried to put Wilkins in his place. “But I also know what they can do if I don’t put a stop to it and honestly, Professor, I really don’t want to go mental. I’m fine the way I am.”

The bell sounded from above, signaling the end of the first period classes. Remus pulled his schoolbag up and got ready to leave when Professor McGonagall stopped him.

“I know I shouldn’t allow students this,” she said, trying to make it sound as if she was ashamed of herself. “But if you must do this, Remus, and if you need help, you know where to find me.”

---

James, Sirius, and Peter caught up with Remus as they were on their way to Charms. Trying to make light of the situation, the three snuck up behind him and Sirius took the liberty of hopping up on Remus’s shoulders, only to unsteady him and send him sprawling to the ground, whipping his wand out, ready to attack whoever it was.

“Calm down, Remus! It’s only me,” Sirius said, backing away from the wand.

Remus’s shoulders relaxed and he pocketed his wand, but he didn’t stop to talk, which only baffled his friends. They hurried to catch up and fell into step with him.

“What’s up, Remus?” James asked concernedly. “McGonagall give you a week’s worth of detention?” He laughed, but quickly stopped when he saw the expression on Remus’s face.

“Not every punishment is detention, James,” he said tiredly. “I’d rather have gotten detention than having to tell McGonagall about Wilkins.”

“How’d she take that?” Peter asked.

“Told me that if I needed help than she’d help me… but she took the book I had.”

James, Sirius, and Peter glanced at each other. They knew their friend was frustrated and that he had all of his time invested in his research and to have his book ripped away from him was enough to unsettle him. But, however bad the situation was, they really needed to make their friend smile again.

“Merlin, Sirius!” Peter shouted suddenly, causing Remus to jump. He stared at them, clearly wanting an explanation, but knowing very well that one wasn’t coming in a normal fashion. “Remus lost his book!”

“That’s his lifeline!” James shrieked, pretending to break out into hysterical sobs.

“What’ll we do?” Sirius cried, draping his arm around James’s shoulder and also feigning sobs into it.

“You guys are idiots,” Remus sighed, though smiling broadly. “Thanks, I needed that.”

---

Remus sat up in the Owlery, holding the family owl, Dreyfus, in his lap and looking lazily at the wall across from him, his eyes stinging slightly. It was late at night, nearly midnight judging by the position of the nearly full moon. He leaned his head back on the wall and shut his eyes, listening to the calming hooting of the owls flying above in the rafters. He had the Invisibility Cloak at his side, making sure to keep it free of any owl droppings, as he knew James would not appreciate that. Originally, he hadn’t planned on using it, but James offered it to him so he could escape for a while and clear his head. Besides, James wouldn’t need it, as he was home for the break.

He and Sirius were the only Gryffindor third years that chose to remain at school, though Remus knew it was against his better judgement. His family would have like him to go home, but they knew that they wouldn’t be able to make him change his mind. When Remus wanted something, he wanted it and no one could change it. Sirius was the one who suggested going up to the Owlery, as he could almost guarantee Remus would have a letter, being so close to Christmas and all. Sirius had been right, as Remus was met with a rather lengthy letter, dated some time ago, in a handwriting that shocked him.

At the very top of the letter was a small note written by his mother, claiming that she had found this in Blake’s trunk when she was looking through it. Remus didn’t want to read it at first, but his curiosity always tended to get the better of him. He couldn’t believe what he was reading; it had to have been some mistake. But there was no mistake in Blake’s handwriting, he just didn’t understand it. His brother had known something was going to happen… he knew. Remus read the letter over again, his stomach clenching painfully as he did so.

Remus,

I don’t know exactly how to explain this, but did you ever get the feeling that you know something bad is going to happen? You have the feeling of… impending doom, I guess you can call it, but you just don’t know what it is or when it’s going to happen. All I know is that something’s going to happen. I don’t know if it’s going to happen to you, or me, or maybe someone else in our family, I just know it’s bad… I’ve got this feeling that maybe my life might be cut short soon, but I don’t know why. So, if I’m right or even if I’m just being paranoid, I need to tell you this.

I know you won’t like to hear this, but after you were bitten, I was scared of you. I know I always tried to put on the brave act, like I was always there for you when you needed me, but I can’t put up that act anymore. I wouldn’t even sleep in the same room as you; I was only seven, so I didn’t really understand the whole concept of you only changing once a month. Cassie made me feel bad at times, telling me that I was being horrible to you because every time you would try and talk to me, I would walk away without even saying anything… I remember she hit me once for it, it hurt a lot. But after your first transformation, after hearing you crying in pain when it was happening and the next morning when Dad and Mum were trying to help you, I realised how badly I treated you and for that, I’m sorry.

I hate to get mushy, but I think this letter calls for it. If my paranoia turns out to be true, there are some things I need to say to you that I don’t think I’ve ever said to you. If I could pick from a thousand other brothers, I don’t think I’d pick any of them. I’d be happy with you. Even if you’re a werewolf, you can be whatever you want; you’ve got what it takes to make it through a prejudice society… Remus, you’re better than they think you are. And you’ve got friends now. Even if it had to be under the circumstances that it was under, you’ve got great friends who’ll do anything for you. If I can’t be around to help you when you need it, at least they can be.

I’m not always going to be around to be there for you… I don’t know why I’m having this revelation now and this feeling, but I am and I need to tell you these things before I’m not able to. Just keep this in mind; if I’m not there for you, you still have Mum and Dad who you can talk to. I know you have trouble saying some things to them, but just remember that all they want to do is be there for you… They feel guilty, Dad especially. If you read this, tell him that it’s not his fault, I don’t think you’ve ever told him. And you have Cassie too; you don’t talk to her as much as you should and believe me, whenever you really need to talk about something, she’s the best person to go to. And Lucy too, I know she’s only five, but you can learn from her and she looks up to you a lot more than you know.

Still, Remus, even if my worries are fake, I want you to see this letter. Remus, you’re the greatest brother I could have asked for. When Mum was going to have you, I remember spending a lot of nights hoping that I would have a little brother. Then Mum had you and I was so happy, and I still am. Don’t listen to my friends when they call you a tagalong, I’m the one who wants you there because you deserve to have a good time. So through all my ramblings that I you might have read, all I really want to say is that I love you and I only want the best for you. Please, if something happens, don’t spend all your time feeling bad about it, feel bad for a while, but then just be happy. That’s all I want for you.
- Blake

Remus took an unsteady breath and stood up, pulling the Invisibility Cloak on as he let Dreyfus swoop back into the rafters to sleep. Blake had known all along that something bad was going to happen. He had probably written that letter before he went to confront Wilkins. Looking at the letter, as he was making his way back to Gryffindor Tower, he could see that Blake must have spent a long time thinking on it, thinking if he was doing the right thing. He knew that, if Remus’s theory was correct, Wilkins was capable of things that Blake had no idea, but he went after him anyway, all because he wanted what was best for Remus.

He came up into the third year dormitory, after nearly making the Fat Lady deaf by shouting the password, and tried to quietly get into bed.

Sirius rolled over on his bed and squinted through the dark, seeing Remus’s outline. “’S’at you, Remus?” he mumbled sleepily.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Remus whispered, pulling the hangings around his bed.

“You smell like owl,” Sirius went on, incoherently.

“I was in the Owlery, remember?” Remus explained, deciding that he was too tired to change, so he merely climbed into bed. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Mmkay… Night, Mum.”

Remus smiled at his friend and leaned back onto his pillow. Even though Blake’s letter wasn’t exactly uplifting, it did make him feel better. He had been living in a vacuum for some time, not smiling, not laughing, unable to be a kid and do what his brother wanted. Now he found, for the first time in a while, that he was able to rest easy.

Chapter Thirteen
- "Look Remus, I don't know that much about family dynamics, you know what weirdos I live with, right?" -

The next few days preceding Christmas, Sirius and Remus did their best to have fun. It came as a rather easy task, as the grounds were covered in three feet of freshly fallen snow, perfect for having the snowball fight of a lifetime. The only time their plans were deterred was when Remus had to leave for the full moon. The day of Christmas Eve, as they were putting their cloaks on, Remus realised that he hadn’t been out on the grounds, outside of class, for a long time. The last time he had been out there, willingly, was the day his brother died, and that was some time ago. He needed the fresh air desperately, so he had no objections to Sirius’s request.

Walking down the corridor, they came upon Severus Snape walking past them. The two slowed their pace down, expecting Snape to make his usual snide remarks but, as he passed, nothing came, which was admittedly shocking. Sirius, unable to restrain himself, turned on his heel and followed Snape, leaving Remus to watch. Normally, Remus would have tried to stop Sirius, knowing that Snape wasn’t in the mood to listen to his antics, but Remus wanted to see exactly what Sirius was doing.

“Snape!” he shouted, slapping a hand on the Slytherin’s shoulder, making it sound as if they were old friends. Snape merely glared at him. “And how are you?”

“Shove off,” Snape snarled, doing his best to break free from Sirius.

“Snape, old chum, why don’t you join us on our trek out into the snowy depths of the grounds?”

Snape glanced over at Remus, who was looking mildly interested in what was taking place, and huffed.

“And bring about another of Lupin’s outburst? I don’t think so.”

“I won’t have an outburst,” Remus claimed, deciding to play along with Sirius.

“Remus has been outburst free, in case you haven’t noticed,” Sirius added defensively.

“Only because he doesn’t have Larry to take it out on,” Snape said pointedly. He did have a point. If Wilkins was around, Remus might have, indeed, started another arguement. But Wilkins was gone from the castle at the present moment and Remus had found that his mood had taken a positive turn.

“We all know you think he’s a psychopathic murderer,” Snape said; although he didn’t sound mocking this time, almost as if there was a small… very small… part of him that actually agreed with Remus. “You basically announced it to the entire Great Hall when McGonagall had to pull you out.” He laughed shortly. “Do you really think someone our age can actually kill somebody?”

Remus opened his mouth, ready to snap at Snape. Sirius sensed this, as he stepped away from Snape and back to his friend. Gripping Remus’s forearm, Sirius dragged him down the hallway, letting Snape go about with his day. They hurried down to the grounds, hoping to find a good spot to have a snowball fight. And they did, down by the lake, which had finally frozen over.

They took a few minutes to collect their snowballs, each of them having stacks nearly five feet high when they were finished. Sirius grinned mischievously as he packed his snowball together, smirking at Remus, who was immersed in fixing up his own pile.

“Think fast, Remus!”

“Wha-?” But before he could even finish his word, he was hit square in the face with a rather large snowball.

Almost immediately, Sirius began cackling hysterically and fell backwards into the snow, still rolling in laughter. Remus, now covered in snow, took this as an advantage. He looked at the particularly large pile of snowballs he had constructed, and then at Sirius, who was still laughing uncontrollably. It was too good an opportunity to pass by. He went over to his pile and carefully slid his arms under the bottom, heaving the pile up. He turned to Sirius, who had not noticed any of this, and smiled malevolently.

“Think fast, Sirius.” And before his friend could even react, or close his mouth, Remus dropped the entire pile on Sirius. He could hear Sirius’s muffled curses from under the snow, which had mostly fallen on his face, but did nothing to help and merely strolled away. Staring at the frozen lake, he listened as Sirius spat large amounts of snow onto the ground and mumbled under his breath.

“That was cruel, Remus Lupin!” he said, though not bothering to hide the humour in his voice. He marched over to Remus and dropped a snowball on his head, causing Remus to grin. “You had that planned the whole time, didn’t you?” Sirius questioned, taking the liberty of brushing the snow off his friend’s head.

“No, not really,” Remus replied proudly. “Good though, wasn’t it?”

“Very.” Sirius tapped the lake with the toe of his shoe and stepped out on it.

Remus watched interestedly as Sirius began spinning around like he was a figure skater. “Having fun?” he called as Sirius went further out.

“Of course!” Sirius called back, before his legs crisscrossed on the slippery ice, making him fall over. Remus bit back a laugh and vigilantly stepped out onto the ice to go help Sirius up. He held out his hand and Sirius took it appreciatively, although the second he was back on his feet, he let go of Remus in such a way that he sent his friend spinning around in circles, falling to the ground.

“That hurt,” Remus whined, getting back onto his feet and moving towards Sirius.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to spin you that fast,” Sirius apologised.

Remus nodded doubtfully and began skating around, while Sirius spun in place. They were quiet for some time, the only sounds coming from the wind and two Hufflepuffs that had assembled themselves by a snow covered tree. Then, without warning or else Remus would have plugged his ears, Sirius began singing.

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas!” he sang loudly, slowly, and badly. “Just like the ones I used to know… Where the tree tops glisten and children listen…” He stopped singing for a moment, a grin splitting onto his face. “Jingle bells, Remus smells, the Giant Squid laid an egg! Professor Hanks lost his… uh… ranks, when Remus got in the way!”

“You have problems,” Remus muttered, shaking his head as he skated past Sirius. “How do you know those songs anyway?”

“Ted Tonks,” Sirius answered, then elaborating when he saw Remus’s blank face. “My cousin’s boyfriend, you remember, Andromeda? He’s a Muggle-born.”

Remus nodded slowly and started skating backwards, earning the nickname “show-off” for the rest of the afternoon. They considered having another snowball fight, a fair one this time, but ended up skating on the lake for the rest of the day, not getting off until their noses were nearly blue from cold.

Rubbing their hands together furiously, they hiked back up to the castle, eager to reach the warm fire awaiting them in the Gryffindor common room. Sitting down in the common room they sat with their Chocolate Frogs, spearing them on sticks and holding them over the fire until they melted. The common room was nearly empty, save for a sixth year that was snoozing on the couch, so they couldn’t be overly loud. But being quiet didn’t keep Sirius from swearing loudly as he burnt the roof of his mouth. Remus sniggered as Sirius jumped up and ran over to the window to grab a handful of snow, as there was no water around at the present moment. He slammed the window shut and stuffed a piece of snow in his mouth. His shoulders relaxing as his mouth began to cool, he sat back down.

“Merlin, that hurt,” he said, his voice stifled from the clump of snow.

“That’s why people usually cool hot things off,” Remus said pointedly, a smirk on his face.

Sirius shoved Remus in the shoulder and focused on swallowing the snow. “So, what’d you do the other night when you took James’s Cloak?” he asked; his mouth snow free.

“Went to the Owlery, like you said,” Remus replied simply. He had not mentioned the letter he received to Sirius, nor had he followed Blake’s request of owling their parents and telling them not to feel guilty. He wanted to do it, but he just found that he was too lazy to start writing. Now he felt guilty for not doing so, but promised himself that he would later, although he wasn’t quite sure about what he wanted to say. Right now, he only felt like sitting near the warm fire.

“Get any letters?” Sirius asked curiously.

Remus nodded, somewhat hesitantly. “My mum said she was looking through Blake’s school trunk and found a letter he’d written before he died.” Sirius was quiet, so Remus went on, knowing that he wasn’t about to be interrupted. “He said he was having this bad feeling, like something was going to happen. He made it sound like he knew what he was getting himself into when he went after Wilkins; he was telling me all this stuff he never got to say.”

“You alright?” Sirius asked. He knew the letter would have affected Remus in some manner, though he didn’t know if it was good or bad. Either way, he wanted to know if his friend was okay.

Remus nodded. “The letter made me feel better,” he admitted. “Blake also told me that I should write to my parents; tell them that it wasn’t their fault. They feel guilty that I’m a werewolf… my dad really does.”

“Did you write to them yet?”

Remus shook his head.

“Well why not?”

“I dunno, I don’t really know what to say.”

“How about ‘it’s not your fault’?”

“That’s what I want to say, but for some reason it doesn’t seem good enough.”

“Look, Remus, I don’t know that much about family dynamics. You know what weirdoes I live with, right?” Remus nodded, he knew that Sirius absolutely detested his family and their pureblood mania. “But I do know that if your parents really love you, then they wouldn’t care, they’d just know you meant it. Now you go write that letter right now, mister!” Sirius added jokingly.

“What are you?” Remus asked. “My mother?”

“If I have to be.”

With that, he shoved Remus in the direction of the stairs. He hesitated on the bottom step, thinking of just leaving it until later like he had originally planned, but one look at Sirius (who was feigning a glare and pointing a finger up the stairs) told him that he would not be able to get back into the common room if he didn’t write it. Walking through the open doorway, he looked around for his trunk, which was, for one odd reason or another, resting on Peter’s bed. He snapped the clasps open and shuffled through the various items, coming upon a quill, an inkbottle and a piece of parchment. He sat down on his bed, placing his Charms book under the paper so he could write, and scratched his chin with the tip of his quill as he thought of what to say.

He knew that he had to tell them that it wasn’t their fault. They had no idea Fenrir Greyback would take his anger out on their son. They had no way of predicting that Remus was going to become a werewolf, unless they had Seer blood in them, but that was highly unlikely. He knew that Sirius was right in saying that if he just told them that it wasn’t their fault, they would believe him. They did love him, even though they could be hard on him sometimes, particularly after Blake’s death, but it was just because they were afraid of losing another son. He wanted to put their minds at rest, let them know that they no longer had to feel guilty.

If he had to write something, he might as well just write what he was thinking.

Mum and Dad,
I read the letter that Mum sent me, which was supposed to be from Blake, but he never got a chance to send it. He said that you two feel really guilty about me being a werewolf and that I should let you know that it wasn’t your fault, and it’s true. You didn’t know what Greyback was going to do. You didn’t know he was going to come after me, especially since you had Cassie and Blake at the time, it could have been any one of us. So don’t blame yourselves, Dad especially. You were just writing what you thought, he had no right to question your opinion, because you were right about the kind of person (if you can even call him that) he is. It’s not your fault, so don’t feel guilty anymore.
Love,
Remus.

Remus set his quill down and reread his letter. They would have to believe this because it was true… Greyback had no right to question his father’s opinion, particularly when the opinion was correct. Greyback was a filthy man who thrived on ruining the lives of others. What man wanted to turn a child into a werewolf all because their parents did something or said something he didn’t agree with? He was a plain dictator with thoughts like that. He had to make everyone conform to his way of thinking… his way of life. He didn’t understand that he wasn’t perfect; no one was going to bow down to him, thinking he was an almighty god. If anything, they would condemn him for the way he acted, not glorify him for it.

“Finished writing?”

Remus looked around and saw Sirius entering the room, holding the box of chocolate frogs they had been eating. Remus nodded, holding up the parchment so Sirius could see it.

“Good,” Sirius said as he placed the box back into his trunk. “Come on; let’s go to the Owlery so you can mail it.”

---

On Christmas morning, Remus discovered that, along with his usual presents of an Exploding Snap deck and large supply of candy, he also got a reply to the letter he sent his parents. They claimed that they didn’t feel guilty, only then to contradict themselves halfway through the letter. But they were happy to have gotten the letter and to see that their son was thinking about their wellbeing. They were particularly happy that he didn’t blame them for what happened to him (although he thought they knew that already).

Looking at the foot of his bed, he saw that he had several other presents. He discovered that he had gotten a Muggle book from Cassie entitled The Outsiders. He vaguely wondered why she had gotten him a Muggle book, but decided not to bother wondering after looking at the first few pages, it seemed like a good book. Placing it on his nightstand, he picked up the next package and saw that it was from James. Pulling the bright red paper off, he saw that it was another assortment of candy.

“You’re going to have about ten cavities when you’re through with that,” Sirius pointed out from his bed, as he was tackling a gift from his cousin, Andromeda.

“I don’t mind,” Remus said lazily. He’d already had a long history of dental problems, ranging from largely spaced teeth to have a bunch pulled, a cavity seemed like nothing. He opened his gift from Peter and saw that it was a model Quidditch stadium where you could watch actual World Cups.

“Hey, thanks, Remus!” Sirius said excitedly when he opened Remus’s gift, which was an assortment of Zonkos’ products.

“I figured you’d have fun with that,” Remus said, looking at the box. Picking up the wrapping paper, he noticed that he’d missed a gift, but there was no name on it. Curious, he picked it up and ripped the paper off it. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, it didn’t really look like anything. It was a round ball with many different engravings in it, but the object kept changing its form the longer Remus held it. The engravings faded away and were replaced with indentations going around the middle of the gift. Now, unless Remus was mistaken, it now was beginning to resemble a pair of dentures.

“What’s that?” Sirius asked, eyeing what Remus was holding.

“Someone apparently thinks I have bad teeth,” Remus said, going to place it down on his nightstand, but crying in pain when the gift bit him.

“What happened?” Sirius asked, bewildered.

“It bit me!” Remus tried prying it off his hand, but it was stuck. “Sirius… it won’t come off!”

Sirius hurried over and tried helping Remus pull it off, but whatever it was, it was insistent on staying in the position it was in.

“Who sent you this?” Sirius asked furiously, still pulling at the jaws.

“I don’t know!” Remus answered, his voice constrained as the pain increased. He was beginning to feel sick, the longer it took for them to get it off. Whose idea of a joke was this?

“I think I got it… yes!” Sirius said triumphantly, ripping the horrid excuse for a gift off his friend. Almost immediately, it dropped limply to the ground, unmoving, looking as though it had never done anything wrong. Slowly, Sirius edged towards it, his wand poised, he levitated it to the garbage bin and sealed the lid shut once the gift was inside. He hurried back over to Remus, who was holding his fiercely bleeding hand, his face scrunched in pain.

“What moron would send someone that?” Sirius went on angrily.

“I don’t know and I don’t care!” Remus looked down at his hand and saw that blood was slowly seeping through the crevices between his fingers. “It won’t stop bleeding.”

“Come on, Hospital Wing.”

The two rushed out of the dormitory, through the common room, completely disregarding the fact that they nearly trampled two first years and sped out of the portrait hole. As they were racing to the Hospital Wing, all Remus could do was think of who would send him something like that. What did he do to deserve a present that would attack him after he opened it?

“Sirius �“ slow �“ down �“ please!” Remus panted, stumbling forward as they climbed up a flight of stairs. He could hardly run, his energy seemed to be draining from him with each step that he took. Whatever that thing was, it was made him exceptionally weak and he could hardly keep up with the speed Sirius was running in.

“Remus, Madam Pomfrey can help you,” Sirius said, turning to face his friend, who was now leaning against the wall for support near the landing of the stairs. He walked forward, wearing a pleading look. “It’s only another hallway before the Hospital Wing.” Stepping back a bit, he got a closer look at Remus and saw he looked a little green over his pale face. “Okay, Remus,” he said after a moment. “I’ll get Madam Pomfrey and bring her here, alright?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Sirius spun around on his heel and hurried up the hallway towards the Hospital, leaving Remus alone. Remus couldn’t help it, but he was slightly disgusted with himself for not being a little more suspicious about the fact that he’d received an unmarked Christmas present, especially when he knew there was someone out there who had it in for him. Now he was sitting here, alone, in a deserted hallway, his hand refusing to stop bleeding and a strong fever coming on. What kind of Christmas was this?

Placing his bloody, though unbitten, hand to his sweaty forehead, he felt that he was burning hot. His stomach was churning painfully, threatening to come up… What was in that �“ that thing? It had to have been some poison that prevented his blood from clotting and causing him to develop a fever. Why else would he feel like this? Looking up at the direction his friend had gone in, he wondered where Sirius had gotten to, completely forgetting that he had gone to get the nurse. He blinked as his vision blurred, hoping Sirius would come back…

“Here he is,” said a voice that seemed so far away and yet was only a few inches from him.

“What happened to him?” said another voice, a woman’s voice this time. She sounded worried… but why did she? Was there something wrong?

“He opened a Christmas present and it bit him,” the first voice explained, his voice full of anxiety. The voice sounded familiar, but Remus couldn’t quite place where he’d heard it before… Maybe on his mother’s radio? “It won’t stop bleeding.” Oh wait… it was Sirius who was talking.

“And you just left him here?” said the woman disbelievingly.

“He said he couldn’t make it to the Hospital Wing, and look at him, he really can’t.”

Remus felt a cold hand touch his hot forehead and winced, causing whoever it was to draw their hand back.

“Mr. Black, in the infirmary I have a cabinet with all of my potions, you know which one I’m talking about, don’t you?”

“The blue one, right?”

“Yes, that one. There’s a potion in there, labeled to stop bleeding and another one that will lower fevers. Get them and bring them here while I see what I can do for him now.”

Remus heard Sirius’s footsteps pounding away from them, loud against his ears.

“Remus, can you hear me?” the woman was saying now, her hand under his chin and presumably turning his head so she was facing him. “Remus?”

Using a great deal of strength, Remus managed to wrench his eyes open, blinking against the brightly lit corridor. He found that he was face to face with the school nurse, Madam Pomfrey. Her eyes were moving swiftly as she observed him, staring into his eyes to see if they were dilated. She pried open his mouth and looked to see if there was anything wrong with his throat.

“What happened?” Remus asked thickly.

“According to your friend, you were bitten by something,” the nurse answered, turning to see that Sirius was approaching them, holding the two bottles.

“Oh,” Remus said absently, not able to recall what had bitten him.

Sirius handed Madam Pomfrey the first potion, she quickly uncorked it and tilted Remus’s head back to help him swallow it. The potion stung his throat, making his eyes water as well, but almost instantly his hand ceased to bleed, though it still throbbed painfully. Madam Pomfrey lifted his arm and, miraculously, could still see the bite through the amount of blood the accumulated on his hand. She inspected it for quite a while, trying to decipher where it had come from, but was unable to come to a conclusion.

“You saw that it just resembled a pair of dentures?” she asked Sirius, who was hovering over them. She uncorked the second bottle and poured the contents down Remus’s throat. This potion didn’t sting like the first one, but it was freezing, causing him to shiver. Almost instantly, he could feel his fever decreasing, but not quick enough for his liking.

“Well, it kept changing its shape, that’s all I could see from where I was standing,” Sirius said quietly. “I didn’t really go over until it bit him.”

“There was no note on the package?”

“No, Remus said there wasn’t.”

The nurse sighed and nodded. “I recommend his spending the night in the Hospital Wing, he doesn’t look too well.”

And, indeed, she was right. Even after taking the potion, Remus looked as if death was upon him with his ghostly white skin, his bloodshot eyes, sweat all over his face, and his robes splattered with blood. Remus wasn’t about to spend his Christmas in the Hospital Wing, he had already spent it in hallway, sick to his stomach.

“No,” Remus said to this, placing his hand against the wall so he could stand up. “I’ll just stay in the common room; I don’t wanna go to the Hospital Wing.”

Madam Pomfrey’s mouth twitched. It took a lot of protesting on Remus’s part to make her see his way. Remus looked to Sirius for assistance, but Sirius was not willing to give any. He was on the side of the nurse, Remus needed to stay in the Hospital Wing. But Remus had always been unbreakably stubborn about certain things, this happened to be one of them. Remus knew that the nurse possessed a soft spot for him, and knew how to use it to his advantage, even in his weakened state. In the end, Madam Pomfrey found it easier not to argue with the boy. She knew she was going against her better judgement when she allowed him this, although she did make sure he went straight to his dormitory to rest. Remus did as he was told, even if he didn’t want to spend his holiday in his bed. After washing the blood off his hands and changing out of his stained robes, he climbed sleepily into bed. After a few minutes of attempted sleep, he noticed that he hadn’t heard the dormitory door close, signaling that Sirius had gone. Rolling over in his bed, he saw that Sirius was sitting on his own bed, reading a book, looking rather bored. “Sirius, you can go do something. You don’t have to sit there,” Remus said pleadingly. He didn’t want Sirius boring himself on account of him, which he knew he was doing.

Sirius looked up and marked his page. “You sure, Remus?”

“Yeah, I think I’m just gonna sleep… tired.”

Sirius nodded and moved towards the door. He watched his friend for a moment, thinking angrily about the person who could have sent them that. He knew who Remus was thinking of, and he had to agree with him. It must have been Wilkins who had done it. Who else could it have been? Who else would have a motive to? Sirius shook his head, hoping that Remus discovered how to get rid of that kid as fast as possible. No one deserved that kind of pain, especially Remus.

“You alright, Remus?” he asked as he was about to step out of the room.

“Yeah I’m-” but the end of his sentence was drowned out with the rumble of a snore as he fell asleep.

---

It was several hours before Sirius came back into the third year dormitory, returning back from the feast down in the Great Hall. Not many students had chosen to stay at the castle for the holidays. There were only two Hufflepuffs, three Ravenclaws, Snape spoke for Slytherin, Sirius and a fifth year he didn’t know from Gryffindor. When Professor McGonagall noticed that Remus was missing, she questioned Sirius as to his whereabouts. Sirius simply said that his friend was feeling a little sick and wanted to sleep. He thought that Madam Pomfrey would have informed them about this by now. Maybe she was in one of her moods where she was too angered by something to immediately tell a professor.

The feast was rather dull, not at all up to its usual standards, which usually involved a piece of turkey flying inconspicuously in Snape’s direction. Sirius was too invested in the events that had taken place earlier to care about Snape. The other students didn’t seem to want to talk, so they ate in silence, with the exception of the teacher’s small talk. However, Sirius did manage to snag a good number of gifts out of the crackers scattered about the table, his favourite being the dark red wizard hat. Collecting his gifts, he retreated to Gryffindor Tower to check on his friend.

When he entered the dormitory, he found Remus sitting in his bed reading the book his sister had given him. Figures, reading a book, Sirius thought, grinning a little. He dropped his things on his bed and sat down to take his shoes off. Getting a closer look at Remus, he noticed that he still looked fairly sick. His face had not regained what little colour it had, nor did Remus seem to be completely at ease, he still was wearing an expression that show he was in some pain.

“How was the feast?” Remus asked once he’d finished reading the page he was on and marking it with his quill.

“Eh, pretty boring actually,” Sirius answered truthfully. “You didn’t miss anything.”

Remus nodded, glad that if he had to miss the feast, that he didn’t miss anything at least. He set his book down on his nightstand and stretched his arms out in front of him, yawning widely.

“I’ve been sleeping almost all day and I’m still tired,” he said with a laugh.

“Yeah, well… we still don’t know what that thing was,” Sirius reasoned, pulling at his left shoe, which was refusing to come off.

“Having difficulty?” Remus asked upon seeing this.

“Yeah, stupid thing always gets stuck.”

“You ever stop to think your foot might be too big for it?”

“Then why’s my right one fit?”

“I hate to break it to you, but your feet are freakish.”

“Oh quiet, Lupin,” Sirius retorted jokingly. “Ever notice that your right ear is bigger than your left?”

“I have, in fact.”

“Good.” Sirius pulled at his shoe and sent it flying off, narrowly avoiding hitting Remus square in the face, as he ducked just in time. Sirius got up from his bed and went to retrieve it, tossing it casually in the air once he had it. “I think it’s time to get rid of this,” he stated, dropping it in his open trunk.

“Might be for the best,” Remus agreed, picking up his book, yet again, and opening to the page he had marked. Excusing himself to the bathroom, Sirius left the room and Remus began to read again. He liked this book. It was a book about someone who was born into a group of society that wasn’t well respected. He could relate to that, although he wasn’t born a werewolf, he was still part of a group that no one accepted. Still, there was hope for the people in this book, because of their friendship, and Remus knew that he had the same. His friends would do anything for him, they wanted to become Animagi for him, but he wouldn’t let them. Why shouldn’t he? He had no other reason, except for the fact that he didn’t want them getting in trouble.

But if they really wanted to help, who was he to deny them this? They were smart, they knew what they were doing, and they were going to do it for him. Turning back to his page, he started to read again.

Chapter Fourteen
- "A wish," she explained, running a finger along one of the vines. "Defeating a Fearnck is a very difficult task, indeed and anyone able to do it is deserving of their fondest wish." -

Remus remained ill throughout the remainder of the holiday break, but not so much that he wasn’t able to leave his dormitory. However, Madam Pomfrey stayed strict on her policy of not allowing him to venture out onto the grounds, which Remus hardly argued about. He knew he was still too sick to go out into the freezing snow; he wasn’t about to risk sending his fever back up again. For the first few days after receiving that wretched present he had to remain in bed. He slept for the most part, read when he wasn’t sleeping or talked to Sirius when he wasn’t doing either. After the week ended, he was able to go down into the common room, which he preferred over the eerie quietness of the dormitory.

Down in the common room, he and Sirius would play Wizard Chess, Exploding Snap (Remus winning nearly every round) and they would sort through the box of pranks Sirius had, seeing which ones would be most effective. As they did this, Sirius did his best not to mention Christmas, as it had become an uncomfortable topic amongst them. Remus knew that it was Wilkins who had sent him it, definitely not to kill him, but to give him a good scare, and he had managed that. Now Remus wouldn’t even touch a package if it wasn’t labeled. Wilkins was succeeding in his goal of making Remus think he was losing his mind. He’d become edgy ever since Christmas, even though he’d been in the dormitory the whole time, where no one could get him.

Remus knew he was going to have to get a start on figuring out how to defeat this Fearnck. He wished McGonagall hadn’t taken his library book away from him, even if it held no answers. She had done it for his well-being, though. However, because she had done this, Remus now had all the more drive he needed in completing his task. She had offered to help him, which meant she knew something he didn’t. She knew what he was supposed to do, and she knew it was dangerous. He was going to take her up on her offer, once the new year came along; if anyone could help him, it was his professor. His parents couldn’t even help him for the pure fact that he never told them. He was afraid to. He didn’t want them getting into danger on account of him. Once they learnt what it was that was causing them all this pain and grief, they would try and get rid of it. He knew this for sure. They didn’t even know that Remus had fallen ill because of a Christmas present. He would tell them one day… maybe when it was all over. But for now, Remus merely tried to calm his nerves and focus on the story Sirius was telling him.

It was a rather mean tale of how Sirius had tried to brew a love potion when he was eight, having disastrous results of course. The potion was supposed to make his younger brother, Regulus, fall deeply and irreversibly in love with the family house elf, Kreacher. Remus thought that was fairly cruel. He never would have done that to Lucy if they’d had a house elf, and he knew Blake would never have dreamt of doing that to him. But, since Sirius was only eight and had no knowledge whatsoever on potion brewing, the potion never became effective. Actually, it never even became a potion, as the moment Sirius poured the ingredients in (all at once and in amounts that were nowhere near correct) it exploded in his face.

“Now that I think about it, it was kind of funny,” Sirius said reminiscently, putting his feet up on the table in front of him.

“That was kind of mean, though,” Remus disagreed, yawning slightly once he finished his sentence.

“Yeah, it was… But Regulus had it coming to him for ages.”

“Yeah, but still…”

Sirius shrugged and focused on his box of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans, offering one to Remus, who swiftly denied. The last time he’d eaten one it had been vomit flavoured and he was not too eager for a repeat. Remus pulled his feet up onto his chair and shivered slightly, even though the common room was considerably warm.

“You okay?” Sirius asked as he saw his friend shiver.

“Yeah, just a little cold,” Remus answered sheepishly.

Sirius nodded understandably. They were silent for a moment as Sirius searched for something to talk about; however, the only thing he could think of wasn’t exactly a lighthearted topic.

“How are you getting on with finding out how to get Wilkins?” he asked, trying his best to keep the curiosity in his voice to a minimum.

Remus frowned at the question, but answered regardless. “Not well,” he admitted. “I can’t find anything since McGonagall took the book away from me. But she did offer to help.”

Sirius sat up straighter in his seat upon hearing this, having completely forgotten Remus had mentioned this before. “Are you going to take her up on it?” he asked.

“Yeah, once the break is over. I wanted to get started on it during the holidays but being sick doesn’t exactly help things.”

“How does McGonagall know what to do, though?”

“I dunno… She’s smart; she’s probably heard things from Dumbledore about them.”

“I still find the whole concept creepy… Wilkins was living in you since you were born, that’s enough to scare anyone.”

“Especially the person it’s in,” Remus said, the tone in his voice changing dramatically. He could tell his face was paling. No one knew how scared he was, not even his friends. He went through his days with a terrible weight in the pit of his stomach, always trying to suppress the feeling of having to look over his shoulder. Always fearing the worst… He took a deep breath and tried to keep his feeling of panic at bay.

“Remus?” Sirius asked, sensing the change in his friend.

“I’m really scared, Sirius,” Remus said unsteadily. “These things are really dangerous, you said it yourself. They can kill, they can hurt… But, if I don’t do anything, I’m going to go mental! There’s only so much pain one person can take and, even though I’m a werewolf and I’m supposed to be, I’ve never been good with pain. I don’t want to go insane, but I’m too scared to face this kid. I don’t know what he can do to me!”

Sirius was silent as he watched his friend deteriorate before him. He didn’t know very well what this was doing to his friend. Remus usually tried to keep up the brave front; he spent most of his time masquerading as if nothing bothered him when it was really slowly eating away at him. The Fearnck was clearly doing its job if it had rendered Remus scared senseless. Sirius didn’t understand why this creature had to have chosen Remus to be born inside of. From the moment Remus had entered this Earth, he had been plagued with misfortune.

“I don’t know why it has to be me,” Remus said, as if he had read Sirius’s thoughts. “I mean, what did I do? Wilkins is probably the reason I’m a werewolf! Probably figured he’d get rid of me fast since the Healers had suggested to my parents that they should put me to sleep like I was some dog, like I didn’t even matter enough to save… He’s already the reason for everything else… He’s the reason I was attacked… He was the one who sent me that stupid Christmas present… He’s the reason my brother’s dead… He’s the reason I’m sitting here losing my mind!”

A maniac glint had appeared in Remus’s eyes as he lamented every disaster that had befallen him since he was a little kid. It was all because of Wilkins that he had the life he had… It was because of Wilkins that he couldn’t be normal like he wanted to be. It was because of Wilkins that he spent most of his days watching his classmates go about their lives, while he stood there envying everything about them that wasn’t associated with evil. No one knew how jealous he was of these people and, most days, Remus was disgusted with himself for it, but other times, like right now, he wasn’t in the least bit. By being jealous of others, he felt normal.

---

True to his own word, when classes started up again, Remus found himself standing at his Transfiguration teacher’s desk after class. He had spent most of his time brooding on what defence techniques the professor could offer him and, so far, he had come up fruitless. He could only wonder and hope that it wasn’t too painful.

When James and Peter returned from the break, they had been only mildly surprised to hear that Remus had been taken ill due to a faulty gift from Wilkins. James explained that they both figured Wilkins would try something while the castle was practically empty and what better way to do it than with something as innocent as a Christmas present? But they were a little more shocked to hear Remus had been sick for the entire break; they thought it would only last a week at the most.

But, at the current moment, any feeling of illness Remus had was replaced with apprehension as he waited for Professor McGonagall to see him. She made it to her desk, only after clearing up a rather large mess created by James and Sirius as they levitated a cat across the room, spreading the fur to every inch of the area. She sat down at her desk, looked severely irritated, and nodded at Remus for him to pull up a chair.

“I know what you’re here about, Mr. Lupin,” she said almost at once. “After what Poppy told me happened to you over the holiday, I assumed you’d want to get a quicker start on this.”

“So, you’ll still help me?” Remus asked hopefully. He looked at the professor and saw that she looked highly reluctant. She knew that this was something her student needed to do. She had promised to help him, despite her better judgement. Remus never asked for anything from anyone, this was the only thing he asked, and someone owed it to him to allow it. And if that person had to be her… she was willing to do it.

“I will help you. Come to my office tomorrow night and we will begin. Be here at approximately six thirty.”

Remus could hardly help but grin at this. “Thank you, Professor!”

“I will warn you, if you want to achieve your goal, you must learn to not be frightened… that is the key to defeating a Fearnck. Now, I do not expect Professor Kettleburn will appreciate you being late to his class.”

Remus nodded and made his way out of the room, towards the Entrance Hall, where he saw James and Peter heading up to Divination as they finished whatever conversation they were having with Sirius. They smiled at Remus, but didn’t stop to talk, as they had a long way to go to the North Tower. Remus fell into step with Sirius, who was hesitating on whether he should ask about what McGonagall said. He didn’t want to seem as though he was being too nosey, however.

However, Remus was the one who started the talk about it. He recounted how Professor McGonagall would start training him the next night and how he had finally learnt the key to defeating Wilkins. He needed to believe that he wasn’t scared. He wasn’t exactly sure if he could do this; it sounded much easier said than done. Remus lapsed into silence as they made their way down the grounds towards the Forbidden Forest. He had been waiting all this time to learn what he had to do, but now that he knew it, he wasn’t sure about how he was going to go about this. You couldn’t just say that you were no longer afraid, you had to believe it.

Approaching the Forest, they saw Professor Kettleburn waiting for the class to fully assemble. Beside him was a crate and they groaned simultaneously, both thinking that the Flobberworms had returned. Luckily, the crate merely contained some meat for the school’s Thestral herd, according to the professor. None of the students even dared to ask what Thestrals were. They would be researching the characteristics of unicorns and, at the precise moment Kettleburn said it, two golden unicorns had come forward.

Professor Kettleburn warned the boys to stand back, as unicorns preferred the touch of a girl than that of a boy. So, Remus and Sirius stepped back with the other boys and watched interestedly as the girls went forward, as Professor Kettleburn explained the properties of unicorns to them. The golden unicorns were only foals and would not turn silver until they were two years old, and then would finally turn white at the age of seven. Remus, however, didn’t hear much else, as something had caught his eye down by the Forbidden Forest.

Moving away from the students, he saw that it was a vaguely familiar animal. He knew he had seen it before, but he wasn’t able to place it. It very much resembled a wolf; it was large and grey, with viciously golden eyes. Where had he seen it before? He stood there, staring blankly as the creature moved around behind the bushes, racking his brain for any possible encounter with a wolf such as this before. He absentmindedly sat down on the cold grass, rubbing the side of his head as he thought. He knew he had seen it before but he wasn’t sure where.

He tried to recall the last time he’d seen a wolf, aside from himself in werewolf form. In the back of his mind, he distinctly remembered one fateful day when he had glanced out the dormitory window as he was leaving to meet his friends on the grounds. He had seen a wolf running into the Forbidden Forest, but he hadn’t thought much of it at the time it really didn’t seem too strange. This had been on the day his brother died. He vaguely remembered James mentioning that he had seen a wolf, although he didn’t know if it was the same one, the day Remus was attacked.

It didn’t seem like anything to be worried about. After all, the woods were full of animals and wolves definitely were a part of it. But Remus still couldn’t repress the unsettling feeling that had found its way to his hands as they shook slightly. He turned around and tried to focus on the lesson before him, missing the fact that the wolf had emerged and was no longer a wolf…

Shaking his head, he ignored the questioning look he received from Sirius as he reappeared by his friend’s side. He watched lazily as the girls backed away from the unicorn, all of them looking positively thrilled. Remus chuckled lightly, trust girls to be over the moon for the something such as this. The class went on in the usual methods of Professor Kettleburn �“ observing the creature, copying notes about them, answering questions, and then the issuing of homework.

The class ended quite abruptly, once a rather small minded Ravenclaw boy decided to approach a nervous looking unicorn and it attempted to take the boy’s eye out with its hooves. Kettleburn hurried the remainder of the class away while he heavily reprimanded the boy, ranting about how he could have harmed them all. Remus was only too eager to leave the class, but he was not too eager to hear Sirius badger him about what he was looking at during the lesson.

Remus simply brushed his friend off once they made it to the Gryffindor common room to deposit their books. They had planned on meeting James down at the Quidditch Pitch to watch him practise, so they hurriedly pulled their cloaks on and joined up with Peter in the common room. They trooped down to the Pitch, shivering as the wind quickened its pace and turned bone chillingly cold. They didn’t mind though, it had to have been better than being up in the air like James was. But James didn’t mind, of course. He was the only person more insane about Quidditch than the captain.

Sitting on the bleachers, they watched intently as the Beaters slapped the Bludgers back and forth. Remus shrank back in his seat as he saw this; he doubted he would ever forget the Bludger that made its way to his head in the first match of the season. Luckily, the Bludgers were kept in control by the Beaters, so Remus focused his attention on the Chasers, who were vigorously passing the Quaffle back and forth in an attempt to confuse the Keeper. It worked well, as the Keeper dived to the left in a mad attempt to catch the Quaffle, but it went straight through the middle goal post. They cheered loudly as James made a spectacular goal and he characteristically punched his fist in the air.

As the practise was coming to an end, they were met with an unpleasant surprise in the stands. Coming up into the bleachers, was none other than Larry Wilkins. Sirius and Peter side glanced at Remus, who had immediately jerked his hand inside his robe pocket, which they knew contained his wand. He was prepared to use any hex in order to get away from this boy. Wilkins smiled meanly when he spotted the three friends and settled himself in a chair behind him, seemingly indicating that he was not going to bother them at all. Giving his friends a curious look, Remus shrugged and continued to watch the practise, though not letting his guard down for a moment.

They were sitting for only five minutes when Remus received a sharp jab in the back of his head. He whipped his head around, but Wilkins arms were folded across his chest and looked as if they had been there for at least five minutes. Hesitating for a moment or so, Remus slowly turned around and watched the remainder of the practise. Not even a full minute later, Remus felt the same sharp jab in the back of his head. He chose to ignore it this time, but could do so no longer when it happened a third… fourth… fifth time. Remus jumped out of his seat and rounded on the boy, who was sitting smugly in his chair as if he hadn’t done anything.

“What’s your problem?” he snarled, his eyes glaring furiously into Wilkins’.

Wilkins’ eyes widened in that maddening surprised look. “I think you’re the one with the problem to be honest,” he said simply.

“Will you stop hitting me in the back of the head?” Remus went on, choosing to ignore Wilkins’ last remark.

“I haven’t done anything.”

“Just leave me alone, for Merlin’s sake!” And without even waiting for his friends, Remus turned on his heel and dashed out of the stands. Sirius and Peter glared contemptuously at Wilkins. They knew that he had indeed been doing something or other that had irritated Remus, and followed him down to the grounds. Remus was going at an alarmingly fast pace and it was difficult to catch up with him.

“Remus!” Sirius panted, as he and Peter finally fell into step with Remus, only after he slowed down.

“God, I hate that kid!” Remus growled, kicking a stone that was lying innocently in his path.

“We noticed,” Peter said pointedly. “He’s just being a jerk right now; you should just leave it.”

Remus nodded, seeming to calm down a mite at Peter’s words. His shoulders relaxed and his pace became normal, as well as his formerly unsteady breathing.

“I can’t wait until tomorrow night when McGonagall starts to help me,” was all he said before he lapsed into silence, a silence that didn’t end until the next morning.

---

So, at exactly six thirty the following evening, Remus found himself standing outside Transfiguration professor’s office door, knocking quite loudly on it. It was only thirty seconds before the door swung open, revealing a rather harassed looking Professor McGonagall. Remus knew she was not doing this in her right mind, and he knew that she was apprehensive about it. But, when she spoke, she sounded as cool as any.

“A bit anxious, are we?” she stated, pointing out Remus’s sharp knocks.

Remus grinned sheepishly; it wasn’t untrue that he was anxious. He didn’t think his heart had ever beat this fast. Professor McGonagall stepped aside and let him inside. She closed the door and watched as Remus observed the room. Remus didn’t know exactly what to expect; he definitely didn’t expect to see the room completely devoid of anything that looked like a defence mechanism. He had thought there might be something there, something he’d never seen before because, after all, he had never dealt with a Fearnck before.

“All you need is your wand,” Professor McGonagall said when she saw his puzzlement. “And this is all else we will need.” The professor gestured to a box that Remus had simply taken for a trinket. Now, as he moved closer to it, he noticed that it was far from a trinket. It was a large rectangular box that glowed fierce neon blue, and the colour only increased as Remus stepped closer. It was decorated with three dimensional vines twisting in every direction, covering practically every inch of the box. Remus looked around for a lid, but found that there was none.

“You cannot open it until you have completely conquered your fears,” Professor McGonagall explained.

“What’s inside it?” Remus asked, rounding on the professor.

“A wish,” she explained, running a finger along one of the vines. “Defeating a Fearnck is a very difficult task indeed, and anyone able to do it is deserving of their fondest wish.”

“Anything?” Remus repeated, thinking this was too good to be true and, of course, it was.

“Well, not everything,” Professor McGonagall corrected. “It is cruel, but not even this box here can raise the dead. I know that is what you want, is it not?”

Remus nodded, hanging his head slightly. He knew that he couldn’t bring his brother back, but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t try.

“Now, you noticed that the glow emitting from it increased when you went closer?” Professor McGonagall continued, taking a seat and motioning for Remus to do the same. Remus nodded as he sat down. “That is how strong Wilkins is, and it grew because Wilkins is a part of you. Wilkins is all of the strength that you should have, except the strength isn’t being used for good. The glow will only decrease when you’ve learnt to master your fear. This glow, in a way, also symbolizes your fear because, as you progress in your training, the light will decrease in intensity. But, only when Wilkins is truly gone, will it cease to exist.”

“So, basically this box is like a bribe?” Remus questioned, the majority of his thoughts still on his wish. He didn’t know what it would be now. He’d love for it to be that he couldn’t be a werewolf but, for some odd and unexplainable reason, he found his longing for it wasn’t as strong as it should be.

“Well, in a matter of speaking, I suppose,” the professor conceded. “Now, there is no exact incantation for this task. There are, however, certain phrases that you can use to help increase your power. The key to defeating a Fearnck, as I told you yesterday, is belief. If you merely say it, but you do not believe it, we will be wasting our time. And, Mr. Lupin, I am not willing to waste my time if you are not willing to believe.”

“I’m willing to do it,” Remus said at once, straightening up in his chair. “I’ll do anything I have to.”

“Then we will not hesitate at all,” the professor said, standing up and striding over in the direction of the box. “Now please take out your wand, Mr. Lupin.”

Remus followed Professor McGonagall over, pulling his wand out in the process. He wasn’t very sure how he was supposed to hold it, or move it, so he merely held it in front of his body in a very tight grip, staring determinedly at the box. “Now, what are you most afraid of?”

Remus was silent as he thought through his numerous fears. If this had been any other time, it would have been the fear of being attacked in such a brutal way, but, now that it had already occurred, he wasn’t as afraid. He thought of his family, Lucy in particular. If anything happened to her… She was so young… she’d hardly had a chance to live. He would never allow anything life threatening to happen to her.

“Right now… I guess it’d be something bad happening to my little sister,” he confessed, blinking as the light increased.

“Wilkins has just learnt a new fear, his strength is growing,” Professor McGonagall said, a hint of worry in her voice. “You must conquer this fear before he is able to execute it.”

Remus’s heart plummeted painfully. How was he able to suppress the horrible fright of losing his little sister, a girl who would only be six in a short while? The neon blue glow grew further as he thought in this manner and his stomach knotted. What was he getting himself into…?

“Concentrate, Remus,” Professor McGonagall instructed, sensing that Remus was being to doubt himself. Remus nodded, swallowing hard as his mouth went dry. He closed his eyes, focusing determinedly on the thought of his sister’s future, a future she had to see. She would be going to Hogwarts… Her best subject would be Charms… She could even be on the Quidditch team that he had failed to get on. She had so much to live up to, and she was going to live up to it. Wilkins wasn’t going to take that away from her, Remus wouldn’t allow it.

“He’s not going to do anything to her,” Remus muttered forcefully.

“Do you believe it?” the professor asked, almost in a way of suggesting that she was egging him on.

“Yes,” Remus said, his wand beginning to emit a green glow. He chanced taking a look at McGonagall, only to see that she was smiling. Wilkins wasn’t going to do anything to Lucy… he wouldn’t… But he already took away Blake…. Who was to say he wouldn’t do it again? He could just wake up the next morning and discover that his little sister had been murdered in her sleep. The green glow quickly disappeared, as well as the smile from McGonagall.

“Don’t think that way, Remus,” she said. She knew what thought had crept into his mind; she knew that he was already beginning to doubt himself. “You love your sister; you would do anything to help her.”

“I would…” Remus mumbled slowly. “I’d do anything… he just can’t keep taking them away from me. He can’t keep taking away my family.” If he let this persist he might be all alone by the time it was over… He could wake up and be completely alone, an orphan. All of the sudden a rage had swept over Remus, a protective wave, one that egged him on, making him believe himself, the green glow overpowering the blue. The rage was so strong, so powerful, that he shouted, “I won’t let him!” He felt his wand arm shaking madly as he concentrated; he was overcome by the rage. He really believed that he could save his sister if he had to.

And, despite that he believed himself, that he would not allow Wilkins to take another innocent life, Remus found himself suddenly on the floor, a loud ringing piercing his ears and a searing pain above his right eye. He scrunched his eyes shut, as the ringing grew louder and louder, the pain increasing. He could barely make out Professor McGonagall’s congratulations, saying that he had robbed Wilkins of the power he had just gained.

Slowly the ringing ceased and Remus found himself being hauled into a chair. He rested his forehead in his hand as he tried to regain his composure. He had felt a feeling he had never felt before. He had felt as though nothing could beat him, nothing to scare him, and then that painful ringing took over. The pain had snatched away any such feeling, but, as he gazed at the once dangerously glowing box, he noticed that the illumination had decreased somewhat. He stared around the room to see that Professor McGonagall was going to pack away the box, making him think that he had done something wrong.

“What did I do?” Remus asked sleepily. He felt drained of all of his energy. “I messed up, didn’t it?”

“No, not at all,” Professor McGonagall said, disbelievingly. “It was perfect. You allowed yourself to give in to that rage that came over you. The rage that told you you would succeed. I’m sure you noticed the box is glowing less now, a sign that you’ve accomplished something. I simply think that this was enough for one night. This should never be taken so lightly. You must rest before you try again. Get a good night’s rest and be at my office the same time tomorrow night.” Remus nodded, shakily getting to his feet, his legs like jelly. “You have taken this piece of information away from Wilkins, as long as you remain to believe it.”

Remus stood at the doorway for a moment, his eyes lingering on the spot where the box had been. It was so strange for him to think that one small box could hold the key to his future, and all because of a wish he was allowed to make. He wanted so much for this to happen, but he was torn between what he wanted. He knew that, once Wilkins was gone, James, Sirius and Peter would probably not be able to recall that they had become friends. He didn’t want life to return to the way it had been. Then there was his overpowering desire to be normal… to be free of the werewolf blood that had tainted his blood for nearly ten years.

Which did he want more? Did he want friends or a life without the monthly pain? He didn’t know… Then his mind wandered to the Marauders’ Map. Sirius had made it so they would remember that, at one point in their lives, they had been friends, almost brothers. If Remus simply showed this map to his friends, perhaps that would trigger something in their memory and, if not, maybe he could return to life as it had been. What he really wanted was to be normal again, to not have to deal with the plague of being a werewolf… Words couldn’t describe his longing for it.

“Good night, Remus,” Professor McGonagall said when she saw him still standing in the doorway.

Remus jerked away from his thoughts and looked at the professor. “’Night, Professor,” he said tiredly. Turning around, he made his way up the torch lit corridors with only a single thought it his mind �“ maybe he could do it… maybe he could defeat Wilkins… Maybe he could get his life back.

Chapter Fifteen
- Happy Birthday to our favorite Furry Friend! -

Chapter Fifteen As the months progressed, the defence lessons with Professor McGonagall had really taken a toll on Remus. Every night he would return to the common room, literally dropping with exhaustion. It was so bad that one time James and Sirius had to hitch Remus up by his arms and drag him to the dormitory. Everyone knew that something was wrong with him, but no one dared question him. He wasn’t able to comprehend anything that was said to him, let alone the lessons he was still forced to take. In Transfiguration he was not exempt from the back breaking lessons for the pure fact that McGonagall wanted to act as though there was nothing unusual happening. Remus agreed with her, he did not want people to know what he was fighting against.

He had been making progress at first. He had been able to rid Wilkins power over his fear of fires (which took about two weeks to achieve) and his fear of drowning (which took even longer). But he still had a long way to go; he had too many fears to rid himself of in two months’ time. Professor McGonagall also proved to be a harsher teacher in this subject rather than in the actual classroom. When Remus asked her why she was, she merely said that this was more important than Transfiguration. So every night Remus would stumble into the dormitory, and fall down on his bed, the ringing still persisting in his ears, even if he hadn’t accomplished anything.

When the month of March rolled around, Remus found himself surprised to see that he had even made it this far with nothing bad happening. Wilkins had seemed to have calmed down for the time being, though Remus normally would consider this as ominous being that. In the stereotypical horror movie situation, every time the murderer or monster went into hiding, so to speak, it was usually because they were plotting. And he was absolutely right, although he didn’t find this out until mid March.

Remus was never really fond of the month of March, despite the fact that it contained a very important day for him. For an extremely good reason, Remus was usually very slow and not as happy in this month. It served as a reminder of both something terrible, and something wonderful. This month held the day he was bitten by the werewolf, and March 10th, his fourteenth birthday. This year, however, Remus had completely forgotten this day. So on the morning of his birthday, he could honestly say that he was highly shocked to find James and Sirius standing on the footboard of his bed, hanging off the pillars holding up the hangings.

He stared at them for a few minutes, fathoming all of the possible reasons they could be the way they were, until they started singing. Remus rolled his eyes, turned onto his stomach, buried his face in his pillow and yelled that it was too early for them to wreck his hearing.

James and Sirius immediately ceased singing and, instead, took on nearly identical looks of insult.

“I am offended, Sirius,” James said in a voice full of mock superiority.

“As am I, James,” Sirius said in the same voice. “What should we do about this?”

“Go and annoy Peter instead?” Remus suggested, coming out from his pillow and jerking his head towards the still slumbering boy. “Or Frank?” he nodded his head in the opposite direction towards Frank Longbottom.

“Oh, but they’re no fun!” James said, losing his superior voice and adopting a whiny one this time.

“Yeah!” Sirius shouted, losing his footing on the board and falling onto the foot of Remus’s bed, causing the front of the mattress to move up slightly. “Sorry, mate,” he said apologetically. “And it’s not their birthday!”

“If it’s my birthday, then let me sleep!” Remus argued, knowing that it was pointless. James and Sirius had too much energy in them and this was their way of letting it out.

“No, sorry, can’t do that now that we’ve got you up,” James said dismissively, hopping onto the floor, Sirius doing the same and joining James at his side. Remus raised an eyebrow at the two, wondering what they had up their sleeves. In almost split second timing, James and Sirius had grabbed Remus’s feet, giving him no time to react or pull them out of their grasp, and quickly pulled him off his bed, onto the floor.

Remus landed with a soft thud on his bottom and glared at the two boys who had deprived him of his sleep. “Saturdays are usually used for sleeping in,” he pointed out, motioning to the clock on his nightstand, the luminous red digits reading eight thirty.

“Yeah, well, it’s not every Saturday that one of our mates turns fourteen,” Sirius argued.

“You guys aren’t going to leave me alone unless I get up, right?” Remus said, knowing a lost cause when he saw one.

“Basically, yeah.”

Remus groaned in defeat and stood up off the dusty floor, straightening out his shirt. James and Sirius gave each other a high five from behind their backs as they watched Remus go grudgingly to his trunk to pull out some clothes.

“You guys need to learn how to sleep,” he muttered as he passed them.

James and Sirius simultaneously smiled proudly and James hurried forward, taking the liberty of placing his hands between Remus’s shoulder blades, pushing him into the bathroom. They waited patiently for Remus to come out, knowing without a doubt that he was deliberately taking his time. Peter woke up within Remus’s time in the bathroom and when he saw his two friends standing there, looking content with themselves, he smiled knowingly and looked towards the bathroom door.

“You guys are mean,” he stated, a trace of hilarity in his voice.

Remus came out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later, fully dressed with a disgruntled expression on his face. “You three know that I hardly sleep on a regular basis, don’t you?” he questioned, rounding on his friends.

“Yes,” James answered lazily.

“Okay, now can you explain to me why you couldn’t possibly wait two more hours to wake me up?”

“We want you to make the fullest of your birthday,” James explained.

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed, nodding his head enthusiastically. “And there was no way you could do that in your bed where-”

“Where I was nice and comfortable?” Remus interjected.

“- where you we incapable of having any fun at all,” Sirius finished as though he hadn’t been interrupted.

“So Sirius and I thought to ourselves.”

“‘How can we make sure Remus has the best birthday he’s ever had?’”

“And then it came to us!”

“Like a bolt of lightning from heaven or something.”

“We wake him up at the crack of dawn!”

“Although we decided to wake you up a little later because waking you up at five in the morning is a little mean.”

“So we held off until eight.”

“How very kind of you,” Remus said sarcastically.

“Yes we were extremely thoughtful, don’t you agree?” James said smugly.

“Is there a point to this?”

“Of course there is! I have never been so offended in my life.”

“Not again,” Remus said, placing his face in his hand.

“Okay, we’ll stop,” Sirius said.

Peter came forward and shook his head at James and Sirius. “At least I was considerate and didn’t wake him up like that,” he said pompously.

“Ah can it, Pettigrew,” James said playfully, shaking his friend in the shoulder. “Now, I believe we have a little surprise for you waiting in the Great Hall.”

Remus looked at them skeptically - surprises made by James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were hardly ever less than disastrous. Still, he merely shrugged his shoulders and followed the three out of the dormitory, through the empty common room (Remus looking around, thinking enviously of those sound asleep in their beds) and down to the Great Hall, which was considerably full for this time of morning.

Remus glanced around; searching for the source of the surprise, but everything looked as it usually was. There seemed to be nothing unusual about the atmosphere. Remus took his seat at the Gryffindor Table with James, Sirius and Peter, and waited patiently, loading his plate with scrambled eggs and bacon in the meantime. His mind still partly on what they were planning, he brought up the subject of Quidditch, which was enough to indulge them in conversation for a good ten minutes, veering their minds off what was going to happen.

As they were discussing Gryffindor’s chances of making it to the finals this year (after Slytherin’s stunning lose to Hufflepuff in the match at the beginning of the week) when there was a loud cracking sound, much like a House Elf appearing.

“What was that?” Remus asked, despite the fact that he had an idea.

James, feigning a look of utter shock, jerked his head in the direction of the Slytherin Table and saw that a large neon sign had erupted out of one of the bowls of porridge. It read Happy Birthday to our Favourite Furry Friend!

Remus stared at the sign, his mouth hanging open; they were out of their minds! “‘Furry Friend?’” he said incredulously.

“Well, we wanted to be vague,” James elaborated, looking at the sign fondly. The Great Hall was still looking at it, not quite over the shock of seeing it appear out of nowhere. It appeared the James was right in being vague. No one had the faintest idea about who this furry friend was.

“So I’m your furry friend now?” Remus went on, unable to tear his eyes away from the neon glow.

“Yes, you and your furry little problem.”

“My furry little problem? Well there’s one way of putting it.”

“Ah come on, Remus!” Sirius said happily, slapping his friend on the back. “It’s your birthday! Have some fun! Eat more than two helpings of eggs, have seven!” And before Remus could even say he was full, Sirius had dumped five more servings onto Remus’s plate. Remus looked mildly revolted at the large mound of scrambled eggs on his plate, and his expression only deepened when Sirius added twice as much ketchup to it.

“Am I supposed to eat that?” he questioned disbelievingly.

“What? Do my efforts go unappreciated?” Sirius gasped, looking taken aback.

“I have to agree with Remus on this one,” Peter said, wearing the same look as his friend. “That looks disgusting.”

“Finally, someone with some sense!” Remus exclaimed, looking relieved.

They spent the remainder of breakfast waiting for Remus to finish his breakfast, as Sirius refused to budge until every scrap of eggs was in his friend’s stomach. By the time he was finished, Remus looked as white as an eggshell.

“If I’m not sick by tonight, it’ll be a miracle,” Remus commented as the four made their way outside into the Entrance Hall. A voice stopped them as they were walking in the direction of the giant oak double doors.

“Clever display, boys.” The four wheeled around to see Professor Dumbledore standing behind them, the usual twinkle in his eye, and an amused appearance on his face. “I suppose that’s your new term for Mr. Lupin’s lycanthropy?” he assumed, glancing at James, Sirius and Peter.

“Well it’s catchy,” James said reasonably.

“Indeed it is,” Dumbledore agreed, nodding his head. “Well, I must be off. Rumor has it that Professor Slughorn is arranging one of his parties and requires my assistance. Have a happy birthday, Remus,” and, with that, he swept away back into the Great Hall.

“See, even Dumbledore thought it was funny,” Sirius stated with an air of finality in his voice. “Anyway,” he went on as they stepped out into the cool March air. “Another one of Sluggy’s parties? Gag me, James.”

“With pleasure,” James consented.

“What do you even do at those things?” Remus asked curiously, as he had never been to one, nor did he ever intend to go to one.

“Basically we’re tormented by listening to Slughorn talk about how he has all these connections with high up people. Those are usually the kinds of people he invites. You know, people who have rich mums and dads or other relatives. Some students he finds charming, or at least he does with Evans, and others are exceptionally talented, as he puts it -”

“Gee, that makes me feel so special,” Remus snarled sardonically.

“Don’t worry about it, Remus,” James said quickly. “You’re better than half the people he invites. I mean, come on! He invited Snape, can’t be that great, can it?”

“I suppose not,” Remus concurred, lightening up somewhat. He smiled broadly, recalling the time in February when they had jinxed three snowballs to follow Snape throughout the castle constantly, bounding off the top of his head until they saw it fit to lift the charm. They spent nearly that entire day following Snape around and waving their wands to increase the speed of the possessed snowballs.

“That was nice, wasn’t it?” Sirius said casually as they passed Snape as he made his way back into the castle.

“Brilliant,” Peter consented.

“Not our best, but definitely not our worst,” James agreed. They made their way towards a large beech tree next to the lake and made themselves comfortable on the grass. They watched lazily as the Giant Squid propelled itself across the lake, raising large ripples in the water. James picked up a rock and skipped it across the lake, accidentally hitting the squid and having it chucked back at him as he quickly moved his head out of the way.

“Ow!” Sirius said, rubbing the spot where the rock had hit him. “Stupid squid,” he added, throwing it back into the water.

“So,” James went on, rubbing his hands together. “What should we do today?” He looked over at Remus, hoping he would suggest something. “Remus?” he asked. “It’s your day, you decide what to do.”

“As long as it doesn’t involve studying or anything like that,” Sirius interjected quickly.

“Don’t worry,” Remus assured him. “I’m not that crazy.”

“Good,” Peter said, relieved. “So, have any ideas?”

“No, not really.”

“Remus!” James cried, pushing his friend sideways. “I’ll think of something then.” He jumped up and rubbed his chin thoughtfully, staring at the grass as though it would provide him with an answer. Meanwhile, while James was fathoming the many depths of his mind, Sirius began singing.

“Happy birthday to you!” he sang, purposely straining his voice until it sounded so bad Remus swore his ears began to bleed. “You belong in a zoo!”

“Hey!” Remus snapped.

“Well, not literally,” Sirius apologised. He stood up and began mimicking James in his thinking, rubbing his chin and staring at the ground. Suddenly James stopped pacing, gestured for Peter to come over and the three huddled together. Remus watched them interestedly, wondering what they were concocting, knowing that it had something to do with him. They stood that way for five minutes, discussing the many possibilities of their plan, talking in hushed voices.

After five minutes, James yelled out, in a football like manner, “break!” The three broke out of their circle and rounded on Remus, who was resting sluggishly against the tree trunk.

“Tell you what, Remus,” Sirius said in a business fashion. “You wait for an hour or so, and we’ll meet you back here.”

“You’re just leaving me by myself?” Remus said skeptically.

“Basically, yeah,” James said. “We’ll be back!” The three boys turned around and dashed back up to the castle at top speed.

Remus watched them go, feeling slightly disappointed. He knew they were planning something, but he didn’t want to be left by himself on today of all days. Remus usually never thought much about his birthday, as he wasn’t able to spend it with his family. Mostly, Blake would try to make a big deal about it, especially the year before when he turned thirteen. Though he wasn’t able to do much, he had made a small celebration out on the grounds, with the help of Hagrid, the school’s gamekeeper.

Remus rested his head on the tree trunk and closed his eyes, beginning to drift off to sleep. He knew he’d be feeling a little sad the day of his birthday, since this was the first time his brother wouldn’t be there to spend it with him, but he was surprised at how well he was taking it. He had only thought about it once that day, and it was a moment ago. Still, it was quite early, only about nine thirty, he wondered if his mood would persist throughout the day. He wouldn’t mind if it did because Blake would want that, and he really didn’t want to spend his fourteenth birthday upset.

Unfortunately, someone had strayed across his path that sent his mood into a downward spiral. He had heard someone crunching over the rocks near the lake and he opened his eyes to see who it was. Immediately he recognised the boy, although he didn’t look as strong or as witty as he usually did. He looked somewhat weakened, a sight that overjoyed Remus. Even so, why did Larry Wilkins have to choose this spot, of all spots, to be today?

“Hey, Lupin!” he said in a mock cheery voice. “Or should I say Furry Friend? Wonderful display your friends put on. Too bad they ditched you.”

“Stuff it, Wilkins,” Remus snarled. He was not in any mood to put up with the likes of this kid. “My friends haven’t ditched me; they said they’d be back soon.”

Wilkins rolled his eyes at this, obviously doubting that the three boys would be returning soon. “I guess they’re planning something nice for your birthday?” he inquired, folding his arms across his chest. “Nice… Your birthday might not end very well; you should enjoy it while you still can.”

Wilkins had spoken this all in a matter of fact voice, as though he was merely stating that the grass needed trimming. Remus was quiet for a moment, processing what had just been said to him. What was this boy doing? Something bad was going to happen… something that involved his friends. Before he even knew what he was doing, Remus had grabbed Wilkins by the neck of his robes and pushed him against the tree trunk. He didn’t need his wand… he had his hands and his hands could cause just about as much pain.

“What the hell are you going to do,” Remus growled fiercely, only to earn himself a set of raucous laughing from the Slytherin standing before him.

“What are you talking about?” he managed to say through his laughs. “I’m not going to do anything to them!”

“Then what are you going on about?”

“I just love to see you get all worked up over nothing.”

“Over nothing? You think threatening people is nothing?”

“Ah, Lupin, you really need to calm down a bit… All that stress can’t be good for your health.” Wilkins used all of his strength, as Remus was not too eager to let him go and shoved him backwards onto the ground. He strolled away as if nothing had happened.

Remus watched him go, his heart thumping madly against his chest as he did so. No matter what that kid told him… no matter what lies he said… Remus wasn’t going to believe him. He was up to something.

“Remus!” said a new voice that caused him to jump about a mile off the ground. He jammed his hand in the pocket that contained his wand and spun around, only to see his friends approaching, looking rather pleased with themselves. He relaxed slightly and waited for them to meet him.

“Alright, Lupy?” Sirius asked, using a new nickname he had just recently created.

“Fine,” Remus lied coolly. “So are you finished with whatever you were doing?”

“Indeed we are,” Sirius said, with a swagger in his voice.

“If you will kindly follow us to the Gryffindor common room, Mr. Lupin?” James held out his elbow for Remus to take, which he did in a joking manner. James pulled Remus all the way up the grassy slope towards the giant oak double doors leading into the castle, with Sirius and Peter at their heels. Remus pondered what they had created up in the common room, but his question was quickly answered as James forced him into a sprint up to Gryffindor Tower and through the portrait of the Fat Lady.

The moment they entered the common room they were met with a deafening explosion and a blinding mix of colours. Once the smoke cleared, all the while Remus trying to wave it out of his face and asking if his friends had robbed Zonkos’ while they were gone, he was able to see what his friend had been cooking up. They had completely cleared out the common room for the day, telling everyone that they’d make it up by treating all of the upper Gryffindor House to free butterbeers on the next trip to Hogsmeade. They then spent their time decorating and getting as many sweets as they could nick from the kitchens and from, unless Remus’s eyes were cheating him, Honeydukes.

“Well, Remus Lupin,” James said, in a game show host voice. “Welcome to… your fourteenth birthday party!”

“Yeah, you old fart!” Sirius added jovially.

“Quiet, Sirius, you’re only a month younger than me,” Remus reminded.

They spent the rest of the day on a sugar rush, having eaten every kind of sweet ranging from cake to chocolate. By the time they were finished, they not only had about five cavities each, they were also sick to their stomachs, but were too frenzied to even notice it. Remus chased James about the common room with his wand after James, on a whim as he said, decided to extend the length of his friend’s hair, making it go all the way down to his waist. Once he got it back to its original length, Remus contented himself by sitting in an armchair and ripping apart the wrapping paper on the present Sirius had given him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this kid so hyper,” James commentated in a sentimental voice.

“We’ve done our job, Potter,” Sirius proclaimed, slapping James on the shoulder.

Remus pulled his present out of the paper and observed it for a moment, his eyebrows raised even though he knew quite well what it was. He set it down on the table before him and rounded on Sirius. “You gave me dentures, you git!” he shouted, though not angrily.

Sirius nodded conceitedly and ducked as Remus went to shove him.

Remus’s other presents were far more pleasing than the pair of dentures, although Remus put them in a place of honour �“ on his nightstand with a piece of parchment beside it that mentioned they would one day belong to Sirius. James had given him a book about the different magical sites throughout the world. Peter had given him a self-charting lunar calendar, which proved to be very handy, and also had a device built in so the calendar could disguise itself at will. From his parents he received the usual birthday cake, which was demolished in ten seconds flat by the four boys, despite the fact that they’d already eaten twenty pounds of sweets each. They also gave him a grey jumper with a dragon embellished on it and a set of Gobstones.

By the time they were through with the festivities, the common room looked as though another ten boxes of fireworks had shot off when, in reality, it was only two. Using a few nifty spells, they managed to get the common room perfectly spotless and just in time, as the moment they were through bringing everything upstairs and clearing out the smoke from the fireworks, Professor McGonagall strolled in, a serious expression etched onto her face. This was not good; Professor McGonagall never visited the common room, even if she was the Head of Gryffindor.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter exchanged worried looks; they hadn’t done something wrong, had they? Perhaps a birthday party was a little too much? After all, they had spent a long time cleaning up… But Dumbledore always seemed to approve of these things. Professor McGonagall apparently sensed their worry, as she immediately assured them that they were not in trouble.

“Mr. Lupin?” she said, gesturing for Remus to follow her. She led him outside of the portrait hole, leaving his three friends confused. Remus never got in trouble… It couldn’t have been for a detention that he was being pulled out by a professor. Remus stared at the back of the professor’s hat, scared to even think about why she needed to talk to him. Maybe it wasn’t for something bad. Maybe she was just canceling their next defence lesson? Or maybe he had received a bad grade on his homework? That wasn’t life shattering; he could live with one bad grade.

They had stopped at the end of the hallway when Professor McGonagall turned around and looked him straight in the eye. “I’ve just received an owl from your father,” she began in a voice quite unlike the one she usually used. This voice was not stern or impatient, it was sympathetic, the voice she had used when Blake died…

Remus’s stomach clenched instantly. This isn’t happening, he told himself firmly, I’m overreacting. “What did it say?” he asked tentatively.

“Well, there’s been a… a disruption at your house,” she explained, choosing her words carefully so as to help soften the blow.

“What kind of disruption?”

“There was a fire, a large one, considerably out of control… No one was killed,” she added quickly when she saw the look on her student’s face.

This wasn’t happening… Remus had conquered his fear of fire! “But I’m not scared of fire!” he blurted out.

“That doesn’t matter; it’s just the fact of what else you were afraid of.”

“Is everyone okay?”

“Not exactly. Your house, for one, was destroyed. There is nothing that can be done for it, even with magic.”

Remus’s face paled. His house was completely and irreversibly destroyed. But what about the people who lived in it? “What about my family?” he asked, dreading the response he would get.

“Your older sister was at work so she’s fine.” Remus sighed in relief, one person down. “Your father and younger sister managed to escape with fairly minor wounds; they will have to spend a day or so in St. Mungo’s, however.” Remus nodded again. “Your mother… your mother, she was right in the thick of it.”

“What happened?” Remus said in a voice no louder than a whisper. There was no way he was losing his mother… no way! He had already lost his brother; he wasn’t losing anyone else, especially his mother.

“She’s not doing well, Remus. The Healers don’t know what else they could do.”

“She’s not going to make it, then?”

“They don’t know, Remus. I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this.” She nodded silently at him and retreated down the hallway.

Remus slid down the wall and held his forehead in his hand. How was this happening? He thought that he had gotten rid of his fear of fire… How could a fire have taken away his home? Now it was going to take away his mother. It was his fault… His mother was going to die and it was going to be his fault.

Happy birthday Remus…

Chapter Sixteen
- He had read it in a book once that no one should be too quick to hand out this judgement, but Remus couldn't help himself. -

Remus didn’t know how long he had sat in the deserted hallway that Professor McGonagall had left him in. It may have been minutes, hours, or even days before he even decided on moving. He sat there, his face in his hands, not crying, but his shoulders heaved as he breathed irregularly, making it seem as if he were sobbing. His mind was reeling painfully as the conversation he’d just had kept replaying; he was unable to stop it. How was this happening? His mother was going to die… she was going to die! First his brother, now his mother… who was it going to be next? His father? Cassie? Lucy? Perhaps his friends?

He couldn’t take this; he didn’t even need to wait for all of his worst fears to occur before he went mad, losing his mother would be enough. The woman who brought him into this world was going to leave it so quickly. He knew it was only natural for a child to outlive their parents, but it was not natural for the parent to be taken out of their child’s life so early, and in such a way. He couldn’t even try to block out the images that had kept creeping into his mind… horrible images that were scarring even if they weren’t exactly what happened. He could see his mother standing in one of the rooms of the house, her bedroom possibly, trying to get out but there were flames blocking the doors, and she couldn’t even climb out the window because it was such a long drop. All of the visions kept haunting his mind.

“There he is,” said a relieved voice coming from close by.

Remus didn’t bother to look up, but heard the footsteps pounding in his direction, three sets of footsteps to be exact. His friends had found him.

“Remus,” Sirius said, stooping down beside him. “What’d McGonagall want?” Remus shook his head madly, mumbling utter nonsense to his friends. “Excuse me?” Sirius asked again, unable to understand him.

“Was it bad?” James asked quietly. The expression he had seen on the Transfiguration teacher’s face when she came into the common room was unforgettable, she looked so sad. He had hardly ever seen her look like that, normally she wore a stern and disciplined expression.

“If you call a fire at my house bad, then yes,” Remus finally managed to say through his hands. His friends paled upon hearing this; they could only imagine what was going to come next.

“What about your family?” Peter asked concernedly. “Are they okay?”

“My older sister is, she wasn’t at home,” Remus replied, removing his hands from his face and folding them around his knees. “My dad and my little sister have to spend a day or so at St. Mungo’s, so they’re going to be okay. But McGonagall said that the Healers said that my mum… she’s probably… she’s probably going to die.”

His friends didn’t know what to say to this. Remus had already lost his brother, now his mother was going to be added to the list. They could only hope that there was something that could be done for her, a small ray of hope that a miracle could take place and save her life. James put a hand on Remus’s shoulder, all the while shaking his head in disbelief. No one deserved so many bad things to happen in their life, especially Remus Lupin.

“But there’s hope, isn’t there?” Sirius said suddenly. “The Healers might be able to save her.”

Remus sighed and rubbed his forehead tiredly. It was amazing that only a mere hour ago he and his friends had been having the time of their lives, celebrating his fourteenth birthday, without a care in the world. Now they were standing in a vacant hallway, three of them having just listened to the fourth, who had just received the most awful news possible. His mother was going to die. This worst birthday present a child could receive.

“Come on, Remus,” James said, sliding his arm under Remus’s and pulling him up. Remus stumbled slightly as he stood up, but James managed to steady him before he fell. “Let’s go back to the common room.”

Remus nodded, unsure of what else he could do at the moment. His head was hammering painfully; it felt as though an iron clad fist had clenched itself upon his stomach, making him positively sick. James looked at Sirius and Peter, jerked his head down the hallway, and they led the way back to Gryffindor Tower.

They were silent the whole walk back, no one knowing what to say that could make Remus feel better. What could someone possibly say to their friend whose mother was just seriously injured in a full scale fire? They couldn’t think of anything, no words of comfort, absolutely nothing.

They entered the third year common room to see Frank Longbottom sitting on his bed, reading a book. He looked up when he saw them come in and smiled, wishing Remus a happy birthday.

“Thanks,” Remus replied distantly, not looking at his fellow Gryffindor.

Frank looked questioningly at James, Sirius and Peter. Peter and Sirius shoved James in his direction, muttering for him to explain while they worked on Remus. However, when they turned to Remus’s bed, they saw that he had pulled the hangings around, a sign that he didn’t want to be bothered at the moment. Sirius and Peter exchanged glances, both thinking the same thing - if this had been any ordinary day, they would have ripped the hangings down. But this was not an ordinary day and those hangings were up for a reason.

Remus felt betrayed, not by his friends or his family, he felt betrayed by the world in itself. He thought that everyone was out to get him, that everyone wanted nothing more than to cause him misery. He felt that his life was nothing more than one disappointment and one disaster after another, and honestly, no one could even blame him for thinking in such a way. He had hardly had a chance to live the life a boy was supposed to live. He had been robbed of a childhood because of Fenrir Greyback. He had never had any friends because of what he was, his brother had been snatched from his life and now his mother was about to suffer the same fate.

James came back over to Sirius and Peter once he finished explaining the situation to Frank, who, stony faced and silent, left the dormitory in order to give them time to try and console Remus. Sirius jerked his head over to the bed to show James that Remus clearly didn’t want to talk at the moment. But, unlike his two friends, James didn’t take that as a reason to stop from talking to him.

James edged over and tapping on the hangings. “Remus?” he said, shaking the hangings.

“Yes?” came Remus’s quiet voice from the other side.

“Do you want to talk at all?”

“Not really.”

James shrugged at Sirius and Peter, who also shrugged in response. If Remus didn’t want to talk then they weren’t going to force him to.

“Well,” James said, turning back towards the bed. “If you want to, we’re going to be down in the common room, all right?”

“Yeah… okay.” Remus listened as he heard his friends’ footsteps retreat to the door and listened as the door shut. Rolling over onto his back, he stared up at the ceiling, his mind moving so fast that he could hardly keep track of what he was thinking. When was he going to get to see his mother? The Easter break wasn’t for another few weeks and by then it might be too late. He wanted to see her and yet Professor McGonagall made no mention of seeing if that could be arranged. Why didn’t she just tell him right there if he could or not? In his anger, Remus took the inkbottle he had been holding and flung it to the floor, not flinching when it shattered.

He hated his life, at this time he really did hate his life. He couldn’t even try to describe his hatred for it, for all of the pain he’d had to endure; there was no word in his vocabulary that would suffice. He was sick and tired of always hearing bad news, never good news. Why couldn’t the message he received from his professor be good? But no, it had to be that his house had been burnt to ashes and his family was in St. Mungo’s. He was tired of always crying about it, as he was at the moment, he couldn’t take it as a man. If he could then he wouldn’t be sitting there, his face wet and his shoulders trembling. Instead he would be saying that he was going to kill Wilkins once and for all, for causing this, but he didn’t have the heart to… he just didn’t.

---

As it turned out, Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore had arranged it with the Ministry to temporarily link the Gryffindor common room fire to one in St. Mungo’s so Remus would be able to Floo there the following morning. He stood outside the fire, looking into its luminous depths, hesitating before throwing the powder in. He was afraid of what he might see when he came out the other end. All through the night images of his mother, mangled and burned, kept popping up in his dreams and he was frightened that the visions would take reality. But he had to go, it would be wrong if he didn’t. His family was hurt, he wasn’t; he needed to see them. So, taking a deep breath, he grabbed a handful of Floo Powder and dropped it into the fire. He blinked against the bright emerald green flames and stepped inside.

“St. Mungo’s!” he shouted. Immediately he felt the familiar swirling sensation, his feet being lifted off the ground, his elbows being pressed against his sides and his entire body spinning around. He landed with a thud on the cold stone floor of a St. Mungo’s fireplace before stumbling out of the mantle, bringing soot with him and scattering it on the carpet.

Gaining his bearings, he saw that he was not in the waiting room, which was only too memorable to him. Instead he was in an office that was decorated with many portraits of Healers long gone. In the centre of the room there was a wooden desk cluttered with many knickknacks, quills and inkbottles. There was also a blue cushioned chair at the desk, but the back was facing him and Remus could not tell if there was anyone sitting in it. He cleared his throat loudly to find out and, sure enough, the chair wheeled around and he found himself face to face with a wizened old wizard.

The man observed Remus for a moment, a confused look in his eyes before he was able to register why a fourteen-year-old boy had stumbled out of his fireplace. His face split into a sympathetic grin and he strode forward to greet him.

“You must be Remus Lupin?” he said in a friendly voice. Remus nodded. “I am Mr. Derrick Symes.” The man held out a hand for Remus to shake.

“Does your son go to Hogwarts?” Remus asked, suddenly remembering the Quidditch commentator.

“Well, my grandson does,” the Healer answered, now leading Remus across the threshold and towards the door.

Remus listened lazily as the man discussed the history of the hospital, everything ranging from its founding to the latest cases of the latest patients. Remus wasn’t interested in any of that; he just wanted to know how his family was. He knew the Healer was only doing this to lighten the mood, to make Remus feel better. Mr. Symes did get to Remus’s family eventually, but not before immersing himself into a long-winded tale about a man who had come into the hospital the previous week, nursing several injuries that included a head turned backwards.

They had been walking for quite a while before coming upon his family’s ward. Remus hesitated behind Mr. Symes, bracing himself for what lay behind the door. Mr. Symes pushed the door open and Remus was brought into a homely looking room that held only three occupants. Two were up out of bed, and the other was bed ridden. Remus looked away when he saw this, unable to face his mother. Instead he turned to his father, who was sitting on a chair by the window with Lucy in his lap. They didn’t look too bad considering they had been through a fire, although they didn’t look perfectly healthy either.

One side of his father’s face was scarred from burns, which would heal soon if he continued to drink his potion, as Mr. Symes explained. Remus was grateful for this; it would be hard to see his father have to go through life with such nasty scars on his face, Remus knew what that felt like. His sister didn’t look bad either, though her arm was bound in a sling, which looked highly uncomfortable. She looked up and smiled wearily at Remus when she saw him. He tried to return the smile, but found that he couldn’t.

Mr. Lupin picked up Lucy and placed her on the chair while he went to greet his son. “Hullo, Remus,” he said in a hushed voice.

“Hi,” Remus replied, glancing uneasily at the bed behind his father. He didn’t want to look… and yet he couldn’t help it. Mr. Lupin saw this and stepped to his left to block it from view for the time being. He withdrew his wand and conjured up a chair for his son to take, but Remus took the seat his sister had and placed her on his lap, nodding for his dad to take the other one.

“How did it happen?” Remus asked once they were settled in their seats.

Mr. Lupin thought for a moment, he himself was unsure of how the fire started. It had been so sudden.

“I don’t know, Remus,” he answered truthfully. “One minute Lucy and I were sitting in the living room and the next thing we knew the house was in flames.” Remus heard Lucy squeal quietly from her seat; she was going to have nightmares about this for a long time. “I thought your mother was in the backyard fixing up the shed, it was what she had been planning on doing, so we went outside right when it started, but the front hall was still full of flames and that’s how we got burned.”

“So you didn’t know Mum was still inside?”

“No, but when I realised that, I went back in and got her. It’s a miracle I’m not in the same state she is.” Mr. Lupin took a deep breath and he looked over at his wife. “I only wish I knew how it started.”

Remus looked away when his father uttered his wish. Remus knew why it had started and it was only right for him to tell his father. Why should he keep him in the dark?

“Dad,” Remus said slowly. “Do you remember when I said I wanted to find out who killed Blake?”

His father nodded, a confused expression on his face.

“Well, I did. I knew the killer wasn’t human, so I looked through all the books in the library about magical creatures and I found one. Blake’s killer is a Fearnck.”

“Remus, you’re not supposed to know what those are!”

“That’s what McGonagall told me, but I do know and I know who it is too. This kid Larry Wilkins is my Fearnck. He’s been making all my worst fears come true. That’s why Blake’s dead… That was why I was attacked. He made it all come true because I’m such a coward. I have too many fears.”

“You’re not a coward, Remus. Everyone’s afraid to lose someone they love. It still isn’t your fault that Blake’s gone.”

“I know but… well, I thought I’d gotten over my fear of fire since McGonagall’s been helping me. She said it still didn’t matter. I’m still too scared of losing my family. It was Wilkins’s fault that the fire started.”

Mr. Lupin studied his son for a while, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. So his son was harbouring a Fearnck and it had finally decided to show himself. He didn’t know too much about these creatures, except for the basics that anyone who had ever heard of the monster knew. He knew that they lived inside a person from the moment they were born; they chose to reveal themselves when the person was at their weakest and proceeded to wreak havoc upon their harbourer's life. What he didn’t know was how to defeat them and now he wished he did so he could help Remus. But it seemed that Professor McGonagall had been helping him and he had been making some progress.

“You’re working on it though?” Mr. Lupin questioned hopefully.

“Yeah… I haven’t done much, but it’s something I guess,” Remus replied, glancing out of the window and into the bright sunny day, all the while wondering how the weather could be so cheerful when there were people out there, utterly miserable. Then, turning to his dad, he asked, “Do you really get a wish if you destroy it? The Fearnck, I mean?”

His father shrugged his shoulders truthfully. He didn’t know. After a minute or two, Mr. Lupin excused himself to speak with one of the Healers, leaving Remus alone with his sister and his mother. The ward was completely silent except for the slow breathing of its three occupants. Remus didn’t know what he could possibly say to his sister, who was still reeling from the fire. He hated �“ no �“ he loathed what this monster was doing to his family. Why couldn’t Wilkins just leave his family out of this? Remus had enough fears that included himself being harmed; he’d rather that than having his family ripped apart at the seams. They already lost a child… did they really have to lose a mother?

Remus was jerked back to reality by his sister giving a small sob. Remus looked around and saw his sister’s face red with fright.

“Lucy,” he said slowly.

“Mum’s going to die, isn’t she?” Lucy asked straight out, not bothering to beat around the bush. She had obviously been thinking of this ever since Remus had walked into the room.

Remus clenched his teeth; he didn’t want to tell her this. He always had to be the one to deliver the bad news, starting when Blake died and he wasn’t even at liberty to tell her that.

“The Healers… they said it’s not looking too good,” Remus replied.

“So Mum is going to die?”

“No! I didn’t say that… it’s just a bad situation.”

“Remus, you never lied to me before.”

Remus hung his head, his chin centimetres away from his sister’s head. She knew he was lying. He was never good at lying to people he really cared about. The truth was that their mother was going to die. The Healers just didn’t know how long it would take; it could be anywhere from a few hours to a few months.

“Look, Mum’s not doing well,” he said, looking over at her, unable to tell if she was sleeping or unconscious. “No one knows how long it’s going to take before she dies… But maybe she won’t,” he added optimistically. “Maybe she’ll be okay.” Remus placed his sister on the floor, not wanting to sit down anymore and she didn’t seem to want to stay in the room much longer because she left the ward to stand with their father, who was just outside the door.

Remus stared at the door as it closed shut and then glanced over at his mother’s bed once more. He couldn’t do this… he couldn’t sit here and watch her life deteriorate right before his eyes. It just wasn’t right; she didn’t deserve such a fate. Why couldn’t she have Apparated out of the room when the fire started? Did Wilkins put some enchantment over the house to prevent her from doing so? If he did… Remus’s anger increased tenfold at the thought; he had never felt more determined in all of his life. He was going to get Wilkins… He was going to kill him.

Remus leaned on the windowsill, squinting as the sun shone exceptionally bright. There were some people in the world that deserved to live, and some who deserved to die. He had read it in a book once that no one should be too quick to hand out this judgement, but Remus couldn’t help himself. Wilkins deserved to die. He had never done anything that benefited anyone else; he had not one righteous thought in his mind. All of his brainpower went to devising plots to ruin others’ lives. If anyone should be snatched from this planet, it was him.

His mother deserved to live; she had done so much in her life to help other people, hardly ever thinking about what was right for herself. Every full moon she would be beside herself with worry for her son, checking him countless times to make sure he was well. When the full moon finally set, she would spend all day by Remus’s bedside if she had to, if he was in terrible pain. This was the least Remus could do for his mum at that point; he would sit by her bedside all day if he had to, just to be there when she woke up.

It was about an hour before she did rise, only to find her youngest son sitting in a chair beside her bed, dozing. She peered around the rest of the room, to find it completely empty. When she saw the clock on the nightstand she saw that it was noon and her husband and daughter had probably gone to get lunch. Her whole body was racked with unimaginable pain, her limbs seemed to be on fire, much like her home was the night before. She could hardly stand to be awake and wanted nothing more than to drop back off, but her son was there and she had wanted to see him.

“Remus?” she asked lightly, not able to project her voice as she normally would. Remus jerked out of his doze and stared sleepily at his mother, taking some time to process that she was awake. “How did you get here?” she asked conversationally.

“Dumbledore set up a Floo network,” Remus answered, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “So I could get here and back.” He was quiet, watching his mother. He didn’t really know what to say at this point. What could he say? Whatever he thought of, it somehow seemed insensitive, even if it was unintentional. He suddenly found himself wishing that his mother would go back to sleep. Everything seemed much easier when she was. He could just sit there and not have to think of anything at all to say.

Luckily he was spared of saying anything else by the appearance of his father coming back from lunch with Lucy. Mr. Lupin whispered to Remus to take Lucy for a walk, as he wanted to talk to his wife. Remus complied only too quickly and led Lucy out of the ward, down the hallway in no particular direction. They stopped at a sign on the wall, which appeared to be a directory. Remus looked at it, trying to spot somewhere they could go. The only likely place seemed to be the tea room, but Lucy had just come back from eating and he himself wasn’t very hungry.

“Where are we going?” Lucy asked when Remus turned and led her down a random hallway.

“I don’t know,” Remus said, looking straight ahead. “I just don’t want to be in there.” He glanced down at his sister, who was trying to see where they were going, but knowing all the same that it was useless. Remus didn’t know where he was leading her; he just wanted to get as far away from that hospital ward as possible. After five minutes they found that they had gone nowhere except to the end of the hallway. Remus leaned against the wall, folding his arms across his chest, and stared down at the floor.

“What’s this place?” Lucy asked, looking at her surroundings.

“I don’t know,” Remus said again. “I just needed to get away from that room.”

“Remus, you said Mum is going to be okay. You said that the Healers might be able to help her.”

Remus had indeed said that there was hope, but he was lying through his teeth the whole time. There was no hope, had she not seen the state that their mother was in? It would be a right miracle if she lived.

“Well I lied!” Remus snapped, causing his sister to jump. “Didn’t you see her? There’s no way the Healers can do anything! Mum’s going to die! They can’t save her. First Blake died, and now Mum is. Don’t you get it?”

He glared down at his sister, who looked to be on the verge of tears. Instantly the rage that had taken him before softened and he felt bad that he had yelled. Remus knelt down to his sister’s height and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he said apologetically. “I didn’t mean to… I just… I dunno.”

His sister said nothing; she just gave him a scathing look and stalked off back towards the ward, not looking back once. He stared blankly at her back, hating himself for how he had treated her. Was she not the one sibling he had who didn’t despise him at one point for what he was? Cassie was afraid of him once, even if she had hit Blake for being scared. He wouldn’t have been surprised if his parents had even been scared.

“Merlin,” he muttered, sliding down the wall. “I’m an idiot.”

---

Remus didn’t return to the castle until late that evening. At St. Mungo’s, his father had pulled him out of the ward and gave him a long, angry lecture about how he had yelled at his sister. Remus decided to leave right then and there, but was able to as the Floo Network in the fireplace had sealed itself until the evening. Remus had no choice but to stay. When he wasn’t able to leave, however, he went straight to the tea room and didn’t return to his mother’s ward until he was about to leave. He felt disgusted with himself for doing what he did, yelling at his sister and not even talking with his mother for more than two minutes.

He entered the third year dormitory to see his friends playing an energetic match of Exploding Snap, in which James was winning. They looked up when they saw Remus enter, smiled friendly, and immediately returned to their match. Remus sat down and watched them, smiling a little as Sirius’s cards exploded in his face, causing him to swear violently. Once the match concluded, they packed up what remained of the cards (as Sirius had simply waved his wand, scattering them about, so they couldn’t find them) and went to see how Remus’s visit went.

“Disastrous,” Remus said when they asked.

“What happened?” Sirius asked.

“I’m just really stupid,” Remus replied simply.

“What’d you do?”

“Well, I couldn’t think of anything to say to my mother, so now she probably feels bad and I yelled at my little sister and my dad got mad at me because of it.” He knelt down to take his shoes off and pulled his feet onto his bed when he was finished. “I just feel bad because I couldn’t say anything to my mum.”

“Well, it’s got to be pretty hard,” James said sensibly. “Your mother was just in a fire, no one can blame you for not knowing what to say.”

“And as for your sister,” Sirius said, “just apologise.”

“I tried; she didn’t want to hear any of it.” Remus was silent, a thought suddenly occurring in his mind. It was when he had returned from Blake’s funeral, the offer his friend’s had made for him. “Do you remember when you offered to become Animagi?” His friends nodded unsurely at this. “And I told you that I didn’t want you to, that I really just wanted you to help me find out what killed my brother?” His friends nodded again. “Well I know who killed my brother, I know who did this to my mother; I don’t need your help with it anymore.”

“What are you getting at, Remus?” Peter asked unsurely.

“I want you to become Animagi. Please… I really need help right now.”

Chapter Seventeen
- Its golden eyes glowing dangerously, the wolf scanned the expanding grounds, searching desperately for its prey. -

“Remus, get up.”

Remus was lying on the floor of Professor McGonagall’s office, having just passed out. After the fire at his house he had become as determined as ever to defeat Wilkins, meaning that he was trying twice as hard during his defence lessons. This meant, however, that it was taking a toll on his health and he had been periodically passing out during the lessons. He wasn’t able to overcome his fears and, even when he did, he would still get that painful ringing in his ears and would black out.

Professor McGonagall hauled Remus into a chair and allowed him a chance to catch his breath. She watched him closely, seeing easily the effects these lessons were having on him. She had often considered putting them off for a while, giving him a chance to collect himself and recover from the ones he had. But Remus was persistent and would not stop; the prospect of his mother’s death had given him an overwhelming fortitude.

Remus heaved a few more breaths and stood to his feet, keeping a grip on the arm of his chair for safe measure. “Lemme try again,” he slurred tiredly.

“I don’t think that is wise, Mr. Lupin,” Professor McGonagall said, moving over to place the glowing box away.

“Professor, I can do it! I just messed up that once.”

Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow at him. “That once?” she repeated incredulously. “Remus, you have been passing out at least three times every lesson. This is not good for you.”

“Professor… just let me do it once more.”

“No, Remus. You may try again the day after tomorrow, but as for tonight, I am sorry but you need to return to your dormitory and get some rest.”

Remus stayed in his spot, thinking grudgingly to ask again, but Professor McGonagall would simply refuse and he was not going to waste his energy on it. Instead, he merely left the room with a good night to the professor and walked sleepily back to Gryffindor Tower. It was amazing how trying to conquer a fear could deteriorate his health in such a way. He hardly had any energy for anything nowadays and whenever he had a spare moment he usually used it to sleep. But he needed to do this, he had no other choice.

He crept into the dormitory, checking to see if his friends were asleep or not. When he peered through the doorway he saw that they were sitting on James’s bed, looking down at what appeared to be a library book. Still, he was too tired to marvel at the fact that they were willingly reading. He walked inconspicuously over to his bed and dropped down on it, getting under his sheets. Almost instantly, he was asleep and his snores filled the room.

“Didn’t hear him come in,” Peter commented when they saw their friend sleeping.

“He looks beat,” Sirius said as he saw Remus’s worn out features. “Worse than normal, that is.”

“He’s been working too hard, I think,” James said, getting up and taking the liberty of pulling the hangings around Remus’s bed.

“He feels really guilty,” Sirius added, sitting down on his own bed. “You ever hear the way he talks sometimes? The way he talks he sounds like he’s blaming himself for everything that’s happened. That’s why he wants us to be Animagi; he probably thinks he’ll be able to escape from everything.”

“That’s kind of why we offered anyway, isn’t it?” James said. “He needs help and he knows it. He probably-” but right when James was about to finish his sentence Remus began mumbling in his sleep. They looked around, as James pulled away the curtains, and tried to comprehend what he was saying, but it was all slurred together into one long sentence.

“Remus?” Sirius said, bending down to shake Remus’s shoulder. Remus said nothing; he only continued to mutter, rolling over onto his side.

“What’s he saying?” Peter asked, looking intently at his sleeping friend. Sirius shrugged and continued to listen.

“Forest… dark…” Remus was mumbling, waving his hand in front of his face as if he was trying to clear a path.

“Forest?” James repeated. “He’s not talking about the Forbidden Forest, is he?”

Sirius shook his head; he had a feeling that was not what Remus was dreaming about.

“Didn’t he say he used to have nightmares about when he was bitten?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, he did,” James said slowly, realisation dawning in his expression. “He’s dreaming about the night he was bitten.”

They leaned forward to listen, feeling somewhat stupid doing so, but doing it all the same. It didn’t occur to them that Remus might be embarrassed to have his friends listening to his nightmares, as he usually ended up waking up in a panic.

“Mum,” Remus muttered, rolling over again. “Something’s behind me… Mum…”

Normally they would have found something like this funny, but this was different. This just wasn’t a nightmare about a scary movie Remus had seen, this was his real life. This was a nightmare about a day that truly scared their friend. They were now unsure if they should sit there and remain listening, or if they should wake Remus up before it got any worse.

“Mum… Mum…” Remus’s voice now became more panicked; the wolf in his mind must have been drawing closer with every breath Remus took. His chest was heaving up and down and his limbs were beginning to tremble. “There’s something coming… Mum… it’s a wolf… Mum!” And Remus shot bolt upright, looking positively frightened. Breathing heavily, looking wildly around the room, not seeing his friends at first, still searching for the werewolf that had been closing in on him.

“Remus, there’s no wolf here,” James said in a quiet voice. “You’re in the dormitory.” Remus looked at James, seemingly unable to comprehend what James had just said. “You were having a nightmare.”

Remus’s quick paced breathing calmed down a bit, but he still had a wild, terrified gleam in his eyes. “Nightmare?” he said, bewildered.

“Yeah, you were talking in your sleep,” Sirius elaborated.

Remus raised his eyebrow at Sirius, his cheeks reddening. “What was I saying?”

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, as did James and Peter. It was embarrassing enough for Remus to find out he was talking in his sleep, but to hear that he was dreaming about the night he was bitten, that was worse.

“You were dreaming that the werewolf was chasing you,” Peter explained.

Remus nodded slowly, his eyes not as wide, but his cheeks just as red as they were. “Okay… just the same stuff as usual I guess,” he said in a would-be lighthearted voice, thinking that it would possibly ease the tension in the room. He laid back on his bed. “Sorry I was yelling,” he apologised.

“It’s alright,” James said dismissively. “We weren’t sleeping or anything.”

“But I think we should now or else we’re not going to be up in time for classes,” Sirius said, hoping off Remus’s bed and going to his trunk to pull out an old t-shirt and pants.

“Yeah,” James agreed, grinning and heading towards the bathroom. “Wouldn’t want the teachers chewing us out for being late, would we?”

“Last time they threatened us with three weeks of detention,” Peter mentioned as he began pulling his curtains around his bed.

“You sure you’re alright, Remus?” Sirius asked, getting ready to pull his own curtains closed. He looked around to see Remus’s eyes shut in pain and rubbing his head. Sleeping had not helped him recover from his lesson.

“Fine… that lesson was just… I’m fine.”

“Remus, you know you’re not very good at lying.”

“It was brutal,” Remus admitted. “I passed out four times.”

“No wonder you’re having nightmares,” Peter said, looking awed, peering out from behind his curtain.

“You don’t think you’re working too hard?” Sirius questioned concernedly.

Remus shook his head wildly, though he thoroughly agreed with Sirius’s question of working too hard. He just didn’t want to confess it because then they would tell him to take it easy, and he couldn’t do that.

“No,” Remus said firmly. “It’s just… the full moon’s tomorrow, I’m bound to feel sick.”

“But passing out four times, Remus?” Peter pointed out, walking over toward Remus’s bed. “You’ve never been that sick have you, passing out for times in the span of an hour and a half?”

“Pete’s right, that’s not good for you.”

“I know, McGonagall told me that too.”

“Then why are you doing this to yourself? Do you really think your mother would like you doing this?”

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“But it’ll hurt you,” Peter said, a hint of pleading in his voice.

“I don’t care how much it hurts me. Wilkins is wrecking everyone else’s lives, not just mine. He’s only doing it because I care too much about other people.”

“Remus, you said it right there,” Sirius said loudly, highly bothered about what his friend was saying. It was right to care about others, but to do it at such a level that he didn’t care about his own well being… that was far enough. “You don’t care how much you get hurt, but you should. There’s only so much a fourteen-year-old kid can do. You’re bound to get hurt, but don’t try… Work until you know you can’t.”

“Sirius, you don’t get it! I’ll do whatever I have to to get Wilkins out of my life. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want some monster living in me and terrorizing everyone I know. You don’t know what it feels like, to have everyone’s lives ruined around you and knowing that it’s because of you that it’s happening.”

“Remus, it’s not because of you.”

“Yes it is! If I wasn’t always so miserable, Wilkins never would have had a reason to come out. If I wasn’t scared of so many things… Face it, he was right all along. I’m a bloody coward. But I won’t be anymore, if I get rid of the Fearnck.”

“Okay, get rid of it, but don’t work yourself until you’re not able to function,” Peter begged. “Work until you can’t! Like Sirius said.”

“I’m not working until my limit because then I’d never get anything done. If I have to overwork myself, until I’m passing out on the floor, I will. I’m not letting that thing run my life; I’m not going to go mental!” In his anger, Remus stormed off his bed and out of the dormitory before anyone could even think to stop him. James peered out from inside the bathroom and looked questioningly at Sirius, who could do nothing except shake his head.

---

Remus didn’t return to the dormitory at all that night, instead he had found himself wandering around an empty corridor of the castle, lost in thought. He hadn’t meant to snap at Sirius and Peter the way he had, but his temper had become so short lately that it was all he could do. He didn’t know exactly where he was going, though he didn’t care; he just needed to escape. He could wander around the entire castle for all he cared; he just needed to clear his head.

He stopped as he heard something behind him. Turning around, he saw nothing except the dim outline of the long corridor stretching on, seemingly endless. His eyes darting left and right, he tried to ignore the feeling that he was being followed, and continued on his way, moving towards his unknown destination. As he walked, he thought that maybe he should go and apologise to Sirius and Peter for yelling at them but, checking his watch, he figured they’d probably be asleep now.

Resigning himself to the fact that he’d probably be spending his night sleeping behind a suit of armor, Remus began searching for one that would hide him completely from the school caretaker, Mr. Filch. However, the hallway that he currently standing in was vacant of any possible hiding places and Remus found himself wondering if this had been done on purpose. After all, Wilkins would have loved for Remus to get in trouble with the Headmaster for being out of bounds.

Again he heard a noise behind him, this time louder and more obvious. Instead of looking straight ahead this time, he bent forward and scanned the stone floor for signs of Mr. Filch’s cat, Mrs. Norris. Every student in the school positively loathed that cat, as it was often said that she was used to tip off Filch whenever she caught someone breaking the rules. Right about now, Remus wished she would make her appearance known so that he could give her a good kick in the dark.

And indeed, when he squinted his eyes so much that they were nearly closed, he could see the faint outline of the cat approaching, but it was not alone. Rooted to the spot, he listened as Filch crooned to his cat, promising to punish any student out of bed. Now in a panic, Remus tried desperately to find some place to hide. Running back and forth, thinking angrily that he did not have a hide out, he hardly noticed the door that had materialized out of nowhere.

“That’s right, my sweet,” Filch said to his precious cat, now stooping down to pick her up. “We’ll catch that naughty student, and perhaps Peeves while we’re at it.”

Remus’s breath caught in his throat when he heard how close the caretaker’s voice was. He was dead for sure, where else was left for him to go? Turning around to look, he finally saw the door and, out of fright more than curiosity, he yanked it open and was stunned to find himself in an exact replica of the Gryffindor common room.

Remus’s mouth dropped open when he saw this; had he not just been running frantically around an empty corridor with nothing but portraits on the walls? There was no door there mere minutes ago. But if that was so, then where did this one come from? Why did it look like the common room? Remus, however, was not going to complain at the time, as he heard Filch prowling about outside the room. Looking around, he figured he might as well make himself comfortable.

Pulling off his robe, he set it down on one of the scarlet armchairs and took a seat on the couch. Lying down and shutting his eyes, he thought back to the defence lesson he had, and his head took a painful stab. It had been tiring and he was amazed that he had had enough energy to make it this far without passing out for the fifth time that night. He knew he was overworking himself and that Sirius, James and Peter had every right to be worried, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. He wanted to get this over with before it got any worse… His mother was clinging on to her very life. Remus knew that she was still alive only because Wilkins was permitting it, letting the dread to consume Remus for a long while.

Rolling over onto his side, Remus allowed himself to be lulled away to sleep.

---

“Where the hell did he go?” James said suddenly the next morning, jerking his roommates awake. Sirius mumbled some nonsense, which was probably a request for James to shut up; although he knew that they had to get up for classes.

Frank, who was more awake, stood up and went over to where James was standing. “Who?” he asked curiously.

“Remus,” James replied. “He’s not in his bed and I don’t think I heard him come in last night.”

“He’s probably fine,” Frank said, turning back to his trunk and getting his clothes out. “He knows what he’s doing; he wouldn’t have gotten himself in trouble.”

James opened his mouth to say something, but ended up saying nothing. Frank was right; Remus was smart enough to not get caught.

Ten minutes later James, Sirius and Peter headed down to the Great Hall and saw that Remus was sitting at the Gryffindor Table, chewing slowly on a piece of toast. He didn’t look up when James and Sirius sat across from him and Peter next to him, he simply went on eating. His stomach lurched painfully when the last bit of toast hit his stomach; he knew he shouldn’t really be eating on the day of a full moon, as food never agreed with him, no matter what it was. But the night before had rendered him oddly empty stomached and so he settled for some toast.

“Where’d you go last night?” James asked Remus. Remus shrugged and muttered something incoherently. “Come again?”

“I dunno,” he answered truthfully. He had asked several of the older students and not one had seemed to be able to recall a room that resembled the Gryffindor common room, outside of the actual common room.

“Seriously, Remus,” James pressed.

“I’m serious,” Remus began.

“No, I am,” Sirius said mockingly.

James rolled his eyes at Sirius and voiced the question yet again.

“I really don’t know where I was,” Remus answered again. “I was in some room that looked like the common room, so I slept there.”

“Why’d you even leave?” James asked, disregarding the bit of info Remus had disclosed.

Remus side glanced at Sirius and looked up at Peter. James hadn’t listened to the arguement the three had had, even though it had been quite loud and James was only in the next room. “No reason,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and returning to his meager breakfast.

“Remus,” James pressed.

“We had a fight, James,” Sirius answered instead. James nodded fairly and asked what it was about. “Well, someone here doesn’t think he’s overworking himself.”

James looked at Remus reprovingly.

“Well, I’m not,” Remus snapped defensively.

“Here we go again,” Peter murmured into his hand.

“Oh shut it, Pete,” Sirius snarled. “We all know you agree but you just don’t want to take sides. James, did you hear Remus say he passed out four times last night. It’s not good for anyone, especially him.”

“Is that true?” James inquired anxiously.

“So what if it is?”

“Look, I know you hate being preached to about this,” James said evenly. “But the point is that you’re never going to be able to do what you want if you don’t cool down a bit. Don’t try as hard.” He waited for Remus to say something, anything at all, to indicate that he had at least considered what James had said to him. When he received no reply, he simply stood up, collected his books and looked over his shoulder at his friend. “At least cut your passing out to three times a lesson?”

Remus cracked a smile. “Yes, dad,” he said sarcastically, picking up his own book bag and slinging it over his shoulder. But, instead of immediately following James, he went to Sirius and Peter. “I’m sorry,” he said bluntly. “I know you were just watching out for me.”

Sirius got up and slapped Remus on the back. “It’s alright,” he said happily. “We know you were just being your stubborn self.”

“Yeah, we can’t hold that against you,” Peter agreed.

Deciding to not say anything else about the arguement that had taken place, except for the fact that Remus had to promise that he would not overexert himself to such a level, they set off for their first period class.

When they entered the dungeons they were met with a strong smell which, as Professor Slughorn explained, was the results of a failed potion that had been simmering over night, a potion that had been created by an incompetent Ravenclaw seventh year the day before. Trying to not breathe as deeply, the four took their usual seats and prepared for whatever Slughorn had up his sleeve.

As it turned out, Slughorn had prepared a simple review of the Shrinking Solution. Simple, yes, for the ordinary potion student, but Remus was not the ordinary potion student. If he ever created a perfect potion he would end up dropping dead of shock before he could receive the credit. The last time he had tried to mix this potion up it had turned the wrong colour because he didn’t add the right amount of spleens. But that had been when he didn’t have friends who knew what they were doing in this class. Perhaps they’d help him.

Even with the help of James, Sirius and Peter combined, Remus’s potion still hadn’t come out correctly; it was too thick, but at least it was the right colour. Remus looked hopelessly into his cauldron and made to sit down, but he was suddenly met with an overwhelming feeling of dizziness and instead gripped the desktop. When the feeling passed, he was able to sit down and stared fixedly at the floor in hopes that it would somehow keep the dizziness from coming back. Chancing a look around the room, he was pleased to see that no one had noticed; they were all too immersed in their work.

He saw, however, that Professor Slughorn had noticed something and he was slowly making his way through the rows of tables towards him. “Are you alright, Mr. Lupin?” he asked quietly.

Remus nodded mutely, though stopping quickly as it increased the pain in his head. Slughorn returned to the class once he was sure Remus wasn’t going to faint, but was suddenly brought back to the student when he began to groan in pain. A pain like no other had settled in the pit of Remus’s stomach and had rendered him unable to do anything except clutch his middle, rock back and forth, and moan as the throbbing sensation increased tenfold.

“Remus?” Slughorn said. Remus didn’t respond; he couldn’t even form words. “James,” he said, snapping his head in James’s direction. “Get Madam Pomfrey, now.” James didn’t need telling twice, he dashed out of the dungeons almost as quick as Slughorn had instructed him to. The class had now become highly interested in what was taking place and began peering over Slughorn’s shoulder to see Remus, who was now deathly pale.

Slughorn shot the class a warning look and they immediately backed away, allowing their classmate to have some space. Remus, though in an intense amount of pain, was still able to make out what some of his classmates were saying and he didn’t like it at all. They were saying all sorts of things, none of them sounding exactly sympathetic. He had distinctly heard someone say that they always knew there was something wrong with that Lupin kid and that this proved it. What other student went to pieces on a monthly basis?

Then a stab like no other pierced Remus’s skull and before he could do anything about it, before he could cry out in pain or move his hand to the spot, a sheet of blackness filled his vision and he saw and heard no more.

When Remus finally came around he found that he was not sitting on the hard wooden chair he had been, but was lying flat on his back on something soft and comfortable. He wanted to open his eyes, but he also wanted to remain in the darkness. It was peaceful and if he opened his eyes he would be brought back to the pain he had been experiencing before he fainted. Still, he couldn’t just lie there all day and not expect it to come back, it would either way.

Wrenching his eyes open, he saw that he was in the Hospital Wing and, judging by the odd silence, Madam Pomfrey was not in the room. Sighing in relief, Remus rested silently on his bed, absolutely dreading the moment when the nurse would appear. Every time something like this happened Madam Pomfrey would insist that Remus should always spend the day of the full moon in the Hospital Wing, as he had done during his first year. Remus had begun his own protest when he entered his second year, loathing the fact that he would have to be locked up in the infirmary all day.

Indeed when Madam Pomfrey burst out of her office, completely fuming, the first thing she said was that Remus should have come to the Hospital Wing first thing in the morning if he was feeling ill. Remus did his best to ignore her, pretending that he had another headache, which wasn’t so far from the truth as he felt one steadily developing. The nurse began filling a goblet with an orange potion and instructed Remus to sit up and drink it, no complaints.

Once he was finished, she snatched the goblet off the nightstand and returned to her office, allowing Remus some peace and quiet. During Potions class he had felt a pain like no other and he knew why it had been as bad as it had been. It was because of those lessons that the full moon was taking a worse toll on him. Normally he would have had enough energy to put up with the effects. Now that he was focusing on the lessons, he had none left to give to the full moon. It hadn’t been so bad for the full moons in January and February but now, being the end of March and also the ten year anniversary of his becoming a werewolf, it was only guaranteed that he would feel this bad.

Remus grinned slightly when he thought that it had been exactly ten years ago on this day that he had been bitten. It was so hard to believe, it had seemed much longer. It felt as if it was at least double the amount of time. There were twelve transformations per year, ten years of being a werewolf, doing the math in his head, had he only gone through one hundred and twenty transformations? No it had not been that precise amount, but it was close. It seemed like he had gone through at least five hundred.

The door to the Hospital Wing opened and for a minute Remus thought that it was his friends, only to have his hopes dashed when he remembered that they had another class. Instead it was Professor McGonagall, looking rather grave.

“What happened?” Remus asked immediately, it was always unsettling to him to see his professor with such an expression on her face.

“I have been thinking, Remus,” she said, looking him straight in the eye. “Perhaps you should take a break from these lessons. They clearly aren’t having a good effect on you.”

Remus frowned; he knew this was coming, although he couldn’t say he was prepared for it. He had already heard it from his friends and that had been hard enough to hear, but now to hear it from Professor McGonagall… Did any of them understand why he was pushing himself the way he was? He shook his head at his teacher.

“I’m not stopping them,” he said bluntly. “No one seems to get why I’m doing what I’m doing.”

“Remus, we understand but-” McGonagall began.

“No you don’t. If you understood then you wouldn’t suggest me stopping. I know it’s not good for me, but I really need to practise. I have a feeling I might be able to do it soon… it’s only a matter of time.”

Again Remus showed his determination to Professor McGonagall and, though she admired it, it always put her in a fix. Should she go with her initial instinct and refuse to teach him until he was healthier? Or should she cave in and give him what he wanted? She knew he was capable of handling this and maybe that was the reason she consented…?

---

Remus didn’t return to classes at all that day, as Madam Pomfrey refused to let him leave the infirmary until late the next evening. He remained there until he was brought down to the Whomping Willow. Remus had to admit, he was considerably nervous about this full moon. From the one-year mark of his becoming a werewolf, the milestones had always seemed to be worse than all of the other full moons combined. He had no doubt in his mind that this would be the nastiest, being ten years since that fateful day in Hogsmeade.

As he trekked down the long passageway leading to the Shrieking Shack, Remus already felt his limbs beginning to change. He had to hurry if he wanted to be able to transform in the actual shack and not risk the chance of being able to escape out onto the grounds. Breaking into a strained run, he managed to make it to the door leading into the shack. But, just as his hand gripped the cold doorknob, his stomach lurched and what little he had eaten that day came out of him.

His head felt as if it might split in two, his limbs were trembling violently; beaded sweat was falling down his face, dripping off his nose and onto the ground beneath him. He had been right; this would be the most painful… He was beginning to think he might not even make it through the transformation. His arms snapped and cracked as they grew to accommodate their wolfish forms, his legs shrunk and angled at the knees. A tingling sensation spread throughout his body as grey hairs sprouted out of his skins, whiskers coming of his nose, his nose growing into a snout. His nails, usually small and clean, now sharpened into claws with dirt crusted into them.

The werewolf, originally crouched on its knees, raised itself up and sniffed around, gaining its bearings. Coming to discover that it was in a passageway, one with a way out, the wolf began prowling about, searching for the exit. It sniffed about for the fresh night air as it traveled down the tunnel, increasing its steps as the scent became stronger, as he grew closer to his destination. It needed human flesh, it needed to bite and tear at someone other than itself.

The wolf broke through the entrance to the passageway, growling, satisfied, as the cool March air whipped about its face. It was free now, free to go about and find its desire, a human to destroy… food. But there was no one there. There were no students out at this time. Unless, the wolf sniffed more carefully, no… it must have been mistaking, there was a student outside. Its golden eyes glowing dangerously, the wolf scanned the expanding grounds, searching desperately for its prey.

Then he spotted it, a little girl who appeared to be no older than eleven. A first year, lost out on the grounds at night, on a full moon. Yes she was with a wand, but she had no knowledge of how to fend off a werewolf with it. She didn’t even seem to have noticed that a werewolf was approaching her, licking its fangs greedily, imagining the amount of human blood inside her. Then, without warning, the wolf charged, ignoring the feeble protests of its human side. It ran towards the girl, who had finally spotted the impending danger.

The last thing anyone heard of the girl was her petrified scream as the werewolf leapt upon her.

Chapter Eighteen
- "I have given you a purpose, and your purpose is to be the filth of a werewolf that you are, to have everyone who has ever cared for you disappear or abandon you." -

Remus’s head was surely splitting in two as he lay there, slowly coming around to consciousness. There was no way his head could be in one piece with the pain it was experiencing at that very moment. He had to struggle to not retch, resist crying out in pain. He turned his head to the side, gasping for air and discovered, much to his shock, that he was not lying on the hard wooden floor of the Shrieking Shack where he should have been. His bleeding cheek was instead met with the moist dew of the grass on the school grounds. He was not alone either. He could hear movement around him and the low murmurs of voices.

He felt a cold hand touch the side of his face, tilting his head so it face skyward. The person left him and he soon heard a second person muttering under their breath to the first. He strained his ears to hear what was being said, but his head was pounding far too much to comprehend it. He could, however, judge by the tone in the person’s voice that they were not happy, though apparently relieved. Trying once more, he managed to make out fragments of the conversation taking place before him.

“… Amazing he didn’t kill her…” said the first voice, a female’s.

“Or bite her, though I am sure that was his intention,” said the second, this time the voice of a male.

Remus cringed as his leg surged with a forceful pain, but let no gasp escape. He knew the conversation would discontinue if the speakers realised he was awake. He couldn’t help wondering who they were talking about; surely it couldn’t have been him? What would he have done? Then he thought, there was a full moon the night before, he had been a werewolf loose on the grounds. The woman had said it was amazing that someone hadn’t been killed, who hadn’t been killed?

“Poppy, how long did you wait before you brought him down?” the man said.

Poppy… Remus knew that name; it was the name of Madam Pomfrey. She had clearly been coming down here to pick him up and found something she hadn’t been expecting. Remus just wished they’d come right out and say it, whatever it was. They didn’t seem to ready to come out with it yet, giving him the strange suspicion that they knew he was listening.

“I didn’t think we were running that late,” Madam Pomfrey said uncomfortably. “Albus, I can fix her up with the necessary time.”

Albus? So the man’s voice belonged to Professor Dumbledore. That meant that whatever the nurse had found had to have been bad enough to call it to the attention of the Headmaster.

“Poppy, please take the girl up to the Hospital Wing,” Dumbledore instructed, moving slowly toward Remus. “I want to have a word with Mr. Lupin here.”

Remus didn’t like the tone in the Headmaster’s voice, nor did he like the fact that he had specifically said that there was a girl there, obviously one that was not supposed to be. He must have done something to warrant a talking to from Professor Dumbledore. They had said it was amazing that someone hadn’t killed someone… Everything was slowly coming together.

Remus felt the grass flatten beside him again, indicating that Dumbledore had taken a seat and was now expecting Remus to show that he was awake. Reluctantly, Remus wrenched his eyes open and looked up at the disconcerting face of the Headmaster. This only confirmed Remus’s fear that he had done something wrong.

“I trust that you realise something is not right here,” Dumbledore said quietly.

“Yes,” Remus replied uneasily. Then, without beating about the bush, he asked, “what did I do?”

Dumbledore took a deep breath and hesitated for a moment. “You attacked a girl on the grounds last night,” he said.

Remus’s stomach plummeted automatically upon hearing this. But then he remembered what Madam Pomfrey had said when he’d just woken up: He hadn’t killed her, or bitten her. One small bright side compared to the horror of realising that he almost had killed a girl… How could this have happened?

“Is she okay?” Remus asked, still refusing to meet the Headmaster’s eyes.

“She will recover in time,” Dumbledore replied. “Madam Pomfrey is doing her best to heal her.” Then Professor Dumbledore voiced what else Remus had been thinking. “It is likely that she will not remember what attacked her, especially because she was not bitten. We do not have a need to tell her; you do not have to have your secret exposed.”

Remus nodded, stopping quickly when he received a pang above his left eye.

“You know, I am sure, that there will be a punishment,” Dumbledore went on.

“Yes.” Remus had been expecting it and would have been shocked if the professor had let it slide.

“You will have detention for the rest of the year and for every full moon you will not be allowed to leave the Hospital Wing, to ensure that you do not show up late, nor that Madam Pomfrey can hesitate in bringing you to the Willow. We will also be notifying your father about this.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I know you are sorry about what you have done, but punishment is necessary.”

“I know.”

“Now you are to go to your dormitory and remain there until someone sends word that you are permitted to leave. Do you understand me, Mr. Lupin? No wandering around the castle.”

“Yes, sir.” Remus watched as Dumbledore stood up and walked briskly on the path that Madam Pomfrey had taken when she went up to the castle with the girl. Remus lay on the same spot for a while longer, his mind drifting off from his orders to go to Gryffindor Tower. He really couldn’t believe that he’d attack a girl; what was the matter with him? He had been doing this for ten years and he went and nearly killed an unknowing first year.

Remus looked around and saw that the sky was growing overcast; he didn’t want to be caught out in the rain. So he lifted himself up and walked gingerly back to the castle, wincing in pain with every step. He was sick, sick in pain and sick with grief. What was that girl going to think now? Was she going to be afraid to ever go out onto the grounds again, all because of him? He couldn’t blame her if that was how it ended up; he had been scared just the same when he was attacked.

Remus muttered the password when he approached the portrait of the Fat Lady and clambered inside the common room when she swung open for him. He gained strange looks from his fellow Gryffindors as he wound his way around students on his way to the dormitory. He didn’t care though; their looks were the least of his worries now.

When he entered the dormitory he found it, thankfully, empty. He sat down on his bed, holding his head in his hands. He wished he could go to the Hospital Wing to get something to make him feel better, but that would be breaking his word to Dumbledore and he would also have to see the girl who had fallen victim to his werewolf side. When he thought of breaking his word to the Headmaster, hadn’t he already? By accepting his place in Hogwarts he had automatically promised to keep his lycanthropy at bay, never to inflict harm on another because of it, whether on purpose or on accident. What did it matter now what he did? Still… he felt too guilty to even think of actually leaving the tower; he had nowhere to go anyhow, besides the Hospital Wing.

Only a few minutes later did the door burst open and Sirius, James and Peter came in, talking swiftly about something.

“Remus,” Sirius said when he spotted his friend. “Did you hear?”

“Hear what?” Remus asked listlessly.

“Some Ravenclaw first year was attacked last night,” James explained.

“I heard.”

“Do you know what did it then?” Peter asked interestedly, sitting down on his own bed and looking intently at Remus, who refused to meet any of their gazes.

“Yes.”

“Well can you tell us then?”

“I’d really rather not.”

“Why not?” Sirius said, almost whining.

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Remus, you’re no fun!”

“You call being attacked fun?” Remus snapped suddenly.

James, Sirius and Peter looked uneasily at each other. They knew they had struck a nerve and they hadn’t meant it. Remus had never been right since Wilkins attacked him…

“Are you okay, Remus?” James asked cautiously.

“No!” Remus said angrily.

“What happened?”

“What do you think happened? A girl was attacked last night! I know who did it! It was a full moon last night. Put two and two together, James, it’s not that hard!”

James’s eyes widened at an alarming rate upon hearing this. “Remus… you… you didn’t,” he stammered.

“I didn’t mean to,” Remus whispered. “I really didn’t mean to.”

Remus expected them to believe him, he really did. He would never intentionally hurt somebody and they knew it. They knew that Remus could never stand to bring pain to someone else as he did to himself every month. They knew this was his top priority when the full moon was rising �“ to get away from people before he could do any harm. He didn’t expect what happened next.

“What’s the matter with you?” James said in a voice quite unlike his own; this one was harsh and disbelieving.

“I told you I didn’t mean to,” Remus said defensively.

“That doesn’t matter, you did it anyway!”

Remus looked to Sirius and Peter for support, desperately hoping that they would see his way in this. But one look at their expressions showed him that they were just as livid as James. He didn’t understand this; he couldn’t comprehend why they didn’t believe him. He knew how it felt to be attacked by something larger and more dangerous than he was. He’d never do it intentionally!

“Guys,” he pleaded. “I’d never hurt someone on purpose, you know I wouldn’t.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t haul off and go after us,” Peter muttered to Sirius.

Remus’s insides boiled. How could that little rat say that? “Were you people out on the grounds like she was?” he snarled. “No! If you were, I might have gone after you! Werewolves can’t tell their friends apart!”

“Of course you can’t,” Sirius said coldly.

Remus couldn’t take this; he thought Sirius would at least understand. Sirius always heard everyone out about everything; he was the first Marauder to even talk to him… Why were they doing this?

“You know, I don’t think I want to be in the same room with him,” James voiced heatedly. “Might go and attack us when we have our backs turned.”

“Yeah,” Sirius and Peter said in agreement.

Remus watched dejectedly as the three spun around and left the dormitory without so much as a backwards glance at him. Remus grimaced in pain as his sides ached. He must have broken a fair few ribs last night, and his ankle was hurting him as well. He wished he could go to the Hospital Wing, but he wasn’t too eager on leaving the room now. He didn’t want to run into his three seemingly former friends.

In a matter of seconds his friends had went from concerned about what was troubling Remus, to outrage that he had unwittingly attacked a first year girl. This was the last straw for Remus, everything was going downhill. He had been failing at his attempts to fend off Wilkins, collapsing daily because of it. He couldn’t focus in classes (although that was the least of his worries now), he had attacked a girl, and now his friends hated him because of it. It was only a matter of time before his father hated him when he received the letter from Dumbledore.

How was this happening? How was it that his entire world was falling apart at the very seams, all because of one stupid kid? How could one person cause so much pain? Remus couldn’t bear to comprehend how one thing, person or creature, could thrive off misery and virtually ruin another’s life. Now he was losing his friends because of it and his family was thinning before his very eyes. At this moment he wanted his brother back more than ever. Blake would have been there to help Remus when he lost everyone, but he was far from reach. Remus was going to have to do this on his own.

---

The fright that had run through the school in November after Remus was attacked had now multiplied at least five times now that it had occurred a second time. Everyone seemed to think that there was some beast out there who was trying to do in the students. However, this time no one tried to stage duels just to get into the Hospital Wing to see the girl; they knew Madam Pomfrey’s fuse was short enough and no student wanted to break it fully. So the students contented themselves with trying to find out the identity of the attacker.

Remus went through his days in an immense amount of pain. He was afraid to go to the Hospital Wing, thinking that the girl might be able to somehow tell that he was her assailant. So his wounds from the full moon remained unhealed, save for the bandages he had put over his cuts, but his internal injuries couldn’t be helped. He wasn’t about to receive pity from anybody because of his pain. His friends were now giving him the cold shoulder and it appeared that, once again, he was the strange kid who read too much for his own good. This was very true, now that he was no longer with his friends; he had retreated back into his books.

The day after the attack Remus received the response from his father that he had been dreading. It was not a pleasant letter, just as he had expected. But what he had not anticipated was the overall severity of the message. He had thought that his father might forgive him somewhat, being that it was a full moon and that it had not been entirely his fault he had not made it to the Shrieking Shack in time. His father was furious with him, ranting on and on about how he could have killed the girl. The letter only grew worse when his father mentioned that the Healers were telling him it would be any day that his mother was going to die.

It was so hard to believe that for one brief moment Remus had been fully happy. He had friends, a good family, a brother who would do anything to help him, and a mother who cared for him more than anything else… and in one swipe it was all ripped away from him. The final blow was when his key to defeating the cause of this was taken away from him. When classes started up again, after the weekend, Remus went to Professor McGonagall after Transfiguration, wanting to ask if she was could cancel their meeting that night, as he had a very large pile of homework and he needed to get it done. She did, indeed, concede to cancel the meeting, but also every other future meeting they had planned.

Remus was so shocked that he wasn’t able to think of any reason to argue against this or ask why the sudden change of heart. He just walked blankly out of the room with his mouth hanging open. How could Professor McGonagall do this to him? He needed her help, she was the one who had offered to help. If it hadn’t been for this he never would have bothered her at all. But she’d offered her help and he took it, now she was snatching it away from him without a reason? How was he going to get rid of Wilkins now? He’d have to find a way to do it himself.

Remus was currently sitting in the Great Hall during dinnertime, after a detention with Professor Kettleburn, nursing a cold steak and kidney pie. He looked up at the staff table in the direction of his Transfiguration teacher. Usually she would look over and nod at him, but now she was purposely keeping a forced look in the direction of Professor Sprout. Remus shook his head dismally; he had never expected that in so few days he’d lose both his friends and the help of his mentor. He also never thought that he would be faced with the prospect of breaking into the woman’s classroom and stealing the box.

He had been thinking about it all day, since the morning when he learnt his lessons would no longer commence. In every class his mind was focused on what he could do to keep up with his lessons without the help of anyone. Then he found, with dread, that the only thing for him to do was steal the box and to do that he’d have to break into McGonagall’s office after hours. The prospect in itself was enough to scare him off; the whole world was going against him, so it was almost a guarantee that he was going to be caught.

“Is anyone sitting there?” said a voice that broke Remus out of his thoughts.

Looking around, he saw that Lily Evans was standing behind an empty seat. He shook his head at her question and went back to his dinner.

“I guess I was right when I said I’d thought I’d never see the day you were friends with Potter, Black and Pettigrew,” Lily said casually as she loaded her plate.

Remus slowly raised his head and looked at her strangely. “Excuse me?” he questioned.

“I said it was impossible that you would ever end up being friends with those three,” Lily repeated in a voice suggesting that she was speaking to someone much younger than she was.

“It’s not impossible, I was friends with them,” Remus defended.

“But now you’re not.”

“What point are you trying to make, Lily?” Remus said angrily. “My day’s been terrible already and you’re just making me feel worse.”

Lily looked slightly taken aback by Remus’s outburst but quickly recovered. “But how can you be friends with people who just ditch you for no reason?” she questioned incredulously.

“They have a reason,” Remus snarled through gritted teeth, his frustration showing greatly.

“Well, what is it then?”

“It's none of your business, Lily. Please, just stop asking.”

Remus packed up his belongings and left the hall. Looking around, he distinctly saw James’s mass of messy hair weaving its way through the crowd of students, with two others following him, who were undoubtedly Sirius and Peter. Not wanting to see them, Remus veered off in another direction and found that he was nearing the entrance to the dungeons. Going down the stone steps, Remus’s breath caught in his throat as he landed hard on his bad leg. He hadn’t been to the Hospital Wing, once again, for fear of seeing the girl, who had yet to be released. So he was condemned to walking about with his injuries displayed for the whole student body to see. He wanted to go there desperately, but refrained from doing so for the time being.

Leaning against the wall, giving his leg a rest, Remus thought back vaguely to the day that the accident had occurred. He should have known something was going to happen judging by how it had went. Every time he ended up in the Hospital Wing on the day of a full moon, something horrible usually followed. But it had never transpired in him of what he was capable of doing. It was so hard to believe that his friends had already begun working on becoming Animagi and there he went, proving that he really needed looking after on a full moon, like he was a child.

“Are you looking for something, Mr. Lupin?”

Remus looked up and saw that Professor Slughorn was facing him, wearing a quizzical expression. “Oh… no, sir,” he replied, beginning to walk away.

“Is there something troubling you?”

Remus stopped and rolled his eyes, if that wasn’t the most obvious thing pointed out to him all day. But he wasn’t about to be rude to the professor. “Just some stuff,” he replied vaguely, not bothering to turn around. “Nothing important.”

“Are you sure?” Slughorn persisted.

Remus nodded his head, wondering why this man could suddenly be troubling to find out what was wrong with him; he had never really given him a second look before.

“You haven’t been right since your little… err… episode in my class the other day,” Slughorn went on, disregarding Remus’s nod of the head.

Remus’s face instantly reddened. He was continuously embarrassed by the reminder that he had fallen to pieces in Potions. Slughorn was not right, Remus hadn’t been the same since he was attacked, but he had been showing it more often since that day in Potions.

“I’m sorry about that, Professor,” Remus said sincerely, finally turning around.

Professor Slughorn shook his head facetiously. “No need to apologise about it,” he said. He inched forward, looking carefully at his student. He could tell that Remus was in pain, mentally and physically. He could do nothing about what was going on in the boy’s mind, being that it was rude to pry into someone’s life, but he still could help.

“Have you been to the Hospital Wing since the full moon?” he asked, his voice growing lower with every word.

“No…” Remus said slowly. “Err…” He hesitated as he spoke; he didn’t know if any of the staff, aside from Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey, knew the identity of the Ravenclaw’s attacker. “I think she forgot about me, after what happened to that girl and all…” He trailed off feebly, thinking that what he said wasn’t fully a lie; she had indeed forgotten all about him and went at once to attend the girl. This was only right; the girl needed the help more than he did.

“Well, that’s not a good thing,” Slughorn said considerately. “Those injuries are not supposed to be left uncared for.”

“No,” Remus said quickly. He didn’t want to go to the Hospital Wing. “I’m fine… really… It’s just my leg that hurts, that’s all.” This, of course, was entirely untrue, he ached all over, but his dread of visiting the infirmary was what was keeping him from mentioning it. Slughorn looked at him skeptically, seeing right through his lie, but chose not to say anything of it, for which Remus was grateful.

“I think I might have something in my office that could help,” Slughorn offered. “Hagrid’s dog, Fang, got a bit miffed with me the other day…” he chuckled light-heartedly and gestured for Remus to follow him.

Remus lingered on the spot for but a moment before following his professor down the dungeon corridor. He was happy for the help, as his leg was stinging with every step he took.

He entered the Potions classroom, which was filled with the noise of stewing potions that were left by a group of sixth years. Professor Slughorn instructed Remus to take a seat at one of the tables while he went into his office to retrieve the potion. Remus sat down at one of the vacant desks and looked inside the cauldron in front of him. It looked as if this student was trying to pass mud off for an actual potion. The substance was a dark brown colour with lumps covering nearly every inch of it and every so often a bubble would erupt. At one point, Remus’s face was splashed with tiny droplets. He wasn’t worried though, the chances were that it was so bad nothing would happen at all. He shook his head; he didn’t think there was someone out there worse than he was at potions.

“This should do it,” Slughorn said, emerging from his office and carrying a bright blue bottle and a goblet. He held the bottle up to the light, inspecting its contents carefully through one eye. “Very effective, that leg of yours will be as good as new in seconds.”

Remus hoped that Professor Slughorn was right; his leg was beginning to feel as if it might burst apart at any moment and, he imagined, that wouldn’t be a pleasant sight. Slughorn placed the goblet down on the desk and uncorked the bottle. Slowly, he poured a good portion of the potion into the goblet and silently handed it to Remus as he capped the bottle again. Remus looked inside the goblet, grimacing at the unappetizing appearance of the potion, but he wasn’t going to keep that from healing his leg and, besides, he had tasted much worse.

He downed it, cringing at the rancid taste, and almost immediately he felt the pain dissipating from him. He swung his leg back and forth, expecting to feel the dreadful sensation he had been experiencing since the morning after the full moon, but there was nothing. He rose from his chair and thanked the professor happily. Slughorn waved it off, saying, in his most dramatic way, that it was nothing at all and it was his duty to help students in need.

Remus ran from the classroom and up the stone steps leading out into the Entrance Hall. Checking his watch as he walked out of the dungeons, he realised curfew was coming soon. He hadn’t even realised how much time had passed since he had left the Great Hall after his spat with Lily Evans. He had a lot of thinking to do, trying to plot the perfect way to break into Professor McGonagall’s office and snatch the box from her, now that he was condemned to training himself.

Entering the Gryffindor common room, he saw that it was far too full to allow him to clear his mind, so he made a detour through a group of second years, went up the spiral staircase and into the dormitory. However, the second he entered the room he wished he had stayed downstairs. Sitting at Sirius’s bed were none other than James, Sirius and Peter. They were talking quietly when he came in and abruptly stopped when they saw him, giving him the suspicion that they had been talking about him.

He ignored them and made his way to his bed, kneeling down and pulling his trunk out from underneath it. He snapped open the latches and began shuffling through his belongings, unsure of what he was really looking for but needing an excuse not to look or talk to anyone. After a few moments of silence, James, Sirius and Peter began talking again, this time about the Defense Against the Dark Arts test that had been set for the following week.

“What are you looking for?” James asked exasperatedly, causing Remus to poke his head out from behind his bed.

“Nothing,” Remus answered simply. He could tell that it was annoying them that he was making noise by moving things around. He waited for a response, but received none. So he moved his trunk back under his bed, having pulled out the book his sister had given him for Christmas and began reading, though he was not paying attention to the words on the page. He felt a surge of guilt as he thought about what he had to do. Yes it was necessary, but that didn’t make it right, violating a teacher’s privacy. He just had to do it.

As the clock reached ten at night, Remus heard his roommates finally going to bed. He had been lying on his own bed, his eyes shut but he was not allowing himself to sleep; he needed to remain awake so he could hear them go to bed. Remus did not move too quickly, waiting until he could hear their snores to ensure that they were really asleep. In ten minutes time he could hear their light and steady breathing, occasionally punctuated with a snore, and he knew that this was his chance.

Remus pulled his robe on and slid his feet into his sneakers. Pulling his wand out from behind his pillow, he stepped lightly onto the threshold and walked light footedly across the room, not daring to allow his foot to fully touch the floor for the risk of waking up his roommates. Slowly he turned the doorknob and pulled the door back, wincing as it creaked, but, fortunately, it was not loud enough to be noticed. Leaning against the railing, he stared down into the common room, squinting through the darkness to see if he could recognise the outlines of any Gryffindors. There were none.

He crept through the common room, thankful that the fire was still going. If it had gone out that meant would that house elves would be about to rekindle it and he did not want to run into anyone, even them. He pushed the portrait hole open, his eyes shut as he listened for a sign that he might have awakened the slumbering Fat Lady. He distinctly heard her mutter something wildly, but she had not woken up. Sighing in relief, he treaded lightly down the hallway, doing everything in his power to keep quiet. He knew that Filch or Mrs. Norris were somewhere around and he didn’t fancy being caught out of bounds.

Remus had never fully appreciated the distance between Gryffindor Tower and the Transfiguration classroom before. He had also never realised how dark the castle corridors were with only torches lighting them. Remus moved his hand towards his pocket, which held his wand, thinking that he should use Lumos so he could actually see where he was going, but decided against it at the very last moment. If he wanted to avoid being caught the last thing he wanted to do was draw attention to himself by making light in a pitch black corridor.

Squinting through the darkness, Remus could make out the faint outline of a door, but he wasn’t sure if it was his destination. As it turned out, when he reached the door and leaned forward to open it, it was simply a closet that he had never noticed before. Groaning in frustration, he veered to his left and continued on his search. He knew he was crazy in his search; he knew it was completely insane. When he thought of the insanity of his idea, he knew that Wilkins was getting to him at last. In his normal state of mind he never would have considered this, but his sanity was slowly disappearing and he had to do his best to grasp it before it was gone beyond his reach.

He shivered as he felt a draught pass by and he saw that he was near an open window that provided a small amount of moonlight, but it was enough to allow him to gain his bearings. He could tell he was in a familiar hallway, one that he usually took when he wanted to get to Charms class, and the Charms classroom was on the same floor as the Transfiguration class… He was getting close. Quickening his pace, he strode down the hallway, not noticing that a figure had begun following him, and it was not Filch.

He finally reached the classroom and stood outside it, his mind now waging a war with itself. One side respected Professor McGonagall far too much to violate her trust and break into her classroom. The other half of his brain was too angry with her to even give it a second thought. Normally Remus’s sensible side would prevail and he would high-tail it back to his room, but now he wanted nothing more than to steal that stupid box right out from under her nose.

He pushed the door open after magically unlocking it, stopping it before it banged off the wall and stepped inside, trying to remember where she had last put the box. Usually it was lying on her desk and she always removed it when they were not using it. He couldn’t recall where she had placed it. He moved stealthily towards the office door, listening for any sound that would indicate Professor McGonagall was still awake. He magically unlocked the door, all the while marveling that this was so easy. He looked around the room, fathoming where it might have been. Then, remembering a spell that Blake had taught to him when he was in his second year, Remus whipped out his wand and muttered a summoning word. He soon saw something coming out from a corner in the room. He grinned, satisfied, when he distinguished the object as his prize.

He caught the box in his outstretched hands, finally registering how heavy it was, tucked it under his arm, left the room, closing and locking the door behind him. Grinning in relief, he now tried to find his way back to Gryffindor Tower, once again not noticing the figure that had come up behind him. He did not see it until it placed a hand on his shoulder. Remus jumped about ten feet forward, dropped the box, causing a loud clatter as he did so. He spun around and pulled out his wand, only to find that it had been Larry Wilkins who had been tailing him.

“Fancied a midnight stroll, Lupin?” Wilkins said, relishing every moment of how terrified he had made his opponent. Remus said nothing; words failed him for the time being. Wilkins looked down at what Remus had dropped and smiled, clearly knowing what it was. “So you’ve been training, have you?” he questioned nonchalantly. Remus remained silent. “I asked you a question; you’ve obviously been getting help from someone.” A smile flickered on Remus’s face; Wilkins hadn’t seen which room he had gone in. “You know, you keeping quiet makes it seem as though you’re not intelligent enough to answer a direct question.”

“I’m not stupid,” Remus muttered defensively. He wasn’t going to take any smart talk from this boy.

“Then are you training?” Wilkins repeated, more forceful this time.

“None of your business,” Remus snarled heatedly.

Wilkins laughed harshly and Remus thought for a second that the boy was going to pull out his wand, but then he remembered that this creature didn’t need a wand to inflict pain. He felt as if his scars were burning as he recalled the attack that had taken place so many months ago.

“It’s April now,” Wilkins said as if he was merely commenting on the weather. “You were attacked months ago; you can’t still be scared, can you?”

“You know nothing about that,” Remus said angrily. “You just did it; you didn’t take a second thought as to what you were doing. You didn’t care how much pain you were causing me. You didn’t stop to think that I was going to spend weeks in the Hospital Wing. You don’t think about any of the horrible things you do, you hurt and… and kill without even blinking an eye.”

Wilkins smiled maliciously, enjoying every moment of torment Remus was experiencing as they stood in the vacated corridor.

“It’s in my nature, Lupin,” Wilkins explained lightly. “It was what I was made to do, what I was born to do, inside of you. This evil is what you’re capable of doing; you’re just too soft to even fathom your potential.”

“It’s not because I’m weak that I don’t do that stuff. I chose not to do it because it’s wrong. I’d never hurt someone intentionally, or kill someone.”

“And yet you have. Everything that’s happened since I came along is all your fault. Everything. You’ve always been afraid of mindlessly attacking yourself and hurting someone else. Didn’t you realise that I was a werewolf when I attacked you? I imagine that you wouldn’t, you were too busy crying for your mother, like a little baby… much like your brother did before I finally turned back into a human and shoved his filthy head under the water. The shrieks of your mother in your house were some of the best I’ve ever heard… and the cries of that little Ravenclaw, as well. All of this is the evil that really lives inside you… The only thing that makes you different is that your evil is embodied in another form, someone separate from you. I am your evil side.”

Remus’s eyes were wide and his breaths were coming in ragged gasps. This wasn’t right… Wilkins was just taunting him. He was not able of bringing such horrors upon people, he’d never do that.

“Oh don’t deny it, Lupin,” Wilkins scoffed. “Don’t lie to yourself; you know that you could do it if you really wanted to. You’ve had so many deadly thoughts in this past year than you have in all of your life because I came here. You’re slowly losing your mind, as you would have done eventually. I’m just speeding it up for you, making it less obvious. If it all happened in one quick blow then people would just think everything was getting to be too much for you.”

“Shut up, Wilkins,” Remus growled fiercely. The anger inside him was at its breaking point. He wasn’t going to stand there and listen to Wilkins defile his family and himself, he wasn’t… He may have been losing his sanity, but he wasn’t going have Wilkins make it happen faster than it would have. He didn’t deserve the glory. “I wouldn’t do that stuff; if you hadn’t come out of me do you think any of it would have even happened?”

“It depends on how far you’ve been pushed, how long you’ve been ignored by potential friends and treated like an invalid because of something you had no control over,” Wilkins said. “Fearncks only come out when someone’s at their worst, and you were the day I appeared. You were feeling lost and lonely, like you had nothing in your life to live for… I made you have something to live for.”

“Don’t make it sound as if you’ve done good for me.”

“I’m not trying to. I have given you a purpose, and your purpose is to be the filth of a werewolf that you are, to have everyone who has ever cared for you disappear or abandon you. Your parents, your siblings, Dumbledore, McGonagall, your friends, they don’t care for you anymore. You’re no longer going to get the help you want. You’ll have to do it yourself and die in the process, because once you die, all of your fears will be unleashed and I will have free reign, and you won’t be there to stop me.”

“You’re not going to kill me and I’m not going to die when I try to get rid of you.”

“You haven’t even got the nerve to kill someone, that’s the only reason that girl survived, because you were too weak to finish her off.”

This touched a nerve. Remus moved so quickly that Wilkins didn’t have time to react. Remus had snatched the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the stone wall. “She’s alive because my human side came through and knew it was wrong,” he hissed vehemently.

“Of course, Lupin,” Wilkins mocked. “Your weak and pathetic human side. You haven’t got the nerve to hurt me, despite how much you want to.” Wilkins clenched his fist and brought it forth, connecting with the side of Remus’s face, knocking him off balance and allowing Wilkins to break free of his grip.

“Just remember this, when the time comes and when you fail… no one’s going to miss you. It’ll be as though little Remus Lupin never even existed. You’ll have died alone and you’ll go through your afterlife alone. You’re not worth the memories.”

Chapter Nineteen
- But this was no normal duel... they would not be shouting hexes and jinxes at one another... this was a fight to the death with fear. -

It was a quiet day in the castle. The weather outside was beautiful and for that, all of the students were taking advantage of it and roaming the grounds. But not Remus Lupin. He was locked up in the third year dormitory, staring blankly at the box he had commandeered from Professor McGonagall’s office almost two months ago. He had done a lot of work with it on his own, more than he had done with his teacher at least. During the days following his break into her classroom he had expected her to corner him and demand that he return her possession, but she hadn’t done anything of the sort. She didn’t even seem to have discovered that it was missing. She hadn’t done so much as look at Remus during classes, so he suspected that she completely forgot about the lessons. He didn’t mind though, it lessened his guilt somewhat.

Remus had been severely shaken by his confrontation with Wilkins that night. He knew he shouldn’t have taken everything that boy said to him to heart, but at times he just couldn’t help it, particularly when everything he said was true. Remus had lost everyone who had ever cared for him, even if some of them were still alive, they weren’t a part of his life anymore. Everyone had abandoned him or forgot that he was still around, even his family.

His father was still furious with him for attacking that Ravenclaw, and his mother was the same way. Even in her weakened state she was still able to harbour anger quite well. The pair refused to answer his numerous owls, all of which tried to explain what occurred and that he never meant for it to happen, but all the letters were returned unopened. He had also tried contacting Cassie, but she seemed to be out of reach of mail and now he was left to wonder if she was angry with him. He knew Lucy still was… but he had been mean to her. He couldn’t exactly hold it against her. He just wished he had one ally, and he wouldn’t mind if it was her.

His friends, he thought, had no reason to abandon him the way they had. They knew better than anyone that he’d never purposely hurt someone. It wasn’t the kind of person he was. They had no right to get up and walk away from him the way they had, leaving him completely alone. Every day he went about his routine, struggling to avoid meeting his former friends’ eyes. He wasn’t ready to face them and tell them they were wrong; he didn’t know how to say it.

It was hard to believe that it was almost June and Wilkins was still reigning freely, though he had not caused any trouble recently. He must have been saving up his energy for the final confrontation with Remus. He would need his energy too; Remus had been preparing every night whenever he was alone, usually before he had detention. Whenever his roommates had gone to the Great Hall for dinner he would take out the box and practise. He made sure not to work himself too hard, for fear of James, Sirius and Peter walking in and seeing what he was up to. He could tell they had become curious as to why he was never going down to dinner anymore, but they never said anything.

So one night in late May as Remus was picking himself up off the floor, the dormitory door opened and in came three of his roommates. They were having a lively conversation and took no notice of Remus until they saw him stand fully upright.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and stepped forward. “What were you doing down there?” he asked with a hint of mockery in his voice. Remus ignored him and hastily shoved the glowing box under his bed with the rest of his belongings.

“I asked you a question,” Sirius said.

“I know you did,” Remus said vaguely, sitting on his bed and taking his Charms textbook off his nightstand, opening to the reading they had been assigned for homework. “I just don’t feel like answering.”

“Fine, then don’t,” Sirius dismissed uncaringly.

“I won’t.”

Remus leaned over his book, blinking back the headache that was slowly creeping up on him; he knew he had hit his head too hard on the floor when he fell. He knew that this pain was worth it. He had been able to eliminate many of his fears since he’d broken into the Transfiguration classroom. He was no longer scared of losing his friends, as he didn’t exactly have them, but he still cared enough to worry about them losing their lives. Remus could never hate someone to the point of wishing death upon them, except Wilkins. Remus wasn’t a naturally hateful person; it took special cases to make him wish such a thing.

He leaned back on his bed, laying his Charms book flat on his stomach and gazing sleepily at the ceiling. True he was getting farther on his own than he had with Professor McGonagall, he felt worse than he had when he was working with her. It took more energy out of him to egg himself on, that part had been the professor’s. At least he was making progress… that was all he really wanted.

Remus looked down at his watch and saw it was approaching seven thirty in the evening; he had detention with Professor Sprout that night. He really couldn’t wait until his detentions were over. Professor Dumbledore had gone all out with his punishment. Every night he would serve detention with a different professor, even the ones he wasn’t in classes with (such as the Divination, Muggle Studies, and Ancient Runes witches) and they would have some difficult task prepared for him. Today Professor Sprout had him fertilizing the Imp Bells for the first years, which, when put into perspective, wasn’t very difficult, it was just unpleasant.

Remus slid off his bed, pulling his robes on as he did so, and went to the dormitory door, only to be stopped by James.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Where else?” Remus shot back. “Detention.”

When he finally made it to the greenhouses and saw the fifty Imp Bells set out for him, all of them in bad moods, he groaned in disgust. He had his work cut out for him.

---

Remus didn’t know what it was about this particular day, but he knew there was something different about it. There was a strange air about the castle and he had a strong feeling that it had nothing to do with the impending exams that were heading their way after breakfast. He just had a feeling that something different, or big, was going to happen that day… and he had a suspicion of what it might be.

The night before, when he had returned from his detention with Professor Vector after alphabetizing every single of the three thousand and forty two textbooks about Arithmancy, Frank Longbottom had approached him with an important message that he was to report to Professor Dumbledore immediately. The moment he got the message a sense of dread settled in his stomach. He knew that it had to have something to do with his mother and his first thought was that she had died. When he finally met with the Headmaster he learnt that she was still alive, but barely. It was only a matter of a day or two that she would to cease to exist.

Remus had returned to Gryffindor Tower, knowing what he had to do in order to prevent this. His time had finally come to confront Wilkins, to strip him of the grip he had been holding on him for the past year. He didn’t know if he was fully ready, but he knew he was ready enough to at least try. He just hoped that he would succeed.

Remus stared down into his breakfast, his stomach fully rejecting any food that was to be put in it, so he packed up his books and went to his first exam �“ Transfiguration. When he entered the classroom he saw his professor sitting at her desk, writing on a piece of parchment. She looked up when she heard someone enter, but made no other sign that she even knew Remus was in the room. She only got up from her desk when the rest of the class filed in, and handed out the exams.

Remus glanced down at the paper, reading the first question several times, as his mind was clearly elsewhere and not where it should be at the moment. After the seventh time he looked the question over, he managed to find the correct answer and could do the rest of the test. Once the entire class had completed the written portion of the test, they were given teapots that they had to transfigure into turtles. That part went better then the first had. Remus was very good at transfiguring inanimate objects into living creatures and he had a turtle sitting on his desk in a matter of minutes.

The rest of his exams for the day �“ Charms, History of Magic, and Care of Magical Creatures �“ all went fairly well, although his History of Magic one was threatened with his false answer about how the Giant Wars ended with all of the giants fleeing to the moon. He was far too distracted at that point to even realise what he had written until he was half way down to the Great Hall. He thought about going back up to correct the problem, as he still had time, but quickly thought against it when he remembered that Professor Binns would not be looking for the paper with the name Lupin on it, but the name Lambert, instead.

Remus sat at the end of the Gryffindor Table, closest to the Staff Table, and quickly shoveled down his dinner, feeling oddly hungry. He needed enough time to figure out how to slip Wilkins the message that he wanted to meet that night. He had thought about giving the information to an unsuspecting Slytherin first year, but then thought that there might be a miscommunication by the time the kid went from Remus to Wilkins. In the end, he thought it best that the message went through Snape. Snape absolutely loathed Remus and would love to see him get hurt, which he knew Wilkins would do, so he would make sure that the message was given correctly.

Getting up from the table, he looked over towards the Slytherins and saw that Snape was missing from the group, so he must have been on his way. Remus hurried out to the Entrance Hall, nearly knocking Peter over in the process, though he did not stop to apologise. He skidded to a halt when he saw Snape walking down the marble staircase, alone. Remus went over and offhandedly leaned against the banister post. He gave Snape about two seconds head start towards the giant doors that led to the dining hall, before calling out the Slytherin’s name. Snape stopped and Remus could see from the boy’s profile that he was highly annoyed by the disruption.

“What do you want, Lupin?” he asked exasperatedly.

“You hate me, don’t you?” Remus said in a friendly manner, as though he and Snape had been best friends since infancy.

“Gee, what tipped you off?” Snape retorted sarcastically.

“Then you would love to see me get hurt, wouldn’t you?”

“Well yes, I would enjoy that.”

“Especially if it was of my own doing?”

“That would make it even more amusing
.”
“Then would you do me the favour of telling Larry Wilkins that I’d like to meet him out by the greenhouses at ten o’ clock tonight?”

Snape looked confused by this request, but heeded to it anyway. Remus thanked him and went on his way to the common room. So it was to be that night that Wilkins would cease to exist… or at least that was his hopeful outcome. Even though he didn’t show it, Remus was still considerably weakened from his solo practise. He knew that physical weakness had no measure to his state of his mentality. He was just as strong as ever in that aspect. He had learnt over the span of two months since he began working on his own, that he was able to defeat his fears, to convince himself that he had nothing to be scared of.

That still didn’t keep him from being apprehensive about the whole situation. Yes that night could very well be the downfall of the Fearnck known as Larry Wilkins, but it could also be the downfall of the host to the Fearnck, Remus Lupin. Wilkins’s words still rung in his ears, if he died in his attempt no one would care, no one would even remember that there had ever been a boy named Remus Lupin. He wondered how that was possible, to live for fourteen years and then to not even be a memory once he was gone. Could his family really forget all about him? Would they really think that they’d only had three children instead of four? Would they really think that Blake had been their only son?

Remus shivered at the thought. He couldn’t bear to fathom the possibility that his mother and father would think that they’d lost their only son when Blake was killed. They wouldn’t even remember what it was like when Blake died. They wouldn’t remember the grief they had experienced when they first received the news; they wouldn’t be able to recall the tears they had shed at his funeral… They would know nothing of that time. It would be that way even if Remus prevailed, the only difference was that Remus could try and convince them of what was true. He wouldn’t be able to do that if he was dead.

James, Sirius and Peter would never know that at one point they had been training to become Animagi for their werewolf friend. They wouldn’t know that they had been constructing the Marauder’s Map with a fourth person if Remus was gone. They would look at his name and wouldn’t be able to figure out the identity of the boy. They would think that Sirius had just had a brain lapse when he was writing it and made up some strange, fictional name. But Remus knew what he had to do before he went to confront Wilkins; he had to make amends with them, even if they didn’t want to hear it. He knew that if he didn’t come back it was something that had to be done.

His three roommates entered the dormitory at around nine thirty that night, talking excitedly about the Quidditch final that had taken place that past weekend. Gryffindor had been a part of it and had managed to snag the victory. James, in particular, was feeling extremely giddy about it, having scored the majority of the goals in that last match against the Slytherins. He was currently doing a stunning reenactment of his fifth score, one that had him dangling upside down on his broomstick (although he wasn’t able to do the upside down part) and he had to throw the Quaffle in order to swing himself upright. He had originally been aiming towards one of his fellow Chasers, but it soared right past his teammate and through the middle goalpost.

They didn’t bother to look Remus’s way when they began getting ready for bed, still talking about the match. Only when Remus cleared his throat loudly did they bother to look at him.

“Yes?” James asked impatiently.

“Look,” Remus said slowly, choosing his words carefully. “I know you hate me because of what I did. But I want you to know that I’d never do that on purpose, I’d never purposely hurt someone, not a complete stranger, or you guys, or even people I hate.”

“What about Wilkins, aye?” Sirius snarled.

“Wilkins isn’t a real person, you know that!” Remus said desperately. “He doesn’t deserve to live. He’s stealing away from me what little sanity I have left. He’s going to pick at me until I have none, and once he has me out of the way, who knows what he can do? Look, I know you guys aren’t going to be able to remember this if I’m alive or dead, or if Wilkins is alive or dead, but I want you to know that I really am sorry. You guys have looked out for me the way my brother would have… I’m always going to be grateful for that, and for the time when we were actually friends. I really hope you can find it in yourselves to forgive me for whatever I did.”

He waited silently for the three of them to say something, even if it was just to tell him to leave and that they weren’t going to forgive him. Anything would have been better than the uncertain silence. Clearly they weren’t going to say anything and he didn’t have any more time to wait. He had someone to meet.

“If you do forgive me… I’m glad you do,” he said in a defeated voice. “I really am.”

Giving them one last look, he turned around and made his way to the greenhouses. Maybe they did forgive him, maybe they didn’t. All Remus knew was that he meant what he said. If they couldn’t find it in themselves to listen to what he had said, then it was no longer his problem.

Remus looked around at the dimly lit corridors, marveling at the fact that he had not passed Filch or Mrs. Norris at least once, it was as though everything had set itself up for this moment. He had navigated his way perfectly to the Entrance Hall and out onto the grounds where he could see Wilkins’s silhouette waiting down by the greenhouses. A lump formed in Remus’s throat that he could not swallow, this was it…

He coolly approached Wilkins, who had spotted him from the moment he stepped out of the castle, and folded his arms across his chest.

“You’re on time,” Remus said nonchalantly. Looking down at his watch, he corrected himself. “Actually you’re a bit early.”

“Well, I believe in being punctual,” Wilkins said lazily, not realising what was about to take place.

“So Snape gave you the message… knew I could trust him with something like that.”

“Yeah, he seemed really happy about it too… Said something that you could get hurt.”

“Or you could, either way someone wins.”

“Yes, someone wins… I think that someone will be me, so why don’t we just get this over with and we can all get on with our lives? Or at least I can… You, on the other hand, will have no life.”

Remus’s eyes flashed. So Wilkins thought he was that weak and that he would never stand a chance? Well that showed how much the Fearnck knew. Remus had been practising, he was ready for anything.

“You think you’ve got it all figured it, don’t you?” Wilkins mocked, folding his arms across his chest and circling around Remus. “You think you’ve got all of your worst fears conquered?”

“All of them… except one,” Remus said, turning around with Wilkins, never daring to look away. “You’re the one thing I just can’t seem to get rid of.”

“That’s because you’re too scared,” Wilkins jeered.

“I’m not too scared,” Remus snapped. “I’ve just been waiting for the right moment, and it’s now.” He pulled his wand out from his back pocket and held it in front of him, poised and ready.

“You really think you’re strong enough to beat me?”

“I know I am. I’ve never been more sure about anything else.”

“Fine,” Wilkins said loudly, giving his own wand a complicated little wave and Remus then noticed he could hear nothing except his own breathing. The sounds of the night had been blocked away. “Let the games begin!”

Remus and Wilkins stood facing each other, their wands in the ready position, as if this was a normal wizard duel. But this was no normal duel… They would not be shouting hexes and jinxes at one another. This was a fight to the death with fear.

“So what would you do if I told you that right at this very moment, your ex-friends were falling down the stairs?” Wilkins challenged, stepping forward with every word.

At first Remus believed him, the way he had said it… it was so believable. He could actually see James, Sirius and Peter sliding down a flight of stairs. He could hear their shouts from where he was standing. Then another thought evaded his mind… Wilkins was just messing with his mind �“ James, Sirius and Peter were still in the dormitory. They had been getting ready for bed.

“No they’re not,” Remus his fervently. “They haven’t left the dorm.”

“How can you be so sure?” Wilkins egged on. “Can you see through solid brick walls? Do you know for sure that they’re still in their room? And what would you care anyway? They hate you.”

Remus’s mouth twitched as he listened to this, but he wasn’t going to let Wilkins push him into something he knew wasn’t true. They did not fall down the stairs.

“I don’t believe you,” Remus said forcefully, squinting as a bright light emitted from the tip of his wand. He smiled as he saw the colour on Wilkins’s face begin to drain away; it was working. “They’re still in their room where they should be, you haven’t done anything. And it doesn’t bother me when you say that they hate me…”

“Okay fine, I didn’t do anything to them,” Wilkins admitted, throwing his arms lazily in the air. “Your mother on the other hand…” He let his voice trail off in such a way that Remus felt his face pale.

“What’d you do to her?” he questioned angrily.

“She’s hanging on by a thread… She probably has until tomorrow morning before she croaks, and you know what? It’s all your fault.”

Remus’s wand arm lowered when he heard this… His mother was going to die. Looking up, he saw a strange glint in Wilkins’s eyes and he quickly realised he’d been tricked. Yes his mother was going to die, but she had more time than Wilkins was letting on.

“You’re lying,” Remus said dubiously. “My mum’s got more time.”

“Gee, you really are too smart for me,” Wilkins said. “Fine, then just get it over with, get rid of me! Take your best shot.”

Remus’s wand completely dropped when Wilkins said this. He was putting him on. He wasn’t going to just let Remus fire away at him, and this was true because the second Remus’s arm fell there was a large wolf on top of him, clawing away at his face.

“Not again,” Remus moaned, only to have the wolf’s claw get inside his mouth and chip part of his front tooth away, along with a large portion of his braces. Remus spat the gritty substance onto the ground, along with the blood that had accumulated. He tried pushing the creature off him, but it was too heavy. It clawed at his face, his arms, his legs, his stomach, anywhere he could draw blood.

“Get off me!” Remus shouted, cringing in pain as the wolf bit his hand. “Get off me!”

The wolf barked in sheer glee and refused to listen to Remus’s shouts. Getting furious, Remus used his remaining energy to slide out from underneath the wolf when he saw the opportunity. He stood woozily up, dripping with his own blood and sweat; he faced away from the wolf, gasping for breath.

“Almost got you there, didn’t I, Lupin?” Wilkins said loudly, drawing his opponent’s attention back to himself.

“The keyword is almost, Wilkins,” Remus replied angrily. “I still got out before you did any real damage.”

“As if having hundreds of open wounds on your body isn’t damage.”

“I’m not giving in! That’s just what you’re trying to make me do! I’m not scared of you! I’m not giving in to you!”

Remus looked carefully at Wilkins, who stood rooted to the spot. He saw that a light seemed to go out behinds the boy’s eyes. He was doing it… he was getting through.

“I’m sure you’re not scared,” Wilkins went on, disregarding the effect that Remus’s words were having on him. “You’ll say anything to get your way.”

“I mean it,” Remus said truthfully. “Nothing you say or do is going to ruin me anymore.” It was true. If he had to do anything to retain his sanity and give his brother the justice he deserved, it was to not give Blake’s killer the satisfaction of scaring him into remission. Wilkins didn’t deserve the triumph… He was going to die the filthy creature that he was. “I’m not scared of you anymore. You used to run my life, making me some scared little kid afraid to lose everything he’s ever had, but not anymore.”

Wilkins was losing energy; the colour that had once darkened his skin was now fading away, making him into a transparent ghost. He was losing the malicious grin that had once spread across his face. He was losing his hold over his host. He was really losing this battle…

“Afraid of losing, are you?” Remus sneered, using the same almighty voice that had once been used on him. “Afraid of losing to a weak little boy? It doesn’t seem as if I’m the weak one now, does it?”

“You’ll never win,” Wilkins breathed, refusing to give in to what he knew to be true. “You’re not powerful enough, you’re weak… How can you even think you’ll win after what I just did to you?”

“It’s not about physical strength,” Remus proclaimed. “It’s about believing in what you know is right. Haven’t you figured that out by now? Knowing what’s right can get you places; it can help you defeat your worse fears.” Remus stepped back and observed Wilkins’s deteriorating form. “It's not so much fun being on that end is it? Trust me, I know it’s not. I’ve had plenty of experience on that side.”

Despite the front he was showing, Remus was growing tired. He felt his energy slowly evaporating from his body; he was growing cold from his lose of blood, but it was only his drive to finish the job that kept him going. He sensed that the end was near, but it was not for him as had been predicted. He felt his body slowly falling forward to the ground. Landing on his knees, he still held his wand up, not letting Wilkins leave from his sight.

“Life’s only worth living when you know that no matter what someone does to you, they can never fully break you,” Remus gasped. “No one can control you. No one can make your decisions, or scare you into making ones you don’t want to make because you know they’re wrong or bad for you. Only you can make yourself who you want to be… and only you can achieve your goals because you want them badly. And I want this badly. So for the last time, Larry Wilkins, I am not scared of you! I don’t believe in you! You’re not going to take over my life and destroy everything I ever loved!”

A light like no other streamed out of Remus’s wand, illuminating the whole of the Hogwarts grounds, consuming the two boys inside it. Along with the light was a thundering roar, so loud, so powerful, that he never heard the last words Larry Wilkins ever said to him before he was gone and Remus fell to the floor, drained of any force that he may have had.

He laid there on the cold grass for quite some time, breathing heavily, trying to fill his lungs back up. He had done it… Wilkins was gone from his life forever… After an entire year of pain and misery he’d gained his control back. And with that one good thought resting in his mind, he allowed himself to slip away, unconscious.

---

Remus woke up for the millionth time that year in the Hospital Wing, the bright June morning light illuminating the infirmary and blinding him at the same time. Shielding his eyes from the sunlight, Remus sat up, wincing in pain as his ribs ached with his movement. He didn’t know what time it was, and his vision was too blurry to see the time on the clock on the nightstand beside his bed. Holding his arms out in front of him and shaking the sleeves back, he saw that they were wrapped in thick bandages. Pulling the covers off himself and pulling up one of his pants legs, he could see the same went for his legs. Wilkins obviously wanted to make sure Remus still had the scars.

Remus leaned against the headboard and thought back to the night before. It had been such a feeling to discover that he was no longer living in fear. He had had that power all along and yet he had never bothered to tap into it and use it. That was what had kept him going, even when he wanted to give up right there and pass out, he knew that he had to complete the task, rid the world of an evil. He couldn’t lose. Now the only thing left to do was to see if the book had been right: Did people really forget that Larry Wilkins had once existed?

He didn’t have to wait too long to receive his answer. The door to the Hospital Wing swung open and Professor McGonagall strode in, coming to check on her pupil.

“Are you alright, Mr. Lupin?” she asked concernedly, giving Remus his first clue. If the book was wrong then she would still be too livid with him to care about his wellbeing.

“I’m fine, Professor,” Remus answered, half truthfully. He hesitated for a moment, watching as Professor McGonagall observed him through her square spectacles. She nodded, seemingly pleased, and turned to find the nurse. “Wilkins is gone, Professor McGonagall,” he said before she could leave.

She stopped in her spot and turned around very slowly, raising an eyebrow at him. “Who, Mr. Lupin?”

But before Remus could give her an answer, Madam Pomfrey had come out, ranting and raving about how she had found him out on the grounds, bloody and beaten, and she was getting too old for this job. Remus repressed the grin that was creeping up on his lips… he was too happy for words to describe. Wilkins was gone, the book was right; no one knew he had ever existed. Then another thought found its way into his head… that also meant that the past year was almost as if it had never happened.

Remus was released from the Hospital Wing later that day, the only remnants of the previous night being the scars that ran across his body. His hands in his pockets, he made a beeline to Gryffindor Tower, knowing now that the final step in this whole nightmare had to take place. He had been battling with himself about it all morning and well into the afternoon. He could be selfish and make the wish that would benefit himself, a wish that would make him happier than he had ever been. He could be generous, however, and make the wish he knew had to be made.

Remus walked quietly into the empty third year dormitory, figuring that his roommates were taking advantage of the beautiful day. He crouched down beside his bed and pulled out the infamous box that he had stolen from Professor McGonagall two months previous. He sat down on his bed and placed it in his lap.

“I really want to be greedy right now… I really do,” he said helplessly to the inanimate object. “Right now I have the chance to rid myself of the curse that I’ve had since I was four… this stupid plague… something that’s made me miserable for so long. But I could also wish to get my friends back. After all, Blake would have wanted me to have friends. And that’s another thing, starting last night I made his death nothing… as if he died in vain, with no purpose. But I can tell people why he died… make it worth something, even if no one believes me. At least they’ll know one version of the tale �“ the truth.

“But I can’t be greedy when there are people out there, people who mean so much to me, who need this more than I do. If they can’t make the wish themselves, then I can do it for them. No matter how much I want to be normal… it’s not worth it when there are other things that can be done.” Remus ran his hand along one of the vines that decorated the box. Sighing, he closed his eyes and hung his head. “Mum… I love you too much to have anything happen to you. You’ve always wanted what’s best for me; you’ve always tried to make me feel better, or like I was normal, even if I’m not. That stupid fire… everything that’s happened this year… this wish is yours. I wish that you, my mother, was going to be okay. That you’ll live and continue being the great mother you are.”

The box in Remus’s hands began decreasing in weight and growing fainter and fainter until it was gone… The wish had been granted. Remus sighed and stood up, walking over towards the window. He gazed out onto the grounds. Looking at the familiar beech tree he had spent afternoons with his friends, he could see that they were there, watching a group of sixth years wrestling by the lake. His mother was going to live… that was what he really wanted, but it didn’t mean that he had to let his friends get away from him. They would have no memory of ever being friends with him.

He thought back to that night so many months ago when he sat with them in the common room, scared to death of what he had just discovered, and they assured him that they would never let their friendship come to null, and how Sirius had made it so. Turning around, he went to the nightstand that belonged to Sirius; the one he knew contained the Marauder’s Map. He pulled the piece of parchment out of the draw and stared at it, Sirius’s words ringing in his ears - If we need proof, we’ll have the proof. This was what those words were for.

Remus went out onto the warm and sunny grounds, grasping the map in his hands and weaving through the groups of students. James, Sirius and Peter were still sitting at the tree, this time talking quietly. He stood in front of them and cleared his throat. They looked up at him, not angrily, but merely curious.

“Yes?” Sirius said.

“Look, I know this is going to sound weird to you, but I have to tell you it,” Remus rambled out quickly.

“What?” James asked, turning so that he was facing Remus.

“I know that this is going to be hard to believe but… we were friends at one point this year. You’re not going to remember it because of some things that happened… We had an arguement and I apologised for it last night and I dunno if you accepted it. But I have proof that we were actually friends.”

He held out the Marauder’s Map and Sirius took it, recognising his own handwriting.

“‘Messrs. Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black and James Potter, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers are Proud to Present The Marauder’s Map’,” Sirius read to his friends. “This is my handwriting, but I don’t remember ever writing it,” he said to Remus, handing the parchment back. “Are you sure you have the right people?”

“Yes,” Remus pleaded. “I know it's you guys. Those are your names, aren’t they? And that is not my handwriting. Don’t you remember? Earlier this year you found me on the grounds! Some kid had attacked me and you brought me to the Hospital Wing where you promised you’d never tell anyone that I was a werewolf, and we became friends. You helped me when my brother died… and you volunteered to become Animagi for me, to help me on full moons. Sirius!” Remus said, turning to the long, black-haired boy. “Remember Christmas Eve? You and me went skating on the lake and you started singing Muggle songs and I asked you where you learnt them, since your family hates Muggles, and you said you learnt them from Andromeda’s boyfriend �“ Ted Tonks!” He looked for some signs of comprehension on the boy’s face, but saw none. “Remember on my birthday? You guys woke us all up ridiculously early, singing Happy Birthday? Remember the Fearnck?! That’s the reason you wouldn’t know any of this!”

“I think I know what a Fearnck is,” James said suddenly, looking up as though he was recalling it from a dream he had once had, not knowing that the boy standing before him had told him what it was.

Remus smiled. James hadn’t known what one was before he told him.

“That’s because I told you!” he said hurriedly. “I told you what one was when I found out that it was the cause of all the bad things that had been happening. That was why Sirius had signed the Marauder’s Map like that, because once a Fearnck’s gone no one remembers exactly what happened during the time it was around, except the person it came from, and that was me. Everyone else who was affected by it during the time would just forget it. They’d remember bad things had happened, and maybe what they were, but they wouldn’t remember who had done it, and they wouldn’t remember the good times. Please believe me… You guys said you’d have your memories, but they weren’t enough to help you remember. I had a wish… an unconditional wish to have anything I wanted… I wanted to wish that you guys would remember, but I changed it to help my mother who was dying.”

“Your mother who was in the fire,” Peter said slowly, staring down at the ground, wearing a strange expression on his face. He was beginning to remember…

“Yes!” Remus said happily.

“She’s going to be okay?” Sirius asked, his façade looking much like Peter’s.

“Yes… I think she is.”

“I still don’t fully remember,” James said, standing up and moving towards Remus. “But flashes are coming back… You were out on the grounds after some student attacked you and I found your brother once it happened.”

“I’m not sure if you did, but you might’ve if that’s what you remember,” Remus said, shaking his head.

“We must’ve been friends if I wrote this,” Sirius said, taking the map back and observing it, a smile creeping on his face. “Definitely my handwriting.”

“Trust me, I’d never make this stuff up,” Remus assured them. “I mean, I always wanted friends, but I’d never trick someone into thinking it. I really wouldn’t.”

“Remus Lupin is a Marauder, we must be Marauders... It describes us perfectly!” James stated.

“If you feel weird about it, I’ll understand,” Remus said quietly, suddenly realising how odd this must be for them, to have someone tell them that they were forgetting an entire nine months of their lives.

“It’ll take some getting used to,” Sirius reasoned. “But I think if we try this may very well be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

---

Remus stood by the entranceway to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, having just said goodbye to his friends, who were on their way home with their families. His family had still not arrived yet and he was left to patiently wait for them, sitting on his trunk in the middle of the train station. James had promised that he would write during the summer, inviting him to stay over at his house, along with Sirius and Peter. The end of the school year had been the best Remus had ever had, now that he had his friends back and he no longer had to look at the hideous face of Larry Wilkins. He had passed all of his exams and was happy to be entering his fourth year of Hogwarts, this time in different spirits then he had when he entered his third year. He had to spend a good majority of his time explaining to his friends exactly what had gone on during the year, but he didn’t mind doing it, as long as they fully understood.

“Remus!” said a voice from further ahead of him. Remus looked up to see his father coming towards him, his mother and sisters following. He stood up to meet them. “How are you?” his dad asked when he approached him.

“Great,” Remus replied brightly. He moved over to hug his mother and sisters. Getting a look at his mother, he saw that she looked perfectly healthy, almost as if she had never been in a fire at all. The wish had worked… He’d have to thank Professor McGonagall one day.

“We’re sorry we’re late,” Cassie said to him. “We were visiting Blake’s grave and we didn’t notice the time.”

Remus nodded mutely, considering that they no longer knew how he died… but at least they still knew enough to visit his burial place. He wondered when the time would come that he’d have to tell them what really happened to their son. He looked down at Lucy, who had said nothing to him since they arrived.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” he asked her, kneeling down to her level. He had almost forgotten the last time he had seen her and they had gotten into a fight, she had never forgiven him for it.

She gave him a bewildered look. “Why would I be mad?” she asked.

“I dunno. You were mad at me the last time I saw you.”

“How come?”

“Oh… err… no reason, something I did. I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you mad.” Lucy said nothing to this, but Remus knew that she had definitely accepted his apology. Remus turned, instead, to his mother. “You’re okay then, Mum?”

“Yes, Remus, I am,” she said cheerfully.

“Good… So are we heading home, then?” Remus now knew that, as a result of the fire, his family was currently living in an apartment somewhere outside of London until they could find a new home.

“No,” his dad said. “I think we’re going to go down to Diagon Alley first.”

Remus nodded contentedly and followed his family to their car. Getting in the backseat, he slumped down and stared out the window. They were going back to where it all began, the place where Larry Wilkins had first made his appearance. Remus’s life had been turned completely upside for one year and, strangely enough, everything had turned out right. Blake was no longer there in his life, but he was always going to be around. His presence was in their family �“ in his mother, his father, Cassie, Lucy and even in Remus himself. If he couldn’t be there in person, he could at least make sure that his spirit and personality was within his family, so they would really never forget him. It was amazing how a quest to justify his brother’s death had become a mission to save his own sanity. But the mission had not been in vain.

His mother was no longer lying in St. Mungo’s, inches from death… that one wish had saved her life and restored her to perfect health. He had his friends again and for the first time ever after years of waiting, he could not have better ones. Remus no longer had to look over his shoulder at every minute of the day, fearing the next time his Fearnck would strike. He knew he had been losing his sanity, making rash decisions without a second’s thought, but sometimes those decisions had come out for the better and actually helped him. Maybe Wilkins had brought so many terrible things into Remus’s life, causing him physical and emotional pain, but he had also given him many of the things he wanted. He had made his life mean something… He made it seem as if his life were something worth fighting for, as if it was real and not as he always thought it had been… simply… just simply imaginary.

The End