thanks a million to my BETA greeneyes for all your help!

Disclaimer: The song is property of the Backstreet Boys, and all recognizable locations are property of JK Rowling.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Show the Meaning of Being Lonely

'Show me the meaning of being lonely.'

You always understood me. Even when Father was angry, you stuck by my side. You were always kind, and never struck me, as father often did. You would argue with Father, and tell him to stop. So how could you leave me in his cruel hands and go murder people? What happened to all your kindness?

'So Many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love'

I loved you. I really did, and, I guess I still do. And you said that you loved me. You used to say it every night, when you tucked me in, when Father was out of earshot. So why did you leave, Mother? Why did you go, and become the Dark Lady? Why did you leave me to fend through life all on my own, where no one is proud of me, no one ever tells me I did good, except for maybe the professors. But Father? Never. Nothing is ever good enough for him. To him I'm just an underachiever, even if I am at the top of my class.

'So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe.
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I can feel the sun'

At night, after hours, I take walks across the grounds. It is so quiet there, so peaceful. So lonely. Almost as lonely as I feel at Malfoy manner, or even here at Hogwarts, where I have friends, but there is no one here who loves me like you did. There is no one in this world who loves me like that, like a mother. Because people who love you don't leave you.

But still, when I walk at night, I like to imagine that you're there with me. You hug me, and tell me that you love me. Just like you used to when you were still with me.

And after one of those walks, I feel like I have a sun inside of me. A sun, which you only have in you when you are loved. One you don't feel until you've lost it.

'Your every wish will be done
They tell me.'

Mother, you once told me, that if you did something wrong, I should let you know, and that I should stop you before you did something stupid. Mother, you had been talking about the game we had been playing, but what is life, if it is not a game? Sometimes you just look at your own goal, sometimes you help others achieve theirs.

So I will help you. I will tell you that you're doing something stupid. I will tell you that I want you to come back. That now it is your turn to listen to my wishes.

'Show me the meaning of being lonely,
Is this the feeling I need to walk with?
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are,
There's something missing in my heart.'

Will you never return? Will I be lonely forever? Is that my destiny, never to see you again? Am I not even to know where you are? Why can I not even know where you are, if all I want to do is get one hug? Just one. That's all I want. That's all I need.

'Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze if only,'

Life has continued, but I have not gone along with. Ever since that night, that dreadful night when you left. Father tells me to let go, to get on with my life, that there is nothing we can do. But even he does not go on with his life. There are still bags under his eyes; they have been there ever since you left. Usually I wouldn't care, but they are the only symbol of his love to you. It is the only place where his hard shell cracks. And if he cannot go on with his life, then how can I? I know Father's advice is good advice, but it is not easy to fulfill. If only it were.

'Guilty roads to an endless love,
There's no control.
Are you with me now?'

I should have convinced you not to go. I really should have. But I didn't. Because I was in too much shock at the sight of you leaving to stop you. It is my fault that you are not here, and that if I ever see you again, it is very probable that you will be arrested. If I had convinced you, a lot of people would still be alive.

But I still love you. You're my mother, and you have always been kind to me, and you have always pulled me in the right direction. Why didn't I pull you? I should have, but I didn't. It's all my fault.

'Your every wish will be done'

You once said that you would fulfill my every wish if it were within your power. So can I see you? Just once Mother? Just see your face? Please Mother, that is all that I ask of you.

'They tell me,
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart.'

Mother, why do I have to be lonely? You can come back, and be home, even though you will be arrested. Then I can see you! Then I can be hugged by you, I can be held close. I can be loved by you. And you by me. I beg you, Mother!

'There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show '

But you are not going to come back home. My love means nothing to you anymore. The only way I can see you is if I join your forces. But I do not want to be a murderer! Mother, if my love means nothing to you, then yours will mean nothing to me. You do not love me anymore, so I will not love you anymore.

'You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be there where you are!'

But that is not true. I love you, and I know it because I have an empty space where you used to be. I want to be with you I need your love. You're my mother. I need your Mother's love. It is the only cure to a broken heart.

'Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart.'

Mother- I will love you forever, which will probably mean that I will be lonely forever.

I hope you get this letter, though I doubt you will, and even if you do- I know that you will not read it, you don't love me anymore.

Your loving son,

Natus Putus Malfoy