The flowers adorned either side of the aisle, giving it a magnificent appearance. A trellis stood at one end of the yard, with numerous chairs on either side of the pathway. The bright sunshine gave the normally plain looking yard a luminous glow. Of course she should be happy for Lily. She was happy for Lily. It was her wedding, after all. She wished that she could feel as lighthearted as the rest of the guests present. Though no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t erase the sick feeling in her heart.

She was aware of Sirius trying to catch her eye from where he stood next to the alter. Despite her hollow mood, she looked up and smiled at him, and he returned the gesture with an exaggerated wave. Leave it to Sirius to wave like an idiot at a wedding, she thought to herself. That made her laugh, if only for a moment, before her bitter mood returned.

She tried to be happy, but she felt as though her fake smile was etched onto her face. She hoped that no one could see through her to what she really felt inside. Damn wedding, she thought repeatedly, though she tried to force her thoughts elsewhere. Damn life.

She could hear a piano sound somewhere in the distance. There was a shift in the crowd as they turned to face Lily, who stepped onto the aisle; arm linked with her father’s.

Her dress flowed out like a never ending sea of white lace, and her red hair framed her face beautifully. There were tears in her eyes, and her smile was wider than she had ever worn it.

There used to be a time when she would never smile like that at James, she thought resentfully. And though she had been avoiding it ever since she had arrived, she couldn’t help but to let her thoughts slip back to the days when she was at Hogwarts…

***

She couldn’t keep herself from gawking at the sight before her. She had never seen a room as grand as the one presented before her. Though they had entered the castle, the dark night sky was reflected beautifully on the ceiling that seemed to go on forever. There were four tables that appeared to stretch for miles until they came to an end near yet another table. This one was horizontally faced, however, and seated what appeared to be all of the teachers.

The students were led to the front of the room where they stood before a three-legged stool. One by one, they were each called up alphabetically. Though too nervous to pay attention to most, one name- for whatever reason- seemed to catch her attention.

“Potter, James!�

She watched the tall, dark haired boy make his way through the crowd. Unlike the rest, he didn’t seem the slightest bit phased by what he was doing. She found herself staring at him like an idiot as she watched him boldly take a seat and wait patiently for whatever was in store for him. There are plenty of other boys here. Gawk at one of them! She found that no matter how hard she tried, her eyes refused to be averted from the handsome boy resting on the stool. Within only seconds, the hat that was placed upon his head shouted, “Gryffindor!�

Standing, James quickly made his way to the Gryffindor table and seated himself by a boy with dark, unruly hair.

Her attention was only diverted from him as she heard her own name being called. “Reynolds, Chloe!�

She felt each pair of eyes in the room shift to her as she made her way up to the front of the room. Stop staring at me! she thought imperiously. Admittedly, she was used to it; Chloe was a pretty girl, sporting long, blonde hair and deep, grey eyes. She tried to concentrate on the ground, though it proved to be a hard task unless she ran into various people. Taking a deep breath, she looked up and forced herself to make it to the stool.

After what seemed like hours, she luckily made it to the stool, for she doubted that her legs could carry her any longer. As she felt McGonagall slip on the hat, she wondered, for the first time, which house she was going to be in. Surely not Slytherin… she wasn’t that bad, was she? She hoped that she wouldn’t be in Hufflepuff. Any other day she would have completely disregarded Gryffindor, yet remembering that the handsome boy, James, got sorted into there, she hesitated before ruling that out. I can be brave, right? She nearly laughed to herself as she remembered how terrified she had been to walk up to the front of the room. She figured Ravenclaw was the safest bet.

As if echoing her thoughts, she heard the hat shout, “Ravenclaw!�

Though she had predicted that, she couldn’t help but feel slightly defeated. So she wasn’t with James.

Standing up, she could feel all eyes shifting to her once more. She chanced a glance at the Gryffindor table. Of about everyone there, James was the only one not looking at her. He, instead, had his eyes fixed on a pretty red-head, who was pointedly avoiding him by averting her eyes elsewhere. Chloe noticed the dark haired boy next to James staring at her intently, and she quickly looked away, walking hurriedly to the Ravenclaw table.

Upon sitting down, her eyes dashed to the Gryffindor table once more. Still, James hadn’t paid her any notice at all.

She knew that she should have given up her schoolgirl crush then and there. Everything would have just been so much easier. But being the stubborn girl that she was, she decided to hold on to it. Just a little longer.

***

Chloe stared down at her blank parchment. What was she supposed to be writing about? Goblin rebellions or something…

Considering it a failed attempt, she sat up and observed her surroundings. She was leaning against the beech tree by the lake, attempting to be completing her homework. It was a beautiful day out; the sun shone brightly overhead, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Most everyone was outside at this time; most just enjoying the day, though many of the seventh years, like Chloe, were trying to lessen their workload.

“Chloe!� She spun around upon hearing her name being called.

“Hey, James,� she responded, closing her book and sitting up yet straighter. She shook away the thought that even after six years, she couldn’t help the jolt that ran through her each time she saw him. Telling herself that he was in love with Lily didn’t stop her from dreaming. She watched as he walked over to where she was seated. For once, Sirius, Remus, and Peter weren’t with him. She couldn’t help but register her astonishment of how tall he was. Sitting down didn’t quite help. She quickly scrambled to her feet to better meet his eye level. “What’s up?� she asked him.

“Not much,� he said, leaning against the tree. “Are you doing anything this Saturday?�

Chloe felt as though her heart had stopped. And as though she had to lift her gaping jaw off of the ground. Am I really hearing this?

It’s not what you think, came another cynical voice from the back of her head. You two are friends. He wants you to help him study. That’s it.

Despite her now low hopes, she couldn’t stop her mouth from blurting, “Um… no. I’m not busy. Why do you ask?�

“I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me.�

This...can't be happening.

“I—er, I mean, um…� she stumbled. Despite her awkward demeanor, James hardly seemed phased by this encounter. Yes! her thoughts were screaming. Just say yes! “I mean, I would love to, but…�

“But?�

“Lily.�

“What about her?�

“It’s just… you’ve been, well, in love with her for the past six years.�

James laughed. “I can’t sit around waiting for a girl who has no interest in me. I’m over her.�

“Really? Are you sure?�

“Of course! Now is it yes, or should I go find a different girl who won’t question my motives?� His hazel eyes sparkled mischievously as he asked her this.

Chloe felt her heart flip over. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. But it was. And she knew her answer. “Yes. I would love to.�

James grinned. “Great. Meet me in the Entrance hall at noon on Saturday!� Then he turned and walked back to the rest of the Marauders, leaving Chloe to gape stupidly after him. What the hell just happened?

***
Chloe fidgeted nervously with her glass of butterbeer. She still couldn’t believe this was actually happening—after six years of dreaming.

“So…� she began in attempt to start a conversation. She just couldn’t get over the fact that James Potter was sitting next to her. “How’d you do on your last Potions test?� She felt like slapping herself in the face. She wasn’t actually discussing school while on a date with the person she had been pining after for the past years?

James must have noticed her shock, for he laughed upon noting the look on her face. “I got an ‘A’. Not my best, but it could be worse. That was a tough assignment. How’d you do?�

Chloe took a sigh of relief before saying, “Not bad. I got an ‘E’.�

“Not bad?� James asked incredulously. “That’s amazing! It’s hard to get a passing grade from Slughorn unless you’re in that stupid club of his, like Lily.�

At the mention of Lily, he cast a glance across the room to where she was sitting with a Ravenclaw that I knew to be Will Mathews. She had a lighthearted smile, and was laughing at something he had just said. Chloe tried to ignore the longing glance that he threw her way. She decided it would be better not to let the conversation die. “That’s true, but I have gotten better. And I worked hard on that exam; I thought I would at least get an ‘O’…�

“What?� James asked, turning his attention back towards her. “I’m sorry; I’m just a little tired today. What were you saying?�

“Nothing,� she muttered. “It’s nothing.�

They went on in silence for a few minutes, and Chloe felt as though she would be suffocated by her thoughts. So, he still likes Lily. Does that mean he doesn’t like me? Did I say something? Come off as too pompous? Am I a boring person? I should have figured that out by now. Is he waiting for me to say something? Do something? Eat something? I don’t know if he even realizes that we’re sitting in awkward silence. Maybe he doesn’t mind.

She was yanked from her thoughts only to see Lily, across the room, kissing Will. Before she could even think, James was leaning in to her, kissing her. She couldn’t register her shock. Was this really happening? She leaned in to him, kissing him back. She could tell that he was distracted; he kept casting glances in Lily’s direction. She knew that she should just pull away; he loved Lily, not her. She was wrapping her arms around him. Just let go. He kept kissing her harder, and she knew what she needed to do. It still hurt, though. She just wanted to hold on.

“James,� she breathed, pulling away from him. “I can’t do this.�

“What? Was it something I—?�

“No. I mean yes. You’re still in love with Lily. It’s not fair to lead me on like this. You can’t do this to me. I’m sorry.�

“Look…� he began. She just shook her head.

“I’m sorry, James.�

She stood up to leave. She wished that she had never come. But still… it wasn’t as though she hadn’t known about him and Lily. It was just more painful to actually sit there with him, knowing that he wished she was someone else.

And she knew that she should forget about him. He had proved that he didn’t like her. It wasn’t as though she had ever thought that he did. Only now she knew that he never would.

Brushing a single tear from her eye, she continued out the door and out onto the streets of Hogsmeade. She knew that she should forget, but she couldn’t help holding on. Just a little longer.

***
Recalling her once lost memories, Chloe felt a tear slide down her cheek. She didn’t bother brushing it away.

She could see James staring at Lily from where he stood near the alter. Unlike Lily, that was the smile he had always worn while looking at her.

Now Chloe was crying. Full out crying. This wasn’t the way that things should be. She loved James, not Sirius. She longed to be held in his arms once more, even if he didn’t love her back. And as she sat there, crying, she realized that it didn’t matter what she wanted. This was the way things were.

She stared into his eyes as he kissed Lily; the only person that he would ever love. She thought for a fleeting second that he cast a look her way. Of course she was imagining it. He would never love her. She had to let go.

It’s always harder to do. It’s always more painful.

She took a shaking breath, staring at him longingly one last time.

Just let go.

She could feel an empty feeling succumb her. She knew that she couldn’t just let go of a love that she had held on to for so long. But she would try. She would will herself to forget. But she knew that she would never be free.

And of everything, the lost memories were what hurt the most.

In the background, the sound of the piano played on, and people stood to leave their seats, hand in hand with the ones they loved.