The sky was a deep grey, obscuring any sunlight that the cold, November evening decided to present. She hesitated as the thought of turning back welcomed her. That would make things easier. I could just forget and go on living my life. I don’t know why I’m here in the first place. I should just leave. It’s not like I can fix anything by being here. What’s done is done. She stopped in her tracks, only for a moment, as though those thoughts had been enough to convince her. As though she was now sure that leaving was the right thing. But there is no right and wrong. Life’s more complicated than that. She had tried telling herself that, day after day, as if it could explain everything. But it didn’t. She didn’t want to make up excuses for why things were the way they were. She wanted to know. And though she wouldn’t by being here, it was a start.



She trudged on through the frost covered field, watching as her feet made the slightest of marks in the frozen grass. Listening, as the crunching sound of her walking forward became the only noise that she could hear in the barren field. She looked up and saw the area that she had been searching for. Her heart skipped a beat as she reached the snow-covered gate. The metal was cold and frozen to her touch as she reached forward. Turn around. Just leave. You aren’t gaining anything by being here. She wished it was that easy. She could have come for months, though she had waited for today. She didn’t quite know why. All she knew was that she was tired of waiting. She had to come; why was unexplainable. It was just a part of her. A part that she couldn’t just brush away and forget about. That was all her sister had ever done. But she was different. If she didn’t face this now, she knew that she never would. She would let it fade into the blackness of her past, not once acknowledged. She was different. And so she had to do this.



She pushed the metal gate open, and it creaked as she did so. Slowly continuing past it, she took a step forward into the graveyard. It was as isolated spot, with hardly any tombstones occupying the vacant space. Along with the rest of the land, there were no trees, or anything that may have given it a more life-like appearance. It was bare; spare the few tombstones that resided in it.



It didn’t take her long to find the one that she was looking for. Without wasting any time, she knelt down and pulled out her parchment and quill. Just do it. You’re here already. Just start writing. But it was harder than that. She didn’t know where to begin. But she had to do this. It seemed to her as though her life was on the line if she didn’t. To anyone else, it wouldn’t have been as important. But to her, it was. She had to do something, before the remainder of her past slipped away. Before it was too late to do something; anything, as small as it may have seemed. She had to do this and be done with it for good.



With trembling hands, she raised her quill and began to write.



Bellatrix



This is hard for me to say. The problem is… I don’t know what to say. I never have. Not to you, anyway. I wish I could just go ahead and put my thoughts to words, but I can’t. I don’t know what to say and how to say it. I don’t know if you can even hear me. And so I’m writing this to you. It’s the only way I can figure out how to do this.



Let me start at the beginning. The only part that’s certain to me. The rest just blends together, and events become indistinguishable from one another. The only thing that I’ve ever really known was the beginning. That’s where it all started. It’s always easier to look back at the start than at the finish, right?



I always used to be jealous of you. Which is weird, really, when you think about it. Even then, I didn’t know you. I only saw the girl who had everything when I looked at you. It really did seem that way back then. It’s strange to think how evasive you were, and still are, even now. You were beautiful. You were our parents’ favorite. I always felt so plain next to you. It was hard not to. I always wanted to be you, just for a minute, to know how it felt to be in the spotlight. But now, I can’t say that. I haven’t been able to in a while.



You never really talked to me. You never cared about me enough to. I doubt that you ever cared about me at all. I was just there… someone that you put up with because you had to. You always carelessly brushed away my thoughts. Even then I wasn’t aware of how much that hurt me. It was the way you always were, and so it was how I knew you to be. Only now do I realize how much I wish things had been different between us. But they weren’t. And I can’t change that.



I always had some vague fantasy of how I thought that sisters should be. We should care and look out for each other. A sister was someone to catch you when you fell… right? That’s what I always thought. Only recently have I realized that, as much as I wished, things didn’t have to be that way. Unfortunately in our case, they weren’t. It wasn’t that way with either of my sisters. You both were always closer to each other than me. I was always the outcast, constantly pushed away. Even now, I’m still that person. When was the last time I talked to you? When was the last time you made an effort to see me? That’s right… I don’t remember either. I don’t even know why I’m taking my time writing this to you… it’s not like you’ll ever read it. It’s not like you would take the time to even if you could. But here I am. I was always so easy to push around. Now that you’re gone, you manage to do that to me still.



When you graduated, I thought it would be easier. I would still be your sister, but I would stop being known as her. I would have a chance to be myself, right? Wrong. I was still your sister, not only to myself, but to the rest of the world as well. Then you go and get yourself thrown in Azkaban. I just remember thinking, day after day, night after sleepless night, why. Why are you doing these things? Why are you torturing innocent people? I always wondered when and why you stopped being the sister I knew. But then I realized… I never knew you. My vague fantasies were just that: fantasies, not memories. I never knew you to be anyone other than the coldhearted girl who lived for herself and herself only. How was I to know you? You never told me anything. You kept me in the dark and brushed my thoughts away, as easily as though they were a strand of hair on your gaunt face. Only now do I realize that I’ve never known who you are. Only now do I realize that I need to know why you did what you did; why you were who you were. Only now do I realize that I have to ask why. Why were you that girl? Why did you never make an attempt to know me? Why didn’t I ever know you? Only now is it too late. And even though you can’t answer me, I just want you to listen. For once in your life, will you just listen to me?



Andromeda



She set her quill down, taking a shaky breath. As though it had drained all of her strength, she lowered her hands and hung her head. It was over. She wished that it was just as cut and dry as that. But it wasn’t. With her final words, she knew that she had let go a part of her life that had always been there. It should have been easy, to let go of someone so distant to her that they could have been strangers. But they weren’t. Bellatrix was her sister, no matter what had happened between them. But as painful as it was, she knew that she had to let go. This part of her life was over, and she couldn’t move forward if she lingered on the past. She felt that that letter had completed her. That was all she had ever wanted to say. And now it was over.



She turned her attention back to the graveyard. There were only a few tombstones; not many people knew about this area. Most were grown over with weeds, barely visible as though they hadn’t been tended to in a long while. The whole area gave an eerie feel to her, and she pulled her shawl around tighter, as though to hide herself from the haunting memories. She heard the gate to the yard creak somewhere behind her and she shivered. She stared down at the paper that she was still clutching in her hand. Just let go. Everything will be easier when you let go. It will be over.



She turned her attention towards the grave that she sat before. The one that she had scarcely looked at since she had arrived. She couldn’t remember when she had arrived. It may have been hours ago; maybe days. She had just been writing her heart out. Writing all the thoughts that she had been pushing to the back of her head for as long as she could remember. Writing every last drop of emotion that she had.



She stared up at the tombstone.



Bellatrix Lestrange

1951-2001

Taken while fighting

May her strength and

determination live on

in the hearts of those

who knew her



Andromeda took a gasping breath, trying to gather herself. Her sister was dead. When she had first found out, she didn’t know what to think. Should she mourn for the loss of her sister, or should she rejoice that there was less evil in the world? Even now, she didn’t know what to think. She wiped a solitary tear from her eye; the first she had shed for her sister in a long while.



She held the parchment out with trembling hands. “Please. Just listen to me.”



She let go of the letter, and it floated slowly to the ground before being swept away by a gust of wind. Andromeda watched it dance across the field and out of sight. She couldn’t help but feel that it was Bellatrix, even in death, brushing her thoughts away once more.