So I took what's mine, by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over, bur it won't stop there
I am here for you, if you'd only care

--James Blunt--


Never Say Goodbye


A young woman stood silently in front of a tall, silent building casting shadows at her feet, her eyes full of quiet determination. She had been avoiding this at all costs, but now she felt it was time. Trembling slightly, she stepped forward, grass crunching beneath her feet and stars twinkling above her head. Having passed the gates, she slowly looked around, her eyes seeking a sight of comfort, but as far as she could see, she was alone.

Hogwarts had not changed in the three years since she’d left it, nor had it changed during the last seven months that she hadn’t visited it. Turning towards the lake, she saw the Giant Squid lift his tentacles, as if he were waving at her. She shivered again as she felt the wind picking up speed and her white robes flowed around her.

Hogwarts had always been a source of comfort. She had always known that here she would be safe and she felt it now too, after so many years. If only for a little while, she felt she had escaped the reality of the brutal world she was living in.

But being back reminded Hermione Granger of so many things; it brought back so many memories she didn’t want to relive. Maybe she was not ready yet. Maybe she shouldn’t have come. Slowly, as if every movement caused her pain, she made her way under the beech tree she knew so well and leaned against it, trying desperately to hold back tears. This was not the way that it was supposed to be. She was not supposed to be alone.

Now that the battle was over and Voldemort had been defeated, she should have been living a happy life. After all the battles, after all the nightmares, after everything she had been through, after all the people she had lost, she deserved to be happy—she deserved to be loved.

Finally, tears rolled down her cheeks and she could not hold them in any longer. She could not smile and pretend that she was fine, like she had done for so long. She closed her eyes as memory after memory washed through her. All the times she had spent with Harry and Ron on the school grounds, swimming in the lake, and doing their homework under this very tree. All the times she had felt free, contented, and even when she had felt scared and worried she had known that she was loved.


“Harry?� she asked timidly.

Harry was sitting under a beech tree and looking out at the lake in front of him, his eyes unfocused. He looked startled to hear Hermione’s voice right next to him.

“Harry, what are you doing here?� she asked again, wanting to comfort the troubled-looking boy in front of her.

“Thinking,� he replied tersely. He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes and sighed. If only she knew.

Hermione sat down beside him.

“Yes, I’ve been doing that a lot too,� she told him, touching his arm softly.

Without thinking about it, the words were out of his mouth before he knew it and he had never once regretted them.

“Hermione … I love you�


Hermione smiled through the tears as she thought about that day three years ago—their last day at Hogwarts. She simply stood there, in a place where the memories lived on, looking up at a blurred sky and the dark castle, and she wondered why she had even come back. Had she needed to see Hogwarts to make sure Harry wasn’t hiding there? Had she needed to see the place where she had lived half of her life? Had she thought that everything would be all right if she came to visit her beloved school?

She simply didn’t understand it. How could God have been so cruel to her? How could He have taken everything from her, left her alone in the cold and bitter world? How could God have taken Harry away from her? She let herself cry freely now, let the tears roll from her cheeks, to her neck, and down her chest. It wasn’t important anymore—it was all gone. Her parents, her friends, Harry, and her happy future with him. She was tired—tired of it all. The pain she felt was so huge, it was almost physical. She had struggled so much—they both had. They’d gone through everything together, they had grown together, but that didn’t mean anything anymore.


“Harry … I—“

“I’ll be fine. I promise.� He held her tightly against him and whispered words of comfort in her ear. “Before you know it this will all be over and we’ll be together again. Don’t worry, love. I’m going to come back to you.�

Hermione sighed and buried her face in his chest, willing herself to let him go. He had to fight. The time had come, but she couldn’t do it. She felt her tears soaking Harry’s robes and she told him over and over that she loved him.

Harry looked down at her, his own eyes swimming, but he had no more words of comfort.

“I’m coming with you,� she told him and he looked at her sternly.

‘No, you’re not. I have to do this alone—you know it … and you have your own battles to fight.�

Hermione sighed once more. He bent down and took her lips in one last passionate kiss.

“I love you. I will always be with you,� he said again. And take care of our baby.�


Hermione’s whole body shook with renewed sobs as she thought of his last words to her. Our baby. Her hands went to the bulge in her stomach and she caressed it lightly. Her baby. Her precious little gift. The only thing that kept her alive. The last reminder of Harry’s love for her. She slid down the tree, her hands still circling her stomach as another memory took hold of her.


“Baby?� Harry asked, his voice trembling. For a minute something had blazed in his eyes, but now he was looking at Hermione with disappointment.

Hermione took a step back, as though Harry had slapped her.

“Yes, a baby,� she said defiantly, shooting daggers at him with her eyes.

Harry ran a hand through his already messy hair and turned away from her. Meanwhile, Hermione’s eyes were slowly filling with tears. How could Harry react like this? How could he do this to her?

“I realize this is a shock,� she spoke, trying to keep her voice steady and even, “but it is what it is. If you do not want to take responsibi—“

Harry turned around so fast Hermione gasped. He swiftly grabbed her by the shoulders. She could now see there were tears in his eyes.

“Do you—“ he croaked. “How could you think … that I …?� He lightly touched her flat belly. “I …Hermione I … I want to—“ But his voice broke and he looked at his feet as he felt tears roll down his face.

Hermione had already softened up and was now looking at Harry with concern.

“I want to live to see my little girl,� Harry said finally, enveloping her in a tight embrace.

Hermione did not ask how he knew it was a girl, but held him tight, knowing that he was scared, wishing she could tell him it would all be fine, but no words came as the tears slid gently down her cheeks mingling with his own.


How she wished Harry was here with her now. How she wished for this baby to have known its father. But it was not meant to be. What she had to do was pull herself together and keep on fighting and living … for the sake of the little being inside her. She hoped with all her heart that the baby would keep her sane and make her realise that life was worth living. She hoped that this baby would teach her the value of life… and love.

***

With one last push a tiny little wail broke the silence as Hermione panted and tried to see her newborn baby.

“It’s a girl,� the doctor said, grinning and looking at Hermione.
After a few minutes of cleaning her up and checking for any problems, a tiny baby girl was put into Hermione’s waiting arms and she smiled as she pushed the hair out of her own face.

She gasped as she saw a pair of astonishing green eyes look up at her. She felt tears sliding down her cheeks as she smiled and held her precious girl. This was what she had been waiting for—what she had been dreaming of. She held her daughter’s small hand in hers and she thought of how proud Harry would have been. The memories of him still drove a knife through her heart, but now she was not alone. She would never be alone again. A love as she had never known flowed through her and she finally understood.

She looked at the picture on her night table, wanting to see the familiar face again, wanting to tell him. A grinning Harry was waving at Hermione out of the picture and he looking at her with curiosity. With one last tear drop and a smile Hermione’s eyelids begin to drop and she felt herself falling asleep, holding her girl to her, and hearing as if in a dream…

Take care of our baby.