An Old Mutt

Sirius is very frustrated, and very annoyed. He has been trying, for the last few minutes, to get some kind of rise out of Remus who is currently lying beneath him like the board he was back when Sirius had first kissed him in fifth year. Of course, moments after that first kiss, Remus started the second one, which had gone on into the third and the fourth and the– Now, he is simply lying there.

Bored.

Remus has never acted this bored before in his life. And he must be acting because this isn’t normal Moony who is lying beneath him. Normal Moony would have been howling at the moon by now. Bored Moony looks as though he rather be reading.

“Moony,� he growls, very close to having lost all his patience. Patience that wasn’t even that long to begin with.

“Hmm?� Remus asks, sounding as bored as he is acting.

“Remus,� he growls again, warning.

“Yes?� he asks, his voice almost pitying.

Sirius glares at him. “What are you playing at?� he manages to get through his gritted teeth.

There is a pause, and then, “I’m sorry,� Remus says
sadly, and now he is most definitely pitying.

“For what?� Sirius says, his tone dangerous.

“That it’s true.�

“What is?� Sirius asks, his voice clipped as he tries very
hard not to hurt Remus. He loves Remus, he missed Remus. For the twelve years that he was in Azkaban and the year he was on the run all he could think about was getting back to Remus. To his Moony. And now, for what should have been their first time together again, he is behaving as if he has no interest in this. In him. “What is?� he asks again.

“That you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,� Remus answers after a pause.

“What!� Sirius yelps, shooting up straight in shock, too quickly and making the room go dark around the edges of his eyes. That, of course, could always just be the horror or what Remus has just said.

Remus shakes his head, looking up at him. “I’m sorry, Sirius.�

“You–you–you!� Sirius manages to get out in between crests of fury, swinging off of Remus.

“I’ve tried to be kind,� Remus goes on, nearly tsking. “But it’s no use.�

“Kind!� Sirius barks, shoving off the bed to pace around the small room, restraining himself from knocking everything off the dresser, the picture frames, the loose Knuts and the other small random things that had found their way from Remus’s pocket and onto the dresser. This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not–

Remus nods. “If you must know...the truth is that there is someone else.�

“Someone else!� he yells, disbelieving. This is impossible. Remus has found someone else? He’s found someone else and couldn’t be bothered to let him know sometime in the last year? But it doesn’t make sense. If there were someone else, there would be clothes, belongings, a lingering scent....

“Yes. She’s a student at Hogwarts.�

“She? A student?� Sirius asks, his voice threatening as understanding dawns. Of course there are no belongings here if the girl is in school– dear Gods, Remus has left him for a girl who must be close to twenty years younger than they are if she’s still a student. It is a good thing he’s as angry as he is or he might murder someone.

Remus nods again. “She’s only about twelve, but I think she’s perfect.�

“TWELVE!� Sirius roars. The indignity is too much. Does he look so bad since his escape that the prospect of sex with a twelve year old is more appealing than–

“Her name is Luna,� Remus goes on, his eyes falling to the blanket. “I thought it was a sign. Luna and Moony. What do you think?�

“WHAT DO I–� Sirius starts to explode, and then he
pauses, realization dawning. He walks over to the bed, slowly, places his knee on the mattress and stares at Remus. Hard. After a drawn out moment, Remus looks up.

“I am going to kill you,� Sirius promises with deadly calm, looking deeply into Remus’s twinkling eyes.

Remus rolls around on the bed, laughing and gasping while Sirius stands there, contemplating the best way to go about the murder. He would go back to Azkaban, and he’d be rightly convicted this time around, but it would be worth it. The only question is how....

“I’m sorry,� Remus manages to get out after a very long minute of solitary laughs. “I couldn’t help myself.�

“Couldn’t help yourself,� Sirius mutters as he considers reaching for a pillow with which to smother Remus. Smothering would be a good way for Remus to go, choking on his own laughs.

Remus shakes his head.

“An old dog. That’s what I am, right? An old mutt?�

Remus watches him, carefully now, no longer laughing. “Sirius?� he asks, sounding worried now.

“Don’t know any new tricks?� Sirius asks himself, asks Remus, as though daring the statement, the accusation, to present itself as truth.

“Oh Sirius, don’t–I didn’t–�

“Think you’re very clever, don’t you?�

“No–Sirius–I–It was just a joke!� he almost yells.

The other knee joins the first on the mattress.

“A joke?� he asks, his voice cold.

Remus scootches back so quickly against the headboard as to amaze Sirius. “Now Sirius,� he says, trying to calm, trying to placate the ferocious anger that has risen. “Let’s be reasonable about this–�

Sirius lunges at Remus, who screams, his hands flying up to cover and protect his face as they roll over and over the bed.

“Sirius–don’t!� Remus yells, begging.

Sirius snarls, covering Remus’s mouth with his hand and there are no more words after that for quite some time. In fact, the next words are spoken with so little breath, such a long time later as to hardly be counted as words at all.

“That–� Remus manages to gasp, his chest rising and falling as though threatening to collapse all together, his hands still fisted convulsively in Sirius’s hair. “That was new.�

Sirius leers up at him lewdly in answer.