He closed his eyes slowly. This couldn’t be happening, he thought. It’s all just a dream. I’ll wake up and find her whole and healthy, smiling at me with that killer smile of hers.

Sirius Black was slumped down on a chair, his head hanging low. He was wearing black dress robes, and in his hand held a single white rose. His handsome face looked tired and lined. There were dark bags under his brown eyes, which made it clear that he had not slept well for days. After all that had happened, Sirius just needed to get away. He needed to clear his mind. His brain wasn’t functioning very well and his vision was blurred. The memories of the previous night kept flashing through his mind. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He was going insane. It was entirely his fault. It was his fault that she had to go so soon.

He reached into his pocket absent-mindedly and took out a piece of crumpled parchment.

Dear Sirius,

I just wanted you to know how much I love you. You are my all.

Forever yours,
Kate

Mrs. Landon, Kate’s mother, had found it on Kate’s dresser the night Kate died and handed it to Sirius. Although it was only a short note, it meant so much more to him, and he knew she meant it. He had read it so many times. It brought him a kind of comfort he couldn’t describe. They had been going out for three years, three happy, and perfect years. Well, not exactly perfect. They had their ups and downs, but in the end they always ended up together again. Not this time… It was their last year at Hogwarts and Sirius had promised her he was going to make this the most memorable one for her. What a good job I’ve done, Sirius thought hollowly.

The scene burned painfully in his mind again. There she was, looking so helpless before a Death Eater of the Dark Lord. He remembered seeing her trembling slightly, her shocking blue eyes full of fear and fury. She stood still with her head held high and looked the laughing Death Eater in the eye. He knew that she had already known her fate. She knew what was coming next. But did she give up? No. She still fought back, although she knew she was fighting a losing battle.

Then it happened. It happened so fast he needed a moment to drown it in. With a flick of his wand, the Death Eater muttered the deadly incantation, his cold eyes livid. She dropped to the ground with a flash of blinding green light, in what seemed like slow motion before his eyes. He cursed himself for being late. He cursed his feet for not being able to move faster. If he had been there with her she would’ve still been here. He wanted to curse and torture the Death Eater who murdered her. He was late, yet again. The Death Eater had Apparated into the night. He left her lying on the cold, hard ground with the Dark Mark above her…

Sirius was brought back to reality when he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. He jumped slightly. He didn’t think anyone would find him here in the dusty, cramped basement of the Landon’s. He turned around slowly. Of course, James, he thought to himself. He didn’t want company at the moment. He needed to be alone. Seeing the worried look on his best friend’s face, he didn’t object, nor did he say anything. He continued staring at the floor.

“Are you alright, mate?” James asked, still wearing a worried expression.

“Yeah, excellent,” Sirius replied dryly. His voice cracked as he spoke. That was all he could manage.

James gave a hollow laugh and clapped him at the back.

“You should go now. The funeral should be starting any second now,” he said.

Sirius just grunted. The funeral was the last place he wanted to be. There would be people moaning and weeping and his friends from school were probably going to tell him how sorry they were for him. It’s not exactly what he needed. That wasn’t entirely the reason why he didn’t want to attend the funeral, he wasn’t even sure why. I guess being there is like confirming the fact that she’s gone forever… Confirming that she’s never going to be by my side, to cheer me on during Quidditch matches, to cry on my shoulder, to give me the strength to face life, to even look at me… Sirius felt a lump at his throat. He gulped.

“C’mon Padfoot, it's going to be alright,” he heard James say, as though from a distant. “She’d want you to say goodbye,” he added silently.

Sirius looked up and realised that his friend was right. He was being foolish. He mustered all his strength and stood up. He felt numb, but followed James up the stairs heading out of the dark basement.

A light breeze played across his face as he stepped into the garden. Sirius scanned the place. The others were already seated. He was relieved that no one noticed him standing there. Some of them were blowing their noses, some covering their tear-streaked faces with their hands, and some were just staring fixedly at the ground. They were all dressed in black and they were all here to pay their last respects to Kate. And there, right in front was a wooden coffin.

Sirius tried to blink back tears but failed. He wiped them away with the sleeve of his robes and walked towards a huge tree way back at the Landon's garden. He saw the two of them, sitting under the tree, her head resting on his shoulder. They were laughing and talking, like nothing else in the world mattered. Sirius shook his head. That was the past… When she was still here…

A moment later, a tall wizard in midnight blue robes stood in front of the coffin. He said in a loud, drawn out voice, "Please be seated. We are all gathered here today in loving memory of our beloved departed…"

Sirius remained standing. He leaned against the tree trunk for support. He couldn't hear what the wizard was babbling about. There was an annoying buzzing sound ringing in his ears. Then finally the wizard stopped talking, and one by one Kate's friends and relatives stepped up to the coffin. Sirius saw James turn around and looked right at him with his eyebrows raised. He noticed that James's eyes were red from crying. He understood what James was trying to tell him. He walked towards the coffin, each step causing him more pain than ever.

In what seemed like hours, maybe days, to Sirius, he finally reached the coffin. It took much more effort than he had expected to just merely look down at her. A rush of emotion swept through him. She looks so beautiful, so charming and so elegant like she always does, Sirius thought to himself as fresh tears streamed down his face. Even in death, she looked as though she was merely sleeping. She looks so peaceful…

His dark hair fell into his eyes as he wept silently for her. This wasn't how he expected their relationship to end. They had planned their future together a year ago, beneath the twinkling stars, where they sat cuddled together. It felt so right. She had left him before it all happened, left without letting him kiss her goodbye.

"Why?" he asked her lifeless body. "Why?" his voice rising. He wanted to scream. He wanted to let it all out. He didn't, because he knew screaming wouldn't wake her up. Nothing could wake her up now. Instead, he reached out and held her cold hand. His hand. Just by that touch he felt as though he was sinking into her. He felt as though they were one. One body. One soul. He shuddered at the thought that she was going to be under the ground, alone. He wanted to be there with her. In fact, he wanted to be with her forever.

"It's going to be cold down there," he croaked. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself, Kate. Promise me, please," he said again, oblivious to the people around. There were only two people in the world to him at that moment, him and Kate.

"And no more diets." He managed a bark-like laugh, remembering the time when Kate used to skip meals in their fifth year. Then he remembered it was the year he told her that he was an Animagus. He managed another laugh as he remembered the look of shock and surprise on her face. How her eyebrows shot up and her jaw dropped… Still, she stuck to him. She was always there for him no matter what.

"Please wait for me, Kate. You'll see me soon, I promise. Swear to me you'll never forget me."

Still holding her hand, he bent down and kissed her lightly on the cheek. Then he placed the white rose in the coffin beside her. It was the last gift of love he could offer her. He felt her presence all around him. He smelled the scent of her familiar cherry blossom perfume and gave a small smile. Deep inside, Sirius's heart was shattered into a million pieces. It would never be whole again. He swore to himself that he would seek revenge and one day kill the Death Eater who murdered his beloved.

He felt as though Kate had taken a part of his soul with her when she left. Sirius knew he would never love again, for his one true love was gone.