Professor Dumbledore sat in his office sucking on a lemon drop as a quill signed papers for him. It had been a relatively calm week at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The Weasley twins had only attempted to blow up the school once, Harry Potter’s recent visits to a Muggle psychologist had done more than any amount Occlumency ever could, and Voldemort was lying low for the moment. Albus Dumbledore should have been a very satisfied Headmaster.

But of course things weren’t going to stay that way. If it was, then it simply wouldn’t be Hogwarts.

Besides, Dumbledore mused as he glanced at a calendar he had attached to his desk, it would start in just a few hours. A few more hours and Hogwarts would be in complete disarray, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Leaning back in his chair, Dumbledore helped himself to another lemon drop and waited for the time to come.

*
In the Gryffindor Tower, however, things were not as peaceful. Dean Thomas and Ginny Weasley were having a rather violent fight. A chair barely missed Harry Potter’s head as he entered the room, relaxed after his therapy session.

“Why are you always such a git?” Ginny roared as she threw another chair at Dean, who blocked it with a shield charm. “I can walk by myself! You don’t need to carry me through the halls!”

“Well I’m sorry I’m interested in more than snogging!” Dean retorted as he ducked a Bat-Bogey Hex. “I have the soul of an artist and therefore need to carry on deep, intellectual conversations. But all you want to do is talk about Harry and then snog some more!” Ron appeared to have heard this, as he jumped on top of Dean.

“Don’t talk about snogging my little sister!” he cried as he landed a well-aimed punch on Dean’s face and Ginny continued to throw both hexes and chairs at both of them. Harry sighed and shook his head.

“Although my great love for Ginny lurks inside of me, I cannot allow my two friends to fight because of it,” he said, joining the conversation. “My therapy sessions have taught me that we should calmly verbalize our emotions, not allow them to build inside of us until we need to use violence. Express your hatred in poetry, friends! The world is in your hands!” Everybody in the common room ignored Harry, and the fight continued as Hermione walked over to him and laid her hand on his shoulder.

“They’ll be done when they’ve broken all the furniture, don’t worry,” she reassured him. “Would you like to help me with S.P.E.W. pamphlets?” Just as Harry began to answer her, the clock struck midnight.

Everyone in the common room froze for a whole minute as a rushing sound filled the air, growing louder and louder until it climaxed in a giant crash that seemed to shake the school. As one, the common room blinked. Then they went back to what they were doing. Sort of.

“Why do you continue to ask me for help, Hermione?” Harry was exasperated, and his mellow mood had disappeared. “Why not ask Ron, everybody knows you’re in love anyway.” Harry would have expected a gasp at this, not the blank look he received instead. “Hermione? You all right?” he asked, a bit concerned.

“What’s spew?” She asked, glancing down at the pamphlets she had crushed in her hand. “What’s that word?” Harry looked down to where she was pointing.

“The word is ‘of’, Hermione, what’s wrong with you?” She gave him a long, hard stare.

“You’re Harry Potter,” she declared. Her voice had a quality to it that was both dreamy and thuggish at the same time. For a brief moment Harry felt himself magnetically attracted to her, but when he shook his head the feeling passed.

“Yes,” he said, “funny.” Then he turned to see the other Gryffindor students and received quite a surprise.

Dean and Ron were sitting together in the corner of the room. Ron was folding origami and Dean was enchanting the paper birds to fly around the common room, where they occasionally landed on people’s heads. Lavender and Parvati were playing an intense game of chess, and Ginny was setting things on fire. This, at least, was reasonably normal behavior, and Harry hurried to her side.

“Ginny, do you know what happened? Everybody’s acting strange.” Ginny turned to Harry. Grabbing him by the robes and pulling him towards her, she slapped him firmly across the face.

“Were you being fresh with me, Harry James Potter? I’ll take no hanky-panky from you, mister! What do you take me for, some sort of scarlet woman?” She stalked off, leaving him even more confused than he had been before. What in Merlin’s name is going on? Harry thought to himself as he headed up the stairs to the boys dormitory.

I’m afraid I can answer that, a voice replied in Harry’s head, and with a yell he recognized exactly who it was. Lord Voldemort was inside his head.

get out! Harry thought, squirming as he fell onto the bed.

Why? Voldemort answered. I’ll be perfectly civil until midnight tonight. How about a bedtime story?

Harry was confused. Again. What? Why? He could have sworn he heard Voldemort sigh.

Once every ten years wizards have Opposite Day, Voldemort explained kindly. It’s different than the Muggle day because you have no choice in the matter. Everybody will be opposite what they usually are for a whole twenty-four hours, hence why you are not dead. Harry ignored the last part, which was a bit rude.

So why am I not different? Harry asked.

Your therapy, Voldemort explained. You’ve built up walls that even magic can’t break down. But there’s no point in me hanging around your mind when I’m not evil. See you tomorrow night, then. Harry didn’t bother to say goodnight, just fell asleep rather excited to see what the morning would bring.

*
Chaos. Pure chaos.

That was what greeted Harry Potter when he woke up the next morning. Ron was singing a song about bluebirds and folding more origami as Seamus adjusted his Bulgarian scarf around his neck. Dean was slowly ripping his West Ham football poster into shreds while singing a song from the Weird Sisters, and Neville was inventing the world’s first potion to cure clumsiness. But that was nothing compared to what was going on in the common room.

Ginny was dressed in all black, trying not to look at any of the opposite sex. Hermione was reading the Quibbler while drawing pictures of elves with their heads cut off on the back of her S.P.E.W. propaganda. Lavender Brown stopped him before he managed to get out the portrait hole.

“Harry, my colleague,” she began, “I was pondering. What are your feelings on the economic pressures of the cauldron bottom industry in the London area?” Harry managed to get away with a shrug before darting out the portrait hole.

The halls were a mess. The hallway itself had been replaced by sleek chrome and glass, with escalators everywhere. Harry could only suppose that Hogwarts itself had been effected by Opposite Day and was acting accordingly.

There was no doubt about it. Harry needed to find Professor Dumbledore, and fast.

Dumbledore liked to eat breakfast in the morning, so Harry decided to try the Great Hall first. As soon as he entered it he was mobbed by people whom he didn’t know. He was used to this by now- he was, after all, the Boy Who Lived, but before he could get out his special autograph quill somebody in the crowd shouted,

“There she is! It’s Luna Lovegood!” Harry gasped. A beautiful witch with flowing blonde hair and designer robes descended upon the Great Hall, her tinkling laugh filling the area with warmth. Harry could hear the whispers. “Luna’s so popular… her dad’s so famous… the whole family is rolling in money… isn’t she beautiful?” Harry was tempted to laugh out loud, but managed to hold it in as he made it past the mob. Considering how many people were swarming around the doorway, the Great Hall itself was surprisingly empty. In fact, it was completely empty except for the Slytherin table, where Draco Malfoy was laughing with the other Slytherins.

“Harry!” Malfoy called as he spotted his nemesis. “Didn’t see you there! Would you sign my petition?” It was then that Harry noticed the posters laid out along the Slytherin table that all promoted one thing.

“The Saving Bunnies From Evil Deaths Society!” Malfoy proclaimed proudly. “So many bunnies are killed in evil fashions each year, and we as a society strive to lower those numbers significantly!” The Slytherins cheered. All of them had exchanged their traditional school robes for bright pink robes that read ‘Give a Galleon, Save A Bunny’ on the back in robins egg blue. Malfoy gave Harry a large smile. “All profits from our fundraisers go straight to the bunnies! Join up?” Malfoy stuck out his lower lip in a pout, and the rest of the table followed suit. Harry couldn’t help it. Turning around, he ran screaming from the room.

*
The rest of the day was just as bad. Though there were no classes that day, Harry occasionally saw Snape in the hallways wearing the ‘Saving Bunnies From Evil Deaths Society’ robes. Not only that, but his greasy hair had been washed, blow dried, and styled until it glowed with the power of natural beauty. Whenever he saw Harry he would invite the sixth year to come and touch his head, to feel how strong the hair was. Harry always managed to decline and run the other way.

The other teachers were worse, if possible. McGonagall was singing along to the Beatles and organizing a dance party in the common room. She had exchanged her robes for jeans and a t-shirt that was definitely not appropriate for somebody her age. Dumbledore was giving out detentions to anybody who ‘breathed his air’, and Trelawney had taken over the Potions lab as her new home, where she and Neville created inventions to change the life of the average witch or wizard forever.

There was no doubt about it. Opposite Day was the most nerve-wracking experience of Harry Potter’s life.

This explains why he was sitting in the common room at 11:50 p.m., counting the seconds until midnight.

Ginny was sitting in the corner, counting the number of lines in the wallpaper. Dean and Ron were swaying and singing ‘Kum-Bah-Ya’ to Seamus’s guitar accompaniment. Parvati and Lavender were playing chess again, and Hermione was standing on her head.

Five more minutes. Could he last five more minutes?

Merlin, he wasn’t sure anymore. Ron and Dean had begun a conga line that was most of the Gryffindor students quickly joined.

Two more minutes.

Hermione’s swinging foot had accidentally connected with a first year. Hermione punched the first year in the stomach before lying down on her stomach and pretending she was a seal. The first year joined her, and together the two pretended to look for fish.

Thirty more seconds. He could make it.

Ginny stood up suddenly and announced she was going to be a nun. Ron nodded and hugged Dean in celebration.

Three, two, one…

The entire common room froze for a whole minute as a rushing sound filled the air, growing louder and louder until it climaxed in a giant crash that seemed to shake the school.

As one, the Common Room blinked. Dean looked at Ron, who looked at Ginny, who threw herself at Dean and began to kiss him. Ron petrified Dean, and Ginny petrified Ron. Hermione rolled her eyes and began to work on S.P.E.W., and Lavender and Parvati went up to the girls’ dorm to experiment with makeup. Seamus threw the guitar into the fireplace, and Harry smiled.

The (normal) chaos was back.