A Minute Without You

The summer was a hot one. It wasn’t the heat that made the outdoors unbearable. It was the humidity: The intolerable stickiness, which hung in the air like a thick blanket. It sent animals into the shade of bushes or trees, and birds soaring into birdbaths full of ninety-degree water. The streets were empty, for the most part, not even the bravest of souls ventured out. The perspiration that saturated the skin was enough to drive anyone insane. Everyone flocked indoors, to any type of store or cinema with air conditioning.

The heat never bothered Lily Evans though. But of course it wouldn’t, for she was getting ready for her seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was seventeen years old and finally able to do magic outside of school. And with this magic was the ability to relieve her parents from installing air conditioners, thanks to her cooling charm, which was the envy of even a few professors.

No, it wasn’t the humidity that was bothering Lily Evans or even a wizard named Lord Voldemort rising to power. Lily was thinking of something else, or rather, of someone else.

Well, I woke up this morning
And the night had been so long
Seems that I have had my mind on you

It was a boy. Lily Evans was sitting on her bed at five a.m., thinking about a boy. That just wasn’t something she did. And it made her want to laugh out loud. Lily Evans was practical. She was smart and funny and pretty, but she wasn’t boy crazy. She especially wasn’t crazy about the boy who obstructed her thoughts. In fact, she hated the boy who seemed to be permanently driving her crazy. He bothered her so much. So much that he seemed to have gotten stuck in her brain.

It was James Potter. James Potter. The one and only, as he calls himself, Lily thought bitterly, picturing the grin and wink he would always give when saying those words. She wanted to tear her hair out. How else was she supposed to feel? She knew she wasn’t supposed to look forward to seeing him. She wasn’t supposed to feel more excited about seeing him in one week’s time than she had about making Head Girl. The thought of him wasn’t supposed to make her stomach loop; yet it did. Lily Evans wasn’t stupid. She knew what it meant when she was both sick to her stomach and filled with delirious joy when her eyes fell on a picture of him. It was the picture he had given her for Valentine’s Day in third year: a thirteen-year-old James Potter blowing kisses at her. She had really wanted to vomit when he gave it to her. Now it was tucked gingerly into the corner of her mirror.

Well the day, it has begun
And I can’t get a minute
Can’t get a minute without you
Cause you’re always on my mind
You’re always in my head

Lily didn’t know how it happened. It was just a week after term ended for summer when he made way into her dreams. They were just snippets of the past. Things James had done to get her attention, little conversations, pranks she wished she could have laughed at, stupid notes he would send to her. He had done it all through fifth year, signing them anonymously. Of course, Lily knew they were from him the whole time; it was so blatantly obvious. It was James’ handwriting, James’ owl and James’ parchment. Yes, he somehow coloured his parchment, and for that term, he had used a light green for everything, including his love letters. Lily had thought it pathetic at the time, but it seemed somewhat sweet to her now.

Everything about him that seemed so annoying before, so irksome, was suddenly a little bit charming, a little funny and a little cute. Lily wished the reason that she suddenly like James Potter was that he had gotten under her skin, and that it was a long time coming. But she knew why his traits all of a sudden seemed so much better to her: it was because of his stupid ex-girlfriend. Lily loved the sound of it – James’ ex-girlfriend.

Her name was Rebecca Travis, and she was a Slytherin with a false sugar-coating. Lily had never gotten along with her; she could see right through the act she put on. While she feigned sweetness to everyone, she never warmed up to Lily and was quite mean. Rebecca came second in wits, talent and charm to Lily and hated every moment of it. Underneath her cheeriness was jealousy, and by snagging James, she felt as though she had beaten Lily at something. She finally felt that she was better than Lily. Rebecca knew how James chased Lily, but he was with her. James had chosen her over Lily. Rebecca had thought that was something to be proud of. She thought it would make Lily angry. She didn’t know it, but it did…

“I don’t know why she’s in Slytherin, I think it must have been a mistake of the Sorting Hat,� Lily heard James say one day and it made her blood boil. How could he not see how awful she is? How can he be with her when he fancied me? thought Lily angrily. The only reason Lily could think of was that James had given up on her, and chased the first girl who smiled in his direction.

That’s when he really latched onto her mind. All she could think of was how Rebecca didn’t deserve someone like James. Someone so… funny and carefree, lovable and happy definitely didn’t deserve someone like Rebecca. And Lily’s opinion slowly changed. James was in a new light, one that was there all along, and decided never to leave her head.

And I can’t live
I can’t live another day without you
Cause when the minutes seem like hours
And the hours seem like days
Then a week goes by
You know it takes my breath away

It wasn’t James dating someone so terrible that caused her to continually think about him anymore. James and Rebecca had been done for the whole summer and then some. That’s when Lily knew for sure that James being in her head wasn’t just because she didn’t like to see Rebecca happy. No, Lily didn’t care about Rebecca Travis or whether she was happy or miserable. She wasn’t important. It was James she had waited all summer to see.

Lily rose and moved towards her window. Dawn was approaching; the sky was a mixture of yellow and orange. Time was moving so slowly. She wished she could just sleep. But it was fruitless. She hadn’t been able to sleep all summer because she was worried, and couldn’t pinpoint what about. It was really that she was afraid that James changed his mind about her. He had always liked her. But what if he didn’t anymore? What if he realised she wasn’t that great? What if, after Rebecca, he didn’t care about her anymore?

All the minutes in the world could never take your place
There’s one-thousand-four-hundred
Forty hours in my day

She missed him. It was James’ messy hair and grinning face she couldn’t wait to see. It was his bright hazel eyes, and light chuckle that had sent her smiling for three months. What she would give for another pathetic love note to fly into her window!

Lily smiled weakly to herself. A few birds chirped in the distance. As crazy as it was, she wanted to be with James Potter. She wanted to be his friend and girlfriend and the person who made him smile. She wanted to be the one he loved for the rest of his life. She wanted to be romanced by him and hugged by him. She wanted to see his boyish face everyday for a long time. Lily wanted to be charmed by him, the one who received his sweet words. She wanted to be in his life, the one that held his hand, the one he laughed with, the one who tended to him when he was sick. Because at that moment, she couldn’t see herself with anyone else. There was no one better for her than James Potter. There was no one better out there than James Potter. And even if there were, she didn’t want anyone but him.

I’ve been trying to call you all day
Cause I got so many things
That I want to say
I’m going crazy
Cause all my thoughts are filled with you
There’s got to be some way
I can get through to you

Three days until she would see him. It was going much too slow for her taste. She couldn’t even pack without some object from school reminding her of him. Even if it was just a textbook, Lily had some memory attached to it involving James Potter. It was driving her nuts. She was desperate. She needed to tell him. And it was getting hard to wait. Many times she thought about scribbling a note to him. She was playing with ‘I like you, do you like me? Check yes or no’. Luckily, before Lily sent it, she actually read it, and immediately shredded it.

I can’t keep myself from thinking about you
It’s because I love you
And I know that it’s true

One day. There was one sweet day until Lily would see James. And she was nervous. There were butterflies in her stomach. But it was mixed with excitement. She would finally see James; she had been waiting all summer. As she lay in her bed, unable to sleep, Lily tried to stifle a nervous giggle. She was giddy. But the giggle soon turned into a racing heart. What would she say to him? What could she possibly say to convince him that she really didn’t hate him?

For hours she played with words, picturing different reactions, while staring into the darkness of her room. She said millions of different things in her head.

Hey, James, how was your summer? I really like you.

James Potter, I’ve been meaning to tell you, I think I may want to marry you one day. I’m not sure yet though. I’ll keep you updated.

Potter, remember when I hated you? Yeah, I kind of changed my mind. How about going out sometime?

I hope you still feel the same way about me, because I want to be with you until we both die.

None of them sounded right to Lily’s ear. They just didn’t capture how she felt strongly enough. ‘I like you’ wasn’t good enough, for she didn’t just like him. She loved him. Six years later, and Lily Evans was in love with James Potter. It was as simple as that. She just wasn’t quite ready to say it to him. There was no doubt in her mind that it was true, though. How could it not be? She couldn’t think of anything but the boy all summer, and in the back of her mind for the last six years, he was always there. Lily just wasn’t ready for the feelings yet.

I’ll call it desperation
But can’t you see it in my eyes?
That I want be with you
Until the sun falls from the sky

She couldn’t find James anywhere. She wanted to see him before she had to go to the Heads’ meeting, but it didn’t look like a possibility. Sirius told her that James took off when they arrived at King’s Cross. But Sirius was also grinning shiftily, so it probably had something to do with a prank. Usually, Lily could find James in an instant. Or rather, he found her. But the one day she was dying to speak to him, he was nowhere in sight. It was funny how things like that happened.

Lily found her friends in a compartment and left with them her trunk and a message to tell James that she wanted to see him, if they happen to spot him. They all gave Lily a strange look. She hated James Potter, or so they thought. And with that, without explaining her want to see James, she headed to the meeting to find out who the Head Boy was.

It was James. James Potter had been made Head Boy opposite Lily. She couldn’t believe it. Happiness erupted from her stomach, not so much at him being appointed Head Boy, but just seeing him! But Lily didn’t have time to speak to him alone until after the meeting ended. So she sat there, talking and feigning interest when others spoke, wondering if anyone noticed her glances at James, how her eyes were stuck on him. The wait wasn’t easy, but after what seemed like days, it was over.

Lily found her voice just in time, for he was about to leave with the prefects. “James,� she said, a bit breathlessly. She had to bite her lip from smiling ear-to-ear when he turned around to face her.

“Morning, Lily,� he said, and flashed a smile. How she had missed that smile! “Surprised?� he asked, observing the look on her face. She didn’t answer. She was looking for her courage. “Angry? Happy? Amazed? Sad?� he tried again. And again, no response.

Lily took a deep breath, looking into his eyes. “James,� she tried again. He gave a nod of acknowledgment, observing her face. She took another breath. “Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me sometime?� It was something. Not exactly the words of love she had meant to say, but it was close.

James looked at her, with obvious surprise. Did his ears deceive him? Had Lily Evans actually asked him out on a date? He looked at her again, hoping he wasn’t imagining it all. Her face was anxious.

“Er, that’d be nice, if it isn’t a joke…� he answered.

“It’s not,� said Lily quickly. “You, er, you still like me then?� she asked awkwardly, her face burning with embarrassment.

“I have for six years; I don’t give up that quickly, Evans. So yes, I still like you very much.� Relief washed over Lily. It was okay. James felt the same way that she did. “I knew you’d fall for it eventually.�

“Do we have to wait until Hogsmeade?� he asked with a devious grin, as they left the compartment to patrol. “I know of a nice broom closet back at school …� Lily let out a little laugh, although she was seriously considering it.

James had told her that he liked her, but he failed to mention that she was all he thought about all summer. That he couldn’t get a minute without her green eyes in his head, without her laugh ringing in his ears. That he had waited three months to see her, three months planning how to win her.

He hadn’t known that he already did.